#because as overwhelming as choice can be

[kaurwreck]

you remind me of a time i wish i could go back to; a time in which i would obsessively read and keep reading about anything that interested me slightly. i would stumble into entirely new ways of thinking with all the delicacy of a bull in a china shop, and learn to engage with it on its own terms. the ability got lost somewhere in the haze that was school and uni and people and work and now i’ve… lost the ability to think on my own. it comes maybe twice a month, in random bursts, and i fucking hate that i don’t have access to it continuously anymore. i hate that now when i’m bored i can’t think up stories in my head and chew on ideas in my free time. i see you and i’m so happy and so envious; i wish for my thirst for life back. i’m so tired. i’m saying this to you because, of all people, might be able to see it clearly. i respect the fact that you managed to retain it to adulthood or beyond is so much. you don’t know how much that means to me, as a young adult.

If it helps, I don't read nearly as much as I did as a kiddo. Like, not even remotely close. Quite frankly, I've only recently gotten back into reading lit, after years of only reading comics and manga, and not nearly at the volume I did before.

But! There are all sorts of opportunities to engage with stories and ideas and reconnect the synapses that spit where they used to spark. Once, in the throes of a heavy and prolonged period of uncertainty, I was gripped by the color of spray paint on the sidewalk on the way to pick up an espresso while sleep deprived. I consciously chose to stop and appreciate it.

Which is to say, I also get exhausted and burnt out and go through periods where I wonder if I've lost some fundamental part of myself. But then I rest or I change my routine or I receive an affirmation I didn't realize I desperately needed, and my verve returns, as it does. I think having pediatric onset bipolar disorder has advantaged me in this regard because even when I feel like nothing, I know that the intensity will return, and that it will continue to ebb and flow like the tides. I used to dread the ebb, but the ebb has its own value, too; in the ebb is where I nurture roots.

But to my earlier point, there are lots of stories and ideas buried in all sorts of moments. We can imbue meaning in the things we do as an observed ritual until it becomes habit until it becomes sincere. And for the periods in which we can't, it's worth remembering that the winter solstice is the longest evening of the year, but the sun will come back because it always has. In the meantime, you can stoke a hearth and sip on coaxed together warmth while tucking into your memory this grief so that you will recognize what you've been missing when it returns, so that feeling excited is remarkable enough to cut the present ennui. In time, you'll start to feel substance in the contours of the grief, too, because to be exhausted and numb and tired means that you exist enough to be anything at all.

And, if you're too untethered from yourself for even that, find something mundane and look for a glimmer of anything worth observing. If you can't find anything, choose to give some facet of what you see meaning anyway.

(It's not that the sidewalk was purple. It's that I chose to see that it was that particular, beautiful shade of purple rather than remain adrift into my own ether and, in doing so, tethered my intangible enormity in something tangible enough for me to stoke while I weathered the season.)

If you practice enough, this becomes muscle memory. Same with thinking on your own. I don't think reading is ever enough on its own anyway; sometimes, we mirror ideas and mistake them for our own. Or we encounter ideas but don't allow ourselves to be changed by them.

It's why it's important to engage intentionally, and it doesn't have to be with text. It can be with movies, art, those around us, our environment, our own understanding of the world, the condensation on a window. Mindfulness helps, but so does adopting the mindset of a toddler and asking why? Constantly. Again, it may begin as a rote exercise, but the more you do it, the more it becomes muscle memory. If you think you know something, consciously stop and ask why? Where did you learn that? What assumptions does your conclusion rely on? Could there be another explanation? Pretend you're someone else for a moment, a favorite character or historical figure or loved one. What would they think given the same facts? Also important is saying, like a toddler, because I said so! as the only reason you need. Try things for the sake of having not tried them before. There's a reason why Lao Tzu advises being like a newborn baby, soft boned with a strong grip.

There's very little I do, read, watch, or consume that I don't think about applying elsewhere, too. This is sometimes exhausting. But it's also where I get my well of passion. Because there's always an opportunity for meaning, my life bursts with it.

