#but also (more importantly) a relationship between people who have experienced loss (and therefore there's no need to get rid of anyone🙃)

[notonlymice]

Ally Craig x Nicholas Rush || CHANCES

#not only a student/professor romance of questionable ethics #but also (more importantly) a relationship between people who have experienced loss (and therefore there's no need to get rid of anyone🙃) #one day I'll admit I'm terrible at edits but not today and not tomorrow #(I've been trying to find this song for so long and only recently realised I heard it in doctor who #but it more or less fits my purposes + it's not “teacher's pet” lol so it's fine) #there wasn't supposed to be a plot but for some reason there kinda is? #movie violence edited out because wtf was that #probably should've added some dialogues but unfortunately I don't know any words #whoever decided to make the most Rush-centered episode so grainy was very wrong #if you see robert pattinson somewhere no you don't #ally craig x nicholas rush #ally craig #nicholas rush #anyem #delusions my delusions it's so nice to think about you #target audience for this is me and me only

[star-maiden]

Help! These D*** Cards Don’t make sense!

What To Do When a Tarot Reading Seems Like Nonsense

⭐️ First of all, we need to get a few things clear. Tarot won’t always make sense. You will make mistakes. Sometimes, you won’t get any messages at all no matter how hard you try. If this sounds similar to your experience with the cards, don’t feel bad. It doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” reader. As soon as you get more comfortable with the idea of being wrong, you’ll find that your confidence (and subsequently your readings) will improve a lot! Got that? Great! Let’s move on to the topic at hand.

Confused by your tarot cards? Don’t get discouraged.

⭐️ I’m just going to tell you plainly. There isn’t a single tarot reader in the world who hasn’t been completely baffled with their cards at some point. This is natural and a completely normal part of the learning process. What’s more, Tarot is one of those things that you never really stop learning more about. There is always room for growth, and for finding deeper meanings within the stories each card tells. So if you’re hoping to be a “Tarot Master” with omnipotent vision and 100% accurate readings about everything, then I’m afraid I must be the bearer of bad news: There’s no such thing. We’ll all be wrong or confused sometimes, and that’s ok.

Even so, there are a few things to consider if you find yourself bamboozled by your cards more often than not.

Reasons why your tarot cards don’t make sense, and what to do about it.

1. You’re cards haven’t been shuffled properly.

⭐️ This is a common culprit for readings that aren’t making much sense. If you don’t shuffle your cards enough, either straight out of the plastic wrapping or after too many readings, you won’t get any clear messages. This is especially true if you’ve been doing a lot of readings, and just quickly shuffling your pulled cards back into the deck afterwards. If you notice that you are getting a lot of cards from previous readings, and they aren’t making much sense, it might be time for a good shuffle.

What to do: If your deck is new, you’ll want to spend several days shuffling and getting to know the cards. This will mix up the cards enough for you to actually get messages, and help you become more familiar with the imagery of the deck (which will improve your intuitive readings).

⭐️ If you deck isn’t new, it’s likely that you just haven’t shuffled well enough in between readings. It happens. Just give them a good shuffle, and you’ll be set.

2. You don’t know the card meanings well enough.

⭐️ Wait! Don’t get upset yet! I’m not saying that you have to memorize the traditional meaning of every card, and use only that definition as the “be all, end all” of card interpretations. Far from it! That would be super boring. I’m also not saying that you can’t use the guidebook (you totally can). In fact, if you use your guidebooks, you’ll be able to learn the subtle nuances that each deck author attributes to the card meanings. It’s pretty neat stuff!

⭐️ However, a basic understanding of your cards and their key meanings will help you read accurately with consistency. A big part of intuitive reading is being able to recognize the symbolism within the cards. If you know a keyword for each card, you can use them as a starting point for your interpretations.

⭐️ For example: Let’s say you have the 4 of cups. Traditionally, it shows a moody figure, staring off into the distance, with spilled cups before them. Above the figure is often some sort of offering that they can’t see. If you know that a keyword for the 4 of cups is apathy, you could use the symbolism in the card to read it as “having lost interest in a situation”. The figure feels apathy for the situation he’s in, and is not interested in what is being offered. That’s an example of the traditional, symbolic meaning of the tarot in action. Ready to take this a step further? Once you know the traditional meaning, you can combine it with other cards, as well as the details of the situation, to “springboard” into other interpretations.

⭐️ Example 2: Maybe you know that “apathy”, the traditional meaning of the 4 of cups, doesn’t completely fit. In this imaginary reading, the client is asking you about an argument they had with their partner. They are hurt and upset, and have asked you if it’s worth it to stay in the relationship. Clearly, they are not feeling apathetic toward the situation! In this case, we would go beyond “apathy” or “loss of interest”. What is the energy of this card? Combining the imagery with the traditional meaning, we can generate other meanings. Stagnancy, miscommunication and an inability to see another perspective are all alternative, non-traditional interpretations. In this situation, I might tell this client that there is some confusion between them and their partner. Neither one has a clear understanding of how the other feels. Therefore, it might be a good idea to discuss the current situation with each other once they have both had time to calm down. The surrounding cards will usually help you fine tune your interpretation.

What do to: There’s no way around this one. Study the cards. In particular, the imagery of your deck will be very useful to become familiar with. Read your guidebook, read other tarot books and blogs, journal about your readings. If books are not your thing, there are countless YouTube videos and podcasts that cover tarot these days. My favorite tarot podcast is Tarot bytes by Theresa Reed. Pace yourself. You don’t have to learn everything in a week. Most importantly, read, read, read with your deck. The more you read, the more you will begin to understand how your deck communicates and how your intuition picks up on this subtle energy.

3. You are too emotionally invested in the outcome of the reading.

⭐️ This mostly happens if you are reading for yourself, but it can also happen when reading for close friends or family. Sometimes, if we are hyper focused on a particular outcome or in a state of reaction, it’s easy to project our own personal feelings onto the cards. This skews the interpretation. Its not a bad thing to read for yourself, your family or your friends. However, it’s a good idea to keep this point in mind.

What to do: If you are nervous, upset or in any way unable to remain objective about the outcome, it’s probably best to not do the reading. You can try again later when things are calmer.

4. You’ve ignored the focus question.

⭐️ This happens when a reader fails to take into account the “focus” or theme of the reading. For example, if a client asks you about work, and The Lovers card comes up, you should not tell them that they will meet their soulmate soon. This has nothing to do with what they were asking about. You’re more likely to encounter this problem when reading for others, but it can happen when reading for yourself.

What to do: An easy answer, stay on script. Keep the original question in the forefront of your mind during the entire reading. Like our example above, if you are reading about work, don’t start interpreting anything about romance. The cards are nuanced and varied enough to have multiple meanings. Instead, if The Lovers card appears in a work related reading, consider how the energy of the card might show up within the context of the reading. Instead of a “soulmate”, you might say that this client needs to find a harmony and balance between their home and work life. This is just one of many possible ways to interpret this card within the context of a work-related reading.

5. You’ve asked a question that is too specific OR that the tarot cannot answer.

⭐️ This can happen with both self-readings and readings for other people. Tarot is a powerful tool of self reflection and insightful divination, but it is not omnipotent. Further more, tarot readers themselves are not mind readers. We have to have context and understanding in order to see the connections clearly enough to interpret them with accuracy. With tarot, the more context we have about a situation, the better a reading will be. So for vague questions like “what will happen next Tuesday?”, a reader would need to supplement the reading with their intuitive abilities. It can be done, but the chance of misinterpretation is much higher if a reader is unsure how to weave the tarot and clair senses together.

⭐️ Some types of questions are ill-suited to tarot. Generally speaking, these would be questions that limit the ability of the seeker to act. “Will I pass my exam?” would not be a good question because it leaves no room for change or growth. A reader might struggle to interpret this correctly unless they are very experienced.

⭐️ Another type of question that you might see a lot are third party questions. For example: “Is person A having an affair with person B?” This type of question that doesn’t directly involve the seeker in any way is not useful with tarot. Most likely, you won’t get a clear answer or any useful information. Tarot is not a tool to be used to spy on others. In fact, it’s quite disrespectful to use the cards in this way.

What to do: A lot of this boils down to personal preference and reading style, but a good rule of thumb is to ask open ended questions. In this sense, questions that begin with “how” or “what” will be better than questions that start with “is”. Remember, tarot does not deal in absolutes. It reflects energy of situations and projected futures, and energy can change. Nothing is 100% certain with tarot.

#learn tarot #tarot #tarot resources #witchblr #witch community #divination #tarotblr #divination community

[compassionthreads]

Real Apologies

Someone asked how to deliver real apologies and how to grow out of behaviors that hurt others and here is what I can offer under the read more: 

Why it can be hard to apologise  

So why do so many people struggle with admitting their mistakes, electing instead to play the ostrich-head-in-the-sand game? Often masquerading behind stiff facades and a determination to shift blame (often onto the hurt party), and to save ego and skin, it’s a dangerous place to sit long term.

Owning and admitting mistakes of any kind can feel like a loss of power and a declaration of weakness. This is a phoney fear in reality as taking responsibility and apologising takes great courage and strength.

Studies also show entrenched non-apologists grapple with deeper psychological conflict around apologising as it elicits fundamental shameful feelings (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid.  

Sue Parker wrote for SmartCompany: 

For clarity, I’m reflecting in this article on the commonplace (but still harmful) mistakes that are made in our lives and businesses — as opposed to those of the monumental, historical, government, institutional and or royal commission kind. -SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

So, given that humans make mistakes, be they intentional or inadvertent, why is admitting and apologising with remorse often akin to pulling a decayed tooth from a tiger? What prevents people stepping out to take responsibility and remedy? Mistakes that are not addressed can be set in stone causing ongoing commercial and human damage.

“It’s never too late to put things right. It’s never too late to say sorry and mean it.”

A genuine apology can shift mountains of despair, alleviate hurt, elevate self-esteem and purpose, encourage honesty, build partnerships, foster trust and most importantly allow situations and relationships to really repair, grow and succeed.

An apology:

Is simply the right and decent thing to do;

Works to repair and re-establish relationships and trust;

Helps restores dignity and wellbeing to the other party who has been hurt;

Minimises conflict and gives the space for business creativity;

Strengthens self-respect and values 

Minimises feelings of deep remorse that can impact you physically and emotionally.

