#damn I just really need to vent

[empyrangel]

I’m ~ ~ never going to be able to let myself feel negative emotions. I’m never going to be able to do anything except lie and hide -

#constellation of words ✨ #tw vent #just had a fight with my mom shocking I know #something I was planning to wait until the right time to say distressed me today #and she forced me to talk at what was probably the worst possible time… in public #yeah just a full on breakdown in front of everyone #but not before telling me to ‘’stop being such a bitch’’ #and reminding me that being visibly sad/mad/frustrated/anxious is rude to all the happy people around you to bring down their mood #with your audacity to not also be happy #and it’s also rude to people that want to also express negative emotions but force themselves not to for the sake of everyone else #(aka herself) because if they have to silently wallow in their own misery it’s not fair if you don’t either #and when I confronted her about it she told me I was deflecting #“why don’t you ever tell me anything” I swear if I ever have to hear those words again I’m pushing someone down a flight of stairs #damn I just really need to vent

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

does anyone else have this issue where you belong to a group, you know you do, but whenever other people of that group talk about shared experiences across that group, you suddenly have the horrible and unmistakeable feeling that you are some kind of fraud? that you hear things that should promote camaraderie, but actually leave feeling less assured of your place when everyone else looks bolstered? that you need to be alone a long while to remember you belong, and feel confident enough to rejoin the group, only to sit there feeling like a hollow wax figurine, shifted and placed to sit just slightly out of line, just a little too close to the fire?

#hey maybe we’ll just pretend this is an edgy passage from a new story I’m writing. That sounds good. Damn what an edgelord am I right? Lol #vent #I’ll delete this dw. I just have no one to talk to right now. and I need it out so I can move on. #please don’t feel compelled to respond or anything. I really am just screaming into the void rn

[lottieurl]

i'm well aware there are single parents out there working full time but i think working full time and living alone with my dog is about to put me in a psychward

#why cant i handle what other people seem to handle effortlessly lmao #im so fucking exhausted and burnt-out i need demonic possession to save me or smth #like please @ random demon you will do a better job for sure #idk its like. my dog is now spending so much time alone when im at home that i feel really guilty #if i wanna go out or do anything that doesnt involve her #i have no damn time and energy #i might spend half a free day cleaning but its all a mess anyway #and then i will come back home like today just exhausted after 5 days of work in a row #and i just wanna take her for a walk and get myself smth to eat and chill a little #and i find! is poop all over the damn floor i finally managed to wash like a day ago #and it stinks so fucking bad i nearly throw up cleaning up #and then have a breakdown in the bathroom. as you do. #HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS I AM SO FUCKING EXHAUSTED #its also not fair to my dog idk this sucks so much #i doubt anyone read all this bht if you did hi and sorry #needed to vent unfortunately #wah im TIRED

[sysig]

Very cool and not at all uncomfortable vent sesh (Patreon)

#Doodles #Wander Over Yonder #Emperor Awesome #Commander Peepers #Some friendly Eyesome :D #This is all Awesome's fault lol I thought about him being dramatic and lying on the ground and venting to Peepers and it became an Idea #Awesome stop being fun to draw challenge - at least it's not as hard a challenge as Peepers stop being being fun to draw lol #A lot of his poses were really fun for this as well :D Although I didn't mean to put Awesome behind him initially lol #They're probably at Awesome's actually - Peepers brought something to work on the workaholic needs his enrichment lol #I just can't imagine Awesome being comfortable on the Skullship let alone Peeps' quarters lol ''Damn bitch you live like this?'' #Like he can talk ♪ But at least he knows what he likes! #Peepers gets all the vent sessions haha - at least Awesome would probably return the favour! Gossip ♫ It's still probably mismatched #Both for Awesome's selfishness and Peepers' discomfort with relying on others and being kinda repressed #If Awesome pushed him the right way he'd probably spill a lot though hehe #But anyway this is about Awesome! I think actually becoming friends with Peepers after he told him off would recontextualize some things :) #Still some hard feelings but not enough to reignite the fight over haha #And actually letting Peeps in and his words sink into his bones - and as he says watching Peepers work so hard but still just be a minion #What does this say about me??? thinks the self-obsessed shark man lol #Meanwhile Peepers was just expecting a self-centered rant but he actually got caught in the crossfire enough to be complimented hehe #At least Someone around he recognizes how hard he works! #''Alright fine you've got my attention keep puffing my ego'' lol #His little quirked ''brow'' hehe <3

