#but that just means every comment I get is a joy and a privilege because someone let my story have a little space in their day

[bookshelf-dust]

Hello! May I request headcannons of Billy Hargrove with a GN!reader who is a sarcastic bitch around everyone else but around him they are a goofball and total sweetheart.

Please and thank you!

billy hargrove headcanons

billy hargrove x gn!reader

word count: 559

warnings: swearing, jason carver, mentions of smoking

a/n: hi my sweet! thank you for your request! i haven’t done any headcanons in quite awhile, and i’m feeling a little iffy about these, so i really hope they turned out okay and that they’re what you’d hoped for! <333

————

-Billy found himself drawn to you the moment he saw you snap at Jason Carver. It was over. He was completely done for.

-Jason had said something about “a group of freaks” in the cafeteria one day, and you’d been close enough to catch it.

“Jason, why don’t you shut your fucking mouth? No one’s dragging you for playing basketball and making it your only personality trait. If you don’t want to play their game, then don’t. Stop being a dick about it.”

-Billy had laughed and gone back to finishing his cigarette, but been enthralled by you following that. Not that he ever had the guts to act on it.

-He’d seen the way you acted when you had to do group work in class. When other students would ask you to do something particularly effort-heavy and you’d respond, “Why, so you don’t have to?”

-But when you work together with him, and you realize he’s not a total dick and he’s going to do his part, you’re sweet as fucking pie. You let him share pens with you. Pens!

-Every sarcastic and/or bitchy comment you make brings Billy immense joy.

“I don’t know, can I?”

“Well maybe if you got your head out of your ass, then you could figure it out.”

“Get fucked, Carver.”

“Oh I’m sorry, Daddy’s money wasn’t enough to prevent you from being a dumbass too?”

-Sometimes when Billy feels that you’re going to say something you probably shouldn’t, he’ll put his hands on your shoulders, or on your waist, and gently pull you away. He’s never had to do that before. He finds that he prefers when you don’t get yourself in trouble. That just means there will be less time for him to spend with you.

-Billy learns very quickly that you use tickling as a defense mechanism.

“Don’t make me do it, Hargrove.”

-The second he starts teasing you, or asking when he’s gonna get a kiss—anything that might make you flustered—you’re threatening to tickle him. He learned the hard way that you’re relentless.

-It was also through tickling that he learned how much he loves your laugh. You’ve got him cornered in his bed, and when he finally relents and asks for you to quit, you laugh triumphantly. It’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard.

-He lets you braid his hair. Will sit for however long you want because he knows lots of things have probably pissed you off today.

-Has you sit in his car after school and bitch about the events of your day while he smokes and provides commentary. Asks what he can do to make it better just to make you go all shy.

-The first time you meet Max, Billy immediately regrets it. The sarcasm fucking radiates throughout the room and he knows the two of you are going to gang up on him. You do.

-He brings you over and goes to get something, only to come back and you’re gone. You’re in Max’s room, listening to her bitch and riling her you, encouraging her to go on.

-Also, if you tell Billy to shut it, he will.

-Basically with the both of you it ends up being double the scary dog privileges.

-You put up with his shit, and he puts up with yours. There’s nothing more you could’ve asked for.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

#billy hargrove #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove x gn!reader #billy hargrove x gender neutral reader #billy hargrove hc #billy hargrove headcanon #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove fanfic #billy stranger things fic #billy stranger things #billy hargrove comfort #billy hargrove fluff #savannah’s headcanons

[goodbyeapathy8]

And one more thing...

I truly meant to let sleeping dogs lie after my post yesterday about leaving Kindergarten Mafia, the now infamous, racist Discord server because it had everything I wanted to say at the time.

BUT.

Here I am, sliding back in, with more things.

And I warn you ahead of time that this post will probably make you feel uncomfortable. That's fine.

Because I remembered the new thing I was going to do : if someone has made me feel uncomfortable, that takes away their right to comfort as well. Respect goes both ways and so does comfort.

I believe both posts are equally valuable. And I want you to sit with your discomfort if this anger seems "off" or you feel that it's petty. So I hope you stay until the end of this long rant because there's a greater point I want to make about POC anger and discomfort from witnessing that.

It's meant to be petty and I mean it with every fiber of my being.

Yesterday, I was made aware of the server owner, in their new server, specifically wrote that they're "trying to get the joy back from fandom".

And that singular phrase not only triggered disgust but various other thoughts I had held back, out of misplaced respect, in my last post. The gloves are coming off and the claws are coming out.

So this is for the people who were complicit in downplaying, gaslighting, and otherwise making it a miserable fandom experience for us (marginalized folks + POC) : go fuck yourselves. You do not deserve fandom joy when it has been sucked out, by people like you.

I'm calling out AO3 authors like Ahdriking. Ahdriking was a popular author I used to respect in the fandom. But after being inactive for most of my stay in the server, Ahdriking suddenly emerged from the shadows to take the side of the perpetrators. They came in at the 11th hour, not having interacted with or actually know any of us that were speaking out, just to defend the people who hurt us.

You do not get to quietly fade into the background of anonymity, enjoying accolades from unknowing readers, when behind closed doors, you've acted like this.

I do have to thank you, Ahdri, for making me finally understand how well-written authors can be terrible outside of their writing, like JK Rowling.

Another AO3 author like Frog_of_Fandom, who joined the new server and is gleefully poking fun at those of us who left.

To be clear, this is not for those who were nonconfrontational. This is specifically for those who were complicit - whether it was directly within server messages or staying silent and then moving to the new "safe" space. (Credit to Snake and Mouse for this distinction.)

The worst part of it is, I myself wasn't treated nearly as badly as some of my Black and indigenous counterparts.

There's a reason for that.

I frequently mentioned my identity as a Korean-American. Server members were very aware of that and my profile picture is a real life one, not a fandom reference.

I, as an Asian, got received with relative politeness while Black and brown members were booted out.

This is a familiar racist tactic.

You don't need to go any further than a TikTok comment section to see evidence of this. Black and brown creators have some of the worst comments I've seen on that app. (I posted a TikTok recently on the topic if you'd like to hear the specifics.) The SAME message can be said by a white creator vs Black, brown, indigenous etc with very different results.

Backlash against Black anger is well documented by various scholars.

As a rather pale faced Asian - the polite reception to my anger is part of my privilege. It struck me how different the server owner and problematic mods treated my messages and that of Black or brown server members.

And it makes me incredibly angry, not relieved.

Because on top of the sympathetic anger I felt for my POC counterparts, I wondered if they had fetishized me this whole time.

Note that the fandom for the server is KinnPorsche, a Thai BL, for those who don't know - a queer Thai drama.

That somehow, my anger was palatable because I, as a queer Asian, was adjacent to their beloved drama characters.

But before I write a novel-length fic again as a post, I'll stop here, despite having so much more to say.

This is truly the last I want to reference those energy vampires.

For me, I will try to leave behind the feelings of disgust I have with my first foray into a fandom and take with me the true friendships with folks that care about joy for everyone and not just a few.

Many many lessons have been learned and re-enforced from past experiences. I'm not happy that any of us had to experience this but sometimes, shit happens.

Wipe it up and flush it down the toilet, where it belongs.

#ao3 writer #decolonize fandom spaces #kinnporsche fandom #kindergarten mafia #Is it petty yes #do i have regrets no #I said what I said #Unlike some people I stand by my words #I'd say this to anyone in real life #kinnporsche ao3

[lucky-clover-gazette]

this is about the handmaid's tale

if you don't want to hear about the handmaid's tale, or think it's useless literature or not worth mentioning because of its failings, just move on from this post and find something else that speaks to you

that said

the handmaid's tale does have value. it does. genuine question - have you read it, and/or the recently published sequel the testaments? what do you know about them? there are issues with both, as with any media with any substance, but tht is a relevant satire and its sequel is atwood's attempt to write something NON defeatist in the same world.

intersectionality is important and the handmaid's tale does have a main character who is a white, straight, privleged afab person pre-gilead. june is that, yes. however, there is a LARGE cast of afab people designated handmaids and others who are actually allies to gilead, and their stories, races, sexualities, and socioeconomic backgrounds are all very different. personally when i read the book i saw myself in june's friend moira, who is a lesbian but is forced into sex work with powerful men because she wasn't compliant as a handmaid, and fellow handmaid ofglen, who is punished for falling in love with another women working at the house where she is a handmaid. to suggest that the book is just for and about straight women, at least, is fucking absurd.

i'm not going to go over an Intersectionality Laundry List of the boxes each character checks, because honestly i think it's performative bullshit that prevents important stories from doing their jobs, and i doubt i'm changing someone's mind by doing so. if you don't want to care about anything i'm saying, you're completely entitled to that, especially if you feel the story doesn't resonate with you. but the story is NOT just for straight white privileged women to get off on their own suffering, and to portray it as such at a time where women are processing these events in the best ways they can, is... i mean, come on. especially in their comment sections, where countless pro-life idiots are probably already attacking them if they've gotten any kind of attention.

hell, and atwood is even trying to make a point about women who side with gilead through characters like serena joy and aunt lydia, who are both privileged white women who are never framed in a way that asks for the reader's empathy--in fact, the opposite. serena is almost a greater betrayal to women's rights than the men in charge of gilead, and she is far more brutal to offred our main character. that's saying something about people like amy coney barrett, and if we just write off this book as a pity piece for the white women who see themselves in offred it's honestly a disservice to other characters' roles in the story. it has so much to say and goes even deeper in the show, sometimes in ways i personally didn't even like, so don't think i'm a total apologist for the whole thing. in fact, i'm kind of cold towards atwood now, because while she seems not to be actively wishing harm to trans folks the way jkr is, she also seems not to really care about advocating for trans people. but handmaid's tale doesn't equal atwood, and it's such a cultural cornerstone at this point that it's unreasonable to expect any person who cites it to have a thorough timeline of everything problematic about the story and author.

anyway, in the books and show -- each handmaid that's given any kind of backstory is different, but they are united by one thing: being oppressed by a christofascist society. kiiinda like real life, right now. it's very relevant to EVERY afab person's potential future and does a good job of showing what a christofascist state looks like. when i saw that term for the FIRST TIME EVER yesterday i immediately was like, "oh, that's gilead." probably a lot of people had the same thought process, just by being somewhat exposed to literature and popular media.

i just think it would be rly nice if people stopped shutting down others who are trying to put into words what they fear for their own futures the best way they can, relating to popular media. it's not helpful and it feels, at least to me, like yet another straw of "shut up women" to add onto the camel's back. you don't have to like or reference tht or find value in it as a feminist piece of literature, but i would love to see fewer tweets belittling the analogies people are making in their shock or people directly replying to tweets like "well actually," especially if the person being critical isn't afab.

i'm not advocating for the handmaid's tale to be the pinnacle of feminist literature at all, but you have to acknowledge that to a lot of afab people of ALL races and sexualities and socioeconomic statuses, especially those older than gen z, it has been for the majority of their lives. let them hurt and explore that hurt. be kind. we're all so fucking pissed and hurt and tired right now.

or don't, but i've said my piece and it felt good to get out

(also it's not lost on me that tht is written by a woman and i don't see nearly as much "well actually"ing about male authors' literature that is commonly mentioned in progressive social justice-adjacent spaces)

(and yeah it's corny for people to cosplay handmaid's i'm pretty sure margaret atwood is cringing too)

#the handmaid's tale #tht #margaret atwood

[ofgentleresolve-a]

my url...? 👀 only if it's okay!

spread the crowns ( ft. crown opinion meme w/ @thegreenswillcome )

