#don't mind me. coping an all that

[derelictheretic]

I'm feeling very John and Dean are the one good thing they both never get to have because their love has always been wrong and too much and they break each other when they get their hands on each other because maybe this one time it'll be different and they'll be good and soft but they leave the same bruises and scars they always have and even when they have the best intentions their desire to be craved in the way they crave leaves everyhing a bloody unrecognisable mess tonight

#i'm feeling. so normal right now #absolutely not imagining them having breakdowns in 2 different directions bc finally ! someone who is obsessed with them back but uh oh ! #they're made up of trauma and bad decisions and wrong paths and no kisses to bruised knuckles or scarred flesh is gonna fix them ! #aka they make each other so much worse and they can't stay away from each other and OH MY GOD. im so normal about it #don't mind me. coping an all that #ship: The Angel's Baptist #Far Cry Tag #nadine is typing... #more like losing my mind

[joyfuladorable]

Fuck it, here's all my favorite Mikey-centric fanfics!!

There's A LOT + personal blurbs, so they're going under the cut (Mostly AO3, but there are some FFN links, too. Also, besides like the first two, there's no favoritism in the order)

2k3:

Pretend That I Never Left by redstringraven(sirimiri) - Complete/Plans for an Epilogue & Sequel!!

Fic that changed my BRAIN?! If my fanart [1 | 2 | 3] for it is any indicator, lol. I'll say for the umpteenth time that if you're looking for an Excellent Mikey fic with Perfect Characterization, this is IT (and you don't need to know ANYTHING about HZD trust me TRUST ME this fic deserves WAY more love) His swift ride-or-die friendship with Aloy will melt your damn heart!

Dragon of the Sun by ForestWhisper3 - Ongoing

My Other TOP favorite Mikey fic!! Again, fanart [1 | 2 | 3] indicator! Slow Burn(ish) Canon Divergence of Mikey unlocking his Mystic Powers as his family looks on in dismay as they struggle to protect him. The Good Shit!!!

Of Darkness And Light by Bayluff - Complete

OOOOOOO THIS ONE! Very good (also drew fanart for it)! Evil creature literally trying to consume Mikey's lifeforce from within as his family scrambles to help

A Chat With The Titan by secreterces5 - Complete

Mikey has a fun one-on-one talk with the supposedly reformed Bishop in Fast Forward. Mikey vaguely threatening Bishop, HEEHEE

A Simple Act Of Kindness by UlisaBarbic - Complete

That feel when you put your worth in what you can DO and the wish to be Acknowledged and the ONE thing you thought you did right was taken away OOGH AGH OOOOGH

Difficulty Breathing by RealityBreakGirl - Complete

Mikey did not come out of Grudge Match unscathed *smile* Truly one of my favorite 03 Mikey prompts to read about (honestly just check the entirety of the Grudge Match tag on AO3 for a fun time)

"A delivery boy! Uh, or turtle." by LollyHolly99 - Complete

Fic that has the distinction of being the first one I ever did fanart for! Gender Feels for Mikey cuz they're just like me FR!!

What Darkness Most Fears by UlisaBarbic - Complete

OOOGH AGH I LOVE THIS ONE!! Mikey has to save his bros from the clutches of an evil spirit while surviving horrifying monsters and battling a wicked fever!

Michelangelo by ForestWhisper3 - Complete

Mikey through the eyes of his family and how much they respect him and know him UwU

Mikey's Jigsaw by SailorSaysAhoy - Complete

Another awesome gender Mikey fic HOOHAA

Train-Wreck of Thought by halogalopaghost - Complete

When you're so talented you learn how to astral project but you start using it for pranks instead of understanding the drawbacks of said power and that bites you majorly in the ass big time (very good my stomach turned while reading this /pos)

A Brother's Bond by SuperKat - Complete

Mikey gets Real Sick and the fam can't help but remember last time one of them got so ill. OH MAN heartstrings WILL be pulled in this one!!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year by moogsthewriter - Complete

Why can't Mikey ever catch a break during Christmas! A short fic that I enjoy Immensely for Mikey being stubbornly heroic and his family desperately trying to play catch up to help him

Questioning Choices by Mystic Medjai - Complete

Fun day at the beach goes catastrophically bad and the fam has to make difficult decisions to keep Mikey alive. THIS THIS THIS!! If I could pour this into my veins for the perfectly paced plot and characterization...

