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blorbocedes · 18 days

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as an ancient nico fan, i wanted to ask you, like, what made you notice him, even though he has long quit the sport? this is interesting to me, because i know why he is such an exemplary star, and i was worried that the time will be unforgiving to him, to his achievements or his talents, but thankfully i was proven wrong!

I wanted to be an informed hater and turned into a lover instead 😅

when I got in f1 around 2022 nico was regarded widely as a joke youtuber/fandom villain, but also the allure of brocedes~ that apparently a childhood best friend broke up an entire friendship and betrayal just to win the championship, well that's just a delicious narrative

so I was fully ready to hate on the guy because everyone else did and I wanted to fit in. only problem is I didn't know the guy. he retired in 2016 I don't know shit about him, beyond him being harmlessly cringe on commentary. so to be an effective and accurate hater I set on a journey to find out more about this rosberg dude and all the evils he did~

what made me notice him is that he was really pretty (I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't have cared as much if he looked like kubica), he was the son of the wdc who won a wdc in the nepotism failbaby sport, and he'd beaten lewis hamilton in his prime while also having been childhood friends (what!!!)

I would watch his YouTube videos, esp the ones in the sim/track analysis where he'd explain the best way to optimise a track and then do a q&a, and he was so knowledgable and his enthusiasm was infectious. like did I understand what downshifting was? no. was I riveted hearing him explain why milliseconds of downshifting at the exact time on a corner matters? absolutely. that's when I was like oh he knows what he's talking about, like from a technical standpoint and not just I'm driving the car.

the more I learned about him the more fascinating he became, the five languages but not his father's, the way he was perceived by the media vs his actual personality, being the youngest ever test driver at 17, scoring points and fastest lap on debut (!!!), people thinking he only got the seat bc daddy was a world champion, enduring the britneyfication for long hair/feminine. he's also so fast, like his monaco pole laps are something out of a beautyyyyy. and then being paired up with fucking michael schumacher, having the midfield campaigns of all time at the same time while his peers and friends are winning championships. I also found him using every tactic at his disposal incredibly clever, like why shouldn't you play the media if you speak 5 languages and know german media will be more sympathetic vs british media will paint you as cold and unfeeling. his 2016 campaign that actually started after 2015 USGP when he lost the wdc -- the complete self control, restraint and putting yourself through the impossible and making it on the other side. and yet his winning radio was telling his wife WE did it, not me/i. even though it was the greatest personal achievement he never shied away from his wife's role in it and even his decision to retire is really admirable. he did it and he got to leave it behind on a high, which I think is almost impossible in f1 to do.

I think I'd have been more insane if I got to watch him live, nico the f1 driver and nico the happily retired girldad are kind of distinct entities and I enjoy both but in separate ways ofc.

but please if you (anyone reading this) was a nico fan back when he was racing how was that like!!!! how was 2016 like for you!!! and Living Through it live

#just a normal sized response #this is actually me showing restraint #nico rosberg #blorbocedes ask

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minkyungseokie · 24 days

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Influencers

All my favorite YouTube and TikTok influencers that are rarely written about!

Arthurtv

Arthur Frederick, better known online as Arthur TV, is a Jersey commentary YouTuber known for his entertaining commentary and calm.

Wroetoshaw

Harold "Harry" Christopher George Lewis better known online as W2S (short for Wroetoshaw), is a Guernsey-British YouTuber known for his FIFA Draft and Pack videos. He is also widely known for his real-life challenges with his family and friends. Harry is one of the seven members of the Sidemen.

TBJZL

Tobit John "Tobi" Brown better known online as TBJZL (short for Tobjizzle), is an English YouTuber best known for his FIFA gaming videos. He is a member of the Sidemen.

Jake Webber

Jake Webber is an American YouTuber and musician who uploads vlogs, music, and challenge videos. He is also known for his quick-cutting videos. He also has a live channel where he often uploads food videos.

Fundy

Floris Damen better known online as Fundy (also known as ItsFundy and FFundage), is a Dutch YouTuber and Twitch streamer known for his alterations and videos about the game Minecraft.