[ ♛ ] send me your url and i’ll tell you the following;

my opinion on;

character in general: i have not gotten to meet all of them yet so for now, i will comment on the ones that i have the privilege of interacting with- so first, jay!! what a guy....honestly, he feels very balanced to me, based on what i’ve seen of him not just in his interactions with mana and patrick, but also in his interactions with hyuk and yuna!! i love that even though he is an idealist, a romantic ( henceforth the phrase lover boy JFKLSDJFL ) at heart, he’s no fool. he’s completely aware that people suck... a lot at times. his past would make him aware of that and while he has every reason to be a cynic, he still chooses NOT to be and you write that so wonderfully 🥲 and then misaki!! i love her so much too- how she’s rebelling against her mother’s expectations for her, how she lives in the fast lane of life an yet?? she gets along so well with lam AND IT’S KINDA HILARIOUS bc since she resembles robin in A LOT of ways, she would technically be one of the last kinds of ppl lam would consider letting into his circle again...and yet here they are 🥲 how they play them: this bled into the previous section, but i think the backstories of xia’s ocs are always so nuanced and again, BALANCED....none of them can be defined by an archetype because they?? already have sides of them that lie out of those archetypes....i also just love the overall emotional maturity and intelligence of all of xia’s ocs display ( but also xia also has herself )....like seriously, you would be surprised with how many muses i’ve encountered that don’t ( which is not a bad thing the very least, except for that it usually bleeds into the mun’s behavior often too *sighs* )- for me, at least, that kind of maturity allows dynamics where both parties will benefit!! the mun: xia, you are always SUCH a joy to see on my dash- i love seeing your comments, whether they’re ooc or ic, on not just my posts, but also other people’s posts as well...you’re also just a very down-to-earth and chill person  which is ALWAYS a plus in my book ^^ i adore not just interacting with you, but also just seeing you interact with your other partners and how you both support and encourage them ooc and ic- i hope we can write and be mutuals for a long time to come <3

do i;

follow them: yes!! rp with them: yeee!! want to rp with them: absolutely!! ship their character with mine: i mean if there’s chemistry, i’d be willing to give it a shot, BUT also i do think we’re on the same boat of being very picky with whom we choose to ship with/if we ship our characters with anyone at all jsflkjd

what is my;

overall opinion:

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty.

#thegreenswillcome #( ferre answered. ) #that would truly be wonderful ( answered. ) #XIA OF COURSE IT IS OKAY TO SEND IN :'D #my inbox is ALWAYS OPEN FOR YOU 🥲 #but here is me....with a 'i think xia is absolutely wonderful and i will not be putting this up for debate :) ' #under the same sky ( queue. )

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

8/22/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Jeremiah 46 - 48

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm Jill. Today's the 22nd day of August, and it is my joy, my honor, my privilege to be here reading the the word of God for us, to us, with us, all of it. And regardless of how you got here, how you found us, how long you've been here, I am so glad, so glad that you are. I once heard a ministry slogan that says we don't care how you got here, we're just so glad that you did. And I totally get that meaning there's no shame and various reasons of how you landed here, but I think sometimes how you got here matters the details of the story. There's so many different stories of how people have found their way to the Bible in complete desperation, in complete frustration, curiosity. Maybe you lost a bet, I don't know. But I believe the detail of that story matters. You're here and you are desiring that the word of God speak to you in one way or another. And I think that is amazing. We're going to continue the story in Jeremiah today. Jeremiah, chapter 46 through 48. And this week we're reading the New Living Translation, Jeremiah chapter 46.

Commentary 

One of my favorite things about reading the Bible is finding the little hidden treasures buried in the stories that we read. We can surely gather themes and undoubtedly hear phrases repeated over and over again that they even start feeling redonedant, like we get it. But then we realize there is a reason that these sayings are repeated by God himself over and over and over again. The people are just not getting it, or they had it and they lost it, which is so relatable, by the way. But it's when something unexpected that is just sort of buried deep down underneath the top soil that's obvious, that you got to kind of move the rock away, pull the weeds out. And even then, so many times, treasures are found in pursuit of looking for something else. And so I feel like I found a little treasure today reading chapter 46 verses 27. But do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant. Do not be dismayed, Israel, for I will bring you home again from distant lands, and your children will return from their exile. And here it is. Israel will return to a life of peace and quiet and no one will terrorize them. We can get so fixated with war and fighting, and we pull these scriptures from Old Testament context and sort of try to fit them into New Testament and maybe even a step further than that. We are pulling from Old Testament and applying it to our modern day world in society. And because of that, we can get really fixated on fighting and destroying each other and decimating other people groups, and I would say people in countries, but we do that within our own culture of church. When we disagree with somebody, we can really be very brutal if we're just being honest. But what I love is that God himself speaking through Jeremiah, that he will return the people that have been scattered, exiled into other countries, reunite families by returning children from the lands to which they were exiled, and he will return peace. He will restore peace to Israel. And I think if we're just willing to be honest for a minute here, we can really tend to underestimate peace. We can really gravitate towards chaos and strife and conflict. I've studied just enough of psychology to be a tidbit dangerous. But we do tend to gravitate towards chaos, towards negativity. That's where we stick, it's what we stick to. That's why we have to take every thought captive. We have to retrain our minds. We need to renew our minds because our tendency is to hold on to the negative. We remember the comments that hurt us far more than we will cling to the affirmations or the praise that someone offered us. It's like we dismissed that so clearly and go, yeah, but she said that I wasn't this. And that's where we sort of just allow ourselves to hang out at. We really have to work and strive to cling to the positive, to hold on to the thoughts that don't allow us destruction and divisiveness. If there is anything that we should be, could be fighting for as believers in Christ, it is for our peace. It is to protect our peace, it is to make peace. And I realize we're not quite to Jesus yet, but we are going to hear a sermon on the mound from Jesus himself who directly speaks and says, blessed are the peace makers. We're not talking about peacekeepers. We're talking about peace makers, those who will go out of their way to rise above the chaos, the fire that's burning, to make peace. And I cannot wait to get to that passage. But for now, we take this little nugget, this little buried treasure, and we have to hear the heart of God today through the words of Jeremiah. So perhaps we could sit with that today. We could examine our own lives and see where we have maybe not only just ran towards the destruction, the divisiveness. Maybe we have also been participants of destruction, of divisiveness, of ridicule and judgment and condemnation and gossip. And maybe we could pause here for a moment today and choose to do better as we go forward. Maybe we could be the people that brings peace, makes peace among the body of Christ, among our brothers and sisters who disagree, among our family, who voted differently than we did, among our children that are stepping out in their own beliefs and finding their own relationship with God. Maybe we could cling to peace as we surrender our pride and our wills and our preferences.

Prayer

So, Father, we thank you today for your word. We thank you that you sent your son, Jesus, the Prince of peace. And we realize that peace is not as delicious, it is not as enticing, as chaos, as war, as divisiveness, as destruction. But I pray God that we would be a people that rises above and walks around all of that, to choose your peace. Your peace that calms raging storms and your peace that disarms our pride and puts down the weapons of our tongues and of our need to be right to embrace your peace. We need your help. We thank you that you are our very present help and time of need. We pray this now in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible that is homebase. That is our website. Take a look around if you have not, if you would like to partner with us. Thank you so much for your partnership. Could not do this without you and that is the truth. If you're giving by mail DAB PO Pox 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or hit the Give icon. It's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. And lastly, look for the Give icon on the website if you need prayer. If you'd like to pray for someone that's previously called in several different ways for you to do so 800 583-2164. Or hit the red circle button up at the top right hand corner of your app. Once again, you've got two minutes on the prayer line and turn your wheel to submit over to Chronological, and hit Submit. Turn the wheel to Chronological. There we go. And it will get to the right place. That's going to do it for me today. We'll turn the page together tomorrow. And Jill, I love you. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hello DABC family, this is Diana from Florida and I want to pray for Christine who was asking for prayer request for her son and his wife and their marriage and children. Dear Heavenly Father, I come before you Lord and I lift up this marriage into your hands. O Lord Jesus, I pray that you would help to bring resolution to this couple's marriage. Oh Lord God, Father God, whatever is causing the strife, whether it be miscommunication, whether it be their finances, whether it be internal issues with their children, whether it be other issues, o Lord God, external factors, etc. And I pray the Lord God in the name of Jesus that you would with your Holy Spirit, bring resolution to these problems and help this couple, Lord, draw closer to you so that they can draw closer to each other. I pray Lord God that you will strengthen them individually as people to have a strong relationship with you so that when they come back together to communicate their issues, their emotions, their problems, they would do so wisely and in love and they would do so in a way that they feel safe and that they feel heard. And ultimately it would lead to healing. Also pray that you would bring support to their lives into this couple, O Lord, and that you would guide them in their rearing of their children and how to do that properly to your God. Lord, today, China was asking the question in this podcast about what is too hard for the Lord. What is too hard for the Lord? Nothing is too hard. Nothing is impossible for you, O Lord God. And just like I lift up these marriages, I lift my own up. Oh, Lord God, I pray in the name of Jesus that I would believe that nothing is too hard for you to change.

Dearest Papa, please be with Emmy from Illinois. Her marriage just isn't healthy, and they need your help terribly. They need your help. Grew up in an unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage where my dad would have a nice we would have a nice time, and then all of a sudden, something would go wrong, and my dad would be a flame. And it was all my mom's fault, of course. So I know, Emmy, what you're going through. So, dear Papa, please help calm things down. Please convict her husband of whatever it is that he needs to see and adjust so that their marriage can be healthy again. Please don't let it be a for everything that she's always afraid of a blow up, Lord, and then having him talk about divorce. My dad used to do the same thing. It's going to take the kids. I grew up raising my four sisters. I was their second mom. That's just not a healthy way to live. So please, Lord, please take care of this. Dear family, thank you so much. I mean, this is your friend, Adrian in Maryland, and I love you, and I will be praying for you to sit so close to my heart. Please take care of yourself and remember to breathe and remember to pray. Don't forget to lean on God for every moment of every day.

Hi, DABC Family. It's Simone calling from Texas. So I got a new job, guys, and I took a job working for a public hospital, so basically working for the government. And yesterday, August 15, was the first day, and today is August 16. Absolutely love it. After the two days of orientation, I am in love, and I absolutely believe God has me where he wants to be. And on the drive home, I cried, you all, I cried because I thought about 20 years. For 20 years I struggled. For 20 years. It was hard. I worked two jobs after my divorce. I was caring for three children, and I had to do it all alone at 20 years, I cried every night. I crawl into bed, I cried, and I said, God, where are you? Where are you? And what I realized today is, although church teaches us a lot of times, your breakthrough is coming, your favor is coming. Everything is coming. Your blessing is coming. What if it doesn't happen for 20 years? 20 years? Think about that. Will you still pray? Will you still serve God? Will you still hold on? That's what I did. And three years ago I came to Texas. And in three years, God has accelerated the process and has blessed me exceedingly abundantly. Above all I could ever ask or think. So for somebody listening to this, just consider that. What happens if you have to wait for 20 years for your breakthrough?

[ladychlo]

Hello:) srry for the rant... so all the shit talking from literally queer people about Harry today (this has nothing to do with Harry btw it could be anyone) ... It just upsets me as a young queer person that there's people in this community (lot of them) who think you must be out to be a part of the community. I mean the community was created to keep safe each other. Not to pick and choose who's going to be valid. Also I identify as a queer person and I don't want to label my gender bc to me it's something I don't see... Why is that wrong that I don't want to comment on my gender? I'm i not valid; or lying? I don't get it..