This doesn't mean I don't still have rough weeks or months or years. I have bipolar, adhd, cptsd, and social phobia; I have frequent insomnia and sleep paralysis, etc. etc. But I look forward to what I might learn next, and there's purpose and intention to how I experience even my lows. The life I'm currently living is so unlike where I came from, in part because I decided I wanted meaning and purpose. Before I knew what that was supposed to look like, I picked a direction and strove for it, feeling out what I couldn't see. I still do, when necessary. It will always be necessary.

So, while I don't know if what works for me will work for you, I can promise that something will excite you again, eventually. Adulthood isn't a linear decline or a separation from yourself. It's variable and dynamic, and you have agency in what you do with that. There isn't any objective meaning or purpose to be assigned, so you get to choose it for yourself, and it can be as variable and dynamic as you need it to be. So, if you don't want to grow into someone who can't think on your own, you don't have to. If you don't like your current state of mind, you don't need to settle in it.

tl;dr: It's not what I've retained, it's that I've ebbed and flowed and changed, and given myself the space to clumsily stumble towards what I want and what I value, even if I'm not always sure what those are. I'm letting go of the construct that I have to be anything, and I emphatically choose not to be lots of things. It's a process, and it's nonlinear. But nothing is, and there's grace in the inevitably of ebb.

#i dont mean to soapbox #or pretend i dont still struggle to let go of constructs that arent serving me #but i HAVE let go of so many #and people dont always understand or appreciate or like what im doing #or that what i have is more than it is or that it's easy or that im doing more than i am #and like without discounting luck and privilege and opportunities #i wouldnt have most of what i love and what is good about my life and mental health if not for conscious and discernible choices i made #not even really on faith so much as i have a version of atsushi's tiger in my own psyche that drags me forward #(literally reading 55 minutes was surreal because a passage is so close to things my mental health team have told me) #BUT #even then #there were choices i had to make to move forward rather than be dragged painfully #and there were times i didnt make the choices i should have #and i carried those not as burdens but as resolve to make the next right choice #because as overwhelming as choice can be #it's also really forigiving #so anyway yeah you can decide shit for yourself #and the more you decide you have choices. the more choices you have. because it's also a choice to decide there arent any at all #the choices arent always GOOD choices. but theres a kernal of agency. not to taunt you or punish you. #but to offer you again and again opportunities to make choices that you can live with

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

A new challenger approaches (slowly)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #wen chao #jin zixuan #jiang cheng #lan wangji #tulu xuanwu #Wen Chao's turtlephobia starts now. I wonder if that's ever going to come back into play? #Slight re-ordering of events for the funny punchlines but we're close to getting back on track. #The mianmian stuff happening right after we also have a Torment Tortoise looking for blood makes this scene so chaotic. #A good kind of chaos as it is supposed to be overwhelming and anxiety inducing! #I have been sitting on the idea of the Beast being just a normal turtle with a knife for ages. Years in fact. #It's stupid as hell but that's sometimes what art is. Indulging the past you who would have loved to see the dumb thing be drawn. #Making it canon now that A-Qing's turtle (the one pd-Lan Sizhui found) is a descendant of this turtle. #Maybe she was so defensive because she has eggs she was watching over! How insensitive of these cultivators! #You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head. #I am making a BOTW reference here so you could substitute one of those themes but I find them more melancholic than menacing.

[twinstxrs]

the gorgug-porter conversation is interesting to me because like. yea for the overwhelming majority of the conversation porter’s being shitty & trying to fit gorgug into a box that gorgug just does not fit into by trying to make gorgug’s relationship with his rage more focused on the aggression aspect of it. but then there’s also this specific thing that brennan brought up again in the ap, which is that gorgug’s relationship with his rage is wholly “this is a tool i use to protect my friends.” which isn’t a bad thing! but that’s his Whole relationship with it, & gorgug seems to place next to no value on his rage in relationship to himself. which is problematic, because it’s first & foremost his rage.

being raised in a household with a sort of toxic positivity largely meant that, whether or not it was his parents’ intention, gorgug internalized the message that more traditionally “negative” emotions such as anger are the wrong response to something. part of the reason he prioritizes his artificing is probably because it’s “fixing” things. in comparison to being a barbarian, which gorgug associates with “breaking” things. good vs. bad behavior, in his eyes.