George Clarkey

George Arthur Clarke better known online as George Clarkey, is an English YouTuber and TikToker, best known for his funny commentary & reaction videos about trending topics. He has co-hosted the popular podcast The Useless Hotline Podcast

ChrisMD

Christopher Michael Dixon better known online as ChrisMD , is a Jersey YouTuber best known for his football challenges and FIFA pack opening videos.,He lives in London, England, United Kingdom.

Corpse Husband

Corpse Husband also known as CORPSE, is an American YouTuber and musician from San Diego, California, United States. He is best known for his deep, distinguishable voice and playing Among Us with other YouTubers and Twitch streamers, along with his horror narrations.

Disguised Toast

Jeremy Wang better known online as Disguised Toast (or simply Toast), is an Taiwanese-born Canadian gaming YouTuber and Twitch streamer who mainly makes content around League of Legends and Among Us on both platforms.

Sykkuno

Thomas better known online as Sykkuno is an American YouTuber, live streamer, and former Twitch streamer who is mainly known for his gaming content.

The Eret

Alastair better known online as Eret (also known as TheEret), is an English gaming YouTuber known for playing Minecraft on YouTube and Twitch.

Spifey

George "Geo" Anderson better known online as Spifey, is an English Minecraft gaming YouTube channel that shows off older versions of the game. Some of the content on Spifey's channel include listening to certain annoying songs to win money for a long period of time with users of Minecraft on the servers and trolling his friends with cursed Minecraft mods

Skeppy

Zak Ahmed better known online as Skeppy, is an American YouTuber known for his Minecraft challenge videos involving numerous contestants and his collaborations with fellow YouTuber BadBoyHalo.

Quackity

Alexis "Alex" Maldonado better known online as Quackity (formerly QuackityHQ), is a Mexican YouTuber and Twitch streamer known for playing the video game Minecraft and his raid videos.

kennysong

Kenny Song is a famous TikTok star, Instagram star, and food influencer from the US. He shares Asian cuisine and simple meal and snack options. He also posts shorts videos alongside his cooking videos

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huhustuff · 1 year

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ArthurTV is such a pretty boy! I adore him, would it be possible to get general dating hcs for him?

‎

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐀𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐓𝐕 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

🌇🧸🍂

Could be read as 8thsidemen!reader or not.

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___________________________________________

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First briefly meeting Arthur through mutual friends

Actually hanging out for the first time whilst filming Chip’s Pub Golf video. Since Arthur had been taking too many Ls in his teammate's eyes, Chip gave you a task to highlight it. “If he wants to act like a clown then he can look like a clown” The little gremlin laughed and handed you a box of face paint markers.

“Why me”

“Because your artistic and all that”

As Arthur sat there, hoping that you won’t make him look downright atrocious. You chuckled: “Your face is so pretty I don’t wanna ruin it”. Suddenly Arthur looked like a dear in headlights, cheeks bright red and voice struggling to escape his throat to form a proper sentence. And whilst others laughed at him he mumbled a very delayed “Thank you”.

‘11:28 have i missed a chapter?’

‘11:29 never thought i would wanna be ArthurTV this bad’

‘11:32’ why does Harry look so angry here lmao’

And along with the youtube comments , Twitter decided to have a field day as well.

After the filming itself ended the group continued to drink the night away. During the casual conversations the fact that you had never been to the British National Museum. “Oh Really?”, Arthur asked. “Yeah, I do not wanna go alone, but none of this lot will go with me”, you referred to the others around you. Upon hearing that Chip felt the need to try to play matchmaker. “Don’t worry, Arthur will be glad to take you” he slurred, voice a bit off from being peppered.

“Um, I mean”

“I wouldn’t mind”

"Really?"

“Mhm, if you want to I’m free this Saturday”

That was an offer Arthur would have never in his life turned down. So after exchanging contacts that night the two of you met up in front of the museum on the Saturday of that week.

Even though there was no certain label to the outing it felt exciting. Besides his name and some other surface information, you didn’t really know him and vice versa. (he might’ve lied a bit abt that, turns out that frequently watching your videos made him more familiar with you than he actually let on).

