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uncanny-tranny · 2 years

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I'm Now a Year On Testosterone: An Update

I'm a year on testosterone! As such, I decided it would be appropriate to celebrate with a long post outlining my experiences and how I've changed in the year. Click the read more, this will be a long post :)

Notice: Results will vary on testosterone. Your genetics (and dosage) play a big part in how your body is programmed to respond to either estrogen or testosterone. I'm not a doctor, and I am simply documenting my personal experiences in order to offer a new experience.

Dosage: 0.30mL/weekly, intramuscular

Physical Changes

Voice:

This is the voice chart throughout the year, and it's rather all over the place, mostly because of when/where I was recording the progress. I've got a pretty monotone voice, but the pitch does change depending on many factors.

Hair:

Head Hair: My hairline has not changed very noticeably, nor has the texture/growth rate of my head hair changed.

Body Hair: My body hair has grown in much more! I've grown more hair on my torso, such as on my chest and stomach

Facial Hair: I've noticed some inklings of facial hair, but it is mostly concentrated around my mouth and chin

Body:

Musculature: The prominence of my muscles doesn't seem to have changed for me (mostly because I'm putting off lifting weights again), but I have been told that my arms "look buff," so make of that what you will

Vasculature: The veins in my hands and arms have been prominent since I've started testosterone, sometimes in small areas, but it is still visible

Body Fat: My body shape hasn't changed much, but I think this is a mix of genetics and the fact that I simply haven't been on hormones long enough for anything to be noticeable. The men in my family have similar bodies to me, so I don't anticipate a ton of changes in this aspect of transition, even later down the road.

Smell/Sweat: I don't think the smell of my body changed per se, but I do think my natural scent got stronger, which is common. I've also noticed a little more sweat (which sucks because it's 99°F/32.7°C now)

Cycle/Menses: Menses stopped around the four-month mark, and it has consistently stopped. Note, though, that this doesn't change fertility.

Bottom Growth: Bottom growth has happened, and for me, it hasn't been painful whatsoever. I recommend investing in good undergarments of your preference, though. Make sure to keep that area clean.

Atrophy: Atrophy is a common experience, but so far, I don't think this has been an issue for me, personally. Atrophy is treatable, so if you suspect this is an issue, please read this article for more information

Mental Changes

Symptoms of Dysphoria: I've had dysphoria for much of my life, at varying levels. However, since starting testosterone, my dysphoria has been incredibly remedied. I know that things that would make me dysphoric either don't trigger my dysphoria or don't make me dysphoric.

Mental Health: My mental health has been much better, too! I've been less irritated, less angry, and less depressed. I do have other issues I need to sort out, and I've still got clinical depression. But I don't have as much dysphoria-related feelings bogging me down. I feel much more free

Sexuality: I'm putting this here because as my dysphoria and shame lessens, my sexuality feels more nuanced. I still identify as aroace, but I think I need to explore how I feel more.

End Note: I've included as much as I could and as much as I was able to remember. If you have further questions or you want me to expand upon this, feel free to send me an ask. I can clarify and offer more information if you'd like. Testosterone is not a requirement to be trans or to be transmasculine or a trans man, there is no shame in taking testosterone temporarily, permanently, or never taking it at all. It is up to you (not others) to decide if/when it is right to go on testosterone therapy and if you only want to take it temporarily or permanently.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transition timeline

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percabeth4life · 3 years

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Might I inquire of the stated aro and NB god/godesses?

i noticed you mentioned aromantic goddesses. if it's okay, can you say a little more about it? (i'm not trying to be rude, i'm genuinely curious)

I would be DELIGHTED to talk about this!

And a quick note: if you just have questions or are curious or want elaboration at any time, I adore answering such questions. Unless you say things outright rude or argumentative (and if you say something argumentative in a way not meant to be rude please say something because Tumblr is a place where most arguments are in fact outright fights) I’m gonna be more than happy to answer <3 (and if I ever misunderstand feel free to shoot me another ask clarifying, I’m ADHD and make mistakes at times)

Okay, so as I’ve previously stated but feel the need to do so again as this ask pertains to it: The Gods sexuality is not so cut and dry like mortals, and depending on the myth you look at it can be viewed differently. I am looking specifically at myths showcasing them as aro/ace/non-binary.

