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zozophoenixxx · 3 years

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Serotonin Booster :D🐉

How to train your dragon edition

Here are some things I had forgotten or little details I just noticed on my rewatch, maybe even Unpopular Opinions 🤭👀

✨Defenders of Berk✨

Not Astrid being pissed bc Fishlegs called her mean lmaooo

OMGGG "I would never call my father ridiculous. I'm calling my chief ridiculous" THE POWER OF THIS SCENE

The way Toothless just sat to look at the sunset.. Me too bby me too 🥺

Toothless and Thornado's shots combined was amazing!

"The first rule about the dragon flight club is that there is no dragon flight club"

Istg Meatlug and Fishlegs are made for each other

Baby whispering deaths!

OMG THEY JUST CAME UP WITH GRONCKLE IRON

I love seeing the origin of things ☺️

Wowww I just realized that Gobber has a unibrow

Sandstone makes glass

That shiny black rock makes another shiny black Rock, it also has Meatlug boiling

WOW a combination of multiple rock makes Meatlug a magnet

The way Hookfang pays more attention to Fishlegs than Snotlout is funny

Fishlegs on Toothless!!!!

"TOO MUCH FURY, TOO MUCH FURY!" JAHDHDHAH

Awwww love how Fishlegs feels happy abt being needed

DAGUR'S BACK AHH

I never understood why Dagur called Hiccup his brother but it's kinda funny

Young hiccup actually fighting is pretty badass and that shield 🥴

The way they were all trying to get Gobber to shower lmaooo

Gobber saved Gustav's life and Fishleg saved Astrid's

Am I the only one that finds the whispering deaths kinda funny, like yes they're scary but these mfs have tiny wings, a big ass head, are covered in spines and can't see like-

Newly hatched whispering deaths can be more deadly that adults bc they can't control their jaws or spines

WOW WOW WOWWWW A WHITE WHISPERING DEATH - Titanwing whispering death with red eyes OMG NO NO THIS IS THE SCREAMING DEATH I KNEW IT ‼️‼️

Wow but the pain in Snotlout's eyes 🥺

Monstrous nightmares are stoker-class dragons

Fireworms get brighter the closer they get to each other

Ohhhhh now I get the history behind Hookfang and the fireworms queen's connection

"You're not just another sword, Hookfang"

Awww the fireworm queen saved Hookfang, I ship them now JSHDHSHS

BABY ASTRID!! 🥺🥺🥺 AWWW

Flightmare - follows the glowing algae caused by Aurvandil's fire, sprays a paralyzing mist to those who it considers a threat to its survival

Aurvandil's fire = Aurora Borealis

YES ASTRID BEAT SNOTLOUT UP

Hiccup: Well, you know, Astrid, uh, training dragons isn't the only thing I think about.

Astrid: Are you actually saying that to me with a straight face?

JAHSHAHAJAJ I SWEAR I LOVE THESE TWO the way both of them said these lines I can't ✋🏼😂

The way she said the exact same thing as her uncle and even took on the name I-

I have this headcanon that bc I'm pretty sure Astrid's parents were barely mentioned in the shows or movies that her uncle was the person that was there for her the most which is another reason why it upset her to see people making fun of him

Why does whenever Astrid gets shot by a dragon she always tries to hit it off like her axe is a baseball bat? 😂

Hiccup saving Astrid in the flightmare ep🥺🥺🥺🥺

GLOWY TOOTHLESS AND GLOWY STORMFLY AND GLOWY MEATLUG ARE ADORABLE

Awww I love how Hiccup makes sure to mention the fact that "Fearless Fin Hofferson was indeed fearless, just like all the Hoffersons" 🥺🥺🥺 STOP AND THEN SHE SMILES AND HE PROCEEDS TO PUT HIS HAND ON HER SHOULDER I-🥴🥴🥴

I love how they're always interrupted whenever they're about to say a bad word

Lil terrible terrors are adorable 🥺

The fact that what they were trained for was actually useful it's crazy

Astrid: "no one is kissing me on the lips ever!!" HHSHAHAH ASTRID WHY U LYING

I feel like we don't appreciate how smart Hiccup actually is, and I don't mean that dragon-wise or building stuff-wise I mean in general. I'm in ep9 and they're finding old dragon traps to get rid of them and there was a lil breeze and he was like "there's a dry hot wind coming in from the north. It hasn't rained in 2 months. This is definitely fire weather." like how- am I the only one that would've been like okok a nice warm breeze 😩

Dude the typhoomerangs are so scary and huge wtf

I KNEW HE WAS TORCH

Torch actually built a lil relationship with Tuff just for that but of time I love it

WE'RE FINALLY GONNA SEE THE SKRILL!! I love it it's one of my favorite dragons :D

I never understood why fishlegs says his name when he's excited

Skrills - The skrill was first found frozen, it's the symbol of the Berserkers, it can stay safely frozen for decades because of their internal body temperature, can't redirect any lightning if it's in the water 😳

Y'all the skrill and the nightfury have gotta be related somehow, they're probably like cousins or sum. I mean the night fury is the "unholy offspring of lighting and death" and the skrill can control lightning AND TECHNICALLY TOOTHLESS CAN TOO REMEMBER HTTYD 3 + they also have similar physical characteristics at least Imo.

Dude this dragon is so badass 😌🤩🥰😩🥴❣️🤍🤝 I'm literally so obsessed

Wow one of the first times I see the twins actually doing sum useful

The way the shots combine🥴

Dagur has misophonia - condition where people experience intense negative emotions for sounds such as eating, chewing, loud breathing or even repeated pen-clicking [ep11]

Oh wow so they originally trapped the skrill in this show i didn't know

Wait but baby Gustav is actually adorable wtf and the fact that he and Snotlout have matching Viking hats

OMG SEE NOW I'M SEEING GUSTAV'S ORIGIN WITH HIS DRAGON AND HIS DESIRE TO BECOME A RIDER

Fanghook🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Ruff puts fish oil on her hair to get "a greasy unwashed look"

Really hate when Snotlout doesn't accept no for an answer

THE HAND THING AHHHH I LOVE IT this time is Ruff and a scauldron

Ok guys so I did this with mi friend's puppy who I accidentally scared enough to make him piss himself and I'm pretty sure I traumatized him and now when I'm around the poor dog tries to get as far away from me as possible but one day we were kinda bonding although he still wouldn't let me pet it AND I DID THE HAND THING BECAUSE WHY NOT AND THIS LIL MF ACTUALLY PUTS HIS FACE IN MY HAND- I screamed and he left again🥺😂 BUT IT DID WORK

Scauldy🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰😌☺️🤩🤍

Ok but ruffnut with short hair 🤩

Speedstingers

Also the way Astrid ran up to Hiccup in the ep14

Wait but the scene whenever they're fighting the Speedstingers and Fishlegs says they're too fast but Hiccup's like "not for a nightfury" and then they show Toothless dodging the Speedstinger's attack AND THEN THEY SHOW HICCUP PROTECTING HIMSELF WITH HIS SHIELD WHICH GETS THROWN AWAY BUT RIGHT THERE TOOTHLESS CATCHES IT AND THROWS IT BACK TO HICCUP who's like "Thanks bud" 🤩🤩🤩 literally so badass go watch it!! It's ep14 frozen min 17:40

I really liked the relationship Snotlout and Astrid created with each other's dragon 🥺

HOOKFANG'S WINGBLAST AND STORMFLY'S SINGLE-SPINESHOT ARE HELLA BADASS... I love how they worked together this time 🥺

DUDE JAHDHSJAJJJSA ppl really underestimate Ruff's cleverness, this bish really gets Tuff to do the dumbest things just to enjoy looking at him hurting himself JAHDHSJAH😂

TOOTHLESS REALLY JUST BIT AN EEL'S HEAD OFF TO SAVE HICCUP🥺

Baby toothless is high🥺

"Uh, okay. That one was a little close to the one good leg" JAHDHAHSHA ISTG I LOVE THIS DUDE

Johan hates Snotlout for breaking his stuff

Tuff got Macey the Mace from Trader Johan

Astrid looks hot without her shoulder pads

Ok but Dagur looks so weird without his viking hat in this show

The baby thunderdrums are adorable - BING BAM AND BOOM

NOOO STOICK JUST LEFT THORNADO 🥺

OHHH SO ALVIN WAS ACTUALLY FROM BERK and he was Stoick's best friend

Snotlout and Hiccup are parallels of Alvin and Stoick

Ok but that trick Snotlout did was amazing, he really had Hookfang do a lil typhoomerangs move and then the wingblast🤩

I FINISHED IT OMG NOW ONTO RTTE!!

#hiccup x astrid #how to train your dragon #httyd #hiccup #astrid #hiccup haddock #astrid hofferson #Snotlout #fishlegs #ruff and tuff #stoick the vast #toothless #toothcup #hiccstrid #race to the edge #defenders of berk #riders of berk

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interlagosed · 2 years

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carlandads /// norris-sainz kids again because they r everything to me personally!!!!

i think the norris-sainz clan would absolutely be fucking terrors when it comes to matchmaking their friends??? deffo getting their kids involved and just being MESSY!!! like george/alex of course have been in love since forEVER but the timings never quite matched up and theyre not the type to force things etc etc but carlandads have been KNEW for years and are always chatting shit about it like,,,, "god did you SEE George's face when he was watching Alex's buzzfeed kitten interview??? he's so whipped"

and "if alex has to take any more insta thirsttraps of george i think his ears might ACTUALLY fall off with how red they are" cue much sniggering and like, always sitting them next to eachother at family christmases, accidentally cross booking them to babysit etc etc (carlandads the biggest romantics on EARTH bc they have EMPIRICAL PROOF that love really is a fairytale)

and charlie and allegra,,,,, they have a strong these-mfs-are-in-LOVE detector (after all, how could they not???? their dads are hearteyesing eachother 24/7 its actually ridiculous) and when theyre like,,, maybe 8/9 and start understanding what all of the knowing looks and hidden smirks tgeird dads are always doing mean, they start setting these mfs UP

its giving " lets play HOUSE,no wait im bored of being Papá, Uncle george i think YOU should hold Uncle Alex's hand instead" (carlandads come home like??? this girl has never played house once in her fucking LIFE??????)

(After a particularly chaotic icecream encounter where Charlie has a proper french-vanilla BEARD - he's nothing if not boujee - and Uncle Alex is desperately trying to clean him up before Carlos sees and goes absolutely mental because Charles has already spent 30 minutes making his protegé do a blindfolded taste test of thirty euro icecreams can you READ THE GROUPCHAT FOR ONCE) Charlie purposefully flings icecream at Uncle George's so now hes got a pistachio unibrow and he has to get mopped down by those awful scratchy napkins as well but its a worthy sacrifice bc uncle alex always apology kisses charlies cheeks after cleaning him up so OBVIOUSLY he's gonna do the same with uncle george right??

carlandads catching on to their sneaky sneaky kids and are sceretly DELIGHTED because is there anything more beautiful than their kids seeing love everywhere?? "we should probably talk to them about boundaries though carlos" *carlos, calculating birth charts and planning the most astrologically fortuitous date/time to have a 'catch up'* "hmm oh what? yes sure mi amor, whatever u say"

presenting without comment because yep.

#hibi answers #carlandads

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hostess-of-horror · 3 years

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For Science!

[M.B is my Cadetsona OC, Carmilla de la Cruz is my OC, and M.J. belongs to @sleepy-heads-blog.]

[It's a cool autumn afternoon. The clouds gather in the sky, blanketing the city with its sweet, chill breeze. Sam and Max are off on another case and M.B. is once again in charge of watching over M.J. Since it's October, they decide to head over to check out the local Halloween store. When they arrive, the store was massive - bigger than the ones M.B. had been before. All around them are thousands of costumes and a whole section full of animatronics, which M.J. avoided like the plague. They fooled around with the masks, showing off their favorites to each other. But out of everything they found, they gravitated toward the decorations.]

