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#but like ?? physical activity is good right ??
ghosts-cyphera · 3 months
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hi can someone tell me to go and spend €120 on a lightsaber? my mental health needs this (…) but I’m too goddamn indecisive and feel like this one ✨ treat yourself ✨ moment is going to bankrupt me for life sksksk
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miraofhearts2point0 · 3 months
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i dont trust people who think Usagi is boring like just say you dont understand her and move along. bye now!!!
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ok fine im a bit pissy
I did not spend HOURS of EVERY DAY this week, most often WELL AFTER MIDNIGHT
doing things for certain types of encampment that I CANT TALK ABT ON SOCIAL MEDIA ON RISK OF SELF-INCRIMINATION
to be palestine-guilted over MEMEING ABOUT MISHA COLLINS
I did not WORK MYSELF TO EXHAUSTION
face *REDACTED* and *REDACTED*
to be told that my HAPPY LITTLE FANDOM POSTING on a site with NO FINANICAL OR ALGORITHMIC SIGNIFICANCE TO CELEBRITIES somehow undoes alllll of that.
is this a good post? no. does it apply to a lot of ppl? prolly not. could I lose followers/moots for this? yeah.
but its what I'm feeling rn.
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toxooz · 1 year
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me emotionally switching from 50 year old dad to middle schooler every 5 minutes this entire year bc the hormonal imbalance is desecrating my rat brain
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slippery-minghus · 4 months
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thinking about joining a local jiu jitsu class.... i'm SO not athletic and have always had a pretty negative relationship with sports, ambivalent at best, but i WANT TO feel good in my body and maybe even learn how to use it a little better? maybe even get a little stronger?
there's a free "see if it's for you" class i can do tomorrow and the guy was super nice.... so maybe. just maybe an autistic fat queer like myself can go out in the world and get a hobby that involves moving my body. maybe
#i'm excited in the way that comes with things i never follow through on#because fuck what if i don't like it? what if it's hard to integrate into my limited routine even if i do? so i never ever try#but it's a new year and i'm going to be fucking 30 in a month...... and i'm BORED#i'm BORED AS HELL with my life right now!!!#i want to get out and DO THINGS but how the hell do i find things? where do i go? what do i do?#i'm walking distance from this gym (and the bros i've seen leaving are always super nice)#which is a major factor in accessibility for me - i never go to gyms i have to drive to#and it's kinda expensive but.... i can afford it??#i'd been doing electrolysis for months last year and THAT was definitely more per month than this and i always made ends meet anyway#and i'll have my new HSA for the year that can pay for the first few sessions when i pick back up with it in march#fuck#i'm just so tired of not having enough energy to do the things i want#and there's a good chance making my body stronger will fucking help with that??#and if these people are even halfway nice enough and i can get in the groove of a routine.... well. maybe i CAN make a change#fucking hell#i need to remind myself a lot that a big part of unmasking and being authentically me is choosing to live and act by my values#and i VALUE being brave and trying new things- not bc i'm forced to. and now that i'm an adult i'll be allowed to quit if i don't like it#my parents aren't forcing me into this. and i'm old enough to make my own choices and stop running from things that remind me of theirs#my strategy has always been Avoid Things My Parents Would've Made Me Do but they're not fucking here?? and trying a physical activity isn't#saying that they were right to push me like that as a kid. i'm old enough to try it on my own terms now.#and that it's a sport doesn't mean its to punish me for having the body and mind that i have. NO it's to grow them.#and i can try and maybe even enjoy and keep with this new thing and not have it become a jail sentence for daring to express interest in it#i can try something else if i don't like it (not a jail sentence) and i can stick with it if i DO like it (also not a jail sentence!!!)#this is not basketball-softball-swimming-gymnastics-band-choir—all of the things i was curious to try as a kid and was forced to keep at#for years as 'punishment' for having expressed curiousity and then finding out it wasn't for me#(and SO much of it wasn't for me bc i was treated exactly the same as i was everywhere else as a kid: shamed and ignored!#NEVER welcomed and taught!!!) well it's DIFFERENT NOW. bc i'm fucking almost 30 DAMMIT#and i'm not in that shithole town anymore where every single person had a chip on their shoulder. like. there's something WRONG in that town#real people are so much nicer.#narrating my life
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izzy-b-hands · 9 months
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my body needs to get its shit together lmao
