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jmdbjk · 2 years

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In the beginning

Jimin and Jungkook, Part One.

“When did you think Jimin and Jungkook started being together and how do you think it's going?”

I have thoughts but I need to preface it: I do not know anything for certain, these are just my opinions from what I’ve watched, learned and observed up until now. And after starting to organize and type this out, I realized I can’t do a methodical timeline type of thing. My brain just can’t do it. I also cannot be so detailed as to show specific examples of everything or go through it month by month because my mind does not catalog stuff like that. And there is no way to touch on every single aspect because there is SO MUCH WE’VE SEEN AND SO MUCH WE KNOW. I have a tendency to step back sometimes and consider the big picture of it all.

So this is my general synopsis of what I think from what I’ve seen, but it is very long and more or less a series about the different topics surrounding their “togetherness.”

In the beginning, Jimin and Jungkook were young, ambitious, talented boys who had a dream or an idea of a dream and were fortunate to have the opportunity to go for it. The early years (2013, 2014, 2015) together were spent developing their idol personas in the context of that industry at that time. From what I’ve learned, the idol system, especially at that time, is very cutthroat, competitive, chaotic, hardcore, somewhat questionable in how they treat the young people vying for spots in an idol group. It is not for the faint of heart. Reading about k-pop idol culture was eye opening for me and makes me even more surprised that Jimin almost totally shuns social media these days since he was such a “classic” idol at first.

Once BTS was formed, BigHit and the members spent a lot of blood, sweat and tears (see what I did there?) working out their dynamic/sound/look and in the process they became a team as close as brothers...they became family, with their own families included. You might call it their “tribe.” They built a tribe. And a good one if you ask me. The company has grown along with BTS and seems to be transforming the K-pop industry in positive ways. (I get actual hate for saying positive things about their company.)

Anyway. These two did not exist in a vacuum. Working, putting out music, choreography, performances, travelling, Jimin and Jungkook were with the other members 24/7, 365 days a year, with literally very little time off to pursue anything else. They were surrounded by the rest of the members, their staff and the mechanisms of their profession, forming and building relationships between each other and everyone around them.

As happens in a team of people who are working together, their relationships are as different as their personalities...some “click” with others and some maybe not so much and I don’t mean that in a negative way, I mean each person brings their own dynamic to the relationship and sometimes two people will really connect more than the others. I think BTS has that rare element of all the individuals are able to recognize their strengths and weaknesses and work together to make the final product/goal a total team effort. They have a mutual respect for each other.

In Jungkook, Jimin probably saw someone who was very similar to himself: loves to perform, loves to dance, has a dream, sets out to achieve it. Jimin the natural leader and Jungkook his team mate, dongsaeng, the boy who was a little shy in social situations, is introverted but had this drive to achieve the same dream as Jimin’s. So Jimin being Jimin, takes him under his wing.

I think during the first two or two and a half years, their bond was mostly a mentor/protege relationship because:

1. Jimin had the work ethic of someone trying to prove to everyone that he was good enough to fit the idol mold and that extra effort did not escape Jungkook. Jungkook really admired Jimin’s determination.

AND

2. Jungkook needed emotional guidance. He debuted when he was 15 years old y’all. A child! He just didn’t know what to do in situations that were unpredictable. Jimin was still not an adult either but he thrived with Jungkook by his side.

This relationship so far resulted in them supporting each other within the team. They fed off each other’s energy. How can you not be attracted to someone like that? It’s fun and exhilarating to be with someone like that.

Jimin had a maturity beyond his years and knew what was expected of an idol. Jimin had a laser focus on his ambitions and goals. He’s even stated them before: he wanted to attend an arts high school and he did. He wanted to become an idol trainee and he did. He wanted to audition and be part of a group and he succeeded. He achieves everything he sets out to do. In his words: he can make his own way. Very confident, very goal oriented, very focused.

Jungkook perhaps wasn’t as articulate in this way and did not have the social skills and leadership skills that Jimin possessed. Jungkook was still figuring out what he really wanted to do, hence that minute when he considered ditching singing to devote his time to being a dancer. Jimin straightened him up on this it seems and Jungkook followed Jimin’s advice. They told us that themselves.

They’ve joked many times that Jungkook copycats Jimin but I believe Jungkook really learned a lot about how to behave in social/public/interview situations when they were on camera just by watching Jimin very closely all the time. When else was he going to learn some social skills? He always seems very interested in how Jimin behaves and reacts. I think he wanted to be comfortably expressive like Jimin. Or maybe he just liked looking at Jimin like the rest of us! Some say its because he had a crush on Jimin and perhaps that had something to do with it as well. Regardless, Jungkook watched his mentor closely and eventually came out of his shell.

And my thinking is, because they became close, because of Jimin’s personality, perhaps Jungkook’s parents trusted Jimin with the responsibility of being Jungkook’s liaison/emergency contact for his family. Your kid is across the country, hell, across the world...doing who knows what with who, maybe Jimin provided a little stability in that aspect.

Again, this was all happening while they were balls to the wall working day in and day out...working their asses off, living together, eating, sleeping, showering together, stinking up the bathroom, 24/7 literally 365 days a year.

go to Part Two...

#jikook #kookmin #minkook #that's a very small table for seven man-boys with large appetites #who's idea was it paint everything that awful blue?#so far there are 6 parts to this thing #bear with me

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archonsabyss · 16 days

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babes you're so right: sunghoon IS a kdrama moment, complete with the ending credits song~ he's so dreamy~ not me squealing and kicking my feet over him i have to remain loyal to heeseung for now c: he and san do look like they'd give good hugs. i did see you fangirling san's shoulders 😏 pls tell me more about san hehe

pls pls pls get back into hsr!!! it's so much fun, and unlike genshin where i'm tapping away on dialogue, i'm actually paying attention. i don't want to spoil anything in the game but in penacony there was a part of the story that touched me so emotionally deep i had to stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night thinking about life. like hey hoyo i play this game to escape not contemplate the meaning of life?????? if i wanted that i'd pick up frieren again ;-; 10/10 pls get back into it

also!!!! because okay listen!!! 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 so there's a 4-star destruction character that came with black swan's banner named misha!! babes!!! that's my SON! are you kidding me!!! he's a nervous wreck who doesn't want to be late!!!!! he's loosely associated with the main story!!!! and he has a pocket watch!!!! like!!!!!!!! that's my BOY! MY CHILD i love using him on comps (also bc i needed another solo ice dps instead of jingliu) and his ult!!! babes misha is my favorite character (after all the husbands i collect 🤭)

okay so... i tried l&ds, and i don't think it's for me 😣 i think it's cool, it's like otome-adjacent, but idk i wasn't as engaged as i thought it'd be? it's a lot of story, and i think i'm too single brain celled to comprehend it 🙃 but i love seeing you geek out about it c: and i love seeing you write about the game~

₊⊹ I'm sorry for getting to this soo late but I'm here now. thing is, Heeseung is my first love and I'll always have that sort of attachment to him because of it. but lately I've realized that maybe Sunghoon is my true love. (talking like this sounds so delusional lmao). it's like the right person right time sort of thing.

OMG and the hugs thing! I shouldn't, but every night I go to bed and fall asleep hoping I dream of them. I'm convinced the faceless man in my dreams is San!! It just feels right. (fyi, I've had the worst heeseung related dreams. Literally every dream with him has felt like a nightmare. He broke my heart in a thousand different ways that when I woke up, I was actually crying. LIKE TALK ABOUT TRAUMA, I constantly recall ur so clearly, it never leaves.

as for sans shoulders, I'm sitting here anticipating coachella. *wipes drool*. I'm half asleep but priorities, too anxious (in a good? way) to sleep.

HEAR ME OUT, I'm slowly being pulled in with hsr. I've burnt myself out playing genshin back when I farmed so hard for Raiden but didn't get her. Slowly leaving my genshin playing days (but I obsess over Alhaitham all day every day 24/7 365, secondly). My sister was playing and she let me watch the cutscenes, (I think I bruised her shoulder with the way I was giggling and hitting her shoulder cause blade, Jing yuan and danfeng were in frame). THE LORE SEEMS SO ENTICING. but overwhelming hah! I just get overly excited. I CAN SEE MYSELF NOW ALREADY WHEN MY HSR PHASE ENTERS. IT'S GONA BE THE END OF ME HAH!!

I'm currently waiting for wuthering waves because of my husband jiyan, like... I'm grinning so big writing this. Idc what expectations people have for the game, jiyan has already stolen my heart. I'm so in love I refuse to do this anymore. I wanna be chaotic, I wanna break stuff XD.

This where I confess the truth with l&ds, regarding the whole single braincell.. Same. I don't know shit what's truly happening with the lore fkskslsl. I haven't read the anecdotes because my attention span is very limited unless it's manhwas or books and sometimes I don't even read the paragraphs finsiehd. I'm terrible. I have very limited knowledgeable on the story but it's enough to keep me engaged (because I'm telling myself I'll fully invest soon soon soon but gets overwhelmed and then doesn't get to it). THE ONLY TIME IVED EVER PLAYED A CUTSCENE OR WHTV WITHOUT SKIPPING IS WHEN I WAS DOING SUMERU ARCHON QUEST AND AL HAITHAM CAME ON SCREEN. BECAUSE OMGFJSISIW MY ATTACHMENT TO ALHAITHAM IS UNREAL. back to l&ds, currently I'm waiting for updates on the main story that I don't fully get hahah😅 I told myself I'll redo all chapters to understand it but it's been a month. anyways, having preferences is completely normal!! If it makes you happy and brings you joy, it's all you and for you, and if it doesn't, whose forcing you to like it!!

And thank you 🥹✨ I'm struggling to write atm and most of my drafts of l&ds. I can't lie, I do love my boys and the intricacy of their lore (despite not fully getting it! I will soon, right? Yes. Idk. I hope lol)

Take care, dearest. Always nice talking with you!! Hope u mind the lengthy time it took to reply❤️

#₊⊹ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖⭒✮ abyss inbox 📩#⁀🕸🜙˚ raie's ; moots #₊⊹ @princ3ss-world⊹₊

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glorifiedbones · 2 years

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i dont know how to apply to a job really, or at least im not super confident in my abilities. my teacher helped me apply to mcdonalds. not you. what good that worked out. i dont even know how to apply to college. it doesnt matter how many videos or tiktoks or people i ask, it just doesnt click. i dont know why. im limited to having opportunities at my fingertips but nothing fucking makes sense. its so frustrating i cry. im crying right now. i could blame it on you for being the parent and not teaching me things, but i just fee that wpuld be wrong and shifting the blame even though its my fault for being so fucking stupid. i would blame you for not helping me but what do i fucking expect. i would blame you for the time i tried to apply to a college and it didnt work out out, but both you and my dad were upset that happened. i should go to a community college and go from there i know you guys are eight but i dont know how i dont know how to i dont know how i cam only watch so kich youtube tutorials before i want to blow my brains out but it doesnt make sense. it doesnt matter how much or how many or different people tell enthings i cant because it doesnt make snese. im so fucking stupid and its so upsetting because i feel like i used to be so smart. i want to kill myself so bad its not even funny sometmes and i try to compensate but putting it off but the trith is it doesnt matter how many years go by i know im going to kill myself it just depends on when and how. i dont know how to be a human in our society and if you cant even function like that i mean how can you really do anything you know? i can only live off my parents for so long and then that gets you where? i fantasize about slitting my throat so often its bliss. everything would be so much better for me and truthfully everyone if i wasnt here. you guys like to think it wouldnt that we all ahve something to live for but thats just fake lies we all tell ourselves because people arent supposed to want that. but i do and im not just being depressing about saying that because its the truth. i dont have anything worth living for no job no friends no super fool hobbies i sit in my room for 24/7/365 days and play video games on repeat. that isnt a life worth living and im not entertaining enough outside of that to be worth it. i cleaned my bathtub and sink the other day and felt so proud of myself i remember feeling so fucking good about myself and now all i picture is bleeding all over the porcelain. i play video games all day and write serial killer smut fanfiction and watch youtube and i dont have any real friends or real connections. all my online friends have other things going for them im not a missed space in their day. i used to get mad at my sister because she left and i felt/feel like she abandoned me. but the truth is she never liked me to begin with and we were never close. i say im happy she escaped but really im just happy shes not like me anymore. shes not depressed like she used to be and she has a husband now and the amazing career that i want. im so envious really. i cant even wish she doesnt have it because im so fucking happy she does. she deserves it. but what do i deserve? do i deserve anything? is it just me being depressed to say i deserve nothing? i shouldnt have even graduated highschool, literally, my mom did my online chemistry class because i couldnt do it and i cheated the rest. why did i do that? why did i chest so often? i wish i sat down and read the books and the materials and did the hard work. but the truth is i did that for so many years and sometime between highschool and middleschool it all stopped making sense. like a sponge so eager to soak up water i was knowledge, but now im filled up and cant take anything else anymore like the sopping wet sponge cant soak up more water. it’s pathetic because you can ring out the sponge and itll be good to go again, but me and my brain? you cant ring out my brain, im just stuck being this ignorant for the rest of my pathetic meaningless existence.