[oh-archivist]

(rattling cage noise)

#trans #transmasculine #non binary #transmasc #ftm #fox selfies #i feel so bored and like im not experiencing life #i jus work and work and work #i dont go out cause i need to save money for a big trip in dec #but like covid really did that huh #i miss cons #i miss feeling joy and creativity in cosplay #im too tired and too drained to be creative outside of my illustrations but damn #glad i still have that creativity flowing #but i miss photography and cosplay photography and cosplay in general #i miss acting #i just feel so stifled and dead to the world #OTL #vent over

[inkykeiji]

>.<

#tw clari overshares #i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active #but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me #just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning #i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating #i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again #but i’m so so so scared #(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!) #bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!! #what happened to her!!!!! #she got really sick i guess #it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it #i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more #feeding into the fear and letting it win #and now i’m here #in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel #i miss being a part of this community so much #i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect #NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have #i miss having fun #YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity #but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble??? #the only person who can fix this is me #(obviously hahaha) #it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on #i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life #why did i let it take something so fucking important to me??? #i have to end it!!! #if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting #i just feel like i NEED to say this

[skillzissuez]

Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed

#god I hate it here #not to mention you mother and father #SEEING this #simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead #like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀 #I don’t know how to fix this #I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days #but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive #Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭 #it’s so bad though #I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress #and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc. #it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me #sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong. #Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong #but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me #My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents #but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department #I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really #I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪 #As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️ #I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you. #seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind #if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps #but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now. #anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize #it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys #I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno #tw vent #tw mention of abuse

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#sigh. another vent post.... #almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope. #.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it. #......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for) #mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for. #thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

[daz4i]

man if anyone else was in my situation I'd tell them "noooo don't listen to the people in your life who tell you you're making excuses and just being lazy, it's clear that you're in pain, not to mention executive dysfunction makes everything so much harder and depression draining you immediately after one action, be kinder to yourself" however. i am not anyone else

#parents 🤝 old therapist 🤝 friends a few years ago -> convincing me I'm lazy and making excuses to not do anything #it eased up a bit when i had the original crohn's scare bc suddenly ppl had to believe there might actually be smth wrong with me - #- and I'm not just faking my pain/it's just in my head. but the novelty of that passed even though it's still unclear if i have it or not #i don't know either. whether I'm being lazy or not. bc when I'm home alone for a week i DO do some of these things - #- that i normally struggle with. but 1 not all 2 as i mentioned i do need to lie down and recharge after everything #even if I'm not having stomach pains my muscles Do Not like me moving around that much but that might also be me being out of shape #which is think is what all those ppl i mentioned think. which is why they try to encourage me. it's not malicious or anything #but it still hurts a lot to hear. esp when it's coming from all directions and i still. can't. do. anything. #being told I'm just being lazy isn't as encouraging as they may think. tho at this point they're also expressing frustration- #- which i can't blame them for i mean I'd be frustrated too. i AM frustrated too #no one is meaner to me than myself after all #vent #man. that post hit hard akdlglg i didn't realize how much i have held up inside me abt this topic #I'm. really sad now. i just started the day and I'm already crying. damn

[peapod20001]

