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honeytonedhottie · 2 months

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the happy pill⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧁

maintaining joy and building a lifestyle or habits that can sustain joy is important for mental health. even though circumstances may arise, im a firm believer that hope is possible and you can be happy.

POSITIVITY ;

if ur someone with a negative mindset in general and you wanna change it to a more positive mindset here are some ground rules..

let the little things slide - don't worry about the little things, dont stress over something that isn't worth stressing over. that includes letting the little things that you have done slide too. dont beat yourself up about something that you've done before. thinking "ugh why'd i do that" is useless. instead, flip that thought to "what can i do to improve if i find myself in that situation again".

surround urself with things that spark positivity - surround urself with things that u love and the things that make you smile. and enjoy the little things/tasks that u do. ROMANTICIZE.

giving out some -> reaping double - when u give out positivity. encouraging words, compliments, even a simple smile, you get that DOUBLED. it actually helps so much to be sweet to others and compliment others and its even sweeter for you bcuz it brings so much happiness.

TAKING YOUR POWER BACK ;

dont give anyone or anything the power to make you unhappy. ofc there are circumstances that are unique to everyone but in general dont let someone else's bitterness or negativity influence ur own happiness. protect your energy. bcuz you are responsible for making u happy.

REFLECT ;

have self identity audits every now and then to keep yourself in check. to make sure that ur following thru with ur goals or that ur balancing ur distractions properly. and also, reflect on whats constantly draining ur joy or what u are doing to drain ur joy. some things that can drain you include..

social media detox - although social media has lots of positives, we cannot ignore the negatives. social media provides a false sense of connection that we crave (cuz human beings are social creatures) so taking a break from social media every now and then a couple times a year rly improves ur mental health in the long run.

some things that can feed into ur joy can include..

gratitude - practicing gratitude without comparing your own achievements to someone else's. just being present and grateful for what u have.

laughter - learn to laugh and smile at things instead of getting worked up about it. laughing is such a mood booster.

literally ANYTHING, you know urself best and u know what makes you happy and what makes u smile so whatever it is that does that for you, DO that.

DO THINGS THAT ARE REFRESHING ;

doing things that are refreshing and replenish ur energy is a game changer for ur mental and emotional state and happiness. some refreshing things to do alone include..

watching the sunset/sunrise

meditation

journalling

practice self care

do something that u used to love doing

dance (it helps mentally too, taking u from rigid -> fluid)

DISTRACTIONS ;

when your constantly striving for perfection and you put all this pressure on urself, you'll end up growing into a bitter person, and thats not hot. so allow yourself to have distractions and have experiences and try new things bcuz thats what life is about.

however go about this with DISCERNMENT. allow yourself to have distractions that aren't harmful to you or others. an example of an unhealthy or harmful distraction is drinking. you can enjoy those things but enjoy them SAFELY. dont be too uptight with yourself and LET YOURSELF LIVE. but in that same breath protect yourself and get rid of whats taking away from ur happiness.

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pommunist · 1 month

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I don't wanna say this under my own name because I'm friends with too many Quackity fans, but god, everything about his actions just makes me think that what he cares about is just avoiding legal trouble and protecting his own public image

And maybe also about his friends to be fair

(I mean to his credit, I don't think he cares about money either)

He says he's doing all this for the viewers, but I guess that doesn't include the viewers who care about the French streamers or the French characters

And I don't see any hint of him genuinely caring about the workers. This is not how you treat someone you care about. He keeps implying that he can't talk to anyone because of "leaks" but what the fuck could be so bad about the "leaks" that it justifies this kind of disrespect? Why is this secrecy more important than the needs of the workers?

Nobody's asking him to reveal his biggest secrets to the workers, everyone is just asking for him to TALK to them at least, and hearing them out

He also says he can't talk because he doesn't want to make false promises, then just say that! Again, nobody asked him to promise them a job in the future, we just want him to be honest and respectful! Just tell them directly that you don't know yet and listen to their thoughts on the situation! Ask them how you can alleviate the inconvenience if it's within your means! Just talk to them like they're fellow adults who are capable of having a reasonable conversation! Because they are!

The union mentioned that some of the workers had basically been told by management that they should be grateful to be allowed to work for Quackity Studios and ngl, I wonder if this is not only the view of higher management but of Quackity himself too. That's the question I keep asking myself and not daring to say out loud: does he see the lower level workers as just fans who should be happy they were even allowed to participate at all?

- 🐧

First I never mind anonymous asks so no problem dont worry !

Second I tbh don’t want to assume what Q true intentions really are because heavy speculation isn’t productive and can lead to more stress in general. However I think that we can agree that he isn’t doing it all for the money, given that we’ve always known QSMP was never and problably even supposed to be a profitable thing (just the hosting and translation costs alone point to this).

That said, I do agree that everything that has been done up to this point and since Lea started to reveal things seems to be more damage control and trying to avoid legal issues than actually trying to be fair to the workers. This isn’t even speculation if you consider the sudden firing of Twitter admins and the silent towards all the other admins.

Obviously, when you’re a company or an individual you wanna avoid a lawsuit at all cost. It is a logical business move, morally I don’t agree with that mindset ofc, and I also feel like it’s a misunderstanding of the intentions of most of the admins.

I don’t know any of them personally but none of them, so far, have publicly said they wanted to take the legal route or even sue Qstudios. In fact, most if not all of them have expressed their love of the project and wished for it to continue with better working conditions. Some admins also said they didn’t care about getting paid, that volunteer work was fine if they had done it without the stress and pressure. Side note if it ever comes out that some admins want to take the legal route to make their rights be recognised and be compensated then my full support to them.

As if he is doing all this for preserving his image (i say IF) then what a terrible job he’s doing. I hope I’m making very clear that QSMP and Q’s image with french speakers fans (and non fans, and other French Ccs) is in literal ruins.

Also I feel like there was a genuine wish to add different cultures, I’m talking specifically about the French and BRs here, but an underestimating of the work it takes to actually merge people from different backgrounds and that it goes beyond just putting CCs from all over the world on minecraft with a translator. The fact that there was no FR, PT or KR speaking upper admin at all in the team baffles me to this day.

Worst thing is that we probably only know like a fraction of the overwork, miscommunication and intimidation that went on behind the scenes. Heart aches for all of those who went through it. All the love to them ♥️

#qsmp discourse #quackity crit

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monstersinthecosmos · 7 months

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I have no intention of watching the new IWTV show, but I was wondering why you think Armand's characterization was so bad. I kinda hated how Antonio Banderas played him in the 1994 movie (not on its own, just in comparison to the books - I feel like his personality/demeanor was totally different), so it's sad that they still haven't gotten him right... Judging from pictures alone, I did think the casting for him was more fitting this time. Anyway, just curious to hear your thoughts!