So!

When I was double checking my info on Eros, as I do for every post I write about the Gods to be sure I’m not remembering wrong, I found a few specific references I didn’t notice before!

The Homeric Hymn to Aphrodite specifically speaks of three Goddesses who are immune to Aphrodite’s (and by extension Eros’) power of love. They cannot be wooed, nor inclined to love another, despite all others amongst Gods and mortals being able to be nudged by Aphrodite in some way.

Homeric Hymn 5 to Aphrodite, 8 ff (trans: Gregory Nagy) (Greek epic C7th - 4th B.C.) :

The first is the daughter of aegis-bearing Zeus, bright-eyed Athena.

For she takes no pleasure in the things done by golden Aphrodite.

What does please her is wars and what is done by Ares,

battles and fighting, as well as the preparation of splendid pieces of craftsmanship.

For she was the first to teach mortal humans to be craftsmen

in making war-chariots and other things on wheels, decorated with bronze.

And she it is who teaches maidens, tender of skin, inside the palaces,

the skill of making splendid pieces of craftsmanship, putting it

firmly into each one’s mind [phrên].

The second is the renowned Artemis, she of the golden shafts: never

has she been subdued in lovemaking [philotês] by Aphrodite, lover of smiles [to whom smiles are phila].

For she takes pleasure in the bow and arrows, and the killing of wild beasts in the mountains,

as well as lyres, groups of singing dancers, and high-pitched shouts of celebration.

Also shaded groves and the city of dikaioi men.

The third one not to take pleasure in the things done by Aphrodite is that young Maiden full of aidôs,

Hestia, who was the first-born child of Kronos, the one with the crooked mêtis,

as well as the last and youngest, through the Will [boulê] of Zeus, holder of the aegis.

She was the Lady who was wooed by Poseidon and Apollo.

But she was quite unwilling, and she firmly refused.

She had sworn a great oath, and what she said became what really happened.

She swore, as she touched the head of her father Zeus, the aegis-bearer,

that she would be a virgin for all days to come, that illustrious goddess.

And to her Father Zeus gave a beautiful honor, as a compensating substitute for marriage.

She is seated in the middle of the house, getting the richest portion.

And in all the temples of the gods she has a share in the tîmê.

Among all the mortals, she is the senior goddess.

These are the three [goddesses] that she [Aphrodite] could not persuade in their phrenes.

So as you can see! These Goddesses were entirely resistant to any form of persuasion towards love, by Aphrodite or any other. The reading of it by me an AroAce person, is that they’re Aromantic!

Can be read other ways, but this is heavy support for an Aromantic interpretations of these Gods <3

On top of that!

Apollonius Rhodius, Argonautica 3. 28 ff ff (trans. Rieu) (Greek epic C3rd B.C.) :

"Athene (Athena), who smilingly replied : ‘Sprung as I am from Zeus, I have never felt the arrows of the Boy [i.e. Eros], and of love-charms I know nothing.’"

Apollonius Rhodius also states that Athena has felt nothing of Eros’ power (love, primarily romantic but also includes sexual! and love charms here is likely referencing sexual relations). This line supports both Aromatic and Asexual Athena!

On top of that!

While Athena is defined very clearly as a Goddess, and a woman, she is also undeniably one who is very masculine. Part of her representation is that of a masculine Goddess, who does not veil, leads wars, etc. This is something that both I and others have noted reminds them of demi-gender (ie. being somewhere between two genders).

While there is no definitive line like the above for this, it does imply something on the non-binary spectrum, and I read it as her being alike to a demigirl (one who is either between girl and non-binary, both girl and non-binary, or something similar).

So I hope that you enjoyed the brief discussion of the Goddesses <3

#anon asks #idontknoworcaregoaway #life answers #athena deity #hestia deity #artemis deity #athena #hestia #artemis #greek mythology #aroace #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #demigirl #non binary #apollonius rhodius #homeric hymns

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bard-llama · 3 years

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How did you figure out you were ace?