When It Counts by Kallasilya - Complete

Short fic of Mikey stubbornly and bitterly proving his brothers wrong (+ Don being a good brother)

Favourite Disease by devirnis - Complete

Mikey is forced to save his brothers as his body gradually falls apart from the inside. SO GOOD UGH Mikey being forced to deal with situations on his own always show how far he can Shine!

Nowhere Boy by taizi - Complete

OOOH I dunno how I can summarize this without giving the plot away but just know Mikey pulls through by thinking of his family

To Fit the Crime by T33la - Complete

AHHH AHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHHH!! Mikey is accused of Murder and receives his sentence before his brothers can even jump to his defense! Oh the twists and turns of this murder mystery!!

you want to know why i sit and sigh (the night is so young it hurts) by love_killed_the_superstar - Complete

Angel and Mikey bonding over comics and unsupportive brothers So Cute)

imma be real with you (cause i started being real with me) by love_killed_the_superstar - Complete

Leo and Usagi being supportive of Mikey as he struggles to train for the upcoming Battle Nexus fight (and also maybe they flirt with each other a teensy bit)

just a hop, skip, and a jump away by baba_buoy - Complete

Mikey sick fic. Heart melting amounts of comfort UwU

Weak Link by yellowhollyhock - Complete

Sweet fic of Mikey feeling insecure about his place on the team, and Leo going through great lengths to prove him wrong like a good older brother :')

'Cause you are the sun, he is your moon/And though he can't speak, he will thank you soon by naivesilver - Complete

Post-Grudge Match Mikey waking up in the middle of the night bitter and sore and gods damn why's Raph awake, too?

Hunted by DysfunctionalRequest - Complete

Mikey wandering the woods alone in the middle of the night and having a VERY unfortunate encounter with hunters

Flipbook by T33la - Complete

Heartfelt moment between Mikey and Don concerning SAINW that makes me want to smash a cinder block against my head /pos

Dramaturgy by Completely_Unaware - Ongoing

Mind the tags! Mikey deals with a Battle Nexus loss in an unhealthy way (UmU)

The Red Means I Love You (Work) by AnonymousCritter - Ongoing

MIND THE TAGS! AU of Fast Forward. Mikey isn't saved from the traffickers in time and things spiral from there

The So-Called "Champion of the Battle Nexus" by 0ozero0 - Ongoing

Grudge Match canon divergence where Mikey gets hurt a little more seriously than in canon (but still wins)

2012:

Devil took your hand by moogsthewriter & taizi - Complete

Mikey mind controlled by the Shredder moment!! *laughs through my pain and tears and screaming*

walk with open hands by taizi - Complete

Mikey gets his hands on one of Renet's watches and things go topsy turvy from there (and it HURTS ME)

(un)reality by SpectrumWriting - Complete

Mind the Tags! Dimension X AU where Mikey is captured by the Kraang and is put through the wringer in more ways than one (OWIE)

evermore (Dimension X AU) series by coffeejellyenthusiast - Complete?

Mind the Tags! Mikey was in Dimension X for over a year and he's NOT OKAY

Gravitational Collapse series by Writing_In_Denial - Ongoing

MIND THE TAGS!! An Incredible it gets worse before it gets better series of Mikey being unintentionally abandoned by his brothers post-series and dealing with some Major Isolation and OOOGH IT HURTS ME SO MUCH BUT I WILL KEEP READING FOR THE EVENTUAL COMFORT

traveling so far to get there by taizi - Complete

Mikey and Raph getting stuck in an empty, post-apocalyptic world and struggling to survive (their BOND IN THIS IS SO SWEET WEH)

Rise:

nice, nice by postergirlsprank - Complete

Short fic of Casey Sr and Mikey bonding after an unfortunate encounter while on a snack run (Hey if you want more context for how this author writes Casey, go read his fic Imperfect Animals too heehoo)

either way, we're not alone by sinaesthesis - Complete

Mikey throughout the years of the Kraang Apocalypse (Lots of Loss and Hurt and Badassery)

going under by redhairedmuses - Complete

Mikey almost drowns during a fight with a mutant

Hyperactive Hypothermia by VeryAngryGremlin - Complete

After Mikey's winter wear accidentally goes in flames and a villain-enduced avalanche, Donnie struggles to keep his baby brother warm

that’s where the blood’s supposed to be! by Dragon_Scales_and_Fairy_Tales - Complete

With Raph and Leo constantly bickering, Mikey ignores a very serious injury after a fight with Meat Sweats