-SUE PARKER AUGUST 14, 2019

Apologies are definitely “crucial conversations,” and the book gives good insight into the win-win potential a real apology creates:

…an apology isn’t really an apology unless you experienced a change in heart. To offer a sincere apology, your motives have to change. You have to give up saving face, being right or winning in order to focus on what you really want. You have to sacrifice a bit of your ego by admitting your error. But like many sacrifices, when you give up something you value, you’re rewarded with something even more valuable — healthy dialogue and better results.

According to The Power of Remorse and Apology by Hershey H Friedman an apology is structured in the next manner: 

What does an apology entail? O’Hara (2004), synthesizing the literature on apologies, states that an effective apology has the following four elements:

(1) Identification of the wrongful act; (2) Expression of remorse and regret for having committed the act; (3) Promise to forbear from committing the wrongful act in the future; (4) Offer of repair.

There can be an apology without remorse. Indeed, this is usually a failed or pseudo-apology, an apology that does not heal and may make matters worse. Lazare (2004, pp. 85-106) describes various types of apologies that do not indicate true remorse, for instance:

An apology that minimizes the offense or implies that the victim was not really hurt. 

A conditional apology such as “If anyone has been hurt by my actions, I am sorry” does not usually indicate remorse. 

On the other hand, there can be remorse without apology. Remorse usually indicates that there are psychological pain and suffering on the part of the wrongdoer. They wish they could go back in time and undo the bad deed. Many people regret past misdeeds and think of them often but may, however, never apologize to their victims. 

Remorse without an apology may mean that both the victim and the offender suffer an entire life; there is no opportunity for healing. 

Engel (2001, p. 12) observes:

When we apologize to someone we have hurt, disappointed, neglected, or betrayed, we give them a wonderful gift that is far more healing than almost anything else we can give. By apologizing, we let the other person know that we regret having hurt him or her. Just as important, we let this person know we respect him, and we care about his feelings. It becomes one of the most effective tools for mending a relationship.

Therefore this begs the question what constitues then, as a Non apology? 

According to Zahra Barnes (JUL 21, 2015); A non apology constitutes of Five core signs that the aggravator does not mean what they say.

1. They Don't Seem to Understand Why They’re Apologizing

After actually saying "I'm sorry," comprehending what they  did wrong is the bare minimum for an apology. "Sorry on its own is like a balloon without a string," says Greer. "It needs to be tied to them  explaining how they  hurt you."

If they’re not showing an awareness of why what they did wasn't okay and how it affected your feelings, they probably doesn't get that they did anything wrong in the first place. "The apology is just the beginning," says Greer. "The first thing it needs to be packaged with is an explanation of what exactly they’re apologizing for."

2. They Make It All About Themself

Empathy is key for a successful apology, but it needs to be done the right way. "When someone brings in their own experience, he runs the risk of trivializing the intensity of your feelings," says Greer. Instead of making it sound like they know exactly how they hurt you, they could have tweaked the language and settled on something like, "I'm sorry I created some backlash that was upsetting for you. I've been through some myself, and it wasn't fair to help put you in that position." (On a social example.) That way, it doesn't make it seem like they think they're in the same exact situation.

3. They Make a Show Out of It

So about that whole getting-on-his-knees and apologizing to (social circle or media) thing. "That's television, so it makes more sense there, but if a person is falling all over themselves just repeating that they’re sorry, it may not be sincere," says Greer. Without an explanation of how they plan on changing any hurtful behaviors in the future, dramatic apologies can fall flat. "An apology should include some sort of intention about how they’re going to change going forward," says Greer. That's one major way you'll know they care about not making the same mistake twice.

4. Their Actions Don't Mimic Their Words

Following a person’s stated resolve to do better, they need to actually, you know, do better. "You have to give it time to play out because what people say in the moment can only be supported by what they do in the future," says Greer. Otherwise, a lack of change shows they can't take ownership of the apology. 

5. They Expect You to Get Over It ASAP

If a person does all of the above, they could still undermine what would otherwise be a good apology by expecting you to go back to normal in an instant. "That's more about them wanting you to get on with it without fully understanding why you might need more time," says Greer. Instead, after explaining that they knows how they hurt you and what they’ll do to make sure it doesn't happen again, a person who's truly sorry will get that it might take some time for you to heal.

Given this information it’s understood that the structure of the apology needs to be characterized by giving a victim space, understanding, empathy, and giving oneself personal introspection and reparation. 

But to be more exact, how do you say you don’t mean something, and/or how do you avoid saying the wrong thing?

Kelsey Borresen (04/12/2018) has a good list of things Not to say during apologies that are representative of nonapologies:

1. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Even though this phrase begins with the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ it is not a real apology. It does not take ownership of any wrongdoing. It does not communicate remorse for your actions, and it does not express any empathy towards the other person’s feelings. Instead, it may imply that you think the other person is being irrational or overly sensitive. Try to understand and take responsibility for how your actions or words hurt the other person, saying something like, ‘I’m sorry that I canceled our plans at the last minute. It was inconsiderate of your time and I understand why you are angry at me.’” ― Gina Delucca, clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF

2. “I’m sorry I said that, but I never would have if you hadn’t behaved the way you did.”

“Again, we are hearing blame. ‘Look what you made me do.’ This is not an apology for one’s behavior but actually a maneuver to hold the other person responsible for one’s behavior. In other words, ‘You caused me to say this to you.’ We are all responsible for our behavior, no matter what the other person says or does. A heartfelt apology is to recognize the pain we cause and own our behavior: ‘I’m sorry that I reacted the way I did and upset you.’” ― Carol A. Lambert, psychotherapist and author of Women with Controlling Partners

3. “I was stressed out!” (or tired... or hungry... or in a bad mood...)

“This makes a recurrence of the offense almost inevitable. Always connect the apology to the future. For example, ‘The next time I feel that way (whatever triggered the offense), I will remember that I love you and that our bond is so important to me,’ or, ‘I’ll make sure I get centered in my values so I don’t act on impulse.’ The subtext should always be: ‘I’m sorry that I hurt you and harmed the bond between us.’” ― Steven Stosny, psychologist and author of Love Without Hurt

4. “I said I’m sorry already, why can’t you just let it go?”

“Blaming your partner for not immediately accepting your apology, forgiving you and moving on is unrealistic and unfair. For an apology to be effective, it must be clear that: 

1) You accept full responsibility for your actions and inactions; 

2) You are sincerely sorry for anything you’ve done to cause pain and

3) That you want to remedy the situation by giving your partner what they need to feel safe in order to move on and forgive you. 

Not all apologies lead to immediate forgiveness. It may take time. And it may take apologizing more than once. Start by asking what your partner needs in order to trust you and feel safe and then do it.” ― Sheri Meyers, marriage and family therapist and author of Chatting or Cheating: How to Detect Infidelity, Rebuild Love and Affair-Proof Your Relationship

5. “I was reacting to...”

“This is an excuse, not an apology.” ― Stosny

6. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“This is an example of a conditional apology that doesn’t truly acknowledge any remorse or personal responsibility. By using the word ‘if,’ you are communicating that the problem isn’t really about what you did, but is about how the person reacted to what you did instead.

Essentially, this type of ‘non-apology’ places the blame back onto the person it’s directed at. Simply remove the word ‘if,’ and your apology can take on a whole new meaning: ‘I’m sorry I offended you. I will make sure to be more considerate and careful with my words in the future.’” ― Tara Griffith, marriage and family therapist and the founder of Wellspace SF

7. “I may have done this, but you did that!”

“Try to avoid keeping score and bringing up times when the other person was in the wrong. An apology is about you acknowledging the wrongfulness of your own actions and making amends; it is not about pointing fingers at other people as a way to justify your actions.” ― Delucca

Here are six words that can sabotage your apology in no time flat delivered by 

1. You

There’s no better way to apologize without actually apologizing than following an “I’m sorry” with this three-letter pronoun. “I’m sorry you … [feel that way/think that/misinterpreted things/anything else].”

If you’re sorry, be sorry for your actions. Don’t imply that the recipient was wrong to feel upset or hurt.

Of course, context is important. If it applies, then feel free to throw in you at other points, as in the always appreciated expression “You were right, and I was wrong.”

2. But

This little conjunction may be the ultimate apology annihilator. You never know what will come after it, but whatever it is, it’s bound to steer your mea culpa away from sincerity and down a road of excuses and exculpations . Best to leave the phrase “I’m sorry, but … ” at the door.

3. If

Such a short little pronoun, but its passive-aggressive power is massive.

“If it came off that way …” “If I hurt you …” “If you think I was wrong …” If you were wrong there should be no ifs about it.

4. I

It’s obviously OK to start an apology with I, as in “I am sorry,” but if the rest of your apology is filled with “I this …”  and “I that…” then there’s a good chance you’re making it all about you, and not about the person you hurt. Be mindful of how you incorporate this term, and whether what follows is a line of defense, or something more earnest and useful.

5. Blame

While the rain (cue Milli Vanilli), tequila, or anything else may have something to do with your actions, saying, “I blame it on … ” sucks the sincerity right out of an apology. It implies that you’re holding someone or something other than yourself responsible, and it sounds more like an explanation than a plea for forgiveness. Plus, we all know that it can never really be the tequila’s fault.

6. Not

This mighty adverb can come in handy in all kinds of heartfelt apologetic phrases, but the tired “sorry, not sorry” isn’t one of them. Enough with the sarcastic sorrow. Can we please just banish this phrase already? Either be sorry or don’t be sorry, and if you’re not, then words like unapologetic , impenitent, and obdurate have a much nicer ring.

Then if it is this easy to own up, apologize and move on, how come so many people cannot do this? 

Why Apologies Threaten Non-Apologists, by  Guy Winch tells us that for non-apologists, saying "I’m sorry" carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:

Admissions of wrongdoing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their actions from their character. If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.

Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can instead open the door to shame. While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes non-apologists feel bad about their selves—who they are—which is what makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.

While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.

Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability. If arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.

By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. 

However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case) will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.