Also saw someone say that if Harry is queer he should come out bc he's a public figure and that will help other queer people?? Like what?

Why people think just because they are a part of the lgbt+ community they can pick and choose who to support and who's valid? I don't get them. It's sad

hi love,

you're absolutely right! and I've talked about this while ago and I cant stop screaming it:

Gatekeeping queerness does nothing but perpetuates the same system that oppresses queer people.

it pains me when its queer people who vocalize negative opinions about other people's queerness. that queer people invalidate other queer people's experiences just because it doesn't align with theirs. the core of the queer experience is survival and resilience and joy, this core is shared by the community but every queer person has their own experience and I think some queer people ignore how nuanced that situation can be.

some feel entitled over others' queerness, this sort of entitlement is absolutely everything against what the community is about. once you as a queer person feel like you owe other people their queerness you should stop and say what the fuck am I doing?

check your entitlement and check your privilege as well, not everyone can be out, not everyone is safe to be out, god there are people who don't even know that they're queer because they are isolated, denied any space, any representation, any words or voice, there are queer people who can't even reclaim their bodies and their identities, they cant step out of their house without the fear of being muted, there are countries that still jail, kill, torture, suffocate the life out of queer people, and not every queer person lives in a place where they are recognized or protected by any Anti-discrimination law, some queer people just want to survive in their own way, just in silence. do you know how is it hard to even accept yourself when you dont even know who you are? let along the feeling of other queer people invalidating it. all this, and you feel like you have the right to decide who can claim queerness for themselves or not? how fucking entitled can you be to say that out loud, to say someone if not out they cant be valid, they cant claim their queerness the way they want.

check your entitlement and if your queerness is used to invalidate other queer people then you are doing nothing but regurgitating the same system that made you realize you were queer, the same system that isolated you and denied you your rights, the same system that oppressed your people. and being queer is far away from that, it's absolutely the opposite of that, all your anger shouldn't be aimed against queer folks, but the system that enabled and created an environment that made queer people have to fight and resist and come out. the community was never and will never be exclusionary, far opposite from that, it's a safe place for you to breathe, to be heard to see that there is nothing fucking wrong with you, and to claim your queerness the way you want it, literally your queerness is whatever you want it to be, however you want to express it.

your queerness shouldn't oppress, it shouldn't judge, it shouldn't invalidate, and certainly shouldn't create interpersonal opression.

also just to add on the matter of Harry and Louis, I'm not gonna talk about their self-expression and how they express and see their queerness, because that's their fucking business and it up to them to feel safe and comfortable to share that. but I'm talking about how it's unfortunate not everyone outside the fandom can see their act of community, have you seen their shows? who the fuck has a full venue or arena drenched with pride flags and rainbow light? they created a safe environment for queer people to be, to exist, to express themselves, and that's fucking brave man, they don't need to come out to inspire other queer people, they don't need to come out to make other queer feel validated and seen. stop centering queer experience around coming out, stop invalidating queer experiences because they don't align with your expectations and fuck just stop gatekeeping queerness.

#I am sorry about the long ass rant but I had too

[springsteenicious]

Hi everyone! If you get the chance, please go read the first comment and my response to it on chapter 4 of Our House. Here’s the link. 

Normally, I would never ask anyone to read someone else’s comment or what I said back, but this situation is a bit different. 

I am aware that writing LGBT characters is a difficult thing. Writing them is not easy for me in any way. When I do write LGBT characters- and I try to do so as often as possible- I write them in a positive and idealistic way. I admit that. Because the majority of my writing is fanfiction, and I want to have the best, happiest portrayal of LGBT characters I can. 

Here’s a brief quote from something Ezra Furman, a trans musician, posted today on her Instagram: “In short, cis people think it is harmful to be trans.” 

This is not true for all cis people, but most cis people do see trans-ness to be a negative, terrible experience. Trans joy is not focused on nearly enough because people fear it will take away from the awful things the trans community experiences. And we do experience terrible things, but we also experience very real joy and a form of happiness that cis people don’t have the opportunity to experience. 

I’m going to get a little personal for a moment, because it’s the best way I can articulate my feelings about this. I’ve had to live a majority of my life being called the wrong name and the wrong pronouns. Even in my everyday life, I hear, “Hey, [dead name]!” or “Oh, her? Her name is [dead name].” Every day, people try to tell me I am a girl. And that’s just not true. It hurts every time people use my dead name or my old pronouns. But when people use my real name and my real pronouns, I get so happy. I remember when I first started using the name Ezra, and a friend of mine on Tumblr referred to me as Ezra to other people and I sat there smiling at my phone for a solid minute. Because it was one of the first times I was being referred to as my true self. 

What I’m trying to say here is that trans people get the opportunity to have the joy of being themselves after being someone they aren't for a while. Cis people have the privilege of being themselves from the start. I, on the other hand, was told for many years that I wasn’t myself. 

It’s because of this that I try to write a positive trans experience whenever writing a trans character. I want Rosanna to have at least one supporter from the start, and why not Hyde? It’s not OOC. Jackie, in-character, would take a little longer. Which I stayed true to. If I were truly writing an idealized version of this story, Jackie would have been supportive from the get-go. 

I wanted to make this post as a future notice. This is not my first time publishing a story with a trans character, but it is my first time publishing a story with a trans character in this fandom. And apparently in this fandom, that means getting a deep critique of my writing abilities and how I’m not catering to one person’s specific interests. Sorry, not sorry. 

My future notice is that if I have something in my writing you’re not happy with, you don’t have to read the story. I’m not going to force you to read it. I’m not going to cater my just-for-fun writing to your interests either. There are going to be things in my writing you don’t like, but it’s okay. Every time I read a fic, there’s at least one thing I’m not a fan of. No fic is going to be perfect. And you don’t have to read any of my fics that you don’t enjoy. 

Thank you if you read this. And thank you twice is you take it to heart. 

- Ezra <3

#personal #long post

[ao3-elle1991]

elle1991’s 2021 round-up!

Wow, 2021 has been a strange old year, hasn't it?

It had its ups and downs, with moments of joy and moments of great uncertainty. The pandemic continues on, and this year I had an additional little nightmare situation of my own, when someone decided to stalk, impersonate and plagiarise from me (you can read all about that saga here). But it has also been a year of happiness, with vaccinations meaning we could hug our loved ones again, and get back to something that almost resembles normality. I reconnected with some awesome University friends, whom I now play Dungeons and Dragons with every few weeks. My bestie got engaged. I went through a tough time and came back stronger than ever. I am thankful for my life, my health, my friends, my job, and I hope that 2022 will bring even more beautiful and happy moments; the moments that make life worth living.

I even found time for writing, which continues to be one of my greatest loves. I did not write as much as I might have hoped (having your own personal impersonator and plagiariser can do that), but I managed some, and I hope that in early 2022 I will be back with a very special story indeed. Thank you to all of you who read, gave kudos and left such wonderful comments on my works this year. I love sharing my worlds with you all, and hearing your enjoyment and feedback is a gift ❤

Without further ado, let’s take a look back on this year in terms of writing, and what is coming up in 2022!

The stats…

In 2021:

I wrote 3 stories

I wrote 20,330 words

I reached 281,542 "hits" or readers (across all stories, since I joined AO3)

The fics…

Here are the stories that I wrote in 2021:

Special Delivery (5,052 words) - It all started as a dumb joke. Bucky would order ridiculous items from the grocery store, and the cute delivery guy, Steve, would deliver them. Perhaps Bucky got a bit carried away, because now the joke has gotten way out of hand - and Bucky has to convince everyone that he is NOT a perverted weirdo with a lust for vegetables...

Lose Control (10,049 words) - Sometimes, he wakes in the middle of the night, his mind torn between Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier. The lapses in control are terrifying - until he finds that Steve has the ability to soothe both sides of his broken psyche. When Steve dominates him, it gives the Winter Soldier a set of orders to follow, whilst reminding Bucky just how loved and safe he is in Steve's hands. Turns out that losing control isn't always a bad thing...

Steve And Bucky Try The EXTREME Yoga Challenge! (5,229 words) - Steve Rogers has always been something of an over-achiever. Not only is he Captain America, he is also the internet's darling, with one of the most popular fitness and wellness channels on YouTube. So, when he hears about an extreme yoga challenge that has been going viral on social media, he cannot resist the temptation to try it with his boyfriend (and fellow Avenger) Bucky Barnes. Cue one of the most record-breakingly popular - and disastrously embarrassing - videos the internet has ever seen...

The collaborations…

I had the immense privilege of collaborating with the incredible artist @call-me-kayyyyy three times in 2021:

Special Delivery and Steve And Bucky Try The EXTREME Yoga Challenge! were spontaneous collaborations that came from our own wild imaginations and hilarious conversations.

Lose Control was the result of an official collaboration organised by @mcukinkbang, where Kay's artwork provided the delicious inspiration for my story. Thank you to the mods for organising that event.

Thank you, Kay, for being a wonderful collaboration partner and all-round amazing person! I feel so lucky to have been able to collaborate with you thrice this year, and to be able to call you my friend.

Coming in 2022…

New year, new fics! I look forward to continuing to entertain you guys in 2022 with more stories! Here is what is in the pipeline:

A Natasha-centric fic: A multichapter Natasha-centric fic that will be a sequel to Fearless. If you consider Fearless an ode to her life, this story will be an ode to her death. I am currently plot-planning this in detail.

If you want an email notification when I publish this, go to my AO3 profile and hit the “Subscribe” button!

A special message for you…

And last but certainly not least, I cannot talk about 2021 without giving a huge hats-off to you guys, my readers! I love writing and would do it even without an audience, but the fact that there are many thousands of you out there who read my fics makes it a million times more rewarding!

THANK YOU for your readership, your loyalty, your kudos, your comments, your love, your excitement and your enthusiasm for my stories. You make writing so much more fun, and knowing that you guys enjoy reading my works and that these stories touch your lives in some small way is such a humbling and wonderful experience.

I look forward to sharing more stories with you next year, and reading your thoughts in the comments section of AO3! And if you have been a silent lurker so far… come and say hi! I am not scary, I promise, and I love to connect with readers.

All the best for 2022, folks. See you on the other side!

Lots of love, Eli xxx

#stucky #steve rogers #captain america #bucky barnes #winter soldier #avengers #marvel #mcu #my writing #special delivery #lose control #steve and bucky try the extreme yoga challenge

[homoose]

i’m a hardcore swiftie and i agree with you about the allyship! i think a lot of the people who put her as the face of the lgbtq+ allyship is allys themselves, when really it should be up to the lgbtq+ community.

“you need to calm down” is probably one of my least favorite songs on lover. 1. it’s annoying, and 2. i know that she had good intentions, and i love that there was lgbtq+ representation in the music video, but it just seemed a little much. i don’t think she had any bad intentions tho.

i can understand why she’d play “shake it off,” because it really is about shaking off the haters, but yeah there probably should’ve been something to follow about how homophobia is not okay in any sense, which she has said in the past.

and for “picture to burn” where she makes the comment about him being gay, i personally can let that slide because it was 2006. i think she apologized but it’s hard to find because there was no trace of instagram or anything, and i really hope that she doesn’t put that lyric back in the re-recording, but i don’t think she will.

also, with “betty,” before there was hype around it being a wlw anthem, i personally really loved it because it made me content with myself when i have had homophobia from friends and family. but i understand why people would think that it’s essentially queer-baiting.

either way, i love taylor and i think she genuinely is a lgbtq+ ally, and i don’t think there was any maliciousness in what happened in the past. i hope this doesn’t come across as an attack, i just thought it would be helpful to see the same pov from a swiftie!

and yes i agree that everyone needs to stop shipping her with karlie it is weird and just as bad as “larries” who ship harry styles and louis tomlinson.

