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throughalleternity · 3 months

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Hi, how differently do you write nb!Alex and genderfluid!Lucy to make a noticable distinction between their gender identities? Like, how Do you write their gender euphoria/dysphoria in a way that they feel different from each other instead of being a copy of the same topics? And how Do you write Director Sanvers with both nb!Alex and genderfluid!Lucy in one fic where both feel different in terms of their gender identity instead of being a copy of each other?

I do try to write them somewhat differently. One thing that helps is that I headcanon them as experiencing gender in different ways, in part because of the labels that we've put on them (genderfluid vs nonbinary). Now, obviously those mean different things to different people and there's overlap. But I see Lucy/Leon as shifting across a plane of gender that includes very strong binary genders, and a large part of her experience is figuring out how to manage the fluidity and how to present both masc and fem. Alex's gender is stable and a lot of what they're trying to do is figure out how to be comfortable as themself when everything is so gendered in the world.

I also just try to write them differently irrespective of these gender headcanons. I think about their backgrounds and their canon behavior, and put together ideas about how they're different as characters. I do sometimes exaggerate those differences by making up or borrowing headcanons that contrast more (usually it's for Lucy, since she didn't get too much in canon). Now, once you factor in the gender headcanons, I do think my characterization of them becomes more similar (they have more shared experiences), but hopefully there's still some difference!

So basically I use a mix of personal headcanons as well as canon/fanon characterization as a basis for writing their different experiences. Take Static, where Leon cares much more about the perception of strangers compared to Alex, who cares more about friends/family. My thought process was kinda like this:

Ok, I want to write about how it can feel like the way a stranger genders you has more legitimacy than a friend/family because they don't have a relationship with you

That idea works well for Leon, who can be a binary gender and does like to present masc in my headcanon, so I will write him having the experience

Hmm, can I make this more interesting and add other perspectives? Yes, add nb!Alex feeling differently to compare and call attention to that experience too

Have Alex care less about strangers because they aren't super visibly gender nonconforming and have accepted that misgendering happens (also largely because their gender is nb and that's not well known/accepted)

Also can justify Alex caring more about family/friend's perception because a lot of canon/fanon is focused on Alex's personal relationships and we know they care about their family

As another example of how I differentiate them: my headcanon has Lucy being aware of her genderfluidity before Alex, so she's had more time to come to terms with it and process, which informs her character. Lucy has more direct baggage because of DADT though, so there's certainly still a lot of her learning to feel comfortable with herself. Alex is newer and doesn't have quite so many direct memories of being told "you can't be this way", so some of the things I write for them is more about exploring their gender and experiences in a less angsty way, I feel?

All that being said... I don't compare them directly too often? I feel like that might come across as forced distinction, and it's easier to have a oneshot focused on mostly one character's experience anyway. So in some ways, I can avoid them feeling too similar by just... only focusing on one of them. Also, some of the fics I've written with both of them aren't even focused on a specific facet of their gender identities, so again, I just dodge the problem for the most part.

tl;dr: I worry about this (and writing characters too similarly in general)! But I do try to distinguish them by (a) just deciding that they identify differently and (b) remembering that they are different characters who have different priorities and who react to things differently—they're more than their genders.

#i feel like this is a massive reply 😅 did that make sense?#on the logistics side #i made documents all about their characterization and how they're similar/different #which was massively helpful for forming those ideas in the first place and also good as a reference to refer back to #ask me #genderfluid!lucy #nonbinary alex danvers #supergirl #supergirl words #gender stuff

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performativezippers · 8 months

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Hi, Zipps! Let me start by saying you're in my Top 3 of favorite Kacy writers. I love your fics, your analyses of the characters and the insights into your writing process. That said, it seems we also share an appreciation of POI/Shoot. I'm just wondering, did you (or would you) ever consider writing for them? I think Root and Shaw according to Zipps would be fascinating, especially with your penchant for both angsty and humorous stuff.

i meannnn never say never?? Honestly I'm not sure i have their voices down enough to write them, buuuuuuut...i might add them as a background ship to something in the future. and you're right, the darkness and angst potential is so deliiiiiiicious with them. (although #lesbianlives, duh)

i have written a Shoot scene as a Sanvers AU in case that tides you over!