#text post#ive always needed rest days after days with a lot of activity but fuck me#i feel like ive got a cold or something with the fatigue and body aches going on like bro#we just did the beach walk then a couple stores then home!! that's nothing come the fuck on!!#but even after resting up yesterday from stuff on sunday (which even with this body stuff I'd do again in a heartbeat. was a good day 🥰)#im still utterly sore and achy and exhausted and it feels utterly ridiculous#im not wheezing like i was yesterday but i just. this isn't right!!!#i feel WORSE than i did when we went to bed but i was just chilling trying to write#and watching secret sleepover society vods like i was literally just sitting there!!!#but i had to resist the urge to skip my shower and just sleep there on my bedroom floor bc#moving is Effort and Ow and i know i gotta keep addressing my internalised ableism#and that accepting when my body needs extra rest is part of it but sometimes i just#everyone told me as long as i kept trying to exercise and eat as best i could (difficult w/all my food shit but i do my best)#that as i got older this stuff would go away#i would acclimate and feel better#instead housemate has helped me confirm our wondering during my trip last year as to if i have asthma#which considering ae does and my symptoms all mirror aer's asthma symptoms to a t i mean. there ya go#add in lingering long covid symptoms and im just not doing as well as i want to be physically and idk how to help it#when a lot of it is stuff that's gone undiagnosed or untreated for years like. the damage to my body is already done#the future i was promised if i tried my best for my body probably never actually existed and like the adults telling me to work harder#had no way to know that technically but also. id be lying if i said im not struggling with and mourning that rn#which feels selfish and silly bc im alive and able enough to get around on my own and i have ppl who care for and help me#but im still sat here like. i want to spend all day walking the beach with a friend and NOT pay for it the next few days damn it
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em-dashes · 9 months
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i’ve been writing for almost basically the whole day (??? wild) and i’ve gotten to a point where oops! it’s a chapter where i have to add new stuff! and since i’m pretty worded-out i’m going to call it a day
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gentlethorns · 11 months
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fuck dude i have got to find a job where i can be self-employed and creative. i cannot be in fucking retail hell anymore
#she bork#tbd#like now i don't deal w customers which is cool but now that i work at like a big retail store and not a little mall outlet the pressure is#insane. and i have bosses who never say good job or thank you and who have set me up to fail by throwing a department on me that i was not#hired to run or trained for and frankly don't have time to run properly either. so every week just starts w me in our weekly meeting being a#fucking piñata like 'why didn't you get this done 🤨 you need to manage your time better 🤨 you're losing sales 🤨' and i'm like i'm trying!!!!#what more can i do!!!!!! and then the side of it i actually kind of enjoy (which is what i was originally hired to do) is very very hard on#my body bc it's a very physical job (i run the team that unloads the trucks every day and like i'm usually helping unload bc i'm not just#gonna stand there and watch while my team busts their asses lol) and now i'm finding out that it's actually not normal to wake up every day#w your joints screaming and stiff and that i might have a chronic condition (doctor is thinking some sort of chronic inflammatory arthritis#but i won't know if my imaging and blood tests showed anything until like mid-june) and i'm like. so even the part of my job that i don't#mind as much is not good bc it's like actively destroying my body. okay sick 🤠 and i don't wanna quit bc i've only been there for like#eight months and this job would be really valuable on a resume but i don't want it to look like i'm a job hopper or like i'm fickle or#unreliable. so i'm stuck here for a while i think. but the pressure is destroying me mentally and i know i need to find a position somewhere#else that is 1. not fucking goddamn retail bc retail will always be hell and 2. not management bc i don't see myself ever really getting#into upper management but lower/middle management gets shit on the most so if i go somewhere else and end up in middle management i'll be#right back to wanting to kill myself in a matter of months. basically i'm tired of expectations and pressure and stress and i'm tired of#waking up at fucking 2:30 every morning just to go in and get shit on and destroy my body all over something that in the end i do not fuckin#care about. i need to make art and be held accountable by only myself. idk i've been toying w the idea of learning how to tattoo and trying#to start establishing some artistic skill so maybe eventually i can do that? not now bc the economy sucks and that's scary lol and anyway i#have to give myself some time to actually learn the skill and perfect a style. but it makes decent money (at least before the expense of#supplies and taxes) and allows you to travel and still work and also it would be fun. and i could tattoo myself so it would cut some#expenses for me since i cannot stay away from the damn needle. idk lol i need to save some money before i buy a tattoo gun or anything but#i'm considering it bc i am going fucking crazy rn and ik this feeling will leave me eventually but i also know it will come back bc it#always does. and i'm tired of just surviving and just making it through every day and every week like i want to be happy and this is just#not doing it for me anymore#ugh fuck why couldn't i have been born w a brain that likes numbers and code and technology. i love being an artist but it makes finding a#sustainable career really difficult bc i feel so restless and miserable when i'm stuck in a passionless job but my passions are not#particularly profitable. hate it here why wasn't i born a capybara no job no responsibility just squint and squeak and sun