I have lots of friends who love taylor so believe me, I’ve heard the perspective. to be clear, I don’t hate her or anything! and this isn’t like a cancellation— I’m sure she has certainly grown as a person and it’s great that LGBTQIA+ people can find comfort and joy in her body of work.

I think what it comes down to is how you define “ally”— for me, part of being an ally (whether as a straight person for LGBTQIA+ people, a white person for BIPOC, etc.) is taking on some personal risk. not every person’s risk is going to be at the front lines of a protest, but being an ally means you use your own privilege/sacrifice something to protect and uplift the community that you’re claiming to be an ally for.

that might mean risking physical safety at a protest, social comfort at your job or within your family/friends, or financial means (this can mean donating to individuals/mutual aid, but as a huge creator/celebrity, it also means knowing that you might lose money/revenue for being a vocal/visible supporter).

taylor swift did not take on any personal risk until 2018 (when she was 29 years old). up until that point, she was pretty well known for being apolitical. by 2018, it wasn’t a risky move to identify herself as an LGBTQIA+ ally, particularly since she had mostly transitioned out of the country music scene and into the more gay-friendly pop genre. she also had a large LGBTQIA+ following at that point, so it frankly didn’t make sense for her to not support the community.

it’s fine that she decided to “get political” in the post-trump era, but imo, it was just as much a business ploy as it was a social commentary, if not more. rainbow capitalism sells lots of hoodies and cardigans.

I’m glad she’s finally using her platform to speak up about social issues, but I’m probably never going to view her as an ally 🤷🏻‍♀️

#homoose answers #anti taylor swift #long post #sorry I’m done talking about it I’ll leave her alone lol

[the-darklings]

coa one year later & self-reflection

(*drags out a creaky metal chair and plops down on it heavily*)

Hi. It’s me, ya boi skinny--

Wait, wrong one. Do over.

Hi, it’s me, Kat, and I’m not dead. Clearly. Today being one year anniversary of COA has kinda put me in a reflective mood, so I guess I decided to sit down and just...talk about some things, thoughts and feelings I’ve been bottling inside for a hot sec. Especially given how radio silent I have gone on here and people deserve a bit of perspective. 

And before anyone starts worrying, it’s all good, and I’m still around and currently in good health for the most part. 

So, let’s take it back to the start. Regardless of how dramatic it may sound, we need to go back a year for that. 

By technicality alone, COA actually turned one year old on October 12th. That’s when the first part was posted. However, the reason I’m treating today as the aforementioned birthday is simple: I had no intention of this story ever being more than a short two-parter. I told this to the discord gang already but COA was only going to have two parts. V was going to die in Tokyo and the rest of the story follows glimpses of John throughout the movies and it’s her ghost that haunts him. Skipping ahead, it was going to have a bittersweet ending of John eventually dying, having completed his task, only to be greeted by V, Daisy and Helen in the afterlife. A peace of sorts. Then, I realised that, well, no. I have more to say on this world and intrigue about this placeholder character V kept growing. 

November 1st happened and I made a very last minute call to continue COA but with the added pressure of doing it during NaNoWriMo 2019. And boy did I. Most of the story was figured out during that very intense month. I posted Part 2 on this day a year ago because I was so eager to share it. Perhaps, in retrospect, a bit too eager. 

For those of you who may not know this, I work as a writer full time for my actual every day job. I’m the main writer for an original webcomic called In the Bleak Midwinter on Webtoon.com and have been for almost two years now. Getting what is essentially your dream job is amazing. I’m very lucky on that front but it also taught me stark realities of having your job and only hobby overlap. It’s a dangerous creative mix. Especially because I was not used to being constraint in what I create or the feeling like I have to please anyone else. Writing as a job is a whole other avenue of creative exhaustion. I love my job a lot and am very, very lucky to have it but it doesn’t change the fact that those initial stages made me fall back on COA a lot for creative freedom that I craved so desperately. To an unhealthy degree looking back on it now. 

But going back to November last year. NaNo time. I did it. Finished on the 24/25th I believe. A juicy final count of 52k+. All while maintaining a weekly update schedule for a fic that usually hit around 10k per update, if not more, even during those early days. Add writing an original story on top of that. Writing every day for hours on end (we are talking 10-12hr days) without any time for other hobbies or time for myself in general. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing. Losing weight and sleep in the process. I think the thing that convinced me that I should continue doing so is the fact that the outpour of support for COA ended up surpassing anything I ever expected or even dared to hope for. I’m not a huge numbers person but the outpour of love and just sheer investment in the story and characters blew me away. John Wick fandom is on the smaller side and has been going through downtime when I posted COA so my expectations were...well, small tbh. I like keeping expectations low to avoid any disappointments in general. But I’ve also always had an issue of being a massive 0 or 100 kind of person. If I love something, it consumes me. In this case, it brought me as much joy and freedom as much as it was steadily pushing me towards the ultimate crash. 

That being said, I can’t thank you all enough for every comment, like, reblog and message and fanart. You’re the reason I got this far. With your support. It brightened some really dark days for me.

But. 

To be frank, it’s never been about you guys. I never wrote or pushed because I felt like I had to appease anyone. That creative mindset is pure poison and I long since learned to let go of it. I kept pushing and kept working myself to the bone because I liked it. I liked how reading peoples’ responses made me feel. I liked the addictive nature of reading all the comments and theories after an update. I loved the idea of brightening peoples’ days and giving them something to cheer them up after what might have been a shitty day. Even if that was at expense of my own time/well being. But for a long time, it wasn’t. I love writing a lot but facts remain facts. 

It was beyond unhealthy and burnout wasn’t a question of if but when and that when was approaching at neck-breaking speed. 

So we come to the end of November. Part 4 has just come out. People were invested and I was invested alongside them. I was just finishing up Part 5 which (back then) was the biggest single chapter I’ve ever written and god I still recall my sheer dread because that was the beginning of Santino being established as a LI. Looking back on that now, it’s downright hilarious how worried I was about the reception of him and V together after John.

So honestly, I hit burnout at around Part 8. Because that’s the first time I recall struggling with writing a chapter. Part 8 came out on December 28th. I had a brief break for holidays. But my mistake was not taking longer back then. Because I continued writing with a barely healed burnout. Followed by almost a year of struggling and continuously creating through that state. It wasn’t like I eased off the pressure, either. Oh, no. The chapters grew in size, the world and the characters with it. AUs amassed quickly and while I adore every single one - again, I didn’t know how to pace myself well enough.

I’m spiteful though. The more the chapters struggled the more I pushed against the burnout. By the time Chicago arrived, however, I knew I was in trouble. I ended up writing 43k+ in a span of 2 months, I believe. And while to some it may not seem like a lot given the time frame, it’s a lot when you’re burnout to a crisp & writing an original story for work + deadlines. Which I was burned out and then some. Chicago was something I was looking forward to writing for months. I have built it up since Part 4. It was a long time coming. So while I’m still proud of it, I would be lying if I said that some scenes were not sacrificed for the sake of keeping to my invisible schedule that no one but me actually cared about. You guys have always been patient. I never felt pushed into anything. It’s always only ever been me doing the harm. 

Chicago was the downwards spiral for me mentally. I felt like I was failing to live up to my own expectations. That people were drifting away from it. I was plagued by the thought that the story I poured so much into was falling apart and growing weaker. Which this has always been an issue with me: I am my own harshest critic. Always have been. In fact, I’m a downright mean little fucker when it comes to just tearing at myself. I know writing is for fun - and it is - but I still like the idea of being proud of my work which only made everything worse despite the love each update received. 

This takes us to the beginning of June. Specifically, June the 2nd. Or, as I like to call it: Kat Makes Another Impulsive Decision but This One Actually Works Out For the Better. On this day, I created the COA Discord server. And damn, I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting when I did ngl. I did it for fun and as an escape more so than anything. But somehow it ended up being the best decision I made in a long while. I know some of you are reading this. So love you lots, dorks. It’s such a privilege to be able to call so many of you my friends even outside of COA now. That little community has given me some of the best memories from this year and helped me to crawl out of my own metaphorical pit I was stuck in. Mentally, I’m doing much better than I did beginning of this summer. Which could be summed up as a constant self-hatred cycle and a feeling of inadequacy. 

That, however, does not mean my burnout magically disappeared. If anything Chapter 17 just put a nail in the coffin so to speak. 2020 has been a shitty year just across the board for obvious reasons I don’t need to go into here but that can only partially be attributed to my mental state. Chapter 17 was...exhaustive. To say the least. But I was determined to stick with my vision and not split it up. I was also starting to be a bit more forgiving towards myself in terms of how long I may take to write it thanks to guys on discord though the feeling of failure and worry never quite faded fully. I’m proud of Part 17. Truly. But that was also when I hit rock bottom creatively on COA. It drained me completely. 

I tried writing Part 18 for weeks after, day in and day out, not getting past the first scene and hating every word I wrote. So I took a deep breath and stopped. Figured I let it marinate and wait instead of trying to piece one of the most crucial chapters in this story like some Frankenstein monster two sentences at the time.

So my solution was simple: give myself some distance from it and write other things. Get my spark back. Of course that’s always a good idea. Having multiple creative escapes is the best thing you can do for yourself creatively. There was just one tiny little problem. 

I was still burned out. Still am. The problem went deeper than just being burned out over COA. I was burned out over writing itself. 

Which is an issue for a person who only has writing as a creative outlet.

I don’t have any other way to express myself. So I was stuck in a runt, trying to write because it’s the only thing that makes me genuinely happy even when I really shouldn’t have. And let me tell you. It’s a shitty fucking feeling. My burnout worsened. I had a thousand ideas but every time I tried to get them down it felt forced, fragmented, and weak. Repetitive and dry. Now, this is also in part because English isn’t my native language, so my vocab is limited as a result, but I hit that sweet rock bottom in that regard, too. 

So, I worked on V (but in her OC form Clara), Lucien and The Elites. All those characters have grown so much since you last read about them. I have multiple original projects planned down the line that will feature all of them existing in their own world, with their own stories and no longer constrained by JW canon.  

Which, finally, takes us to the end of October and beginning of November 2020. 

I was convinced that the best course of action was to do NaNo again but with an original story this time (involving V). Suffice to say, it took a grand total of maybe 5-6 days and hating every second of writing it while also feeling like this project I’m so passionate and excited to write (still am) is just...going down the toilet to be blunt, to realise I may have made the wrong call. 

Still, the stubborn ass that I am, I pushed through. Convinced I can get into it if I just keep going. The realizations that I am sharing with you right now won’t have been possible if it hadn’t been for a rather curious turn of events about a week and a half ago.

I recently bought a gaming laptop, all in preparation for Cyberpunk 2077 dropping ofc. But, in the meantime, I kept recommending a game to a friend on the COA server. That game? Far Cry 5. (It’s a blast to play btw, just a side note.) And playing it brought back all the feelings of nostalgia from the days when I used to write for that fandom. So I revisited some old work. Checked the stuff I never published and that has been sitting ducks in my docs for months and hoo boy. Let me tell you it was a vibe check of the worst kind. 

The stark difference in the prose and the ease with which it flowed was...startling. It made me remember why I love writing so much and how proud I used to be of what I wrote back in the day. Which is not to say I’m not proud now, but it was just such a sharp dip in quality it was impossible to ignore.  

So I didn’t.  

I paused NaNo, moving it to another month. I paused writing for everything but work, which with our season coming to an end I will also get a rest from soon, too. I kinda paused in general. For the first time in a while, I finally forced myself to switch off. Rest. 

