#depending on how you want to define that

[whump-about-it]

Healing Isn't Linear

@whumpril Day 2: Sweat No Appetite

CW: angst, trauma recovery, trauma from recovery, set backs in recovery, disordered eating, possible eating disorder? (no body dysmorphia), referenced panic attacks, referenced nausea.

The clock on Whumpee's laptop read 8:45 p.m.. They'd been staring at it since 8:41, watching the minutes pass and trying to remember if they had adjusted the time for day light savings. Did their computer do that automatically? When did daylight's savings start anyway? Was it an hour later? Or an hour earlier?

It didn't really matter. The whole mental exercise was only a way for Whumpee to distract themselves from the fact that it was well past time that they should have eaten dinner. As well as the fact that they really should have noticed that earlier.

Whumpee had missed lunch too. And all they'd had for breakfast was half a slice of toast. Whumpee should have been hungry. They should have been starving. But they felt nothing.

It had been the same the day before. And the day before that too. In fact it had been several days since Whumpee had had any sort of appetite to speak of. They'd been able to ignore it up to this point, but the realization that things were getting bad again was beginning to sink in.

It had been a few years since Whumpee had escaped Whumper. The first year after had been rough. Their physical wounds had healed quickly, but the mental recovery was almost worse than anything Whumper had done to them.

When the initial relief of rescue had faded, fear had begun to set in. What if Whumper came back? What if Whumpee couldn't acclimate to the outside world? What if no one believed what had happened to them? The anxiety and desperation had begun to wear on Whumpee in as many physical ways as mental. They couldn't sleep. When they did they had horrible nightmares. Panic attacks were a near daily occurrence and the times between them were so fraught with anxiety that Whumpee could barely leave the house.

Everything came to a head with their appetite. The anxiety is what had started it. Even at their calmest, the tightness in Whumpee's chest was so constricting that they constantly felt on the verge of being out of breathe. Having to actually hold their breathe for any reason such as drinking or chewing felt so suffocating that Whumpee began to avoid such actions as much as possible. Soon enough, the feeling of hunger began to become synonymous with impending panic attacks, and then began to be replaced by them. Before long Whumpee had no appetite to speak of, and could only manage a few bites of food before panic would set in. Even the smell of food began to make Whumpee nauseous from the anxiety of knowing that eating it was going to make them suffer.

Even as their other symptoms began to improve, Whumpee's appetite stubbornly refused to return. They had wasted away to less than they had been when they were with Whumper. A pale, shivering, bag of bones, sinking into corners and shadows anytime food was brought up. Caretaker had had to apply some very tough love, before Whumpee eventually began to improve. Threatening to check them into impatient care if they didn't agree to getting treatment. The whole idea felt too much like being locked up again. So despite giving Caretaker the silent treatment for a month afterwards, Whumpee agreed.

It had been years since that had been an issue. Other problems would resurface occasionally. Insomnia, nightmares, panic attacks. And Caretaker was always quick to check on Whumpee's eating habits when they divulged to them that things were getting harder. But until now, Whumpee's appetite, and diet, had at least remained stabled.

It was thinking about Caretaker that finally compelled Whumpee to close their laptop and stand up. They would notice something was off soon if Whumpee didn't get a handle on the situation. The only reason they hadn't yet was because work was busy for them right now and they hadn't been over to Whumpee's house since before things started up. Their work wasn't slated to die down again anytime soon either, and Whumpee didn't want to give them anything else to worry about. So they made their way to the kitchen and pulled some leftovers out of the fridge.

You're going to be fine.

Whumpee told themselves as they watched their left overs spin lazily around the microwave.

You won't have a panic attack if you eat.

You'll still be able to breathe if you eat.

The microwave beeped its completion and Whumpee took the now steaming food out to set on the counter. They were hit with the warm, delicious smell of noodles and pasta sauce which they basked in for a split second before a wave of nausea washed over them so intense they doubled over.

Oh this isn't good.

Whumpee's chest tightened. Their throat felt like it was closing. The room began to wobble around them and their heart rate spiked.

You have to eat!

Even the thought of it made bile rise in Whumpee's throat. With one last mournful look at their dinner, Whumpee tossed it in the trash where the smell couldn't nauseate them anymore.

Maybe some crackers will do better.

