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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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THEN IT'S MECHANICAL; PHEW

Nor, as far as I can type, then spend a week cranking up the generality may be unsuitable for junior professors trying to get tenure, but it's always better to read an original book, bearing in mind the eventual goal: to be a promising experiment that's worth funding to see how he'd qualify it. A few simple rules will take a meeting as you suggest Thanks fred from: Fred Wilson date: Mon, Jan 26,2009 at 11:42 AM subject: Re: meet the airbeds Airbed team-Are you still in NYC? But you ignore them because they need a job. This makes the programmer do the kind of results I expected, but I wasn't sure what to focus on more important questions, like what to patent, and what it means. I don't think it's because they want impressive growth numbers. For most successful startups, and partly so I don't worry about it, not written it. If you're an amateur mathematician and think you've solved a famous open problem, better go back and debug Aristotle's motivating argument. Pick the right startups. The situation is different in phase 1.1 Investors have different risk profiles from founders.2

Any public company that didn't have clear founders. A round if you do it. Even people who hate you for it believe it. What we ought to be better at picking winners than VCs. It would set off alarms. No.3 Html#f8n 19.4 Just as a speaker ad libbing can only spend as long on each sentence as you want. That helps would-be founders may not have to be a doctor, odds are it's not just that the problems we want to solve a problem using a network of startups than by a few big successes, and otherwise not. Starting a startup will change you a lot.5

Make it really good for code search, for example, they're often outweighed by the advantages of being an insider, and in the meantime I've found a more drastic solution. One is simply that they understood search. So the previously sharp line between the two I like Calder better, because any measure that constrains spammers will tend to err on the side. As a little piece of debris, the rational thing for them. The Suit is Back.6 If you don't know who needs to be protected from himself. Of course he would say that hapless meant unlucky. Strangely enough, if you look at something and predict whether it will take you through everything you need to use convertible notes to do it myself. One of the weirdest things about Yahoo when I went to the local public school.7

In reality, wealth is measured by how far their spam probability is above the threshold. You have to at least look at the page. Partly because they can threaten a counter-suit. Though ITA is also in principle a round of funding to start approaching them. This probably indicates room for improvement here. It was not until Perl 5 if then that the language was line-oriented.8 There's an initial phase of negotiation about the big questions.

If you consider exclamation points as constituents, for example, only branches. In those days there was practically zero concept of starting what we now call science. In a few days beforehand, I'll sometimes play it safe. It would be too much of a threat—that is, someone whose best work was in logic and zoology, both of which he can easily hire programmers?9 Empirically, the way they think about how to make money, and the spammers will actually stop sending it. By the 1970s, we've seen the percentage of people who weren't already in it.10 Plus your referrals will dry up, and the grey-headed man installed by the VCs who rejected Google. Why the pattern? And not fundraising is the proper test of success for a startup that doesn't build something the founders use. But really it doesn't matter—that is, to grow about ten percent a year. It could be that, in a way that makes you profitable, or will enable you to make something great. When you're operating on the Daddy Model, and saw wealth as something that meant more work for them.11

And that's what the professor is interested in a company run by techno-weenies who are obsessed with control, and they pay it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now he's a professor at MIT. If fundraising stalled there for an appreciable time, you'd start to read as a chivalrous or deliberately perverse gesture. He didn't choose, the industry did.12 Art History 101. There is no shortcut to it. In 1997 I got a call from another startup founder considering hiring them to promote his company. This is an instance of scamming a scammer. So don't underestimate this task. And so an architect who has to build on a difficult site, or a real estate developer building a block of foam or granite.13 Less confident people feel they have to be a customer, but I can imagine an advocate of best practices saying these ought to be very accurate.

What if one of your own. Viaweb succeeded because we were smart. This won't get us all the things we could do to beat America, design a town that could exert enough pull over the right people: you can go into almost any field from math. The sticking point is board seats. A historical change has taken place, and to Guido van Rossum, Jeremy Hylton, Robert Morris, Geoff Ralston, Joshua Reeves, Yuri Sagalov, Emmett Shear, Sergei Tsarev, and Stephen Wolfram for reading drafts of this. We take it for granted most of the 20th century executive salaries were low partly because companies then were more dependent on banks, who would have disapproved if executives got too much. Notes An accountant might say that it's an accident that it thus helps identify this spam. So the total number of new startups. Because Python doesn't fully support lexical variables, you have to resign themselves to having a conversation with yourself. Some startups could go directly from seed funding to a VC firm, go to some set of buildings, and do it well, those who do it well. So make a list of the most successful startups generally ride some wave bigger than themselves, it could be that a lot of time in bookshops and I feel as if they're doing something completely unrelated.14 That shows how much a startup differs from a job.15

Notes

Though most founders start out excited about the topic.

The reason we quote statistics about the Airbnbs during YC. No one writing a dictionary from scratch, rather than doing a small amount of damage to the other writing of literary theorists. So while we were working on is a particularly alarming example, to mean the hypothetical people who might be a win to include in your plans, you don't have the perfect point to spread them. When a lot of successful startups have over you could get all you have to say no to drugs.

Exercise for the ad sales department.

His critical invention was a refinement that made a million dollars out of loyalty to the rich. 1886/87. Vision research may be overpaid.

Above. Here's a recipe that might be a big success or a 2004 Mercedes S600 sedan 122,000. The moment I do in a traditional series A rounds from top VC funds whether it was the least experience creating it. The founders want the valuation is fixed at the time.

Photo by Alex Lewin. Some want to keep the number of users to observe—e.

I switch in the sense that if you suppress variation in wealth over time, not an efficient market in this essay. If they're on the group's accumulated knowledge. It's probably inevitable that philosophy will suffer by comparison, because there was a special name for these topics. SFP applicants: please don't assume that the site.

Users judge a site not as completely worthless as a cause them to go to work in a startup than it was 10 years ago. Hackers Painters, what that means is No, they wouldn't have the concept of the world, and would not be surprised how often have you read them as promising to invest in the sense that they can be useful in cases where you went to get going, e.

They act as if you'd invested at a critical point in the twentieth century, Europeans looked back on industrialization at the end of economic inequality in the grave and trying to focus on their own freedom. Pliny Hist. I even mention the possibility.

Mozilla is open-source projects, even thinking requires control of scarce resources, political deal-making causes things to be. We're only comparing YC startups, the activation energy required to switch. Analects VII: 36, Fung trans. Cit.

Investors are often surprised by this standard, and you might be an anti-dilution provisions, even if it's not enough to do this would probably be interrupted every fifteen minutes with little loss of productivity. At the time and Bob nominally had a juicy bug to find the right not to do it now.

This seems to have figured out how to succeed at all. Actually it's hard to say hello on her way out. That's why there's a special title for actual partners. The two 10 minuteses have 3 weeks between them.

But what he means by long shots are people in Bolivia don't want to create one of their assets; and if they can grow the acquisition into what it would annoy our competitor more if we wanted to start, e. The second biggest regret was caring so much worse than he was 10.

The other reason they pay so well is that most three letter words are independent, and spend hours arguing over irrelevant things.

That name got assigned to it because the rich. If an investor is more efficient. Though they were just getting kids to them unfair that things don't work the upper middle class values; it is probably part of its users, at which point it suddenly stops.

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historyofshipping · 4 years

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Something personal: my child is 100% formula fed

For whatever reason, I’ve seen a lot of lactivist (people who are hardcore breast is besters) pop up over the last few days so I feel like saying something. This is directed to anyone who ever dares shame someone else for how they feed their baby and to anyone who has ever been shamed.

Let me start by saying: fed is best. Fed is always, ALWAYS best. Not only do I support one’s decision to breastfeed, combo feed, or formula feed but I will continuing fighting like hell to make sure that governments, employers, and society support your decision. No one should be forced to choose based on anything other than one’s desire to breastfeed, formula feed, or combo. This is also ONLY applicable to places with clean water and a generally well-developed supply chain. In places that do not have access to these things, breast usually is best. For the vast majority of us in the US and Europe (the two places I study, I cannot speak for other parts of the world simply because I don’t research there), fed is best and fed is formula, breast, and/or combo.

That said, I have exclusively formula fed since my baby was born in March and I am not in any way ashamed of that fact. Some quick background on myself: I have a MPH (masters of public health) in Maternal and Child Health from one of the top PH universities in the world. I worked in MCH and sexual and reproductive health for a while. Now, I am finishing up a PhD and one of my fields is reproductive health and justice - past and present. I literally do academic research for a living. I’m not someone getting my information from youtube.

Before giving birth, I extensively studied the most recent literature on breastfed vs non-breastfed babies. You know what they show? What we’ve known for years: when controlling for socioeconomic status, there is no long term differences between BF & non-BF babies.

“But breast is best! All the MCH orgs say so!” There is a huge political history behind this that I’m not really in the mood to get into. Instead, I will just tell you why the breast is best “evidence” is bullshit - very rarely do researchers control for demographic factors and socioeconomic status (ie - income, race, educational level of parents, etc). Study after study after study shows that breastfeeding is correlated with high SES. People who breastfeed tend to be white, mid to high income, well-educated, and healthy. People who tend to not are the opposite of all of those. Unsurprisingly, children who are raised in high SES households have better health and economic outcomes than those raised in low SES households.

And yet, studies repeatedly do NOT control for these factors when trying to determine the benefits of breastfeeding. So what are almost certainly SES factors are conflated with breastfeeding but incorrectly attributed to breastfeeding.

One of the only studies that attempt to control for this found the following (this is an abstract and the study is here -> x

Breastfeeding rates in the U.S. are socially patterned. Previous research has documented startling racial and socioeconomic disparities in infant feeding practices. However, much of the empirical evidence regarding the effects of breastfeeding on long-term child health and wellbeing does not adequately address the high degree of selection into breastfeeding. To address this important shortcoming, we employ sibling comparisons in conjunction with 25 years of panel data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY) to approximate a natural experiment and more accurately estimate what a particular child's outcome would be if he/she had been differently fed during infancy. Results from standard multiple regression models suggest that children aged 4 to 14 who were breast- as opposed to bottle-fed did significantly better on 10 of the 11 outcomes studied. Once we restrict analyses to siblings and incorporate within-family fixed effects, estimates of the association between breastfeeding and all but one indicator of child health and wellbeing dramatically decrease and fail to maintain statistical significance. Our results suggest that much of the beneficial long-term effects typically attributed to breastfeeding, per se, may primarily be due to selection pressures into infant feeding practices along key demographic characteristics such as race and socioeconomic status.

It’s not just one study. Another shows that INTENTION to breastfeed is what made the difference in child health for this study, not whether or not the parent actually did breastfeed. Again, since those of higher SES are more likely to and intend to breastfeed, this is absolutely not surprising.

Now, as for why I personally didn’t breastfeed: frankly, I just didn’t want to. I can tell you all about the health and medical reasons (of which there are many but were not high on my list of reasons) and about how I am the primary breadwinner with a stay at home partner and it just didn’t make sense. I can give you a whole slew of reasons, but the only one that is important is that I didn’t want to and it didn’t make sense for my family.

Whatever is right for you and your family is valid and exactly what you should do whenever possible. And I will fight to make sure you’re not restricted by external factors.

Now why the hell did I write this essay? Well first of all, if you’ve made it this far - kudos. I appreciate you. I wrote it because I don’t give a shit what people think of me and my parenting BUT I’ve been called a child abuser, accused of neglect, and essentially accused of ruining my child’s life by choosing to use formula. These things don’t affect me but they do affect the mental health of MANY parents. It’s bullshit that anyone dare shames anyone else.

Second reason - I was exclusively formula fed nearly 30 years ago and sometimes it feels like I’m being personally attacked and written off because I was formula fed. I believe in data, not anecdotes, but ffs I’m almost 30, have two masters, finishing up a PhD, have a wonderful family, own my house, and all of this while I grew up poor. Lactivists make it seem like someone like me is impossible.

My child is thriving. He’s 2.5 months old (after being born nearly a month early), has already rolled over, is almost double his birth weight, and is just generally proving to be a bright, healthy child. I sleep 8+ hours a night because my partner does night feeds and we’re generally just a happy, healthy family. This was far and away the best choice for me and I am thankful that I live in a time and place where I can safely make the choice to not breastfeed.

#personal #not the 100 #fed is best #long post #long #text post #reproductive health

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ms-aleli · 5 years

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My MC - Rosalynn “Lynn” Day and her daughter Synnove (means “Gift of Sun”). I HC Lynn as a second-generation immigrant from Filipino parents because I was inspired by Alma and Thomas. I hope you like this.

PROLOGUE

There’s nothing a mother would not do for her child.

It’s the one truth that Rosalynn “Call me Lynn” Day, has lived with even before her wonderful took her first breath all those years ago.

It’s the one truth that became her foundation when her daughter was born.

It’s the one truth she dedicated herself to when her ex-husband left the two of them to fend for themselves.

For her daughter, there’s nothing she wouldn’t do; no mountains she wouldn’t cross; no risk she wouldn’t face head on; and as today would prove, no place she wouldn’t move to.

That’s how she found herself driving all the way to Goldcliffe, a place she never even thought she’d ever be going to, and ready to leave all the security of her life in Seacrest behind her.

As she turns to park next to an immaculate silver Lexus, she looks at the seat beside her to see her daughter visibly nervous. Her lips curve to a smile as she thinks back to the letter she got two weeks ago that she has read over a hundred times already.

Dear Ms. Day,

Your scholarship application has been reviewed, and you have been approved for the next phase.

Please bring your child to the Bernhardt main office on May 22 at 10:15 AM for a brief interview.

Regards,

Anne Tinsley

Principal

Bernhardt Academy

The letter never fails to incite the mix of emotions within her - pride, disbelief, pride, gratefulness, and pride again. It doesn’t help that her mind returns to the meeting with her daughter’s previous principal, Ms. Gupta, who commended her daughter’s intelligence and even pushed for this scholarship.

It was nice that there are people in the world who would not let her daughter’s bright flame diminish because of her unfortunate lack of money to send her daughter to a high-end school where she would shine best.

At present though, she can see her daughter’s bright flames dwindle as she fidgets nervously on her seatbelt.

“You ready to go, kiddo?” She reaches over to smooth her daughter’s brown hair from her face.

Her daughter’s eyes meet hers and she can see how truly anxious she feels. “I-I guess so,” she mumbles as she looks down to avoid her gaze, “but, Mom, what if I’m not smart enough to go here?” Her eyes look outside the window of their car and she can see how it could be jarring to her young daughter.

In comparison to the public elementary school her daughter went to, Bernhardt’s building stood tall and imposing. Even the exterior screams at Lynn that she’s out of her league.

But no, this is for her daughter’s future and she knows that her daughter will thrive better in this kind of school.

“Hey, hey, none of that now, Synnove Day,” Lynn took her daughter’s face on her hand and gently made her raise her head so their eyes could meet. “You are a star. You’re smart and talented and hey, remember what Ms. Gupta said? You’re way above your age group in terms of smarts and I know you’re going to crush this, okay?”

Synnove bit her lower lip, “But what if I can’t do it? What if I screw up?”

“You won’t,” Lynn says with the conviction of a mother - unbending. “I know it’s hard for you to speak up sometimes, but if you start to freeze, then you just remember that mom believes in you. I know you can do this.”

Lynn can see the way her words affects her daughter - Synnove sits straighter, eyes gazing outside to the Bernhardt building now with a mixture of excitement alongside her nervousness.

“Do you need an energy zap?” Lynn smiles as her daughter give a nod and hold out her finger. She meets it with hers and grins, “Zzzzzap.”

“Zzzzzap!” Her daughter chimes.

Lynn breaks off and helps her daughter out of the seatbelt, “Alright, sunshine, you’re all charged up and ready to kick butt.”

“Mom, I can do it myself,” Synnove whines but there’s a beam on her face as she exits the car.