Oooh, that's a difficult question! I figured it out when I was about 16ish? Though in my head, it's 14, even though I know that's not right, because I was 14 in my freshman year of high school, but I didn't figure things out until my junior or senior year. Part of that is because in my junior year, I discovered that we had a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school and my friend group kinda accidentally took it over. But as you can imagine, no one there knew about asexuality. Hell, bisexuality was still considered kinda "new" in that way where it's not new at all, but it's a scary new concept to consider. (Which is ironic 'cause like, half the group was probably bi).

I cannot remember for sure, because my memory is like swiss cheese, but I think I found the term "asexual" online. I know I found "genderfluid" on a prompt meme on livejournal, so maybe asexual came from somewhere similar for me. But the important thing was, I suddenly realized that like... oh. Other people experience attraction. It's not just that I'm oblivious, it's that I'm literally uninterested.

So of course I immediately ran home to tell my dad, 'cause he had set up a workshop in the garage, so when my friends dropped me off at home, he'd have the garage open and I'd talk to him first and we'd talk politics and shit. And WOW was not expecting that hit of emotion, but for context, my dad died on New Year's Day this year.

Um, anyway. I was lucky. I don't think anyone had ever heard of asexuality before, but I was VERY gungho about coming out and told basically everyone lol. And at first, my definition actually wasn't quite right, because I didn't understand the differences between sexual desire, sex drive, sexual attraction, and having sex. But I actually used to do talks at universities and stuff where I'd be on a panel with other PFLAG folks and I'd share about asexuality. That's one of the reasons I AM so out and proud - 'cause maybe someone else out there has never heard of it before, but now they've SEEN an example of it being real. And if one of their friends comes out to them, they can be all "oh hey, I've heard of that!" And idk, that could mean a lot to someone.

I should probably clarify that my friends and family were all loving and supportive, if in need of education (as I was). And being asexual was really, really important to me for a long time, and it still is, but once I got my tattoos, it almost... idk, settled something in me? And then I started to become disabled, so that kinda took precedence.

This is my tattoo! (Well, one of them. I have 11 currently)

From left to right: Asexual flag, Genderfluid flag, Queer flag, Polyamorous flag, and Aromantic flag. They're spades because that's a thing in the aspec community, making jokes about card suits and such. The Ace of Spades was supposed to stand for being aroace. But also, they just look cool lol.

For the sake of education, 'cause you never know who is hearing these terms for the first time, I'm gonna put definitions under the cut.

Asexual - does not experience sexual attraction. This is different from having a sex drive or being horny or desiring sex. Attraction is targetted at a person, and when you've never experienced it, it can be kinda hard to figure out. But allosexual people can look at someone aesthetically pleasing and a natural line of thought might be "wow, they're pretty" -> "damn, that's a nice ass" -> "wonder what they'd be like in bed". Now for me, that was pretty foreign, because my thought process was something like "wow, they're pretty! Huh, I wonder if I could find earrings like that!"

Genderfluid - under the trans umbrella (as in, not-cis. That's the only requirement for that umbrella and despite what my internal transphobia said for years, yes, you ARE trans enough to use the label if you want to). Genderfluid literally means your gender changes fluidly. I would usually describe it as "some days I'll wake up a girl (rarely), some days I'll wake up a guy (more common), some days I'll wake up with no gender (decently common), and some days I'll wake up with ALL the genders (probably pretty often lol)". The idea is that it changes from moment to moment and can lie anywhere on the gender spectrum - including not being on it at all!

Queer - okay, y'all probably know this one, but just to be clear: queer is a term inclusive of ALL identities that are not cisheteronormative. Period. To me, it is the most inclusive term for our community and I will never let people try to shame me into stopping use of a term that MANY trans women of color fought and died for. We're here, we're queer, and we're damned proud of it.

