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eclecticopposition · 11 months

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give meee... headcanons about the Sangfielle friends in the most boring AU you can imagine like. idk. office Sangfielle. grocery store Sangfielle. they all work at a movie theater. whatever sounds mundane as hell and you have Thoughts about :3

okay tumblr ate my fucking answer the first time. let's try this again.

the thing about these guys is that no matter how mundane you make it, they can make anything into a situation. that's just the guys they are. so we put them in a Walmart.

Marn is an employee with a great customer service voice. She's keeping it together in the face of some truly wild statements and requests. One man keeps asking for frootie hooties, a brand of cereal that he insists is real and everyone is just refusing to sell to him, and she's spent twenty minutes trying to tell him that they just don't have it in stock

Lye and Es are having an animated conversation in the clothing area, where she is examining various colorful dresses and he is distractedly picking things off of nearby shelves and putting them back down. The conversation started at how they got kicked out of dayward yve's novelty store and is now about whether stealing should be more or less of a crime than manslaughter, because it's not as bad as killing but it is on purpose. People are trying not to pay attention to them. Eventually they are asked to leave, at which point it is revealed that lye has about two hundred dollars worth of items in his pockets and es has some candles she liked and a new pair of shoes in hers. They are both barred from Walmart.

Duvall hates it here. It's loud, he hates the lights, the aisles make no sense, he can't find anything he's looking for, and people keep coming up to him to ask him where things are. He doesn't even work here. Why do people assume he works here? He's not even wearing any Walmart merchandise. Is that what it's called when you're an employee? Merchandise? Well, it's what it would be called if he wears it, which he never will, because he doesn't work here and never wants to. Have a nice day ma'am.

Pickman is slowly marching her way through the aisles one at a time, peering at her shopping list and holding a tiny shopping basket in one hand. She has to be very careful not to knock the shelves over sometimes. Just trying to get groceries. People are nervously avoiding her. Says "Hey, you" to some poor employee to ask where the milk and cigarettes are. Just grunts at everything else. When she's at the checkout, the guy there asks "Did you find everything you're looking for?", and she just says "No." and leaves

Chine comes out of the bathroom with a live rat in his hand. People scream. The manager finally comes up to him like "Sir, you can't have rats in here." They say "Oh, she's not mine. She was just having trouble opening the door." Gets a big meat on the bone at the deli and nothing else. When he asks how much it costs, they just say it's on the house and try to get him to leave as soon as possible. They go like "Oh, really? Are you sure? I have some money." and sound surprised but pleased, like they're being done a personal favor. The employees insist. He's like "Alright, thanks!" and then asks the rat if she wants anything

#the manager tells an employee to get the rat some cheese. chine says that cheese is actually bad for rats and some seeds would be better #the manager tells the employee to get the rat some seeds and for chine to get the fuck out of their establishment #chine is a little taken aback by the rudeness but leaves without further issue #runs into lye and es outside and is like “hey look they just gave me some free stuff”#Lyke is like “what???? I got kicked out because I wanted free stuff!”#chine says “I think I just got kicked out too. Maybe that's just what happens?"#lyke says “yeah but you got to keep the stuff!”#“Did you not get to keep your stuff?”#“I mean. Not *all* of it.”#“Huh.”#“They didn't let me keep the stuff I kept on purpose.”#es makes a reasonable sounding remark about how they'd be running a pretty terrible business if they handed everything out for free #everyone should get what they need but these people do have livelihoods to think about #is also putting on lipstick that she definitely just shoplifted #duvall comes out and swears he's never coming back here. is asked if he's also banned for life from the Walmart.#demands what the hell these people were doing in the Walmart to get banned for life #because he saw a man getting real heated about frootie hooties and that's definitely not a real cereal #so if that doesn't meet the bar he's not sure he wants to know what does #sangfielle #friends at the table #Shoop #asks

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beltsourcookie · 3 months

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the faerie kingdom episode would have been better if they added worms and moles as their npcs and not a bunch of monotone grayscale silver aesthetic

in fact, the forest/woods aesthetic isnt the problem because compared to actual cottagecore faerie aesthetic, the faerie kingdom is too incredibly 'pristine' and feels like youre in in the utensil section of the cooking aisle

devsis creating the faerie kingdom:

what the faerie kingdom should have taken inspiration from:

cookies that have heavy designs from wild berries and flowers would have been more suitable because it can build a more creative and colourful world instead and there would be endless possibilities for outfits