#person of interest #root x shaw #ask zipps

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ao3feed-supercorp · 1 year

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Why can’t you look at me like that?

by Zzzeddd21

Alex didn’t want to admit she had a crush on her roommate turned best friend but damn it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

Words: 537, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015), Batwoman (TV 2019)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Alex Danvers, Maggie Sawyer, Kate Kane (DCU), Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Other Character Tags to Be Added

Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kate Kane/Maggie Sawyer, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added

Additional Tags: Unrequited Love, Angst, Fluff, Kara giving surprisingly good relationship advice, A lil OOC, Alternate Universe - College/University, and they were ROOMMATES, don’t worry sanvers will be endgame just gotta make our girls suffer first, small bit of Kate Kane bashing, OOC Alex Danvers, Minor Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, other super friends mentioned, Alex isn’t a baby gay in this one, Maggie is the oblivious one this time, mentioned homophobia but not described, happy ending eventually, Possible smut, No beta we die like Lilian, Ooc Maggie Sawyer

from AO3 works tagged 'Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor' https://ift.tt/26lmyQf via IFTTT https://ift.tt/26lmyQf

#supercorp #Kara x Lena #Kara Danvers x Lena Luthor #karlena

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saunteringvaguelydownwards · 9 months

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thank you for answering the required reading ask with such care !! did you happen to think of any more about warrior nun ? also i was surprised to not see any supergirl ones as there’s such a high number of fics there ! (i think i remember feeling such a feeling about a supergirl fic, sunlit honey and lavender sunsets by wtfoctagon)

I haven't heard of that one, but like you said, there are SO many SuperCorp fics. (About 20% of my AO3 bookmarks are Supercorp). I am adding to my list though.

Here's a couple SuperCorp and a couple Avatrice.

🕷️ (Asker's Choice)

SG - i believe, you can get me through the night/i believe, we can reach the morning light by @jazzfordshire 1960s AU where Kara is a repressed housewife trapped in her marriage, and Lena the hip bohemian swinger moves in next door. Cue the pining. So much pining. OMG, the pining could fill Green Mountain National Forest. The first fic is from Kara's POV and the second is from Lena's POV. I read both of these back to back and then the next day I read the first one again now that I knew Lena's POV.

SG - To Make It Count/Making It Count by @jazzfordshire Back at it again with the Queen of AUs. I don't think I need to say much besides this is a Titanic AU, except everyone's gay and nobody dies. Well, some people die, but no one we care about. Not really a spoiler, since it's literally in the tags. The sequel is all of them living in New York and dealing with WWI, the Great Depression, all that fun early 20th century stuff, but like, in a non-depressing, lesbionic way. There's also background Sanvers in both.

WN - choose the devil I know (over the heaven i don't) by @sapphicstacks Avatrice firefighter AU. What if they had a FWB arrangement, but, like barely spoke to each other because Bea is so traumatized by her past and Ava doesn't want to rock the boat. What I said earlier about Avatrice having all the healthy communication in the actress AU? This is the "holy fucking shit just talk to each other!" flipside. Action, hurt/comfort, drama, trauma, mutual pining, so much smut…

WN - I (Really) Do by @theycallmequeerhat Modern no powers AU. Bea hasn't spoken to her family in 13 years, but her brother is getting married, he wants her to come and bring her girlfriend, and say heck off to their parents. Problem is she doesn't have a girlfriend. So she decides to ask Ava, the girl she's had a crush on for almost a year, to come to London with her and pretend to be her gf for the wedding. Trope-a-palooza! Mutual pining (I'm sensing a theme in my recs...) fake dating, only one bed, and some really good smut. Also there's a WiP "sequel" that's Ava's POV of the whole thing.

#fanfic #recommendations #supergirl #supercorp #warrior nun #avatrice

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ao3feed-directorship · 10 months

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What if We Were Always in the Stars?

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/hbVmUiL by phg What if a chance encounter between Lucy and Maggie changed the trajectory of both of their lives? Or... maybe it didn't change anything as we knew it and had been hovering in the background all along? *See chapter notes for CWs. Inspired/prompted by 100flybutt! Words: 2303, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, Multi Characters: Lucy Lane (DCU), Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers Relationships: Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Pre-Canon, director sanvers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lucy Lane-Centric (DCU) read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/hbVmUiL

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #supergirl #directorship #the-directorship #major danvers #alex x lucy #alex/lucy #luclex #director danvers #alex danvers #lucy lane

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booasaur · 2 years

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“It’s just not gonna happen…;I can’t betray my SOUL” lol I felt that! There’s a lot more ‘official’ representation these days but in the past, so many f/f ships were entirely based on subtext or the show was actively queerbaiting, so most of my ships weren’t canon. And there’s always the thing of shipping two women who click just for whatever reason that I’ve kept up even now, when one character ends up being gay or bi and gets a partner. That’s me now with New Amsterdam, I always loved the idea of Bloom and Sharpe together and even seeing all the setup for Sharowin from day 1, I was in denial ha. I love Lauren and Leyla but BloomSharpe will always own a piece of my heart, ‘real’ or not :,)

(Note: I actually did start answering this in April and then left it till now so this’ll be somewhat disjointed as I finish off my older thoughts.)