In between talking about the exhibitions the pair of you got the chance to chat about individual and mutual interests, life before youtube along with your shared profession, and the pros and cons that came along with it.

Despite you wishing for the opposite, Arthur and you got spotted by fans on that day. And it did not take long for pictures and clips of the two of you walking around the museum to be leaked online.

And of course, Chip had to jump on it as well on the next Fellas podcast. “All I am saying is that I should get recognition for this one. Mate, I basically set the thing up for Arthur”

Him explaining chess to you and attempting to get you hooked on chess TikTok.

Contemplating getting a hamster together (rip Plato, you didn’t even get a funeral from Calfreezy 😣)

Hope you like nature documentaries cause you are gonna be getting just the commentary without the video material for bedtime stories.

After making it official you gave up trying to hide the relationship since it was already getting documented as well and often as Paul Breach.

Still liking to keep your private life to yourself there wouldn’t be an extra vid like the bf tag or something like that. One day Arthur would just appear on your vlog to the enjoyment of the viewers.

So entertaining on the vlogs does your job for you.

‎

Hope u enjoyed these headcanons and that you have a good day or night 🌇!!

#arthurtv x reader #arthurtv #arthurtv imagine #8th sidemen imagine #8th sidemen #sidemen imagine

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twochildreninamoteldemo · 3 months

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Do i dare to ask?

halfway through the european middle ages, churches shifted from the romanesque style to the new gothic style, which favored pointed windows and high ceilings to let in more light and make the church and god feel more welcoming. centuries later in the 1700s, horace walpole developed a fascination with the ruins of these gothic churches and fashioned his house in an appropriation of it, and wrote the first gothic novel, the castle of otranto. british authors became obsessed with gothic fiction, and its preoccupation with the mysterious and haunting supernatural as societal and familial commentary due to gothic architecture being these dark and decaying places, despite having been light and welcoming at the time they were built. from britain, the genre spread to america, where it flourished as a commentary on the underside of the american dream, first in prose and then on film and then television. twin peaks was the first tv show to lean into the gothic genre, followed by the x files a few years later and then the third to complete this trio at the turn of the century: supernatural. because the gothic leans so heavily upon incest as a symbolic trope, main characters sam and dean exhibit incestuous subtext (stated explicitly in the show by the angel zachariah and outside by series creator eric kripke), leading people to ship both their characters (wincest) and their actors (j2). in 2010, an anonymous request for a "doggy style" alternate universe including "alpha" and "bitch males" was filled by tehdirtiestsock, spawning the a/b/o, or omegaverse, genre of fanfic. slowly this genre also infiltrated the self-published romance genre, where an author sued another for plagiarism based on similar omegaverse tropes, despite the fact that the genre had already been established. the lawsuit was covered by several fandom-focused youtubers.

#sorry i made this extremely comprehensive so it could be understandable to outsiders hahaha #tardis-to-pendragon #letters #gonna paste this on the og post too

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feministsforkatemiddleton · 2 months

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It's me, Meghan, hi, I'm the problem it's me

Let's break these comments down. Link: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/meghan-markle-recounts-cruel-bullying-experienced-pregnant-rcna142622

"Speaking on a panel at the South by Southwest festival in Austin, Texas, on Friday, Markle said she is keeping her 'distance from [social media] right now just for my own well-being.'

The “bulk” of the social media and online 'bullying and abuse' she said she has experienced was when she was pregnant with her children, Archie and Lilibet, and while she had a newborn."

Some of that "bullying and abuse" was because Meghan misused her position as a working royal and went to Oprah to lie about her in-laws. If you don't want fair criticism and commentary on your actions -- i.e., misusing the British taxpayers' money and flat-out spreading lies -- then maybe act differently.

"'You really wrap your head around why people would be so hateful,” Markle said of the social media bullying she experienced. 'It’s not catty, it’s cruel.'

Markle acknowledged that there is 'so much work to be done in terms of keeping people safe' in the current social media landscape, especially considering what children are exposed to, while also appreciating the dichotomy that can exist on social media platforms."