Looking at the barebasics of the psychology behind non apologists, and what a non apology may look like, is it possible to implement an apology as an abuse tactic? The short answer ? Is yes, it is. And it is extremely common in familial and romantic relationships with toxic and or unhealthy people who do not know anything about emotional maturity. That and by abusers. 

Emily Desanctis’s article for the Writer’s Corps tells us What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You:

1. A declaration made out of selfishness

Synonym: I don’t want to feel guilty anymore

I feel guilty because of what happened, and guilt isn’t a good feeling. I’m saying that I’m sorry to make myself feel better, not you.

2. A means to end a dispute that the apologizer would prefer to avoid, often for lack of caring

Synonym: This conversation is over

I’m tired and bored with this disagreement so I’m using these words to end it. I probably don’t believe it or don’t care enough to get to the real issue and so I’ll say this, so you’ll stop pressing for more. It may seem that I’m submitting to your point here, but in fact, I’m using this phrase to avoid doing so.

3. A method of appeasement to control another person

Synonym: I’m in control

I’m telling you what you want to hear not because I mean it, but because I know it will appease you and then allow me to pull your strings as I desire. If I don’t say it, there’s a high likelihood of some outcome occurring that I don’t want to happen—maybe you’ll stop talking to me or leave me home alone while you go out with your friends or break up with me for good. “I’m sorry” is simply a tool I pull out from my toolbox to prevent these things from happening.

4. A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”

Synonym: you should be sorry

I wanted to hurt you and I did exactly what I knew would do so. But you started it—like always, you did something to make me upset: you weren’t where you said you’d be, you smiled at that stranger in an overtly flirtatious way, you took too long to respond to my text. Even though you might pretend that you didn’t mean to hurt me, I know that’s a lie. This is really your fault; in fact, you should be apologizing to me.

5. A means of furthering the test of how far the apologizer can push the other person’s boundaries and get away with it

Synonym: I’m testing you

I know what will hurt you and I do it with pleasure. I’m testing you to see what I can get away with—to see what you’ll put up with and what you won’t. “I’m sorry” is just something I say before I do this again—maybe the same exact way, or maybe slightly differently. Don’t worry, over time you’ll become desensitized to this; it will simply be “normal,” and so I’ll continue to push further so I can provoke you to react and keep myself entertained.

The hidden meaning behind any disingenuous “I’m sorry” is the same: I’m not really sorry because you deserve it. This is the lie that manipulators who lavish false apologies spread.

In short, a sincere apology can be seen in 3 parts: “I am sorry . It's my fault .What can I do to make it right?”

And how can a person show that they are becoming better?

Respect boundaries. Respect people’s intrincasies or walk away if you cannot coexist healthily. Communicate, constantly. Everything and Anything will be misinterpreted. This is not a joke, it is a common human matter.

Surround yourself with people who will be ready to openly critcize, hold you accountable and/or call you out on your unhealthy behavior, not those that will simply not along to your actions or look the other way when someone is being hurt by you. Yes men are not a ways to grow up, they are enablers who will hold you back on your path toward becoming a better, healthier person and who will allow you to walk all over them regardless of their own feelings and opinions.

Cultivate Gratitude. Yeah. You’ve probably heard it a million times, but keeping a gratitude journal of what you’re thankful for can have a big effect on your mindset. Research has shown that incorporating gratitude into your daily life can help ward off stress, improve sleep, and cultivate more positive social relationships.

Anna Hennings, MA, a mental performance coach in sport psychology, recommends using the acronym GIFT to help you identify what you’re grateful for.

When thinking about things you’re grateful for, look for instances of:

Growth: personal growth, like learning a new skill

Inspiration: moments or things that inspired you

Friends/family: people who enrich your life

Tranquility: the small, in-between moments, such as enjoying a cup of coffee or a good book

Surprise: the unexpected or a nice favor

The next time you find yourself feeling incompetent or overwhelmed, try telling yourself:

“I know this change is going to be challenging, but I’ve put a lot of meaningful thought into it and have considered all the options open to me [fact], so I feel confident I am doing the best I can in this moment [optimism].”

Being kind to others can help give you a sense of purpose and make you feel less isolated.

Try doing something nice for someone at random:

Pay a compliment to a stranger.

Buy lunch for your colleague.

Send a card to a friend.

Make a donation to someone in need.

“You’ll notice your mood lift a little when you do good for the sheer joy of it,” says Roantree. (Studies Trusted Source) show that simply counting acts of kindness for one week can boost happiness and gratitude.

Allow the other person’s experience to be what it is, without trying to dismiss their pain. Work to extend true empathy, as you strive to understand their perspective. There may be a time to teach them a life lesson; for now, offer your love and care instead, which validates their experience.

Before offering your opinion or guidance, think carefully about how it’s likely to be received. For example, that critiques of one’s parenting are almost never welcome. You might also take a closer look at what’s driving the pattern of criticism, and discuss with the recipient how you intend to change your behavior.

Be honest with yourself about the feelings you have that lead to the behavior. If you’re unhappy about something and it’s worth addressing, find a time and a way to do it directly and honestly.

Take a close look at your patterns in relationships. Look into information on “attachment style” (like this book), which is how we tend to connect with other people. You might also address this issue in therapy.

Think about the people you’re close to and who is going through a hard time. Let them know you are there if they need anything. Put reminders in your calendar to check in with them regularly. And remember, it’s much better to support someone imperfectly than to be absent, even if you don’t know “the right thing to say.”

Share more openly with the people who need to know. This will probably be painful at first, but it will spare you and others pain in the long run. It is also likely to lead to more support than you otherwise would have had, and perhaps to a solution you hadn’t thought of.

When you listen and ask more, you are better able to learn and understand others. Compassion and empathy are learned emotions and behaviors.

When you people please, it’s not genuine. And people can definitely feel that and can tell. It doesn’t benefit anyone. The person who is on the receiving end feels uncomfortable and like the other person is acting out of obligation.

Have you ever met someone who was super nice to you, but rude to workers and waiters? Or they were always complimenting you, but always had something mean to say about everyone else? Or they showered you with gifts and ‘love’ only because they wanted something in return or to manipulate you? This is similar and these people may very well be people pleasers. They just want everyone to like them if it serves them.

This is not most people pleasers though. People pleasing often stems out of fear and anxiety, fear of rejection and low self-esteem which results in lower standards, letting people walk all over us, and being afraid to say no.

You should never try to be generous for the sake of being liked. That’s not generosity. It’s people pleasing. And people will often see right through it.

One should learn from other’s mistakes. This is one of the best way to become a better person. People around you - Parent, sibilings, cousins, friends make mistakes. Its always wise to learn from their mistakes, and avoid it in your life.

One should accept their own mistakes. This is first step toward improving yourself, if you don’t accept your mistakes, you are never going to improve. If someone think, he is always right, then in reality he is doing something terribly wrong.

Be humble and avoid ego. There is always someone, who is better than you, so having ego on something is never going to work.

And most importantly don’t pretend that “because it was (x time) ago” it does not matter or that the person / people you have harmed have to “get over it” or are “holding old shit” / “against you”. 

Hurt is hurt whether you like it or not. And when you cause it, change needs to come from within, it needs to be a personal decision and choice. 

Ask for introspective opinions and constructive criticism. Seek professional guidance and help. Sort your own shit out. Move on if you’re told to move on by your victims. Don’t cling. 

Sources: 

O’Hara, Erin Ann (2004). Apology and thick trust: What spouse abusers and negligent doctors might have in common. Chicago-Kent Law Review, 79(3), 1055-1089.

Lazare, Aaron (2004). On apology. New York: Oxford University Press.

5 Signs His Apology Is Bullsh*t

If You Say This During An Apology, You're Doing It Wrong

5 Reasons Why Some People Will Never Say Sorry / Twitter @GuyWinch Copyright 2013 Guy Winch

What “I’m Sorry” Means When it’s Used to Manipulate You  

You’ve stuffed up, now what? Why the power of a genuine apology can move mountains

Writer’s name needed: https://www.dictionary.com/e/words-that-ruin-an-apology/

Lastly: Administrator’s personal imput. 

#mental health #apologies #support #uhhh #hurting people #og post

[maariarogers]

Why Webtoon!Suho is Superior and K-Drama!Suho Needs To Catch Up 👏

Hello, everyone!

Am I here again with another semi-controversial meta? Why, I might be.

If you’d like to catch up with my last meta, which was: Thoughts On True Beauty and Why I’m On Team Suho, you’re going to get a whole butt-load of information on why I’m mostly a Lee Suho-simp, thank you very much.

With that said, to cut the story short, I’ll be listing down some points I’ll be bringing up on this particular topic. Feel free to skip some points if that’s your cup of tea, or if you’re just cruising and find that the points I’m bringing up are not of your interest at all and you’re scrolling by? That’s fine too!

If you’re sticking around though, thank you!

The Points:

Intro: What Do I Mean?           a.k.a. What’s The Deal With Suho (Again)?

Webtoon!Suho vs. KDrama!Suho           Is K-Drama Suho ‘Mary Sue’?

Why K-Drama!Suho Needs To Step Up

How K-Drama Lowkey Didn’t Capture Seojun and Suho’s Friendship

Conclusion: #TeamJugyeong

Full disclosure: I absolutely, completely adore True Beauty — both the drama and webtoon — and this is purely written from my own point of view, based on the thoughts I’ve accumulated by my own deductions. There certainly will be criticism, but mostly I just want to put it out there to hear out what others are also objectively thinking about this. So, let’s go!

I will try to make this one short, but let’s see how this goes :D

Now.

Intro: What Do I Mean? a.k.a. What’s The Deal With Suho (Again)?

To start this, if you’ve read my first meta, then you would know first-hand that I’m completely fascinated with Suho. That is, the webtoon version that’s been presented of him. I find him intriguing for a character that is quite “dull” — but only because that dullness played a part more than just him being a “cool” and “distant” character.

I’ve mentioned before that I do critically think Suho is clinically depressed. It’s actually proven in the original Webtoon that, especially after Seyeon’s death, he went to a therapist and was taking medications for it. Though I’m not quite sure if he’s still following any medical routine in this current arc (the adult arc), we do see a recurring theme in Suho wherein he seemed to struggle with finding any proper passion, it became an important plot device when it was made clear to him that “he never tried hard enough [for anything]”. and him falling back into a certain habit (studying) to avoid the sadness.

