#but ultimately many ppl have it far worse than me so what I need to do is shut the fuck up and go do something productive

[izzy-b-hands]

hey

h-hey, um. hey?

hey gdocs?

where the fuck is my fic draft that I know I saved while on my phone and closed out of so I could open it on my laptop

#text post #jesus fucking christ fine I'll go blast my eardrums with metal and do the fucking dishes and not let myself even enjoy that!! #since apparently nothing wants to work out today #it does this now and again so I know the draft will probably show back up but like. once again 'why now' #what sign is this universe what am I supposed to be doing if I can't write or film or do anything I happen to actually enjoy #but ultimately many ppl have it far worse than me so what I need to do is shut the fuck up and go do something productive #and maybe I can write in between/while filming so long as my typing isn't too loud on the recording fdklsajfdsa #my apologies for whining bc this is unnecessary and childish of me but if I don't vent the frustration I think I might lose it

[steeleyespan]

the transmisandry stuff is insane to me. hink it's this thing i notice all the time were folk dont actually understand in any way how oppression actually works. so they just see that trans woman have a word for the specifc institutional n societal discrimination etc they face so that means trans guys need one an aw....despite the fact theres no observable instances of transmisandry as far as i can see its all misdirected misogyny or transphobia and sometimes homophobia and probably various other things that arny misandry cos...misandry dont real

this is personal experience and i am stealth and pass so its different to many ppls experience but all thr shite i used to get abt my appearance (cos i was viewed as cis girl) and general treatment frm ppl just stopped cos they saw me as (an albeit feminine or younger) guy. and obviously i still am somewhat gnc (esp for where i live) but i faced just as much ignorance fae folk. specifically experienced just as much problems using gendered bathrooms before i started transitioning and was read as a masc gnc lassie. also as a trans guy av had folk misgender or question or stare at me in the bathroom but ive never had someone imply i was in there to abuse or assault someone or to fulfil my fetish or whatever thr fuck cos that's specifically a problem experienced by trans women because its transmisogyny.

like what even are the major issues that SPECIFICALLY only trans men face....ig like lack of access to reproductive healthcare n stuff but thats also something trans women struggle with and also again i think related to misogyny cos some healthcare that trans guys need access to is mostly used by women and thats partly why its bad underesearched underfunded being taken away etc and why theres a cultural stigma and ignorance surrounding it. and that obviously then effects trans women too. so it's made worse because of transphobia but its not making an instance of misandry worse nd isny caused by institutional misandry present in the healthcare system....

and the rest of the issues are legit like. women are mean about men online. trans women are mean about trans men online. theres more trans women in tv shows than trans men. and anything else is just transphobia that all trans folk experience as well.

ultimately theres like. no need for this to be a term just say transphobia. theres no societal institutional cultural discrimination or oppression that effects only trans guys exclusively thats why it's no a thing and disny need a word. Another one of this things that if ppl were being normal and just wanting to improve the lives of trans ppl but specifically spoke about the issues trans men face cos idk thats their lived experience and were incorrectly and unnecessarily using the term transmisandry, ad be like alright thats a wee bit stupid but its no the end of the world (i swear it used to be slightly mair like that). But now theyre no doing that theyre just like redpilled incels now but instead of moaning about women in general they moan about trans women specificly and make brave statements such as Friendly reminder its valid for blokes to drink pints of beer and watch the fitbaw and be angry.

its hilarious it's just them being misogynist proving therefore that misogyny is real and misandry isny and proving trans men arent immune to being misogynist or exempt fron the privileges of being a guy. Unreal they legit got mad at a rando posts online about men being fail and cringe. Most reddit-coded community on this site

#long post #transmisogyny /- #sorry. rant

[sserpente]

do you think people who have a cnc kink are sick and disgusting? me and my friends were talking about nsfw stuff and basically one thing led to another and we were talking about kinks all of a sudden and we fell upon this article which mentioned cnc.. we got curious and looked up about that particular kink more and in conclusion, one of my friends think that ppl who have/do that are sick--i dont think so though. how about you? (u dont have to answer this if u dont feel comfortable and thanks so much in advance)

NSFW post ahead!

Heavens, no! If your friends called it sick and disgusting, they were kink-shaming, it's as simple as that. That's quite ignorant and rude. Unfortunately, when some individuals in our society encounter something they can't identify with, they will call it weird or worse things and try to find a reason as to why it should be wrong. We see the same thing happen with religions, racism, fashion and many other themes. Some may go as far as claiming that people with "darker" kinks all have a trauma of sorts but let me assure you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and not everything is trauma either. There doesn't always have to be a reason for why you enjoy certain things. Sometimes you just do.

You will have noticed that I too write and/or read stories here on Tumblr that have dub-con or non-con warnings. Enjoying these types of stories online doesn't reflect what you believe in, what your principles are or what your real sex life is like. They are fantasies, nothing more or less. Harmless fantasies where ultimately, you are in control of the situation (you can always stop reading or simply press Pause). As for real life, that's why safewords are so important. In fiction, when you read or write dub-con/non-con, there is no need for "resolving" the "scene" with aftercare because it's already a fictional setting.

It's just that in our society, rape is a delicate topic. And for good reason. Rape is NEVER okay. CNC (consensual non-consent or rape play for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term), however, is a common kink in BDSM. It can be exciting and arousing for many and if it's carried out in real life, as long as both partners consent to playing/pretending and safewords are in place so they can stop the "scene" anytime, there is nothing wrong with it. Have you ever seen a couple playfighting because it's fun to tease each other? To run from each other? Well, some couples like to take it further. It's all pretense and there is, in fact, a lot of porn out there thematising CNC. If you are up for that, just give it a quick Google search. It's a lot more common than you might think. You're not alone. There is also a really good documentary called "Kink" on BDSM produced by James Franco which I really recommend on this topic. You should be able to find it online, however, bear in mind that it's very explicit... it's a documentary about porn after all.

If you are female (or identify as female), another thing that makes me furious about this topic as a feminist is that especially women are being shamed for their kinks. There are still so many old-fashioned and sexist views and assumptions deeply interwoven into our society resulting in some going as far as making women believe they're not allowed to have sexual fantasies, especially not if they're dark. But who are you to tell me what I can and cannot fantasise about? Who are you to make decisions over what I can and cannot do with my body? It's not real. It does not reflect my real wishes.

I strongly believe that it's the people who are kink-shaming because they are unable to keep reality and fantasy apart, who should seek help--because that is when it gets dangerous.

There is a really good book out there called "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It was published in 1973, so a few things are quite outdated but its premise is still very relevant and it covers both an introduction dealing with this very topic I just touched upon and a collection of women's sexual fantasies. You read those, you'll think yours are harmless, trust me.

Ultimately, BDSM and CNC roleplay in real life are based on trust and respect for one another in a romantic/sexual relationship (or a professional and safe work environment if it's porn). That is how it is acceptable ONLY. If it's not for you, that's fine. Just keep in mind that others can still enjoy those things. You don't owe kink-shamers an explanation if it's their ignorance trying to make you feel bad about yourself. 🤗

[delusion-of-negation]

so the op of that "don't bully teens" post now blocked me - I wanna reply to this one (since I typed it up only to find out that I am blocked) never said that school wasn't important or that a joke alone was more important - I said that it is more important to look after your physical and mental health than to get amazing grades, because you can retake exams a lot easier than you can repair damage done by self-neglect. it isn't inherent to making a silly joke based on an internet maymay that you're not doing school stuff, they're not mutually exclusive, but having chill time and having fun are vital components of a good environment for mental and physical health, which in turn will make you more able to do well in exams because you're in a better place, even if it means retaking them later. that isn't telling people to just neglect school. but I also said that ultimately this convo about what is more important is deflecting from the main point that y'all shouldn't bully and insult teens who are just making jokes on tiktok, it's not at all going to encourage them to focus on school it's going to upset and annoy them. also them discovering things doesn't mean someone has groomed them, you can find shit out on your own - do you seriously think everyone who's in any way into fucking feet or big tiddy or all that stuff was groomed? people just be like that, as long as they're being safe and aren't out there doing anything at that age, it's fine, making the silly internet meme joke about it is just fine. also want to reply to a reply to my comment on the other thread (the convo was on two posts) pygmy-possum said: "@/patchuolli that’s a good point, but nowhere did the screenshot of the tiktok mentioned smth like that. they didn’t say how to safely explore their sexual interests, they were just shaming the teenagers" fucking thank you! there's now both rightwing asshats and terfs swarming this, going off that trans people are tryna fucking groom kids and all that shit, when all we're saying is don't bully kids and then fucking call it anti pedo activism. and I wanna reply to @feathery-dickmuffins (well, specifically the tags, from this reply) "#it's like...have you not made edgy and sex jokes around the people you talked with when you were a teen? #I mean hell most teens legally do even more sex-related things but we won't get into that #it's just weird like them ppl be having legal sex and you're here getting pissy over them making jokes #they do worse things in the bedroom. #I know I said I wouldn't get into it'd but I fucking lied. you know it's true. we all know it's true. #it's their right. #do you not remember being a 15 years old or something?" bruh, the age of consent is 16 where I live, a lot of teens do it with each other before then, but bruh 100% these people call people babies, lil' teeny tiny children, innocent precious flowers, and it's like bro they know what sex is, here it's legal for them to do it and they most certainly do (I used to volunteer for an lgbt youth group and I had to answer plenty of questions about situations revolving around that, because they were doing it and lgbt sex ed in schools wasn't there, so they had to ask the volunteers). chill the fuck out and let them make jokes based on internet maymays, it really ain't fuckin' deep. I literally talk about how it's a bad thing that so many kids under 16 have sex, that we need far better sex ed so it doesn't fall on volunteers, in this very reply and earlier ones I've said that we need better education and that they shouldn't be having sex under 16, yet this post is full of people saying my reply is "concerning" and the others, mischaracterising us, all sorts of shit. I am so tired of people being unable to read and unable to separate teens from babies, so they go apeshit at somebody even suggesting that it's fucking stupid to bully kids over a joke then act like you're fighting the pedos - maybe they just feel called out, maybe they switched their brains off and saw what they wanted to see idk but either way it's so fucking stupid.

it's just an internet meme, calm your tits and focus all the energy on stuff that will actually help people.

[deng-yi-deng]

What have I been doing with my life (2020)

Wrap up of all the dramas I remember watching this year, roughly in order of when I watched them and how much I liked them - totally subjective and not based on quality or anything else. There were LOTS of dramas I meant to watch (Hikaru no Go, Bad kids, Romance of Tiger and Rose) but didn’t get to. This list includes Cdramas, Kdramas and KO One (Zhongji) series which is kinda it’s own thing. Last time I just listed them but this time I’m indulging in a little commentary - titles in bold i might even watch again.

TOTAL HOURS WASTED: 442.5 = 18+ days

Full list after the cut but I’ll give you my

fave cdrama from 2020: Love is Sweet (really? who wrote this? it’s not wuxia?? I hate rom-coms!! wth???) ok, ok, tied with Ancient Detective (phew, that’s more like it.)

fave cdrama I watched this year: Nirvana in Fire (2015)

Ever night (2018) why did no one tell me to watch this before? holy crap real wuxia. the plot, world-building, setting, characters, production were all fabulous. tbh the weakest part was the end (a common lament of mine). secondary characters were all my faves, next to the scenery. cfy was ok, but not amazing so ....that’s how I feel about that.

Nirvana in Fire (2015) glad I didn’t watch this until now because basically all i can think of when I watch a drama is...why the f* can’t this be even half as good as NiF? seriously, now that I know they can make good dramas, it makes the bad ones seem even worse. A classic, you don’t need my recommendation on this one.

The Ghost Bride (2020) based on a YA novel. Super good (tho I didn’t read the novel). I even recommended it to non-drama watching friends because it’s short and on Netflix.