The subtext vs canon discussion is always super interesting, right! Sometimes it’s a question of which dueling ship from the various current fandoms is the one that wins the most attention from a smallish community but it’s really interesting when there’s friction between subtext and canon ships in the same show, though that happens less and less so now. I feel like the mid '10s will remain the peak of that, as media began to include canon f/f more regularly and a large part of fandom followed, while others stayed with subtext. Glee was a great example, since both ships were so huge, but you see that behavior in SC vs Alex's canon ships too, or, less so because Red Kansas or whatever could hardly compare, but SQ as well. I do remember when New Amsterdam started and idly noted the two female characters who actually interacted and had a friendship and wouldn’t have minded shipping them but Helen/Max seemed set up from the start and I wasn’t in the mood to battle that. [Me adding months later: It’s ironic now, whichever one was more popular, both Sharpe and Leyla are gone. :x]

But it was super interesting to see who was drawn to Faberry and who to Brittana, then the two combined for Clexa, and then split again into Sanvers and SC, for example. It seems to me that it really depends on people's individual engagement with ships, what is it they get invested in specifically. The subtext group essentially goes for the “ideal” pairing, usually main characters with rich backgrounds and histories and well-defined, multilayered relationships, deciding that romance makes the dynamic even better, or clearer. Even now you have KCFH and HotD offering scope for that. The canon group will usually, just as a matter of statistics, not get the main characters, but to them the romance is already the source of the richness, and they can add the rest of the character and relationship work.

Neither way is better or worse and there’s no hard rule, there’s lots of overlap, most people will switch back and forth, or like both. I myself am a character-first person and so you’d expect me to be more subtext but I’ve pivoted more into canon lately for sure. I was just telling my friend the other day about how on Peacock’s Vampire Academy, the two leads are SO ready-made to subtext ship, but so much time and energy was spent on their respective m/f relationships, as with Helen/Bloom above, I just didn’t have the time or energy for that fight. Or interest, to be fair, I suppose, if I was really into it, I’d make it work.

Whichhhh, I do have the time and energy and interest to make J/7 work. No other pairing for either of them can compare for me. You had four full 26-ep seasons developing this extremely pivotal mutually transformative relationship that changed both of them and the constantly influenced Voyager plots, I cannot move on from that.

#replies #femslash related stuff #sent on 20220404 #Anonymous #5 #I say I don't ship subtext that much anymore but why'd I gif abby and kate from walker independence #do patty and allison still count as subtext...#I mean I still have them #bobbie/chrisjen and una/la'an and georgiou/michael etc etc #I dunno :o #I did read a ton of fics for subtext ships over the summer #star trek voyager #j7 #fandom meta

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ao3feed-directorsanvers · 10 months

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What if We Were Always in the Stars?

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/QBjsyw3 by phg What if a chance encounter between Lucy and Maggie changed the trajectory of both of their lives? Or... maybe it didn't change anything as we knew it and had been hovering in the background all along? *See chapter notes for CWs. Inspired/prompted by 100flybutt! Words: 2303, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, Multi Characters: Lucy Lane (DCU), Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers Relationships: Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Pre-Canon, director sanvers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lucy Lane-Centric (DCU) read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/QBjsyw3

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #Supergirl #Director Sanvers #Alex x Lucy x Maggie #Alex/Lucy/Maggie

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sandstonesunspear · 2 years

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32, 54, 7, 10

7: Post a snippet from a wip

So I'm running two wips cos my brain is garbage.

Here's snippet one:

“Why are you doing this?” Lucy questions.

Alex opens their mouth, only for it to click shut when she raises a hand.

“Don’t give me the same line you’ve been giving all the other guys about fair play,” she warns.

Alex sighs again. “I guess, I just want them to know what can make you happy, really happy and-”

“I’m happy, Alex-” she starts.

Alex reaches out to brush their knuckles against her cheek.

“And I want you to feel loved,” they interrupt. “You deserve to be loved, Lucy, and the other guys need to understand that.”

And here's snippet two for a non-supergirl fic that I'm working on:

“You look like shit, demigod,” is the first thing that Medusa says when Alex slumps against the bar.

“You’ve always had a way with words, gorgon,” they rasp out.

She hums. “And you sound like shit too.”

Alex grunts.

Medusa sighs. “I think I have the stuff for a hot toddy. Should help your throat. Try not to die before I get it set up.”

10. Do you work on multiple wips or stick to one fic at a time?

See above lol. For the most part, I try to stick to one fic, but my brain tends to not cooperate with that.

32: Do you take fic requests? Why or why not?

I do, it just might take a hot minute (read: a while) to get around to it. If I don't end up filling a fic request for a good amount of time, it's not cos I don't want to. It's probably because I forgot -.-"

54: What’s the fandom/pairing distribution of your posted fics?

Supergirl has 25 fics, 15 of which are Director Sanvers.

Naruto has 3, all of which are Sakura/Ino.

