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eternityservedcold · 1 year

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lets find out tumblrs collective classpect! (part 1: aspect pairs)

the top 3 pairs will move on to the next poll! (its like this because it maxes out at 10 options)

aspect explanations for people who havent read homestuck/need a refresher under the cut

TIME

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Time are fighters, full stop. Their lives are often marked by struggle, not so much because fate has it in for them, but because they are fundamentally incapable of just accepting things as they come. They value action over passive acceptance, even if that may not be the wisest or safest choice. Don't try to tell a Time-bound to sit still and look pretty. They are very goal-focused, and tend to value the destination over the journey, and you won't find them making that journey in any traditional sort of way. To quote cheesy posters found on many a guidance counselor's wall-"impossible is just a word". If you need a miracle, they are who you call. At their best, the Time-bound are empathetic and relentless problem-solvers. At their worst they are ruthless, defensive, and impulsive."

my keywords: destruction, artificiality, impulsivity

canonical examples: dave strider, aradia and damara megido, caliborn

SPACE

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Space are, as the name suggests, concerned with the big picture. They are patient, masters of the art of 'wait-and-see', and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn't to say that they're pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely, understanding that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before. To this effect, they tend to be innovators, concerned with creation and redemption. Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful. For the Space-bound, the journey is as, if not more, important than the destination; how they do something is as important as what they do. At their best, they are steady, impartial, and creative. At their worst, they can be detached, apathetic, and vague."

my keywords: creation, manipulation, patience

canonical examples: jade harley, kanaya and porrim maryam, calliope

HEART

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Heart are very concerned with their favorite subject: themselves. It wouldn't be a stretch to call them 'self-obsessed', but not necessarily in a negative way. They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are. They are excellent at putting on and taking off masks as the situation calls for them. At their best, they are competent, imaginative, and steady. At their worst they can be overbearing, inflexible, and cold."

my keywords: feelings, the soul, personality

canonical examples: dirk strider, nepeta and meulin leijon

MIND

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Mind are-you guessed it-the universe's great thinkers. But don't for a second think that means that they have all the answers. They are very concerned with remaining rational, and they have such a firm hold on the constant conjunction of their thinking that it's easy for them to see the multitudes of the choices laid out before them, which often leaves them frozen and unable to act. That said, when a Mind-bound finally launches into action, they can execute a plan with unbelievable grace and precision. Their identity is fluid-it can change from day-to-day, from thought-to-thought, from interaction-to-interaction. Remaining logical is more important to them than building up a solid foundation of "self." At their best they are great innovators, architects, and creators. At their worst they can be nasty, inflexible, and indecisive."

my keywords: choices, alternate realities, thought

canonical examples: terezi and latula pyrope

HOPE

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Hope are driven first and foremost by their convictions. They do right for right's sake, and are quick to come to the aid of anyone they deem to be experiencing injustice. That said, their views of the world can be quite black and white, so what they see as the "right" thing may not always be the universally accepted view. They put great value in the power of the imagination, the ability to dream up a better and more beautiful future. If anyone could dream a better world into existence, it would be one of the Hope-bound. They may sound like all sunshine and rainbows, but they aren't adverse to a little destruction, especially if they think they can replace it with something better and more just. At their best, Hope-bound are positive, caring, and warm. At their worst they can be narrow-minded and selfish."

my keywords: optimism, belief, truth

canonical examples: jake english, eridan and cronus ampora

RAGE

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Rage are bringers of chaos. They posses great contempt for lies or false ideas, including the stability that false ideas can impart. To them, the true is far more important than the good; they would tear down a system just to destabilize it if, by their reckoning, it is built on faulty premises. Often the Rage-bound prefer anarchy to any of the alternate forms of civilization, which they believe to be riddled with lies and foolishness and obedient masses. They are bringers of confusion and doubt, and they can be frustratingly difficult to convince otherwise when they have attached themselves to an idea. If they sound dangerous, they are. The Rage-bound tend to be most volatile and unpredictable of the aspects. At their best they are original, revolutionary, and fearless. At their worst they are cruel, uncompromising, and vicious."

my keywords: chaos, defiance, fear

canonical examples: gamzee and kurloz makara

LIGHT

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Light are the universe's knowledge-seekers. They are, above all, driven to learn and understand. They are great alchemists, able to take multiple sources of information and synthesize them into something useful. They are scholars and researchers, absolutely dedicated to knowledge for knowledge's sake. They are the ultimate students, and although that might conjure up the image of people sitting around peacefully waiting for knowledge to be brought to them, that couldn't be further from the truth. The Light-bound will go after knowledge with a fierce intensity that others may find distasteful. They aren't overly concerned with laws or norms, either. They often take rules as simple suggestions, instead searching for loopholes or work-arounds. At their best, the Light-bound are resourceful and driven. At their worst they can be fussy, pedantic, and insensitive."

my keywords: luck, knowledge, perception

canonical examples: rose lalonde, vriska and aranea serket

VOID

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Void are the universe's secret-keepers. The unknown doesn't scare them-where others might see emptiness, they see potential. A blank page, an empty canvas, that's what the Void-bound live for. They value mystery and the unexplained, and are not particularly bothered by not having all the answers. Where others might be compelled to go out and seek answers, the Void-bound lean more toward casting doubt on what is already considered fully understood. They don't take much on faith and would rather live in a state of confusion than believe something that might be untrue or bow to intellectual authority. After all, in order for something new to be built, the old, rotting foundation must often be razed. At their best, Void-bound are wise, intuitive, and vibrant. At their worst they can be dismissive, indecisive, and apathetic."

my keywords: confusion, secrets, infinity

canonical examples: roxy lalonde, equius and horuss zahhak

BREATH

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Breath are, above all, expansive. Flexible and driven, they leave an impact wherever they go. Like the breeze itself, they are able to sweep others up to carry along in their wake, but also like the breeze, they can be difficult to catch hold of or tie down. Although Breath-bound do make very good leaders, breath tends to be a very personal aspect. Often, heroism comes along as an offshoot of them pursuing their own personal stories. They lead by example, and will routinely be surprised that others look up to or feel inspired by them. They have a tendency to underestimate themselves, and not always out of poor self-esteem. They were just doing their own thing. At their best Breath-bound are motivated, adaptable, and forward thinking, but at their worst they can be volatile, avoidant, and gullible."

my keywords: freedom, independence, apathy

canonical examples: john egbert, tavros and rufioh nitram

BLOOD

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Blood draw their strength from bonds, from the trust and camaraderie that blooms among a group of people who all share a single vision. Blood-bound are absolutely leaders, but they inhabit more of an inspirational role than a commanding one. They are prophets, rather than generals, giving others the strength and motivation to keep fighting. The Blood-bound can dispense excellent advice even when their own lives and interpersonal relationships are disasters. They can be very "do as I say, not as I do" types. A Blood-bound can often be found on a sinking ship, forcing an endeavor forward with sheer stubborn force of will. No matter how bad things go, a Blood-bound can always count on friends and allies. At their best, they are charismatic, uplifting, and magnetic. At their worst they can be sullen, unkind, and set-in-their-ways."

my keywords: relationships, stability, attachment

canonical examples: karkat and kankri vantas

LIFE

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Life are the universe's healers. They are concerned with the betterment of themselves and those around them, as well as the onward march of positive progress. Deeply empathetic, they have an intuitive understanding of other's suffering and the best way of righting those wrongs. If you're poisoned, chances are the Life-bound have something for what ails ya. This applies to both physical and mental suffering, though it might not be a cure you'll like. They also have the tendency to put other's needs before their own, which never ends well for anyone, because the Life-bound can grow bitter if they feel their own self-care has had to be shunted aside. At their best, they are great listeners, caretakers, and nurturers. At their worst, the Life-bound are passive aggressive, and pushy-they're certain they know best."

my keywords: healing, positivity, growth

canonical examples: jane crocker, feferi and meenah peixes

DOOM

explanation from the extended zodiac: "Those bound to the aspect of Doom are fate's chosen sufferers. It may not sound like an overly pleasant aspect to be aligned with, but it does come along with great wisdom and empathy. The Doom-bound understand that misery loves company, and they are ready and willing to provide said company. The Doom-bound won't fix you; they aren't healers. They are commiserators, aware that sometimes the only thing you can do for a person is let them know that they are not alone in their suffering. They are not the advice friend-they're the friend you go to when you need to vent about a rough day at work. They are not necessarily noble martyrs, either-the Doom-bound can become quite irate about their lot. At their best they are wise, kind, and non-judgemental. At their worst, bitter, resentful, and fatalistic."

my keywords: death, negativity, rules

canonical examples: sollux and mituna captor

#cant catch me gay thoughts #homestuck #tumblrs classpect #<-- check this tag for the next polls whenever i post them

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radramblog · 3 years

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What happened to Dirk in Homestuck^2?

Why am I doing this to myself.

I memed a little yesterday when I was posting that article around social medias about Homestuck jokes, because once again we are in lockdown and I am therefore Stuck at Home. Canned laughter goes here. But there’s a topic related to the comic- or more specifically, its aborted sequel, Homestuck^2, that I’m interested in delving into a little bit. I’m going to avoid talking about spoilers as much as possible, but considering said comic takes place not only after the events of the massive sprawl that is Homestuck but also the more linear but still messy Epilogues, some amount of sus shit is inevitable.

Anyway. Much maligned is what the Epilogues and 2 did to everyone’s favourite decapitation target, Dirk Strider, and I have a theory as to why it happened this way.

To begin with, let’s summarise what and who Dirk is through the course of the comics. Fair warning from me, though, it’s been a while since I read through this.

Dirk Strider is a teenager who grew up in a post-apocalyptic future Earth, completely devoid of physical contact with other people and only really ever gets to talk to 3 other people, only one of whom is in anything remotely resembling a relatable situation. He struggles with self-identity, having created numerous robots including an artificial intelligence based on his own brain, aka Lil’ Hal. He’s somewhat of a control freak, and a bit of a cold aloof asshole, but means well, and is pretty gay. NBD. The kinda guy to set up a plan meticulously and thoroughly, not informing any of the moving parts even if said parts are his friends, and often involving some form of self-sacrifice.

Throughout the comic he further reckons with self-identity problems and his own self-loathing including entering a relationship with Jake which doesn’t go well and he eventually breaks off since he knows his overbearing and manipulative behaviour is Not Cool and Pretty Toxic but doesn’t know how to shut it off. Eventually he reaches the God Tier as a Prince of Heart, gaining the power to literally annihilate souls, which he never actually uses since he gets yeeted into deep (Paradox) space and then everything goes to shit. Except none of that happens because of the Retcon (aside from the God Tier bit) and we don’t actually see how that shit progressed in the canon timeline. I think. Dirk’s arc, as it were, doesn’t really come full circle- while he does assist in Dave’s character…growth? he really isn’t the focus of that conversation. This immediately precedes the action climax and there isn’t literally any dialogue after that so that’s what we’re left with.

I like Dirk in Homestuck a lot. It’s hard not to, considering the flashes heavily featuring him (Unite/Synchronise and Prince of Heart: Rise Up) are genuinely excellent, along with many of his music themes being absolute bangers. He gets to interact with Caliborn a lot, with a pretty great banter, there, and the whole splintered personality thing is a really interesting hook for a character. I think he’s my favourite of the Alpha kids, a controversial pick considering I know everyone loves Roxy so much. I think, I’m not as in tune with the fandom as that statement implies I am.

And then the Epilogues/Homestuck 2 came.

Now I read the Meat half of the epilogues first, but that’s more interesting, so we’ll tackle Candy first (this is going to get real confusing for those who haven’t read this comic, huh).

In Candy, Dirk almost immediately kills himself, citing the irrelevance of the timeline as cause, an act considered by whatever mechanism governs God Tier deaths to be Just because he hates himself (and also bc of things we’ll get into), so it actually sticks. This isn’t super relevant for the discussion, but that’s just kinda so unbelievably fucked up? Entirely? I’d imagine if you read Candy first you might get entirely turned off by this, which I’m sure a lot of people did.