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devotedlystrangewizard · 11 months
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as im getting closer & closer to the day that i will officially leave my hometown & go live with my dad i am starting to understand my ocs more
#avani most notably rn. bc shes actually my age and leaves behind everyone and everything she knows#having to grow up the rest of the way in an entirely different situation#because even if the situation youve been in for all your teen years has sucked ass the entire time its still.#its familiar? like. yk. familiar suffering is better than the unknown#personal#ive lived in that house my entire life. ive been with my dad for long stretches of time (all of summer break for instance) and it was fine#i KNOW i cant stay there. my mom's partner has actually physically hurt me and theyre both awful to me#and i also know that the only reason why its been somewhat good there lately is because i rarely speak to them anymore#that is not a house to live in! and i fucking love my dad. my stepsiblings. my stepmom!!#and its not even just the fact that im moving. right. i could probably handle that were it not for me also finishing high school.#i got financial support as a student whos 18+ while i was in high school. now its.#i need to get an income. in a region i barely know. being both physically & mentally disabled.#but not so disabled that im *incapable* of work!! which the law here asks for!!#(or i am and i just dont realize it because ive been working past my limits for so long ive forgotten what they are el em ay oh)#also ill miss my cat so fucking much#i love my dad's cats but shes special man#i miss her rn actually but im going back for the last time in a few days so#i was like. tearing up bc of the anxiety but then i remembered my cat and now im actively trying not to cry loudly#bc its. yk. almost 6 am and its almost waking up time for everyone here except me because. my school ended last month#its bedtime for me actually but i couldnt sleep because i was too busy crying over the fact that i am never going to get that room back#i miss being a child#at least back then it wasnt that complicated! i didnt know i was being mistreated when i was 11!#all of this doesnt even matter that much im just really bad with transitions. which is ironic. im transgender#though granted ive put off getting on that list for that exact reason. im scared of transitioning#like the moment im comfortably settled here and have a job and/or disability benefits. all of this will just be embarrassing#something to look back on and laugh. and then cry because i still miss my cat.
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biillys · 2 years
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future modern au after they've moved back to california etc etc where max is a fucking incredible tattoo artist and billys that 'tattooing myself everyday for a year' guy from tiktok and the shittier the tattoo the more max loses her absolute shit at him
#billy starting that account cos he asked max for a free tattoo and max told him to get fucked#so billy was like. ill do it myself then fuck you#and max was like you cant draw for shit???? good luck lmao#anyway they came to a deal of if billy tattoos himself every single day for a year then max will do the damn sleeve he wants.#max genuinely hoping he wasn't dumb enough to give himself three hundred and sixty five pure shit tattoos in exchange for one decent one#and then the tattoo gun comes in the mail and billys like oh Fuck yeah! day one babey!#max; watching billy spill the ink fucking everywhere then give himself literally the WORST tattoo of the mcdonalds sign:#jesus christ what the Fuck is wrong with you#billy; genuinely pretty fucking pleased with how it turned out considering hes working upsidedown and he didnt bother with a trace:#check it the fuck out shitbird. fuckin rad#max; squinting at the tattoo after having to look away becos she physically Could Not watch:#u realise not even i could fix this right? like its Bad billy#anyway by day 20 max is out of fucks to give and by day 110 shes more stressed about the ink wastage and not billys Fucked Up legs#and by day 160 shes like. actively encouraging him.#and then at the end of the year when she does tattoo his arm like requested shes like#this is fucking shit billy. youre gonna have an entire professionally done sleeve and then the rest of ur body looks. like That.#anyway! would especially love billy to do the 'permannant' tattoo from that guys tiktok cos it made me lol#m#text
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sysig · 2 years
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Such interesting happenings between page turns (Patreon)