M.B.: "Ah yes, home decor all year 'round!"

M.J.: *giggles*

M.B.: "If I had all the money in the world, I think almost a quarter of it would be on these." *picks up a coffin-shaped jar* "This would be perfect for the kitchen."

M.J.: *picks up a black small candelabra* "And this would be for the living room."

M.B.: *smiles* "Oooh, I like it! I personally enjoy candles as a source of light, right next to the twinkling lights."

????: "Do you need help with anything?"

[Both M.J. and M.B. turn to see an employee, dressed in her festive black-and-orange vest. She is copper-skinned and sports bright hazel eyes. Her chocolate brown hair is pulled up into an intricate braid and decorated with floral sugar skulls. Across her face are freckles and above her eyes is a unibrow. On her name tag reads in bold black letters: "Carmila."]

M.B.: "Oh no, we're just looking."

M.J.: "They're all really cool!"

Carmilla: "Si, there are! My personal favorites are these right there."

[She motions over to the far left of the aisle and turns their attention towards a garland of jewel-colored flowers and venus flytraps. In some of the flowers are little eyeballs and the others small sharp teeth.]

M.B.: "Oh wow, I didn't even noticed! These are beautiful."

M.J.: *gasps* "Look, Miss M.B.! Venus flytraps! And they look just like Audrey II!"

Carmilla: "Audrey II?"

M.B.: "Audrey II is a giant man-eating venus flytrap from Little Shop of Horrors."

Carmilla: "Ah, I remember hearing about that. Is it any good?"

M.J.: "Yeah! If you like musicals, that is."

Carmilla: "I'll have to watch it next time. Well, if you guys need anything, just holler."

M.B.: "We will, thank you."

Carmilla: "De nada."

[An hour passes. M.B. and M.J. leave after a shopping spree of Halloween treats and toys, including the flower garland. As they are walking out of the store, they notice Carmilla having trouble with her car. The car's engine refuses to start up. She curses in her native tongue.]

M.B.: "Having some trouble?"

Carmilla: "I'd appreciate it l, but I don't got the money to fix it. I only have so much."

M.J.: "Oh, oh! We can help you with that! I know someone who can fix your car, and she'll do it for free."

Carmilla: "Really?"

M.J.: "My sister is really good at that kind of stuff."

[Carmilla looks over to M.B.]

Carmilla: "Can you really?"

M.B.: "Oh no! I'm not his sister! I'm actually just a family friend and Cadet for the Freelance Police."

M.J.: *to M.B.* "But you do treat me nicely like a sister, though."

M.B.: *to M.J.* "Well, it's pretty hard not to when you're watching over a cute little bunny." *pats his head* "Anyway, yeah! Her name is Geek. She's like a child prodigy for all sorts of things, from science to inventions to automobiles. We can call her if you want."

Carmilla: "Ah, gracias, you two! You are a lifesaver!"

[M.B. grabs her phone and calls up Geek. Geek reluctantly agrees, saying that she's not just some mechanic to call for help all the time. After a half an hour, Geek arrives.]

Geek: "Alright...." *sighs* "What do we have her-?"

[Geek pauses. She notices Carmilla, her voice trailing off into silence. She stares for a few seconds. M.J. giggles. Geek suddenly snaps out of awkward pause and continues.]

Geek: *flustered* "U-um, yes! You need your car fixed? N-no problem! Let's get this... engine fixed! For science!"

[As Geek proceeds to fix the engine, Carmilla smirks. M.B. and M.J. try to contain their stiffled laughter, giving each other looks. Carmilla watches as Geek impressively fixes the engine in a matter of minutes.]

Geek: *wipes off the sweat of her forehead* "There we go! Good as new!"

Carmilla: "Gracias, Geek. I really do appreciate you're help." *puts her hand in her pocket* "Here..."

Geek: "Oh no! You don't have to pay me anything, Miss, I'm just happy to help some-"

[Carmilla places a small piece of paper on Geek's hand. Geek looks at it, puzzled. Carmilla gets close to her ear.]

Carmilla: *whispers* "Llámame..."

[As Carmilla turns on her car and drives off, Geek unfolds the piece of paper. Written in pen is her phone number. Geek stands there, stunned in silence. Her face goes red as a lobster. M.B. and M.J. continue giggling.]

M.B.: *imitating Geek* "For science!"

M.J.: "Oh my God, we will never let you live that down!"

Geek: "Shut up, M.J.!"

#ooooh? 👀👀👀#also NEW OC JUST DROPPED #I'm terribly sorry if I got any Spanish wrong #I don't speak the language but I kinda know a few words #M.B.#The Cadet #Cadetsona OC #M.J.#Fanchild #Geek #Carmilla de la Cruz #Sam and max freelance police #Sam and max freelance husbands #Sam and max

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nzdgje · 3 years

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Eso es small ball de entrada

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jiminrings · 4 years

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uu abt homebound au, what goes on with racer! hobi and jk?? i guess this is kinda a request? thanks ilysm :")

homebound: koo’s pov

a lil homebound special that’s in jungkook’s pov and u get to see what’s going on in his noggin :D

glimpse: kook’s a protective best friend, hobi is a hyung that he never knew he needed, aND he just needs y/n as his forever emotional support shoulder :D

wordcount: 3k

notes: aHHHHH first of all i love you too!!!! write that down pls

this is a spin-off because earlier, i made a drabble from a request about jimin and y/n’s tough love relationship as crew chief x crew member!!! i loved making that piece they r so dynamic :D

read homebound the fic!!!

it’s not easy being jungkook

ugh yeah he kNOWS he’s handsome and talented and charismatic but gOd this is getting out of hand now

he has to save your ass

AGAIN

well not literally your ass,.,. it’s your thumb this time

he’s met you like what?? two months ago and you’re already a handful!!! LOOK AT YOU

“g-googie pLEASE just h-help me i can’t do it mYSELF!!!”

if only two months ago, jungkook was pulled from basketball practice and shoved into the empty-looking gymnasium AND sat in the front instead of the back right next to you

if only he hasn’t opened his mouth and told that he liked your softball uniform aND coincidentially found a fellow athlete that lit rally only joined sports for the uniforms.,.,..

if only he didn’t reciprocate by saying that he joined basketball for the fluffy warmers.,.,..

HE WOULDN’T BE HERE RIGHT NOW

he wouldn’t deal with you calling him urgently and sAying it’s of a great emergency and that he had to sprint from the other side of campus grounds to where you were

you wouldn’t be right here sat on the ground, hand outstretched for him to mend as he’s only giving you a sCOWL of disbelief

ok fine

jungkook doesn’t regret you being his best friend but he dOES regret having a weak spot for you

“didn’t i specifically tell you NOT to play softball and take it easy for awhile???”

“b-but-...”

“and now someone was being a big dummy and then dISLOCATED her thumb and she’s made ME run all the way to the field because she’s tOO scared to pop back her dislocated thumb and wants ME to do it for her!!!!!”

you are Insufferable

u really are

he can’t help but feel agitated ok

he’s just so stressed and he almost got a near-flunking store at the calc test awhile ago and he studied!!! he studied for THREE hours and he was about three wrong answers away from being failed!!!!

meanwhile you sleep at that class and you bARely even studied because last night you were just calling him up to ask if you were down drinking some shots with you and then yOU pass????

also also!! his basketball coach has been extra tough on him lately and he isn’t even doing anything wrong!! he passes the ball and how come it’s HIS fault that the one he’s passed it to doesn’t make a score???

how is it hIS fault that this guy was an utter dUMBASS

on top of that, the pit crew training is taking a massive toll on his body and this particular time,, it’s jungkook’s only few breaks

and you just hAD to dislocate your thumb and be scared shitless of popping it back

hold on

are you uh.,...

are you crying

jungkook’s flustered a tON because uhHHh he’s not exactly the best person when it comes to these things

there was one time when jungkook added so much wasabi underneath your california maki to the point that you were CRYING

and sue him he didn’t know what to do

everyone in the restaurant thought the two of you were a couple and now there’s a LOT of angry stares aimed towards jungkook and that makes him sweat a little

that one buff guy who’s chopping the squid even sTopped what he was doing and that makes kook audibly gulp

jungkook was a tiny bit intimidated and so he did the next big thing

panickedly threw the packet of tissues to your face :D

lmao he’s gotten a lot better since then

“okay, okay, i’m sorry for yelling at you :((“

god he should know better

i mean you are in physical pain already and you don’t need him yelling at you now, do you??

after all jungkook did have this one big splinter on his thumb when he was doing something stupid aND although you were angry and amused, you didn’t yell at him

ok fair

he’s setting his things down and he had to coax you to give him back your hand because u retracted it when he yelled

“on the count of three, okay?? one, two....”

you’re already wincing and jungkook has to be swift with this when he doesn’t want to prolong your pain

aLTHOUGH this reminds him of how you have to distract him from the pain when he has you pluck out some of his eyebrow hair so they don’t form a unibrow

“two.... you’re still not — two.,..., you’re the one who’s supposed to adjust not me...,.,. t- yO IS THAT MIN YOONGI???”

“wHAT WHERE-“

pOp!!!!!

that shit hUrts

min yoongi is an especially good trigger point for you because jungkook, cannot, and especially cannot stress to how you have a crush on that guy sO bad

he’s a racer ok sure

ehhhh his skills are so-so

honestly he doesn’t even know if this yoongi guy is actually great at racing,,, maybe it’s just his family name that gets him where he’s at ya know....

“don’t joke with me like that! i’m telling you, jungkook — one day i’ll work with min yoongi.”

he snorts at that as he’s holding your hand up, checking to see if there’s any bruising or the sort

he wants to make sure nOw that you’re okay and not have anything else pop up later because he doesn’t want you ruining his alone time again

“yeah. mhmmm. sure you will.”

uGh where would you be now without jungkook

what was LIFE before jungkook

you’re that grateful for him

jungkook’s been avoiding you a liTTLE and you’ve been noticing it but you just didn’t prod into it

the dish was that he thinks he likes you

it’s just this roulette going on in his head

do i like y/n OR have i just been so starved from affection and companionship that i immediately the nearest person to me as someone i love?????

aha it’s the second option :D

you and jungkook fight a lot tho that’s no surprise

it could be over on the most stupid things ever for discourse and well as sensitive as you were, jungkook was even mORE sensitive

one time he cried when not only you gave him the silent treatment, but also literally pretended that he was iNVISIBLE and even got some people in on it

yeth it was a petty fight over stubornness and a sorta petty solution bUt it did give you some peace

what made it even worse was because you befriended these new guys!!!

the kim line!!! jin and namjoon and taehyung were quite the eye-catching trio over on their department and you kNow that jungkook was annoyed by them

actually they were very likeable and jungkook’s just annoyed at them for no apparent reason

and when you ignore jungkook for the whole day AND have the kim line over on your lunch table,,,

when kook offers you a tray of the best batches for your cafeteria food and even a fresh cold carton of chocolate milk,,,,

then pretend you didn’t even hEAR him nor SEE him when he was holding up the tray for you,,,

he absolutely cries because w-why are you :(((( i-i-ignoring me :(((( please d-don’t :((((

fighting and crying has been at an all-time low ever since that particular one

he was so frustrated that he didn’t even notice jin patting his back and he bARELY even knows jungkook

namjoon’s acting as a shield so no one could see that this guy was absolutely Losing it

taehyung’s trying his best to shove some tissues underneath jungkook so he could wipe them down

but this time

tHIS time

it’s jungkook who doesn’t know what to do

it’s you who’s crying so painfully that he’s sure not even the kim line could help try and fix

“he’s just sO — yoongi is uNBEARABLE!!”

oh it’s him again huh

jungkook wasn’t sure at first on how he’d process the news that yeah sure the two of you were the ones chosen to be the victors of the program

but it meant that the two of you were gonna work for different teams and now that just doesn’t make any sense.,...

sure he’s happy because he gets to work for jung hoseok!!!! the racer he’s in awe with and thank god because he didn’t want to work with-

ew he’s shuddering

min yoongi

yOU’RE the one who’s working for him and well!! you should be happy!!! why are you CRYING

jungkook was so nervous meeting hoseok for the first time

he wanted to please everyone so bad it wasn’t even funny :’)

he’s bought four boxes of donuts for his fellow pit crew members alone

hoseok was special special

he gets his OWN dozen and on top of that, kook even made him a crepe cake

from s c r a t c h

that was the most time-consuming jungkook’s ever spent in making food and he is pOsitive that he doesn’t ever want to subject himself to that again in his life

( with the exception for jung hoseok of course hehe )

jungkook’s kinda burnt himself on the pan atleast three times and he was a sweaty mess by the end of cooking it because again

wHO has the time to make crepe cakes????

deadass even bought a lil cooler with him just because he wants to impress his boss even more :)))

:))) tiny lil ice cream cups :)))

“hi!! nice to meet you, i’m hoseok!! why are you holding tHAT big of a bag??”

jungkook was starstruck for sure because wow jung hoseok was kIND???

normally being famous and being kind don’t exactly belong in the same sentence

but uHHhh his idol is right here in front of him being polite and cool and not coming off as snobbish??? wow

“for you, sir — uH sir jung?? uHm-...”