Meat is where the, well, meat of post-canon Dirk is. You see, a concept very quickly introduced in the tail end of the original comic is the Ultimate Self, an idea where you somehow encompass every different timeline iteration or alternate version of yourself. This was pretty clearly tacked on to make it so characters whose arcs all happened in the retcon timeline could have their not getting an actual arc explained away, but it didn’t land then and it sure doesn’t land for me now. Anyway, in Meat, Dirk becomes his ultimate self, making him near-omniscient and able to control the fabric of the story himself- for much of this story, he is the narrator. And he uses this power to fuck with all his friends really distressingly without their knowledge (or consent), including breaking up a marriage, in order to further his own goals which largely appear to be just keep the story going so to not fade out of relevance. It’s a plot that makes no sense with his previous characterisation, but I guess now that he’s the Ultimate Self he’s a different person? But I liked old Dirk, and I don’t like New Dirk. He’s a villain now, but he made a much better anti-hero.

But this would be fine if he (or the epilogues, or Homestuck^2) were written well. But they aren’t. Dirk’s dialogue is long, painfully drawn out, with tangents that tend to amount to pure wank, misused literary references and pointless metaphors that go on and on, filling the screen with a bright orange screed that hurts to look at as much as it does to comprehend. It’s not fun. And we’ve seen Dirk communicate before, obviously, the story of Homestuck is built around chatlogs, but it wasn’t like this. He was sarcastic, dryly witty, blunt at times. Even when he was literally talking to a different version of himself it didn’t get that masturbatory.

I was so confused about what the hell happened to Dirk, because I had no idea what the hell someone writing this character was thinking when they turned him into this. And then, the 21st page of Homestuck^2 dropped.

And it all came together.

What Ultimate Dirk and Terezi are referring to is Pony Pals: Detective Pony, a children’s book about some girls who hang out with ponies and solve a mystery. It’s a real book, buy it for your 5-year-old.

Except they’re not referring to that, they’re referring to the Homestuck Canon version of Detective Pony- a birthday gift from Dirk to Jane, heavily edited and to be much more obscene and eventually developing into it’s own story, stated to be “tough, emotionally draining, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible”.

Except the quote “Remember Longcat, Jane?” and references to philosophy, dead languages, and ancient earth culture aren’t referring to the three pages of the Dirk-edited Detective Pony we see in the actual comic itself. That quote doesn’t appear there.

That image is from Detective Pony, by Sonnetstuck- the 40,000 word fanfiction from 2014 that serves as a completed version of Jane’s copy of the book. An expansion of what we see in canon. And it’s a tough, emotionally draining read, but cathartic in all the worst ways possible.

It’s a very good fanfiction.

In the later bits of Detective Pony, we can start to see the origins of what would become Ultimate Dirk’s signature style of writing. Long blocks of rambling text, orange dripping down the page, references to philosophy and history and language that go on and on. And it probably does look familiar to those who read the Epilogues and ^2.

But there are a couple of key differences here. First of all, it’s just better written? The way these rambles circle back on themselves is so excellent, the absolute absurdity of this being written on top of a pony book for little girls, the humour (beyond some of the more immature stuff), it’s just a really well-written piece of fiction. Hell, you don’t even need to be familiar with the character of Dirk to enjoy it. It’s a harrowing piece, but it’s also self-aware- because it’s not supposed to be tough, draining, cathartic etc. just for Jane- it’s clearly that for Dirk himself.

The second part is, of course, that this is a fanfiction. It’s not canon, it’s not official, this is by someone who really likes Dirk for people who really like Dirk. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so if you bounce off it (and I’m sure a lot did), then you don’t have to keep reading it, it’s fine, thanks for playing. As much as Homestuck^2 tried to doll itself up as “dubiously canon” it’s still the official continuation of the story, and that means if it’s as difficult to get into as Detective Pony, that’s going to be a problem for a lot of people.

The other part of it is that Detective Pony’s exploration of Dirk’s character is, well, in character. When the man himself steps in as a character in his own book, the explorations of what he is as an author, who he is as a person, make perfect sense for what we see of him at the start of the comic. He is that manipulative, blunt person, and he is aware of his faults. He’s the kind of person to hide a lamentation on his own failings inside an impenetrable maze of a story layered on top of a book about fucking ponies. Ultimate Dirk does not act like Dirk, outside of the “manipulator” angle, something that Dirk was aware of and trying to improve in the comic. But I guess people don’t have arcs, right?

It’s so interesting to see the seeds of Homestuck^2 laden within Detective Pony- because the meta angle that and the epilogues take is also represented in said fanfiction. While the nature of canon is a facet of the work, the idea of authors and narrators fighting for control of a story, different ideas in mind for the characters, one being more personally connected to them than the other, it’s all there. When I wrote about Fallout 4 in the past, I mentioned being worried that Bethesda took the wrong lessons from Skyrim- seeing something successful and trying to recapture that lightning in a bottle. I think Homestuck^2 is an extreme example of this- the writers of the comic saw Sonnetstuck’s masterwork and thought, yeah that’s great, we can do that. But they just can’t. And with the comic crashed and burning, the probably won’t ever get a chance to. Dirk is forever stuck as this amalgamation of himself that looks nothing like any individual version of him ever did.

At least we will still have Detective Pony, and many other excellent fanworks, for actually good Dirk content. I admittedly haven’t looked into much fanfic written during/post-epilogues, and I’m kind of afraid of what I’ll see- I can only hope the fanbase didn’t take the same wrong lessons as the official team did.

#ramble #honestly more of an essay #homestuck #homestuck 2 #dirk strider #ultimate dirk #just ignore me accidentally posting this to the wrong account and having to reup it

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davekat-sucks · 3 years

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why. why do you hate davekat but ship dirkjane. please give me valid reasons why right now.

I want to say that with many events in Act 6 and after, they are both horrible people. Both are controlling in their own right. Horrible people deserve each other. The color schemes of orange and light blue is also pretty, hence the portalship for its alternate name. But if you want to elaborate, then I would say this: Dirk and Jane do seem to be close friends in Act 6. Dirk sends the robot bunny to Jane to help her defend against assassination's. Despite his time period being taking over by said Crockercorp aka Her Imperial Condescension, he holds no animosity to Jane, who is the future heir. Jane also loves his silly rendition on the Pony Pals, which was also a gift from him. So she understands his sense of humor. Much like the others, Jane thought of Dirk as quite a handsome man. Though both have one thing in common, they both love Jake English. They both want him for their own selfish reasons. Jane gets too nervous to admit her feelings, which makes Jake assume that she is not interested in him. Dirk had feelings for Jake, but did his best to hide it via Auto Responder, which is a part of him in a sense too. Not only that, he had planned to make himself get closer to Jake upon entering the game. Once Jane “denied” his feelings for Jake, Dirk jumped in on that chance. Dirk never bothers to meet or let Jake see his other friends, Jane and Roxy. He tries to distract Jake with the quests given to them as an excuse, making Jake dependent on Dirk. Dirk is quite overbearing as well to him. Jake has his own interests and hobbies, but none of his friends, not even Dirk, really cared about them and just want his body & dick. Dirk is manipulative to make sure Jake is on his side. Jane is also like this in Epilogues and Homestuck 2. Trying to make herself as pitiful as possible for Jake to feel sorry for her. She manages to RAPE Jake via Trickster mode. She tries to rope him in to go against the trolls in Earth C. Dirk is happy to assist on the sidelines, pulling the strings to make sure she succeeds. Though Dirk’s plan is mostly to go against Calliope. Dirk is the mastermind while Jane is the face in the public. The two have their own enemies and want to be able to take them down. Their approach in manipulation is different, but similar to reach its end goal. When they are both with each other, they seem really close. One could say it is an understanding of one another, if only giving pass to the other’s manipulative side to help themselves. There could be a chance they could improve, as they had reconcile with each other before reaching God Tier after Trickster mode. The two would help each other as much as they can. This is why Dirk x Jane would make much more sense compared to DirkJake or JakeJane.

#DirkJane #Dirk x Jane #DirkxJane #Homestuck #Homestuck2 #HS2 #HS^2 #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck^2

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homestuckexamination · 3 years

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ive always thought that any of the Destruction class seem to 'ghost' the opposite aspect's general personality traits. like how Gamzee is a Bard of Rage yet he acts chill all the time. When Rage is generally thought of as 'angry, mad, insane, etc' (if you dont dig enough of course), but then when you dig into Gamzee just a tiny little bit deeper the true meaning of what his aspect is shown (him doing the murders on the meteor, that one time someone said he snapped and did a lot of damage to his black king, etc). what i mean is that Destroyers always seem to do a double reacharound with their aspects. this also applies to Kurloz (seems chill, does a lot of stuff for lord english)

another example is Dirk being seen as a cool kid and thought to be always calm and collected and never shows emotions (like how Bro is), but you dig a little deeper and its a mess of emotions down there.

at least that what i think, the only one that doesnt seem to fit with my theory is Cronus but maybe that's because i dont really know him that well

It does fit in that sense but also I think that in itself is a misunderstanding of Aspects in themselves! Rage is not only anger and madness, and Mind Players aren’t cold, collected, emotionless machines, and that is why I really dislike the Destroyer Ghosting idea, because it is based on a very basic assumption of what the Aspects have to act like.

Even working within those parameters, Gamzee for example is angry and mad, he just muddles it with Sopor. Afterwards he doesn’t even mellow out- Remember him beating Terezi within an inch of her life in Game Over? But beyond that, the seemingly ‘carefree’ and ‘helpful clown’ persona, the turncoat nature, his subtle manipulation, he’s such a chaotic and theatrical character, he fits Rage so well!

Likewise with Dirk. As I said, Mind Players aren’t emotionless, cold machines. God, look at Terezi. She’s such a complex, conflicted character with so much depth and personality and emotion. But even going by the idea, Dirk isn’t a Cold and Emotionless machine either. Even AR, a literal robot, shows himself to push an agenda because of his existential conflict- Trying to ‘help’ aid in Dirk’s romantic endeavors, trying to make something out of himself despite his major limitations. And similarly Dirk himself tries to keep a cool facade in the same way Dave does. Dirk is heavily driven by his emotions. He has a deep existential dread and fear of disappearing, of failure, of being forgotten. He has an overbearing ‘knows best’ personality, that may make him seem detached, but that stems from thinking he knows people like he knows himself, and as such is able to try and push his own personal way of being upon them. He has a deep appreciation for his friends- Trusting Jane to a fault, having such a deep appreciation with Roxy that mixes with regret of being unable to provide what she wants when they’re young, because he knows who he’s attracted to, but he also loves her deeply and platonically looking up to her, valuing her worth more than his own, seeing her as the one holding the group together and having her shit the most straight, DESPITE the fact he had to bear with drunken advances during her teens. And don’t even get me started about Dirk and Jake. Good lord that can of worms. Dirk is almost entirely driven by what he feels for others, and his fuck-ups in reading and handling them, and his own mixture of ‘knows best’ toxic behavior, and ‘you lack worth, you need to prove yourself’ insecurities.

Sorry I always go on rants when Ghosting is brought up, and I do think Ghosting has its uses! Specially also in the power sense. Like, if you Destroy Light, you’re probably leaving Void in its wake, right? so mechanical applications work like that. But when it comes to Aspects as a core of the character, none is chosen because they’re Actually More Like The Opposite. You CAN draw these ghosting or inversion parallels with many characters, not JUST Destroyers, you can see influence that goes beyond with Roleplay, and you can always see the Classpect Kernel, no matter how far gone or how different they may be in one Timeline or Another. Classpects are a majorly convoluted system with so many intertwined branches, and that is why, when people ask me about Classpects, I always mention ‘tendencies’ and ‘possibilities’. There’s not One Way for a Class, or Aspect, or Classpect to be. And often times, in different circumstances, for different people, two players with the same Classpect may literally seem like polar opposites. So yeah. That’s my take on the idea of Destroyer Ghosting.

