#and thinking about how I'm unlovable

[tzarrz]

to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u

#look...i know it's been a month but hear me out- #guys don't yell he's really trying okay!! #NOT a mean ww truther bc he really isn't mean like at all #not in an intentional way #he's just stressed and embarrassed and tipsy here give him a break #he's swagless & thinks it's yet another reason he's unlovable (untrue) #dont worry woowoo vash also severely lacks in the swag department #but funny doodles aside i have other more serious art of them already posted + in the works #their understanding of each other ends up being so deep #but at the same time they manage to be so utterly stupid about it #how do they manage? i don't know #they just make me want to tear my hair out #you're important to each other!!!! get!! that!!! thru!! ur! HEADS!!!! #neither of them think they deserve what they want/need #i'm inconsolable actually nobody talk to me (talk to me please) #see using words isn't so hard. stupid fictional men #(she thought she did something with those tags) #times are hard but i stay silly #by that i mean i re-read vol 10 #on the daily. #vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #nicholas d wolfwood #trimax #trigun #tzarrz

[cherryjuicegf]

"You've been crying."

Jaskier laughs as Geralt sits beside him on the pebbles and raises his eyebrows, not looking at him still. "Now you can tell the salt of tears from that of the sea too?"

A light hum. "Always could."

A red ray escapes the setting sun and hits the waves, making the tears in his eyes melt as they mirror it. He sniffles and wipes at the trails his previous crying had pathed on his cheeks, and puts on a brave smile. Not really a smile. A curve of lips, at least, because Geralt is here now, the warmth of his body resembling a lit hearth, and it's a kind of comfort. Always has been.

Except. Geralt is staring at him.

Geralt is waiting.

And it's nothing, it really is. Jaskier likes to convince himself it is trivial, because how else could he mend a broken heart, if not with lies. The truth just seems too far out of reach.

But maybe now he is tired. And maybe in another time he wouldn't talk about it, he would only smile wider but now Geralt's stare is so gentle, and his eyes so safe like the sun on a spring's day.

"I feel like I've been missing, you know," he says at last and looks at him straight, soft, because Geralt really does know. "On love. And it's been too long."

What Geralt doesn't know, perhaps, is the way his heart clenches inside his chest and curls on itself like a child punished in the corner. So he frowns. "You? Jaskier, you can have anyone you want. I've seen you." Then, a smile, almost fond. "You fall in love with everyone."

Everyone, everyone. Anyone. Anyone there is. Anyone who looks like maybe, maybe, they will stay, or he is just too careless at this point that he tries anyway. A heart that never has too much. He knows they won't stay. And he knows the one who will stays for a different reason. So, so close.

He smiles, bittersweet, and lowers his look. "Yes, indeed. Everyone." Everyone, she sent a letter today. Never to meet again, never to be seen. Jaskier shakes his head. "And me? Who of all them has fallen in love with me, Geralt?" As if to answer his question, a seabird cries along. The sea, too, a cruel mistress. His voice quivers. "I feel like a desperate dog chasing love, while running from it all the same."

With the corner of his eye he sees Geralt parting his lips and a fake hope blooms in his chest, fading at once when he holds back, and stays silent. And he can only bask in the imagined possibility of what he intended to say.

The tears are done with him now. Only numbness remains.

Eventually, Geralt speaks. "If it is any helpful, no one has ever been in love with me either." The lightness in his voice sounds exactly like the pained strings mending Jaskier’s heart.

But oh, what a foolish man. Jaskier can't help but smile and turn at him, and for a bit he remembers that lonely as it is, he can't stop loving. "Well, that's just not true. I'm in love with you."

As though he doesn't know, as though it's not as simple as it was uttered, Geralt flinches. Jaskier chuckles and averts his gaze again, a little happier than before. Love, it is simple. It's what he does.

Just not something that happens to him.

"Well, then," he hears after some moments, "that makes us even."

He laughs before he thinks. "It does?" And then.

His head spins at once, eyes wide as they meet Geralt's, almost afraid. No, not afraid. Unbelieving. It's been so long, you see. But Geralt only rolls his eyes, oh so fondly, and before Jaskier manages to splutter any words sweet lips are on his, and a hand holding his nape. And it's not like other times. Not like everyone else. It's certain and terrifying and deep like a promise, like two stray roots finding each other through the earth and keeping their living hearts bound forever. Like what he has been craving for so long he forgot he may one day have it. Like Geralt.

