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#I wish I could fix myself into a good person :(
sangfielle · 8 months
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moving out and kind of becoming a stoner has been fun honestly. its a lot better than being a severe alcoholic if nothing else
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lordiavolo · 1 year
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to be like frank here, redemption is an ever going cycle. when youve been the problem, the toxic ex, the abuser, you have to know you will have to apologize for that for the rest of your life. you will always have to live with the guilt and conscience of knowing how you hurt that person, or mutliple people. and you have to constantly CHOOSE to not repeat that behavior, and its not easy.
when you meet a new friend the topic of who you used to be will come up eventually, and if you have changed youll be honest with who you were. you cant run from it. you cant try to round the corners and make it seem like the other persons fault, or like it wasnt as bad as it was. its really really scary. because everytime you open up about it, its not just the wound of guilt but its also the fear that theyre going to look inside and not like what theyll see.
but you have to keep moving on and you have to keep being honest. and you have to remember that everyone is applicaple for redemption, you just have to work for it and admitting you were wrong with no buts is the first step.
#anyways cna u tell im kinda going thru it LOL#ive always been a toxic person thats why ive sort of secluded myself from society i avoid human contact w non household members as much as#possible bcuz i feel honestly like im a ticking time bomb that just hurts everything i touch#i dont think its fair to have to have someone deal w my shit when its such an emotional turmoil so even though i want friends im making my#peace w the fact that i like honestl dont really deserve rhem? ik this seems MOPEY but its like this is my geniune non like baiting thoughts#i was an abuser in high school and in an abusive relationship where for the first half i was the perpetrator. i hit my ex and u know i dont#even have anything to add to it other than it was fucked up. i was selfish in bed and sex addicted and sometimes did anything for my fix.#i will and cannot lie about my past as being a shitty person. its scary to say and post but i have to be honest thats who i was that IS a#part of my history as much as i wish i could i cannot erase.#i dont rly even know what to add here honestly. just watching mias vid got me thinking u know#there is more to this story ofc the same ex i was abusive to was also abusive to me it was just split into segments. like i was the problem#for the first year and a half then it switched to them but its not rly rhe best place 2 share that story when im talking about my mistakes#im not trying to detract here i just want 2 get this shit off my chest again. ive talked about it before but not since remaking a few times#anyways i dont have any excuses well i mean i can pull a bunch out but im not going to cuz at the end of the day i shouldve known better#than to be a bitch when i knew i was being a bitch u know?#being the bad guy is a constant struggle where u will have to really really fucking fight yourself tooth and nail to change and i want to be#that person. i want to be someone who can be 100% honest about how shit i was to myself and others (which i do already do to my friends)#hopefully this makes sense idk anyways if ur struggling with being abusive or toxic im here for u. u can get through this and you can be a#good person it is within ur hands i promise u#ok love u goodnight#personal
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born-to-lose · 1 year
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Missing people and regretting shit o'clock
#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it#i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn#why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up#i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him#i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up#just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended#guess i just can't be happy. i never could#i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together#not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future#which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility#or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically#while i seem to be the only one with that goal#idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now#and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess#disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change#deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim#mel talks#depressed bitch posting#i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation#it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before
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Just had a really uncomfortable conversation with our landlord & his wife - basically he was angry at us for drilling 'so many' holes in the walls (we really, really haven't drilled many holes in the walls. though we did build a shelf a few days ago, that could have sounded like that I guess?) and that it's getting very annoying that we've been moving in for four months now (it's been three months, and the vast majority of that time we didn't do anything, especially not anything loud. the only thing that's happened in like the last month is that we brought home and set up that shelf, and the holes we drilled today).
And it's just.. so confusing. Because we always ask them when we do something that could be loud/bother them, and they always say it's completely fine and everything. I just quickly wanted to get the drilling done today because I had to borrow my brother's drill for it, so we didn't ask this time.
And mainly it's confusing because they've told us SO MANY TIMES that they can't hear us at all, that we never bother them and that they're so happy to have such nice and quiet tenants. Like?? Okay??? How does that make sense. Last week we're great and sooo quiet and today we've suddenly been super loud for "four months".
So anyway after they left and I almost had a panic attack I realised I didn't take my anxiety medication this morning. Now it makes sense at least.