WoSo has two, one of which is Soran and the other is Krashlyn with background relationships.

Thanks for the asks!

#asks #anonymous

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ao3feed-sanvers · 2 years

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I've looked at love (from both sides now)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/46LVrlx

by MaleficentsConscience

Kara Danvers loved sleep and Alex teased her about it relentlessly. But there were nights when she couldn’t sleep. Nights that were plagued with images of her parents; of explosions, and of her home planet fading into the distance as her pod flew away. And on those nights she would find refuge in her sister’s arms. She’d fly in through the window that Alex always left open and shake the brunette softly until she opened her eyes. But tonight was different. Tonight she hovered outside Alex’s apartment, staring at the closed window that had greeted her like a slap in the face. Tonight she was alone.

When Alex becomes preoccupied with her new relationship, Supergirl turns to Lena for late night solace.

Words: 5141, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F

Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers, Maggie Sawyer, J'onn J'onzz | Hank Henshaw, Winn Schott Jr., James "Jimmy" Olsen, Eliza Danvers

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer

Additional Tags: SuperCorp, background sanvers, Mostly Fluff

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/46LVrlx

#IFTTT #supergirl #sanvers #maggie sawyer #alex danvers

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sapphicscholar · 5 years

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Pride Month Prompts Day 9: Closet (Alex-Centric Sanvers)

From this Pride Month Prompts post! I’m taking the opportunity to write some short fics for a variety of pairings that I haven’t written for as much, maybe at all. They won’t be going on AO3, so I’ll be sure to tag them all with #pride month prompts so you can find them later if you want.

Day 9: Closet

Pairing: Sanvers (non-canon version), though really it’s a character study of an already out Alex

“How’s it feel being out of the closet?” a rather drunk Winn asked Alex, his words slurring together slightly. Apparently he was a four-drink-limit kind of guy.

She took a deep breath in through her nose, letting it slowly filter out through her mouth. It was Winn. Winn who had his own share of coming out stories. Winn who’d lost one of his foster homes over a coming out. Winn who’d finally met the new “partner” a couple of days ago and nearly spat his beer all over the table at the sight of Maggie, later wrapping Alex up in his arms and welcoming her to the “family” as if she hadn’t been there all along. But, as far as he knew, this was all new. First time meeting a girlfriend. First time hearing Alex confirm the whole “ladies lovin’ ladies” deal. Why wouldn’t it be the first time it had ever happened? The first time Alex herself had realized it could happen?

“Fine,” Alex answered after a too long pause. “I’m gonna grab another drink. You want something? Water? Wings?”

Winn paused, brow furrowed. “Water.”

“Good choice, Schott.”

Making her way over to the bar, Alex’s mind wandered back to middle school, to watching Willow and Tara kiss on her television screen and feeling that tug in her chest, that sense that she was watching something that made sense to her.

Then it was high school—making out with a guy or two to see what the fuss was about before deciding that long nights spent with Vicki that felt an awful lot like the dates she saw on TV were definitely better.

College brought campus pride groups and LGBTQ centers, but Kara had always been the joiner, not her. Instead, Alex had watched from afar, wondering how the hell people had time for clubs, while she blew through her classes and labs fast enough to graduate in five semesters, fast enough to make her mom proud, fast enough to get herself one step closer to the life she kept telling herself she wanted to live, the kind of life that would honor her father’s memory.

Grad school had been the first moment she gave herself freedom, and everyone saw how well that had worked for her—long nights lost to tequila and gorgeous women with soft hair and soft curves and soft lips who she claimed with a hard intensity that was meant to say: one night only, nothing more. By the time the dean sent her a letter warning that she’d been placed on academic probation, Alex swore off those kind of nights. She’d given up on the idea of time-consuming romance back in college, but it was grad school that taught her the danger of even giving herself those fleeting moments of fun; they all took her away from where she was supposed to be, what she was supposed to be doing.

Then Hank Henshaw was showing up beside her in a jail cell because she’d gone and done it again, wanted too much, wanted too hard, wanted one more night to lose herself in loud beats and strong drinks and beautiful women just one last time before throwing herself back into her studies. And Hank was stern in a way that rankled, but he also gave her purpose, kept telling her he believed in her too much to let her throw her life away. From that point on, life was split between research and intensive training. She watched her body change in the mirror week after week. Said goodbye to the skinny girl who’d spent a few too many mornings on her bathroom floor, counting the pale blue tiles that decorated the walls. Met instead a new version of herself—one with sharp angles and short hair and visible muscles. Every so often, she’d catch a glimpse of her reflection and think back to Meg, the president of Pride her freshman year. Meg, who had seemed too fucking cool for anyone with the short, tousled hair and the arm muscles that rivaled the gym jocks’ and the slightly baggy jeans that sometimes revealed a glimpse of underwear she most definitely had not purchased from Victoria’s Secret during their 7 for $25 deal days like Alex had. On those days, Alex would catch herself spending a little more time at the weights station at the DEO gym, catch herself flexing a little after her shower as she dried off in front of the mirror, catch a hint of a cocky smirk pulling up the corner of her mouth and wonder what it might be like to let herself go back to those bars these days.