And then, as though to seal it, this promise, Geralt pulls back and looks at him like he always does and Jaskier wonders, wonders how this that he never caught stands right here, catching itself. Geralt smiles, voice soft as a feather. "I'm in love with you, Jaskier." And that's it. Simple as that.

His eyes are burning again and Jaskier can only nod, and smile back. And it's almost funny, almost tender how love happens to be so close, so close he can taste its kiss without even trying, just for once.

Just for once, how love happens to him.

#pots and pans i think love is something that happens to other people by michael gray sobbing weeping #the witcher #geraskier #jaskier #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #chrysa writes #i'm as surprised as you are friends #fic recs #fluff #anyway how about this. loving the unloved

[welcometogrouchland]

Do you think Luz and Hunter ever banter about their respective deaths w/ each other post canon. Like they have a "who wore it better" discussion but it's "who had the best resurrection over a 48 hour period?". Do you think they (emo shits) listen to Dead by MCR and go "haha you that one time", taking turns for who is, in fact, dead. Do you think the Eda, Darius and Camila are simultaneously suffering from unexplainable heart palpitations on the other side of the house???

#the owl house #toh #hunter toh #luz noceda #the more i think about luzs patches on her outfit in the epilogue #the more i think about how it implies that Luz and Hunter are still Super Fucking Close #just not as singularly dependant as they were in TTT bc they dont see themselves as unlovable monsters anymore #(and I'm mentally linking this with my unpublished meta abt how the wittebros and clawthorne sisters drama could've been avoided- #-if they were less dependent and had more thriving found families but that's like a whole different thing. anyway) #do you think that when they hang out (either one on one or in a group setting) they do this. make everyone uncomfortable w/ it #amity willow and gus just looking at them like please. we know its a joke but please. we are asking you to endure it #and they're like ENDURE THESE NUTS HAHAHA. then they both have to leave for their 3 o clock therapy appointments downtown #💛i think they do 💜 #^ not ship btw

[yoruiichii]

and another thing about qijiu is like -

anytime shen (jiu) qingqiu gets into an "altercation" its like:

yqy, thinking: what happened? i need to know from him what happened so i can protect him from the consequences, no matter what it was and no matter how much he might be blamed. and what would have happened if i wasn't there to do so? before, he paid the price for things that were my fault, and last time i left him- (guilt spiral, etc.)

yqy aloud: what did you do?

shen jiu, hearing this, thinking: he thinks i'd do that? how low is his opinion of me really? does he truly think there are no depths to which i wouldn't sink? and i thought it couldn't be lower. so quick to blame me and ignore anyone else's part in this. so quick to distance himself from his sordid past.

shen jiu, aloud: i'm sure it makes no difference to you.

choose your fighter: yqy's unconditional devotion and inability to communicate vs. shen jiu's self-loathing making him interpret it as disinterest and blame (and also his inability to communicate)

#svsss #shen jiu #yue qingyuan #qijiu #and the worst (best) part of this all is that if they could actually have a conversation where they communicate this #shen jiu would probably be really into the unconditional devotion thing #for someone who feels so isolated and unloved #to be told no matter how deep a hole he finds himself in or how he got there yqy will still care is like. a fundamental change in worldview #(though i think sj's self-loathing might first lead him to think that there SHOULD be conditions to caring about him) #(which ofc leads to more 79 conflict) #and weve also seen that generally if sj orders him to not do something yqy follows that directive #so this could work out so well #BUT because 79 is 79 this is basically impossible #if they actually had a conversation about this it would be more like #yqy: i want to know from qingqiu what happened. #sj: so you think i'm the kind of person that would do all of this? is your opinion of me that low? #yqy: no! what shidi has done doesn't matter #sj: it doesn't matter? i see. #sj: sect leader must act as censure for the entire sect. perhaps he might speak to the other involved party next time. #yqy: ...this one has failed you. #and then sj leaves the conversation thinking yqy's a liar and a hypocrite #and yqy leaves subsumed in even more guilt #and then when yqy changes his behavior and doesnt ask/blame sj immediately after an incident #sj is like: oh. he doesn't care? he's given up? he's really distancing himself now. #[rattles the bars of my cage] 79 MAKE ME INSANE #miscommunication as the basis for conflict can be annoying but 79 does it perfectly #as the miscommunication is based on differing inherent ways of understanding/interacting with others #and can absolutely not be solved in a single conversation #anyways sorry for the tags being longer than the actual post