#cookie run kingdom #yeah we have sugar paradise in ovebreak but thats like wilderness for biscuit animals #like #man devsis really is trying to make us sympathetic for the faerie kingdom but theres really nothing to care for #theyre all perfect elegant cookies in a mysterious land and sing songs #it's boring #when we enter hollyberry kingdom it's full of festivities and cookies who want to invite you to it #dark cacao kingdom is cold and all but theyve got warriors who defend their land from the abyssal licorice sea and care for their families #golden cheese's kingdom was fucking decimated but it's more heartbreaking when golden cheese does everything to recreate it #pure vanilla kingdom was an empty ghost town and everyone literally moved out because of the flour war #but faerie kingdom?? theyre just sealing a eldritch silly fucker in a tree and none of their population have issues??#theres nothing to feel sympathy for because theyre treated as a mysterious entity thats 'exclusive only'#the rest of the other kingdoms gave us better npcs who we could laugh and cry for and relate to #remember the train station full of dreamy cloud npcs?? theyre always doing mudane domestic things in the background #they were enjoyable and relatable and fun to see

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lettucedloophole · 8 months

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hi apologies if youve alr made a post abt this (if u have, then maybe u can add a link to that specific post?) but i just wanted to ask for ur perspective bc this is smth i keep getting hung up on and i rlly only trust u to answer:

why would abolishing gender be harmful to trans ppl if transphobia stems from emphasis on traditional gender roles, and the abolishment would further their focus on relieving dysphoria thru physical sex change instead of relieving it by having to conform to sociological femininity and masculinity as a means to adapt in this patriarchal society?

thank you for taking the time to read and answer this <3

no worries! i haven't made a post about this before since no one's asked, but i'll answer it right here for you.

the answer is, it wouldn't be harmful. abolishing gender would ultimately be the best for everyone, but especially lgbt people & women. however... the contextualization of this point is what makes or breaks it. let me explain--

trans people have a negative reaction when people discuss abolishing gender not only for the same reason cis people might (a kneejerk reaction to protect the status quo), but also for the very valid reason of wanting to defend transness in a transphobic society. it's the same reason why some gay people will react negatively to the fact that homosexuality is a social construct, and therefore cannot be innate; most people use this argument to justify homophobia & patriarchy.

the thing is, to abolish gender, sex must also be abolished as it's the primary method of naturalizing gender. sex is a social construct-- it's not natural. however, terfs and any garden variety conservative will reify gender through the naturalization of sex. they'll say, "cis women and men are natural, but trans people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." similarly, "heterosexual people are natural, but gay and bi people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." eliminated can mean killed or, forcibly dissolved into the "natural" categories via bullshit self-loathing propaganda.

a really easy way to understand why this is so upsetting to trans people is just comparing their situation to gay people or women's, really, as they are so similar. if you walked up being like "wow i cant wait for gays to be abolished<3" ofc people will assume you mean it in a homophobic sense rather than a complicated, radical feminist sense, and if you're focusing on the abolition of minority groups in particular, it does likely stem from bigotry. not saying that you've said anything like that lol, but those examples are the best way i can illustrate the point.

also, everyone on the internet hates radical feminism, so regardless of how eloquently you explain your point & how sensible it is, if you associate it with radical feminism people will ignore what you say, misinterpret you so severely that it seems deliberate but could very well be internet stupidity, and also throw tomatos at you. 😭 radfems, matfems & a handful of marxist, anarchist, intersectional fems + womanists are the only ones i trust to not be covert antifeminists.

last p.s.: we don't know what a society outside of patriarchy looks like. assuming people will continue getting sex changes assumes the existence of a natural sex binary, though it's possible people may change "sex" characteristics as they please. trans people's issue is not only being forced into gender roles, but a hatred of transness which puts them into a catch-22 regarding survival under patriarchy-- they're "reifying patriarchy" if they transition, but plagued with dysphoria, martyrs to a post-patriarchal world centuries away from us if they don't. perhaps, a similar scenario would be if you told a gay or straight person to simply see people as gender/sexless and to experience attraction, to give affection as though we lived in a post-patriarchal society-- it just wouldn't be possible, and for the gay person who is particularly vulnerable under patriarchy, it would more likely be traumatizing. dworkin put it so succintly in woman hating...

i hope that wasn't too repetitive or long, i just wanted to be thorough. admittedly, this is kind of a loaded answer if you aren't familiar with sex as a social construct, so if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!