Ancient Detective (2020) I just really really enjoyed this, ok? best friends squad with a little romance. plot rips off English country house mystery format but then has a twist at the end. bonus himbo. sad it likely won’t get a S2 because it ended on a cliffhanger.

Mystic pop-up bar (2020) I laughed, I cried. Fav kdrama this year tho I didn’t watch many, including most ppls’ favorites.

Love is sweet (2020) brainless, tooth-rotting fluff. exactly what i needed in this nuclear tire fire of a year. silly. bai lu and gao hanyu were great. lyx is my emotional support actor (but you knew that already.)

Joy of Life (2019) finished it in January I’m allowing myself to stick it on the 2020 list because it’s so good.

KO One (2005) and KO One Re-act (2013): KO One is my comfort food show now - watched it for the third time due to Reasons. Silly, stupid humor with heart.The theme song is my ring tone. Re-act has been the most enjoyable of the Zhongji series sequels for me. (Fun fact: lyx acted in one of the Zhongji series “Ultimate Ranger.” I WISH I could find a place to watch it.)

Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty (2020) - enjoyable. found family is my jam. great food pr0n, needless killing off of a certain character I will not name

Kingdom S2 (2020): cromulent sequel, annoyingly short season

Wu Xin the monster killer (2015) - a sleeper. I really enjoyed this, looking forward to watching the sequels. Elvis Han and Ian Wang were great, but all the actors were good, plot moved briskly, had lots of humor and action, music was less annoying than most dramas (for me)

Fighter of the Destiny (2017) - not done with this yet but this is the kind of fluffy xianxia I like - again, best friends squad with less emphasis on the sappy romance. Gao Hanyu is adorable. Lu Han is...pretty good?? (downside: Janice Wu’s character is kinda annoying)

Handsome Siblings (2020) - they...did not look at all alike. was that supposed to be funny? supporting characters were A+

The Uncanny Counter (on air) (2020) - amount of emotional gut punches per episode borders on viewer abuse. blatant tearjerker.

Legend of Fei (2020) - so far not compelling (up to ep 12) but i’ll eventually finish it because wyb’s character is fun and i like the supporting characters

Tale of the nine-tailed (2020) - though it seemed up my alley I forced myself to watch it. secondary characters were way better than the leads

The Devil Punisher (on air) (2020) cheap and cheesy, but more fun than Uncanny Counter. Don’t @ me

KO One Re-member (2016) No Jiro, but at least we got Wes back - too bad his character was nowhere near as fun as Huang Zhong in KO 3guo.

KO One Re-turn (2012) Dragged a lot.

And the Winner is Love (2020) - you know how much I love lyx but this is on the bottom of the list because after watching the whole thing I got really really depressed. like really. depressed. it wasn’t just that the drama was a complete let down (it was) idk. i’m always going to associate it with losing that last little bit of my will to give a crap about anything.

Winter Begonia (2020) - abandoned after 3 eps. I just wasn’t in the mood for this, though I like jing ju. may try again another time

The Wolf (2020) - abandoned after 3 eps. if you’ve read this far down I’ll let you in on a secret - Darren Wang looks terrible in a wig.

My roommate is a detective (2020) - abandoned after 2 eps. for some reason this did not hit me.

#cdrama #cdrama review #omg should i tag every drama? #ancient detective #love is sweet #nirvana in fire #KO One #not going to tag them in Chinese

[lesbiancarat]

From watching others James corden tends to be good with foreign guest so hopefully this one will be no different ^^

Also the way that announcement sent me spiraling because like....are they promoting? Are they just going to sing home run? AH. ALSO ALSO I know people always get concerned when they’re lots of comebacks for our boys but idk it’s weird I feel like since they’re technically promoting “less”, as in not doing the whole four week deal they’re sorta like, bored in a way? Normally, they most likely would have done a tour at least like in Japan or fansigns around Korea or world tour by now, but since all fansign is a lot less formal and you can’t go anywhere they sorta want to do more? Of course I don’t want them to be tired but they’ve never had a hiatus thus far or any slowing of activity and since a lot of stuff is at a standstill it’s sorta like “yeah, I had my free time but now what?” I’m sorta basing this off of a lot of other artists who write their own music from the western interviews saying how they were at first happy for the break then got bored and then started writing more music (ie Taylor Swift Billie eilish etc).

I didn’t mean to make this so long lol but it was sorta like my thoughts ya know?

yeah I've watched i think bts and blackpink on james corden and it was a lot more enjoyable than some other interviewers! I'm ultimately not too worried it's just that I get second hand embarrassment super easily when it comes to english interviews... (like even if it's a western artist being interviewed dhfkfj idk if english speaking interviewers are inherently cringy or if it's bc it's my native language that makes it worse dhfkfj)

and yeah it does seem a bit late to be promoting homerun... but at the same time it seems like a tight turnaround to have a comeback before early January when they haven't announced it yet? like if we really are getting a cb before then I'd expect them to announce it in the next week so they can start releasing teasers and ppl can pre-order, etc. or maybe they'll announce and promote the cb before the interview but not release the album until after? that's not usually how svt does things though dfjsh

or maybe they have some other project that isn't a comeback... idk what it would be but maybe it's related to the year end schedule we still don't know about. or maybe were all just overthinking this and they'll just promote homerun DHFKGJGJ all we can do is speculate

and yeah i totally agree, i honestly don't worry too much about svt having too many/too frequent comebacks. p sure svt have said they get bored on wv/fancafe whenever they have a few weeks off dhdjfh they might have talked about it in hit the road as well but I could be misremembering. like pledis probably does want to keep them active and make sure they have frequent enough cb's but I don't know that they control it as strictly as people think. and I trust svt to speak up for themselves if they need a break. + that sort of thing is something we can't really directly do anything about as fans anyway, and i don't like to worry about things i can't control DHFKGJ

#ask #anon #a long answer for a long ask... #i do write a lot sometimes so i feel u #also this is not meant to be passive aggressive at all its just an observation #but did they increase the character limit for asks recently? #i feel like on other blogs too ive been seeing asks that are longer than usual but i cant tell if im imagining things dhfjfj

[aristccrvcy]

( gavin leatherwood, trans male, he/him, fire emblem: three houses ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, ferdinand von aegir, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like aeric-ferdinand “ferdie” vittori, a twenty-four year-old actor at castle town centre of theatre & dance, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as sincere as you are opinionated, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( hylia )

         i could never drop him i just. i could Not. i rly couldn’t but i DID ..... want to revamp him a bit so here’s take two on ferdie !! politics, war, death, & divorce tw under the cut !!

BEFORE THE SNAP.  /  F E R D I N A N D  V O N  A E G I R 

So alright. Chances are , if you’ve heard of Ferdinand , it’s because you’ve heard the infamous ‘ I am Ferdinand von Aegir ! ’ quote goin’ around which . . . attributes from. Him introducing himself every time you select him on the battlefield in FE3H. Don’t believe me ?? WATCH. 

...u don’t need to watch that whole thing I’m just tryna get the meme out of the way before I talk abt everything else.

BC ALL JOKES ASIDE I HONESTLY LOVE FERDINAND SOOO MUCH n I promise I’ll take him seriously bc holy fucking shit this character is my babyyyy.

So for STARTERS. Ferdinand is the legitimate son of House Aegir in the Adrestian Empire , which is the house that produces the Empire’s Prime Ministers. Now , here’s the thing ; Ferdinand himself isn’t involved in any of this , but thanks to the Adrestian nobles pretty much stripping the Emperor of their power in the past . . . the Aegir house ( much like the other houses , but Duke Aegir’s implied to have like , spearheaded it ) is pretty damn corrupt.

NOT FERDINAND , THOUGH , considering Ferdinand is actually someone who has very opposing views to his father. Ferdinand , in a nutshell , is basically the snobby noble trope you’re expecting turned upside down crossed over with a Disney prince. That’s the best way i can describe him.

Ferdinand is very aware of his noble status , but he is very steadfast in his opinion of what is truly means to be a noble. He’s well-aware of the difference between nobles & commoners , but where you’d expect him to use that to degrade people of lesser status , he . . . doesn’t. 

Ferdinand strongly believes the duties of a noble constitute of protecting & helping the common people , and that is why they’re so high in status - they’re there to assist and make things better , and not to make things worse , and it absolutely sickens him to his core when there are corrupt nobles who very clearly use their power for selfish & malicious gain. 

Like , he’s confident - he’s very confident and sure of himself , but he isn’t a dick ( in that sense ; he can be kind of a dick , don’t get me wrong ) about it. He’s actually extremely polite & respectful , very kind & genuine - like I really don’t think lying is something that this boy is capable of doing , I really don’t. But he’s humble in the sense that he isn’t afraid to admit when he did something wrong , or that he needs to apologize - IN FACT , a lot of his supports have him apologize for approaching someone wrongly or when he’s accused of something.

One example , he has a support with Dorothea where she tells him that she hates him , and instead of fighting her on it , what he does is he tries to figure out why she hates him so he can better himself and fix something he did wrong. 

Another example , his B-support with Bernadetta has him apologize for spooking her , and he respects her comfort levels by speaking to her on the other side of the door to her room because now he understands that Bernadetta feels extremely scared & uncomfortable during confrontation.

LIKE . . . okay , in the simplest of words , Ferdinand is just good. He’s a good person and he tries his hardest to be better if someone brings it to his attention that he’s doing something wrong.

BUT ALSO . . . the thing is , Ferdinand is also extremely opinionated to the point where he’ll share his thoughts even if not asked ; and sometimes , it comes out. Dickish. Like , really , he’ll criticize anyone if he believes he should because he hates the idea of someone who doesn’t - exemplified in the beginning of his supports with Hubert , where he condemns Hubert for not openly criticizing Edelgard but Ferdinand’s criticism can come out . . . harsh. Like , he’s respectful still , but he’s harsh. And that is because Ferdinand firmly believes in speaking his mind.

His determination also makes him stubborn & extremely competitive to a point where it becomes damn near annoying and this is , because again , he always strives to better himself - even going as far as to declare Edelgard his rival when she . . . really doesn’t think of him as one , and then he gets his ass kicked and runs with his tail between his legs because he lost. He’s. He’s competitive. I will not lie to you. Like he’s great but aLSO... this guy doesn’t. Know. When to let go.

Bt yeah in a nutshell - Ferdinand is a rich guy who criticizes other rich guys for being jerks and not caring abt other people , and he can come off as a dick but ultimately he means well & he is a LOT better than some of these other assholes out there. Ferdinand’s.... he’s just GOOD. 

Bt now that I have the basis of his character out of the way , I want to mention that a major change about him is that I’m changing what route I’m pulling him from - originally , I pulled him from Azure Moon , where if you don’t recruit him you have to kill him at the Great Bridge of Myrddin. So instead , now , I’ll be pulling him from Crimson Flower , where he’s still sided with Edelgard but now she has Byleth & she’s triumphant and everything’s okay on the Empire’s end. But - in other routes - while he’s still with Edelgard , he unfortunately doesn’t make it so if u have AM or VW muses . . . Ferdie didn’t make it.

BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES THESE THINGS INTERESTINGGGGG and I love it so for that reason ,,, shoves. Ferdinand. In everyone’s direction.

AFTER THE SNAP.  /  A E R I C - F E R D I N A N D  “ F E R D I E ”  V I T T O R I

So the more major changes from his pre-revamp portrayal lie in his CT life - his name’s changed , his occupation’s changed , and almost his entire whole past has changed.

Aeric-Ferdinand Vittori was the only child of a film actor & stage actress , pretty famous people , and he was born with the spotlight on him immediately given that he scored his first role as a child at six years old. Since then , he never really had much of an easy time.