#Aspect #Class #Prince #Dirk #Gamzee #Heart #Rage #Fanon #HSE #Theories #Homestuck #Anonymous

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tongue-tied-ties · 5 years

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I finally got through all 200,000 words of that freaking epilogue and GOD HAVE MERCY I SHOULD HAVE WENT CANDY AND THEN MEAT.

Overall though, I like it. I like it alot! I mean there are some things I feel weird about which like.......aren’t the things everyone else feels weird about apparently.

SPOILERS BELOWWWWW~!!!!

So it’s alot easier to get out of the way what I am weirded out about than to explain the many things I did like.

- I feel weird about the xenophobia thing and how it’s being treated. Like it’s being treated like a huge issue but like non-issue all at once?? I guess that’s because from John’s perspective he’s just too busy being weirded out or suffering to truly get involved. Like I sincerely hope nobody on the team thinks standing by in a situation like this is a valid stance in any way. But it also happens in real life so like, I get it. I think this bothers me because these kids were heroes. But also they were heroes out of necessity and because they were main characters. Like that’s honestly it. They had a mission and fulfilled it and they were hailed as heroes.

- Hussie presenting xenophobia as both a joke and a serious issue and sometimes it’s hard to tell what position the comic is trying to take which makes me uncomfortable.

- I think it’s in character, but I hate that Karkat alone had to defend himself every time Jane was being the #worstTM. I hate that Roxy just standing by knowing good and well these are the stakes every single time was never fully addressed. I wish somebody sat our beautiful bae Roxy to let them know that like this is shitty too?? Like you saying this is simply politics when a literal extinction is happening is shitty why didn’t anyone tell them that in stone cold, super serious terms for the love of GOD it bothered me so much.

- Alright anytime Dirk used any sort of like reddit NiceGuy Are you triggeredTM 4-chan bullshit language it turned me all the way off. Like incel, beta, cuck?? Misgendering our void icon?? Yea. Cancelled but also not cancelled because I haven’t been this shook or excited over a villain in so long.

- Gamzee. Just...yikes all around. I’m not sure how I feel.

- JAKE DESERVED BETTER. HE REALLY FREAKING DID JUST SAYING. JAKE DIDNT DESERVE THIS MADNESS. Omfg i never hated anyone as much as I did Dirk when he snapped Jake’s psyche in half forcing him to love Dirk. It was so fucking iconic though and I’m still mad y’all. So many feelings. Oh god and when Jane like........did him wrong?? What le fuck? Jake i’ll be your friend, come here mate. Please let me hug my boi who I didn’t stan before but i stan now.

- Those kids.....I love those kids give them a good future, please. I’m begging hussie let John be a good father.

- I think the kids grew because they were with each other, and they fact they didn’t stay together and let each other be isolated kinda makes this make sense to me but it does feel like with some characters the growth went out the window. But also....people can regress especially if they stop after like one epiphany or whatever, so I see how this happened.

- Dave redirecting what should have been the core political issue (freaking extinction/controlled population of exclusively the trolls) to the economy every single time. Like Dave baby you were never the most racially sensitive dude (coming from a black girl who watched you say negrocity, call black people not shining shoes revolutionary (which could be read as irony in context but still) in the same rap, which, YIKES!) but like try please?? Hussie freaking fix this.

- I oddly feel weird about them getting rid of their flesh bodies for their ultimate forms and I’m not sure why but I honestly don’t want all bots. I can’t even explain that in a way that makes sense.

- Jade. Like....everything she did was a big yikes and honestly I’m reading the main story again to see if there was a character trait that led to her behavior. Cuz Dirk literally always had an overbearing personality and it was never truly addressed leading to what happened. Jane never really stopped with the whole business and control thing and she never really seemed to care for the trolls one way or another so I can kinda see it.

- Honestly?? I’m happy for the form of happiness that some characters had but MAN was it just the slowest most excruciating march towards that end. In candy, it felt like I was literally feeling John’s twilight-zone stir-crazy rise up in me as I read through. I think a “benefit” from reading Meat first is that like.....damn I ended up agreeing with Dirk. Like all of this shit was largely avoided and addressed sooner when Dirk was in charge and I hate/love that I’m saying this! Like what the hell y’all that's so brilliant to me. In Meat, I just.....wanted them to be free to make their own choices and when I was nearing the end in Candy, I realized they weren’t so damn isolated and I was happy that some of them finally got to heal.

To segue into I liked it starts on the same point my dislikes end.

- I felt so frustrated by everything that was happening which.....dear God is great writing because if I was John feeling this for years instead of the solid day it took me to get through Candy I’d be handling it way worse than John. I almost wished that Dirk would come in and take charge because they were just.....fucking up on every level. With Meat, I wanted what was in Candy and I wanted them to have their fucking free will to choose instead of these awful circumstances Dirk forced them to be in.

- DAVE. DAVE. DAVE. Fuck I love dave just so much, he felt the most home to me the entire time. When he fought back in Meat to make his own choices I was so proud of him. When he decided to join the revolution I was proud of him, when he finally admitted he was gay I was proud of him. When he just existed and seriously thought about what he wanted and needed to work through he felt like he authentically was trying to figure himself out the entire time in both Meat and Candy and I was so proud of him. Honestly will always have my heart.

- NUBS MCSHOUTY. From awkward bottom to rebel leader he is just a breath of fresh air every time he speaks because it is always a freaking mood. LIke yes, the extinction of your people is awful and you should say it. Yes, people who stand by and just sidetrack the conversation into semantics is awful and you should freaking say it. Yes! Yes! Yes! omfg. YOU ABSOLUTE FREAKING ICON

- Dirk. I.....ugh I know this is controversial but I love everything that happened. Our Dear walking God complex becomes literal God and it all goes to hell. Our friend the control freak, controlling the narrative when he reaches his ultimate form. Ou dear Dirk who always needs something to fix horribly fixes the narrative. When he revealed himself and said “but you already know that don’t you” in his iconic yellow text color me FREAKIN SHOOK. Like literary reveal of the gods (specifically this god ha). Nothing will shake me the same holy shit I was horrified and the horror never stopped. Omfg shook Dirk just freaking shook. So since I read meat first I was like “holy cow was he always like this?” But like, the one dirk that was decent freaking killed himself with his last wish being for relevance and like.....of course he’s like this?? It’s Hal, Caliborn, ARDirk, Brain Ghost Dirk and Dirk One who honestly was only half decent most of the time. All of these pretentious beings in one? Oh yea edge lord self masturbatory train dead ahead. AND I LOVED IT, the absolute fear and horror as he took the narrative back from Calliope was horrifying, his increasing disdain after the reveal, the moment he forced Jake to fuck everything up for the resistance was ICONIC oh my god I was so here. I was loving it so much I was scared I was being controlled by Dirk.

- Jake was always passive and like.....it manifested so bad. I mean I thought he stepped up when he finally, defeated the felt crew but like....of course, one battle isn’t going to solve a lifetime of posing and passivity. I don’t know why I never considered the horrible implications. I do wish he grew a full spine in one of the epilogues.

- Regardless of how I perceived her in canon, Epilogue!Jane was never painted as a hero ever. THANK GOD cuz Epilogue Jane is doing some really bad stuff.

- Roxy - our voidey babe exploring their gender identity and deciding in both that they don’t care for their assignment in some way, valid. Having all stages of their identity and the stages respected (in what I viewed as a great and fully addressed way as a cis black girl) is surprisingly refreshing when I look at Roxy alone and not the transphobic stuff Dirk was doing which was icky and Caliborn-ish.

- Rose and Kanaya being happy in Candy. Like it seemed so OOC but Rose also was literally dealing with something that ENTIRE TIME. When she was little it was the alcoholism of her mother, when she was in paradox space it was from horror demons to literal death, to life-threatening situations to being the seer she needed, to her own substance problem etc etc. Being non-essential freed her from that and we got to witness her still be the badass, freedom fighter she became. And I just love the thing she chose without needing to, without absolute necessity, was to raise their daughter AND fully immerse themselves in troll revolution against an oppressive regime. Fuck yes Rose, you deserve some fucking peace without debilitation or circumstance. Rose in Meat shall never be spoken of because that is so so so sad honestly. She was dying and like...Dirk took advantage of that which is tactically freaking genius considering Rose is usually who can pull these dorks together into action but damn Dirk.

- Fuck you know what I’m gonna say it. Dirk is the best villain holy shit he is honestly, truly smart and manipulative and somehow charming in this sick sick way God I hate/love him right now. I’m.....omfg still shook.

- I honestly just loved how intertwined it is, how twilight-zone/gritty it felt. Every literary craving I didn’t know I was having was fed and in the best/worst way. I’m hooked and here for wherever this is going. Also, I typed it above and I’ll type it again. I didn’t realize it but these kids, while they ascended as Gods were not heroes. I don’t think the kids really cared about their denizens much ever in canon. They fulfilled their mission and we handed them the hero stamp because we’ve followed their story. They are simply people who had a mission to fulfill and did that mission in whatever capacity you choose. They are ultimately really flawed human beings who were traumatized to hell and back with no real devices on how to deal with it properly. Of course, when you give flawed humans God powers, a world to rule over and nobody really holding anyone accountable bad things are bound to happen. They grew because they were in a situation where they had to and they were removed too soon for them to keep that growth. Fanfic or not, canon or not, essential or not, I think these are valid outcomes, within the context of who they are.

#upd8 #upd8 spoilers #rose lalonde #homestuck roxy #calliope #homestuck #dave strider #dirk strider #jade harley #john egbert #roxy lalonde #jake english #jane crocker #long post

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abundantchewtoys · 4 years

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Homestuck^2 re: p22-32

Page 22

Ah yes, the chair's shorter leg is just an optical illusion... That also touched the book there. :P Dirk again seems to not be able to resist the urge to narrate some things he does. Seems there are some compulsions he's gained from his ascensions.

I thought "MSPA Modus" might make the book appear on the site, but alas. The site isn't named MSPA anymore though. Maybe it's called that way because it has the MSPA color palette, instead.

---

Page 23

Pfff, yeah, nice aversion there. Of course, this being Dirk, he averted it on purpose.

Terezi's right, Dirk smiling? That'd be something. We've had Dave cry-laughing, somehow it would be really out-of-character seeing Dirk do it.

He's got that zero-pixel smile on point.

---

Page 24

Well, okay, THAT is meta. Like Dirk said, he's literally drawing his own panels here.

Good thing the current panel is covered up there or the universe might have imploded. At the very least, a certain bee Professor from Problem Sleuth might have shown up to lecture us.

And yes, Dirk is taking things too far again, in his own definition of "pleasure". I suppose Terry Pratchett might have some appreciation for it, though.

Blaperile notes that the panels evoke Doc Scratch' scrapbook. Pfff, another thing he apparently inherited from Dirk, or which the good Doctor called forward to. Smug bastard.

And Dirk is apparently not wearing his anime outfit in that panel. Will he switch to it, or does he draw himself actually less accurate? Will he invoke a "style" switch, not changing clothes himself, but by changing his drawing changing his appearance? Sky's the limit.

---

Page 25

Nice photoshop skills at display here! The paper and it's drawing's resolution is crisp!

So, uh, come on, this proves he's personally still pining for Jake. Which we already could tell from how he treated the man. :/

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Page 26

I'm surprised by Terezi willing to reach out to Dirk like that.

On the floor, those papers... A project of some sort? Stuff to be found by people later?

Or are those future panels, is Dirk going to tease us?

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Page 27

... Are we going to have entire full-text pages in Homestuck^2 with no panels??

Brotherpucking blasphemy. :P

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Page 28

A "prattle" huh. That's a horse term ain't it? ... Okay no, it just sounded like one.

So Dirk has a whole room stuffed with Sburb equipment. I do wonder why he needs any of it if he's already going to play a session. Sburb provides itself, after all. Well, okay, the ectobiology lab might be used to seed the planet, sure. But if there's an alchemiter and shit there. ... I think there might be more complex equipment too, though even the alchemiter is something Terezi might not have seen in sweeps. She was only back on Earth C for a few weeks.

Of course he stops Terezi before she takes a peek under the curtain. Now, I can think of two things of the top of my hat that he'd hide away so secretively: another soulbot, or a fourth (or fifth, sixth...) wall.

