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evans-heaven · 4 years

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My review...ish (tbh it's just some notes I made lmao) on Defending Jacob

I'm strictly focusing on the Barbers here, and their relationships. I'm saving all the comments I might have about any other characters, and the performances of all the actors for a final review of the series-if I decide to do one lmao. Also, this isn't completely spoiler free, I couldn't resist y'all I'm sorry 😅

It's also straight from my notes, long asf and unedited asf and I won't take offence if you don't read. I did however enjoy writing it 😁

(This is all in good fun and yes and I'm biased and no you're not getting my time of day if you attack me)

Okay I'm done let's get into it lol

The Barbers are picture perfect. That house belongs on the cover of Better Homes and Gardens and that kitchen belongs on a Food Network show. They eat sleep and breathe privilege, but they probably won't admit it, or are even aware of it. To them, it might seem normal, maybe they believe every family is like that, or at least, should be. Their lives mirror that of basically any white family on TV these days. They're the cookie cutter American household, a damn poster family. Which makes their situation all the more interesting.

I adore Andy and Laurie's marriage. Lowkey they make me feel like I'm third wheeling, with the way they handle each other 🤣🥺 but eventually something began to hang over their heads, and the atmosphere surrounding them only, completely changed. The differences became more clear and God knows where thats gonna take them. Andy hid the truth about his Dad being in jail for 17 years really makes us wonder what else he could be hiding, and tbh she may be wondering the same. If theres anything else below the surface it could ruin them even more, and that's scary.

Andy's relationship with Jacob is the perfect representation of a healthy father-son dynamic. Andy's not rough around the edges and tough with him. It's an unashamedly loving relationship, and something we need to see more of. Let's put aside everything that happened after Jacob was accused. Closed off as he might seem, it's so clear he admires his dad. And Andy is a man who would risk it all for his kid. It's as simple as seeing the way he looks at him. He can't imagine anything ever changing the way he feels about him. And he probably thinks Jacob will never give him a reason for that to happen. He says "I love you" to him without sounding like there's a knife to his throat, jokes around with him, calls him 'buddy' more than he does his actual name, overall it would seem like we're watching best buds with a big ass age gap rather than a father and son 🤣

But back to reality, even after his son is being accused of murder, and him and his wife don't seem to agree on where they stand, Andy believes Jacob. He just sees a scared kid. On the surface, at least, that seems like what Andy thinks about the situation. However, given how good a certain someone portraying Andy (which is very easy to forget, as said certain someone fucking transforms and i see very little traces of him in this peformance) is at conveying emotion without saying a word, Andy won't have to open his mouth for his true feelings to come about. But let's not forget, he went off the handle in a very hot way upon finding a knife in his kid's room. His kid who is a very heavy sleeper might i add lmfao. He also, felt it appropriate to bring up his imprisoned father, which I honestly feel like had to be on account of some of his true feelings, whether he'd admit it or not.

The moment shit hit the fan for the Barbers is moment, I'm sure, we all felt a shift. I said last night that my anxiety was high even before Jacob's accusation, but after, I felt like I was experiencing the Barbers panic and helplessness with them, almost as though I was the accused.

Which brings me to my next point. We need to talk about that scene. You know the one. Where Lynn informed Andy for a situation I'm sure he never, in a million years anticipated. The level of talent radiating out of a certain someone is unmatched. Y'all (who have seen the show) saw the way the emotions raced across his eyes-his entire damn face? The disbelief in his voice, the tense, defensive stance he fell into? The heavy breathing, the anxiety that fell over him, the way he raced home desperately? If there's anything this show did for me and I'm sure so many others, is making us feel like we were experiencing the severity in person. And that's so special to me.

I won't get too much into this, but the way Jacob was handled by the police...well let's just say we know that wont be the behavior with everyone. And it has very little to do with his age, btw 😅

The way he pleaded for his dad almost had me tearing up. Being a lawyer, he feels as though his dad will protect him and make this situation go away. And if I was a 14 year old boy who was arrested for such a brutal murder, a lawyer who just so happens to be the man that raised me would be my first request.

Idk how I feel about the whole murder gene thing. I did however love the way the scenes kept switching, from Jacob finding out about Andy's dad to Laurie finding out. Their reactions were so similar and relatable. However, if that gets brought up in court as "evidence", that person is going to, and deserves to, get called tf out 🤣

Andy was entirely too polite to that waitress who was, very rudely, staring at Jacob. Maybe it's my inner drama lover, but if she stood there like an idiot looking at my kid, another thank you isn't all she was getting. Avert your eyes or lose them sis 🤬

Seeing everything progressively fall apart for the Barbers, while Jacob remains quietly oblivious broke my heart. Laurie being sent home (and highkey being fired lbr), losing her best friend, and seeing her son be treated like a criminal. Andy being increasingly protective of Jacob's every move, is understandable. I'm super excited to see the lengths he'll go to when it comes to protecting his kid, which, if the trailer is any indication, may not have boundaries.

A few more short notes:

Neal needa get hit by a bus and I volunteer

Leonard is a creepy mf which isn't really surprising but STILL

Pam shooting Andy down was lowkey harsh but she still pulled through so 🤷🏾‍♀️🤣

Andy not giving Neal the satisfaction of being closed off and succumbing to whatever drilling Neal thinks he doing is satisfying asf

Andy Barber is a dilf™️ in every scene

Am I the only one who heard Michelle's accent coming through in some things she says?

Laurie throwing the food Toby brought her in the trash without batting an eyelash, I got how she felt but that shit hurt to see 🤣

The actor playing Ben looks like the love child of Harry Styles and Grant Gustin

Wtf do Sarah and Derek know 😭 its killing me

Cherry Jones is killing it 🙌🏽

So is Jaeden, kid is blowing me away.

So is Michelle, her emotions are fucking mine up

The score is intense and adds to the anxiety we feel watching the show and I don't appreciate my emotions being played with in such a way

Chris Evans deserves an Emmy and if he doesn't get it we riot.

That's all for now, if I post anymore notes on the other episodes, obviously it won't be this long as from this point we're only getting one episode a week. Hope y'all enjoyed (if anyone bothers w this 🤣)💕

#chris evans #michelle dockery #jaeden martell #andy barber #jacob barber #laurie barber #defending jacob #defending jacob spoilers #djspoilers #apple tv

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kpopnstuff1 · 5 years

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Unrequited Love PT6

AN: Hope you find this Namjoon x Reader fic intresting. I worked hard on this and I hope you like it. Sorry if there are mistakes. Please send feedback and or requests. BORAHAE <3 <3 <3 <3

Read PT1 PT2 PT3 PT4 PT5 PT7 PT8 Finale

NPOV

“Its time, Y/N you are fully dilated. On the next contraction i’m going to ask you to push with all your strength.” You nodded. “You can do this. You are strong and brave and I believe in you.” Everything had happened so fast. You were struggling to push your baby out, but suddenly the pain disappeared and you felt a great relief. You heard a loud cry, which was always good news. “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Kim. Welcome your baby boy to this world.” The doctor laid your baby on your chest. “You did great mama. I Love you.” Namjoon kissed your forehead. You were surprised by his words, but you knew they were only said because of the moment. “Let me get baby, to clean him up. We will be right back. Daddy do you want to watch.” Namjoon nodded and followed the nurse. In that moment you felt truly happy. You started to cry. You had never imagined this would ever happen to you. And especially not with Namjoon, but now you were glad it was with him. Your happiness washed away as soon as you noticed Jimin sitting in the corner. His eye cold and sad. “Congrats.” he mouthed as he stood up and left. “So what is this little guys name?” The nurse asked Namjoon. He turned around and looked at you. “ Kim Jae-Joon.” I said with a huge smile. “Kim JaeJoon, that’s his name.” Namjoon said as he picked up his son.

Being home with a newborn was a bit strange. Namjoon had taken time off to be with the two of you and it felt nice. You were a little surprised when Jimin wasn’t home, but your heart broke into a million pieces when you noticed all his things were gone as well. Namjoon was catching up the nanny on the things she should help with and the things she needed to ask you before doing. He knew you would be a very hands on mother but he wanted someone helping you while he was gone. “Y/N, I hope you don’t mind if I move into the spare bedroom. I just want to be with Jaejoon as much as I can.” “It's okay Namjoon. You don’t have to ask. This is your house.” “Yes, but you and Jimin live here and I don’t want to make things awkward.” He joined you on the couch with Jaejoon in his arms. “Jimin is gone, so are his things. I guess he didn’t want any part of this weird family.” Just than Ana walked in “Mr. and Mrs. Kim, Mr. Park is here and would like to see the both of you.” “Let him in.” Namjoon said in a stone cold voice. “Thanks for seeing me.” “Please sit down.” You said in a trembling voice. “What are you doing here?” “Look, Namjoon I don’t want any problems with you. But this is between Y/N and I. You don’t have to leave but please let me get everything out in the air.” Namjoon nodded and looked at you. “Why did you leave?” “I wasn’t sure you wanted me here after what happened. Look I’m not gonna say that i’m not a piece of shit because I am. I felt so excluded from everything. I craved attention and I wasn’t getting it at home.” “So you went and fucked your dance partner...In my house.” You were now shaking. Namjoon placed his hand on you knee sending quivers of jealousy down Jimin’s chest. “I know that it was wrong. I regret doing it. I love you Y/N. Even if you had a baby with another man. I love you.” “Well I don’t know if I can give you another chance. You showed me that you don’t love me with your actions. And if you don’t love me how are you going to love my baby. You left as soon as he was born! You don’t even know his name.”

Namjoon’s POV

I could see the pain in Jimin’s eyes. He was truly sorry. Part of me wanted Y/N to send him away. To make her push him away. But I could see how much it hurt her as well. I know I have feelings for her, but i’m not sure they are as strong as the feelings they have for eachother. Jaejoon’s happiness should come first, and if his mother isn’t happy neither will he. “Y/N I think you should give Jimin another chance. I know what he did is wrong, but in his defense I did keep you from him through the whole pregnancy. I can tell that he loves you. Or else he wouldn’t have come to clear things up with you. As for you Jimin, you have to leave that insecure bullshit out of your relationship. Y/N loves you , and if she for some reason didn’t have time for you it doesn’t mean that she has stopped loving you. I won’t be in your way like before. All I ask is that I have equal legal custody of my child. I want you to be good to him. I want you to be good to Y/N. If you ever hurt my son, or Y/N again I will make sure you never come back into their lives.” I looked down at Jaejoon. I knew this was for the best. Even if my heart felt on fire. “Y/N as soon as I can I will make the arrangements for a divorce, and a public announcement will be made. Your family will be able to do whatever they want and you will be free to make what you want with your life. All I ask is you let me be in his life. And maybe we can be friends.” I could feel the knot in my throat. I pushed it back trying hard not to cry. “Namjoon, I can’t ask you to do this. You have given me so much and I have been an ass to you for the most part. I can’t let you do this. I know how much your family name means.” “I don’t care about any of that. All I care is that Jaejoon and you are happy.”

My mother was upset about my divorce, but she was more worried about my father to nag me about it. My father had told me to do whatever made me happy. And even though none of this made me happy I was going to keep my promise.