Oh man!!!!!!!!! I do wanna say up front, I think Antonio was NOT A GREAT ARMAND but I like those scenes in the movie so much because they feel SO RICEY to me. Like I LOVE Movie!Armand even though he isn't Book!Armand, and if you read IWTV in good faith it's the only book that doens't harp on Armand looking like a smol uwu cherub so like ! SURE. He definitely still brings the calm nurturing mentor vibe in a huge way and the scenes in his room feel the most like the books to me.

I also know from the director's commentary that they specifically wanted Armand to look like that so that the Europe vampires would feel like OLD WORLD SCARY vs like, another twink lol. So he's got a little more of a tropey Dracula vibe going on and I think like as a visual contrast it works really well.

As far as the show; I think Assad is EXCELLENT. And like the whole fandom was joking even when the credits hit IMDB that it was gonna be Armand because everyone was like "OHH ARRIGHT.. LOUIS'S """""ASSISTANT"""""" OKAY !" so like I was one of the conspiracy theorists looking for clues the whole time. And his MANNERISMS are dead on and gave him away before anything else did. I have zero issue with the actor, I think he's so spooky and a complete smokeshow which Armand DESERVES. And I wish I could like the show for him, I really do! But it's just NOT WORKING FOR ME.

I'll put the rest under a cut cause it got lengthy and I'm not trying to like be a downer on anyone's dashboard but TLDR the show is so completely unrecognizable to me and I think it would've been so much better as an original concept, and personally I'm not excited by randos who share names with the books I read. The show is a hit! People really like it! But idk like showing me these two random ass men and saying "Hey this is Daniel and Armand" doesn't excite me because the story they're showing me actually ISNT Daniel and Armand lol. I'm here for the story!!! I'm not here for Easter Eggs!

Here's my main few gripes with how they wrote Armand which I find mega disappointing:

He spends 6.9/7 episodes pretending to be Louis's assistant named Rashid. WHY! LOL. Why would he do that! DANIEL DOESN'T REMEMBER HIM ANYWAY SO WHY???????? I DONT UNDERSTAND. Like Armand is a weirdo but is he THIS WEIRD? idk. idk.

The show also (in my opinion!) horrifically botched Lestat, but there's like this grain of doubt because the show has a theme of memory being unreliable, so the speculation is that maybe Armand planted a skewed version of events in Louis's head? Even the show runner sort of hinted at this? LIKE I HATE THIS?? Because if we get to S2 and it turns out that Lestat's been misrepresented, it then turns the tables and makes it that ARMAND is the one who's horrifically botched????? Like I'm all for silly Armand jokes and memes and whatever but like. sigh idk i just looked really forward to this show and hoped to see Armand on screen and I didn't really want a meme version of him. ((Also as an aside I really dislike the unreliable memory themes on the show the way they're presented because like the books frame unreliable narration as like interpretive and emotional but the vampire lore canonically is that they have like mega supernatural photographic memory? idk. If memory is faulty because they still have that human fallibility it's one thing unless they're saying Armand planted memories in Louis's head??? idk idk.))

And like speaking towards whether or not Armand is a person who would plant false memories in Louis's head; I concede that he psychically influenced Louis to join him in IWTV but like. ARMAND IS A NUANCED CHARACTER WHO ACTS FROM A PLACE OF NEED AND HURT. And idk it's just so fucking clunky I can't imagine the manipulation taking this type of shape. There's just, to me LOL, a huge difference between the mental nudge of "You are lonely and you need guidance please come with me" and "Lestat was a horrific domestic abuser." And like. idk. Just within the package of the whole rest of the season, this team has the subtlety of dropping a fucking piano so I just have no trust in them to write him with any sense of nuance.

AND THE BIGGEST OFFENSE THAT I'M JUST COMPLETELY DISGUSTED BY IS THAT HE'S A DAYWALKER?????????????????????????????????????????????????

I just hate the daywalking shit so fucking much I can't even start. Like the show changes a lot of the lore which is fine whatever it's their show change lore if you feel like it whatever but like. ARMAND'S ENTIRE LIFE IS THEMATICALLY BOOKENDED BY DARKNESS. He grows up in a CAVE. He lives in a CULT BENEATH A CEMETARY. He tries to KILL HIMSELF by GOING INTO THE SUN.

Like. And he's only 500? That's like adolescent for a vampire LOL.

There were a couple times in the season where they had some continuity errors on the show!lore so I got the vibe that the writers didn't really care about all the VAMPIRE STUFF which is kinda disappointing to me bc I'm a nerd lol but it felt like they used Armand in the sun to just give the audience a red herring and it came across as really cheap to me. So I wouldn't put it past this team to kinda be like DAYWALKING SURE LOL and not really take it seriously or think about the larger picture of how that unfolds for the character over more seasons.

IT'S WHATEVER, I JUST. I know it wouldn't make good television but I like VC because it's like existential dread and consuming darkness, I want it to hurt me, I want it to feel bleak, I want Armand's entire arc to be about how much he struggles with the idea that there's no God. It just feels like if you can make it a few centuries and be able to withstand the sun, what's the fucking point? What sacrifice did you make for being immortal? Especially for a character like Armand who so fully believes himself to be damned and would never want to make another vampire, would never subject even an enemy to it.

Especially bc like in the show the vampires can like ? Smoke? And have sex? And they can eat food (even though it tastes like paste but they can eat food). IF YOU CAN SMOKE AND FUCK AND GO IN THE SUN YOU'RE JUST A GUY. Where's the fucking DAMNATION OF IT ALL? Also what's the fucking point of Those Who Must Be Kept if you can go in the sun lol. I just . Ugh what a clusterfuck.

The show turns vampirism into more of a power fantasy than the way the books treat it as damnation or a symbol of being othered so it doesn't really mesh with like, my idea of VC and what I want out of it.

So Armand being a daywalker = Instant Nope From Me. I'm not interested in whatever they're trying to sell me lol.

A few other things that are NOT confirmed but generally just giving me the ick that I worry about:

I really, really, deeply, truly, hated how they wrote Claudia's character and how they wrote about rape, and that gives me a really bad feeling about how they'd potentially tackle Armand's canon background. The two options are: They don't, and he's a completely different character with a different background, with completely different context for his personality/motivations/etc (in which case who the fuck cares he's just some guy who shares a name with the book I like, and not really Armand), or: They GO THERE and it's just extremely heavy handed and insensitive and not fun to watch. I think show!Claudia maybe has more in common with Armand than book!Claudia because they aged her up to be a teenager so it's just, yikes. THEN AGAIN ARMAND IS NO LONGER A TEENAGER ON THE SHOW?