i should brush my teeth and take a shower. im disgusting for how filthy i am. i could just get up and go do it now? whats stopping me? absolutely nothing. i think it comes to point where i could just blame everything on my depression but it comes to a point where i just have to accept that im lazy and disgusting and dirty. im so fucking filthy. i want to scrub myself of these thoughts and feelings and behavior but i cant and i wont ever change. ill forever be stuck as this useless waste of space. im just a money pit at this point. im surprised my mom has put up with me for this long. you could say its because of love but i think its really just because she doesnt want to deal with the emotional fallout and backlash from the family. they would criticize her like the way they do for handling my sister. is she even my sister now? we are blood related but have no true emotional bonds. she hasnt replied to my facebook messages even though shes seen them. we arent family or friends she doesnt know anything about me and she doesnt want too. no. we arent sister and brother anymore but i wish we were. i miss her so bad. i miss being a child maybe if i was a kid again i could try harder. be nicer. be more diligent. but i could do that now couldnt i? anyways; the backlash from the family would absolutely kill whatever false emotions you have built up, for saying you dont care much about what they or other people think the truth is you care more than anyone ive ever met. its sort of cringe really. but i guess we all have our issues. im a waste of space and suicidal and your emotionally damaged. you never should have been a mother i know, you know, but you are and i am a son and it is what it is. i feel bad for being such a bad son. i wish i could have been a better son.

if jesus and god are real i hope hell isnt too bad. i would sit here and hope id go to heaven but im not the type of person that belongs there. but honestly i think hell is too good for me too so where do i belong? where do i go to be punished and corrected again? you could probably beat and torture my behaviors out of me but ill always be this useless and pathetic that doesnt fucking change. its a fact just like the grass is green and the sky is blue. i want to float and i want to be with the clouds and the stars. i want to feel the blood running down my body from my throat i want to feel the suffocating as my lungs fill with my own blood instead of oxygen and i want to feel the numbing pain that i felt from the time i cut my thighs and i want to die. so bad. i dont want to be here anymore. i sont want fo breathe i dont want to feel i dont want to be like this anymore. i dont want to exist but existing means feeling like this and feeling like this doesnt change no matter how much therapy i take or psychiatrists i see or pills i take or food i eat or dont eat or games i play or dont play. feeling like this is just a facet of my life and i would believe harder in god but if god is real why would he make me feel like this? or not make me per say but give me the opportunity to feel like this. so he can pick me back up again when im dead and make me feel whole? or send me to hell to fix me? that doesnt feel right or fair to me. i hope its all just black when i die. i hope its just empty and quiet. so i wont have to think anymore. i wont have to exist or feel pressure or be a waste of space i could just be.

i swallow the lumps inside my throat and sniff up the snot in my nose and feel the sides of my vision go from blurry with tears to relaxed contentment because i write this. it’s therapeutic to me. one day i will slit my throat wide and the blood will spray on the walls and the bathtub water with turn red and maybe ill be wearing my TMG merch shirt. the tan one with the robot on the back. i love that shirt. and maybe ill have a fresh haircut and just have taken a shower too. i used to wish bad things would happen to me and bad things did happen but no one cared still no one cared not really not at all. will anyone care when i carve out my throat? not the performance act but the true meaningful bond of care? no. not at all. one day i will slit my throat and ill bleed all over but today is not that day and when that day comes no one will care. no one at all. no one cares about you james you know that dont you? dont you see dont you feel it like that suffocating feeling on your chest? you can try to hide and pretend im not right but no one fucking cares james be fucking realistic with yourself. shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. one day i will cease to exist and i cant fucking wait for it i cant fucking wait to die.

#sept 18th 22

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dionysianfreak · 3 years

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some spicy things I do in my practice because of ADHD

given that it's literally my brain, adhd takes over a lot of things in my life. it finds a way to wiggle into everything I do in both bad and good ways. it's just how it is being neurodivergent and it's just how life goes for me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't aid me in many ways. growing up we aren't taught about mental divergency. we're taught the abled and neurotypical way and that's it, but in truth neurodivergent people only struggle due to not having the resources to do things the way that'll let them work efficiently. so here is a list of ways my personal adhd effects my pagan practice and ways I incorporate it into my worship !

stimming

stimming ! i stim a LOT and sometimes, if the emotion I feel is strong enough, they turn to uncontrollable tics. this also means that when during things like rituals, I'll have to pause so I don't tic and ruin something. this is totally normal and okay ! I've never once had a problem with it, and the Gods just patiently waited for it to pass as it always does. we both know it's just something that happens and it's apart of me, it isn't something to be ashamed of or hide.

accepting stimming once I was diagnosed was also something I did as a devotional act to Dionysos ! instead of trying to mask or push down the urge to stim, I'd allow myself to just let it out. my stims vary between very overt to covert, and accepting the overt ones as normal was a feat worthy of devotion imo. you can also keep stim toys on your altar when you're not using them, if you wanted to.

time and schedules

consistent worship ????? never heard of her. same goes for offerings. sometimes I give 294894 offerings in a day and sometimes I've given one offering in a week, it just depends on my ever changing behavior. there's no need to be stuck on a schedule if you don't want to or even make one to begin with. when I first started out, I asked Hermès, Apollon, and Dionysos (who I worshipped at the time) if I should make a schedule and the no was so hard I haven't asked since. my worship is a part of my daily life, as just like I don't drive places every day I don't worship every day. both are still important in my life regardless if I'm actively doing it or not. if you stuggle with consistency, I urge you to speak with the Gods you worship and see if making things more fluid would help !

hyperfixation is also a pain in the ass sometimes, especially when it becomes something other than paganism. due to the free nature of my practice and that I've chosen to devote, it sometimes translates into "well I don't haveeee to do this" and suddenly poof, all the motivation is gone. it's VERY hard to come back when your brain is so wired on something else entirely, and I understand the feeling. during these times I personally do very small things to keep up. if I make dinner for myself, I'll offer a portion and eat with the Gods just to show that I'm participating even when I'm struggling to. the small things count.

RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

my RSD is crippling in my life, and it's reach extends to paganism sometimes as well (if you're unaware, RSD is the extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection in any form). sometimes during readings I receive a card that I believe is saying something "negative". sometimes it's criticism, sometimes advice, sometimes it's a slap on the wrist, but no matter what it is in reality I'm at the mercy of my brain to interpret it. so this has lead to meltdowns, long depressive/anxious episodes, and crying fests when I think a deity is angry with me. it has gotten so bad before that delusions have appeared and made me believe false memories or feelings of hatred from the Gods.

it's so hard and I'm so sorry if anyone else has to deal with it. to help with this, I have to fight to remind myself that advice is not an attack. the Gods are trying to help me and, even if They were angry at me, I've made mistakes before and They've allowed me to grow from them. i also have a checklist of questions I ask myself to allow logic and reality back into my head. a few questions include "have i done anything recently that's worthy of anger from a God ?", "is this something that will last forever ?", and "is this a message that has something to teach me ?".

impulsiveness

ask most people with ADHD about being impulsive and you'll probably receive a nervous side glace. we're impulsive often, which can do a multitude of things in paganism. one, starting a devoting and never finishing it. i am SO guilty of this one, and it make me feel bad even now. i have plenty up unfinished plans, drawings, and other devotional items that look around and guilt me. I've been in this cycle for a year and I don't think I'll ever grow out of it, but from what I've noticed the Gods don't mind. doing some of a devotion is a wonderful feat, and the energy that took is a wonderful offering even if you don't finish it.

I'm sure other adhd people and probably some autistic people have been in the position of "I just discovered this new Deity and oh my god I NEED to worship them RIGHT NOW or I'll DIE". They're just SO COOL and you automatically feel a connection. then three weeks later you feel demotivated to worship Them and now you feel terrible about it. don't worry, me too. to help with this nowadays I personally honor for a bit then worship if the worship relationship doesn't involve any help between us. this is what I did with Pan, and it worked VERY well for me. i recognized our connection but I didn't feel the pressure to consistently worship Him.

back to the start of the second paragraph, if you're stuck in that situation just communicate with the Deity. it can be hard to admit you're wrong, especially with adhd. however, just sitting down and calling to Them to let them know how you feel and that you think you made a mistake is a huge communicative step !

demotivation

this. one. sucks. inbetween hyperfixations, being stressed out or anxious, going through a depressive episode, and more can cause very deep demotivation and loss of energy in people with ADHD and other disorders. sometimes I'll just lay in my floor with my headphones on for hours because I literally can't find the energy to get up. a lot of people worry that this directly conflicts with Paganism and would slow progress. i understand why it seems that way, especially since adhd is a very "GO FAST, DO THIS THING N O W" disorder. there's actually a few solutions here I can think of

devote your personal healing to the Gods as this can give your brain a "reward" and can help you personally feel better in many ways. after weeks without a shower, devote a bath to a Deity or maybe eat breakfast at Their altar if you haven't been eating much. allow Them to be your motivation

take a break entirely. paganism certrainly isn't a 24/7/365 commitment and your practice molds to your needs. if you're just absolutely knocked out and need rest, take a break. I've taken MANY breaks before. I've been forced on breaks too because the Gods noticed my mental health declining before I did. never feel ashamed for needing time for yourself

do multiple small things rather than big things. a little bit of your dinner when you eat, redecorate Their altar or space, listen to music that reminds you of Them, think of Them when you're out and about in case you see something. you can weave devotion into daily acts in order to reinforce mundane things you need to do and calm your mind about paganism.

and finally, miscellaneous list of other things I do that are too small for their own section.

if you need to keep track of divination readings, no need to write down every reading you've ever had in detail. you can voice record them as you go, take photos of the cards, or use apps like Labyrinthos that can act as a tarot log.

your altar doesn't need to look perfect, it should reflect your worship and your devotion to a Deity. this means if your altar looks like a mess, as mine ALWAYS do, it's perfectly okay ! clutter aesthetic altars are the most beautiful altars in my eyes, and they're so worthy of adoration. I've never once heard of a Deity disliking an altar, They appreciate our work to put in a space just for Them. let your altar look messy and wild as you want, altars don't need to be aesthetic or color coordinated

you see everywhere that many of us are devoted to one deity in particular or multiple, I fit in here too. i just wanted to say that you never have to devote to any Deity if you don't want to. you could worship when you need help from a specific Deity or worship a different deity every month. never feel like you have to tie yourself down just because other people feel comfortable doing so.

you don't have to celebrate every festival. it's okay to skip celebrations that don't really apply to you or are at an inconvenient time ! you could also reschedule if you find yourself wanting to celebrate but burnt out or busy.

#hellenism #pagan #Paganism #hellenic #hellenic worship #hellenic pagan #hellenistic polytheism #polytheist #polytheism #greek gods #deity #greek paganism #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodivergent pagan #tips and tricks

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ghostinthelibrarywrites · 3 years

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this is the road to ruin (Part 11/12)

(Previous) (Masterpost) (Next)

Summary: Geralt and Jaskier confront the katakan.

Content warning for some canon-typical violence this chapter.

With a shaking hand, Jaskier flips the “Closed” sign on the front door of the E-Z-Go. Inside, the store is dark and quiet, with all the lights turned off. He’s never seen the E-Z-Go closed before; it’s normally open 24/7, 365 days a year, no matter what kind of blizzard or hurricane has hit them. He doubts his coworkers that will arrive to relieve him in three hours will have any idea what’s going on, or what to do with the mysterious man who they find locked in the freezer.

That’s the only thing that’s keeping him from falling apart— a few hours locked in a freezer most likely won’t kill a witcher, or even have any kind of negative health ramifications for him. Geralt will be fine.

Jaskier just doesn’t know if he can say the same about himself.

“What are you going to do with me?” Jaskier manages to ask. He doesn’t want to know the answer to the question, though he’s fairly certain he already knows it. He remembers the shrine to the diner waitress who was killed in the parking lot and Priscilla’s pale face as she lay in her hospital bed.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Alan is back in his nondescript human guise, looking every bit the friendly, slightly dotty tow truck driver that Jaskier has known for years now. Somehow, that’s more terrifying than his monstrous true form. “Think I’m going to keep you with me for now. Make sure your witcher doesn’t follow us.”

Jaskier tries for a smile. “I’m guessing that begging for my life won’t help?”

Alan tilts his head to the side, watching Jaskier like he’s an amusing puppy. “You can always try. Come with me.”

He doesn’t bother with threats; there’s no need.

Jaskier thinks about running as they cross the parking lot to Alan’s truck. His car is only a few steps away; maybe he could make it. Better yet, maybe he could make it back into the store and get Geralt.

