#but I don't want to be a quiet person

[sashasluggo]

I wish I wasn't so fragile

#I wish I didn't get a borderline panic attack at the idea of accidentally saying or doing something that upsets someone #even if someone tells me calmly I instantly go into a full on spiral and self-hatey #and I know it's because of my parents #and because of autism I keep accidentally being rude #and it made me so much more quiet than I'd be otherwise because I don't want to upset anyone #but I don't want to be a quiet person #i want to be loud and silly and playful and laugh with people I genuinely care about #but it's difficult to let my guard down #so it's difficult to make connections that feel meaningfuk #i can count in one hand the amount of people I feel truly safe and connected with #and I want so many more genuine connections #but it's scary #i am scared of getting close to anyone because the more comfortable I get the more likely I am to accidentally upset them #anyway #I've been rambling for too long #and these are probably not things I should be sharing with strangers on the internet #but it's all written down now so ih #uh* #if you read all this you're cool #and don't worry too much about me I'll be ok #just got a lot on my mind and processing a lot of different things #and learning how to love myself better #it's hard #but I'll keep doing my best #in hopes one day I can feel those genuine connections I crave so much #one day. #I hope.

[inkskinned]

one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.

in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.

disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.

desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.

in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?

we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.

except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?

and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.

to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."

this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.

in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.

the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.

and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.

some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.

the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.

we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?

"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.

there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.

#does this make sense #to do be deleted probably yikes #(takes a swing at a wasp's nest) #like i think ppl have started to just be really quiet when they like something 'problematic' #and im like... u can be like - #girl tswift NEEDS to just TAKE A BUS . LIKE????????????????????? #while also being like. #''she's a lot of fun'' #if ur personal policy is that u don't support her for that reason that's great #but it's like. eating meat??? #like yeah some people won't bc the environment. but the fact i eat meat doesn't mean i hate the earth #like i can say that i think the meat industry is HORRIFIC and also downright cruel to its employees #but like. still enjoy a chicken nugget.... #there are people who choose otherwise. it's okay . we are people. i make like no money. u probably don't either #us fighting about whether or not it's Right To Eat The Chicken Tender just distracts from like. #actually turning your ire on the corporation #i hope it's clear what i'm saying here is like. when we fight each other for Purity Reasons #we are just doing the work of corporations . for free. like they WANT us to be doing this lol #it's the fucking DREAM of the upperclass that now ALL forms of responsibility fall on the individual

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Leave wildlife alone. He probably bites.

 [First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xiao xingchen #xue yang #shout out to our girl a-qing for seeing the downfall this man would cause at minute one of meeting him #Something to be said about the differences in their 'blindness' also having figurative consequences. #xxc is blinded to consequences by his own naivety. He helps who needs helping because that's what he feels is right. #meanwhile A-qing is falsely blinded; she wields naivety as an outwards illusion while knowing full well that not everyone is worth saving. #She's one of my top 5 fav mdzs characters and I refuse to be quiet about it. #XXC is the kind of person who wants to save baby birds that fall out of nests. Alas. He should have followed the rules of nature: #'If you care - leave it there.' #The little rat man you found is so full of diseases. He bites. He will pee on all your belongings. Do not take him home. #No matter how sad he looks!!!! #For those who don't know what xxc is speaking Spanish: It has become a little inside joke. No significant lore: He Just Knows how. #Everytime he does I am blowing a kiss to the Spanish speaking mdzs community. I will consult you guys on slang as this arc continues. #(Playing around a bit with paneling and layout. To improve means to experiment!)

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Starlo's personality

I'm still confused about this man's 'true self,' gotta admit. How much of 'himself' IS there in 'North Star'?