Yes, Meghan. That's correct. A good example would be the abuse your sister-in-law is facing from your fans and paid-for bots. What the Princess of Wales is facing currently is "cruel," and you've had a hand in it. So there's a good place to start.

"Using the panel, which was being streamed on YouTube, as an example, Markle said it’s 'fantastic' that it’s on the video platform because people are going to 'have access to hear all of this brilliance and all of this insight,' but 'at the same time, it’s a platform that has quite a bit of hate and rhetoric and incentivizes people to create pages where they can churn out very, very inciting comments and conspiracy theories that can have a tremendously negative effect on someone’s mental health, their physical safety.'"

Do you mean like the conspiracy theories about your sister-in-law that, again, you have had a hand in churning out??

I cannot believe she actually said this. Jesus.

She also called out "'how much of the hate is women completely spewing that to other women.'"

Markle said there are a lot of women in high-level executive positions 'who are great champions of women, who are great philanthropists,” and yet 'they’re allowing this kind of behavior to run rampant.'"

Yes, Meghan -- like the hate you have spewed via your own mouth, leaks, and intermediaries like Omid against your sister-in-law!!! And you, Meghan, claim to be a philanthropist and co-head a charity and are letting this behavior run rampant!!

"At a certain point, they have got to put the ‘dos’ behind the ‘says’ and really make some changes on a systemic level,” Markle said."

Okay, then get to work.

"But, she added, average social media users also have work to do to ensure safe spaces online, noting that the 'systemic change has to happen at the same time as the cultural change is happening,' calling out women who are 'reading something terrible, terrible about a woman' and then sharing it.

'I think that is the piece that is so lost right now, and what’s happening in the digital space and in certain sectors in the media — we have forgotten about our humanity,' Markle said.

'And that has got to change, because I understand there’s a bottom line, and I understand that a lot of money is being made there, but even if it’s making dollars, it doesn’t make sense.'"

Like you, Meghan, and your fans you have created a cottage industry of abusing your sister in law, literally the next Queen of England.

#princess catherine #british royal family #princess of wales #team wales #prince william

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pillowspace · 3 months

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I love and adore your liveblogging of portal, I've never seen someone this invested in the characters like you are! 💛 I bet if you had streamed this or uploaded it on youtube with commentary it would have been a hit because this is amazing 🥰

seems like you're done with it now though, I hope you had fun 💛

Aw thank you! I've honestly always really wanted to stream, but I'm just on a little phone, so there's not much for me to do there. A large part of my attachment probably also comes from the fact that I very rarely have the opportunity to play any videogames, so they are literally special for that reason. Not to mention I know Dana and Monnie both like Portal, so it made the characters already endearing before I started playing (I will once again mention that I thought Wheatley spoke in beeps and boops, not a coherent British accent)

I had a lot of fun!! I enjoyed the games a lot! <3

#ask

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lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers · 2 months

Video

youtube

Exposing a Disturbing Influencer Brand Deal

Yeah, it’s a commentary youtube video, but makes surprisingly good points about influencers with kids in their audience taking money to promote the British Army, and calling out the hypocrisy of someone wearing a Free Palestine hoody and then doing this a few weeks later.

Also sneaks in some nice stuff about just how much aid the British Military is giving to the Israeli Army right now.

As it feels relevant, here’s also your reminder that the UK Military is the only European Military which recruits child soldiers (children can serve from 16, but start the recruitment process from 15 1/2). Even the UN has suggested that the UK should raise their recruitment age to 18. https://home.crin.org/readlistenwatch/stories/uncrc-uk-military-age

#youtube #influencers #alex elmslie #uk politics #fuck the army #child soldiers #free palestine

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thrashsexual · 3 days

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my thoughts on pf members if they existed in modern day (based on looks)

Syd Barrett: moderately popular commentary youtuber who holds his clip mic in his hand

Roger Waters: hardcore pit mosher who spits on people if they push him and developed a reputation on Twitter for throwing his shoes at frontmen

David Gilmour: pretty boy actor under 30 like Timothee Chalamet or Nicholas Hoult who primarily gets casted in streaming service dramas

Rick Wright: painfully british influencer on instagram who promotes sleep aid supplements

Nick Mason: the next Nick Cannon

#pink floyd #pf #shitpost #syd barrett #roger waters #david gilmour #rick wright #nick mason

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esha-isboogara · 2 years

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under the desk support

i wish i liked people in a normal way but here i am. it is like 1 am and i am writing about a youtuber who makes reaction videos.