And to that point like. I don't need a bunch of fucking conservatives getting in my face about how I want to see a teenager sexualized because that's not the point; logistically for TV it makes sense that he's older, but again, it changes his backstory so much. imho, Armand being turned as a teenager and looking like a teenager is a huge element of his character! It's important! It just is! And I'm sorry that the show decided that the vampires could have sex, because they invented this problem for themselves! If they kept the canon lore you wouldn't have to see them have sex anyway LOL.

I also was not a fan of the truncated timeline of the show; season 1 takes place in like 30 years I think? And covers from the beginning of the story until Lestat's murder. And I believe Louis will meet Armand in the 1940s; they have the original interview in the 70s and they're together then, and they're together in the present in 2022. Idk I'm just not impressed; humans can get divorced after 30 years too, what's the point of having immortal characters if you're not gonna stretch out the timeline? And so much happens for Armand and Louis in canon and I have no idea what's happened or not happened on the show yet, no one's really sure which events have happened yet in the present day segments of the show. So like idk there's just a lot of Armand/Louis stuff to be smushing into 70 years lol and I'm bummed that they're rushing through the timeline so much.

So I just. Sigh. There's a lot of themes in VC that I really adore that the show doesn't care about, like being VERY OLD and NEVER SEEING THE SUN AGAIN but. I'm in the minority on this one because people love the show LOL. I'm happy for everyone who likes it, but it's not for me.

And like. Just! I knew going in that it would be the Loustat Show, I think everyone knew that, I didn't have huge expectations for Armand/Daniel content but it's such a small part of the books that like it would've been nice to get a couple scenes or some gifs out of it or whatever. It just sucks that like they SET UP the series in a way that the Devil's Minion won't happen on screen. And it sucks that like, depending how long the show runs for or how long AMC retains the rights, this might be the only chance in my lifetime that I had to see Devil's Minion on screen and it's not going to happen.

It's just a bummer man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry to anyone who likes the show lol I just found it to be like mega disappointing and I don't think I'm going to watch S2, I'm too upset about Armand & Daniel LOL.

#vampire pajama party on amc #the rolin jonestown massacre #<- these are my AMC salt tags if you need to mute or peruse for other disgruntled takes LOL #sorry guys!#adding this tag later re antonio!armand bc i didnt think of it at the time #but i saw the 94 movie directly after reading the book but before reading the rest of the series #so i didnt really notice that he was very different bc i didnt have 17 year old auburn hair botticelli angel in my mind yet #so i always had a neutral/positive feeling about antonion bc my first impression didnt make it a big deal

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oblonger · 10 days

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Part 4 of TPiaG Body Swap AU

Next [>]

[<] Previous

Start [O]

@sincerely-sofie We going back to Kip and advancing the plot with this one!

Kip has a chat with his old pals

Kip could feel cracks forming in the walls he was forced to build. Every day it was more questions about Twig and why she wasn't with him.

He told them that she was visiting family, but then they'd ask where, so he said somewhere near lush prairie. Then they would say that 'they thought he said she was near Aegis Cave. Then HE'D say that it's sometimes hard to remember! Then THEY'D say they have friends and that they could send a letter to ask how she's doing! But then HE would say that it's kinda a family reunion thing and that she really doesnt wanna be bothered! Then THEY would ask if he's doing alright! And just!

Ugh...

They were clearly worried about him, and he hated so much that he had to keep lying to them. They've clearly noticed the way he breaks out into a cold sweat whenever they ask about Twig.

Kip was wandering home from the guild after having finished enough jobs to pay for tomorrow's groceries.

The sunset cast everything in an orange glow. The ocean looked like different colored shards of stained glass had been scattered to cover the entire horizon.

But Kip didn't have time to appreciate that. He needed to get home and figure out a reliable cover story.

Suddenly, Kip could hear laughter approaching him.

"Well if it ain't the spineless sport himself!"

Oh GREAT.

Kip looked up and gave a forced smile.

"Skuntank." Kip muttered through grit teeth, as team skull approached him.

Skuntank walked up next to Kip and slapped his back.

"How are you doin' old pal!"

"Well, I was doing good."

Skuntank slapped Kips back again while the three laughed.

Kip's willingness to be nice waned thinner each second he spent around them.

"Look Skuntank. I'd love to stay and chat but-"

"Aww come on!" Skuntank interrupted. "What are you even in such a rush for?"

Kip's false smile stayed, even though it felt increasingly hard to not frown at him.

"I have to make dinner and go to bed."

"Aww, dont be such a stick in the mud mip! I'll take you out to Spinda's and we can have dinner there! How's that!"

Sounds awful, thanks.

"No, I'm good. I really do have to get home."

"Why don't you live a little!" Zubat piped up.

Koffing spoke next. "Yeah! Do something while you're not attached to your mommy's hip!"

Kip was about to snap at Koffing before Skuntank spoke again.

"Speaking of, I heard she's back already. Maybe he's in such a rush because it's past his bedtime!"

The three jerks chortled as Kip felt a bolt of panic rush through him.

"Where, uh. Where did you hear that?" Kip tried to suppress the shaking in his voice.

Thankfully, Skuntank didn't seem to notice, or care, as he sat down to scratch his ear.

"I dunno. I think I overheard someone talking to Keckleon and they mentioned Sunflora or something."

Kip bit down on the inside of his lip.

Kip was about to dismiss it as baseless gossip before Skuntank's face lit up.

"Hey! Why don't we pay swig a visit!"

Kip felt his eye twitch

"Uhh, no I dont think she'd like that!"

Skuntank smirked at him.

"Aww! But it's been so long! Why wouldn't she want to see her old pal Skuntank!"

Because we hate you.

"Uhh. Because she's sick! And she doesn't want to see anyone right now. It's a pretty bad cold."

Skuntak raised an eyebrow.

Please believe me, please believe me, please believe me-

"Ohh!" Skuntank slapped his back again, it was starting to sting.

"Well why didn't you say so! We'll go tell Chimechow and tell her she needs a checkup"

Kip felt a chill coming on from all his sweat.

In perhaps a voice that was more desperate that he'd hoped, Kip said "I thought you were banned from entering the guild!"

Skuntank gave a nervous chuckle. "Ah, well we can just catch her at Spinda's diner then!"

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

Kip gave a chuckle that sounded like it was on the verge of a sob. "I really don't think that's necessary! She's fine! She just needs to stay in bed for a while! You don't need to do that!"

Skuntank slapped his back again. "Aww, don't be so modest, slip! What'r friends for anyway!"

Kip choked out some half words about how they shouldn't bother Chimecho, but it fell on deaf ears as the three sauntered off towards Spinda's diner. Cackling the whole way.

Kip stood there in the middle of the street before sitting down.

...

Frick.

Frick frick frick frick frick.

Great job man. You were too nice to them and now Twig is going to die.

This is your fault.

