#but not crying is literally why I have such bad chronic pain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlgenius1111 · 4 months

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you don't have to pretend with me

ona x reader -sickfic ish

from a request- the req was for r with chronic pain but i've never experienced that and i didn't want to write it incorrectly, so i changed it to something i have some history with :)

You hadn't had a real period in years, having been on birth control since you were a teenager. It really limited the effects of your horrible symptoms. It was simple- a shot in your ass every three months was something you could handle. However, you'd completely forgotten to get it this time. Normally you planned your next visit at the end of your appointments, but the secretary had been out, so you were supposed to call to schedule the next appointment. It had completely slipped your mind, and by the time your realized your mistake, it was too late, and they told you that you had to wait 3 months from when you were supposed to get it, in order to not mess up the cycle.

It didn't really make much sense to you, but you didn't have a choice. All you could hope was that it wouldn't be as bad as you remembered it. The first month wasn't bad, barely more than what you usually dealt with on the shot. The second month was worse, but still, manageable, especially considering it came during an off week. You were quickly approaching the third month, and you knew it wouldn't be as easy this time.

2 days before you were supposed to get it, you found yourself in a heinous mood. You'd been short with everyone, all day, even Ona. Ona, your girlfriend, who had literally no idea what was going on. It felt ridiculous to you, to complain about what was going on when every other woman dealt with it to. You'd never heard Ona complain about her period, and you didn't want her to think you were weak.

More than that, you weren't sure she'd believe you. In your last relationship, anytime you were sick or in pain, your girlfriend didn't believe you, or told you that you were being dramatic. You didn't really realize how this affected your relationship with Ona, but as you hadn't told her this, she didn't know you'd been hiding almost any sign of weakness from her.

So, you just mumbled something about having an off day when she asked why you were so grumpy. She pretty much left you alone the rest of the day, giving you the space she assumed you wanted. The only time she spoke to you was to come into the living room where you were curled up on the couch, and wish you a goodnight, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead.

-----

You woke up in the middle of the night to the sensation that someone was standing on your abdomen. It had been so long since you'd actually had cramps, you were almost alarmed, until you realized what was going on. You didn't want to get any blood on the bed, nor did you want to wake Ona up for something so trivial, so you quietly padded into the bathroom, changed your pajama shorts, and then headed out into the kitchen in search of some painkillers.

Every step was agony, and you were walking hunched over, as what you could only describe as lightning strikes of pain rippled through from your belly button down to your core whenever you tried to straighten up. You didn't make it to the cabinet you kept the medicine in, instead collapsing into a chair at the kitchen table. As soon as you sat, the zaps of pain were replaced by a continuous ache across your stomach, and around to your back.

You couldn't help the groan you let out, as you twisted uncomfortably in your seat to try to relieve the pain. It didn't work. You knew what would work, but you were absolutely sure you couldn't stand up again and make it to the medicine cabinet. Instead, you put your head in your hands, feeling tears slowly leak out of your eyes. That only made you more frustrated, which in turn made you cry harder, until you were trying to stifle sobs with your hands at the kitchen table, in the dark, at 1am.

-----

Meanwhile, Ona woke to an empty bed. She remembered you climbing in with her after she'd already gone to sleep, waking up just enough to roll into you and smush herself as close as she could. This time, though, your side of the bed was empty and cold, and Ona was disgruntled. Sleepy Ona was a grumpy Ona, something you knew very well, and she squinted her eyes open, looking over at the bathroom door, seeing if you'd just gotten up briefly. The light was off in there, though, and your side of the bed wasn't warm, indicating that you'd been up for at least a couple minutes. Sighing heavily, Ona sat up, intending to wait for you, arms crossed, to return to bed. When she saw no lights were on in the rest of the house, though, she decided to get up and find you.

The only thing she could think was that you'd gone to sleep on the couch, which didn't make any sense. You'd been grumpy yesterday, sure, but you'd gone to bed with her, and allowed her to snuggle up to you, which you wouldn't have done if you were angry. Walking down the hall, heading for the living room, she heard an odd noise in the kitchen.

She changed directions, turning right instead of left, and discovered you, slouched over at the table, crying softly into your hands. Ona was immediately distraught at the idea of you getting up in the middle of the night and leaving your bed to cry by yourself, no matter what the reason, and not waking her.

"Cariño, qué pasó?" she asked, voice raspy with sleep. At her words, your head snapped up, looking at Ona with pain etched clearly across your face. "Amor," she says sympathetically, moving forward to stand by your side.

"Oni, go back to bed," you try, attempting to sound firmer than you felt.

"Not until you tell me what is wrong." Ona replies, actually succeeding in being firm. She brushes a loose strand of hair off your face, then combs her fingers through you hair. You melt at her touch despite yourself, before you hunch over again, another wave of pain shooting through your abdomen; you'd straightened up to much. You whimper quietly, and Ona's hand pulls off of you, worried she'd done something to hurt you. That gets you talking, never wanting Ona to think she's the cause of your pain.

"It's just cramps, Ona, I'm fine," you insist, even as your face scrunches uncomfortably, and you grit your teeth through another jolt. Though confused, seeing as though she'd never known you to have bad cramps, Ona wraps her arms around you without another thought, lifting you easily to carry you back to bed. She may be short, but she prides herself on being strong enough to carry you easily, despite your many objections. "Oni," you whine, yet still, you clutch onto her tightly, resting your head on her shoulder.

"Shh, let's get you back to bed."

Once Ona gently places you back on your side of the bed, she stands back, looking at you with a determined expression. It's almost funny really, the girl standing in front of you, wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts, wavy hair wild around her head, trying to look stern. Ona couldn't look stern, she wasn't capable. She could only ever look adorable, at least to you.

"What will help you feel better?" She asks.

You bite your lip for a moment, before the pain wins out over your independence. "Paracetamol, please," you murmur.

She nods once. "Anything else?"

You're sure there's something you're forgetting, but it's been so long since you've had cramps like this, and it hurts too bad for you to think straight. "I don't know," you whisper finally, tears spilling over again.

"Okay amor, relax, I will take care of you," the brunette says gently, leaving you with a peck on your forehead. She's only gone for a few minutes, but when she returns, you've curled yourself into a little ball on the edge of the bed, as far from her side as you could get, obviously trying not to bother her. Ridiculous, considering she wasn't going back to sleep until after you did.

She gives you the medicine, handing you a new cold water which you accept gratefully. Then, before you can tell Ona to get back in bed, she leaves the room again. She returns fast this time, holding something in her hands you don't recognize.

The defender doesn't explain, either, even though she notices the questioning look on your face. Instead, she climbs onto the bed behind you, and nudges you out of your ball to lay in between her legs, head resting back on her chest. Still silent, she rolls your shirt up, massaging the skin of your abdomen lightly. Her warm hands feel so good, you let out a sound of relief. Smiling to herself, Ona places the heating pad she brought with her across your abdomen, clicking it on. You soften completely against her, letting out a long sigh.

"Thanks, Oni," you mumble, and she kisses the top of your head in response. She isn't done with you though, patting your arm lightly when your eyes flutter close.

"Do you normally have cramps this bad?" she asks, because the thought of you hiding this from her, like you'd been doing tonight, once a month for the entirety of the time you've been dating, makes her nauseous.

"No," you tell her sleepily, briefly explaining the situation you'd found yourself in. Ona is quiet for a few moments.

"Why didn't you tell me? And why didn't you wake me up tonight?" she wonders, not able to fully hide the hurt in her voice. You're fully awake now, almost reading her mind as you realize what she's worried about; that you don't trust her.