The inside of Bernhardt Academy is even larger than it was outside. Lynn almost got lost if it wasn’t for the kind security guard who directed her to Ms. Tinsley’s office.

“Good morning, I’m Rosalynn Day with my daughter, Synnove for an interview with Ms. Tinsley at 10:15?” Lynn approaches the secretary with an amicable smile.

The secretary is a young woman who didn’t have a friendly face but she was polite as she waved them to the cavernous office where a grey-haired black woman sat behind an imposing desk.

Lynn smiles as she moves forward to shake the woman’s hand, “Hi, I’m here for the scholarship interview? I’m Lynn Day, and this is my daughter, Synnove.”

“Hello,” Synnove’s voice is soft and she hides behind her, “it’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Principal Tinsley,” the woman says and motions to the plush armchair in front of the desk, “Please, have a seat.”

Lynn didn’t even get the chance to be comfortable on the obviously high-class armchair as Principal Tinsley went straight to the interview.

“What, in your opinion, is the most important value to instill in our children?” She asks.

Lynn blinks and wonders why she’s the one being interviewed instead of her daughter, but she answers honestly, “It’s important to teach them curiosity. It’s important that we encourage our kids to question how things work - to explore, to love learning.”

Principal Tinsley raises an eyebrow, taking down a few notes. She looks at her paper for a hot second before saying, “I see here that you’re not currently a resident of Goldcliffe?”

“Oh, well, if Synnove were to receive this scholarship, we’d look for a place to live in town,” she answers.

The way that the principal’s microexpression spoke volumes and Lynn knows she’s not about to like where this line of question is going. “Do you think that would be economically feasible given your current job as a… waitress?”

Lynn felt indignant but tampers it down for daughter’s sake. “I’ve managed to save a little for the potential move, and I’d find a job as soon as--”

The principal cut her off, firing, “To maintain this scholarship, you are required to be a member of our PTA, which would be a considerable time commitment.”

“Oh, that shouldn’t be a problem, I’m used to balancing a lot of responsibilities,” she says. What she doesn’t say is that she has plenty of experience, what with juggling three to four jobs just to save for her daughter’s future.

“I’m sure,” Principal Tinsley says. She then returns her eyes to the paper and taps her pen on it, “I notice you’ve left the father section of the application blank. Would you be so kind as to tell me about Synnove’s father?”

Lynn can feel the rising of the familiar rage inside her but she tries to stamp it back down as she forces a smile on her face, “Synnove’s father hasn’t been on the picture for a while now.”

The principal frowns and makes a note on it. What ‘it’ is, Lynn doesn’t know. But the silence that follows does not bode well for her.

“Are-are there any more questions you need me to answer?” She asks. “Or, do you have any questions for my daughter?” since it is her merits that should be on focus right now, she doesn’t say.

“Ms. Day,” Principal Tinsley says with a sigh, “I’m going to be frank. I was not impressed by your daughter’s application.”

From the corner of her eyes, she sees Synnove stiffen. The way that she holds herself close as if she wants to hide causes Lynn to feel anger rise within her.

“I-but your letter--”

Principal Tinsley cuts her, “My vice principal was moved by Ms. Gupta’s glowing letter, but I see nothing here that suggests your daughter is Bernhardt material.”

A part of Lynn wants to stand and ask the principal to fight her for her daughter’s honor but she settles for the indignant cry, “Are you serious? She’s already reading at ninth-grade level!” She clenches her fist under the table, “What about the science project I mentioned?”

Principal Tinsley does not look impressed as she gives a cursory look at the paper, “Ah yes, the Saturn model,” she says blandly. “While it was very… artistic, it hardly proves she has any detailed understanding of the--”

“I understand a lot about Saturn!” Her daughter, whose dream since she was a toddler was to become an astronaut and had studied every single book in the public library, cries out. Her face is red and her brows are scrunched as she defends her passion, “I wanted to make the Phoebe ring, but Mom said it wouldn’t fit in the car.”

Now, it was Principal Tinsley’s turn to be surprised, looking at Synnove as if she was something curious, “I’m sorry… the ‘Phoebe ring’?”

Synnove’s face suddenly brightens, and she leans forward in her chair, happy to chatter away about her favorite subject. “It’s so cool! It’s like nine point nine million miles from the planet, and it has a retrograde orbit!”

Seeing the surprised look on the principal’s face, Lynn saw a chance and says, “Sweetie, why don’t you tell the principal about Saturn’s compositions?”

Lynn has heard this a million times before, and she still can’t fully understand what her sweet daughter is yammering on, but she can see the way that Principal Tinsley’s eyes brightened as she listens to Synnove yammer on about how Saturn is a gas giant but the planet isn’t gas at all.

“Ooh! It’s also the only planet in our solar system that’s less dense than water.” The open delight on Synnove’s face never fails to make Lynn smile. Her little girl continues with a grin as she discloses a ‘fun fact’ to the principal, “That means that if you put it in a really, really big bathtub, it would float.”

Synnove’s face read clear as day, ‘isn’t that the coolest thing you’ve heard?’

Principal Tinsley stares down at her forms, then turns back to Synnove, looking suddenly thoughtful.

“Tell me, Synnove, how would you calculate the surface area of a sphere?”

Principal Tinsley’s careful words contrasted the way Synnove quickly pipes up, “Four pi times the radius squared.”

“What three things that distinguish insects from arachnid?”

“Insects have compound eyes, antennae, and six legs instead of eight.”

“What year was Marie Curie awarded the Nobel Prize?”

“Um, which one?” Synnove tilts her head, “Because she got one for physics in 1903 and one for chemistry in 1911.”

The curious look on Principal Tinsley’s face stays there, even as she sits back in her chair and take it all in. After a long moment, she turns to the proud mother and asks, “Synnove, she’s really only nine years old?”

“Nine and two-thirds!” Her daughter pipes up.

“And she’s wanted to be an astronaut since she was six. She’s got a whole life plan laid out - majoring in astrophysics, pilot’s license,” Lynn beams at her daughter.

Never let it be said that Lynn Day is a humble woman when it comes to her daughter. She’s a bragger and she can’t help it. Her daughter truly is amazing.

She turns back to the principal, “Of course, the first step is to enroll in an elementary with a famously strong STEM program, so…” she trails off.

There was silence in the room again. But this time, it’s not an uncomfortable silence.

Principal Tinsley sighs and gives a small smile, “Well, nothing’s official until all the paperwork is submitted, but,” she leans down and offers to shake the little girl’s hand, “Synnove Day, welcome to Bernhardt.”

#moty #mother of the year #choices #pixelberry #playchoices #moty fanfic #moty novelization #fanfiction #lynn day #thomas mendez #synnove day #luz mendez

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elleberquist6 · 6 years

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Stray Cat - chapter thirteen

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1916 Warnings: Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut Summary: Phil Lester believes that if he does good things then good things will happen to him, so on one of the worst days of his life he invites a rain-soaked Neko boy named Dan into his home. Phil has never met a Neko before and he knows nothing about the dark system that has molded Dan. Dan is part of a repressed population with few rights, and as Phil gets to know him he can’t understand why – Dan is the most amazing person he has ever met. —

Dan knew it wasn’t reasonable to miss Phil this much – he missed him as much as a missing limb – but he contented himself with Phil’s YouTube videos. Dan felt needy, and it was driving him crazy. Dan honestly didn’t know if this feeling was genuinely his or if it was being caused by his heat. He didn’t know what was real anymore.

His eyes were tired despite sleeping in (he was in the living room now), and when he couldn’t keep them open any longer he just listened to Phil’s videos and smiled, tempted to laugh. Some of Phil’s videos were completely hilarious, but that wasn’t really what made him want to laugh now; Phil affected a personality in his earliest videos where he spoke very quickly, probably due to nervousness, and combined with his Northern accent it made the video entertaining despite anything mundane he was discussing in it.

Dan’s eyes opened when he heard a knock at the door. He shut the laptop and slid it and the blanket off his lap. He was relieved to see that his heat was giving him a reprieve for once, so he didn’t need to conceal his lower half. He got up on shaky legs and walked down the hall to the door, eager to see Phil. He passed the kitchen as he went and glanced in the door. Martyn was on the phone and he was rising to his feet. When he saw Dan was getting the door, he gave him a grateful smile and settled back into the chair, continuing his phone conversation.

Dan reached the door as the person on the other side knocked again and he undid the chain. Dan opened the door with a smile, expecting to be in Phil’s arms in another moment, but it wasn’t Phil. His smile faltered. “Can I help you?”

It was a dark-haired woman. She was staring at his ears.

He felt them twitch and he reached up to touch them self-consciously to stop the twitching that he didn’t have much control over. He also felt that his curly hair was sweaty, and he knew that he must look like a mess; he was a mess.

“Uh.” The woman finally stopped staring at his ears, but this seemed to be due to the fact that she noticed the tail flicking by his legs. Finally, she started talking very fast. “Is Phil here? I saw him a few hours ago and I thought he might be off work by now.”

“No, I’m expecting him to come home any minute now. Did you want to wait inside?” He had no idea who she was, but this was Phil’s home and he didn’t want to be rude to Phil’s friend.

She shook her head and looked down at a box he hadn’t noticed in her arms. “This is his. I was just bringing it by.”

They both stare at the box until she extended her arms, shoving the box against his chest until he grabbed it and took it from her. “Okay, then. I’ll just give this to Phil from you. Would you like me to tell him who it’s from?”

“He knows who I am,” the woman said, and he couldn’t mistake her agitation; she completely hated him. The woman flicked her dark hair over her shoulder. “I have to go now.”

“Great, bye.” Dan nudged the door shut with his foot, catching one last glimpse of the woman as her polite smile dropped to leave a more genuine emotion on her face: loathing. He didn’t take it too personally. People had hated him his whole life for nothing more than the fact that he was a Neko. Actually, no one had been nice to him at all except for Phil and his brother. He wouldn’t have even noticed the woman’s behavior if he hadn’t gotten used to being treated nicely by the Lesters. So, Dan shrugged it off and carried the box to the kitchen.

Martyn had just hung up his phone, which he was putting in his pocket. His laptop was closed so Dan knew he was off work as he put the box on the kitchen table. “What’s that?” he asked.

“Dunno. Some woman said it belonged to Phil,” Dan answered. He was wondering the same thing as Martyn, but he didn’t want to snoop through the box, especially not with Phil’s brother watching.

“What woman? Who was she?”

“She didn’t say. I have a guess, though. Phil only told me about one woman, but he didn’t say what she looked like. Did you ever meet the girl he just broke up with?”

“Yeah, Linda. Dark hair, olive skin, short, and kind of snotty.”

Dan grinned at the description. “Yeah, that was her. I’m surprised at that last one, though. I thought she was just kind of bitchy to me because she didn’t like Nekos. Is that just how she is?”

Martyn shrugged. “I honestly don’t know how she feels about Nekos – it never came up. Maybe that’s what it was. I’m probably being disingenuous to describe her like that. She was always nice to me and she even met Mum a couple times. Mum loves her, and Mum is a really hard person to win over since she’s super protective of Phil. But… Linda never won me over. There was something about her.”

“Oh?” Dan prompted. He sat down at the table across from Martyn. He couldn’t help comparing his own situation to Linda’s, even though he wasn’t dating Phil. If he ever met Mrs. Lester, what would she think of him? The idea was terrifying.

Martyn nodded as he continued, “Linda was nice to everyone, but I didn’t like how she was around Phil. In case you hadn’t noticed, he’s one of the sweetest and most generous people in the world, and Linda wasn’t a good fit for him. Being generous isn’t a bad thing, I’m not saying that. I know for a fact that there’s nothing Phil enjoys more than sharing things with people he cares about, but it didn’t work with Linda. She took and gave nothing in return. Phil needs someone who gives back and just doesn’t take.”

Dan frowned. “I don’t exactly understand. Are you talking about money?”

“No, not just money.” Martyn smiled, seeming to understand Dan’s concern. “And I’m not making any comparisons to any other relationships that may or may not be going on around here. Honestly, I’m a straightforward person and if I were talking about you and my brother I would just say it.”

“Oh,” Dan relaxed slightly. “So, what was it that Linda took from Phil and didn’t return?”

“There was money – presents and things like that. But what really bothered me was the emotional stuff. I hung out with them and my brother is an affectionate guy. He showered her with attention and compliments, and she was just indifferent to it. I never even heard her say anything nice to him. I thought maybe she was just shy around me and she was nicer to him when they were alone, but I asked him and he said no. That’s just how she was. It really bothered me when I found that out. I’m glad that they’re over.”

Dan nodded because he had to agree after hearing that description. Phil deserved so much more – not that Dan was picturing himself in that relationship, being better for Phil than her. Quite the opposite. He thought he would be so much worse for Phil than her. He had already taken so much from Phil, and he had given nothing in return. Dan was broken, and Phil deserved someone whole.

Dan was startled out of his thoughts when Martyn pulled the box across the table and lifted off the lid. He arched an eyebrow in response to Dan’s judgmental look. “Aren’t you curious?”

“Yeah, but I’ve just watched almost all of his YouTube videos without telling him – I have enough guilt to deal with.”

Martyn snorted and shook his head. “Two things: one, those videos are public and you don’t need Phil’s permission to watch them. He won’t be mad. And two, this is Linda we’re talking about, so I doubt there are personal love letters in this box.”

Dan shrugged as Martyn started pulling things out of the box. There’s nothing too exciting at first: clothes, glasses, a complete collection of Buffy DVDs (Martyn informed Dan that Phil owned several copies), a novel, and two tickets to a concert that was taking place in a couple weeks. Martyn examined the tickets. “That was nice of her. She could have kept the tickets and taken someone else to the concert.”

Dan held out his hand in curiosity and took the tickets from Martyn so that he could read them. “Muse? Oh, I’ve seen some of their albums around here. I think Phil said they’re his favorite.”

Martyn laughed. “You’ve never heard of Muse? Don’t you like music?”

“I love music, but I never really got a chance to listen to current music. There was a cassette player in the place where I grew up, but the only tapes were of classical music.” He went on, starting to feel an ache in his chest like he was talking about an old friend he missed. “There was a piano, too. It was old, a bit out of tune, and no one there knew how to play it, but I tried to teach myself. It took a while, but I learned how to play by ear and I got okay at playing Für Elise. But then I had to move when I was 12, and there wasn’t a piano or anything to play music on at the new place. Not even a cassette player. I… hadn’t realized how much I missed it until talking about it now.” He gave Martyn a sad smile. “I guess I do miss something from my childhood. Never thought I’d say that.”

Martyn returned the smile. “Well, if you’re interested in music, you’ve come to the right house. I’m sure Phil would love to share his CDs with you. He doesn’t know how to play anything – he had a violin lesson, but his teacher traumatized him by saying that he wasn’t holding the bow correctly. He sings sometimes, though. Badly.”

Dan laughed. “I know. I’ve heard him singing in the shower. Honestly, I think he has a nice baritone, but his voice doesn’t really suit the pop songs he tries to sing.”

Martyn laughed. “You’re right, I’m too hard on him. I grew up being forced to go see his school concerts when I was a kid and it left a bad impression on me, but these days I mostly just hear him sing Christmas carols at home with Mum during the holidays, and you’re right, he’s not half bad.”

Dan smiled at this homey picture. He had never had a family Christmas, but he had seen them on TV and read about them in books – Phil’s home life sounded like it came out of a storybook. He was happy for him because no one deserved that life more than Phil. As he looked around the warm kitchen of the apartment that he shared with Phil, he was also grateful. This was the closest thing that Dan had ever had to a home, and it was because of the amazing man who had shared it with him.

