you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
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sits on a chair very politely. hi corey!! tell me about some of your bsd hcs ever
hiiiiiiiiiiiii
okay, so first and foremost, kenji and higuchi have tourette's syndrome (and i could go on about that but that's a whole other list lol)
jun'ichirou has a stutter and when he feels strong emotions, his eyes glitch like a neon green
kajii and ranpo hooked up once just cause
kajii is aroallo, so he was down for a one night stand and the two hold it over everyone's heads all the time like "remember that time i slept with the lemon explosions guy?"
dazai. kyouka, and akutagawa are all canonically afraid of dogs, but also like it's not like a silly hehe let's laugh fear it's like feel anxious around dogs, flinches when they hear them bark, hates their hair and has to shower every time they come in contact with one (okay the projection may be a lil strong with this one)
whenever kunikida and dazai are walking together and see a dog, kunikida makes sure he's the one closest to the dog and will wordlessly switch sides with dazai. atsushi does the same for kyouka and akutagawa, and gin + black lizard does the same for akutagawa, too
kenji struggles to process that he's experienced traumatic things, so when the adults around him try to shelter him (and kyouka, but it feels personal for awhile) from worse things, he feels like they're babying him and doesn't understand that they're trying to protect him. and then, eventually, it all blows up (prolly after the cannibalism incident) (okay... yes this is the plot of my kenji & tecchou fic but i stand by this lol)
i like to think that, no matter what universe, kenji has some kind of role in inadvertently getting kunichuu together
kenji has an eating disorder due to his ability, but he still hasn't Really processed that yet (like with his trauma) but the agency is really good about making sure he eats (but sometimes it gets hard during Tough arcs like with the hunting dogs and stuff... when kenji took food but only enough for everyone else and not himself... ough...)
kenji also (last one iuygcfghuji) has trouble sleeping at night due to his ability and bc he's so used to getting up early back at itahov. sometimes he doesn't get any sleep in a night, sometimes he can't sleep unless he eats.
when dazai and kunikida find out, dazai steals kunikida's credit card (and kunikida) and they go to the store and buy kenji a cow plushie so he has something to keep him company at night and is perfect for holding and cuddling
dazai suggests he names it kuni-san and kenji LOVES the name
dazai and kunikida get kyouka a cuddly bunny plushie after she joins, too
MARGARET MITCHELL IS A CONSPIRACY THEORIST AND HAS ADHD
lovecraft loves reality tv
the guild has mandatory weekly movie nights
nonbinary mark & lovecraft <333 and mark is Somewhere on the arospec... idk where, and neither do they, but they Are
one time mark pranked everyone by stealing their toilet paper holders and hiding them in a locker (... a student did that once. stole a toilet paper holder from the boy's bathroom, hid it in his locker, claimed he found it on the floor and put it in his locker for safe keeping)
this one is stolen from this AMAZING fic called "i can keep a secret if you hush" everyone should read it anyways kenji once walked in on tanihara making out (... heatedly... choking was involved) and they told him that it was a "fight between men" and "please don't tell anyone"
jun'ichirou is canonically afraid of earthquakes. the irl jun'ichirou's childhood home was destroyed by one. the real naomi died in an earthquake and so did the rest of his family and jun couldn't cope (he was A CHILD!!!) so light snow manifested naomi and it took him a couple years to realize she wasn't real and in this essay-
ranpo knew naomi was an illusion the Second he saw her and had a breakdown and hated her for a bit and avoided her and then told her she wasn't real once (and that lowkey traumatized him bc she broke Down) (anyways yes this is also the plot of a fic i wrote i just love this hc)
ranpo and naomi are gossip buddies and share Everything with each other. ranpo knows all and naomi was trained under dazai, so she's real close to knowing all. no silly secrets are safe.
anyways dazai taught naomi stuff, yes, but ranpo is the one who took her under his wing <333 (once he got over the illusion stuff)
yosano really likes reading, especially good mysteries, so when ranpo is busy or when poe wants a reader who won't figure it out right away, yosano is his test/beta reader <333
kenji lives with kunikida bc in wHAT WORLD would kunikida allow a fourteen year old who has never been to the city before to live on his own??? and clearly everyone else is too childish to host a child, other than jun but he already has naomi so there's two of them there, so ofc kunikida takes him in!!!