(I’m not quite sure the exact quote, but it’s been mentioned again that he was studying to distract himself when his sister confronted him about it.)

I find the way the author portrayed what I’ve perceived as a protagonist with this prominent mental illness was quite refreshing? Not in the way that it glorified the mental illness or the trauma Suho was experiencing which some authors or dramas tend to do, no — what the author had planted was precise, it was realistic.

Suho struggled in a way that’s consistent (from his teen years up to his adulthood, I mean), but you can’t really tell. And that’s the thing with mental illness, a lot of the time, we don’t really see it – but it’s there. In Suho’s case particularly, it doesn’t just go away when Seyeon’s death was finally accepted and the friendship between Seojun and Suho were amended. It’s still there.

That’s quite intricate for the author to do, isn’t it?

Of course, there is so much more to Suho — which I think I’ll be implying here and there throughout this meta — but if you’d like to read more on it, the first meta is just me fangirling from the start till the end.

Now that that’s over with...

Webtoon!Suho vs. KDrama!Suho

I think I briefly mentioned that, for a moment there, I was kinda scared — but also superbly interested and excited – when they announced that True Beauty will be adapted to a drama.

For the first few episodes, especially episodes 1 - 6, it was super engaging, it was sweet, and the chemistry between the casts were absolutely *chef’s kiss*

Now, episode seven was where it went a little downhill for me.

I’ve always had a slight problem with how they’ve portrayed Suho being a “fighter” — that is, him picking up Jiu Jitsu in the drama.

Now, I know! I know! I have the same thought — the drama and the webtoon are two completely different adaptions that really mirrored one another based on characters and premise, and that’s about it. I’ve made peace with that, I enjoyed it even! But I was still a bit iffy about this particular trait because, for me particularly, it was important for me that Suho wasn’t perfect.

And guess what? He wasn’t.

In the webtoon, Suho can’t fight. The one time Seyeon and him almost got into a fight when they were in middle school, Seojun was the one who actually had experience in street fighting or brawling to defeat the bullies. And this is quite important, especially if you’ve been a writer or an author or, hell, even an audience to these mediums, “perfect” characters can often become “mary sue”.

But the thing about the k-drama is, Suho’s ability to fight was purposeful — which was why it was okay for me in the end. It was a way to introduce his father and the strained in relationship they had, he faced foes several times, and, most importantly, he had to protect Jugyeong (karaoke scene).

Now that I’ve seen (SPOILER FOR PREVIEW EPISODE 9) that he could also be musically-inclined? ...yikes. And, yes, okay, I get it! The actor is an idol, so it’s a great homage to his career, but it was still...

It felt like the writers were desperate to fill the gaps for Suho possibly being “dull” as this typical cool and distant character — when, in reality, Suho’s existence as is was quite enough. He didn’t need to steal Seojun’s fighting ability, and he especially didn’t need to rob Seyeon’s musical passion too, to be interesting and have depths of his own, do you get me?

In fact, he was without all of that, and his romance — however short-lived — with Jugyeong was still so sweet and enjoyable in the webtoon. And that’s the appeal of Suho, I think; Suho doesn’t need to be “more” for Jugyeong (like, all he did was study and read horror comics with Jugyeong), just as Jugyeong doesn’t have to appear “more” (with her make-up etc) for them to be interesting to each other. They like one another in spite all of that.

To be honest, if they had made the room about Suho’s mom, which would've thrown people off because “aren’t we still stuck in the Seyeon Arc”?, that’d be an interesting plot line since I have a feeling that the webtoon will be using that as a major plot device soon BUUUUUUT that’s a theory for another day! So—

Why 👏 K-Drama!Suho 👏 Needs 👏 To 👏 Step 👏 Up 👏👏👏

Because, honey, being unnecessarily possessive doesn’t look good on you.

I’m so, SO GLAD that Seojun actually talked some sense into him! Seojun’s absolutely right! In the end, it’s up to Jugyeong who she will choose as her romantic partner! All this, him-walking-in-and-demanding-Jugyeong-to-come-to-him-in-the-slightest-chance-she’ll-be-going-out-with-another-guy is getting boring. And you know what, my guy, you haven’t even asked her out or anything! (Besides from THAT scene at the end of Ep 8, you know what I mean lol)

Like, I didn’t mind when he was just following her because he was curious and jealous, and that led him to quietly “put a stop” to Jugyeong's blind date because the man obviously had bad intentions. I also understood when he threatened Semi Lee’s boyfriend into apologising. That’s fine - while he was manipulating the situation, it wasn’t exactly him telling and/or demanding Jugyeong to blindly follow him and/or go with him or anything.

I actually find it so, so sweet when it became a common phrase between them for Suho to always ask Jugyeong how she’s doing ( “Are you okay?” ) because that’s essentially what his character builds up to: this protector, that goes beyond keeping Jugyeong’s bare-face a secret. He’s really out there making sure Jugyeong is safe, and that’s okay!

That was the character he was establishing to be.

But then the writers pulled out this obsessive and possessive jerk out of their ass? That isn’t Suho. That’s contradicting through the whole build-up of Suho and Jugyeong’s characters from episode one to six. The whole point of why they leaned on one another is because they trust each other so, so, so much.

But in episode seven, Suho was falsely blaming Jugyeong (for sleeping when he was the one who napped) just because he’s “flustered”, taking it out on her when the baseball player just asked for her number (which, well, was understandably creepy, but like, chill bro); and in episode eight, Suho was glaring at Jugyeong the whole time just because he thinks she’s ignoring him and she was around Seojun so much?

Dude....... you never even apologised for those words that you knew hurt Jugyeong in episode 5.

Suho, babes, I love you, but - no.

I get so frustrated because ‘anger’ was never Suho’s default expression; he never truly has a temper. That was always more of Seojun’s trait and it worked with Seojun because it’s consistent throughout his character (in the webtoon). The few times Suho was actually angry to the point of nearly instigating violence in the webtoon are only because he’s pushed by this deep sadness [over the loss of Seyeon].

Rather than a glare in the scene in the beginning of the camp, it’d be more in-character if Suho’d looked like a sad puppy. Because if anything, wouldn’t Suho feel threatened since he has this deep-rooted belief that he doesn’t deserve happiness (a canon line admitted by Suho, himself, in webtoon, and spoken by Seojun towards Suho in K-Drama) and therefore, would have this inferioty complex and would never think Jugyeong would be interested in him? Which was why she’s going to Seojun a lot?

Now, let’s talk about Seojun.

How K-Drama Lowkey Didn’t Capture Seojun and Suho’s Friendship

I think one of the most prominent thing about Seojun and Suho’s friendship was how much they respected one another — especially when it came to their shared love interest in Jugyeong.

This K-Drama? (Sighs) Butchered it a little? Yeah.

Which isn’t wrong, no! But I felt like... firstly, it’s overdue; it’s making Suho look really, really not pretty (character-wise) next to Seojun, which I think is a misstep for the production because shouldn’t your male lead be persistently desirable? (But I didn’t mind lol, my heart is half-rooting for Seojun already *sighs dreamily*); and it really, most importantly, hurt the absolute loyalty and pureness that Suho and Seojun shared together in the webtoon.

Because when Seojun knew that Suho and Jugyeong liked each other? He backed off. He did. He didn’t say one word — not even a slip of a tongue — about his feelings towards Jugyeong.

But Suho somewhat knew, right? And he backed off when he knew he was disappointing Jugyeong by his departure. He makes way for Seojun to be there, however he can be, for Jugyeong while he’s not around. And when they started dating, Seojun and Jugyeong? Suho was supportive throughout.

He was never jealous, there was never one instance where he showed his dislike, and even when Jugyeong casted doubt or talked with Suho about her relationship problems, Suho was always rooting for the both of them. He wanted them to work.

They were all excellent friends.

I understand why and how the K-Drama ended up the way they did currently at episode eight, but in my opinion, I feel like it’s a bit disrespectful to the true friendship that Seojun and Suho shared in the webtoon only to present them as these unending rivals when... when you think about it, it isn’t really Seojun and Suho?

Cause obviously webtoon!Seojun and webtoon!Suho, once they’ve made up that is, were extremely reliable towards one another; they were very encouraging (besides from the slight hiccup when Seojun got a bit jealous); and they were incredibly loyal and understanding of one another’s situation.

I hope we’ll see glimpses of it more in the future, ‘cause I’d pay for nice and slightly-realistic progression of friendship that’s somehow mixed up with romance and how these people are coping with it, rather than just seeing two boys glare at one another while my girl Jugyeong just wanted to go to the toilet 😆

Conclusion #TeamJugyeong

I just want this girl to stop being pushed-and-pulled and happy, man.

I’m still looking forward to more of the episodes and the webtoon, though! I still love the casts, the production, the way the story is flowing so far (because I wanna know what’s gonna happen, you know?) but I do think Suho could’ve been written a bit better? Or, at least, with a bit more consistency?

Or, I mean, maybe he could just start apologising for every reckless actions rather than him getting away with it because he saved Jugyeong? Maybe?

I really still adore him, and I’m still rooting so much for Suho because the times when he was alone with her, he was super sweet? And immediately the sincerity and the core of what made Jugyeong and Suho so appealing to me just came out? Like he has that potential that webtoon!Suho is already at.

I love them so much, ugh.

(Although Seojun, bro, I’m lowkey on your side too. That bracelet he did for her was 💗💗💗💗💗)

I hope everyone’s doing well, keeping each other safe, and if my head’s running wild again, I’ll keep you posted akdjksjhskdhf

Thank you so much for reading!!!!

#True Beauty #Lee Suho #suho x jugyeong #team suho #im sorry why am i like this? #BUT #YOOO #ENDING OF EPISODE EIGHT #AHHHH!!!! #me: im angy at character development #also me a simp: wow the 3227864387 fanfics idea i already have #True Beauty Meta

[womeedoodles]

Theories of MLB Final Part 1 (Mistake Love)

Ok ok ok! Miraculous Ladybug is a WHOA! Many tears, laugher, heartbreaks, and mostly the frustration of the lovesqaure XD. But since the recent episode cause a MAJOR heart ache, I feel like the episode gave a few clues (even though Cat Blanc and Félix haven’t air yet 🙃🙃)

BUT ANYWAYS!