“oH! no, no-...”

“ho — sir???”

hoseok was just meant to tell him that it’s cool to drop the sir thing because he’s working with him not for him

poor kook was so nervous that he called his idol a hoe :(((

“aH, calm down!! it’s okay!! lol you seem cool anyway!!! you can just call me hobi-...”

that sounds SO precious omg

jungkook was about to bow again for the nth time but then hobi over here added something to his sentence

“... -hyung”

bROTHER??

now listen

hobi doesn’t have a brother in his family and gOd something about this younger guy in front of him,,,

he’s read jungkook’s forms and he’s younger than him and he’s iNTIMIDATINGLY large but he just looks so innocent y’know

it reminds him of nemo in a big vast ocean but maybe that’s just because he watched finding nemo last night and was emotional

but look!!! jungkook!!!! he wants to protecc this guy from the world and he looks so eager too!!!!

if you squint hard enough u could see jungkook’s fists in his sides clenching from being so happy

anyway

“hey, hey. c’mon, don’t cry now you’re gonna get uGly!!!!”

okay that did not help

jungkook’s rubbing circles on your back as you try to recollect what happened awhile ago at work and how yoongi was an absolute asshole

he’s tough on you and you don’t know why!!!

on top of that, your crew chief jimin is aLSO tough on you and you don’t know why either and it’s just!!!! why does everyone hate me!!!!! when i am just!!!!! bREATHING!!!!!

“want me to put in a good word for you for hobi-hyung? he could pull some strings then work for him instead... with me..... the people are a LOT nicer too...”

hobi knows about jungkook’s friendshio with you and he wasn’t really bothered to how his pit crew member is best friends with a pit crew member for his main rival :D not really :D

in fact he was even endeared!!! asked a lot of questions too because jungkook hOW do you contain yourself?? you’re so competitive and you’re not even the oNE who’s racing between us two???

“oh that’s easy hyung!!! y/n and i just kinda trashtalk each other for every game, then on free days we’re all cool!! :D”

“is that.... is that healthy..,.,.”

hobi wants to take you under his wing if that was possible

your contract and perhaps min yoongi are the only variables stopping you

he’s never said this to anyone but he dID make a semi-empty joke to yoongi once that y/n will also be working for him next season before he could even blink

and yoongi normally looks stoic but hobi swears that he must’ve flipped a switch aha :D

he looked sO infuriated and angry at the mention of your name and “working for me” that he actually thought yoongi would lunge at him

“it’s okay i guess :(( don’t wanna give up just yet :((“

“mHmmm okay whatever you say, sport :))”

jungkook praises you a lot for your dedication because if that was him?? he would’ve bitch-slapped yoongi in a second and quit right then and there!!

he cares for you!!! a lot!!! no one could ever take up your spot as his emotional support shoulder

he’s perfectly content with his job that he’s in!!!

hobi teaches him about things he’s never known before

practical life lessons too!!!

jungkook’s now equipped with the knowledge of how to make bread taste like french toast wITHOUT even making it like french toast

he now knows how to drift!!! like aCTUALLY drift!!! :D

hobi even taught him some tips about making the best use out of your car’s gas and how to nOT cower when it’s blinking that you’re about to run out

aHA jungkook’s still a little bit panicked whenever he sees the light blinking but then he’d remember hobi in his mind looking at him dead-straight

“you’re one of the buffest guys i’ve ever known, and you’re rattled at a tiny light blinking at you?”

you could still go for 50 km tOps with a blinking gas notice on!!! you’re nOT gonna believe jung hoseok the racer??

sigh

jungkook may be content with his job rn

but of course he’s still looking out for you :D

you’re much happier and giggly these days,,, yoongi and his character development being the causes for it

but every now and then aha :D

jungkook likes to relish over the fact that yeah yoongi may be over him in terms of seniority :) but that’s hIS best friend that he’s dating :)

he may just want to spook the guy sometimes

yoongi’s minding his business as he brings over lunch to kim kradle again, chopping up your cheesy tonkatsu for u when he makes the mistake of lifting his eyes

jungkook’s casually munching on his own meal that yoongi’s aLSO bought for him :D giving the older guy a thumbs-up and it makes yoongi smile

right before when jungkook’s eyes flicker from him and to you and his thumb is nOW resting daintily on his neck as he wiggles his eyebrows

g-gulp

yoongi will take care of you for sURE

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that-one-girl-who-writes · 4 years

Text

A Series of Unfortunate Events.

The Vile Village.

The book begins with the Baudelaires in Mr. Poe’s office, awaiting a new guardian. Mr. Poe gives a brochure to the Baudelaire orphans about a new program allowing an entire village to serve as guardian, based on the saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’

The children choose V.F.D.

V.F.D was an abbreviation to which the Quagmire’s referred to but before they could explain further during their kidnap by Count Olaf and his theater group. The children depart for the unknown V.F.D. by bus, and after a long, hot and dusty walk from the bus stop, they reach the town of V.F.D. which is filled with crows.

They become acquainted with the Council of Elders, who proclaims that the children will do all the chores for the entire village, but they will be living with Hector. A handyman, who takes them to his home, where he shows them the house, the barn, and the Nevermore Tree, where all the crows would come to roost at night.

The Baudelaires learn that V.F.D. stands for the Village of Fowl Devotees. Hector then shows the Baudelaires the following couplet, which he says was found at the base of Nevermore Tree:

For sapphires, we are held in here,

Only you can end our fear.

The Baudelaires discover that Hector has been breaking the voluminous list of strict and unfair town rules by keeping a secret library and working on a hot-air mobile home in his barn so that he can sail away forever. The Baudelaire’s tell Hector how Isadora might be sending them clues through the poems. They also discover a new couplet under the tree, though they’ve kept the tree under surveillance the whole night, which reads:

Until dawn comes we cannot speak,

No words can come from this sad beak.

Three members of the Council of Elders report that Count Olaf has been ‘captured’, and the Baudelaires are to report immediately to the Town Hall. The Baudelaires though discover that Count Olaf was not captured, but instead, a man named Jacques Snicket, who just so happens to share the same surname as the author, was.

It was because Jacques also had a unibrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle. The children insist he is not Count Olaf, but the townspeople ignore them.

The next day Jacques was to be wrongfully burned at the stake so that night the orphans construct a plan that Sunny would keep watch at Nevermore Tree to see where the poems are coming from, Klaus searches the rules of V.F.D. for something to help Jacques out of trouble and Violet helps finish Hector’s hot-air balloon device, for it will be a useful escape device just in case if Count Olaf came after them.

Violet fixes the hot air balloon and Klaus discovers that a rule allows the accused to make a speech explaining himself. If a few people say something, mob psychology can make everyone demand the same thing and thus they can suggest that Jacques be freed. Sunny discovers that the crows are somehow delivering the couplets, and finds a new one:

The first thing you read contains the clue,

An initial way to speak to you.

When the children run to the uptown jail where Jacques is being held, they learn that he is dead. V.F.D.’s police officer, Luciana, announces that Jacques, as Count Olaf, has been murdered in the night, and Olaf, masquerading as Detective Dupin, accuses the Baudelaires of murdering ‘Count Olaf.’

He claims a hair ribbon belonging to Violet and a lens from Klaus’s glasses were found on the scene, and Sunny’s teeth marks are on the body. Of course, the evidence was false but the people ignore the fact that the orphans had solid alibis and they are locked up inside the Deluxe Cell in the prison, prior to being burnt at the stake the following day for breaking the town rules.

Olaf, abandoning his Dupin disguise, tells them that one of them will make a great escape before the burning, as one child is needed alive to inherit the family fortune, and he leaves them to decide who will survive.

While they are locked up, Klaus realizes that it is his 13th birthday before Officer Luciana enters the cell, grudgingly brings them water and bread as that is one of the many rules governing the village.

But Violet is able to use the bread and water to allow them to escape. By pouring the pitcher of water repeatedly down a wooden bench onto the wall to soften the mortar, and then squeezing the water out of the bread where it had collected at the bottom of the wall. This process, repeated all through the day, evening and following morning slowly starts to yield results by weakening the thick brick walls of the prison cell

At daybreak, Hector comes to the window and tells them that if they manage to break out, he has the hot-air balloon ready. He also gives them the daily couplet:

Inside these letters, the eye will see,

Nearby are your friends and V.F.D

They line up all the couplets and read it all once more, using the sixth line, “An initial way to speak to you”, to read the first initial of each line:

For sapphires, we are held in here.

Only you can end our fear.

Until dawn comes we cannot speak.

No words can come from this sad beak.

The first thing you read contains the clue.

An initial way to speak to you.

Inside these letters, the eye will see.

Nearby are your friends and V.F.D.

The Baudelaires figure out the sapphires refer to the Quagmires’ fortune. The Quagmire's way of ‘speaking’ to the Baudelaire orphans is not V.F.D. but the first letter in each verse, which spells out FOUNTAIN so they rush to Fowl Fountain but can't do anything.

They begin falling and Sunny inadvertently presses a secret button in the eye of the crow, which opens the beak, revealing the damp Quagmires inside. They flee the pitchfork-carrying mob and run for the outskirts of town. As they go, the Quagmires explain that Count Olaf locked them in the tower of his house. Then he had his associates build the fountain and imprisoned the Quagmires.

The Quagmires attached a couplet to the crows’ feet every morning, which fell off in the Nevermore Tree when the paper was dry. They tell the Baudelaires that the man who died was Jacques Snicket, but the mob catches sight of them and they have to continue to run. They reach the outskirts of town and Hector arrives in his hot-air mobile home.

He throws down a rope ladder and the Quagmires start to climb up to get inside. Officer Luciana shoots at the rope ladder with a harpoon gun, breaking the rope whilst the Baudelaires are still climbing and preventing them from continuing - they jump down to earth, saying good-bye to the Quagmires who then throw their notebooks down to the orphans so they can read their research.

Unfortunately, Officer Luciana’s final harpoon pierces the books, destroying and scattering many of the pages, as the hot-air mobile home heads towards the horizon. The book ends with Olaf and Officer Luciana, who removes her helmet and reveals herself to be Esmé Squalor, escape by motorcycle, and the Baudelaires fleeing the village on foot.