it’s a totally unacceptable bar to measure a 16 y/o by, but i do think part of porter’s reasoning for not letting gorgug multiclass is him recognizing that gorgug generally does not value anger as a valid emotional response to something, at the very least for himself. & that directly conflicts with what being a barbarian is, because whether you like it or not, that rage is what fuels you. but again, barring a kid from pursuing something they deeply care about in part (not entirely, porter has a lot of more bullshit reasons) because of their fundamental values & world outlook is crazy.

so yes, 98% of porter’s reasoning is pretty shitty, immature, rife with a toxic view that there’s only one proper way to access rage, & generally not a good thing to do as a teacher, but also within that reasoning is the 2% of ‘there is a fundamental part of yourself that you only value if you can use it to take care of other people & you need to accept that as something that can take care of you, too.’ but that’s something to discuss with a therapist or a guidance counselor, not something that should hugely impact gorgug’s academic future.

#gorgug thistlespring #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #btw these r just my personal opinions u r 100% free to disagree #gorgug & his rage interest me so deeply because of how deeply that rage existing seems to be against gorgug’s own will #like mechanically classes are choices & you can switch stuff around any time. but gorgug as a barbarian always felt like an unwilling choice #like that 14 y/o kid did not want to have rage. & that really interests me. #i’ve seen people before be like ‘what if gorgug dropped barbarian & went full srtificer’ but i feel like that simply can’t happen?? #mechanically yea sure but it always felt like a core part of gorgug that the rage will always be there & it’s a matter of how you channel it #idk. dnd classes narratively being treated as ‘you can not lose this part of you’ even though you technically can #gorgug could be lvl 19 artificer & he’d still have 1 level of barbarian. because that is part of who he is. #btw i don’t think porter truly cares about gorgug valuing his rage only as a way to be a human shield #i think porter just sees that as ‘wrong’ but like. not as in ‘you need to take care of yourself’ & more ‘you aren’t conforming’ #he thinks it’s wrong for the wrong reasons. the nastier ‘this is how you should be’ reasons #ppl being like ‘we r being too hard on porter. it’s an 150% courseload gorgug will be overwhelmed’ i think r missing the point bc like. #that is 100% a valid reason to not approve gorgug for multiclassing! but that’s also 100% not the reason porter rejected him. #that whole interaction was basically porter shoving his percieved version of conformity down gorgug’s throat. was v neurodivergent kid coded #no hate to anyone saying that last point btw these r all just opinions #thinking about last ep wilma & digby being like ‘you’re a great barbarian. you’re so great at it. but look at what you made!!!’ like. #they would never mean it like that. but when you only understand half of your son he is going to prioritize the half you do.

[spookythesillyfella]

do y'all ever forget who you really are and become cold . unfeeling and uncaring ?

do you ever feel wrong for being alive too ?

#sigh ... #im feeling so empty #i have to constantly keep up such a cheerful persona so that my friends don't worry about me . but im just too tired #honestly . i don't feel upset . i just don't feel anything at this point . im numb . cold #there's something wrong with me #ive been letting myself sink into deeper despair by just ignoring the issue and trying to distract myself with shows and games #but . in truth . those aren't exactly distracting anymore either #i get overwhelmed when i boot up The Stanley Parable and i have to make a choice which will make the narrator angry #i get scared and lost when i get scolded . i feel wrong for making any sort of choices . making choices is terrifying #i feel bad when i play Genshin because none of my friends actually care about it . they all play Honkai Star Rail and im genuinely tired – #– of playing video games alone and talking to myself while doing so #all i can do now is listen to music to at least try to feel something again #... #i just miss having people to talk to . #i miss having fun conversations with friends . #these things are so rare for me . i just want one whole day where i can have fun with someone i care about #wtv #im not bothered by this . ive come to enjoy the loneliness #dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis brendon #unemployed brendon #dhmis hv brendon #cw bright colors #bright colors #cw scopophobia #scopophobia #vent art

[martyrbat]

so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!