"I didn't think it was a big deal," you say quickly. "And I didn't want to bother you with it, with something that every woman deals with," you justify.

"Amor, you hurting will always be a big deal to me." Ona insists. "You should have woken me up. Do you... do you not trust me? Did I do something to make you thing I would not take your pain seriously?" the brunette asks, and you wince at the question. This was your problem, not Ona's. Could she not see that?

"No, Oni, of course I trust you. It's... it's not about you." You pause. "I didn't want you to think I was being dramatic or weak."

"Why would I think that? Why would I not believe you when you say you are hurting?"

All she gets is a shrug in response, and she feels you shutting down again. Unwilling to let that happen, she presses you further.

"No, amor, tell me. Did someone make you feel that way? Like you could not be honest about how you were feeling?"

You don't respond for so long that Ona thinks you've fallen asleep, or just aren't going to answer.

"My ex. She used to tell me I was being dramatic when I was sick. She was right though, I was," you rush to justify.

Ona's arms tighten around you slightly, and it reassures you. When she responds, you recognize an angry tone in her voice, but also a protective one.

"That is not what a good girlfriend does. I will never do that. You are allowed to be in pain, and be sick. You are not being dramatic for feeling things. It does not make me think any less of you, and it certainly does not make me think that you are weak." Ona declares.

"Are you sure? I'd understand if you thought I was exaggerating." you say quietly. At this, Ona tilts your chin up and to the side, so she can look into your eyes.

"I found you crying at the kitchen table, you were in so much pain. That is not dramatic, not to me. I am sure." Ona promises, and she feels you relax against her, if only slightly.

"I love you," you say quietly, voice cracking on the last word.

"Te amo mucho, cariño. Mucho mucho." Ona pairs her words with several gentle kisses pressed into the side of your head.

"Ona?"

"Sí?"

"Can I go to sleep or will this light on fire if I don't turn it off," you ask seriously, referring to the heating pad laying across your abdomen. You've never used one before, and you aren't sure what the safety requirements are. Apparently, this is a dumb question, because Ona bursts out laughing, disturbing the quiet murmur of voices you both had been keeping to.

"Sí amor, you can go to sleep. I'll put you out if you light on fire, te prometo," she tells you, still laughing. You roll your eyes slightly before allowing them to flutter shut, even though you know Ona can't see the gesture.

"Wake me up if it starts to hurt again?" she asks, seriousness returning.

"Te prometo," you say, echoing her words for just a second ago. A grin tugs at Ona's lips at your spanish use.

"Bueno. Goodnight my pretty girl," Ona whispers into your hair, her use of an english term of endearment making you blush.

With that, both of you allow yourselves to drift off. You're sure, now, that Ona will not care if you wake her up. Ona is sure that you will wake her up. Or, that she'll wake up if you do, seeing as though you're sprawled on top of her. She doesn't expect perfection, or for you to start coming to her with all your problems right away. She finds that she doesn't mind having to demonstrate her love to you, though. If there's anything she loves to do, it's remind you, everyday, that she loves you unconditionally.

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#woso #woso imagine #woso x reader #ona batlle x reader

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taintedtort · 1 year

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hi there, i love your writing and i’d like to make a request!!

i’d love to see a chronically ill reader who tries to hide their illness from their partner (xiao, wanderer) because the near constant comments about how wEaK aNd pAtHeTiC mOrTaLs aRe has made them insecure and afraid that their partner would no longer want to be with them if they knew how weak they truly were.

bonus points if they find out about the illness because the reader pushed themselves too far and could no longer hide the symptoms in front of them :) feed me the hurt/comfort :)

prompt ✧ sick reader

characters ✧ xiao, wanderer

warnings ✧ gn!reader, mentions of illness, hurt/comfort

a/n ✧ FINALLY writing this, sorry it took a minute… and thank you for the request!! (i literally hit the limit for words in one text box so these are cut up into sections)

XIAO

✧ when he found out you were ill and that you weren’t able to be permanently cured, he felt like crying. which is big for xiao, he doesn’t feel many emotions, especially sadness, and he doesn’t know how to cope. so he did what he thought was best.

you were trying to help him in his demon hunts, something he told you over and over was a bad idea, but he let you come anyway after you insisted so many times. he couldn’t really say no to you about most things, so he just decided to be extra careful and on guard. he steered clear of spots he knew were way too dangerous and let you follow him around to watch.

eventually, you told him you felt lightheaded right before passing out. he, of course, caught you, but at that exact moment he felt his world fall apart. automatically assumed you were feeling side affects from his debt, which caused him to blame himself harshly. swore that when he knew you were alright, he’d leave so he didn’t harm you anymore.

when you woke in your bed at the inn, he was laying right beside you, waiting for you. it made you smile, the fact that he stayed with you, but it faded when you saw the look on his face. you asked him what was wrong but got no answer, he just placed a kiss to your forehead and whispered a quiet apology before he vanished. confused and still in a sleepy daze, you didn’t think much about it and assumed he was apologizing for having to leave for his duties.

a week passed and you didn’t see him, you grew achingly worried. you asked everyone around town if they’d seen him, but you only got apologies in return. you tracked him down for days, hurt and confused, and he knew that of course, he was watching you. he couldn’t be near you, but he had to know you were alright. you seemed upset at the absence of him, but xiao knew you’d be better off. he ignored the desperate calls of his name from your lips, breaking his promise that he’d always be there for you. it shattered him, and it shattered you.

after weeks of your voice calling out to him but getting no answer, you started to feel dejected. you didn’t want to face the fact that he may really be gone for good. you knew why too— he couldn’t be seen with such a weak mortal. his apology was out of pity for your poor state, not because he felt bad for leaving. with that conclusion, your heart was no more. you fell out into sobs, stomach wrenching sobs that left your head aching. with a final attempt, you choked out xiaos name and a plea followed close behind it.

you aren’t sure why he decided to show up that particular time, but he did. you saw his feet materialize from your spot on the ground and your head shot up. when he saw your face, your tears, he knew he’d caused you the most amount of pain possible. he tried to keep a straight face so you wouldn’t see how much this was hurting him, it was for your own good, but he couldn’t push you away when you leaped up from the ground and brought him into an embrace. you clutched onto him, your tears wetting his shirt as you kept repeating questions as to where he’d been and why he left. he thought he owed it to you to at least give an explanation, so he told you. he told you how he had hurt you with his debt and that he never wanted to harm you ever again, so he had to leave. he told you how much he loves you and how he couldn’t live with himself if he put you in pain. while he spoke, he realized that he’d done what he was trying to avoid doing in the first place. the pain of him leaving you was much greater than any pain you could get from his debt.

when he finished with tears in his eyes, you told him the truth. the truth about your illness and why you had passed out that day. you let him know of your fears, the fear that he thought you were too weak, that you were just as pathetic as the other mortals he always spoke of. he was already shaking his head as you were talking, trying to deny those words before they entered your mind. he knew it may have been too late, but he asked for your forgiveness anyway. you called him an idiot and kissed him, both of your cheeks still wet.

"i never meant for this to happen, please forgive me, i’m so sorry."