NPOV

Namjoon had indeed kept his promise. He had submitted the divorce a couple weeks after Jaejoon was born. Things went smoothly with the divorce. Some investors did decide to leave from Namjoon’s company but it didn’t matter to him. He knew he was good at what he did and he wasn’t going to let that change anything. Jimin and you were better than ever. He was a great stepfather to Jaejoon and you loved him for that. You did try your best to forget Jimin’s unfaithfulness but when he would come home late it would come to mind. It also didn’t help that he saw his partner everyday. It made your skin boil but you didn’t have the heart to tell him to quit his dream job. Namjoon was sad to have let you go, but he knew in his heart that Jimin made you happier than you would ever be with him. When he thought his life couldn’t get better he found Kyungmi working with him. Ironically she became his secretary. The same position you had once applied for. She was sweet and caring. And very strong minded. She never let him put her down and always voiced her opinion. She reminded him of you at first. That is why he had asked her out. But this time he didn’t make the mistake of being an arrogant asshole about it. He never expected things to get serious with her but after a couple months he introduced her to Jaejoon and he knew then that she was the one.

Your son was growing so fast and you missed him being small. You couldn’t believe he was turning 4 years old in less than a week. It was going to be special because it would be the first time Namjoon invited his new girlfriend. They had been dating for a year now but he had never introduced you to her. He said that he would only do it if it were serious and it seemed it was going that way. “Hey Y/N, how are you doing?” Namjoon said as he kissed your forehead. “Hey Namjoon please come in. “I love your new place! It’s so you!” “I know right! I’m happy to see you! How was your business trip?” It was good, boring but good. So where is my little man? Joonie!!!!!!” He screamed. You could hear two tiny little steps running towards the two of you. “appa!!!!!!!!!” Namjoon swooped Jaejoon into his arms and showered him with kisses. “How’s my little man? Did your mom tell you we were going to spend the week together?” “yes daddy, mama said I could do whatever I wanted because it was my birthday soon.” “I don’t know if you can do whatever you want, but we can do lots of fun things.” He giggled as Namjoon tickled his tummy. “Is mama Kyungmi going to be home with us appa?” “What?” You looked at Namjoon angrily. “Honey why don’t you go pack some of your toys.” you said as you took him from Namjoon’s arm. “Okay!” he ran off and as soon as he was out of earshot you almost screamed at Namjoon. “Why is my baby calling Kyungmi mama?” “Y/N, I don’t see anything wrong with that. He does see her a lot and when i’m not home she takes care of him. Plus Jaejoon call Jimin dad and I don’t mind.” “Namjoon! Thats different. Jimin was there when he was weeks old. You have only known Kyungmi for a year.” “Well we actually have been dating for almost 3 ½ years.” You felt your blood rush to your head. But you didn’t know why you were getting so angry. “Why did you lie to me. Why did you say you had only been dating a year?” Namjoon turned red as he spoke “I didn’t want you to be worried about our son meeting my Kyungmi.” “So you thought hiding it from me was the best thing?”

YPOV

My heart was pumping fast. Why would Namjoon lie to me about his relationship with Kyungmi. I didn’t care about that. I just want to know who is around my son. And it hurt that Jaejoon was calling another woman mama. “Look Y/N please be okay with it. I didn’t just come to pick up Jaejoon. I wanted to let you know something. You’re my best friend and I wanted to get your opinion.” I was a little confused at what he was saying and I guess it showed on my face. Suddenly Namjoon reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. My heart sank to my stomach. I knew what that box was. And honestly my heart told me to run. To avoid the situation, but my legs wouldn’t respond. “Do you think it’s too much? Kyungmi doesn’t like flashy things and I thought this was nice.” You didn’t know what to do so you just nodded. “Y/N are you okay? You look pale. Did you eat today?” He led me to the couch as he called for some water. “I guess I should have eaten a bit more during breakfast.” “Y/N, please take care of yourself. I don’t know what we would do without you.” He said as he kissed my forehead. “So when are you doing it?” I whispered. “I’m actually asking her tonight. I’m making her dinner and well That's why I came for Jaejoon. He loves her so much and she loves him with all her heart.” “Well I think everything is perfect. She’s a lucky woman.” I said, not knowing if I was talking about the ring or Namjoon.

Namjoon and Jaejoon had left a while ago and I was still in shock by everything. I had pushed away my feelings but I couldn't do it any longer. I knew I had these feelings for Namjoon after the divorce. After seeing how different it was to have only Jimin in my life. But I never thought I would be feeling this bad. It felt as though Namjoon pulled out my heart and shredded it into million pieces. It literally hurt to breathe.

#bts fanfic #bts fanfictions #fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfictions #bts imagines #kpop imagines #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #kpopnstuff1 #unrequited love #love

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years

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The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

#bonus content

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kosmicdream · 7 years

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Temp. FFAK Official Timeline

This is a very rough, temp timeline for FFAK. It mostly covers events that have already happened or at least have been mentioned. I dont really cover anything that is happening in the present day timeline lol. I might make edits to this in case i fucked up in places or maybe ill just do a totally new one at some point! you dont even know how messy my actual one is like my god its an ever worse horrible clusterfuck of text. (Also remember, the ffak story has no time travel so dont be worried about that sort of mindfuckery!) enjoy

Years before 1414: Whenever was 600 million years ago i dont want to do the exact math: Evil Mother is born but shes not called that at all cuz she adopts that name later in life but just know she is here and readt to party Lots of stuff happens. like idk. evolution and life. 600 mil years is a long time ok -LALALA -HUMANS AT SOME POINT COME TO BEING.and form civilization and.. all that -modern human society exist! ppl have tvs and such. -Mandragora Worms have gone ‘extinct’!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ooooo -??????????? a ton of other stuff. isnt history cool?? kicks legs, yells -mysterious worm break outs all over dmtia. bombs fall. wars. despair! -Grant Lumberman gets a doggy at some point and loves it but then it dies and so does his family and friends and his whole city he is relocated to the Auseklis moon colony (on Dmtia’s moon!) along w/ other Vena Cavian kiddos !!!! (in yr 1414)

YEAR 1415 [Scene From Ch. 11: Pages 3161-3196, 3400-3401] Characters: Randall Aiguille - Age 20 Mr. Rotten (Which was named “Aeschylus” at the time, created by Randall) Crosshatch Unit (sort of) Rembrandt Aiguille - Age 22 Grant Lumberman (Aka, ‘Good Leadman’) - Age 14 Octavian “Otto" Silverberg - Age 15 (I was gonna type up every referenced scene like this then i was like fuck it thats too hard! lol)

Years 1416-1425 ?????????????? (most events likely will be mostly covered in a prequel series.) YEAR 1420: Crosshatch Unit first programmed/built by Randall/Rembrandt Aiguille leadman and evil mother fall in lurv at some point

YEAR 1426 Miracle Baby Crimson is Born (From Good Leadman/Evil Mother worm fuck action yeehaw)

YEAR 1427 -Crimson’s 2 eyes are removed + Evil Mother Believes they are dead and leaves Leadman to work with Tricend -Canary is Born (From Evil Mother, and a King Worm) -Hekatons are made (From The King worm that made Canary, concept of Hekatons is from Evil Mother) -July 8th: Perkons Hatches and will not let anyone near the other 4 eggs!! stay away

YEAR 1428 - Good Leadman (Age 27) and Perkons (6 months old) Meet (Happens in Jan) (Multiple scenes in ch10, continued in Ch11) Perkons turns 1 in July. -Perkons gets a hold of 1 of Crimson’s eyes at some point, turns it into a Knife.

YEAR 1429 - Perkons turns 2 in july and is a fully matured adult. Rest of the 4 hekatons eggs hatch sometime after in that year. -Dievas assumes protective guardian role for his siblings. -Dievas meets Aeschylus. (ch11) YEAR 1430 Perkons turns 3. The rest of the first hekatons are one. During this year they mature to an adult. YEAR 1431 Lauma meets Velns, who is imprisoned. Then shortly after, Perkons confronts Lauma, she is 2, he is 4. So It took place after July 1431. He transforms the 2nd crimson eye into a Spoon in front of her.

Years 1431-1448 (specific dates not all disclosed sry): -Velns/Lauma, Dievas/Laima begin making children. baby baby baby! YEAR 1438 - Crimson (Age 11) is eaten by a Hydragora Queen worm - loosing her human body in the process but gaining a worm one instead. -Crimson runs around in a destroyed city, holding a corpse. Meets Velns who taunts them. -Lauma and Dievas make up, and have their first nest together- a Batch of A/B hybrid eggs. -Lauma is killed by Perkons -Velns is killed by Perkons (Which was also on Dmtia’s Moon, so the moon is destroyed.) -Laima is “killed” by Perkons. (Actually survived, as part of Dievas’ plan.) -Perkons confronts Dievas with the Crosshatch Unit and mention they fight for Peace and under the “Thumb” alliance. Perkons kills Dievas. (scene in ch11) -Laima escapes with A/B Eggs, as well as other hekaton eggs. (and will later form the Ghost Kingdom, which she rules as queen.) ????? many other things happen????? these were some busy years folks

YEAR 1449 -Crimson meets a Helper, Galore the Hekaton, and a Bunny worm (who will later grow up to be agent Paper) in the forests of DMTIA (Ch9) -Galore “meets" her first parents, Lauma and Velns, in some mysterious coma dream thing from listening to crims sexy magical heartbeat (also Ch9) ??????????more events happen??????????? -Galore “Dies” by exploding. Crimson witnesses it. -Bunny wormed named Cirrus “Dies” and is buried in a grave. However, she was only injured she later climbs out only to witness Crimson and Celadon leave in Crimson’s truck and it was the saddest thing ive had to draw ok. i am crying even remembering it ??????????more secret events this was yet another busy and traumatizing year for crimson????????????? -Months later, Crimson (age 23) has a conversation with her third mandragora heart, and ends up having a period sex masterbate-y fantasy that made many readers scream in terror when they read it.(Ch11)

Years 1450-1904 god so much stuff happens during this time, lays on the ground. i mean just fucking look at how much time that is. thats over 450 years lol nbd right

YEAR 1905 -Agent Knife is sent on a remote mission (back to Planet Dmtia) to hunt down one of thumbs most wanted criminals, a man named “SIMON MCGOLD” -After months of searching/failed attempts at locating him, Knife confronts and is stung by Simon’s close personal bodyguard, a queen worm named Nail who is famous for killing over 50,000 Hekatons. (Gaining him the nickname “Hekaton Hunter.” (CH12) -?????????? more stuff happens like you dont even know????????