Clever Little Dino! by VeryAngryGremlin - Complete

Mikey trying to keep a robot pet a secret and suffering the consequences

Vs The World by DysfunctionalRequest - Complete

The aftermath of the Kraang strains the family's bonds, and Mikey feels hopelessly alone (and definitely isn't dealing with his trauma properly)

Empathy Amplified by Filsamek - Complete

When you accidentally use your powers to connect with your brothers' emotions then purposefully use them to ease their pain

Sunshine in the Rain by Carnati0n_bl00m - Complete

Probably the first fic I read after watching the Rise movie cuz I wanted to find something Mikey-centric involving Bishop and BOY does it deliver with the additional bonus of Leatherhead!! (also hey look fanart)

A Mystic Connection by rytheoneandonly - Complete

Mikey's mystic powers manifesting and evolving in ways he could never predict (aka Long Fic of Mikey stumbling to figure out why he wakes up exhausted and hurt every night)

The whole world in your corner series by GibbousLunation - Complete

Two fics of Mikey being Mikey and his bros being protective

Better Check Twice by Marz_Zero - Ongoing

Bishop captures a turtle with a bear trap (OW) and is an absolute bastard about it

Come Home Soon by Sherlock_Brolmes - Ongoing

With his brothers unavailable, Mikey (with the help of a former enemy) uncovers a massive conspiracy involving New York and the Hidden City. I LOVE THIS I LOVE SOLO DUO TEAM-UPS!!!! *PUNCHES THE AIR 13 TIMES*

Mikey's Artistic Guide to Dealing with Trauma and Fame by Origami_Nami - Ongoing

Mikey using graffiti as an outlet and accidentally becoming famous

Rook by unorthodoxx - Ongoing

Another Bishop fic of him outwitting the turtles to abduct one of them (Mikey)

Multi/Other:

Mystic Malfunction by VanillaVengeance - Ongoing

Rise Mikey accidentally portals himself to the 2012 Universe and struggles to survive and avoid this other version of his family (with mixed success). The progression of familial bonds in this is just *Chef's Kiss*

The Gauntlet by T33la - Complete

A mix of IDW & 03, a wonderful showcase of how Donnie and Mikey support each other (also, a cool invention and a big rocket and a terrifying near-death experience are involved)

I Get Knocked Down (But I Get Up Again) by Justalittleobsessed - Ongoing

MIND THE TAGS!!! Set in its own original iteration, Mikey has been immortal for as long as he can remember, and he's used to his occasional deaths (and revivals). But then his brothers find out... (AGH AGH THIS ALSO HURTS MEEEEE BUT OOGH the comfort and hope of the later chapters is so Worth It)

Whumptober 2023 series by Justalittleobsessed - Ongoing?

Collection of Mikey-centric one-shots from different iterations and feeling the HURT (Personal favorites are If Only the World Could Stop Spinning..., Just a Flesh Wound, and Not the Best of Days)

To Know Peace (You Gotta Let Go) by Deadpool1763492 - Ongoing (technically)

The Last Ronin Spoilers!! Mikey survives and whisks the new turtle tots away to live on a farm instead of being raised as soldiers. (AUUUUUU THE FEELS!! THE TOTS! MIKEYYYY!!!)

How to accidentally kidnap yourself several times over by Camildeni - Ongoing

Rise Mikey gets captured and accidentally summons other iterations (03, 12, and Bay) of himself trying to get out! They do NOT have a good time!! (but at least they have each other)

the dad diaries by angelmichelangelo - Ongoing

More TLR Mikey being a Dad (and dealing with his trauma sorta kinda)

The neighboring cell by SaltyYagi - Ongoing

2012 Mikey and Rise Leo trying to escape Dimension X together (and bonding)

Bonus Non-Mikey-centric:

Weathered Strings, Tethered Wings by Deadpool1763492 - Ongoing

(2003) SAINW AU!!! With the possibility of Don being alive dangled in front of them, the remaining turtles begrudgingly reunite to save him. Drew a cover for this with more art to come! LOVING the slow burn of reconciliation between these bitter old turtles UwU (Bitter Old Mikey my poor Bestie)

Mutant Nightmare by HamsterMasterSamster - Complete

(2003) The immediate aftermath of Worlds Collide

Hanging By A Turtle by CamsthiSky - Complete

(Rise) Literally the turtles struggling to get out of a deep pit they're hanging over

Shell Game by T33la - Complete

(2003) OKAY OKAY SO!!! OOGH Don encounters something Impossible while prepping a tracking device (for himself) and it snowballs into another Renet-involved time adventure (AND UMMM lots of existential contemplation and a surprise historical guest who's Very Cool)