The reason why I haven’t been on here is simple: guilt and not having energy to be on here. I like making my blog a safe space for everyone. Similar to escape it has become for me. I couldn’t pretend I was fine when I wasn’t. I felt obliged to perform and being here became exhausting. I haven’t been checking my inbox. Haven’t done much of anything except occasionally dropping by and reblogging a random post so people know I’m alive.

And that’s that, folks. That’s where I am currently. Resting. Completely exhausted mentally but resting. Getting my energy back. 

So where does that leave us, huh? If you read this far, dunno what to tell you. Thanks, I suppose. It’s still odd to think people actually care about my existence sometimes.

I know what you’re likely thinking, too. So does this mean COA is never gonna be finished? What is gonna happen to it? Are you abandoning it?

The answer: no. 17 out of 25 chapters and 250k+ in, I’m too far in not to give it a proper conclusion. Not because I owe it to anyone other than myself. I want this story to be a stepping stone for my future as a writer. I want to prove to myself that I can get this done and finish it. As of right now (as you can no doubt tell with how long it’s been since last update) it’s on a soft hiatus while I rest. This rest? Not sure how long it may last. Right now, my plan is till mid December at which point I will reevaluate. Ideally, I finish the year with an update. But my New Year’s resolution is to finish COA. That timeline has become a little more murky now but, again, ideally it’s within the first quarter of 2021. Will that happen? I don’t know. And I don’t want to make false promises, either. 

All I’m saying is that it will be done. I’m just no longer sure how long, exactly, it may take me to reach that Epilogue. I don’t expect many people to stick around for however long it may take me, but if you do, thank you. Truly. I really and deeply mean that. 

So what’s on the cards for this blog in the meantime? Well, CP77 is coming out in under a month (if it doesn’t get moved again lmao rip) and I expect that to be my soft return to posting my writing on here again. We will see where the muse takes me, if at all. Regardless though, I’m excited. 

One doctorate thesis later, here we are at the end of this really long rambling session. I hope that this has given you some perspective on things going on behind the scenes. I spared you some of the gorier details but I think this post has been long overdue. I suppose I, myself, was just too unwilling to face these things despite knowing about them deep down for a while now. I’m too self-critical not to notice but acting on correcting this behavior has been a whole other matter clearly. 

Thank you for reading this post, my writing in general, and supporting me. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still around. More is on the way in the future. I’ll be seeing you all real soon. And all my love to all of you. 

Love,

- Kat.   

#kat speaks #blog psa #i suppose

[self-shipyard]

"I Will (Pt. 1): The Bride Team" - A Self-Ship Wedding Fic

SYNOPSIS: The first part of a special, four-part fic in which the bridal team meets up and gets the blushing bride ready for the big day.

Word Count: 1478

CW: Pre-Wedding Fluff, Mild Swearing, Mild Tension

Tag List: @guthound, @danieladimitrescu, @puppyships, @ava-ships, @awesomedanganronpaconfessions, @sinners-call-me-baby, @reigenhusband, @that-autistic-team-skull-grunt, @noellojello, @somethingscarlet13, @spookymasonjar, @vanityloves, @valor-selfships

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4

"Turn your head," Sorbet instructed.

Lumaca looked up in the mirror at Sorbet as he held her curls in one hand and a brush in the other.

She had been studying herself in the mirror and thinking about her initial hesitation when he offered to help gussy her up for the big day. It wasn't that she didn't think he could do a good job; she knew he was an expert when it came to painting his and Gelato's nails. She had just worried about potentially bothering him with it.

Though, she was glad that he was so persistent in the end. After all, he did have the innate ability to make anything look lavish on a tight budget.

"Like this?" she asked, turning her head to the right.

"Yeah," he replied.

The brush's teeth glided through her hair, smoothing out any rough curls that were sticking out of her head. Each stroke smoothed it out more and more until he was able to hold all of her hair in one of his hands. Then, as gently as he could, he wrapped it up into a bun. He left two long strands on either side of her face.

He stepped back to study his work from afar, feeling rather proud of himself.

Then he noticed her shift in expression.

"You look nervous," he commented.

She looked up at him and gave him a little smile.

"I am a little," she admitted.

"What's wrong?" His head tilted slightly. "Today's a happy day."

"I am happy, Sorbet!" Her hand went to her chest. "I feel like my heart could explode right now; you know? It's racing like crazy."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, I mean after today, I get to..." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I get to spend the rest of my life with Ghiaccio. It's all I've been wanting and I'll get that privilege today. I'm just... Feeling a little overwhelmed with love, I guess..."

Sorbet sighed quietly to himself, and he kneeled down to her eye level.

"Ghiaccio feels the same way," Sorbet mumbled. "You should've heard him. Every day since you said yes, he's been rambling to me and Gelato. Rambling about how long he's been waiting for this. How he wants everything to be perfect for you. How he loves you so much."

Her eyes went wide, even sparkling a little.

His eyes, in the meanwhile, drifted to the ceiling as he continued on.

"I can't say we've ever seen him happier, and it's because of you..."

Sorbet stopped and looked back down at her when he heard her sniffle. Her hazel eyes shone with tears and her lips carried a smile that could challenge the warmth of the sun.

He squinted and pointed a finger at her.

"No crying, Lumaca."

"I'm sorry," she smiled as she began to fan her eyes with her hands. "I'm trying not to, but-!"

"No crying," he cut her off before she could work herself up even more. "Save that for when you go to meet your groom at the altar."

He realized a little too late that those words only made her even more emotional. Now she was biting into the inside of her lip in a vain attempt to stop her tears from falling.

"Sorbet, that's making it worse!" she giggled, a sound which awakened his playful side. If she was going to be like this, he figured he'd have a little fun with it. Who knows? Maybe, it'll loosen her up a little.

"Not my fault..."

He leaned in close to her ear and whispered into it.

"... Mrs. Ghiaccio.~"

She pulled away from him with a squeal, holding her ear and letting her laugh fill the room.

"Sorbet, you jerk!"

He too started to chuckle, taking some joy in hearing his friend laugh.

Their laughter was interrupted by the sound of a firm knock at the door. After motioning for her to stay seated, Sorbet got up and made his way to the sound of the knocking.

He peeked through the window.

"It's Formaggio and Prosciutto," he called back to her.

Within a matter of seconds, the front door had been swung open and in walked Formaggio with Prosciutto right behind him. They were both dressed for the occasion, in formalwear similar to what Sorbet was currently wearing; white collared shirts with red vests and ties, long black pants, and polished black dress shoes.

"Hey, hey!" Formaggio called out. "What's going on bride gang?"

"Hey, Formaggio!" Lumaca smiled over her shoulder at him. "Nice to see you're already dressed."

Formaggio held up a hand to his chest and let out a fake gasp.

"Why I'm surprised at you, Space Cadet!" The nickname made her scrunch up her nose a little. "You say that like I was hoping to skimp out for the occasion."

"Thank God you didn't," Prosciutto mumbled behind him. "A lot of us would've been pretty pissed off if you hadn't come prepared."

"Hey now," Formaggio tilted his head to look back with a grin at the other man. "I thought you were supposed to be the father of the bride, not MY father!"

Prosciutto sighed at him before turning his attention to the Man of Honor and the bride. "Good afternoon Sorbet and Luma...."

Taking one look at her made him stop and stare.

"Good afternoon, Prosciutto." she smiled.

Prosciutto gave himself a quiet moment to take it all in.

He knew this day was coming ever since she and Ghiaccio had announced the engagement, but now as he stared at her, it dawned on him that she, someone he saw as a daughter, really was going to be getting married.

And that he was going to be the one to give her away.

"You look beautiful," he commented, trying not to let emotion show in his voice.

"He's right, I mean damn Sorbet!" Formaggio suddenly chimed in before she had time to thank Prosciutto for his kind words. "You did a great job. Lumaca's looking good enough to eat."

She smiled warmly at his reaction.

"Thank you!"

Lumaca suddenly noticed that Formaggio had a devious glint in his eyes. Deep down, she and the others knew that he was wanting to add on some sort of suggestion. However, just as he had opened his mouth again, a knock came to the door.

Sorbet was quick to answer.

"Oh, thank God," he mumbled, looking out the window. "It's Gelato."

The door opened and in walked Gelato, dressed in similar formalwear to the others and his face a little frazzled. He and Sorbet greeted each other with a quick kiss.

"Ahh," Formaggio called out to the newcomer. "So, the last bridesman finally decides to show up."

"Shut your mouth, cheese head," Gelato laughed. "It's not my fault traffic was bad."

"What, just like it is every other meeting day?" Formaggio chuckled, while Sorbet closed the door behind them. "Buddy, it's okay to say that you overslept or something."

With a roll of his eyes, Gelato's attention went to Lumaca and his face lit up upon seeing her.

"Oh!" He gave a little wolf whistle that made Lumaca act all bashful. He trotted up next to her and kneeled once he was in range. "Well, would you look at that! Now, who could this principessa be getting married to, huh?"

"A handsome cavaliere with blue curls!" she chirped.

"What a lucky bastard he is," he chuckled while he stood back up. "Speaking of which, the wedding's in about twenty-five minutes, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sorbet went up next to Gelato, his hand resting on the small of his back. "We were just about to leave."

Though her face was lit up with excitement, Lumaca's eyes gained a hint of anxiety.

"It's..." she took a deep breath. "It's time already?"

"Just about," Prosciutto commented, looking down at his watch. "Sorbet's right; we should be heading out since it'll take fifteen minutes for us to get there. Let the two of them help you up."

Sorbet and Gelato both held out a hand to Lumaca, who took hold of them both and rose from her seat. She was careful not to catch herself on her dress or the chair as she stood up to meet them.

"There we go!" Gelato chirped. "Now let's go! We don't want to keep the groom waiting, do we?"

Lumaca looked over at herself one last time in the mirror, and it dawned on her that a bride was staring right back at her. In that moment, she was looking into the eyes of someone who was on her way to marrying the love of her life. The thought alone started to make her head spin.

Masking these feelings for the time being, she turned to look at Gelato with a smile.

"No, I don't think we do!"

#❄soft snow (lumaghia)❄ #❄soft snow wedding❄ #self ship #self shipping #self shipping content #self shipping community #sorlaca (friend tag) #lumapros (familial tag) #formaca (friend tag) #self ship wedding #⛵sal's writing

[sirowsky]

The Flowers Always Know

Description: When a mad scientist uses you as an experiment while you’re on holiday, the Heroics only just manage to save you. And in your recovery you become very close to the leader of the group. (Slow burn)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Language, angst, physical injury.

Link to Masterlist

Comment: Reader continues to struggle with her abilities, but with some help, she finally begins to understand them better. Though, no good news without bad ones too...

(Is this GIF yours? Let me know, and I’ll credit you!)

Chapter 21

  The next morning you woke up in a secure room. They didn’t trust you with med-chambers anymore. That was probably about time.   Tuesday. Today was Tuesday. You sighed as you wondered just how long it would take before you’d inevitably mess up the days again.   You already missed waking up to Amaire’s brisk and energetic ‘Good morning, champ’. They were so good at using just the right level of enthusiasm to give you a boost, without stepping over into overly energetic, or annoyingly chipper.   Here, there were no lovable nurses, no doctors checking on you every hour, just sensors in the walls that continuously scanned you for changes in energy-levels.   Unfortunately, though, the science division had been kept up to date on your move, and within five minutes of you waking up, the door opened and another fucking piece of cardboard was shoved in your face.