Kip slowly trudged his way back home, taking a detour through a forest trail to delay it as much as possible. Tears were silently running down his face the entire time.

He kept his eyes locked to the ground. What was he going to tell her? That what Darkrai said was right? That all of this would be for nothing?

He felt sick. This entire thing was a pointless exercise in misery.

Every step felt heavy. He'd ruined everything. And it was because he tried to give a second chance to a scumbag that didn't deserve it!

Dumb, naive, stupid, idiot-

Kip's thoughts were derailed when a ball gently bumped into his side, he turned to see a little Kricketot jogging over to him.

"Sorry mister! That's mine! Can I have it back?"

The kid didn't even wait for Kip to respond before grabbing the ball that was nearly half his size.

Kip heard someone shout "Ricky!" From behind a few trees.

A Beedrill emerged from behind them.

"What did I say about wandering off!" She scolded. The Kricketot flinched a bit before muttering an apology.

The Beedrill huffed, before she saw Kip and her eyes widened. "Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't even see you there!" She landed on the ground. "I'm Beedrill and this is Kricketot! We just moved in from-..." Beedrill looked at Kip and her expression became concerned. "Are... are you okay honey?"

Kip forgot that he was still crying while he stared at her like she just grew a second head.

Kip looked down at the ground.

He had an idea.

He had an idea that didn't sound like it would ruin everything again.

It was an idea that might actually work.

Kricketot yelped in suprise when Kip spun around and started sprinting as fast as he could to the post office.

Twig was getting worried. It was much later at night than Kip usually returned. Maybe he got stopped by someone while out and about?

She was about to leave the home to look for him when she could hear Kip huffing as he ran back towards the entrance. He nearly tumbled down the stairs as he entered, and then proceeded to start rummaging through things, looking for something.

She noticed the red around his eyes. A clear sign that he'd been crying.

"Kip! What's wrong?"

He didn't respond as he pulled out an envelope, a paper and some ink. He took the things over to the table, sat down, pulled out some papers from his satchel and began writing something.

Darkrai growled, being awoken by the noise. He pulled his blanket a little more over his head. "Cease that infernal racket."

Twig shot a glare at him before looking at Kip again. His focused eyes not leaving the paper.

"Kip, would you tell me what's going on? I'm worried."

"We're moving." Kip spat out. He continued writing.

Twig flinched. Even Darkrai seemed a bit surprised

"What?! Why?!" Twig asked.

Kip didn't respond as he continued to furiously pen his letter.

"Kip! This is your home!"

Kip hesitated for a moment before he continued.

"Doesn't matter. It's not safe here anymore."

Twig stammered as Kip finished writing and wiped the ink off his foot.

"Where would we even get the money for a different place?!"

Kip folded the letter and shoved in into the envelope. "You never spent any of yours. You could probably just buy the house outright."

Twig stammered again before nearly shouting his name.

Kip gave a harsh sigh and looked up at her. "What?"

Twig didn't say anything and just gestured to herself.

Kip's eyes went wide and he slapped his hand against his forehead.

"Shoot. I can't withdraw your money, can I..."

"Dude." Twig leaned forward. "Can you please just tell me what's wrong?"

Kip sharply inhaled through grit teeth, and held his head in his hands, propped up on the table.

"I screwed up, Okay? Skuntank heard rumors that you were back from some trip and I screwed up and said you were sick and now he's going to tell Chimecho and..."

Kip shut his eyes, forcing any tears back, before glaring at the ground next to him. "We can't stay here anymore."

Twig was stunned, she couldn't think of anything she could say.

Kip sighed again. "Does Duskull only do withdrawls in person?" He asked.

Twig tilted her head at him.

"Right. You can't.... Ugh."

Twig was worried that Kip might give himself an ulcer with how he'd been acting.

Kip's eyes widened a bit and he turned his head towards Darkrai.

Oh no.

"Darkr-"

"Leave me out of this." Darkrai snarled.

Kip looked the angriest she thinks she ever saw him.

"You are going to help us." He demanded.

"I refuse."

Kip shouted. "Why!?"

"I lothe the both of you."

Kip was red with anger. He propped himself up on the table.

"Don't you want to live!?"

Darkrai's tail snapped and crackled a deeper shade of purple than it already had been. He pushed himself up on all fours and spun around to face Kip.

"I NEVER WANTED YOUR PITY!!!"

Twig launched herself towards Darkrai and grabbed him by the neck, pinning him to the ground. Her eyes burned with a barely restrained fury.

"You are going to shut up and do what he says, or I swear to Arceus, Cresselia will be the least of your worries." Twig hissed.

Darkrai glared back at Twig. Smoke poured out of both sides of his mouth.

"Do I make myself clear?"

Darkrai sneered at her.

"Release me." He growled.

Twig let go. Her eyes never left Darkrai as he stood up to walk into the kitchen while he rubbed his neck. His deep purple tail flame having a few bright green embers fly out.

She heard him lie down on the floor in there.

Twig turned to look at Kip.

Twig's eyes widened as she saw that Kip's were wet with tears

"Kip-."

He raised a hand. "No, stop." Kip closed his eyes and a few tears escaped. He took a shaky breath. "I just-. I just need some sleep."

Kip walked over to his bed and layed down. Facing away from Twig.

Twig stared at him before layed down in her own bed, staring at the ceiling. Wishing she had never stopped Cresselia.

#they all are so angyyyy #pmd eos #fanfic of a fanfic #the present is a gift au #writing #fanfic #body swap au

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schizosupport · 2 years

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one time during a psychotic episode I was convinced I had did / was part of a system. I experienced what I perceived as switches and such. when I started getting better I realized that wasn't what was happening. it was very real to me while it was happening though and im just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. I feel bad because I dont wanna be one of those people who fakes did, but thats really not what I was doing, and I dont know how to put it in a context that doesn't make me feel bad about it. sometimes I miss who I thought of as alters at the time but I suppose were really just. delusional headspaces.

Hey there!!

Ok so I think it's important to add the context to my answer, that I have a different approach to/understanding of these questions than both many people in the respective communities, as well as many professionals. Nevertheless, since I'm not writing a research paper, but rather, providing a personal take on the question, I hope that you will bear with me!

So in my somewhat radical opinion, it doesn't much matter whether you experienced what you did because of DID or because of a delusion caused by psychisis.

Alters, as well as delusions, are products of the mind. It doesn't mean that delusions don't FEEL real, it doesn't mean that alters don't truly experience themselves as separate entities, but it IS worth keeping in mind that one of these experiences is not inherently more "valid" than the other.

Delusions are often of a negative, harmful nature, while alters are often a helpful coping tool, but that is FAR from being a universal rule.

I used to think I had something like OSDD, then a psych convinced me the 'others' were delusions of control (and as a result for a while I suppose they were), but today we just kind of co-exist somewhere on the border between psychosis, identity compartmentalization, ipseity disturbance, dissociation, method acting as coping and general identity confusion..