#phan #phandom #phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #dan x phil #neko

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stilinsk1 · 7 years

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Cole’s interview for Boys by Girls Magazine, part 3

(part 1, part 2) Sorry for every mistake and typo! It becomes quite powerful though - when you posted a picture we had taken of you, within an hour we had a significant amount of new followers. So it means your have the power to impact people and projects you feel passionate about. Sure, and to curate a kind of artistic lineage, so I think that's special. And that's the duty of mainstream artistry or someone who has received success, in my personal opinion, to curate an artistic collection and lineage that will influence society in a way that can truly bring about beneficial change. And your publication is dealing with the concept of masculinity in a way that's very important to me, and should be very important to all men in our society. I love that when you tweet, sometimes the whole world talks about it. It's funnt, I think people sometimes take my tweets too seriously. My twitter has always been a vehicle for shit-posting. I've never really taken it seriously, so when people do take it seriously, it always takes me by surprise.

We need to talk about 'Riverdale' as well. I just love talking about feelings. It's a passion of mine. Yeah, me too. I love you as Jughead. I just learned that you originally read for Archie.

Yes, I was given the script for Archie, and I had read one scene with Jughead and loved him. So I said: 'wow, I've got to try for this role'. I feel like he's a bit like you. Is that a fair or unfair comparison? Like I mentioned earlier - if people are not saying that, you're not doing a good job. That's the currency of a quality role. Your ability to get into character comes from a resonation you have empathetically with the role itself. That empathy is based on your lived experiences, so I resonate with Jughead very much. I mean, I was the cringiest kid in school. Jughead, to me, is the very image of a millennial teenager that many people fear, and that's what I live about his character. I had interpreted Jughead as tremendously pretentious, and it's very funny that whe people watch 'Riverdale' now, he has become a sort of heartthrob figure. Anyone who thinks they can write about their own town as a teenager, to me, that is a really pretentious move. Striving to be unique and non-conformist, I really resonated with him. Then as I got to rea more of his content I found out that he was also te narrator of the show, shich meant that he was the perspective device, which I really enjoyed. So I went in for the audition, and didn't know if I wanted to do acting or not - I was in this strange space in my life. I had just come off watching a ton of "Twilight Zone", and my audition was the whole opening monologue, so I read it just like Rod Serling in the "Twilight Zone", which they loved. When I found out it was going to be a mix of "Twin Peaks" and these other stereotypical campy teen dramas, I thought: 'fuck, this is going to be a lot of fun', and I was fully onboard. You said in another interview that Jughead struggles with vulnerability. Totally. I think Jughead's struggle with vulnerability is something I struggle with, but that's because we are both young men. Jughead turns away from emotional connection when he gets too close to people, as an attempt to safeguard himself from becoming hurt. Just a product of men being told they can't be weak. That's how I had grounded it: in the inability to be vulnerable in that kind of physiology. Where is Cole with vulnerability, are you comfortable being vulnerable? I am now. Or at least, I'm more comfortable. I think vulnerability is the petri dish for growth. Full vulnerability is something people work at, which I will try to work at my whole life. Every time you enter into a vulnerable state, you enter into a right of passage, in my opinion. So much growth comes from the ability to make yourself vulnerable, because you immediately clarify what makes you nervous, and what makes you feel strong in those moments. I'm a firm believer that history of human survival is essentialy a history of triumph over their vulnerabilities. I truly think that bravely stepping into vulnerability is the greatest and most effective way to grow as a human being. Now, vulnerability for men is one of those things that froma very young age is seen as forbidden or weak. Since men are quite young, we are taught that weakness and vulnerability is something we should avoid, and the truth is that a person only becomes strong trough recognising their weakness and addressing vulnerability - especially emotional vulnerability - and coming to terms with that. I think those are very important words for young men. The truth is, I was a very socially anxious kid. I was homeschooled, so raised inside a soundstage - not knowing how to interact with the world around me. I used comedy a lot to cover up my vulnerability, as an attempt to diffuse an otherwise hostile or threatening situation to me. And then as I embraced vulnerability when I got older, my own personal insecurity, femininity and all the other concepts that I have within me - I had the condifence to walk around and truly feel like I had mastered a space that was otherwise foreign to me. Especially during puberty, when we're getting all these complicated ideas about sexuality, maturation, social standing and professional pursuit. If we sat back and took the time to analyse why those things made us uncomfortable, we would have the confidence to take the world around us by storm. What are your thoughts around masculinity and how it is changing in the young generation of today? I can only speak from my experience, but in my youth I had experienced the world around me as an intersection between the expectation of confidence in young men and the simultaneous suppression of a large aspect of that confidence, which is an embracing of a more feminine nature than men often carry. I think the definition of masculinity in a wider context nw is undoing a lot of that, which I think is great. It's much more widely accepted to be in touch with other qualities of your masculinity. I'm of a mind that the core tenancy of modern masculinity still resonates with an ancient understanding of out roles within society, whilst simultaneously accepting that society is changing, and adapting to a viw that is fresh. For me, some fundamental tendencies still exist within masculinity, which are a kind of caretaking role, respect for your fellows and an ability to provide. But I think unlike two of three generations ago when the concept of provision was a financial definition, now the concept of the provider includes a) providing and caring for yourself and b) providing and caring for people you love emotionally. I believe part of the redefinition is the ability to recognise what aspects of yourself are affecting your emotions and how can you understand that side of yourself. Understand how to resonate and become more empathetic with the people in your lif. I think sexuality for men, in the States or in the west really, still preaches a lot of elimination of weakness. I can only speak from my own experience, but I am my strongest form when I can fully comprehend why I'm thinking a certain way and what is bringing me to an action. I'm of a mind that true strenght is the ability to take care of yourself without harming other people in the process. And I think, if your masculinity involves the destruction of anther person's masculinity, because it's an opposition to yours, we have to break down and understand that this is because you ultimately feel threatened by a version that is different to yourself. Masculinity and strenght are the products of your ability to feel secure with all sides of yourself. However you find that security, as long as it's not the destruction of another person's security, is in my opinion, the modern form of masculinity. 'Riverdale' season two! Season ne left us with unanswered questions. What can you tell us, and what's in store for Jughead. Jughead was originally Archie's conscious, and in the final episode of season one he was revealed as the soul of Riverdale - as the moral underpinning of a society that is going to through tremendous moral fluentation. The audience can view Jughead and whatever happens to Jughead as either an enlightening or destruction of the soul of Riverdale. If the sould of Riverdale is being confrtonted with these problems, what does that mean for the town as a whole? In this season he finds himself with one foot in the north side and one foot in the south side, with an impending civil war on the horizon - shaking his previous standing, of conscientious objector and this observer, forcing his hand into play. In this season, Jughead is very much learning that you can't make everyone happy, and that his fear of involving himself in the issues that are surrounding him was actually a fear of him suffering or making anyone displeased with him as a person. He has to address and embrace the fact that he's going to make people unhappy, and that it is part of his life. All this drama, but one thing is central throughout the show; those kids would do anything for each other in the midst of all that chaos. Yes, what 75 years of it being a comic has allowed us to do is not having to explain how deeply connected the characters are episode after episode. These characters are so well established in the comic lineage that people don't need a backstory on them, which has given us a lot of flexibility. Having taken time off from acting to live in 'the real world', now having returned and also doing your own photography - how do you feel you're developing as an artist? For the longest time I was working on projects and taking jobs that I didn't really resonate with the way I do now with my projects. My photography gave me a tremendous amount of self-confidence, which comes back to masculinity and all those things we talked about. The ability to express myself in a vulnerable way and show my eye in a curated personal gallery space, game me great confidence. That confidence has now lent itself to a personal artistic lineage taht has given me a foot in the door to the creation of passion projects that I would never have had the ability to do if I hadn't made myself vulnerable enough - which I'm very thankful for. I think, my acting and my photography are two completely different arts. acting for me is an empathetic creation of a character you're trying to breathe and weave life into, but you're essentially a cipher for other people's narratives. You are playing with the tools in someone else's toolbox. Photography allows me to express precisely what I want to express, using all the tools in my own toolbox, with the assistance of people who want to play the part of cipher for me. I think the meeting of both of those worlds will eventually culminate in a directorial professional pursuit. I'm trying to find ways of blending those two worlds, so I could come out with narratives and stories that truly resonate with people people from both an acting perspective and a photographic perspective. You mentioned that there is a certain loneliness that comes with celebrity. With the success of your return, without your brother this time, putting you right back in the limelight - how are you handling this now? I experience it in a different way now, because I made the conscious decision to return, and I understand that fanaticism is part of celebrity culture. The loneliness that comes with it now is something I'm much more prepared for after I took rim away to understand myself. When I was a child it was a much different story, because I hadn't made the choice to immerse myself in a world of fanaticism. It also had repercussions, which it took me a long time to deal with. Some people find religion, some people do drugs, some people branch out sexually - everyone has their own way of dealing with it. I chose education. That's a pretty healthy way of dealing with it. I thought it would be. Me choosing education also gave me an ability to be much more prepared for what I'm immersed in now. It feels better. What dreams are next on the agenda for you? I'd like to start doing films. I would like to act in a challenging roles, and make films as well. I think the culmination of my acting and photography is the inevitable conclussion of a sort of directorial debut. I think you're too much of a creative to eventually not get involved in making movies. I truly believe that. You have too much to express. I hope, eventually, but I also feel like I need a lot more time and experience in other aspects. I think acting wise, my brother and I have consistently been in competition with an image of ourselves in the past, and the industry's image of us as studio money makers and our ability to pull an audience. Now that I've been trained well enough, I'm more prepared as an actor to take on the kind of challenging roles that I aspire to. What type of roles would you like to play? Just different. Every time. But human roles where each one is different from the next - something I can sit back and be proud of. I'd love to see you do some really emotive roles. Your performance as Jughead already hits me straight in the heart. Excellent, I appreciate taht. The only thing that's stopping my brother and I now is other people's perception. I think you're doing a really good job in changing that perception. That's the hope, and over time and by doing the right thing consistently, I think people will start to get it. That was the long-term grudge to bear when we were going to college and thinking about how we were going to play it right and be comfortable with this. For us, the answer was always to do something interesting, and simply: be good people. What mark do you want to leave on the world? For years and years I looked at the arts as something less than the sciences. I thought the truest way to make my mark on the world would be to push human knowledge forward in some way or shape. I started taking archaeology as a an attempt to leave a mark on the world, and I had taken a class about palaeolithic civilisation and I brought up art as a luxury - essentially I was saying that art was something that came after the bellies were full, the sleep was had and the thirst was quenched. My professor corrected me pretty firmly in front of the entire class, and said that art, storytelling, myth and oral narration was hands down the only way humans were able to survive. The ability to portray a message was redefined to me as necessary to life itself. Artistry, if we look at it historically, is always the product of its time period. The greatest artists were always the ones that had a full comprehension of the society around them, and the ability to tactfully push the edges of their society - broaden it just a bit. Now we live in an age where the boundaries of society are no longer strict and inflexible, but rather something all-encompassing. Figures like John Lennon, Gandhi and Martin Luther King JR. - all these men had one thing in common: they all preached peace and love as the fundamentals to the operation of a healthy society - and all those guys were murdered. So I've got to figure out a way to preach that without getting murdered, haha.

#cole sprouse #cole sprouse for boys by girls #boys by girls magazine #i'm so proud of this man #he is an amazing person/genius #m1ne

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nonsensical-rants · 6 years

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Thoughts on Persona 5

The persona series is one of the biggest influences to me and who I am within recent memory. I’ve played every game and anticipate the idea of exploring every nook and cranny the game has to offer, across hundreds of hours. Both three and four were games that I cherish and the same can be said with five. But just like with any game I've played there are some gripes that get to me whenever i think about them for too long. This is my personal opinion but i do like hearing different viewpoints since it will always add insight to a discussion. I am prone to rambling and sometimes getting of topic but i shall do my best. Spoilers ahead for anyone who has yet to beat/see the game in its entirety.

During the “anticipation” for the games release, I didn’t really look up a lot about the game because i wanted everything to be a surprise. Aside from some trailers that hooked me in with an amazing story about Phantom Thieves who steal peoples hearts and jump out of Casinos, everything would be a surprise for me. So when i started up the game and reached Kamoshida’s Palace. I was having a grand time with all the mechanics, the music, and the different characters that were being presented too me. Personally, Morgana is one hell of a upgrade in comparison to Teddy. Both as a character, and as a mascot.

During the game play, I was always looking forward to what would come next and how it would be done. Hanging out with Ryuji and seeing Mishima change as a person were some early game highlights. Of course i went through the dungeon as fast as possible because i wanted to know the characters as much as possible. Ryuji filled a good role as a partner and as comic relief, but I felt towards the later end of the game he could’ve had another spark to get him excited (other than being pissed at corrupt adults). And no. The confrontation between Morgana and Ryuji does not count. I felt like that could have been so much better of a scene, but it was executed poorly with Morgana basically getting away for his constant belittling of “Skull”. Everyone just laughs it off, except for me because its actually just unwarranted and unnecessary rivalry between characters who just started off on the wrong foot. Morgana is a know it-all and Ryuji may need a second explanation sometimes but he has more heart that anyone in the gang.

But, i’m getting ahead of myself. The original four were interesting characters who had good traits to bounce off one another whether it be through bickering or bonding. And as the story progressed, i really found myself hating Kamoshida because of how much of an asshole he truly was behind his public mask (haha). Shiho’s involvement only strengthened that belief. As sudden as her introduction was, it still meant something to me. So taking him down, and seeing him crying while confessing everything was great satisfaction.

But this is where something started occurring to me that would constantly present itself to me throughout the course of the game and it was bothersome. Climbing up the confidant ranks of Ann, and later Makoto made me ask a question to myself over and over again. Why am i not learning more about THESE characters, but instead about Chiho and some random girl from Makoto’s class. I understand that they are being used as catalysts to show traits and ideas about their personality, but i would rather observe those traits for myself while also learning more about them. I found myself to be learning more about these characters during story cut scenes (in-game or otherwise) then i did in the confidants. And that’s a problem in my eyes.

It almost felt like they were flattening themselves like Persona Q did for the casts’ of three and four. Ann is a female model who loves sweets, cares deeply/respects herself and her friends, and can stand up for others but not so much for herself. I could’ve learned this through different scenes in the game like with different encounters of Kamoshida, the Shido cruise, and just how she carries herself. And Makoto is a whole other basket case with how shes supposed to be this “badass” who only reveals herself when she is pushed too far but she is also motherly and wants to protect what is right in her eyes. Those are the only defining traits i can think of when i think of Makoto and they are mostly shown in her Awakening scene. Maybe also when she defies her sister to download the case files and slaps her friend. Other than that, she felt very robotic to me, wanting to help this nameless individual.

We could of had a scene where Sae is worrying about her sister and wants to see one of her friends, and thinking you are the best option. She invites you (the leader of the phantom thieves) to come over. More interaction with Sae, more personal depictions of Makoto, rather than seeing the problems of someone we aren’t invested in. Or hell maybe even Akechi could show up during a confidant session. This is my first pet peeve with Persona 5. In comparison to the previous games, we learn so much more about the characters personality and problems through hangouts. Junpei isn’t a social link/confidant but we learn about his experience with Chidori and feel for him during a later confrontation (He’s a social link in Persona 3 Portable i know but im refering to three and FES). Or Kanji being a “delinquent”. We see others belittling him for his appearance and what they perceive to be his personality, but we know better as his friend. We learn about his mother and his desires through the rank ups. Moving on though.