Check out the next summary here: The Hostile Hospital.

#asoue #summaries #booklr #booklover #booksmart #a series of unfortunate events

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glorywaited · 4 years

Text

☽ / @thiefreign : das ship meme SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU : ( accepting !! )

thank u for enabling me n my daily sole source of serotonin with these two !! ihu cause i love all our millions of verses so.... mmmaybe i’ll throw in some specifics...

Who said “I love you” first : it’s usually eugene tbh -- but iirc cass drunkenly confessed in our canon verse but neither remembered that so does it count idk... n cass tbh probably yells it at him out of frustration in my street raised verse because he is the worst but usually she waits for him n they pine after each other forever because they’re absolute idiots...the smartest idiots... but eugene generally breaks first because he’s him && as far as saying the actual phrase...that’s always eugene because ykno cass has to go through her ‘me too’ phase of just responding with ‘me too’ n actually fully meaning it entirely but terrified to say it dhajmd

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background : eugene. always. especially with model cass because like...look at her. but honestly any modern cass usually has him on her home screen especially the pic from that one time she tried to take a pic of him peacefully n cutely sleeping n dropped her phone on his face...

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror : both but cass probably started it when they were fwb n he was being annoying after shower sex n talking too much n going to do his usual skincare routine n everything n before he could wipe the fog away she drew on a moustache unibrow n devil horns n now they do that to each other n leave little notes or terrible drawings in the corners of the mirror. for pjo / hp / any teen verse tbh they probably just do that to each other a lot n it’s always way more ridiculous drawings or notes n she probably just writes ‘dork’ all the time so he sees it later

Who buys the other cheesy gifts : eugene does cause he’s good at cheesy n cass is not but she’d probably buy him things as a joke tbh. generally she’ll give him practical / thoughtful gifts out of nowhere just because she saw it or saw he was running out of something n refilled it for him, things like that.

Who initiated the first kiss : tbh it’s usually eugene or it’s one of those mutual things where they both end up leaning in n before they can really think it through they’re already kissing followed by a soft pull away, look at each other n then going back in because oops they opened a faucet they cant shut off. but every time eugene initiates no matter the verse it always surprises the hell out of cass cause she just does not think he likes her, especially verses where they’re teens n the denial is high but she always kisses back immediately n usually always initiates the second kiss

Who kisses the other awake in the morning : eugene started it but cass really, really enjoys whenever he does. it startles her the first time in any verse, especially our canon verse since she’s so jumpy but she definitely starts doing it too whenever she wakes up first. she’ll brush his hair back gently n kiss him softly to wake him but every so often when she’s being a brat she’ll wake him up terribly by tickling his sides of blowing a raspberry on his neck....n other times she’ll wake him up by kissing his neck n generally attempting to initiate morning sex n she’s not sry about any of it :\\\

Who starts tickle fights : EUGENE. ALWAYS. in proooobably every verse...maaybe not hitman cause he’s edgy unless it’s like deeep into their relationship but :\\\ she hates it n she fights back every single time because she will NOT be the only one to suffer

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower : cass does not ask -- well, she sometimes asks if he wants her to join him -- but she does like sneaking into the shower with him because she likes showering together but she also likes being nasty so...

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch : i feel like both depending on the verse but i can see them both doing this for each other in most verses ?? in canon its cute to think about eugene surprising cass during her break from handmaiden duties with a small quick picnic tbh because the denial is hilarious n theyre like its just a FRIENDS LUNCH n everyons lke UH HUH THATS A DATE ?? n post series cass absolutely brings him food when hes working as captain. modern cass in like any of the verses she’s with actor eugene / flynn would bring him things to set even tho they have food but she just...wants an excuse to be around him lmao dhbajkmd especially any time model cass is visiting him when he’s filming but i can see him doing the same whenever she has shoots near him ??

Who was nervous and shy on the first date : oh cass is always nervous on the first date no matter the verse because she has intense abandonment issues n thinks shes gonna lose him n doesn’t deserve love so she’s Highkey nervous the whole time until he makes her laugh n calms her down cause he just...notices she’s rly tense tbh n that helps her a lot to just ease into it n have a good time with him. but it works both ways, she can tell if he’s ever nervous n he tends to get in his head a lot so she’ll calm him down too n just place a hand on him n get his focus on her

Who kills/takes out the spiders : cass takes all spiders gently in her hands n takes them outside. however...pjo cass is the only cass terrified of spiders because Child of Athena n eugene definitely takes the spiders away for her whenever she starts to panic n calms her down after n she feels silly for it bhdjasm

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk : eugene does, he’s a louder drunk than her n it’s way easier for him to yell that he loves her to everyone... but she also has the tendency to accidentally blurt out her feelings for him when she’s very, very drunk. or in actor eugenes case, he confesses to her while SHE’S blackout drunk n won’t remember :\\\

#thiefreign #「 🌙 ◜ thiefreign ◞ so go ahead && drive me insane; baby run your mouth; i still wouldn't change being stuck with you 」#[ this was me...showing restraint in just...rambling about them abby.... I LOVE THEM SO MUUUUUCH UGH ]#[ they make me so happy wtf sobs ]#[ i held myself back n did general n added specific differences in some verses but probably left out so much im A FRAUD ]#「 🌙 ◜ answered ◞ yet every horizon seems near 」#「 🌙 ◜ headcanons ◞ i know i was meant for glory 」#「 🌙 ◜ ooc ◞ u got this owl; make em wait for it...boom 」

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demethinkstoomuch · 4 years

Text

Deme Rates Villagers: Cubs

It’s Bears, but Smaller!

(Why didn’t I lump Bears and Cubs the way I did Cows and Bulls? Because there are a fair number of them, I think.)

I have also realized that, rather than a numerical rating, an emoticon rating might be better. I may do numbers from time to time, and so likely will not go back for the others. There will not be a scale, but a broad expression of my feelings. Or a mimic of their faces. Or a comment. Sometimes.

Disclaimer: Images are from the wiki, all good dogs, my ratings are mainly just there because “Deme gives her abstract thoughts on villagers” is hardly a catchy thing.

Aisle

Another Animal Forest E+ exclusive, another villager that looks like they came out of a Rare game like Banjo-Kazooie or Conker’s Bad Fur Day, even though this one doesn’t feature any exact equivolents. On the whole, I think the high contrast between the blue fur and the tuft of blond hair is a bad look, but the big blue eyes being sort of heavy-lidded and dour’s kind of cute.

Rating: :|

Barold

Barold is great. Like, I don’t entirely know what they’re going for with him -- he vaguely suggests either Fred Flinstone or an IT guy in my head -- but I love it either way. (Fred Flinstone: 5 o’ clock shadow, shirt. IT Guy: Eeyes have kind of a glasses shape, beard). He’s oozing with character, albeit a strange character, and do I detect little white pawsies? I do!

Rating: B’|

Bluebear

She’s a bear! She’s blue! She’s got a little white and a little pink, which gives her a nicely over-all pastel look. I like the darker blue (Fire Emblem Lord Blue, perhaps?) hair on her. She is just cute.

Rating: :)

Cheri

Another colorful bear cub, this one, pink! I like her, she’s sassy. Nice eyebrows that pair with her eyes to give her an impression of moxie that’s still quite cute. Hair is spiky, which adds to that. She’s peppy, which means that by peppy standards, she’s pretty edgy, in a weird, pink little bear way. Either way, she’s rather cute.

Rating: :]

Chester

Man, what do the Animal Crossing devs have against just letting pandas be cute? Chow, Chester... They’re both just sort of weird in a way that I find, funnily enough, more unsettling or dull than charming. Long pupils are not friend-shaped; if they leaned into the creepy, like with a goat, that would be one thing, but it rather spoils Chester. The sad-looking mouth could be cute, but it’s a bit big for that. Almost there, Chester, but just not.

Rating: :(

Cupcake

So, Cupcake is kind of Cheri, but with a half-hearted snootification effort via heavy-lidded eyeshadow eyes. Meh.

Rating: :[ (Like Cheri, but worse.)

Judy

A New Horizons new villager, and Judy is sure an aesthetic! The pastel gradients, the enormous sparkly eyes with the big shojou lashes, she just screams that she belongs in a gothic lolita girl’s arms during a photoshoot. Get this bear a lace-up dress. She could be an extra Hello Kitty collab character or something. I’m not actually a huge fan of Judy, but I cannot possibly deny that she is wonderfully what she is, and so while the agressively UWU quality to her isn’t for me, but I can’t help but applaud it. Dedication! Also, I like the subtler blush. It works.

Rating: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

June

June is maaaybe my favorite cub, she’s just simple and pleasant-looking, without being a pastel screaming-fest, Her colorscheme and implied heavy fringe has a sort of... Like, it makes her big blue eyes and over-all cuteness read “girl next door,” sort of an ordinary, natural cute. And then you add the cute big hibiscus for a little pop that contrasts with her eyes. It’s just a real cute look. I’d probably, though, if I were to consider adopting her, check to make sure her eyes aren’t super weird when you look at them from other angles. It’s a bad fate to befall a villager.

Rating: (◕‿◕✿) (Babe, hold my flower)

Kody

Hey, look, it’s one of my starter New Leaf villagers! Kody was the last of my first villagers to move out, too, sticking around for quite a while indeed. His departure left a hole that Clyde entered through via someone’s void, and I was not happy about that. As a result, I feel fonder of Kody than I would otherwise, since otherwise, he’s just, you know, a blue bear with a darker blue spot, like many animals that are just like that except not bears. It can be charming with the right face, but there’s nothing particularly noteworthy about his face. It’s just Kody. There he is. Old chum.

Rating: ˅ u ˅ Ah, the memories...

Maple

Awwww, look at her! She’s just precious, very simple, with implied floofy bangs and bright little dot eyes. Even the pink sticker blush works better with her colors than I see in a lot of places. If June didn’t have her flowers, maybe I’d be here saying Maple’s my favorite. Maybe Maple is my favorite, I don’t know. She feels like angelfood cake, you, know? Light, pleasant, sweet...Though, admittedly, not especially flavorful. She’s just cute as she is.

Rating: ‘ ◕ w ◕ ‘

Marty

Ah, a Sanrio villager! ...Not one of the cuter ones, really. Looks sort of like a honey jar bear to me, which is, I suppose, something. His eyebrows have an unassuming quality, like he’s just a normal guy.

Rating: Normal Guy / Guys

Murphy

Remember everything I said about Kody? Yeah, still true about Murphy. His coloring is just sort of “spotted bear,” now in green. But! He does have big square eyebrows and big square eyes, which give him a bit of extra character, reliably and kinda sleepy. A good face.

Rating = w = (A good thing, I promise.)

Olive

Olive is a villager I’ve heard compared to Maple a lot -- it’s the shirt, I suppose, but really, more than that. Her color scheme is also pretty naturalistic and grounded, she has a cute bang outline. She doesn’t push the cute as hard, but that might make her more comfortable, less out-and-out cutesy to folks. That said, her eyes just have that quality I found with the birds, where something about them, paired with the surprised eyebrows, that feels kinda blank, like they reveal nothing. Staring. These eyes have seen too much. But she’s still pretty cute, won’t lie.

Rating: O-O

Pekoe

Aww, isn’t she cute? This screenshot makes her look more cream-colored than I’m used to thinking of her as, a dramatic bonus to her over-all level of adorable. Pekoe’s use of ears to suggest little covered hair-buns is pretty flavorful; it makes me wonder if they almost wanted to make a cute, very on-theme panda, and then decided “No, let’s just make her a white bear, good enough.” Still, her face is cute, too, with a distinct set of eyes carrying through the same sort of design sensibilities as her hair and ears/buns, intensely stylized. It’s a nice look.