#trans inclusive radical feminism #radical feminism #asks #ex-terf #ex terf #tirf #trans inclusive radfem #sex abolition #gender abolition #transphobia #i love to quote Dworkin Quote which expresses everything i wanted to say but shorter and better lmao #i am obsessed with this quote istg. but i also am with many other dworkin quotes and her in general...#her succinctness is truly something to be envied. i simply keep on rambling and talking in circles forever #i was gonna make a joke about how dworkin wouldnt mind because mackinnon was also quite long winded loll #but mackinnon is succint she just also uses a lot of big words that makes it seem . longer 😭😭😭#reading mackinnon is kind of like when you put your tickets into the chuck e cheese ticket eater guy machine #because thats how my brain sounds like when i read mackinnon its a lot to process #very good but i am going to need some time and a dictionary to digest this #perhaps this is why i prefer dworkin and hooks-- the accessibility of them managed without blunting their incisiveness & insight

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the-commonplace-book · 9 months

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i gotta draw knights radient as miraculous holders. i gotta

#miraculous ladybug #stormlight archive #cosmere #it started by thinking that shallan would obvs. have the fox #and now i've got a whole list #and need to draw dalinar with the rabbit. with the rabbit ears and umbrella. i gotta. for science (time travel - it just makes sense)#beth and i agreed that teft would have the pig because it was the funniest thing to give him the power to show people their deepest desires #and bring people happiness #like as his super power #also lopen gets the monkey yes chaos will reign supreme #renarin gets the snake #after a long chat we decided that kaladin would get the ladybug because of his big main character energy and how much he wants to fix thing #and save people and have everything be okay in the end #also because tikki and syl are very similar #and ALSO because he and szeth are such narrative foils for each other in a lot of ways #and giving szeth the cat just made sense #like can you imagine the adventures of plagg and szeth son son valano truthless of shinovar?#plagg begging him to throw out the stupid rock and eat a wheel of cheese kid you'll feel better trust me

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gottagobuycheese · 1 year

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word counts were made to murder me specifically, actually

#why do people talk so much #why can't everything you say be the exact minimum amount required to move the scene along #why must you actually CONVERSE with each other #the final make up seems like it's gonna be 50% 25% 25% and that's if I'm lucky #I was really hoping for 1/3 1/3 1/3 but we'll see lol #maybe in editing #if I have time to edit #ah I didn't do any questions today either #this first quarter of the year is going to be so painful #and yet for better or for worse the art experiments continue...#Cheese's personal molasses

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caniruineverything · 10 months

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i wish i knew that someone out there cared (cared for me)

with klaus and ben, certified dumbasses

Summary: A newly alive Ben forgets how to take care of himself, and Klaus takes the opportunity to show his brother that he will help him out.

Ben wasn't quite sure how to be alive yet. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure how he was alive. To be fair, he and Klaus probably weren't the best people to ask to figure that out. They hadn't gotten around to asking Five to try his hand, as he was the generally-agreed-upon 'smart one', but he was busy, what with another impending apocalypse and all.

So yeah, even though he didn't know how it was even possible, Ben was well and truly alive. Like, breathing, heart-pumping alive. He got hungry, thirsty, tired, and all the other things he had been numb to for decades. He could touch things all the time now, not just when Klaus' power felt like being useful. To help him adjust to that particular fact, Klaus would often make sure he laid an arm on Ben or simply touched him somehow, just so he knew he was still alive.

It was comforting, really, to have one person always around, especially one who knows you almost better than you do yourself. Now they were able to properly do things together, at least out of the house this time, and Ben could talk to the rest of his siblings, both things he thought he would never be able to do again. Some things came back naturally to Ben, such as how he interacted with the very different people each of his siblings were.

Some things, however, did not. Namely, how to take care of a living body again, which needed things Ben had forgotten how to need. This particular day, it was hunger that he had forgotten about, a fact which came to bite him in the ass later.