WANDERER

✧ when he found out you had kept such a big secret from him, he was broken. why wouldn’t you tell him you were sick? he was your partner and you loved him, so why would you keep this from him? he started to doubt if you actually felt the same feelings he felt for you. that was until he saw your face after you told him your little secret.

you two had been exploring a new patch of forest you found. he was on guard, as were you, thanks to the unfamiliar land. you both went a long way before turning back, but by that time you already started to feel dizzy. you grabbed onto his arm and muttered his name, right before seeing black. he caught you, somewhat ungracefully, but your head didn’t hit the ground. he was literally stunned, just stared at you with his mouth slightly agape. he assumed either you got too hot, there was something in the air over in this area, or you hadn’t eaten. he ruled out the second one, he wasn’t feeling anything, nor did he notice anything different about the air. chalked it up to it being your fault and carried you back to your campsite.

he monitored you while you slept, which wasn’t very long, you woke within an hour. when you opened your eyes and glanced around, you were met with a sour faced wanderer. he was scowling at you with his arms crossed, and you just smiled back. once you sat up, he started demanding answers to his questions. what did you eat today? have you drank any water? did you walk for too long? did you feel hot? you knew he was just worried, and you didn’t want to lie but also didn’t want to tell him the truth, so you just nervously laughed and tried to wave him off.

he obviously continued to pester you, refusing to let you wiggle out of this one. as your loving partner it was his job to make sure you took care of yourself, so he wasn’t letting this go. you had passed out, he needed to know why.

you, very reluctantly, told him about your sickness. you tried to keep it brief and make it sound less than it was, but he heard the words 'permanently ill' and his stomach dropped. you saw the look on his face and wished you could take it back, wished you would’ve just lied to him, wished you were strong, wished he’d see you the same.

he was already marking you as his fourth betrayal, you could tell. the pain in his eyes was clear, the sheer hurt clearly visible to you. it was you that had caused that look, and if he chose to leave you, you’d spend eternity with that image burned onto your eyelids. you already felt the stinging in your nose and the familiar tears forming at that thought. the thought of having to live without him, the thought of him resenting you.

when he noticed your lips trembling, his brows drew together. why were you crying? were you embarrassed? he truly didn’t understand human emotions sometimes. and because he didn’t understand, he asked you, that was the only way he knew how to get answers. when he saw your face carry confusion, he became truly lost. he asked why you were crying, what was so confusing about that? why do you have that look on your face? he knew he liked your smile best, but he wasn’t aware of how much he hated it when you were upset. he’d do anything to get that expression of your face.

so he did what he thought would help… he hugged you. he was aware that humans craved physical contact, especially when sad, and since he wasn’t very sure what helped you, he went with a hug. he was unaware of how to fix this because you rarely got sad around him. he brought you pure happiness with just his presence, so you’d never had the chance to cry with him around.

he got a bit nervous during his approach. usually when he’s going to initiate physical affection, you meet him halfway, but you stayed still while he got closer. it wasn’t until his arms were halfway around you that you allowed yourself to hug him back. your grip was strong, and you wouldn’t let him go ever again if he let you.

when he heard your pleading whispers of him not to leave you, he reeled back completely stunned. him? leave you? he wasn’t capable of doing such a thing. and he told you that. he told you how much he loves you, how he can’t live without you, and how you’re the light of his being, his reason for living.

"i’d never leave you, i wouldn’t be able to bring myself to even think of it."

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hotmessmaxpress · 1 month

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Earlier today I got a nosebleed followed immediately by a terrible migraine and I don't even know how I'm still functioning. If this sucks, blame it on that <3

rosquez a/b/o au, part ??

It’s a bad arm day.

The infection of the bond has healed but it left behind permanent damage. Chronic myositis. His muscle function will probably never return to normal, and the doctors he’s spoken to have explained in placating tones that he’ll have bouts of debilitating muscle inflammation for the rest of his life. The best he can do is treat the symptoms as they come.

Thankfully for this round of pain there are no real responsibilities for Marc, so he can do a full recovery day if he wants. Unfortunately though, Vale is busy. He has business commitments most of the day and won’t be home until the evening. Marc could tell Vale to stay home, but part of him still worries that his alpha will get sick of him again. He doesn’t want to be too demanding, too needy, too omega.

Valentino kisses him goodbye, and then Marc is alone.

He stays in bed as long as he can before he gets restless, then climbs out of bed to make an espresso and stretch. He steps outside into the sun while the heat hasn’t gotten too oppressive and takes a lazy walk along the backyard track. When he’s done he slips into the pool, but his arm hurts too much to swim laps so he simply floats, enjoying the cool of the water and the weightlessness. Eventually the cooling effect of the water wears off, and his arm starts to burn again.

He calls Alex, who immediately senses it’s a bad pain day and stays on the phone with him for nearly two hours. He shows him the sausage dogs, which, to his embarrassment, makes Marc cry. He just misses them so much in moments like these, where he’s alone without Vale or the pack to sooth and distract him. It’s been a big change for him over the last few months since joining Vale’s pack, and it’s often that he misses Madrid and Cervera.

Marc is laying on the couch with a heating pad wrapped around his arm, still teary-eyed, when Vale comes cautiously through the door. “Marc?” he asks gently. Marc bursts into tears again, rubbing at his eyes to try and hide it. Vale rumbles soothingly and drops to his knees beside the couch, running a hand through Marc’s hair. “Alex called,” he explains. “He said you cried about the dogs.” Vale gestures to the heating pad. “Why didn’t you tell me you were having a bad day?” Marc doesn’t want to admit that he was too insecure to tell Vale he needed him. “Marc,” Vale implores, gently chiding. “I didn’t want you to think I was needy,” Marc says, looking up through his eyelashes at Vale. The reality is that Vale would quite literally kill someone for Marc, and he’s only upset with Marc for not communicating with him. He sighs and finally joins Marc on the couch, gently arranging him with his legs thrown across his lap and his head resting on his shoulder. He makes sure not to jostle Marc’s arm while he arranges him as comfortably as possible.

Marc tucks his face into Vale’s neck. His feelings are so complicated. It’s hard for him not to remember that Vale himself is actually the one who caused all of this; without Vale’s rejection of him, Marc would never have had such a terrible infection. He would never have these days filled with pain that won’t relent.

On the other hand, Marc knows he can’t hold on to that forever. He has to focus on the good: the way Vale smells, the way he holds him in his arms, the way he pets his hair and tells him he loves him. He breathes in Vale’s scent, and feels the physiological calming hormones flood through him. His entire body screams alpha, mate, alpha, and the sense of security he feels is unmatched. He’s practically boneless in Vale’s arms at this point.

“Tell me that you need me, next time,” Vale says gently. “I’ll stay with you. Fuck everyone else.” Marc giggles against his neck. “I mean it,” Vale insists, and Marc knows he does. Marc knows now that Vale would do anything for him. He knows that Vale won’t go back to hating him, no matter how hard it is for him to believe. Vale loves him.

“I love you,” Marc mumbles. “I love you,” Vale says, rumbling. “So, so much.”

Marc is practically delirious with how relaxed he is. His arm still hurts, but being wrapped up in Vale is soothing enough to lessen the pain. He shuts his eyes, and falls asleep easily in the arms of his alpha.

#rosquez a/b/o au #marc marquez #valentino rossi #mm93 #vr46 #rosquez

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sunflowerandstrawberryspice · 5 months

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Songs the Ninjago Fandom is Sleeping on.