#Doodles#More page complaints to fill out Hell Boxes because I hate them and get impatient lol#And then a silly blushy vent pfft sometimes even I think I act ridiculously but I still do it anyway!#Natsuki energy lol#I wonder if the fic ones properly portray my excitement lol it was a very positive reaction#I saw a fic that just by description looked interesting and something I'd be curious enough to read#But then I saw that it was 60k+ words and that curiousity and interest got upgraded to an intense desire to engage#I have however limited myself to only reading after I've done some Other reading! Lots of reading lol#Since I haven't been able to read Animorphs in book form for a while because the library doesn't have more than a handful of copies -#I've been reading the online PDF versions which are good but they're not books y'feel#Well I finally had the galaxy-brained idea to ask what volumes were available and work my way through the digital copies until I hit one#So I had about four books to read through to catch up and I'm through two so far! And they've been really good btw!!#Tobias' book was so good ahhhhh my beautiful boy ;; He deserves the best and I'm so bittersweet happy for him#And then I'll get to both read a physical book and the fanfic that I'm interested in :D Win-win!#I also picked up Frankenstein for the lols since everyone's into Dracula right now haha#The long simple-scribbly set is me realizing some hubris I had set myself up for earlier /that day/#I did literally lay on the floor and laugh#Sometimes it's all you can do#My life has some of the weirdest and most out of left field contrivances for someone who does not lead the most active day-to-day#''Haha like that would ever happen!'' *happens* '':0''#And capping off with yet more pages - I'm so close to being done with my current notebook! So so so so soooo close!
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jvzebel-x · 7 days
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🦋
#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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pallas-cat · 2 months
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that last post making me tear up because two stimulants are like, barely making me able to do one task per day when my apartment is in need of an intensive week long deep cleaning and all i am capable of rn is eat/sleep/exercise and my savings are dwindling and idk if i'm abled enough for a job yet and
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There's a viral video circulating from the Fort Worth Zoo, of two keepers who ended up in a habitat at the same time as a silverback gorilla. Spoiler for good news: neither the humans nor the gorilla got hurt. It's a bad situation that ended extremely well, and that's why I want to talk about it.
The audio for this video is mostly someone praying loudly, so if you need to turn the audio off to watch it, you won't miss anything relevant. If you don't want to watch it, here's the summary: it starts with a keeper running around the corner into the main exhibit, pursued by a large male gorilla. She is quickly able to get into a doorway at the back of the exhibit, but does not completely close the door because the gorilla is standing across from her, watching. He eventually moves off to the right hand side of the exhibit, where we can see a keeper is trapped in the corner at the front. She was trying to move towards the exit as he moved to the right, and she stops, standing very still behind a tree, while he stays along the far right wall. They stay like that for a minute, and then the gorilla runs to the front right corner, and the keeper is able to run to the door in the back of the exhibit and get to safety.
Let's start with basic information. Even though it's just going viral now, this video is from October of 2023. It was taken not by a guest, but by the zoo security officer responding to the situation. Hmmm, seems like he maybe should have been doing something else during that situation, instead of than taking a phone video. It's going viral now because the guy (who is no longer employed at the zoo) decided to post it on TikTok for his five minutes of fame. This guy immediately started giving all sorts of media interviews, answering questions like "why no tranquilizers" inappropriately, making memes out of his own video, generally distasteful shit.
Zoo spokesperson Avery Elander gave a public statement that "thankfully, there was no physical contact between keepers and gorilla, and all staff and animals are safe." A comment from the zoo has also indicated that the incident was due to keeper error. (As opposed to, for instance, something in the fencing breaking.) According to the guy who posted the video, a lock was left unsecured and the gorilla was able to open the door to the habitat. I don't know if I buy it, and again, this just... is probably why he doesn't have a job anymore. By sharing that detail - real or not - he places a ton of public scrutiny and blame on that keeper team. (If that's what happened, I can promise you it will have been dealt with internally.) He also was nice enough to say he wouldn't name the women in the video... but verified they're still staffers at the zoo... which means they're eminently identifiable! Excuse me while I ragequit for a second.
So there's two reasons I wanted to talk about this. The first is to make sure it is well known that this guy is purposefully and intentionally exploiting the worst day of someone's life for media attention. Their lives were in danger, and he's using it for fame. His name is in the media articles - I'm not going to share it because he doesn't deserve that attention. The second reason, though, is because this video is a masterclass on how to survive if you end up sharing space with a gorilla. Every zoo person I've spoken to or seen comment on the video is so, so impressed with how the keepers handled themselves.