  “Seriously? Do you people even sleep? It’s not even 6am yet…”

  “We sleep in shifts, miss. This is important, we want to get you that assessment as soon as possible.”

  Oh, great, now you felt bad for being snarky, on top of your usual less than stellar morning mood.

  “How thoughtful of you. And what about making this shit actually edible? Any idea how soon that might become a priority?”

  “Uh… sorry, miss. It’s a process.”

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed. Does the recipe actually change at all? Because it still tastes like something between paper and dirt, no matter how many times I eat it.”

  “It does, but they actually remove as much flavour as they can, since it’s so full of synthetic materials.”

  You raised your eyebrows at him before swallowing the synthetic piece of crap.

  “Sorry I fucking asked.”

  He squirmed a little where he stood, clearly uncomfortable with your language. But you were pretty sure he’d actually been waiting outside the door for you to wake up, and then not even had the decency to wait until you’d been to the bathroom before barging in. So, you didn’t really give a fuck about his feelings right then.

  “What?”

  “Sorry, I just have to ask if you feel any sense of fullness?”

  “I’ve barely swallowed it…”

  “I know, it’s just that the effect should be pretty instantaneous.”

  “Well, then – it isn’t. Can I go and do my morning bathroom now, or do you have another annoying and useless point?”

  He all but ran from the room and you felt a tiny little bit bad for him. But they really should know better than to bother you first thing in the morning, by now. Especially with nervous tweens.

  You missed the relative warmth of the med-chambers. These rooms were literally just empty squares of powers-proof materials, or, as close to it as you could get. There wasn’t actually any material that was 100% proof against powers, but some metals combined with force-fields could withstand incredible amounts of supernatural forces.   There was a simple bed, and two chairs and a table, all of it made with the same power-resistant metal. That was it.   And while you did see the wisdom of keeping you in there, it also felt more like a prison than anything else, and it made you anxious. Especially since Marcus was still on single supervised visits.   He’d been verbally reprimanded for taking you to the in-house restaurant, and sitting you down among dozens of other guests yesterday, but in these circumstances that was like getting a slap on the wrist. You hadn’t really been in any state to be able to harm anyone, since he practically had to carry you there. And he’d made the judgement call that getting nutrition into you was more important than keeping you isolated, at that particular moment.   He’d sat with you while you’d gone through the equivalent of about six dinners, continually refilling your plate as you emptied it, until you’d finally had enough, and damned near fallen asleep over your plate.   You didn’t expect him to visit until school was out for the day, so you prepared yourself for a long and dull morning, probably accompanied by nothing but the fucking science division.   Oh, joy.

  It was just before lunch that the door opened for the fourth time that morning. You were just completing your eight set of push-ups, burpees and hand-stands, and you were in no mood for more synthetic foods. Today was the kind of day where your morning mood just lingered, and became your overall mood.   You were pushing yourself physically in an effort to keep yourself calm and balanced, despite the boredom and interjecting annoyances, but it wasn’t quite working.

  “Did some idiot give you coffee?”

  You actually warmed at the sound of Anita’s sharp voice behind you, and you let your legs fall down from your last hand-stand and stood up to see her magnificent scowl.

  “I wouldn’t put it past them.”

  “Well, sit down before you pass out.”

  “I’d rather stand. I have a little too much energy at the moment.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  “I generally do. So, what brings you to my dungeon on this unremarkable Tuesday?”

  “Just checking on you for Marcus. He’s a bit worried after yesterday.”

  “Yeah… that wasn’t a very good day, either. I don’t seem to have a lot of those lately.”

  “Mm. It’ll get better. All supers struggle after discovering their powers, it’s just that, usually, they’re kids or teenagers which means they don’t have the grown-up problems to worry about too. You’re juggling a lot, loco. Give yourself a break.”

  “Wow. Marcus must be really worried if you’re actually being nice to me.”

  “I’m always nice to you.”

  You looked at her with a mockingly shocked expression.

  “Incredible. You’re lucky I kinda love you.”

  She squirmed and got up to leave, and you couldn’t help but grin widely behind her back.

  “You’re welcome, by the way.”

  “For what? The privilege of your visit?”

  “No, niña. For the smile on your face right now.”

  She didn’t even look back as she said it, somehow still knowing the smile was there. It lingered on your face for a good few minutes after she left.

  You gave up on trying to exercise your stress away, after your arms gave out and you fell on your face, during your fifteenth set of hand-stands.   You did have an actual bathroom, with a shower. But it was an adjoining room that could be detached from the actual cell, if anyone feared you might try to use the toilet as a battering-ram for some reason.   You took a long and soothing shower, letting the soap wash away the sweat and grime, but also some of the nervousness that seemed to live in your skin. You took some time to take care of your nails and put on creams and blow-dry your hair.   You hadn’t taken the time to really groom yourself in weeks, and it somehow made you feel better. Less chaotic and messy.   When you stepped out of the bathroom, the errand-boy from science was back, and whatever good mood you’d managed to accumulate, evaporated in an instant.

  “Oh, for the love of fucking Hades, will you just leave me alone, already!”

  A puff of energy escaped you, and it was enough to fling the scrawny little boy across the room and into the wall, head-first.   All the anger inside you morphed into a lump of ice in your heart, as you watched him collapse into a pile on the floor.   You ran over to him and picked him up into your arms, holding him tightly as you pushed your energy around him, and felt that thing leave you. That thing that wanted to make it right, to make him whole again, and in the next moment; he was.   You felt him twitch back to life, and your own energy drain, but you kept holding him.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to, I swear, I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.”

  “Uh… it’s okay, miss. I’m fine.”

  You let him go just enough that you could grab his face and look into his eyes to make sure.

  “Nothing hurts? Nothing feels bad, or weird?”

  “I feel… great. My shoulder’s been killing me after a baseball accident last week, but it’s all better now. How’d you do that?”

  Suddenly terrified of how easily and effortlessly, you’d hurt this boy, for no reason, you crawled away from him.

  “Go. Get out of here. Don’t come back, don’t let anyone come back in. Stay away from me.”

  You crawled all the way to the opposite wall, before the fatigue overpowered you, and you passed out.

  When you came to, you’d been moved.   You were on a hard bed of some sort, in what looked like a lab, and there was an elliptic-shaped, transparent dome covering most of your torso, as well as two thin tubes leading into each one of your arms, and another two into each leg. IV-tubes. And the banana-bags they were attached to where in the gallons- not ounces -category.

  “What… what are you doing? It’s not safe… you have to put me back, it’s not safe…”

  “Calm down, miss. Everything’s fine, these instruments have been calibrated to absorb your energy, you can’t hurt us here.”

  Her voice was soothing, comfortable without feeling forced.

  “My name is Doctor Emily Kane, and you’re in the Research division right now. We’ve decided to go ahead and do your assessment. For the moment, it seems more urgent to understand your abilities, than keeping your energy up. That said, we’re not going to push you until you’re completely drained, don’t worry. We’ve taken as much precaution as we can.”

  “I… I think I killed that boy…”

  “And then you saved him. It was an accident, and I understand that it frightens you, but the key to controlling your powers in the future, is precisely by not being afraid of them. And the best way to reach that point, is to understand as much about them as you can.”

  She met your eyes and held your gaze until you nodded.

  “Okay. Then let’s get started. This machine on top of you is going to absorb and measure and categorise your energy, so I want you to try and activate your power right now.”

  You took a few deep breaths, and tried to push your energy out, but it wouldn’t come. Your fear had locked it down, and you wanted it to stay down. Forever.   After twenty minutes of failed attempts, no matter how much the good doctor tried to either soothe your worries, or antagonise you, she finally had to admit defeat and was forced to change tactics.

  “Okay, this isn’t gonna work. Bring him in.”

  The door opened and Marcus stepped in, and came towards you, and every piece of equipment in there that was attached to you, started beeping and moving.

  “Marcus… you shouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. You won’t hurt me.”

  “I don’t know that.”

  “But I do.”

  He kissed you, really kissed you, and the machines went crazy as you heated up for him. You wanted to touch him so badly, but your arms were trapped by the elliptic dome on top of you. Your ghost hands found him, curling into his hair and holding him to you, and all the while the room got louder and louder.   The frustration of not being able to feel his skin against your body, eventually made you angry. Angry enough that your energy flared, and the dome really did absorb it.   Somehow, that was a big enough surprise to you to break through your lust, and make you pull away from Marcus to stare at the dome while you shot another burst of energy through it.   It just disappeared from you as the machine sucked it up, and for reasons you couldn’t understand; it all seemed like a challenge to you. Like it was baiting you to try harder.

  Challenge accepted, Data.

  In your periphery, you saw Marcus back away, as you held back and gathered your energy under your skin. You had broken an entire med-chamber by filling the room with an invisible density, you’d certainly be able to break one little machine.   When the energy was so thick under your skin that you feared you might burst from the pressure, you released it. The whole room shook, but only for a moment, and then the dome had swallowed it all up.

  “Amazing…”

  Dr. Kane’s voice broke into your concentration, and you forgot your challenge.

  “I’ve never seen this type of energy before. It seems to exist in several dimensions simultaneously. Fascinating.”

  “Dimensions? Wait, it really is ghost energy?”

  She chuckled slightly at that.

  “I guess you could call it that.”

  “So, what does that mean?”

  “Well, we’ll have to perform more tests, obviously. But, basically, it means that you have the ability to tap into one or more alternate dimensions, and draw energy from them, into this one, using your own body as a conduit. It also means that there’s theoretically no limit to how much power you could wield, with the exception that acting as a conduit is seriously draining on your own body. So, let me be clear: your power absolutely can kill you.”

  You took a minute to absorb that, not that you actually could yet, and you felt, more than saw, Marcus shift nervously at your side.

  “And the healing?”

  “That one I can’t answer with any definity until we’ve had a chance to observe it through these instruments.”

  “But… your best guess?”

  “My best guess would be that that power actually comes from you, not some other dimension. It seems to be a clean transference, your energy and life-force is transferred to the injured person, instantly weakening yourself, much more than acting as a conduit does – but also instantly healing the recipient. It’s interesting that you’d develop these two powers specifically, though. It seems to indicate that you have a naturally self-sacrificial tendency.”

  Marcus flinched.

  “Self-sacrificial?”

  “Yes. A willingness and capability to take on difficult or even impossible tasks and burdens in order to protect others, regardless of personal pain or even the possibility of death.”

  That was a little too true for comfort.

  “And… while we’re on the subject of things that are less than fun to talk about, I feel obligated to inform you about something we’ve discovered about healing abilities in general.”

  “Okay.”

  There was something in her tone that made you feel like running out of the room.

  “We don’t know why, exactly, but it seems that women with healing abilities of any kind have an increased difficulty in conceiving children. We think that it might have to do with the fact that women bleed during their cycles and that their abilities instinctively try to prevent it, thereby messing with the natural order of the female body.”

  “But… I can’t heal myself.”

  “It doesn’t seem to matter. Have your cycles been regular?”

  “…No… not since the experiment. I figured it was because of the coma, since nothing at all worked during the time I was under, and for a while afterwards.”

  “Irregularity is one of the tell-tale signs, I’m afraid. But, listen, this is not an exact science. Couples that have been medically declared infertile or sterile have managed to get pregnant anyway. Nature’s amazing, and there’s so much we still don’t know about supers. So, if this is something you want, don’t let the science get in your way.”

  You had no idea what you wanted, only that you were suddenly glad that you’d at least started this conversation with Marcus a while back. It felt like it would’ve been a more difficult subject to broach now, if you hadn’t.   But this wasn’t the time to have it. There were more tests that needed to be done, and for the first time, you really wanted to know what more the science actually could tell you.