What we know about real Star:

He's a nerd/geek obsessed with westerns; that's where he got the inspiration to build WE

He looks different than with the hat on and used to wear braces

Was shy in his teenage years around Ceroba (no idea how he acted normally) + couldn't confess to her

His mom (after killing him) says how he's never been the one to follow rules. I wonder what she meant by that. Rules, like, you're supposed to hate humans like everyone else or rules, like, no sneaking off to practice your shooting and lasso skills? Both?

Ed describes the 'old him' as a fearless leader and as a monster who could 'make his own fun in the little things' (you mean he used to be more humble but at the same time remained an ambitious risk-taker?)

Is insecure about where he comes from and what he looks like

We don't have enough info to know what he was like as a kid. I'm curious if absolutely everything about North Star is the opposite of Starlo (I don't think it is); both are kind and protective. Still, I can't help but wonder if the Starlo after Showdown, in both routes, is the real him or not. Maybe 50% yes and 50% no

Just from the end credits, the only thing I got about him was that he's kind and friendly and optimistic and charming (North Star is this way too, but more exaggerated). Nothing new

So maybe Starlo IS North Star, but more modest (aka not as exaggerated)

I'm curious about your thoughts guys.

Also I forgot to mention how he wanted to plan a PARTY for Kanako, in neutral says that the PARTY in the saloon was great (and the letter he sent was pretty charming), wants to accompany Ceroba in the Steamworks, is open about how he feels (immediately openly confronts Ceroba and calls her out; he's assertive), not afraid to get physical if it means protecting Clover & Martlet, can be pretty loud (like when he spotted Clover after sparing him in neutral, he was like "DEPUTY!!!"

I'm left wondering if all this is the real him or not. I think it is. Just maybe toned down a bit :) It's the only explanation for the fact he's been doing all this for a really long time and never showing signs of wanting to stop/that it exhausted him

#undertale yellow #uty #starlo uty #uty starlo #I wanna analyse his personality in a lot of detail #Just have to figure him out first #Is he actually a quiet shy guy or nah #Personally I think nah #Since he decided to be an entertainer #And 110% adores the role #I mean the dude successfully kept the persona FOR YEARS and dina didn't suspect he was a fraud #How the heck did he find the motivation and strength to keep up the act for that long #And use the fake accent #I don't think that's an introvert trait #I'd get exhausted after 1 day of acting #Also he wasn't as excitable as AFTER he discovered westerns #My boy just wanted a purpose and had none before #Love how dedicated passionate and ambitious he is #He took a HUGE risk by building this town but took it anyway for everyones sake #So they'd have a fun place to go to to pretend they're on the surface #Starlo DID value status but isn't it controversial to build a wild west town based off of HUMAN history #It was a risk for stars reputation in the underground and he TOOK it #He's way less selfish when you think of it this way #Sure he adored the attention but it wasn't the only motivation

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

got three asks asking for laughingstock in a row, im putting the doodles i have On A Shelf <3

#the spite in me has Activated. so yall can Wait! #we get there when we get there and not a second before #i will say that i dont enjoy being Pressured or Pushed #im a person <3 not a content machine <3 #and anyway im in a motivation slump rn! let me rest! #absolutely unprompted #its come to my attention that i need to be a little firmer with boundaries and such #so. im drawing a line in the sand of this Beach! (blog). (bog) #(do bogs have sand?) #im drawing a line in the Moss! #if i havent posted or drawn a certain thing in a while <3 #Please don't come into my inbox like 'where's this / why havent you posted / draw more' etc etc <3 #like mmmm thats one way to make me actively want to Not! #i draw what i want when i like. art is my hobby #& i have a very active spite drive! Unfortunately! #so Yes. the laughingstock machine is broken rn. i took a hammer to it #ill fix it when i feel like it #like ofc if youre genuinely like. concerned or whatever cause its been quiet. I Don't Mind! #but when its put in a way where its like. yk clearly Pushing for a certain thing i draw or whatever #its like yeah ok. Hush. #us artists are People please keep that in mind #if you miss a certain thing make your own or continue to enjoy what's already there! Slow Down!