I’m the type that can and will cry if think too hard <3

#random post #me tag ∠( ᐛ 」 ) |/ #I’m not an overly emotional person in the stereotypical way. but I do get in my feels when thinking about life and the experience of living #I’m like. constantly explaining things to myself cus there’s never really a time or place to talk about it #also my method of explaining things is very not coherent sometimes. so it takes me a bit to really get my point across in a comprehensible #way. I’m a big thinker. I have many thoughts and ideas a views. a daily thing of mine is noticing problems #and then fixing them in my head with thought out explanations and motives and outcomes #it’s like I’m talking to someone else. much like how I format my text posts. that’s how my inner monologue is #me talking to myself is actually me talking to someone else. someone that isn’t real #anyways it’s a daily occurrence. every day of my life is spent with thoughts similar to those breaking down a movie #lots of thoughts from adhd. compulsive thoughts from ocd. overwhelming thoughts from autism. distressing thoughts from bpd #ya. this isn’t a vent I just need to like. see the thoughts in writing so I can do smth else. like eat this muffin ive been staring at for #over an hour now <3 mmmbfbg yea muffins are hard to eat now cus I had some with mold and food mold especially is a big nono for me #spend like. five minutes examining the damn thing before I even consider taking a bite. I’m very hungry an thirsty </3 #when your mouth is so dry you can taste your own mouth 👍 I’m experiencing #nothing in particular. just experiencing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like having an experience and living #drank my tea and I had like. hallucinations of like an alcohol prep pad. I’ve been using those in my ear cus. tmi. had a pimple that’s #causing problems so mom suggested that. it burned! which means it worked so word. I’ve noticed lately that both me AND my family have been #using ‘word’ a lot. dad says we’ve been saying it but no we haven’t. if we had I’d have BEEN saying it. maybe we’ve used it before for a bit #but now it’s back. idk. I’ve said it in class on more than one occasion lmao I don’t look like the type to say smth like that but whatever #it’s like when I used to say bro after every sentence like 10 years ago lol. we’re a family of parrots we repeat eachother a lot #I started saying I love you out of no where and they started doing it too. we whistle at eachother from across the house. sing ear worms #together. quote funny things at every opportunity and drive the joke into the ground. everyone in this house is a different kind of mentally #I’ll and it’s the most beautiful clash of personalities because we’re all so annoying and we love eachother so much and also our #communication is shit because some ppl have hearing loss and another is a short fused child and some are quick to interrupt and some dont #get a word in and some just can’t explain and some can’t understand. we get there eventually at some point. we don’t get the full grasp of #how much we love eachother yet. but we’re gettin there. anyways this went into several different directions but they’re all good ones #I think. if you read all this good on you! this is my brain 24/7/365 haha ok love you

[theclosetedskeleton]

UGRHJQHJI stress and this feeling of guilt and sorrow is eating me alive tonight i am NOT in a good mood right now omw to start EATING GRASS

#i dont know #i may delete this later #probably #school starting for me is NOT helping too #hopefully when/if I go to sleep I feel better #probably not bc then i’ll realize tmrw is when school starts #IDK WHY BUT IM JUST REALLY STRESSED FOR NOT MUCH OF A REASON #its fucking with me so bad why the fuck did my school have to mess up MY schedule so i dont know where to go on the first fucking day #also #i feel like i need to vent #not about stuff school related but #in general #but i know im not going to #because nobody is going to listen to my vents without shutting me off or saying they have it worse #that second part was directed at my mom but #the only person who will listen to me vent is my qpp #but i dont want to worry him about what im feeling #it shouldnt worry about my problems i just need to keep my problems to myself #damn im reading these tags right now and ig thats what happens when you come from a family who suppresses their emotions #and tell you youre hysterical when you open up 😇 #omg ignore this #closet rambles again on tumblr

[floral-hex]

So this chick has been on-and-off again stalking me since high school. I could go into paragraphs of detail (I was about to), but no one wants to read all of that. Suffice to say, I guess she’s had some kind of crush on me for about 15-20 years or so (why??), and every few years it seems she pops up somewhere contacting me to try to persuade me to give her a chance. I should mention we never talked in high school, I actively avoided her, told her I didn’t like her, etc. nothing doing.

Anyway, somehow she’s been on one of my social media pages and saw I was having a hard time lately, so she found my phone number (what?? I hate that you can just find that online) and texted me out of the blue yesterday. Usual protocol is ignore and block so I don’t piss off an unstable person, but they decided to be gross, so

I wasn’t planning on posting anything about this before. If they were creeping around on my pages, mentioning it would only feed into them. Maybe. I don’t know. But this just kind of made me really uncomfortable and their response was shitty. I could have been a lot meaner. I wanted to be. But whatever, that wouldn’t have helped. So I just blocked them and hope that this time it sticks. If they see this, then hey… not cool.