“What can I get for you?” The same bartender who had served her earlier called over the din of the crowd.

“Uh, another whiskey and a glass of water.”

“Coming right up.”

A minute or two later, two glasses landed in front of her, and Alex handed over cash, shaking her head as he reached to get her change. “Keep it.” A small part of her kept hoping that leaving generous tips these days would make up for those grad school nights before she’d caught on to bar etiquette (or had, at the very least, been too far gone to honor it).

As Alex jostled her way back from the bar, a sharp elbow caught her side, and she let out a grunt—more of annoyance at the splash of water that had soaked through a patch of her jeans than of genuine pain.

A woman with short-cropped hair and a fitted black t-shirt with BUTCH emblazoned across the front in bold block lettering paused at the sound. “Shit, I’m sorry.” When she spun back around to assess the damage, she paused, giving Alex a quick once over before nodding her head in acknowledgement.

In that moment, all the frustration with Winn and James and her mom and everyone who kept treating her like this was all some new thing she’d discovered, as if she’d been surprised by her own desires, slipped away. In that moment, she was seen. No recently nudged open closet doors lurking behind her. Just her. Alex. A visibly queer woman in a bar who would be joined by her girlfriend as soon as she finished at work.

Alex grinned, nodding back at her before they drifted back to their respective corners of the bar.

#pride month prompts #alex danvers #fanfic #ficlet #character study #background sanvers #winn schott #supergirl

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skyemore · 6 years

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supergirl (TV 2015) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers, Clark Kent, Diana (Wonder Woman), Bruce Wayne, James "Jimmy" Olsen, Winn Schott Jr. Additional Tags: kara's a drummer facing a scandal, lena's working at home depot and has too many mommy issues, hypothetically they're getting married, no powers au Summary:

Kara is caught between being herself and being the person the public wants her to be. Enter Lena Luthor, the refreshingly blunt retail worker who doesn't even know who Kara is; this could either be the start of something wonderful, or something uniquely bizarre. (Either way, Kara's really into it.)

___________________________

Okay listen to this though... THIS IS A REALLY GOOD SUPERCORP ONE-SHOT AU AND YOU SHOULD GIVE IT A CHANCE. And then you should leave this author a comment because fanfic authors deserve all the praise.

Thank you for listening to this message.

#supercorp #background Sanvers #supercorp fanfic #supercorp fanfiction #supercorp fic #kara x lena #supercorp band AU

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ao3feed-supercorp · 1 year

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Lena Luthor Spills The Tea

by McSneaky

It all started when Lena Luthor trips over Kara Danvers and spills her tea on her. From there a fair amount of fluff and smut will proceed between the two, with a bit of Sanvers in the background and appearances by Cat, Sam, and Andrea.

My first posted fan fic I wrote a while back - be kind gentle reader, I promise to get better, or at least try :)

Words: 5977, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Supergirl (TV 2015)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F

Characters: Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers, Cat Grant, Maggie Sawyer, Jess (Supergirl TV 2015), Samantha "Sam" Arias, Andrea Rojas

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer

Additional Tags: SuperCorp, Fluff, Smut, Human Kara Danvers

from AO3 works tagged 'Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor' https://ift.tt/Z0bogwa via IFTTT https://ift.tt/Z0bogwa

#supercorp #Kara x Lena #Kara Danvers x Lena Luthor #karlena

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down-in-dixie · 5 years

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SEND ‘🔺’ + A COLOR FOR A COLOR BOARD FOR TWO CHARACTERS

Alex & Maggie - Black

#aesthetic #supergirl #alex & maggie #sanvers #alex danvers #maggie sawyer #colorboard #transparent background #supergirl aesthetic

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sapphicathenas · 7 years

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quiet nights poured over ice and tanqueray

(aka i actually wrote a fic, wow)

It takes a little too long for Alex and Maggie's giggles to fade after they leave the bar, and it leaves Kara biting at her lip, fiddling with her straw, tears pricking at her eyes. Her sister's guilty eyes keep flashing behind her eyelids, and despite her overwhelming sadness, Kara wishes she weren't acting so selfish. She's an adult, and so is Alex. Plus Alex has a girlfriend now, and Kara knows — knows, but hates acknowledging — that Alex's time isn't all for her anymore.

"Alex deserves to be happy," Kara whispers to her glass, in a pitiful attempt to change her own mind. "She deserves to be happy with Maggie." The words are true, no matter the circumstances. But it doesn't change the fact that Kara is unbearably and unequivocally lonely.

