Reader has a baby and they bring them to work one day and them interacting with the group? Or maybe just headcannons about them with kids.
AAAAAA I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AN ASK LIKE THISSSS <333
ALL SFW JUST SOME CUTENESS <333
UHHHH THIS IS MOSTLY <33 BABYSITTING HCS ACTUALLY BUT CLOSE ENOUGH LMAO. also sorry this got so fucking long lmao i just loved this idea sm. its so fluffy.
OH SHE LOVES KIDDOS <33 I like to think she either has a kid of her own, or maybe a little sister? Either way she's so good with kids. If you need smb to look after your kid for a few hrs, drop em off at her office
SHES NOT AFRAID TO BE GOOFY WITH THEM. She'll let them do her makeup and smear it all over her face while,, she makes them look super adorable. She'll take a bunch of pictures w/ them too.
SHE LETS THEM TRY ON HER HEELS N SHIT?? they're stumbling around all over the place but they feel COOL so its fine
'Little Miss/Sir/Mx', usually doesn't use their name!!
'Little Mx <3 come here please, I'm not gonna have you go back to Y/N without some food in your stomach'
THEY RAID THE VENDING MACHINES <33 OH BOY OH BOY SHE NEVER HAS AN EXCUSE TO DO THAT, ITS A BLAST.
YEA SHE KINDA SPOILS THEM <3333 a buncha junk food and yummy treats and probably a buncha gifts whenever they visit.
She's their super fun Auntie Gigi now <333
MYC AND ANDRE
IF YOU GIVE THE KID TO EITHER OF EM, THEY'RE PAIRING UP. They both know there's no FUCKING WAY THEY CAN DO IT ALONE LMAO.
MYC ABSOLUTELY DISGUISES HIMSELF AS A HUMAN BC,,, HE DOESN'T WANNA DEAL WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS.
'what do you feed a 10 year old?' Myc is just,, rummaging through Andre's sparse pantry n fridge.
'uhhh cheese.. and... g r a p essss?'
'woow is that so?' in that Way Of His
'>:( do you have any bright ideas???'
meanwhile the kid is like,, already getting into shit. Into all the shit. they probably steal some shinies from his bowl of Cool Shit He Found (tm)
ITS FINE THEY FIND ANDRE'S LEGOS AND ARE COMPLETELY DISTRACTED FOR LIKE,, 10 MINUTES TRYNA PRY TWO PIECES APART. andre absolutely joins them bc,, he forgot he had those!! oh fuck he used to built such cool shit w/ them!!
'what kinda fuckin adult has legos???' Myc is lovingly teasing him while he spoons Microwaved Mac N Cheese into a little bowl for the kiddo
'the COOL kind. Come play with us I saved you a pile.'
(... yea myc plays legos. by the end they all end up making this,, giant castle thing w/ a little place for the kid's Circus Tent that they made. They order takeout and inhale sweets and are all passed out in a pile on the floor when you come to get your kid)
'oh ffffffffffff- (remembers theres a kid)-fffffriiiiick?'
*the most unimpressed look* '... fuck shit piss!!!'
'EYYYYY I LIKE THIS KID, WANNA LEARN A NEW ONE-'
'MYC N O-'
OH FUCK NO GET IT AWAY FROM HIM
I'm sorry he cannot stand kids. They're loud they're messy he never knows what to say. Any living human sub 15 he cannot tollerate. PLEASE NEVER GET HIM TO BABY SIT HE'LL BE SUCH A NERVOUS FUCKING WRECK.
he worries so much its gonna,, fall off smth and bonk it's head or explode or smth.
IF THEY'RE A LITTLE OLDER LIKE,,, IDK 13-17?? HE CAN PROBABLY MANAGE FINE AS LONG AS THEY DON'T GET IN HIS WAY TOO MUCH mdnsmds. he's still gonna worry himself into a fit.
He genuinely might use them as an assitant. Like sit them down by a filing cabinet and ask them to like,, sort stuff?? MSDNS HE'S VERY SURPRISED WHEN IT WORKS
VERY MUCH THE SAME. she doesn't explicitly hate kids,,, she just,,, really struggles with knowing what to do??
What do you say how do you interact with kids. her parents were awful she literally has No Clue What You're Supposed To Do When You Baby Sit
She mostly just sticks them in the corner with some books she used to read as a kid?? Like comics n stuff she had in her closet??
<333 eventually she notices the kid is like?? super into them but is having trouble reading some of the books??
........ *sigh*, she plods over, sits down, and starts reading to them. Because god dammit, her dad never did that when she struggled with shit and she refuses to have this kids memory of her be like that.
she nearly bursts into tears when the kid,, leans against her and falls asleep?? Its that kinda Nostalgic Sadness for smth that you never got as a kid?? <3
HES LITERALLY A DAD <33 AND HE'S SUCH A GOOD DAD.