#like i get kids can be overwhelming for a various amount of reasons but its not going to kill you to treat children with basic human decency #adults can be just as overwhelming or annoying—if not more. yet if you talked to an another adult the same way you do to a kid #then ppl would fucking hate you and not want to be around you because youre not being cool and witty—youre just mean!!! #everyone has experienced the frustration of being a kid being mistreated by an adult. some more than others #rather its ignoring your bodily autonomy (from sa and assault to hugging you when you don't want to be touched to not letting you #make your own harmless choices like a haircut or whatever). everyone has been talked down to or had their opinion treated like its nothing #or that their thoughts or input doesn't matter. everyone has a childhood experience with a mean or judgemental adult #yet over and over ppl are fine just repeating that cycle of abuse and hatred #like youre a young adult and youre still getting treated like shit by older ones. but youre able to have a drink or you graduated or smthn #so now you feel like you earned that right to be judgemental & angry & mean to a group of people that didnt fucking do anything to you #anyways. this is because im sick and had to go to the store to get groceries and meds #so its a 20 minute walk to the nearest store in 108 degrees bc i dont have gas money and then in the store im ofc using a face mask #like im sweaty and feel disgusting and like shit but this kid was SO fucking excited about his spiderman toy and wanted to talk and #his mom said ‘i told you no one wants to hear about that crap leave her alone’ and like?? no fuck off let a kid be happy?? hes not fucking #doing anything wrong?? so we talked and he showed me the little tiy that lights up and asked if i saw the new spiderverse movie #and i told him i havent! so he asked why so i explained i have photosensitivity and what that means and why i cant see it #(‘even though i heard its super cool!’) and HE WAS SO SWEET... like immediately hid the toy because oh! flashing lights can hurt me! #and then immediately said dont worry because he'll tell me about it so its like i saw it instead! #and like. guys imma be honest with you. i stilm got no fucking idea what this movie's plot is. #but you bet your fucking ass i was pretending like i was following along & was going ‘no way!’ ‘so it's a parallel universe...?’ ‘oh wow!’ #like yea its unnecessary. i felt oike i was gonna collapse and im still struggling to breathe at home now. but also i been the kid #who just wanted to talk about my interests and no one wanted to or was dismissing it. #i know it's not a end of the world deal but i also know that crushing feeling. you gotta be the kindness you want to see in the world yknow #anyways. be nice to kids or im not going to be nice to you. they're one of the most vulnerable members of our society and deserves kindness

[unhinged-nymph]

.

#so here's the thing #my new medication helps me feel less sad and hopeless #which honestly thank god cuz it was real rough there for a bit #(i mean we haven't embarked into this year's seasonal depression yet so tbd) #but no medication i've ever taken has helped with the sheer amount of overwhelm i deal with every moment of every day #and i'm not even feeling particularly anxious all the time #(although i do feel it... a lot lol) #but i am just bombarded by constant thoughts and sensory overload and constant frustration and just overall complete overwhelm when it #comes to literally any task #and it is so fucking exhausting #and that's when i start to feel like.... ok i literally cannot do this forever #but what other choice do i have? #no coping mechanism can turn off the deluge of chaos in my brain at all times #and i just don't know what i'm supposed to do about any of this #(and the answer can't be more therapy because i can't afford it lol) #(and it has never worked for me anyway) #this sucks

[mattodore]

time to finish reading theo’s questionnaire

#river dipping #questionnaire lb #literally had to take a break from it yesterday because it broke my brain a little bit . like i was Unwell all day bc of him #like that last moodboard post i shared before Logging Out did a number on my head too and then everything reminded me of him all day lmao #i also deleted like a hundred old pins from his board so now his pinterest board is back down in the 400s from where it crept into the 500s #his board is so text heavy it's not very aesthetically pleasing... like in comparison to matthias's board which is just...... chef's kiss #but i cannotttttt get myself to whittle his board down any more than i already did. like........... WHY should i try to make his board #pretty anyway? like this is theo we're talking abt. his thoughts overwhelm him his surroundings are cluttered there's holes everywhere #in his brain and he's lost all his softness so like ACTUALLY ! his board being messy is uhhhhhh #a character choice i've just decided 😁 #...no but it does actually annoy me that matthias's board is so much more cohesive 😒 should i kill him for this . . . #.............OC brain rot aside ! #when i'm done reading i'm going to finish making this pose i started last night based on this gifset i saw #and then i'm gonna actually !!!! open !!! the sims !!! to test poses out and take these shots for that tag game kay sent my way 😋 #i've gotta see what clutter cc i already have first tho... i have 50gb of build cc there's gotta be some stuff i can use for theo #matthias is easy. he literally just carries his phone and his card like that's it... #...also sorry i'm being so bad at replying/looking at my activity i'm just an avoidant personality disorder haver . you understand