His big break was as a teenager in a teen drama that lasted from when he was fourteen to when he was nineteen , the co-star of a vampire television drama in where his character was a fan-favorite. He ultimately left the show and his character was killed off , and he had some starring roles in other movies & the like before he ultimately moved to Broadway. And in that , he had a bit of an easier time , but he would still often feel like he was about to crack under pressure since all eyes were still on him. He was known as a talented young man with a beautiful singing voice , and unfortunately , everyone wants something to do with you when you have something like that.

His parents were also always in the spotlight because of their very public divorce , and it started to bleed into Ferdinand’s career & public image as well with many people poking their nose into his life and asking his opinion on it. Multiple scandals came out claiming that he leaned one way or the other during it and ultimately , that ruined his relationship with his parents. So at twenty-three , he left the Broadway spotlight , and decided to step out of any light in general for a while.

Settling down in Castle Town , a place where nobody bothered to look , was a good start.

He still loved performing , so he worked as an actor at the local theatre on stage - trying his hardest not to get the big roles and take those up , because he was still a relatively big name & when you’re a big name , people lean into their biases.

And then . . . at this point was where he “woke up”. Because his whole past was fake - but there’s always a point where you realize it is.

He had a girlfriend in Castle Town beforehand that he broke up with due to his paranoia that she’d get caught up in the publicity that he did - Nerissa. And he had parents that he didn’t even talk to anymore , and it threw him for a loop because he was reminded of his father back in Adrestia. And suddenly , he’s no longer a soldier or a noble , but with his celebrity status , he’s basically the closest there is to modern nobility at this point.

So . . . Ferdinand feels. Strange. He always loved the opera & he always loved performances but he never thought of himself as someone who would actually do so. It’s strange , but he likes it.

So now , he’s trying to figure out exactly what the hell happened and how he got here and he’s grown pretty used to people not remembering who he is , but it still . . . hurts.

And THAT is where I end this !! I’m gonna go back 2 my plotting DMs and message more ppl but if this gives u some ideas pls do hit me up bc I love Ferdie SOOOO MUCH and I’m excited for his revamp !!

Also if ur curious ab his old intro still I’ll link it here bc there’s probably some pre-snap stuff I forgot in here that’s in there so !! yes. i’ll b around n will probs try n get an open up soon !!

#castletown.intro #* . abt — ☆ ❛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴇʀᴅɪɴᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏɴ ᴀᴇɢɪʀ ! ❜ #war tw #politics tw #death tw #divorce tw

[ofprcngs]

BRANDON ARREAGA — Well, if it isn’t JAMES POTTER, the GRYFFINDOR superstar. For those of you who don’t know HIM, you can spot them sitting with the other SEVENTH years. Most people think that they’re CHARMING and INCISIVE, but they can also seem pretty DEPENDENT and INEXORABLE. Sometimes people call them the SHEPHERD. Sure, they’re a PUREBLOOD, but that doesn’t define them. 

i literally have 0 explanation for why i did this other than i’m in love with him. but also, he’s a mess, so jot that down. if you wanna know more about him ( protip: don’t ) then i recommend checking out his pinterest and then i dunno.... contemplate why i’m a punk ass bitch, i guess. enjoy this mess. plot with me. ily.

james henry potter ( named for two his two grandfathers, maternal and paternal respectively ) was born on april 4th, 1960 to two of the most loving parents a child could have.

fleamont and euphemia had been trying for a child for years. they’d been together for basically all of time, having been that typical good-looking, well liked couple in hogwarts that everyone always just assumes will get married ( spoiler alert: they did ), however had had to postpone kids due to fleamont’s brief stint as a professional quidditch player for eight years following their graduation. after that, they would try every month for a child, and after many years of disappointment, eventually gave up. it was during this time that fleamont developed the sleekeazy hair potion which only added to their immense wealth. 

finally at age forty-one, they were surprised with the arrival of james. obviously, they saw him as their miracle child, and as such he was pampered and completely spoiled from the moment he was born.

i cannot stress enough how much this spoiled upbringing shaped james into the person he is today. if you’re wondering why he was ever an arrogant prick, it’s because he was always used to getting absolutely everything he ever wanted. he grew up with money, he grew up with fame and with every bit of attention he could garner, and so it was really no wonder he was a bit of an asshole by the time he started at hogwarts.

obviously, james had a pretty cushy childhood, and as such, shit didn’t start getting real until he started at hogwarts. 

it took all of three seconds for the hat to sort him into gryffindor, and i guess you could say he pretty much considered himself to be the gem of the house. he was the absolute epitome of a gryffindor, basically considered him the poster boy and all but expected everyone to love him.

really did not help his ego to know that everyone did.

in typical sterotype-gryffindor fashion, james hated slytherin. he had always been taught growing up that purists were basically the root of all evil, and his father had had no qualms in lumping all these people in with the house of the snakes. james and his friends took a particular disliking to severus snape almost immediately for the poncy way in which he seemed to believe he was superior to all for his intelligence and his house status, and this dislike only grew when lily evans was tossed into the mix, too.

for basically the first four or five years of hogwarts, james really was that stereotypical arrogant asshole that he’s often made out to be. he always got everything he asked for, he was incredibly popular and incredibly intelligent, he had the most amazing friends and his eyes on the most amazing girl. he was set!! shit was good!!

shit was not good, though. definitely was not. 

despite having known of remus’ furry little problem since second year, things didn’t really start to settle in james how awful it was until third or fourth year. he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated that he couldn’t help, and so he rallied the boys to put into action their worst plan yet!!!!

becoming animagi!!!!!!

it took fucking forever, obviously, but by the end of fourth year they did it!! we stan icons

except then in fifth year shit hit the fan again in just, like... so many ways

first, it was the whole severus ‘mudblood’ situation. honestly, james was absolutely furious. he’d always hated snape but this just made everything 1000 times worse. even if it had happened to anyone else, he would have been fuming. but for it to have happened to lily like... yikes. 

this was also a horrible time for james though because lily rejected him for the thousandth time. like, look, what a yikes thing to think when she was just called a mudblood, but frankly he was sick of being rejected and he was sick of being the asshole who kept pressuring her so that was the breaking point --- he gave up on her. 

and tbh, he changed a lot from here on out. grew up!! became a better person bc he saw how horrible snap was and decided he was sick of horrible people!! saw, recognised and acknowledged that just bc he was hot and intelligent and rich he wasn’t always going to get everything he wanted ( see: miss evans ) and just generally learned that oh shit the world doesn’t revolve around him!!!

oh and then there was that whole thing with sirius and snape and Remus the Werewolf and ohhhh boyyyy.... that infuriated him. 

he loves his bros so much and y’all know he would die for them, but to see his friend abuse remus’ pain and suffering for his own gain was heart wrenching. it just pushed him further to pull him in line, to realise that not everything was about games, or petty rivalry, or ‘ getting the girl ’ --- life  heartache and mistakes and it was never going to go the way he wanted it to.

now look, this isn’t all to say that james is now a Super Strict, Super Intense, Brooding Weirdo. he’s still a bit of a child, and he’s still a bit of an arrogant prick, but ultimately what wins out is his morals --- every time. he wants to lead the world to a better place, without war and without hate, he wants everyone to have the same opportunities he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than for blood purity to be eradicated.

get that shit outta my house!!! gross!!!!!!

now in his final year, james is always flipping between taking his role as head boy deadly serious and turning it into one big game of mischief. he’s still a marauder at heart, after all, and has definitely abused his power sometimes for the benefit of fun and games, but when it comes down to it, he can be very strict and lowkey paternal. the leader really just.... popped right outta him, it came to play and it came hard, and really you’d think he’s minister for magic with how serious he treats it sometimes.

i hate him.

he’s a lot less intense with his hatred for slytherin’s. he has come to recognise that not everyone from that lifestyle is going to be the same, not everyone who grew up a certain way or was sorted into a certain house is going to think with a deadly mind, and while he’s still a bit wary, he’s a lot more relaxed about it, especially as head boy ( gotta at least pretend shit’s fair !!! )

ok i’m so tired this is abt to turn into a rambling mess 

uHhhHHh he’s very dependent as in like... boi cannot go a week without his friends. he is used to having people to bounce off, that’s always the type of leader he has been, and as much as he would probably be amazing at anything on his own, he’s never really tried. too scared!! i hate him!!!!!

super unforgiving. like, if you have gotten on his bad side.... i’m sorry. it is going to be very difficult to return from there. his moral compass is pretty black and white, you’re either good or your bad, and if you’ve done something he considers bad wELL sucks to be you, i guess. sorry not sorry.

takes his quidditch very seriously tbh. so many people have told him he needs to be a pro like his dad, but he’s like haha fuck you i know what i wanna do ( hint hint: he wants to rule that goddamn auror office, make that shit far more efficient then he thinks it is now ). but srsly, he’s so intense abt the game and it really like... idk gets him in the zone, keeps him level-headed in amongst all this chaos. 

i don’t know what im saying anymore pls send help

uhhhhh he’s smart. i guess. straight a’s and shit idk. just very naturally intelligent, finds everything he does easy, like.. really is that asshole who is just good at everything he does.

i’ve run out of things to say, pls just love him

WANTED CONNECTIONS

girlfriend: i hate to expose myself as a whole ass jily stan but... here i am i guess. but also, listen: he really thinks he’s over her right now. like, he truly believes his days of pestering lily evans are behind him. it was just a crush! it’s gone! ( spoiler alert: it’s not ) BUT he is so convinced that he has got himself into this relationship which is really just... a mess. like highkey it’s obvious he could never fully love her bc his Heart Belongs to Lily or whatever but he does care for her deeply and has tricked himself into believing it’s love. it’s hard, man. he’s confused. send help.

ex-girlfriend(s): more of above but like... less intense? or more intense! who knows, frankly.

childhood friend(s): i’d die for childhood friends. jake/gina dynamic? iconic. just anything, really.

odd friend: ok like... as i mentioned, he’s still kinda wary of slytherins and ppl who grew up in purist culture, but i would love love love to see someone who was one of the first to show him that not all those people are so bad. like someone from a purist family or the like who was just chill and friendly and actually befriended this asshole even when he was... well, an asshole. it’d be fun, ig. also if they eventually do end up recruited for the de’s bc of family stuff or whatever... bonus points.

rivals: i’m tired. you understand.

#novum:intro #you guys this is... such a mess #im gunna regret posting this in the morning #oh well!! #here we are ig!!!!!!

[skadelol]

More info about me

Someone that just found me wrote a pretty lengthy very kind comment about an incident that happened to me almost a year ago related to art theft, or in my case, full unedited videos being reuploaded without my permission. (It’s on that vid on my channel, hard to miss) I’m extremely touched that ppl still write to me about it.. Even if I pretty much have forgotten after so long. So I wanna share my reply here as well because people have been so kind to me and I really think that I owe everybody more info about myself and hope you get to know me even better over time, and ultimately the person you’re supporting and defending. I haven’t been on social media much before I started learning MMD through KH (mostly AkuRoku stuff). Hope you enjoy the read and make sense out of it, being just my part of the reply and all. Thank you for everything! <3

It's been a long time now since that incident happened. I really have nothing more to add other than what was already said and have moved on from it since, but I really wanted to say that I completely agree with you on every single point you've made and I really can't express in words how thankful and humbled I am for still receiving support about this matter. I really wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for the comment, the kind words and the time you invested in it, it really means a lot and hope more people will read and learn from it!