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n0ct0urn1quet · 1 year
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hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive
#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad#and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!)#i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore#i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing#i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix#i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg#and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about#it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as#speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do#im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed#so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me#know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues#i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open#ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me#for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife#im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone#of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know#im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep#so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them#im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone#i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me
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swarmkeepers · 1 year
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vigilantejustice · 2 years
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just realised the reason carfunkel has had like. noticeably more comments from younger girls lately is probably because as a cyber green bug it inherently has major y2k gen z tiktok girlie energy + and it has cycled back into vogue
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afieldinengland · 2 years
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#i deserved it then and i’d deserve it now#feeling good still. i’m just being introspective#i deserved worse actually. a punishment for not knowing what i was getting myself into. and not saying anything to stop it. whatever#the age i was seems more and more shockingly and appallingly young every time i think about it. i didn’t know. but i should’ve#‘appallingly young’ that’s so dramatic. i was just young#and things had happened long before that. i just never had a name for a face#it’s not….. it’s something that happened but they didn’t make it happen. i don’t know. lines……#i wish i could stop thinking about it. i don’t want to work out what it was any more.#i’m tired. it didn’t matter anyway#it’s been years. i was just young that’s all. and your first experience informs so much#if it hadn’t been the first i’d have fixed it in my mind by now. i made it all up inside my head anyhow. even i don’t believe it anymore#and i think that’s part of why i’m so obsessed with being private. i always have been but— they were the last person i told something#[—] related. and then they gave me the real deal. i’m being facetious. but….. it’s funny. because i’d have to tell someone else the [—] that#happened with them. and i saw what happened last time. so it’s best never to tell anyone anything ever again#we were kids. it wasn’t anybody’s fault. it’s on me for getting in such a fuss about nothing. so you didn’t say stop so what#‘you’ being me. i didn’t say anything. still like a dead bird. dead faun. very silly#perhaps it’s best if i take it to the grave with everything else. if you tell someone else they can forge a weapon from it and get you where#you’re vulnerable. hare-cunning#i deserved it. essentially. and sometimes i think my ‘no’ should be confiscated because i didn’t use it when it counted#and i don’t know. maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be like
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sensitivegoblin · 27 days
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...I went onto tiktok and triggered myself with Hazbin hotel stuff and not I'm stuck on the verge of tears
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kilibaggins · 1 month
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/ rant. suicidal thoughts and self hate warning be safe
#vent post#tw sui ideation#suicidal ideation#suicidal thoughts#hopefully those tags dont get this post in trouble or something idk I'm trying to be helpful#self hate#tw self hate#i hate myself and everything i've done in the past and everything I do now and it reminds me I do not deserve to exist. i keep being a bad#person no matter how hard i dont want to be. i keep doing gross or bad things. i hate everything I've done in the past. i hate everything#i wish i could just go back and change every little thing ever. i want to change who I am fundamentally. i want to FIX myself I want to era#everything in the past i need it all gone I need to be happy and to be CLEAN and to be a good person. i need to be able to deserve to be he#*here but no matter how hard i try and no matter what I do I'm always ging to hate myself for what I've done and what I'm doing.#i dont treat people correctly i dont take care of things the way I should my room is a absolute mess no matter how many times my mom#begs me to keep it clean i never do what im supposed to do i start things and give up after FIVE DAYS i hurt people i screw up all the time#im just so tired of it all and it makes me not want to exist. i know I wont do anything about it because realistically I want to experience#the good things in life and i don't want to leave the good people behind but I know they'd hate me if they knew everything about me#and i know i dont DESERVE the good things so I'm just here suffering and crying because I'm just bad.
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nitunio · 6 months
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sorry i got the 'cant talk properly and born in the era of most content on proper socialisation and talking being done by social gurus and corporates so now i talk like a corporate and people make fun of me for that' autism and not the quirky social autism
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insanechayne · 11 months
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~ ~ ~
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breaktheicemp3 · 11 months
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I don’t like fashion aesthetics because I cannot stand looking at people in just a visual + stylistic sense for too long. for my own mental wellbeing. Also don’t think I could get into certain genres of music and/or subcultures because for whatever reason I get uncomfortable when the influences feel a little too catholic
#I mostly need to feel detached from what I look like to feel happy#I don’t vibe well with either makeup or having my hair or figure needing to look a certain way#and idk it feels like too much work to have to dig into some of the (and there will be no one can fight me on this) unsavory influences#visually or ideologically of certain aesthetics#and the thing about being catholic yeah I don’t know anything about goth anything but that’s why I’m kinda meh on it#also don’t like thinking of things in feminine and masculine terms or feeling like im too much of either#idk im kinda a boring vanilla whatever etc person in many areas of my life#which is fine I think being comfortable is positive for me.#the only thing remarkable about my appearance might just be the thickness of the lens of my glasses otherwise it’s just nondescript#clothes like plain lounge pants shirts#i tried being more fashionable or put together last fall but overtime I just wore more comfortable clothing#I can’t wear polyester so 90% of clothes anyway. also I hate it when you wear less fashionable clothes that it seems like you’re letting#yourself go. like maybe. maybe I’m just comfortable. I don’t see why ppl put so much stock into appearances#ofc I can’t completely say that because in the back of my mind I’ve Always thought about how my appearance affects people’s reactions to me#Idk I realize that sounds unremarkable. which is also how I feel. and idk what I’m good at or really what makes me happy. so. idk.#I realize that’s not smth you can base your personhood on what you’re good at. I wish I could at least find a passion of any sort#other than lying around or overthinking mindlessly#omg and I keep on thinking about how I have to fix all my bad habits and become an amazingly charming person out of necessity in time for#school. now i just hope I can become at peace with myself so I can do whatever I need to do#rymacore
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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year
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I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.