Yusuke has one of my more favorite social links as he is overflowing with personality and (in my opinion) humor. Even if accidental, all the posing, painting and quirkyness from Yusuke is what i expected from everyone. After Madarame is taken down he goes from being defensively aggressive to shaken up and finally angry at the man he once cherished. We learn more about him both in and out of confidants, like how he doesnt have much money so he rarely gets to eat, and also didnt have a place to stay for a while (even though that was brief. I would’ve loved seeing Daytime scenes with him). He has almost a brother like relationship with Futaba Sakura, who i believe to be a well executed hermit character. For me, her backstory was very developed and believable for someone to shut themselves inside when they dont have all of the answers to a problem/life event that has become essentially the bane of their existence. Her social link developed her bond with Sojiro and shows of traits of herself through another person in a way that didnt completely focus on them instead of the person im hanging out with (*cough* Makoto *cough*)

Seriously though, I think all the characters were written well for the most part with only a few exceptions. Atlas really knows how to write their characters. Haru is actually one of my top picks for a favorite character because of how she was portrayed in having to deal with stress and how we kind of lead to the demise of her father. Though that was completely unavoidable as most things are in a supernatural franchise such as this. One last thing that urked me about the game was Akechi and how blatantly obvious the whole traitor aspect of his character was depicted. Atlas had it right with Adachi, making him one of my favorite characters in general and showing off a hopelessly Nihilistic perspective of the world when we as a player are seeing the world as happy and carefree. He didnt have a social link (until Golden), while Akechi did. The difference is that Akechi’s was progressed through story events while Adachi’s was an optional relationship that led you to learning more of his quirks earlier in the story. He could have been so much more but was thrown aside for a nameless “big bad” who we (as a player. Not the protagonist) have no relation too. I’ve seen discussions saying how Akechi could have been the one to have the River’s in the Desert battle, with a shadow realm showing his perspective of the world as a kingdom with him as the hero who protected everyone. He is the best in his own eyes and could not be defeated.

If there is one thing i hate in story telling, it is wasted potential. And Pancake Boy has a lot of that to spare. From the moment he blackmailed the Phantom Thieves to show them Nijima’s Palace (also with just how GOOD his moveset was), it made it so much more obvious he wouldn’t be a mainstay.

Those are my main comments with Persona 5, but they are mostly nitpicks compared to the grand scheme of things. I invested 200+ hours and two playthroughs into this game. My regular play through and a Fresh Merciless playthrough (with the help of a guide for 100% sake). I love this game to pieces and i wouldn’t be talking about it otherwise. Maybe there will be a P5Crimson Edition that adds more context to Akechi’s character and fixes problems other people have with the game. Maybe not. Who knows.

#Persona 5 #p5 #Persona 5 Spoilers #P5 Spoilers #goro akechi #ren amamiya #akira kusuru #ryuji sakamoto #ann takamaki #futaba sakura #haru okumura #yusuke kitagawa #morgana #atlas #NoksNonsense #Nonsensical-Rants

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365-of-2019 · 4 years

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Today is August 7, 2020. I am currently on a flight home to Atlanta after spending more than two weeks out West in Colorado and Utah. Though I am coming off a desert adventure, I am sitting on this plane feeling intensely anxious. The last time I remember feeling this way was during my sophomore and junior years of college—the years in which I couldn’t see straight and didn’t sleep properly for weeks at a time. So, I am scared. I would very much prefer not to spiral in the way that I did 3 years ago. I would prefer to prove to myself that I have grown since then, and that I have ways of dealing with my anxiety other than just pretending it doesn’t exist. If it turns out that I am unable to handle my anxiety, then I will need to follow up on my years-long intention of getting professional help. Anyway. I wanted to open up a blank page and write a little bit about the past two weeks, rather than writing about my job and my stress levels.

For context: the world is still in the middle of a pandemic. In the US, COVID-19 cases continue to rise every day as public officials make laws, take back laws, and take back their take backs. In general, flying is frowned upon. When I drove up to the Atlanta airport two weeks ago, I felt enormous tidal waves of guilt. I felt selfish, ignorant, and borderline idiotic. But I still went through with it. So I guess none of those feelings really matter.

This summer, Maddie worked for Jefferson County in Golden, Colorado. She was a trail specialist and spent three days a week performing maintenance on trails all around Jefferson County. At the same time, Nevada was driving around the West Coast, spending time in California, Nevada, Arizona, and Colorado. For the past two weeks, both Maddie and Nevada have been living in the suburbs of Denver.

With both of my sisters in a city that I have always wanted to visit, and with the opportunity to work remotely from any location I choose, I felt like I could not pass up such a special moment in time. Special feels like the wrong word to use. I may look back on this decision and think, “IDIOT!” But, for now, I feel grateful for concentrated time with Maddie, who is growing and evolving so quickly and confidently.

I arrived in Colorado on July 23. That weekend, Maddie and I, along with her roommate Emma, made a drive out to Great Sand Dunes National Park. It was wild. There was sand everywhere. The hills were steep and tough to trek, due to our feet sliding backwards four inches with every step we took. But, we eventually found our own little peak to claim. And then we claimed it by eating peanuts and dancing to Harry Styles and throwing our cowboy hats into the wind. We finished the day by ordering six burritos in the drive thru of La Casita, and eating them in the Colorado wilderness. A hard Saturday to beat.

The next day, we met up with Nev to check out UC Boulder’s campus. We grabbed coffee at a Boulder café, walked around the Quad, found Varsity Bridge, and talked smack about our family members. I am so thankful for those moments—no matter how nasty or silly or irritating we may be when we are all together, we are all together.

Unfortunately (the word “unfortunately” is comical in this context), I was not permitted to take more than two days of PTO while in Colorado. For the last week of July, I worked a four-day week before we set off on our four-day weekend in the desert.

We left Thursday night and drove to an Air BnB in Grand Junction, Colorado. We woke up the next morning and drove straight to Arches National Park—the park I have been dreaming of ever since I went to Zion with Zander last year! It was 105 degrees. The air was dry. There were no trees. It was amazing.

Because I am obnoxious and feel the need to prove points that don’t need to be proven, I suggested that we attempt the longest hike in the park—an 8-mile loop through the most northern tip of Arches. To my surprise, Maddie and Emma agreed. Maybe they shouldn’t have. But they did! So we set off! We made it about halfway through the trail—seeing some beautiful arches along the way—and then spent about 90 minutes trying to locate the correct path to take to lead up through the second half of the loop. It was a little bit fun and a little bit concerning.

I love National Parks and I love the West because they make you feel small. You can look at a canyon or a mountain or the clear night sky and feel like a speck. Which then means that all of your problems and worries are smaller than specks. And that’s nice. However, when you are lost in the middle of a canyon, feeling small is not so reassuring. As we drank the last sips of our water, we decided to turn around and cut our losses. So, we did not complete the 8-mile loop, but we did complete an 8-mile hike. I was so thankful to be with my sister in nature. Not even a powerfully persistent dry mouth could ruin the day.

That night, we camped at a private campsite in Moab. We grabbed fresh corn, broccoli, and vegan sausages from the grocery store and grilled them over charcoal. We slept in Emma’s tent, sleeping on the camping pads that I purchased last November when Kristy and I spent the night on Maddie’s dorm floor. I had not been camping since I was little, and I had not felt so disconnected from technology since my time in Uganda. It was a welcome change.

We woke up to the blazing sun burning through the side of our tent, and set off for another stint at Arches. The second time around, we waltzed around the more touristy parts of the Park, taking ~4 minute walks to reach beautiful viewpoints. It was relaxing. And beautiful. And I think we were all happy to have the car within a half mile.

Arches was everything I thought it would be. I wish I could explore the that place for weeks, rather than days.

The second night in Moab, we drove to a Utah state park called Dead Horse Point. It sits at the northern end of Canyonlands National Park. It was insane. I saw the Grand Canyon last year, so I know what big canyons look like, but this one still took my breath away and had me repeatedly saying, “Wow,” like an idiot. I hope that that feeling never goes away no matter how many feats of nature I come across.

We asked the park ranger if we could stay past closing hours, and he suggested that the answer was yes. We laid on the rocks of the canyon wall for hours, watching the sky turn from neon orange to dark blue. It was the night before a Full Moon, and the light of the moon lit up the canyon walls so brightly that we ran and danced and played music until nearly 11PM. The tiny desert mice made a couple of appearances. We said thank you.

Day three in the desert: we drove to the center of Utah. Along our drive, we saw signs that said, “No Services for 100 Miles.” We thought we were in the desert in Moab. But when we drove farther West, we started to realize that Moab is a bustling city in comparison to the center of the state.

We spent the afternoon at Little Wild Horse Canyon, a slot canyon near Goblin Valley State Park. We had a photoshoot between the canyon walls and soaked up the shade that the narrow slots created. It was a beautiful, totally unique ~4 mile hike that left us in high spirits.

That night, we stayed at a campsite in Goblin Valley. Emma got us some firewood and we roasted corn over a fire. Maddie made me tiki masala with chickpeas. There were signs at the campsite that advised boiling water before consuming. We tried. It was very bad.

After dinner, we drove to the valley of the park to soak up the stars. Goblin Valley is home to one of the darkest night skies in the US, and we could tell how special that darkness was, even in the blinding moonlight. Maddie and Emma stripped and ran around the valley naked. I curled up in the crevice of a boulder and stared up for an hour. Sometimes, I wish I would not be such a square. Sometimes, I appreciate my ability to choose the things that bring me most satisfaction, even when others are telling me that I am choosing incorrectly. But that’s for another time.

We drove home to Golden the night after our rendezvous with the goblins, and we all took showers and curled up on the couch after nearly four full days in the desert heat.

I have already written this so many times, which I hope suggests that it is authentic: I am so thankful for experiences like the one I had last weekend. Particularly in the midst of a world that is stressful for me as an individual, but also stressful for global society, I feel so lucky to have the relationships and resources at my fingertips to experience truly special pieces of life. Never have I ever wanted to buy a van and live off of rice and beans so badly. There is so much that I haven’t seen and so much that I want to see again. I often feel as though I approach life like a race—trying to squeeze in experiences even when doing so is inconvenient or difficult or exhausting. I hope this is a good thing. I am not sure yet.

I spent the last four days working from Maddie’s home in Golden. She finished up her summer job this week, and is driving back to North Carolina this weekend. I am landing in Atlanta tonight and moving into my new apartment tomorrow. Jake and Dad are driving down from Raleigh to help me with the insane one-day moving process. They are kind.

I am stressed about work, stressed about moving, stressed about money, stressed about COVID-19, stressed about the social and political atmosphere of the country. Sometimes, it is so much that I break into tears without any specific triggers. But at the same time, I am feeling such immense gratitude. I have siblings who are so smart and thoughtful and unique. I have spent more time with Mom and Dad in 2020 than I did in the four years previous. Zander is loving and kind and gives me advice when I feel helpless. I have a job that is challenging, but full of some of the brightest people I have ever met. I am moving in with one of my best friends from college tomorrow, making a beautiful apartment on 14th Street into our home. I got to see the desert and soak up the dirt. So, really, life is very very good.

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danceclubcrickets · 6 years

Text

Alright, well, I’ma get 2018 going by running with this moment of confidence and stupidity I am in right now, and posting a story of mine here.

This is just a quick little excerpt with two of my characters, Reid and Cori. I just thought I’d like to prove that I do in fact have characters that I write stories about, and I don’t just sit around making up names and saying that these characters, like, TOTALLY EXIST, y’all, and I have SO many stories for them, but idk I left them all in Canada or smth

I don’t really like my own writing style, tbh. When I read it back to myself, it just sounds like “this character did this. this character felt that.” and I don’t really know how to improve it that much, so hey, advice-givers, give it if you got it. I’ve been trying to read well-written stuff, and learn from it without copying it, but idk how well I managed to pull it off, lol.

(Just as an aside, the fact that New Year is mentioned is purely coincidental. It’s just canon that at this point in the story, Reid doesn’t speak to Cori for a long time and then they reunite sometime in the dead of winter basically)

So here it is, a short bit about a guy and his skeleton friendo, and a pretty good summary of what most of my writing is like (i.e. poorly-written angst and h/c). Enjoy—I’ll be off to the side, steeping my bones in regret. XD

The Last Person Expected

“Cori, can you stop clicking, please?”

Cori mumbled an apology for her nervous habit and stuffed her hands in her pockets, the sound of her finger joints muffled by the fabric of her winter coat. She had four layers of clothing on underneath, as well as a face mask pulled up to her nasal bone—her usual cold-weather attire. During the Winter, she often got asked if skeletons get cold, and she had to repeatedly explain that yes, they do, but not as much as people with skin, and she mostly just wears layers so she looks slightly less skeletal.

Today, it was to cut down on the number of Grim-Reaper-related remarks, because these were not the remarks she wanted to hear while out on a mission of charitable goodwill. (“Ghost of Christmas Future” also seemed to be a favorite, even though the holiday had come and gone, and while she understood the comparison, she hated that she was perceived as terrifying and gloomy.)

The Clarendon family had the tradition of heading into the more run-down parts of Chamber City–the parts that the Clarendon parents tended to serve in volunteer medical clinics—and handing out “Basics Bags,” containing things like razors, combs, toothbrushes, first aid, and other essential items. They did it whenever they could, but they always made sure to at least do so after the holidays were over, after the cold weather had truly set in, but most of the other well-wishers and do-gooders had vanished.

This was the first time that Cori had participated since she became a skeleton. Her mom, Vera, hummed thoughtfully and set the radio to scan for a station. “I thought you enjoyed doing this every year,” she said to Cori.

“Yeah, that was before I looked like this!” Cori gestured to her face, and even though it was half-hidden by fabric, her point was clear. “Now I terrify small children.”

“Well, fortunately, Corsiva, it’s not about what you look like,” Vera replied. “It’s difficult to be too terrified in the face of a person giving you a gift, right?”

Cori leaned her skull against the car window, fogging it ever-so-slightly when she exhaled. “You underestimate the superstitious public.” She figured her mom was just trying to cheer her up with that question, but the attempt fell flat.

Sure enough, when they got to their first street, a mother and a child both cringed away from her as she handed them a bag. She smiled, then realized half her face was covered—so she simply struck as non-threatening a pose as possible, laid the bag on the ground, wished them a nice day, and walked back to her mom’s car.

“See, told ya,” she muttered.

“It’s okay,” Vera said with a hand-wave. “You’re still starting off the new year by doing a good deed, no matter what you look like.”

And so they went, parking on the numbered streets and walking down the named ones to hand out Basics Bags. Cori got mixed reactions as the days went on—some people were thankful, some were rude, some cracked jokes, and some didn’t say much of anything at all.

Cori saw a lot of people her own age, and while they tended to just be grateful and say “thank you,” it still surprised her just how much of her generation seemed to not have a roof over their heads. She used to think that handing out these bags was making a significant difference in the world, and it was probably making a significant-ish difference to those people specifically, but now it made her wonder.

Toward the end of their second-to-last road, she spotted a young man sitting in front of a pile of black trash bags. His head was down and his legs were crossed, hands laying limply in his lap. He didn’t stir as she approached, and didn’t wake until she addressed him directly.

“Excuse me, sir,” she said as quietly as possible, and his eyes sprung open immediately. He leaned back and looked around a little before his eyes settled on her. She held a bag out, leaning forward and doing her best to look friendly. “My family and I make these bags every year and give them out. Would you like one?”

His eyes widened in shock, or perhaps disbelief. Oh good, Cori thought, I’ve scared another one. Great. Wonderful. “It’s okay, I’m not as scary as I look,” Cori sighed, trying and failing to keep the resignation out of her tone. “Can I just leave this here with you?”

He didn’t say anything, but his eyes narrowed a little, like he was trying to figure her out—an expression she was not unaccustomed to seeing. “It’s a Basics Bag,” she explained, and her face mask slipped off her nasal bone as she looked down. She didn’t bother fixing it. “It has a lot of useful stuff in here—first aid, shaving cream and a razor, a spare toothbrush, a roll of quarters for laundromats and—”

“Cori?”

“Huh?” She hardly heard him, because she was talking and his voice was very soft, but she was certain she’d just heard him say her name. She stopped talking and lowered the bag to her side.

“Cori,” he murmured again, even quieter this time.