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Page 29

Pfff, he built a fort, of course Terezi would force him into that. ... Oh god, that ectobiology code.

"N31GH", huh? So Terezi really forced him into drawing it, it wasn't there before. But what could it be used to create? The race to populate the planet? A new First Guardian?

He also impaled the crow egg and Becquerel, now that's a shoutout.

So... Rose's Light powers are drawing a blank here. They're in uncharted territory.

That... That would only be good if they were trying to shape something positive. Dirk's established his antagonism pretty good, so yeah. This can't be good.

But what rationalization does Rose have for doing this? Has Dirk regressed her a bit, personality-wise? Brought her back into contact with the Rose that would have torn the session apart to escape her fated doom? ... It's another parallel with Doc Scratch, who manipulated Rose into the suicide mission as well as going grimdark.

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Page 30

Okay phew, Rose still has, well, misgivings about what they're about to undertake.

Of course Dirk erases them from her mind, but that just means she hasn't lost it - he's just influencing her still.

Eesh, Dirk. He confesses to having been rather suicidal back in his lonely apartment. That, and his description of how he used to be, are at least mitigating factors for him, though they don't outweigh his actions.

He's embraced his overbearing ego now, which is actually the worst thing he could have done. It's also worth noting, that his ascended self in the Candy path wasn't even contemplating staying disconnected from relevant events. He's too far gone.

But he says now that he's going to contact a splinter of himself. My first guess is that it's somehow a Brain Ghost from someone on the pursuing vessle. Else Arquiusprite?

Also, eesh, the planet they're going for has already been seeded by Sburb, so their undertaking has already been sanctioned. That's not good.

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Page 32

Ooooh, so the M-class planet already has oceans? Huh.

And ooooooooooooh, we're no longer using Acts to describe the story.

Chapters, huh. That makes the preceding pages a Prologue.

Ever since he took the narrative, Dirk has changed the narratives presentation as well. From a theater play to a novel.

oOooh, Blaperile noted the picture was watermarked! "to be continued..." in Comic Sans jpeg style. So, yeah, I actually thought the suggestion box opening was part of one update, then this must've been part of the next!

I'm guessing the presentation of bookending parts of the story with curtains might be out the window.

Ghostflusters might indicate... Hmm, well I thought it might mean a switch to the pursuing crew, but... Ghosts? Okay, ghostbusters seem like it could point to John, but he's dead. There's also no more dreambubbles, so those ghosts are out to. Earth C is supposedly offlimits for the story. So it could also mean a perspective switch to Alt Calliope (the only semi-ghost in canon), but that feels too soon.

Pursuing crew's more likely.

---

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #reaction #dirk strider #terezi pyrope #rosebot #the theseus #sburb

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betweengenesisfrogs · 5 years

Text

The Power of Voice

One thing I haven’t really seen anyone else talk about: the way that voice in the Epilogues, particularly dialogue, serves as the cast’s way of resisting narrative control.

Homestuck Epilogues spoilers follow.

What I mean by this is: when narration occurs in the Homestuck Epilogues, it’s usually a way for Dirk to assert control over his friends, while their spoken dialogue, by contrast, allows them a way of resisting that control.

While primarily a work of prose, The Homestuck Epilogues break from novelistic convention in one notable respect: they represent dialogue as lines of colorful text, preserving each character’s inimitably rad typing style in their speech. This convention, first established by Homestuck fanfiction (which is what the Epilogues are, of course) is fundamental to making the Epilogues feel authentically Homestuck. Indeed, it’s such a fundamental Homestuck Thing that we don’t even recognize how weird it is. Originally, these lines of text were one-to-one representations of how a person typed on a keyboard, but as Homestuck evolved, they became representations of speech. It’s part of Hussie’s genius that he recognized that typing style is an indicator of voice. So to have Kanaya speak in Capitalized Words, Terezi in her BL1ND PROPH3TS L33TSP34K seems only natural: these styles are expressions of who these characters are—their identities, their individuality, their, dare we say, Heart.

It makes sense, then, that it’s the one thing that Dirk Strider cannot control. During narration, he can blur the lines between, say, his and John’s views of the world, and thereby mislead both John and the reader. In a sense, Dirk controls thought. But he has no such power over speech. A very striking scene from near the end of Meat has Jade make this point to Kanaya. She urges her to re-think Rose’s abduction by re-articulating her own authentic reaction to it in speech.

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: can i just ask

JADE: how did you come to feel this way? like, to be this ok with it i mean?

KANAYA: ...

JADE: did dirk convince you to be fine with this directly, like in a conversation?

JADE: or did you just make peace with it on your own?

[…]

KANAYA: I Sat Down And Thought About It

KANAYA: And Realized I Was Being Foolish

KANAYA: That It Was Better To Let Rose Go If That Is What She Really Wanted

JADE: THERE!

JADE: THATS IT!

JADE: thats what im talking about, kanaya theres no WAY you would just let rose go like that without someone pulling the strings!

[…] JADE: kanaya! THINK about it for a second!

JADE: think about how you REALLY feel! about rose, about all of this!

JADE: are you SURE youre just... FINE with rose leaving just like THAT?

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

[…]

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

JADE: :(

[…]

KANAYA: HAVE I LOST MY FUCKING MIND?????????

(- From Meat, 42.)

Dialogue with Jade allows Kanaya to assert her authentic feelings about the situation, taking her beliefs and values back from Dirk’s control. The destroyer of Heart can indeed control Minds, but in conversation with each other, the protagonists reassert their own fundamental Selves.

This is extremely interesting in the light of what pip_d and others have said about the Epilogues depicting a community failure—the gods of the Earth C allowing neuroses like Dirk’s to fester by failing to reach out to each other. Talking to each other, communicating, is the way to overcome the horrifying narrative forces that encroach upon them in the Epilogues, and will probably be the key to dealing with whatever comes next.

Plus, once we recognize this, we see the same thing taking place in Homestuck proper. In an uncaring multiverse manipulated by an awful demiurge, the kids’ voices were always a way for them to assert who they were and what they cared about—the one chance they had to break free of the overbearing narration and allow us, the readers to get to know them as people. Their conversations, their bonds with each other, gave them the chance to grow beyond the norms imposed on them by English’s control, offering possibilities of freedom and redemption. It’s in conversation that the kids always save each other. And maybe they will again.

That the Epilogues cast new light on the rest of Homestuck in this way—that’s pretty damn cool.

#homestuck analysis #the homestuck epilogues #community failure #communication #scattered homestuck thoughts #voice in homestuck #narrative structure #dialogue in homestuck #heart aspect #mind aspect #thanks jade

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fluffmoth · 5 years

Text

homestuck epilogue thoughts

warning for spoilers!

the overbearing gender-normative heterosexuality in Candy was deeply uncomfortable, but after reading Meat i’m a lot more okay with how it went down. Candy gives the characters the “happy ending” our parents told us we should have, but the hetero marriage and 2.5 kids model is wildly unsuitable for this bunch of queer internet kids. most of our generation is fundamentally incompatible with the version of adulthood we saw growing up, and it’s fitting that this situation results in a Twilight Zone dystopian future

Meat is “darker” because it doesn’t have that layer of fake happiness plastered over everything, but in the end it’s a better situation (in my opinion) because it allows the kids to live a more genuine experience and make their own choices. it feels more “real,” even if neither scenario fits completely with the story’s own definition of canon

as a trans person, i personally feel that they handled the trans themes well. dirk’s transphobia was super uncomfortable to read, but he is clearly framed as being wrong. with his obsessive need to control his friends’ lives and choices, i can see why he would be a piece of shit when some of them decided to transition. in all other ways, both roxy and callie were overwhelmingly supported by their peers and had the opportunity to transition and express their gender in whatever way made them comfortable

also, dave’s gay journey was great. karkat, kanaya, and rose were perfect, i still love these kids so much. the banter between everyone was really fun and on point. dirk as a villain was a surprise, but also made perfect sense in the end - he is interesting both as an antagonist and as a narrator, and i’m curious to see how he develops (assuming there is more to come)

that said, here are my complaints.

the xenophobia, eugenics, and threat of genocide are not handled with the gravity they deserve, and several of the "good guys” take a neutral stance on the issue. the narrative treats this as an acceptable choice, on par with not wanting to take sides in your friends’ breakup instead of what it is - supporting some of your friends committing atrocities against an entire group of innocent people, including your other friends. what the fuck.

i am willing to forgive jake because he’s being horribly abused and manipulated throughout the entire thing, but john, jade, roxy, and callie don’t have an excuse. dave isn’t as bad about it, but it’s still messed up that he cares more about the economy than what is happening to the trolls. it comes off like it was meant to be a joke, but it really isn’t funny.

another issue is jade’s character. she’s essentially just a prop existing to cause problems for dave and karkat’s relationship. it’s unfair to her, and it’s a shitty representation of polyamory. not all poly relationships are healthy, but it’s kind of gross to turn a significant female character into a “slut” whose entire role in the story consists of forcing herself on a gay couple. i’ve seen some people who feel that the epilogues are ooc, but adult jade is the only character that gave me that feeling - mostly because they didn’t let her be much of a character at all

finally, there’s dirk’s suicide in Candy. on one hand, the other character’s casual reactions to his death are fitting with the weird fake-happy bubble they live in. on the other hand, i was incredibly uncomfortable with the idea that it would be wrong to interfere because suicide was “his choice.” i’ve known people who will risk a friend’s life by refusing to call 911 or them go to the hospital because they don’t want to make that friend mad. i feel like the epilogue reinforces that idea more than necessary

ALSO. TAVROS. the writers had a chance to try and make up for the ableist bullshit hussie did to him in the comic, but decided to just keep on doing it. take your hands off my disabled trauma son, he doesn’t deserve this

my concern isn’t that the dark content exists, it’s that some of it isn’t being criticized by the narrative. characters can do bad things as long as the story doesn’t glorify or gloss over it. i think the epilogue gets this right in some ways, but really messes it up in others

in the end, in spite of the downsides, i actually think the epilogue is one of the best pieces of homestuck media to date.

don’t get me wrong, i love homestuck, but the epilogue has some really positive qualities the main comic lacked: good pacing, a consistent sense of plot and planning, and no unnecessary long rambling tangents. in spite of its flaws, i really think this has fewer problematic aspects than most of the main story. i’m excited and i really hope they continue with this for a while longer!

#upd8 #homestuck #homestuck epilogue #mothchats #homestuck spoilers #suicide //#tw suicide //#mothposts

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noirandchocolate · 5 years

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Wanted to talk just a little about Gamzee as a Bard of Rage in the Epilogues.

First off, here’s the canon explanation of Rage from the Extended Zodiac website:

Those bound to the aspect of Rage are bringers of chaos. They posses great contempt for lies or false ideas, including the stability that false ideas can impart. To them, the true is far more important than the good; they would tear down a system just to destabilize it if, by their reckoning, it is built on faulty premises. Often the Rage-bound prefer anarchy to any of the alternate forms of civilization, which they believe to be riddled with lies and foolishness and obedient masses. They are bringers of confusion and doubt, and they can be frustratingly difficult to convince otherwise when they have attached themselves to an idea. If they sound dangerous, they are. The Rage-bound tend to be most volatile and unpredictable of the aspects. At their best they are original, revolutionary, and fearless. At their worst they are cruel, uncompromising, and vicious.

I also remember a really good fan-theory post where the Rage/Hope aspect pair was discussed as being about narrowing or broadening choices and possibilities. The idea was that when someone is hopeful, they can feel like the sky is the limit, that there is endless potential and myriad options for them, while when someone is full of rage they may feel like they have few options or only one choice in a situation--usually a harmful or negative one made in anger.

Then there’s the Bard class, which is paired with Prince as a “destruction/destroyer” class. Bard is the passive side, while Prince is active. Passive classes are more about inviting or inspiring things to happen, so we could say that a Bard of Rage is about “inviting/inspiring destruction through rage” or “inviting/inspiring the destruction of rage.”