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i need to do some brain working out to try to get stronger and not overthink things #but i am upset and feeling very anxious rn (: #i came back from the optician (which i was dreading) and just started sobbing #i'm so overwhelmed right now you have no idea #i went to get my new glasses which were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE like waaaaay more than i thought #and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses #but the choices i had today where not only very few but also ugly as fuck #but literally had no choice cause i don't have money and i had to get the cheapest frames to sort of balance how expensive the frames are #and what makes me feel like a piece of shit is that i'm complaining about ''ugly frames'' and whatever when i am able to get them #like i was able to do all the tests i needed to get done i am able to go and buy the glasses with the graduation and the prism and everythi #and i'm SO FUCKING LUCKY that i can and that i have a job that allows me to buy these #and that my family doesn't have to pay them (cause we couldn't) #and i feel like a dick for complaining cause i can fix my eyesight (to an extent) with glasses and i'm not actually blind or anything #but it also sucks that i have to spend literally all of my money just to be able to see #i'm trying so hard to get in the mindset that i'm not getting these glasses for fashion but as medicine #like if i needed a wheelchair it wouldn't be for fashion either #these are aids to help me be healthy and safe and not get run over by a car #even if they look like shit #but you know i'm conflicted :/ #angel talks #personal

[arionawrites]

NEVERMIND I ACCIDENTALLY GAVE YOU $125 INSTEAD OF $25

I’m not mad I can afford it also I don’t really know how to undo it but I did want you to know I’m not like obsessed with you or anything

OH MY GOD I WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO ANSWER YOUR FIRST ASK BUT I ???

okay holy shit so 1. YOU DONT NEED TO TIP ME !! i mean i set it up because why not but it’s not like a necessity and i’m totally okay with NOT being tipped, obviously i definitely appreciate it and i am very VERY grateful but like i’m not gonna ask for tips or anything

also 2. I CAN 100% PAY YOU BACK OMG you sent $25 like 5 times i can!!! even if it’s not all of it i feel bad taking all that, i know you said you can afford it but still you didn’t mean to send that much so i can and happily will send at least some of it back!!

and 3. THANK YOU?? like i said i set up the tip stuff because why not yk, but i honestly never thought someone would actually use it and i ??? that’s wild i might cry a little bit not gonna lie holy shit

but anyways again i know you said you can afford it but just !! if you need or want any of that sent back PLEASE let me know i feel bad taking all of that when you didn’t mean to send so much in the first place omg

#just kinda like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 right now yk #my mom JUST sent me $50 for food and gas to last until thursday too bc like #idk i have a good job that pays decently i just did not make good financial choices prior to this #and am catching up on paying off loans and shit #plus my car accident from june so its just like !! i promise i can afford things usually this pay period just didnt go very well pfkfkf #but idk i !!! i don’t know what to SAY i am genuinely very overwhelmed by this #also is this how brian feels whenever i donate on twitch bc like. i get it now. i understand why he gets overwhelmed by it. holy shit. #anyway i’m gonna shut up now because holy shit holy shit holy shit ??? Holy Shit

[cubot]