Here’s my thoughts...

In the beginning of the episode Marrinette starts talking, “Experiencing loss is a part of life, some people lose their first love, some lose the harmony in their relationship, some people lose hope, others lose patiences.” She basically explain this whole situation that is going in this very episode “Loveater.” All these people are going through their own love situation.

Master Fu losing his first love

Major Bourgeois and Mrs. Bourgeois are losing the balance on their relationship.

Chloe losing her hope in Ladybug

AND FINALLY!! DUH! DUH! DUUUH! The famous Cat Noir giving up on Ladybug.

When CatNoir says to Ladybug about having a “girlfriend” he tried to make her jealous but it didn’t work, therefore he leaves saying it hurts. But looking at Ladybug she too looks hurt, because of her love interest “perfect” Adrien Agreste. She too is hurt because Adrien doesn’t like her back. This is where the it gets complicated.

Now cut to them both looking at their love interest on their phone. UP POPS THEIR OTHER interest....HA WHAT A COINCIDENCE!!! Marinette sees Luka’s message, meanwhile Adrien gets a photo of both Marinette and Kagami. Now the question is who is he looking at?? Both? Marinette? Kagami? Too be honest I don’t know either BUT! The photo could be either two ways....

Ladybug/ Marinetter or Kagami

He doesn’t know Marinette is Ladybug, but is the viewers know. So the photo is showing he’s fighting between his lady or Kagami, or in his eyes (LOOK AT MY FRIENDS!!) As the shot switches to a photo of him and Kagami, so I feel like it’s saying he’s gonna try for Kagami! But also if you notice his eyes shifts to the left, where Marinette is...or maybe he’s looking at the heart button XD WE DON’T KNOW!!

Alright! Now look when Adrien, Kagami, and Marinette are all hanging out. They are having fun! All three of them are enjoying their freedom! (Especially Adrien and Kagami) Now Marinette...HER HAIR GOES DOWN! Let’s looks at Adrien’s face. It’s a genuine surprise look! He’s like “Wow I never seen your hair down before!” To Him staring at her dreamy with her hair down with Kagami. “Your hair looks beautiful.” There is something going on right here. It could be that Adrien does have hidden feelings for Marinette, it’s just that well...HAS NO BRAIN CELLS!🤣🤣 Ok no we will discuss that later.

Now another part of this is the important ANDRÉ! If you know André, he is basically the ice cream that goes around Paris selling ice cream, but people say his ice cream brings love to the perfect match! These three approach him and he says this...

Adrien and Kagami = “Orange and Peppermint, a perfect pairing that’s always a success. Nothing can turn into a mess.”

Adrien and Marinette = “ BlackBerry and Peppermint, an explosive mix that’s a fact, but oftentimes its the opposites that attracts. “

Now listening to these two lines really confused me but then again I got something strange from it.

First looking at our “perfect” match Adrien and Kagami, for me that’s too perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect couple. The “perfect” or should I say realistic couple is when two work well together, They understand each other, and most importantly fight with each other. The more arguments, the more you see the person and understand them. That is how teamwork comes on. Adrien and Kagami are just friends who do fencing together, and they are living in space with no freedom. That is why they look at each other for help and comfort. Yes they understand each other in that level, but do they work well together?

MEANWHILE....Adrien and Marinette! Their alter ego Cat Noir and Ladybug. They fight, work together, and that brings them into a deep trust. It’s important to have these types of things in a relationship. That way it brings the bond closer. And opposites attract like what André says. Obviously Adrien is the peppermint and Marinette is the blueberry. OPPOSITES ATTRACT! An explosive mix! This tells you something. The unexpected and unknown. They just don’t know because love comes in full of surprises! It could mean Adrien and Marinette will have a surprise in the love they have for each other. That’s why we love André.

This whole episode was a rollercoaster, but there was this one scene that caught me the most! And nooooo it’s not the ALMOST KISS FROM ADRIEN AND KAGAMI and LUKA HUGGING CRYING MARINETTE (Which I’m sure a lot of us were heart broken)

It was this scene 

My man André again! But this scene really stand out for me. So in this shot we see André looking over at Adrien and Kagami “kiss”, but look at his position and cart. He can be thinking about two things...

Happy that he got the “perfect” match

OR

Upset that he got the Wrong match!

I feel like André is upset that he got the wrong match. Why you ask? The cart’s top. The ice cream that has the colors of Ladybug. André plays his role of been the matchmaker and believes that love can be shared through ice cream. But now looking at this, maybe he thinks he doesn’t have the right match?!?!? We don’t know. But when the three kidos go to André, André was worried about our dear Marinette for choosing Adrien with Kagami. He KNOWS! He knows she loves Adrien, but she believes that the mix of her and Adrien isn’t a good mix. NEVER JUDGE ITS COVER DAMN IT!!! 

NOW FINALLY! The big fish....this ship war dear god...

Now looking at Adrien and Marinette. They both got their heart broken by the person they love. Now how do they heal that broken heart??? Finding another person to heal that heart.

TADA THAT’S WHEN KAGAMI AND LUKA STEP IN!!!

These two are going to “heal” that broken heart and give them the comfort they want. The LOVE THEY WANT! THE ROMANTIC LOVE THEY CRAVE!!! 

But overall what is the purpose of Luka and Kagami. Well it’s kind of obvious...TO BREAK THE LOVE SQAURE AWAY!!! MWAHAHAH....No...

These characters are going to help these blind full love birds. People say “Adrien is so stupid!” “Marinette is so blind!”  Um yea...their like 15 years old....

Maturely is what they need. Growth. Their young! Of course their gonna act like this! But with the help of Kagami and Luka, they are going to help our characters to grow and then in the end Adrien and Marinette will finally break that wall between them (hehe...get it...wall between us...)

But hey this is my thoughts XD and how MatPat would say...It’s just a theory ;)

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous spoilers #theroies #loveater #mlb #miraculous kagami #luka #adrienette #ladynior #adrigami #luknette

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

MONICA YOU LOVED MANIC TOO??!?!? I'm overjoyed because I've only spoken to one (1) other person who really loved it & I feel so relieved, somehow, that you love it since you're the BEST OF US and what YOU love always gets right to the heart of a thing or a story. ANYWAY. Finally // and I Hate Everybody are my absolute favorites, and don't you think this album is like Ashley's version of Lover??? it's her most honest, and maybe lowest but also sweetest and steadiest album. I'M IN LOVE

YES YES YES YES YES I AM SOOO EXCITED YOU LOVE IT WILL YOU BE MY MANIC BUDDY *SINGS IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND WHO LOVES HALSEY*

also thank you sincerely and seriously so much for the glowing shoutout

#WONDER WOMAN SPEAKS MY HEART AND ALSO THIS IS SURPRISINGLY (?) RELEVANT TO THE ONCOMING STORM OF AN ESSAY

before I go any further I want to inform you I am drinking hot chocolate and Bailey’s out of my Batman/Catwoman mug and I still have Christmas lights up. This is not relevant to the following essay but I just thought you should know

I should start the essay shouldn’t I

First of all, I LOVE what you say about this being Ashley’s version of Lover. Both are a...finding of self, more or less complete. This isn’t to say that Taylor’s journey is over—she still has a lot of life and song left to fight through and to enjoy—but by the last words of “Daylight,” it seems to me that through all her struggles, she has finally discovered how to be gentle with herself and how to light her world.

I want to be defined by the things I love,

Not the things I hate

Not the things I am afraid of, I’m afraid of,

The things that haunt me in the middle of the

night, I

I just think that you are what you love.

In Lover, through Lover, by Lover, Taylor is whole again in her soul, and being thus whole and free, her future is quietly hopeful—even in the reality of the sorrowful “Soon You’ll Get Better” (which I still cannot listen to because it wounds my heart). I cannot imagine what she will do next, for she has the most expansive possibilities ahead of her.

Going back to Ashley, or Halsey, well, I can say nothing so clear about Manic other than that it aches. It aches because the whole thing is a confession. It is a spilling out of herself, all her hurts and frustrations and failures and most importantly the confusion of it all that lasts till this day and may last many more. Somehow, somewhere, in all this mess, I feel that by the end of the album, Ashley has found a grain of peace. She is still searching, still longing for things she maybe doesn’t even understand, but she understands herself, and, I hope, understands in a small way that it is okay to be in a state of longing and aching and messing up and trying again.

I’m sleepy so I’m not sure I am being coherent or cohesive, forgive me. I’m just going to say a few things about my favorite songs!

“Ashley.” So this wasn’t the first song I listened to, because of the singles released earlier. But how powerful is it that Halsey opens up with her name? There is nothing I like better than an album that tells a story (surprise!) and the instant I saw the track listing, I was shook.

Seems like now it's impossible to work this outI'm so committed to an old ghost townIs it really that strange if I always wanna change?And if only the time and space between us wasn't lonelyI'd disintegrate into a thousand piecesI think I'm making a mistakeBut if I decide to break, who will fill the empty space?

This verse—I don’t know if it is just where I am in my own life, but really, who hasn’t felt this strange rending of desires in some capacity. Cling to the past? Leap toward the unknown? I want to live near my parents forever, and see my mom every Sunday like I have for years now. I want to live in a foreign country, or even out near my old college, or heck even live in a city for year or six months, just because it would be an Experience. (Couldn’t live there indefinitely, not this girl who loves endless trees and hills and warm summer night country roads and rustling corn.)

How do we know what to do? How do we decide? What if we get left alone, with no one to comfort and support us? What if we cannot handle the consequences of our choices?

Apart from my beating heartIt's a muscle but it's still not strong enoughTo carry the weight of the choices I've madeI told you I'd ride this outIt's getting harder every day somehowI'm bursting out of myself

LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT IT! I DARE YOU TO SAY THIS IS NOT A UNIVERSAL EMOTION. THIS IS WHAT THE ALBUM WILL BE ABOUT SO IF YOU CANNOT OPEN YOUR HEART AND BE PREPARED TO FEEL EMPATHY AND COMPASSION FOR THE YOUNG WOMAN WHO IS ABOUT TO SPILL HER GUTS TO YOU THEN GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

Ahem, I’m sorry, please stay, I don’t actually want you to go. Just sit down and I’ll give you your own hot chocolate. But listen. Ashley is, before anything, a human being. Therefore, she is going to mess up, just the same as any of us, maybe more, maybe less, but that is never going to take away a speck of her intrinsic worth, or the way that God loves her. Her struggles will not obliterate her humanity, but if I ignore her sorrows, her need for something more, her brilliance and strength and longing to love, then I would nigh obliterate my own.