After years of wading through the professional and community discourse, on my own personal journey with the topic, this is what I think:

It seems to me that the discourse surrounding the acceptable causes of identity dissociation and amnesia in DID/OSDD, has ended up with a situation where DID identity compartmentalization is seen as the only "real" aka "valid" experience of identity fragmentation.

It would appear that this debate, which to me seems largely to be a matter of categorization and definition, has been warped to the point where people like you end up feeling bad for having been "faking DID" while in fact you have done no such thing, and furthermore having your legitimate grief at the loss of people/alters YOU experienced as real, be invalidated and belittled (by yourself, if not others).

Anon, I'm sorry for your loss. Jesus fuck, I'm sorry. Who cares what the others "really were" or "why they're gone"... You experienced them as people in your life, people you had relationships with, people you could rely on - ofc it hurts to lose them.

Of course you are grieving.

"Just delusional headspaces" is such a telling turn of phrase, and it breaks my heart. It really does.

So often we psychotic people are expected to be "over it" the moment we are not actively delusional. As if we don't get traumatized when we think we are going to be killed. As if we don't grief the relationship we built completely in our head, when it turns out not to be 'real'?

Identity.. personality.. headspaces.. they are no more real or no more fake dependent on their underlying cause..

I understand why the dissociative community are protective of their alters, I understand the need to say "this is not psychosis! These experiences are real!" ... I truly do, and I don't think it's a meaningless distinction, either.

But it's setting up a false dichotomy. Because the truth is that ultimately both delusions and alters are a thing the brain does. It's not THE SAME THING, but they are similar in the way that they are experienced internally as very real.

And I think that accepting the existence of alters as "real and valid" is important, but I don't think it should (or needs to) come at the expense of people who experience delusions, (or identity compartmentalization for any other reason).

In my experience, identity compartmentalization, that isn't coming out as scary delusions of control, is usually among the healthier coping mechanisms, delusional or not.

And creating a culture where having DID/OSDD is the only acceptable "valid" version æ variety of this type of experience is really not helpful for anyone. For one thing, it means that people with these types of experiences will be extremely prone to assume that they must have DID, potentially to the point of delusion, potentially to the point of making themselves more ill (developing amnesia, inducing memories etc) - and when it turns out they DON'T have DID, they will be terrified that they were "faking", when in fact they were just acting according to their current best understanding of themselves..

Not to mention, they will feel the obligation to bury any hint of identity compartmentalization within themselves, to conform to a social world that insists these experiences are "problematic" by virtue of being "not real", somehow.

.....ok I think I went off on a whole ass rant...

Was this helpful at all, anon?

#answers

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bonny-kookoo · 7 months

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hi bonny first off i wanna say i love your fics. as a black reader i dont feel unsafe at the moment and would really love to stick around cuz your writing is compelling.

while i do believe fic is a free for all, i do think a police fic would attract a certain demographic into your audience making it unwelcoming to your poc readers.

you already have someone reblogging under the other anons post spouting dog whistles.

personally i’d have no problem with a “police” fic IF it wasnt taking inspiration from the CURRENT JUSTICE SYSTEM AND POLICING OF TODAY.

you could write about how you’d see crime handled in a way thats makes sure that perpetrators get to court alive to have a fair trial or even preventative measures within the community jungkook could take to ensure that someone never feels the need to turn to crime.

it could be cool to visualize jungkook as like a community policer. they usually live in the neighborhood and work with their neighbors to watch out for each other. you could create your own system of how they handle punishment.

you could have a tasks force but they dont use guns. and they dont use excessive force.

they could try deescalation tactics like talking.

you could have jungkook on a crime scene making sure that ALL evidence is collected, briberies arent happening, and he’s checking his peers when they might have messed up.

you could include advanced futuristic technology that makes sure that a suspect is being rightfully accused to avoid false accusations.

because the system is under such careful surveillance unlike OUR CURRENT SYSTEM, you could write about how heinous crimes are punishable by death or maybe even exile to some other planet

jungkook could be seen doing charity drives like handing food to the homeless and back to school/supply handouts.

he could even be featured playing with youth in the community. like basketball on the court or sitting down and talking to them to see if things are good at school and home.

there’s ways to showcase him as an actual protector of citizens.

you could show him outside work too being a pillar, like maybe he goes to city hall meeting and advocates for social changes. like transportation, shelters, and livable wages.

imagining a better tomorrow where you have the creative freedom to imagine how you’d go about changing the system could be more FUN creatively cuz the possibilities are endless rather than having him abuse his power and hurt people.

hope that helps💜

I mean, yeah, that would've been my actual goal, I didn't think people would feel like I would write it in a way that would make people feel upset :/ That's why I wanted to maybe make it a 'fantasy'-esque hybrid or Alien fic to kind of.. take away the 'reality' connection from it? I don't know.

I write fics to give people a way to escape the troubles they have daily, so they can daydream about a world where things are better, true love is a thing, and happy endings are the norm. I know I'm not always hitting the nail with that attempt, clearly, if people instantly thought that I would not do well in creating an Alternate Universe where things would be better. I don't know. I'm currently feeling a little weird about everything I wrote now, like, I'm questioning what exactly caused it. Was it the way I wrote my hybrid fics? Or how I buit my Alien universes? Did I unintentionally make people feel unwelcome/uncomfortable? I don't know anymore.

I try to not make specifics about skin color/hair length/eye color or whatnot in my fics to try and keep it open as possible, and I know I don't do that well sometimes, since there's a limit to what I can properly write- which is why I don't write tall characters, male readers, or specifically poc's- because I cannot and will never be able to properly portray that. I'm not a professional writer, this is just a hobby, and maybe I need to, I don't know, educate myself more to make sure that in the future, my works don't make anyone feel excluded or upset in general. I'm sorry if that was the case in any of my works.

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kendrixtermina · 9 months

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I've been thinking about it time & again, turning & turning it around in my head - like, even going back to some thoughts I'd had before this particular case, to make sure I'm not bending my morals here & being the worst kind of asshole. It's actually been nagging at the back of my mind since these ideas first became mainstream in the early 2010s.

But I just can't square it with my conscience to treat a miscommunication the same as, like... I've read many stories with with violence, threats or coersion.

Or even emotional manipulation, entitlement or pushyness.

I was thinking about this with the Melanie Martinez case, and that one's worse cause she was pushy & other people who consensually slept with her confirm that she could be pushy & insistent. But that's also a situation where she walked away with the belief that the other girl was simply convinced & agreed.

And in the story with Flake there wasn't even convincing.

It's so easy to say "if you really cared you'd notice". Lots of people are just really passive in bed. Some men hate it, some ask you to lie still - people might misread signs while drunk & that's why you (as in, the initiator, not the girl) should be careful with how much you drink.