As if he can read Jaskier’s thoughts, Alan reaches out and grabs Jaskier’s arms in a vice-like grip. “If you even think about causing problems, I will drain you dry and then go back inside and snap your witcher’s neck. Understood?”

Jaskier nods mutely.

“Good.” Alan pushes him towards the truck. “Get in.”

Jaskier complies, clambering into the passenger seat. He buckles his seatbelt out of habit, then lets out a humorless laugh. What does it matter if they crash and he smashes through the windshield? It would be a kinder fate than the one he’ll most likely suffer at Alan’s hands. The cold terror he’s been forcing himself to think through begins to rise again, drowning out the rational part of his brain telling him to focus and stay calm. If he loses himself to panic, he knows he’s fucked.

Alan turns on the radio as they pull out of the parking lot. It’s an oldies station from Tretogor; it’s staticky and occasionally interrupted by the local Top 40 station. Jaskier sits very still with his gaze focused straight ahead, hands fisted in his lap and body rigid.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Alan says mildly after they’ve been driving for about a half an hour.

Jaskier swallows back the knot of dread in his throat. “Not feeling very chatty right now.”

“I left your witcher alive. What more do you want from me?”

“Not to be kidnapped,” Jaskier says. “And you didn’t leave Geralt alive out of the goodness of your heart. You left him alive because you knew you couldn’t fight him unless he was weakened.”

“Would you prefer I go back and finish the job? He may be a witcher, but he’s unarmed.”

Jaskier looks away.

Alan chuckles. “That’s what I thought.”

“You’re not going to let me live, are you?” Jaskier asks, voice strangely flat and wildly at odds with the abject terror he can feel turning his insides to ice.

The katakan is quiet for a moment, considering. “No,” he says after a moment, sounding almost embarrassed. “Probably not.”

Jaskier closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Can I ask why?”

“Because I haven’t eaten in days and now that you’re not surrounded by the stench of mutant, you smell delicious.”

“Pretty sure that’s just my aftershave. If you want the brand, I’d be happy to—”

“I was so careful for so long,” Alan says. “Only taking a sip here and there from most of the people I fed from, only killing those who no one would notice was gone. It was no way to live, hiding in the shadows like that. Do you know how old I am, boy?”

“My mother taught me to never answer questions like that.” Gods, his parents. He hasn’t called them in weeks.

“I was alive before the Conjunction. I remember the days when people like me could feed freely without having to fear the wrath of witchers. I remember when the first witchers started hunting us down.”

“And that’s why you started killing people? You thought witchers were extinct?”

“After millennia of hiding, I was done. There aren’t many of my kind left. Most of the vampires left alive are the lesser species, like bruxae and fleder. But there are over a billion humans on this Continent. Over a billion ridiculous, spoiled, disgusting humans. You never change, you know. I’ve been alive long enough to see that first hand. The only thing most of you are good for is your blood.”

Jaskier thinks of funny, sweet, fiercely loyal Priscilla and all the people who love her— her parents, her sisters, her bandmates, Shani, Jaskier. The fact that Alan could look at someone like her, someone so full of love and life, and think that she was only good for her blood enrages him. “One of the people you attacked, the woman Geralt saved from you, is named Priscilla. She’s my roommate and my best friend.”

“I knew she was connected to you somehow. I could smell you on her.”

“And you still attacked her?”

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about draining you dry, Jaskier? One time, I was about to do it, but then someone walked into the E-Z-Go. Good timing for you, terrible timing for me. The girl smelling like you was why I attacked her.”

“She didn’t deserve that,” Jaskier says hoarsely. “She’s a good person.”

“Someone like me can’t waste time worrying about things like that.”

Jaskier reaches out and puts his hand on the door handle. They’re going about seventy miles an hour, too fast for him to safely jump. Maybe if he landed in the grass, he might survive? But he would almost certainly be grievously injured, easy pickings if the katakan decided to come back and finish him off.

“I wouldn’t,” Alan says, not sounding overly concerned. “You’d break every bone in your body. It would be a messy death. I’ll kill you painlessly, Jaskier.”

Jaskier shudders, less than reassured. “So what are you going to do after you kill me? You won’t be able to stay around here, you know. Geralt will hunt you down.”

“Getting a little tired of this area anyway.” Alan shrugs. “Might be nice to go down south for a while. Haven’t been down that way in a long time.”

They’re slowing down. Jaskier wonders if Alan is looking for a place to pull over. A place to drain him dry. The queasy terror is growing stronger; he’s only going to be able to keep his composure for so long. He doesn’t want to die crying and pleading for his life. He doesn’t want to die at all. He wants to go visit his parents and hang out with Priscilla and Shani and sing again and see Geralt…

“Here we go.” Alan pulls onto the shoulder and parks. “This is as good a place as any to stop.”

Jaskier can’t breathe. He can’t look at Alan. He can’t think. He reaches for the door handle again, but an enormous clawed hand covers his.

“Let’s not waste our time.” Alan’s voice is a low growl. “Look at me, Jaskier.”

Jaskier shakes his head. It may be cowardice, but he can’t bring himself to look into that monstrous face, at all the teeth that are about to rip into him.

“Look at me!” Alan roars and Jaskier flinches.

Alan seizes Jaskier’s jaw and he squeezes his eyes shut, bracing for pain, just as something slams into the side of the truck with a crunch of metal. The truck lurches forward, slamming into a tree. All the air is forced from Jaskier’s lungs as his body jerks against the seatbelt. Alan curses colorfully, a saxophone wails over the radio, and Jaskier’s heartbeat thunders in his ears.

Then the passenger side door is ripped open. Instinctively, Jaskier flinches, but it’s Geralt’s familiar hands that reach in to pull him out.

“I’m sorry.” Geralt’s voice sounds very far away. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I saw he was about to bite you, and all I could think to do was cast Aard. Are you okay?”

“Geralt,” is all Jaskier can say, because it’s all he can think. Geralt is here, Geralt is alive, Geralt came for him. “How?”

“There’s a ghost in your freezer. She let me out. Need to go back and help her pass on later.”

Jaskier lets out a hysterical little laugh. “Remind me to tell Ciri I told you so.”

But Geralt isn’t listening anymore. He’s staring past Jaskier, expression hard. “Can you run?”

Slowly, Jaskier turns. It’s the first time he’s looked at Alan’s katakan form head-on and it’s just as twisted and nightmarish as he knew it would be, somewhere between a bat and a wolf. It moves towards them, its movements a horrible mixture of animal and human. Pain forgotten in the face of pure terror, Jaskier takes a step backwards, running into Geralt’s broad chest.

Gently, Geralt pushes Jaskier behind him and shoves something into his hand. “Run.”

Dumbly, Jaskier looks down at the thing in his hand. It’s the Countess.

When he looks up at Geralt, the witcher’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Just in case he gets past me. Now run.”

Gods, Jaskier wants to kiss him, but now is decidedly not the time. “I don’t want to leave you again. I already did that once today.”

Geralt’s expression softens. “Jaskier, I don’t want you anywhere near here. Get to Roach. Keys are in the ignition. Just—”

Alan takes advantage of Geralt’s distraction and lunges. Geralt manages to pivot out of the way, arm thrown out to block Jaskier from the katakan’s assault. The katakan lunges again, this time slamming into Geralt and driving him back through the trees.

Jaskier knows he should get the fuck out of here, but he can’t leave Geralt. He runs after them, in time to see Alan slam Geralt against a tree with enough force that Geralt’s sword falls out of his hand. Alan roars in Geralt’s face, his clawed hands pinning the witcher’s arms to his sides and his teeth dangerously close to Geralt’s throat.

Every fiber of Jaskier’s being is screaming at him to run, but all he can see are those teeth and the pale skin of Geralt’s neck. He remembers Priscilla in her hospital bed. That isn’t going to happen again, not to Geralt.

He doesn’t realize what he’s doing until he’s already closed the distance between them, slamming the Countess into the back of Alan’s head. The katakan snarls, but doesn’t release his hold on Geralt, so Jaskier hits him again, then again. It’s like hitting a brick wall. After three hits, Alan must tire of it, because he throws Geralt aside and whirls around to pluck the baseball bat out of Jaskier’s hands. With one sharp movement, he snaps the Countess in half and drops the fragments to the ground.

Weaponless, Jaskier finds himself staring into Alan’s blazing red eyes.

Fuck.

He starts to retreat, but there’s a hand around his throat before he can take a step.

“Remember when I said I was going to make it painless?” Alan snarls. “I lied.”

Jaskier doesn’t even have time to cry out for Geralt before teeth bury into his neck.

For an instant, Jaskier’s whole world is pain. He claws desperately at Alan, his legs thrashing. He can’t think around the terror and the sound of his heart thundering in his ears. He can hear the wet noises of Alan swallowing down his blood and he wonders how long it will be until he mercifully passes out. He squeezes his eyes shut, screwing up his face against the pain.

And then Alan’s body jerks. Jaskier’s eyes snap open to see Geralt standing behind Alan. There’s blood on his face and a snarl twisting his lips. His sword is buried into Alan’s back. The katakan whirls on him, Jaskier still dangling from his hands like a doll. Jaskier can feel the hot blood running down his neck.

“Don’t come any closer, witcher,” Alan growls. “Or—”

Geralt makes a sign in the air and both Alan and Jaskier are thrown backwards. Jaskier lands on the ground hard, knocking the wind out of him. A heavy body lands on top of him and he lets out a startled cry before he looks up into Geralt’s golden eyes.

“It’s okay,” Geralt murmurs, his body pressing Jaskier down into the ground, covering him. “You’re okay.”

The katakan roars, starting towards them, and Geralt raises a hand, making another sign. Flames shoot through the air, hitting Alan. The katakan keeps coming towards them, so Geralt throws more flames at him. Alan is engulfed in flames, monstrous face twisted in fury and agony, but he just keeps coming.

Jaskier knows he should be terrified, but it’s hard to be afraid when Geralt is here, one of his hands pressed against the wound on Jaskier’s neck and his body warm, solid, and safe against Jaskier’s.

Or maybe that’s just the blood loss talking.

Alan staggers forward, reaching for them, and Geralt leaps to his feet. With one powerful stroke, he swings his sword, striking the katakan’s head from his body. Alan falls to the ground, his head rolling away.

“Jaskier.” Geralt drops to his knees next to Jaskier.

“Am I going to die?” Jaskier can feel the blood seeping through his fingers.

“No,” Geralt says. “He didn’t hit your carotid artery.”

“Is that true, or are you just telling me that to make me feel better?” Jaskier’s lips twist into what he hopes is a brave smile. “Don’t spare my feelings, Geralt.”

“If you were dying, I would tell you. Let me see.” Gently, Geralt pries Jaskier’s fingers away from his neck and inspects the wound. “That was both brave and stupid.”

“That’s me.”

“Don’t do it again.”

“He was going to bite you!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been bitten by a vampire. Probably won’t be the last either.” Geralt’s expression softens. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. You’re the one who came heroically riding to my rescue.”

“Hm.” Geralt withdraws his hand from Jaskier’s neck and Jaskier sees that his fingers are glistening with Jaskier’s blood.

Jaskier squeezes his eyes shut, suddenly feeling woozy. “Geralt?”

“Yes?”

“I think I’m going to pass out.”

“It’s okay,” Geralt says gently. “I’m here.”

The last thing Jaskier is aware of before unconsciousness claims him is being lifted into Geralt’s arms.