...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli
(Pt 1 for description rant)
#diary#personal#i rly wanna book a therapy appointment but im having a rly hard time trying to get myself to do that bc i need to check i can vid call#cuz my computer monitor is broke and havent fixed it yetttt ugh.#i rly feel like researching autism again. idk. i saw a video about communication badges being used at furry conventions#and by god that sounds so fun ;-; like. i really struggle with interaction with others and talking is sometimes really hard.#mainly bc if theres a lot of noise i usually wanna block it out and if i gotta take my earbuds out to comunicate all the time its not fun#idk. i just wish i could go around writting shit out for ppl to read and thats that. no need to speak to clerks or crap.#bc imma be honest. i have a hard time hearing too. like in crowded places. its so overwhelming all the time.#its both a good and a bad thing that im giving myself the permission to be overwhelmed in situations#but its also making it much more difficult to actually be in those situations.#idk. i used to force myself through it. tell myself i like it or whatever. but by god everything just hurts nowadays#like. i dont like leaving my house mostly bc of the sensory overload.#i wonder how things'll change in the future. just how much more accepting will i and society be. i dont know.#but i hope i learn to cope more. bc life is really hard and imma be honest im struggling at best.#idk. i find it so hard to work lately. i love my thoughts. they are so fluid. and just. language doesnt keep up.#everything i say or write isnt quite right. and it bothers me. i sorta wished telepathy existed just soley so i could comunicate#idk maybe someday ill learn sign language. and maybe that could help. but it wouldnt help when im shut down. or having a meltdown#yknow. i find face to face human to human contacr really scary. i worry theyll want to do something and i wont#i worry i wont be able to get across my reasoning as to why. i worry that theyll see just how odd my behaviour can be.#and above all i just sorta worry they wont work with me to meet me halfway. like. im stuck with my family i dont want that with friends too#i hope if i visit them itll be okay. that like. i wont cause a problem or accidentally offend them or something?#idk. i wanna make friends n hang out. but as ive gotten older ive discovered just how much i hate that.#like i saw a rly cool tik tok about how they set up their home for all their autistic friends when they come over.#like. its established you can just stop talking and remove urself if you wanna. and theres stim toys n plushies n shit. and low lighting#and just. that sounds like heaven. i struggle so much in social situations. bc i eventually get tired.#and it makes me feel sorta burnt out/depressed. so itd be nice if i could just remove myself from a stituation whenever.#or just lay my head down on someones lap and silently observe.#i wish i knew what to do when i get overwhelmed in public. bc it happens a lot. and i freeze. and idk what to do.#and ill cry and get overwhelmed and shutdown or meltdown. and i start to aimlessly wander and its sorta dangerous tbh?
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teruthecreator · 1 year
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i don’t think i’m gonna get better and that’s the scariest part of my life rn
#in neg city#i just. idk how much longer i can keep doing this#idk how much more i can keep pretending that anything’s helping#therapy is just an excuse to cry. my meds don’t work. i cant sleep at all#it’s 5 AM and i don’t even feel tired#i’m just so sick of putting in the effort of even waking up bc clearly that’s not doing anything#i just. i cant do this shit anymore man. i’m done#i have so many quote unquote ‘good’ things in the works rn but none of it like. feels good#i have a job secured and i’m still just depressed. in fact i’d say im even more so now#bc my brain keeps telling me that im gojng to be stuck at this job forever and my life is never going to change or mean anything#and it’s just like. i had a realization with my therapist on friday that like. i don’t see myself as a person#i see myself like some sort of machine that u can overwork to death bc it doesn’t matter. it’s just a machine#and i remember when she said that i just. couldn’t say anything in response. bc she’s right#bc there’s no amount of kindness i think im deserving of for how little output it gives me#in a way i almost wish i was back in highschool so i could be verbally abused into moving#i don’t know how to fix that conditioning. i don’t know how to be nice to myself. i don’t know how to care about me#i know how to care about others! and i do every day. but me? nahhhh let me rot#let me sit in a corner and fester. not like that’s much different from what im doing right now anyway#idk man. im jsut so tired. like. mentally tired#NOT physically oh no im only physically tired in the middle of the afternoon like some sort of freak#but im mentally tired of pretending like im getting better when i’m clearly not#idk. guess i’ll try laying here with the lights off. hopefully i don’t have a panic attack again
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atomicami · 4 months
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charity work
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contractor!abby anderson x joel’s daughter!reader
- summary: it’s the day of the holiday bake sale, and abby’s craving something sweeter than the desserts you’re selling. (part 3)
- content: smut MDNI, no outbreak/modern au, contractor/engineer!abby, texas living, no sarah, joel and jerry are both alive, jerry is not a doctor, reader has a business degree, family & work drama, semi-public sex, pet names instead of y/n, kinda roughdom!abby??, oral & fingering (r!receiving), cockblocking, strap usage (r!receiving), abby hits it from the back 🕺, edging, some mirror play, some degrading, abby referring to the strap as her cock, and i think that’s it but lmk if i missed anything else
- author’s note: merry christmas everyone! what better way to celebrate it than with a contractor abby fic am i right? i hope y’all enjoy this one 🤍
previous parts: quick fix, surprise visit
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Seven in the morning, it's only the crack of dawn, and you’re spending the early hours of the day at the farmers market, setting up for the annual holiday bake sale.