So here’s a few things I noticed about Gamzee and his role as a Bard of Rage in the Candy side of the Epilogues. (Note that Gamzee is not really a God Tier despite his outfit--but god imagine if he was, holy shit.) First of all, after reading both sides I realized that Dirk violently noped out of Candy very shortly after Gamzee was de-fridged. There are plenty of reasons why Dirk did what he did that will not be discussed here, but in a meta sense it’s possible that there was only a need for one destroyer per Epilogue. There’s also the fact that both Dirk and Gamzee are “parts of Lord English”: half of Gamzee, and the Autoresponder/Lil Hal/ARquiusprite copy of Dirk, ended up fusing with Caliborn to form LE. Maybe there was only need for one “sort of part of LE” per Epilogue? ANYWAY I’m getting off track.

Next, while Dirk actively and very tenaciously influenced events in Meat, Gamzee just sort of existed disgustingly in people’s presence and nudged things certain ways, maybe without even actively having a plan to turn things to chaotic shit (although also maybe with a plan, who knows, the clown is in many ways inscrutable). Aside from proclaiming the gospel of MoThErFuCkInG rEdEmPtIoN, his influences on the story pretty much just came from him acting like his ridiculous and gross self around everyone. A Bard versus a Prince, right???

But he did have some pretty big influences nonetheless, and they were pretty Rage-y come to think about it. For one thing, he insinuated himself into Jane and Jake’s lives pretty damn hard, and was instrumental in ruining any relationship they may have had to the point where Jake was basically abused and the two’s child...well, also abused (also don’t want to go deeply into this, I’m not here to analyze Jane and Jake too hard, I’m doing Gamzee today)! Without Gamzee around, perhaps Jane would’ve been an overbearing wife or a cold mother, but with Gamzee, holy fuck. Inviting destruction through Jane’s rage, don’t you think? Inspiring “confusion and doubt” in people like Jake and Lil Tavros, right?

Keeping on that track with Jane, her political actions in Candy are so much worse than in Meat, and I don’t think that’s only because things progressed through so many more years in Candy (although granted that’s just my speculation). Gamzee knew how to push her buttons by calling her a xenophobe and declaring she’d be “canceled” over certain remarks about troll reproduction. Which, if you take the view of Rage being an aspect of narrowing choices...really could be said to be a subtle forcing of Jane’s hand. If she hadn’t been so pissed off, maybe she could’ve seen more clearly and not thought the only choices on the issue were all-or-nothing and that “do nothing” was such an untenable position that it wasn’t really a choice at all. I really don’t think it’s a mistake that a Rage player, canonically a chaos-bringer, was instrumental in Jane’s descent into being “Trump-Hitler.” Although again, it could be argued it would’ve happened anyway, maybe it wouldn’t have been as bad or maybe at some point she would’ve realized what she was doing was evil rather than just “practical” or however she justified it. Things were peaceful on Earth C, and maybe politics could’ve stayed more or less stabilized. But definitely not with a Bard of Rage hanging around such a key player.

Keeping on with the narrowing of choices concept, in Candy we saw a lot of characters doing things “because they just thought they should,” even if those things weren’t all in themselves wholly negative and even if some people were later just as happy with their choices. Right after Gamzee showed up, Roxy just kind of decided then and there that they “should be” with John, and then went through a lengthy period of just kind of doing that and feeling unable to stand up for themself or their own desires, choices, identity, etc. In contrast, in Meat they felt empowered to explore their gender, for example. Even though in Candy they much later say they’re happy as a woman with she/her pronouns and enjoyed being pregnant and a mom and all that (so it’s possible that in the Meat timeline they also might’ve come to that conclusion in time--or not!) the fact that in the timeline where Gamzee existed they felt more pushed into not even considering other options is interesting. There’s also the Dave/Jade/Karkat mess, and how in Candy Dave felt a lot more pushed into just going along and being with Jade exclusively despite honestly really wanting to be with Karkat. There’s some other examples too but this post is getting really long. Again, while obviously not everything is All About Gamzee, or actively his fault (I don’t think he really had anything much to do with any of these people other than declaring his redemption to them), his passive existence in this timeline...hm!

Finally (or finally all I can think of right now) there’s the fact that Gamzee seemed able to extinguish a lot of people’s rage or disgust toward him simply by proclaiming the “truth” of redemption. Now, we all know that someone just saying sorry and suddenly “being redeemed” is a load of shit and a lame fandom trope used to woobify villains (hell plenty of people did and probably still do this with Gamzee himself--his “apology” speech contained a LOT of stuff very common in the earlier fandom when his shittiness was a little less...obvious and enduring). Rage players are, according to the above quoted description, supposed to be all about eradicating lies and falsehoods, so what’s going on here? Well, Gamzee is full of shit! Maybe he honestly believes he is redeemed and others should try to be redeemed in the same bullshit way--so his proclamations of this as an ultimate, religious Truth make sense. Or maybe he knows it’s a lie but is just being the manipulative, destructive clown his Class points to: a destroyer. What better way to insinuate himself into society than by forming some kind of redemption cult, preaching about something he knows is a lie but a useful one? Ultimately a destructive one, because it destroys chances for real redemption while letting people’s destructive tendencies go by unquestioned because “you can always just say sorry and be redeemed.” And in doing so he makes many people just sort of accept his gross, unseemly behavior and stop being mad at him. People believe this nonsense. Gamzee effectively destroys the rage they might’ve otherwise felt toward him by acting pathetic and contrite when it’s convenient for him, and thus makes himself more able to not only stay alive, but thrive and invite all the destruction mentioned above.

Ultimately it doesn’t work on a few people. Karkat, Gamzee’s former moirail, sees right through it all. Jane is an exception to not showing rage to Gamzee because he’s using her in a different way as discussed before: tl;dr baiting her into hating him in a sexy way is part of his chaos-bringing ways. He tries the same thing with (Vriska) and succeeds for a few minutes but then she just straight up murders him. Which makes sense, because Vriska. Why would any Vriska allow herself to be manipul8ted for long? As a Light player, of course she could see through his bullshit (Light is a knowledge-based aspect) and would want him gone. She’s a Thief of Light, for goodness’ sake, of course she’d steal his “luck” in being able to influence so many people and stay alive despite being so contemptible, and his “relevance” in inspiring so much of the Candy storyline. She’s Vriska, she thinks she should be the only star of the show!

Anyway I’m NOT DOING VRISKA TODAY I was supposed to just be doing Gamzee, and that’s what I have to say about Gamzee, the Bard of Rage, on this particular day!

#kidk says stuff #homestuck #homestuck spoilers #homestuck epilogues

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eternityservedcold · 11 months

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lets find out tumblrs collective classpect! (part 2: aspect)

if your aspect isnt here, please choose what you think fits you best from the available options. these options were chosen by vote on the last post, which you can find here! (originally supposed to be only 6 options, but there was a tie)

the winner of this poll will be crowned TUMBLR'S ASPECT and move on to the next poll, where we choose your class

aspect explanations for people who havent read homestuck/need a refresher under the cut (copy-pasted from the previous post)

TIME

my keywords: destruction, artificiality, impulsivity

canonical examples: dave strider, aradia and damara megido, caliborn

SPACE

my keywords: creation, manipulation, patience

canonical examples: jade harley, kanaya and porrim maryam, calliope

HEART

my keywords: feelings, the soul, personality

canonical examples: dirk strider, nepeta and meulin leijon

MIND

my keywords: choices, alternate realities, thought

canonical examples: terezi and latula pyrope

LIGHT

my keywords: luck, knowledge, perception

canonical examples: rose lalonde, vriska and aranea serket

VOID

my keywords: confusion, secrets, infinity

canonical examples: roxy lalonde, equius and horuss zahhak

LIFE

my keywords: healing, positivity, growth

canonical examples: jane crocker, feferi and meenah peixes

DOOM

my keywords: death, negativity, rules

canonical examples: sollux and mituna captor

#cant catch me gay thoughts #homestuck #tumblrs classpect #<-- check this tag for the next poll when i post it

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downn-in-flames · 6 years

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Love, Lily Evans

In hindsight, Lily really shouldn’t have written up a list of all the boys she’d ever fancied and what she liked about each of them.

A Jily ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ AU

Read it on: HPFT | AO3 | FFnet

In hindsight, Lily really shouldn’t have written up a list of all the boys she’d ever fancied and what she liked about each of them.

But in her defence, she had absolutely no reason to believe that any part of that list would ever see anywhere other than the inside of her nightstand drawer. That reasoning, however, completely ignored the existence of a vengeful older sister by the name of Petunia Evans.

In the aftermath of some massive fight between the two girls, Petunia had been looking for a missing tube of mascara in her sister’s room and had instead happened upon the list: five names, each followed by a brief sets of bullets about what she liked most about each of them.

And so Petunia had cut the paper into five pieces, looked up the boys’ addresses, and sent each of them off in little pink envelopes, signed ‘Love, Lily Evans.’

Lily, of course, knew about absolutely none of this until it was entirely too late.

As such, she’s completely thrown for a loop when a cryptic text message from Remus pops up on her phone.

Uhh, Lily, you know I’m gay, right?

Um, yes?

Trust me, I’ve witnessed you and Sirius snogging enough to know that.

“Lily, James is here!” her mum’s voice rings out from downstairs.

“Can you send him up?” Lily yells back. “I’m in the middle of something!”

She looks down at her phone right as the new message alert pops up.

Then what’s this all about?

Attachment: 1 image

Lily drops her phone as if it’s burned her. And then she picks it back up again, staring at the image she just received from one of her closest friends, because no, it can’t be.

But alas, it is. Looking right back at Lily is her own loopy handwriting:

Reasons I fancy Remus Lupin:

-Pretty brown eyes

-Smart, but not in an overbearing/know-it-all type of way

-Super informed and passionate about activism in politics

That’s… her note. Remus has her note. How the hell did he get her note?

When she finally figures out how to breathe again, she taps out a reply.

Where’d you get that?

It came in the mail today.

Lily instantly scrambles to her nightstand, opening the top drawer and reaching towards the back. And of course, there’s nothing back there anymore. The piece of paper is gone.

No, not gone. It has apparently been sent out into the world, which is objectively ten thousand times worse than just being ‘gone.’

Holy shit. Holy shit. She’s going to murder Petunia for this. They’ve done all sorts of petty, stupid things to each other over the years - but this... this is a whole new level of cruel.

She mentally ticks through the five boys who would’ve received one of those slips of paper.

First up was Benjy Fenwick, the sweet, slightly theatre-obsessed boy she had lunch period with in year 7. They’d bonded over a mutual love of Phantom of the Opera and Wicked, and the fact that Benjy’s mum always threw a pack of Maltesers into his lunchbox even though he hated them. Luckily for Lily, she didn’t share the same aversion.

Next up was Remus - Lily had developed a bit of a crush on him in year 9. He was bookish, soft-spoken, and cute in that slightly-nerdy way that worked really well for him. That crush was short-lived, however, because Remus came out to her a few months later and started dating Sirius not long after.

Third: Bertram Aubrey. He’s a year older than them – so he’s probably off at uni now, anyways. They’d both entered the science fair last year, and Lily was absolutely swooning at this blond, picture-perfect boy who loved talking about polymerase chain reactions and chromatography.

Fourth on that list was Dirk Cresswell. He’s younger than Lily by a year, and it’s probably a little questionable that she’d taken to fancying him anyways, because they’d first met while she was tutoring him in Biology. But she’s pretty sure the sweet boy with chunky spectacles fancied her as well at the time, so maybe it’s not that awkward.

But the fifth and final note is the one that makes Lily’s skin crawl, because she‘s absolutely terrified of how the boy in question will react to it.

She hasn’t spoken to Severus Snape in over a year, for a whole host of reasons. The boy’s politics are repulsive – he’d made more than one comment in the past about immigrants that had made Lily want to slap him – and he’d gotten oddly possessive of her in the months leading up to the severance of their friendship. And then there was the final straw: he’d called her a slut when he overheard that she’d hooked up with a random boy at a party, as if somehow that one action was a reflection of her overall virtue as a person. Lily was so hurt and offended and righteously indignant that she swore up and down that she’d never speak to him again.