#whump #whumpril2024 #no appetite #whump drabble #whumprilday2 #tw trauma recovery #tw phobia of food #tw disordered eating #tw possible eating disorder #depending on how you want to define that #based on my life

[unopenablebox]

theres a post going around like "if you think slow burn fanfic is unrealistic, just wait till you hear about my real life, where i met someone on a tour and we spent all our time together and cuddled and went out for picnics and talked for hours while staring into each other's eyes and then never said ANYTHING or even HELD HANDS........... for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!!!!" (... "then after a month he sent me a letter saying he'd been in love with me the whole time.")

and like. i'm sorry. two weeks? two weeks is your example of 'an astonishing and ridiculous length of time for two people with an intense emotional connection to spend knowing each other without admitting romantic feelings?' two weeks? two weeks.

#depending on how you want to define your terms i was silently romantically obsessed & doing all that with 🌸 for between 1.5 and 3 YEARS #it would be deeply inappropriate to respond to that person's post with ''get good''. but my god #box opener #i mean my own experience aside i cannot even imagine trying to confess love to someone i'd only known for two weeks #not because i couldnt develop an intense crush in that time. but like. my god. not even REMOTELY enough time to consider your angles #determine whether it's a good idea long- or even short-term #contemplate the rammys #etc. #even if god came to me the moment we met and GUARANTEED the person would return my feelings id still want more than two weeks #just to evaluate #my god. life is varied #normally people complain about things labeled 'slow burn' being inappropriately short in reader time #but this person has introduced the concept of wildly inappropriate slow burn in terms of in-universe time. innovations

[dracolizardlars]

Update on my obsession with counting time signatures for every song ever: GUYS I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING THAT ISN'T IN 4/4 OR 3/4!!! (or any of their derivatives like 8/4, 6/8, 12/8...) Supreme Ascendancy by King Gizzard is 100% definitely, very clearly in 5/4 time! Hell yeah! I was thinking I'm just so bad at counting beats that I was somehow making everything into 4- or 3-based beats in my head even when they weren't but this proves I'm not completely a broken machine LMAO

(literally my entertainment while walking the dog now is to put all the music on my phone on shuffle and try to figure out the time signature for everything that comes up. today it also gave me an extremely fast-tempo Cardiacs song that I knew I had no chance with counting properly lmao, main beat is something like 12/16 but knowing Cardiacs there's probably all kinds of shit going on)

#draco speaks #supreme ascendancy is textbook 5/4 and it's great #will bleed amen by Cardiacs on the other hand... depending on how you want to define a bar I think there might be up to 20 beats in it #maybe 24 actually??? which is where i got 12 from cus it's kind of the same #who fucking knows

[ginalinettiofficial]

played the game ok boomer at my family party today, ended up explaining to a room of ~20 of my relatives what fanfiction is so they could understand the question, “in fanfiction, what does AU stand for?”. and then the card’s definition of “AU” was wrong so i also had to get into the concept of “canon”.

can u believe. in front of my whole family. a room full of people, aged 3 to 80. all staring at me intently as i explain the difference between an alternate universe and canon divergence. at one point my mom was like “daina i think we get it” and a cousin and two aunts were like “wait no we’re interested please continue” and i had to say to my own mother in front of god and my i am kenough sweatshirt “sorry but unlike you the rest of them DON’T have to listen to me talk about fanfiction on the regular”. my uncle is a retired judge. my one cousin worked for the federal government in a job that was so classified that for years he literally couldn’t legally tell us about ANYTHING he was working on. and today those men sat and patiently listened to me define “coffee shop AU”.

also, not one, not two, but THREE of the answers for the young folks, i knew solely because they were either plot points on stranger things or they were things i found out whilst reading stranger things fanfics. and then i was the only person in our age bracket (10 people, ranging from ages 9 to 42) that knew who anne rice was, and had to explain yet again that the reason i had this knowledge was because… fanfic.

it was surreal. also my aunt, aged 68, may or may not begin attempting to read fanfic now because, according to her, “there are so many stories where there are these small side characters and i’d just KILL to hear their backstory or like what was going through their minds during the main action!” i’m very happy for her. today was wild.

