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#but maybe one day it’ll come to me
libritosblog · 3 months
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prosesque · 3 months
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thatfaerieprincess · 8 months
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Feel free to skip on past this, I’ve just gotta ramble for a minute bc i cant stop thinking about this kid from work last week. They were so much like me at that age (5-6th grade) that I didn’t know how to interact with them? I didn’t know what to say to them bc I don’t know what I needed to hear back then, what I would’ve WANTED to hear? What would I have even listened to? They were almost entirely silent and looked out at the world with a hesitant curiosity, but would pull back so fast as soon as you tried to interact w them. Little to no eye contact, face hidden in hair, always looking down, following others until they could strike off on their own and just quietly explore. Intently focusing on drawing any chance they got. We did an art project and they hunched over their piece the entire time and wouldn’t let any of us see it in progress, refusing to look up or acknowledge us if we asked to see it or to know what it was. Idk. I barely interacted w them while they were with us for those few days bc I didn’t know how? It almost hurt to try? It was like looking back into a time machine and i didn’t know how to tell them that it does get better,,, I still don’t even know if where I am is better, some days feel so unsure that I don’t think I’ve made any progress at all. But seeing that kid, idk. I’ve come pretty far. And it DOES get better. Maybe it’s not the best now, or even that great at all, but it’s better. I wish I could’ve told them but I don’t think they’d have wanted to hear it anyway
#im a rambling sam#I’m in a weird place again since getting here for this season of work#idk maybe I’ve been in a weird place all year probably#I don’t think I’m that far from where I was at that age but I know I am there’s just still so much further to go#one day I think it’ll feel easier but maybe not today#I do love working w kids but I’m considering going into horticulture instead of outdoor education bc I don’t know if I can handle this#I can#but god I don’t know#in my heart I’m still that exact kid and she’s still in there so damn anxious and unsure and needing to observe the world and everyone in it#just to get some sense of understanding of just what the fuck is going on around here#but by the time I’ve gotten a good handle on what is going on everything is already so set in place and my place is outside the system and I#I don’t know how to step into it#sorry sorry I’m still rambling I’m having a weird day I probably just haven’t eaten nearly enough in the last few days and I’m about to#start teaching on my own this week which is terrifying and I can’t stop thinking abt that damn kid I wish they stayed longer I think#we probably would’ve gotten along#but groups only come here for a couple days and then go home which is v weird after having the same kids for 3 weeks for summer camp#idk life gets better and it gets worse and sometimes u grow into the world a little more but there’s still a mute child in your ribcage#little hands pressed up against ur ribs like laying a palm against a bus window#I put my hand over my sternum as if we could press our hands together thru time#when I was that age I used to pretend to have someone around me like an imaginary friend but usually it was a book character that I liked#and I’d talk to myself in my head like having a conversation and giving myself motivation and assurances from someone else to me#and now I’m here and I still talk to myself like that but without the imagined friend as a buffer I just talk to myself in my head#now I’m the imaginary friend for the little Sam that lives in my chest#when I talk to myself I’m talking to her#I’m giving her the assurance she needed back then#the assurance I still need now#I am here for her so I am here for myself#this is getting poetically nonsensical maybe it’s time for bed
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goldenhypen · 7 months
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i randomly found my old blog again and WOW ,,,, TELL ME WHY IM SAD i even stalked my old moots’ blogs too and i- 😭 the way so many things have changed since then :(
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becauseplot · 4 months
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God fuck god I don’t listen to a lot of Lemon Demon but DAMN they really hit it out of the park with Touch-Tone Telephone. Like I’ve been obsessing over this song for years now, how good it is at story telling and like, character building?? Which is WILD for a song to accomplish, yet the vision is so clear in my head. You can really hear all the layers to this character the song creates. The wild rhythm. The manic, almost (definitely) desperate tempo, gives you the image that someone is running, chasing something, on the verge of something incredible. The dramatic flare of the strings melding with the odd sound effect or vocalization to create an image of someone brilliant but downright crazy. The flipping of the emotion in the delivery: confident, yet desperate. Like, without getting too much into the lyrics themselves, the delivery of “And like you I’m a genius before my time! Disbelieving, that’s the real crime!” gives me chills every time; the POV trying desperately to reach out to ‘you,’ the one they’re speaking to, trying to get you to understand, to see what they see, please, please listen to me I’m not crazy, they’re after me, you have to listen to me please!! Please!!! Try to understand!!!!! It’s all there, don’t you see why can’t you just see?!!