“Willll”~ she called in a sing-song voice knocking on the door, not bothering to wait for a response before opening it. She did this so often she was sure he would not mind anymore. Not like he has a choice either way. It was just as much her flat as it was his.

Y/n was not going to let him ignore her for too long.

He looked up from his laptop, his steel colored eyes taking her in from head to toe before focusing back on his work. He did not have time for distractions. And her just standing there was more of a distraction than anything “I’m not yet done with this video so don’t even think about asking me again”.

“I can’t come visit my favorite person in the whole wide world just because I want to? I am beyond heartbroken”. A playful pout came onto her face as she entered his room. “I get to missing you when i’m allll alone ..” Her voice trailed off as she stood behind him and leaned down, draping her arms around his shoulders while nuzzling his face.

“I’m sure you do love, but i’m busy like i had said earlier. Do you need something”?

With not a care in the world she pulled his chair back and placed herself on his lap. “Actually I was hoping to help YOU Will. I can tell how stressed you are. And since you’re my most favorite boyfriend in the whole entire world I’m going to help you out”.

She was not incorrect. Things have been all over the place recently. He had been working himself to the bone editing videos , recording live streams and planning out ideas.

“Y/n I really appreciate your concern for me. Really I do. But I’m not really sure there is anything you can do for me right now”.

She smiled,a big toothy grin. “Let me just try and help you relax and if it doesn’t work I’ll leave you alone”

He could tell by her expression she had something devious on her mind.

Shifting her position again she drops down and makes her way down under the desk. Her face was resting between his thighs. “Please Will? I promise it’ll be worth it. It’ll be good for you”.

He wanted to say yes so badly. Oh how he wanted to just fuck her face right there. But he had to at least attempt to have some control over himself.

“Y/n I’m working right now. If someone caught us….”

“I don’t think you’d mind”. she replied with a grin, moving her face closer to his crotch. “In fact I think if one of your friends were to walk through that door and happened to come across me with a mouth stuffed full of your cock you’d enjoy every second of it”.

His cock twitched at the thought of her doing such a thing to him. And in his office of all places.

“You need to unwind just let me help this once please Will”?

He sighed in defeat. How could he say no to those begging eyes ? And lord knows he needed this. Who was he to turn down such an opportunity.

He ran his fingers through her hair. “Alright lass , go ahead”.

Her eyes visibly lit up with excitement. “I knew you’d say yes! Don’t worry I will totally make this worth your time”.

She was quick to pull his waistband down and allow his cock to greet her. It was hard to contain her excitement.

“Go on now , on with it”. Will urged ,pushing her face down towards his member “show me how eager you are to please me”.

Hearing those words set her off even more , she was careful not to slam her head on the wood of his desk as she slowly ran her tongue along the hardened length. She repeated this several more times, wanting to savor every moment of this wonderful moment.

“Don’t be a tease Y/n I have work to do. Behave”. Will warned you in a stern tone. You know he was beginning to crack though.

#will lenny #willne smut #willne #will lenny x reader #willne x reader #eboys podcast #eboys 420 #smut #actual fanfic #drabble #smutty drabble #british youtubers #commentary youtuber #commentary youtuber x reader #esha writes

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g-xix · 2 months

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Ahhhh j realised i hadn't put Chris in a masterlist!!!!

Idk whether he's better in Chaos Crew or YouTubers+ tho ngl... Yk, considering he litr lives w Arthur² & George it makes sense he's in Chaos Crew.... but he's not really a commentary YTer and makes more vids that fit into British YT content with Danny Aarons, Cal², Ginge....

Gonna put him in both lists is the verdict, i think.