[gottagobackintime]

I liked that we only got to see Trent look at Colin this episode. Having him observe Colin and then deciding what to do feels like a very Trent thing to do. Yes, Colin kissing Michael where anyone could see is bad if he wants to keep it a secret. And that's a conversation that I'm not getting into now. BUT, what does Trent actually know about Colin in terms of being out or not. He knows that Colin isn't out to the public, obviously, because it would have made headlines. But he doesn't know if Colin is out to his teammates and leaders. We know he isn't but Trent doesn't. He saw Colin and Michael kiss and he heard what Colin said in the latest episode. Yes, Colin brought Michael to Sam's restaurant and introduced him as his pal, his wingman. Trent could have heard that, he was sitting close by, but did he? I mean every shot we got of him he was clearly deep into his own conversation with various people at his table. Would he have picked up what Colin said, and remembered it? I don't think so.

So he observes Colin, because now he knows something new but not enough. And I know that a lot of you feel like Trent should warn him, tell him that he saw them kissing. But honestly, Colin is an adult who knows that there are no out players. He knows that it would make headlines, he knows he's not out to the team, and he still chose to kiss his boyfriend in an alley. Sure he could have been drunk or just wanted to kiss his boyfriend, consequences be damned. But he still chose to do it. So Trent has two choices, act like Colin doesn't have a clue what it's like being gay, telling him he needs to be careful because people can see him if he's kissing his boyfriend in public (which would honestly be condescending) or he doesn't say anything, he waits and sees how Colin acts, to see if he should mention anything to him. Trent has clearly chosen the latter option for now and we'll see where this goes.

There's also the "is Trent gay or not" aspect, I say he is. And if we're going with that assumption we also have to think about, is Trent himself out? Or rather, is he out to people at work. Because coming out isn't a singular event, you'll always come out. Every time you meet someone who doesn't know who you are, you'll have to decide if you're going to come out to them or not. I'm leaning towards him, not being in the closet, but rather him keeping his private life to himself and being open with friends and family. He's not hiding it and he's not ashamed, he just doesn't tell anyone, because it's not relevant when he's at work. And I say that as someone who loves reading fanfics where he is an openly gay sports journalist.

Where am I going with this? I don't know, I never know what my point is. BUT, I do think that we'll see similar scenes of Trent just observing Colin until perhaps the Amsterdam episode. And that's where he tells Colin that he knows and/or that he's gay himself. And then we might see Colin confiding in him and Trent might help him with a statement for when he's ready to tell the world. Because I do believe that he will tell the public. I don't know if it will be because he's been outed or he's doing it of his own free will. I don't really mind, I think they'll give us something that will rip our hearts out either way. But I am a believer in "gay mentor" Trent Crimm, giving Colin someone "in the business" to confide in.

#ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #trent crimm #colin hughes #nicole watches stuff #I just had to get this thought out because I'm so excited about this storyline #and that look from Trent was *chef's kiss* #I wonder if we'll get more comments like ''sounds a bit gay bruv'' but with Trent present #that I think would be ''nice'' #nice in a ''another gay person hears it and doesn't let it slide'' way #because colin not saying anything is understandable and been there done that got the t-shirt you know #because you don't want to open that can of worms when it's people you like #but while Trent has gotten to know these people he even seems to like at least some of them #I wonder if he would be quiet if he heard that #and then there's also the aspect of having someone else say it for you #anyway gay trent crimm is real you cannot take that from me

[starflungwaddledee]

Ok but what if she went to waddle Dee town in the forgotten land and all the waddle Dee’s just accepted her because they are really nice and not rude and they accept her and she has fun and a good time please I really need this for her

i considered drawing something out to this, and making it a happy ending sort of thing, because i think this is extremely sweet as a concept and i understand the desire for it!