Rating: :)

Poko

What is with the shape of his head? You all see that, right, where his head is a totally different, longer, shape? Why? What does it mean? Is it meant to be like a mask? If it were meant to be a long mask, that’d be cool. I don’t think it is? It’s a mystery that he would need another appearance to solve, and that’s not happening.

Rating: ? :/

Poncho

Poncho’s cute. He’s basically just blue Olive, though the bangs are less fwooshy. Still, I find him a bit cuter than Olive, because the oval eyes sort of soften the effect of round on round on round that looks strange and staring; this is a bit more cartoony and cute. That’s about it from me. Pretty cute.

Rating: 0 ˅ 0

Pudge

Oh, Pudge looks so sad and alone! I want to hug and protect him! I’ve checked other screenshots, that’s just how Pudge’s face is, and it’s so precious! I do not get the freen on the ears and tip of tail, though. I do not understand why this is a thing, and I cannot say I approve of it. It’s kind of a distracting negative among this otherwise adorable design of a baby I just want to protect!

Rating: (> ‘ . ’)> Come here and let me hug you!

Stitches

OK, so, maybe if it’s not June or Maple, maybe Stitches is best cub. Certainly, he’s the most thematically strong, with this adorable patchwork teddybear design! His eyes evoke a really cute version of his name, little stitches. Just adorable and aesthetically on-point and I’m really happy to see him. I could see him with a place on my island, if I only didn’t have too many villagers I could see with a place.

Rating :D or, alternatively, XwX just for him.

Tammy

Oh, it’s almost all the things I dislike in a villager design. Random colors without real cohesion or purpose, just “well, this is a colorful animal” that clash with other randomly-selected colors (orange blush, deep rose eyeshadow, pale pink inner ears, white muzzle/paws, brown bangs) with eyeshadowed eyes to say “Hey this is a snooty” without going all-in for glamor-comedy? I think we’ve hit bingo. Funnily enough, I think this might be my least-favorite cub.

Rating: :(

Vladimir

Vladimir is ugly with dedication. Vladimir is ugly with a passion. Vladimir is ugly with soul and purpose. Buck teeth and that flatly furrowed, thin, no-brow-unibrow! Those awful bangs! Truly, Vladimir is an artist’s study in ugly-cute. I can’t say that it works to vaunt him into a villager I’d really love to have around, but I can profoundly respect him.

Rating: ಠ ῳ ಠ

The cubs are good, in conclusion. A good mix of aesthetics, and at least 3 I rather like, which is a good number. Also, I got to whip out some Japanese emoticons, and isn’t that important?

#Deme Rates Villagers #Animal Crossing #Cubs #stitches animal crossing

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ckcker · 4 years

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Fear of Being There

The scientists put 3D glasses on a cuttlefish I read in an article, which I pair with the unread email from a friend of twelve years sitting one tab away, it appears to partly be a link to some video. Feeling brave, I gather speed and push to the open email, purposefully ignoring all of the friend’s written message to zoom into the thumbnail of the video link they shared with me, which shows on one side of the thumbnail the shocked open mouth of a drag queen reacting to what I assume to be the most heinous transgression. On the other side, a porcupine’s needles blasting from inside the mid-section of what appears to be a burmese python. “How could this scenario have ever happened,” I ask myself as I don’t click, then scan the message written above the link:

“are you still in Kansas City??”

“I saw our high school English teacher walking in the park with a huge clump of moss stuck on her ass, I’ve been wanting to tell you that for a long time”

“Carrie is in NA now and I never see her. also I adopted a dog”

“I’m sad I haven’t heard from you in a long time but I respect that you are just doing your thing, doing what you think is best for you, I love you. enjoy this video of a drag queen screaming as she watches a porcupine impale a boa constrictor from the inside, it really made me laugh. It’s not real”

“I would love to visit some time if you’d have me, I would love a long road trip, no pressure.”

All I ever felt towards this person was worry; they were frequently to be found painfully descending the valley of some knotty, unlubed parabola. Suicide often seemed on the table though it was never openly discussed, and what was discussed and unburdened between us never seemed to offer this person any relief. But, I had not seen them in almost two years — still, I worried. The gristle of sympathy. Though now I could only think this person a bit stupid for not electing revenge as the only compatible solution. They wallowed, tried to make inroads on the community around them, multi-tasker, all I did was worry, wonder if there was no chance for them. On my better days I in fact stopped worrying because I resolved to believe that there was no chance for them. On worse days I used to encourage them to online date, to take classes in some technical craft and escape minimum wage, incredibly coming from me who has yet to escape minimum wage, I bloated them with the most despicable general advice most likely invented by some phantom community and popularized by rotating day time talk show cryptids. I surprised myself, the self-help industry deluge came spilling readily from my own mouth, I had no other advice to give. No effect. I had no idea what could help someone, I did not respond to the e-mail, the scientists put 3D glasses on the cuttlefish to study if it uses stereoscopic vision to hunt, love that.

I responded to the email by going out for a long walk. The walk proceeded as planned. And then, in front of my eyes, the glistening juice of a misdirected frappé bronzed itself on the sunlit sidewalk. It was June. The person who bought then dropped it when attempting to give their companion a lil sip seemed one or two involuntary grunts away from the most amateur keening. We did not know each other and passing by I said nothing, in another hour and a half it would be sunset and that was the daily alarm for my worst and most stupid memories.

Walking without a plan for a couple miles had led me to nothing specific: a popular cafe with drive-thru option, and the entrance to some truncated nature preserve with an ample parking lot, that I barely observed. The humiliated and frappé-less melody of the forlorn customer began to spread over my shoulder, I averted my gaze from the nature preserve to treat it as if an attractive face I was intimidated by. The only use for such a pathetic nod to wilderness in an urban area should be frequent alien abduction. I knew better than to hope for that, I was not a good multi-tasker and did best with a single plan of attack. And I already had a good plan, through subtle make-up I was looking older by the day (more like the month). Pretty soon I would dye my hair grey. I considered it was something the young people of the era liked to do and not for the reason of appearing aged. In fact, more than anything this coalition of young and old visual signifiers increased the proof of their wrinkle-free faces and accentuated the domineering stylistic awareness inherent to youth in a, unnaturally long energy-sucking sigh, capitalist country. I continued to high step forward like a finickety markhor in a fugly mood. Then, finding myself facing a hard-to-cross state highway I concluded, “oh, haha…ok, ah……that’s fine” and turned back towards the unused nature preserve parking lot, “I am almost too far away from home anyway.” I sat on a curb on the side farthest away from the road. Looking across the street I saw that the customer and friend had started to kiss. A simple solution to the loss of the drink. His body turned awkwardly, I allowed myself to espy the torque of the male’s twisted cargo short pocket and felt very little. I was turned away from the forest preserve entrance, at sunset I would have the executioner’s urge to once again survey and prepare my Doha nights.

The arrival of sunset did not derail my day, but it always succeeded in sequestering my concentration so as to remember that, perhaps, time — I felt fully sick of telling myself about it. I would prefer an obsession more traditionally fun, there was something about the way the eyebrows (with near-unibrow between) met the sharp lines at the top of the hyrax-like nose of Q.C.’s gradually-hot-to-me face. I did not spend too much time thinking on him, I had little control over my eyes when in his presence. Worse, attempting to appeal to him would mean calling off the whole ambitious deterioration project, which was fully under my control/the best path forward. I did not spend much time thinking of him when not in his presence and the collective shimmy of maple tree leaves in the breeze appealed to my left side as it carried on through the row of trees behind me. A sparrow bopped around the swath of thick grass to my right and was not interesting at all. I knew I felt this about the sparrow because I turned away from it quickly. Finally I rotated towards the nature preserve entrance. Was this an opportunity for me to snag a poesis? I wanted to be home in my bed alone. I also wanted to pretend to be thriving, inspired and free. I wanted to try to see the world for the first time again.

I got up and started towards the forest path with the confidence and direction of the professional managerial class. To appeal to Q.C. would involve a gravitational u-turn, I would have to cut my hair better, with more style and intention, I would have to once again attempt to wear clothes that mostly fit my body, with careful monitoring of the area where jeans could be hit firm with zested glute. I would have to invest much mental analysis into determining how to embody his desire. I would have to keep emphatic track of my body language and reactionary expressions when near him so as to appear at least some low level of confident and laid back. The antithesis of an angry errant stump, sucking vengeance through an ancient straw lined with obsidian spikes that clacked ominously against dentures I did not need. I could not appear as “depressed for two.” Again, and worst of all, I would have to deselect the only source of direction for the future, my only true idea for satisfaction: the pursuit of my literally new age. My only chance to repair my original timeline, by controlling my own time. The old tension between wanting badly to be noticed and desired by others, and wanting that definition of freedom which is the refusal of all external attention, both approval and disapproval, in order to bring about the most contained stability — of course that tension ran me ragged once again. That wan zit, it really seemed scripted at this point, I worked very hard to send it to the background. My body clearly sensed this when it activated the release of an ear wax ball the shape and weight of a gently used cheek piercing stud. The feeling associated with its premiere and gruesome launch was similar to just catching the last concrete appearance and subsequent fadeout of a semi-interesting-but-ultimately-unremarkable ghost of a 52 year old coffee mug.

I entered the forest, which began with a layer of joyless mulch. The opening of the trail had dimensions so wide even the most sexually depraved plant had little chance to gak its repressed gropeage on a passing body. I looked up as I walked, realizing the only animal likely to be spotted here, at this time of day, would be a bird. Perhaps I might see a hawk or turkey vulture. My survey resulted only in the very soft swaying of stacked green branches in front of striated and unremarkable clouds. After watching this gentle tableaux for about thirty seconds, I wanted to more than violently shake an in-his-prime Ansel Adams, ask him what in the unconscionably labyrinthine fauxhawk I’d just seen. Would he have looked twice at this sky — my glance still directed upwards, I heard its scabrous chirp before I saw it, and then I saw it and immediately hated its presence: a sparrow had landed on an oak branch forty feet above my head and wanted to stay there. I refused to let it observe me, turning to it I suddenly screamed in the timbre of an aggressive synth orchestra hit. Continuing my walk after compartmentalizing its non-reaction, I wondered how I might make these natural surroundings matter to me. They made no inherent argument that profoundly engorged the fun bags, perhaps because I was generally hooked into things by chaos, aggression and arguments, not by continuity or bucolia. I could identify the simpler trees at least. Of course pines and maples were easy, birch too. I could usually confirm oak and cherry through guesswork. Otherwise I wandered through a forest in a skein of unskilled silence, in some beta-level abyss that was never fact-checked. I didn’t know if having the names of mosses and wildflowers and mushrooms made it easier to appreciate the woods I forced myself into. That I recognized and questioned such absences in myself was part proof that I felt a large component missing in the ongoing construction of respect for humble surroundings, and part recall of an inherent tendency to not care much about my own construction. Against the spirit of the times, I spurned the concept of “personal development,” both in the thought directives I gave myself, and in the level of base inertia and hatred of fitness that exposed me as down-low sirenia. “Personal development” — I did not trust the idea. But moderate walking was acceptable to me and I continued to walk. All trees beside me were suddenly activated by a quite beefy breeze from inside the forest. Mood was present. And along the audio effects of the wind in heavy leaf-covered branches, I thought I heard a rustling in a different tempo one-hundred feet further along the path. A clench shuttered my body. Once, I was reckless. I entered badly lit hotel rooms brimming with silhouettes of animatronic movements. I took pills handed to me, only asking after I swallowed them what they were (bottom tier migraine medication). These days nearly any situation outside my apartment brought the inflamed trance of cautious thoughts. Where I seemed to hear the sound I saw nothing but the continuation of breeze, and felt fully the irregular welts of my prey mentality.