The gorilla in this video is 34-year-old Elmo. All apes in AZA zoos are managed in protected contact, so keepers are supposed to be separated from them by a barrier at all times. The zookeepers were in the habitat putting out a mid-day meal when he got out. Watching the video, you can see he's not actively being aggressive towards them - he's not making threat displays or trying to approach them. Mostly, Elmo seems like he doesn't know what is going on and he's kinda freaked out about it. (This is confirmed in the zoo's press statement, too). The staff stayed calm, and importantly, watched and waited to see how he'd move and act.
The zoo did say one thing, though, that's a bit misleading. In one article, their press person I quote as saying “In general, gorillas are considered the “gentle giants” of the great ape species.” Just because this may be true in comparison to other great ape species doesn't meant gorilla aren't still incredibly dangerous. This type of messaging always worries me, because I think it leads people to misunderstand the risks of being close to megafauna. Gorilla are extremely strong animals, and their social norms/behaviors are very different from that of humans. That's why it's such a big deal any time people end up in gorilla habitats, and why sometimes in those circumstances lethal measures have to be taken to protect human life.
These keepers are incredibly lucky to be unharmed. These women stayed safe specifically because they're trained professionals who knew how to act around gorilla, they knew this particular animal well, and they'd learned the escapes from the exhibit just in case this ever happened. We should applaud them for their cool heads and quick thinking.
As for the guy who posted the video? As a colleague put it, may he always step on a Lego.
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orcboxer · 3 months
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Sure there's zombies killing and eating people on the street but those people are not dying from the virus they're dying from comorbidities. For instance, that guy we saw getting eaten on the way into work today clearly died from blood loss, not infection, plus he already had a heart condition. People with preexisting conditions are just going to have to take care of themselves. Say it with me, "They're all already dead to me." See, that feels a lot better now doesn't it?
Good because you still have to go to work. No we're not paying you extra. Yes we're doubling grocery prices. No you don't qualify for disability. Or healthcare. Or a home.
Look, if you get bitten, you can stay home for one day, I guess 😒, but then you need to come in early. We're really short staffed at the moment, despite our company's profits being higher than ever. In fact we may be laying some of you off next month. You don't mind working off the clock right?
Also you look silly with that protective gear. We're gonna harass you for it, not like institutionally but just socially. Who cares if a zombie attacks you? Who cares if we invite them into the building? You don't need to defend yourself, you're just overreacting. If you get bitten just tell everyone the festering bite mark is from a different animal, that's what we all do.
And hey, don't worry so much. It's endemic, which means we don't have to keep track of how many people are dying from it anymore. Just look at those numbers! It's only killed 2,000 people in America this week! That's basically nobody! We're back to normal!
If everything starts tasting like rotting meat for the rest of your life, it's probably something else. If you experience brain fog or you forget things constantly or you're tired all the time after even minor physical activity, it's just because you're lazy. Yes every other virus you ever get will also be increasingly worse but that's just a coincidence. Those viruses just happen to be exponentially worse now.
Plus, those few weeks during the lockdown were terrible for my mental health. I just can't keep living like that, so we have to go back to normal life, which now involves people biting each other and twitching uncontrollably and rotting visibly.
You can't expect the world to wait for you. "Already dead to me," remember?
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gojonanami · 5 months
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THE DOCTOR IS IN - SATORU GOJO
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✴︎ summary: aka medical intern / doctor in training gojo. when you go to your annual check-up, you didn't think you'd be crushing on your doctor - or that he's conduct such an in-depth examination - in more than one way. ✴︎ contents: 18+, a lot of smut, implied cheating (but there's no cheating), improper use of a medical questioning and an exam room, improper use of a tongue depressor, panty sniffing, semi-exhibitionism (but not really), fingering (f!receiving), oral (f! receiving), semi-public sex, sex in an exam room ✴︎ wc: 2,573
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It was just a checkup. 
You sit, using your phone as you wait for the doctor, squirming on the uncomfortable exam paper drawn over the patient bed — so why were you so nervous? 
And then there’s a knock at the door, and he walks in — but it’s not your usual doctor. 
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” the white haired man grins widely, and you’re taken aback by how good he looks dressed in his white coat — if he had been your doctor before, you never would have missed a single one of your appointments, “My name is Satoru Gojo, and I’m a medical student that’ll be helping out today,” he offers his hand, and you take it, shaking his hand. 