that said, i decided that it would be a disservice to the lore i'm building for her, my biology/magic headcanons, and also the waddle dees as a whole. i might still draw it some day, because i could absolutely perceive a way it would work (ie: all waddle dee signatures messed up by Elfilis's portals, or their magic sensitivity nuked by it.) and i think it would be lovely

but for now, i have too many other things on the backburner to get to this promptly, and i wanted to answer this one sooner rather than leaving it for months

i will say, they're not being rude to her! there might be the odd one or two who is a bit snide, but there are some of those in every society. as a general rule the waddle dees not only understand that she is struggling, they want to accept and help her. many of them even know she's lonely, and feel pretty bad about it. but it's hard, and not just because she makes people uneasy!

i draw parallels with starstruck's gummed up magical signature to autism, as i'm autistic and so by merit (as a sona), so is she. but there are some parts that do not line up with the way autism functions in our world, and one of them is that touching or being around her can be genuinely, literally painful for some of the very sensitive waddle dees.

despite that, her waddle dee doctors actually pushed through it while she was in the castle dedede infirmary. because they were determined to treat her (mostly-surface-seeming) injuries and help her feel better. and they apologised for the reactions that they couldn't control anymore than she could control her signature; the various "sorry"s she parrots in this comic are implied to be from waddle dee doctors.

it's a fine line in alien-storytelling, especially with a real world disability parallel, and i'm trying to tread it as carefully as i can. but i don't intend to villainise the waddle dees at all for their reaction to her; they truly can't help it. many of them even do their best to push through it if she comes into their vicinity, especially because she often arrives with Beloved Celebrity, Captain Bandana Waddle Dee. but like a lot of us, she can tell when she's being tolerated, and so as a rule she just sort of tries to avoid it, one way or another

#also; i'm popping this one in the tags but like... she's frankly A Bit Annoying??? especially early on. #you give her rules but she ignores you. this was kind of evident in the oc secret santa piece i did. over enthusiastic #she can be too loud or too quiet. too much or not enough. extremely bad at reading the room. foot fully in mouth. really clingy. #these aren't necessarily “bad traits” but they're just not for everyone. and that's actually okay! #i simply gave her my personality traits and 'tisms. and *i'm* annoying 😅 so she's annoying too. *shrug* #not to mention that her voice and magic mimicry is straight up Unsettling. imagine seeing someone you don't know with your face!!! #imagine being told by your Beloved King and Number One Celebrity that that was a-okay!! weird as hell!! #it's important to me that she's annoying + weird and strangers don't always give her the time of day but her friends love her. #starstruck dee #asks #ps this is just an aside but i want to warn people off being like... idk. projecting on her too much. i'm glad she's resonating with people #but i don't guarantee that her story is totally happy or light-hearted. i don't want people to be 'personally slighted' or upset #when she inevitably gets turned into strawberry jam. i'm so happy you like her but please please keep this in mind.

[edwardallenpoe]

man I sure do hope people who say that trans people don't have to present hyper-binary or be passable are normal about masc/butch trans people, including trans women who don't want surgeries or hrt or use she/her pronouns. Man I sure do hope they don't just mean femme trans men and exclude trans women and nonbinary masculine people. Man I sure do hope that they aren't super fucking weird about masculinity, especially when performed by trans women.

#Just. #A lot of people are rlly saying the quiet part out loud when they make posts standing out for transfemme afabs #Lifting up their femininity and right to their expression #Then make posts about ew gross masculinity I hate mascs men eeww #And are dead silent about trans women #They hype up trans men that don't want hrt or surgery #But the only rare discussion they have about trans women is femme trans women #It's almost as if they just hate masculinity and want to preserve femininity #Idk it just rlly grinds all my gears #It's like. Almost TERF-lite #Like they're allies of the most vanilla order #Just hate it when they say they support genderfuckers #But then there's a butch person who uses pronouns other than she/her and still identifies with womanhood to some capacity #Or a trans woman who doesn't want to present femme in any capacity but still identifies as a woman #Then they get fucking confused #it's fine #transphobia #queerphobia #homophobia #trans issues #transphobes #butch #masculine #masculinity #Transmisogyny #I would consider this transmisogyny #Bc denying women's right to express themselves however the fuck they want is a form of misogyny