Years 1906-1924 ??????????? lots of stuff??????? lets laugh at some spoon stuff together tho -Spoon thinks Knife is stupid but weirdly interesting i guess -Spoon tries to pretend hes not in love w/ knife cuz thats like??? g...ay??? -Spoon realizes he’s totally hot for Knife and decides hes gonna totally seduce him -Spoon realizes flirting isnt going well with knife and is actually rly deeply hurt by rejection and so he tries to sleep around w/ other ppl to pretend hes fine cuz w/e!! who cares -Spoon realizes hes totally in love w/ Knife and is devastated by Deeply Gay emotions -Spoon moves in w/ Knife and spoon tries to pretend he is fine w/ just being Knife’s obsessively devotedly loyal but not romantic/sexual partner. just ttly... platonic.. best dude pals..!!! who murder together -Spoon realizes he cannot handle just being friends and attempts to move out cuz he just is having a meltdown -Knifes like chill we’re already dating and Spoon is like “wtf we are?” and knife’s like “why else would i let you move in w/ me” and spoon just stares at a wall for like 12 hrs in shock -They start to officially for real date™ after spoon regains contact with reality -???????stuff??????? -Spoon dresses up as AGENT BEE!!!!!!!!!!!! THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN ALL OF HISTORY HANDS DOWN MARK UR CALENDARS

YEAR 1925 July 8th - Simon (now Agent Spoon) has been in a relationship with Knife for 20 years. He meets Celadon #1. Location is the forests on the moon THUMB HQ. who is rightfully pissed as fuck at him. kick his ass, girl (she does btw) (ch11)

YEAR 1926 -Knife Adopts a tiny perfect adorable fluffball c-type and names him Kurt. -Spoon hates it like more than anything ever -Spoon and Knife end up having to live separately, causing a huge strain in their relationship.

Years 1927-1936 -feeling neglected, Spoon starts to sleep around, including the Crosshatch unit and becomes p close friends w/ them! its actually a positive thing for once. wtf (ch11) -Kurt becomes Agent Fork and works alongside Agent Knife on missions and its adorable and great but knife’s depression is also growing bc he misses spoon

YEAR 1937 Cash Leadman is born! :D

YEAR 1938 Rome Aiguille is born! he doesnt even hate worms at this point! Years 1939-1955 more stuff. ect.

YEAR 1956 -Locket confronts Knife. Knife is so traumatized from meeting a surprise biological child that he has a meltdown and vanishes. he is then believed to have died. -Spoon Explodes from sadness of the news, but does not die. Half of him leaves to Cash Leadman’s house, who convinces him to keep living. He becomes “Scissor”, using her former crosshatch robot body. (ch11) -The other half meets Locket and has his Spoon stolen from him. very sads. Also cant wear thongs anymore (ch11)

YEAR 1957 -At some point during this year, Spoon kills Agent Rock’s dad and also prevents Fork from being able to enter Wibbleworld (his dream). (Scene in ch8) -Fork goes back to prison (guess what, it wasnt his first time goin’ there!)

YEAR 1958-present -the death of rock’s hot dad springs a chain reaction of all his sons trying to kill spoon and getting revenge. Spoon successfully kills them all though lmfao. dont fuck with the leg. -fork breaks up with dollop and she starts stalking him

YEAR 1961 -Dylan and Agent Knife meet in Wibbleworld moon, on July 8th (his birthday) He reveals secrets to her. (ch11) -Dylan/Celadon and Antony believe they are successful at killing Agent Knife on this same day.

YEAR 1962 -Feb 2 - Aeschylus wakes up in LEVEL K of the Crosshatch Colony (The Aiguille Moon) and is escorted by Antony Aiguille (Age 21) and Celadon #1, #2 and #3. Dylan and Barfy show up. (Ch 11) -Dylan tries to convince Antony not to get eaten (and fails) (ch12) -March - A mysterious earthquake and worm outbreak kills 20,000 residents in the Crosshatch Colony. O_O -July 7th - Fork meets Dylan for the first time. :3 (Another serving episode one!) -July 8th: This is where the present timeline begins! Canary wakes up on a platform. Hooray! we made it. i dont feel like typing out the events u can just read the comic i guess lol. farts!

YEAR 1963: Hasnt actually happened yet, but the final feast is said to occur this year!!!!!!! O_O ooo EDIT: one of the events were out of order, but this has been fixed (8/19/2017)

#ffak #feast for a king #ffak timeline #ffak faq

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caratau · 7 years

Text

Dad! Seungcheol.

y’all ever watched Cheaper By The Dozen?

S. Coups is basically the Dad.

raising 12 kids irl but i’d see him with a good 4 or 6

dominantly boys

speaking of babies i read on a wattpad comment a million years ago that if theres a dominant amount of sons then that means the dad’s got a big willy and if there’s more girls then its small.

just a fact but idk if its bs so don't rely on me oK I WAS 13 MY INNOCENT (LMAO BIH WHERE) WAS TAINTED AND IDK IF ITS REAL BUT YEAH BACK TO PAPA COUPS.

but yeah like mostly boys for kids and then

hear this

his youngest is a little girl

this bewildered dad man and his three boys watch this little angel in amusement ok it was unexpected asf seen as papa coups and momma coups decided to keep the gender a surprise like hOW I HAVE THE PATIENCE OF A CHIPMUNK I GOTTA KNOW WHAT MY CHILD IS

im also not one who differentiates between genders :)

and that is how papa coups rolls too

hold up before we go onto the life lets go a trip down memory lane from the first boy

momma coups is a worry wart

she's calm and shit but like??? a baby??? she trusts papa coups but like, he’s only ever been a father to 12 teenagers and young adults???

how dis gonna work out??

and so the journey begins

not really lmao coups had to buy a personalised ‘Daddy Coups’ barbecue apron to make it official.

woozi did not approve

nor did momma coups

that apron became a scarring nightmare in those kids lives as teenagers for friendly barbecues imma tell ya that now

# prayforthechoi’s

but yeah back to the pregnancy i derail hella fast

will also buy a t-shirt with ‘daddy coups’ lmao momma coUPS HAS HAD IT

she burns it in a fit of raging hormones

poor ol’ cheol doesnt let the underlying dislike of these raging hormones show

woozi is high fiving momma coups in the bg.

do they have regrets?

being connected to cheol yeah they do

jk jk they both love him

but yeAH

he’ll be a wreck at the ultrasounds

not really a wreck

he’ll be all nervous and I'm picturing it now; momma coups’ hand is clutched between his and he keeps the back of it near his lips and he’ll kiss it every few seconds and ik it’s weird but like its a type of reassurance to him aND momma coups as if to say that everything ok bc they just have a fear of losing it and I'm going really sensitive I'm sorry

cheol’s eyes water y’all I'm crying inside

he sees a blob, with help from the nurse, and he just breaks down bc he made that blob y’all.

he made it

and throughout that whole break down, he realises its all real and fuCK he’s gonna be raising a child from biRTH, not from teenage years like he did with svt.

and he's just so happy from there on

honestly theres changes of him in interviews and v lives and all and everyone just loves it

will sO be the dad to take bump pics aW MY ACHEY BREAKY HEART FUCK

will do a montage

he’ll make a pinterest just for nursery ideas bc he’s gonNA BE A DAD

WHAT TYPE OF DAD WOULD CHEOL BE IF HE DIDNT BE A PARTICIPATING FATHER FROM THE START

a participating father does diy

it surprisingly goes well

momma coups is impressed

she invites jeonghan over in hopes to watch coups suffer but the two end up stood at the door of the nursery with teas in their hands and they're just admiring the man that probably keep them sane through different points of their lives

speaking about some of svt, they consider you as their momma coups (jeonghan is shaking)

so when y’all tell the svt kids you're expecting an actual child, the room basically has an earthquake

hug here, hug there, may god help momma and papa coups bc they were being squished

and then at the baby shower, cheol insisted that his sons be invited bc they're the life of the party

and its true

they are

Seungkwan does a lot of karaoke

but on a stage

and to people

he does some trot

thats when it gets lit

seokmin and soonyoung take over whilst seungkwan pulls vernon over for a slow dance to a song they're screaming to???

meh its svt ok they jam to anything and everything

i forgot to mention that since coups wasn't really so prepared for a bABY (teenagers and young adults aren't a default approach to fathering, ya gotta raise them from birth) he and momma coups are a regular attendee of birthing classes

just so he can be prepared

the classes were more for him than momma coups

she gets bored really easily

tiredness is a symptom of a pregnancy

anyWAY

night of the birth

2:36am is the dreaded time

although seungcheol was half dead bc damn dads need sleep too, dude’s still able to grab the hospital bags, slip shoes on, get the car keys and make it out of the house in record time and into the car

when they get to the hospital, cheol is talking at 100 miles a minute to two phones (maternal and paternal parents) of how the births happening

next is the svt kids

theres a lot of screaming over the speaker but it doesnt beat your scream when you went through a sudden contraction

and that was the beginning of the long ass birth of your first son

we’re at the fourth child

a daughter

a tulip

a little princess for the family to adore

no one expected it, as i said at the beginning

momma coups that she was doomed with boys but nah, theres still hope

from the day of the birth, papa coups has his boys, ages 7, 5 and 3 stand in a line in the hospital room as if they were in the military.

momma coups is cackling in her bed as she holds princess coups.

“boys, we’re now in a default mission.” 3 year old coups struggles a bit with balance and don't even expect concentration from him. baby looks away from papa coups for a sec

“3rd son coups, look at me please-”

“3rd son coups, where are you going-”

“i demand the presence of 3rd son coups”

lmao 3rd son coups goes to sit with momma coups on the big hospital bed aw aw he pokes princess coups’ hand

“pwincess coups?” he asks momma coups with those starry eyes (coups genetics are amazing)

“princess coups, baby.” momma coups answers back and the whole family just gathers near the bed.

“she's a diamond, boys, we gotta make sure no one tries to break or steal her, thats all i ask of you”

“yes dad”

theres even a response from 3rd son coups anD MY HEART IS HURTING FUCKING SHIT IM SUCH DOMESTIC TRASH I GOTTA MAKE 12 MORE OF THESE IM GONNA DIE OF HEART ACHE

cheol will piggyback the kids all day errday YGM

piggyback to brush teeth, piggyback for breakfast agh

everything is also almost like a military operation

this is where cheaper by the dozen tropes come in ok

i wouldn't say that cheol is a competitive person but if someone makes their family (*cough* jeonghan *cough*) out to be better than everyone else then its war

theres also summer trips to a lakehouse w the rest of svt and their families and my heart is hurting more now

but yeah

this is where the ‘daddy coups’ apron comes out.

did i forget to mention that princess coups has a small crush on woozi’s kid

this is when they're like 14 ok

they're both fucking shy too

ofc cheol knows

instead of being protective, he pROVOKES IT AND OMF ‘DAD CAN YOU STOP WE GET IT’

princess coups isn't the biggest fan of her dads antics

still loves him as a dad tho

lmao his plan acc works tho like woozis kid and princess coups go on dates (both woozi and cheol chaperone lmao it ends up as a dads meeting)

OOH OOH (ooh aah I'm sorry oops)

CHEOL’S THE DAD TO STALK HIS KIDS DATES

will be the dad to make a mountain out of a mole hill over his kids dreams and damn i want cheol as a dad i feel as if very morning would be ‘CHASE YOUR DREAMS OK DONT LET ANYTHING HOLD YOU BACK’

would drive you where you needed to for these dreams

soccer games for boys, hell soccer games for the girl too she's grown in a practically all boys household

cheol doesnt degrade it tho

oh yeah all the boys are taught to be respectful towards women but the full on lessons go on at the hong’s.

coups pays joshua in the form of a future son-in-law for one of his little girls

joshua acc slaps coups i lAF

“if i see any of your boys near my princesses, choi, you're dead :))))))”

coups doesnt take it the wrong way bc its understandable?? but also not bc he trusts his kids to not make the wrong decisions

will be an emotional wreck at graduations

will also be the dad to scream their kids name at the graduation too

lmao my brother did that for my sister at hers but it failed terribly

people also had competitions at my brother’s graduation as to who could shout their graduate relatives name the loudest and ngl it was lit

but yeAH

will basically be dead at the kids weddings bC FUCK HIS KID HAVE GROWN UP WTF DID THE TIME GO

princess coups marries woozis kid btw lmao woozi regrets his whole life as cheol drunkenly cries on his shoulder at the reception

is not ready to let his kids go off into the real world but knows that he prepared them enough to be ready

or isn't he sure??