“It’s nice to meet you too,” you smile, introducing yourself by name, and he sits on the chair in front of you. Without his white coat and stethoscope around his neck, he could have looked more like a model than a medical student. You wouldn’t be surprised if he had been offered gigs modeling for his medical school’s brochures — hell, you were regretting not going to medical school right now. 
He’s right down to business, crossing his leg over the other, “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions about you, what brings you here, and your personal and medical history?” he asks, clipboard and pen in hand, lips curling. 
“Not at all, Doctor,” 
“Call me Satoru,” he smiles, and you can’t help but smile back. And then he’s running through the usual list of questions — name, occupation, date of birth, smoking status, drugs, prescription list, and all the other questions medical providers need to ask patients, “and sexual history?” 
You tilt your head, flushing, “Can you be more specific?” 
And he’s leaning back, pen pausing in its scribbling, as he glances up to clarify, “Are you sexually active?” 
You lick your dry lips, squirming under his gaze that suddenly feels heavier than before, “Yes, I am,” and he nods.
“Do you have a partner?” 
You nod, “I have a boyfriend,”
His eyes rake over you discreetly, “Must be pretty handsome to date a woman like you,” he remarks, — did he always flirt with his patients? Because he certainly will have good patient retention at that rate.  
“He’s also a little full of himself,” and you see a slight purse of his lips, as he raises an eyebrow, “but he’s very, very cute,” 
“Oh is he? Good to know,” he sighs, pressing the top of the pen to his lips, drawing your eyes to his lips, “and how often do you engage in sexual activity?” 
You have to pause before you answer — god, when were you going to move off this topic? “Pretty often, almost every day, usually,” you clear your throat, unable to meet his gaze, as he nods. 
“And are you satisfied?” 
And you raise an eyebrow, “is that relevant?” 
“Oh, this is a physical, we like to be very thorough,” and you swallow thickly — well this was uncomfortable — but he only looked…almost amused, “Well?” 
“Most of the time,” you shrug.
“Most of the time?” he repeats, placing his clipboard lower, clearly far too interested. 
“My boyfriend has been pretty busy with work lately, it’s been pretty lonely,” your eyes finally finding his own, deep blues darkening a shade. 
And his lips quirk, “Oh I see, I’m sorry to hear that, but I won’t be leaving you alone anytime soon,” he winks, and he’s rising to his feet, as he draws slower, “I think we can move onto the actual physical exam now,” and he’s pulling his stethoscope out as he draws near, kneeling instead of standing — because what else can you do beside a couch instead of a hospital bed — “I’m going to listen to your heartbeat,” 
God, he smells good. 
You try not to bite your lip at him — he was so pretty, up close even more so, his long snow white eyelashes fluttering and his perfect pink lips so kissable — but no, no, this was inappropriate. This was a doctor’s office. 
And he’s putting the stethoscope in his ears, pressing the metal diaphragm to your chest, “Oh, your heart’s racing,” he murmurs, leaning in even closer, warm breath warming your skin, “wonder why that is — this may call for further examination,” 
“Is this concerning?” and he’s tilting your chin up, far too close to your face. 
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, you’re in good hands,” he’s moving the stethoscope to your back, pressing the metal end to listen to your lungs, “please take deep breaths for me,” and you do, biting your lip, as he leans against you as he moves the diaphragm to four different points, his chest brushing against your shoulder, “I see,” he murmurs, “have you been experiencing any aches or pains anywhere?” 
You swallow, “My throat has been hurting a little,” and he nods, grabbing a tongue depressor. 
“Let me take a look, now stick out your tongue and say ‘ah,’” and you do as he says as he presses the tongue depressor down, “good girl,” he murmurs, making your cheeks warm at his words — fuck. 
His eyes scan your mouth, pressing against your tongue harder, “I don’t see anything unusual,” as he pulls the depressor back, skimming your tongue teasingly, but still, his face is so close to yours, and he notices your breath catching, “but I may need to do a closer examination if you…consent,” 
“If I consent?” You ask slowly, his lips a breath away, and his thumb drags down your lips, “Satoru—“ 
“Do you consent?” And he’s leaning even closer, noses brushing, and you only can manage a nod, “use your words, Princess,” 
“Yes, please,” and he only smirks, as his lips brush yours — so soft and teasing, his fingers cup along your jaw. He tastes of sugar and warmth, his tongue teasing your lips, until they part, dragging over your tongue, the very same he had just examined. He draws easy moans from you, one after another, before he pulls away, a string of spit connecting your lips. 