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

why do I feel the need to filter myself all the time? as if people care if I want to use coloured text, if my art looks bad or if I spell words wrong lol it's MY blog, why do I care so stupid much what other people think? it's the same thing even when I'm writing in my diary, I'm like, "Oh NO what if I DIE and someone reads my diary?!?!?!?! they're going to think I'm cringe" BERRY you stupid idiot! stop caring so much what people think, you're not alive to appease others!! just do what you want!! constantly thinking about what other people think is so draining you don't even have the energy to talk to people because you're so worried about how you're being perceived. PLEASE STOP!!

#I'm getting really sick of you me! #tw vent #sort of #i'm alright #i just wish i could be myself and do what i want without feeling so scared and guilty all the time #it's alright for others to be themselves and express themselves how they want to in my eyes #but i judge myself so harshly for trying to do the same #sometimes i wonder how much of my personality really is me and how much is just coping mechanisms i've developed #i don't feel like i enjoy being quiet for example #i have so many thoughts constantly flowing through my head #things i'd like to say #things i'd like to add to conversations #being quiet makes me feel like i'm being burned from the inside but other people praise me for it #and i also wasn't born a self-loathing mess y'know? #i want to get better #but it's so so difficult #c ptsd #tw death mention #(just the word but still just in case)

[fisheito]

i swear i've played a game like that

#replies #oh the many dating sims i've played.... the animal coded boys.......they get me every time #this just means that yes. i will play this plotline all over again but with eiden as the protag. #i want him going thru all the tropes then promptly subverting them #oh NO my animal ward turned into a HANDSOME MAN well you're just as much a pain in my butt as a human actually so no special treatment 4 u #I LEGITIMATELY DO NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THESE BOYS' PERSONALITIES #i was trying to excavate them from my long term memory like.... uhhhh #there's the tsun. the jerk. the sweet one who's not actually sweet half the time? the quiet. the baby?? #BRO I DON'T KNOOOOOOW #wait is there a reason they all wear hats? #is it to hide their animal ears? #how very retro-kuya of them #fun fact: this game destroyed my laptop #on my 1st playthru i got the ending with the side character dude who raises chickens #it caught me so off guard that i physically yelled WHAT and knocked over a glass a water #onto my laptop. #the last screen i saw on that laptop was Chicken Boy's avatar proposing marriage to MC #surrounded by green glitch bars and graphic errors (like dmmd noiz bad end) #screen went black and i just sat there in horror. #it may have been one of the stupidest things i've done. i laugh thinkin about it #zookeeper au #nu carnival eiden #nu carnival garu #nu carnival edmond #nu carnival kuya #nu carnival quincy #nu carnival yakumo

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me'' #and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them. #like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL . #so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

[sluggybasson107]

[Image Description: A digital sketch of Lui Ohwada from Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning. In dark lighting, Lui's left arm reaches towards his right eye under the eyepatch. His head is at a 3/4ths angle towards his right. His uncovered eye stares directly at you. The background is black. End Image Description.]

All the things you said Forever and ever You'll be like a scar on my face I found myself out of control I don't know why you've been so cruel I found myself down in the hole With something to say Come back in time Now it's fine I am on my own again

Happy Birthday Lui 💜 @beginningobserver

#02tbluibirthday2024 #also OBSESSED WITH LUI AND HIKARI AS FRIENDS #Since Hikari works with kids and Lui had a difficult childhood #they've both volunteered at local centers to help children who don't have proper support. #Lui wasn't as skilled as Hikari in the beginning and struggled to connect to many kids. With his scar and awkward personality #Lui doesn't connect with any kids and is often seen as intimidating #it isnt until hikari decides this kid needs lui's help #for context this kid is quiet and gets overwhelmed by the other children v easily so they separated themself from the group #hikari encourages lui so he finally tries one last time #after sitting with the kid he talks until they go out of their shell #eventually the kid bonds with lui and refuses to leave his side #(lui doesn't wanna admit it but he almost cried after the kid gave him a hug before leaving that day) #i want to draw this comic so bad but i dont have the time ahh #Lui Ohwada #Digimon #Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning #myart

[burning-academia-if]

Hey, I just remembered something!