HE'S JUST <333 like such a classic dad too?? Like he plays catch with em and everything?? MAYBE EVEN TEACHES EM SOME WRESTLING???
HES NOT AS YOUNG AS HE USED TO BE THO SO HE ABSOLUTELY GET TIRED LMAO
*sigh* he will be very dissapointed if you say he can't teach them how to shoot >:(
IF THEY GO TO THE PARK??? OHOHO HE MAKES ALL THE STUFF SO FUN
YKNOW THOSE,, GIANT WAVE THINGS?? I think it's called an X-Wave?? HE GRABS ONE OF THE ENDS AND STARTS PUSHING IT UP AND DOWN TO MAKE THE WHOLE THING,, LIKE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE. The kid (and every other kid on the playground lmao) is holding on for dear life, laughing their ass off.
Jungle Gym Races!! It reminds him of Basic Training lmao. LOTS OF CUTE NICKNAMES TOO. 'Cadet' is his favorite bc this kid gives him this,, Big Proud Grin <3
AAAAA HES SUCH A GOOD BABYSITTER.
HE'S LITERALLY SO FUCKING ENERGETIC <333 HES A WALKING GOLDEN RETRIEVER. Pure and absolute energy. he gets genuinely excited when the kid asks to go to the park. THEY PLAY TAG TOGETHER. THEY TRY TO SWING A COMPLETE LOOP AROUND THE SWINGSET.
ALSO HE'S PLAYED EVERY SPORT AT LEAST ONCE SO LIKE,, if they're a sporty kid?? HELL YEA the two of em are gonna be having a blast.
HES,, KIND OF A PUSHOVER SO YEA THEY GET A BUNCH OF SWEETS AT THE STORE. How can he say no to those puppy dog eyes?? He wants the kid to like him!!
AAA they absolutely have a movie/video game night. Mario kart w/ popcorn n soda n all the good things in life.
HE SHOWS THE KID ALL THOSE OLD TV SHOWS AND MOVIES??? eventually the kiddo passes tf out halfway through Back to The Future 2.
When you pick up your child at the end of the day they're,,, completely exhausted <33 brett picks em up from where they're nappin on the couch and passes them off to you/
'fine, I suppose' 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 into infinitum
He sits the kid down with some books that are,, absolutely way too far above their reading level. Because he also has no Fucking Clue what you expected him to do???
As kids do, they get bored as fuck and start asking questions about Why his Face Is Like That.
'I'm a highly advanced Artificial Intelligence, created to-'
'So, like a robot?'
'....... yes, I'm a robot.'
WHEN YOU COME BACK, AB IS DOIN ALL SORTS OF COOL ROBOT TRICKS?? turning his hands backwards, rolling his eyes back to reveal his circuits - the kid sitting on his shoulders, positively losing their mind bc its the coolest shit they've EVER SEEN
he spots you and Fumbles To Make Himself Look All Professional And Mean And All That Jazz
*clears throat, smooths hair, removes child from his shoulders, etc* 'Productive - oh, nonono, haha. Perfectly calm. They were asleep most of the time.'
... meanwhile the,, entire basement area is chaos. Clear evidence of at least a few games of tag,,,,, Cardboard Tube Fencing,, and,,, *gasp* a chess tally, where he Totally Didn't Let The Kid Win So they Could Brag About Beating A Robot? If you didn't know better, you'd think the two of them had a fun day!
'BYE MISTER AB!!' with this big wave before you two leave? He'd protect your kid with his life you can drop him off at the basement literally anytime lmao
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I loved your post about their laughs and was really curious about how youd describe their bodies? thank you!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOOOOO <3333 I LOVE THIS SM
nonsexual nudity!!! discussions of weight, bodies and body image, mentions of drugs!!
THESE ARE PROBABLY GONNA STRAY A BIT FROM CANON BUT IDC <33333. Also just some,, general details?? Mostly just whatever comes to mind
She looks a lot smaller than she is??? Maybe it's bc she has shit posture but,, he's a pretty tall lady!!
She definitely got her Dad's shoulders - not super broad, but enough that if she started working out they would be???
STOCKY HANDS <333333333 VV square hands, pretty textured bc shes,, Constantly Working With Them!! <333 she keeps her nails super short out of convenience.
CANONICALLY DRY SKIN. She does put a bit of lotion if she remembers, but it means she has,, a lot of texture on her hands and face!! Lots of gorgeous weathering <33
SUPER FIT. ABS FOR DAYS. We already get to see that he’s Built Like A Greek Sculpture. His muscles are all vvv distinct!!!
the only man here with an ass <3 rip everyone else
I LIKE TO THINK HIS CHEEKS ARE PRETTY SOFT THO???
He’s always had squishy cheeks since he was a kid!! When he smiles they all bunch up?? <333 IDK IF IM DESCRIBING IT CORRECTLY BUT <333 Like they’re,, constantly rosy. He breaks out into this,, Peach Colored blush so often?? <333
HIS FINGERS ARE BIG AND CLUMSY. He fumbles stuff a lot because he doesn’t have great coordination w/ em?? His nails are VERY well kept tho <333
This lovely hodgepodge of traits??