But it just isn't the same. I can't call it the same word.

Threats, violence or even entitled demanding require a huge level of disregard of another person's autonomy & personhood.

A misunderstanding like this, however, or the person having conflicting feelings... It seems like it could just happen to anyone!

Could it happen to me? I hope not, of course. I do all the stuff you're supposed to to avoid it. But I'm not perfect. Hetero women may think they'd never be the one misreading stuff unless they actually mean to assault someone since in present society men usually do the initiating, but as one of those pesky bisexuals, and just someone who believes the best way to avoid becoming blinded, sanctimonious or entitles is to be aware of your own capacity for mistake or evil, I don't want to assume that I'd always get everything right because "im one of the good ones".

No one wants anyone to have an experience like this girl did, or at least i dont, & stuff like education on communication & consent & when-in-doubt-check-in-and-err-on-the-sage-side and centering mutual pleasure instead of the lock/key bullshit is so important. I'm FOR that. I WANT that. I don't consider this okay, or no big deal, or made up. I want a world where that doesn't happen insofar as the imperfect instrument that is human judgement can prevent it.

But how do we make it the standards, how do we promote it? I don't think declaring it rape, thereby putting it on the same level as Cosby, Weinstein or Trump stuff is the way.

I have never believed in "deterrent by harsh punishment to protect people" or "if you don't wanna be punished just don't misbehave" to dismiss fears of unjust or capricious punishment in any other context. I don't believe it when it comes to government spying. I don't believe it when it comes to death penalty. It's authoritarian. Not everyone who professes to be scared of false punishment or how anyone could just make up whatever about what their inner feelings were is just looking to excuse rape; there's insecure young men who are just afraid of messing up. (or heck, queer people, with how their attraction is often portrayed as predatory)

I 100% agree with the goal of minimizing "i felt I had to go along"/"just let it happen" type experiences as much as possible, but the question is how?

like crimes don't exist objectively; they are defined by people with the goal of creating good social incentives. We define and re-define crimes through history, and I'm no longer sure these recent pushs for redefinition have been a constructve ones.

With someone who would deliberately disregard the will of others, that's someone who probably won't engage in good faith & rarely changes their way; In that case, ostracism hammer is merited - they can't be convinced so they must be cut off from victims.

But communication fail isn't like that; those may be people who generally care & are willing to adjust behavior and the threat of the full punishment/ostracism hammer at the slightest misjudgement is more likely to drive them into the arms of extremists or grow resentful & isn't conducive to a working society.

You can't have safety guidelines too clunky to actually use or they will get ignored. It's like abstinence education or red tape. Drunk fucking (not unconscious but responsive/awake) will always happen; nonverbal initiation of sex will always happen. Most times all participants are happywith it. And we saw in some of the Till stories that even a consistent habit of always asking "should we do this, should we stop, are you sure etc" all the stuff you're rightfully supposed to do to make the chance of it as low as possible, doesn't prevent some people having conflicted feelings or "going along".

I mean, I'm not doubting the girl's experience at all or dismissing the reality of her pain. but it's possible to feel shitty about an experience or find it traumatic without anyone having done a crime to you. What ppl find traumatic can be so subjective, and being dissappointed in how you reacted doesn't mean the other person automatically gets all the blame cause they cant read your mind. They did not "make you" be silent or give indication that they wouldn't listen, so how are they completely to blame?!

Like I realize this cannot be up to the perps, lots of indisputable rapists will say shit like how she "secretly wanted it". - if a girl says she said no, I believe her unless there is a track record of her making random shit up in the past. But if she explicitly says that she didn't say no or give any sign of distress, I see no reason to doubt that either & assume that her inner state "must" have been obvious.

The girl can't help having flawed messy human reactions either but like, will burning some guy on a stake make the trauma go away?

I just - I don't believe in fair world hypothesis and "if you do everything right no one ever feels hurt". I don't believe that doing your best will just automatically be good enough.

To be 100% clear: I don't blame the girl for feeling overwhelmed, but I also can't bring myself to blame the guy for misreading communication if she gives no indication of disliking what's happening. Or, like, both have nonzero responsibility (he should have verbally checked in and neither should have drank so much booze, for starters. ) but neither has full control of all the factors or can be exempted from human fallibility. Sometimes ppl mess up and it can't be 100% avoided & no one is the villain. People can only be judged based on the information they have, they can't be made 100% responsible for the inner state of others that they can't access if those others don't give indications of it. From today's perspective I can say he should have checked in verbally but I could not say that if I had not read about/been educated about why that can be so important/ how its common for ppl to not say anything etc. I might as well say "use a smartphone" to a person from the 90s.

I just can't bring myself to think that for this moment of misjudging her reaction, he's now the same as someone who would threaten another with a knife to get his way - it just seems too cruel to me.

It's unfair that she had a shitty experience, too. But I don't think shitty experiences could be 100% prevented even if no one on earth ever took the slightest lick of risk ever again, that's just outcome bias/ just world fallacy.

#rammstein #rammstein scandal #rammstein allegations #till lindemann #flake lorenz

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spamtonology · 2 years

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hi its the same anon here Again (i think i can just call myself sm anon so i dont have to introduce myself every time)

I just wanted to talk about how spamton's complex character and personality is generally greatly written making him very special character, as promised in last ask

When first encountering, hes only shown as a silly weirdo Trying to scam kris, but after you enter his shop (Which not everyone did while their gameplay) youre introduced to his darked side... Hes a lonely and desperate man, with very impulsive decisions and with his mind fixated on strange robot in queen's basement, the feeling around spamton immedietly changes from funny haha meme scammer to "oh my God. He is NOT ok" but Even with such weird and uncanny atmosphere, spamton still tries to be hopeful and funny, example the famous KEYGEN bit where he's parodying youtube poop video, or how generally hes generally making jokes relating to his possible Trauma (i wanna talk about that later possibly too. Special interest moment) or When he's Talking about freedom and heaven, as much as it all sounds concerning, i think he shows euphoria and hope (Which is more sad to think about after we later see how he ends up)

Thats what make him So special i think!!! Hes scary, hes probably sad alot too, but hes also hopeful!! He has so many dreams he wants to accomplish!! Even if its shown trought being absurdly desperate and strange, spamton hopes, he has good hopes, which WE know he doesnt achieve in the end, but he believes his life can get better, he never gave up, and kept going till the very end (and what he did with kris wasnt good btw, what i mean here is that hes just very hopeful and believes hes going to have better future, not choosing good ways to achieve it thought) and i think toby fox did generally amazing job making spamton character

I have So many thoughts i wanna share about spamton.... But i dont wanna write too long asks!!! Im probably just gonna write few diffrent asks someday yas (Also theres a chance i didnt properly write things i was thinking about So it could lead to some misunderstanding, if any confusion please lmk!!!)