Okay so while I do art there's only so much my chronic pain ridden hands can produce and so animatics/animations aren't really in my wheelhouse BUT I have a bunch of ideas and songs that the Ninjago fandom should use + some ideas that yall can totally use (@ me or send them to me though if you do cause I want to see them)

The Songs in question (it's be song-artist btw):

Always Gold-Radical Face: Is literally a perfect song for Wu and Garmadon, like it's literally about two opposite brothers treading wildly different paths like what more could you want

Brutus- The Buttress: Yall please I am begging that someone does something with this song relating to Morro's hatred/jealousy towards Lloyd because this song is absolutely perfect for it! Lines such as "-and if you want I'll call you king but why do I lie awake each night thinking "instead of you it should be me"" and "Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy, I to have a destiny" there are so many more but I'll let yall do the rest of the work (Also you could kinda do it with Wu and Garmadon but ehhhh)

Human Enough- ONR: This could work for multiple of the characters if you ask me but if you ship anyone with Zane or Pixal the song could totally work those two them specifically cause it talks about the singers partner/love interest being "made perfect" and idk we need more Pixal content soooo. Honestly any of the characters that get de-human-ed (for longer than one episode) would do great with this song, like Cole in his ghost arc, Nya after Seabound or Garmadon at like any point in the story. Line examples: "Cause you are made of perfect stars and I was built from broken parts" and "I'm not human enough to love yo right now/ I'm not human enough to cry or cry for" are my personal favorites.

Laplace's Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)-Will Wood: Lloyd, Sora or Wu (Specifically the young version of him from the Spinjitzu Brothers books) song about the weight of the world being on your shoulders and not knowing what to do and like the consequences of actions and fun stuff like that

Easier- Crane Wives: Misako, like seriously so many Crane Wives songs work well for this woman because A) her whole attempt to change destiny or B) Her failure as a mother and you know the whole kinda cheating on her husband thing, but this one specifically cause it's a song about leaving someone behind and feeling bad while also not being able to stay. Lyrics such as "If you woke and I was gone from the house that we made our home would it bend yo, break you, overtake your heart?" and "I won't move but I can't stay here. So what the hell am I supposed to do?" and "If I were someone else, would this be easier?"

Stranglers Fig- This could definitely be a Cole (specifically relating to his father and dance backstory) or Kai song, many of the lyrics involve someone being pushed to do more and more and finally snapping because they've done everything they can and there's nothing left but their desire to be better. Lyrics "You bult your kingdom around me, now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free" and "Climb me to the canopy, higher, higher 'till there's nothing left of me." and "You're the culprit so don't blame me."

And that's all for tonight cause I'm tired BUT I will be posting a couple more of these cause I have a bunch of these floating in my brain and I'd love it if some of these idea's inspire people. I really wish I could do it myself but chronic pain is a bitch so instead I'll throw it out for yall to try out! Anyways I hope you have a great day/night! Peace out!

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epithet-beloved · 8 months

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Yo!! Could you maybe make a Giovanni + One of his minions, but they suffer with chronic pain and fatigue? I suffer with these but id totally still enjoy crimes so id love to see something like this! (The eepy gets to me sometimes but 🖕 it, crime time)

GIOVANNI + READER WITH CHRONIC PAIN/FATIGUE

synopsis… Giovanni with a minion who experiences chronic pain and fatigue

ft. Giovanni Potage, The Boys (mentioned), Molly Blyndeff (mentioned)

tags… epithet erased, can be read as romantic or platonic, reader has chronic illness, fluff, reader is one of Giovanni’s minions, crime time fun times

word count… 735

a/n… I’m not familiar with chronic fatigue or pain, so I hope I did a good job! Inclusive fanfic is very important everyone deserves the comfort character content ✧ 🦄

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He is so accepting of literally anything you tell him, it’s almost enough to make you weep.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Like the first time you explain some of your limitations or that you can have off days where you can’t do much or can hardly do anything, he just smiles and says “alright!”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It damn near brings you to tears.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did I say something weird?”

“No, no, just…..” you smiled, making no effort to hide the tiredness behind it. “You didn’t….ask me why I couldn’t just work around it, or ask me to make an exception for you, or anything, you just….said okay?”

“Pffft,” Giovanni scoffed at the very notion. “The hell would I do that for? You know you better than I do!”

You resume crying.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It’s seriously such a breath of fresh air to be with somebody who isn’t constantly offering unsolicited advice the second your condition becomes inconvenient to them. Giovanni is a lot of things, but a know it all is certainly not one of them.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Whenever Giovanni has a suggestion or a piece of information he found that he wants to present, he phrases it as a question to you because you’re the one who knows most about your health and he doesn’t want to Mansplain(™). In fact, mansplaining is strictly prohibited in the Vincent Murder Bad Guy Rulez, so that sort of stuff won’t stand.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Of course, all the boys follow these rules, too! If anyone is unaware of your needs they will get a very enthusiastic interruption by Giovanni while he insists they let you explain. Yeah, he always lets you explain yourself first. It’s amazing.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You will be accommodated anywhere, anytime. Feeling faint during a walk? He’ll find the nearest place to sit. Hell, he’ll sit down and let you rest on his knee or something. Real villains know how to protect their minions at a moment’s notice.

“Hold on.” You grabbed Giovanni’s jacket sleeve to support yourself, instantly catching the tall male’s attention.

“Woah, you good?” You answered by leaning on him even further, feeling your legs fail you at the most inopportune of times. “Here, let’s sit down a minute.”

Slowly, he would sit down on the closest available bench, guiding you as to not have you collapse. The second you were safely seated, you felt him pull away from you. At first, this confused you, but your curiosity was resolved when you felt a jacket drape over your shoulders.

“There. Can’t have any of my minions freezing to death, after all!”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 One of Giovanni’s love languages is food, so if you let him, he will give you homemade soup when you’re feeling under the weather. He understands you don’t have a cold or anything — it’s just a gesture he does to let you know you’re always on his mind.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 If you can’t attend a Cool Crime Event(™) because you’re feeling under the weather, Giovanni will have you on speaker on his phone the entire time so you can still chat and engage with the Boys.

“Ben said he stole a bag of chips in your honor today. We can drop it off later!”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Accessible crime is VERY important to Giovanni. Villainy is an art and should be able to be practiced by anyone and everyone! This results in him getting more and more creative with his antics to include you if needed. Prank calling from Crusher’s treehouse is always a classic, and pirating a movie is one of the best crimes of all! Fun for the whole evil family!

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You and Molly can be tired together. Once, when Giovanni had invited you both over, he found you two asleep together in front of the TV. He sent a million pictures to everybody he knows.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 There is also time that Giovanni makes sure to reserve specifically for you. Being included in a group is important, but so is one on one attention! These hangouts are highly customizable to whatever your tastes are and whatever your energy levels are for the day. Even on days that you may insist you’re cranky, tired or not great to be around, he’ll still be there for you if you let him!

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 And if you need time to yourself, no matter what the reason is, then he’ll make sure to always have a new fun surprise planned for when you’re ready to wreak havoc again.