Can you blame him, really? It wasn't like Ben had needed to eat as a ghost, making it around fifteen years since he had needed to regularly eat. That day, he simply forgot that without proper nutrition and sustenance, the human body couldn't function.

He'd been going about his day like normal- well as normal as someone who no longer was a ghost could be. Eating honestly hadn't occurred to him. There were so many things he needed to remember now, but had found it impossible to remember everything. He spent most of the day reading, if he was being honest, which might have been part of the problem. When he read, he tended to block out the rest of the world, forgetting at times that there even was a world outside of the words on the pages in front of him.

Klaus had left him mostly to his lonesome, knowing without even having to talk about it that Ben needed to be left alone sometimes. Ben found himself often grateful for the unspoken knowledge that they shared, and the wordless communication they had perfected throughout years of Ben not being visible to anyone apart from Klaus. The downside to this, however, was that no one was there to remind Ben to carry out basic, necessary actions such as eating.

He didn't do it on purpose, he swore, he just forgot. Fifteen (was it fifteen? He could never remember) years was a long time to not have to do something, and being thrust back into it, amongst many other things, unsuspectingly was disorienting to say the least.

It was 2 pm when Ben pulled away from his book, a nagging feeling telling him something was amiss. Why couldn't the nagging feeling ever tell you why you felt the way you did? You were just made to figure it out yourself, every time. Thanks, nagging feeling, thanks. He stood, ignoring the way the world spun a bit (maybe that was normal?), and wandered out to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass and filled it with water, hoping drinking something would alleviate the instinct that something was wrong. He drank it down and stood there waiting for any change in the way he felt, which, now that he focused, he did feel a little shaky. When nothing changed, he moved to get more, ignoring the way black spots danced in front of his vision (probably another "alive thing"), and that's when disaster struck.

His legs shook, and he tried to steady himself in the counter, but then his knees gave way. The world spun around him, and blackness began to creep into the edges of his vision. Before the world went completely dark, he heard rapid footsteps and felt warmth surround him, thinking one last thought before he fell into the beckoning darkness: there was something I forgot, wasn't there.

Klaus had been minding his own business, the way he usually did. He was good at that, mind you, unlike a certain no-longer-ghostly brother of his. But while Ben did not offer him the luxury of being alone often, Klaus decided to allow his recently flesh and blood brother a while by himself. He regretted that later.

In his defense, Kaus barely knew how to take care of himself, let alone another person. Hell, he'd died like fifty times on his own, although lucky for him, it never stuck. So forgive him if he wasn't exactly a natural at helping Ben take care of himself.

He had been ecstatic when he and Ben noticed the latter was alive again, of course he was. It was something he had wanted since that fateful day when Ben had bled out on the ground, while Klaus and his siblings could do nothing but stand there, completely helpless. He never thought it would actually happen, and he still didn't know how it had happened.

So, no, he wasn't great at making sure Ben was doing all the things he needed to do in order to keep himself alive. He hadn't exactly been trying too hard, as it honestly hadn't occurred to him that Ben would forget to do things that were obvious to Klaus, who hadn't been dead for long enough to forget them. Looking back on that day, though, he guessed it had only been a matter of time before something like this occurred.

When he walked into the kitchen for a two o'clock snack, he was genuinely surprised to see Ben standing there, gripping a glass of water. It took him a moment to remember that, yeah, Ben was alive now, and had to drink water. Klaus stood in the doorway, not sure why he was hesitating, as Ben set the glass gently down on the counter.

When his brother moved again, however, Klaus knew something was wrong. He tried to figure out what, exactly, had gun feeling anxious, when Ben stumbled. The Asian man gripped at the counter (for stability?) and then his knees buckled. Klaus moved instinctually, catching his brother before the other could hit the floor.

"Oh, Ben. What did you do now ?" Klaus lamented, half to himself, as he set the unconscious figure down in his lap on the floor. Clearly, Klaus needed to observe his brother more, and not just leave him to his own devices, as this was how that turned out.

Klaus began to attempt to rouse Ben, shaking him and whispering to him. It took a few minutes, and the longer it took, the faster Klaus' heart began to race, because what if Ben was badly hurt? , but Ben started to awaken. The tiny noises he made as he came back to consciousness warmed Klaus' heart.