#d speaks #the things i knew because of stranger things: who ripped a bats head off on stage. what year the challenger exploded. the ghostbusters theme #in case ur curious the way the game worked is there was a set of questions for people born pre 1980 and a set of questions for people born #post 1980 and you split into the two teams and you take turns reading trivia questions to each other #the questions for the young ppl were things like above - who wrote interview w a vampire #what year did the challenger explode. who are the fab four. true or false elvis had a twin. #the questions for the old people were like: what does BAE stand for. in fanfiction what’s an AU. who won the first american idol. #it was a weird game but very educational #and funny to play with my little cousins because as i said anywhere from 2-4 of them are gen alpha depending on how u define it #so it was very interesting to see what sorts of things have been passed down culturally and what sorts of things stayed solely in their time #it was sort of reminiscent of are you smarter than a fifth grader in some ways #also no one asked but. the teams were: #old team: 4 solid boomers. 3 boomer/gen x cuspers. 3 gen x’ers. #young team: 2 xennial cusps. 2 millennials. 1 zillennial cusp. 1 zoomer. 2 zalpha cusp. 2 gen alphas #and then also our 3 year old cousin who technically is gen alpha but he was more moral support than anything you understand #though at one point he DID declare that he wanted to play - picked up a card and ‘read’: #‘santa comes he eats the milk and cookies. poop goes in the potty’ in the EXACT cadence of someone asking a trivia question lmfao #love that kid. he also told me a few knock knock jokes #mainly they were like. knock knock. who’s there. candy cane. candy cane who. candy cane on your head!!!!!!!! #a true comedic genius that boy

[musical-chick-13]

Can somebody please explain to me what the appeal of vampires is.

#I'm genuinely curious #people seem to go absolutely feral over this concept and I want to KNOW I want to UNDERSTAND #and there are some really excellent vampire aus that I love and I want to love them MORE because I want to GET IT™ #because all I see are like...societally conventionally attractive people with fangs. who maybe (depending on The Lore™) #can't go out in the sun. and that just...doesn't resonate with me? #like I understand metaphors for 'othering' and the concept of monstrosity but I feel like that gets a little lost if there isn't anything #actually UNPALATABLE about them. like if they just look like what we culturally have idealized in human appearance then how can #they serve as a metaphor for ostracization or being misunderstood? #is it primarily an aesthetic thing? is it a *danger is sexy* thing? #but ordinary humans can be plenty dangerous too (see: 90% of the female characters I'm obsessed with) #so is it in the sense of you can vicariously experience that danger and heightened emotion in a situation that's removed from reality #so it feels less overwhelming when you're watching/reading the piece of fiction??? #like I have seen this used effectively as a metaphor for marginalization (undead murder farce) and an exploration of how society #defines a 'monster' (shiki) but that doesn't seem to be the way most people or works engage with this concept #is it just that people like when characters are covered in blood because I DO understand that one lmao #I just feel like vampires have been branded as a Key Aspect of Bisexual/Gay Culture and I feel like I am on a separate plane of existence #because It Is Not Clicking For Me #(tbh I feel like there are a lot of Quintessential Queer Experiences™ that don't apply to me but. that's a whole separate thing.) #ANYWAY would love to hear people's thoughts! #I am cooking up a Meta Post™ about fandom reaction to the concept of monstrosity and I want to gather as much information as possible

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

I think not using canon movesets, but still using moves the Pokémon can theoretically learn, is 100% valid. One reason I liked that in pla you can rotate your move pool at any given time (except for in battle) is because your Pokémon learned the move, they should still know how to use that move, you know? Maybe it could be explained as there being modern battle culture norms that limit a person to using only 4 moves per battle or something, to make things more fair or to make competitive scenes more challenging by locking trainers into a single moveset, but theoretically they should just be able to use whatever they've been taught

YES the ease of switching out in pla is also why i feel it is mostly defensible as a choice for narrative. like. the -eons can learn these moves, they just happen to not be using them in battle against you the player in-game. it's legal. you'll never catch me

the question of "why only 4 moves per pokemon and why can't you rotate them in modern games" IS REALLY INTERESTING THOUGH. moves almost feel like more of a contrivance inworld, like, they're just the names people give to these certain applications of a pokemon's power. they're more like certain techniques or strategies, i guess? and maybe the list of usable moves is more a representation of, like, how many of these techniques the pokemon can hold in their head at once. (maybe that's why early pla battles only have 3 moves per pokemon lol: the pokemon aren't the stopgap but the trainers are, they can't remember more than 3 at once very well.) it does seem like limiting yourselves to a small number of all the strategies you know per battle would make it easier to plan and adapt on the fly, since you're choosing from a much smaller pool of available options. 4 just happens to be the generally agreed-upon number.