***

Next time: The end

Tag list: @kueble @dredshirtroberts @avoidingaverage @teamfreehoodies @oneshots-galore @tsukiwolf42 @process-pending @moonlightcrazyphoenix @soyoudneverguess @arseoverkettle @deepfriedfettuccine @blooodymoon @technicallywiseoncns @inikokoru @sharinalein @nicasbeta @frywen-babbles @storm-and-starlight @frenchkey @maya-the-yellow-bee @exrayspex @buttercupsanddandelions @therarestjewel @eskel-and-goat @sheisawonder @fontegagrilledcheese @bugontherug @peanitbear @holymotherwolf @flowercrown-bard @persony-pepper @dapperanachronism @likechoonee @seekerofthehiddenshadow @atomicpastel @bygodstillam @amiyaxx @looptheloup @actionnerdgamerlove @the-book-reaper @dapandapod @thunder-the-wolf

#the witcher #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geralt/jaskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #my fic #my writing #gas station au

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suometar · 3 years

Text

youtube

Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #bipolar mania #coping skills #mental health tips #thoughts from the crypt #long post

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soulwillower · 4 years

Text

buttercup • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested: Would you mind writing a Richie Tozier X reader soulmate AU where Richie is VERY self conscious and he finds out that the reader is his soulmate and the reader is well known and very pretty, so he’s just like djjdjfgjjcbvnfnf but once they actually meet she really likes him? :0 thanks if you consider!

warning: swearing, angst, richie being edgy and also a bit unstable (king shit), neuroatypical richie!!!, fluff, soulmate au!! <33 also sorry this may be rough, i havent edited it at all

[reader + losers are in college]

lmk what u guys think of this one,... idk LOL

4.1k words

♡

richie was about to be sick. yes, he really, really was going to vomit in approximately ten seconds and he didn’t know what he was going to do. the room, full of barely-adults chugging jungle juice was sweaty and bustling and the walls were closing in on him quick. those people who weren't in the main rooms were doing sniff in the bathrooms and blocking his pathway to heaven (the toilet) so he quickly stumbles towards the sliding-glass door.

he passes a guy who claps his shoulder and says in a deep voice, "you good, bro?"

no, no. he's not good, bro. thanks for asking, though.

as he finally breaks free of the plastic, out of the crusty balloon that was holding his body hostage, he takes a deep breath and sprawls himself on the back deck, staring up at the clouds in the nighttime sky. maybe he should go home and mull this over, before he crams it down his own throat and chokes to death, alone and broken on the back deck of a 22 year old business major's rental house.

he laughs to himself - an image which he's sure would be a full on maniacal scene to an onlooker - as he lights a cigarette with very shaky fingers. even if he chooses to give this situation some thought, he will end up being forced regardless because this is, quite literally, richard tozier's destiny.

y/n y/l/n is richie's destiny, and it makes him feel like complete shit.

you see - his whole life, richie knew about the fucking soulmate tattoos. of course he did, everybody did - it was, like, one of the first things you learn, ever. he knows that there's basically a soulmate for every person and often times the soulmate marks were different, the ways of finding your soulmate were wide and far.

for most of richie's life - actually, almost all of it up until the last month - he'd had a big, fat 0 tattooed on his arm and below it a humiliating phrase that was quite the epitome of richie himself.

yet it never changed, which led him, his friends, and his parents to determine that he'd gotten a time-counter soulmate mark, which he likes to pride himself on believing he did not give a single fuck about.

the number is supposed to count the amount of time that you've spent with your soulmate, and there's usually a sentence or phrase that's associated with your soulmate's first thoughts of you below it. and yeah, of course the first thing the lucky guy or gal thought of richie is 'wow, those are the ugliest socks ever.' pretty fucking on-brand, if richie says so himself.

so yeah, he never really paid attention to his soulmate mark - partly because the thought of emotionally opening up to someone enough for them to know his whole and true self was repulsive and terrifying enough to make him physically ill, enough for him to develop a crazy sense of humor as a less-than proficient coping mechanism for the insecurity and fear that lives in his mind rent-free, 24/7 365. but mostly he didn't pay attention to the mark because, you know, he thought it was lame.

that is, until it changed from the 0.

it happened on the first day of classes fall semester of this, his freshman year of college.

which, honestly, was a huge fucking bummer, because he literally came into contact with almost 800 new people that first day through classes, dorms, walking around campus, and the dining hall. and yet, as he got back to his dorm and smoked a bowl with bill, he'd noticed that his arm had said 00:51:26.

bill had been so excited he'd almost lifted richie through the roof, because 'holy sh-shit, rich, y-you did it!'

it was hard to believe someone was out there for him, though. and yeah, he didn't give a fuck about it, but he also kind of did.

richie, now thinking back on that day, groans a bit. if he'd just known, if he had just fucking looked at the thigh of the girl in front of him with the soft-looking grin and the alluring scent of orange creamsicle shampoo, who'd smiled a bit when he borrowed a pen - if he'd just known then that y/n was meant to spend the rest of her life with him, he could've... well, he's not really sure what he could have done.

he thinks to that moment in time, as he was blowing smoke out the dorm window with bill and giggling as he ate an entire bag of cheez-its, and how much he wanted to know who it was back then.

but tonight, it had become a nightmare when the information practically fell into his lap. he's at this house party in late september, and about five minutes ago it was just boring enough to warrant sitting on the rug in the living room and just fun enough to actually stay.

“-yeah, she said the first time you guys met was in microeconomics, right?” ben says, and richie huffs in agreement as he picks at the skin on his nails. ben was talking about her again, and richie's heart was beating stupidly hard. y/n, one of his closest friends that he'd made outside of the losers, never failed to make his heart run a goddamn marathon.

“-she told me the first thing she noticed was that you were wearing socks with sandals. and she thought that your socks were really ugly.” he finishes with a laugh and richie’s head snaps up at that. he feels chills spill over back as if he’d been doused with ice water and he gapes at ben. “wait, what?” richie shudders, the words escaping his lips quietly enough that his friends mistake it for a forceful exhale brought on by offense at the word 'ugly.'

“well she was right to think that.” stan says from behind his solo cup, carefree, as if richie’s life wasn’t crashing to an alarming and unbelievable halt. eddie giggles faintly somewhere from the floor where the losers are sitting, but richie’s mind is reeling too much for him to react to or even comprehend anything.

“rich, i th-thought i got you to st-stop wearing socks and sandals so long ago.” bill adds, laughing into his hand. but richie’s barely registering any other fucking information because he’s staring at ben, who is finally noticing his friend’s perplexed face. “you good, rich?” ben asks carefully.

“wh-er, wait. what exactly did she say?” richie asks, really not wanting to know the answer and yet wanting to know more than life itself. it can't be her. he’s getting odd looks from everyone now, but he's starting to breathe quickly and he thinks he might vomit. he kind of regrets never showing anybody but big bill his soulmate mark, because he's suffocating right now in embarrassment and bill is a little too drunk to assume what richie's assuming right now.

“wait, y/n y/l/n, right? from my dorm. she’s here tonight, she told me- oh, y/n!” stan calls, looking directly over richie’s shoulder. it happens so fast. y/n, in the flesh, walks past at just that moment, breaking out into a breath-taking, world-halting smile. richie's chest hurts worse than it ever has before as she waves and bustles over to plop herself next to richie. and holy shit, she's wearing shorts because even though it's cold out, the house is warm and richie can see dark ink on her thigh. a soulmate tattoo. he can't draw his eyes away even though his brain is screaming to knock it off because there's going to be something there he doesn't want to accept, but he then does it anyways.

he almost hyperventilates as he reads the words emblazoned on her thigh,

27:36:08 and right below it: "holy hell her hair smells like orange creamsicle"

he almost sobs right then and there as she greets him with a soft hand on his shoulder, completely unaware of their fate and richie has to stand up abruptly because he can literally feel the numbers changing on his arm as the seconds go by with y/n at his side.

and now, mere minutes later he's out here, laying in self pity as anxiety claws at every inch of his body and fear tingles on him like the slight presence of snowflakes falling on his skin - briefly he wonders if, as an older man, he'll wonder how he never got cold wearing nothing, vulnerable as he welcomes in that falling snow.

he would be totally daft not to wonder how he ended up with a soulmate like her, someone not only so fucking attractive but so kind and undeserving of a monstrosity of a human like him. she is, in every place he isn't, a complete and utter success of a person; he's a hurricane where she's whitecaps in the sea, he's loud and abrupt while she is kind and outgoing. maybe they do work well together, hell - they spend enough time on study dates outside of class for him to know that he does really like her. but richie also knows his standoffish, happy-go-lucky and untamed personality paired with his unwillingness to make himself appear vulnerable to most people will probably have a very large impact on... whatever it is that happens with y/n.

because that's really the point, isn't it?

she is stuck with him. bucky beaver, the trashmouth, mr. i-can't-keep-my-trap-shut-for-three-seconds. y/n, the most incredible person in this world, is the kind of person that was designed for richie to admire from afar, as he is so willing to suffer through. because as much as it hurts to watch her and to love her without loving her, it is a thousand times safer for both of them than the inevitable look of disappointment that will befall y/n’s angelic features when she discovers who her burden of a soulmate is.

the thought makes richie choke out a weak sob, sitting up and digging the heel of his palms into his sockets, trying to scrub out the image of himself from his brain. awful, awful, bad.

he takes a long drag from his cigarette and for a brief moment he wonders if, just maybe, she’ll love him back eventually. the thought makes him feel like crying all over again.

huge nose, big teeth, awkwardly skinny and too tall. maybe he's got nice hair, but he sometimes wakes up too late and can only brush his teeth and swipe on deodorant before he's sprinting out his dorm with his pickle socks and stan's old sandals, trudging to class and getting in the way of y/n's future.

but he is her future, after all - how can that be right?

he doesn't have enough time to take another drag from his cig as he hears the glass door open, the noise from the party bursting through the gap in the foundation of the house and sending him back to five minutes, ago, inside. he cranes his neck and can't bring himself to be surprised when he sees her, backlit from the party inside and figure in his mind standing like the only being in the world.

she thinks he looks devastatingly beautiful tonight. she loves the awkwardness in his bones, the way he carries himself with confidence although she's not sure he always really has it. he's wearing some dumb socks again as usual, though they're mostly covered by his black pants and red high-tops this time. it makes her smile softly.

she wants to know him, really know him, as more than just a classmate, a crush, a boy who's friends with stan uris from the floor above her own room. she wants to feel his large hands on her in more than just fleeting greetings, knucks to the shoulder or jaw. she wants the sharp taste of nicotine and mint from those life savers he was always sucking on in her own mouth as he holds her tightly against him, she wants to know everything about him and be with him, even if they aren't somehow destined to be forever. which, she thinks with an array of wild animals tumbling around her chest, they might be.

after all, someone at this party is her soulmate, and she's almost 99.8% sure it's richie. it gives her the most beautiful butterflies she's ever had, even when he stares at her from the deck with glassy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"what’s up, buttercup?” is all she says, in her mind because he's stunned her to near-silence once again by just existing, and in his mind because she is the most perfect being.

he doesn't respond despite being completely charmed by her, because he's breathing in the nicotine and its making his fingers twitch and even though he's sober by now, he thinks he may be tweaking a bit, mostly from the overwhelming set of information that just smacked into his face when y/n walked over into that room.

he watches as suddenly she's dropping herself so she's sat next to him, her legs swinging off the edge of the deck. she eyes his cigarette. "that's so unhealthy, rich." she says softly, teasing but with a lacing of truth behind it that really makes richie itch to never smoke ever again in his life. but he's a stubborn ass, so he instead takes a deeper drag, maintaining eye contact. he can feel one tear slip from his eye and he feels so fucking melodramatic as he does so, but he's at the lowest he's been in a while, so he gives himself a bit of credit.

she reaches out and pulls the cigarette directly from between his lips, sending him a pointed look as she presses it out on the finished wood of the deck. he wipes the tear away when she's not looking. and as she turns back he smirks, unsure what else to do, as he blows the smoke out of his mouth towards her face.

"hi, toots." he says in what he hopes is a normal tone, despite his blotchy and tear-trailed face. she blinks her eyes owlishly at him but just shrugs, "you left a little prematurely back there. what, do i smell that bad?" she jokes. no, he thinks, you smell like orange creamsicles.

it's bittersweet, the irony in her statement. because he knows that she probably knows what she smells like every day, as it's literally tattooed right on the meat of her leg, on display for her and whoever else lucky enough to find themselves being acquainted with the skin of her upper thigh. the thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

maybe if he were feeling a little less in-the-dumps, a little less like a complete and utter disappointment and failure that ruined this sweet girl's life, he would have ribbed her back a bit. you know, grind her gears in typical tozier fashion.

but he's exhausted and so distraught that he can't bring himself to even look at her. "i'm not in the mood" he grumbles, his heart pounding. she frowns, tilting her head.

"okay, what's wrong, richie?" she asks, and it's in that caring voice that she uses that isn't pitying but simply solicitous in nature. her calming force on him is obvious and immediate and his teeth stop rattling around in his head

he wants to scream because she's burning warm and perfect while he's frigid cold inside his body; a wasteland full of broken slinkies and half-formulated 'your mom' jokes that are melded to the crust of him with the tar that's been sucked straight from those damn ciggies. for crying out loud, if he were to so much as touch her, she'd get corrupted.

she notices as he scoots a bit away from her, and her heart hurts. he's so upset, clearly, and yet it hurts her that he can't trust himself or her enough to open up; no fault of his own surely, but heartbreaking all the same. "i care about you, and i really want to be here for you." she says it like there's going to be more, but the words kind of die in her throat as she realizes the extend of her words.

holy shit, she thinks, i'd go to the ends of the earth for him. if richie asked me to, i think i'd probably kill the queen.

"i stubbed my toe, and it really hurts." he says then, and the absurdity of his excuse makes her laugh out loud, head tilting back towards the moon as the bubbly giggles tumble from her lips. she looks at him after and his face is a twisted mix of affection and utter pain, a combination that hurts her to her core but lights a fuel in her that makes her want to help him.

"it's true." he mutters, motioning to his shoe limply, and she looks at his foot, the tip of his converse scribbled in sharpie with the word 'half-brain' and then a bunch of hearts.