Your hands were full of all the pastries and desserts you’d spent baking yesterday while Joel was carrying the chairs and tables to set up with. You tried to walk as carefully as you could to keep yourself from tripping on your knee-high boots or spilling anything on the red sweater dress you had on. When you arrived at your spot, your dad already had everything set up for you.
“Jeez kiddo, thought you’d never make it here in time with them boot heels ya got on,” your dad joked, opening the second folding chair he had in his hand and placing it behind the table.
“Well Dad, I figured I’d make myself presentable for the bake sale, don’t you think?” you replied, carefully setting down the load of sweets on the table.
Well, if we’re being honest here, there’s only one person in particular you’re planning to make an impression on today, and she still hasn’t arrived.
For a moment, you look over to the empty spot where Abby & Jerry are settled before you begin to unpack and arrange your pastries. It’s no surprise to you that Abby still hasn’t arrived yet. After that last-minute encounter you had with her at her place, you figured that she’d be knocked out for at least another hour.
And you were definitely right. About an hour later, Abby and Jerry finally arrived, right before the bake sale officially began.
Joel leans close to you as the two of you watch them quickly rush to set their stand up. “Look at ‘em, I wonder what made Jerry n’ his kid so late to the sale…”
You honestly couldn’t help but laugh to yourself about it too. The fact that Abby and Jerry were now just setting their things up while everyone else was ready was just too funny to you. It seemed like karma got back to her after her need to call you at 1 in the morning that night.
Once the two had their table set up, the bake sale finally started.
You looked over at the table that stood in front of you. A variety of desserts that you’ve made was all spread out on top of it. You’ve spent the past day making every single dessert you could think of: brownies, cinnamon rolls, muffins, even a whole plate of peach pie, because it truly can’t be a Southern bake sale if someone’s table doesn’t have a peach pie.
And lastly, there was the round tray of flan that you made. Out of all the desserts you’ve made, the flan made you the most nervous to sell. Given that this dessert came from your mother’s side of the family, you’ve decided to make it exclusively for family events or traditions out of the fear that others wouldn’t like it.
Nonetheless, your dad practically begged you to make it for the bake sale, and you couldn’t help but oblige.
A couple hours of the bake sale pass by and it feels like years to you. Almost half of your sweets have been sold, which was good, but you can’t help but wish that this community event could be a little more…interesting to you.
And luckily, Abby was about to make her appearance to change that.
While you were distracted with the customers, Abby was watching you from across the room, patiently waiting for Joel to leave the stand to get you by yourself. She had her own plan to be able to get even with you after the stunt you pulled onto her in her office.
Because if there’s anything sweeter than a Texas holiday bake sale, it’s a fresh slice of payback.
Once she noticed that you were by yourself at the table, she excused herself to her now distracted father to walk over to your stand.
You felt a tap on your shoulder from your side and turned around to see Abby standing next to you. “Got some pretty sweet looking pastries here princess, mind if I have a taste?”
“Abby…” you tell her sternly. “You know you’re not supposed to be this close to me right now, especially with both of our dads around.”
Abby simply ignores your warning as she walks around your table, admiring all of the pastries you had set up for sale. “I know that, but I’m just kinda craving something sweet,” she says as she slightly dips the tip of her finger into the white frosting of the cinnamon roll pan before lifting it up to her mouth and sucking it clean.
You roll your eyes at her, grabbing the tray and pulling it away from her. “Well, unless you’re going to buy something, then you shouldn’t be here,” you warn her again.
“Actually…I was craving something a little sweeter than these…” she replies with a smirk, slowing down her pace as she walks around your table.