"Hey, Benny. Wanna tell me why you decided to take a swan dive in our kitchen today?"

"Whaaa? Oh, is that what happened?" His confusion made Klaus laugh in spite of himself.

"Yep. Came in here to get food, and had to prevent you from cracking your head open on these very nice, very hard tiles."

"I forgot to . . . do . . . something. Not sure what, though." Apparently, there was someone worse at taking care of oneself than Klaus. Yep, that award went to Ben, still in Klaus' lap on the floor due to forgetting to do something . Their answer as to what that something was, luckily, came quickly, in the form of Ben's stomach rumbling. Instead of the look of understanding Klaus expected to see in Ben's face, he paled, and began to look inexplicably afraid.

"Oh, god. Klaus, move. Move."

"Benny, why? You're just-" But Ben was not placated. He scrambled, however shakily, off of Klaus like his touch was burning. "Ben? What's wrong?"

"Th- The Horror." He didn't seem capable of uttering anything else, too afraid of his own body. Was The Horror part of Ben's body, or was it separa- Not the time, Klaus. Not. The. Time. Oh, Klaus realized, he hasn't felt that in so long, he thinks it's The Horror. His heart broke at the fearful look on Ben's face. He remembered how scared Ben had been when he was younger that he would hurt one of them. The only one of them who had been hurt was Ben- nope, not going there.

"Ben, hey. Look at me. That's not The Horror, you're just hungry. That tummy-rumbly thing, it happened to everyone. I'd reckon that's probably why you fainted; you didn't eat enough." Before this, Klaus hadn't realized how soft and tender his voice could be. Ben brought out sides of him that he hadn't known were inside him.

"Are you- are you sure?" The hesitance in Ben's voice shattered Klaus's heart again. God, he'd been terrified The Horror would hurt Klaus.

"Yes. Now, let's get some food in you, yeah?"

"Yeah." Ben's voice was still shaky, but it was less scared, which Klaus was going to count as a win. Now, what to make. It wasn't as if Klaus was going to force Ben to make his own food, not after he'd fainted and been scared half to death. (Too soon? He would really need to stop using expressions centered around death. Too bad there were so many of them.) And Ben should have homemade food, to show him that there was someone who cared. Ah, yes!

"Sit down, silly. Standing can't be fun after that." Ben looked down at a stool in front of the counter, as if the idea of sitting down hadn't even occurred to him.

"But, food." He looked so confused again, though this time, it was because he hadn't thought someone else would want to help him.

"I'll make you food. How does a grilled cheese sound? Those always make everything better." At this, Ben shot him a hesitant yet sweet smile, which made everything worth it. Plus, it wasn't as if making a grilled cheese was hard. Especially for Klaus, who had made thousands of them during his time on his own. Ben knew this, and while Klaus knew he had always wanted to be able to eat one, he had never said anything. Ben, always one to take care of others before himself. Leading to today, he guessed.

The familiar sounds of the sandwiches sizzling and of Ben laughing at Klaus' dramatic flourishes he added while cooking helped put them both in a happier mood. Klaus' favorite part, however, was the look on Ben's face when he bit into the grilled cheese sitting on the plate in front of him. Unlike Klaus, he had the intelligence to wait until it had cooled a bit, though he did still laugh when Klaus let out a yelp as the moment cheese burnt the roof of his mouth.

A look of pure bliss came over Ben as he ate the sandwich, and Klaus felt perfectly content, with a happy brother and a plate full of cheese and bread. Now Ben knew that there would always be someone there for him, and Klaus had his brother alive right in front of him. What more could he want?

#umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #umbrella ben #fainting #food just makes everything better #especially a nice grilled cheese

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nexus-nebulae · 1 year

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i wish i'd reblogged that one video i saw talking about The Tray (tray of food in fridge that you can just snack on like an Executive Dysfunction Charcuterie) bc i actually tried it and like. i am Eating More? i think?? The Tray is much more powerful than i expected