"i like your socks." she says absentmindedly, grinning at him as she says it, voice teasing. but the reaction she was hoping for was nowhere to be seen as richie suddenly heaves a hiccup-sob, one so upsetting and quiet that she thinks she misheard it.

but he's keeling over and clutching his face with his hands, shaking his head, and her heart breaks. "richie, honey please tell me what's going on. or i can just sit here, if you'd rather-"

her sentence is cut off with richies own rushed words, expelled from his mouth so quickly that it's almost as if they were trying to escape while his lips tried to hold them in.

"-you're going to have to spend the rest of your life trying to force yourself to love me, and that terrifies me.”

as he says it, his stomach twists itself inwards at his admission and he thinks he's going to be sick. he doesn't deserve you, you're going to resent him for it. she's silent for a few moments, and he doesn't dare look anywhere near her as tears trail down his solemn cheekbones and drop onto the black corduroy that wraps around his jittering legs.

"richie, please, what are you trying to say?" she says quietly, sounding scared, nervous, upset... richie did that. it's his fault. he tilts his head back, his brain buzzing in guilt. "fuck," he says, and it comes out broken, "you... i- you're my soulmate." he says, looking down to where his chest rises and falls almost unnaturally, a consequence of muscle memory being tampered with by the lethally college combination of nicotine, alcohol and marijuana on an empty stomach.

earlier he was afraid that if he opened his mouth too wide he would lose control of his tongue and then the words would come out without him wanting them to, but he knows he's basically sober by now, as sober as y/n is next to him - he's just neurotic, but he doesn't want her to know that, because oh god, what if she hated him for it?

she wouldn't, right? isn't she supposed to find a way to love him?

this was a really stupid idea, but in his mind it was one that had to be done. shutting his eyes, he tugs the sleeve of his left arm upwards, taking a shaky breath. again, it's silent as she reads the words written there. wow, those are the ugliest socks ever.

she stares at the words, and the number above it, then she looks at her own thigh, where the exact same number counts on in time with his.

he wastes no time, though: "-don't worry, doll. i've got it figured out, we can just- maybe we can get yours covered and you don't have to think about it anymore. fi-find someone better, like, oh, bill - he'd treat you nice i think. just- we don't have to think about it, i'm sorry." he says in one breath, not looking at her at all.

"richie, how can i be yours if you're not mine?" she says thickly because she's fighting off tears wondering how someone so incredible and full of life could feel so undeserving.

"you can't want me, you can't." he insists, not looking at her as she gapes at him because if he were to look at her expression he may lose it. it's quiet again in their own little world here, the air silent and numbing as y/n takes a breath.

"oh my god, wait richie how are we this stupid?" she asks, perking up and lightly slapping his arm. he looks at her in shock as she begins to laugh, "we've been alone together so many times. how did we not notice?" she asks, and he chuckles a bit, shrugging.

"maybe we're not the sharpest crayons in the drawer, toots. all i'm sayin' is that i figured it out first." he says cheekily, and secretly both of them are shocked to see how quickly they fell together, as if the knowledge that they were made for each other made all their insecurities fall away.

her face softens again. "you know, i saw my timer counting tonight and i was hoping more than anything that you'd be here. that we'd be-" she adds softly, a hand landing lightly on richie's thigh, sending licks of flames up his body. she takes a breath and restarts. "do you know how fucking bad i wanted it to be you?"

and just like that, y/n unintentionally provides a luscious mix of words and tricks that fill him with barely enough confidence to let him bet when he knows he should fold.

what's life without a little risk?

he meets her eyes for the first time in a few minutes and hers are large and hopeful as they wait patiently for him to give her something. but he still can't speak without running his mouth, so instead he cups her cheeks. her lips part slowly and he stares in awe at her raw beauty, unable to hold it in longer.

he presses his lips to her quickly and to her it feels like he is trying to prove something. it makes her heart soar as he comes alive against her, pressing as enthusiastically as she is into him. he tastes, as she'd guessed, like nicotine but mostly like a mint and it makes her grin as he pulls back.

"is this okay?" he's asking then, his thumb soothing over her cheek sweetly and giving her the same butterflies she gets when he smiles; the very same butterflies that release when he says anything to her, when he comes to her dorm for a study date with two red bulls in his hand, and when she realized their tattoos beat the same.

"yeah, of course." she whispers against his lips, the feeling of his teasing lightly making her sniffle. she presses their lips together again, this time warmer, more comfortably and his hands move to her hips and tug her closer, her hands winding to his neck as his own hands explore her body, caressing her sides gently. he pulls back and holds her softly.

"your hair smells nice." he says sheepishly, and she grins so widely she thinks she may split in two. her heart flutters as she looks into his eyes, finding nothing but love. "orange creamsicle, huh?" she asks with pink cheeks, and he laughs lightly, nodding his head. "best smell ever, babe."

"you make me happy." she says it onto his lips again, and the shiver that runs down his spine is a feeling he wouldn't mind feeling forever. his heart soars because he believes her, he trusts her. she wouldn't lie to him.

"we're so dramatic, aren't we?" richie jokes, his walls sliding back up a bit, but as y/n cuddles into his chest, head against his beating heart as she presses kisses to his neck, he realizes she accepts him.

"yeah, well. we're made for each other, aren't we rich?" she asks gently as his hand falls to brush over her thigh, right over the words. "that's right, toots." he says softly, looking down at her hairline softly, still in disbelief that it worked out for him. she turns to look at him, cheeks dusted a bit as she leans up to press a kiss on his lips.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @simplesammyx @dickology64 @clownsloveyou @baby-yoda-a @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @lets-vibe-bro @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs

#richie tozier x reader #richie tozier has adhd #losers x reader #bill denbrough x reader #stanley uris x reader #mike hanlon x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #ben hanscom x reader #beverly marsh x reader #losers club x reader

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jidai · 3 years

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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

#for mutuals #mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO #this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks #it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess

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smis4 · 3 years

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chaste

CHASTITY FROM ALPHA POINT OF VIEW

I read this more than a year ago on tumblr, and it spoke so strongly to me that I typed it in a WORD document. I think I made a very few changes to wording, but I don't have the original to go by. I don't exactly recall who wrote it, but I think it was TheSilentAlpha on tumblr. Please forgive me if I have not given credit to the correct MAN.

QUESTION: I’m not trying to judge, but I just want to know why all the interest and eagerness to lock up your sub. It is just because like the look, or is it something else?

RESPONSE: Different people probably like it for different reasons, but here’s why I do.

1. Chastity takes away a boy’s ability to use his dick without your permission. To me and lots of other people, a dick is a symbol of authority, and a sub’s dick can symbolize to him the sub’s authority over himself rather than submitting to the authority of his husband. So when you take away his access to his dick, you remove that powerful symbol, and that has some effect (that he probably doesn’t even realized) on him when he’s considering disobeying or not showing you the respect that he knows you deserve. His free dick has the ability to confuse him and to interfere with the kind of relationship that both you and he want. Also, not being able to cum makes the sub very horny. A few days or weeks makes a big difference in his attitude toward you and the relationship. Since he can’t get pleasure from his locked dick, he looks for it in other places—particularly his ass. He wants to touch you and wants your touch everywhere, but expecially there. As you use his hole for sex, he is gradually conditioned to think of it as his primary sex organ. So you have a boy who is hungry for your touch all the time, who trembles with pleasure at your slightest touch and gets a new-found pleasure from his “new” sex organ.

2. Chastity improves sex for the boy. Not only is he more sensitive, but without being able to cum, he will always enjoy sex. That may not make sense until I explain it. You know how it is with a bottom. If you’re fucking him and he cums first, game’s over. As a Top, you usually have to stop because he complains (since he’s finished), and sex is ruined for you. That problem goes away when he’s in chastity. Your boy is always horny, eager and ready. That makes sex appealing for him 24/7, 365 days a year, except for the times when he’s “recovering” from an orgasm that YOU allowed him to have. You’ll see his eagerness when you initiate sex, and he will initiate it more often—IF you’re controlling him. You’ll see that he’s happier sexier, more willing to obey, more respectful, so many behaviors that tell you that limiting his orgasms makes him enjoy sex and life more. As a result, your sex life will improve greatly.

3. Chastity also never lets your boy forget who he is. He knows he’s a bottom, even a sub, but when he’s at work or with friends or family, he doesn’t think about that. The cage changes that. Happy or sad, horny or not, alone or surrounded by people, he’s always aware of the cage, always aware that he’s under your control in the most personal way possible.

4. 4.Chastity builds healthy frustration and tension, frustration and tension that motivates him and improves his life. Some boys work off that frustration in the gym, improving their bodies. You can use that frustration by enforcing behavior that YOU want but he hasn’t complied with, Example: dieting restrictions you’ve wanted him to follow. If he eats something unauthorized by you, announce extra days in the cage, which means a longer time before he gets to orgasm. Also, he may have issues that he wants to correct but doesn’t have the discipline over himself to make the change. Maybe he needs to quit smoking. You can help him with that. If you see any evidence that he has been smoking, add a day or a week or whatever you think appropriate. If he needs more exercise, give him a schedule. If he fails to maintain the regularity that you require of him, add days of remaining caged. NOTE: All of this is for your good, but it’s also for his good. It makes him healthier at the same time it improves the relationship.

You may wonder if adding days causes unwanted resentment. Most of the time, the answer is no. I talk to him, I tell him, “You knew what would happen, so didn’t you cause it?” His answers are almost always honest and respectful. He knows I will paddle him if they aren’t, but I think there’s more to it. If he’s been caged for several days, the cage is working on his brain, making him more submissive, so less chance of a negative reaction. Also, he knows I love him and want what’s best for him, for me, and for the relationship. He needs to feel my control.

5. And most importantly, I love chastity because it sets clear roles. When my boy agreed with me that I could lock up his dick, he surrendered to me in a deeper way. I’m the MAN, and he’s the boy. My dick is the only one that can function, so it’s just natural that I fuck and he gets fucked. Also, it gives me a special kick to be fucking him and watching his locked cage and dick bouncing with each thrust, him accepting his role like a wife. It adds a powerful dimension to my control, and I love it. And don’t forget: he needs it too.

I thought that the chastity thing was odd at first, but I’ve lived the positive effects on both him and me. There’s no going back.

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p3ach3snplums · 3 years

Photo

RIGHT WORDS A CARMINTON MIX

Listen ( x )

@stolenlullxbies SEND ♪ FOR A MIX OF OUR MUSES

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu -The Maine

What would you say if you could say Everything you needed to To the one, you needed to? You flash like a setting sun You come around, I come undone Can't find the sound under my tongue When I look at you I lose my voice when I look at you Can't make a noise though I'm trying to Tell you all the right words Waiting on the right words Just another lovesick afternoon Black butterflies and déjà vu Hoping for the right words Waiting for the right words Just yesterday north of LA I couldn't help but think of you Every time I think of you You crash like a rolling wave You come around I lose my brain Can't find the sound under my tongue When I look at you

Al Aire -Morat

No llamé para pedir una canción Pero para hablarle no tengo otra opción Porque ella muy probablemente Está escuchando y yo de frente No me atrevo ni a empezar esta conversación Yo enamorado (Y ella) no lo ha notado Quince minutos de fama por uno a su lado Quiero que ella sepa que me enamoré Que esté escuchándome Y le lleguen por la radio mis besos al aire (al aire) Quiero que antes de que suene otra canción O cambie la estación Ella escuche por la radio mis besos al aire (al aire)

I Must Be Dreaming -The Maine

Tell me that you love me And it'll be alright Are you thinking of me? Just come with me tonight You know I need you Just like you need me Can't stop, won't stop I must be dreaming Can't stop, won't stop I must be dreaming

Right Girl -The Maine

Oh god I did the wrong thing to the right girl My mind was only in it for a minute Had a bad fling with a good girl I was stupid and dumb not giving a The blank stare out the window If I could just sober up I could just admit I did the wrong thing to the right girl It was your world, baby and I just lived in it It was your world, baby and I just lived in it I've never been the best with my mouth Try to stay smart but the dumb comes out Maybe I'm shy, I drive an old car Maybe I'm amazed that I got this far And I got my stand-bys waiting on the line But the hardest part is knowing that it won't be her this time

Walls -All Time Low

Hey there it's good to see you again, It never felt right calling this "just friends". I'm happy, if you're happy, with yourself. Take off your shirt, your shoes, those skinny jeans I bought for you. We're diving in, there's nothing left to lose. I'm gonna break down these walls, (down these walls) I built around myself. I wanna fall so in love (so in love), with you, and no one else, Could ever mean half as much, to me as you do now. Together we'll move on, just don't turn around, Let the walls break down.