Turtle Power by halogalopaghost - Complete

(2003) Immediate aftermath of the star ship reactor explosion in Exodus

Disposable by orphan_account (kudos to you wherever you are, author) - Complete

(2003) Bishop captures Don and Mikey and gives them a terrible choice

Dissection by AmevelloBlue - Complete

(2003) So much Comfort after the trauma of Worlds Collide (ie Don's interrogation and Mikey almost getting sliced open)

Find the Road by SillySocks - Complete

(2003) Perfect encapsulation of the family as they cope with Leo's absence while he trains with the Ancient One

Handle with Care by HamsterMasterSamster - Complete

(2003) April is seriously injured during a mission and has to deal with the turtles distancing themselves from her as she recovers

mind-body problem by hiraethseok - Complete

(2003) April and the Turtles Being Siblings the Fic

Healing in Tandem by Eggstasy - Complete

(2003) Canon divergence of Worlds Collide where Splinter is just a little too late to intervene before Bishop starts sawing into Mikey's shell

Let's Take Ibuprofen Together by GreenGoddessSmoothie - Ongoing

(2003) The turtles swap body and have learn to cope with each other's chronic pain

Not the Face I Know by GreenGoddessSmoothie - Ongoing

(2003) Mikey accidentally makes a wish that changes his family's lives forever (THEY'RE HUMAN THEY BECOME HUMAN AND THE PLOT IS COOL AND ALSO QUEER THEMES MY BELOVED)

The Great Skittle Heist of 2105 by AmevelloBlue - Ongoing

(2003) AU of Fast Forward where the Dark Turtles are babies instead and are very swiftly adopted by the Fam

The Labyrinth by HALFnHALF1 - Ongoing

(Mix of IDW/03) The Turtles wake up separated in a labyrinth with only a mysterious voice in their heads to guide them (and manipulate them)

“You didn’t tell me your extended family was in town!” by BoStaffsAreCool - Ongoing

Post-Turtles Forever. The 03 fam is Just beginning to wind down after the events of the movie and look who's knocking at April's door (the 87 turtles)

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #tmnt Mikey #fic recs #bamf mikey #all day every day #hurt/comfort #angst #whump #no hurt/no comfort though!!! I don't really like fics where it's doom and gloom with no comfort catharsis at the end #let me know if I should add Mind the Tags to other fics my gauge for hurt is a little wonky #lots of gender feels for 2k3 Mikey because that's just who he is #I added the bonus fics cuz I wasn't gonna make a separate post for them so cope and enjoy if you wanna #sorry there's not that many 12 or even Rise ones I don't look for those as much as 03 (I am biased lol) #wow can y'all believe I started drafting this in like May of Last Year??? #anyways anyways I'll update this whenever I find another good Mikey fic #feel free to drop Mikey fic recs in my askbox and I'll let you know if I've tried reading them or not (I probably have) #lokibeann if you're reading this sorry it took longer than I said it would to post this I underestimated how long it would take and- #overestimated my ability to remember the plots of the ones I haven't read in a while lol

[morverenmaybewrites]

Ugh. Give me this for an enemies-to-lovers Diluc back in his Fatui hunting days. Back when he was all fire and righteous fury, back when he was driven half-mad with animal grief.

Imagine being part of the Fatui, maybe even one of the researchers who ended up creating Delusions. Imagine the guilt eating away at your bones, all the way down to the marrow, as you see your creation being used for something you never intended.

Imagine the growing fear at seeing entire Fatui camps being cut down in the middle of the night: supplies turn to ash, your companions coming away with horrific burns.

Imagine thinking to yourself: finally, finally, the Archons have turned their gazes upon you. Finally, you will be punished. Finally, there will be absolution.

And then, imagine the confusion as you walk into another ruined camp, and finding not an avenging god, but a man, bleeding out in the snow. He is bleeding from a thousand cuts, feverish with wounds ill-cared for.

He is dying.

Yet, when his eyes find yours, you see no weakness in them. You see only fire. You see only hate.

His cracked lips pull into a snarl and he says Fatui as if it is a curse.

He is dying and oh, how he still burns.

And you realize, with a flash of clarity, that is the man who has razed entire camps to the ground. This is the man who has killed so many of your companions.

And you hesitate, but only for a second, before you kneel right next to him on the bloodstained snow.

And you help him, as best you can.