Hello again! As for an identifier, I have seen anons use an emoji symbol as a way of identifying themself, you could use one! Any is good.

Something that’s notable about Spamton’s character is that he is almost entirely skippable: if you defeat him on the first fight, he will complain about how rude the player is and leave for the rest of the game, therefore locking his story out. It’s very interesting that the only way to proceed with his arc is to accept his deal and show him mercy!

So, yes, if all the player did was defeat him and move on, the player would simply see him as another weird quirk and not think much else of it. They would be missing out on his story. While the notion that he’s purely comic relief is blatantly false, I can’t say it comes from nowhere, people who only defeat him and move on probably do think that.

The shop isn’t where everything begins to unravel, it’s actually earlier on, first in the alley when you see a poster of “BIG SHOT AUTOS” where Spamton’s face from his better days can be seen.

And shortly after meeting Spamton you can also mention his name to the Addisons, their responses vary and some simply don’t have any lines programmed.

The encounters in his shop are probably the closest you can get to knowing Spamton as a person (outside of NEO), and here is definitely something deeply wrong with this man. At one point he shuts down and appears to be taken over by a different entity, asking if anyone can hear “them”. Asking him about the Knight causes him to glitch out and the option is replaced with “friends”. He also seems to shut down at the mention of Mike.

Both the shop itself and his sprite in the shop have an uncanny feel and look to them, and the “exit” button is replaced with “RUN AWAY”, heightening the fear the player and/or Kris feels around Spamton. Sure, he’s funny, but he’s also deeply unsettling, and Toby does such a good job at balancing out these aspects of his character.

That ending of the NEO battle when he’s so happy the strings are finally being cut, then all goes silent and he flops motionless to the floor, is one of the most jarring things Toby has ever created. It doesn’t help that it drags on for a relatively long time, so you’re forced to look at the “corpse” on the ground there.

He might seem hopeful, but I think it’s more desperation than anything. He is definitely stubborn and determined to reach NEO at all costs, in such a desperate way that he’s willing to do anything for it.

What do you mean by “good” hopes? As in, morally good? I would say his hopes are rather selfish, but understandable otherwise. He only ever wanted to be free, and was willing to cheat, lie and manipulate to get his way to freedom. As a failed salesman and overall unpleasant person, that’s the route he decided to take rather than seek better, safer alternatives that wouldn’t further damage his reputation.

But...Well, it’s perfectly understandable to feel sympathy for him. When he’s written that way, and you know his backstory, you almost just want to give him a hug, and it can be rather disarming which is why it’s so important to look back at the canon source and analyze his canon behaviors, not what fanon says he should act like. One can feel great sympathy and understand that what he did was not good.

He needs a break. Some reprieve. He gets consequence for his malicious actions, but no closure for his want of freedom.

Death of a salesman, indeed.

#spamton

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butch-bakugo · 1 year

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your intersexphobia post is absolutely incredible, i just wanted to let you know you used "tim"(trans-identified male) when the derogatory term for trans men/masc people is "tif"(trans-identified female); both terms literally mirroring gendered names and just adding another layer to their weird obsessive transphobia. i hope this doesn't come off "umm akshually", like i don't wanna derail your rly important post, but i just wanted to let you know in case you wanted to correct it in case anyone wanted to research the term to keep themselves safe(sorry if this sounds rude i'm autistic and not v good socializing, plz don't take this the wrong way)

Ty for your input and the compliment but i actually intended to use tim(trans-identified-male) to show that even if your a cis gnc woman who passes as a woman, terfs are so paranoid that they assume any trans-ish gnc-ish intersex-ish looking person could be transfem. Basically if your clearly trying to be fem and you dont look like a straight woman, they assume ur trans and probably transfem. To them, feminine afab nonbinary pple and masculine amab nonbinary pple just dont fuckin exist XD they like to boast that they can clock any trans person but they CONSTANTLY false clock masculine framed and poc women and constantly miss trans women.

The way i phrased it meant to assign trans mascs the identity of "traitors to their female gender" cause thats what they get accused of (showing terfs assumeing that hypothetical cis butch lesbian is "female") while the other showing their immediate jump to semi-fem trans = transfem/trans woman(showing terfs assuming that hypothetical cis butch lesbian is "male"). Really it was all meant to show that in terfs never ending paranoia, they just assign whatever genitalia they want and insult you regardless. That even if your a gnc cis person, they are still doing what they accuse trans pple of doing, seeing a gnc person and assumeing their transgender.

There are terf comics of them complaining about being asked their pronouns just because they cut their hair short and are gnc while they do the same(except instead of asking pronouns with good intentions they just insult you for being trans) just to anyone they assume is trans. They all want their anime protagonist moment where they sexually turn a transhet boy into a cis lesbian or get to "satisfyingly" turn trans lesbians away from lesbian bars. Basically they come up with senarios to boost their egos( and trans pple get called "delusional"?) and that they can genuinely turn anyone into either a terf or a terf ally..... then they say they hate bi women and their whole allyship with transphobic bi women falls through lol they cant even stop while their ahead.

#levi speaks #not mad at you or anything lol you had good intentions #but i didnt misspeaki meant tim #thank you though

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flightplan-fox · 2 years

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lmao if you wanna read about my issues with one of my coworkers, have fun reading. seriously this is a total rant of things i needed off my chest.

why does money make people such jerks??

it was announced this morning at work that at the end of the summer, the person who worked the hardest, put in the most effort, went above and beyond, etc, would get a bonus with their paycheck.

ever since it was announced, one of my coworkers keeps trying to throw me under the bus to make himself look good. he was nice up until now, and today he’s been a total asshole

literally multiple times today he’s been all like, “weren’t you supposed to help me with this task? and i ended up doing it all by myself”

and he does this right in front of my boss! and i wasn’t supposed to be helping him!! HE was told to do it and i was doing a different task!

also, he is always always bitching and complaining about the work and our boss, or sadly telling me that i’m the only coworker who likes him and the others all hate him. WHICH THEY DONT. they actively make efforts to talk to him and include him in things. he always excludes himself and hides away! at this point, it’s his own damn fault.

and he’s always like “you’re lucky the boss likes you, if i did the things you do i get yelled at” or “they’d force me to do things but you can just say no” which again is false! my boss and coworkers are super nice and wouldn’t ever force anyone into a situation or yell at them.