I think you said ???'s romance is not possible on the Day path? I'm not interested in them (well, that way, I mean) anyway, so it won't be an issue to me romance wise, but is it actually possible to have a good or at least decent relationship with them on the Day path, or not even that? And well, that applies to any RO if the MC is on a path incompatible with their romance I guess (though I don't remember if others were in that case).

Of course, feel free to ignore this one if it's too spoilery to answer though!

On a (I think) less spoilery note about the paths and ROs, will the paths impact how the possible romances pan out? Or not so much? Or will it depend on the character?

Anyway, thank you for entertaining my multiple questions on that matter. It seems it's endlessly fascinating to me!

Yep! So basically you can "romance" ??? on Day path but it's more a doomed romance/tragedy then an actual romance. The only other character this happens with is Rhea on Night path. I think I mentioned before but this is more a 'theme-driven' story then anything else and the characters represent the exact opposite themes of those paths, essentially. (Also again, I'm not promising anything in regards to poly routes, but on the off-chance I do, they'll be path specific for this very reason. Beck x MC x Rook would be locked to Dawn and Day for example). ALSO quick edit forgot to mention, but even outside of romance, it will still play out like a tragedy if you have a high friendship stat with them.

As for the paths, they will play like completely separate routes/story lines that splinter off after a certain point. Basically, you'll hit a key plot point and whatever your path is set on at that point locks you into that arc. Because the plot/events will be unique to each path (save for a few key ones), the romances for each path will play out differently as well! Romancing say ??? in the Dawn Arc vs the Night Arc is a completely different experience for example, it also lets me (and the player) explore different faucets of their personality.

Most of the details I'm still figuring out and I know a lot of what I have written down may change, but everything stated above is officially set!

#em answers #BA: structure #one of the things I'm figuring out is character friend/love stats because I don't like the idea of wrong choices either #like obviously there are Bad Choices that will have a negative impact #but I don't think choosing like the distant or quiet or cold choice should have a negative impact on that relationship #like that's likely just your MC's personality #I have a few ideas in mind on how I want to handle it but I think I'll figure it out the more I write the story #this would also be adding even more work on my plate but I think it'd be fun if like #there were two different version of the friendship and love stats #like your feelings towards them and their feelings towards you #like come on imagine the drama of making an RO fall for you #but you constantly choose options that state you don't care for them #(or if you want to suffer you catching feelings for the RO but not them for you) #it's a Very Fun idea I have in the mountain that is my maybe pile #anyway I'm ranting I'm so sorry lmfaO

[sskk-manifesto]