nathaniel isn't in love with maragret: she's like a younger sister to him and reminds him of his younger sisters
stealing this hc from "Poe's Baking Business: A Horror Story" but poe LOVES baking and is really good at it!!!
hirotsu owns a tractor and loves gardening <333 it's how he destresses
when people refer to "the black lizard", yes they mainly mean hirotsu, gin, and tachi, but over time, it started to include higuchi, akutagawa, and kajii <333
after the whole thing with fukuchi is over, kenji and tecchou have weekly lunches together
jouno comes along one day bc they don't "trust kenji" and now they accidentally adopted a son
kenji is willing to try tecchou's strange food combinations
bUT YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS??? THE MAN WHO EATS LEMONS LIKE APPLES!!! PEELS AND ALL!!! KAJII!!!
anyways kajii and tecchou friendship supremacy
they also have weekly dinners where they just try the most obscure things (kajii is actually a really good cook)
jouno gets really jealous and thinks they're dating at one point lol
tachi is the resident forced babysitter at the pm, so when kyouka was there, sometimes he'd take elise to her cell and they would pass her paper and coloring utensils so they could color together
tachi still has some of her drawings
once kyouka decides she likes you, you get doodles and drawings <333
names mean a lot to tachi. he doesn't quite understand why and has lots of identity issues, but he suddenly feels more like a real person when jun'ichirou calls him "michi" for the first time
after the vampire incident, higuchi and akutagawa sit down and have a MUCH needed conversation about their relationship (not romantic lol) and it's awkward and a lil messy but oh SO worth it
ofc dazai, kunikida, tachi, and akutagawa never fully healed from their injuries from the whole... everything going on right now and all have chronic pain
elise's favorite game is tea party but with Roles. tachihara is always the sparkle solider and chuuya always ends up being the worm. never upgrades. sometimes, very rarely, akutagawa gets to be a sparkle princess
ATSUSHI HAS CHRONIC HAND PAIN BC OF THE ABUSE FROM THE ORPHANAGE so the gloves he always wears that ranpo got him? compression gloves!!! i will DIE on that hill!!!
kenji also gets compression gloves bc of his tics <333
atsushi and jun have hooked up at LEAST once. probably more.
hirotsu and yosano have chronic migraines
lucy is a t.aylor s.wift fan (s/o to grace for that one lol)
kunikida has ocd and undiagnosed adhd
poe, akutagawa, and jun'ichirou are lowkey theatre kids. also jouno.
no but jun'ichirou is an AMAZING actor, so more often than not, he's the one who gets sent on undercover missions
dazai has to frequently remind kunikida that yes, he's older than atsushi, jun, kenji, kyouka, and naomi, he's just barely an adult, too. he's still super young. cue a a kunikida breakdown. like genuinely.
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Stolen from Scummy's reblog because I wanted to do it too!
Note that most half-filled squares are ones that are technically true, but it's under specific circumstances and rules, will explain below
So, for now, some Blorbos from me:
-Intense in loves and passions (for Nobunaga, for MC once they get together, for trying to get Mitsuhide to take better care of himself, in his care for others, dude is just passionate for his loved ones!)
-His love for Nobu and his interactions with Mitsuhide can get a little fruity, not gonna lie.
-Technically orphan since we don't really hear much about his family aside from his poor upbringing and having to be a bum to get by until Nobu came into his life. Agas in discord has also told us about RL Hideyoshi and how much his mom loved Kennyo and I think that's funny to think about sometimes.
-Frequently violent but only when it comes to protecting his loved ones. He thinks one of them is in trouble and the man will go feral trying to find a way to help them. Overall speaking, he's not particularly violent, I don't think though.
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-Nothing anyone says is gonna make me change my mind about this man being bisexual. Nope, not happening.
-Technically a tragic backstory as he frequently does Team Oda's dirty work of spying and torture, but his tragic backstory is not quite to the extent that some other characters go through, like poverty, figure-headness, and killing a loved one.
-Technically frequently violent, but it's mostly in the pranks he pulls. Not ferally violent, in a sense. He's sneaky about his violent tendencies. You don't want to mess with his wife, after all.
-Divorced? He's a double agent that always goes back to his ex (Team Oda).
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-Being an immortal vampire means you must have some complexities and that doesn't excuse you being fruity, monsieur.