It took you a while to get her intentions, but the way her eyes were flickering between you and the table, you instantly got the message.
Your eyes widened in shock and you began to shake your head. “No, Abby, don’t you fucking dare—“
But it was too late. Within a matter of seconds, Abby dropped down to her knees and lifted the red tablecloth before crawling under the table.
You tried to kick her away so she could get out, but there wasn’t enough time to do so, because Joel was already coming your way with one of his friends next to him.
“Hey, sweetheart, you remember Martin, right? Used to work f’me when I was startin’ up the company,” he tells you as he points at him.
“Yes, hi Martin, it’s good to see you again.” you tell him with a smile.
You’re trying your best to keep your cool right now, but it’s practically impossible for you to do so now that Abby’s lifting up your sweater dress and spreading your legs open underneath the tablecloth.
Your dad looks over to Martin while gesturing him to all of your pastries arranged on the table. “My kid right here baked up all these sweets for the sale today. But this…” he pauses for a moment, pointing at the pan of flan that stood neatly at the front. “This custard thing right here’s the best thing she could ever make, I’ll tell ya that.”
“That so?” his friend asked, serving himself up a slice. “Whatcha got here, kid?”
“It’s flan, sir. I-It’s my mother’s recipe.” you reply to him, trying not to strain your voice as Abby shifts your underwear to the side from underneath.
You watch the man in front of you take a bite of the dessert, smiling after he’s fully eaten it. “Well I must say, this is one of the best desserts I’ve had in this here bake sale so far.” he said before pulling out a five-dollar bill from his wallet and handing it to you.
At that moment, when you were about to lean forward to grab the money, was when Abby’s hands grabbed ahold of your hips and pushed you back down onto the chair, causing the rest of the table to shake.
You gasp at the sudden impact, and your jaw practically fucking drops once she inserts two fingers into your pussy.
It could have been any other time when she could’ve done that move, but no. She just had to fucking do it right in front of your father, out of all people.
Regardless, you try your best to compose yourself and attempt to cover it up. “S-Sorry about that, I was trying to get up but, my leg kind of fell asleep…must be from sitting down all day.” you said to the other man, extending out your hand to take the bill from him before inserting it in the black cash box that was in front of you.
“S’ no worries ma’am,” the man simply says before waving you goodbye, and looking over to your dad to shake his hand. “Good seeing you as always Joel.” he says to him before walking off.
Your dad shakes his hand back before turning to face you. “You alright sweetheart? Seemed like you were actin’ a bit off just now.” he asked you with a concerned expression on his face.
You simply nod at him, genuinely trying to appear normal, and ignore the fact that Abby’s thick fingers were slowly pumping in and out of your cunt right now. If it weren’t for the loud atmosphere of the event, you’re almost certain that anyone could easily hear the squelching noises it made every time her fingers moved.
“Y-yeah, Dad, sorry…s’just a lot of people here this time.” you tell him nervously.
“Well, if ya need a break, I can try to cover for a bit if—“
“No!” you exclaimed, placing your hands in front of him to keep him from getting closer to you. “N-no, it’s okay, Dad,” you said to him in a quieter tone. “I’ll be alright, promise.”
Your dad opens his mouth to respond but is cut off by a barking sound, which progressively gets louder by the second. The two of you looked around to see what it was, and you seriously couldn’t believe it.
It was Alice, Abby’s dog, and by the looks of it, she was approaching your table.
You slightly flinch a bit once Alice jumps up at your table, barking up at the two of you before quickly getting down and sniffing under the tablecloth.
Joel walks over to the front of the table where the dog is in an attempt to shoo her away. “What the hell are ya doing here?! Get on out of here! Go on, get!”
You’d expect Abby to at least try to help you get her dog out, given the vulnerable position you were in right now, but she doesn’t budge about it. Instead, she only quickens the pace of her fingers inside you and moves closer to you to latch her mouth onto your throbbing clit. You want to help your dad out, you really do, but all you could focus on was trying to be quiet and not let a single moan or whimper leave your lips.
As much as Joel was trying to get the dog away from the table, she still wouldn’t move, she knew that Abby was under there, as if she could have smelled her from miles away.
“Why the hell aren’t ya leavin’?” he says to himself as he continues to move her away. “What are you tryin’ to find there?”
Your dad starts to get closer to the table now, and you can just feel your heart racing. The closer he got to it the faster your heart kept beating. This could be it. Once your dad was about to see what was under the table, it was over for the both of you.
But to your luck, as Joel was about to lift up the tablecloth, Jerry was already making his way there to get ahold of his dog. Talk about perfect timing, right?
“There you are, Alice, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” he says, leaning forward to pick up her leash from the ground.
Your dad scoffs at him and crosses his arms in disbelief. “Try to get a hold of your mutt, Jerry. Damn dog near knocked down my daughter’s table.”