#and then I post this for what? attention? #I dunno… this just made me feel really shitty #like… you can’t just leave me alone? #you know I’m having a rough go at it and you think this is the perfect time to insert yourself into my life? #I don’t care about your puss! #I really really have to reiterate I have never ever had a real conversation with this person #we’ve never talked or hung out and I always avoided them #god this is such high school bullshit. I’m in my fucking 30s. I don’t need this teenage drama. #and I want to imagine all this as just someone who never grew up buuut… #they found my phone number. they went looking for my personal information. they’ve been stalking at least one of my social media pages. #probably twitter but who knows maybe here too #this is like… 15-20 years of this. why? why are you still obsessed with this? #and maybe these texts don’t seem so bad but I’ve had to block them on Facebook too #and that was after my ex and I broke up a few years back #it’s like she waits until my life gets extra shitty and then tries to convince me that we’re old friends & she wants to date finally #fuckin… just… not really cool ya know. damn. #stalker lady… I am not worth all this pining. just move on. #lol but I have been saying “my puss is so wet right now’ to myself all day so that’s a positive #anyway… sorry to post this bullshit. just wanted to vent. #sorry if you read all of this #text

[torchickentacos]

anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.

#vent in tags though bc i need. somewhere that isn't yet another 4:30 am vent google doc. too many of those and they're not helping #i don't want to talk but i don't want to be fully alone right now but i can't just spring this on someone in dms either so . tags it is #tw death. like really not a fun time over on torchickentacos dot tumblr dot com right now. genuine warning here #but i'm not doing well and i need this right now. anyways told my therapist i feel like i should be more okay right now than I am #and he was like. you. think you should be MORE okay after someone you knew died? #like. ah. hm. i see. now. how that might not be rational thinking. #i mean in my brain it was like. okay we're approaching day three and i haven't reached back out to my other irls #and i'm awake at 4 am #and i feel like need to pull it together because other people need me for stuff #and like. this happened before but harder. i should KNOW that there's no way to expedite this #because unfortunately I've been through this before!!! people make that choice to leave and it sucks and that's that! #like i KNOW how hard this is especially since it's a very personal topic. #but i'm still trying to rush myself here #it stresses me out to think that I'm not there enough for myself to be there for other people right now #sigh. i wonder how much of it's because i feel like i should have been there for those friends more even though it's irrational. #because that's genuinely not how it fucking works and I KNOW THAT PERSONALLY yet I still put that on myself. #people can have all the support they need and still choose to not take it. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. #well. tomorrow i return to socializing and being a human person again #little bit at a time.

[viscerism]

i've learned a lot of things by taking an anatomy class like how apparently your scapulae are supposed to lay flat against your ribcage and should not protrude from your back and also i've been living with a musculoskeletal condition that has been causing me severe pain and upper body weakness for as long as i can remember

#scythe speaks #scythe complains #i've known this for a little while now this isn’t anything really new #but i'm just bitter. this has been a thing ever since i was a teenager and it's been causing me problems for that long. #but better late than never i guess. but there's still not much that can be done about it even now. #i don't have the time money or energy for something like strength training or physical therapy #and surgery is off the table #but hey i've lived with it for this long #it's called scapula alata or scapular winging btw #also apparently it's slowly fucking up my back more than it already was fucked up #there are so many problems in my daily life that are caused by my fucking shoulder blades. #sorry i know this is out of the blue and i doubt anyone gives a damn but god this hurts and it's so fucking annoying #i just need somewhere to vent #vent tw

[arcaneyouth]

i have GOT to accept im constantly stressed out and tired and simply can't make all that much art right now you would think this would be easy afhsGDASFHFHS

#not really a vent or anything just damn ok clearly this isnt working #no ones gonna kill me over this. its fine #i feel so weirdly guilty about it. think the content creator in me took over and now i forgot how to chill #whacking myself with a newspaper. im not a machine. even machines need to rest.