#and it also makes it easier for me to eat food in time without it going bad??#like- most of the time i don't eat certain foods bc brain labels it as 'snack' so that means i am Not Allowed to eat it for meals #because brain is weird like that #and then other times i forget it's there bc i don't look at where it's stored #but the box is like a Zero Effort Meal Box so brain is able to label the box as a Meal instead #because. brain is really damn weird #and since it's all in The Box i can see it there easily and don't forget about it #so i'm eating produce and shit without it going bad immediately and like. actually eating the whole container of things #instead of everything just spoiling and being wasted #anyway i had a Meal today of little bits from the box and it Worked Well and i am happy about that #i had some bits of cheese and summer sausage and carrot matchsticks and peanuts and pretzels and sauerkraut :3 #i'm learning how to store food in ways that makes it easier for me to eat too #like the summer sausage- if i just cut the whole thing into little bite-size pieces and put it in a tupperware it's easier for me #and carrots- i like them but they're too hard to bite through so i got those matchstick-sliced kind and those are way better #so i'm actually going to get some real vegetables in my diet for once thank fuck #it's very satisfying and nice to find Ways Around things i struggle with #it's nice that i might not have so much trouble #like it's obviously not going to solve it and i'm still gonna struggle some but it's something that'll help at least

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wabblebees · 1 year

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#rehearsal tonight was rouh but still fun soits fine im just. exhausted #i was achey and brain-foggy as FUCC #so i came home and had meself a drink. and then when i was done i was like eh im still feelin. yk whatever so i made myself a Drink™️#and oooooh bITCH #started making a grillcheese halfway thru drinkin the Drink™️ so when that shit hit my siystem i FELT it lmfao #ooooooooooooh bitch #we good im Chillin chillin now im just. HOOooo bOY #ive decided that alcohol is always gross (save for the like. jack daniels watermelon shit bc that was fuckin GORGEOUS goddamn(#HOWEVER. cranberry juice makes everything better😌💕#AND ! so does grilled cheese<3<3 #so vodka+cranberry juice is fun even tho it still tastes at least a little bit (or a lottle bit if u dont mix it right💀 oops) like alcohol #and my sandwich turned out perfect and my ''cocktail'' turned out fine and Very Alcoholic lmfao #3 shots vodka & can pineapple juice & buncha cranberry juice & splashes of grenadine+lemon juice #PLUS a squeeze of coconut cream which!! is also what i i sugared the rim of my glass with!! which felt all fun+fancy so im :>#i def could still taste vodka but eh it still tasted better than the one (1) drink ive had at a restaurant (raspberry lemon drop)(gross)#((not GROSSgross but. tasted like i shouldve been DRUNk after drinking it and i was decidedly Not so. hmph🙄))#aNyWaY this is all nonsense that doesnt matter but i felt like telling Someone so. void it is!#thanx for listenin/readin lmao #my friends are all sleepin and i should be soon as well -- hopefully i do but 🤷we'll see🤷#im still kinda 👁👄👁 from rehearsal so im trying to bring it down+chill tf out so i can Get Some Fucking Rest before too long yanno?#so like. yeagh!#hope yall are doin well #byeee<3<3 #bee speaks

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sun-moon-and-stars4 · 10 months

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its a fend for yourself night and ya girl is fucking fending

annies mac (animal shapes bc why not) and i added real cheese bc im not a lunatic

and yog with granola i made like 5 minutes ago! (also honey and strawberry jam from a market i went to last week)

went to the pool today, worked out, honestly livin my best this june

#mac n cheese #10/10 no notes #not a greek yog fan personally but granola makes everything better #its a weekend market and i plan to go for the rest of the summer #honey from upstate nsw is otherworldly #not my typical content sry pals!#just had to share this masterpiece

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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years