“I didn’t see any issues, but I am concerned about your throat,” and he’s kissing a burning trail down your jaw to the hollow of your throat, “feels a little swollen here—“ and his teeth grazes the soft skin there, “it may need a closer look,” and he’s licking and sucking, dragging his tongue over your sweet skin. 
And you’re nearly panting at this point, as he smiles at you, pressing another kiss to your lips, and you raise an eyebrow, “was that you checking again?” And he laughs, lips curling, as his fingers slide to the small of your back. 
“You can be too sure,” and he’s kissing you again, and he doesn’t miss the way your thighs press together, “think the problem may lie elsewhere,” and his hands drag down your sides before finding your thighs, and you gasp, as he parts them, your fingers pressing into your soft flesh, “feels very warm here, and almost irritated — it may be an infection,” he hums, as his thumbs toy with the waistband of your shorts, “I may need to get a closer look,” 
“Satoru—” you whine, and pulling at your shorts now, and he’s looking up at you with lidded, lustful eyes. 
“Would the patient like some help removing her clothes for the examination?” and you only can manage a nod, and he accepts it this time, pulling your shorts down, “don’t worry, I’m a medical professional, I know just what treatments are acceptable in cases such as these,” and your shorts pool around your ankles, before you’re kicking them off. 
And his eyes linger on the damp, dark patch on your underwear, “oh? I see the problem,” you gasp as he presses his thumb against your puffy clit through the thin fabric, “it’s so swollen, so warm — I’m going to have to do a very thorough exam of this area,” and he’s snapping the fabric against your skin, making your squirm, “so sensitive,” he hums as he tugs down your underwear, sniffing your panties, before pocketing them, “a sample, I’ll keep it for further testing,” he winks, before he unbuttons his cuffs, rolling up the sleeves of his light blue button up. 
His eyes darken as his eyes rake over your exposed cunt, “are you ready to begin?” And he waits for your nod, before his fingers part your messy folds, as his arms pin your thighs in place, “so wet, do you hear that, sweetheart?” And his finger sinks into your needy pussy, squelching, “practically swallowing me in,” he grunts, licking his lips, “gonna need to probe a little deeper,” and a second finger is joining the first, fucking you open in earnest, as he pulls another moan from your lips, “s’good for me, but still I can’t figure out what’s wrong, maybe I just need to inspect this area further,” his hands sliding your thighs over his shoulders, pressing a languid kiss to your inner thigh. 
And then his lips brush against your clit, making you squirm, his tongue darting out to drag lazy circles around it. God, you were so close, “don’t be so loud, there are other patients who might hear you — they might wonder what kind of exam I’m doing,” and you’re holding back your cries, biting your bottom lip. as his fingers and tongue bully your insides, “so tight, think I need to loosen you up before the final test,” 
“I’m, ngh, close—“ and his lips close over your clit, sucking hard, and that’s enough for you to fall over the edge. You’re moaning, walls twitching around his fingers, your thighs, as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm, lapping up every bit of your release. Your cunt twitches as you come down from your pleasure high, as you look down at him with half lidded eyes, gaze deep and dark, laced with lust as you watch him lick your release from his lips and chin. 
“Such a good baby, you did so good,” he’s pressing sweet kisses to your neck and face, until he’s letting you taste yourself on his lips, swallowing your moans eagerly, “haven’t even figured out what’s wrong and look at the state you’re in now,” he tsks, as he rubs the length of your cheek with his thumb, before kissing your jaw, “we still have more work to do,” as he eases your quivering legs off his shoulders. 
And he’s undoing his belt, the clink of the buckle drawing your eyes to his thighs, as he tugs down his slacks and boxers, as it slaps against your stomach. Your lips part at the sight of him, thick and long — a white head of precum, dripping from the engorged tip. 
Fuck, he’s huge, and he chuckles at your expression, “Like what you see, sweetheart?” As he drags his weeping erection along your sensitive pussy, “so messy, gonna have to see what’s going on inside, I have a feeling it’s very deep,” his fingers lift one of your legs over his shoulder, “are you ready?” 
And you’re nodding, “please, I need—“ and he’s parting your folds, past that delicious ring of muscle, kissing the deepest part of you with his tip, as your lips part in a groan, “Toru—“ 
“That’s it, s’good for me,” he’s grunting, as he pulls out only to slam back in, “best little patient, aren’t you? With your perfect princess cunt, made just for me,” 
“Figure out the — ngh — the problem yet?” You tease. 