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carpathxanridge · 1 year
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on one hand i think i might be terrible as a rape crisis advocate because i’m socially awkward and comforting others doesn’t always come natural to me… on the other hand i might be very good at it because i’ve been told by friends i’m kind and a good empathetic listener but i’m also emotionally detached to the extent of probably being able to handle the emotional toll of the work and do and say what is necessary and not be too upset to function
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arthur-r · 2 years
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progress on my painting from a while ago
#it’s still just very base layers but i hadn’t got a chance to do anything to it since that first day#(i’m borrowing my older sisters canvasses and she’s the one who has all the paints too these days which used to be mine#so she’s keeping my work in progress canvas with all her painting stuff and it only comes out of the whole family is ready to paint#which mostly just means us kids but only happens if my littlest sister is interested and today she was)#anyway im very excited to have a painting to put up on my wall of a bear playing cello#the end pin is gonna be stuck out real long too look at how far it is to where his lower foot is at#cause usually you don’t play the cello when you’re standing and if you do you often have a strap or something similar#but i don’t use a strap (mainly because i only play sitting down but like. if i stood i would use the end pin)#and so neither does he. one real self insert of an imaginary cellist bear he must be#also one thing i’m gonna struggle with is differentiating the cello from the bear in color. like yeah they’re different shades of brown but#i only have so much different colors of paint to mix together#but yknow what. things happen and that’s all they ever do and if it doesn’t look good then i’ll figure something else out#maybe it’ll have to be an orange cello. these kinds of things are unpredictable shdhdf#anyway i hope you think of me like i think of this painting (as a grizzly bear playing a cello or as a thing you like and are proud of)#but yeah hi im at the house of some cats right now. feeding them and such. but there’s this other unafilliated cat who belongs to their#roommate josh. and his cat is named bear so you’d think we’d get along but he’s scratched me in six different spots today#he always wants to eat the other cats food so i have to pick him up and carry him to another room and that makes him very upset with me#anyway the cats take a long time to eat and i can’t leave until they’re done so that i can let out bear when he no longer poses a threat#which means im just kind of chilling in a friends empty house (josh is gone for the moment) with nothing much to do except wait#and i’m sure hoping to walk home before it’s pitch dark out but that would probably mean giving up and letting bear out to steal their food#so good luck to me on that front. anyway im rambling a little i was just trying to post this picture shdhdhdf#so. i hope to work on it again soon in not very long. and i just really like painting things with a paintbrush it makes me feel less bad#when i mess up in whatever ways. because everyone always complains about traditional art so it’s more universal. i like it better though too#anyway i’ll be here for the next while just hoping to head home before 9:30. let me know if you need anything though#me. my post. mine.#delete later
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bbbholdmebbb · 2 months
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I WANT TO!! CRADLE MY KID IN MY ARMS!! RAAAHHH I NEED TO BE ABLE TO PLANT ALL MY LOVE IN SOIL AND WATCH IT GROW HELPING GUIDE AND NURTURE A CHILD THROUGH THEIR LIFE RIGHT NOWWW BUT I AM UNABLE TOOOO SO CRYING AND SOBBING DUE TO EVERY FICTIONAL ADOPTION TPYE RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH THERES A RIVER IN MY HOUSE AND IT LEADS TO ME <- baby fever hitting me again
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exopelagic · 3 months
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sooooososososo tored
#it’s been a WEEK#had a cold. missed almost a weeks worth of lectures#oh my god it was only last week that I was doing masters supervisors???#bc I missed my last lecture on Thursday bc meeting and then every single once since until today#I’ve also basically ONLY done ice hockey stuff this week bc we’re doing big meeting this weekend and I gotta run it.#it’s gonna be three hours and we’re doing elections it’s gonna be sooooooo much and it’s already BEEN so much work#having weird feelings abt how much im doing for this club bc I love it it’s great but I should Not be doing this much#the president should be doing more than she is and she only ISNT bc i do so much of it automatically#and I’m also just. more organised. I’m more aware of when we need to do stuff#idk I don’t like it for reasons that are me feeling like I’m taking away from her yknow#she made a joke yesterday lighthearted and not directed at me abt if you delegate too much you don’t have a job#bc I was saying to get other people to do shit and hrm. yeah.#idk it’s a weird place bc when I have backed off she comes to me with it and even when I’m doing stuff I’m checking in with her every step#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s fine we’ve almost done now and we’ve objectively done a really fucking good job so#anyway I’ve had three meetings in the past two days w people applying to president/secretary and i feel like I talked waaaaaaaay too much#I just. talked at them. it was a conversation they were all engaged maybe I’m just feeling weird about nothin#probably just feeling weird abt nothing!!