“princESS COUPS COME BACK HERE IM NOT DONE RAISING YOU”

BUT YEAH thats the end of dad! seungcheol i hope you enjoyed my first post :) expect some of these coming dad au’s to also be angsty bc I'm an emotional wreck like that :))))

byeeeee

#choi seungcheol #seungcheol #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol au #dad au #dad!seungcheol #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seungcheol scenarios

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coquuin · 5 years

Note

u bet ur fuckin ass im sending myself an ask meme bc fuck you no one else will so shit SOMEONE gotta. all the questions for Ezekiel bay bee

the amount of fucks that i do not give is unreal

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

well shit both of Ezekiel’s parents died when he was 3 so obviously he hardly has any memories of them, but! Ezekiel’s father was.. fucking hilarious! the dude had an amazing sense of humor–mightve been a stand up comedian, although not a huge known one?? he was always smiling and just trying to make people laugh! especially loved to make his son laugh the most.

so as you can easily imagine, 3-year-old Ezekiel obviously loved his father. i mean, why wouldnt he. although now that his father is long dead and ezekiel has pretty much forgotten him by this point, his opinion towards what very little he DOES remember of his dad is just like.. “why were you so fucking happy all the time? what was there to be happy about?” but, like i said, seeing as Ezekiel has completely forgotten him, he’s pretty neutral on him and doesnt really have much of an opinion.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

opinion wise, it’s the exact same deal as his father–seeing as both parents died at the same time. so he neither dislikes or likes her! hes just neutral.

however, as for her personality, she was honestly like the polar opposite of the dad. she was calm and collected, and a little intense. a very blunt woman who would not be afraid to call you out on your bullshit! sort of like Ezekiel now actually :) a lot of her mannerisms and personality traits literally resemble Ezekiel to a T, which he obviously doesnt even realize seeing as his mom has been, yknow, dead for all his life. but underneath that tough exterior, she was a very sweet woman! she was probably a doctor tbh.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

IN THE CULT.. it was like a literal living hell and EXTREMELY strict. which is exactly what this cult wanted! seeing as it was a Satanic cult especially. BUT UHHH.. i cant go too in depth on how everything was like in that orphanage, but if you REALLY wanna know all the gross details literally just do some research on Satanism or Satanic Cults and youll be sure to find some pretty gross stuff. all of that is what happened to Ezekiel there!

the things i can mention though!! every child had to wear the same uniform every day, they all had the same exact hairstyle (boys had a short bowlcut, girls had long hair which they were absolutely not allowed to style or put up). they were, of course, beaten severely if the orphanage staff saw fit to do so. medieval torture methods were used on them, especially for sacrifices. they were bluntly told, “if you try to leave, the Devil will kill every single one you love and come for you last”–which is honestly why Ezekiel always talks about how “the devil is out to get him” or why Ezekiel feels that he cant get close to anyone, bc he just expects the devil to kill anyone he gets close to! bc, yknow, he ran away. the kids were also often forced to eat or drink bodily fluids which Yeah is fucking disgusting. they only had one meal a day, and said meal was very small–so a lot of the kids starved, and thats why Ezekiel is such a picky eater and refuses to eat a lot of the time! bc hes just so used to having only one tiny meal a day, just enough for him to survive on, and any more than one small meal he always feels like he’s wasted too much money or something. a lot of sexual abuse went on too. YOU GET THE IDEA BY NOW IM SURE SO.. YEAH, IT WAS… BAD BAD BAD.

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

EXTREMELY SHELTERED. he and the other kids in the orphanage were absolutely not allowed to go outside whatsoever. this was because the caretakers told them “THE OUTSIDE WORLD WANTS TO CORRUPT YOU, SO YOU MUST ABSOLUTELY NOT INTERACT WITH ANYTHING THAT IS OUTSIDE OF THESE DOORS!!!” and were EXTREMELY strict on that rule. one time, Ezekiel had snuck out when he was about 7, and brought in stray kittens, which he hid in his room! it wasnt long until his roommates snitched on him and the caretakers straight up just fucking cut off every kitten’s head right in front of lil Ezekiel and then proceeded to beat him afterward. so that kinda fucked him up!!! this is what led to Ezekiel’s reclusive behavior now and his generally being totally silent when he’s around anyone he doesn’t know (although he has gotten a lot better about the talking thing! albeit the fact when he does talk chances are he is saying something very mean. BUT STILL!). even now, he completely secludes himself in his small apartment, even going so far as boarding up all his windows to block the sunlight altogether. well ok he also boarded them up bc he has an extremely bad habit of trying to break the glass but. the sunlight thing too!

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

REJECTION OFC. the orphanage caretakers never even referred to him by his name–instead, they called every child by numbers. in Ezekiel’s case, it was #34. even now, that is his least favorite number.

8. How does your character feel about religion?

he may not seem like it, but Ezekiel is VERY VERY VERY religious!!! after he ran away from the orphanage and later moved to L.A., he actually did convert to Christianity! he always wears a golden cross necklace around his neck and he feels like it protects him from evil spirits–obviously thats all in his head as no evil spirits are really out to get him, but it’s a big big BIG comfort item to him. he can easily recite a shit ton of Bible verses bc he reads that damn thing all the fucking time man. in general, his faith in god is a huge fucking comfort for him, as he always fears the devil is out to get him and whatnot–its nice to think that he may actually have god on his side to protect him.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

honestly??? hes all over the fuckin place. he surprisingly does have some street smarts to him (from having been literally fucking homeless for a while).

although the only thing he’s really book-smart with is languages–he’s a big linguist! but otherwise, he kinda sucks at smart stuff like math or science or stuff like that–bc he never went to school! he did learn how to read while in the orphanage, but that was really about it.

not too intelligent either??? thats mostly bc he’s literally been secluded from interacting with people like all his life, so he’s just not really good at like.. reading people? and has little to no life skills bc no one ever taught him??

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

ok so despite the fact that Ezekiel never went to school, his vocabulary is actually pretty big! although like i said, he did learn to read in the cult so. that really isnt too much of an issue. but he’s very very interested in literature and language as a whole, and always was even as a child! so even now, he devotes a lot of his time to studying that kind of stuff, and his way of speaking definitely shows it–well, if you can get behind the constant swearing, anyway.

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

he’s the guitarist of the rock band Rogue! his feelings on playing in a band in general is kinda.. conflicting, really. he isnt sure if he enjoys it or hates it. for one, he actually has HUGE stage fright–though he has gotten a bit better about it after playing on stage so many times by now, but it’s still a recurring issue with him and can sometimes cause complications within the band. it certainly is very anxiety-inducing for him, but at the same time… he cant bring himself to just quit, either. not even he himself is sure why he still puts up with the band, but he finds himself drawn to it quite often. he is very very very proud of being able to write music and have it be shown to millions of people though–hearing the band’s singer, Augustine, sing his lyrics to crowds, and the crowd loving it, is probably one of the biggest things that can make Ezekiel happy.

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

well, his first travel was from London, England to Los Angeles, California! and thats where he eventually joined the band! and, yknow, being in a band that tours quite often, now he definitely has to travel a lot. which he absolutely hates. he would much rather just stay home in his stupid secluded cheap ass apartment, but hey, u gotta do what u gotta do

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

when it comes to partners, ezekiel honestly doesnt expect too much from them–just a mutual understanding of each other is all he truly asks for, which should really go without saying in a relationship anyway.

hes not really one for sex! not to say he never wants to do it, though. he does have a lower sex drive than most people though–and the moments he does do it with his partner, it’s gonna have to be very gentle. he couldnt handle anything too rough tbh. also hes a total bottom so jot that down-

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

his home is a fucking MESS. he has a tendency to destroy the entire room whenever he’s having one of his temper tantrums, and this is pretty evident all over Ezekiel’s apartment, bc he doesnt even bother to clean up afterwards. the only time he really cleans up his own mess at home is if its like, food or a drink or something bc he isnt that bad about it but. every room at his apartment looks like a fucking tornado hit him or something. and he couldnt care less what his home looks like! like as long as Ezekiel has a bed, he’ll be alright. he doesnt even like big homes all that much, and prefers to live in something simple and relatively small.

as for clothing, Ezekiel usually just goes for simple stuff. Especially wears a lot of jackets, hoodies, the like. a lot of baggy-ish clothing going on, but he actually is pretty fashionable believe it or not!

hair wise, Ezekiel just has.. no fucks to give. he hardly puts much care to his hair at all tbh. its just naturally curly and a little messy, but at least he keeps it fairly short so it doesnt get too bad. its probably a lil greasy tho.. someone make this boy take a gotdamn SHOWER

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

theres probably several tbh IJOISJERIJ

but most of all, probably both his paranoia and his stubbornness? like he can hardly even function in every day life bc he cANT EVEN COME OUT OF HIS HOUSE BC HES SO PARANOID OVER EVERYTHING. and oh my GOD Ezekiel is so goddamn infuriatingly stubborn like GODDAMN. sometimes its just practically impossible to get through to this guy whatsoever. ezekiel can honestly be a pain in the ass

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

HE REMEMBERS PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING SINGLE FUCKING THING FROM THE CULT.. AND OH GOD DOES IT PLAGUE HIS MIND EVERY SINGLE DAY. like his entire childhood in that orphanage still is so fresh and prevalent in his head that he quite often has hallucinations of the events that happened there, especially when he sees certain things. like cats, for example! seeing a cat will literally send Ezekiel into immediate panic and he genuinely thinks he’s back at the orphanage where he watched those stray kittens i mentioned earlier get their lil heads cut off and he’ll repeat over and over, “their heads are gone, their heads are gone, their heads are gone-” bECAUSE. ITS LIKE HES THERE ALL OVER AGAIN! which is, of course.. yet another reason he hardly ever comes out of his home! bc he thinks “well if i just dont go out then that means i cant see anything triggering that will make me have another panic attack.”

as for forgiving his abusers? OH HAHA ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. HE HOPES THEY ALL DIE OR HAVE ALREADY DIED IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAYS POSSIBLE.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

Ezekiel either:A) GETS REALLY FUCKING PISSED AND START DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE ROOMB) HAVE A WHOLE ASS MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND PANIC

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health?

unfortunately, Ezekiel is very much an addict :( he’s a big alcoholic, and also does cocaine, ecstasy, pain killers, xanax, and maybe some other shit i cant think of off the top of my head. but! hes.. a mess…. save him

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

it depends on the person/people around him! because with anyone that he hardly knows? then he doesnt really give a shit and easily brushes it off, because he honestly doesnt care what strangers think of him anyway. but around people that hes actually close to and he cares about? THEN OOF. HE CAN POSSIBLY HAVE A WHOLE PANIC ATTACK BC HE REALLY DOESNT WANT TO LET HIS LOVED ONES DOWN..