Sparks Fly -Taylor Swift

Drop everything now Meet me in the pouring rain Kiss me on the sidewalk Take away the pain 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around 'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

I Know Places -Taylor Swift

You stand with your hand on my waistline It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight I can hear them whisper as we pass by It's a bad sign, bad sign Something happens when everybody finds out See the vultures circling dark clouds Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out It could burn out Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes And guns They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we run Baby, I know places we won't be found And they'll be chasing their tails tryin' to track us down Cause I, I know places we can hide I know places, I know places

Say It First -Sam Smith

Come on baby, say it first I need to hear you, say those words If I'm all that you desire, I promise there'll be fire I need to hear you, say it first Come on baby Do your worst I know you'll take me higher So come on darling If you love me, say it first

Mutual -Shawn Mendes

I want you close to me I want you close, I want you closer But when you're here with me It's hard to tell just what you're after You say, you want all of me today But tomorrow's not the same My feelings never change What do you want from me? What do you want? Uh I need to know If this is mutual Before I go And get way too involved I want you bad Can you reciprocate? No, I don't want to have to leave But half of you's not enough for me

Middle of the Night -The Vamps

So when I call you in the middle of the night And I'm choking on the words 'cause I miss you Baby, don't tell me I'm out of time I got so much of my loving to give youIn the middle of the night In the middle of the night I need you In the middle of the night

Girls Like You- Maroon 5

Spent 24 hours, I need more hours with you You spent the weekend getting even, ooh We spent the late nights making things right between us But now it's all good, babe Roll that back wood, babe And play me close 'Cause girls like you run 'round with guys like me 'Til sun down when I come through I need a girl like you, yeah yeah Girls like you love fun and, yeah, me too What I want when I come through I need a girl like you, yeah yeah

Thunder -Boys Like Girls

I tried to read between the lines I tried to look in your eyes I want a simple explanation For what I'm feeling inside I gotta find a way out Maybe there's a way out Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I said Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors I don't wanna ever love another You'll always be my thunder So bring on the rain And bring on the thunder

With Me -Sum 41

I don't want this moment to ever end Where everything's nothing without you I'd wait here forever just to, to see you smile 'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you Through it all, I've made my mistakes I stumble and fall, but I mean these words I want you to know With everything, I won't let this go These words are my heart and soul I'll hold on to this moment, you know As I bleed my heart out to show And I won't let go

365 -Katy Perry and Zedd

Waking up next to you in the middle of the week Never needed anyone to send me off to sleep And I know I said go slow But I can't hold back no more Got a premonition this ain't gonna be a flingYou make a weekend feel like a year Baby, you got me changing 24/7, I want you here I hope you feel the same thing I want you to be the one that's on my mind On my mind, on my mind I want you to be there on a Monday night Tuesday night, every night Are you gonna be the one that's on my mind? 3-6-5, all the time I want you to be the one to stay And give me the night and day

Subtítulos -Danna Paola & Lasso

No sé si es bueno lo que yo siento Temo asustarte con decírtelo Joder lo que tenemos Y es que a tus labios no los entiendo Cómo quisiera que tu corazón Viniera con subtítulos

#♪Hoping for the right words Waiting for the right words |logan and quinn #♪awesome wow |memes |answered #LOS AMO MUCHO #ESPERO TE GUSTE ESTE PEQUEÑO MIX

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umashankar86 · 4 years

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B.R.E.A.T.H.E. - Dealing With Stress In The Age Of COVID-19

Our world is riddled with fear and anxiety. Finances. Aargh! How will we pay the rent/mortgage or have money to pay for food when we're out of work? We're lonely and miss the times when we could be with our friends and family. If we have kids, we agonize over what kind of impact the lockdown is having on them, and if we'll survive home-schooling and 24/7/365 childcare. And then there's the very real possibility that we or our loved ones might come down with the virus.

When our brain is hijacked by so many strong emotions, it may seem that there is nothing we can do to diminish our fear or anxiety. Yet, there is a way to manage how we feel. To start, just breathe. Not only physically breathe, but use the B.R.EA.T.H.E. technique, as described below.

Breathe

Take three deep breaths, focusing purely on your breath as you inhale (through your nose if you can) on a count of 4, hold for a count of 3, then exhale (through your mouth if you can) on a count of 4. This technique is called a "pattern interrupt." Whenever an anxious thought creeps up, by focusing on your breathing for only a few moments, you will interrupt the pattern of panic or fearful emotions just long enough to calm down your racing mind, and your body's over-active flight/fight response.

Deep breathing relaxes your heartbeat and steadies you so you can get back to constructive thought. You know, the problem-solving variety, as opposed to the "Chicken Little the sky is falling" variety. So, the first step to control anxiety is to take three, slow, deliberate deep breaths whenever the need arises.

Reclaim Your Relationships

Reclaim your relationships with your family, your significant other, your children, and your friends. If you're with your kids at home, see it as a positive even if they're loud and demanding sometimes (OK, always). Appreciate this "forced togetherness" and view it as a unique opportunity to grow close. The internet is full of ideas and resources that can help you cope with being together intensely under one roof.

Also, make the effort to call, text, and set up Zoom gatherings with extended family and friends. You need their support, and they need yours. The connection is more vital now than ever. Be creative. This is not a time to ignore the relationships that matter to you.

Express Your Emotions

Find a safe person, someone you can trust with your emotional life. Finding such a person and interacting with them regularly can be a critical way of easing your anxiety. This can be a counselor, a minister, or a healthcare worker, for example. It's tempting to unload on your BFF, but a professional is better equipped to deal with your fears and anxiety on an ongoing basis.

A good alternative - or adjunct - is to express your emotions in a private journal. Journaling allows you to express your innermost feelings. It's your safe and private place to talk about the stresses you're feeling. Journaling can be cathartic since you're no longer holding your feelings inside. You don't have to be a writer to the journal. You can scribble nonsense on a pad, rage all over your keyboard, and be as ungrammatical as you like. Journaling is a release, not an exercise in either penmanship or prose.

Aim Your Focus

When we're in the midst of a crisis, the tendency is to allow our focus to drift back to the cause of your anxiety again and again. It keeps you up at night. All night. Not good for your health! Besides, rehashing your troubles endlessly only succeeds in making you more anxious, more stressed, more out of control.

Deliberately, purposefully aim your focus. When you find yourself drifting into useless worry or questioning, take charge, and do your best to problem-solve. Be a MacGyver, get intrigued by what you can accomplish with what's at hand, here and now, rather than sweating over what you can't, obsessively.

Transform Your Negative Thoughts

Closely related to aiming your focus is transforming your negative thoughts. Be alert to when your thoughts veer into negative thinking. Reframe them into more positive statements.

So, for example, "I've been laid off, it's horrible, how am I ever going to survive this?" can be reframed to "I've been laid off, OK, I'm not the only person experiencing this. I'm good at what I do, I will bounce back. I've applied for unemployment. That will help."

Above all, be sincere. Don't lie to yourself "Oh, it's all going to be fine," may eventually be true, but if that's not what you believe in the here and now, don't say it. One of my favorite reframes is "We're one day closer to normal." That, for me, has the ring of truth.

Heal Your Body

Pay attention to the physical manifestations of anxiety or stress. Stick with a healthy routine. Don't overeat or over a drink. Don't let the refrigerator or the drinks cabinet be your "go-to" when really you're simply bored. Boredom is much better alleviated with exercise, or reading, or some kind of productive work than with munching your way through the day.

Make sure you are getting enough sleep since good sleep is one of the body's best restorative tools. Given that sleep can be difficult when you're stressed, consider using one of the calming meditations readily available online, usually for free, to help lull you into sleep.

Get rid of your anxious thoughts before you turn the lights out: toss them into an imaginary wastebasket. Follow that up with writing down a list of everything you were grateful for that day, and let those be the thoughts you carry with you into slumber.

Exercise

You love working out at the gym but the gym is closed. You look forward to your weekly game of tennis with your friends-but the gate to tennis courts is locked. Don't make the excuse of not exercising because exercise options are no longer available. Exercise at home-there is multitudinous YouTube exercise videos of all kinds. I've found enough ballet barre videos to keep me going for quite a while! Exercise is not only good for your body, it releases endorphins that help you get into a more positive, calmer, less anxious frame of mind.

Wash your hands, observe social distancing, wear that mask, and B.R.E.A.T.H.E.! Hopefully, we'll all meet together on the flip side of COVID-19, having weathered this challenging time successfully.

How to combat such a situation is beautifully explained here: https://bit.ly/37EZSOZ

#manifestation #Breathe #relationship #emotions #mental health #heal your body #demonstration #showing #exposition #expression #manifestation in covid19 #stress management #mental exercise

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 4 years

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My 119 in 2019 (goal achieved)

I did it! I achieved my goal of #119in2019 and I wanted to take this time to reflect on my cinematic journey over the past 365 days.

Here are the absolute worst films I saw this year in which I hated every second and wanted to die. These are in chronological order rather than rank but honestly I think everyone knows CATS was an unholy abomination that no mortal eyes should be forced to witness.

Green Book

The Prodigy

Ruben Brandt, Collector

The Beach Bum

Little

The Lion King

The Kitchen

Last Christmas

CATS

Here are my favorite/the best films I saw this year. I couldn’t stick to just 10! These ARE ranked, roughly, and usually are a combination of technically astonishing while also being entertaining, engaging, and rich in emotion and complexity. This year it was particularly about standout acting performances and incredible screenplays for me.

Parasite

Rocketman

The Farewell

Booksmart

Little Women

Honey Boy

They Shall Not Grow Old

John Wick 3

Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood

Knives Out

Ready or Not

And here are the movies I thought I was gonna like only ok but actually loved beyond belief. They may not be the BEST, but they were among the most entertaining and endearing that I saw all year - the sleeper hits, if you will. Real salt of the earth stuff that you can happily spend a Saturday night with from Redbox. These are ranked in order of how surprised I was that I loved them this much.

Fighting With My Family

The Peanut Butter Falcon

Teen Spirit

Stan and Ollie

Captive State

Hail Satan?

The Current War Director’s Cut

Shazam!

Hustlers

The Dead Don’t Die

Long Shot

Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Doctor Sleep

Ford v Ferrari

Blinded By The Light

And finally, here is the list of all 119 movies I viewed in theaters along with links to all the reviews I’ve published (I know I’m behind but let’s just say I’m happy to be showing 2019 the door and starting fresh in 2020). Thank you to everyone who read, followed, liked, reblogged, subscribed, or otherwise helped with this journey. I love you all - here’s to #120in2020!

Aquaman - seen 01/01/2019 with Owl Friend

Escape Room - seen 01/03/2019 with Wife

Vice - seen 01/05/2019 with Wife and Owl Friend

Second Act - seen 01/07/2019 with Wife

Bumblebee - seen 01/09/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Pug Girl

The Upside - seen 01/13/2019 with Wife

If Beale Street Could Talk - seen 01/13/2019 with Wife

Glass - seen 01/17/2019 with Wife, Sleepy Gay, Pug Girl, and Owl Friend

They Shall Not Grow Old - seen 01/21/2019 with Owl Friend

Green Book - seen 01/31/2019 solo

The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part - seen 02/09/2019 solo

What Men Want - seen 02/10/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Owl Friend

Miss Bala - seen 02/10/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Owl Friend

Happy Death Day 2U - seen 02/16/2019 with Wife, Pug Girl, Sleepy Gay, and Owl Friend

The Prodigy - seen 02/17/2019 with Wife, Owl Friend, and Sleepy Gay

Isn't It Romantic? - seen 02/17/2019 with Wife, Owl Friend, and Sleepy Gay

Stan and Ollie - seen 02/18/2019 with Owl Friend

Greta - seen 02/28/2019 with Wife

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World - seen 03/03/2019 solo

Captain Marvel - seen 03/07/2019 with Wife, Pug Girl, The Photographer, Sleepy Gay, and Owl Friend

Apollo 11 - seen 03/13/2019 solo

Climax - seen 03/14/2019 with Wife

Five Feet Apart - seen 03/16/2019 with Wife

Captive State - seen 03/17/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Owl Friend

Fighting With My Family - seen 03/17/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Owl Friend

Us - seen 03/21/2019 with Wife and Sleepy Gay

Ruben Brandt, Collector - seen 03/22/2019 with Mom

Gloria Bell - seen 03/24/2019 with Mom, Dad, Aunt, and Uncle

Cruel Intentions - seen 03/30/2019 with Wife

Dumbo - seen 04/01/2019 solo

Pet Sematary - seen 04/04/2019 with Wife

Shazam! - seen 04/07/2019 with Owl Friend and Sleepy Gay

The Best of Enemies - seen o4/09/2019 with Wife

The Beach Bum - seen 04/11/2019 with Wife

Little - seen 04/13/2019 with Wife

Hellboy - seen 04/15/2019 with Sleepy Gay

After - seen 04/20/2019 with Owl Friend

Amazing Grace - seen 04/20/2019

Teen Spirit - seen 04/21/2019 with Wife

Avengers Endgame - seen 04/25/2019 with Wife, Pug Girl, The Photographer, Owl Friend, Sleepy Gay, The Writer, and the AMC Queen