#ramblings #neglecting sleep is not a choice i make to feel this way because i do get confused and overwhelmed more easily #BUT i will not NOT celebrate the fact it does make me feel happier or more productive or just overall having a more enjoyable time #not healthy but in small doses should be fine #also this time wasn't exactly a choice so I don't even think that phrasing i used makes sense #neglecting sleep while working on creative projects was a choice and was fun until it wasn't #i might make the choice to attempt to neglect sleep this weekend because I NEED TO CLEAN SO MUCH and pack and clean and pack #i am moving sometime in august so gotta go go go! #GOODNIGHT I AM GOING TO TURN OFF MY COMPUTER AND LAY DOWN IN BED #aircon on high tonight so i can sleep with a blanket to get full cozy factor #i love you all have a beautiful life hugs and a piece of candy for you to imagine on your tongue for a few moments to bring joy

[regular-lord-reckoner]

today's definitely one of those days where's it's like 'haha my mental health would benefit tremendously if i could move out!' but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i would rather be back at my old job #in a classroom with almost 50 kids having to repeat myself over and over again #than i would have another hours long conversation #where i have to be so fucking patient and take someone else's perspective in mind #while trying to mediate #and really it's just that everyone is so goddamn frustrated and exhausted and overwhelmed and just.... #at our wits fucking end #and haha it's almost like too #when you never actually resolve any issues both personal or together #that during times of stress those things don't magically resolve themselves!!! #wow who would have thought #but yeah #and before anyone says 'you shouldn't have to do that; don't get involved that's their problem' #i literally got roped into it lol #i'm over here trying to mind my own business and enjoy my vacation #and my dad's sending me a message on facebook asking if i can help him with something #because apparently he decided to just stop asking my mom for help #it's a whole thing and i already spent hours on it #but just....yeah #had no choice unfortunately!! #but oh well!! #i guess my life can't be like this forever #just gotta hang in there i suppose

[violetclarity]

how's feeling more confident about adulting this year going, violet?

so glad you asked. I told myself at the beginning of january that this year I'd be prioritizing both mine and my cat's health (e.g. taking us to the vet/doctor bc it's been years for either of us) and promptly made her a vet appt. now that the vet appt is arriving uhhh next week I'm realizing I really need to also make myself that doctor's appointment I guess? uh?? fuck!

#doctors cw #medical cw #my previous gp retired last summer but I hadn't seen her in years before that anyway #I could see a nurse practitioner at that same practice #or I could go with one of the ppl my boss recommended #or one of the docs I found googling for fat-friendly providers near me #so now I have too many options and am overwhelmed #I know I need to go to the doctor #it's been multiple years + I am getting older + want to take better care of myself #specifically I would like to get (back) into (long distance) biking which I haven't been doing on account of My Joints #something Is Wrong with them and I need to get it checked out #but there's like a 95% chance that any doctor is going to start and end that conversation at 'you need to exercise more/lose weight' #never mind that I want to get the joints looked at so I *can* exercise because right now things hurt #anyway this isn't me looking for advice unless you have a specific GP rec for my area #e.g. only if you know where I live #I'm just venting bc it's so frustrating as a process #also lmao @ me for getting my cat's medical care sorted out before my own #classic! but also there's a vet literally walking distance from my apt. so that made the 'where to take her' choice easier #I've put in an appt rec for one doc. but now I'm second guessing that so back to the drawing board I suppose #sigh.

[bitter-sweet-heart]

.

#I wanted to remind people if someone’s DID/OSDD overwhelms you you have every right to end a relationship #it doesn’t matter if it’s a friendship or not #I’m so mentally ill and have headmates so it’s hard to date #the alters barely trust anyone and I don’t want people to feel like they have to say #like I’ll gladly leave if you want me too because it’s your life and your choice and not mine #I’m actually glad you had the courage to tell me and then life will move on #I’m numb right now because I’ve had so many anxiety and panic attacks recently right now plus I can sense alters #so I don’t know if I’ll be fronting to hear a possible response #also I want people to live an authentic life with someone they love plus the relationships they have now seem more stable #like their relationship felt more stable without me around #cal vents #we got back together tho but I still worry things won’t fix

[indigobackfire]

Don't fall for pretty guys in the public transportation challenge except I fail so hard everyday. I been thinking of the same guy with pretty dark eyes for two weeks even though I'll probably never see him again ahhahahelp I'm feeling like Dante and Beatrice