#god one guy going for secretary is me in first year but More anxious#just a smidge less self aware god poor guy kept asking if he could wash up the one mug he used bc I made hot chocolate#he’s cool though. idk if he’ll get it but if he does he’ll definitely work hard and it’ll probably be rlly good for him. was for me#oh wait right no so I’m like. it’s not that I’ve been taking over#no I just realised what happened this week it’s that we have the meeting this weekend and Nobody was doing Anything for it#we didn’t even have a room until yesterday and we only did bc I made it happen#it took sooooooo long bc I had to keep checking with them both and they weren’t replying ever I was so close to just being like.#okay if you can’t help rn that’s cool can I just Do This Myself pls#idk if I could’ve done that anyway I just didn’t wanna go over their heads#but god like i have just pulled together every part of this on top of organising a charity night and a potential second one#bc I was trying to see if we could do smth for palestine but the answer turned out to be not directly bc this uni fucking sucks#so I’m gonna try organise something for a less specific charity thats still helping I think unicef came up and the meals one fuck I forgot#luke.txt
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boyghcst · 4 months
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sometimes I get really sad when I think about the people who used to be close to me, but I guess I also have to remember that it was once possible for me to open up, love, show affection and trust another person and will be possible again
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sleepymaddy · 5 months
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hitting the bong in hopes that it’ll beat the shit out of me back
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insanechayne · 5 months
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~ ~ ~
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6ebe · 6 months
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I hate how I can be aware that being beautiful is not a requirement for my current life trajectory and how on an objective level I have a lot going for me that isn’t dependent upon my looks but I also get so heartbroken realising that no matter what I do I will never be perceived as beautiful. It’s rough out here
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neo-nomatrix · 4 months
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Sunshine and Midnight Rain
Luke Castellan x Apollo kid!Reader
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word count: 851
summary: Luke castellan and the daughter of apollos love story
a/n: “remember who the enemy is” IM TRYING
Luke Castellan held your heart since the day you met, and you held his.
You arrived at camp a few months after Luke. You were one of the lucky ones, claimed within an hour of being there. Your godly father is Apollo, god of poetry, the sun, music, narcissism, idiocy, stupidity, all that. You had assumed the gods would act superior to all, no matter if they were or weren’t. But Apollo was on a completely different level. You didn’t know why he had taken such a liking to you.
“You remind him of himself,” Your half sister, Kayla, had told you, “an archer who never misses, healer who fixes every wound, gifted singer, and somehow picked up the lyre in a day. And yet, you still ask why Apollo loves you the most?”
“I wish he wouldn’t,” you twirl the golden arrow he gifted you.
“y’know, that hermes boy has been staring since the moment you stepped foot here,” she smiles, nodding to the tan boy sitting on a picnic table.
“Great, more attention,” you keep your sights on the boy, lucas? Luca, maybe?
“His name’s luke castellan,” kayla says, ah luke, that’s it.
“He’s handsome,” you say matter of factly.
“Don’t trust those Hermes boys, all they do is lie,” Kayla leans back and rolls her eyes.
“It’s a good thing I play the lyre.”
——————
“You’ve got a great shot,” a deep voice says from behind you.
You’ve been at the range for around an hour, it’s 4:30, you always practice when no one else is around.
“The whole reason why I come out here this early is so i can be alone,” sure, it sounds mean but you swear you’re not trying to be.
“Sorry, once I see you it’s hard to look away,” you’re not looking at him but you can tell me has the biggest smirk on his face.
“Funny,” you tell him bluntly.
You set down your bow, keeping the arrow in your hand, and sit on the nearby grass. He lays down beside you, you follow his lead and put your hands behind your head.
“That arrow, it’s like it’s made of the sun,” He says amazed.
“A gift from dear old dad. No matter how far I shoot it’ll always come back. Supposed to be a sign of his love or something. But I think he just constantly wants me to be annoyed by him,” you inform him possibly too much.
“Most people would be grateful if their godly parent cares that much,” he says.
“It’s different with Apollo, there is no such thing as true altruism with him,” you bite your inner lip.
“I get that, I’m just tryna say- Hermes never showed up for me, and I'd kill to just have him tell me he cares,” His eyes furrow.
“Guess we both have different priorities,” you smile.
“Opposites work best don’t they?” He smiles back.
“Isn’t it opposites attract?” You wonder.
“Hey, your words, not mine,” he laughs.
“That one’s Orion,” You point up at the constellation.
“He was always my favorite,” he adds.
“Mine has always been Cassiopeia, but you can never see her over here,” You look back up at the sky.
“That one’s Taurus, and then Sirius below, and Gemini above,” you point each of them out.
Even though he hums in acknowledgment his eyes are locked on you.
“You’re staring, again” You mention.
“I told you I can’t help it, especially when you glow like that,” he reaches out and touches your face.
You reach out and grab his hand, running your fingers against his slender digits.
“I’d like to be a constellation when I die, maybe my father will fulfill that wish,” you say to him.
“That’ll be my last wish too, we can lay in the stars together.”
——————
It’s been a day since Percy Jackson came to Camp Half-blood. It just so happens to be your favorite day of the year, capture the flag. You have led the archers on the blue team for years, you’d say you’re doing well for what you’re given. Besides your siblings in Apollo the rest of the kids weren’t as gifted in archery.
