#i want to get better

[amongmoths666]

I don't feel like I exist like other people do. People *sometimes* acknowledge I exist but I never truly feel connected to them. I feel like I'm just a ghost watching other people live their life and connecting while I remain alone. I don't know how to get out of my lonely space and I'm not sure I entirely want to. I've felt so lonely my whole life that I find comfort in knowing I'm lonely and no one can hurt me. Equally, I want to meet new people, be able to connect, and break this endless self isolation cycle but I have no idea where to fucking start.

Maybe that's my new year resolution, to fix this empty feeling of mine

#sam's rambles #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actually avoidant #actually avpd #autism #actually autistic #actuallymentallyill #actually traumatized #loneliness #self isolation #vent #mental health #i want to get better #i'm so lonely

[blu3b3rryj4mp1r3]

why do I feel the need to filter myself all the time? as if people care if I want to use coloured text, if my art looks bad or if I spell words wrong lol it's MY blog, why do I care so stupid much what other people think? it's the same thing even when I'm writing in my diary, I'm like, "Oh NO what if I DIE and someone reads my diary?!?!?!?! they're going to think I'm cringe" BERRY you stupid idiot! stop caring so much what people think, you're not alive to appease others!! just do what you want!! constantly thinking about what other people think is so draining you don't even have the energy to talk to people because you're so worried about how you're being perceived. PLEASE STOP!!

#I'm getting really sick of you me! #tw vent #sort of #i'm alright #i just wish i could be myself and do what i want without feeling so scared and guilty all the time #it's alright for others to be themselves and express themselves how they want to in my eyes #but i judge myself so harshly for trying to do the same #sometimes i wonder how much of my personality really is me and how much is just coping mechanisms i've developed #i don't feel like i enjoy being quiet for example #i have so many thoughts constantly flowing through my head #things i'd like to say #things i'd like to add to conversations #being quiet makes me feel like i'm being burned from the inside but other people praise me for it #and i also wasn't born a self-loathing mess y'know? #i want to get better #but it's so so difficult #c ptsd #tw death mention #(just the word but still just in case)

[delicadelittledoll]

❝ I am still so naïve. I know pretty much what I like and what I deslike; but, please, don't ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe? ❞

— Sylvia Plath

#girlblogging #lana del rey #girlhood is a spectrum #sylvia plath #the unabridged journals of sylvia plath #girl interrupted #sparkle jump rope queen #poem #fix me please #i want to get better #i want to get worse

[the-ren-and-stimpy-fan-club]

My first ever animation!!! Enjoy!!!

#ren and stimpy #rempy #stimpy #ren hoek #im in high school and i completed my first animation #i want to get better #pls support

[recovery-nuovame]

My meme™️

#mental illness #mental instability #tw sick mention #memes #dank memes #black humor #meme #sad memes #bad memes #depression #i want to feel better #i want to get better #i want to get worse #insecure #insecutiry #failure

[sheer-descent]

i hate being self aware!!! It’s actually the worst thing ever!!!

I hate watching myself become overrun with anger and with hate, and project so much on to my loved ones, and then lash out at them.

I hate that I know I overexplaining does nothing but make things worse, and then still doing it aways.

I hate that I never know when to stop, when to give up. Because all I’ve ever been taught is to keep going and persevere, but that mindset damages all my non-work relationships.

I hate that I can’t ever seem to get myself out of these moments of fire and anger until it’s already been done.

I hate that no matter how much I try to make amends, there’s always a crack in me that causes an oil leak, so when I feel the tiny match burning, it becomes a massive house fire.

I hate that I keep trying to get better, and I just keep falling into the same cycles, and I don’t know how to get out.

I hate seeing myself do these things when I know I shouldn’t.

I want to get better, but I don’t know how. And it’s so hard.

#actually bpd #bpd #bpd problems #bpd thoughts #bpd splitting #bpd vent #bpd stuff #bpd feels #bpd life #i want to get better #but i don’t know how

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

You ever get the feeling that you're just riddled with tumors and your whole body would light up like a Christmas tree in an MRI but you don't want to go to the doctor because it would be prohibitively expensive to gamble wrong and learn you're fine and now in six figure debt for no reason?