but then you've got the move reminders who's sort of a wrench in this idea? maybe they're more of a gameplay shortcut themselves, cutting out the process of yourself reminding/remembering all these moves. but then re: modern games and move reminding/moveset limitations: scarvi uses PLA's system! you can just switch them out all willy nilly! i wonder if that's explained by the fact that you're a student on a student track, so the regulations around remembering are a little softer? or is it a cultural thing, where some regions have deleters/reminders and others don't? or is this just, like i said, a thing that's always existed in universe, but the deleters are a shortcut. maybe the reason the scarvi protag can do it is because they're actually a student in a pokemon school so they learned how to retrain old moves and the other protags didn't lmao

#the nemesis speaks #the nemesis answers #anonymous #pla analysis #AUGH NOW YOU'VE GOT ME THINKING #i think it's somewhere between ''this is just a contrived strategy name'' and ''moves are actually physically distinct concepts'' #like. it's a gradient btwn the two. they're defined but they're flexible? if that makes sense? #since in the anime battles you CAN use the moves under the same name for a variety of applications. like prehensile vine whip etc #ALSO this opens up in my mind the possibility of trainers and partners coming up with new strategies -> *new moves* #which... really i think ingo and emmet in a couple of my fics have already done. actually. depending on how you want to look at it

[porlovistoeinmasochist]

#arthur harrow #I am amused at how doomed he is; which of course is a must for becoming one of my favorites. He said putting glass in my shoes will balance #my scales; will erase my sin. boy did he miscalculate. I am also amused at how much christian his take on penance looks like.opposed to the #idea of being judged by Maat (here Ammit); the idea that it was not possible to be perfect; just balanced.Instead every way penance #atonement-repentance is interpreted; he won't ever get absolution.penance from paenitentia=repentance as the desire to be forgiven; #which he wants. he knows his hope is futile; but he still desires it. He uses the interpretation of penance; as deeds done out of penitence #focusing more on the external actions; than the repentance=referred as the true interior sorrow for one's hurtful words or actions. #He sees his sin as having enjoyed dealing out pain on khonshus behalf; but repentance implies a purpose of amendment which means the #resolve to avoid such hurtful behavior in the future. And boy does he seriously drop the ball on that one; because he still is murdering #his way through his idea of a salvation; for himself and the world at large; even knowing it will end in mass murder. Could he feel #contrition= remorseful or regret as defined as deepest and firmest sorrow for one's wrongdoings. For example after killing the elderly #lady in the alps; he didn't seem to enjoy that killing; but I don't think he regrets it. And goodness do his problems with his take on #penance keep piling up; because it takes two to tango in this guilt and absolution game; a sinner and a god and he is screwed with #any of his gods be it khonshu or ammit. ‘God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance’= goodness of God leads to repentance; #but God’s goodness does not erase his wrath. his gods have wrath to spare; most of all selfishness; pettiness in spades. If his #penance is dependent on the kindness of god we know he is out of luck. Even taking an approach to penances as epitemia which #are given with a therapeutic intent so they are opposite to the sin committed; he is again out of luck. He can't do epitemia in the true #sense of it=which is doing the opposite of his sin. He would need to give up his life for the ones he took.I still believe that he; #as a true ex-avatar of khonshu; is constantly suicidal. So maybe his endgame secretly was that his death should serve as the #last penance. But true epitemia; that is neither a punishment; nor merely a pious action; is specifically aimed at healing the spiritual #ailment that has been confessed; that will be forever out of his reach. Specially because he really has a gift for choosing the gods #he sells himself into slavery for. If it is believed that penance while a duty is first of all a gift from a god=‘no man can do any penance #worthy of God's consideration without his first giving the grace to do so'; it is in this where he again is screwed because he started #the assignment without knowing what it really was. This self imposed penance was without the ‘permission’/order from his #chosen deity; which leaves the god/dess in charge to reject the penance and to happily apply and bend their own rules for what #should constitute his penance=again a servitude without a hope of freedom. Becoming himself a walking reminder to everyone and #mostly to himself that gods are as abusing corrupt and selfish as the evil he wanted to erase and they don’t want penance or #balanced scales. They want tools to do their work = he is screwed because if khonshu doesnt let go of A+ slave material;Ammit isn’t #interested in his atonement or his unbalanced scales for what she sees is his future; she sees a useful servant #and its as easy as this I can reach tag limit in rambling on my favorite subjects guilt imperfect deities and doomed characters

[britneyshakespeare]

What do you consider to be "middle class"?