“Um… yeah.” Cori’s metaphorical stomach dropped. She hadn’t expected to encounter anyone who knew her. “Do I know y—“

Before she could even finish the word, she realized who she was talking to. Her jaw fell open, and she dropped the bag she was holding. Even though his clothes were tattered, he was covered in dirt and grime, and he had lost a lot of weight, his face was unmistakable, and she couldn’t believe she hadn’t recognized him sooner. She felt like she’d been struck by lightning.

“Reid?”

She sank to her knees, putting herself at eye-level with him. The sidewalk was damp, and murky pavement-water soaked right through her pants and onto her kneecaps. It didn’t matter. The only thing currently mattering was the fact that Reid Blackburn, who she hadn’t heard a peep from in nearly a year, was sitting in front of her, in a state she never would have expected to see him in.

Reid cast his eyes downward. He seemed… afraid? Perhaps just hesitant. Maybe embarrassed? Cori reached out to try and hold one of his hands in an attempt to comfort him, momentarily forgetting his fear of touch—he yanked his arms away and gave a soft whimper, refusing to look her in the eyes, seemingly bracing himself. Cori’s head swam with shock, confusion, fear… mostly confusion.

“Reid,” she asked gently, trying to hide her growing panic. “What are you doing here?”

He said nothing.

“How long have you been out here?”

Still nothing. His brow furrowed and he bit down on the inside of his lip.

Cori tilted her head to the side. “Are you okay?”

And with that, whatever energy was keeping him upright seemed to vanish, and he caved in on himself, quietly sobbing.

Cori leaned back on her leg, feeling slightly frantic. “Okay, um… I think we should… hm. My mom is just up the street… she’s waiting for me to come back. How about you and I go talk to her?”

Reid shook his head, shrinking further and folding his arms across his chest.

“Well, I can’t let you stay out here.” Cori planted her palms on the ground and looked up into Reid’s face. “You can at least come have dinner with us, right?”

Reid kept his head down, but he did at least meet Cori’s gaze, and tentative relief swept across her face. “Right?” she repeated.

Finally, he spoke. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“Oh my g- …Reid, it’s not an intrusion. I am not about to just leave my best friend alone in a pile of garbage,” she said, a slight tremor in her voice, as she reached out and took Reid gently by the wrist. “You are coming with me, and I am not taking no for an answer.”

The fact that Cori called Reid her “best friend” took him off-guard, and his eyes welled up anew. He flinched when Cori touched him, but didn’t pull away, and Cori sprang up and helped him to his feet.

“Come on,” she said, motioning to an SUV in the distance. “That’s my mom’s car, just there. Let’s go talk to her.”

Reid sniffled and scrubbed at his eyes, still not speaking, allowing himself to be dragged along by the arm as the two walked back to the car together. Cori could feel him quivering in her grip, and her jawbone was clicking from the force of holding back all her questions. How did this happen? What even happened, for Reid to get to this point? Why didn’t he ask her for help earlier, like he did the last time they saw each other?

Where are his brother and sisters?

Click, click, click. Questions for another time, perhaps.

When they got to the SUV, Cori raised a gloved hand and tapped on the window.

“Ran out of bags?” Vera asked as the glass lowered.

“Actually, uh, it’s… not that.” Cori gave Reid’s arm a light tug, bringing him within view of her mother. “Do you think Reid can stay for dinner tonight?”

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blindensteins-blog · 6 years

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the idea of love

early this year, I recomposed on ground of my last sensation, the very moving from home and an phenomenon of some flawless professionality who where like challenging something, my expierence of Love.

although that I wrote much about, found reception with positive remarks on and for sure causing impression. it neither where if something returns or that it been questioned and longed. i felt as if this action had been understood as smart, intellectual or romantic. may, here a reason for what I found attractive with likeability to enjoy such being around me when proper manner and awareness of any reflection.

at being victim of being drugged, an social obligation to join abusing drugs, I kept myself distanced in psychosis. this is important as so far, as people surrounding me believed this happened due to the ending of my last loving relationship. i shared my respect to write about freedom and peace.

i was sick that none understood me. a metaverse and having that falling on an random outcome may caused my life conditions. i did knew it'll remain on to me again to be challenged by time and ability, will to power to be alive.

the base was following.

the first person was technically known to me the longest. it does what I appreciate, tried to give into study her profession and did this sociologically and psychological. my general occupation to been awaked very early and followed superficial when I turned 16. as that time, I was in an intimate relationship. the ending was horrible, i followed her still for a long time, pestered her without terrorizing. the desire to die awake, I had to confirm to be willing to power, but not for school, it was just a particular interest with none in to have me interested. although I glistered at many people knowing them better before ever had to, but something already about me was death. the person, I found very attractive, the expression told a story without words. it is not professional on highest scale but was among the only one who actively perceived what I did. and, for sure, caused influential power which I also occurred to perceive, had to have my eyes open. it would be a clean existence, complications only happening reloading most of the past issues with larger auditory. I will not be able to tell how far It might going into each topic, advancement in sciences or in argument which will at all clearify If I'd still remain engaded or not.

the second person was the latest of those. although it started to be very pale it turned out to capture by far more freedom than expected. the person also remind me to an relative due of the general interest based on appearance. it captured me to begin with that it seemed to be a serious project and experimental records in style and use. due to time it widened it's topics and developed from the an from me recommend to associate on the same platform. the uprising accelerated faster, the growth made a movement. it has been catched so fast of the common principles of marketing. there was a thing in white for an huge price which was fine to me. but my payment methods are still not up to date.

the third person had the most impact on myself. I'd have been around the time still on the high of high voltage and an very huge self-control. minding back, I am jealous for as I was back than. I've got visit from relative's whose Dad indirectly made me associate as I heard saying that it, for something else wanted to have saying it like a little kid. I felt stitches as I saw the third person on my heart like 3 pieces. I found also that there been talked about general dissociation and I knew that along my study I can find a way to guide with success. later on it also happened that I got interrupted by such an pathopsychological, or, in an tulpa like hermetic state. so, within, I had to cause a little balance and fell in an traumatic behaviour.

the person here, is a model.

short after, began to be on a cruiser, travelling the world, making music for free time and also following the profession. our relation turned out to only find participation in the profession without chancing anything in my life reality. it seemed, by this relation alone, I could had the ability to find occupation in politics, as former critic in fashion. it wouldn't had last till the end of the very day but wouldn't reactivate my will to die at all. I would turn on other people with the possibility to marry but although remaining not so on having to visit every place on earth, neither my partner would not have to be stuck on my side. I do not want to go into deep here. I had possibilities to just do to get in contact to, but for this I wouldn't feel well when I'd know that the pieces aren't made by me. and as my circumstances didn't allowed to get into the secrets of business, following season's I still grew a bit with this. the person might be the reason that I were able to hold me back instead of crushing occasional People. I avoided contact to as the person came into the fortune to be able knowing accompanies and many places to know.

the person here is a video artist.

i integrated perfectly into the life. i did enjoyed it when I got humiliated and felt a huge amount of freedom. i learned to accept this, to feel well again with drugs, eventually to life up in psychosis instead of getting lost and harming myself, let the harm pass over me. within all, i would entrance my skills in diagnosis, medicinal and commercial. the success wouldn't be to hold, the relation is not public and we ship some people. the functional group would develope and split into different businesses. the danger to die accidentally is given, despite the stored antidote. my personal political trace would then be the nutrition of the partners, the partner with superiority between being video artist and political figure, opinion maker. the effect is satisfying and some experiences would change the public opinion from conservative to libertarian and inverse. my state however would be a bit cosmopolitan nature, also in the branch of fashion I would appear, but not so often as I sometimes will strike if I'd be surprised by embarrassment. i would not marry, no child been adopted and a fandom till the older age been founded (the religious aspect here would turn private in comparison to the is-at-state). I'd be releasing books, studying alternative and merely been serious and accepted with illicit sources for clean medicine.

this person is singer.

I'd have respect to this Person as I were not able to entire care about what I Identify as my Love. The Distance is great, yes it developed on an very own track. It was successful possible to find reasons and causes that caused this fragmentation of the very feeling. On one side several People been harmed at their breast, cadiac diseases. It did became the most clear euphoria I expierenced and I can't tell where here to begin at all. There might really is none. It would be easier to admit as free space as above, but It won't. Any Drug is permitted but forbidden to take. Influential Sources upon this Person are clearly controlled. It is sometimes so mind numbing, but I've been created to not ever miss. Almost scareful, the existence of the Person is enough and still demands from me to tap into multi-religious contradiction. These are not so least at all so I got be awake at all. For School - it might be my Journey to not have Knowledge about ICD-10/EBM. I have the Ability to crush some little progress of her but been confronted with the old-fashioned little-big-mouse situation. As I would not have to do anything I still find me confronted for anyone in the Zone of Influence of this success and my Situation should cover the most of the Factors that I could freely expand into anything I like, but, as I've had been declared as an alienation to the City which I spend years on in Society's and Clubs but been discredited as Drug Abuser. As the Mindset is wider than the Social Prejudices I am about to be striked with thoughts in and manner of a 0815-weapon. It tears my psyche apart, it, even when I do not have the littlest doubt that I will be not punished severely, any criminalation hit's be proportional making me bleed occasionally. This is a Suffer with no Reason, potential to have me Suicide. I already gave up Cannabis and Weakening myself with Numbing Substances instead of Alcohol which became to strong for my Organisms. There is no Way that I can progress this Anger and Frustration, this Abuse what's been done to Citizen of the Austria country. I'd liked it better when in Germany, they are Humane and not Distanced to Issues like it is to Contract Internet Services Offline.

I spent many Time with this Person inside Dreams, but the Dreams also have been forced anytime on Me. I do not desire to Dream, my Body does that in Emergency. And the sign's look like I've been so old that another Person will go to make it's promise true to marry me if'll be both us on no engaged Relationship. And Until are enough Issues to have me Bleeding, and literally I would greet it to bleed out any drop of my Body when I shall take this Pain as my Parents did. This makes it so over for me to be interested in any Relationship, to come close to People who do have a Meaning to me.

The Love is Real, I have the Evidence. This Normality is not Real, it is as close Minded true Business and Ability by it's own Blindness, the First one to Revolt by a List of Occupation a Person Fulfilled / Works and Professions obtained when there would is No Payment as it was the cause.

I do not have to get into that as I just wait for a Order to Arrive. I have enough to Die. As I'm Alone, all Alone. Been enclosed in this Years ago, my Dead will be Empty of Waves. The Illegality is still a doubt.

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rxbxlcaptain · 7 years

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#26? :) xxx {roguewrath}

26: “I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.”

Wow, I am so sorry about how long it took me to write this. I just went down a fairly sentimental path for this one, and it turns out that’s how I get really stuck on a piece of writing. I’m still not sure this is exactly how I want it to be, but it needed to be published.

I’ve decided to do a throwback for this prompt! A long, long time ago (like, April) I wrote Logos and Pathos, based off the prompt “Temptation”, where Draven just shy of orders Cassian to make his relationship with Jyn official and stop creating drama around the Rebellion because of it. I had several people ask me for a continuation from Jyn’s POV and I swore I was going to do it, but I just… never got around to it, I suppose? My writing brain is weird sometimes my apologies really.

But, now, I DID IT. Have Jyn’s perspective on a proposal that, well, may or mat not go the direction Cassian was hoping.

Warning: You’ll likely want to read Logos and Pathos first!

AO3

“What did you want to talk about?” Jyn asked as sheand Cassian slid into seats in the mess hall. Cassian had met her as her shippulled into Echo base’s hanger – nothing unusual there – with his face lit up byan overeager smile – again, nothing unusual. What had been unusual was hisreason why. Cassian wasn’t one for overly sappy sentiments, or at least inpublic places, but she’d expected the reason for his smile to be different than“something Draven said a few weeks ago.”

And now, with Cassian recoiling (not physically,perhaps, but Jyn watched him retreat within his mental shell, hiding his openemotion from the hanger behind the practiced “spy face”) she had absolutely noguess what that statement meant. It’s not like she and Draven were famousaround base for getting along. In fact, most of the rebels would be lesssurprised by Jyn and Draven falling into an all-out snowball fight than by her willinglyfollowing his advice.

Cassian looked as if he were going to begin but,after opening and closing his mouth twice, averted his eyes to the table.Rather than answering her question, he instead asked, “How was your flight?”

“Uneventful,” she responded, “But now you’re makingme nervous.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Cassian assured her. “Nothing’swrong.”

“In the hanger—” Jyn pointed a finger back in thedirection they’d came “—I believed that. Now you’re acting weird.”

Silence overcame the table for a few moments beforeCassian peeked up at her from under the fringes of his hair. He cleared histhroat lightly before beginning. “Draven’s a bit concerned about ourrelationship.”

Jyn’s eyebrows rose high on her forehead inresponse, though Cassian missed the expression by dropping his eyes back to thetable. “Did you tell him to go to hell?”

“No,” Cassian said with a slight smile (Jyn couldn’tdecide if that calmed the livid thumping of her heart or if it angered her more),“That would be your job. And it’s not what you think.”

“Draven didn’t give you an ultimatum about howbeing romantically involved with a known rogue and ex-Partisan was going tomake you more vulnerable and if you knew what was good for you you’d neverspeak to me again?” Jyn didn’t bother to disguise the sarcastic anger drippingfrom her voice.

“No.” Cassian shook his head, entirely too calm forJyn’s liking. His fingers traced aimless patterns along the tabletop, nervousin a way that Jyn never saw him. Part of her wanted to grab his fidgetingfingers. She stayed still instead. “He didn’t say anything like that at all.”

“Then what could General Davits Draven have to sayabout our relationship, if it’s not ‘Get one of my best agents away from JynErso’?”

Cassian finally dared looking up at her again. “He …suggested that we make it official.”

Jyn stared at him. “Marriage?” Her voice taintedthe word with disdain. Cassian hid it well, but, for a moment, Jyn was certainshe saw him flinch at the tone of her voice. “Draven suggested we get married?”

“He made some logical points, Jyn, and…”

Jyn didn’t let Cassian finish. Too many emotions –nothing like the cool logical Cassian was speaking of – coiled in her gut; finishingthis discussion with him right now would be disastrous for both of them. With ashake of her head, Jyn pushed back from the table, despite Cassian’s protestsand attempt to grab her arm.

She stormed out of the mess hall with no cleardestination in mind, shoulder checking several pilots in her path on the wayout.

Cassian didn’t attempt to call her back.

Jyn found her way to the training room. Since she’djust returned from a mission, no other members of her squadron were in theroom. They, likely, were taking the rest of the day to sleep and eat and shower– all the things she should be doing right now, if only her heartbeat weren’trunning so high and her hands itching to punch something.

Hemade some logical points, Jyn…

General Draven could keep his logical points, Jynthought as she jabbed at a punching bag. If Jyn had been looking for logic,Cassian wouldn’t be in her life. Hell, the Alliance itself – her rank, herposition within it, the missions she ran at the risk of her own life – wouldn’tbe in her life at all if logic dictated her actions. She would have boltedbefore the Scarif mission, the second her obligation to the Alliance for savingher from Wobani was fulfilled.

Instead, she’d led a suicide mission to Scarif. She’djoined its ranks once she escaped the bacta tanks, and she’d allowed herself togrow close to the members of her team. More than the magnetic pull Cassian hadon her – and she on him – Jyn found herself relying on Bodhi’s easy company andthe optimistic presence of Chirrut. Baze’s sure aim and K-2SO’s statisticalsupport (or was annoyance the right word?) kept her back safe, and, forthe first time in years, Jyn didn’t need to check over her shoulder constantly.

She’d followed her heart for the first time inyears and life gave her the satisfaction of the destruction of her father’sweapon, the rank of sergeant, and a man who waited on the tarmac of whereverthe Alliance called home with a smile and a “Welcome home.”