#guys I need to tell someone this #cause irl people will think I'm crazy #i saw the back of his neck first before he boarded the bus #he was wearing a thin chain so you can see I had no choice but fall #then he stood in my field of vision #and we crossed glances (mostly because I was starring) #i should not fall for anybody while they're wearing a mask #but even his body he wasn't strong but he was big??? perfectly sized for me??? #i feel crazy #now i walk around uni (which is HUGE a whole ass park) in hopes I'll see that guy #as if I'd be brave enough to talk to him #maybe in hopes he like average underwhelming tired looking girls #but damn if I had the courage I'd ask for his number that first time how overwhelmed I felt #anyway if you made it this far. thank you and I'm sorry #my brain is like that 24/7 #(i now understand why Barnaby regarded his eyebrows so highly. that boy's eyebrows......) #rambling

[thethief1996]

700 Palestinians were killed in the last 24 hours and the airstrikes are more violent each night. Gaza's hospitals have fuel left for two more days. Israel only allowed aid into Gaza on the condition they didn't carry fuel. The Indonesian hospital has shut down already, because doctors have no supplies and no choice but to let the wounded die. They're calling it a collapse but the term doesn't do it justice.

Over a 100 incubator babies are at risk. There are 50.000 pregnant women in Gaza right now, and 5.500 due to give birth this month. Menstruating people are taking pills in order to stop their periods, because they do not have pads or water to maintain hygiene. Surgeons are operating without anesthesia. Water is not reaching Gazans because there's no electricity or fuel for water pumps.

There's no excuse for this. Israel justifies the airstrikes by saying they want to destroy Hamas infrastructure and release the hostages, but they have refused to negotiate for their release. Hamas informed Israel they wanted to release two elderly women without anything in return, and Israel refused. Netanyahu said they wouldn't take their own civilians back because it was "mendacious propaganda." When the hostages were finally released, Netanyahu prohibited the hospital from giving press releases. Yocheved Lifshitz went behind their backs and talked to the press anyway, saying she was treated very well by Hamas, but the government abandoned them. They're being used as straw men. Israel is conditioning the entry of fuel to the release of hostages and yet, according to The Wall Street Journal, when Hamas proposed to exchange 50 hostages for fuel they denied. IDF officials have said they fear the release of more hostages because that might withhold the order to their ground invasion. They do not care as long as they can use the hostages as a pretext for their slaughtering.

There's a turning tide for Palestine in public support. Support for Israel was built through decades of propaganda and we are making a dent into it. Zionists are desperate, holding zoom meetings to promote zionism, but we have to do so much more. We have to shame people in power into supporting the Palestinian cause.

Keep yourself updated and share Palestinian voices, looking to inform yourself from the sources. Palestinians have asked of us only that we share, tweet and post, over and over. Muna El-Kurd said every tweet is like a treasure to them, because their voices are repressed on social media and even on this very app. Make it your action item to share something about the Palestinian plight everyday. Here are some resources:

Al Jazeera

Anadolu Agency

Mondoweiss

Boycott Divest Sanction Movement

Palestinian Youth Movement

Mohammed El-Kurd (twitter / instagram)

Al-Shabaka (twitter / instagram)

Mariam Barghouti (twitter / instagram)

Muhammad Shehada (twitter)

Motaz Azaiza (instagram) - reporting directly from Gaza

Take action. You can participate in boycotts wherever you are in the world, through BDS guidelines. Right now, they are focusing on boycotting (don't be overwhelmed by gigantic boycott lists. Only boycott additional brands if you can):

Carrefour

HP

Puma

Sabra

Sodastream

Ahava cosmetics

Israeli fruits and vegetables

Push for a cultural boycott - pressure your favorite artist to speak out on Palestine and cancel any upcoming performances on occupied territory (Lorde cancelled her gig in Israel because of this. It works.)

If you can, participate in direct action or donate. Palestine Action works to shut down Israeli weapons factories in the UK and USA, and have successfully shut down one of their firms in London. Some of the activists are going on trial and are calling for mobilizing on court.

Call your representatives. The Labour Party in the UK had an emergency meeting after several councilors threatened to resign if they didn't condemn Israeli war crimes. Calling to show your complaints works, even more if you live in a country that funds genocide.