You are not sure why you do. Or perhaps you are, but you are not ready to speak it yet. You can only feel it in your guilt-eaten bones, in the hollow of your throat: you are still looking for absolution, for a retribution you once feared would never come. And perhaps this man is the key to it.

After all, fire destroys, it burns.

But it also purifies.

#diluc x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #writing prompts #story prompts #things that will get me locked up in literary jail #OH DON'T MIND ME JUST TRYING TO COPE WITH THE FACT THAT ANGHARAD IS NOT A REAL BOOK #DON'T MIND ME AT ALL #the reader half-ready to be murdered bec of the guilt lol

[nulltune]

old edits _(:3」∠)_ but i like imagining hakuno in different hairstyles HNGGHH 😩😩❤️💗💓💞 would she ever style her hair tho? sadly no </3 she thinks she's too plain for that + doesn't care about her appearance outside of just enough to look neat and presentable (we do see her hair in low twintails if she needs em tied up tho! tis a very cute look 🫶)

bUT LIKE- if someone wants to play with her hair or style her up then 👀 hakuno vc i don't mind. (<- girl who tends to go along with what others' want because she has no desires of her own tbh-) (METHINKS IT HAS DA POTENTIAL TO BE SO WHOLESOME THOOO and her hair's long and silky yknow ✨️ it'd b nice 2 touch ! 😌✨️) or alternatively- let hakuno do your muse's hair! ✨️ (she brushed nero's hair in last encore and it was such a soft moment it must've been so nice 🥺❤️)

#&&. out of #don't mind me i'm thinking soff thoughts 2 cope after my dreaded exam 2day....... p.epe inhaling copium.png #on the positive side tho- 😤 at least that's over and done with GDKGJWKF #i have one more exam 2 goo but i'm not tew worried abt that one so i am 😼 here for a lil bit !!! (menacing) (affectionate) #I HOPE U'VE ALL BEEN WELL WHEE 🫶💖💓 #/also i have more of h.akuno hairstyle edits im not normal abt her 🥴 #BUT HI YES i like for those soft normal domestic kinda moments -CLENCHES FIST- #i hc h.akuno being like a living doll frfr tho; so like- her hair (and just herself in general tbh) doesn't rlly need maintenance #BUT HEY NOW DONT LET THAT STOP U(R MUSE) (ФωФ)✨️✨️ !!!! CURSED EMOJI GRAB.GIF

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

so hard and lonely to be one of like five people in the entire world to see the truth (iron man 2 is a better movie than infinity war)

#why have i been thinking about this? #idk. consuming marvel content gets me through Many Tasks. but i do that a lot often so idk why this has been on my mind #but it has been. and it's true. i'm right. #i also feel like i maybe (unbelievably) am growing to appreciate iron man 2 even more #because it's a movie about a guy coping with stress by going apeshit on the self destruct button for his own life #which is awesome and relatable and more interesting than they will ever let anyone not named tony stark be... #anyway. i also just can't believe how pro infinity war people are #like even people who can talk normally about other movies and who don't think every mcu product is great before even seeing it #talk about infinity war like it not only was good but was a movie. like a real movie the way movies are movies #like people who i KNOW have seen other movies act like this #like we have to believe it to be an achievement because they put all the guys in it #no!!!!! no A's for effort!!!!!

[not-poignant]

Jesus H Christopher, Pia. Your writing load is insane.

Maybe you should cut back on how many chapters you release for certain stories? Like Stain and Palma (since these stories dont equal income) until UtB the other Underline stories are almost done. Just a thought

Because I feel burnt out just by thinking of writing that much, so I can only imagine how you feel. Please take care of yourself

Hi anon,

TL;DR: My brain is stupid, which is why I can't do this, even though it makes sense and is logical.

Unfortunately the fanfiction is what often makes the original fiction possible, or more enjoyable.

If I lock myself down into too much schedule and rigidity, or if I only focus on writing for money, I actually start to hate writing, even if I love the stories. There is nothing like 'will this earn money, do people like this, would people pay, what if they all decide to stop paying for this, why would they pay for this, would I pay for this, how much would people pay for this, is there any incentive for them to pay for this, actually if I wrote a ton of different tropes maybe I'd make more for this, but that's depressing, but I need the money, shit what do I do, what if I lose my income, what if it all stops tomorrow, I need to write more, I need to write more, I need to write more' that is actually very exhausting and makes writing not much fun at all.

And to deliberately break out of that headspace as much as possible, I write fanfiction. Because that headspace (the one I wrote about above), on its own, even if I'm only writing two stories, can and has led to burnout and depressive episodes. I don't recommend it.