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

of course not!!! although its.. not impossible for him to enjoy someone elses suffering. you would just have to like, REAAALLY fucking do him wrong for him to be like that, which is pretty hard even for him. like the orphanage caretakers! i assure u if they suffered Ezekiel would LOVE that.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

most of the time hes living in memories, for sure. either that, or he’s just kinda stressed or anxious! but not always necessarily a bad anxious tho! like if hes around someone that he actually likes, he’ll be VERY anxious, but like in a good way! just kinda excited yknow. BUT MOST OF THE TIME, ITS BAD OFC.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

VERY SCARED AND DISTRUSTFUL, PRETTY HOSTILE!!! remember hes fucking paranoid about every little thing rip.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

well, most of ezekiel’s jokes involve swearing and yelling, so probably that! Angery……

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

i think probably like.. parents tbh. or at least a parental figure. he’s only had one person who was like a father to him, but that guy is all the way back in London so Ezekiel hasnt seen him since :( and tbh for like most of his life, he’d always assumed that not having parents was like.. just whatever, yknow? bc you cant really miss something that was never there. but, after he ran away from the cult and he saw like.. people, he saw a lot of happy families and whatnot and just!! hes really jealous of anyone who has a functional, happy family now. it isnt so much that he misses his birth parents, just that he wants to have some kind of parental figure in general. someone that he feels he can actually call family.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

what’s sad? the fact that ezekiel… doesnt really have any life objectives! the only objective he really has is to survive. thats literally it. he just doesnt want “the devil” to take him–and to escape the devil’s wrath, ezekiel immerses himself in his religion and staying inside all day and night so that he doesnt have to talk to anyone! thats basically about it

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

he’s pretty tall! 6′3″! although for his weight, i swear to god hes like.. a fucking twig. i mean theres that whole “he only eats one small meal a day” thing, so ofc you can imagine that probably has an effect on his weight. BUT! that isnt the only reason hes so skinny! it’s also bc he has Klinefelter Syndrome, which is when a male is born with an extra X chromosome. so as a result of that, he is a little taller than most people, is very skinny, has weak bones, and breasts! and some other symptoms but i dont feel like listing every single thing so fuck y

as for posture, Ezekiel is usually a liiiittle slouched, but not terribly so! when hes stressed, however, he always stands up completely straight!

ezekiel absolutely fucking hates his body, though. he knows full well that hes not.. the most attractive–ugly, even. you know that “your toes, hand em over” meme? yeah, he looks like that a little bit. his body honestly looks pretty fucking freaky. ALSO HE HAS A LITERAL MICROPENIS SO THATS A THING! all in all, Ezekiel just… is very very very scared of showing off his body to anyone honestly. extremely insecure!

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

Ezekiel actually puts on this whole temperamental asshole front specifically to MAKE people hate him! thats why hes so quick to be like “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT TWAT YOU GODDAMN WANKER FUCK YOU”! because, yknow, most people are usually gonna hate anyone who says that kind of stuff to them and as a result they hopefully wont wanna talk to him! which is exactly what Ezekiel wants. yep, Ezekiel wants everyone to hate him! because if everyone hates him, then they wont talk to him, and if they dont talk to him, then he doesnt risk of getting close to anyone and getting his heart broken all over again! hes a mess……

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

TBH FOR REFERENCE YOU CAN JUST LIKE.. LISTEN TO MURDOC NICCALS’ VOICE BC THATS HIS VC BUT. his voice can switch between either somewhat slow or extremely fast! it all depends on his mood. in his normal speaking voice, when hes neither upset or happy or anything, his words come out a little slow, but not terribly so. pretty normal, mostly. but if hes excited, whether bad or good, he speeds up when he talks a LOT. so much so that he doesnt even let himself breathe when hes talking! just like “FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUIHATEYOUYOUGODDAMNSTUPIDTWATAAAAAA”

his voice in general is a little hoarse! although he has gotten much better about talking to people (even if he is mean when he talks), he did go through practically his whole childhood just.. not talking to people very much at all. so that kinda shows in his voice now? but its not too bad. he has a pretty low-ish voice too.

as for pronounciation and accent, again literally just listen to Murdoc’s voice bc its p much exactly the same as him but. he has a very thick london-cockney accent?? i sure hope thats accurate anyway, im not British so im not 100% sure on British accents but.

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS THE WORST RESTING BITCH FACE IN THE HISTORY OF RESTING BITCH FACE.

ok ill just draw this one

his resting face!

AMGERY!!!!!

talking to his friends!!!

PANICKING

theres probably more i could draw, but in general, Ezekiel is VERY expressive tho! its pretty easy to read all of his expressions and emotions.

#shut up erica; ooc #ezekiel facts #EZEKIEL IS JUST.. A SCARED BOYE 24/7

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chimepunk · 7 years

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What novels or book series would you recommend?

oh fuckin boy dude so many. 90% of what i read is either gay or scifi/fantasy or both, and some are technically for a younger audience but still great, so thats what most of this is which hopefully you’re cool with here goes

this got super long so i’m putting it under a cut. bolded titles are the ones that i’m super recommending, though i love them all

novels

the coldest girl in coldtown by holly black - vampires! a trans character! a bi character! one of the most novel approaches to vampires in fiction that i’ve seen! 10/10 would recommend

the darkest part of the forest by holly black - again, holly black is one of my favorite authors. this one’s got faeries (the proper vaguely unsettling kind that i’m all about) magical music, girls embracing their sexuality, girls being knights, interesting sibling dynamics, and a super cute m/m pairing

les miserables by victor hugo - ok yeah, it’s like 1400 pages long and historical fiction, but i love les mis a lot ok. it’s gotta be on this list just because it owns my ass. it’s like a old drunk french man trying to tell you about the june rebellion but he keeps getting distracted by things like people’s personal lives, the intricacies of the parisian underworld, and how much he wants to fuck the sewers. it’s wonderful

the night circus by erin morgenstern - magical circus that mysteriously appears for days at a time and then vanishes? a competition between young magicians drawn out for years? a wide variety of fascinating side characters? (i will say that the synopsis available for the book is somewhat misleading, as it’s actually less about our two protags and more about the circus itself. but that’s what makes it so enchanting)

the song of achilles by madeleine miller - retelling of patroclus and achilles story to be explicitly romantic. will make you feel like you’re floating on clouds and then rapidly crush your soul. sort of a happy ending? but it’s still a tragedy. their ending is the same as it was in the illiad so if you’re not prepared for that then maybe don’t read

good omens by neil gaiman and terry pratchett - a demon who’s not very good at being a demon and an angel who just wants to collect his books in peace thank you very much try to sabotage the end of times. absolutely hilarious

fairy and folktales of the irish peasantry by w.b. yeats - the best collection of irish faerie stories by one of my favorite poets. if you like creepy and tricky faeries i would def recommend checking these out

rootabaga stories by carl sandburg - another collection of folktales, this time inspired by the american midwest. kinda weird, kinda zany, very neat

the poison eaters by holly black - a short story collection of faery stories that are sometimes creepy, sometimes touching, sometimes gay. my personal favorite is about a library science student who finds a book collection where the characters come out at night and interact, but they’re all really great

series:

alex rider adventures by anthony horowitz - teenager gets recruited by MI6 as a spy, has incredibly high success rate, gets pretty fucked up along the way but damn those one liners tho, maybe have some self preservation alex? just a thought

all for the game by nora sakavic - about a fake sport called exy that’s kind of like indoor lacrosse but more violent. contains: crime families, found families, an aspec protag, girls kicking ass, unhealthy levels of sass, wonderful slowburn m/m that you can’t even see coming for a long while, and a happy ending for everyone!! i came for the gays and ended up reading all three books in two days. also you can get the whole series for less than five bucks on kindle! (note: tw for rape, physical abuse, torture, ptsd, child abuse, drug use, alcoholism, some use of slurs, mentions of past self harm, mental illness)

artemis fowl by eoin colfer - more faeries, but this time they live underground and are way more technologically advanced than humans. the first book focuses on our anti-hero trying to catch one and steal their gold, and they quickly become allies and solve faerie related cases together!! one of my favorite series growing up, and i cried in the middle of the hallway at school when i finished the last book

camp half-blood series by rick riordan - does rick riordan write a lot of mythology books? yes. do i love them all? yes. neurodivergent kids! kids from a huge range of racial and ethnic backgrounds! queer kids! collect them all! ft. greco-roman mythology and a lot of stupid jokes

emelan series by tamora pierce - ok this is easily one of my favorite series of all time. non-western high fantasy setting (picture greece/turkey, china, tibet, mongolia, scandinavia, etc type settings), following four young mages who have unique kinds of magic as they train and grow their skills and become powerful in their own right. only one of the kids is definitely white (jury’s still out on sandry), one is a lesbian, one is ace, one is pan, all four are raised by a loving f/f couple, body diversity, one of the best found families i’ve ever read, feminism, discussion of racism, classism, cultural identity, war, and so much more. it’s so so good and so under-appreciated please read all of the emelan books

the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper - full disclosure i have not finished this series yet but i’ve re-read the first book a million times. it’s a neat take on arthurian mythology, with dark forces trying to take over and kids getting shit done

diviners by libba bray - psychic teenagers in 1920s new york! i’m a slut for prohibition, but these are also super fun and have likable and real characters, and doesn’t only focus on wealthy white people having parties which is nice. the occult! government conspiracies! historical references! genuinely scary situations! it’s rad!