It's her Earth birthday. Lucky thirteen. The one day she expected to be just her and Alex — no aliens, no Mon-el, no Maggie. Just the Danvers sisters as they always were. As much as Kara loves Alex and Maggie, she knows somewhere, deep down, that it shouldn't be selfish to want this.

"Someone's got their head in the clouds." Kara glances up to find M'gann smiling at her. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes...no," Kara admits, cradling her head in her hands. "I just — today's kind of a big day for me, and I had planned to spend it with Alex."

M'gann pulls up a stool and leans against the bar. "But Alex is with Maggie."

"Yeah. And I know Alex is less available now, I mean, I wouldn't want her being clingy on me if I were in a relationship, but I just wish she was here for this, you know?" Kara pouts slightly and looks up at M'gann. "Is that selfish?"

"Honey, no," M'gann soothes. "I've known Maggie Sawyer for a long time, I know she would never intentionally do something that would hurt someone that she loves, or someone that person loves. I saw Alex's face when you talked to her, I can tell she feels guilty. So maybe it's not perfect, and maybe Alex shouldn't have done what she did. But that doesn't mean she won't change her mind, and that doesn't mean you can't make it better."

Cracking a small smile, Kara sits up straighter. "How, though? I celebrate today but at the same time it's..." Her smile drops. "It's a constant reminder of Krypton, of losing everything. I'm just not used to being alone on Earth birthday."

Kara diverts her gaze and sinks into another stupor. Sighing softly, M'gann reaches out and encases Kara's hands in her own. "You're never alone, Kara. I'm here late but you're welcome to stay as long as you like, or I'm sure you could call your friends to be with you. Do you have someone that you really want to be with right now? Someone who you could go to when Alex isn't there?"

"Umm," Kara starts, closing her mouth before she can say there's no one. Because there is. There is one person that was Kara's friend, her confidant, her safe place to land. Her loneliness turns to nerves, as she imagines every terrible way reaching out could go. "I don't think that's a good idea. I'll just stay here."

"I see that look in your eyes, Kara Danvers. Don't be afraid of reaching out. If they were there for you enough that they popped into your mind just now, they're not going to leave you behind when you need them." M'gann reaches over and grabs Kara's phone, placing it firmly in her hands. "Text them."

"M'gann, I can't, it's been too long, I don't even know where she is—"

"Uh uh! No excuses!" M'gann smiles and slowly backs away. "Text her, Kara. You can do it."

A patron grabs M'gann's attention and Kara is left to flounder on her own. Her fingers flit nervously over her phone screen, and she manages to unlock it before freezing again. It's been months, she thinks, months! And really, would she even answer? She taps the messaging app and scrolls down, until she finds the conversation she's looking for. A rare photo of Cat Grant smiling fills the bubble beside it, one that Kara had taken when her boss wasn't paying attention. She bites down on her lip and hesitates again.

Her mind draws her back to balcony conversations; to late nights sitting in Cat's office, a pillow in her hands to still the nerves, a drink in Cat's to do the same. That balcony had been a haven to both Kara and Supergirl, a place to leave the world behind when things got to be too much. Kara misses that balcony. And, if she's being honest, she really, really misses Cat.

At least you're not drunk, she tells herself, and begins typing.

Hi Cat.

Pathetic.

I know it's late but I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you.

She hits send before registering the weightiness of that last sentence, and hisses a string of Kryptionian curses to herself when she does. Jittery with nerves, Kara turns her phone face down and tries to pretend she didn't do anything.

By the time she's downed the rest of her club soda, M'gann has left Kara's range of vision, and Mon-el is meandering back over. Kara contemplates leaving, but then her phone is buzzing, and oh Rao, now she really wishes she was drunk.

Diverting her gaze from Mon-el, Kara unlocks her phone and gazes in shock at the messages appearing on the screen.

Long time no speak, Kara.

Is everything alright? You better not be drunk texting me.

Penthouse. Half an hour.

Kara forgets how to move and tries to process what she's reading, because that's Cat Grant, Queen of all Media, responding to her pity texts, and agreeing to meet up with her, tonight. Her brain starts working again and she goes to type, but another bubble has popped up from Cat, so she waits.

Chop chop.

She can see Cat's grin and lets out a laugh, her heart feeling that much lighter. She pulls out money for her drink and tosses her bag over her shoulder. Mon-el calls her name and Kara ignores him, but she pauses long enough to find M'gann in the crowd and call out a thank you. M'gann grins in response and gives her a thumbs up, and Kara makes her way into the night.