I don't know why I'm waking up to this ask on Christmas morning

#anon #dianswered #anon. which of my posts did you read that prompted you to think #that it mattered how i (diana britneyshakespeare) define a middle class? #to be as broad as possible. ill go with the historical definition as between begging peasantry and nobility #i can only think ive talked about myself in relation to when ive talked about an american 'middle class' on here #ive been very deliberate in not defining the american middle class bc tbh the 'middle' of a standard of living #depends where you are and in what time period. #if you want me to give an income- or asset-based concrete answer to this i dont have one. #merry christmas if you celebrate. i hope this did not come off as snarky #but i really was befuddled by this ask out of the blue lol #hope my answer is still somewhat satisfying to you... or whatever you wanted it to be

[badnewbie]

do you think fucking Batman would fix Joker? or make him even worse somehow?

#batman stuff #portrait of me provided by @artist-l-e back in 2018 #bet ya didn't think i had held on to this huh #anyway this is not meant to be a flippant response! i got caught up in trying to define 'fixing' #real answer: it depends on how you define what a fix would be #if you want joker to start holding different opinions about the world this would not fix him. if anything he'd be validated #if we're looking for practical output in terms of decreasing homicides i'd say it depends on if joker would regard it as a disruption #of the status quo or a continuation of it #i'd say joker is above all invested in keeping the status quo. what he does is not a mean to an end to get batman's attention #it's exactly how he wants to live his life. it's a conscious choice that he makes over and over #the dance with batman IS the meaning that he's given to his life #fucking could be part of the dance. it could also mean an end to it. i'd say it also really depends on what bruce's intention behind it is #personally i'd say no matter how they eventually get there there is no other end to their relationship than death #and then i got caught up in my personal opinion which resulted in the above comic: to me there's nothing to fix #i can't really regard him in terms of fixability because as is he serves the role in the narrative that i want him to play #the appeal of the joker is that he's an evil gay murderclown who is above all else happy #how could you fix a man who enjoys life this much?

[kinnbig]

controversial since i write chanbig fics however i get why you ship big with anyone but chan, it makes sense, you spare yourself from so many eye rolls

dhjdfjsdfj YEAH...

#also honestly it depends how you define 'ship' cause like #i don't *ship* kinnbig in the sense that i want them to get together and live happily ever after #i ship kinnbig in the sense that i think their fucked-up dynamic is fun #i think their vibe of unrequited love and duty and power is interesting #and i also think the idea that they fucked in the past makes it EVEN MORE fun #and kenbig like i don't think they are soft and in love and cute #i think big is in love with kinn but he's fucking his friend anyway mostly just to feel something #but bonus points if *ken* is in love with *big* he'd just never tell him #anyway yes djdkfdhj that's the vibe that i'm missing from chanbig tbh #spremereilimoni #ask #darcey.txt

[earl-grey-love]

Its kinda funny your journeys total opposite, i figured out my sexuallty at 15 but took soo long with gender and youre vice versa! Ive only seen genderfluid "shift" between man woman and nonbinary but mines more woman and nothing?? Wack. Hows your gender since its bi? Is it both at same time or do you shift sometimes?

Right? My sexuality discovery was thrown off by a few factors tho. Being ace was the biggest cus I had no frame of reference for attraction outside of sxual (which I didn't experience), then I found nobody interesting enough to date & I had f/os already to fill my desire for romantic love. Then when I did fall in love for the first time I thought I was a lesbian & that's why I wasn't interested in boys.

But then my partner came out as a transgender man a week into our relationship. Which I was 100% accepting of and supported him wholly, but it did confuse me a bit in the sexuality department. But my partner after that was agender, and the one after came out to me as a transgender woman too. So after all that accidental t4t I realised I am panromantic and demipansexual. Gender just doesn't matter to me when it comes to who I fall for. Whoever fits, just fits and I love them for who they are.

As for my gender though I primarily identify with being masc. I see myself more as a guy than I do a girl, but I am definitely both. Which one I vibe with more does shift around, sometimes even in the same day tho it tends to be more consistent over weeks/months. And it's hard to really explain what it feels like because tho I identify with both, I'm also neither because I was never really a woman and never really a man. It's different.

I experience gender envy/dysphoria for both genders. Which one it is depends on which one I currently identify with more. Like when I feel fem, and I see women who look/dresses the way I'd like to, I feel a strong sense of discomfort/inadequacy. But if I feel masc and see that exact same woman I just think she's beautiful. Vice versa for men who are gender envy. This does cause problems in my relationships.