#i feel terrible #i feel like i'm deteriorating #physically #mentally #emotionally #every aspect of myself is disappearing #i am unwell #and I'm scared of being this way #I want to get better

[thesnivy123]

mmgh. i wanna improve my art but holy shit i will actually explode myself and die in a gory fire if i have to so much as look at a skeleton ever again. i want to get better at anatomy but NOTHING makes me want to quit art forever and tear myself apart limb from.limb than doing anything in a fucking realistic style jesus fuck. Ive taken art classes and they didn't teach me anything except for an undying rage against skulls. Does anyone know ANY way to get better at this shit that won't immediately tank my mental health into the ground. i want my anatomy and poses to get better but i do not, under any circumstances, ever want to do a FUCKING skeletal study or so help me i will stab myself through the heart with a spork

#being only a little bit dramatic here #genuinely if anyone has any resources that wont fucking ask me to look at a goddamned skeleton #five million high school art classes have filled me with an unending rage #all they made me do was paint skeletons #i learned nothing from it #there wasnt evsn any Why or How to it. just look at a skeleton and paint exactly what you see #every time #with every teacher #i want to get better #i also want to smash sans undertales stupid fucking skull open because of those art classes #please help

[barnbridges]

my roman empire is kathy corcoran. like why is she named same as richard's ex girlfriend. is the coke mirror called the ice queen a metaphor for her. what the fuck was her relationship with her sons like. did richard mentioning the church bells being wrong at the funeral mEAN TO PARALLEL LADY MACBETH OR DID IT JUST HAPPEN. considering they have family in st louis and mr corcoran is from boston, is shE from st louis??? why would you drop baby roses, a bridal arrangement, into the grave of your bachelor son??? why is the garden "roman" style, was it because of bunny or was it for her because of her? bunny keeps a picture of her youthful in his bedroom, a mentioned oddity when all the things he has are of all of them. she's a woman, he hates women. ugh. she sent the invitations to the funeral (well, she and henry) so who invited sophie dearbold from michigan? i want to gnaw at her. even when olivia abernathy gets more time, kathy is the only person ever addressed as mom by both bunny as well as others (francis, who calls his own mother mother and bunny's mom) and yet she's so overly described as cold and uninviting. is the grandmother her mother, is it her husband's? she calls her son edmund in the same breath as calling her husband by his nickname, and then only calls him bunny for the children (who hate him, by the way).

#hope it helps! #i want to get better

[thewomanwithamessedupmind]

I'm going to try to draw every day for while to see if I can get better with my drawing skill. I want to be able to draw cartoon and anime style. But I'm better at realistic. Maybe practicing with the style I want every day for a while will help me reach my goal. Wish me luck. I'll post progress after a week to see how far I've gotten. I don't have a current one to post. But I'll be able to tell if I make progress.

#drawing #practice #goals #my goals #i want to get better #i like drawing #but im not good at it #developing my style

[slytherinsomniari]

My last drawing. I did my HL mc but that’s in pencil and still unfinished. Idk if I will finish it and post it since I also want to draw Pomu Rainpuff 😅 I’m proud of this drawing though because the hands look like hands finally (though that will be a one time thing)

#anime #art #digital sketch #digital art #digital art beginner #beginner artist #beginner #sketch #ruby kurosawa #love live #i want to draw #i want to get better #I wish there was a way #to magically get better because #god damn I have ideas for Hogwarts legacy art

[delicadelittledoll]

❝ I don't know what it is like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing, I feel it completely. ❞

— Sylvia Plath

#girlblogging #lana del rey #girlhood is a spectrum #sylvia plath #girl interrupted #sparkle jump rope queen #poem #fix me please #i want to get better #i want to get worse

[everything-that-i-cant-be]

Went to a doctor, spent 60€ on an appointment, told them I’m gonna kill myself after back from Canada cuz I’ve lost you and he’s no good either.. all the delusions about him and I getting married so I can stay.. so I thought at least I’ll have you when I’m back cuz you’ll still love me and we can go back to how we were.. but you’re gone.. he’s gone.. and you know what? All I got was a phone number I could have fucking called without the appointment and a „I’ll check up on you in a month”… I’m so fucking sick of this. I miss you, I want you back.. this whole situation with R messed me up.. I don’t know how to process it alone.. and all I get is nothing again.. calling the number but no reply.. why me..?

#ignore #things i’ll never tell you #bpd #I don’t know what to do anymore #I want to get better

[irresistible-pulchritude]

Leaving tumblr, not good for my mental health

#diary #goodbye everyone #i want to get better

[opheliauniverse]

fucking cough is not getting better and makes me gag ughhhh

i usually like that but in different scenarios

#personal #this is annoying #i want to get better

[cutemothman]

cute guy at the bar started chatting me up because he recognized me from some history classes we had together a few years ago and it was a reminder that i am very out of practice when faced with social situations

#i WANT to get better #i'm just so fucking shy like a baby deer #we shook hands is that normal? #i said i wasnt going out to the bars but i decided to go anyway to dd and it was fun! #im glad i went #night ended with one friend throwing up in my bathroom while another cried about gojo from jjk #chrissy.txt