-Technically an orphan as I don't think we hear much about his birth family as we do Leonardo and Vlad. They're mentioned sometimes but no word on their current status as he tends to focus more on his found family. Until I get confirmed status, he's orphan status to me, thus why the creation of his found one.
-Divorced from Vlad, duh.
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-Listen. Listen. Devon/batteryrose was onto something with shipping Nokto and Slivio. Plus, been thinking of finding ways of shipping my OC and him with Rio. Just something about Nokto and the Bentonite princes does something to my mind, okay?
-Technically an orphan after what happened to his and Licht's mom, plus the whole reason for the Belle procedure is because his dad died. Maybe it doesn't count because he was an adult when his dad died, but, technically speaking, both his parents are dead, so...
-Murderer by technicality because of Blood-stained Roses Day (all the princes at the time were said to have participated, so, technically speaking). He also tried to poison some merchants for a business deal, so attempted murderer too, technically?
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-Have you seen this demon when his family is in danger (actual, perceived, or otherwise)? He will go absolutely bat-shit feral when his family is in danger! Once you're under his wings, nothing will stop him from going to the absolute limit and beyond for you.
-Technically divorced from the Celestial Realm because of Circumstances™️, not from a specific person.
-Also on a technicality, because of that... whole war with the Celestial Realm, so some angels were more than likely killed, right?
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Thoughts~
Bonnie being angry and disappointed at Freddy when Cassie helps bring him back only for him to see the destruction and decay of his family and home that Freddy allowed to happen because of Gregory, and breaks up with him.
Bonnie later slowly starts falling in love with Proto Freddy (maybe a bit of it is Bonnie projecting but he's def falling) instead.
And Freddy can see it happening from where he is.
Gay drama~
(Long post. I went off on one lmao and can't use read mores on my phone, sorry mobile users)
Ohhh that's a fun one! Bonnie rebounding onto Protobear and after a while those feelings become real... he deserves it honestly. He deserves a happy ending after everything, and so does Protobear! Bet that's an emotional rollercoaster to get through though... That party doesn't sound fun... For them anyway. Very fun for us though! Sucks to be them!
You know what else is fun for this? Bonnie falling for whoever Freddy believed deactivated him. Freddy treating someone differently before the events of SB, and side eying them all the time, not trusting them at all because of what the must have done to Bonnie... It must have been them! They're the only one the makes sense! They're the one that made him disappear and is trying to act like everything's normal! They must be to blame! They took his Bonnie from him and won't tell him what they did or where he is! Whether he's right or not is irrelevant, if he believes it's true, he's going to want nothing to do with them! They need to stay away from Bonnie!
And now here he is. Watching Bonnie flirt with that person. Be it Monty, Roxy, Moon, Chica, whoever. Freddy finally saying out loud what he's felt he's known for a long time now, that this animatronic killed him, how could Bonnie possibly even still look at them, never mind fall in love with them after that?!
Bonnie's face falls flat. He turns to Freddy and stares him right in the eyes. "They didn't do it, Freddy." or even, "They did it to save me, Freddy. What did you do?"
Absolutely devastating. The gay drama is so good
On another note, this is making me think of Protobear and Roxy being fucking hilarious. "Hey, you wanna really freak him out?" one of them asks and they start fake dating in front of Freddy to piss him off. Like they're the most over the top, mushy couple with the most insufferable nicknames, trying so hard not to laugh their asses off, and the first one to crack loses. Everyone gets in on it. Whaaaaat?? Roxy and Protobear?? Oh they're sooooo in love so so so in love, they're not pretending, they would never pretend!!
Jskdndk they get Cassie in on it and she starts calling them mum and dad 2 and Freddy is pointedly trying to leave the room as quickly as possible, but as usual, the fucking doors aren't letting him out again. They're always on the blink now, it's absolutely never Roxy using her security clearance to play Musical Doors with him. Nope. Never. Look at their fake mushy romance boy, you can't escape.
Freddy has never been more confused and sickened in his life. He's always hated Roxy and Roxy's always hated him, this is the worst thing to have to watch ever. He's even more upset if Bonnie pretends to be their partner as well, and even more so if Roxy was who he assumed deactivated him. This is a nightmare scenario and he's being so brave about it.