“Tough talk for someone who just lost two of his clients last week to my company,” Jerry replies, clutching Alice’s leash in his hand. “I’d spend less time worrying about me and more time trying to keep your clientele if I were you, Joel.”
As blissed out as you were feeling from Abby’s mouth and fingers right now, you could still visibly see the anger rushing through your father’s veins right now.
“Don’t act so innocent, Jerry, you know damn well that you offered my clients a better deal for them.” your dad replied before pausing for a moment. “You know, you shouldn’t have gone after them, because I just got a deal to work with the Mitchell family next week. Haven’t you been eyeing them for months now?”
The two of them bicker for what feels like ages. At this point, your brain is just tuning them out, still completely blissed on the movements of Abby’s tongue rolling up and down on your clit, her fingers sliding in and out of your cunt so smoothly while her other hand grips your inner thigh to keep them open. The pleasure she was giving you under that table right now is so intense that you could seriously care less about your surroundings right now. All you wanted at that moment more than anything was to cum undone into her mouth.
“You know what, Joel? I don’t have time for this right now,” he tells him before pausing to hesitate for a moment. “I’m trying to find my daughter, have either of you seen her around?”
Oh, you knew damn well where she was.
Your dad laughs and shakes his head. “Jesus, Jerry. Can’t find your kid either? Seems like you’ve got to put her on a leash too, don’t you think?”
However, the pleasure that Abby was giving you was so intense that you didn’t realize that her name had now slipped out of your mouth.
“Oh, my god, Abby…” you say to yourself before quickly gasping and covering your mouth. You’re finally snapped back into reality as you look up to see Joel and Jerry staring back at you.
“Do you know where she is?” Jerry asked, raising an eyebrow with concern.
“O-Oh um, yeah, I-I think I saw her a few rows down, I-If you can find her there…” you tell him, trying to compose yourself once again.
Jerry simply thanks you in response before walking off with Alice alongside him.
“About damn time he left,” your dad says, watching him walk off. “Can’t stand that man for the life of me.”
Joel’s phone starts to ring moments later, leading him to pull it out of his pocket to check who it is. “Shit, s’ one of my clients…” he says with a sigh before looking up at you. “You sure you’ll be alright by yourself, sweetheart?”
You open your mouth to say yes at first, but then take a moment to reconsider. “A-Actually, do you think you could watch the stand for a bit? I could use a break.”
Abby immediately pauses her movements upon hearing that, removing her mouth and fingers out of you. You try not to whine at the loss.
Your dad nods in response. “ ‘Course I can, just let me take this call real quick, yeah? I’ll be there in just a second.” he says before briefly walking off to take the phone call.
You wait until your dad is out of sight to lift up the tablecloth, seeing the blonde below you with a confused expression on her face. “Why the hell did you tell him that you were leaving?” she whispers to you.
“Because I’m not gonna be fucking sitting here being teased by your mouth all day.” you whisper back to her, trying to keep your voice down. “If you’re going to fuck me here, then you’re gonna do it right.” you pause for a moment to check if the coast was clear. “My dad’s still gone, hurry up and go to the bathroom before he sees you. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
You watch the blonde roll her eyes before pulling the tablecloth down, quickly crawling out of the table and getting back up on her feet. She also checks to see if Joel is still gone before leaving your side and rushing off to the bathroom.
You take a quick moment to adjust your underwear and your dress underneath the table before slowly getting back up to your feet as well. Within minutes, Joel returns to your table and takes a seat down in the chair next to yours.
“Alright so, everything is set up and served for the customers, all you have to do is take the money they give you and put it in the cash box.” you tell him before turning around to leave, only to pause for a moment and looking back at him. “And don’t eat any of the pastries, alright?”
Your dad puts your hands up in defense. “Can’t make a promise ‘bout that, kiddo.”
You simply roll your eyes and playfully punch at his arm before pushing your chair in and leaving the table. Once your dad was out of sight, you began to walk a little faster, now rushing to get to the bathroom with Abby.
After roaming around the market for a bit, you successfully find the bathroom. You lean into the door for a moment and knock twice, hoping that you found the right one.
“It’s open,” Abby calls out from inside.
You twist the knob and open the door, just enough for you to squeeze yourself inside before closing it and turning the lock. You turn around to see Abby leaning against the vanity near the sink, arms crossed with that same stupid smirk on her face. “How’d you know it was me?” you ask her.
“Are you kidding me?” she says, taking her weight off of the vanity. “I can hear those boots of yours from miles away.”
You roll your eyes at her in response “You’re so unbelievable, you know that?” you tell her. “If my dad had lifted up that tablecloth, we would’ve been done for.”