But the truth is that, at one point, long before she’d realized what an arse he was, she’d had an inkling of a crush on him. She’d admired how smart he was and how good he was at chemistry, and how he’d helped her stand up to Petunia when she was being mean. And they were such good friends, too. And so his name got added to the list.

“Er, are you okay, Lily?” She snaps her head up in the direction of James’ voice. The boy in question is leaning against the doorway, watching her with an amused expression behind tortoiseshell glasses.

“You’re staring at that phone like you’ve just found out the Queen died…” he trails off, suddenly looking concerned. “Oh God, the Queen didn’t die, did she?”

“No, nope, it’s not that,” Lily answers.

It’s a much bigger fucking deal than that.

“Care to explain then?”

Lily flops back onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. “So I kind of… wrote a bunch of love notes.”

James’ eyebrows shoot up, disappearing into his messy fringe. “You what?”

“Most of them were years ago,” Lily quickly amends. “And they weren’t even love notes, really – it was just a list of boys I fancied and what I liked most about them. It was a scientific thing, really. I was trying to see if I had a type – you know, one common thread between all of them that would explain the type of person I’m attracted to.”

“And this is causing you to panic because…?”

“Because Petunia sent them out. She cut them up and sent them out in little envelopes, and now they’ve all gotten them apparently, and… fuck.”

James frowns, and sits on the bed next to her. “So who all got a letter?”

“That’s the problem,” Lily sighs, sitting up. “Remus got one and texted me about it – that one’s fine, he’s with Sirius and he totally gets that I wrote it ages ago. Then there’s Benjy Fenwick, Bertram Aubrey, and Dirk Cresswell – and like, those are all super awkward, but they’re not the ones I’m worried about.”

“So who’s the one you’re worried about then?”

Lily can’t even look him in the eye when she mumbles out the answer.

“You fancied Snape?”

That’s actually a milder reaction than she’d expected from James. The two boys had never gotten along well – which was an absolute nightmare when Lily was still attempting to be friends with both.

Lily avoids James’ eyes and instead focuses on playing with the ends of her hair. “Sort of? It was ages ago, before I realized what a terrible person he is. But I just know he’s going to use this as an excuse to try to get close to me again, and I am so horrendously unprepared to deal with his manipulation tactics again.”

James doesn’t have an answer to that.

Lily opts to dramatically fall onto her back again. “God, this whole thing would be so much easier if I had a boyfriend or something – you know, make it very obvious that I’m not interested in any of them anymore.”

And then she gets an idea.

“Unless,” she says, propping herself up on her elbows. “James, can you be my boyfriend?”

His eyes almost pop out of his head and he just stares at her, slack-jawed. Lily quickly realizes that she’s phrased this question terribly and that he’s probably panicking and trying to come up with a way to turn her down gently because they’re childhood friends for heaven’s sake, and it sounds an awful lot like she just asked him out.

“Not, like, for real,” she adds. “We’d just be pretending. Just for long enough to get Snape and the rest of them to leave me alone. I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow. Plus, it’d be a chance for you to make that new girl you’ve been talking to – what’s her name? Hestia, right? You’d get a chance to make her jealous, so really, it’s a win for both of us.”

Lily’s a bit out of breath from how fast she said all that, and James is still staring at her, looking a bit stunned. He has, though, at least regained the ability to blink.

“Please?” she says, giving James her best attempt at puppy-dog eyes. “I’ll – I’ll go across town and find a pack of those deer-shaped lollies you like so much or something. I know it’s kind of a really ridiculous means of handling this, but I think the ridiculousness of it is what’ll make it work – I just really don’t want to have to deal with Snape after all of this.”

“Er, yeah,” he answers eventually, a hand flying up to the back of his neck. “I guess I can do that.”

Lily sits up and hugs him, before looking at him seriously. “Thank you James, you’re literally saving my ass.”

“Just don’t go falling for me, Evans,” he replies with a cheeky grin.

She laughs. “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Lily could very well be imagining it, but she swears his smile becomes a bit more forced at that.

They work on homework for a bit – James providing live commentary on his art history reading as Lily attempts to balance chemical reactions – until James gets a text from his mum reminding him that dinner’s going to be ready soon.

He grabs all his papers off Lily’s bed, careful not to grab any of hers, before stuffing them into his backpack.

“See you tomorrow, Lily,” he says, swinging his bag onto one of his shoulders.

And then he does something entirely unexpected. He leans down and kisses her. It’s nothing grand – just a little peck on the lips – but it’s enough to make Lily stare at him, stunned and at a complete loss for words.

“I – what?” she eventually stutters.

James smirks at her. “If we’re going to be pretending that we’re a couple, you’re going to have to get used to the concept of me kissing you. And I had a pretty good feeling you’d react like that the first time, so I figured we might as well get it out of the way when no one was watching.”

She throws a pillow at him, but he dodges it, laughing on his way out of her room and all the way down the hall.

When she hears his footsteps start going down the stairs, she brings a finger to her lips, which are still tingling from the contact.

Well, that was an experience.

On Monday, James is waiting in her front lawn to walk to school with her.

They’ve always done this – so the concept of him walking with her to school shouldn’t feel that foreign – but there’s something different about it this time.

It’s partly (okay, mostly) due to the fact that, before they round the corner to Hogwarts College, James grabs on to her hand, lacing his fingers in between her own.

Oh, right, Lily mentally berates herself. That’s the sort of thing couples are supposed to do.

Why is James so much more of a natural at this fake-dating stuff than she is?

She squeezes his hand just before they walk through the doors to the school, as both a gesture of gratitude and a little way of saying ‘okay, we’ve got this.’

It’s not until they get to the café that anyone really notices this new development between Lily and James.

“Did I miss something?” Marlene McKinnon asks, grinning wolfishly at the two of them as they join her at the table.

“Oh, yeah, er,” Lily stumbles through her words. As great an idea as this whole ‘fake relationship’ thing was at the time, Lily didn’t really think through the fact that she’d end up lying to her friends about it as well.

She’s saved from her awkward moment, however, by the arrival of the most dramatic person she knows. “Well, well, well – what do we have here?” Sirius announces dramatically, falling into the seat on the other side of James. “Could it be? Are you two really, finally together?”

Lily’s a bit jarred by how Sirius’ use of the word ‘finally,’ as if her dating James was something he’d been expecting to happen, but she’s got an answer for him this time. “Yeah, we are,” she replies, hoping she sounds a bit more confident than she feels.

“Well, thank fuck.” Sirius sighs dramatically. “I was beginning to think that James was never going to – oi, OUCH.”

He stops mid-sentence to glare at James, who seems to be glaring right back. “As I was saying,” Sirius starts again, “I was beginning to think James was never going to date anyone after that Amelia bird.”

Lily thinks back to James’ last girlfriend – was it two years ago? Amelia Bones was drop-dead gorgeous, with hair like sunshine and a personality to match. She and James had been rather happy together for a total of five months, before she found out that she was transferring to a school up north, and the prospect of long-distance was entirely too much to handle for a couple of sixteen-year-olds.

“Yeah, well that was two years ago,” James says, releasing Lily’s hand to run his hand through his hair.

She hadn’t realized she was still holding it.

The bell rings, and they all get up to walk to their respective classes. James has English first period and she’s got Biology, but he walks with her to her classroom anyways.

She tries to tell him that he doesn’t have to, but in the end, she’s really fucking grateful he insisted.

Because of course, as she rounded the corner to the science hall, who else would she see on the other end of the hallway but Severus Snape? And the look he gives her – oddly hopeful, full of questions – makes her stomach tie itself in knots.

“Shit,” she says under her breath, looking away from the boy she’s desperately trying to avoid. “It’s Snape.”

So she does what any totally rational person would do in this situation: she grabs James by the collar and starts kissing him.

He reacts to the surprise remarkably well – after the initial shock of it wears off, he starts to kiss her back, turning so that her back bumps softly against the wall. From this angle, there’s absolutely no way that Snape can’t see them.

Lily isn’t entirely sure how long they stay like that, kissing against the wall in the middle of the hallway, but it’s definitely long enough to make sure Snape gets the message. And then some.

“Mr. Potter! Miss Evans!” a sharp voice interrupts them. “No public displays of affection in the hallway!”

Lily breaks apart from James just in time to see McGonagall turn the corner down the next hallway. Yikes.

“Worth it,” James grins. “That should get Snape off your back for a little bit, yeah?”

Lily doesn’t get a chance to respond, because James is already halfway down the hallway before she catches her breath again.

So instead, she’s stuck with an incredibly boring Biology lecture and a never-ending fluttering in her stomach whenever she thinks about how damn cheeky James looked after she kissed him.

After the initial awkwardness of that first day, fake-dating James becomes a lot easier.

Something about being friends for six years makes it easy to predict each other’s moves, which helps to eliminate a lot of that early relationship awkwardness of ‘is now a weird time to be holding hands?’ and ‘is he going in for a hug or a kiss?’

They just… know, somehow. It’s kind of unnerving, just how well they’re able to pull this whole thing off. It’s almost to the point that Lily manages to forget that they’re faking this thing every once in a while.

They end up on a double-date with Sirius and Remus, squished into a tiny booth at The Three Broomsticks Diner around the corner from the school. It’s almost exactly like any other time they’ve all hung out, except James has his arm draped along the back of the booth behind Lily and her hand is resting on his left thigh.

“Binns had the most boring lecture on Much Ado About Nothing today,” James says, waving a chip around as he talks. “And that’s saying something, because that’s my favourite Shakespeare play. And he just… ruined it!”

“At least you didn’t have to sit through Slughorn talking about carbon bonds for an hour straight today,” Lily replies, reaching for the plate of chips herself, “as if we haven’t been talking about them since year 8.”

“Can confirm,” Remus adds. “It was miserable, and he spent at least half the lesson doting on Snape’s ‘absolutely smashing’ essay from last week.”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “Fuck, that’s enough to ruin anyone’s day. God knows Snivellus doesn’t need any more of a reason to have his head up his own ass.”

He pauses for a moment. “No offense, Lily.”

They’re all still occasionally sensitive about making comments about Snape around Lily, on account of the one time in year 10 where she’d yelled at them for being so unnecessarily rude to him.

Looking back, even Lily can admit that he’d probably deserved most of their scorn. And the fact that they’d filled his backpack with jelly just before their GCSEs was kind of funny, in a way.

“None taken. You lot know exactly how I feel about him nowadays.” She looks over at James as she says this, locking eyes with him.

Out of nowhere, James reaches up to cup her face, his thumb gently swiping against the corner of her mouth and lingering on her bottom lip.

“You, er, had a bit of sauce there,” he stammers.

There’s a softness in his eyes that gives Lily pause; how had she never noticed the specks of gold in amongst the hazel before?

Lily isn’t sure what kind of boldness manages to overtake her body, but she finds herself parting her lips slightly, taking James’ thumb in her mouth and gently sucking the aforementioned sauce off of it. Her eyes don't leave his this entire time, and she doesn’t miss the way his pupils dilate as his gaze drops from her eyes to her lips.

Out of nowhere, Lily’s hit with the sudden desire to kiss him. And not in the doing-this-for-show kind of way.

“Damn, you two, save the bedroom eyes for a less public place.”

Thank heavens for Sirius – his words are what finally snap Lily out of her (very odd, completely unexpected) trance. She feels her cheeks heat up, although perhaps not for the reason that Sirius would expect.

What was she thinking? They’re supposed to be putting on a show, yes, but what just happened between the two of them seemed a bit more dramatic than entirely necessary for this sort of thing.

“Sorry,” James mutters, quickly pulling his hand away from Lily.

“Ah, young love,” Sirius responds, sounding a bit more like he’s eighty than eighteen. “Do you remember when we were like that, Remus?”

“You mean like a year ago?” Remus responds dryly, always the realist foil to Sirius’s dramatics.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean,” is Sirius’s resolute response.

They’ve done a near-perfect job of convincing everyone that they’re a couple.