But I did not turn to exit. The introduction of humidity into early summer pumped a new game in me anyway, the godforsaken thirst for some swell of “possibility.” Against my addiction to titanium cowardice, flicked this vague and acidic proposition for adventure — that most rancid word of careerist travel influencers and successful stunt doubles. Heavy hot air seemed to ferment a perennial wildness of feeling that, in other weather conditions, remained neatly veiled in self-suck. I hated that I could still be easily infiltrated by this hormonal illusion of “anything can happen,” despite all my malevolent associations with the phrase. It was important to make a list of all the things that are possible. “Anything can happen” was a sloppy mantra full of menace and probably popularized at some point in the late 20th century to sell mini frozen bagels with pizza toppings. The list of all the things that are possible is the list of most crucial truth, it is a list that serves as sublime prep for someone who has been through the full consummation of “anything can happen,” when the thing that happened was a mind-shedding, unmentionable thing. I knew the culture at large was heavily against such a distrust of possibility, as the concept suggested monumental change and always for the better — the potential of fortune. I also knew it was against the cosmetic grafting of extra skin to make what I suddenly decided to refer to as ‘my boys’ look especially wrinkled and saggy. I stood still and surveyed the way partial sunlight glazed on and off the nearest bush of presumably poisonous berries. I briefly turned around and took in the forest entrance in the distance, and beyond it the suggestion of abridged midwestern meadow, now also washing in and out of sunlight with an unpunished laze, that I felt very unused to. Nowhere else in my life, to which I paid attention, obeyed that kind of rhythm. This statement was immediately wrong and a direct contradiction of my slow motion lifestyle. I allowed the statement to stand because its wistful gush was enjoyable, roughly spiritual, and juicy.

It brought thoughts of a nightmare I once had that eventually, through sustained lack of action, curdled into just a dream, a dream that had a trolled atmosphere of never-ending. A dream that felt three years long. A nightmare-incubated dream that appeared seven months after that moment of apex possibility and only the second dream after.

There was a group of us. We were in a house, we didn’t know we were in a slasher movie, we had thought it was a self-liberation biopic. We were pursued by a presence we did not expect. But every time there was a shot of the killer, the killer had been deleted in post. Only a tense and expectant camera followed us around, and we screamed at empty spaces at the top of the staircase and in corners of rooms. Dissonant music accompanied us, which, now knowing we were in a horror movie, we expected and rolled our eyes at. But we never saw the killer and nobody ever died.

I also remembered the first dream I had after the event, it was very short and involved me waking up at 7am to give a dog one cup of dry food. The density of hanging leaves in the forest began to inch a feeling of haunch and ceiling overhead, the light landing on the settled foliage only in splatters of rhapsodic dag. The inevitable feeling of being alone in the woods, despite the steady wash of faraway highway motors, is intimacy with something. You believe you are not being seen, when small and mundane animals see you, it means absolutely nothing. With a bear or mountain lion in the mix, at last you will truly feel “seen.” I was in a freely neglected and shrunken nature preserve on the edge of a midwestern city, I did not think it was possible to be seen by a bear and so I did not feel like I could be noticed. Thus I felt intimacy.

The content of that intimacy had zero intellectual value. It was only the comfort of being fully hidden, safe and alone. I was impressed by how much thick cover the trees supplied since the preserve itself was state park theater. The trees hid me from the sky, repressed my existence from something that could watch me. I basked. I thought of the substantial bulge of an older male in tight-fitting jean shorts. In this context of feeling unseen, it seemed the thru line of my consciousness in bringing up such an image was the keyphrase, “something hidden.” The intimacy began to retreat as a counter. Again, my head disenrolled me from a healing terrestrial feeling; it looked at nature with vast inexperience, it pursued a perspective of mountainscape print out. I tried to recover the hypnotic sap of that momentary solitude and continued walking. Of course the interruption of erotica in mind is one of the more iconic nature moves. And yet for some reason it seemed to unravel the hallmark atmospherics of a more investigative mystery. Such a divide was proven by watching my pivots of attention between two tickles. For instance, on one side, direct observation of a boner. The other side, fog covering an empty island highway at night. I thought I knew well the narrative arc of a priapism, and I thought I did not yet know much about the carnage in my seeping memories. It seemed obvious — of the things that controlled me, I prioritized with meaning the one I did not know much about. And instinctively, being alone under thick canopy felt like good setup for that kind of self-irrigation. I thought of the bulge again then saw another sparrow and after it reasonably bopped about for a skoach I suggested to it, “get away from me fuckface.” Again it did not move.

I walked several paces off the path and leaned against a definite oak trunk, wondering if my old person stage makeup was still intact, glancing towards the voyeuristic rays of sun slipping through the trees, well diffused and beginning their noticeable descent. I listened. After approx. twenty seconds of listening I heard the long-churning spew of a motorcycle gunning down the road about a quarter mile away, somehow powerful enough to overwhelm the peaks of forest ambience with its quite rascally discharge, hunh, the streaks of horrific classic rock revival spraying after it. I thought, “stop subverting me,” then felt the newly introduced stance of someone in my peripheral vision. They did not advance or retreat but did fidget. Probably, I could not be sure without glancing directly, pretending to look up something on their phone. They seemed about fifteen feet away from me, I considered if I would have to kill them in self-defense.

“How’s it going?” a man’s voice directed at me from the trail, giving me permission to look at him directly. A balding but well-maintained buzz of greying black hair, glasses, a thin white-yellow-green-black button down tartan print department store shirt tucked into leather belt and loose fitting blue jeans, the eye eventually and uncontrollably being led down to the neon pink, orange and yellow running shoes with white laces low-key dusted in a sampling of diaphanous schmutz. My “hi” was squeezed out with full defenses. The man did not say anything back but immediately enacted some plan of his, made obvious in his eyes that pressed on my face with an unmistakable singularity. He pursued unbroken eye contact to evaluate the potentiality of the interaction. I responded by looking away, remembering it was a powerful move in the game. I also refused to believe he thought me attractive enough for whatever in-development future passed through his turgescent nethers. As a mature adult, I was no longer available to rawk out with my cawk out but clearly the cast of desperation on the man made it possible for me to appear sexually acceptable, as evidenced by his not leaving. Nor did I imagine that he produced much foregrounded desire in an m4m community; lastly he probably stayed because he was closeted. I tried to maintain an appearance of clueless indifference, comparable in chillness to deciding to write ‘U R’ in a text message the same moment you observe a plastic bag fly in the wind towards a sleeping stray cat. Since the man did not leave or say anything, I also waited another 7-10 seconds in silence and downward glance. Yet this tactic, usually so effective in social settings, had failed, and so I looked at him again. And again the charged stare of non-verbal magic. The humid air was beginning to slightly cool as the wind filled the space between my collar and neck, suggesting it might rain soon. But behind the man’s head the sun, flanked by fleshy lard-swept clouds in various indigo exposures, was still visible. I hoped if the increase in gusts continued that they might produce a temporary bald spot on the crown of my head as I said, “why are you looking at me?”

He did not immediately respond, but severed all links with my eyes. I watched his glance minutely dart from one close location on my face to the next, “do you have makeup on?”

Each generation, freer than the last. The man did not know the answer for sure, but that he had noticed something was confirmed. Very exciting, I beamed internally. I controlled the beam. There was still so much work to be done.

Towards the man I projected breathtaking displeasure. I assumed the keyed up tone of someone wanting to be regularly shared on the internet: “I’m just trying to enjoy the forest on my day off sis so don’t—” and shut off inexplicably, though recognizing as the system recoiled that the implication of this man’s advances had lightly cracked some automated timecode in my lower lefthand corner of frame. My body — I had only felt it all of a sudden. Shoulders were arched forward to protect my underbelly, chest was swollen and stuffed with the debris of a delayed reaction of terror, single inconsistent tingle in left leg suggested the tiniest strobing marquee aimed at the brain, suggesting “run.” I had thought, this is not a dangerous situation at all. A little unusual but not something I haven’t experienced before. Something I could refuse and easily walk away from.

The body had behaved differently. Sunset mounted. The body had believed it was going to die. I hadn’t even noticed. Internal monologue always suggested much to investigate when looking for a solution, it presented long interconnected hallways and sliding doors, considerations of escape and tactical movement. It berated the body for not reading the situation correctly or at all, it hated the body’s spontaneous and inept mechanisms. It relished any reference to the phrase “bassackwards” but in this case the body was right. If I was to be killed by this person was still up in the air, I leaned towards no, but the body had not been reacting to my imminent death, only suggesting how relaxedly I pretended to advance through commercial district sidewalks, gas station candy aisles, cruisy chip bag-strewn forest preserves as if I’d never been reorganized by some sort of adaptation of death in which you survive. There was much work to be done, much work, to make the hair of my eyebrows more profuse and unkempt. My nose hair, which was way too thin and manageable, samesies. It was with the failure of a deep breath that the gauze of that summer sunset coaxed me back into the scene, despite the marquee now reading “Run II: Darkest Before Dawn.” The man had not known how to respond to my ejection from the clapback. I took stock, the forest appeared momentarily still and squirrelless. His energy seemed as if grappling with the possible realities of what I was. If crazy, at least in the way that interferes with verbal communication, I was no longer an option in his “mmm………damn”-ridden design. If crazy but able to continue clear conversation, or if so shy as to appear only intermittently awkward in conversation with strangers, I was still a highly available mark.

“Do you like it here?” he asked. It seemed that micro makeup and abandoned sentences were not considered dealbreakers for someone in his position. My body continued to want to leave and I stayed, he took a few steps forward, staring again with that binary intensity where the recipient must commit to its endgame or flash exit.

A strap broke in me: I suggested, “I hate it here.” The comment reached him. He looked as if to be re-processing me under a blank face but maintained his slow approach. I was answering his questions coherently and so I was incredibly sexy, perhaps. “I’m not doing well,” I followed up, using a long-acting smile-to-smirk succession in an attempt to muffle it.

This was ignored, “I’ve got a pretty big one,” silence, breeze, sunset, wow — squirrel, “what are you looking for out here, alone?”

Silence, squirrel, “you know where you are, right?”

Breeze, trees, sunset, reggaeton in the distance, instinct erupted — I stepped forward. “It’s not yet time for my annual anal,” my voice cracked. “In fact, it won’t happen this year, or ever again.”

A pause was produced, though it was clear he didn’t quite grasp my meaning. I stood still, now staring at him in order to properly knead the info. Finally a look of understanding on his face — “oh, I’m sorry” and he exited back up the trail, all spells dismantled.

I remained in the woods. I looked at the squirrel. I even yearned to see a sparrow, uninterested in knowing why. I allowed the intellectual regulations to rest, I listened to the joyous pump of prancing squirrel feet on twig-bedazzled forest floor. I looked at the sunset, while blocking the word “beautiful,” and liked it. I walked to the path, turning away from the exit with the rush of a recently liberated preteen spray-painting an anarchy symbol on the door of a rusty abandoned sedan next to discontinued freight train tracks that are overgrown with weeds and yellow wildflowers. I wanted to walk deeper into the woods, I wanted to be in the woods when it got dark. I wanted to be alone and without a mind. Knowing it was untrue, I nevertheless proposed to myself, “I think I could cum just from being alone for 3 weeks.” After a feisty fifty or sixty steps around the curving path, I met chain link fence separating the forest from a row of backyards and their respective single family homes. I thought of the cliche of an evil character in a kid’s movie laughing maniacally for some time then very suddenly stopping to present a severe and unamused face. It surfaced as a whimper.

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trashyocstash · 5 years

Text

here’s the story for the alien abduction au! this idea came from a prompt given to me by an anon when i was asking for rick/julie prompts: “Alien abduction au but with a twist, Julie is the alien and accidentally abducts Rick.” anon, wherever you are, i hope you like this!

i spent some time coming up with ideas and getting help for this au too, and it’s all culminated into this!

the romance may feel rushed, but in my defense, this is just a one-shot, i can’t make it as developed as the romance in the main story, but i did try. i hope it’s good enough.

when in her alien form, julie is called “ju-lee” and in her human form, she’s called julie.