The smirk on her face grows a little wider, and you can just visibly see it happening. “I was just trying to get a taste of something sweet, princess. That’s all I wanted.”
Her cockiness was seriously driving you over the edge right now. However, you still can’t help but get turned on by her when she acts like this.
Feeling that same sense of boldness come through you again, you take a step forward and grab her by the collar of her jacket, pulling her close to you. “Then how about you finish what you started?” you whisper out to her.
She leans in closer to you, both of your lips being just mere inches away from touching.
“Don’t mind if I do.” she whispers back to you.
You lean in to seal the gap, connecting your lips with hers in an intense kiss. Your hands remain tightly gripped on her jacket, while Abby’s hands run down your body, stopping at your hips. She then turns you around to where your back is now pressed against the marble counter.
Her lips pull away from yours for a moment to flip you around, now with your back facing her chest.
“What—What are you doing?” you ask her, trying to turn around to get a look at her.
“You said you wanted me to fuck you right, didn’t you?” she says, taking off her jacket and rolling up the long sleeves of the dark green shirt she had on. “Well, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”
Abby grabs your hips and bends you over on the counter before lifting your dress up and pushing your panties to the side again, revealing your wet pussy to her. “Jesus, she looks even wetter than before.” she mutters to herself as she gently rubs her thumb on your slit, eliciting a whine from you in response.
Abby moves her hand to herself to unbuckle her tool belt, letting it fall to the ground. She then unzips her cargo pants, pulling out the thick strap she had tucked underneath her boxers before teasing the tip of it in between your puffy folds.
“Oh fuck,” you gasp out, your pussy already starting to clench around nothing. “You brought it, didn’t you?”
Abby lets out a scoff, looking back at you through the mirror. “Of course I did. Been dying to fill this sweet pussy up ever since I first came over to your place.”
You then feel her grab ahold of the strap with one hand and position it against your entrance before slowly pushing the tip in, quietly moaning to herself as she watches your pussy engulf the tip.
A whimper escapes from your mouth as she pushes a few more inches of her cock in you, now reaching halfway. “Oh god, Abby…I-I think it's too big—“
Her other hand grabs a hold of your neck, pulling you up towards her. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” she says into your ear. “Is my cock too big for you? Can you not take it like a big girl?”
“N-No— I mean yes, fuck! I-I can take it, Abs…”
“That’s what I thought.” she mutters back to you, setting you back down on the marble counter as she pushes the rest of her cock inside you without warning.
She keeps her strap nestled inside you for what feels like ages, waiting for your pussy to accommodate itself to the girth of her cock. She tries to move back a bit, but your cunt keeps resisting the toy, sucking it back in.
Abby grunts in frustration and slaps your ass, the sudden sting causing you to flinch a bit. “Quit doing that. I’m not gonna be able to fuck you right if you don’t relax that cunt already.”
“F-Fuck, Abby, m’trying to, please—“
“Jesus, must I do everything myself?” she replies, reaching around your waist to rub your throbbing clit, causing you to moan in pleasure at the stimulation. Abby leans back a bit as she continues rubbing your clit, watching as your pussy visibly relaxes around her cock, now giving her the freedom to move it in and out slowly.
“There we go, just like that now, atta girl…”
Abby begins to fuck you at a painfully slow pace at first, slow to the point where you were now pushing your hips back against her as an indication for her to go faster.
“Whoa there…desperate for more now, aren’t we princess?” she says, instantly speeding up her pace. “If you wanted me to go faster, you could have just asked.”
“I-I know b-but…f-feels too good…” you slur out to her, face pressed against the cold marble as the rest of your body moves up and down with her thrusts.
“Oh, who am I kidding? You’re so drunk on my cock that you can’t even form a coherent sentence right now. Fucking slut…”
Moments later, Abby was now fucking you relentlessly fast to the point where you had to grip the counter to steady yourself. You seriously felt like you could fall off, but honestly, you could also care less about it. You were so close to reaching your peak now, and as long as Abby didn’t stop, you’d be perfectly fine.
That is until…a knock on the door interrupts the both of you.
“Occupied!” Abby calls out from inside, not stopping her pace.
“Abby? Are you in there?”
“Dad?!”
You gasp at the sound of Jerry’s voice, and Abby shushes you and quickly covers your mouth, now slowing down her pace. You whine at the sudden lack of movement, now feeling your orgasm fade away.
“Abby, what’s going on? Someone told me they saw you walk in here. Are you okay?” her dad asks with some concern.
“Y-Yeah Dad, I’m fine, I just—“ Abby stammers out for a moment as she then turns on the sink with her other hand, trying to come up with an excuse on the spot. “S-Someone dropped a cupcake on me. I-I'm trying to wash it out.”
You giggle quietly behind Abby’s hand, only for her to shush you and grab your ass harshly with the other, causing you to wince at the slight pain.