the enchanted forest chronicles by patricia c. wrede - i adore this series so so much. it’s about a princess who’s father keeps telling her that she can’t have hobbies like fencing or cooking or conjugating latin verbs because they’re unladylike and insists that she marry this doofus prince that she couldn’t care less about. so she runs away and volunteers to work for a dragon and proceeds to send away all the princes that try to rescue her. it’s genuinely funny, has a really neat magic system in the later books, great female friendships, cats, dragons who have no time for your gender roles, and wizards who are the most ridiculous group of antagonists you will ever see

the infernal devices by cassandra clare - i really really do not like the author of this series but it also broke me so it must go on the list. if you’re familiar with the mortal instruments or shadowhunters on freeform, it’s set in that universe in the 1870s in london and it’s very steampunk and very angsty and it made me cry a lot

the kane chronicles by rick riordan - see: camp half-blood series but egyptian

fablehaven by brandon mull - oooooh fuck me up i love this series. this is another one meant for slightly younger readers but all of brandon mull’s series are so wildly imaginative and i’m a slut for world building so. the premise is basically that there are secret preserves all over the world that house magical creatures, and five of these preserves have vaults with artifacts that when brought together make a key to this massive demon prison. an evil society called the society of the evening star is trying to get the artifacts to open the prison, and a different group who is allied with the preserves called the knights of the dawn is trying to get to them first to prevent this from happening. there are dragons, light and dark powers, crazy convoluted vaults to get through, and some really cool creatures and characters

beyonders by brandon mull - this guy again! this one’s about a parallel world called lyrian that people on earth can only get to through small liminal windows, and usually can’t get back through. the story follows two kids, jason and rachel, who get stuck in lyrian and end up becoming major members of the resistance against the evil emperor maldor. just like fablehaven, the world building is insane and you’ll fall in love with all the characters. this is yet another series that made me cry in the middle of class when i finished it

the kingkiller chronicle by patrick rothfuss - this is series is long as all fuck and the last book isn’t out yet but it’s my #1 favorite series of all time. i found out about it bc a cashier at a local grocery store held up the line to write it down for me and i never went back. parts of it are achingly, hauntingly beautiful, other parts are hilarious enough to leave you in stitches, others make you want to pull your hair out. there’s sass, recklessness, beautiful and deadly girls, an overwhelming love and emphasis on the importance of music and storytelling, magic that’s more like science, ethnic adversity, student loans, a thing that might be a cow or might be a dragon depending on who you ask, and more quotable lines than you could dream of. the audiobook by nick podehl is also fabulous, and lin manuel miranda is producing and adapting it for the screen and maybe stage at some point in the future!

a modern faerie tale by holly black - guys. i love holly black. almost everything she’s ever written is on this list. this one is fairly self explanatory by the title, but it’s gritty and dark and has those lovely creepy faeries that she’s so great at writing. also a surprising m/m couple in the last book, both of whom are characters in the other two installments. (tw for drug use/addiction, brief sexual assault, and probably other things that i can’t remember right now)

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater - also in my top 3 favorite series of all time, i cannot begin to describe this series. i first read it while up in the nc mountains which improved the experience to a surprising degree, but it’s stuck with me for the last several years. basically 5 teenagers go in search of a dead welsh king, but along the way there is magic, psychics, ghosts, a sentient forest, dreams becoming reality, curses, teenage shenanigans, classic cars, swearing, church, kisses and not kisses, illict hand holding, a baby crow, bisexuality, a death list, hitmen, and nicknames and it will consume your heart before you know what’s happening to you (tw child abuse, implied sexual assault, substance abuse, dissociation, mentions of past suicide attempts, body horror, gore, and disturbing scenes esp. in the last book)

six of crows by leigh bardugo - a team of criminals band together to break into an impossible fortress, fall in love, con an entire city, and get rich. set in the same universe as the grisha trilogy (which is also good but not as good as soc), this is basically a heist followed by a con, but pulled off by ruthless teenagers and with the help of magic

curseworker trilogy by holly black - crime families, magic that can only done through touch so everyone wears gloves, moral ambiguity, and a twisted romance. one of holly black’s best and most underrated series

baccano! by ryohgo narita - this is a japanese light novel series which has been adapted into an anime, but is much more extensive in print. the plot is extremely convoluted, but an absolute ride spanning several centuries, although the bulk of it is in the 1930s in nyc and chicago. there’s an elixir of immortality, crime families, trains, a solipsistic assassin and his mute assassin gf, serial killers, a demon with a catch phrase, murder, explosions, adorable couples, gambling, a gang leader named jacuzzi who is always terrified, killer corporations, and much much more

no.6 by asuka asano - another japanse series, this time focusing on two boys, one who grew up in a utopian city, the other who grew up outside the walls after the city destroyed his life. they meet when they’re 12 years old, and several years later, they’re reunited when the outsider rescues the city boy from arrest. they, along with a pimp and a nonbinary dog hotel owner, try to expose and overthrow the government. also ft. drag performances, mice who like shakespeare, killer bees, and boys falling in love.

the merlin saga by t.a. barron - my favorite take on arthurian mythology, chronicling merlin as he comes into his power. there’s a vividly magical island, giants, amulets, talking trees, stones that will try to swallow you, a swamp witch, celtic deities, huge wicker hats, poetry, new kinds of fruit, people that are also deer, and human’s long lost wings.

#i love giving recs!#ask me for recs for whatever whenever you want!!#ask #anon #lit

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ecotone99 · 4 years

Text

[HM] Willy Wonka’s Alternate Ending.

“Okay,” says the purple-suit clad man behind the desk. “Now we’re left with the difficult decision to elect one of you as the new owner of the Chocolate Factory.” “Alright Willy, you’re a numbers guy I know that, you and I are numbers guys right? Tell you what- I’ll buy the factory from you as is right now for one-million dollars” (in 1971 this is about $6.4 million) says Rupert reacting to the glaring eyes of his precious little Varuca. “How dare you wave your money in front of all of these children’s faces Rupert?” Grandpa Joe lashed out sternly “Can we hurry this up?” A very impatient Violet Bouregard would say “I’m already on my last piece of gum and this one is already tasteless.” “I’m sorry I haven’t spent the last 20 years dawdling in the comfort of a piss soaked mattress with three other people- if you cant afford it then buzz off!” Rupert reacted snidely, Grandpa Joe lurched foreword as if you take a swing- Frail and easy spoken Charlie gets in front of his grandpa and pushes him gently aside to diffuse the quarrel. “Mutter, wann werden wir essen?” Said Augustus Gloop, oddly-enough the only non English speaking person in the entire world who received a golden ticket from chocolate bars distributed randomly throughout the world, to his mother who quickly hushes him. “This is so lame, I’m missing BattleStar Galactica” said Mike Teevee “Isn’t this more interesting than TV?” Said Mrs. Teavee, rifled in anxiety

“Will you all just be quiet for a moment, while I figure this mess out?!?” Snapped Willy Wonka, suddenly taking on a more serious tone “In case you haven’t realized this wasn’t supposed to happen.” “Vhat Do you mean?” Pried Mrs. Gloop. “I had a test, you all passed.” “A test?” Said Grandpa Joe “Yes! I was supposed to tempt all of you with delicious candies that would prove to me who was in it for the win or who was in it for themselves.” “No offense Mr. Wonka” said Charlie “but that’s a rather awful test. I mean you made it explicitly clear we weren’t supposed to eat any of the candies. If only five children out of 3.7 billion people (the population size in 1971) were the only winners, I can only imagine that they would be on their best behavior to win such an opportunity.” “Yeah!” Said Varuca. “And what if everyone failed your test? Would you just remain here miserable as you say you are?” Willy Wonka grinned. “I mean in that case I’d probably just issue out five more golden tickets. You have no idea how high our shares went when the whole world was buying billions of dollars worth of chocolate bars...” “You’re insane! You’re... a genius!” Said Sam Beauregard enamored at the marketing opportunity. “But... what was supposed to happen if someone failed these tests.” Said Mrs. Teevee Willy Wonka pinches his eyebrows “Is that really important?” “Well I want to know what my child was signing up to?” “Okay, the first room, the chocolate river had numerous traps- the sticky lollipops that would catch your tongue, the chocolate river you could fall into, the pudding quick sand... all things to trap the first set of suckers who were not worthy of the factory. I’ll admit, when none of you fell victim I found myself wondering how the rest of this was going to work... Then there was the Everlasting Gobstopper that would’ve turned one of you into a big ass blueberry. Then there was the chocolate egg room that would lead to the trash chute. There was the horrible shrinking machine that would give one of you the shrinks, and oh dear- the heftily carbonated beverage that would chop you up into the fan above.” “Ch... chop us up?” Said Grandpa Joe. “Yeah, and Charlie really saved your ass telling you no back there. You old fuck. Maybe next time don’t give a child rebellious direction.” “THATS NOT THE POINT WONKA!” Screamed Sam Beauregard “YOU ADMITTED TO THE POTENTIAL OF ONE OF OUR CHILDREN BEING CHOPPED UP IN A FAN... IN FACT YOU WERE COUNTING ON IT.” Willy Wonka gave a snide grin and Shrugged “This is boring. Wonka, will you just take my daddy’s money and get on with giving me the factory? It’s not like you have anything else going for you.” Said Varuca angrily “How about, it’s a good thing your dad works in the business of Goobers because you’re fuckin’ NUTS if you think I’m going to give you a sure-in for this factory you little brat.” Rupert Salt lashes out angrily and grabs Wonka’s Petty coat only to be pulled from behind and restrained by 4 non-union employees of Wonka. “Let go of me at once!” Shouted Rupert struggling to break free of the Oompa Loompa hold “Oompa Loompa Dopple dee dock, in you resist I’ll punch you in the cock” one of them sang. “What do you get when you try to attack,” Willy Wonka chimed in “You get a kick in your tiny nut.. sack” rhymed the Oompa Loompas. The other members watched on in shock as Wonka just stood with a peculiar smile. “Look, guys, I really want to get outta here okay? So let’s make this a little bit easier. I’ll let you decide. Look deep within yourselves. Running a factory is hard work, you have to keep a schedule, pay your workers, pay your taxes, file your taxes properly as to not get audited by the IRS, Deal with customer complaints... at least hire a staff to do such affairs, marketing, dealing with investors and share holders etc. It’s not ‘fun’ because you get to work in a zany candy factory full of a bunch of tiny orange freaks, I get 7 OSHA complaints per month. Do you understand how high my Workman’s Comp. insurance is? Anyway. Whoever takes over has to run a really tight ship. Is there anyone who is willing to back out now?” Everyone stops and looks at each other, and thinks for a moment. “You know what? Yeah. I’m out.” Said Mike Teevee “Mike! What are you saying?!?” Said his mom. “This place sucks. There’s no tv. And for how hard Mr Wonka must work and worry, I don’t think I’d have anytime to watch anything. It’d be pretty damned miserable here. Plus, Jesus Christ everyone else’s name fits perfectly with ownership of a chocolate factory. ‘Charlie’s Chocolates’ rolls off the tongue, ‘Violet Beauregarde chocolate’ sounds very French and elegant. ‘Veruca Salt Chocolate’ makes sense because salt and chocolate go very well together, and ‘gloop chocolate’ sounds so delicious. Who the hell wants ‘teevee chocolate’? It wasn’t meant to be, Ma.” “But we’ve come so far Mikey! Don’t just abandon ship now.” “It’s too late mom, I’ve already decided. Good luck guys,” he said. And then he walked out of the room, followed by his frantic mother who began to cry as he walked off. “You’ve been quiet Augustus.” Said Wonka “How about you?” “Vhy vouldnt I vant diesces faktory? Alle dis choklat mmmm. I think I just eet und hav good time” “Are you shitting me kid? Have you ever seen ScarFace? ‘Don’t get high on your own supply’? Well don’t get fat on your own chocolate!” “Vhat do you mean?” “You can’t just eat all of the chocolate, every time your fingers and face are brown and sticky from the delicious brown residue of the refined cocoa bean, you’re losing tons of money in distribution.” “... oh.” Said Augustus, looming down at his shoes. He then pulls a Wonka bar from his pocket, and eats one delicious little square of milk chocolate goodness. He closes his eyes and slips into a mode of splendor. Swishing the chocolate around his mouth on his teeth, and tongue salivating his taste buds. “Er... I think I’m no” said Augustus “Du willst die Fabrik nicht, Augustus?” Said Mrs. Gloop to her son. “Mumie. Ich bin eine geile verdammte Schokoladenschlampe. Es macht meinen Schwanz wirklich hart. Aber wenn ich jeden Tag von Schokolade umgeben wäre, würde ich es leid werden. Die Neuheit, die der köstliche Geschmack von Schokolade ist, würde verblassen. Also, obwohl ich das Gefühl habe, ich werfe vielleicht meine einzige wahre Chance auf Glück weg ... Ich kann die Schokoladenfabrik nicht ehrlich besitzen. Ich denke, ich würde lieber das Leben eines Simp leben.” Mrs. Gloop looked to her son, inspired by his new-found restraint. As he, like Mike Teevee, in the second of honesty they allowed themselves, matured well past their age. They bid Wonka “Adieu” and walked out of the office.