  You glanced at Marcus, hoping not see him crushed by the news, and were relieved to find him looking calmly determined.   You’d talk about it later.

Authors’ Note: I love criticism, don’t be shy to let me know if there’s anything you like/don’t like/have questions about.

@blueeyesatnight​ @farfromjustordinary​ @allmyspideys​ @hrk-fic-recs​ @strawberryperegrine @lucrezia-thoughts​ @computeringturtle

#marcus moreno #marcus moreno x reader #marcus moreno fic #we can be heroes #we can be heroes fic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

[whump-tr0pes]

I need to gush about Honor Bound for a bit, I apologize for how long this might get, but I figured it can’t be too wrong to show gratitude for something you hold dear! I found Honor Bound through the “Bleeding through the Bandages” chapter in book 4. I got into whump around that time, mainly as a coping mechanism for my own pain, and I saw that chapter pop up on my dashboard and I didn’t really consider it was part of a bigger story and I needed a distraction so I was like, might as well. And then it ended up being the best depiction of what I was feeling that I’ve ever read; not just the pain, but the frustration, and the exhaustion, and the mind-numbing boredom shown in other chapters too. I read the previous chapters of book 4 and then decided I wanted Context and also More Sam and then I read the first three books in two days. And then I reread them all in one day because I needed to reprocess the journey that was. And then I reread all of them again with book 4 when it finished, and then religiously followed book 5 through the worst time I’ve ever had, and reread the previous books multiple times as 5 was updating as well. Needless to say it quickly became my comfort series, and on multiple occasions waiting for a new chapters was one of those little joys that kept me going. I am so, so thankful I found it when I did. The Honor Bound family is like no other found family, at least to me. All of them are such complex individuals, but their interpersonal relationships are just so deep and meaningful and each is so incredibly unique, I could honestly write essays upon essays analyzing each one. And the way you connect everything and weave tropes into the overarching plot is just Insane, it’s truly like you’re… retelling a story that actually happened, you know? Like these are real people and real stories. Because I can’t com prehend how you come up with some of this stuff. And there are so, so many “cinematic” moments that are just. So raw and hard-hitting and just stay with you. Big and small moments alike. The Ryan reveal, Joseph Stormbeck’s death (best death scene ever by the way?? I’ve told everyone I know about it when I read it I was absolutely in Awe. Never recovering from that), every moment between Sam and Isaac (I also have a sibling who I’m not technically related to by blood but would like, probably die for, so I just really appreciated everything about them and we need more stories like theirs) (and also every time Sam called Isaac out. Good for them), Sam talking Gavin through his caning holy shit that was a religious moment, Gray’s slowburn adoption of Gavin and when Gavin decided he wanted to be a Uriah (and how his initial thought to getting asked what he wants to be called was “Moore”. And then he was like “Well fuck.” Love that dumbass), just every single thing Finn ever did for the family, Finn and Ellis and Gavin’s monologue about giving Finn a concussion (!! chills!!) and their reunion after Coleen, Vera and Tori and the Work Song scene??, Vera and Tori lowkey adopting Edrissa and Edrissa’s character development and her rants about pretty things and her and Sam and Zachariah’s adorable Young Love that made me so giddy right along with them and Sam and Zachariah’s meet-ugly (I mean it was kinda sweet), Gray being the parental figure we all needed, and Nata and Zelda and Nata helping Sam (and now Gavin!!) and Vera being so proud of her puppy. Also, Isaac and Gavin’s relationship…Insane. The most dramatic enemies to lovers and I love them for it. Invented love. It’s so crazy to read the beginning and see how far everyone’s come and think about everything that has happened from that one Whumptober prompt. It’s a lot but it also makes so, so much sense. I can’t imagine a version where Isaac and Gavin aren’t together in some way (and since I started out of order, when I realized it was a enemies to lovers I was really excited to see how all of that happened. Especially after reading the first book, because it (1/2)

(2/2) was like, how the hell are they gonna get from point A to point B. No way those are the same characters, how is this ever going to get justified? And then Gavin ended up having the best character development Ever, and I love that, I love that he had to work for it and that we as the readers have to work to love him too, because it pays off). And now the ending of book 5! Oh God. On that note, you’re so good at writing villains; making them human and also absolutely detestable and killing them off in the most satisfactory way tailored to them. There was never a point after a major arc where I thought “oh, I wish this had happened instead of x, I wish this had gone this way instead”. Also, to go back on the topic of pain (physical and mental both)! The way everyone copes with it differently, it’s the same thing but it’s unique to the person dealing with it and that’s so clear in your characters, and I also love, love how you made a point of showing how pain changes people because that’s something that I find so often gets ignored, whether voluntarily or not, even in whump. But, yeah, pain definitely changes people. And that’s not always bad, and it’s not always drastic, but it happens and it’s not a shameful thing. Everyone breaks. And HB made me believe that I was allowed to break, and that it’s still possible to live a life you think is worth it. And I won’t even get into how much it’d taught me about friendship and family and how it made me reflect on my own relationships with my loved ones (especially Isaac’s perspective, oh God). It’s just such a rewarding journey. That’s the best word to describe it, I think. And this latest chapter: “The sun shone brightly on the hood of the car, so bright Isaac almost had to close his eyes. The wind moved through the trees that swayed on either side of the lane. Isaac rolled his window down, and he could hear the birds calling to each other, and the sound of the wind rustling the long grasses that smelled so green. With each heartbeat, Gavin relaxed in his arms, his head falling against Isaac’s shoulder, his breaths becoming deep and slow again. A tear rolled down Isaac’s cheek, and he hid his smile against Gavin’s hair.” That image. It’s so vivid and visceral. It gives me the exact same feeling as spring after a long winter (which is…super fitting, actually). It’s that moment of pure contentedness when you realize it’d all been worth it. I don’t know, it just really, really struck me, and I’m so glad the book ended on that note. Despite knowing more hurt awaits, even that feels okay, because happiness will always find a way to seep through. And God, do they deserve that! It’s gonna be heartbreaking when their story ends, but I also know it’s gonna feel right. Like a peaceful retirement. Just, thank you for sharing this world with us, Athena. I hope you’re aware how meaningful this story is to so many of us. And being able to follow it in real-time and hear your inputs and chat about the characters and scream in the comments and reblogs is such a privilege (and being able to read it for free at all? Five books (six counting Vera)! For free! Though I will be getting books 1 and 2 soon hopefully actually). I cannot wait for book 6 and I Will be crying about book 5 until then (and long afterwards, most likely). And I wish you all the best in everything you take on next.<3

Wow, I... wow. I had to set down my phone and just sit in silence after I read this. I’m just... so humbled and amazed that you were able to connect so much with the story and the characters. I’m so glad that you saw something of yourself, and that you were able to find comfort in it. I find comfort in them, too, just knowing that the characters are there when I need to write them. 

It’s important to me for things to turn out ‘right.’ That’s part of why I write whump: the bad guys can be defeated, the good guys emerge safe, and love prevails. Writing Isaac and Gavin’s love story was absolutely the biggest surprise for me, it really did feel like I was the last to know. But I treasure them both so much and I love writing them. The family is so fun to explore, with each relationship being so different from the other. I’ve poured so much of myself into this story and into every single one of the characters. 

Book 6 is going to be such a challenge. It’s the last book in the series, and the one that’ll (hopefully) tie everything together. I’m giving myself a little break, but I’m also a little scared to start it because once I start it, then each chapter will be closer to the end, and then it’ll be over. I have a few more things in store for the family but at the end, I hope they’re safe, happy, and together. These characters mean more to me than I can say and I’m so happy I’ll have you with me along the way.

[throughscreendoors]

i may destroy you 2.4

I’ve just been reminded of how great things can be. Was watching some Fran Lebowitz interviews on YouTube and she was commenting about how little great art there is, and how expecting masterpieces from artists is insane. If an artist creates one masterpiece, that’s an exceptional achievement—and many artists get worse over time, not better. Also many artists and writers never make a single masterpiece, let alone a single good or great thing. By extending her thinking there’s very little great anything, which is harsh but true—but I May Destroy You was great.

America teaches us to measure ourselves by what we consume. The high schooler who likes the obscure band tells everyone about it until it isn’t obscure anymore, and he has to find another one to brandish. Digital media disrupted that, because there’s no consensus or mainstream taste to snipe at from the fringes.

Algorithms have deconstructed the taste pyramid into a horizontally organized structure of some kind. We’re all ensconced in our own permeable bubbles, sure, but we don’t really make those bubbles anymore. Spotify or Netflix suggests things to us based on limited data points, we select those things and think we’ve chosen them. I thought for a while that irony died in the early 2000s, but it actually just got sharper; now you can ironically and unironically like obscure and popular art at once from a kind of superposition. Carly Rae Jepsen comes to mind here—she’s simultaneously recognizable pop icon and marginalized indie darling, authentic new voice and post-ironic pastiche.

There is no irony or sincerity anymore. They’ve welded together in an atom-wide scalpel that slices everything all the time in our words and preferences and values, so subtle we don’t even feel it. We recombine before we slide apart into a pile of flesh cubes.

That flattening of tastes has meant every created thing—whether widely recognizable or obscure—must fit into some algorithmically imagined category (or be made to fit one). Perhaps subconsciously fighting that trend, endless new meme formats have risen in response (a kind of organic algorithm, perhaps). A VSCO girl wears these shoes and takes photos from these angles; this is the lonely divorced dad starter pack; here is stock market boyfriend explaining GME and AMC to his astrology girlfriend using images created on 4chan for incels.

As algorithms slice us more and more precisely into bits and we reassemble those bits more and more astutely into formats we can understand, something strange is happening. New categories and dominant values are springing up that seem unassailable, protected by these two alternating currents—particularly around the messiest subjects. People who overcome trauma are heroes; the world can be divided into abusers and victims, oppressors and the oppressed. Implicit is that nobody really disagrees with these statements anymore, they just wield them as truths for different ends. The positions can be inverted, in other words, but those are the positions.

Part of what makes I May Destroy You so great is that it tears those unassailable categories down. On trauma and sexual assault, those in-the-know understand that trauma constitutes a reorganization of the brain. Memories can disappear and suddenly reappear. Our emotions can fluctuate wildly. People can pursue dangerous situations they wouldn’t otherwise; they can reverse on things they knew to be true for years instantaneously.

On the other side are people who don’t understand or refuse to learn these facts, people who trot out the same debunked arguments (why wouldn’t you report right away..., how is it you now conveniently remember..., why did you go along with it for so long..., etc). The beauty of the show is it uses that idea of the unassailable category against the viewer, in case they are skeptical. We follow Arabella’s consciousness; it behaves like it behaves. It’s our job to follow its oscillations and make sense of it.

By taking that simple stance, the show paints every character as both hero and villain, victim and abuser. It is nearly overwhelming how interconnected and interdependent everything in the show is—swallowing it all threatens to destroy the characters, as it does our own minds. It’s not a coincidence that the bar where much of the worst that happens in the show is called Ego Death.

There’s a new-age positivity that has seeped into the culture lately that we can heal from anything, we can infinitely grow and expand beautifully into ourselves and into the future. The show skewers that point astutely. In truth, you don’t heal from trauma—it’s a rupture in our consciousness, in the very structure we use to interface with reality. We don’t “heal” from these things, we die to the old version of ourselves. We reach forward and backward at the same time, experiencing joy and agony at once as we’re sliced into millions of pieces and recombined into a new structure. As we scan over that inner structure in our minds, we’re liable to come across pieces that don’t belong next to one another. That’s what we mean by “processing” something, be it a memory or ourselves. We may cry and laugh in the same breath.