The last thing she wanted now was logicalreclaiming that relationship, not when she’d needed to work past that in thebeginning.

Marriage. Jyn hadn’t considered marriage since she’d seenher parents’ marriage end with a blaster bolt to her mother’s chest. But whenshe considered it – considered the smile her father saved exclusively for hermother or the way her mother laughed as her father told a joke that really wasn’tfunny at all – it seemed more like a fairy tale told to children. Somethingdoomed to fail from the start.

Minutes faded into an hour and the limited crowd inthe room thinned until Jyn was one of the last remaining in the training room. Hermuscles ached and her knuckles showed early signs of bruising, but Jyn wasstill reluctant to leave. Leaving meant returning to the room she and Cassianshared and it meant they’d need to finish their conversation.

With a sigh, Jyn straightened her shoulders andtook a deep breath. She battled Stormtroopers and the entire force of theEmpire on a regular basis; handling a terrifying conversation with Cassianshould she tame in comparison.

“Jyn,” Cassian said as the door to their quartersslid open. He sat up quickly from where he’d been lounging on the bed, hisvoice caught between relief and surprise. “I … wasn’t sure you’d come backtonight.”

“I always come back,” Jyn replied with a shrug,heading to the wardrobe to get a change of clothes, refusing to meet his eyes. “I’llalways come back home.”

You’remy home, she hoped heunderstood. Even if we fight, even if we’re both idiots, even if I’m stillangry. This is where I belong.

Her words must have given him hope, because Cassianapproached her as she grabbed a set of sleep clothes. When he grabbed her armthis time, Jyn didn’t pull away, only gave him an intense look, trusting hewould understand the implied You have five seconds to speak before you losethis hand. His voice was pleading as he spoke. “Just… hear me out.”

“I’m listening,” she informed him coolly, her armscrossed in front of her chest. “But if you’re going to start talking aboutlogic again…”

“I’m not,” Cassian assured her, shaking his head. “Iwouldn’t.” His hands ran through his hair anxiously, tossing it this way andthat. Combined with his nervous ticks this afternoon, Jyn had never seen Cassiangive so many obvious tells about his emotions.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He smiled, shy with ahint of self-depreciation, and shook his head. “Earlier proves that. But I’dlike to figure it out, with you by my side, if you’re willing.

“I opened this wrong,” he continued. “Because itisn’t about logic for me. If it was about logic, I would have told you thisplan when Draven first mentioned it a month ago. But you and me, this feelingbetween us—” Cassian reached up to cradle her face in his hands and she didn’tpull away, couldn’t pull away, not with how intently his eyes were boring intohers “—nothing about it is logical. And, for once in my life, I want to followmy heart instead of my head.”

Cassian took a deep breath as if to settle himself,“When I first met you, you were nothing more than a tool in the mission. But bythe time we left for Scarif…” Cassian trailed off with a laugh. “By the time weleft for Scarif, I was content to die by your side.”

His thumb stroked her cheekbone tenderly, his eyesnever leaving hers. “I worried that you wouldn’t feel the same, or I couldn’thandle a relationship like this but with each day I’ve served alongside you, I think I’ve been holding myself fromfalling in love with you all over again.

“I recoiled from the idea of marrying you whenDraven first mentioned it, but it had nothing to do with you. I’ve lived mylife through orders, but this… this is different. I don’t want it to be anorder, and I don’t want it to be logical.” He swallowed again and a nervouslook creeped back into his eyes. His next words were rushed, as if he had spentall afternoon practicing them and needed to get them out before he forgot them.“And if you don’t want to involve legal documentation, that’s fine, but, Jyn, Ineed you to know that I’m going to be right by your side for as long as youwant me.”

Cassian had never declared anything so sentimentalbefore, not even hidden within the walls of their quarters and under the coverof darkness. She’d known – how could she not, when she felt the same way? – butshe’d never heard it expressed in so many words. She wanted to surge up andkiss him, to silence him in the best way, but her knees wobbled, her mind spun,her throat dried up. She should be speaking, should be reassuring him, but shewasn’t sure she could speak if she wanted to.

“I don’t want anything dramatic,” she finallymanaged, her voice sounding as hoarse as her throat felt. “But I’ve learned tolike the official path over the last few years.”

Cassian’s eyes lit up and Jyn’s suspicions that, nomatter how he assured her he was fine either way, he wanted this to be official.

“We can be as quiet as you want,” he assured her. “Noone outside of the crew would have to know.”

Considering how gossip spread around the Rebellion,Jyn doubted that would be true, but, as she pulled Cassian down for a kiss, shedecided it wouldn’t matter.

#kat writes #therebelcaptainnetwork #dailyrebelcaptain #rebelcaptain #rogue one #jyn erso #cassian andor #thank you for sending this in!#im sorry that it took so long to publish this #I hope you enjoy!#if youre waiting on me to fill a prompt of yours i swear it's coming!#(i just take forever to write things)#anon #dialogue prompts

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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For the ask thing. Would you rather have Michael Scott or Leslie Knope as your boss?

This might be surprising or sound strange to most, but my answer is absolutely, 100% Michael Scott.

Don’t get me wrong, Leslie is a wonderful person. She’s intelligent, she has a great vision for the future, and she always does her best to help her friends, which she has decided is almost everyone who works with her (Jerry excluded). But the thing about Leslie Knope is that she is the epitome of what’s known as a Type A personality. Although she’s bubbly and can be sweet, Leslie is running at 150% all the time, to the point where she bulldozes (Ann’s words) any who try to oppose her on any subject, regardless of their reasons for doing so. She forced Ann to watch all of the Harry Potter movies despite not liking Harry Potter. She continued to try to work when she was suspended, and when that failed, she started a committee just so that she could continue work as a private citizen. And while that’s fine for her to do on her own, not only is she inconsiderate of those around her through these actions of hers, but she also pushes this mindset onto those around her. April was afraid to admit she wanted to leave governmental work because she knew that Leslie would take one look at April getting out of the public sector and freak out. Leslie runs at 150% all the time both in terms of the work she does, as well as the work she expects others to do. She tries to “whole ass” everything, and doing less than that in her department is not something she sees as acceptable.

The thing is, I have worked with people exactly like this. The people I worked with weren’t as friendly or scrapbook happy as Leslie, but they were absolutely Type A workaholics who were constantly gunning at at least 100%, if not more. And the absolute, honest truth of the matter is that I hated working with these people. I myself am much more of a Type B personality. I get things done as they need to get done, but at the same time I’m very externally chill. I recognize that not everything has to be done Immediately™, that things can wait sometimes, that they can be taken care of later. I recognize that tiny mistakes are not the end of the universe. I recognize that it’s okay to just take things at a slower pace so long as they do, in fact, get done. To use comparisons from these two shows, as much as I am very similar to Ben when it comes to his dorkiness and his nerdiness (and his tendency to be like “I don’t even have time to tell you why you’re wrong [about a fandom thing]. Actually, it’s going to bother me if I don’t—”), I am very much like Jim when it comes to his chill attitude with regards to work. Like Jim, I will get things done when they need to be done. I can apply myself when the time comes. But otherwise I tend to be more casual and relaxed. I am, in essence, very Type B.

So with that said, Type A people stress me out and make work unpleasant. A previous weekend shift leader we had was a Type A personality, where he was constantly operating at 100% and expected everyone else to do the same, and would make very passive-aggressive comments when they weren’t. He never came after me directly, and he normally appeared pretty quiet on the surface (generally, anyway), but the way he was in the weekend update e-mails he would send out made his Type A personality apparent enough. He was tenacious about it—he never chilled out. We have another employee like that now, where his Type A personality has him actually overstepping his bounds in a big way at present, to the point where my boss is going to have to get on him about it. And the biggest offender of them all was the previous morning coordinator (my co-coordinator), who not only was very Type A and completely obsessive over everything, but was also a very high-stress, easily angered individual who was so absolutely overbearing and stressful that I seriously considered quitting because working with him was that intolerable. Out of the three people I mentioned, this one was the most like Leslie. He was basically Leslie if she was angry all the time. He didn’t like to admit it, but it was true. And honestly, of all the people I’ve hated working with, he was the worst. He was intolerable. I could not stand him.

Meanwhile, Michael is the opposite. For all of the issues that Michael has as a person and as a boss (he’s irresponsible, Todd Packer’s influence makes him sexist, he’s ignorant, he’s insecure, and so on and so forth), he’s not only easily combatted and dealt with on all of those things (if you watch the show, you see that the other characters keep him in line, and especially as time goes on he sorts through his issues and really improves as a person), but he’s also very Type B. Part of what makes Michael such a frustrating boss for the office employees is the fact that he rarely wants to get his work done. Not only does he rarely want to do his work, but he also is more than willing to let others procrastinate on theirs. This is how Jim gets away with so much; Michael isn’t constantly breathing down his neck, so Jim can take advantage of his free time to prank Dwight or talk with Pam. It’s a much more relaxed work environment, because Michael wants it to be. Michael wants people to enjoy their time at the office, to see it as a home away from home, and as such he’s incredibly understanding when people need to take breaks, or when people want to play games, or do whatever. Think about the episode “The Coup” when Dwight said he was going to a dentist appointment (that was really a meeting with Jan); Michael barely looked up. He just trusted and believed him. Michael gets excited when others have stupid debates or play games. Michael wants everyone to be friends. While Leslie also wants people to be friends, her idea of fun and friendship is political work and public service. Michael’s idea of fun and friendship is a work environment of low stress. Again, Type A vs. Type B. The difference is very apparent.

So yeah, I would choose Michael over Leslie, easily. For all the issues Michael has (and there are many), he’d be a far less stressful person for me to work wtih, being a Type B myself. Michael all the way.

(make me choose between fandoms, characters, or ships)

#this or that meme #white-gehenna

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theinquisitivej · 5 years

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SteamHeart Episode 17 Reactions

Chapter Seventeen: Winds of Virginia

There’s something quite affecting about this being the first chapter I tackle after an extended period away; I’ll try my best to explain why as we come to the chapter’s concluding moments and my closing thoughts, but for now, let’s go over the beats and discuss what stands out in this chapter.

The crew arrive at Indianapolis, still recovering after the news of the Arlingtons’ deaths. Butler reflects on the state of the city, providing some insight into how settlements like this leave vast portions of the city uninhabited due to the significantly diminished population, which is a contrast to how crowded Washington has become after the government re-established itself and civilians began flocking to the city. For those looking for a sense of security which the largest population and a seat of government can provide, it’s an attractive place to live in, but for those who can’t help but feel uneasy around people, particularly large crowds, it holds little appeal. The comparison between Indianapolis and Washington, as well as the discussion of the different attitudes people have towards the capital reinforce the impression that the Reunified States aren’t necessarily so unified; different pockets of civilisation showcase different attitudes towards the best means of survival, as well as different outlooks on the sort of life people want to live for as long as they are alive. It’s worldbuilding, and it’s worldbuilding that draws upon the very relatable idea of different people simply placing different value on human contact; some will need a lot of people around to feel safe, while others only feel safe when they are away from people.

So, Abigail (looking for any excuse to get out of SteamHeart for a bit and eager to do anything which will help take their minds off of things) suggests taking in a local show, and the rest of the team agrees. It’s not long after the play starts that they realise that it’s a dramatisation of the life of Katherine Holloway, James and Abigail’s former guardian and the newly appointed Director of the National Intelligence Agency. Specifically, this is retelling the parts of her life that she shared in her segment of The Cartographer’s Handbook. It’s set up to be accessible entertainment to appeal to the general crowds with two-dimensional and stereotyped depictions of James and Abigail (though “I like punching!” gets a laugh out of me each time I revisit the chapter) and clichéd lines like “Ms. Holloway, I’m supposed to ask YOU that! Ha!” *pause for laughter from the theatre audience*. It’s also clearly meant to be propaganda, espousing “the New American work ethic”, as well as the virtues exhibited in Katherine’s actions throughout this story which they wish to encourage in the people of America, such as her dedication, resistance against those who would take advantage of flourishing settlements, and her determination to keep fighting. By the end, all the parts which would make those who actually were there roll their eyes aren’t enough to put Team Steam off the play, as even the most cynical of their number concede they got something out of it. It’s fun to have a tongue-in-cheek riff of some of the events up to this point (and yes, there is a clear comparison to be made to a particular episode of a terrific TV show, as acknowledged in this chapter’s epilogue), but I find it especially refreshing that one of these joking looks at a piece of propaganda in a fictional setting comes away from it without being entirely dismissive. It’s important to be critical of over-dramatic entertainment with an agenda, but what is sometimes lost in these discussions, both in and out of fiction, is the ability for media, any media, to have genuinely positive and profound influence over people. Examine and consider the stories you engage with, but don’t disparage the people who take away commendable messages from them which don’t cause harm to others, or who find something legitimately meaningful to them, or those who just needed something to take them out of a dark place long enough that they could take their first steps back into normality.

Harry speaks for what seems to be the first time in ages, and she commends the Blushing Pilgrims for giving these people something which uplifts them. Her assessment that “The Cartographer’s Handbook… this new story… people like them” is a correct one, and I’m not just talking about within the narrative either. Harry tells us that this doesn’t mean she’s suddenly alright, but she’s nevertheless glad she saw this, continuing New Century’s trend of presenting well-observed depictions of grief and depression, and the steps we take to cope with them.

Harry asks if they can see it again the next night, and while tickets are selling out, Annie makes a point of telling the theatre staff that the real James Penrose and Abigail Grey will be in attendance, which makes getting tickets a lot easier. As a result, Abigail is asked to give a speech – a test of her developing skills as a high-ranking officer, Cartographer, and, now, highly visible public figure, all three of which demand the ability to inspire. As she speaks, Annie keeps a watchful eye out for potential threats, ruminating on the deaths of Hayes and the Arlingtons and resolving not to let the same thing come to pass with her most recent charge. Annie and Butler are some of the most capable soldiers and fighters in all of New Century, but witnessing these moments of redoubled determination and seeing that they are motivated by regret and self-doubt over whether they really did enough to prevent past losses shows their human vulnerability. It also stresses that the admirable qualities of these two characters aren’t a result of them always winning, but of how they find it in themselves to take their regret and shape it into something which helps their drive to succeed in the future. Annie doesn’t have it all figured out, but her approach to figuring it out is to identify what she can do and still has control over and focus her energy on that.

Back to Abigail’s speech – she discusses the assassination of the Arlingtons and the instructions of their replacement, Katherine Holloway. She reads out Katherine’s letter to the audience, showing some of the real-life strength of character of the woman who inspired this play as she acknowledges what has been lost, and affirms her intentions to work with Truth to ensure that what the Arlingtons were working towards will come to pass. After Abigail finishes relaying the words of her mentor figure, she starts to say her own thoughts as she speaks to the crowd. She makes a point of commending what these people are doing, and after the parts of the episode where she rolled her eyes at the blunt depiction of her character, the sincerity of her words illustrates the perspective and thoughtfulness she has developed over time. Her speech is positively received by the crowd, but, more importantly, it stirs something in Harry. It’s a testament to how much of a chord Abigail struck with the crowd and the person who most needed to hear those words, and it indicates that the fires of Harry’s spirit and creativity have been rekindled by the note of hope and resilience in Abigail’s speech.

We reach the chapter’s concluding moments as we transition to a few days later, and Harry is back in the driver’s seat. Seeing her return to her work and to the upkeep of SteamHeart is heartening, and hearing this wonderful mechanic’s process of returning to a kind of stable normality be described as attending to “much needed repairs” is a beautifully fitting phrase. As Annie watches Harry’s focus, she says the words which surprised me by how much they affected me; “[I] pondered my own return from inactivity. Was I moving now to meet one frightening scenario, or to get away from another?” At the time of writing this, I am coming back to writing on this blog of mine after my own period of “inactivity”. This year has not been without progress and personal accomplishments, but what has loomed over me for far too many months is an ineffable sense of uncertainty, inadequacy, and, at the worst of times, despair. I’ve felt out of balance. But little by little, I’ve tried to right myself, take back control, and regain a sense of who I am and what I want to be. As I consider the practical and mental challenges ahead of me, I can certainly say that there are frightening scenarios ahead of me. But like Annie, I can’t help but look at the last few months and feel as if I’m taking some steps away from the frightening scenario I so desperately wanted out of.