“Alright honey, just come back when you’re done, okay?”
“Yeah, Dad, I’ll be out in a bit!”
Once the sound of Jerry’s footsteps is gone, Abby lets out a sigh of relief, turning off the sink before removing her hand from your mouth.
“Almost got me caught there, princess.” she says to you, now speeding up her thrusts again. “If you pull that again, I might not let you cum at all.”
“No, fuck—please Abby, I-I’m getting close…I need you to let me cum.” you whine out to her, tightening your grip on the marble counter.
“Oh yeah? Are you getting close there, baby?” she asks, to which you nod in response.
Without stopping her thrusts, Abby grabs you by the neck with one hand, lifting your upper body up in front of the mirror so you can see her as well as yourself. “Then I want you to watch yourself cum. Watch yourself cum on my cock like the needy slut you are.”
You try your best to move or look away, but Abby simply moves your face back to the mirror with her hand. “Don’t fucking do that again. Look away one more time and I’ll pull out.”
All you could do was whine and nod in response, keeping your gaze on the mirror. Your eyes then trail down to the bottom where Abby was fucking you. You could just see her cock sliding in and out of your pussy so easily, and just the sight of it alone is making you want to cum even more.
“Oh fuck, Abby—m-gonna…m’gonna cum!” you exclaim out to her, eyes rolling to the back of your head as the tip of her strap keeps touching your g spot.
“G-go ahead, princess, cum on my cock like a good girl.” she grunts out, moving her hand to now cover your mouth.
Within seconds you cum undone onto the strap with a muffled moan, eyes fluttering shut in pleasure as your cunt clenches and creams all over it. Your body quickly goes limp and static fills your brain as you try to catch your breath.
Abby then gently sets you back down on the counter before moving both of her hands down to your hips. She then slowly pulls her cock out of your pussy, causing you to whine at the loss of it.
Despite that your legs are trembling, you try to get up, but Abby keeps you down. “Wait, just give me a second…I still have one more thing left to do.” she tells you, and all you do is just nod in response, still feeling insanely drunk from your orgasm.
Abby quickly drops down to her knees and spreads your ass open, groaning at the sight of your fucked out pussy. Without hesitation, she dives into your pussy to lick you clean, taking in every single bit of your thick release into her mouth. Once she was finished, she got back up on her feet. “Sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.” she murmurs to herself, wiping her mouth with her thumb before sucking it clean, making sure she’s got every bit of you on her tongue.
Once you’ve recovered from your orgasm, Abby helps you off of the counter, fixing up your underwear and dress before turning you back around to face her. “Do you think you could uh, clean me up there?” she says before looking down and back up at you, indicating for you to clean up her strap.
“Don’t mind if I do,” you tell her with a smirk, getting down on your knees to suck onto her strap, tasting yourself in the process.
Abby lets out a groan as she watches you suck her strap clean. “Fuck, you look so good like this…” she mutters out to you, running a hand through your hair. “I should make you do that more often.”
You remove your mouth from her strap with a ‘pop’ sound and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand before standing up to face her. “I wouldn’t mind doing that for you.” you reply to her, leaning in to give her a quick kiss as she tucks her strap back into her pants.
“So um, should you leave first or—“
“You should go first,” you tell her, cutting off her sentence. “You’ve been gone longer. Don’t wanna keep your dad waiting anymore now.”
Abby nods in agreement, reaching down to grab her tool belt and jacket before getting back up to kiss you goodbye. “I’ll see you around, sweet girl.” she tells you before unlocking the knob and opening the door to let herself out of the bathroom, now leaving you on your own.
You wait inside for a few minutes before shutting off the lights and leaving, quickly making your way back to your table. To your surprise, you return to see your dad standing with a slice of flan in his hands. “Dad…I told you not to eat any of the pastries!”
Your dad sets the plate down and holds up his in defense. “Alright, sweetheart, you got me there.” he says in defeat before reaching out his front pocket and pulling out a five-dollar bill. “Here’s my contribution then.” he says as he hands you the five-dollar bill.
“Okay okay,” you tell him as you grab the bill from his hands. “I’ve got it from here now, Dad, thanks.”
Once you settle back into your seat, you notice your phone buzzing on the table with a text. You pick up your phone and see that the message is from Abby.
“Abby: Wild Randy’s next Saturday?”
You smile to yourself upon reading the text before looking up at her from across the room, seeing her with that same smirk on her face once again. You look back down at your phone and type out your response.
“You: I’ll be there.”
Looks like you’ve got some plans next weekend after all.
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- a/n: oh lord this one killed me to write omg. i hope y’all liked it though! let me know if i should do a part 4 (i might tbh)
merry christmas again everyone! wishing you all the best 🤍🎄
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