Ju-Lee sat alone in her room, smiling as she brought up her hologram of Earth and stared at it, immersed in her curiosity.

She’d always had a fascination for other worlds, but her people believed the inhabitants of them were barbaric and primitive, too obsessed with war and filled with hate, so it was discouraged. Regardless, Ju-Lee had wanted to see these worlds, and travel beyond her own planet for another, she had the option to not be cooped up on her own planet anymore, and it was the option she wanted to take.

Earth was one that stood out the most to her, since pretty much everyone, not just her planet, saw it’s dominant species, humans, as barbaric and primitive. People were discouraged to visit it, and even if they did, were told simply to view humanity from afar, so it’s what she would do.

The city Ju-Lee lived in had a shipyard, and the ships there were highly advanced, capable of interstellar travel, and they could take her to Earth as she wanted. When flying these ships, the intention was to observe, not just Earth, but other planets too, because again, they saw other species as lesser than them.

She let her pale orange hand move through the hologram, and sighed. Ju-Lee had been thinking about leaving for a while, she felt alone and like she didn’t belong with her people. She valued peace and prosperity as much as they did, but disagreed with their clearly high ego of being above everyone else and demonizing them. As a result, Ju-Lee just felt too different and alienated from her people, and wondered if Earth could be the place she truly belonged to.

Ju-Lee sucked in a breath and stood up, she really did feel like she needed to leave, and right now. She shut off the hologram, stuffed it in a bag and ran off for the shipyard.

She arrived in the shipyard and happily flew off with one of the ships, headed off for Earth. She had piloted ships in the past, but Ju-Lee had never left her planet before. Now that she had, a feeling of freedom washed over her.

Ju-Lee arrived overhead a portion of Earth, smiling as she looked through what info there was on the planet...most of it negative sadly..

“I need to get more positive info this planet.” She sighed. “But how?”

As she leaned back, her elbow bumped into the controls without her noticing, setting off the “put things into the ship” option.

A mad scientist named Rick Sanchez was tossing and turning on his bed, attempting to sleep, but being unable to, making him groan in annoyance and frustration. Why couldn’t he fall asleep?

Out of nowhere, a beam of light burst into his room, carrying him and some nearby objects into the sky, straight for a ship. He sighed, why was he being abducted by an alien right now of all times?

Rick arrived in a part of the ship meant for storage and got up. He was still tired, but also angrily wanted to confront his abductor.

Storming into the ship’s control center, he was surprised to see one alien there, and from a reclusive species no less. The alien turned around and upon seeing him, was in shock.

“A...A human!” She gasped.

“Yes..?” She was pretty, but he was still in a bad mood about his abduction. “Why do you abduct me? I was trying to sleep!”

“Oh my gosh! I’m…I’m really sorry…I was just trying to learn more about humans…I didn’t mean to abduct you!” Ju-Lee replied, feeling flustered and embarrassed.

His temper cooled knowing that it was just an accident, and he believed her as her embarrassment seemed genuine. Rick looked her up and down, a smirk appearing on his face. “Well I can’t say I’m complaining.”

Ju-Lee blushed at this and looked away, not expecting him to be flirty with her. She tried to brush it off and turned to face him. “Do you...umm...want to go back to Earth?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Eh...n-not really..I don’t mind st-staying here.” Rick wanted to go to sleep, but he also couldn’t resist being around an attractive alien.

That wasn’t at all the answer Ju-Lee had expected. “Why don’t you want to return home?”

He shrugged. “Don’t care much for it. I’d rather stay here.”

Ju-Lee was confused, but decided to agree. “Um...alright..” When he didn’t respond, she decided to introduce herself. “My name is..um….Ju-Lee..by the way..”

“Rick.”

“Rick...that’s a funny name...I like it..” She giggled.

A smile appeared on Rick’s face, he liked her already.

Rick stayed with Ju-Lee on her ship, and found himself liking her more and more by the day. She was full of wonder and enthusiasm, asking him questions about Earth everyday, and he was happy to answer them.

“Does every human have a unibrow like you?” She asked.

“No, just some of us.” He answered.

And Ju-Lee always had more for him too. “And your ears...do some people have pointy ones?”

“No one does, all of our ears are rounded.”

She would also want to examine Rick, and he let her, which would just be her poking, prodding and scanning him. When he asked why she did this, Ju-Lee explained she was trying to understand more about humans, and he just smiled, enthralled with her curiosity towards humanity and Earth, she was super cute in his eyes.

After a week, Ju-Lee decided to ask Rick another question, but this one was different than the others. “Can you travel the Earth with me?”

He was taken aback by this. “Travel Earth? With me?”

She nodded. “I don’t know any other humans...and I really want to go explore Earth, and I’d need a guide for that…”

Rick really didn’t like his home planet very much, so he wasn’t the best guide for her. But at the same time, he really did like her, so he couldn’t say no. “Alright...I’ll take you to Earth with me..”

Ju-Lee squealed in delight and hugged him. “Yay! Thank you so much!”

He chuckled and pulled her off of him. “But first, you’ll need a human name and disguise.”

“Disguise? But I can’t shapeshift..”

“Hold on.”

Ju-Lee watched as he headed for another room and quickly came out with a device for her. “What is that?” She wondered aloud.

“This will help you shapeshift into a human form, just press the button. And when you’re in the human form, if you press the button again, you’ll return to normal.” Rick explained. “Try it out.”

A bright expression appeared on her face as she pressed the button. In an instant, Ju-Lee was in a human form. Rick’s mouth dropped at the sight, she was beautiful.

“What do you think Rick?” Ju-Lee asked.

He cleared his throat. “Ah yes...you um...y-y-you look….g-great..”

She blushed. “Thank you...but what about a human name for me?”

Rick thought for a moment. “Ju-Lee sounds like the name Julie...so we’ll call you that. It’s spelled J-U-L-I-E, got it?”

Julie nodded her head. “I got it. When can we get going?”

He peered through the window, seeing it was morning. Turning back to her, he spoke again. “Now.”

Once they departed from the ship, Julie pulled out her hologram of Earth. “Where’s the first place we should go?” She asked.

“Let’s start somewhere simple.” He replied. “You’re from an aquatic race, so I think I have an idea of a place you’ll like..”

Her eyes widened and she became all giddy as he led her to….a seafood restaurant. Julie immediately started walking to a table, but Rick pulled her back. “Just follow my lead, and don’t go anywhere on your own unless it’s the bathroom, o-okay?”

She nodded her head, and he started leading her over to a table where they sat down together. When they got menus, Julie stared at her’s, realizing why Rick had brought her here and became more excited than before.

“How much stuff can I get?” She asked.

Rick shrugged. “Just like….a main dish, a side one and a drink...I can’t have you getting too much..”

She giggled. “Don’t worry, I’ll just get what you said to get! I promise!”

“I hope s-so..”

In the end, Rick had to watch as Julie practically devoured a lobster right in front of him. He was both surprised and impressed by her.

“Uh...y-you re-really like that lobster d-don’t you?” He stuttered out.

She nodded. “It’s my favourite food other than fish!” Then Julie went right back to eating it.

Rick knew he was in for…something wild with her around.

They continued to go to different places together, and for now, Rick was keeping them in America first before they went to any other country, and he was already thinking of countries she’d like, mainly ones with a lot of water.

One place in particular they visited together was a beach. Rick had gotten Julie to get a bikini beforehand, and of course blushed when he saw her in it. Once they arrived at the beach, she was enthralled with the place and immediately ran up to the water’s edge. While there, she spotted a fish and jumped into the water after it.

“Julie! W-What are you doing?” Rick shouted.

She popped her head out of the water, a fish in her mouth, and he noticed a fin popping out of the water.

He ran up to her and realized the fin was apart of a tail, a tail that made her look like a mermaid. Julie noticed his confusion and put the fish onto her hands. “It’s my tail, I get it whenever I’m in the water, I guess it’s the same in my human disguise..” Then she put the fish back in her mouth.

Rick sighed and shook this new revelation off, for now, he had to deal with Julie devouring that fish. “Get that out of your mouth!” He yelled, trying to pull the fish out of her mouth.

She spit it out as he asked, and at that point, it was nothing but tiny pieces. “Why did you want me to do that?” She asked him innocently.

“You can’t j-just...just jump in the water and eat a-a fish..doesn’t work that way...if you want a fish, you go to the store and buy one.” He explained.

“Then can we do that?”

He smiled at her question. “I don’t see why not.”

They went out and Rick bought some fish for her, and once it was nice and heated up, she happily ate it. Since they were alone, he even allowed for her to return to her alien form, which she promptly did.

While she ate, Ju-Lee watched Rick as he ate with her. She’d been really enjoying her travels with him so far, it was really exciting to travel with him. She also had to admit, he was stirring feelings within her, feelings she recognized as...love. Ju-Lee didn’t mind at all, it would’ve been hard not to in her mind.

“Um...I-I just wanna say...I’m uh…s-s-sorry for yelling at y-you earlier…” Rick apologized.

“Its okay,” Ju-Lee smiled. “You’re just trying to help me assimilate more into Earth culture, I...really appreciate it..” She blushed.

He was surprised, but smiled. “That’s good...do you want to go watch some TV with me?” Rick asked as he got up from his seat.

“That would be wonderful!” Ju-Lee cheerfully replied as she got up too.

They put their dishes away and sat down to watch TV together. Ju-Lee was enamoured as she watched the show that was on, it was helping her to understand Earth culture in a way, so she was glad that he’d brought up the suggestion to her.

Rick was sitting beside her, so Ju-Lee shyly leaned against him, making both blush. He hadn’t expected her to do that, but wasn’t complaining, just feeling shy.

She was a sweet girl, shy and cute, though acted a little strange at times. But he knew this was because she didn’t understand the cultural norms on Earth, but Ju-Lee could learn in time, he knew. Having her this close made him feel butterflies in his stomach, so he tried to push it away.

“Thank you for letting me travel with you..it’s been really fun..” Ju-Lee told him.

“Our travels are only just beginning.” He replied. “T-There’s so much more y-you haven’t seen y-y-yet.”

Her eyes lit up at this. “When are we going to see more places?”

“Soon.” Rick winked.

Rick and Julie continued their travels, getting into all sorts of hijinks together. Such as when he took her to an amusement park and she ended up sticky and covered in cotton candy, but didn’t mind at all. He remembered that time he’d taken her to an aquarium and she’d been fascinated by the octopus, wanting to get in and see it, but Rick had told her no.

When they did start exploring other countries together, Julie really found herself enjoying islands and other places with a lot of water, as he had predicted. He would go in the water with her, wearing a scuba diving outfit, and having to hold her back from eating certain sea creatures.

And during all of this, their bond only strengthened. Rick had a strong disdain for the world, but thanks to her, he was starting to find a new appreciation for it. He found himself captured with her innocence, wonder, curiosity and enthusiasm. He knew he was starting to fall in love with her, but kept denying and pushing it away, until one day, he couldn’t.

They were out on a boat together, Julie was in her human form, wearing a sundress with a hibiscus flower in her hair. The sun was still shining bright in the sky, and she was looking out across the ocean.

Rick smiled at her, he thought she looked especially beautiful right now, but tried to ignore it. He walked over to her, and she turned behind to look at him.

“Thank you for bringing me out here Rick! It’s so lovely..” She told him in awe.

“You are.” He realized what he’d said and became flustered. “I mean...it is! It’s nice out here I guess..”

She smiled and gave him a hug, catching him off-guard. “Huh? Julie? What’s this for?” He blushed.