Also, can I just say she has gone through some REALLY hard things in her life, things I couldn’t imagine, and for her to be where she is now—I just want the best for her. Do I agree with everything she does or believes? No. Is my life at all similar to hers? Not really. But I still feel a kinship with her, and it bleeds through in her music.

This is getting away from me isn’t it. I’m just trying to say that Manic struck a chord in my heart that has been reverberating ever since I first perceived it.

Oh gosh it is 12:30, I have to be up at 6. I’m going to fly through a few other songs and then you can message me about the rest or something 😊

“Clementine” has such color, doesn’t it? Also the line about her wondering what it’s like to be the blood in her veins—I love it!

“Graveyard” with the thing you love the most being the detriment—not going to lie, this is a story song for me, it fits into the Gold Rush Silmarillion AU I am co-authoring. Feanor and his own pride, Maedhros and half the people he loves, Fingon and Maedhros—the list could go on.

“You should be sad” and “More” gutted me because I had only just learned she has endometriosis, and has experienced a miscarriage before.

“Forever...(is a long time)”:

It's a nice surprise knowing six feet highWould reach and grab the moon if I should ask

Or just imply that I want you to be more lightSo I could look inside his eyesAnd get the colors just right

And

What am I thinking? What does this mean?How could somebody ever love me?

Self-doubt and questioning one’s ability to be loved ☹

“Without Me” gets stuck in my head and I LOVE IT I SING IT.

Found you when your heart was brokeI filled your cup until it overflowedTook it so far to keep you close (Keep you close)I was afraid to leave you on your own

 Is there anything more painful than giving all of yourself to someone, loving them so much that you do anything to help them heal—and then all they do is hurt you.

“Finally// beautiful stranger” I’m ashamed to say the first time I listened to it I wasn’t paying attention and so I was like eh it’s fine. THEN I LISTENED TO IT AGAIN. WHY IS THIS SONG HALSEY’S “ENCHANTED” (I can probably explain this, but just after I’ve had sleep)

“killing boys” there are a lot of things I could say about this song but the main thing I want to say is if there was a song that is ME regarding the sound of it only, it is this one. When she sings “you don’t need me anymore” and “I don’t need you anymore” OOH IT GETS ME IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL

Also

Told me pick my battles and be picking 'em wiseBut I wanna pick 'em all and I don't want to decideNo more, no more, anymore

THIS IS THAT TUMBLR THING  “MY MOM LIKES TO TELL ME ‘YOU HAVE TO PICK YOUR BATTLES’ WELL I’M FULL OF RAGE AND I’M PICKING ALL OF THEM”

ALSO ALSO GETTING INTO THE LYRICS THIS IS HER MOVING ON, THIS IS HER DECISIVELY SAYING NO THIS NOT RIGHT THIS IS HARMFUL TO ME I AM DONE. AND FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS EXPRESSED UNCERTAINTY AND DIFFICULTY MAKING DECISIONS, IT SO GOOD TO SEE HER MAKE A HEALTHY CHOICE FOR HERSELF

“Suga’s Interlude:” LOOK YOU LOVE BTS TOO SO I’M SURE YOU KNOW THE STORY OF HOW IT CAME TO BE AND YOU KNOW ALL ABOUT BTS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH HALSEY BUT FOR THE SAKE OF THE READERS LET ME SUM UP

Halsey did a collaboration with BTS called “Boy with Luv” and it shook the charts and is wonderful and I love it. Not only did they create that song though, but she flew out to South Korea and learned the dance choreography so that she could sing and dance in the song’s music video. This was the beginning of a beautiful, cross-language, cross-cultural friendship that has involved friendship bracelets, churros, a personalized microphone, and mutual teasing.

Anyway, Halsey had been really impressed with BTS member Suga, saying “Yoongi is really introspective and has this really intelligent perspective on where we are and what we are doing in our unique lifestyles.” She also was moved by the hard work and sacrifices he (and his fellow band members) have made. Anyway, she asked Suga to write and sing a song with her. He was initially surprised, saying that he can’t rap in English. Halsey, gem that she is, was like bro, pls rap in Korean, that would be awesome. Pardon me for copying half the lyrics for this song but to me it is pivotal in Manic as a whole:

I’ve been trying all my lifeTo separate the timeIn between the having it allAnd giving it up, yeah...

Here is the conflict and strife that Halsey has dealt with all her life—there is fear of loss there, and also fear of what one has. The power it has over you. The way things might go wrong.

I believe your faith, efforts, beliefs, and greed,are not hideous...Although the dawn right before the sun rises is the darkest,Never forget that the stars that you wish for,can only rise within the dark...

Suga reminding himself, Halsey, and us to cling to hope, ragged and worn, even in the most difficult of times. Also—in the face of our insecurities and self-recrimination for the goals we set—he tell us that our deepest parts are valid

If I run endlessly towards the end of the tunnel,what will there beIt’s true, it’s honestly differentfrom the future that I had hoped forBut it doesn’t matter, now it’s a matter of living/survivingIt doesn’t matter what happenedYeah yeah it might bedifferent from the things that you expectedYour living and your loving might changeThat’s true That’s true That’s trueYeah so are you gonna moveWe’re still too youthful and young to hesitateLet’s face it (our lives)...

This, this verse is so important. Look back at the song “Ashley”, particularly the lines I already quoted. Indecision because the fear of what might be, of what failure could do, wrecking her worse than ever, with no one to help her. Indecision because of a nostalgia that might be bitter or softly sad, what was past was at least known. It was good perhaps, it was awful more likely. But it was gotten through. There is no guarantee that Halsey will be able to get through whatever the future holds. But Suga comes in here, having faced struggles similar at their core, and he embodies the Nike slogan. Just DO IT. Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t let yourself drown, stuck in sinking mud. Embrace the unknown. If you let fear hold you back, you are as good as dead. There will be no growth, no hope battling through the dark for something better. You have to MOVE! And maybe you were right, things will never be the same, or the way you want it to be, but MAYBE THE DIFFERENT WILL BE BETTER!!!

Anyway, this section really should have been its own essay, because I’m still not done with it. You may have noticed I have been calling them Halsey and Suga, and the song is indeed called “Suga’s Interlude” but this song is so deep and personal to them both, it feels wrong to use their stage names. This is Ashley speaking, this is Yoongi speaking. Halsey posted a cute, stick figure drawing as artwork for the song, and the two singers are pictured there—and named as Ashley and Yoongi. This song is not just a collaboration by two talented artists, this is a look into the souls of a woman and a man who’ve shed blood, sweat, and tears to become the people they are. This intimacy fits the whole theme of the album so well, I LITERALLY CANNOT

I am so sorry I will move on now. It is 2:00 am. I need to go to bed. I am not. I need to talk about 929.

Well first let me say that “Still Learning” is also super important to the theme of the album.

I know that I've done some wrongBut I'm trying to make it rightDid the one I love do me wrong?Give me up right now

I know that I love you but I'm still learningTo love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)I'm still learning to love myself (to love my, to love my, to love my)

She has made confessions and declarations and sung her frustration, and now she is moving forward. The road may be long and hard, but she is moving forward. I had something else to say but I forgot it sorry.

And NOW

929!!!!

This song miiiiight be my favorite on the album, not sure. My heart trembles and I get chills listening to it, because the music and her voice are so gentle and soothing but the lyrics are essentially a list of moments that have been needles and knives to Ashley, all her fears revealed, that she wasn’t enough then and she isn’t enough now, that the girl with the pink hair lied when she said that everyone needed Ashley. It’s a soft confession, a stream of consciousness, so it was written and so I hear it. And in this moment, how can I not love her? How can I not cry for her, for me, for anyone and everyone who struggles with self-worth, with being wanted, with being loved, with loving, with forgiving self and others?Halsey is flawed, and I just want to give her extra love because of that.

But you know what? I think she is going to be ok.

This is where I want to go back and compare Manic to Lover. There is this knowledge of the self, a kind of peace with who one is. I don’t mean that either Taylor or Ashley have reached their pinnacle of self, but they see themselves a little more clearly, and are not suppressing that knowledge.

929 sounds like water gently pouring out of a pitcher into a basin, and water, properly placed, does not drown but gives life. There is hope by the end of this song, hope despite her difficult life, hope despite the fact that she was never even telling the truth about her time of birth. (That story could be a despairing one, the “I’m a fucking liar” could be the miniscule mistake that breaks her after all the rest of her mistakes, but instead...I don’t know she just sounds kind of amused, like even if she is disappointed or upset about it, there is still this “oh well, whatever, can’t believe that happened lol” to her voice and laughter. She knows who she is now, and there is a better woman she might be, but she is not angry with herself for being who she is, and she will move forward, letting go of her ghost towns and all her fears.

Let me end with a quote about 929: “I just start spilling all of my thoughts about myself and my fans and my family, and I admit so many faults and flaws all in one go. It’s forgiving, however, it ends with the acknowledgment that I am learning and growing, minute by minute.”

Ashley, like Taylor, is making a new start. They have both found a sort of daylight, and though there may always be shadows, I really really hope that they will know mostly sun, and spread it around for others.

ALSO I JUST REALIZED I COULD NOW BE SOMEONE’S MANIC PIXIE DREAMGIRL :D 

*Disclaimer: I AM SO FREAKING TIRED I AM GOING TO BED, THIS WHOLE THING IS ENTIRELY UNEDITED, ALSO I LEFT SOME SONGS OUT OOPS WELL TWO OF THEM I DON’T CARE FOR AS MUCH BUT I THINK I FORGOT 3 AM WHICH I DO  LIKE BUT I AM NOT GOING BACK TO WRITE ABOUT IT NOW. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLING MESS AND LACK OF ELOQUENCE BUT HERE WE BE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET HOPE IT MADE YOU SMILE

#halsey #manic #taylor swift #lover #madamescarlette #eden you know I will want to hear your thoughts #which will be so much more well-written then mine lol #asks #<3 <3 <3

[halcyon-travesty-blog]

I HAVE SEEN THE NEW DRAGONS MOVIE!!!