He's thin enough you can see a bit of his ribs, but also has a bit of a tummy? He has visible muscle and decently broad shoulders, but his wrists would probably snap if you have him too hard of a high-five? Tent pole legs and a small torso?? Assless, practically concave. His body is hairless and smooth like a skink, except for a Very Pale happy trail.
He wears makeup to get rid of the eyebags + how Deathly Pale he looks. He needs to get more sun, he has a Vitamin D deficiency </3. Truly built like a Tuberculosis Orphan <3
I BULLY HIM BUT I DO IT WITH LOVE <333
ALSO A VV STRONG JAW??? Super squared off n firm. he is so proud of that jawline esp because he didn't have to work for it <3333
THE HANDSSSSS he definitely has Slightly Bulbous Gecko Fingers?? Kinda rosy too bc he chews his cuticles to ratshit. They’re always slightly cold and Exceptionally Soft <333
Y'know what? I'll say it. Quintessential Dad Bod. Nobody can convince me otherwise. They hated Outis because he spoke the truth
BUT LIKE <333 broad shoulders, big stomach n thighs?? Plenty of stretchmarks everywhere!!!
Apparently the original President was an Oops All Tits situation, and while surprised, AB isn’t really complaining??
he definitely isn’t a fan of the body hair though ‘Was a happy trail really necessary??? he doesn’t understand why he needed body hair if nobody was ever gonna see him naked??
His skin has a buncha texture?? Laugh lines, crows feet, plenty of Wrinkles and Weathering.
just in,, every meaning of the word. If he had good posture, he’d tower over the entire gang.
He's the kind of strong of like,, Lumberjacks. A fuckton of muscle n fat, big shoulders - he could probably toss a desk with little to no effort.
I like to think he helped around his parents the farm since a young age, probably picked up odd jobs here and there (friends farms, local fishery) until joining the army when he graduated high school!!
He may not be as active as he was in his 20s-30s but,, Buddy He Could Still Turn You Into Jam If He Wants
MASSIVE FUCKING HANDS. Jesus you wouldn't realize it bc he doesn't Gesture A Lot but,, he could probably wrap his full hand around most ppls throats. ALSO TALONS <333 SHARP CLAWS
His teeth are the thickness of your thumb, a dulled point. He can break bone!! Yes, he’s tested, (I SHOULD CLARIFY : not on people, on Assorted Meats)
Long and thin - he has trouble keeping on weight, even though he eats like a trash compactor. you can’t see bones, but he’s definitely on the smaller side!!
SUPER LANKY, but unlike JR he doesn’t have that much muscle?? The weight he does have is mostly fat!
HES SUPER FLEXIBLE. He could probably shove himself in one of the cabinets in his office when he doesn’t wanna talk to people lmao. He can stretch backwards and grab hold of his calves (he does it to freak Myc out smdnsd)
Boniest fingers in the universe. you can see the individual like,, joints. They’re also all,, curved?? He’s broken his fingers a bunch on accident so,, they have a bunch of kinks!!
his skin and hair is vvvv oily!! he used to have really bad acne when he was a teen!! Myc lovingly teases him that the reflection of light off his forehead + hair could cook smb like an Ant in a Magnifying glass.
speaking of hair - it has this super textured, gritty feeling??? Maybe cause he forgets to clean it but,, it feels Dense n Sandy?? <333
he looks way less solid than he is??? it looks like if you poked him he’d dent
he’s actually fairly sturdy!! Like theres some give but he has Structure? He kinda feels like if you coated a Slightly Deflated Beach ball in Aloe Vera.
The bulbs on the top are probably the softest??
The Ball (tm) is straight up a giant crystal ball. There’s a slight give, but it’s basically a Firm Crystal-Like Membrane??
everything about him is slick - but in the Tacky, Oily way that some Hand Sanitizers have?? It feels like you can never get him off your hands </3
MNSDMS SHE’S PRETTY SHORT </3 the heels help but she still has to ask Myc and Andre to get stuff from the Top Shelves.
ANDRE TEASES HER BC,, HE CAN WRAP MOST OF HIS HAND AROUND HERS??
Everything about her is very,, sharp?? High cheek bones, edge nails, etc.
She has the kind of,, Elegant Strength that a diamond has if that makes sense??
HER SKIN IS FLAWLESS, EVERYONE ELSE IS JEALOUS. She has full access to Andre’s Mad Science + her Media Team so,, yeah she always looks like she’s just stepped down from heaven for a quick bite to eat <3
She has freckles!! she usually covers them up with makeup, so it’s very rare to see get a look at em!!! <3333 they really come out in the sun tho <3
IDK IF THIS IS WHAT YOU HAD IN MIND BUT <333 IT WAS A BLAST TYSM ANON
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