[thebirdandhersong]

btw in case you're wondering if, after reaching adulthood, you finally escape the horrible pain of always being picked last for sports/games: unfortunately, it does still happen, and it still hurts as much as it did when you were a kid

#did i cry about it? i am embarrassed to say yes #listen. i know i'm short and slow and don't know how to play most sports #but still. #also i may be used to this #but being the last to be chosen means you're not chosen at all because you're automatically part of the team #that didn't choose you either. so there's that! #anyway you guys everything feels really heavy right now and so something as small as this feels like so much #i couldn't help for a little moment thinking. well y'all SAY you like me and want me around. but clearly none of you wanted me on your team #not a single one of you! what's up with that!!!! #and i understand that i really do. i'm not aggressive or intimidating on the field. but the point still stands #anyway that is something i would like prayer for. even though community building IS going well #and there ARE bright spots #but the general feeling of this season is feeling unwanted and undesirable and in some capacity unlovable #so would really appreciate prayer in the larger as well as the smaller things #the small things like this accumulate SO quickly and i really.....hate that actually #the waiting room chapter

[sophieswundergarten]

I know in traditional fairy tales people have to dramatically confess their love in order to break curses, but I think it'd be really funny if it just happened all of a sudden. No warning.

Because people aren't normally running an audible monologue of their thoughts, especially not such vulnerable ones

Also, it has SO MUCH MORE POTENTIAL as a non-romantic love thing:

The person is sitting and talking to whoever's cursed, and then suddenly they realize "Oh, you're not as much of a jerk as I initially thought" Boom. Curse broken

Two people are talking a walk, and one realizes "Oh, I want you to be in my life forever. I want to always be able to take care of you" Boom. Curse broken

One of them tells a really stupid joke, and they think "I love your laugh. I love when you're happy" Boom. Curse broken

The cursed person is sick or hurt or mildly inconvenienced (I get all squirmy during dramatic death scenes, sorry) and the other one thinks "I don't want you to be in pain" Boom. Curse broken

#Especially family stuff #Because #Y'know I'm always thinking about MBS #And how so many of the characters (Especially the kids!!) feel like they're unlovable #And this kind of 'Surprise! Curse is over now!' thing feels much more genuine to me #And you wouldn't question if it was just the frantic heat of the moment as much #Because I feel like that every day #Watching someone I know put on their shoes: 'Oh! I love you' #Meeting a new friend and seeing their face light up when they're excited: 'I love you' #Being on here and seeing that one of you has posted a new idea or a story or just reblogged a silly meme thing: 'I love you' #So #There you go #Just some thoughts #((Definitely not because I was reading Beauty and the Beast AUs and it made me think of Reynie and Miss Perumal for some random reason)) #(((We're ignoring that part of my ongoing quest to make everything about found family)))

[5mcsinatrenchcoat]

Karlach and Sera are the "they put us in different universes because they knew we would be unstoppable as best friends" kinda characters, methinks

#listening to Sam talking about Karlach being the working class kid unlike some tories #just brings up some thoughts #listen - helping little people? check #class solidarity - check #would Karlach like pranks and chaos - I bet she would #definitely would agree that people need to lighten the fuck up #Sera can also be on fire via the tempest potions so that battlefield would be crazy #tieflings are not qunari but a big buff woman with horns is a big buff woman with horns you dig #(so they might also kiss about it if both aren't taken) #also they would have damn competitions over who swears more #(we all know Sera would say 'fuck' much more often if DAI allowed her to) #they would 100% come up with the same 'what if I throw you' - 'NO how about I sit on your shoulders instead' strategy #like Sera and Bull do #also Sera hears about Gortash ONE time and that man turns into a fucking hedgehog with arrows for needles #consequently anyone who's nasty towards her gets yeeted into the sun #there's probably something to be said for tieflings also being a looked-down-upon race but I don't think they're #comparable to DA elves in any way enough to draw any parallels there #I'm definitely not qualified either way #ah right they're both kinda convinced they're broken and unloveable so that's. a fun common ground we (they) do not talk about #also tbh I think they could both stand each other's tempers pretty well #anyway idk that's my vision

[transmascwillbyers]

So I was talking to one of my friends this morning about ST, and according to her, her brother (who's a fan of the show too) believes that Will's arc throughout the show revolves around helping Mike and El solves their problems as a couple. Not as in it's part of his arc, not as in it's something he needs to do to fulfill his arc, as in... that is his arc. Like, that's what he is meant to do, optimally, in the show, and byler being canon would directly contradict his "character development".