I’ve just seen what might be the best movie ever (I don’t live in the States so earlier release!!) and need to process my emotions and discuss discussable points through this rant post, so fairly obvious warning: 

SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING SPOILER WARNING

Alright, you have been warned. 

PS: an edited, spoiler-free version may be posted later

THE HIDDEN WORLD IS AMAZING! Such a beautiful story, a more-than-fitting conclusion to the epic tale of dragons, vikings, love, loss, leadership, growing up, acceptance, strength, becoming who you were always meant to be, and, perhaps most importantly, learning to let go and stand on your own.

I’ll try and sort aspects of the movie by paragraph but this is pretty much just a therapeutic emotional outpouring so here we go. 

First cab off the rank (although it may be obvious), the animation was incredible. The village, the Hidden World, every island and ship and dragon and outfit enriched with vivid colour and intricate detail. The outfits were a particular highlight for me (a la my post a few months ago about their battle suits - they look even better on the big screen); even the updates for characters like Valka and Eret were great. The obvious question I guess is: was the Hidden World itself worth it? A HUGE YES. I thought maybe it would remind me of another other-worldly movie (e.g. James Cameron’s Avatar), but it didn’t; all I could think about was how beautiful the world’s design was, with all the colours and lights, waterfalls and chasms and crystals and, of course, dragons. 

Grimmel was a good villain, nothing ridiculously ground-breaking or whatever, but not a bad bad guy by any means in my opinion. There were also three warlords who had employed him whose roles were very minor and pretty much just a way for him to discover that (prank!) he hadn’t killed all the Night Furies after all. The movie isn’t really about the villain though, he’s more of a plot advancer, a catalyst if you will. 

The Stoick and lil baby Hiccup flashbacks are gorgeous and serve almost as a form of conscience and inspiration for Hiccup: a monologue on love (sparked by a cute “are you gonna get us a new mom?”) that Hiccup recalls when considering letting Toothless go be with his love, the Light Fury, is particularly poignant. 

The Dragon Riders are wonderful and hilarious once again, and a particular highlight of the movie for me was how they were learning to work together more, a la Race to the Edge, especially (sobs) without their dragons. Astrid and Hiccup have many great moments together once again. For those wondering who won between Rufflout and Rufflegs: Ruffnut says she can’t choose between Snotlout’s ego (“I don’t know if he’ll ever love me more than he’ll love himself) and Fishlegs’s meek nerdiness, but at the Hiccstrid wedding says (or maybe jokes) that she chooses Fishlegs because she “likes sensitive guys.” The replacement of TJ Miller is nothing to worry about: it’s noticeable if you listen closely, but definitely not a problem. Ruffnut’s prisoner monologue is a comedic highlight, Tuffnut’s “boy talks” in regard to marriage! (more on that later) are also great, Fishlegs is pretty much just Fishlegs and Snotlout’s banter with Eret and Valka are fun. Our teenage adventurers have grown up, and with growing up comes responsibility, something I’ll explore more in...

Mature Chief Issues (TM)! Hiccup is a young chief with many balls to juggle: raiding trapper ships and rescuing dragons, a dragon overpopulation crisis on Berk, managing viking and dragon priorities, his relationship with Astrid (and the possibility of marriage), threats from enemies across the seas (and the target he has inadvertently made Berk), the legacy of his father (considered one of the greatest chiefs of all time), and (perhaps most importantly) his own self-esteem, acceptance and self-worth, fundamentally the question of his worth without Toothless. This is one of the reasons why I (and many others I suspect) love this franchise so: it deals with mature issues like responsibility and leadership in a meaningful and realistic way. When Hiccup says they’re all going to pack up and leave in search of the Hidden World, he faces opposition and doubt, and as the film progresses he must further contend with the conflict with Grimmel (and events such as Ruffnut getting left behind at the base) and Toothless’s budding relationship with the Light Fury. 

A lot of people have been complaining that the Light Fury has been ‘feminised’, and that she shouldn’t look like she does from a zoological standpoint. I read a particularly good post a while ago by a tumblr user who was a zoologist or something like that (no disrespect intended, just can’t remember exactly); if you can find it I recommend the read. I agree with the points made in those arguments, but can’t help thinking that her design is beautiful, and her personality is definitely not weakened. She glistens in the moonlight and fights with incredible strength and can turn invisible at will for goodness sake. Their love is sweet and wholesome and makes for a breathtaking flight sequence and a funny scene reminiscent of the Hiccup-Toothless bonding and drawing scene in HTTYD1. The dragon babies are cute (although I don’t understand why they’re each blotchy black and white when Night and Light Furies are apparently the same species, so therefore based on gender the kids should be one or the other, but anyway) and the Light Fury provides Toothless with someone to spend his life with in the Hidden World when the dragons go away.

Yes, it happens. We knew it would. “There were dragons when I was a boy” sent me into a flurry of tears, and Hiccup and Toothless’s reunion with their kids at the end of the movie was...I don’t really know what to say. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. The dragons go because, as Hiccup says, “The world doesn’t deserve you”. More enemies would rise to fill Grimmel’s place, and dragons will never be truly safe unless they disappear. I think most movie-goers will know deep down that humans and dragons aren’t going to end up living in the Hidden World together like Hiccup suggests; it is, quite simply, not meant to be. Toothless leaving allows him to complete his journey of becoming, in terms of being an alpha and literally standing (flying) on his own (with a self-functioning prosthetic tail). Toothless leaving is also the final step in Hiccup’s becoming, as he learns that he is strong, can stand on his own and lead, even without his faithful dragon by his side. It is hard, as Astrid says, but he can do it, because he has always been a great viking, and has the support of his friends and family. Letting go takes courage and maturity, but can sometimes be the only way you can become who you are meant to be. Hiccup and Toothless’s parallel journeys are truly something to behold. There is a lot more I would like to say on this, but at the current moment I believe I lack the eloquence to do so. In summary, the moment is beautiful and everything you don’t want it to be. 

On a happier note, THERE’S A HICCSTRID WEDDING!!!!!!! Following much jest and uncertainty (aka foreshadowing) throughout the film, Hiccup and Astrid have a beautiful winter wedding with the whole village present. Gobber cries, Snotlout cries, Fishlegs cries, I cry, you cry, everyone cries. Astrid’s hair is left down, the bride and groom wear white (don’t think vikings actually did wear white but they look awesome so whatever), there’s a couple of traditional viking things and then comes love then comes marriage then comes BABY IN A BABY CARRIAGE!!!!

The auburn-haired girl, perhaps 7 or 8 years old, and the blond-haired boy, maybe 5 or 6, joined their mother and (bearded!) father on an unexplained boat journey to the entrance to the Hidden World, where they meet up with Toothless, the Light Fury and their children and we come full circle, with the kids holding out their hands and Toothless leaning in, an image we know and love all too well. They fly together, we the audience are promised that dragons did exist and may return someday when the world is worthy of them, and the movie ends. 

One of my favourite things about this franchise will always be its maturity and the beauty in simplicity (aka a story of growing up and letting go). I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that this is one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen and I literally feel privileged to have experienced this story. I cannot recommend it enough and intend to see it again sometime in the next week. More posts and analysis and etcetera will come (apologies for the hiatus - exams and Christmas and yes hectic), especially after it is released in more countries, and I hope everyone loves this film as much as I did. 

#httyd3 #httyd 3 #how to train your dragon 3 #how to train your dragon: the hidden world #the hidden world #my heart #tears #hiccup #toothless #hiccstrid #astrid #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #SPOILERS #httyd 3 spoilers #the hidden world spoilers #httyd 3 review #the hidden world review #ruffnut #tuffnut #snotlout #fishlegs #night fury #light fury #valka #eret #gobber #stoick #stoick the vast #dragons #dreamworks

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/super-full-moon-in-leoopen-our-lions-heart/

Super Full Moon in Leo~Open Our Lion's Heart

Super Full Moon in Leo~Open Our Lion’s Heart

By Alex Myles

Full moons are always energetically potent, powerful, creative and immensely magical times.This weekend’s moon is a Full Supermoon and the cosmic vibes emanating from it are believed to be multiple times more powerful than a regular full moon.

Lunar energy has a powerful influence on our lives and collective energy will be amplified and vibrating on a far higher level than normal. This means from February 8th-10th lunar energy will be super charged and at its most intense.

Cosmically, everything happens in sequences and we are currently in one of these sequences due to four Supermoons taking place in a row.

The first occurs on February 9th, the second on March 9, the third on April 8 and the final one, which completes this three-month Supermoon portal, takes place on May 7, 2020. (Exact date and time depends on location.)

When the Sun, Earth and Moon align they create a syzygy, which is a vortex of energy. A syzygy is when three celestial bodies configure in a straight line – also known as an energy portal.

Unlike regular Full Moons, in which the energy lasts for a few days, the supercharged, intense and life-altering energy of this Supermoon sequence will be felt consistently from now until the Supermoon in May.

Those who are highly sensitive to energy will have sensed a changes in the atmosphere since the end of January, when this highly charged energy started to build. To heighten things further we have now entered Mercury Retrograde’s shadow period, with the planet preparing its retrograde on February 17th.

Supermoon portals have their own unique theme to them. We will notice whatever we are currently going through, or trying to manifest in our lives, at the start of this Supermoon will complete or come to fruition by the middle of May – just after the final Supermoon of this series.

By the end of this period we will have gained heightened understanding of any personal struggles or painful dynamics we have experienced and we will notice major progress to any intentions we are setting now.

This Full Moon is in the sign of Leo and the celestial energy will be affecting all zodiac signs. However, anyone born with Leo in their chart will feel the impact more than others.

The majestic Leo Moon radiates a bright burning light of healing energy that illuminates any unresolved issues lingering from our past. We will feel called to dig under the surface and unearth any harmful emotional issues that have been triggering pain and causing us to react in ways that are harmful and destructive.

One of the main wounds that the Leo Moon opens is our fear that we are unworthy, unloved or inadequate.