Wild Nights with Emily - seen 04/27/2019 with Wife and Mother-In-Law

The Curse of La Llorona - seen 04/27/2019 with Wife and Wife BFF

The Intruder - seen 05/13/2019 with Wife

Pokemon: Detective Pikachu - seen 05/16/2019 with Wife

Poms - seen 05/18/2019 solo

The Sun is Also a Star - seen 05/18/2019 with Wife

John Wick 3 - seen 05/20/2019 with Pug Girl

Hail Satan? - seen 05/22/2019 with Wife

Brightburn - seen 05/24/2019 with Wife

Booksmart - seen 05/26/2019 with Wife, Pug Girl, The Photographer, Sleepy Gay, Owl Friend, The Reader, and The Lawyer

Long Shot - seen 05/28/2019 with Wife

Rocketetman - seen 05/31/2019 with Pug Girl, Sleepy Gay, and Owl Friend

Ma - seen 06/01/2019 with Wife

Godzilla: King of the Monsters - seen 06/02/2019 with Sleepy Gay

The Secret Life of Pets 2 - seen 06/08/2019 solo

Dark Phoenix - seen 06/09/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Pug Girl

Men in Black International - seen 06/15/2019 with Wife, Mom, and Dad

Aladdin (2019) - seen 06/19/2019 with The Reader

Child's Play (2019) - seen 06/20/2019 with Wife

Toy Story 4 - seen 06/21/2019 with Wife, Sleepy Gay, and Owl Friend

The Dead Don't Die - seen 06/22/2019 with Wife and Sleepy Gay

Shaft (2019) - seen 06/23/2019 solo

Late Night - seen 06/24/2019 with Wife

Annabelle Comes Home - seen 06/27/2019

Yesterday - seen 06/29/2019

Spider-Man: Far From Home - seen 07/02/2019 with Wife, Mom, and Dad

Midsommar - seen 07/04/2019 with Wife and Wedding Planner

Crawl - seen 07/11/2019 with Wife

Stuber - seen 07/14/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Pug Girl

The Art of Self Defense - seen 07/20/2019 with Wife

Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood - seen 07/26/2019 with Wife and Sleepy Gay

The Lion King (2019) - seen 07/31/2019 with Pug Girl

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw - seen 08/04/2019 with Sleepy Gay

The Farewell - seen 08/04/2019 with Wife

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark - seen 08/08/2019 with Wife

The Kitchen - seen 08/12/2019 with Owl Friend

Them That Follow - seen 08/13/2019 with Wife

Blinded by the Light - seen 08/16/2019 with Wife

Good Boys - seen 08/17/2019 with Wife

Ready or Not - seen 08/21/2019 with Wife

47 Meters Down: Uncaged - seen 08/31/2019 with The Scribe

IT Chapter Two - seen 09/06/2019 with Wife

Brittany Runs a Marathon - seen 09/16/2019 with The Reader

Hustlers - seen 09/18/2019 with Wife, Owl Friend, Sleepy Gay, and The Scribe

Ad Astra - seen 09/23/2019 with Pug Girl

Judy - seen 09/26/2019 with Wife

The Goldfinch - seen 09/28/2019 solo

Dora and the Lost City of Gold - seen 10/01/2019 solo

The Peanut Butter Falcon - seen 10/05/2019 with Wife

Joker - seen 10/10/2019 with The Writer

The Addams Family (2019) - seen 10/13/2019 with Wife

Gemini Man - seen 10/15/2019 with Pug Girl

Zombieland: Double Tap - seen 10/17/2019 with Pug Girl, Owl Friend, and Sleepy Gay

Jexi - seen 10/18/2019 with Wife

Abominable - seen 10/20/2019 solo

Maleficent: Mistress of Evil - seen 10/25/2019 with Mom and Dad

Countdown - seen 10/28/2019 with Wife and Sleepy Gay

Jesus is King - seen 10/29/2019 solo

The Current War Director's Cut - seen 10/29/2019 solo

Parasite - seen 11/01/2019 with Wife

The Lighthouse - seen 11/02/2019 with Wife

Doctor Sleep - seen 11/07/2019 with Wife and Pug Girl

JoJo Rabbit - seen 11/10/2019 solo

Last Christmas - seen 11/11/2019 with Wife

Ford v Ferrari - seen 11/16/2019 solo

The Good Liar - seen 11/16/2019 with Wife

Frozen 2 - seen 11/21/2019 with Wife

Charlie's Angels (2019) - seen 11/24/2019 solo

Knives Out - seen 11/27/2019 with Wife

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood - seen 12/01/2019 with Wife

Dark Waters - seen 12/10/2019 with Sleepy Gay and Owl Friend

Honey Boy - seen 12/11/2019 with Wife

Black Christmas (2019) - seen 12/12/2019 with Wife

Jumanji: The Next Level - seen 12/13/2019 with Wife

21 Bridges - seen 12/14/2019 with Mom and Dad

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - seen 12/19/2019 solo

Bombshell - seen 12/21/2019 with Dad and Uncle

CATS - seen 12/22/2019 with Wife

Uncut Gems - seen 12/24/2019 with Wife and Mom (GOAL ACHIEVED)

Little Women (2019) - seen 12/25/2019 with Wife and Mom

Patreon Exclusive #1 - Mandy - seen 02/18/2019, reviewed for Wes

Patreon Exclusive #2 - Roma - seen 02/22/2019

Patreon Exclusive #3 - The Ballad of Buster Scruggs - seen 06/08/2019, reviewed for Wes

Patreon Exclusive #4 - Sophie's Choice - seen 06/09/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exclusive #5 - Grey Gardens - seen 06/30/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exclusive #6 - Love Story - seen 08/26/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exclusive #7 - Brand on the Brain! - seen 09/30/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exclusive #8 - Cruising - seen 10/20/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exlusive #9 - Enter the Void - seen 11/26/2019, reviewed for Chad

Patreon Exclusive #10 - Annie (1982) - seen 12/5/2019, reviewed for Jess

Patreon Exclusive #11 - The Christmas Shoes - seen 12/20/2019, reviewed for Chad

#119in2019 #movie reviews #film reviews #2019 #best of 2019 #cats 2019 #parasite #fighting with myself

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eldritchsurveys · 5 years

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358.

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? >> Kyocera. (Is that brand even still around...?) What are your 3 favorite internet sites? >> I don’t know. tumblr’s pretty cool. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. >> I only have one pair of blue jeans. They’re... just jeans, I don’t know what to describe. What profession do you respect? >> I can’t think of a profession I don’t respect for some reason or another. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? >> No.

Have you ever ate something you’ve dropped on the floor, if so what? >> Probably, but it’s not something I generally do (especially nowadays). Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? >> I can’t even drive, dude. How do you know when you’re in love, what’s the main sign? >> I remember when the situation with Wednesday resolved, and for like a week afterwards I would randomly remember that he existed and would feel pretty happy about it for a few minutes. And I literally was like, “omg, is this what people are talking about when they talk about being ‘in love’???” at Can Calah lmao. The moral of that story is that I have no idea what being “in love” means and I often labour under the suspicion that people are just exaggerating or something. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? >> Yeah, I’ve had everything from t-shirts to towels to a copy of Watchmen autographed (the person who autographed the copy of Watchmen was in no way related to that book, I just had no other paper products on me lmao), by various musicians. I don’t have any of those autographs anymore, because I ceased to find them valuable in any way. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? >> I prefer Target. What do you long for? >> I’m good with language but not good enough to put this into words. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? >> No. What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? >> Me, personally? Not put so much energy into “self-improvement” that I completely lose sight of what I actually want out of life and what kind of person I actually want to be. Everyone’s got a million opinions about how other people should live their lives, but frankly, none of them are living mine, so. Maybe I’m happy the way I am. Maybe self-improvement is a thing that happens organically and I don’t need to be constantly “working at it” like it’s a fucking race or something. Everything’s self-change, bitch, let’s eat some fruit. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? >> Having a brain that sometimes finds it difficult to focus on things for various reasons. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? >> I think it really doesn’t even matter anymore. Things will go the way they’ll go and I don’t need to be involved. What tragic love story do you relate to? >> I’m still looking for one. Has your intuition or “gut” served you well? >> More or less, I guess. What’s the longest you’ve ever waited in line for something and what was it? >> I don’t remember. Who is your favorite model? >> --- What have you done that is out of character for you? >> LOL nothing is out of character for me. I’m not that kind of character. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? >> Either is fine, but I’d rather someone get me a gift card than something I’m not going to have any use for. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? >> What. How do you handle a betrayal? >> I don’t even know what a betrayal feels like. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? >> Nothing. What’s the biggest blooper you’ve never lived down? >> --- If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? >> I wouldn’t want to own a restaurant. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? >> I don’t use the closet. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? >> --- What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can’t? >> Continued to live my life the way I do. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? >> No. Do you believe in karma? >> No. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? >> I’m honestly not all that concerned about either. Do you believe in the term “Mother knows best?” >> It doesn’t apply to me or my life experience at all, so. Who is your favorite movie action hero? >> *shrug* What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can’t get elsewhere? >> --- How important are looks in someone you’re in a relationship with? >> Important enough, I guess. I don’t think I’d have a good relationship with someone if I can’t even stand to look at them. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? >> *shrug* ???? What are you most thankful for? >> The internet. LOL Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? >> No. What was the last book you read? >> The last book I finished is Factfulness. What’s your favorite online store? >> I don’t have one. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? >> I’ve entertained the idea of being a stage tech or something like that, but that’s an extremely impractical and stressful kind of life for someone like me for several reasons. If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? >> I wouldn’t. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? >> I don’t believe in the concept of common sense in the first place. I think people learn stuff and it becomes so practical and useful in their life that they assume that everyone else knows and applies that same knowledge, but that’s not necessarily true. What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink? >> Jasmine green tea, apparently, considering how much of it I could drink in a day if left to my own devices. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? >> I like the idea of them, but in reality I find them too disorganised and overwhelming for my needs. What do you like to put gravy on? >> Biscuits and gravy is the only gravy-related thing I like. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? >> No. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? >> When I think about how much I’ve gone through and how it could have made me worse off, but none of it did. I really do feel as though I am stronger for my trials, so that kind of rhetoric definitely applies to me. What is priceless to you? >> Nothing, I guess. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? >> Video games, oftentimes. What is one thing you know about your family history you’re proud of? >> --- What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? >> --- What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done for someone? >> I consider some of the leeway I’ve given to people in relationships to be crazy as fuck. Like, people have done and said some flagrant shit to me and I just fucking let them, lmao. And I’m not just talking about in the distant past, I mean just as recently as last fucking year. What kind of madness is that? I hope I’ve learned my lesson, at least. Do you keep a budget? >> Not a formal one, no. I don’t have many issues with keeping a vague mental record of how much money I’m spending and how much I can afford to spend. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? >> I don’t want to cast spells on people. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? >> A good sleep, I guess. What is the funniest joke you have ever heard about? >> --- Who depends on you the most? >> I guess Sparrow depends on me for certain specific things, like my memory lmao. But nothing too big. Could you ever be someone’s bodyguard? >> I doubt it. Has one of your biggest fears come true? >> No. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don’t understand? >> --- Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? >> --- Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? >> No. If so, what were two things you wanted? >> --- Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? >> Yep. What I like about the subway is how extensive it is, and the fact that it runs 24/7/365 (although *insert 50 salty memes about MTA service delays and interruptions here*). I miss it a lot, despite its many not-so-awesome features. What song on your playlist gets played the most? >> --- Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? >> Sure. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? >> --- Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? >> Yeah, doing or feeling or experiencing something myself is the easiest and most reliable way for me to fully grok it. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? >> --- Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue… >> --- What embarrasses you instantly? >> --- Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? >> No, because 1) I really don’t want to be one, so jot that down, Do you often read your horoscope? >> No. What current event are you tired of hearing about? >> Literally all of them, to be honest. Not necessarily because people are being obnoxious about them or anything, but just because I don’t care nearly as much as the average person does. Are you a daredevil? >> No. What common pitfalls do you find yourself dealing with in your work life? >> --- Describe your “poker face”. >> Er. What do you think should be censored? >> Personally, I don’t want anything in my purview censored. But I don’t speak for all of society, and I don’t believe I should, either. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? >> I wouldn’t know even if I was. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? >> Maybe, but I’d rather just never be faced with that decision. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? >> I remind myself that they’re temporary and I do shit that I enjoy. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? >> I don’t believe in this “full potential” nonsense. It usually sounds like code for “how I believe a person should be”, and if that’s what you mean, then at least have the stones to say it. How are you different from most people? >> I’m not different from “most people”. That feeling is just the human brain being a human brain and forgetting how mind-numbingly common most experiences are once you widen your perspective. What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? >> The ability to admit to one’s mistakes and learn from them. Because you’re going to make them. A lot of them. Doesn’t matter who you are or how many books or mommy blogs you read or how many other children you’ve had or what you think you know, you’re going to make. a lot. of mistakes. And if you can’t get used to that and do your best to learn from them without punishing yourself or placing blame or getting obsessed, then you’re going to do a lot more damage than good. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? >> Humans. How do you feel about GMOs? >> I think the whole process is interesting, and I think there are clear benefits to genetic modification, and I think there are clear detriments to genetic modification, and that’s just how it goes. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? >> Yeah. Because I was on stimulants. Who is a female role model in your life? >> --- What childhood dreams have you neglected? >> --- How often do you reevaluate your life? >> Eh, not often. It doesn’t require a whole lot of scrutiny, to be honest. What’s your favorite place just to hang out? >> My room, lol. What gives you a zest for life? >> Lemons. *rimshot* What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? >> Hmm. I don’t know, man, I think I’m pretty good at visualisation. What three things do you think of most of each day? >> I don’t know. Would you travel to space if possible? >> I sure would love to... Name a famous person you wouldn’t mind for a business partner. >> No.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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paraclete0407 · 3 years