#WAFFLE!!#chrismd #chris dixon

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zims-left-antenna · 3 months

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does anyone know of any commentary youtubers (be it video essays or whatever) that DON'T have american or canadian accents ???

my english teacher told me that i should improve my ear regarding other accents (irish, australian, new zealand, british, etc) but i cant find any other youtuber besides izzzyzzz

#pleaseee help #youtube #english language #english as a second language #english as a foreign language #studyblr #student help #idk how to tag this lol

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hurricane-heatt · 3 months

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in another world lando norris is a british commentary youtuber

#everytime he appears in close proximity to willne i just think huh he would’ve done numbers in 2018

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things-about-cars-in-posts · 6 months

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favorite band/artist?

Sheesh. Complicated one.

You see, my music tastes are, to put it mildly, rather varied. I think it showed in my music recommendation post and the post that further explored one of those artists, but to further illustrate, my library includes:

Earth, Wind & Fire

New Kids On The Block's Jordan Knight's first solo single

Dubstep band Hadouken!’s Lana Del Rey cover

A mashup of Wham! and a fishing anime

A Japanese bilingual melodic punk rock band's two songs about bowling

80s remixes of Justin Bieber songs

A Japanese "punk ska and melodic hardcore band"'s cover of Scatman’s World

A 140+ song Beatles remix collection, featuring such gems as "Octopus's 3D Garden", "I Saw Her Yankin' There" and "Help!" (suspicious)

A eurobeat female duo of rotating Italian and British members’ Abracadabra-sampling track about falling in love with a banana

A remix of Azumanga Daioh’s Sata Andagi scene I retrieved from a porn site reupload

Moldovan folk punk band and folk musician duo’s collab about celebrating the reopening of a railroad

The soundtrack of Pictionary for the NES

A mashup of AVICII, Rick Astley and Chumbawumba

An 80s pop Linkin Park remix

Black Sabbath covers by The Cardigans (of Lovefool fame)

JT's solo debut

A Flock Of Seagulls (of I Ran (So Far Away) fame)

One (1) DJ Khaled song

A 2011 My Little Pony-themed song by then commentary youtuber

(And I beg each and every one of the people who read this list and thought "Okay that one cannot possibly be good" to hop in my askbox and allow me to prove them wrong.)

But let's go through bands and artists I've not posted about before.

Two Door Cinema Club Just out of statistics. I can prove I played I Can Talk over a hundred times and I can tell you any number under two hundred is underselling it. There is genuinely some problem with my brain that that intro slots into perfectly.

youtube

Oh also all the rest of their first album this comes from is this great too, and if you ask me what a perfect album sounds like I will tell you it's not that far off their second album.

OK Go Now, I like the music. Actually, I'd left my two guitars alone for years until an easy OK Go song made me think "Oh, maybe I can play this" and realize that rather than -as I had prior- just play the music I'd been taught I could actually teach myself to play the music I was listening to, which snowballed into playing more OK Go songs and then it expanded and now I have a ukulele, a bass, a third guitar I need to merge with that bass (it's complicated), a fourth "guitar" (it's complicated) on the way, a Casio calculator/synth (it's complicated), a melodica, a launchpad and a kazoo. Whoops. But really, all you need to be sold on OK Go is see two of their videos. One to find out what they're like (and you're already good on that front because you have visited the internet ever and have thus seen Here It Goes Again aka "The Treadmill Video" aka what when posted to YouTube upon its CEO begging them became the biggest video of all time) and another to find out that no the first one was not a one-off fluke. I am serious, go click that link, it takes you to a playlist of their videos and each one is crazier than the last. I mean they played a song with a car. A song. That has a guitar solo. With a car. Have you seen the name of this channel.

youtube

Ah, right, the name of this channel. I guess I have to say a thing about that car now. Uhhh this video was sponsored by Chevrolet to promote the Aveo which, despite being badged as a Chevrolet, like many of the more Europe-oriented Chevrolets was made by the automotive branch of Daewoo, brand General Motors picked up after the Daewoo conglomerate (then the second largest in South-Korea which may as well be called Samsungland) went bankrupt in '99 over almost $90B modern dollars in debt. Its founder Kim Woo-chong (because Lord knows the "woo" in Daewoo did not stand for "woo what a great car") earned a ten year sentence, but I feel they focused too much on the wrong guy. The REAL criminal is whoever penned Daewoo cars.