About my rules for anybody that reads: I'm really not a strict person at all when it comes to my vids, I've mentioned that people do not have to ask me for permission if they wanna use them for montages, music videos, make screenshots, pictures, avatars, any kind of projects or even reaction vids as long as they talk over them and pause if it's a longer vid. I really love it when ppl use my stuff for something and would love to watch what they make, but everything as long as I see their own contribution to it, and most importantly if they credit me. Just name and channel link or the vid used. As long as people have a source to go back to and look at everything, if they wish, it's fine. What I'm really not okay with is not crediting me and cutting out my logo, and of course I am really strongly against reuploading my vids behind my back without making any significant visible edits that really separates them from the original. If they wanna use the full vid or are unsure about something, then I welcome everybody to just ask me about it and I'll be more than happy to reply as soon as I can! ^^ But NEVER after already reuploading some of my most popular funny stuff at the time in their original format, wait for it to get thousands of views and then reach out to me for more under the pretext that a favor was being done to me. Do not categorize people or assume what they think or want. Do not help me this way, I do not need this kind of help and I very much gladly prefer to just grow very very slowly and let people find me over time. The people who are actually interested in my content, and not forcing my stuff onto other people who are not into it, that is not what I'm about.

I'm in no rush to become popular, I just wanna learn and get better. I'm not a YouTuber and I don't currently make any money through YT, but it's hard for some to understand that I'm just a normal person doing and posting stuff just because I love and have a passion for it, and it's fine if people don't like or hate my stuff. Similar to something you said, that's the beauty of diversity and it creates many beautiful things, even if we don't personally agree with some of them. Attention and money always comes second to my passion and if people do wish to support me more through other means, and entirely of their own free will, say for example on Patreon, then I will humbly accept it and try to use it to deliver better and faster content in return. Been doing it for exactly 2 years now for almost nothing but the people's kind words cheering me on, and I don't feel like stopping anytime soon because of that. If I really wanted attention I would have used Sora a lot more often, because let's be honest my most viewed videos on this channel have him, it's a fact and I'm not dumb and ignorant about it. Also I would have shown my face for attention because people say I look just like Axel on my DeviantArt profile pic. Maybe I will someday when I'm ready to talk to the people who support me (I'm not shy but English is not my first language), but if I ever want attention I know how to get it. People need to give me more credit than trying to get attention just by trying to defend myself.. xD I actually can't stay more low than this. If people find me they just find me because they were interested in AkuRoku, KH or MMD, or like you were recommended by someone, or by accident I dunno, or just to hate why not. Anyway back to the rules. When it comes to models and motions however, I am indeed a lot more strict there with reuploading and crediting, but the rules are pretty simple and clear on every single DL page. ^^"

I guess a thing to add at what you've already mentioned is that artists should be careful of people who want to try to take advantage of them, that use manipulation, intimidation and empty threats to corner them 'till they back down and people get away with their work for nothing. Never back down from this kind of people, and I know it's very hard but trying to keep it cool despite whatever is thrown at you always helps with thinking more clearly and coming back with better arguments and replies. Seek other people for help and advice, and even I am more than happy to help and support with what I know and can. As far as how I manage to keep it together... You give me too much credit haha, but truth be told I had to deal with many difficult sometimes life threatening situations (that I really don't like talking about and am not comfortable with), where trying to stay calm was the only option I had. I do not wish that upon anyone ever... Training to become a robotics engineer also helped I guess in communicating with people better.. What people can do however, and what I also did, was study psychology and emotional intelligence in High School because animation has always been my passion and I knew that would come in handy someway or another. And it really does, with everyday life as well. I highly recommend reading some books about that to anyone! :D Especially people interested in animation. I've always been passionate about feelings and emotions in general and hope to show it through what I make (also why I love working on facial animation so much).

Funnily enough I'm better at dealing with hate than praise because that's with what I grew up with. I'm always at a loss of words when people show me kindness, even without knowing me that well. I'm always touched by that and never get used to it, so excuse my awkwardness when I dunno what to reply sometimes and fear of being over repetitive. I don't care if people hate my stuff as long as at least one person enjoys them and as long as I know that I love what I'm doing. I just turn all the hate and sadness into fuel and motivation, if ppl really wanna go at me they'll need to find a better (or worse) way. I never have anything personal with any site or people, nothing personal even with the person who reuploaded my stuff, the only thing that matters to me is my work, the people who care about it and to keep moving forward. But I gotta say, it almost made me think that this game's community might not have been as great as I had first thought at that time, after that incident I mean (known the game for 11 years now but I wasn't invested that much in any gaming communities in general, I just loved playing games and to analyse them and that was about it, until I decided to learn MMD through KH), but I was proven so wrong by so many kind people afterwards and I hope to never let them down or ever think of giving up again. Every game has their bad side of people... But I personally think it's foolish to just ignore them, or worse give in to their hate, but that's just my hotheaded nature I guess. Still in a calm and polite manner! The moment you reply back at their level, it's over. And if someone is serious enough about the things they hate about my work and care to explain, I only see it as positive criticism and would gladly want to know more about it!

Now that all of that is out of the way, haha oh boy. Huge reply, I'm so sorry. XD But I'm not much of a talker and I get a lot of info out at once, also I really appreciate it when ppl write me long comments and try to write more than them as a thank you for their time. <3 About the trying to be mature thing, I'll always be a kid at heart honestly and I'm fine with that. Hope that people will get to know me better over time. Being serious when you have to is what matters and I think you're awesome at it! And I wanna say that I'm really happy and honored that your friend recommended me first... I don't have words to say how much that means to me, but please thank them for me and also thank you for checking out some of my stuff! I'm not that great compared to many MMD'ers, but just like you I keep hoping that I'll get better and keep trying to learn. Please bear with me, haha... ^^" Thank you again for everything, it really means a lot! And I'm sure you'll be way much better than me if you practice even just for a little bit, never give up! :D And sorry for the late reply!

#skadelol #youtube #kh mmd #mikuMikuDance #akuroku #kingom hearts

[sjru]

[Blog] Bday wishes, whereabouts, etc

Ding ding, is that time of the year for me again! The time where I ramble about my upcoming birthday and whatnot.

I recon I "could have" writen more blogs in this year, but the reality of which is that I feel more compelled to write when I feel slightly down and I want to rant about something.

This time I don't feel down or want to rant about something 'particular' but more about talking this year whereabouts and wishes.

You see, from last year to this year, I DID have several wishes accomplished, some very good actually~ and fortunately that made my mood to be overall much better and have a somewhat better perspective on my own life itself.

It could be much better, however. It could have been MUCH better, and that comes with regret.  

Regret of past choices, because now I focus on art, I could have, focused on art before but instead I chosed another path when I just got out of high school that did not end up being the path in the end I wanted and I literally wasted almost 5 years of my life.

Had I have the same drive at that time right now I would be much ahead and instead of playing "catch up" I would be just at the same level of the art pals I get inspiration from (And often sadly treat me like an NPC instead of an equal).  

Sadly I did not. There's nothing much you can do about the past I guess, is not like you can go back or something and change things for the best (I would certainly go in bitcoins ahha). And while, yes, I recon I look back to the past and ramble too much time about the "what ifs" specially when  I go to sleep, (I know I spend at least 30 mins rambling in the bed with my mind, I shouldn't do that).    

Yes, I have to look into the future, I guess. For better or worse, if I compare myself to peers of my age I am what you can call a borderline "loser". Because, in theory I don't have a formal job (Does freelancing a lil count ?), no friends IRL I can hang out with (Well I know people but they never want to do something <.> !!) aaaand in a 'somewhat small town' that is too far away from everyone I relate to be feasible visitations without a vacation size budget. (Which I don't have, mind you I am not rich!)

No, I don't know how to drive (I could have if I wanted or needed, but I don't, there's good transportation on this 'lil town'). And yes I live in a comfortable place. So there's not any sort of urgency or whatever the like unlike many friends I have that do have issues and I don't want to sound petty or anything so I don't complain about how things are here.

Because yes, being in a relatively comfortable place and situation does make me sound entitled or petty if I dare to desire something such as visiting friends that live far away. Or does it? I dunno, I guess my goals from now are somewhat set on

Getting better at art

Getting an actualy active art pals group that I can relate, learn from, help and chill with. Online and IRL if possible

Actually getting noticed by those that admire and I want to learn from and not being just an afterthought NPC that's too cheerful usually and annoying.

Somehow manage to visit those friends that live a lil far away and I'd love to meet anyways like in a con? (I mean I'd love that)

Getting a real group of friends that I actualyl feel comfortable with doing voice or other activities, art or not, that's something I haven't really achieved or have.

For short/long term material goals I think for now I am pretty much satisfied; mostly?

Getting the GPU that got fried properly repaired is a priority for sure, otherwise save up and buy a new one, along with new PC parts.

I have an Ipad that I managed to save up by drawing lines, so my another desire of a somewhat cintiq thing done. (It's not perfect but I like it so far with that duet display app, it "works" let's say the least)

So I guess that ultimately would be a way to go to a con, and that's pretty much it, for sure I'd like a new phone down the line haha, mine's getting really short on battery life lately, like 1 hour or so it lasts! Crazy! And it has a cracked screen so... (While I love the latest tech gear I am not really convinced about dropping dunno how much on the latest sanmsung and geeze the latest iphone is more than a thousand haha)

Anyways, if you managed to read up till here (Without skipping), you are either genuinely interested on what I'm saying, just care enough to do so or dunno, maybe I am an interesting dragon after all?

I'd say this cuz, despite what others may think, I am not talked to by that many people, I'm never at the point of being overwhelmed with chats and unable to haggle everyone. This is important cuz I heard some ppl are maybe, dunno, afraid of "bothering me"? I am usually the one that bothers so if you feel like that don't worry XD I don't bite (But I feel that if you aren't into the things I am into probably  I won't be able to relate to you that much, sorry 'bout that :v.

So yeah, closing notes, yes my birthday is this 28th november and I'll be going to brazil (Yeahh!!) for a week, since 2003 I don't go there... mind you, long time <.>.

And via bus, wish it would be via plane, I never been into a plane... (Or seen snow uwu). I have some friends on brazil, shame they can't go to the place I am going cuz it's far away, bleh.  There's so many ppl I would like to give a hug and talk a lil.

Last words, I know I can 'be a lil annoying' and a tad hyper with some ppl, and ultimately anxious if I see they read a message and don't end up replying on a messenger like telegram.  Yass, I know, blabla. A weakness of mine. Can't help up getting paranoid when other ppl actually just been actively ignoring me and y'know it gets kinda hard to not wonder if you did something to upset that person or not that you don't get a proper reply at all.

But if I DO get annoying just let me know, I'll try to tone it down, if it's your workflow or things you do. I do understand, I know I am not perfect and I don't pretend to be, but I had too many bad experiences from ppl that did these things to me that it gets a sour tate on my  mouth of doing the exact same thing again that I am trying to avoid.

The same way I am tolerant and I try to understand others that have certain issues, I expect a reasonable same treatment uwu. (FYI I never block people, noone on twitter, telegram, shame not everyone shares the mantra of "the block button is to stop dedicated harrassment" not a 'I win discussion" button.)

So yeah haha, that's pretty much it for now, probably I would end up writing when I'm back from the vacation thing? Would have been my bday and all that sazz.... I AM bad with dates so I don't really expect ppl to remember  mine bday unless I actually broadcast it somewhat frequently so there you go.  I do usually forget other's dates. I am not a bad person okay xd, too much things to keep up with uwu.

If for whatever reason you want to gift me something, I prefer non material gifts like art, stuff that you can actually share with others =3. Not games! I already have enough of those haha. (I get stuck with Stellaris anyways). But of course, a nice lil message makes my day ^^. And if you forget ,that's fine too, I do forget stuff too, don't feel bad if you do!. I know you don't hate me! (I hope hah...)♫

So thanks for reading this up, I guess this ended up sounding more personal? That's not bad right? Oh and yeah, I'll make a new ref of me. Yes I'd do 4 fingers, lil toony dragon~. And a feral version. That's all!

#about me #blog post #blog #journal

[ts-indonesia]

Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh

Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.

On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.

After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.

At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.

As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.

MATT

first confessional give me idol? 

also hi Jones

OWEN

okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon,  Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun

LEIGH

I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!" 

I think it could go on a while.

OWEN

chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen

LEIGH

So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN!  How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners.  I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top?  There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!!  What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?