“For letting me go on this adventure with you across your planet, it’s been so much fun! I don’t want it to end…” Julie explained.

“Me neither..” Rick quietly agreed.

When she pulled away, he pulled something out of the pocket of pants for her, it was a seashell. “Here, have this.” He offered. “I found it and thought you might like it.”

She happily took the seashell from his hands, her smile widening. “Oh thank you so much! I love it!”

Seeing her so ecstatic made Rick realize how much he loved to see her like this, all smiles and joy. It was that moment that made him see he couldn’t ignore his feelings anymore: he loved her. Just having her near put him at ease and he knew it, he wasn’t normally like this, she was bringing out a side in him even he’d never seen before, and that seemed to only strengthen his feelings for her.

Ju-Lee knew that her feelings for Rick were growing stronger by the day as well. She had finally found freedom and happiness in her life, with someone who brought out the best in her and cared for her deeply. Initially, he’d been more harsh with her, but as time passed, he was being gentler and softer, she wondered if it had to do with her.

She knew she should tell him how she felt, but she was just so shy and nervous. Though she knew she couldn’t hide it forever…

Rick and Ju-Lee were relaxing together on the Australian coast, earlier he’d shown her the Great Barrier Reef, which she’d of course loved and for once, didn’t try to eat any sea creatures she saw. Rick in his still in his scuba gear(minus the goggles) and Ju-Lee was in her bikini with the hibiscus flower from earlier wrapped around one of her tentacles. They were sitting side-by-side watching the sunset together. Ju-Lee wanted to snuggle against Rick, but was feeling too shy to do so.

“Rick..I just wanted to let you know..” She started to blush. “I’ve never felt so free and happy before coming here to Earth and meeting you..”

He looked over at her knowingly. “I figured...the people on your planet are full of self-righteous assholes who think they’re ‘so good and amazing’ and better than everyone else, they’re not. It’s good to see that you’re not like the rest of them.”

She sighed. “I wish they weren’t that way. I’m glad they value peace and prosperity..but the way they demean and look down upon others never sat right with me. I’ve never felt like I belonged with them, I’ve always just felt lost and alone..until, like I said, I met you.”

Rick started to look shy too. “I’ve never really had anybody either..I’ve always been...shunned...alone...never fit in…” He flashed her a smile. “Guess we have something in common don’t we?”

Hearing this made her upset, knowing that Rick had been alone for a long time too. “I’m so sorry…” She muttered.

He shrugged. “It’s okay, I’m used to it. But it’s..nice..having someone else a-around..”

She looked really upset. “It shouldn’t be that way...everyone deserves someone in their lives...someone to love…”

“I’ve never had someone love me..” He admitted.

“I love you.” Ju-Lee blurted out. When she realized what she said, she quickly covered her mouth, shocked and scared, not knowing what he would say.

Rick was stunned, he hadn’t expected her to say that at all. He sat there, unmoving, until he finally said something. “You...love me?”

She nodded shyly. “I...do..”

He had been hiding his feelings for her for a while, but now he knew there was no point in hiding them anymore. “I...I...I love y-you t-too Ju-Lee..”

She gasped. “You love me too? I didn’t think…”

“You didn’t think I’d love you? After everything?”

“I just..I’ve always been seen as weird and strange...so I guess I never thought you’d return my feelings..”

Rick ran his fingers across her tentacle hair. “I’ll admit, I thought you were a-a little w-weird...but I...I-I didn’t mind, thought it was cute and a-all..and it was just because you didn’t u-u-understand how Earth w-worked..”

Ju-Lee placed a hand on his, she was so happy that she’d found someone who loved her truly, for who she was, and didn’t think less of her. She had a few friends on her home planet, but even they didn’t understand her at times, but now she had someone who did. She knew her home planet who disapprove of their love, but that didn’t matter to her now, Ju-Lee knew where she belonged: with him.

With that, she kissed him on the lips. He was surprised, but quickly melted into it and returned her kiss. Ju-Lee’s pointed ears were twitching excitedly all the while.

Slowly but surely, things became more passionate and soon Rick was removing his scuba outfit, with Ju-Lee following by removing her bikini...

Rick and Ju-Lee continued their travels together, now as a couple, happy and in love. They were freed from the lonely lives they’d always lived, they had each other now and that was all that mattered to them.

When their travels were over, they settled down together on a house by the sea, where they would go swimming together everyday. Their lives had never been better.

One day, Ju-Lee had found herself feeling a little strange. Rick suggested she might be pregnant.

“Can our two species even breed with each other?” She asked, unsure.

“We’ve been able to have sex, no problem, and your anatomy is close t-to a human’s….I-I wouldn’t doubt it.” He responded.

Ju-Lee still wasn’t sure, so she went out and bought a pregnancy test in her human form. After using it once she got home, her eyes widened, it was positive. “So our species can breed with each other…” She remarked in amazement. She had to go tell Rick.

She found Rick sitting in front of the water and ran over to him, pregnancy test in hand. “Rick look!” Ju-Lee beamed, showing it to him. “I’m pregnant!”

He smiled. “Looks like I-I was r-right after all, I can see y-you’re really excited about it ar-aren’t you?”

She nodded, her ears twitching. “I’m going to be a mother!” Ju-Lee then placed a hand on her stomach, feeling overjoyed, knowing a baby was growing inside her: their baby.

#rick and julie #sweet n sour #alien abduction au

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minscellaneous · 6 years

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Hdgsjsg hey what's the miracle merge?:o

sdkjfDFJLLNj my oc zombie apocalypse survivor group i’ve written for a tv show that will never exist. i’ll talk more about these people under the cut bc i’ve never had a chance to talk about the miracle merge til now LMFAO feel free to just skip, it’s super long and you can tell i’ve planned out a lot

so the miracle merge is made up of six people, mainly from the california area, with the exception of three people (alex is from nevada & juan is from mexico). none of the miracle merge are cishet or white, so jot that down. the group mostly sticks to themselves, not working with any outsiders unless absolutely necessary to their survival. they usually go around stealing a few stuff from groups/individuals they come across; not enough to draw too much attention to themselves. they would die for each other. their story takes place mostly in western America, where a zombie plague currently terrorizes the country due to chemical warfare. contaminated areas began to seep into civilian water supply and rising oceans washed the contamination closer to civilization. coastal areas were hit hard first, which is why a majority of the miracle merge are from LA. animals, humans, and carnivorous plants can all be infected by the disease; carnivorous plants mutate and enlarge to consume larger entities.

the members!!!:

dr. ligaya mendoza (the leader)

nonbinary / 30 / filipino / asexual; romantically only into boys

5′11″

also goes by dr. li or li

used to be a history professor at UCLA, specifically in medieval European history

super charming, a natural leader and face for the miracle merge

acts as the main thief for the group; their charming and good-natured personality wards away any suspicion from opposing groups

has a crush on juan for a really long time (love that slow burn)

“are you a doctor?”

“yes, in fact, i am”

“so you can help my sister? she’s got a broken ankle”

“…not that kind of doctor”

kaori takada (the builder)

cis female / 25 / japanese / lesbian

immigrated to LA from East Japan as the outbreak hit, looking for civil engineering careers

this obviously makes her very skilled in crafting AND she’s physically built af

six feet tall aka literally my dream girl

huge temper issues; do not piss her off!!! she will beat you in a fight

very intimidating to outsiders bc she’s quiet and reserved but actually she’s super shy and not as brave as the rest of the miracle merge

main weapon is a sledgehammer

gave everyone in the miracle merge construction masks that were in her tool box to protect from blood getting into their mouths

developed a deep friendship with peregrine over the course of the apocalypse; very much a brother-sister relationship

eventually becomes girlfriends with dinah; she has a huge soft spot for her

peregrine parker (the boy scout)

trans male / 22 / black / pan

was a registered nurse

was in boy scouts for most of his childhood; skilled in archery and has a good sense of direction

born in oregon; traveled to LA to visit a former patient who recently moved; the patient was showing signs of agitation and high fever according to the call from their caretaker; peregrine found his patient and caretaker zombified in their home

best friends with kaori and alex (made alex a flower crown on one of their scavenging trips!)

5′10″

is often the one tasked with scavenging, searching, and hunting, and being the medic of the miracle merge

peregrine and alex are the usual scavenging pair bc of his hunting skills and alex’s abilities which will be mentioned later

dinah evercreech (the bruiser)

cis female / 28 / black / bi

was an actress living in beverly hills

5′3″

addicted to cigarettes, so it’s a huge problem for her if she can’t find any

very “prim and proper”?? always used a handkerchief to touch public things and refused to stay at anything less than a 5-star hotel, so the fact that the apocalypse is here is totally inconvenient for dinah

very skilled in hand-to-hand combat bc of her experience in action films

becomes gfs with kaori in the middle of the zombie apocalypse; a fucking power couple

juan nichols (the marksman)

cis male / 29 / black & mexican / bi

5′4″

lived in mexico with his mother who led a drug cartel and, after the initial zombie outbreak, his mother led a bandit group w/ the same people

eventually became uncomfortable with his group’s methods of survival, stole some guns, and a VW minibus (which would later be the miracle merge’s main form of transportation), and left for the US to see his dad and his family (parents divorced when he was a child)

met up with the miracle merge very later on like alex; maybe 10 months into the apocalypse

skilled marksmanship and knowledge of guns

likes wearing dark lipstick

constantlytugging on a necklace with a pendant sewn from pale green leather and engravedwith a violin (from a body that was looted from his previous group)

has a lisp and an artificial right hand which was lost to a drug deal gone wrong

eventually becomes boyfriends with dr. li

alex rocha (the interpreter)

genderfluid / 26 / brazilian / bi

5 ft tall / chubby / heterochromatic (blue and brown) / unibrow / thick auburn shoulder length hair usually ponytailed / light olive skin

hypersensitive sense of smell, hearing, sight, etc. which is why they’re often tasked with scavenging along w/ peregrine

was an ESL teacher in nevada

they are “the interpreter” bc of their fluency in various languages (ASL, Spanish, Portuguese, Mandarin, Japanese, German, Navajo) - this makes it useful for times when the miracle merge encounters groups who speak a language other than English

other than their hypersensitive senses and language abilities, they don’t have many talents useful in the apocalypse

this makes the others in the groups very protective of them so alex is def the baby of the group, but also the mom lmao

carries most of the group’s needed supplies

met up with the rest of the miracle merge last

“you ever notice how ever since the contamination hit, the world somehow lost all its color? i like to think that we’re the light to bring everything back to life.” PURE

aaand that’s the miracle merge. they’re called that bc it’s a miracle that they’ve survived, been brought together, and fostered these kinds of relationships in the middle of a deadly apocalypse. and i love the alliteration.

i love zombies and zombie media so. kudos to you if you read this far and thank u sm for being so interested lmao. i am totally free to talk more, there’s definitely more to these characters that i didn’t include in this post.

#anonymous #the miracle merge

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newsbelter-blog · 6 years

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The Strange Secret History Of Hair Removal Will Blow Your Mind

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The first women's branded razor, the Milady Dcollet, hit the suspend sky, and an plan ad for depilatory powder, published in a 1915 issue of Harper's Bazaar, advised "the removal of awful hair," rebuke would-be flappers that "Summer Dress and Modern Dancing" could after that them to flash too much underarm hair. By the time World War II began, women were shaving regularly, as accurately as plucking their eyebrows to profit those unconditional '30s pencil-skinny arches. The shortage of nylon during the stroke, quantity along between the shorter skirts in fashion, even led ladies to shave their legs and paint in report to a play in seam to recreate the look of stockings. 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Perhaps the most game-changing body hair trend of 2018 won't be how much fuzz women have, but the forgive to further anything the hell we lack, wherever we deficiency. Read the full article

#Strange Secret History

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