None of the other boys that Lily’s notes got sent to – Benjy, Bertram, Dirk, or Snape – have even tried to approach her. Just a little longer, and her and James will be able to call off this whole ruse and let things go back to the way they used to be.

But for now, she’s earned herself a spot in the girlfriends-plus-Remus club at school football games. It’s nothing but a load of girls wearing their boyfriends’ jerseys during the game and cheering extra loudly when their given boy’s name is mentioned by the announcer, but it still has a note of exclusivity at Hogwarts.

She sits next to Remus, who spends approximately half the game reading and the other half complaining about the referees. When the game pauses for halftime, Remus unexpectedly puts his book down and turns to look at Lily.

“You know, it’s awfully coincidental that you and James just happened to start dating the same weekend those notes of yours got sent out,” he comments.

Lily tries to laugh, but it comes out incredibly forced. “Yeah, funny timing, that.”

“It wasn’t a coincidence, was it?” Remus’ response sounds more like a statement than a question.

“I – it – ” She gives up. “No, it wasn’t.”

Remus’ expression changes, and his tone turns somewhat angry. “So this whole thing is just staged, then. You realize how fucked up that is for James, right? You stringing him along like this?”

“No!” Lily quickly defends. “James knows it isn’t real – he’s in on it.”

The loudspeaker crackles back to life again and the players come back onto the field, signaling the upcoming start of the second half.

“His head may know that, but I’m not so sure about his heart,” comes Remus’ reply.

Lily finds James amongst the Hogwarts team, laughing with Sirius about something as they jog to their respective positions on the football field. Objectively, she can admit that he looks really good in a football uniform.

“I… I don’t know what you mean by that,” she responds.

“Just… don’t go messing him around, yeah?”

Lily’s a little stunned by that – is he having the same conversation with James, or does Remus think that she, in particular, is really just that cruel? She wouldn’t intentionally hurt James – Remus should know that – and she’s actually a bit offended by the accusation.

But instead of fighting him, she gives a simple answer. “I won’t. But you can’t tell anyone the truth, yeah? Not even Sirius.”

“I’m not going tell your secret, Lily,” he promises.

“Thank you.”

The referee throws a yellow flag at Sirius, and the conversation is essentially terminated by Remus’s impassioned shouting of, “The other team did that two minutes ago, where’s their fucking flag!?”

Lily can’t stop thinking about what Remus said to her at the football game.

I’m not so sure about his heart.

James doesn’t fancy her – that’s ridiculous. If he fancied her, he’d be acting differently when they’re alone, wouldn’t they? James has always been an awfully blatant flirt with girls he thinks are fit, and thus far he’s pulled none of those moves on Lily – at least, not when they’re not intentionally doing it for the sake of an audience.

They’re alone at the park down the street from their house, sitting on a ratty blanket and drinking tea out of thermoses. It’s a bit of a tradition for them, this – as soon as it gets warm enough to spend time outside without losing feeling in their fingers, they relocate their study sessions to the park.

“Holy fuck,” James murmurs in the middle of reading something.

“Yes?” Lily replies, fighting off a smile at how affronted James looks by whatever he’s just read.

“So, like, you know how everyone always praises Sigmund Freud for being the father of modern psychology, right?” James says, looking up from his textbook.

Lily nods – she doesn’t take psychology, but she’s definitely heard quite a bit about Freud.

“Well apparently, a lot of his ‘research,’ ” James makes air quotes at this, “was botched for the sake of the men who were paying him. He basically invented hysteria as a psychological disorder out of thin air instead of addressing the legitimacy of women’s trauma. He literally fucked over the entire field of psychology for decades for the sake of not losing money from his clients’ wealthy husbands and fathers.”

James doesn’t get like this – as in, incredibly passionate about obscure academic facts – with people other than Lily. He likes to give off an air of nonchalance when it comes to school, likes to pretend that he’s not secretly a massive nerd about Elizabethan-era literature and psychological studies.

Lily’s always liked that she gets these glimpses at his more intellectual side.

And maybe that’s what does it – what causes her to close the gap between the two of them and press her lips to his.

He doesn’t react immediately, and Lily pulls back. What the hell was she thinking – they’re fake dating, for fuck’s sake. This isn’t part of the deal.

But then he pulls her back to him again, and all boundaries between what’s real and what’s fake completely evaporate.

She threads her fingers through the mess of black hair atop his head – it’s softer than usual, she swears – and tugs on it just a little, eliciting a groan from James as he turns the kiss to an open-mouthed one.

She’s kissed boys before – hell, she’s kissed James before – but this is somehow a totally different experience. Electricity zips through every last inch of her body, setting every nerve ending on fire.

James brings an arm around her waist, shifting their bodies so that she’s laying on the flannel blanket and he’s on top of her. Something’s poking into her back – her chemistry textbook, in all likelihood – but everything else about this situation feels so damn good that a sharp corner is absolutely the last thing she’s thinking about.

How did she never realize that her fake boyfriend was this good at snogging?

Fake.

Fake boyfriend.

Shit.

She puts her hands on James’ shoulders, pushing him away and effectively breaking the kiss. The sudden space between them allows Lily to scramble out from underneath him.

“Lily?”

She refuses to look at him – she knows he’s going to look very freshly snogged, and she doesn’t know what to do with that information. If she doesn’t look at him, she can make herself ignore it. Instead, she quickly grabs all her stuff – it was her chemistry book that she was on top of, after all – and shoves it into her bag.

“I’m sorry,” she blurts out, still refusing to look anywhere but the ground. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

And so she turns on her heel and runs home.

The next morning, James is waiting for her in front of her house, like always.

But instead of spending the walk chatting and laughing, they walk in stony silence, the distance between them palpable.

James finally breaks the silence, a few minutes before they get to school.

“Are we going to talk about this?” he asks, gesturing vaguely between the two of them.

“Nope,” she answers simply.

She still has absolutely no idea where her own head is at – much less his – and she’d very much like to pretend that nothing happened until she reaches that point.

But she still grabs his hand when they turn the corner.

The show must go on, after all.

The rest of the week continues in much of the same fashion – pretending to be fine in public, not speaking at all when they’re alone.

Lily would’ve thought that, by now, she’d have a better understanding of what all this meant. But instead, she’s still just as confused, and has taken to blocking out the memory of that impromptu snogging session instead.

It’s exhausting, all of this at once – keeping up the lie while trying to sort through where the hell her head is at. So much so, that she’s on the verge of skipping Mary McDonald’s party on Saturday night; she probably would’ve actually done so were it not for how affronted Marlene had been when Lily suggested she might bail.

And so she finds herself dressed in a short black skirt and lacy halter top, walking up the drive to the McDonald’s residence with Marlene.

Marlene has spent most of the walk here talking about Mary’s friend Dorcas from another school, who Marlene apparently met at a previous party, and Lily is doing her best to listen, even though her mind is completely occupied with the dread of pretending, again, that she and James are a happy couple.

The ‘couple’ part is easy enough to pull off, but the ‘happy,’ not so much.

“So I’m just hoping she shows up tonight,” Marlene finishes.

“Yeah, I hope she does too,” Lily responds. Someone deserves to have a good time tonight, and Lily has a pretty good feeling it’s not going to be her.

The party’s only just started when Lily and Marlene walk in, but it’s clear that there’s plenty of alcohol to go around. Lily grabs a VK – she can’t stand beer, so this will have to do – and looks around for her fake boyfriend.

“Hiya, Lily!” An overly eager voice reaches her ears, and an arm gets thrown around her shoulders.

“Hi Sirius,” she answers.

It’s obvious that he started drinking long before this party began.

“I don’t know how I’m dating someone who gets drunk by the beginning of the party,” Remus says, coming up beside his boyfriend.

“You loooooove me,” comes Sirius’ eloquent response.

“And do I need to remind you of last year’s New Year’s Eve party?” Lily adds, smirking at Remus. “You two are more alike than you like to think.”

Remus flushes, muttering something about ‘bloody pennies.’

“So, where’s your boyfriend at?” Sirius asks, dropping his arm from around her shoulders. “I haven’t seen him since we got here.”

Lily shrugs. “I haven’t seen him yet either. Have you, Remus?”

“Er, yeah,” he answers. “I, uh, think he’s over by the beer pong table.”

Lily cranes her head to look in that direction, and suddenly understands why Remus sounded so hesitant to tell her where James was.

He’s leaned up against a wall, beer in hand, chatting and laughing with Hestia Jones.

The girl in question flips her long black hair over her shoulder, laughing at something James has just said. Then, she reaches out and places her hand on his bicep. And James, it seems, is doing absolutely nothing to discourage this blatant flirting.

Lily feels like she’s been punched in the gut. And then, the anger bubbles to the surface.

What the hell does he think he’s doing?

She ditches her mostly empty drink on a nearby counter and marches across the room to where James and Hestia are standing.

“Hi, babe,” Lily says, her voice overly saccharine as she wraps an arm around James’ waist. “Can we talk? Alone?”

A mixture of emotions flashes across James’ face, starting with surprise, followed by anger, and ending with resignation. “Sure. We’ll chat later, Hestia, yeah?”

Lily doesn’t even let Hestia answer him before she grabs James’ hand and leads him into the first empty room she can find.

As soon as the door clicks behind her, she rounds on James. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she hisses. “You’re my boyfriend, you’re not supposed to be flirting with other girls.”

“Fake boyfriend, you mean,” James corrects, an unfamiliar coldness to his tone. “And this whole thing between us is going to be ending soon anyways, and as you said yourself, the whole point of this for me was supposed to be to make Hestia a little jealous. So excuse me for trying to get some sort of benefit from this situation.”

Lily scoffs. “Yeah, well you don’t make a girl jealous by openly flirting with her. So really, I’m just helping your cause.”

“Or,” James replies, stepping closer to her, “you’re jealous.”

“I am not jealous. This is a fake relationship, James. I have no reason to be jealous.”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “So why’d you kiss me then? Because you and I both know you initiated that, and it definitely wasn’t part of this whole act you forced me into.”

How dare he act like he didn’t enter into this willingly – like he didn’t go along with the idea almost as soon as she’d proposed it.

“I didn’t force you into anything, James,” she snaps. “You agreed to it. And as for the kiss, I don’t know, okay? It was a moment of weakness, nothing more.”

Saying it like that, out loud, makes it feel more true.

“You mean to say that kiss meant absolutely nothing to you?”

They’re so close that, if Lily really wanted to, she could kiss him again if only she got up on her tiptoes. But the anger in her veins is keeping her grounded to the last shred of rationality she has left, so she stays glued in place.

“Yes? Maybe?” she replies.

James steps back, throwing his hands in the air in frustration. “Then why the fuck did you do it? You just thought it’d be fun to fuck around with me and just run away?”

“That’s not what I was doing!” she cries. She’s reminded of her conversation with Remus again – the one where she swore she wasn’t going to do anything like that.

“Then what were you doing?” he asks accusingly.

Now it’s Lily’s turn to throw her hands in the air. “I don’t fucking know!”

James crosses his arms. “Well, you should probably figure that out.”

“You don’t think I’ve been trying to?” she says, her tone changing from anger to exasperation. “I – fuck, James, this has made things so bloody complicated. I shouldn’t have asked you to do this. I should’ve handled the aftermath of those notes like an adult instead of using you as a cover.”

He scoffs at her. “It’s too fucking late for that now.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” Lily replies, rolling her eyes, “I hadn’t figured that one out yet.”

There’s a moment of silence between the two of them – stiff and distinctly uncomfortable.

When James opens his mouth again, his voice is softer and full of something that, if Lily had to name it, sounds an awful lot like hurt. “Why didn’t I get one?”

She just blinks at him, unable to find any words.

His voice gets louder. “Am I really that repulsive to you? That you’ve never once in the six years we’ve known each other even thought…? I mean, for fuck’s sake, you included Snape on that list, and you and I both know he’s a misogynistic piece of shit who you don’t even talk to anymore!”