In a way, one of the reasons I can write so many stories right now (ADHD meds aside) is that I am letting myself break out and just have fun with fanfiction, and remember that my original writing is meant to be fun too. But without fanfiction, I lose sight of that very quickly.

Fanfiction means that when an original story chapter does super badly, generally there are still excited comments elsewhere that keep me going. That's how I survived The Ice Plague, and that story would never have been completed without fanfiction, because that was my worst performer of any story I've ever written. It also means if a lot of subscribers leave at once, I don't feel like The Worst Writer In The World. So having fanfiction behind me was like...a literal safety net or my security blanket.

If I have to discard my security blankets or use them less often in order to keep writing the original stuff, I might as well just stop entirely, because my longest hiatuses from Patreon (i.e. one lasted 1.5 years, many have lasted 4-6 months) have been when I'm mostly just writing original fiction, and am not writing much fanfiction, or not deliberately finding time for it, and finally get so stressed out re: money I literally have to stop. I'm on a (partial) Disability Pension.

A long time ago some professional people told me I probably shouldn't be working at all because of my mental illnesses and then paid me money because of the severity of those mental illnesses. My dumbass brain be pretty fragile, actually, and keeps chugging away because I make bad business decisions and write stuff I enjoy instead of writing to market, or doing rapid release, or releasing more novels (or novels). Writing does ironically help when I'm stressed, but not when I'm stressed about making money because of writing.

I will cut at my income before I cut at my love of this job, and unfortunately fanfiction keeps me going in this job, which means I can't really cut at that first.

(Also from a business perspective, it's actually a very good funnel to the original stuff and then subscription. Most of you wouldn't be here if you hadn't read one of my fanfics first and then gave the original stuff a try - I try not to think about that too much because I need fanfic to not be about money, but the fact is, I would not have this career without fanfic).

I do have plans to take two weeks off in January from posting chapters (I can still post rewards in the second half of January) and that's not too far away.

And the reality is that I probably would have kept going okay if real life hadn't imploded on top of everything like the world's worst bukkake party.

#asks and answers #personal #pia on writing #i am not a smart business owner #i'm an emotional fragile mentally ill one #who has to make decisions that keep me wanting to do this job #because at the end of the day #my severe treatment-resistant mental illnesses #do not do well with the pressure of making money #and feeling like a failure #so i need to actually do things that aren't about money at all #to remind myself that i don't need to have a breakdown #over never making a minimum wage #(i'm getting closer though which is probably why this burnout came on) #(i've been pushing a lot harder than normal because... well... i'd like to make #an average income one day) #(i may not be smart enough or well enough to do that) #(but i will keep trying) #i just have to keep trying as someone with a very broken mind #who copes with that brokenness through working hard #breaks are stressful and i have to think hard about what's best

[pinkyjulien]

oy.... OY?

OY. OY!!!! OY!!

OOYY!!!!!!!!!! OY!!!

#WHAT THE UFCK!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! #HIS EYES ARE SO FUCKING BLUE HGEZUHIGHUIEZHIUGEHZIUHUIGEZ #I CNT COPE I CANT COPE #WHY ARE YOUYR EYES SO BLUE..... #IM OUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG #don't mind me oh my Goddddd................. #GODDDDDD............... #😩✋✋💀🤡🤡🤡🤡 #CP77 Replay #Mitch Shenanigans #falling in love all over again #what's this post about this woman saying she still has a crush on her husband even tho they been married for years #I'm feeling like this rn rn GHZEHUGUHZE

[dazais-guardian-angel]

kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....

#bungou stray dogs #been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me)) #cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands) #but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people #first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now #he was groomed since childhood just like dazai #but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there #and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong #but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself #which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong #and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia... #and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO #where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!! #it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay. #chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself #and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him. #didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!! #i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess #and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just #One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall #he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!! #there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma #and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc #it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!! #even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man #both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation #i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda #and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death #oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)

[mamawasatesttube]

kon is sitting next to tim looking at him adoringly while he talks about why nissans are better than mitsubishis and he looks across the cave to see greta glaring at him from the shadows until he moves three inches away

maybe if you got on kon's level and actively listened to tim infodumping about cars he'd also do it at you, greta :/