FOR PEOPLE IN THE USA: USCPR has developed this toolkit for calls

FOR PEOPLE IN THE UK: Friends of Al-Aqsa UK and Palestine Solidarity UK have made toolkits for calls and emails

FOR PEOPLE IN GERMANY: Here's a toolkit to contact your representatives by Voices in Europe for Peace

FOR PEOPLE IN IRELAND: Here's a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace

FOR PEOPLE IN POLAND: Here's a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace

FOR PEOPLE IN DENMARK: Here's a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace

FOR PEOPLE IN SWEDEN: Here's a toolkit by Voices in Europe for Peace

FOR PEOPLE IN AUSTRALIA: Here's a toolkit by Stand With Palestine

FOR PEOPLE IN CANADA: Here's a toolkit by Indepent Jewish Voices for Canada

Join a protest. Here's a constantly updating list of protests:

Global calendar

USA calendar

Australia calendar

Here are upcoming events:

CANBERRA/NGUNNAWAL, AUSTRALIA – Wed Oct 25, 11 am, National Press Club. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cyh1xy1BMrU/

OXFORD, ENGLAND – Wed Oct 25, 12:15 pm, Cornmarket. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/CykroKeInz3/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

SMITH COLLEGE (US) – Wed Oct 25, 12 pm, Chapin Lawn. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/CymT8f5vnHN/?img_index=1

ST CATHERINES, ON ( CANADA) – Wed Oct 25, 6 pm, 61 Geneva St Info: https://www.facebook.com/events/889319005528757/

TORONTO, CANADA – Wed Oct 25, 5 pm, Sidney Smith Hall. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/CyjVbpGvva8/

SANT CUGAT, CATALONIA, SPAIN – Thurs Oct 26, 6 pm, Davant l’Ajuntament. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/CynL834tgg9/?img_index=4

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – Fri Oct 27, 7 pm, Federation Square. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cyhyd0vhP8t/

LIVORNO, ITALY – Sat Oct 28, 2:30 pm, Piazza Cavour. Info https://www.instagram.com/p/CyiWJ06MXpM/

MINNEAPOLIS, MN (US) – Sat Oct 28, 1 pm, Lake Street and Minnehaha.

ROME, ITALY – Sat Oct 28, Rome. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cyi7ey-MMs1/?img_index=1

ROME, ITALY – Sat Nov 4, Rome. Info TBA: https://www.instagram.com/p/CyndKUitnMU/

WASHINGTON, DC (USA) – Sat Nov 4, 12 pm, White House. Info: https://www.instagram.com/p/CyiecRtr9-B/

Wollongong: Rally at Crown Street Mall Amphitheatre on 21 Oct at 1 PM

Melbourne: Blak and Palestinian Solidarity Rally at Victorian Parliament House Steps on 25 Oct at 6 PM

HOUSTON: Thursday, October 26th, 5:45PM, Rice University, Central Quad

VANCOUVER: OCT 28 at 2PM, Vancouver Art Gallery

KITCHENER: Wednesday October 25th at 5 PM at CBC Kitchener

SANTA ANA: 20 Civic Center Plaza, Santa Ana, CA 92701, October 25th at 5:30 pm

TORONTO: WED. OCT 25 at 7PM at Queen's Park

[CAR RALLY] WASHINGTON D.C: Wednesday 10/25 outside the US State Department on the 23rd Street side

Feel free to add more.

#save gaza #free palestine #gaza under attack #palestine

[rocket-candy-heart]

My partner is a very calm, confident "we'll go with the flow and see what is interesting" kind of person and I am a white knuckle control freak of the "and here is your itemized itinerary wherein each day revolves around a theme or location" type, so you can imagine that our trip planning is going really well

#me getting very stressed out about picking a hotel so i put pins on a map for every interesting thing we thought about doing #because WHAT IF i pick a hotel that is far from things we want to do. what if! #to which my partner was like 'i mean we can just drive to the things since we're driving there anyway' #i realize this is a deeply unattractive trait that i have here but i have it nonetheless #if i don't scout restaurants ahead of time i will not eat because i will become so overwhelmed by choice