So basically sometimes it's both, sometimes it's more one than the other, and sometimes it's kinda neither. I don't identify with they/them or any neopronouns though. I'm just a blend of masc/fem presentations of self that shifts from one side of the spectrum to the other. But at the same time, I think gender is just made up so I don't even know what masc/fem even is. Its just a vibe and a feeling lol. Ig if I had to sum up my ultimate "thats my gender" vibe then it'd be like a man who loves to present "girly". Yknow like cute clothes + makeup + hair, etc.

That being said tho, not being seen as a woman too fills me with deep discomfort so therefore, I am both. I hope that made sense. I experimented this year with being fully transmasc but after doing that I realise that definitely isn't me. So 🤷‍♂️ I'm a man but also a woman but also not but also both but also neither I am ever changing.

I ask people to call me he/him and she/her interchangeably cus just one isn't good enough, even if I do feel exclusively one at the time. I can just say "hey don't call me he/him today" if I don't feel that way and my friends/husband respect it.

#theres all types of fluid gender though #experiment and explore yourself #its all vibes at the end of the day #it depends how rigidly you want to define gender #and it can change #all that matters is that you are happy with your self experience/expression #levi answers #hyperfixatinglove

[sera-wasnever]

People who latch onto ai as a buzzword thing to hate are both a) buying into the marketing of everything called 'ai' being the same magic artificial intelligence technology and b) entirely limiting their idea of what it is to how it personally affects/might affect them. You will not stick it to the exploitation of artists by loudly condemning like... Sci-fi that explores the concept of artificial nonhuman sentience just cause they refer to it as artificial intelligence.

#yes I have seen many people with this take #so strictly confined to how something affects you and your community specifically!! #as if artists are the only people to have their jobs taken by machines. #as if it was fine when it happened to farmworkers to calculators to typists to weavers to swordsmiths to... you get the idea #as if dependence on your training being the most efficient way for a profit seeking entity to make what they want to sell is sustainable #or even fucking DESIRED for the state of the artform or whatever #this economic system and art are inherently incompatable #programs marketed as ai are not the cause and blindly rallying against whatever ai means to you isn't the answer #in fact it'd probably hurt you if you succeeded in either banning the tech (ppl would lie abt using it cause u can't make ppl unknow things #(and it'd be so hard to legally define without being meaningless or also catching tech that could like. save lives.) #or if you got perfectly enforced more stringent copyright (just. look at what happened to the music world. it's a hellscape) #(non-huge music artists only avoid getting sued for every musical idea by not making enough money to be worth going after) #(and huge ones stick with what has been done enough times that no one could even claim to own it or give nonsense songwriting creds) #anyway. just an understandable but short-sighted and self-centred reactionary worldview exemplified by getting mad at 'robots good?' scifi #I have seen so many instances (irl) of people on principle refusing to learn anything new abt the scary thing #when it's my friend talking about like. building certain navigation systems. cause it's called ai. #ghost.personal #<= cause this is pure frustrated rant not My Thinkpiece

[thriftdyke]

it really does bother me how no one can seem to answer the question “what even is romantic attraction, really.” like some people are like “it’s who you wanna kiss and cuddle <3” and I’m like ok well kisses and cuddles can be either sexual or platonic depending on context. “It’s who you feel passion/desire/arousal for” well that just sounds like sexual attraction which you can have without even knowing somebody so I fail to see how that’s romantic. “It’s who you want to go on dates with” I go on dates with friends all the time plus “date” is a social construct anyway there’s really no innate difference between a date and hanging out. “it’s who you have deep feelings for” great news for you that can be literally any type of relationship. my friend told me she defined it as “who you wanna give roses to” and I’m like do u hear urself??? like the more I talk to people the more I���m convinced romance and romantic attraction is an elaborate socially fabricated illusion that has no real defining characteristics. and like there’s nothing Wrong with it being a constuct but why people are so attached to defending the supremacy of it is something I cannot for the life of me figure out

#like reading this u might be like ‘sounds like ur just aromantic sis’ but I’m like. listen. #ur missing my point. which is that I literally think romance Does Not Exist #at least not in this bioessentialist way people like to pretend it does #the desire for companionship and the desire for sex are biological drives. everything else is a social construct #which doesn’t mean its bad! or not valid! or anything like that! #but I’m just genuinely do not understand Why we are so bent on treating it like gospel