EVAN

Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.

FOXX

What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess

JESS

So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s

OLIVIA

Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!

Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom

JESS

So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.

ROB

I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.

FOXX

We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!

OLIVIA

I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao

I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8

ANABEL

well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.

LEIGH

Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.

I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.

OLIVIA

There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there

Why am I so FUCKING awkward

ANABEL

im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78

LEIGH

Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED?  Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.

Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.

OLIVIA

Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈

LORELEI

Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!

STONER

guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI

Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw

MICHAEL

https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M

JESS

It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens

MATT

What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!?  how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question.  Alright so first real general confessional of the game here.  I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text.   So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees.  So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community.  Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone.  So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me.  Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection.  Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!!  Chris is such a chill dude.  we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap.  But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont).  So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him.  Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there.  But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care.  But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me.  Not because I know him, or know of him.  But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel?  We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor.   So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked.  which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot.  But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here.   The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me.  My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches.  so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.  

LEIGH

Woooo so what's happened.  Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work.  I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei.  Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of.  I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident.  Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now.  I like the number of options I have so far. 

I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs.  The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice.  Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids.  Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.

Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo

TRENT

So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.

OLIVIA

Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA

ISAAC

This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.

KENNY

So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭

OWEN

what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!

LORELEI

It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.

EVAN

I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck

KENNY

“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid

JULIAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0

MATT

i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt.  i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points.  so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight.  Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there.  I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine.  I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same?  even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more.   after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results.  We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority.  Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”.  and then disappears.  We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go.  BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no.  Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go.  that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit.   I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people.  After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember).  But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond.  Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game.  Same goes for Michael and Chris.  I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well.  I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually.  i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them.  I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now.  My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen.  Those are the people i feel most good about.  Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them.  Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot.  and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)

#whenyourfiresout

[theboykingofhell]

A9, A19, B10, B14, C2, C8, F5, G3, H3, I6, J4, K10 for Nisha; A14, A21, B7, B14, C5, D4, E8, F12, G5, H2, I1, K5 for Nora :*

JESUS CHRIST this is why you’re my reason for breathing

NISHA:

A9: Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

AH GEEZ…. i think it depends on the person and what light she views them in??? if she sees them as flawless (like giovanni) she makes a million excuses before she’ll try and accept the truth, but if she sees them as hella flawed (like nora) it’s more of that she’s… making up even more reasons for them to be wrong than what actually exists???

like, in that same way that she’s FAR too harsh with everything she does and how she won’t let her damn self catch a break, she’ll do the same thing to other people unless they’re already perfect and good (

the only excuses she’ll make for herself is like… oh if she wants to do something, she’s gonna do it,,, for, a reason, that she will give you right now,

A19: What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood?

SHE HATES NEGATIVITY SHE HATES WHEN PEOPLE GIVE UP IN FRONT OF HER like! put the effort in! don’t be lazy!! she’s incredibly hard working so seeing other people slacking makes her mAD CUZ SHE’S DOING A L L THIS WORK AND YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST? LIVE YOUR LIFE? IN THIS ECONOMY? HELL NAW

B10: Does your OC find any “bad” or “mean” humor funny? Do they wish they didn’t?

fgnsldfjkgnfgs nisha’s blog would be sj as fuck i think, the only bad things i can imagine her laughing at are stuff that are rly bad but so removed from context by fandom that they don’t realize it’s bad until it’s too late (like that one ‘A CHILD’ vine would crack her up until she realized what the joke was and then she’d feel S O GUILTY)

reasons nisha thinks she’s going to hell #56458456: laughed at a vine

B14: Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

HONESTLY nisha reads like a rly honest person but she’s very VERY closed off and doesn’t actually like… talking to people… like she’s desperate to find people to latch onto SO THAT she CAN be more honest with herself and more genuine and once she’s found those people she is DONE with socializing for the rest of her life so short answer is yes and that is the trashgays and im crying,

C2: Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it?

OOPS this is where nisha excusing herself comes in. nisha throws her motives away in an instant when people she loves are involved, it’s like they were never there or formed in the first place because she has a THOUSAND justifications but she doesn’t really… think those justifications out, it’s like they’re prepared in her moral set to be like ‘KILLING IS BAD… when you’re not killing to protect nora’ and so on and so forth. i can’t even tell if she’d feel bad about it? tbh no? amoral!nisha strikes again, she just thinks she’s right automatically when it comes to how she choses to act so no she wouldn’t feel bad cuz she would automatically adjust her morals to fit her actions BAD NISHA

C8: Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

NO she does the worst option in that she holds everyone including herself rly high when it comes to their behavior and will only adapt it when it comes to herself doing something stupidly dangerous and reckless based on a hyperfixation of hers. everything EVERYTHING is based on ideals she can’t see the world realistically until she’s too distracted by what’s HAPPENING in the real world to even think about this yeah

F5: How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera?

tbh yeah! she bonds with her dad a lot and her dad was the type to REALLY want a son but whoops his only son was a disappointment SO! her dad taught her how to fix cars and do busywork around the house and tbh she really enjoys it!!! nisha with tools nhgn

G3: Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

SHE THINKS THEY ARE AND I BLATANTLY DISAGREE WITH HER

she lives with a very very middle class suburban white family who had no idea how to raise a woc? so she was kind of ‘politely’ discouraged away from discovering anything from her culture. a lot of her self-esteem problems is because of how strict they were with her and her education and i think they definitely had this othering thing with her where they wanted her to be ‘BETTER’ than her ‘kind’, like, blatantly stereotyping in front of her and acting like she can’t hear >:I they want her to succeed and they rly PUSH her too but it’s not a healthy pushing argh

H3: Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

UMMMM HM… she thinks many people can be right but there’s only one soulmate but not everyone gets to be lucky enough to meet theirs or have theirs even exist at the same time as them… YEAH

(nisha has thought of nora as her soulmate for like ever ~o~ mmfh)

I6: Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly?

she only ever eats pizza???? or fries? or salads? i think nisha can rly ONLY EVER eat the same one thing over and over and it just changes every now and then what that one food she keeps eating is omg. she doesn’t get bored cuz she doesn’t pay attention to eating, she forgets to do it too much,

J4: Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that it’s wrong?

OH YEAH she falls HARD but the second she gets the correct version it’s now her duty to correct EVERYONE who could POSSIBLY think the fake version is right and how could you even START to believe the other one dont be gullible???

K10: Would your OC give up their PA if they could? Why or why not?

I MEAN, HERE’S THE THING… nisha considers vampirism like the ultimate cure for her problems because being a vampire gives her the time that she didn’t realize until now that she needed to heal, and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT GIVES.. NORA… TIME… TO RECOVER!!!! so she wouldn’t want to give that up, especially if it wasn’t going to be with nora. like, if nora wanted to change back, she would in an instant….. she doesn’t love being a vampire or anything (like killing for food is :/ so meh for her) but she loves… being a vampire with nora aaaagh

… altho the more i think about it, since nora changed her and gave her this gift tbh i don’t think she’d trade that for the world, NORA MADE HER INTO THIS, SHE GETS TO LIVE ON CUZ NORA ALLOWED HER TO, WHY WOULD SHE EVER WANNA GO BACK, 

NORA:

A14: Is your character empathetic?

UMMM it comes and goes but tbh not very!! she leans on unempathetic but she does have her moments, most of the problem is that she’s very self-centered so it doesn’t even occur to her to consider other people’s feelings let alone watch out for them. she’s definitely more empathetic the more you know her and the more she learns about the person as a whole so she can put together a lil emotional map for you…! +o+

A21: Do they make excuses often?

honestly no!!! everything she does is very deliberate and honest, she rly likes pissing people off and making them disappointed in her so if she does something wrong she proudly states when she does it (hell sometimes she announces it before she even does it so that she can watch them (coughnisha) try and stop her. she’s not trying to be good or anything so she doesn’t feel the need to act like she is by making an excuse to deflect blame BD

 B7: How do they respond to babies crying in public?

LEAVING RLY QUICKLY WHILE SWEARING LOUDLY AT SAID BABY… nora that’s rude bad nora

B14: Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves?

she kind of likes playing the manic pixie game tbh… so, if the person is honest with her, she’ll be honest back. if they seem rly fake or shallow or without the depth she wants then she’ll act just as fake. so she does have a few ppl honestly you just asked me these so i can cry about the trashgays more DIDNT YOU,

C5: Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

VERY situational… i mean she ignores a lot of common decency anyway because she doesn’t feel like following them. i couldn’t actually tell you what her morals are because i feel like a lot of things that constitute ‘morals’ are things she would either automatically do, cuz she wants to, or would never even consider, because she doesn’t want to,, she would steal money from her parents and her friends but not from nisha cuz she loves her and not from a fellow stripper cuz um, that’s bullshit? yeah

D4: Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be?

SHE HATES BEING IMMORTAL until she doesn’t,,, her even becoming immortal is because she was suicidal and thought she deserved death and aaron ‘offered’ her a fate that was worse than death and hot diggity how can she refuse that? but she thinks life is miserable (until nisha shows her it doesn’t have to be) and at that point, she’s fine being immortal but before that it was a NIGHTMARE

E8: What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets? 

THIS IS IN THE EDUCATION SECTION SO I GUESS THIS MEANS IN LIKE A SCHOLARY SENSE… she dropped out of school and i guess she wishes she didnt but not enough to try school again.

F12: Would they enjoy a theme park?

she LOVES THEME PARKS… EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM BUT MOSTLY THE GAMES AND THE CANDY AND THE RLY TALL RIDES she turns into a lil kid in theme parks oh my god ;~;

G5: Did they go through any typical phases growing up?

you mean nora’s canon emo phase before emo was even finished becoming a thing, yeah

i think she had a disco phase too she has so much sparkly clothes that she still wears???? i have NO idea what goes on with nora’s fashion ever tbh

H2:Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover? 

HONESTLY YEAH but she definitely acts like she isn’t. she frames a lot of her thoughtfulness as her trying to be a tease or a bully but whenever nisha is super focused on something, nora is always there in the background trying to make sure she eats, buying her food when she doesn’t do groceries, helping around the house when nisha neglects her chores so that she won’t get in trouble… she rly does try and make life easier for nisha when she can cuz she gets guilty about nisha having to take care of her when her trauma gets rly bad mfhg cries about tsg

I1: What are their favorite kinds of flavors– Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera?

SWEET OR SALTY OR SOUR OR SPICY OR CREAmy wow that was jsut all the flavors listed but she just gave me a BIG !!!!!!!!!!! about food, especially soups. soup is perfect

K5: Does your OC feel isolated or unrelatable due to the experience their PA brings with it? If so, how do they deal with it?

she deals with it by turning nisha lmfaohjfgs

I MEAN it also depends when this is… originally, when she’s going through her feral phase, she feels completely unrelatable, she feels isolated, but that’s what she wants. it’s like the peak of self-destruction for her, she becomes this violent enigma and she… embodies it fully and enthusiastically (i cant say she loves it but i guess she does? in a masochistic sense?)

nora also just loves being an individual so once she’s healthy and recovered and it’s the epilogue days and im crying,…. then she still feels relatively unrelatable but she LOVES that, she loves being one of ‘two’ sole creatures on this earth (in her eyes) who lives the life she’s been allowed to live and also im crying,

this is so long its freezing my computer sfngklsdfngdfgs LOVE YOU HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY

#w #ANYWAY I LOVE TSG MORE THAN LIFE AUGHHHDFG #mmementommori #ask tag

[kendrixtermina]

Extra Typology Vol #2 - 1. Introduction/ The Book

So, for this installment of Extra Typology”, I consulted one Matthew Campling, or rather, his book “Essence and the Enneagram”, for another take on the typology system known as “Essence Type”, “Planetary Body Type” or “12 Type Enneagram”. 