...I think we can conclusively agree that this is the worst Will take ever.

#byler #will byers #no no no because i'm not done ranting about this #i understand the people who say that will's arc is about accepting that mike doesn't love him and moving on. #now i don't agree and i think they're willfully misinterpreting the events of the show to suit their own homophobia but i understand #but just... will's entire fucking arc in the show is according to this guy realizing his unearthly potential as the no. 1 milkvan shipper? #after getting bullied relentlessly through his entire life? after everything happened in season 2? #after the show's direct unflinching focus on his sexuality and love for mike and how that makes him feel unloveable himself? #i- i just- how. how do you misinterpret things THIS BADLY istg #common homophobe L

[scorching-caress]

Yep. Having a real normal one today.

#by normal one I mean I feel like I'm uniquely unlovable and The Worst #and that I will never have what I need or want #because no one thinks about me #no one cares about me #why do I ever think they will #WHO WOULD #i cant even connect to other people #how will they ever care about someone this distant #and i cant change

[bewby]

the urge to be seen so badly but also terrified of being perceived because you're always on edge because you are so convinced everyone will turn around to reject you anyway ALL The time because you're inherently annoying and unlikable 👍🏻👍🏻 i hate living like this i hate being so afraid of being judged for everything i hate knowing people see me but i also want to be seen so badly because i want friends and i want to be happy and not lonely. my brain is aboutto fucking explode oh my God

#everytime i see people i find cool i just am like. you would never truly deeply like me. and maybe that's ok but i wish i could be someone #who's smart and witty and cool too but i'm not i'm just a people pleaser and i have no personality of my own because all my life i just #used up all my time to escape my parents bullshit which explains the chronically online-ism. i'm fucking EMBARASSED about my entire existenc #i know life comes with like rejection and people will not always like you but how do i deal with that and how do i deal with these #conflicting feelings of like. wanting to be seen but also terrified of it. jdshshhs #there's so many layers to this i recognize how alot of this wanting to be seen stuff is because of my ex too because he had a crush on me #without us even knowing eachother personally like he liked me for just existing and then he loved me like. unconditionally even After he #got to me know alot and it's like. i can't fucking believe that that is even possible with someone like me and i'm 100% sure he just had a #savior complex like yes he loved me and he loved me despite that savior complex but like. i think people can only like me because they feel #bad for me. they don't actually like me as in like. who i am. what i like what i post about #i know i have friends on here who like me but i know all of you wouldn't like me if you talked to me more because i just . #think that i'm deeply unlovable and it's so bad to say that especially because i blame myself for struggling with bpd and adhd and like #i can be liked despite being likr this. despite being mentally ill obvioisly i love my friends and they're all mentally ill #but i feel like i'm a different case because i just feel like i'm so lost and i have nothing special about myself HDJDVSVSBJYY #okay. i'll stop i'm so fucking sad

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Assuming that I'm probably going to start my period soon because everything feels empty and hopeless and I wanna be dead more than usual

#life of faye #probably period incoming #depression #like thinking about how much harder it is to not feel completely useless and alone and unloved when I'm sick #thinking about how I'm dreading going to my friend's wedding in june but also feeling like thinking that makes me a piece of shit #thinking about how pathetic I am for only ever wanting people that don't want me the same #thinking about how i have no family and I'll never be able to build a good life without a partner #thinking about how I'm struggling and struggling but every day the hole gets deeper and the sun gets further away #anyway woooo hope I either get my period or stop being sick soon so I can go back to not thinking lol

[bnuyy]

🪼. .

#ignore ignore im just talking dont worry about me scroll away #but for me #i think worse than feeling ugly is feeling genuinely stupid #i mean feeling ugly is also not feeling very nice right now of course #but still #i feel like i have to try like 40% harder than other people just to understand certain things #i shouldnt have to retake several classes more than once it's wasteful and foolish and proves i am not meant to be here #im glad i realized now at least i shouldnt go to medical school it would kill me #it's not even just school conversations with people are lost on me so often i feel like i cant keep up with people #and i joke about it with friends and family that i'm a little slow and can't manage a lot of adult responsibilities #but this is really what i think makes me feel unlovable and useless #i feel like i have to constantly fake being smarter than i am #and its silly but i think about how im so attracted to men and characters that are super smart and sharp and i feed into my silly fantasies #and then realize they wouldnt ever give me another glance after more than an hour of conversation #i try really hard but it always seems to fall short idk #gosh my period is always just pulling up my deepest and most painful insecurities before she makes her appearance huh ghjfhkl😭 #lord i need to go to sleep i bet when i wake up ill have forgotten ever typing this and feel completely fine 💗

[longagoitwastuesday]

Do you have favorite actors for the various roles in "Cyrano de Bergerac"? I would love to hear your thoughts!