#this is probably just me being a killjoy but i did hate greta's insane jealousy over tim #like i get it as a character trait but i so badly wanted to reach in and tell her to take a fucking chill pill #like girl maybe give a shit about your other friends some too and stop acting like you own robin 😩😩😩 #it makes sense as her having Problems Issues that she does not cope well with but man did it not endear her to me #mostly bc the writing played it off as like Oh Haha Girl Jealous Girl Doesn't Care About Anything But Boy #and i mean theyre all stupid teens but the narrative handling of it was still kinda grating to me ig #anyway tim infodumping about cars to kon is the cutest shit ever i melt about it every time #''i talk a lot huh?'' ''i don't mind i like hearing your thoughts!'' couple but its both of them both ways #answers

[pelipper]

So my doctor prescribed me a double course of Dificid (which will cost my insurance around $8,000) for my recurrent c. diff. He also mentioned starting me on a course of Vowst, which is an oral fmt pill that's useful for unlucky gals like me who just can't shake the infection. I was looking up the pricing information for Vowst and-

I'm literally crying rn. I think I might actually cost my insurance half a million before the end of the year, and considering they almost killed me due to not approving my prior authorization until I was admitted to the hospital (which resulted in me having multiple surgeries this year) idgaf, they can fuck right off and pony up every single penny for my medication. 😈

#disability tumblr #chronic illness #clostridioides difficile #c. diff #crohn's disease #don't mind me i'm just finding some morose humor in any way i can #it's the way i cope with all of the medical trauma i've faced #tw: medical #personal #max muses

[bunnikida]

Look, for all I complain about what Bones is doing, I do love the BSD anime. But honestly for the next chapters I don't think they're going to be able to capture the tone correctly in the anime.

One of the reasons for that is in fact the pacing they've set out for the next episode but the main reason that upsets me is that in the anime they haven't portrayed Dazai like that so far at all. Like yes, anime Dazai is certainly different than manga Dazai, but up until this point it hadn't affected the tone of the entire arc's storytelling (at least not enough to bother me specifically).

I think they did the Chuuya drowning scene extremely well and Mamoru Miyano's voice acting was especially great at conveying the tone of that scene. But even if they do replicate the scenes exactly, the viewers' perception will still be skewed due to the anime Dazai's character that they have established so far.

I don't think or claim that it will be bad, this is not an insult to the people at Bones studio's skills and I would never mean it to be that way.

But here are some examples of scenes that I think will have a different tone of storytelling than the original:

(manga spoilers under the cut)

These are mostly expressions of "despair" and "determination" which are two things anime Dazai has not really shown us

Like when he's shoving Sigma under the water his expression is less like "I know the way to survive and it's this" and more along the lines of desperation of "I need to get him down as quick as possible" and determination to keep Sigma alive right now

And here he is pleading with Sigma to please trust that he's trying to save him, and if not that at least understand his warning of danger

And this one's just pure determination. He's gonna get this elevator to open its doors, he will do it, there is no other way, he will not let another scenario to be real

Anyway these are the ones that I had in mind, I'm sure there are more. Thank you if you took the time to read this :)

#don't mind me this is how I cope with 109 being animated this week #like what do you mean???? what about everything else?? #sskk reunion who? #anyways #I wrote this instead of writing my paper #mutuals you better validate me #all jokes all jokes this is just my personal opinion #bungou stray dogs spoilers #bsd spoilers #bsd

[scattered-winter]

i want sooooo badly to lash out and pull away from everyone but the god damn people pleaser in me .

#sorry to make two personal posts in as many hours but man . #i dont want to go to the family gathering. i dont want to talk to people. i dont want to celebrate holidays. #i dont want to do ANY of this i want to be left alone. smfhhhhhhhhhhhh. #(all this is in context with irl family btw. friends in phone ilysm this doesnt apply to u <3) #like i get that we're all grieving together or whatever. but i want to stop being civil about it. #everyone in my family is very religious and theyre using god and church to cope with this. as people do. #but im NOT religious im in fact the only one in the entire family who's NOT religious and i am not comforted by any of that. #''we need to be grateful for this trial that jesus has given us'' ok well what if i set something on fire. #i just. want to fight someone. bloody fists blood in my mouth kinda fight. #none of this ''good christian sadness'' shit i want to fucking fight someone. biting and clawing like a wild animal because i feel like one #et cetera. #this is senseless and meaningless don't mind me i just donnnnt wanna go to the family gatherings <//3 #its like. everyone's SO determined to pretend like everything's fine and normal. carrying on with things like every other year. #and i get that theyre trying to deal with this shit but things are NOT normal. they will in fact never again be normal. #idk. i need to punch someone. i need someone to punch me. and then i need to be alone by myself for 300 years. #winter speaks #personal