I chose this book because it was one of the more popularized version of the system, likely to be what most are working from, as well as a fairly generalized version with less esoterics stuff - Or so I thought. 

The author catches themselves repeatedly having moment where they’re like, “This would lead too far/is not the subject here” and tries to keep it brief as to not beat a reader over the head, but they still very much refer to & rely on it less artfully than the other person did, and seem to think 

For example they argue that it has to be 6 (main) types because of some cool numerology trick he can do but if I get basic real numbers you understand that a number with a repeating series of numerals after the decimal point really isn’t that special and that you could find one for lots & lots of number sequences... Ultimately it’s not a huge essential characteristic of the universe but an artifact from using decimal numbers, in, say, base 60 (which the summerians used) or 12 (which actually makes more sense because it has more divisors) the digits would be quite different. 

They also have this fishy sounding bit about how speaking speed supposedly impacts your mindset - Like, I’m sure forcing yourself to talk differently to actually reach a different mindset is effective in the sense all suggestion & conscious effort is, but, how would this even hold up against cultural differences & different language sentence melodies? 

I have to remind myself that non-nerds tend to be a lot more ‘fuzzy’ about this as I was when I was younger so a lot of this might actually impress a casual reader who doesn’t have a very structured, mechanistic grasp on science or psychology & thus might be more easily impressed by this (but probably understands a lot about som of the bajillion things I’M clueless about, don’t get me wrong)

But even when it comes to the material itself, I am retroactively very glad I also bought the other book. It was more self-aware about the esoterics and even when it comes to the actual material itself, it was more in-depht and mechanistic, giving a dynamic understanding of the reasons behind reaction & how to deal with them, the inner dynamis rather than just stating pros cons & traits.

Also for a school of thought espousing nonjudgement and a system supposed to work through nonjudgement (instead of becoming annoyed at ppl or yourself you accept that its just their nature) they could do a bit better on the nonjudgemental part - I mentioned that in the last book, the Venusians kinda got the short end of the stick, being somewhat portrayed as bland & boring (and I suppose some of them can be), but even so it (if perhaps a tad condescendingly) aknowledges their value & explains the inner mechanics quite illustratively, and the author admitted that they might be a tad biased as a Jovian. 

In this book, the short end of the stick goes to the Lunar and Lunar-Venus (sadly - their webside made the latter out to sound quite interesting), which is a bit unfortunate as I’m a Lunar myself & the descriptions were such that it’d be hard to recognize myself in them if I hadn’t read the other book. 

I mean I get that to some extent this whole exercise is to be about self-discovery & observation/reflection and that involves swallowing or at least contemplating the occasional bit of negative feedback, pitfalls & warning so I try to at least evaluate the info & will try to present the author’s POV here but at the same time there’s some other info or other perspectives I know to be valid which suggests that at least some bits are unfair - 

If we were to put this in mbti terms, it’s an ExxJ’s perspective or misunderstanding of IxxP types, and, hey, I used to mindunderstand EJs too as a teenagers, thinking they seemed rather frantic & crazy driven to do superficial things that don’t really matter even self-destructive things, doesn’t help that EJs,  are rather prominent & visible in society and, in the case of ESJs, very common & thus seen as ‘normal’ so I was aware of a difference there perhaps also because as a 4-fixer I’m sensitive toward noticing differences so I’d wonder, “Am I just more woke than most peeps?”, “Am I somehow defective?” and the usual teenager shtick. 

That said it’s quite possible for an IxxP, especially one who’s more 4/5 than 6/9, to be perfectly happy as & even seek out the outcast or subculture role & eventually I grew up & made my peace with it.  Eventually I realize that some of the EJs really want what they are working for  and that what I want is just different without there needing to be a value judgement. (After all what’s wrong with them doing what they want as long as they’re ethical? Who am I to say it’s a bad goal? It’s just their version of being themselves. Conversely I can’t complain about the consequences of what I strive towards even if its different from society’s pervasive EJ values. And while there is harmful bias to some extent EJs are pervasive because they care about making themselves heard in broad society more than we do.)

I guess this is only fair after the privilege that most mbti stuff is written by fellow Ne users to the chagrin of the sensors. If most mbti-cians are intuitives, then most Essence Type writers tend to be Jupiters with Mild mars admixture. Just because the perspective is a bit skewed doesn’t mean that the information, though presented through a lens & requiring a grain of salt, is useless tho, not as long as the reader is willing to think for themselves, ‘excavate’ the pure observations &  bring their own perspective to it. 

Indeed the strenght of this book is that it specifically considers a lot of contexts that these differences could come to bear in (albeit briefly & bare bones-y) & preents them in an applicable manner - work, romance, friendship, leisure etc.  

At first I thought this book would be my primary source with the previous one bought more for entertaining curiosity and having different perspectives & interpretations of the same system, but I think the other book is ultimately better, especially since this one doesn’t really spare you the esoterics. The other seemed aware that different typologies are tools whereas this one goes out of its way to argue the ‘corectness’ which might be interesting for the sorts of people who like to argue theology but doesn’t really impress or appear relevant to me personally, it’s a “how many angels fit on the tip of a needle” type question. - There’s also the potential POV that the 9gram describes the potential masks or distortions ppl have whereas this one describes what’s underneath, though I do not personally subscribe to it, my opinion being that a great deal of personality is inborn but what version of it you become, how much potential you tap & how much you accept yourself is up to nurture & choice/will.  

I appreciate that the author tried to make it widely understandeable without dumbing it down, but it was a bit... hm... to see them talk about the “great important deep wisdom” they shared with us when it was pretty simplistic... You can tell they heard it fro their esoterics “teacher” and were mighty impressed but they seem to be telling us this impressiveness more than they’re suceeding at showing it. 

Simplicity is IMHO one of this system’s strenghts but the thing here is that, I guess, the author tried to explore the “everyone lowkey has all types/energies/human nature aspects” to come up with a dynamicity akin to what some other systems have like tritypes or mbti function dynamics.

Like the previous book it supposes that the main types are more like “pots” we all draw from to some degrees, some of us being pretty clearly in one and others being hybrid types, & ut tries to get into when we use each energy & how we could benefit from more flexible approprite responses - so far so good, that’s ultimately what all typology tells us (watch yourself & consider if your usual course of action is wise here) but I’m not sure if it made sense to characterize this dynamicity or reaction range as the other types, or, I see how it’s an useful shorthand but the specific way the author did it, their dynamicity system wasn’t that good, they failed to really connect it to common RL experiences outside of just sprouting their jargon & interpreting things in that light which gave it less explanatory power and, even worse, led to the types being rather pidgeonholed, especially in terms of life areas & situations, as opposed to the whole, interconnected picture the other book painted, depicting friendship, romance, family & work related to the basic principles of the type in which some are simply navigated more naturally & confidently than other.

From the descriptions here you’d wonder why the Lunar is even an intellectual Type, the whole picture of “nocturnal moody strong introvert” is distorted through a lens that mostly characterizes it as being childlike and self-absorbed & basically being everyone’s inner brat who doesn’t have “real” insights but surely thinks they do, like, it does happen that people, and often lunar-ish people, do that sometimes but this guy just throws it out as a blanket statement, and who the hell wants to be infantilized, or identify with something like that? 

I suppose phrasing it like this is gonna appeal to the proud disney fans & the like & the guy phrased it IMHO  a lot better in his youtube video (”Some people aren’t meant to grow up”... though really, isn’t it more that grownup for us is something different than for a Venusian or how society equates “grow up” with conform? ) Of course if they read this they’d probably think of what an utterly Lunar thing to say that is, but,  I liked the other guy’s approach to vices that treated the serious pitfalls as optional &  described in a structural manner how they coul both arise from & distort the actual essential self. 

He does say that each type acts out its own “interpretation” of the other types/energies/reaction styles, but I think an elaboration of what these perspectives seen through the lens your “home” type (his terminology) specifically look like (in terms of quality, skew & attitude and not just situation) would have gone a long way to make his constructs “flow”. 

Adding to that, is that this version doesn’t include the Solar type (and indeed associates the jovian with the sun) - at first I thought that since they were popularizing it they thought it sounded too “snowflakey” (I disdain that word/concept of it as an insult tho), but now I think it was more because of their numerology trick they thought was indicative of why there should be only 6. 

Part of why I checked out the other book was that I felt Solar was describing something specific & here it seems to have been kind of absorbed into Lunar or Jupiter-Lunar, further making the Lunar a bit flakier & harder to grasp and I thought it was an useful distinction (I am most definitely NOT a Solar, at least not beyond the everyone-has-all-potentials level.)

This situation-reducing works even worse for the hybrid types, which, for one thing, are at times described rather differently than they are in the other book - I’ll still present the descriptions in case hybrid individual identify better with these versions but overall I still think it’s better to just describe the main energies so people, who are all individuals anyways can pick & discern in which aspects & situations they act more like one or more like the other type; Surely better than how this book sorta ends up characterizing the Lunar-Venus hybrid as being all about irresponsible promiscuous fucking & then in every list of situations lits that as a factor or  It’s kinda one-dimensional & dissapointing since it sounded kinda interesting at first. 

Kinda like the cognitive functions where you can say that you use some more then others & some very easily (though I don’t think the essence energies & the functions can be equated, they seem to describe different things, despite some overlaps; The functions seem to further describe & take place in entirely in the neocortex/ “intellectual center” albeit taking in information from below whereas either variety of ennagram seems to look more at different makeups for the whole of the psyche including ppl who have most of the emphasis/trust in other parts than the intellect, though ultimately the distinctions are somewhat illusory especially where “higher” emotions or “quick” reasoning come in. 

One thing the author does sucessfully showcase with a good example is that he is sorta describing something specific & that the system has interesting distinctions - For exaple generally, describing someone as “warm” or “kind” would be treated as almost synonymous descriptions of general niceness, but in the context of this, you average Lunar person could be described as “kind” but would be too aloof to be described as “warm”, whereas a Venusian will be very apparently “warm” but may not necessarily be described as “kind”, whereas someone to whom both adjectives apply is probably a Jovian type. 

Before we get into the actual content, I want to again stress that this is gonna be my interpretation of the material through the lens of what I understood or thought important or wanted to “excavate/filter out”. If you’re seriously interested in this you can get the book yourself & if you don’t have the time or money to do that, just be aware that this is my interpretation not the commonly accepted be all end all truth. 