Polyamorous - interest in and ability to love and commit to multiple people at the same time. Basically, the opposite of monogamy, though the two are not in conflict. Someone polyamorous can be exclusively committed to someone monogamous and likewise someone monogamous could be commited to someone who is polyamorous and has other relationships. This is an important one to me because, even though I don't really do dating, I do have a queer platonic partner (@professorpineapple my love!) and it's important to me that people KNOW that I am polyamorous, because so few people understand what it means. And I think the real root of it is that love is love. Literally. Whether it's romantic or platonic, friendship or family, love is love and we all need a lot of love in our lives. Seriously, humans were meant to exist in communities. Society holds up romance as this "top tier" relationship type, and not only is that false, it's actively damaging. People are told to put all of their needs into one single person and it doesn't matter who you are - no one can fulfill all your needs all the time. You're supposed to have a COMMUNITY of people who support you in different ways as you need.

Aromantic - This is asexuality's romantic cousin. Where asexual = no sexual attraction, aromantic = no romantic attraction. Now, this is difficult to define for me, because I literally only found out last month that like... romance is an actual emotion people feel???? I still don't really get it tbh. But basically, it's a specific kind of desire to be with someone in a romantic sense. And this is tricky, because there's no clear action that is, by definition, romantic. ANY behavior can be romanic if those involved consider it so. Likewise, those same behaviors could be platonic if those involved consider them platonic. So like, kissing + holding hands + cuddling + stuff like that? Does not necessarily mean romance. And that can be hard for people to understand. But I think it's important to note that, while I personally am 100% a spinster, aromantic people, just like asexual people, can and do have romantic and sexual relationships. Being aromantic does not mean you are incapable of love, even though society's emphasis on romance as the "real" love makes it hard to believe.

I wanna expand on asexuality and aromanticism a little bit, because idk, I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was still questioning and figuring things out. If you are aspec (meaning on EITHER/BOTH the aromantic or asexual spectrum), you might experience a lower sex drive/be a "late bloomer". I say this because I was, and it's part of why I mis-defined asexuality for so long. Asexuality does not mean a lack of a sex drive or even lack of interest in sex. All it means is that you do not experience sexual attraction to people. Period. That's it. So now we're gonna go into TMI territory, because I think it's important to talk about. Asexuals can and do have sex. Asexuals can and are kinky. This does not mean that every asexual is interested in sex in any way, shape, or form. There are people who are completely sex-repulsed - and that isn't limited to only asexual people either. But like, I'm aroace and I write romantic porn literally all the fucking time. Kinky romantic porn. I've never had sex with another person and I'm not fully sure I ever want to, though would be nice to experience cunnilingus on both sides of it. I do masturbate all the fucking time. I mean, literally, I write porn! So yeah, I get off to my porn, though I've never actually had an orgasm and I'm told that's a shame. Frankly, sub/dom space seems more appealing than an orgasm, but I've never experienced that either, so what can you do? I like to think it's like when you hit that perfect level of high where you're floaty and nothing matters and you just feel good and vibe.

Anyway, I bring this up because a decade ago, I knew I was aroace, but I didn't know the first thing about kink, except that bdsm was something you could whisper and giggle over without actually knowing what it meant. Now? For never having experienced most of it personally, I'm... kind of a secondhand expert on kink lmao. The point is: lack of sexual attraction (or romantic attraction) means only that - lack of attraction. It does not define behavior. So yes, asexual people can enjoy and seek out sex and aromantic people can date and fall in love and get married and shit. And we've always existed, even before we had the terminology for it.

This is long and rambly, but I hope someone gets something out of it! If nothing else, you can now say that you've met some weirdo on the internet who was queer x4 and also kinky and wordy as fuck lmao

#asexual #aromantic #genderfluid #polyamorous #queer #ask #sorry this is kinda rambly #but thank you for asking!

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ayy-spec · 3 years

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Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

· to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

· :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

· i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way.

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

#survey results #aphobia cw

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forgottendance · 6 years

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Some scary aphobic rhetoric to debrief

So, I argued with some aphobes last night. Not particularly intensely, it was pretty tiny, but I do want to go over what happened/what I woke up to because I think the tactic these people used to silence me is particularly terrifying and I want to make sure other acespecs and arospecs know exactly how Wrong these people are.