It’s a real challenge to use art to deconstruct the entire cultural moment, while also offering a deep and rich representation of inner and outer worlds that aren’t seen very often on TV. It reminds me of the horror in the futuristic surrealism of Random Acts of Flyness, but more optimistic. It’s more generous in spirit than that, and it reaches into dangerous areas. The conclusion of the show threatens to infuriate the primary fan base the show is made for (in one of the truest artistic risks I’ve seen on television in some time). It has nuanced takes on feminism, veganism, consumerism, social media, consent, race and modern alienation, and it does it all in consistently experimental way with an amazing soundtrack and a huge heart.

It’s interesting to watch a British show as an American with all this in mind, as I think the majority of Americans don’t leave that phase of consumption. It’s tempting to hail a show like I May Destroy You as a way to call attention to yourself; it’s challenging, nuanced, empathetic and so on (and because I like it, I must also be those things, etc). I think watching the show is more of a wake-up call than that, and it feels false to use it that way.

Artists have such a privileged place in society. They are the most interesting and the most inspiring, and now everyone wants to be one. But there’s a difference between being creative and being a good artist. I don’t think being a good artist is an intrinsic thing in the way racists allege that race is intrinsic. Still, I do think good art has to come from some kind of novel experience of the world—and even that isn’t enough. It must be matched with virtuosity of some kind. Possessing both of those qualities is exceptionally rare.

Michaela Coel made something that feels entirely for her with this, and it’s incredible that she managed to. The pressure to give in to outside influence, to make things more digestible, to accept money for a lack of control is nearly overwhelming in my own experience; I assume it must be for others as well. I think maybe this is another mark of real artistry—when your desire to say something so outweighs the social pressure to stop you from saying it (obviously, this isn’t the only mark, just one of them).

What inspired me most about this is it’s a show that makes good on its promise. It makes you think about the darkest, most shameful parts of yourself that you would least like to share with the world and challenges you to start sharing them. It encourages the kind of self-examination that truly might destroy you—even if you’re not a victim of sexual assault. It’s a terrifying feeling, but the grace note of it all is that "you” are always being destroyed by outside forces, and you are also always recombining. What “you” means always contains its opposite, it seems to argue, and for that reason, we ought to be dangerously kind.

#I may destroy you #michaela coel #artists #tv review #artistry #fran lebowitz

[selenes-sun]

Two//

Platonic! Draco Malfoy x Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

This was inspired by the song “Two” By Sleeping At Last which is linked here!

Masterlist

A/N: For my first Draco fic I thought I would write something Angsty so here you go! I hope you enjoy it because this song made me really emotional and it inspired me to write this equally emotional fic. Also this is my first song fic so I really hope I did this right😅! Requests are open! :D (gif not mine)

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When I first saw you, you were surrounded by all of your friends, you looked so happy. You were smiling at something your friend was telling you. You seemed like you had everything you needed and more.

I didn’t know you yet but I was happy for you. I was happy that you found the happiness you needed.

The second time I saw you, you were alone. I went up to you because you looked upset, and I wanted to make you feel better. Although you did push me away.

But I saw you again. You were with your friends again and you were laughing. To the stranger’s eye, it’ll look like you were genuinely happy, but the more I looked at you, I could see how fake it was.

Sweetheart, you look a little tired 

When did you last eat?

I kept catching you when you were alone and you always looked upset. I tried talking to you every time, but you were always very closed off. Then one day, I finally broke through your wall. You started talking and I just sat there and listened.

I could tell that you appreciated the company. We would always meet up at the strangest times, but I did it for you. I never cared if it was the middle of the night or the crack of dawn. I was always there for you. 

It was finally summertime. We kept meeting up. Then one day I saw a bruise on your arm, I knew that probably wasn’t the only place you had them but I didn’t comment or pry because I knew it was a touchy subject. One thing I did do was offer you to stay at my house.

At first, you refused, said you had to get back home, but I insisted and you reluctantly agreed. You stayed at my house for a few days and then, out of nowhere, you left. You didn’t leave anything but I didn’t mind, as long as you were ok.

Come in and make yourself right at home

Stay as long as you need

I finally asked you, I didn’t mean to pry but you answered me. I sat there and listened like I always did. I didn’t speak, because I knew you knew me as put together. Because I was always by your side.

I offered to help you in any way possible. I was your emotional support after all. But I also helped you with other things. I would sacrifice myself for you. But you didn’t need to know that. Because I was always listening and never speaking.

Tell me, is something wrong?

If something's wrong, you can count on me

You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat

There were things that you still wouldn’t tell me. But I did the best I could to help you with everything else. I would take you out, maybe to buy necessities, because no one would do it with you. Maybe it was paying for meals, although you always insisted to pay, I would refuse.

I did it so you knew that everyone in the world was different. That not everybody was using you, that they genuinely cared. I did it to take the weight off your shoulders, although this added weight to mine, I would never tell you that because I was protecting you.

It's okay if you can't find the words

Let me take your coat

And this weight off of your shoulders

I would never tell you, but I would kill for you, or maybe I’d make peace with said person. I did it because I loved you. You didn’t see me as anything more than a best friend, a sibling perhaps. But it didn’t matter, as long as you were happy.

I loved you but I would never tell you because that’s not what you needed at the moment. I did it because I wanted to show you that I wasn’t getting anything out of this friendship.

Like a force to be reckoned with

A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss

I will love you with every single thing I have

Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess

Or calm waters, if that serves you best

I will love you without any strings attached

Sometimes you would come to me and you would start crying. I thought you were very strong for doing that because showing emotion was good. I was always there to comfort you. I knew that if I could take your place I would, with no regrets.

It's okay if you can't catch your breath

You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest

The more I took your walls down, the more I would build mine up because you didn’t need to know about my problems. I wanted to be there for you, not for me. I didn’t need to put more weight on your shoulders with my life.

I know exactly how the rule goes

Put my mask on first

No, I don't want to talk about myself

Tell me where it hurts

The more I was around you, the happier I saw you. Except for this time you looked genuinely happy. I wanted to build you up until you felt good about yourself. Until you could find your happiness with others and not just me.

Maybe when you were ok I would find that happiness for myself. But not until I was sure. 

I just want to build you up, build you up

'Til you're good as new

And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too

I tried looking back at all the memories. At all the moments that we shared together. I also tried recalling all the times I saw you and shifted through my memories, hoping to see when you started feeling this way.

After the war was when you met Astoria. I wanted to love you, to hold your hand and make new memories with you. But everyone could clearly tell that you loved her. I saw the way you looked at her and I hoped that one day I could find someone to look at me the same way.

I don't even know where to start

Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart

I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well

I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself

I stood by your side as every year passed. I watched you fall in love and propose to her years later. When Astoria offered to make me a bridesmaid I was happy to accept because she truly was kind and caring enough. I knew that she was the right person for you.

I wanted to love you as something more. Someone might’ve beat me to it but as long as you were happy, I was too. I knew that I was lucky, to find you and be able to heal you enough so you could find love yourself.

When you asked me to give a speech at your wedding I was filled with honor. I was glad that you asked me because it proved how important I was to you.

Like a force to be reckoned with

A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss

I will love you without any strings attached

And what a privilege it is to love

A great honor to hold you up

“Do you, Draco Lucius Malfoy, take Astoria Charlotte Greengrass as your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?”

Like a force to be reckoned with

A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss

I will love you with every single thing I have

“I do.”

Like a tidal wave, I'll make a mess

Or calm waters if that serves you best

“And do you, Astoria Charlotte Greengrass, take Draco Lucius Malfoy as your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?”

I will love you without any strings attached

“I do,”

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride,” Draco pulled Astoria in for a kiss and I was by your side, smiling. It was a sad watery smile but I played it off as a smile of pure joy.

I was happy for you and I hope you knew that. I was there from the beginning and I was happy that I found you on time. I was happy that I was there through it all, through your times of happiness and through your times of sadness.

Standing here today, was the best feeling, because I knew I did a good job in protecting you. That was my only prize in our friendship, seeing you happy with everyone, but especially yourself.

At the reception, I saw you laughing and dancing, having the time of your life. Then it was finally time for speeches. I got up from my seat and grabbed the microphone.

“I wanted to congratulate you because both of you look so happy together. I can’t wait to see the many happy years that will come into your marriage. I wanted to thank you Draco for being there for me and you Astoria, for being there for him. I love the both of you so much and I’m glad to be able to now call you my sister Astoria.”

I will love you without a single string attached

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#Draco Malfoy x reader #Draco Malfoy x you #Draco Malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x astoria greengrass #Draco Malfoy #astoria greengrass #Angst #harry potter imagine #Harry Potter fic #hp fic #Reader insert #song fic #selenes-sun

[zigsnose]

Do you have any Choices HCs?

Oh yeah! Not as many as I used to though... there are very few characters/stories that have stuck with me as of late.

I rambled a bit so I'm gonna save y'all's dashboards and put it under the cut!

michael harrison (hss) goes on to be a renowned documentarian

i mean this is not even a headcanon. the dude has loved filmmaking and editing since he was a kid. he will be a star. this is fact.

rory silva (hssca) is demisexual

i saw a post about this a while ago but i had no clue what demisexuality was back then. now having recently replayed the first couple books in the series, and being spurred to do some research because a character in another game identified himself as such (cove from our life. i refuse to stop talking about that game), i can't unsee the parallels between those two characters! and with the way rory talks about their "perfectionist" view of love, falling for the heart and having to be close to that person before they can begin to feel that way, and how particular they are about how their relationship with MC develops... it seems kinda canon ngl

andy kang and tom sato (ilitw / ilb) are in love with each other but don't know it

this might be a residual from teenage me constantly shipping two guys together who showed any ounce of affection for each other ajkflyldh but again, having replayed recently, their scenes together are just so...??? and andy's scene outside the house party where he's wishing he could share his joy and confidence with tom?? and the unerring support and protectiveness they have for each other throughout everything they've dealt with, redfield or otherwise?? i just feel like andy's gonna wake up one day and be like, oh. it's him. it's always been him.

black!edward mortemer (ds) is afro-caribbean

i'll never get over how pb uses the same backstory for every version of a custom LI even when it doesn't make historical/contextual sense for all of them. i know there was a noteworthy black population in england at the time of the story, and many of them were free and chose to work as sailors. but there was an even more significant black population in the caribbean as a consequence of the slave trade, and i can't help thinking what a missed opportunity it was to bring that glaring aspect of the time period up, especially with a black MC. i'm just tired of everyone being european by default when they so easily could have had individualized backgrounds.

benji (qb) was never the bad guy

yo hear me out, what he actually did was gross and disgusting and he definitely is a bad guy, so this is more of an AU idea than a headcanon. when book 1 ended, there was an amazing reddit post about how much better queen b would've been if it had any actual critique of the classism that's so rampant in the school, and how one of the popular students should have been the person harassing MC to show the darker side of all that privilege, instead of it being the one poor student everyone hates. i think i commented about how pb had an interesting take on that with nathan and the fratority in the junior. in that thread, i found out i wasn't the only person who thought benji might join the squad and help overthrow belvoire's whole system when we first met him, seeing as he and MC were in the exact same position as outsiders at that point. that post was pretty eye-opening, so i like to imagine a different version of book 1 in which benji isn't thrown under the bus and typecast as a creeper nerd, and one of the frat guys in the top 10 fills that corrupt role instead. (not carter though. never carter)

#zn ask #thanks so much for the ask!! #was fun to think about my old faves (and non-faves) again #choices headcanons