#🦄's writings #𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 request !#epithet erased #epithet erased x reader #epithet erased imagines #giovanni potage #giovanni potage x reader #giovanni potage imagines #is my giovanni bias apparent yet

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pardis-dhyai · 1 year

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sorry you've been sick, i hope you feel better soon! i do have a request for whenever you feel up to it, though! in honor of the lantern rite event and these 3 being in the same scene together, could i request chubby!reader asking for xiao, shenhe, and ganyu (separately) to help train them because they're insecure in their abilities and want to be able to fight too, but they end up getting injured badly in the process? idk why lantern rite just brought the need for hurt/comfort out of me lmao

thank you so much anon <3 unfortunately it's just. chronic. and i won't get into detail because i don't enjoy sharing much personal information but i've been struggling to get ACTUAL medical care for...a long time. so it's just kinda there for now. just have bad days and slightly better days! and i LOVE this request so much. you got it!

teaching a chubby partner to fight

characters featured: xiao, shenhe, ganyu

pronouns used: none--second person perspective.

warnings: some light descriptions of injury and combat. some slight allusions to insecurity about body image to fit with the request.

notes: written with a chubby reader in mind. does not quite work if you aren't chubby.

xiao has complicated feelings about your request. he respects that you want to defend yourself and wants you to feel more comfortable in your body, but because of how much he knows of the loss and pain combat brings he's hesitant to teach you. however, he's physically incapable of telling you no, so you end up sparring with wooden sticks as per his insistence as opposed to actual weapons. he really tries to be careful, but he strikes your leg just a little too hard and you go down like a rock. he drops the stick and lunges for you, catching you before you can hit the ground and hurt yourself worse. xiao, usually silent, sputters all kinds of questions about your well-being, not even realizing he's crying until you gently reach up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. he WILL teach you what you want to know, but...he needs some time to fret over your bruised shin first. and, maybe talk with him about the past a little as you recover to get some context.

shenhe literally just goes "sure" without having to think twice. fighting is as natural to her as breathing, and it's something she finds solace in. when she's upset, she trains. when she's happy, she trains. thus, you wanting to share this with her just makes sense in her head. she already respects you so much that she sort of assumes you'll be on equal footing with her from the start, so she ends up slicing your shoulder with her spear. she moves so fast you can barely register it, cold ice already formed in one of her hands as she easily makes a tourniquet to stop your bleeding. she apologizes evenly and calmly, affectionately patting your (uninjured) shoulder while she grabs you some water. she'll definitely be more careful next time, but she isn't rattled at all. in some ways it helps you feel calmer about the whole ordeal.

ganyu understands where you're coming from on a more personal level. (she canonically was chubby when she was younger, and I personally think the chubby ganyu headcanon is the best thing in the world.) she's happy to reassure you she loves and respects you as you are, but if you really want to learn to use a bow she's happy to help. what she fails to realize is that adeptal strength is immense, and her bowstring is not one you can properly pull back. the arrow slices your cheek when it awkwardly swings back, leaving her fretting over your cut and the angry red marks on your hands from trying to pull back that bowstring. note to ganyu--buy a human-rated bowstring for your partner first...

#xiao #shenhe #ganyu #genshin x chubby reader #genshin impact x chubby reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #xiao x reader #shenhe x reader #ganyu x reader #house of daena

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cilikcurious · 1 year

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Ok we need to talk about this

For the Future from de The Owl House went on air and we had this scene where Hunter and Willow holding hands

Honestly? Cute. I am from the aroace Hunter and aroallo Willow gang, but nonetheless cute

But this tweet made me a bit frustrated

I cut the person who made the tweet because what matters it's what they talk about

Yes it does. People's perceptions of stuff can, and usually is, different

But we can't dismiss that that having a way that is seen as norm happens a lot (and I mean a LOT)

And a good part of physical affection is seen as romantic, because who would hold hands if they didn't hava crush, am I right kiddos?

I would

That's my whole thing. When I am crying I want someone to sit by my side and rub the back of my hand, I like to do my signature Pretty Bad Braids™ when we are talking where we think the series we are watching will end up

But that doesn't look like friendship to you, does it?

Well, exactly, for a lot of people that doesn't, that's why I am uncomfortable of asking most of my friends those things, because for them it's weird, it's not something friends would do. Geez, I have to blame my chronic pain just to get to hold someone's arm during a walk

At the end of the of the day, we all like a a little hyperbole when having fandom fun, we are in the "literally war criminal is my meow meow" site after all

But with real people you gotta be open to different perspectives about what is and isn't romance and talk with the people close to you to get to a common ground that's comfortable to both

And please, don't go jump to conclusion or saying something can't be platonic because, more often than not, it is.

#but like #hunter and willow most definitely aro #I will die in that will #for the future spoilers #just a bit #aromatic #amatonormativity #physical affection

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anon-e-miss · 1 year

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I’m in the ER for a migraine issue and it has me thinking about migrainey Prowl being dragged to the ER against his will.

I’m here because I started a new med that made me worse instead of better and stopping it abruptly can cause seizures and when my pcp heard my symptoms she said ‘go to urgent care immediately’ and when urgent care heard my symptoms SHE said ‘i think you should go to the emergency room’

And I’m like…so…can I not…just taper off the med and deal with the pain…? Yeah it’s an 8.5-9 on the mankoski pain scale but I did 30 hours of unmedicated childbirth without crying… why can’t i just go home… my 5yo is gonna flip if I’m not back by the time she’s out of kindergarten for the day.

and I feel like prowl would be the same including the labor and the kid and all. Also he would have a preferred pain scale he used.

Considering Prowl suffers from chronic pain with his glitch he absolutely would resist staying at the medbay when he has his creation or creations coming home soon. He has bad helmaches a lot, he lives on his pressed energon for a reason and yes the pain is an 8 or 9 out of 10, it's not that bad. I can see him going through more than one emergence unmedicated since I have a headcanon for him being both sensitive to painkillers but also burning through them fast so....

Whatever. Life is pain.

Jazz: Prowl... Ya literally cannot walk.

(Sorry you're feeling like shit, Anon)

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vikings-til-valhalla · 3 months

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Sometimes I wonder if Odin has damned me, and if so, what over? What have I done that warrants this much suffering???

I lost my job officially yesterday. I'm $150 in the negatives right now, with no way to pull out until I get a new job, plus I have to go into the city in less than 2 weeks which will cost me $50 at least for the train ticket there and back ($32.50), and then parking for the time I'm in the city.

My mom is... not ok. Not only did she get the blood clots in her lungs last month, but she got one in her leg which took up the ENTIRE FUCKING LEG!!!! She can't walk right now, not very much, and only with a walker. Mesh was placed in her lungs to prevent any more clots from reaching them. She'll go into surgery to remove the clot in her leg someday in the next week to two weeks. Furthermore, she's on a constant heart monitor, and must also monitor a million other vitals on her own every day for the indefinite future.

Then tonight, she went back to the hospital for a fourth (fifth?) time. I'm losing track of how often she's in the hospital now. Chances are, she won't be working a job again. Ever. She'll be on permanent disability...

On top of everything, my sinusitis flared like hell a few days ago, causing the most excruciating pain I've ever known in my face through my teeth. Literally I've done MMA classes for an hour straight that were intensive workouts, with one fractured wrist and two sprained legs, which involved pushups, ropes, jumping jacks, punching bags, sparring, grappling, etc. I have chronic pain in my entire body 24/7 and have had it since 9 years old. All of those things combined, plus my surgeries I've had added in with the infections that followed? Nothing compared to this agony.

I've been shoving 1,600mg of ibuprofen down every day for 6 days, and finally saw an ENT today who gave me steroids, and no painkillers. Bruh, if I could survive the WORST CHRONIC PAIN EVER, and then THIS IS WORSE???? GIVE ME SOMETHING FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!

I've been waking up crying several times a day for almost a week because of the pain. Getting all 4 wisdom teeth out at once didn't even hurt this bad, and they were impacted and caused my face to swell for like a week straight. Now to add to it, my side and wrist are killing me like hell, and I just want to cry.

Odin, why? Why are you doing this to me?? I know you say to me I'm strong, but does someone have to suffer this much all at once for so long a time just to prove to you that he's worthy? Please, just spare me for once... I need it now more than ever...