“James, I – ”

He cuts her off. “And I get it that you don’t, like, owe it to me to be attracted to me or anything, but I just... I guess I thought after all these years that you’d feel at least a fraction of the feelings I have for you.”

And before Lily has a chance to reply, or to even begin to process the significance of what James has just said, he’s got his back to her and he’s walking away.

Lily should chase after him, call his name, something – but instead she’s frozen in place, paralysed by some mixture of confusion and fear. She doesn’t even know what she’d say to him anyways.

Lily spends most of Sunday deep in thought – which is awfully counterproductive given how much reading she has set for Physics.

Has James really fancied her for years? It seems so unlikely – he’s dated a few other girls in that time, kissed loads, and flirted with even more. And in all that time, he’d never once tried to pull any moves on Lily.

It just doesn’t add up.

But at the same time, it does. It makes perfect sense. Why James so willingly agreed to something as ludicrous as pretending to date her. Why Remus was so concerned that she was stringing him along.

And in a way, she supposes that’s what she’d been doing. She didn’t mean to do it – didn’t mean to mess him about in the way that she did – but the truth of the matter was that she had.

And for that, she feels overwhemingly guilty.

On Monday morning, James isn’t waiting in front of her house. For the first time in six years, she walks to school alone.

She feels his absence acutely – there’s no one there to make dumb comments and obscure literary references that make her laugh. And there’s no one to grab her hand as they walk into school.

Lily’s a bit surprised by how much she misses that one in particular.

She intentionally avoids James, Remus, Sirius, and Marlene at their usual table, opting instead to go straight to her first period class.

She’s busying herself with organizing her notes when her phone buzzes. It’s Marlene.

Did you and James break up? I ask bc you’re MIA and he looks like shite.

Sort of? I think so.

Typing it out like that has a sort of finality to it, making it so much more real than when the words were just bouncing around in her head.

And it hurts. Even though the relationship wasn’t real, its ending feels like genuine heartbreak. Maybe because, in the process, she might’ve destroyed her friendship with James as well.

And he’s her best friend – one of the single most important people in her entire life.

As the bell rings and the rest of her class starts filing into the classroom, Lily finds herself biting her lip and focusing all of her energy on trying not to cry.

If you want to talk about it, I’m here.

Lily looks at Marlene’s text, and realizes that maybe, just maybe, talking about it with someone is just what she needs to finally process all of this.

You’re a doll. Go off-campus for lunch and chat then?

Sounds like a plan xx

Apparently, rumours of her and James’ ‘break-up’ have spread much farther than just Marlene.

Lily’s gathering up her books from her desk when a familiar figure walks up in front of her.

“Is it true you and Potter broke up?” Snape asks, watching her intently.

“That’s none of your business,” Lily replies coldly. Her morning has already been rough enough without having to deal with him as well.

Snape apparently takes her response as a confirmation. “I knew you two weren’t going to last. You’re too good for the likes of him.”

Lily finds herself suddenly jumping to James’ defense. “If anything, he’s too good for me.”

Snape scoffs. “Unlikely.”

“What, because you think you’re so much better? Because you’re wrong about that.”

Lily starts to walk away, but unfortunately, Snape falls into step with her. “You didn’t seem to think so a few weeks ago,” he says, pulling a pink envelope out of his pocket.

She’s somewhat surprised that he’s held onto the letter for so long – and carries it around in his pocket, for heaven’s sake – but also, she really shouldn’t be surprised by that fact. That sort of obsessive behaviour had always been par for the course with him.

She turns to face him – if they’re going to have this conversation, they’re going to do it face-to-face so that there’s no doubt that she means exactly what she says.

“Severus, I wrote that over a year ago. My sister found it and sent it to you as revenge. So while I might have had an inkling of a crush on you then, I feel absolutely nothing even remotely close to that about you now. I mean, honestly, I fancy that rubbish bin over there more than I fancy you.”

She takes a deep breath before continuing. “Not to mention, James is ten thousand times the man you are; and for the record, I’m the one that fucked up our relationship, not him. So please, for the love of God, leave me alone.”

This. This was the thing she should’ve done all along, instead of forcing James to go along with some stupid plan. She should’ve walked up to Snape and made it clear just how dead her feelings for him really were, and saved everyone a whole lot of trouble.

She turns on her heel and walks down the hall, but not before she notices James out of the corner of her eye, stopped in his tracks, having clearly overheard their entire conversation.

She and Marlene are sitting in a booth at The Three Broomsticks when Lily finally tells the truth about what happened between her and James.

“So you’re telling me… everything between you two was entirely staged?” Marlene’s staring at her in disbelief.

Lily takes a sip of her extra-large chocolate milkshake. “Yes? In a sense? But I think some lines got blurred on both sides and we both kind of forgot what was real and what wasn’t.”

“So what’s the issue then? Why don’t you just turn it into a real relationship instead of a fake one?”

Lily sighs. “Because I don’t know how I feel about him. I mean, he’s definitely one of my best friends, and he’s definitely one of the best snogs I’ve ever had, but I don’t know if that means we’d be good in a relationship.”

“Bullshit,” Marlene replies immediately. “A best friend who you’ve also got great sexual chemistry with? You literally just described everyone’s dream, Lily. And fucking hell, I know you two were faking the relationship, but I refuse to believe the way you two would look at each other wasn’t real – no one is that good at acting, much less you and James.”

She stuffs a chip in her mouth before continuing. “Also, you said you wrote that list of boys to see if you’ve got a type? Well, good news for you, I can confirm that you most definitely have a type. It’s James.”

Lily cocks her head at her friend, wanting an explanation for this.

“James is literally a mashup of all the things you liked best about all those boys. He’s got Benjy’s sweetness, Remus’ passion about things, Bertram’s whole hot-body-and-great-brain combo, Dirk’s sense of humour, and the close friendship you had with Snape. Face it, Lily, he’s basically what would happen if Build-a-Bear had a boyfriend option.”

Lily abruptly stops slurping her milkshake. She can’t deny that Marlene makes a really good point. “You really think so?”

“I do,” she replies. “And here’s another hot take, while we’re at it: you’ve fancied James for years, even if you yourself didn’t realize it. And you didn’t realize it because what you feel for James is different than what you’ve felt for any of those boys you wrote on your stupid list – those were fleeting little crushes that were never actually destined to turn into anything. But James… that’s so much bigger than a flimsy little fling.”

When Marlene says it, it makes a lot of sense. James has always felt like comfort, like the best part of her day, like coming home. And kissing him may have given her butterflies, but it also just felt right.

But admitting that to herself, admitting that she has feelings for him that extend way beyond friendship, and that those feelings have been there for a while – that’s terrifying.

Especially because it means she may have hurt James for absolutely no reason other than her own denial and stubbornness.

“So, say you’re right,” Lily answers, not wanting to give Marlene the satisfaction of letting her know that she’s read Lily like a book, “what do I do?”

Marlene considers this for a moment. “As fun as playing therapist is, this is something you’ve got to figure out on your own.”

It only takes until the end of the school day for Lily to confirm that Marlene was, somehow, one hundred percent correct in her assessment of Lily’s feelings.

This is partially due to the fact that she sits exactly two seats behind James in Further Mathematics, and so she’s basically given a free pass to spend the entire class period watching him.

And everything he does is somehow incredibly endearing, from sticking his pencil behind his ear in between writing notes, to the times he ruffles up his hair while he’s deep in thought about something, and the one time he somehow tries to do both things at once and his pencil gets knocked to the floor as a result and he has to scramble to grab it.

This also comes with the realization that she has fucked things up. A lot.

And she’s not entirely sure how to fix them. How to fix the way James looked at her when he brought out years of emotion all at once, in one, painful little question.

Why didn’t I get one?

That one sentence rings in her head, all throughout her afternoon classes and throughout most of her walk home. Which is incredibly emotionally frustrating for Lily, as guilt-ridden as she already is, but it also eventually works out in her favour, because it gives her an idea.

Halfway home, she starts running. And she’s not an athlete by any means, so she’s winded as hell when she gets home, but that doesn’t stop her from flying up the stairs to her bedroom, getting out a piece of paper and a bright red ballpoint pen.

Reasons I Fancy James Potter:

She writes the title on the page, but this time, instead of writing bullet points, she writes paragraphs. She writes about the way he always knows how to make her laugh, his impassioned rants about the most minutiae details of academia, how fit he looks in his football uniform, that he’s one of the most important people in her life.

And once she’s taken up almost the entire page with her ramblings, she adds a note at the bottom.

You didn’t get a note. I reality, you deserved a whole damn page (and probably more, but my hand’s tired). I’m sorry. I’ll be at the park tonight if you’re willing to let me apologise in person too.

Love, Lily Evans

She leaves the letter in a pink envelope on James’ front porch, so that hopefully he’ll see it when he gets home from practise, and she takes her biology notes with her to the park up the street.

James is the owner of the blanket they always use, and Lily doesn’t fancy sitting in the damp grass without it, so she sits on the swingset instead. There aren’t any children on the little community playground today, so she doesn’t feel guilty for occupying a space not meant for her.

She’s rereading a section about ATP synthesis and straining her eyes against the fading sunlight when someone else enters the playground area.

“Aren’t you a little old for swingsets, Evans?” James asks. He’s got one hand in the pocket of his joggers, and the other is holding a pink square that is definitely Lily’s letter.

“On the contrary, there’s no such thing as being too old for swingsets,” she answers solemnly.

“In that case,” he replies, gesturing to the swing next to her, “is this one taken?”

“All yours.”

He sits in it, and it’s almost comical how long his legs are in comparison to the height of the swing. He pushes off with his heels, moving slowly back and forth. “I heard your conversation with Snape today.”

“So I saw,” she says. “It’s what I should’ve done from the beginning.”

James lets out a soft hum, twiddling the pink envelope between his fingers. “So, this letter. You meant it?”

Lily looks over at him. “Every word.”

James’ eyes stay trained on his feet. “Then why’d you do it? Why’d you push me away after you kissed me?”

“Because I was scared,” she replies. “Because it’s one thing to have flimsy crushes on people that won’t ever turn into anything, and it’s a totally different thing to feel what I feel for you. And denial was just… easier. Safer.”

“You know I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

Lily laughs, a bit bitterly. “And you know, I said that to Remus a few weeks ago, and I ended up hurting you anyways.”

“So what does that mean for us, then?” James asks.

“It means I’m still a little scared,” Lily answers truthfully. “But it also means that I think I’m a little bit in love with you, and that this… thing between us is so much bigger than fear.”

Lily suddenly feels herself being yanked sideways, and it takes her a moment to realize that James has grabbed onto the chain of her swing and pulled it towards him so that they’re face-to-face.

“Say that middle part again.”

“That I’m still a little scared?” she says, teasingly.

He rolls his eyes at her. “You know the one I’m talking about.”

“That I’m a little bit in love with you?”

“Jackpot.”

And then he kisses her.

They don’t stay like that for long, because swings aren’t exactly conducive to proper kissing, so Lily soon finds herself on James’ lap, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck as his grip against her hips tightens.

And it’s just as wonderful as before, except now it’s even more wonderful, because this time, it’s all real.

“I’m a little bit in love with you too, Lily Evans,” James murmurs against her skin, and Lily’s skin burns as he presses kisses along her jawline.

She tilts her head back to allow James better access to her neck, but apparently, this weight shift, combined with the fact that there are two fully-grown teenagers on a swing designed for children, causes the swingset to creak loudly.

Lily jumps up, slightly terrified that the structure is about to collapse on the both of them. She extends a hand to James. “Let’s take this somewhere where we aren’t at risk of breaking a public playground.”

He grabs her hand and pushes himself up to standing. “Probably a safe decision.”

“I do have a question for you though,” she adds.

“Okay, shoot.”

She steps closer to him. “James Potter, will you be my boyfriend? For real, this time?”

He grins at her, and his delight is contagious. “Only if there’s a pack of deer-shaped lollies thrown in.”

She laughs, wrapping an arm around his middle and leaning in to him. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Good, the lollies were a deal-breaker,” he replies cheekily, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they make their way out of the playground.

Lily rolls her eyes. “I figured as much.”

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