[hikeyzz]

i'm not even gonna lie getting surgery reaaalllyyy brought out the ableism of everyone around me. people really think i can just will my body to heal faster and are pretty shocked to hear i haven't just woken up completely healed yet (it hasn't even been 72hrs since my surgery...). or they get suuuperrr uncomfortable seeing/knowing i'm in pain and there is nothing that will make the pain completely go away. it makes everyone squirm that i'm being honest and keep saying i am in pain and uncomfortable. all that's really needed is an acknowledgement, you don't have to go over the top "poor baby," but you also shouldn't cringe away and just say "i hate that you're in pain." none of us LIKE seeing our loved ones struggling or in pain or ill. BUT it's a very, very normal part of life. and to say you hate that someone is in pain makes the pain about YOU and YOUR discomfort, not the person who is actually experiencing the pain. now i have to console YOU that i'm going to be okay bc you let your emotions dominate your reaction to MY experience.

#especially as a person with chronic pain telling me 'i hate that you're in pain' is so ... illfitting #bc i'm always in pain?? so do you just like hate my normal existence?? are you just constantly going to be uncomfortable around me knowing #i am in pain at every waking moment of the day?? #who am i kidding of course you would #bc nobody takes the time to unpack their own ableism and stigma #and disabled and chronically ill people are just left to accept the mere crumbs we get of genuine understanding and compassion #i kinda want to find an article or something i can share with folks about thus #bc everyone is well intentioned by those remarks and by that discomfort. BUT. putting it on the ill person to carry and cope with is unfair #i just want folks to know disabled people hear your comments for what they are and we learn to not open up to you about it if you make it #all about yourself and your inability to witness your loved ones in pain (cowardice imo) #so just . keep that in mind and maybe don't be so fcking shocked when someone is still recovering three days post-op?!?!! #truly wild #hikey

[yvixtrae]

making a quick shitpost before work to continue losing my mind about boris pavlikovsky and the boreo ship bc i rewatched the goldfinch recently and idk wtf i was on the first time that i watched it bc i didn’t have so many thoughts and feelings about it like i do now but GOD boris is literally the top person on the kin list now and it viscerally aches to think about it and literally last night at like 2 in the morning i was practically foaming at the mouth like i have rabies bc of two silly goofy stupid side by side epiphanies with thinking about boris and reflecting on myself--

#felix shitposts #boris pavlikovsky #boreo thoughts #GOD IVE BEEN HAVING SUCH BRAINROT ABOUT BOREO AND MORE SPECIFICALLY BORIS #LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE #im so normal about this i swear XD #horrendous boris kinnie moments/realizations????? #idc if it's so mentally ill about him being me but with worse coping skills and scrungly wunkly pretty boy privilege but gAH I WANT HIM???? #deserves to be treated with all of the gentleness and kindness that i don't give to myself regardless of what version of boris is in mind

[heartshattering]

they should invent a nighttime that doesn't make OCD worse

#at least it's not just me according to a quick search I did #but still ughhhhhh #I know what I need to do to cope but then when I'm in the moment it feels like I'm literally dying #I would get into more detail but explaining the stuff that goes through my head sounds so ridiculous like ????? #I know I already did [action] so there's no need for me to get out of bed and repeat it 20+ times before I let myself sleep! #I... I don't do that during the daytime... because that would feel ridiculous and irrational #but Nighttime Brain is like “you gotta” #don't try to reason with OCD because it Does Not Care! :') #the fact I'm able to recognize how ridiculous this is should be comforting #but like I said in the moment all my mind wants to do is convince me that tonight is the night I'm gonna die #and that it's all my fault and that I've ruined everything #I would not wish this on anyone #(except as a free trial to those people who say they want OCD when they don't really understand how much it sucks to deal with it) #sigh #anyway it's only 3 PM but I'm already dreading nighttime so that's why this popped into my mind #I'll be fine

[transingthoseformers]

Okay but there's just a special kind of crack in Megop.

Juuuust, the real special stuff. I am here for their complicated ass mess, I am HERE for the realizations and I am absolutely here for the homoerotic one on one fights. This is one of those ships that I feel like full well could be canon, for the sheer sake of angst. It's fun to watch the (literal and metaphorical) sparks fly between these two as they are both their nemeses and their soulmates.

#megop #all the opinions #don't mind me we're just doing a bit of pre-college McFuckery #say what you want about me but this is how i cope with the divorce lol #i'm going nuts ignore me