A good person doesn't do this on purpose.

Owl City I have too few of his songs, but I absolutely love how comically upbeat he is. He is so precious. If c: walked this Earth. I mean "Golf and alcohol don't mix and that's why I don't drink and drive / Because, good grief, I'd knock out my teeth and have to kiss my smile goodbye". Protect this man at all costs. Also one time I saw the Fireflies video after what must have been a good decade and you know when you feel near crying? I adored that song when I was a kid and I was right.

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Liquido European one-hit wonders - and not even "people know them just for one song", not even "people don't know them and just know the song"; I found you can tell people the name of their hit and they won't know what you're talking about. But hum the riff and infallibly, invariably any single person in my country (and, in my limited experience, the rest of Europe) will go "Ooooooh, that one". And to be fair, those guys did stumble on one of the most memorable riffs in modern history.

youtube

Not saying this is a hidden gem of a band, I am sure some bigger music nerd would stamp a big fat "SEEN BEFORE" on all their stuff, beyond some enjoyable splashes of "I wonder how much of this is them leaning into it" cheese (yes, even more than that video) - but I've still got their whole discography including all the B-sides, because to me, so what? It's good music and I'll treat it like it. What's the point of praising "groundbreaking", "genre defining" works and then glossing over those inhabiting the ground they broke and making the genres they defined? When I eat bread I don't complain that it doesn't innovate or set itself apart from the rest of the genre, so as long as my music doesn't bore me why should those be problems there? I feel like people have a problem in general separating their enjoyment of a work from its artistic merit. I'm digressing.

The Beatles If you ask me "What's your favorite number of pant legs?" I'm not going to answer five because two would be cliché.

And now we get to the final answer, the real answer, in such a league of its own it deserves to be separated from the rest via a Read More.

I lied, this is under a Read More because it's an entire fucking dissertation. Your fault for asking.

Caparezza I've spent well over a decade of my life mulling over his lyrics to the point me and my ex-flatmate played this game where she told me a random word and I'd try to find it in his lyrics (e.g. the first word of your ask, "favorite", was used in the second verse of the sixteenth track of his sixth album, yes I am neurodivergent why do you ask), and still it happens that as I am going through my everyday life I happen to accrue some information and slam my forehead going "Oh my God THAT'S what he meant there". His songs are more layered, more deep, more thoughtful, more cutting, more witty, more clever than most prose you see around and still he manages to play with his words and rhymes with incredible dexterity.

Take his last record, Exuvia - actually, take the previous record Exuvia picks up from, Prisoner 709:

Its name not only introduces the theme of imprisonment, but also of dilemmas and juxtapositions, since the prisoner's number, 709, stands for the dilemma about the number of the record: it's the 7th in his discography as Caparezza, but the 9th if one also counts the two shit records he made under his previous name Mikimix (we don't talk about those). Its tracklist, indeed, while being as typical for him incredibly varied in topics (from religions to his affinity with Ludwig II of Bavaria to "I'm not [x], BUT-" types) is arranged as chapters of a journey through an imprisonment (The Crime, The Punishment, The Weight, The Psychologist, The Letter, The Visit, The Yard Time, The Torture, The Revolt, The Guard, The Infirmary, The Window, The Evasion, The Hiding) and associated to dilemmas - for instance, as the record is about his feeling imprisoned in his body and in his role, the first song -and first chapter, The Crime- is indeed Prosopagnosia (i.e. face blindness), a track about him no longer recognizing himself in the artistic reputation he built himself, with the dilemma being between "Michele", his name, and "Caparezza", his rap name. Oh, and if you also want a taste of the impressive wordplay, well, count the letters of those two names. Yep. Every single one of the 16 tracks is a dilemma is between a 7 letter word and a 9 letter word. Because of course it is.

So now, let's get to the last record, Exuvia.

Nah, the pop-up edition's cover fucks way harder.

That's more like it.