“Okay, so if we’re clear- you three are what I have left?” Said Wonka “Oh please, it’s not like the others were great choices either.” Blurred out Violet. “Didn’t you learn something from them?!?” Said Wonka. “They looked within themselves and realized this isn’t the life they wanted! I’m sorry you can’t see past yourself!” Snapped Wonka “I mean Jesus Christ, why are you three here anyway?” “I... have nothing else... sir. If I don’t get this... my mother is still going to have to support my family. At least with the factory I can provide for my family.” Wonka grumbled, then clapped. “This is very noble of someone to hang in there.” “Yeah well I... uh... I think it’ll be really fun, and I don’t mind the work load. And I’m gonna revolutionize the gum industry” said Violet enthusiastically. “And Veruca?” “I am not leaving here until I own this factory.” Grandpa Joe shot Veruca a dirty look, then whispered to Charlie “I’m so glad your mother didn’t raise you to be a little shit like her,” “Grandpa. You laid in a bed for 20 years while my mother sold her soul to the man. You ‘magically got the ability to walk’ at the opportunity to tour a chocolate factory. The motivation to get a job to help your daughter provide for us should outweigh the motivation for this. So please Grandpa Joe, Please. Don’t lecture anyone on being ‘little shits’ because you’re the biggest shit here.” With that Grandpa Joe slumped back in melancholy.

“I’ve got an idea. We’re going to select the new owner of the Chocolate Factory by drawing straws!” A collective “What?” From all parties in the room. “Wonka, that’s rediculous. We’ve already proved that you can’t choose anyone based on your test, why not you just accept my money offer and give it to Veruca!” Said Rupert “Because I have a 2/3 chance of giving it to someone who doesn’t want the factory just to want it. One seeks adventure, the other seeks the True American Dream. You’ll sink this damn company into the ground with your sniveling and lack of heart. I’d tell you to get bent if it wasn’t written in the contract that all parties would receive a fair opportunity.” “I’m getting really impatient DADDY.” Said Veruca. “But honey, this is one problem I have run into I can’t solve for you. He’s not taking any money!” Said Rupert. “I don’t know daddy, offer him more. I want this chocolate factory and I want it now.” “My point exactly” chimed Wonka. “But Wonka,” said Grandpa Joe, “you can’t be serious, leaving the factory up to drawing lots? Why not just assess who has the best character and ability to run a company?” “Zues. Poseidon. Hades.” “What?!?” “Zues. Poseidon. Hades.” “I don’t follow.” “If you’re knowledgeable on your Greek Mythology you’ll know that Zues, Poseidon and Hades drew lots to determine who would rule over what. Am I to believe Zues was ‘supposed’ to rule over land and sky? It was by chance! What if Hades had drawn for the win? They all just ‘fit’ into their roles.” “That’s still preposterous. Zues, Poseidon and Hades are only Myths!” Protested Grandpa Joe. “Well news flash, if I went by ‘business sense’ I’d have to give it to Goddamn Veruca Salt. With her coming from wealth, and with her... albeit bratty ‘go getter’ personality, she’d be perfect for the chocolate factory; with a little restraint of course... I don’t think she ‘has’ it. But if a board was choosing between you three, theyd pick Veruca. But she’s been nothing but a goddamn asshole all day and frankly? I think her father is a quack. I don’t like them. So you’re drawing lots and you’re just going to have to deal with it okay?”

Wonka holds out three straws. Veruca picks first, naturally. Violet and Charlie lock eyes when they go to grab. Charlie awkwardly allows Violet to go first. She picks a straw. Charlie picks the last one. They then compare each others straws... Violets was the largest one. “Yes! Yes! I’ve won! I’ve won!” Violet shouts with her jumping up and down with her father. Veruca looks very sternly at her father who tries to interrupt the Beauregardes from their celebration with an offer. Charlie sheds a tear and looks down, Grandpa Joe chimes in “I guess we’ll just give this gobstopper to slugworth! It’s very clear that Wonka is just a fraud!” Slugworth walks in. “Sorry baby, the game was rigged from the beginning.” Everyone looks over at him. “Hey everyone, I came to congratulate Violet on her new Position at head of this fine factory,” “What... what’s going on?” Said Grandpa Joe. “He was my ace-in-the-hole” said Wonka. “WHAT?!?” Exclaimed a confused Grandpa Joe. “Slugworth is a colleague of mine. I asked him to approach all of you and offer insane riches to expose the recipe of the Gobstopper.” “Why... why would you...” “Because there’s one thing in this world I hate more than snot-nosed brats who don’t deserve the pile of shit they stand upon. It’s fuckin losers.” Said Wonka coldly to Grandpa Joe. “Enjoy your flat, I hope Charlie learns never to emulate your behavior.” Charlie bursts into tears. “I’m selling the factory to miss Veruca.” Announced Violet. “WHAT?!?” Shouted everyone. “Yeah; her dad offered me Five million dollars which will be worth around thirty two million dollars in the year two thousand and Twenty! Fuck this factory I’m rich!” Violet said and skipped away. “You... URGH GOD, I HATE YOU.” Shouted Wonka. “Should’ve taken the money, Wonka. I now own all the pensions and retirement plans, and you gave this factory away for free. Guess you’ll be sleeping in a bed for 20 years with your relatives too. Get the hell out of my factory you ghoul.” Wonka grabbed his plant and walked out of the office. Charlie and Grandpa Joe began to follow but were interrupted by Veruca “Wait.” Said Veruca “Why don’t you come work for me, Charlie. I know it’s not glamorous but at least you and your mom will get a steady paycheck to provide for your family... I need someone ‘normal’ to be within my employ anyway.” Charlie wipes a bit of snot away. “What will I be doing?” Veruca gave an amused smile. “Whatever you want, Charlie.”

Charlie became HR for the Oompa Loompas. He eventually would get them to unionize. Little did he know it, but Charlie’s role as Union Rep was a lot more meaningful to the Oompa Loompas than ownership. Veruca would eventually abandon the chocolate factory to Charlie after a new opportunity presented itself, in the form of becoming the proprietary investor in a small scale tech firm that began in the early 1980s. Augustus Gloop would take his experience from the chocolate factory and become an Olympic athlete in the swimming competition. He’d go on to win silver. Mike Teevee graduated tv in favor of small scale mid-1990s conspiracy theory videos. He would then go on to lead his own alt right conspiracy theory television show and immediately fall from Grace after many subsequent affairs. Violet Beauregarde met back up with Charlie 10 years later after creating a gum that would TRULY last forever. Charlie would buy the company and Violet would work in the gum division of the Charlie chocolate factory. Grandpa Joe retired to his bed which Charlie left him because fuck Grandpa Joe.

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diariesofana · 5 years

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Jan 18,2019 suicide

You know what’s the worst part of it all? It’s not the pain, it’s not the fact that I want to die.. it’s that I physically can’t do it. I can’t kill myself. I don’t want to live but the fear of attempting to commit suicide and failing to die then complications occurring instead. Or just failing and those around me know what i tried to do. I’ve gone through so much in my life a lot of mental abuse by literally everyone I love. I’ve had no structure in my and most of all, the majority of my life I grew up not knowing what love is. Till this day I don’t know what unconditional love feels like. The moment God sent me the purest form of unconditional love I killed it. I know my mom is right that i will amount to nothing. I can try so hard but in the end I am nothing. I see so many people become everything they wish and hoped for and here I am at 24 trying to learn things about life one should learn at 7. I try to love myself but how can i? When I’m being torn down by my own mother. And always have. I was physically abused by two older men. My family will never know about because they just know to throw it in my face later on.. what will my mom say? Oh.. “ you deserved that” yeah no, exactly those words. And then, she’ll also saying something along the lines of “you provoked it” sorry it’s not my fault that I, uncontrollably developed boobs at an uncomfortably young young age. Two men. Two different times. But, still had a huge impact in my development and life.

How about my entire life growing up with two parents that hate each other? I remember being 5 and my mom took a knife to my dad after throwing the coffee table across the room? She was pointing it to my dads stomach with the point of the knife actually touching his skin. I was fucking 5 years old. How about it being spring and seeing all the families outside together, how i longed for that. Somewhere along 10-now i lost the desire of having my family close and lost my values that were naturally instilled in me of being family oriented. Why would i be? When i will never have that. I tried again and quickly came to realize as much as i try and crave it, that is a battle i will lose. I am the only one in this family who still tries.. everyone is out living their own life separately. I hate it but, thats what i mean by no one truly loves me. How about the fact that I didn’t even have a relationship with my dad until I ran away. It took me running away st the age of 15 for my dad to realize hey maybe build a relationship with my daughter instead of being such a dick all the time. Before that, i would look st my dad and feel like i was living with a stranger. I didn’t know much about him other than he works and comes home to fight. I was scared of him.

Growing up i was constantly put down. No shock as to why I don’t have any self esteem. But it’s blamed on me not on the people who shot it down to the ground. No, it’ll never be my moms fault. She didn’t call me ugly fat and worthless starting st the age of 7, maybe even before who knows but my (according to her) indent stupid brain can’t recall. I had an eating disorder because of her calling me fat and constantly comparing me to others. Did you know she compared me to an actress that was 25 years old? Thalia while i was 7-10. I felt shitty about myself because i didn’t look like her. My body was not shaped like hers (obviously i am 10 years old!!!!!!) so i developed anoerxia nervosa later on to bulimia. Of course though, she doesn’t know that. She doesn’t know how her words affected me so deeply and until this day. But it wasn’t only her. My whole school called me every white slut smut name in the book and not only my school, but my dad too. Imagine, the person who is supposed to uplift you and wipe tears away from your face because you’re getting bullied is only contributing to the pain? Now, i knew i wasn’t a slut so what those kids had to say didn’t really affect me.... because let’s be serious i was being called much worse st home but, what when my own father called me that which such disgust too, it fucked me up. I have never been the smart girl, the funny girl, the cool girl. I’ve only been the sexy slutty one.