Sat there trying so hard not to say a word. He's so fine. Not glaring at all. No no no, he's not staring listlessly at them, he's just trying to contact maintenance via the network, obviously. He's not resisting the urge to grimace and not wishing the floor would swallow him up right now. Absolutely not. He would never. He's so so so happy for them. Yup. So so happy. Could not be happier. Why won't these fucking doors open?!
You could apply the fake dating to Protobear and Bonnie specifically too. Bonnie's going through a rebound, and he knows it, so he stays away from Protobear for a while. He tries to take care of himself and the others are right there to help him out the best they can. When he's feeling better, he starts gradually spending more time with Protobear (who has had the situation of Bonnie and Freddy explained to him and is very understanding about it) and the two start slowly building a friendship. Slowly, so as to not rush Bonnie through anything. Protobear himself has walked away from several hangouts because he can tell that Bonnie is struggling, even if he won't admit it, they're handling this with the utmost care...
But then Bonnie, Roxy, Monty and Chica, the four that should never be trusted without supervision, get talking. Bonnie is laughing at these three clowns telling him all about how they're fucking with Freddy for fun, and let him in on some of their schemes. They're hilarious, and he would have thought so before everything happened too, even if he did think they were a bit mean at times. I mean, rallying a bunch of kids to gang up on Freddy in their Fazerblast game as a 'super secret mission' is a touch mean, right? Not anymore. He deserves it.
But then they get to thinking. Bonnie wants to try messing with him too. They bring him in on some of their dastardly plans, and come up with several new ones for him, and believe me, at this time, not a single one of them has the braincell, so you can imagine the bullshit they come up with lmao. He finds this weirdly cathartic. The ability to moderately inconvenience Freddy in funny ways is more fun than he thought it'd be. He was worried it would hurt, worried it would make him think about things too much, and while it does hurt to look at him sometimes... Well his heart is more with his friends than ever now. He feels no desire to be nice to him, or to go back to how things were anymore. He's okay now and this is what makes that real to him...
Then one day it hits him. His own plan to mess with Freddy. Completely his own, the three stooges had nothing to do with this one. It hit him when he was hanging out with Protobear and DJ. What if they were fake dating in front of Freddy? Bonnie and Protobear! Madly in love, with the most sickeningly sweet pet names and the worst pick up lines you've ever heard in your life! DJ thinks that would be pretty mean... But would get him so good, he's a surprisingly petty guy sometimes. Protobear agrees and is completely up for this, it sounds hilarious, but... is Bonnie sure he's ready for that? Is he sure he can handle that?
They think on it a bit and talk to the others about it, who think that's fucking genius but have the same concerns as Protobear. Sunny thinks it's a bit much (and he's probably right) but is very excited to play along with this. He loves playing pretend, he's where Cassie gets it from. When they decide they're gonna do it, they set a few boundaries just in case, make a safe word for if they feel they start going too far with it, and swear to eachother to call it off if it all starts getting too much... Or maybe too real.
Oh my god they have so much fucking fun with it. Protobear has never laughed so hard in his life. The others joining in, helping them pull this off, and building on the joke too make it even more fun! They're having a blast and Freddy is suffering greatly! Customer service mode can't save him now!
But after a while, things start to change. Some of the flirting becomes a little too heartfelt. The insistence that they're not actually a thing becomes less frequent. The act starts to spill over into their everyday lives. Suddenly, they're not so sure this is still a joke anymore. Suddenly, the overdramatic cuddles last until long after Freddy has left the room. Suddenly, they're starting to wonder what it be like to be together for real.
Realisation hits and oh god oh no oh fuck this was NOT the PLAN god DAMN IT
So much fun to be had here!
One more funny one: instead of just Roxy or Bonnie pretending to be with Protobear, what if it's everyone? Protobear has one giant polycule going on where everyone apparently adores him and he dotes on everyone cause he loves them all so so so much. Freddy is staring in disbelief at the 'romantic' cuddle pile Protobear is right in the centre of like this is the most normal thing in the world. It's a Plex wide competition to see who can be the most insufferable in a fake relationship and whoever cracks first loses. It's a team effort! A coordinated attack! And sometimes they actually do fluster Protobear and eachother they're all having fun!
I'd like to call this plan the Protocule :)
(Also, hi jellycreamjammedart! This is the first post I've made today so you may wanna check I've not reblogged with more additions later on. I know you get online kinda late in my timezone, or at least that's when I tend to see you around, so saying this is just in case!)
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