Cat had given her half an hour, so Kara rockets into the sky and flies around the city to calm her nerves. She barely lasts ten minutes — whether it's her yearning to see Cat or her jitteriness, she can't tell — before she heads toward CatCo. Hovering high above the building, Kara spots a figure on the balcony, and grins to herself because of course Cat would be here early. She contemplates going in the normal way, but she trusts Cat, and besides, there's no way Cat doesn't know. Kara descends slowly, and lands almost silently on the balcony. Even through the dark, she swears she sees Cat smile.

"Still one for theatrical entrances, I see," Cat teases, casting a glance at Kara as she approaches.

Kara can't help the smile that spreads over her face. Cat's voice sounds like coming home and Kara still can't believe that Cat's here, that she came back, just for her. "I learned from the best," she says, and stands beside Cat, her arms on the railing. "It's good to see you again, Cat."

"Yes, I heard you missed me."

"Uh, yeah, about that—" Kara blushes and fumbles, but Cat interjects before she can finish.

"Oh, don't freak out. I missed you too." Cat's voice is surprisingly soft, and Kara frowns. "What? I have feelings too."

"I know," Kara responds, "you just...don't usually express them."

Cat huffs, but her lips quirk into a smile regardless. "Fair enough. But enough about me, we came here to talk about you." Taking a sip from her glass, Cat motions for Kara to speak. Fumbling with her hands, she searches for the right words.

"When I first came to Earth, I felt like I had lost everything from Krypton. After the first few months I was here, Alex's birthday came around, and it hit me for the first time that I had no idea when my birthday was. Alex and I spent weeks trying to figure it out, but there were so many differences between Krypton's times and Earth's that we gave up." Kara sighs, her eyes watery, but manages a small smile. "It was Alex's idea to celebrate Earth birthday, the day I landed here. Every year, she and I would get together and eat cupcakes and just do silly sister stuff. It made me feel like I still had something, you know? That even if I couldn't figure out my real birthday, I still had this. And it made dealing with the loss of Krypton a little bit easier."

Kara reaches up and wipes a tear from her cheek, embarrassed that she's crying in front of Cat. But the woman in question makes no comment; instead, Cat puts down her glass and rests her hand on top of Kara's, and nods for her to continue.

"Well, like in most cases, things changed as we got older. We spent our time with other people, got new jobs, but Earth birthday never changed. Until this year. Because now Alex has a girlfriend and is living life and doing all the things she never got to do before, and I'm just not used to her being somewhere else. So tonight is the first time in thirteen years that I'm spending Earth birthday alone, and it's a lot lonelier than I thought. A friend told me to go to someone I trusted, and I didn't know where else to go." Kara lifts her gaze shyly, and tightens her hold on Cat's hand.

"I'm honored that you came to me," Cat whispers, at a loss for anything else to say. "I can't imagine why I'd be your first choice, however."

Kara lets out a sound that is half laugh, half exasperated sigh. "Well, Alex and Maggie are unavailable, Lucy moved away, James and Winn are out doing who-knows-what, which leaves Mon—I mean Mike, who is honestly kind of....garbage." Cat chuckles at her analysis and Kara can't help but smile. "He really is! I kept telling myself he wasn't but the only reason he's nice to me is because he thinks I'm cute, but he's honestly just a jerk."

"So, he's a man," Cat concludes, and Kara bursts into laughter. She never imagined she'd end up trash talking Mon-el when she sought out Cat, but hey, she's not complaining.

Recovering, Kara continues, "And my friend M'gann, she suggested that I go call someone. She didn't want me to be alone. And, like I said, I...I miss you. I always knew I could go to you, and I hoped that hadn't changed."

"It hasn't," Cat reassures her, "and it won't. You always have a place here. Conveniently, I was local tonight, but even if I'm not, you know how to contact me. Don't ever feel like you're alone, Kara."

Kara can feel herself blushing, but she keeps her gaze locked with Cat's. Blue eyes are staring right back at her, and Kara feels giddy, like her heart is pounding right out of her chest. She feels grounded but at the same time feels like she's flying, and if it weren't for the fact that Cat's hand is locked in her own, she might have begun to float. Kara has no idea what's going on it Cat's mind but she's sure of two things — she really doesn't want to let go of Cat's hand, and no one has ever looked at her before the way Cat is right now.

"Thank you, Cat," she finally whispers, and her companion's resulting smile is enough to set her heart fluttering. Before she can rethink her actions, Kara drops Cat's hand and wraps her arms tightly around her. Cat hugs her back and Kara buries her face in Cat's hair, and suddenly, everything feels okay. The world drops from her shoulders and for a moment, Kara forgets what it feels like to be alone.

Regretfully, she pulls back, still too much in Cat's personal space. But Cat's smiling at her and tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and Kara knows that eventually they're both going to have to leave, but she'd give all she has if it meant she could spend just a few more hours with Cat.