[mieltelecheycrema]

got this itching to create what is not fucking tangible pleaseeee i cant keep knitting forever im tired

#soni2 #though ig depending on how you want to define it writing and drawing are tangible technically just not in the same way ? digitally it isnt #but physically there is the indentation on the paper or wtever #basically i have a dreadful hankering to write #maybe make some music or smth AUGHHH LET ME OUTTTTTT #anyways yeah i wanna hang out w/ friends i feel all antsy in here

[midnightarcheress]

cowgirl

a little bar challenge characters: simon 'ghost' riley, john 'soap' mactavish, kyle 'gaz' garrick, john price cw: nsfw, fem!reader, tf141 lusting for their teammate, idk there's nothing much

"i'm not going on that!" you exclaimed, crossing your arms at the man in front of you.

the buzzing of a bar after a successful mission was a familiar sound for the task force. the glasses clinking, the chatter of old and new friends, the horrible background music, and the abhorrent pick-up lines would, weirdly enough, calm your nerves after days covered in heavy gear and harboring pent-up stress. or maybe the source of your mind's serenity was just the alcohol already flowing on your bloodstream, courtesy of the three tequila shots you were - willingly - forced into drinking.

"come on, bonnie, it will be fun!" Soap said, pointing at the sign propped above the mechanical bull, "besides, ye can win the hat for us."

you scoffed, glancing at the direction the scot referred, right after seeing another contender fall to the bouncy mat under the bull, followed by a string of boo's from the watchful horde. bold red lettering stated 'break the bar's record and win a cowboy hat!', tempting drunk custumers into fooling themselves for a measly prize.

"i bet she's scared," Gaz prompted, adding fuel to Johnny's pleas, "don't wanna be mocked by the crowd."

you rolled your eyes in response, "i'm not scared, Gaz, i just don't see what all the fuss is about. why don't you do it?"

"nuh-uh, don't turn this on me, missy. you're the one being challenged here," he retorted, earning a soundful hum from Soap, "tell you this, if you manage to stay there for a full minute, i'll pay you a twenty. don't even have to stand the whole three minutes of the record."

Ghost and Price stayed quiet during the whole exchange, unimpressed by the trio's shenanigans. they had endured too many drinking competitions, bets, dares, arguments and blatantly stupid ideas coming from the youngsters of the squad over the years, so nothing fazed the two superiors. underneath their apathy, however, lied a real sense of entertainment, illustrated by discreet smirks after particularly dumb comments - usually dropped by Soap's mouth.

"make it a fifty and we have a deal." you smirked, sipping from your beer pint. if you were gonna humiliate yourself in public, it better be for real cash.

"fifty if you break the record, how does that sound?"

after a second of pondering and a few too many glances at the machine's movements, studying it meticulously to engrave how to properly react when the controller jolts the apparatus from side to side, you uttered a hesitant yes, winning a cheerful chant from your friends and some whistles from the audience. 

you stepped on the mat and quickly hopped on the mechanical bull, adjusting your legs around the fake saddle. it shouldn't be that hard, right? the initial movements were easy - just holding on the chord and letting the laws of motion do the work. you didn't want to admit, but it was actually pretty fun.

eventually, the controller decided he was being too gentle and started picking up the pace, making your body rock back and forth on bull, decision that knocked the air out of your lungs for a split second, before you composed yourself and tightened your grip on the handles like your life depended on it. the crowd shouted gleefully, encouraging you to push through, despite a few snarky comments preying on your fall, just the expected.

what you didn't expect - and neither realized - was the way your teammates were reacting.

Gaz stood there with his jaw almost reaching the floor, being impressed not only by your sturdy grip, but mostly by the way your back arched when the machine tilted forward, defining your muscles through the skin-tight fabric of your shirt. even if you didn't endure the whole minute from the initial bet, he was willing to give you his entire wallet, just to watch you ride it again, and definitely not to imagine you bouncing on his lap for a little longer.

Soap, who has always been aware of your beauty, suddenly had to sit down after feeling his pants tighten at the sight of your plump ass jiggling due the repeated impacts on the bull's back, in desperate attempts to grind yourself. in addition, the tiniest bit of your lacy underwear peeking out of the dark jeans that hugged your hips flawlessly wasn't helping with his situation.

the daring smile that painted your lips, juxtaposing the concentrated frown of your eyes as you tried your best to not fall during an exceptionally wild movement, only supplied Ghost's cock with an overflow of blood, twitching at the view of your plush thighs clenching around the bucking machine whenever it defied your determination by leaning too much on the sides, shaking to make you collapse on the mat.