Exuvia is the exoskeletal remains left behind by ecdysozoans after ecdysis, i.e. when creatures like insects and crustaceans develop a new exoskeleton and crawl out of their old one, as this record starts from his escaping from the anguish compounded through all his previous records and through a deep analysis of his past, his self, his surroundings, his fate, condensing it all and moving on to a new self, a new birth, a new shell. (Understand how I feel when people say the greatest rapper of all time is one whose greatest record is called "Damn" because the songs made him go "Damn" and whose biggest song is "Biggie Smalls' Juicy but this time about me".)

Well, in the second track of it, about running away from the dire situation of hatred, decay and persecution described in the first track, he says, and I paraphrase,

I give it all up, I'm dying, I retreat - Caporetto plus Waterloo Dripping and smelling like my head was in a station's toilet- oh.

introducing the desperation and hopelessness of military defeats and immediately following it up with an image whose comedic nature makes a contrast so stark as to surprise even him while still, being a reference to the military's hazing and bullying, latching back to the line before. While the prose I represent it with is deliberately poor, the concept behind the words is brilliant enough that it would be a good line if it didn't rhyme at all. And yet the original lines rhyme for twenty syllables. TWENTY.

Thing is, you can be as clever as you want, but the underlying music, you know, it can't be clever, it can just be good or bad. One would think. And yet the music is not just good but full of clever, witty samples and ideas that don't just reinforce the track's mood but tie the instrumental inextricably into the lyrics' themes, like Larsen (the track about his tinnitus, which he calls by audio feedback's technical name of Larsen effect) using high-pitched synths and emphasizing cymbals, Prisoner 709's title track being 79bpm (I wager 709bpm was a bit non-doable), House Credibility's instrumental featuring intercom buzz and cowbells reminiscent of cookware, or, well, everything in Exuvia's second single. See, that song is about the choice he faces between the story of Beethoven, who despite all his challenges kept devoting himself to music until the day he died, or that of Mark Hollis, lead of Talk Talk, who despite all the fame peaced out to focus on his private life - and the entire instrumental is devoted to that concept: the verses' reference Für Elise, the chorus Such A Shame, and the bridge I Believe In You; and when you tun into the background choirs you find they are rhythmically repeating "I don't know".

You start to get a clue why there's three years between his records.

So if his songs are so fucking good, why is he not famous? Well, he is! Except for his first album which no one really noticed (fairly so in my opinion - while I like a few songs I feel he really got going in his second one), the following records did really well for someone with such dense content: his third record has been certified gold! And all the others platinum. Some twice. Never since the first one did a record of his peak under 5 in the charts, and he's got 8 gold singles, 3 platinums and a double platinum. And don't get me started on the shows.

(That's me in the background!) Hell, he's even been on the cover of Billboard! So why've you never heard of him? Well, see the word next to Billboard.

Yep. The man, Michele Salvemini, is an Italian born and raised and, like any proper Italian, doesn't speak a whole lot of English, so pretty much all the English you'll hear in his music are the handful of English features, like Michael Franti, DMC (!) and Spandau Ballet's Tony Hadley, with which he made a song about Italy's emigration crisis.

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Emigration that is also internal, from the underdeveloped, falling aparty and criminality-run south of Italy to where all the industries are, the richer and we-pretend-it's-not-criminality-run north. And since he's from Apulia, Italy's heel (his rap name in fact means "curly head" in Apulian dialect), he's made a song about its woes too, featuring the music of the tarantella, Apulia's traditional dance. (I don't know why y'all add an A in front. It's fucking "Puglia", y'all.) Here's an imperfect translation with a couple of helpful explainers to the asterisked terms over in the video's description.

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It depresses me every time I think about it that all the English speakers I know will never be able to fully appreciate his lyrical brilliance. But oh well. At least y'all can appreciate the music... so fuck it, have that song whose music I yapped about so much. You'll hear the choirs in the background say "non so" (I don't know)... and a bunch more Italian words (translated here for those on desktop who want to follow along).

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Links in blue are posts of mine about the topic in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

#does it show #does it at all show #that you happened to tap into another one of my passions #music #chevrolet aveo #daewoo tacuma

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