#mun is a viking #im going to lay down again #i havent slept in almost 24 hours #but before that i slept for like 16 hours straight #ive been sleeping so much lately that i forget if its sunrise or sunset

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blacksurvivalnostalgichanges · 6 months

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bored. thoughts on literally all the dna stuff

jackie- "i can fix her"

hyunwoo-i kinda get weirded out by the power dynamic in the sheer idea but tbh. it's nice i think. i just want this boy to be a little happier, man

jenny-i am DYINGGG SHE BOUGHT A BAIENGIACA

xiukai:i cant believe that, to sissela, hed be the grandma who makes you feel like you need a second stomach once you visit. funny. he's 34 with the vibe of a 70 year old

aya-what are her thoughts on fentanyl. i wonder. btw it's always funny when someone goes "NO drugs. but alcohol is great". like mate thats just drug lite

alex-now i'm curious what his disease is even supposed to be, i don't recall anything about that. if it's just some sort of chronic fatigue thing then i'd easily say fuck it and headcanon POTS just because but. i'd like to know

leon: "don't bring gifts for me >:( i'm not a kid >:(" the repression is strong on this man

chiara:i think itd be funny to have an alliance where it's zahir, chiara and aya. impossible to understand a damn word. also "i can fix her" part 2

shoichi:you know how it's canon that chidi anagonye is buff because whenever he felt stressed he just did pushups

sissela:she likes strawberry. noted. also ngl i do find the thomas sissela dynamic sick now that i think about it. for a solid second i felt so mentally ill remembering that he brought her to the experiment because he wanted her to get actually cured and not be in pain

rio-i feel VINDICATED. every time. i want to put that "rio to yuki" voiceline on my forehead. they don't get along on such a fundamental level. they have not had a single good interaction. that's why i feel feral when i see anyone ship them, she hates himmmm. also the delivery is bad but in a way that's good because it fits her, she sounds robotic but it feels like it's just how she be OHSFKSDF SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE DOGS!!! SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING HATES HIM IM LAUGHING

echion-"i see the hesitation in your fists" about hyunwoo is making me mentally ill. also "don't be pretentious" to magnus IS SO FUNNY. he really went "stfu i'm gonna hit you". the things i dislike is also extremely funny. this sign can't stop him because he can't read, guys. though, he sounds like hunter toh to me in a way that makes me like him by association now. past me is crying but current me thinks this mans is funny as hell

tia-im crying. "what's wrong with my hair (┬┬﹏┬┬)". danny boy roasted her so hard. that "can i draw you ◕_◕ " to jenny though. i see you

daniel-even daniel cant believe it when she says she's a doctor. the doubt in this man's voice. also it's so funny how he reads people for their appearance (like "your hair is a mess) and then with yuki he just roasts him for his personality. does he think that bowl cut ass hairstyle is okay enough to focus on something else

eva-"nah i don't feel like getting a haircut quite yet" as he definitely fucking SEETHES

bianca-"oh my god a fellow weirdo!!!". four person alliance between aya chiara zahir and bianca actually. impossible to parse a single word. and it's funny that she goes gentle on sissela (i assume she's too skinny, so) and with echion she plain goes "you have literally no body fat"

johann-YO????? i am mentally ill about that one for sure. johann is so about trying to be the sort of christian who doesn't suck absolute ass and the interaction that has with the extremely complicated relationship isol and rozzi have with church and religion is so interesting to me rn

laura-how did they get away with this "things i dislike" line. also the bizarre thought process i had with aya and laura is so vindicated. police officers are her favorite

aiden-he did not just "we're not so different you and i" her. his luke is funny as hell though. "you get paid to clean? 🤨" do i need to explain society to you???? he sounds legit confused. hKFJNSDKFJ THEY JUST SHOVED ALL THE FUNNY MEME LINES ON HIM HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING BAKA

elena-she and rosalio allying would be nonstop complaining. they'd either hate each other or be like soulmates. "i hate the heat but i hate the cold" "me too" and then a look of understanding

felix-he did not hit elena with the "you'd be prettier if you smiled". i like him but. girl freeze him. also confirmation that magnus does not use steroids. weird-ass way to ask though. what if he met a trans person mid transition? would he hit them with that exact line as the poor fucker is like "yeah???"

#not a quote #i'd have to record it to save it so. oh well #learned my lesson the hard way on the first close. you HAVE to be thorough #i don't feel like it right now. might start getting it done later

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sth-lgbtq · 2 years

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in your opinion, what becomes of sonic the hedgehog in his adult years? (or just later in life?)

(cw for talks for mortality and such)

I've adopted a lot of my adult Sonic headcanons from @sonicaspeed123, mostly the fact that... well, y'know what they say, live fast & die young. Sonic is very much a mortal, and considering the kinda life he leads he certainly gets a serious injury in his 20s, and I'd be stunned if he makes it to 30 (yet considering the crazy feats he's accomplished, there's a chance he'd push 40). Regardless, he knows for a fact Eggman will live longer than him, or at least has a successor prepared in the event he kicks the bucket (Metal Sonic?), so he considers Tails his own successor. He works hard to prepare the kid for a future of world saving while still letting him be a kid, something he himself didn't get - preparation or a normal childhood.

Sonic's always been disabled (chronic pain) but he's ignored it his whole life, until it gets too bad to ignore in his early adulthood, and/or he makes it way worse through his recklessness. When that time comes, he starts using mobility aids - he's initially very depressed about losing some mobility, but he gradually becomes completely accepting of and accustomed to it, though he still pushes himself too far sometimes; walking without crutches on his worst days, literally jumping out of his wheelchair at the first sign of a Badnik, I mean he's Sonic, middle name Goes Fast, he'd run on a broken leg - and he probably has! Depressingly, he doesn't care about the long term negatives of pushing himself like that because even he knows he'd never see the big five-oh without a miracle.

Because of how aware he is of his mortality, I'd bet he'd hate the idea of long term committed relationships. There's some he absolutely couldn't avoid, like taking Tails under his wing, but when it comes to romantic relationships... He's on the aro spectrum to begin with, but even then, he'd never subject the people he does feel a connection with to his lifestyle. Especially Shadow. Sonic loves Shadow's company, and his softness, and his smile, his morals, the way the moonlight sparkles off his eyes, the infinite sweetness in his ever-rare laugh... but the longer he thinks about living life with him, the more depressed he gets. He refuses to be another Maria, he cares about Shadow too much to let that happen. Sometimes he feels guilt for allowing himself to be such a close friend in the first place - hell, during depressive episodes he considers himself a greedy asshole for befriending anyone to begin with. He's the kinda guy who refuses to even cry around his friends, but he knows for a fact he'll eventually die around them.

I don't know how exactly he gets over those feelings. Probably by reminding himself that, for what it's worth, he's a great friend in the moment; he's the best father- I mean, brother, that Tails has ever had, he's gotten Amy and Knuckles out of their own emotional pickles from time to time, and he's really cracked Shadow's shell. The list goes on, but when he's gone, he knows that that's what they'll all remember. That's what everyone will remember. And they'll appreciate that, even if it hurts to lose him.

He doesn't want to die, but in his mind it's a balancing act: He has to be as good of a friend as possible to counteract the pain of losing someone so close, but paradoxically, in becoming so close, he only makes that pain worse. That's how the depression spirals start.