I do! I actually rambled a lot about this while I was watching the different productions I could get my hands on (I tagged it "Cyrano de Bergerac" and "I talk too much").

My favorite productions are the one with José Ferrer and the one with Benoit Solès, and those actors make the best Cyranos in my opinion. Though that's probably something in part beyond the actors' choice, their dynamic with their respective Roxane and Christian are the best ones, I think, and I find how Cyrano moves around these two particular characters at the core of a good Cyrano characterisation.

José Ferrer's use of his voice, which is arguably Cyrano's true most characteristic feature, is unmatched imo (although McAvoy does a very good job with this too), and he manauvers very well several of the different aspects of the character, such as his playfulness, his shittiness and longing. By the end of the play you believe he is the most beautiful man on Earth. Cyrano, however, is a bit pathetic (not just in a "pathos" way), and I'd say Ferrer gives off an air full of dignity very fitting of many scenes, but that eats almost entirely this aspect of Cyrano; Benoit Solès manages this very well, while also playing well with some of the other ones, such as the playfulness, the longing, the pain and the despair. Both Ferrer and Solès are hilarious, tender, a bit shitty, vulnerable, playful and sad. Albeit neither of them portrays 100% what Cyrano is, I think both come pretty close in slightly different flavours, and by the end of the play one ends up being terribly fond of them.

My favourite Roxane is Clara Huet in the production with Benoit Solès, but Mala Powers in the 1950 film is a close second. I think they portray wonderfully Roxane's spunk, and her mix of honest playful cheerfulness and her haughtiness, her intelligence and wit, and how much like Cyrano she is.

I've not come to love for now any Christian as much as I've loved Ferrer, Solès, Huet and Powers, but again I think the Christians in the 1950 film and the Solès productions are very very good. I love the dynamic they have with their Cyranos, especially the one Christian and Cyrano have in the 1950 film, enhanced positively by the added scenes (they actually work so well in showing their developing as friends, their deep love and care for each other!). I don't want to expand too much on this to avoid spoilers (beyond the already known 'Christian dies' ones I mean), but some things they do with both these Christians are a thing of genius, and both feel vulnerable, kind, ready to fight and truly desperate at times; I like when they do that.

There's an Italian production which has a Cyrano I truly enjoy as well, despite how they dumbify him more than I usually like my Christians. His mix of anger and deep pain when he discovers Cyrano's feelings for Roxane were so well made, and his physical presence makes you identify who Christian is even before the play starts.

The Podalydès production has two different Christians. The one in the version on youtube isn't bad, but @ride-a-dromedary likes Éric Ruf a lot. I actually adore him based on the clips and gifs she's posted of him, but I haven't been able to find the version with him online, so I can't know. But he truly seems one of the best. Based on what little I've seen, I love his intense gazes and subtle gestures.

I'm not entirely sold on any Le Bret, De Guiche or Ragueneau yet.

I think the German musical has a decent Ragueneau in vibes, and the 1990 French film does as well. I found his poem made song for what I think is a Spanish production (I'm not sure if it's a fan creation based on the Spanish production), and while I've not been able to find that production online, the song works well in vibes too I think.

The German musical's Le Bret in vibes is very good. He encompasses well his deep love and worry for Cyrano while also being done with his shit. They truly feel like close friends. The 1950 film kind of combines Gaston de Castel-Jaloux and Le Bret into one character, which sadly changes Le Bret's dynamic with Cyrano a bit, but that's a very good Le Bret as well. The one in Solès' production is pretty good too. He has my favourite delivery of the scene in which Le Bret chastises Cyrano for risking his life sending letters.

De Guiche is complicated. I think productions often make him too pathetic and laughable or too bad, so bad it makes the last act kind of not make sense. The 1950 one, the 1990 French one, the Kevin Kline one and the Solès one are all good, but I am not passionate for any of them either.

And basically that's it!