As the first conch shell blew you were preparing for your mock-battle. Annabeth in charge of the plan and Percy, Luke with company, and you with the archers. You knew you could, no- would win. The archers took the trees, helping stray company from the skies.
“Today feels like a winning kind of day?” Annabeth asks luke.
“I’ll see you on the other side,” He smiles.
“Luke!” You pull him aside for a moment.
You cup his face the best you can through his armor. “You don’t get hurt okay? I don’t feel like healing anymore wounds from you. Understand?”
“Oh but I love to see you healing” he holds your hand and smirks
“Archers! Move out!” You call your team, eyes still locked with his, smiling.
“so… you and her?” Percy asks the taller boy.
“how could I not? She's perfect. I mean, I genuinely believe I could live without the sun if I just had her.”
And maybe, just maybe, he could.
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melzula · 2 months
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well since requests are open i wanted to request a zuko fic?
zuko x waterbender reader in which someone from team avatar walks in on them kissing?
i feel like it’d be funny idk lol 😂
a/n: i love this trope it’s so funny. also it’s like subtly mentioned reader is a water bender since i didn’t wanna just shove it in there awkwardly. anyway hope you enjoy!
summary: a private moment between you and your boyfriend is interrupted by your unsuspecting friends
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“Are you sure no one saw you come in here?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” Zuko says with a huff after closing the flaps of your tent. “You know, I’m starting to think you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“You know that’s not true,” you argue with a frown. “I just enjoy having some privacy. I know those guys are going to make a big deal about us being together, and I just want to enjoy our relationship without having to deal with any prying eyes.”
“I know,” he admits with a sigh. “I’m just tired of sneaking around. Do you know how difficult it is not to kiss you or check on you after a fight with my sister? It’s torture.”
“It’s just until the war is over. There’s a lot at stake right now, and it would be a weird time to come clean. It’ll be over before you know it.”
“I hope you’re right,” Zuko murmurs with a frown, one that immediately melts away at the feel of your arms wrapping around his midsection. It’s hard to be upset when you’re smiling up at him with the purest look of adoration in your eyes. Despite everything, all of his flaws and mistakes and cruelty, you love him, and it fuels the warmth inside of his heart knowing he has someone like you. Maybe he would have joined the Avatar and his friends sooner if he knew it would lead him to you.
“At least we’re finally alone,” he notes with a faint smile before leaning down to press his lips against your own in a long awaited kiss. He hasn’t been able to give or receive affection all day, and it isn’t until now with your chest pressed against his own that he’s finally able to truly feel relaxed.
Unfortunately, you’re both too engrossed in each other to notice the rustling of your tent flaps as Sokka and Toph let themselves in without a second thought.
“Hey, y/n, Toph and I are gonna head into town, do you want to- oh, gross!” He cries after catching Zuko and yourself mid lip lock.
You both jump at the intrusion, knocking your head together on accident and groaning in unison at the impact.
“Sokka!” You cry out in embarrassment. “Monkey feathers, don’t you knock?!”
“It’s a tent! There is no knocking!” He yells back defensively, equally as upset as you are. “I can’t believe you guys were kissing!”
“We weren’t kissing,” Zuko argues, his face red with embarrassment. “We were… hugging… with our… mouths?”
“Oh, spirits,” you groan, your palm hitting your forehead in embarrassment at Zuko’s horrible attempt at lying. For a Prince, he has a terrible way with words. You’d think all that time spent with his Uncle would make his vocabulary more eloquent.
“If Toph could see she’d be very upset right now!” Sokka scolds, but the girl beside him simply shrugs.
“Actually, this works out great for me. Katara owes me five gold pieces now,” she says with a grin.
“You guys knew they were dating and didn’t tell me?!” The water tribe boy says in offense.
“I had a hunch, but Katara disagreed, so we made a bet.”
“Enough already! This is mortifying enough as it is,” you groan impatiently. “Sokka, we’ll talk about this later. For now, I need both of you out!”
After getting the two to leave the tent, you shut it closed with an irritated sigh. You’re absolutely humiliated, and you don’t think you can show your face to your friends ever again.
“So much for keeping it a secret,” the fire bender mutters.
“You,” you say with an accusatory finger pointed at the Prince, “need to learn how to lie better.”
“I know,” he admits meekly, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. Sighing, you open your water pouch and tend to the growing bump on his head from your previous collision. You can’t stay mad at him when he looks so flustered and sweet, so instead you merely throw your arms around his neck and pull him back in for another kiss.
You can focus on coming clean later. For now, you just want to enjoy your moment of peace with the boy you love.
| zuko tags: @thebluelcdy @royahllty @the-firebender-girl @ilovespideyyy @yiyibetch @eridanuswave @lammello @a-monsters-love @knaite-solo @taeeemin @lora21
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