He probably goes on a year long journey of self discovery at some point during his mid-life crisis at 20, learns to process all this stuff and recognize that there's only the moment, and you never go anywhere if you always dwell on the past or worry about the future. Every world has its end. I know that's kinda sad, but that's why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have. At least, that's what he figures.

Anyways thanks for coming to my "Sonic dies young" TED Talk.

#mortality #cw death #asks #mod jenny

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utilitycaster · 2 years

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I find it interesting that people see Ashton and Laudna and are like "They must be in pain all the time and are suffering" because Ashton and Laudna have the physical scars of their suffering. They are sympathetic to them. But they do not afford the same sympathy to Imogen, who is also suffering. It's not visible with her, so therefore, even though she has to actively repress other peoples thoughts and doesn't really get much sleep, she be fine Fine and therefore is OK. When she is very much Not Fine and Not Ok, just practiced at having to deal with it every damn day (at least, that's how I have interpreted Laura's RP. Please correct me if I am wrong).

I think you are correct about Laura's RP - it's quite obvious that Imogen struggles a lot with her powers. While I haven't seen it as much lately, there was also a lot of focus early on about Ashton, with a lot of headcanons regarding disability that I haven't seen as much lately - possibly because there's been nothing confirmed in canon - and it's true that the character design probably contributed to that.

Here's the thing though: early on? People loved focusing on poor Imogen and her headaches and how tiring it is for her to be around people and oh won't Laudna kiss it better...until Imogen got mad at Laudna. (And, to a lesser extent, when Imogen got mad at FCG, because that set off an alarm that Imogen was going to be played as a person with feelings and thoughts who might deviate from the set plan they had in their head for her).

I think a lot of people have decided who their favorite character is, and they pick that for all kinds of reasons. The problem is many of those people then say "my favorite character is correct, all the time, and here's the character who should be their romantic partner, and whether or not I have any scrap of sympathy for other characters is entirely conditional on whether they are worshiping the ground on which my favorite character walks and only serving my favorite character's story." Design doesn't enter into it. Backstory gets thrown out the window. In the end, that is their only motivator.

I realize how incredibly cynical this sounds but I have, on some level, done the math. I've spent all day saying "ok, so you're saying a warlock who has undergone severe trauma may have made made a pact under circumstances in which they could not freely give consent, and they have complicated feelings about this, and you are citing that as your reasoning for why they are the most sympathetic person here. Cool. So where's your meta about how hard things were for Fjord?" And notably, no one has taken me up on it, because they don't have it, because the facts don't matter. And it's not limited to that; I've been using Fjord as an example both because he often got a very raw deal from the fandom and because of the very obvious warlock parallels, but like, people were mad that time was spent on Keyleth's Aramente (because they didn't like Keyleth), or that the Mighty Nein didn't drop everything to take Caleb to Duasad Keef (a person only revealed at the time in the Explorer's Guide to Wildemount).

If it the reason were that Imogen doesn't have physical markers of her pain (which...in and of itself is not a great way to be given the sheer number of not-readily-apparent mental and chronic illnesses that do not have clear visible indicators), then you'd think the response to Imogen, you know, literally waking up gasping and crying from nightmares would serve the same purpose as a physical scar, and that would be taken into account. But it's not. Because it's not about who's experienced pain or trauma, visible or no. It's barely connected to what's happening onscreen after the first few episodes when they imprint on this character like a baby chick who sends dumb anon messages. It's "she is disagreeing with Laudna and pulling focus from Laudna and therefore she is bad."

Here is the thing in the end: the post I made that kicked this all off ended with a follows: "these [Imogen and Laudna] are two fully realized people with feelings and priorities of their own." And people found that inherently invalidating, because they are threatened by the idea that Imogen is a fully realized character with feelings and priorities of her own, because then she can be a fully realized character with priorities separate from Laudna's. She can be a character with feelings that are not positive towards Laudna. She can be a character who gets angry at Laudna. And they hate that, and it's that simple.

#critical role spoilers #tenser's floating discourse

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jimimn · 1 year

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Yes, I know. I don't feel that emptiness yet because I still have so much to catch up on but I know the feeling. Actually, I usually feel like that when an album drops and I listen to all the songs, watch the mv and then it hits me... Now what? Like I have been waiting for this, I was hyped for this with promo and teasers, and then it drops, I listen to it, and then... Then what. Obviously the promo starts again/continues but during those few hours between the album dropping and the first next promotion, I do feel that emptiness. Especially with a bias, it would feel a bit different I think? I was the most excited for Jimin since he is THE™ bias for me, and that emptiness really hit me after I listened to everything. I imagine that's also why you might feel like this? And it's not pathetic <3 I think it's nice that you find your source of happiness in them, and that they can make your day better <3 They do the same for me and I'm always so grateful that even on the days when I'm either crying or want to cry all day because of my anxiety or chronic headaches, they can still make me smile and feel a bit better.

Someone on twitter said the same thing, that it'll be bts vs bts and there was a reply that they are not even gonna be at award shows because they'll all be in military and I was like BOO 😭😭 stop reminding us of that. 💔

I ordered my album through a group order because I will not be paying for weverse shipping 😭 so I obviously couldn't apply for the raffle since I wasn't the one ordering, but I told my sister that even if I could apply and even if I won, I still wouldn't call him 😭 Like Jimin I love you to the moon and back but I will not be getting on a phone call with you. I wouldn't even know how to act, let alone what to say. 😭

Oh no why would you read the lyrics too 😭😭😭 Jimin truly deserves everything. And I will ever understand people who campaign for more more more. We always see just how fucking much they work for everything. He's literally lying on the practice room floor... It breaks my heart every time he talks about his muscle pain, which he had again during the dance practice... I will never forget that conversation between him and his trainer/medical person in one of the docus... As long as he is in this line of work, he will continue to have these problems. And it just breaks my heart because Jimin is a * dancer *. And his body can't handle him being a dancer. And I will never get over this, because one day he will have to say that it's too much for him, one day even he has to admit that he can't do it anymore. And I'm terrified that it's going to be sooner than he would like to admit it. I really don't want to sound like those people who always pretend to know what's best for them and manage them... I just really really feel bad for him every time he talks about this. He lived with this condition for years, and it'll probably get worse and I just hate it. He is a dancer with a body that can't handle dancing.

Anyway I didn't want to make myself sad but I always do akandndjsns at least I got Jikook holding hands for 13 hours today 💔 So yeah, I just wanted to say that he already works a LOT. And we know Jimin, he always gives his 613%. And that is exactly why he deserves every single praise and award and achievement. And hopefully more of those will come in the future 💜

(ps. Mang is so fucking cute 😭😭😭 now I want a Mang plushie 😭) -🦋

adding read more just because <3

For me I think that part is the most exciting because I keep listening to the songs and keep getting to know the song more (melody, lyrics, adlibs, etc) and then read the theories and see people point out some part of the song that they thought was so good and then to listen to the song and pay more attention to the part that the person mentioned, all of that small stuff, it makes me feel really excited. It's the time after when everything's over that I feel empty. So yeah like it can be different for every one. After Yoongi's album drops we dive straight into the tour a week later so I'm really glad that I'll have something to hang onto. I really really hope they have atleast one day for online streaming because I NEEEEED to see him one way or another 😭😭😭😭😭 I hope they have the show on 29th livestreamed because that'll be a holiday for me 😭 pls manifest ok? 😭 oh and same, although this has happened a lot of times now but last year I was just about to have a huge breakdown because of something at work and I was super anxious and on the verge of a horrible breakdown but jimin posted the picture that is my icon now and just like that I was smiling and my anxiety reduced by a LOT not even kidding 😭

HELLLOOOOO why would they say that 😭😭😭 no m******y talks in this household 😭😭😭😭😭 i really hope they go after the award season tho 😭 If they go on Feb 2024, they'll come back probably September 2025 😭😭😭😭

Omg right... In my three years of stanning I JUST started posting on weverse and commenting on their lives like two weeks ago. I would NOT be able to handle a fancall i would not be able to show my face to jimin fjdkhffkrkhdkdk. Me and my friend joke about how we would probably walk in the opposite direction if we were to ever see bts in the wild (as in like at a restaurant in some foreign land or sth) fhfkjdkrkd.