The regal Leo has a great desire to feel secure, worshipped and cherished. If Leos do not receive love and affection in abundance, they may question their place in their loved one’s life, along with their own self-worth and the meaning of life. They like to feel like royalty at the center of their loved one’s attention and may become demanding, controlling and possibly even have emotional outbursts if they feel they are ignored or not being adored.

During this full moon, many of us, especially if we are ultra sensitive to cosmic energy, will be feeling the effects of Leo’s more dominant characteristics. These characteristics are only making an appearance so we recognize and heal the emotional wounds that have been challenging us in numerous areas of our lives, particularly within romantic relationships.

This full moon is calling us to courageously open our lion’s heart and love ourselves so hard and deeply that we transmute all of our old pain and suffering.

The pain we are healing is the pain feel when we convince ourselves that we are unlovable, unworthy, inadequate, undeserving or when we behave in destructive ways that create self-fulfilling prophecies causing us to push and test the ones we love.

The way to heal Leo energy is to infuse the fractured heart and fragmented mind with limitless love and affection and to pamper and importantly to nourish the body and soul.

During the Leo Full Moon we will feel a revolutionary, inspirational energy flooding into our lives, which will encourage us to do more of what makes us feel loved, carefree, blissful and highly charged with vitality.

We will feel more compelled than ever to pay particular attention to whatever or whomever we feel passionately about, so that we openly show our priorities and care. When we do this, we will notice our love, attention and affection being returned in abundance.

This 4 month portal offers a rare opportunity to receive an influx of spiritual wisdom that brings infinite possibilities and resources that help us create and maintain a prosperous and abundant life. This Full Moon is most definitely the time to fully take control of what we want from our lives and passionately put desires into action.

It is also a time for purging anything no longer in alignment; therefore, bad habits and anything destructive in our lives—including obsessions, repetitive thinking, and toxic relationships—will start to disintegrate. To achieve this, focus needs to be on letting go of attachments to people, belongings, or situations that have caused trauma and turbulence so we can transcend old patterns of behavior and move toward healthy opportunities and genuine connections with authentic souls.

To activate and absorb this energy, it is recommended to meditate each morning and evening throughout this entire 4 month period. This helps to maintain a harmonic vibration so we are easily able to resonate with and magnetise whatever we want to attract and receive.

The energy of this Full Moon is vibrating on a potent and high frequency and Sunday in particular is likely to be an emotionally charged day. Therefore, if possible, take a break from normal activity, take shelter from the energetic storm, keep the mind focused, the heart open and regularly repeat any affirmations that align with what you hope to heal or achieve during this time.

Supermoons are sometimes referred to as “wild card moons” in astrology, as they bring in unpredictable energies—which basically means that our lives could be running smoothly one moment and the next be turned upside down. This is nothing to worry about, as with all cosmic activity, everything always happens for our highest good. Sometimes our lives need a good shake up so we release anything or anyone out of alignment.

This supercharged moon carries maximum energetic influence and has the capacity to heighten the outcome of anything we ask of it. It will bring numerous plot twists, so that whatever no longer resonates gently dissipates.

During highly charged energy portals, such as Supermoons, you may notice the following:

Feeling more emotional and tearful. People from our past reappear, so we have the chance to learn valuable lessons, make amends, or forgive and release once and for all. Physiological symptoms may manifest, such as flu-like symptoms, ear-ringing, or aches and pains. Frequent anxiety or feeling panicky without a clear reason, as well as bouts of fear about the future. We might “know” things without logical explanation and find it difficult to explain the source of our information. Temporary loss of memories, forgetting things, misplacing items. Time appearing to go extremely slow or fast. Disrupted sleep, insomnia, and waking between the hours of 2:00 to 5:00 a.m. Premonitions, vivid dreams or nightmares. Feeling as though huge change is about to happen. Chronic fatigue; being around other people feels draining. Feeling zoned and spaced out, or ungrounded. High intuition, sudden insights, heightened awareness, enhanced compassion and empathy, seeing things with clarity, and receiving answers or resolutions to ongoing issues. Releasing, healing, and letting go of the past. Overthinking and obsessing over tiny details. Noticing synchronicities, i.e. number patterns reappearing. A growing discomfort around certain family members, friends, or work colleagues, sensitive to negavity. Preferring to spend time alone in introspection. Struggles with communication, arguments, disagreements.

To combat these symptoms we can: Drink plenty of filtered water (not tap water). Take saltwater baths. Meditate and remain aware of reoccurring thoughts and feelings.

Disclaimer: If you experience any of the symptoms listed here, please also seek the advice of a medical professional. The above symptoms are commonly noted during major cosmic events, however, there may be other medical-related causes.

Take a listen to this ethereal song named Supermoon 💗✨🙏🌜https://www.youtube.com/watch…

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The Look of Love

Despite a large portion of Americans claiming to have experienced love at some point in their lives, humanity as a whole has yet to define exactly what love is (Anderson, 2009, p. 3). According to the Oxford Dictionary (n.d.), love is “a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone” (Definition section). However, this definition fails to explain how it develops, by what it is characterized, and by whom it is defined. After extensive research, including several personal interviews, one can reasonably determine that love is a strong bond defined by each individual, characterized by personal growth and multiple aspects of intimacy, and developed in stages fueled by one’s need for fulfillment (Cox & Demmit, 2014, pp. 63, 64, 69, 71).

In order to more clearly define love, one must collect a broad selection of data including the attitudes and personal experiences of a wide variety of individuals. Four couples that have been married to each other for at least twenty years, four unmarried females under the age of 21, and four unmarried males under the age of 21 were interviewed about what they felt constituted love. When asked, the group of unmarried individuals determined that love can be defined in two ways: a bond that unifies two individuals and a feeling of affection that inspires one to become a better person. In addition to the above criteria, married couples defined love as a willingness to sacrifice for the other’s well-being and an intimacy that comes with familiarity.

According to social psychologist Erich Fromm, love is “an active power that breaks through the walls that separate people from each other . . . [and] includes the four basic elements necessary to any intimate relationship: care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge” (as cited in Cox & Demmit, 2014, p. 62). Additionally, Cox and Demmit (2014) concluded that love also includes friendship, attachment, and the enjoyment of the other’s company (p. 77). These feelings are developed through the sharing of emotions, exciting activities, and time together. Therefore, for love to be present, one must cultivate a personal relationship with another based on mutual respect and intimate knowledge of one another (pp. 62, 65, 77).

Equally important are the characteristics of love. The unmarried interviewees determined that with love comes cooperation, respect, and the vision of a future with that person. The married couples agreed on an additional six aspects of love: friendship, caring, thoughtfulness, similarity, familiarity, and acting in a way that honors the other—opening doors, carrying in groceries, offering them your coat, etc. According to Cox and Demmit (2014), love is primarily centered around these four attributes: “physical attraction, emotional attachment, self-disclosure and openness, and feelings of personal growth” (p. 71). Thus, love is generally characterized by feelings of intimacy and personal growth.

In regards to the development of love, the unmarried adults separated love into three stages that develop over a transitional period: the Honeymoon Phase, characterized by feelings of perfection and idealized love; the Trials of Love, a large portion of time in which reality begins to settle in and consume much of one’s waking thoughts; and the happy balance between the previous two stages where life becomes easier to handle and the two individuals can focus more on developing their love. To develop love, they concluded that one must maintain a level of proximity, intimacy, and openness with each other. Conversely, the married interviewees stated that there are no stages and that time is not required, but that love can develop or stagnate over time. One’s choices cause love to grow.

Similarly, sociologist Ira Reiss believes that love develops in four stages fueled by the need for fulfillment: Rapport, where both parties are comfortable, familiar with one another, and want to deepen the relationship; Self-revelation, involving the sharing of “intimate thoughts and feelings”; Mutual Dependency, in which the absence of one’s partner causes a feeling of loss; and Need for Fulfillment, characterized by a need for emotional support and sympathy caused by greater intimacy (as cited in Cox & Demmit, 2014, pp. 63-64). Generally speaking, love is developed over time during stages caused by a need for personal fulfillment (p. 64).

After discovering exactly what love is, one must apply it to reality and determine whether an individual causes love or whether it happens involuntarily. While sociologists do not weigh in on why love happens, both unmarried and married interviewees determined that although love happens to an individual without their control, one can help foster love. For example, an individual who goes on several dates with many different people will be more likely to find someone that they emotionally and physically connect with. One married couple, when asked what could be done to cause love, advised couples to do anything that would cause an affair—sharing emotions, being playful and flirty, being alone together, doing exciting things with one another, etc. However, once the love is gained, one must maintain it or it will wither. If the love is lost, both parties must forgive and start over, taking time apart to grow individually if they need it. Get to know one another again, go on a romantic date, and be emotionally intimate with one another. Most importantly, learn to love yourself and become the person you can love.

Of course, one might argue that if love is defined by each individual, sociologists can not give a true definition of love because each person’s definition will be different. True, each individual can determine what love is to them and how they express it. However, multiple studies have found that a large and diverse group of people’s definitions of love share several common characteristics, including feelings of personal growth and intimacy. One must keep in mind that social sciences are subjective—the results and hypotheses are general statements that apply to a substantial portion of the population. Therefore, an individual’s experience does not disqualify the hypothesis as that person’s experience is considered the exception, not the rule.

All things considered, one can reasonably determine that love is generally an intimate bond that develops, and will continue to develop, in many stages due to humanity’s need for personal fulfillment and intimate connections. While there will be exceptions to any rule or definition, the diverse experiences and feelings collected in my own personal interviews and the studies mentioned in Cox and Demmit’s Human Intimacy support the above definition of love. However, as humanity continues to develop and change, so will the definition of love.

 

References

Anderson, Gretchen. (2009). Love, actually: A national survey of adults 18+ on love, relationships, and romance [Fact Sheet]. Retrieved from http://calbooming.sdsu.edu/documents/LoveActually2009.pdf

Cox, Frank D., & Demmit, Kevin (2014). Human intimacy: marriage, the family, and its meaning (11th ed.). Belmont: Wadsworth.

Love. (n.d.). In Oxford Dictionary. Retrieved January 21, 2019 from https:// en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/love

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