He only grins, as he gives a nasty thrust of his hips, wiping all sense from your head, “Filthy case of pretty Princess cunt — PPC — and it’s a particularly bad one,” he’s slowing down to stretch out the wet squelch of your cunt, “hear that? It’s the sound of your pussy latching onto me, practically strangling my cock,” and he’s picking up speed, as he lifts your other leg over his shoulder and — fuck how is he going deeper? 
“Gonna come in for all your appointments and let me fuck you, right? Gonna fill you right, you have just what you need, the perfect medicine is this dick in this cunt, and the prescription is for every day, sweetheart,” he’s pistoning in and out of you, “pretty baby keeps pulling me back in, it may be incurable,” but he’s only fucking you harder, “but I’m going to try.” 
The hospital bed is certainly ruined by now, from the creaks and groans it’s giving, it’s nearly as close to breaking as you are. Just a little deeper, a little more. 
“Taking me so well, such a good girl,” his cock is twitching inside you, “fuck, s’good f’me, just for me,” 
“Toru, ‘m close,” and his hips are stuttering, as he groans your name. 
“Cum f’me, sweetheart,” and you do — your orgasm has you gripping him tight, as he continues to fuck you through it, rough thrusts that has you moaning far too loud, “close, gonna cum—where—“ 
“Inside, please,” and your eyes find his, lust blown out, as your hips grind against his, “I need my medicine,” 
And he only groans in reply, sinking his cock as deep as he can before cumming, his warm seed filling you up, as his hips jerk against yours once, twice, before he’s easing your legs down, to lay on top of you. 
Both of your heavy pants fill the room, as his face rests nestled in your chest, his lips pressing sweet kisses to the skin, “I am definitely not helping you sanitize this room, Toru,” 
He pouts, “Oh c’mon it’s half of your mess, most of your mess — you were soaking me—“ 
“I did you a favor by coming to help you practice conducting an intake and diagnosing a patient, I’m not cleaning up this mess too,” you sigh, as he relents, leaning up to kiss your lips.
“Well you did cum a lot I’ll give you that,” and you push his face away, but he only drags his tongue up your fingers. You flush, “you’re the worst doctor,” you grumble. 
“But I’m your favorite one, after all,” he grins, easing himself out, as you gasp, watching your mixed releases leak from your cunt, “I’m the only one who can give you your medicine.” 
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A few hours before….
“C’mon, baby, I need to practice,” your boyfriend curled his arms around you, burying his face in your neck, trying to pull your attention from the book your nose was buried in currently, “i need to practice,” 
“I don’t think practicing is what’s on your mind right now, Toru,” you roll your eyes as he presses wet kisses up your neck, “you’re being distracting,” 
“You distract me just by existing,” he pouts, and you roll your eyes, “at least if I practice with you, I can do something,” and you can’t say no to him, could you? 
“Fine but why can’t we practice here?” And he’s shrugging, only grinning in reply. 
“I can get more into the mindset of a doctor at the clinic,” he’s holding up the key he had sweet talked out of the security guard, “it’s a chance for me to get some practical experience. No one else will be around. Just you and me. Please?” 
“…fine,” you sigh, as he kisses you again, “but you’ll behave?” 
“Promise,” he grins — but you knew Satoru Gojo never behaved - especially when it came to you. 
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✴︎ a/n: my sister's practice asking me medical questions for an intake finally came in handy.
✴︎ taglist: @mwtsxri, @buttercupmuffins, @sinnerstardoll, @ziieanna12, @capitana18girl, @musababy, @miacakess, @secretmoneybearvoid, @sincerelyyrosemary, @dazailover1900, @maybe-a-bi-witch, @mnare, @kiyoomis-side, @complexivelovely, @imjustmememe, @pandaluvr, @affendy86, @scarlet-kazuha, @peachedtv, @spooky-nanners, @runmeoverkth, @nicobicobee, @kvroshit, @superluver, @paperairplanescanfly, @professorweezy, @i-literally-cant-with-this, @sachirobabe, @aothotties, @naughteehee, @ohphi, @roanryan16, @happyface002, @starrylibras, @sxatorugojoswife, @unamilanesa, @lycheeclare, @oreo-bozado, @yeehawslap, @hidanleftoe, @reaperxdeath
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