♡

#Wow. Okay ♡ #I love this episode. The animation is flawless. The drawings quality is out of the world for real. #I love this episode so much I'm so grateful so much care and dedication went to this sskk centered episode. #(Refraining to talk about what 5x03 could have been) #Sorry for repeating myself but seriously the illustrations this episode are so so pretty. #I rarely appreciate how Akutagawa is drawn in the anime but when it comes with this episode I really like how he looks too. #And Atsushi that I already like a lot in the anime on average‚ this episode is just fabulous. Handsome even. #Seriously I don't know who the animators are but I want to kiss them. This art style is one I dare say I like even more than Dead Apple– #that although is obviously more detailed is just... In comparison too rough for my personal taste? #The art style for this episode is very delicate and soft and I love it tons #And the directing is just great. No weird pacing or awkward ost choice. It's neat. #The reiterated placing ss/kk on opposite sides is neat. The lightening is likeable and especially the purple scene is super pretty. #The “don't compare me to him” scene is neat. The ss/kk final scene is AMAZING. It's gorgeous and stunning and awestriking and every other– #epitome in the world. It's like the only scene I believe turned out better in the anime that it is in the manga which is saying SO MUCH. #But it's really that good!!!!! My favourite anime ss/kk scene ever. #Aaaaaahhh please let me talk about it forever it's sooo pretty and especially poignant... #The heaven-like soft yellow light and how it contrasts with the bleak stormy background. But especially their softening features... #Man that scene. okay. Akutagawa's quiet surprise!!!! That scene is. Idk. Unfortunately chapter 88 exists– #but it's nearly the most romantic thing ever. #I'll leave it at this. It's not like the bsd animation suddenly became a masterpiece and this is still an episode– #I would say I like less than my least liked k/l/k episode (Trigger animation my beloved). But in comparison with the rest of the anime– #It's really bsd anime at its peak #random rambles #Aah peoples btw I'm probably going to spam ss/kk‚‚‚‚ a lot today. Apologies in advance unfollow me now etc. etc.

[theinfinitedivides]

can't believe we're doing this for the second time in less than six months but. you see any Key content being reblogged during the next few weeks (whether recent creations or over the past comebacks) that's the queue talking. someone needs to take that man back to church and pray for him what is he doing

#shinee #kibum #key #kim kibum #first the Minho colorism debacle now whatever the f*ck you want to call this sh*t over the past week or so #this is what. strike two out of three for me?????? for personal reasons the McDonalds ambassador drama + the KeyLand #Lucas shoutout are being grouped together for me to keep track but what is he doing. what's happening. i don't do legal speak so #i don't know how easy it is to get out of huge contracts like that especially if they were renewed months in advance but i do agree #the all in promo is not. it's not giving it feels super icky. in these times it's not a good look that's all i'll say about that. #but Lucas?????? tf?????? who let him out of the cellar after the sh*t that went down for him to even be there the public needs to know #if this is Key's quarter-life crisis era can he keep that offline pls. can he not embarrass himself by speaking on sh*t he does not #need to speak on. can he keep quiet and go back to vibing with Kany is that too much to ask #i'm not going to speak on his relationship with Kany either bc i'm not qualified to speculate + they look like they really do get along #genuinely well and as a shawol of color i'm generally happy for her. that being said tho #Jinki come back ily you need to be healthy yet pls note we're entering the danger zone rn

[fitzrove]

Its ok maybe if you look up the lyrics to was für ein grausames leben and read them in english you will be okj<3

#[gnawing and biting] #ashjdjgjg i think i don't want to live in vienna after all #i'm by nature an easily depressed person and in some places it's too easy to make your life revolve around dead people and death at large!! #i had a lot of fun on my trip but i also had some terrible times #mostly the part where i was sick #one thing that i think would pose a major issue long term is the insanely narrow opening hours for supermarkets - in germany many stay #open until 10 pm. closest one to my hotel in vienna closed at 7:30 pm... #also i just can't deal with big crowds and tourists in my living environment full time dhhfhfgh i always need to be somewhere away and #voluntarily go into the tourist parts only if i want to #like how in cambridge it was insane in the center but i would walk 30 minutes every morning from by the train tracks :') a nice quiet #residential street and i could shop at the local sainsbury's and only go to the historic city centre when i felt like it and could prepare #so like i have to live in a quiet area but within reasonable distance of (and with good transport to!) a more exciting busy area #but um yeah now i have to awkwardly tell everyone irl that i've been talking about it to that i don't actually want to do it anymore xD #it's ok i still want to live Somewhere Interesting with historical stuff... #if i manage not to have a mental breakdown that is ahshhdjdkf #i like my current town a lot :')