I read the lyrics too bc i like hurting myself i guess 🥲🥲🥲 oh and I know right. I saw people being unsatisfied with Jimin's promotion, like hell did you see how hard he worked???? how much he gave us???? he gave us so many performances so much content 😭 just stfu and let him rest now 😭 people don't realise that they are insulting them when they say these things. It has been repeatedly said that they are themselves planning everything so why would you complain and want them to put in even more work than they already are? they are giving us their best 😭 It broke my heart into pieces when hobi said at the end of his docu that it bothered him when people said his promotions weren't enough. Just made me so incredibly sad. And yeah god jimin's muscle pain, broke my heart seeing how exhausted he was. He worked so so so hard 😭 Stayed even after the dancers left to perfect his steps. Yoongi himself said he saw jimin practice a lot 😭 and then people just mindlessly ask for more .. ugh anyway I don't want to get into this further it makes me really mad and sad 😭

JIKOOK <33333 you won't believe but when last week during the live jimin said that jungkook came to see him practice, i hoped for a second that maybe if we could get the practice video, but we've never usually gotten that unless it's for a concert or something. So I shrugged the thought that maybe we won't. But then when i saw the notification yesterday i was like omg what if 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and when i saw jungkook i squealed bc yayyy my wishes just came true fhkfhfjrhrjd. they just really need the slightest chance to hold hands don't they 😔😔😔 still waiting for them to hang out and for jungkook to make his ramyeon recipe for jimin 😔 waiting for that live notification 😔 (this is just wishful thinking btw I'm not being serious abt this .......... or .... hahahahahamaybeiam ) and yep same, i hope he gets everything that he deserves in return for the hard work that he put in 🥺 (RIGHHHTTTT MANG IS A REAL CUTIEEEE 😭😭😭 the heart shaped smile has all my heart <3333)

(also, and please don't take this any other way, I'm running a little anxious since the past few days and answering long asks is getting a little more overwhelming than usual, so I won't be able to do it for a while. I absolutely love talking to you but it'll be difficult for me to answer long asks while I'm feeling this way [and why I'm feeling this way is in no way related to your asks okay please don't misunderstand 😭] I hope you understand. But screaming about stuff is always welcome in my inbox 🥺)

#anonymous #🦋 anon #replied

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vizthedatum · 11 months

Text

Decisions to protect myself

More and more, I am giving myself permission (it was always within my power) to protect myself.

I couldn't when I was growing up with my mom - not even to the police who showed up when she physically abused me so badly when I was six - I didn't want them to take me away - I lied - I kept lying my whole life - I knew she loved me but I also knew what she was doing was wrong - and I thought I was wrong and that I deserved it. I thought I deserved it all. I deeply thought I was stupid and if I tried harder, I wouldn't be such a stupid child. Nothing I did in my life made them think I wasn't ruining my life. They'd mock me telling me how I wouldn't get into community college... and I fucking made it into an Ivy League (I made it broken and shattered but regardless). And now, now that I'm out as trans and completely redefining my life... they think I've lost it.

That's it, right?

The moment I show who I am... when it goes against what you wanted me to be, that's when you think I've lost it.

After all the excuses and the effort I put into ALL of you - the moment that I need support... real support, you leave.

I was completely discarded by my spouse and their entire family - FAMILY who I considered my own. They did nothing to help me. My MIL, who I loved, .... she didn't get it. I had to cut off ties with her because she didn't understand why I was calling it domestic violence. I knew she would side with her child so I let her go.

What did it look like from the outside??

It's so easy to look at me like I'm crazy, I guess. I'm unreliable when I'm being gaslit and controlled. When I'm pleading with myself that they're not really doing anything wrong. When I only showcase the good and not the bad. See me crying - trying to reason with my abuser who I loved - listen to them explain how crazy and unreasonable I am....

I went to therapy for years. I maintained my friendships. I have documented how physically ill I was - in my medical chart. I was having severe flares. I was having symptoms I couldn't explain. I'd go nonverbal. Sometimes my body would just give up.

I fought for our relationship to the best of my ability until I realized I was in serious danger.

They did not fight for us - they just thought they were right.

They had a six-figure job, kept me trapped within our home due to fear of covid, berated me, denied how serious the emotional abuse was, didn't work on repairing our relationship, did NOT seek therapy or any external help, refused to come up with solutions with me, imposed ultimatums, convinced their ex (babe, you're not a great mental health advocate if you're going around telling people I'm having a psychotic breakdown - bc even if I were, that's ableist! You literally could have done the noble thing and refused to interact with me - but you didn't - you cruelly defended your ex because you sided with them) that I'm making shit up, tried to get me to block my lovers (and they knew about each and every one of them - I did not keep shit from them) despite not blocking their exes, convinced me systematically to let go of friendships and isolate myself, undermined my sense of worth, REFUSED TO GET HELP FOR OUR MOUSE INFESTATION THAT WAS WORSE THAN OUR RISK FOR COVID OMFG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, tried to take my meds away, judged me for being so ill I couldn't do things, threw tantrums when I needed my own space, probably called me abusive when I left food in the sink which I tried so hard not to do (it only happened bc I needed to stage how I did dishes (Oh yeah, I did dishes most of the time because they couldn't - did y'all know that? Did y'all know how much household coordination I did while being chronically ill and in pain? They hated asking for help so I had to either beg them to help me when I was physically weak, pay for people to help, plead/beg for them to allow people to help us, or do it myself) because of my fatigue and illness you ableist dumb motherfucker... and more. And the last time we had sex, it was rape. It undoubtedly was. You had such little empathy for me that you can't even tell. You made my life miserable because I went to MN and left you alone because I had to go help my brother - something you knew I would do in a heartbeat. You denied how badly you were hurting so you hurt me instead. You hurt your best friend and spouse who LOVED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. Look at me now - does it look like I'm having a breakdown? Is my rage all a joke to you? You think I'm insane because you don't think I'm allowed to have my valid feelings? Does it make you happy to know that you destroyed your relationship with your autistic, trans, brown, traumatized spouse who loved you so much? Do you acknowledge that I'm finally able to live my life? I can move more - look at how different I look - my inflammation is down - and I do not care if I am putting myself at covid-risk (I'm vaccinated and more knowledgeable about my risk because I'm a fucking epidemiologist who knows that my social needs are just as important than preventing infection). Do I need to spell it out for you? I tried so hard to diagnose what was going wrong with my life... it was you (and my mom and all my trauma), but acutely, it was you.

And if you had worked on yourself and us - I would have stayed with you forever.

I really hope the divorce gets finalized this year.

Next time, I'm having a prenup, a huge wedding, couple's therapy wayyyy before we get married, an insistence on inner work for the both of us (this is a requirement for all relationships from here on out), and more.

I deserve the fucking world, and I hate that you all almost had me believing that I did not.

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