#extraTypology #12gram #essence type #matthew campling #the 12 type enneagram

[muzzleroars]

(sorry it took me so long to read it lol) You made some good points on Mika and Krul's co-dependence, but the thing I really wanna pick at is the comparison to Guren and Yuu. I get that their motives are similar, but relationship-wise, Krul seems to have Guren beat as the better guardian. Especially considering a vampire's loss of emotions as time passes, for selfish reasons or not, imo she seems to care more about Mika's well-being than Guren does for Yuu.

oh ok! yea, i find the relationshipparallels between guren and yuu and krul and mika interesting aswell. what’s always puzzled me is the fact that so many ppl seem tothink that guren is a better guardian than krul is, where i don’tbelieve that at all. i have a hard time saying she’s better, butthat’s only bc we don’t get as much time with krul and mika. theproblem is, we’re much closer to guren and yuu, as the story ismainly thru yuu’s pov, and so we get a lot more insight into whatguren has done. with krul and mika, it’s just some snippets of themtogether.

you make a good point tho about howvampire’s emotions decay over time, and so ultimately krul shouldhave less capacity to care. although i guess there needs to be moreinformation on guren’s status as a namanari, bc that too may erodehis emotions in a similar fashion to vampires (after all, yuu seemscolder in his namanari state). which is a whole other issue here:what’s guren and what’s mahiru? but since there’s no definitive wayto tell what’s what, i’ll compare them based on what we have in thestory without worrying too much about guren’s human/demon/namanaristatus. i just think it’s an important disclaimer to make lol

their motives are pretty much exactlythe same, as they both wish to have seraph children for their ownends, although those ends are unclear. they both maintain an amountof distance from their respective “children” (i’ll be calling them their kids from now on lol) and personally guidethem in the right direction. for guren, this meant accelerating yuuinto the army and putting him in a situation that would awaken hisseraph. for krul, what we know is that she essentially kept mikaclose and made him dependent on her. and they sort of act much thesame way to their kids, although the narrative treats a lot ofguren’s cruelty to yuu with humor, something i’ve never been a bigfan of. and so i view his maltreatment of yuu the same as krul’s ofmika no matter how it’s framed.

the prime example of their similaritiesis highlighted in the parallel scenes i mentioned, chapter 16 andchapter 22. guren treats yuu going to see the hiiragi’s as a sign ofdefiance, just as krul took mika’s acting out in a similar fashion.just the way the lines are practically the same:

and then krul’s scene with mika:

they are the same scene!! the same!! they both feel they have ownership over their child and they both hang a lot over their heads. plus, they manipulate them both with promising them what they want the most: guren promises yuu his revenge, and krul promises mika will be back with yuu. and the undercurrent of both is always “without me, it’ll never happen, so don’t defy me”. and it effectively controls them. while yuu may act out more, he’s still under guren’s thumb. 

so essentially, they are nearly the same. the differences in their presentation seems, again, to largely be based on the narrative. it’s hard to get a grasp on how they both feel about their kids, though. guren has concern somewhere, best shown in the scene when he cried in nagoya, and krul does too, shown in the scene i mentioned last time when she told mika to run. and their kids have concern for them too: yuu’s is obvious, as he’s incredibly loyal to guren and his current main objective is finding some way to save him. mika too is attached to krul, not wanting to leave her to ferid and showing pain in his features when she’s left to burn to at the stake. so really, i think it’s fair to say they both view them as their guardians, and they do care. 

krul and guren are more difficult when making comparison to who is better and who is worse. like i said, we get more with guren than we do with krul, but i totally agree that guren seems to have a blatant disregard for yuu’s wellbeing. really, i can only think of genuine concern coming up for him when yuu was possessed in his fight against crowley (chap 34). and he did show some affection to him in chap 26 in that short scene where he pats him on the head (aaaAAAAAAA) and when he helped him get back to sleep in that flashback. and to be fair, at his coldest, like in chap 18 and 40-41, it is suggested that he’s at least being influenced by mahiru, if not entirely possessed. chap 14 is harder to place, his conversation with shinoa, but again, this is incredibly callous toward yuu’s health. and the way he acted prior to that in the battle at shinjuku?? not great for his track record, since he was pretty pleased when his seraph came out. having yuu come to shinjuku was just one big experiment to see if he could draw out that power, based on how he had shinoa immediately subdue yuu and then in the conversation with shinoa afterward when she claimed guren gave her special drugs to give yuu.

i sort of went over krul’s affection for mika, how she offers physical affection when he feeds and her words in chap 22 are just. so sweet to me. she tries to comfort him by telling him anyone would have acted that way and immediately accepts his apology despite how rough he was with her. however, the anime really played this stuff up. she was far more affectionate in that scene and in the final episode, doing things that weren’t present in the manga. also, she has been pretty horrible to mika as well. she calls him her dog and she isn’t bothered by physically subduing him in chap 22, essentially mocking his very justified anger. and i am constantly going back and forth as to whether or not her calling him her “son” is supposed to be a part of that mocking. she’s certainly talking down to him, but i’m not sure how malicious it is.

finally, there is the big elephant in the room: the experiments. guren freely experimented on yuu and brought out his seraph, whereas krul has never done this to mika. however, their situations are entirely different. jida is trying to create seraphs and so guren experimenting on yuu was part of that (or he went under that pretense). krul, however, would have been sentenced to essentially the vampire’s death penalty of eternal entombment in stone if her dabbling in the seraph project had been found out. so it really seems like she couldn’t experiment on mika even if she wanted to for fear of being found out. i’m not sure what her plan was and we can’t be sure she would have done anything with him in this capacity even if she could, but i feel the circumstances are too different to compare. guren was free to do it, krul was decidedly not.

tl;dr bc i rambled again: krul and guren’s feelings toward their kids are very ambiguous, but, no matter how they feel, they’re both poor guardians. and here’s the thing: i love both krul and guren, and i want to desperately see them grow to care about the kids they first picked up for selfish motives. and i think they do, in some ways? but i can’t strongly say if one is better than the other for right now. i wish we had seen more with krul and mika, but yea i can agree that guren is at least just as bad as she is. it’s just that the narrative, and accordingly, yuu, present him better (or at least more sympathetically) than it does krul, and so i think that’s why he gets more passes. i just…wish they would both care for their kids in the way they both deserve.

#THIS IS WAY TOO LONG AGAIN IM SORRY #but i love the relationships here and they're v interesting #but i 100% agree that guren needs to treat yuu better than he does #it's really horrible and i feel so bad for yuu with how much he cares for him #he deserves to have that rewarded #so lol basically they both deserve their guardians to love them and i want to see it happen #like @ kagami pls #ons #mikaela hyakuya #yuuichirou hyakuya #krul tepes #guren ichinose #anon #guren crit #krul crit #i'm critical of both of them #so just in case you don't want to see that!! #ons spoilers #FINALLY sry if i'm a lil dodgy on some guren details #i haven't finished his lns yet #and i'm more familiar with krul and mika's scenes than his #so i might have missed some important stuff im v sry if so

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #13- FINALE

I gotta say Im SUPERRR upset with myself right now. To be completely honest I feel like I could have won had my laptop not frozen which would have been really nice to have. What is making this worse is knowing I lost because my computer decided to freeze for 1st time ever! 

This is okies though. Once I get to the end I'll just be able to stick to the narrative of things never going my way but I still persevered! 

The silver lining to losing and Cheatham winning is knowing this means Sara goes. I was a little worried that if Cheatham left it keeps AMs options open. Now if he wins its gonna force her hand. I just have to promise her F2 even more and pray it convinces her NOT to do anything crazy

(LATER)

I've done some rethinking- if AnnMarie is in f4 with Sara and Austin I'd like to think it means she is not gonna try and target anyone but them. I should be safe...but I am also interested in seeing if Cheatham legit votes for Austin or not

Yeah so um...Apparently Austin leaked everything that Cheatham told him to AM and Chris yesterday so they added him to an alliance chat. But pretty sure they're also playing semi emotionally rn and not thinking straight. If AM was actually going to potentially idol Austin out before..she knows he's a clear threat. All it takes is Chris/am/cheatham to get together and hash this all out and turn on Austin. Though idk how likely it is Cheatham would do that. He's flat out told me that he knows Austin is the biggest threat yet he seems stuck like glue to him. I mean..so am I...but I don't really have a lot of other options...they all want me out...and there's no way to immunity streak. I really need Austin to stay because I truly believe he'll at least tie at f4 if we have to. Cheatham may not no matter how many times he's told that Am/Chris won't split. Or he'll vote me assuming he's winning final immunity.

I'm thinking about telling Cheatham straight up I am voting him. Its just weird because he seems to already know he is likely going so perhaps AnnMarie has already talked to him, not sure but I do feel bad even if he is voting me out

I feel like I am now sort of in a great spot because I am framing AnnMarie to be the one calling the shots but actually she is coming to me asking what to do O-O. So Operation: Wolfsheep(?) was a success! I told her to see how Sara feels about Austin/Chatham became we have to max our benefits!

(LATER)

Here we go again! Austin and AnnMarie on at the same time so lets get this party started

Hi Friends, its final five! And I wanted to quit the game again! By far the hardest immunity challenge that I've ever done and tbh it pissed me off. I lasted 3 hours and 14 minutes and for what? To fight for my life again bc I might get voted out? It pisses me off. My body is still completely sore. Anyways, My plan for this week is to convince Am to vote out either Chris or Austin, I don't care who, bc they will vote each other out if it means that they get to stay. I made a DAMN good plea to AM and it seems like it might have worked. BUT you never know. If this works out for me, Its just another thing on my resume :)

(LATER)

WELL CHANGE OF PLANS. REWIND. Austin literally just called me and told me how he got added to a F3 with AM and Chris.He told Sara about it so she wants me, him, and her to work together and get out CHRIS. AHHHH CRAZY RIGHT? Like I don't wanna work with them but it is the only thing that will get me through this week. Hopefully it works out. PEACE.

Ahhh! I feel like Dorothy in Oz right now! My yellow brick road is splitting and I don't know which path to followwwww!!! Technically AM could screw things with the idol (which she finally came clean about) but there's pros and cons to all vote options this round... Voting Cheatham this round would likely make it easier for me to win immunity. I also don't fully trust him. HOWEVER, that still leaves AM and Chris in the game together and I'm nearly certain they will vote together next round. Voting Cheatham would also keep a tad of trust with AM and hopefully she and Chris would fire Austin  instead of me. But Austin is also close with Chris. Taking this path would probably leave f3 wide open and if I did somehow end up f3 with Chris/AM, I HAVE to win immunity or I'm ducked. But if that f3 did happen and I won final immunity, I'd have a much easier win than with Austin...but do I even want it easy? That's boring. You can't be the best until you win against the best. And... Voting Chris would break him from AnnMarie and we wouldn't have to worry about them trying to make finals together. Plus, Cheatham would be there next round, so maybe I could get her to vote Cheatham out next round if he isn't immune. Then in a F3 situation, I THINK both Austin/AM would take me instead of each other. But it's also a risk because I'd be leaving AM out of this vote and she may not trust me. Or can #GirlPower prevail? Did any of this make sense? And all of this lit only works if Austin doesn't plan on turning against me. If he does ..then RIP my game all together.

omg i feel im def the one going home . all my flipping and leaking info has finally caught up to me and i cant blame ppl for finding out haha. we will see what happens. tumblr survivor gods please be with me!

3 votes Chris, 2 votes Austin.

WTF?!?! I cant believe I made it past that tribal.  Thank god for sara and cheatham having my back this vote. Idk what's gonna happen next but I gotta try not damn hardest on this immunity or it could be me going home next .

Idk what my end game plan is really.  Idc who I go to the end with I just wanna make it there.  So I gotta convince someone to vote with me so at least if anything it will be a tie and there is a chance for me . It's been a hard game but I have loved every second of it <3

Ughhhh...I know what needs to be done this round but it's soooo hard!! As annoyed as I am with the way Austin tried playing the game, making F2's with idek how many people, he's still like the nicest kid ever and I feel bad. Like bro, you had a good enough social game...you didn't NEED to do that. He literally probably would have gotten by with it too if it wasn't for him leaking AM's idol plans back to her (literally told him he's going to get himself in trouble) and also telling AM Cheatham/I were voting Chris so she should save him to take out Cheatham. Lit, he could have been honest with me and and just voted Cheatham and I wouldn't have cared. But trying to be so sneaky and then blatantly lying to me about it is something. And that is that on that. As far as this F3 goes...I'm nervous. I'd love to win final immunity to ensure a spot in finals but really it's a double edged sword. I won like 4 or 5 individual immunities in my last game and jury apparently dragged me saying that's the only reason I made finals. I knew that was not true and hosts did too, but perception is reality. Also, winning forces me to piss off either AM or Cheatham. I really do not need that. I low-key, strategically brought up a F2 to AM at the last vote just to see if she had one with Chris to decide what last rounds best vote was. If she had one with him, I figured she'd sorta brush off mine. If she didn't, I figured she'd be all for it. Well...she didn't tell me I'm her F2 until AFTER Chris was blindsided, so we know what that means. But now..she may have taken mine seriously and be saltier than the Atlantic if I gave her 3rd. What would ultimately be best is for one of the other 2 to win immunity and convince them to take me with. Unless they already have a f2 together, I think this would be easier with AM as I could use the 'Cheatham was the Thrush underdog' and '#GirlPower' on her. But...she's just not the greatest at comps so I feel that's not an option. Cheatham might be more difficult as I know fo sho he's thirsty for a W. He's literally tried taking me out for whatever reason several times. Why would he target me instead of AM if it wasn't for threat purposes? But if he did win, my argument is gonna be that she auto has Chris' vote and literally ZERO blood on her hands with the jury. What else can I use with him? Maybe peeps like Noah rigging immunity for me at merge so that I'd stay loyal and then backstabbing anyway. Salt. OR Liam asking for a F2 (even tho it was lit during Tribal and too late to save himself) and then voting him out. More salt. Honestly though, idk if anything I say would change his mind...so throwing the comp intentionally is risky...risky af...but it could also be the difference in winning/losing. How about that novel? x)

Hello friends. I've made it again. I was hoping that I could win immunity too but I couldn't. TBH, I don't THINK I'm going home this week. Though I very well could, I just don't see it. The way I'm playing this week is how to get a F3 that will take me to F2. My target this week is Austin. Sara told me a lot of shit about Austin so I think it is pretty obvious that she wants him out. Then there is AM who is very quiet but why would she not vote Austin. Hopefully Austin goes and then boom! I'm in F3 and HAVE to win that immunity.