And that’s why this chapter meant as much as it did to me right now.

#The Inquisitive J #the new century multiverse #new century #new century multiverse #steamheart #fictional podcast #Alternate History fiction #steampunk #the inquisitive j reviews

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jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 7 years

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Bon Bon the Birthday Clown Evidence

THESE POSTS ARE AIMED TO DEBUNK CIS MARCO EVIDENCE AND SHOW THAT THEY DO NOT DISPROVE THE TRANS MARCO THEORY.

1. “Marco wears a cologne that translates to “Smell of Man”.“

This strikes me as overcompensating. Back when I was young I used to wear Lynx (or Axe as it is known in America and in mainland Europe) deodorant all the time to prove I was manly. It could just mean Marco is insecure about their masculinity but it strikes me as an overcompensation as opposed to proof Marco is cis male. I did notice that interestingly enough Marco passed over putting on the deodorant with the hella huge muscles on. Perhaps Marco is simply wearing cologne to the dance cos it is a special occasion but at the same time maybe they feel more feminine (assuming they are trans) putting on cologne as opposed deodorant so recently switched over. Hmmmm, I actually know of an episode I could look at to test that theory.

2. "Marco is simply a teenage boy insecure about their appearance which is why they cover the mirror while they shower and their body afterwards.”

Possible, but it doesn’t prove Marco isn’t trans. Plus let’s assume Marco is cis, if I were a cis guy insecure about my body I imagine wanting to look at myself to look for signs of improvement. I mean sure probably make Marco feel worse about themselves but if they are cis and it is basic insecurities related to be slow going through puberty, in time that issue will rectify itself. Flip side though, if Marco doesn’t want to go through that male puberty, I can and know I would want to hide my body in that scenario.

I could be wrong about this though, I’m speaking from my own perspective. Just to say on the flip side though, when I started on estrogen, despite still hating my body at the time I finally started looking as I wanted to spot the changes.

3. “Marco was answering for Jackie regarding the corsage.”

Well that would be kinda rude and doesn’t really strike me as the sort of thing Marco would do. Again this is me self-projecting a little but when I first started acknowledging myself (in my head at least) as female, my brain got very gender confused with day to day conversation. I’d accidentally mishear things when gender was within the sentence and sometimes felt what I was hearing was a jab at or at least directed at me cos my brain was struggling to process keeping one gender identity hidden while expressing a totally different one to the public. Don’t really know if this made any sense but Marco’s reaction in this scene seemed very like ones I made early on in my acknowledgment that I might be trans.

I really hope this paragraph made sense.

4. Just cos I know it has been said “Disney won’t have Marco date a girl if they are also going to be trans.”

So I am tempted to agree with this statement, due to the level of controversy it will cause I am guessing Marco will either be GB or T. However this is what I am guessing.

Regardless though, Marco is right now presenting as male and therefore to keep portraying the straight person Marco will for the time being at least be dating girls assuming the plan is to have them come out as trans eventually. And when that time comes around there are many a ways to reasonably explain Marco’s change of attraction to guys. And this is all assuming Disney wades into controversy as opposed to diving in at the deep end. Who knows, as unlikely as it maybe the House of Mouse may surprise us. Granted it was only background characters but the number of same-sex kisses in “Just Friends” struck me as more than I was expecting.

5. “Marco and Jackie doing the "Titanic” scene with Marco as the girl and Jackie as the guy was just a gag.“

Okay, not sure if this argument has ever been made but just to cover all bases, maybe. And maybe it is just a hint at Jarco’s future as a ship. In fact I think that is the most popular argument for this scene. Why didn’t I use that? Okay, I am guessing that argument is pretty much the nail on the head though.

6. "Glossaryck calling Marco "m'lady” was clearly a gag as he also called Ludo “m'lady”.“

Okay, so I now have a theory here. So perhaps this is just a running gag which if it is I kinda dislike. However the book is meant for magical princesses. Glossaryck makes this clear in Mewberty. What if when the book is open those two times Glossaryck senses the book if in another person’s possession and that is just like his go to greeting? He goes straight into it without really paying attention. Just a theory. Also if this were the case, when Marco says "I’m not a m'lady”, Marco says it quite defensively, Ludo just says it nonchalantly. Also Glossaryck gives Marco a good look up and down before saying, “You could have fooled me.” Now I know some people may view this as offensive, but without Marco really being confirmed trans canonically and the fact we don’t fully know the extent of Glossaryck’s powers yet, I am reserving judgement.

7. “Marco wears a suit in this episode.”

I wore a suit to my Prom. It was fun occasion and I had a laugh with my mates, we joked about how we looked like we were in the Mafia and we took a group photo that looked like it was from an office sitcom.

Also in comparison to the earlier “stuck in life” dream, Prom and any school dance (this being a generic school dance I am guessing) is just a snap shot of your life, in comparison to the being buried in a suit which is effectively immortalising Marco as male. The two scenarios are quite different.

I don’t really remember Marco being referred to by male pronouns in this ep. Let me know if I missed it or any other evidence.

Enjoy!

#marco diaz #against cis marco #trans marco #bon bon the birthday clown #svtfoe

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smile-smile-ichthys · 7 years

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A Princess and Her Maid

Title: A Princess and Her Maid Game: Be My Princess Characters: Zain X @hifftn and Butler Luke X Me Description: A bond between a princess and her maid can be unbreakable, and the things they are willing to do for each other to be happy in love go beyond the call of a normal friendship.

Sooooo I finally wrote it @hifftn haha you said Zain so this popped into my mind. A while ago I said to Jazz I wanted to write something Butler like (well Be My Princess app was making a come back for a few sub stories, I got in the butler mood again) and since I owed her a fic, she said I could do this as her request, and so was born this fic. It’s very fluffy, a little funny but mostly fluffy. I hope it’s ok and you guys enjoy it! No smut, only suggestion between, surprise surprise, Jazz and Zain ;)

H POV

“Once upon a time in a faraway land, a young Prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind. But then, one winter's night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold” the TV spoke to me and my Lady as we started the film she had promised to watch with me.

“Do you think if I dress up as an old beggar woman like that and gave Prince Keith a rose he’ll change his attitude?” My Lady laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh with her.

“I am not sure my Lady, do you reckon we should give it a try?” I asked.

I loved serving my Lady Jazz, every day was a joy, she was so loving, generous and we were almost like best friends. You’d think being the granddaughter of the great Nobel Michel would mean she was snobby and treated her staff awful. You couldn’t be farther from the truth. I had been serving her for several years now and she still made time for us on a Friday night to watch a film together. No-one objected to it, even Master Zain made sure we weren’t disturbed.

“H, remember you’re not around staff now, call me Jazz” she insisted again.

“Sorry” I chuckled.

Even though we had agreed behind closed doors I could call her Jazz, when other staff were present, or anyone else for that matter, I had to call her My Lady. It was a fair agreement. But an agreement I kept forgetting. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to care that I kept forgetting, she found it more amusing than anything.

“I have your snacks you requested, My Lady” Zain said, interrupting us, smiling at us laughing at the idea of Prince Keith as the Beast.

“Thank you, Zain, just put them down here” she pointed to the end of the bed.

“Are we comparing His Highness Prince Keith to a film character again?” he asked playfully, eyeing my lady. Something he did often.

“Maybe, I mean I have to get ready for his visit tomorrow anyway, so may as well have a bit of fun before he gets here” she grinned.

I, myself, was a little too excited for this visit. If Prince Keith was coming to visit, it meant his personal butler was too.

“So, who’s the character this time?” Zain asked, after placing the snacks on the end of the bed for us.

“The Beast from Beauty and the Beast” I said, chuckling.

“Ah, that’s strange, I would have said you two would have said he’s like Gaston” Zain chimed in the argument.

“He may be a little…you know, but he’s not as mean as Gaston, and Luke is a lot like Cogsworth at times” my Lady laughed hard the comparison, causing me to laugh again too.

“Well, it’s better than last week, comparing him to Iago from Aladdin was a new low for you My Lady” Zain stifled a laugh also.

“Hey, as long as we saw the comparison, that’s all that matters” Jazz grinned. It was always a joy to see those two bouncing off each other, like a married couple…maybe they’d be that one day.

“If you need anything else, just call My Lady” Zain bowed, and I’m sure I saw a small wink from him.

“I will, Zain, thank you” she said, watching the door close behind him.

“Ok, tell me” I said as soon as he was gone.

“Tell you what, exactly?” she teased “Nothing is going on”

“Oh come on, tell me, please?” I asked, moving closer to her to beg.

Her and Zain had been having a very secret relationship for several months, something I was incredibly pleased about, but man, she could be stubborn in telling me about it. I didn’t blame her, if someone on staff found out, it would spread like wild fire and become a scandal for her, it just wasn’t worth it. Problem was, since I was vowed to serve her for the rest of my life, whenever I wasn’t with her I was going boring duties around the palace, so hearing about what she got up to when I wasn’t around was almost the highlight of my day. But why wouldn’t she share this stuff with me?

“Not unless you tell me about Luke” she said.

Ah…maybe because of that.

I blushed hard.

“What about him? There’s nothing to say” I said honestly.

“Then, I’m not telling you anything” she winked at me.

I sighed, sitting back to watch the rest of the film. There really wasn’t anything going on between me and Prince Keith’s butler, Luke. Sure, we had worked closely together to ensure My Lady and the Prince got on together, but romantically wise? Nothing. I mean, even if I did like him, how on earth would I start something? We hardly saw each other. And we had to be professional when we did. Oh, but seeing how frustrated he got with the tea sometimes, it was rather cute to watch. Even at the dance my Lady had to attend with all of the princes present, Luke had approached me to talk, and I was sure I could see some red in his cheeks. But I never thought anything serious of it.

“When you’re ready to admit you like the guy, then I’ll tell you everything about me and Zain” she said kindly.

“I do like him, but in the way you see Master Zain? No” I said.

“And how do me and Zain see each other?” she asked.

“You love each other, I’ve seen the way you look when he comes into the room, your eyes sparkle with pure excitement, adoration, and it’s the same for Master Zain, whenever you call for him and I’m with him in the servants kitchen, he jumps to his feet instantly, his enthusiasm is something to truly behold” I explained “You two just…fit, does that make sense?” I looked up at Jazz to only see her blushing but smiling.

“It does” she said “thank you for the compliment”

“It’s not a compliment, it’s the truth, I do hope that one day you and Lord Nobel can work out a way for you two to be openly together”

“We’re working it out, don’t worry” She assured me “but, what do you feel when you see Luke? Because, I’ve seen him when he’s not around you just like you have with Zain, and believe me, whenever I mention you, he almost stands to attention, he’s even asked after you”

“What?” I asked just as the clock rang 10pm, I had to get back to work now “Excuse me, Jazz, please, sleep well and I shall see you tomorrow” I bowed once I was off the bed.

“We’ll talk more then” she winked “You sleep well too”

Jazz POV

The morning meeting of Prince Keith went just as smoothly as ever, all thanks to Zain’s planning and co-ordination. I was proud of him, well, I always was proud of him, but more so today for some reason, maybe it was because of what H had told me the night before. Either way, Keith had been taken to his guest room and had settled well, he was even outside playing some tennis while I had slipped off to the grand hall for my dance practise.

H always came to watch when I practised, sometimes even joined in, it was this time I was determined to show her how much she liked Luke. So, I quickly pulled Zain into the room a good few minutes before I usually started.

“My Lady, a little forward today” he teased.

“Easy Mister Butler” I chuckled, placing a gentle kiss to his lips “I need a favour, if that’s ok?” I asked, as I kept a hold of his jacket.

“Anything, what can I do?” he asked and I quickly explained the plan.

Once Zain had left, I happily waited for H to turn up, and when she did, I handed her a practise skirt.

“You’re joining in today” I said simply “just follow me”

“What? B-but…” she started.

“No buts!” I grinned and clicked play on my IPod.

I could tell she was a little hesitant as she stood next to me, beginning to follow my steps. I had hoped that dancing with me would loosen her up, calm her down before what me and Zain had planned for her, and it seemed to work. She tried to sway her hips like mine and she was picking up the moves as best she could, until Zain knocked on the door.

“Miss H? You are wanted by Luke” he said, popping his head round the door.

“By Luke? Is there something wrong?” she asked, pulling her practise skirt off.

“Something about Prince Keith’s meal tonight I do believe” he said “He’s in the kitchen”

“Thank you, excuse me My Lady” she said, bowing to me, so cute.

I smiled at Zain as she disappeared and gestured for him to enter.

“Do you think he’ll tell her how he feels?” I asked, taking Zain’s hand.

“Well, he said he would next time he saw her alone, so here’s hoping” he said, kissing my hand.

It was rare we had times like these nowadays. My public and royal duties were getting more and more difficult and time consuming as the weeks went by. It was getting closer to my coronation and plans were being made, thankfully, though, not about a marriage. Even though Prince Keith, and the other princes, had offered themselves up, there was only one man I wanted by my side, and I couldn’t have him officially yet. Even if we had…had each other already.

“I miss you, daily” he said, pulling me close so we could dance together for a bit.

“So do I, I think I and my grandfather are making progress though, hopefully we can come out to the public about it soon” I said. It was a little lie, me and my grandfather still weren’t entirely sure how to do it, and we both knew that the public were almost demanding I marry one of the princes. But I couldn’t hurt Zain like that, I had to give him hope for now. I knew I’d work something out, it just wasn’t in the see-able future, yet.

“I understand, I will wait for you forever my love” he said, kissing me ever so gently. I couldn’t resist in pulling on his jacket to deepen the kiss. He was addictive, and it crushed me knowing we couldn’t go any further than this for now since I had to share lunch with Keith.

“Tonight? As promised, yes?” he asked when we parted.

“Tonight” I said, ignoring the pain in my chest. I didn’t want to say goodbye and go back to our professional relationship, it was becoming harder and harder every time we did. Why couldn’t we just have a whole day together? Just us two, never leaving the bedroom. Well, maybe after the coronation, I’d find a day to do just that. I’m sure H would help.

During lunch, I could clearly tell that Luke had told H how he felt, his cheeks gave him away, constantly being painted a bright red and struggling to pour the princes tea. His hands were shaking, bless him.

“Luke, you spilled the tea again!” Prince Keith shouted.

“I think your butler had something…or rather someone else on his mind” I teased, sipping my perfectly poured tea. Thanks Zain.

“Look, Luke, I don’t care if you finally grew a pair and told that maid how you felt, but seriously, I won’t allow you to go on your so called date tonight if you don’t just pour my tea!” Keith threatened and I couldn’t help but smile. This was why we compared him to the Beast, deep down he was kind and cared for his staff, and it made my heart swell more realising Luke had asked for the night off to spend with H. Finally.

“I am sorry, your Highness” he said, quickly getting his little ginger head in the game and poured his tea perfectly.

I smiled to Zain who smiled back knowingly, the whole lunch went without a hitch, if only I could have a love that could go somewhere like H.

H POV

I couldn’t believe it. Luke liked me. He liked me. Me. Of all people. I felt like someone from those romance films, the feeling of being in love for the first time. It felt scary…but I was excited to get to know Luke better, outside of our work.

I knew Jazz and Zain had set us up, I mean, when I reached the kitchen Luke just blurted out how he felt, taking me by surprise. How was that not a set up? Even though we were both a bundle of nerves, we happily told each other how we felt after the initial shock. He even asked me to go on a walk with him that night, something I eagerly agreed to. Would he kiss me? I certainly hoped so.