To all the boys I’ve loved. You contributed to all my traumas and then, created new ones. Miguel, you mentally abused me.. but what was new because I’m used to it right? My whole life. Wrong. It’s different because to some extent I thought love still existed and i would find it in a man since i could not at home. Only to my surprise, again like i always am in my life I was wrong. But the pain and traumas he caused are minute compared to everything I endured during my 6 year relationship with Zaire. Only adding on to my insecurities. I do want to add none of these men are responsible for adding on or creating traumas because, they didn’t know my past. He made me feel dumb, boring, not good enough, that if i got fat he wouldn’t be sexually attracted to me anymore. His words not mine. I also traveled down memory lane to bulimia on that one. He was confused about his feelings towards me and if he wanted to be with me.. which made me spiral out of control because yet again, unstable love. I’ve never had someone stable in my life with their feelings. Not even my dad. I hit the lowest of rock bottoms i had anxiety 24/7 i started self medicating to numb the pain.. no LITERSLLY NUMB THE PAIN. How does one do that for hours st a time? I took sleeping medicine to sleep through the pain only no, because i would have nightmares about it. But still it was fictional and st the end of the day id rather sleep and go through that than be up tempted to text/call or lurk on ig only to find out yes being thirsty for Jasmine. It worked until i would wake up with my heart racing a million miles an hour and it would all hit me, all the anxiety i slept through would hit me as soon as a woke up. Like roll over anxiety.oop bitch you didn’t use up all your minutes during this time but don’t worry we will roll over all the pain anxiety and sadness so you get it all st once as soon as you wake up :) what a tough two and a half years to be with someone that doesn’t love you. Life is great but it gets better. 3 years later god sends you a gift from heaven and both or you guys decide to kill it. Kill an innocent human being, a baby. Because he never loved you or his future child enough to go through with it.

Pregnancy - wow. The second hardest thing I’ve had to go through. Trust me when i say during this time you want to be with someone who truly loves you because it is such a vulnerably time in a women’s life. It’s a beautiful chapter if gone through with the correct person. Sadly, of course i chose the wrong one or should i say, god had a different plan for me because i did not chose to get pregnant that day. Morning sickness is horrible and the lack of energy was brutal. The back pain was on another level. But what was the worst part of it all was the half ass boyfriend i had. No support. No love. No patience. You know what takes place for the first hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life? Abortion. It’s not what people make it seem online, it’s worse. No one goes into detail about abortion and it start from the proper counseling. I get it, i don’t solely blame them because st the end of the day they have x amount of girls a day and most of them have made up their mind about getting the procedure done, also what more can they do if they ask if you’re sure and you say yes? Not much more, but i wish more women would share their stories before during and after. I was lucky enough to document my emotions the day before after and during. The physiological affects it has on you takes a huge toll on your will to live. Regret is my sidekick. Itlll always be there with me. The physical affects are worse too. Omg the sharp pains from where they scraped you’re uterus... a constant reminder of your regret let me tell you. Even months later almost a year i still sometimes feel those scrapes. I don’t even want it to go away though because i will hold on to any reminder of what used to be. That fucked my entire life up. A decision a man made.

Now, i don’t believe in love. I don’t believe they there is someone out there who will love me for me nor do i want it. I am so fearful of ever loving someone again that i just push everyone away. Imagine me going through another guy fake love me again. Love comes in different many forms but, i chose to love things that will never leave me. Things that can’t reciprocate love back. I am so tired of living my life in hostile negative regretful environments but i have tethered those emotions in my heart and mind. It’s made me stronger but in the name of pain? In the name of trauma? In the new of never being able to truly love yourself to its full capacity or even a capacity that you are able to feel confidence? Moving out and starting my life fresh new with different people will be the only way. Yes, finally running away from my problems. Family doesn’t aleahs equal blood sadly i have finally came to terms with that.

God, there’s nothing in this world that i want wore than to see my baby again. To meet with him/her and to explain my decision. To be with him/her that’s all i want. I know the price i have to pay on their earth for making that decision is going to be a cruel punishment i have to fully go through. But emotionally i give up and physically too. God i just ask that tonight instead of taking a life away of someone who will truly be missed or who is accomplishing something or will in the future.. someone who had a life full of love, take mine instead. Please.

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verydeepthots · 7 years

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funny silly lines

“my homie said you gotta write eloquently for catfish you better finesse that english language for them lovely ladies and bitch ni99as”

“my homie said lloyd banks said you gotta pop a listerine strip before you get all up in a bitch face”

“my homie said some of these bitch ni99as gotta watch The Craft to see what happens to foul play”

“my homie said any dude that love poker too much don’t like sex he always wanna cover up”

“my homie said he bought his mom groceries... today was a good day”

“my homie said they can’t even fly away with them flaps between their legs”

“my homie said put that indie film Suicide Watch on that summer jam screen”

“my homie said even when a gangster angry he look scared”

“my homie said he wanna use red tape for foreplay with a fake gangster’s mother”

“my homie said he gonna tie a fake gangster hands with red tape and make him pray to a god of another religion”

“my homie said he gonna send fake gangsters pictures of their dead mothers to always stay connected”

“my homie said he wanna write suicide hotline on fake gangsters forehead in gold posca”

“my homie said he wanna hang snake ni99a from a tree using a real snake so it look like a natural death”

“my homie said fake gangsters remind him of childs play he wanna collect them all then play barbies with jail cell”

“my homie said to be blunt these fake gangsters are pointless”

“my homie said he gonna make fake gangsters wash their undies using their mother’s tears”

“my homie said how fake gangsters leave their mothers like that clearly didn't watch game 6″

“my homie said when they squeeze you out then you squeeze them in the world perfect like that”

“my homie said he sends love letters to fake gangsters then gets their mothers to sign them with the kindest regards in strictly faber castell”

“my homie said he makes reservations for a fake gangster at the jail cell and the graveyard so he can always meet them at the finish line... i always got you”

“my homie said he wanna give a fake gangster a headlock coz its the only way they gonna close it when he splits it open”

“my homie said he wanna ravage a fake gangster ass coz its technically not gay if he uses 1.5m metal cock extension he got the all clear from lgbt community”

“my homie said he still shakes enemy hands out of curiosity for what dick size they can handle for the next 50 odd years stuck in a jail cell... he's so futuristic”

“my homie said he bought a fake gangster’s mom baggy jean shorts for her birthday so they can mix n match together”

“my homie said they use more cover ups than a bitch now watch my rap flow wash em away”

“my homie said he took his parents out to dinner on a boring tuesday coz he's getting old and life is precious”

“my homie said he drinks green tea every sunday morning its his new thing”

“my homie said he didn't cry at his homie’s wedding and it still annoys him to this day”

“my homie said his friend’s kids look happy and that’s a good thing”

“my homie said that ni99a bitch went to handsome boy modelling school thats foul”

“my homie said that girl’s outfit is very considered for a sunday afternoon she's cool”

“my homie said he bought a fake gangster bootlegs to complete the whole personification of a needy bitch”

“my homie said if they like drip drip torture they should ask their girl”

“my homie said pinch a fake gangster on the ass and whisper they’ll never believe you when you get inside”

“my homie said he gonna bathe a fake gangster’s mother with holy water to let him know exactly what time it is boy boy”

“my homie said that a fake gangster is saving face so he can get skull fucked in jail”

“my homie said he wanna make his mother proud and be dentist when he grow up so he can pull out a fake gangster’s grill to make it easier for him to get skull fucked to make it a smoove transition omg he always so thoughtful”

“my homie said even if they time travel they can’t keep up when he slow play”

“my homie said he gonna bring a ginger beer keg to a gangster funeral”

“my homie said a gangster suicide still cheaper than weekly groceries tight arses”

“my homie said he made a car crew drive around with helmets on they either shit scared or doing juggernaut cosplay and unfortunately won’t make menswear blog this week”

“my homie said there’s always bad apples so we gonna make them crumble”

“my homie said he wanna give early retirement to old haters then aeroplane spoon feed eggplant soup inspired by method man skit”

“my homie said he wanna make calipos from fake gangster tears to give to their mothers while they locked up”

“my homie said money ain’t a thang but a green light to a fire”

“my homie said their mothers got more heart”

“my homie said even gay dudes don’t want no jail time so what are these motherfuckers playing dumb”

“my homie said he guilt tripping all these bitch ni99as like a lawyer”

“my homie wanna give direct free kick to a fake gangster in honour of pras lyrics”

“my homie said if they steal money that’s just an investment for their momma funeral look at it as a good deed... love conquers all”

“my homie said he wanna buy tissue subscription for a fake gangster as a sexual favour”

“my homie said he wanna give a handie in pulling away a fake gangster’s manhood... he wylin for that one but so thoughtful of our future wellbeing”

“my homie said they injected themselves with too much pride serum they gonna overdose what a way to go out kekekeke”

“my homie said he undecided if he should get courtside at watching paint dry or watch this fake gangster indirectly plead with imma come see you but lets agree to disagree nah mean like im right here though ain’t i cmon man please”

“my homie said should he throw up the money to watch a fake gangster get slapped by his mother or let one of his gay homies do his thang thang”

“my homie said he told a fake gangster get up off your knees you ain’t paraplegic yet my guy”

“my homie said him and his girl re-enacted ghost scene making penis clay straws to give out to any next ni99a that wanna play up”

“my homie said we live in a beautiful world so he went out to go hang with his friends today he seems really happy”

“my homie said he sent a seed to every one of his haters so they can learn to grow without him”

“my homie said he sent a box of fresh oysters to his enemies locked away”

“my homie said he did knock and run at fake gangster’s door coz it was a sunny day and he didn't want either of them to stay inside and waste it... man he can be so thoughtful”

“my homie said some people do too much for street cred a homeless person got the most street cred they really out there”

“my homie said any ni99a that love poker more insecure than a bitch”

“my homie said he only eats fish fingers coz thats what he wants his life to be about”

“my homie said his aussie homie sculled a can of vb then spat that shit in the face of a fake gangster’s mother on the anniversary of 2pac in that red bandana”

“my homie said jealousy a trait you can never bounce back from”

“my homie said God don’t need to work in mysterious ways some of these ni99as already know their outcome”

“my homie said he wanna put one fake gangster in every jail in a capital city for all lives matter hashtag”

“my homie said he stick his long term goals up a hater’s ass”

“my homie said they only a thousand deep in a million man march we built differently”

“my homie said wrong one boy boy”

“my homie said he gonna make a crew wanna escape each other”

“my homie said if they need to build a case you got em”

“my homie said when they say i ain’t scared you already know”

“my homie said they rewrite history coz they don’t like they present”

"my homie said he gonna waltz on your grave bro”

“my homie said they snakes before their sweet sixteen now bitter for their 40s”

“my homie said he put a hater’s girlfriend in a head lock”

“my homie said everyday is a gentle reminder”

“my homie said peaceful loungin is a lifestyle”

“my homie said shit is like a light switch”

“my homie said that crew so grave-y”

“my homie said divide and concur”

“my homie said reading my moves is like watching your oh-bitch-you-wary now I'm coming ni99a brapppt”

hahahahahahaha

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