(LATER)

OKAY this is my ENDGAME plans. Out of the four that are left. I'm hoping that I can take AM to F2. Tbh I feel I can defiantly beat Sara and AM. Sara I feel like just wouldn't take me to the end. Austin, though I feel I can beat, also played a really good game. I'm gonna plead my case to the jury like this. I was a target every single week for pre-merge. Every time, they wanted me out. I somehow managed to bounce back each time. I was unanimously Petrels target come swap/merge and I lasted through that. I gained a lot of peoples trust which was shown in the Captaincy immunity challenge. I was the vote that decided if Rizo was to go or not. And when it came time, I told him that. I tried my best to play an honest game. I was able to get the Idol and had it for 5 rounds without anyone voting it out of me. I was able to get everyone to take out Noah because I saw him as the biggest threat in the game. For Vincents week, I somehow convinced Sara and AM that the whole thing was Vincents idea and he made me believe that I needed to vote out Sara. EVEN AFTER I literally just used an idol to get Sara out. AND convinced Vincent to come BACK to me and vote Sara out .hats pretty badass. On Chris' week, once again I decided who goes home and I picked the right way if that means that I end up in F2. Every week, I had to FIGHT to be there. That is something that I don't think a lot of people had to do. I always came close to winning immunitys, if I didn't win. And proved that I'm not only a strong social player, but also a strong comp competitor.

IM HERE IM HERE IM HERE IM FINALLY HERE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I CANT BELIEVE IT I REALLY CANT BELIEVE IT OMG. THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND IM SO HAPPY! I never thought I would make it this far into the game, and I'm so excited for the possibility of f3. People are telling me that they're voting Austin, but it's been awfully quiet. I'm scared that the silence is a sign, but I hope that I'm just being paranoid. I'm just happy to be here.

3 votes Austin, 1 vote AnnMarie.

well, here we are, final 3. I guess this is where my game ends. Sara just won immunity and after I plead my case and my feelings are basically crushed. She rubs a little salt in the wound by telling me a move that I messed up on. Vincent wasn't the one who told Sara and AM about the vote switch. It was Austin. It just really frustrating how this game played out. I worked my motherfucking ass off. It seems like I did it for nothing. This is my last org for hopefully a long while and I was hoping I'd get that edit of "Underdog Villain Wins the Season and Leaves the Hateful Community" and I didn't get that edit. I'm not gonna get that edit. I spent the entire first half of this game as the "Other vote" all people wanted to do was blindside me/ get me out. I had a breakdown early on in the game (def wasn't my last one) where I wanted to quit the game. The guy that I was falling in love with broke my heart, my job was chaotic, I was getting SHIT ON on discord, was doing endurance comp after endurance comp and there was no pay off, was failing my classes, was losing friendships, and all I wanted to do was quit. But I didn't and I kept going. I kept playing my ass off and it sucks to be out played. Im a sore. loser. TRUST ME I KNOW. But to come this far and still lose, it fucking sucks, Yes, this is just a game. I get it. Log off, quit, do whatever you need to do to not let it control your life. I can't DO THAT though. I love orgs! This is the kind of stuff that I always wanted to do! I have a lot of stuff to work on within myself. I know. But for right now, all I want to do is win. And I'm almost positive that its not gonna happen. I don't even think that Im gonna get POTS. Just sucks to put so much effort into something with zero pay off. Anyways. I guess I'll see y'all sometime. Much love.                                                                                             - The Villain

Did I just do THAT?!? Force myself to finals!? I know this sounds sappy and cheesy over an online game...but my entire life I've been really underestimated..for multiple reasons, so it feels great to be able to prove myself in any situation. No, I haven't won...but have at least dragged myself as far as you can go in this game. Now it's [semi] out of my hands. But now is the hard part... Who do I take with me!? I literally went to sleep last night wanting to take Cheatham. I woke up this morning wanting to slap myself in the face for thinking that. Now I want to take AM. The perk to taking AM is that I 100% feel that my game was superior. I also 'technically' asked her for a f2, though on my end it was more strategic as mentioned in an earlier confessional. However, I still do not like breaking F2s if avoidable. But she did also tell me she'd have taken Cheatham to finals over me so... And the perk to taking Cheatham is that I feel like he's more deserving of finals and winning (or losing) against him would feel much better than the other option. But is it worth breaking the f2, especially when AM was probably slightly more loyal to me? I know she said my name once too, but Cheatham said it multiple times AND tried to freaking idol me out! Even after all of that I was willing to work with him and saved him a couple rounds...but when is enough, enough??

Wow. I cannot believe I am finally here at the very end. This is so shocking to me. I have never gotten this far before in any game, so I am just so excited. I am so happy that Sara decided to take me with her to the end, but I know for a fact that I have a very small chance of winning this. I really need to get on track and figure out how to talk like a normal human being so I can win over the jury, any way I can. Making that video for right of passage was so pointless (although it was super fun to make). It was not what Sara and Cheatham had done. I really wish I would have done the doc to at least clarify what the hell I actually did in this game. In reality, I truly think I just played for a hell of a good time, and I had a hell of a good time, because it was a hell of a good time. You know what isn't a hell of a good time? Not being at the end with Cheatham. It would have been so fun, and I think it would be a little easier for me to talk. I think that speaking to the jury with Sara will get me a bit nervous. I am not the most articulate person, so going up against Sara concise speaking will ruin meeeee. But I will be extremely happy if Sara wins. She honestly deserves it.

Cheatham becomes the final member of the jury.

#announcement

[medschoolash]

hi, i was wondering what do you think of these common criticisms aimed at got: 1) cutting out lady stoneheart and arianne martell 2)messing up the dorne plotline in general and ellaria/doran/the sand snakes' characters 3)villainizing and weakening stannis (for example many ppl think that in the books he will defeat ramsay and take winterfell and that if he will burn shireen it won't be bc of a snowstorm lol but to save the world)?

Hi! Thanks for the interesting ask

So about Lady Stoneheart. I get why something like this would be a highlight for book readers that they would want to see translated on screen. With that said I personally don’t see the big deal about the omission. Ultimately I don’t think a murderous Zombie Catelyn Stark factors all that much into the ending themes and plots of the series. I know there was a lot more to it than that but from what I’ve read about it, there is nothing absolutely vital about that story arc that couldn’t be divided among other characters for the show for the sake of compressing the narrative and the large character list to make it more suitable for the television format. 

I sorta feel the same way about the Dorne plot. Out of all the omitted things this is probably the one that I wish I could have seen more of, but I feel like If Dorne and House Martell were really that vital for the endgame of the series then we would have seen that plot fleshed out more. The book series has so many characters and subplots that make for good reading, but on television you can’t do the same thing. In a book you have pages after pages to explore and add characters. On television you have to tell a cohesive story within the confines of time and budget. That means you can’t have all 1000 characters from a book, which means that unfortunately some will be left out, some will be combined with others, some will make an appearance but only until they have served their narrative purpose. House Martell, tho interesting, doesn’t seem to serve a real narrative purpose long term, if they did we would probably still see them involved since according to everything that’s come out the show will pretty much reach the same conclusion as the series. Unless someone from house Martell was supposed to be vital in defeating the NK or was meant to play a huge role in the political ending of the show then there really is no need to have that large cast of supporting characters present on the show right now. 

I can’t really make any judgements about how the little we did get of them was handled since I don’t know all the ins and outs of their book plot but I think ultimately it came down to TV vs book as far as how their show arcs went. Characters need to serve the plot in some way on TV, that’s just how the game goes and that’s what happened with them on the show. I’m sure there were ways to do that while also staying true to character but I really don’t think they cared because they weren’t gonna be featured outside of their short stint on the show. Is this doing justice to the book? No, but ultimately it served the purpose of their job, which is to make a television show. This is also a pretty common practice when it comes to making movies or shows out of books. I’ve read several books that became movies and some characters did things their book characters never did but I understood it because a coherent story needs to be told in 2 hours or over the course of 8 seasons and sometimes because of that some things just can’t stay the same if you’re gonna fit everything you have to fi in into that compressed timeline. This isn’t pleasant for people who loved the Martells I’m sure, and I would probably feel angry too if I cared about any of then outside of my bae Oberyn but I’m a pretty practical person regardless so my opinion is pretty much it is what it is. 

As far as Stannis goes. The gripes about this one make the least sense to me. Sure Stannis might take Winterfell in the books, but it’s was clear as day from the very beginning that Stannis was never seeing the iron throne, which means he’s was always going to be defeated in battle whether it be before he takes winterfell or after he takes winterfell. The outcome will be the same so it shouldn’t really matter that it’s slightly changed for the show, especially not when that changes make practical and narrative sense. I personally enjoyed seeing Sansa take her home back form the man who brutally abused her and I damn sure would pick that any day over seeing Stannis take Winterfell, a place he has no attachment to and is just another notch in his belt in his quest for the throne. It’s my opinion that we’re getting the superior story here. Also, it’s confirmed that Stannis Sets his own child on fire in the books just like in the show. No matter the motivation he was always going to be Villainized for this action. There is no greater good that makes burning a CHILD, let alone your own child alive, listening to her scream in agony and pain any less of a horrible father and a complex character that made a horrible mistake which is exactly what I saw Stannis as. I actually really enjoyed Stannis but he’s delusional belief in his destiny lead him to making the worst mistake he could never make in killing his own child. He loved his daughter and that made it even worse, because how can this “destiny” (that’s clearly not his destiny” be worth your child? There is no greater good worth that horrible murder so to me the show did nothing that the book won’t also do when it comes to Stannis’s actions. No one gives Rhaegar a pass for his shitty actions with Lyanna that got his wife and children brutally murdered even though Rhaegar was driven by a prophecy that said he needed to save the world so why would Stannis get a pass because in the books he is also motivated to do terrible things that ends in the death of his innocent family because of a belief in a call to save the world? He wouldn’t get a pass and we know it. Also Stannis didn’t burn Shireen just because of a snowstorm. He did it because the circumstances combined seemed to be an insurmountable hinderance to his goal of him being the prince that was promised that was meant to sit on the iron throne and save them all. The storm was  hinderance to his destiny, a hinderance that he could not overcome without killing his own child so for the “greater good” he does that, and he still fails, and he will probably still fail in the books as well since like I said before, to me it appears that his fate was always headed towards this path and he was never actually going to TPTWP or the king of the 7 kindoms. We are basically getting the exact same ending to his story with only a slight variation which is better than a lot of other book plots and characters will ever get.  

#answered #got commentary #this was interesting to think about #wish I could say more but I would have to actually be a book reader for that #so I'll stay in my lane and leave it at this #Anonymous