I also want to encourage everyone to consider who should be engaging with such people and how. Personally, I believe these people have been given too much fuel. As long as we keep talking at them, they keep finding ways to manipulate our words and spout their hate. This is particularly damagingto those of us who are acespec and arospec! Allo folks, how can you protect us while challenging this? Acespec and arospec folks, let’s protect ourselves and each other before engaging with such harmful people.

So, what happened?

Someone made an incredibly valid post to point out that straight trans people existed and were lgbt. They then reblogged their own post to clarify that this didn’t include “people who don’t have sex”. Either this person really means “people who don’t have sex”, which implies that sexual behavior is a condition for being lgbt, which not only negates acespecs that don’t have sex, but any sex-repulsed lgbt person, anybody lgbt person who may choose not to have sex, including those who do it for religious reasons and some survivors of sexual abuse, and even people who just happen to not be having sex at the moment for one reason or another... More likely, this person is using this to mean “asexuals”, which shows a huge lack of understanding of what asexuality is. Personally, I believe that if someone can’t even used the correct word, or define it properly, they’re not really knowledgeable enough on the subject to make an informed opinion and should probably do some more research before making such comments. Most importantly, this was absolutely unnecessary to add. They had made their point that this was about straight trans people in the beginning. The only reason they had to include a crude, misinformed reference to ace people was to attack. It was an active attempt to exclude acespecs from the conversation, despite the fact that we hadn’t been in the conversation to begin with. Basically, this person dragged us into a conversation just so they could say “no, not you”.

We went back and forth twice, I didn’t want to escalate or fall into the path of justifying (which gives strength to aphobes’ arguments), so I simply made it clear where I stood on the matter, particularly for any a-spec person following me, and then went to bed. This morning, I woke up to responses from a new person and from one of the aphobes I was interacting with last night claiming that I had derailed a conversation about trans people.

This is FUCKING CREEPY. First point, I want to make this very clear, the conversation was derailed the minute OP dragged acespecs into this. I was not the one derailing, I was challenging aphobic rhetoric as it appeared on my dash. This conversation was derailed and causing harm long before I touched it.

Second point, it’s really easy to believe someone when they says something like this. We all want to be better people, we want to learn how to listen to all sorts of trans people, we want to not derail conversations. Except, when someone says something aphobic on a post specifically about trans people and then claims that any argument against their aphobia is derailing the conversation about trans people, they are not only ignoring the fact that they were the one to derail, they are abusing a true desire to support trans people. They have turned transness into a manipulative get-out-of-jail free card. My transness does not exist to help aphobes avoid arguments, and neither does anyone else’s.

Third point, acespec and aropec trans people exist! And we are deeply harmed by posts like this, which basically tell us that only certain parts of our identity are legitimate. To challenge an aroace trans person for challenging a post that directly harms them increases this harm. All I can say is that these folks are lucky that I’m not a straight aro trans person or a straight ace trans person, because that would have caused even more harm.

So, fellow acespecs and arospecs, I would like to encourage you to think critically when an aphobe acuses you of transphobia or of derailing a conversation and making it about you. Yes, sometimes we do that, we aren’t perfect people, but it appears that aphobes are trying to gaslight us into thinking we’re doing it when we aren’t. Always ask yourself - why do I feel the need to challenge this comment? Why are a-spec identities important in this conversation? Who am I showing my love for when I add my voice? What am I trying to say? Am I saying it? Is this an effective and appropriate way to say it? You may find that the aphobes have you doubting yourself more than you think.

And allos! Especially trans allos! Please consider context when you reblog something. It doesn’t matter how good a post is about trans people, if it’s made by an aphobe, it doesn’t support trans people because some trans people are ace and/or aro. And, if you see a positive trans post that is actively excluding a-specs, don’t be surprised when we respond to us. We were dragged into the conversation against our will.

#ace discourse #all aphobic comments will result in blocking #I'm awesome and aphobic commentary is so not worth my time #Plus I'm writing this specifically for acespecs arospecs and are allies #any other kind of commentary on it would be derailing :P #sorry sarcasm over

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