"You know," Cat says after a moment, "I don't have to leave until the morning. Still want to celebrate your Earth birthday?"

Kara's resulting smile could've outshone the sun. "Yes!"

Cat chuckles. "Earth birthday it is. Let me just make a phone call, and then we can go."

Giddy with happiness, Kara watches Cat go into her office — well, James' office, except it isn't, really — and make a call. She leans once again on the ledge of the balcony, her eyes glued to the stars. Years of star searching has given her a perfect radar to find where Krypton used to be; a prick of darkness that is just visible through the mass of light. There's a star in that empty space now; too small to be a planet, but it makes Kara smile nonetheless. Perhaps the star is Astra — the Kryptonians did tell stories where their souls became stars. But, fiction aside, it lightens Kara's heart to know that something else has been brought to life where her home once was; that something can live on in its absence.

Cat's reappearance shakes her from her reverie. "Ready?"

Kara nods and takes Cat's outstretched hand. They could fly, but the distance to Kara's apartment is short, and Kara wants it to last as long as possible. They walk there hand in hand, trading quiet tidbits about what had conspired in the months they'd been apart. Cat tells her about the time she's spent with Carter, and Kara shares her adventures as a reporter.

"I think Snapper is warming up to me," Kara states as they enter her building. "He said 'Atta girl, Danvers' when I stood up for what I wanted to do. I mean, he didn't say it to me, he kinda mumbled it after I left, but he said it!"

Cat laughs as Kara punches the button for her floor, her joy scarcely contained. "You're doing very well, Kara." The compliment draws a blush from the girl in question. "I'm proud of you."

Kara steps out of the elevator and almost drops her keys as the statement registers in her brain. "I, um, ah—oof," she mutters, bumping her shoulder into the wall as she fumbles to catch Cat's gaze. Cat lazily pulls her clumsy partner down the hall, her mirth spilling over into a fit of laughter. They reach Kara's door and Kara finally finds her words, cheeks flushed. "Really?"

Cat smiles, and with her free hand tucks a strand of hair behind Kara's ear. "Always."

"Thank you," Kara whispers. Her heart is fluttering and she can't stop smiling, and she tears her eyes away from Cat's out of fear she'll do something stupid like kiss her. She unlocks her door and pushes it open, and loses the ability to speak again.

Because in the middle of her apartment are Alex and Maggie, and Winn and James are beside them, and J'onn is looking grumpy but he's here, and M'gann is beside him, and Alex is running and throwing her arms around her and Kara squeezes her back and tries not to cry.

"Happy Earth birthday, Kara," Alex whispers, letting her sister go. She places her hands on Kara's shoulders and smiles even with teary eyes. "I'm so sorry that I ditched you earlier. It was selfish of me to leave you on the one day that was always about you, about family. I love you so much Kara and I want you to know that I'm never going to leave you, okay?" Alex breathes and blinks away her tears. "Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you, Alex!" Kara pulls her sister back into a hug. "I love you too."

When they pull apart, Maggie is beside them, holding out a cupcake with a candle in the middle. "Happy Earth birthday, Little Danvers," she says with a smile. "Make a wish!"

"Gently!" Alex interjects as Kara goes to blow out her candle, and Kara giggles as she does.

"Thank you, Maggie," she says, before gasping and turning to Cat, who is standing a few feet away and grinning. "Wait a minute — did you know?"

Moving forward to join the group, Cat says, "I suppose I did join in on a little scheming. I received a harried call from Alex worrying over ruining your birthday, and she asked if there was anything I could do to help her. Apparently your friend M'gann had passed on the information that you had reached out, and well..." Cat spreads her hands, and Kara looks gratefully around at her friends, her family. "Here we are. I figured it was the least I could do to see you happy."

Kara's eyes well with tears and she's smiling so wide it almost hurts, but Cat is looking at her like she's the sun and Kara has never wanted to do anything more than this. Her hands are soft on Cat's cheeks and before she can talk herself out of it, Kara's kissing her. James is hooting and Alex aww's and Maggie is cheering atta girl, but all Kara cares about is Cat's lips on hers and Cat's hands on her waist. Kara pulls away blushing and she thinks Cat is too, but they're both smiling and really, that's all that matters.

"So," Winn says, breaking the moment, "can we eat cupcakes now or are you gonna keep kissing?"

"Why, are you jealous?" Kara teases, and laughs when Maggie captures Alex's lips to prove her point. Winn pouts but it doesn't last long, and he passes out the cupcakes without complaint.

Cat slides her hand back into Kara's and pulls them to the edge of the group. "Well I must say, I wasn't expecting that."

"Too much?"

"Not all all." Cat smiles. "Brazen is a good color on you, Kara."

"I'll keep wearing it then," Kara says with a grin, and kisses Cat again.

#my fic #cat x kara #supercat #background sanvers #superfam

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