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BlackPink the KJI turn of K-wave, literally walk away. I don’t like to reprise my condescending voice from the past with phrases like ‘complete retard’ and ‘s-s---k Tory-toff’ but there were some brain-damaged individuals on 4chan KPG who really loved Rose from BP - three times love, tragically like... I was at Boy Scout camp at 13 learning to sail a ‘Sunfish,’ Camp Wakpominee, this kid couldn’t stop singing ‘You are my sunshine.’ Cram-school kids singing commercial jingles(?!). One of the best or the most ‘enriching’ of experiences in my life was learning Latin and sacred music in high school after an MS career of patronizing pedo empowerment-palaver but still it might’ve been better just to hang in with the United Methodist Church despite allowing women to teach and being clannish and political and [I don’t want to say] - it’s not really that but the desire for intellectual independence

I had a speech-impediment till HS and learned to pronounce things through singing; have come to think much of SLP (speech language pathology) was a predatory or dummy industry though I don’t really know - dept. of how do you utter real / authentic words to a fake face. Campaign to destroy authenticity / ‘let us now lay burdens on our children we are unwilling to share’ although it could be JFK RFK MLK assassinations, 1970s ennui / malaise, Carter telling everyone ‘you’re bad and sad’ but having no real plan, urgency, intensity, passion and sundry knife-fights had inflicted clinical depression on the Boomers first of all

I tried to make sense of ‘crucify with spiritual weapons’ but came back now to what’s the worst thing that happened to me but fretted I would invent something that didn’t happen or flatter my vanity with ‘career patient war-stories.’ I’ve been hazed again and again and still not ‘washed.’ Maybe the fault was all mine for a superiority complex or maybe for going out. Public school / Democrat or perhaps popular democracy philosophy of 2 wrongs make right, our wrongs make right, the more wrongs the better, ‘Pieta’ Tammy Baldwin.

‘MinjuSchizo’ (me) tried to bypass Rose-tard since xer had a ‘Gay and Melancholy Sound’ + could be a schtick but IDK. Bad people still want good things like Snoop having a diamonds are no longer good. IDK why I have been this student of the pathetic. ‘And it may that in 2221 they’ll say in 2021 Man once again feared his best dept. of Nelson Mandela ‘we fear we are strong.’ ‘Itching ears.’ I don’t like talking poetically about clear and present threats to well-being tho b/c it makes it seem like Broadway. ‘This is a God that is like us’.... am I missing the mark?

‘Converging and coalescing’ - Hayao Miyazaki anime was a mistake, 100% pedophilia; BlackPink, 100% obliteration. The best anime film arguably as Whisper of the Heart b/c it’s about wanting to be an adult but the guy who made it blew hiw own health out permanently (karoshi?), made ultimate animated motion picture, perished on 1st film. Asian adoption also pedophilia, Latin American dictator pedophilia. I’m ot even gonna say b/c Koreans discovered Freudian psychology like Freud’s read of Lear a bit too late and Freudianism makes some people in to demon-children. I’m put in mind if Spider Eaters and The Vagrants where at the end of the CultRev it as, ‘Nope! Red Guards got too mentally ill - time to blow them all away with general infantry.’ I kept telling my parents Maoism just leads back to old-fashioned hierarchy, authority, defined roles. This MO silences a lot of people; in KR saintly leaders got tortured, sat on death-row to make something better. In America they wanna dismantle everything or contract everyone or I really don’t even know.. No honest military police in ‘Waukee just go-getting careerists who joined up for pay. Another former president of the ROK said his mom refused to let him take pay for serving neighbors - my only mistake was asking anything lately..

But I don’t know what will happen one hour from now..

I was only following Yuna Kim and Taeyeon on IG b/c I don’t understand social media then my old friends who never quite included me started tracking me again IDK if it is just AI making them do it; I reduced from 2 to just Taeyeon... IDK if I should say this but her lower legs gave me a feeling, new flowers every day but IDK, I used to think of her as this celebrity whom my scholarly genius could surround but I sincerely wish she’d pull an Elizabeth Taylor or Christina Aguilera; I still remember ‘the Most Beautiful Journey’ though in retrospect; anyway I know guys from all over this world are sending her presents 24-7-365 but I bet she’s more sophisticated than me in retrospect or all celebrity-culture is ‘stupidly simple’ (Daul Kim) and female-fetishization / Goddess-worship really is just mother-fear or Fear of Men or ev1 really was just hoping to avoid Holiness and masculinity. Still listening to that wave-song I am like, ‘I know who you are,’ unlike my literal parents, and nearly ev voice in Milwaukee is just totally fake voice - I do not mean phony or what but just like, there was this Do As Infinity song ‘kimi wa dare, boku wa dare.... no yoru lose yourself’ - Night Falls Over Milwaukee, beyond respecting lies like KJI said ‘I raped and trafficked 11-year-olds to get nukes’ - that is kind of sincere’ I guess but being beyond whether a lie is a lie or not even neway I do still think a lot about ‘In Sunlight and in Shadow’ as ell and wanted to cast either SJH or Cha Yeryun (ultra-underrated) in the Korean version...

I guess ‘not care lie or truth’ alas is part o the condition of ‘fiction’ which puts me back with my cousins and the doll-house, endless make-believe and RPG’s..

My other ‘sacred possession’ in the past was SNSD’s ‘Sonyeo Tokyo’ photobook that I used to make poems for; Seohyun was my favorite when they kicked out and bullied her again and again. For a time I had a little ‘consolation-prize’ gesture I would tell myself which was ‘walking out of dinner party hand-grenade over left shoulder on to middle of munchies table cuz you guys are wife-bought-me-sex-slave-CCP-naked-sushi human trash’ - I also don’t know what they mean + it’s ancient history. The dream was not a dream / the style was not a style / love passed through here a while / and... that picture of the Japanese sea with its particular mercury but at times liquid gold; there are times as Blaise Pascal might put it to say ‘Sea of Japan’ as well as ‘East Sea’

When I taught at [Beauty School] my fav song was BTBAL with its repeated syntax ‘The reason’ like ‘The reason why the wind shines / the flower falls / night surrounds you’ - but that whole self-regard-system might be going out the window dep. on your reading of Isaiah and ‘ladylike’ ~ as back then I wrote giant lists about Seohyun, EA-A / teenagers, stress-management; now everyone’s just stealing my words. At times I feel I see their souls are just dangling them down through their spine with no real [avidity?] but I guess it’s getting better of late(?) ~ I took the escalator at Whole Foods and keep thinking of last ultimate love-rejection and how retard at HS was like ‘Teacher I don’t like your sock’ - Me, ‘IDC’ - but this was poor-in-spirit who probably knew exactly what he needs to know whilst I am like 9-gifted fortunate son and I can’t totally lock in if I believe my sister’s suitcase-nuke prophecy or its a joke-metaphor abt my fanfics and stuff on my drives / that I had a private life

+ also these beautiful disabled or simple people and communism is like leave none behind - like no Uighur to tell what happened or Khmer Rouge killing like 25% of pop, emptying the hospitals, glasses-wearers die, they still think Santa Mao is going to pull the homeless of the street; ‘Humana Vitae’ predicted this all so did GnR’s ‘It’s So Easy’ but guess what about ev1 pleasing you

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thelegacyproject · 3 years

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Daren Denholm

Daren Denholm is known as “The Memory Guy” and is the global face of geniusseries.com – a hugely successful and enterprising online learning platform used by thousands globally to fast-track enhanced use of memory for learning, studying and achieving more in life. 12 years ago, Daren started competing at the World Memory Championships and went on to become the highest ranked competitor in the Southern Hemisphere in all 6 consecutive World Memory Championships from 2006-2011.

My Definition Of Success:

“ I believe it is essential to have a clear idea of what success means as this ultimately directs all of your daily activity and decisions you make. My definition of success has changed over the years, as I’ve reflected more deeply on this:

20 years ago : Knowing your purpose, growing to reach your full potential, sowing seeds that benefit others

10 years ago : Extraordinary success in any area of your life can be determined by the degree and quantity of significant accomplishments you are able to achieve in a limited amount of time that reflect your most important dreams, goals and value.

5 years ago : The progression towards a worthy goal.

Now : The extent and duration of your positive influence AFTER you die.

I Am Driven By :

“A passion to see people’s lives changed and transformed for the better. This has kept me awake at night and given me the inspiration to get out of bed early most mornings since the age of 15, 20 or so years ago.”

The Difference Between Good And Great:

“ The constant, even obsessive amount of time, thought, energy, resources etc invested into the progression of one’s dream. This is not something one switches on and off. It is something that is thought about 24 / 7 / 365. Disciplined time needs to be made to try and NOT think about ones dream. Time to rest enough so one has enough energy and inspiration to continue progressing towards creating hopefully life-changing work that makes a difference. This amount of “obsessive” / all-consuming thought and dedication cannot be achieved without the underlying thread of fun, enjoyment and curiosity. Have a look at this great 4 min video showing insight into the mind of the youngest world chess champion in history, Magnus Carlson.”

A Key Talent:

“Probably my passion and commitment to continual, consistent learning. It is something I have to often try and stop myself doing. If I’m not careful, I can easily spend the whole day reading, reflecting, digging and trying to go deeper with work I am currently engaged in or future products / projects I am working on in conjunction. I allow myself from 8am – 10am each day dedicated purely to learning, thinking, reflecting and planning the day ahead of me. This is my “God time.” I use this time to think about close friends, family and customers as well. I often send people an email during this time when the thought of them is fresh in my mind or if I find something I believe someone specifically would enjoy or benefit from. This is my sacred time which I completely love. I try and only set meetings after this time. The study of circadian neuroscience says that you are at your creative / mental best at 10am each morning. So, this is the time I officially start my working day. I ideally fill it with as much effective “sowing” or execution towards my core goals or objectives. I do very little, if any, planning during this time and work purely on execution. We don’t have a TV at home and my phone is switched off for most of the day which helps me try and stay completely focused on what I want to achieve each day. I try and only check and respond to emails once or twice a day. Because I spend very little time watching TV, on social media etc, I use this time instead to learn and think. Most nights I sneak into my office to do my final learning / reflection for the day and I quickly scribble a summary of my perfect day (tomorrow) on my big whiteboard. This gives my brain something to reflect on while I sleep so when I wake up I am excited and ready to start working on what I have spent the night reflecting on. I always have 1 big learning project on the go.”

My Success Code:

“I use a memory system known as the method of “loci” to store every core goal I am working on at any given time. I never have more than 2 or 3 core goals for each year (as well as 12 week and 4 week stretches) that I want to achieve. I reflect on and think about these goals usually once or twice every day and then think of what specific activities I can execute on that day and week to get closer to realizing these goals. I also break these goals into those specific tasks I believe will have the greatest impact on the realization of these goals and think about these also each morning in my 8am – 10am time. They “grow” and become more vivid and exciting each day which inspires me. It also helps keep me focused when the journey gets lonely or difficult or I experience various set-backs or disappointments. I have a personal “journey of locations” where I reflect on the person I desire to be and what I want my life to look like in the end, the father I desire to be to my 2 sons and daughter, the husband I desire to be to my wife, the friend I desire to be, the attitude I desire to have each day and key life lessons I don’t want to forget. I reflect on this each day but more importantly I try and think of actual tasks I can execute on to become more of what I desire each day. This is an active thing. It is DEFINITELY not just ‘dreaming’ of what I want and expecting it to materialize. The constant thought of what I desire keeps me focused and excited about what I want to work towards but I try and make sure that as many minutes of every day (outside of 8am – 10am) is dedicated purely to executing on all those tasks that can help me realize these dreams that I continually think about.”

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