#I'm sorry for such a long reply‚ it wasn't my intention. In fact I tried to keep it short but oops #As an extra I'll say that the Japanese film based on Cyrano‚ Life of an Expert Swordsman‚ has a quite good main trio #The Christian character is pretty‚ noble and kind. The Roxane character is smart and well-versed in poetry and a writer in her own right #I loved when productions enhance these aspects of these characters #Kline isn't a bad Cyrano‚ but he is a bit too unbelievable to me. He is too pretty being too old. I already don't like these characters #being old because it makes it lose some sense (they're idiots in part because they are young) but he is so fit for a ~60yo which is like... #Really? The nose? A young man with the same traits is more believable to be self-conscious and think himself unlovable I'd say #I like that Kline comes off at times as a bit cruel and violent and I think it works well with how he is a lot of fun #But at times he is so much fun it ruins the mood‚ although this is a problem of the production in general and of it being based #on Burgess' translation‚ which is something I could ramble about on its own and that makes me kinda mad #I think Depardieu on the other hand falls short on being fun. He tries so hard it isn't funny and it often feels a bit pathetic to me #but not in the way Cyrano is meant to be. On the other hand‚ I felt Depardieu was too full of himself in this film and was too aware #of being he protagonist. The thing about Cyrano is that he doesn't think he is #All in all‚ the more I watch this film the less I like it and his portrayal of Cyrano. I also don't like their Christian and Roxane #(although she isn't as bad as the Klein production of Roxane‚ who is for me among the worst) #I'm not sold at all on the 2021 Roxane either‚ and this Cyrano is so much the dashing tragic hero that he isn't funny #which is one of Cyrano's main characteristics. So I don't like the 2021 Cyrano a lot either. But that's not due to the acting‚ #but because the musical does a poor work at being an adaptation of the play and its characters I'd say #The worst Cyrano out of the ones I've seen is perhaps the one in the Italian production I've mentioned that had a Christian I liked #Their Roxane was awful too but iirc Le Bret was good and Ragueneau was decent #I'm not into the Podalydès Cyrano at all. One of the Cyranos I enjoy the least I must admit. But at least he isn't that Italian one #I conclusion‚ and I always feel kinda sectarian‚ everyone should watch the Benoit Solès version #The José Ferrer film is popular enough not to mention #I talk too much #Cyrano de Bergerac

[neonhairspray]

*

#completely different talk #now when i'm done with my exam all the hard feelings are resurfacing and I don't like it #for a couple of years now I've been feeling lonely not in a physical sense #but more in terms of bonds between people #and it only increased in the mid of last year or so #it's such an unpleasant feeling and the worst thing is that I don't know what to do about it #like... I cannot go asking people I know if they want to form a close bond with me #dating wise it's even worse #during the worst moments I think that I am probably an unlovable person and not deserving of romantic love #yes i know it sounds cringe and you can laugh about it #it's just how i feel #sorry for posting all the negativity on here again

[the-cinnamon-snail]

.

#my intrusive thoughts don't make me Unloveable and disgusting #i say on repeat as my mind keeps thinking of the most vile disgusting things ever on this planet #how did this even get into my head and if I shared it would anyone want anything to do with me anymore #i don't want to keep this in my head but sharing it won't automatically stop it #but it will make others disgusted that those things could even be thought up in my mind wouldn't it #i feel. bad. and angry at myself. for even thinking of this. #i say I can't control it but the thoughts are in my mind. im still thinking it. #it's either pathetic that i can't control my own mind #or disgusting that I can think that and then subconsciously or something trick myself into thinking that it's not actually me. #and im sick and tired of all of these horrid thoughts but they aren't gonna go away soon #and hey it's usually not constant. im even able to (sorta terrifying considering what the thoughts are) #forget about it sometimes #so hey. can't be that bad right. ill push through it and be fine! im strong enough. #but I've said that multiple times before and it got worse and eventually was just a lie. #I'm horrible #sorry for the bother if anyone has to read these tags #i just. needed to think 'out loud' so to say

[arcadequeerz]

thinking too much bout shit.

#sits here feeling sad and mopey about how I feel ugly and unlovable #like. damn. sure am a burden to everyone around Me. #part of m longs for a relationship n being able to tell someone 'i love you' n it mean s #sm more n evertything but then I think about #it actually and i dont wanna waste peoples time w me #i dont wanna have someone deal w my sad miserable self who does nothing and goes out no where #and just lays in bed all day #i think i just knd og hold people back and weigh people down and take up too much space #i think loving me is hard and impossible and a waste of time #i am not worth the effort to care about I'M ust kind of in the way all the time. #anyways. i'm tired aas hell and wanna sleep all the time. #Cade.Vnt