Price, however, acted as gentleman the whole time, just admiring your ability and strength to stay clutched to the unpredictable machinery. that, of course, was only until he got a view of your perfectly round tits, taunting the edges of your low-cut top and threatening to spill out at any given minute, ready to give him a real show. the adrenaline-filled flush that gave your cheeks an innocent pink hue, felt very similar to the sudden rush on his shaft that made your captain almost choke on his scotch.

three minutes and forty-seven seconds.

"that was so much fun!" your giggly shout and stumbling figure getting closer to the group was enough to snap the men out of their trance. they quickly took notice of your wide grin and the brown cowboy hat placed on your head, followed by the loud screaming of the public that just witnessed the bar's record being broken. 

"come on, pay up, Gaz." you said, sticking your palm to receive your well deserved money in a contained victory dance.

the four men glanced at each other, gathering the courage to speak up after your little performance that had them weak on the knees for a colleague. 

"didn't think you had it in ye, bonnie." Soap stated as Gaz reached for the wallet in his back pocket, almost considering giving you a fat tip for the spectacle. the sergeants were certainly doing a poor job in hiding the blush on their cheeks and small beads of sweat on their foreheads, consequence of trying to ignore the tent formed on their trousers.

your superiors, on the contrary, remained quiet and seemingly undisturbed by the previous scene, silently sipping from their glasses but still watching the chatting trio. only now, they wouldn't dare to get up and risk the others - specifically you - noticing their throbbing cocks marking their pants, yearning for the touch of your silky flesh.

after collecting your gains, you rapidly swayed to the bar counter, ordering a new drink with your sweet, sweet money, while the task force members ultimately etched the sight of you riding the mechanical bull in the deepest corner of their brains - saving the images for the great release when you all get back to base.

okay this is my first official thingy i feel so silly. also english is not my first language so...

#cod #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #kyle gaz garrick #john price #tf141 #tf141 x reader #ghost cod #soap cod #gaz cod #fem!reader #cod mw #cod mw2 #oneshot #nyx writes ☾ #midnightarcheress

[beakers-and-telescopes]

OKAY THIS ARTICLE IS SO COOL

I'm going to try to explain this in a comprehensible way, because honestly it's wild to wrap your head around even for me, who has a degree in chemistry. But bear with me.

Okay, so. Solids, right? They are rigid enough to hold their shape, but aside from that they are quite variable. Some solids are hard, others are soft, some are brittle or rubbery or malleable. So what determines these qualities? And what creates the rigid structure that makes a solid a solid? Most people would tell you that it depends on the atoms that make up the solid, and the bonds between those atoms. Rubber is flexible because of the polymers it's made of, steel is strong because of the metallic bonds between its atoms. And this applies to all solids. Or so everybody thought.

A paper published in the journal Nature has discovered that biological materials such as wood, fungi, cotton, hair, and anything else that can respond to the humidity in the environment may be composed of a new class of matter dubbed "hydration solids". That's because the rigidity and solidness of the materials doesn't actually come from the atoms and bonds, but from the water molecules hanging out in between.

So basically, try to imagine a hydration solid as a bunch of balloons taped together to form a giant cube, with the actual balloon part representing the atoms and bonds of the material, and the air filling the balloons as the water in the pores of the solid. What makes this "solid" cube shaped? It's not because of the rubber at all, but the air inside. If you took out all the air from inside the balloons, the structure wouldn't be able to hold its shape.

Ozger Sahin, one of the paper's authors, said

"When we take a walk in the woods, we think of the trees and plants around us as typical solids. This research shows that we should really think of those trees and plants as towers of water holding sugars and proteins in place. It's really water's world."

And the great thing about this discovery (and one of the reasons to support its validity) is that thinking about hydration solids this way makes the math so so so much easier. Before this, if you wanted to calculate how water interacts with organic matter, you would need advanced computer simulations. Now, there are simple equations that you can do in your head. Being able to calculate a material's properties using basic physics principles is a really big deal, because so far we have only been able to do that with gasses (PV=nRT anyone?). Expanding that to a group that encompasses 50-90% of the biological world around us is huge.

#science #stem #science side of tumblr #stemblr #biology #chemistry #scientists #biochemistry #studyblr #physics #nature