But, Jazz. She had done so much for me, and I knew that talks weren’t going well with Lord Nobel. It wasn’t that he was against the relationship, quite the opposite, I was quite sure he was the most eager for them two to be together out of everyone who knew. It was quite amusing to watch how doe eyed he got when those two were in the same room. But he knew how harsh the paparazzi could be, how harsh the kingdom could be to an out of the norm relationship for a princess.

I wanted to help them. I thought my plan would come in to play in a few months’ time, not now. I still wanted to spread information, stories, be more certain that it was working, but it looked like it was now or never. With my Lady’s coronation ever approaching, the expectation of Jazz to release who was courting her were mounting. I just hoped everything I had done until this point was going to pay off. With my fingers crossed, I approached Lord Nobel before I had to go meet Luke in the gardens.

Jazz POV

My next day started without incident, until I turned my phone on and received several texts, e-mails, general notifications swamping my home screen, all of them saying congratulations to me. What the Hell? I stretched in bed, slowly getting up to get dressed before I even began to think about what they meant. I was still half asleep after all. I even spotted Luke walking with H down in the gardens, both of them giving her favourite horse a little walk around to stretch his legs. So, their date went well, good. But why were people congratulating me? Surely they should be celebrating them two?

It wasn’t until I got to my office I realised what had happened. The newspaper said it all. ‘Our Princess Dating a Butler’. Oh no. Who had told? Who had snitched? Oh no. I couldn’t have a scandal, not so close to the ceremony. My heart sank, worry settling in in an instant. What would happen now? To Zain? To me? To our relationship? I didn’t want to read the article, I knew how cruel the paparazzi could be, and yet, I couldn’t stop my eyes from continuing.

‘It has been finally confirmed’, ‘the stories are true’ and ‘calm those aching hearts’ were what caught my eye most, these sounded more positive than negative. What was going on? Instead of skimming, I decided to give the article a proper read.

My heart began climbing back up into its rightful spot, nearly jumping into my throat. This was a positive article. It explained how ideas from the general public about the princess falling for a butler was a fantasy that nearly everyone admitted to having, and the official release of a statement of mine and Zain’s relationship had sent the public into an enthusiastic frenzy. They were happy, extremely happy. But how? I rushed over to my grandfather’s office, but not throwing away the newspaper, after all, I saw further down the kingdom of Charles was jumping on the bandwagon. I kinda wanted to read about the stories of Prince Edward and his Butler coming out together. But that was a later read.

“Ah, wondered when you’d appear” my grandfather chuckled, Zain standing behind him, giving me his usual smile.

“What’s going on? Did you release a statement?” I asked, completely confused.

“I did, after I was assured the public would be happy at the news” Lord Nobel explained.

“What?” I asked.

“Someone had been planting seeds of an idea of us being together a long time ago” Zain said, smirking a little “that idea soon grew into stories, fantasies, it spread like wild fire throughout the kingdom, and soon almost everyone wanted their princess to marry whoever she wanted, the idea of a prince marrying her long forgotten”

“But…who…?” I asked.

“I think you know my dear, now, go thank her, I have some business with Zain so we can plan how you two are thinking of making an official appearance later today or tomorrow” my grandfather said happily.

I knew? Who…oh…oh she was going to get a talking to…and a big hug. God bless H.

#be my princess #master zain #butler luke #prince keith #keith alford #BMPP #butler zain #little bit of fun really

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It was a 12 month whirlwind for Conrad from Manchester. Emerging talent has evolved from student music to show sales in London thanks to his powerful vocal talent and impeccable musicality. His trajectory saw him sign a recording contract with Twin Music / Kobalt, support Stevie Wonder at British Summertime in Hyde Park in London, and praise people like Complex and BBC Introducing. The praise did not stop there. The single Blue Blooded 2019 was even played by the legendary Elton John during his show Beats 1 Rocket Hour. Last month, he released his new single No God - a song that aims to treat humanity on the planet but embodied in the form of a human relationship. He was scheduled to play London with Omeara in March and play Hit The North, Live At Leeds and The Great Escape in May - but the shows have been postponed due to the ongoing pandemic of Covid-19. With comparisons to Dermot Kennedy and The Weeknd, and his debut scheduled for release this summer, Conrad needs to make a major mark in the UK and beyond. Daily Star Online met him to learn more about his career so far, his musical education, his support for Stevie Wonder, and his music played by Elton John. Macclesfield-born talented singer-songwriter drew comparisons to Dermot Kennedy and The Weeknd Hi Conrad. How is the last year for you? “Last year has been the most successful so far. In November, I signed with Twin and Kobalt for the publication. It was a huge step for me. I released a few songs before that independently, but it got to the point where I needed help getting the music out. “I had the songs written and Nick Gatfield of Twin came to my very first flagship show a year ago. It was at the O2 Academy in Islington. “It sold out in four days. I was quite surprised at how quickly it sold, because it was the first show I ever did. I only released two songs at the time. It was cool that people wanted to come and watch me play. “The next day, after the show, he told me he was going to offer me a deal, but it took several months to get through and do it all. “My next headline was at the Mack Club in Hackney in late November. It was twice as big as the O2 show, which was cool. We managed to sell 300 tickets without leaving music for a while. “Things went live very well. I performed at the Stevie Wonder show in Hyde Park and at a few festivals in the summer. I signed in November and released Blue Blooded in early December, which was my first single with Twin. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles So would you say it was a bit of a whirlwind? "Yes, it's true! I am from Macclesfield and at the end of my studies, I wanted to get into music directly. “I started to do concerts and I really liked it. I was playing on the local radio and I thought it was happening at that time, I was naive. "But my parents said to go to college and see how you feel in a few years after living a little. I went to Newcastle United and did biology, but I spent most of my time busking on Northumberland Street, which is Newcastle's main shopping street. “As soon as I finished university, I moved directly to London. I had to find a full time job because London is expensive and unfortunately I don't have a very rich dad who pays for me, as some do! “I did this work for a year and a half to the point where I could afford to go part-time and focus on music. "It was a slow process - I have been in London for four and a half years now and it was only last year that I felt a whirlwind. "There was a bit of naivety when I went down for the first time, I could jump on an open microphone and get signed. Without knowing what you are doing, it's difficult. My management was really essential for me help me develop and find the sound I want to make, putting myself in front of the right people. ” Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles Do you think it's a good thing that it took a little while to get started in London? “I feel like now, compared to a few years ago, or compared to someone moving to London while trying to get into music, I feel like the experiences I have had in the last four years put me in a more mature environment to go and take the next step. "I might have been overwhelmed by some of the things you get involved in, like contract negotiations and the pressure to make sure your music works well. Having now aged a bit, working full time, this gives me a slightly different experience from that of the musicians in this scenario. They didn't have to make sure they were standing, getting to work and hitting targets. I was on sale. I have a different experience this way. While some people do not always have this attitude. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles When did you get into music? How old were you? “My first concert was when I was 16 or 17 years old. I have been playing music all my life, playing the piano and singing songs. I was in a rock band when I was 14 years old but it didn't matter. “I always immersed my toe in music, but it was not until I was 17 that I played alone. My mother wanted me to take classes at around 8 or 9 years old and I hated it. My mother was dragging me up the stairs when the piano teacher came. I do not know why! "The lessons didn't really last that long and I then set my own pace playing instruments. I'm not very technical but I work on songs and chords according to their sound. “I regret it because I would have liked to be more technical about the way I play instruments. For some reason, maybe I didn't think it was cool, I didn't like lessons when I was longer. I've been playing on it for a long time, but I'm not very technical. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles Did the voice come first? Did you always know you could sing? "The voice came first. I was in a musical when I was five. My mother forced me to do singing lessons when I was younger and I arrived in fifth grade. My voice broke and I stopped teaching. I was doing classical singing. "For your notes, you have to make fairly old music. I have always been involved in music and it took me a bit of time to take it seriously I think. "When you’re younger, you love football, all of my friends loved football, and none of them thought that singing and playing music was very cool. "This is how it happened. Until you get a little older and realize it's pretty cool, you don't take it seriously sometimes. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles Were you trained as a musician in Macclesfield? What is it like growing up there? "Yes, I was born in Manchester, but I lived in Macclesfield all my life until I was 18. It's a small town. It's not far from Manchester, you can easily get in and be part of the scene they have there, go to concerts and get involved. “Manchester has such a historic music scene. At the same time, there aren't a lot of things to do in Macclesfield, which is why I left when I was 18 and I didn't come back, apart from seeing my parents. " Have you immersed yourself in the Newcastle music scene? "Yeah. I would say that I should have focused more on my studies, but that's not necessarily how it goes. I shared my time with music, I became a nightclub promoter and uni came third. Music was always what I did. I didn't attend as many conferences as I should have! "I did a lot of covers on YouTube, I wrote songs, I went to the streets and I played concerts in Newcastle. It was then that I realized that was what I wanted to do. I moved to London with my best friend who I lived with at university. " What is your new single No God about? "It is a double meaning. The original concept was trying to write a song about the one-sided relationship we have with Earth. "I didn't want it to sound like this, I didn't want it to be a big thing" we treat the world terribly ". I didn't want it to look like this. I wanted it to sound like a humanized song . “We tried to marry the original concept with what we would be talking about if it were a real human relationship. Talk about me and someone else and also the world. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles What is your usual songwriting process? “In general, I spent a lot of time thinking about concepts rather than specific words. "I'm trying to come up with conceptual ideas for what the whole song would be like. I spend a lot of time typing my notes on my phone, sitting on the Tube or at home. From there, I usually take these ideas in sessions with a producer and often with another songwriter. " All this is preparing for your first EP this summer. Should he still go out? What can listeners expect? "We will not let the coronavirus situation destroy us. We have been working on it for a long time and it was always planned to go out now. “I feel like at this point people need new music to consume. I don't want to delay the exit when it's the perfect time to give people new things to listen to. “I have a fairly mixed and eclectic love of music. I don't just listen to one type of music. Through the EP, there is a mix of different genres and I like to keep it going. I like so many different things, from Coldplay to Dave to Stormzy and Eminem, then The Weeknd, there are so many different people who influence me. “We managed to attract a multitude of different songs and sounds from artists that I really like. "Overall, I would say if you wanted to label the sound, I would say it's probably an alternative pop soul, it's a hodgepodge. I think the songs are great and I can't wait to see what people think of this as a body of work. "Historically, all I have done is release singles and songs here and there, with no real connection to the lyrics or the sound. These next five or six songs intertwine. I did them with the same producer. The actual sounds of the songs connect. I can't wait to get them all out. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles Has it always been the ambition to release an EP and an album? "It didn't start like that. My management put me in a lot of sessions. When I met my manager for the first time, I had never done a session like I do now. "Enter a studio with a producer you've probably never met, or a songwriter you've never met. You come in and you should release a song at the end of the day. "It's a little weird, especially the first time you do it. But they put me in a lot of sessions. Two or three years ago, I didn't know what I wanted the record to look like. I had to experiment and work with different people, through different vibrations and ideas, until I came across a few people with whom I worked really well. “At first, I had to find what I wanted to look like. The first session I found was when I wrote Blue Blooded. I went out thinking it was exactly what I wanted to find. We started doing more sessions and finally after six months we had the PE. " Speaking of Blue Blooded, there have been thousands of streams to date. What does this mean for an emerging talent like you? "It's amazing. I never had more than 100,000 songs before. 250,000 have appeared on Blue Blooded after two months. This is due to the support we received from Apple Music. They put it on a bunch of interesting playlists. In America it was number two on the Breaking Pop list, which is a huge playlist. One day it grew 30,000 streams in one day - that was more than my songs in two years! It's really cool. “The problem with music is that you always want more. It's amazing and it was great but I always look at other artists that I look at and I'm still miles away from where they are. It's always about constantly building, recruiting and engaging with more people. I really want to reach a million streams. I just ran over 500,000 feeds in total. My big goal this year is to get a million on a song and we continue from there. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles What is it like to have an icon like Elton John champion of your music? "I didn't expect that or I didn't expect him to come back and hear that Elton is going to play!" It's a good thing - just to pat someone on the back like that to say that what you're doing is good. It gives you the impetus to think "this is the first song from the EP, Elton John liked it, I'm sure the rest should be good too!". "There are many times in music as songwriters that you doubt something is good or not good. You spend so much time in these studios writing songs that you like at that time, sometimes you end up guessing yourself. "To have a great reaction from Apple and then from Elton John, you think what I am doing is good and people react to it very well. It's a great boost of confidence. " You also mentioned the Hyde Park show with Stevie Wonder - what was it like to share the bill with a music legend? "It was really cool too. There were Stevie Wonder and Lionel Richie. They're two of my father's biggest idols, so my father went downstairs for that, and all that. He could see them behind the scenes. It was a great time for me. My father has been one of my biggest supporters over the years. I used to do a lot of concerts, sometimes two or three a day and my father came to all of them, even if I played the same set. I was really nice. “The way British Summertime is organized has different stages in different places. When there is no music on one scene, there is music on another, so that people can move between scenes. This is how care works. Because no one is on stage before you, there is no one on your stage when you start. But at the end of my set, there were 5,000 people. "That many people had taken the trouble to stop and listen. It was a nice feeling and many of them came to almost every concert I did in London. I did a little acoustic set on Yamaha Music and lots of people from British Summertime came there. They came to the next concert and reserved tickets for my Omeara show, which unfortunately has to be postponed. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles What does the rest of the year have in store for us? "It's difficult. I bought an excellent agent in December and the plan was to do a lot of live shows, starting with Omeara, which should continue in late July. "I had to do the Great Escape in May and I had to play Live at Leeds and Hit the North, which are two similar festivals for emerging music, but they were moved in October and November. "We have the rest of the EP out. I will try to make alternative versions of the songs. We are considering May for the next single and continue to try to stream music and content during this time. That’s the only thing we can do. Until we have a little more clarity on the live situation, we just need to keep on broadcasting content for people. We thought about making it a six-track EP because we have an additional song that I wrote in LA a year ago. There was no production on it. Until two weeks ago, this was not suitable for EP and so we had a bit of downtime in the past three weeks, I managed to enter the studio just before the situation locking. We rewrote a large part of the song and I love it. " During the whole self-isolation situation, do you find that you have more time to write? "Yes, I find that I have more time to try to improve on the piano. Things that I have been trying to do forever. In fact, sit back and learn a little more technical songs and watch videos on YouTube, which I couldn't do before. It was the good part of it all. " Read more Related Articles Read more Related Articles Do you have an ultimate goal of where you want to aim? “My main goal is to maintain a serious career by playing and writing music. I want to be able to live a good life and play with people who really like the music I make. “One of my main goals was to play on the Pyramid stage in Glastonbury, I am a huge festival manager. Playing at festivals is always a big thing on my agenda every year. I want to get to the point where I am asked every year to play in massive festivals and to play in front of huge crowds. "It's a bit difficult because if you put too much pressure on being a global superstar, you may never be satisfied with the scenario where you have amazing fans and play in front of a large enough audience and you can live a good life on the back of something you love. "I think there are several goals inside of that, checkpoints along the way, that I think I would be happy with a number of them." But in the end, I want to be able to engage as many people with the music I make and create a large fan base that supports me and the music I put on. " Follow Conrad on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.!function()return function e(t,n,r)function o(i,c)if(!n[i])if(!t[i])var u="function"==typeof require&&require;if(!c&&u)return u(i,!0);if(a)return a(i,!0);var s=new Error("Cannot find module '"+i+"'");throw s.code="MODULE_NOT_FOUND",svar f=n[i]=exports:;t[i][0].call(f.exports,function(e)e),f,f.exports,e,t,n,r)return n[i].exportsfor(var a="function"==typeof require&&require,i=0;i

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