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#diary #personal #disordered eating #hm. i really wonder why i partake in all these bad habits. Hah. i make it sound like im sampling fine wine and cheeses #hm hm hm. please pass me the merlot darling would you please? oh be a dear and pass the the 6 month munster. oh isnt this just to die for!#hahaha. but seriously though. a lot of the things i do arent quite easily explained.#self harm #drugs tw #like ill be the first to admit i likely am addicted to some extent to self harm. does that mean all these other behavior are that basically #or are they seprate things. tho that seems unlikely.#like. i want to starve myself yes. but it sorta seems frivolous in a way? like i like the idea in theory. but not so much in reality.#i do love food. but im picky. i want only certain things at certain times. and often im just tired of eating.#and idk. i like the idea of being thin. but that doesnt mean ill push it that far. im happy so long as i maintain really.#in the end i feel no need to exersise or even restrict that much. i cant be bothered tbh. im too lazy. for better or for worse really.#alcohol #even weed and alcohol. theyre not really an addiction. well. weed could become one ig?#but really its to making existing more bareable. idk. things get too much and weed really just. quiets everything down.#and by god does it ever help my fuckinh pain.#alcohol id probably partake in more if it wasnt for the stomach issues it causes me. thats the only reason i stopped.#and while id be theoretical into trying other things to bide my time. i just dont really care? cant be bothered to really.#idk. in the end all these behaviours always seem likeexpressions of other things to me.#thats why all in all im quite reluctant to claim theyre a disorder or an addiction or anything.#in the end theyre something i rely on when i cant deal with it anymore. and sometimes thats a bit too frequently #im just bored sometimes too ig. but that boredom just causes everything else to spiral too.#even me not eating. i dont like pain and the nausea that comes if you dont eat for too long. but by god does food disgust me sometimes #not much to do about it really. or at least im not sure what to do. all in all i think ive sorta given up on everything?#its sorta pitiful to say so but i really have. i just. dont wanna deal with any of this anymore so i gave up in the end.#not much to be done when you just cant do anything. haha. if i even knew where to start i probably would.#but all in all i just go around in circles. and ive sorta forgotten my values and any sense of self.#this has happened before. when i was younger. im used to it. and idk. thats sorta why im taking a laxidasical attitude.

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july-19th-club · 2 years

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didnt look closely enough at the sausages i was buying and only found out when i got home that they were jalapeno cheddar and now i have to eat them because they're the only thing i have for lunch incident one dead (me, from eating my least favorite flavor combination of all goddamn time)

#i just! i do not like jalapeno #and dressing it up with cheese does not make it better #you dont NEED to put that goddamn pepper in everything! there are better peppers! i promise!!!!

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mockiatoh · 6 months

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My biggest frustration with the left has always been the inability/unwillingness to work on making progress inside of the system while advocating for greater change.

I remember the first time I came to this realization.

I was nineteen, pregnant. We couldn’t afford to heat the house because we couldn’t afford the deposit to turn the gas on. It was miserably cold. The duplex we were renting was old and rickety and drafty. The window frames were messed up and there were cracks you could stick your finger through that were open to the elements.

Just, like, to give you an idea where we were financially. And this was better than we’d been doing before!

Anyway, I had recently started going to DSA meetings. And that month, they were talking about how a moderate democrat had successfully gotten a small increase in WIC benefits monthly. It came out to, like, $10 a month.

The members talking—mostly male, almost all doing decent—were scornful. The democrat should have pushed harder and gotten more, refused to accept anything until everyone else caved to their demands. I remember sitting there, quietly drinking the latte in the smallest size they had that I had bought with scrounged quarters, listening. Wishing it wasn’t held in an indie coffee shop because it was a luxury I really couldn’t afford, but it would be rude not to. Enjoying the coffee anyway.

I was one of the lucky ones who was getting that additional $10 a month through WIC. Even more exciting, we were now getting a voucher for the farmers’ market. I casually mentioned that WIC recipients would now be getting farmers’ market vouchers, too.

The guy who organized the meetings was a hard worker, passionate guy. Did something in tech.

He was like, “That’s the thing! These people don’t want farmers market vouchers. They want—” and he went on to describe a bunch of pie in the sky desires. That, yeah, sounded good.

But one. I was one of those people! A lot if the tamiles were super excited about it, myself included.

I had never been to a farmers’ market before. I tried arugula for the first time, a piece pulled from a bunch by the grower as he explained the flavor difference. I hadn’t known before then that different lettuce greens had different flavors, that it was more than just the texture and shape. I tried pesto, which delighted me. Goat cheese. I got three full pounds of strawberries for two dollars, since they were closing soon and the old man selling the berries got a kick out of me.

Anyway. It was like, you have a decent life. Not great but decent! The things that are life changing for me, for us… you already have.

The ten dollars at the grocery store made the difference between a meal of broken-noodles-with-some-half-horrible-pantry-scraps and a meal. It kept me full and healthy! And the additional farmers’ market voucher was world changing for me.

The democrat who worked for those things barely got them through. And it was means tested to hell and back. They weren’t able to get everything they wanted. But what they got made such a huge difference for me, for people like me.

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