OH and not to mention the weaponized incompetence! literally anytime we get put on a job together, i end up taking the lead (which is fine), but he stands there all dumb like he has no idea what we’re supposed to do. he’ll ask me me again and again what we’re supposed to do, and then clumsily do the task, and not do it right, until i step in and help him. ITS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING

however i feel i should add a disclaimer that he is deaf in one ear. so i try my best to be patient with him as he may mishear things, or not fully be able to understand what was said. however, i make sure to stand on his good side and repeat things when asked. still tho, he only acts this clueless around me.

i’ve almost lost my shit on him multiple times. thank god he says he’s not coming back to work next year.

am i a jerk for complaining this much about him? ive done my absolute best to make sure he doesn’t know how much he bothers me. and if my frustration shows thru, i apologize. but still, i’m at the end of my rope.

also what’s a nice way to tell him to shut up and stop complaining to me? like i honestly need to set a boundary with him, he is kinda bringing me down. but also, i know he’s one of those people where if i try to set a boundary, he’ll guilt trip the shot out of me and make me feel bad for “leaving him alone” or something 🙄

i hope none of this makes me sound like an asshole…

#cedar talks #tldr my cowoker is a bit of an ass and complains all the time #but i feel like a jerk for being frustrated #anyway y’all can ignore this

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goremet-chef · 2 months

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its so cute i need to. ramble okay

in creatures of sonaria like. man. a year ago at this point? i made friends with someone and like. just by chance, they decided to add me to their pack and let me kill with them and like. I WAS NERVOUS im not known for. my social prowess 💀 but they liked me? and they added me as a friend and idk it was nice. like it was a group and i was kinda in the group? even if i was mostly quiet the whole time, i was still helping and covering for them yknow?

i didnt play for a while, i went from like. playing daily to playing monthly but i started playing again and i remember i think they invited me a few times to come play like with the roblox invite function but i wasnt online at the time and so. IDK i didnt think anything would come from it yknow? but. when i joined their server on accident, they added me to their pack immediately and said hi and im like SHOCKED. did i matter enough for them to like. feel the need to say hello to me and invite me to hang with them? IT. its happened more and more, i like to play with them whenever i can and i get nervous maybe im annoying them by joining them all the time but they always invite me and say hi, and its to the point where other people in the group also say hi to me and it

you must understand! im a fucking loser man, im not someone people get along with, im painfully awkward, i feel like an alien trying its best to act human okay. but it feels good, it feels like. NORMAL. we arent serious friends like i dont know shit about them, probably never will honestly i just like to wreak havoc with them. ive always been afraid of like. INFILTRATING a group, thats what it feels like!! whenever im accepted anywhere, im so terrified im latching onto false hope, im scared that im forcing my way in and im too happy to really see it. but. they say hi to me and they mess around with me and they JOKE WITH ME like. OKAY!!! im still quiet like 90% of the time but they know alright im busy playing the game, its not like i have much to say anyways!! its fun to be. social? like im too scared, fearing itll go so horrible wrong and bruise my already quite small and fragile ego, so when it goes RIGHT?? idk i just wanna. ramble about it cuz

i joined today and one of the other members said "YAYY looksee" and it. MY HEART... i like all of them cuz i hang out with them enough like. i really only talk to the one who has me added since they will actually say things to me directly but i feel like im opening up more? just a little, im still shy but. IDK knowing theyre like getting used to me? yay looksee?????? teehee!!!!!!!!! idk why it makes me so happy, i guess im easy to please if you show me the slightest bit of. positive acknowledgement im absolutely giddy. the bar is on the floor 💀 but i dont care!!

when have i ever made a friend on roblox? ive been called slurs and insulted and told to kill myself more times than anyone has ever like. tried to be my friend 💀 i get it, im not very welcoming, its not like i try to be. im friendly sure, but quiet, and if im in any sort of social interaction (which can range from someone speaking to me and not going away after they say what they wanted to say to literally just. something cute, like someone sitting with me or giving me some food) i cant handle it (i scream and close the game as fast as possible, my heartrate goes up im BREATHING HEAVILY IM SCARED... it was nice but. terrifying!!! i feel the obligation to stay and thats too big of a commitment OKAY... roblox creature you must understand)

ITS A LOT FOR ME OKAY.. and i mean. i know how my roblox avatar looks, ive been told its cringe enough times for one lifetime, im tired!!! i get it. catboy with a skirt ooo so scary. that boy is a faggot, yeah yell it louder at me.

the worst part about that is like. IT HURTS... i know i shouldnt care about what a child on roblox says to me in creatures of sonaria trade realm, but lord! it hurts. i dont socialize, ive had enough bullying!!!!! ive done my time IN SCHOOL. alright thats enough im good on the bullying. idk im just weak i guess I CANT HANDLE IT. im not good with confrontation, i wont come up with a witty response, ill just sit and wait for them to get bored from me ignoring them and leave me alone. ITS ROUGH. especially cuz its ALWAYS about my avatar, i look gay i get it, thats the point.

im a very like. ive spent TOO MUCH TIME kicking myself down over 'cringe' alright. i literally lost my interests and passion cuz i was scared of being cringe, wanted to fit in better. it made me MISERABLE. im very pro cringe i love it cuz? its only cringe if you suck, things that are 'cringe' i never find cringey even a little bit, cuz i like it when people are happy. but. i find it hard not to be a little embarrassed. its ROBLOX i get to look however i want!! i love silly roblox avatars okay, i dont want to be embarrassed about mine!!! im not a confident person, i wear it around because i like the image of this stupid catboy clothes on a very man shaped man alright looksee is my pride and joy i give him a little kis. but maybe they get the wrong idea? idk. i dont think so, i think they just dont like how i look. whatever. also my avatar matches with my friends really well so. its iconic to me!!!

still, like i said. its why i try not to play social games alone on roblox, im scared to be bullied i will admit 💀 if my friend was there, she'd tell them to kill themselves for me!!! but. shes not always there. i literally panic anytime someone runs up to me directly i sigh and say 'here we go again' cuz im waiting the imminent insults alright. IM TIREDDD so tired. they dont get him like i do. hes an avatar ive DRAWN before hes just an oc at this point, i wont ever change him cuz i like him but . sometimes it gets hard!!!

im so off topic here i just. NEED TO RANT A LITTLE cuz it. it does genuinely bother me but im too scared to like. VENT ABOUT IT to any of my friends cuz im absolutely sure some of them would roll their eyes, its just a game!! game is important to someone like me, game is the closest i come to like. living in a real social world, of course its important to me!! game is the easiest way for me to interact with strangers and not die of a panic attack immediately after 💀

WHATEVER im yapping i love to yap but. idk i just wanted to talk about it, im still so . it feels good to know that even if im weird and quiet, im not so weird and so quiet that people want to avoid me all the time. theres SOMETHING about me that they think is cool enough, like. well. i can overthink if i want to. maybe theyre adding me into their pack out of pity? maybe they dont actually like having me around but they feel too awkward to like. they feel like its gone too far now? in too deep? or maybe. im not as awful as i think i am!! maybe im weird and offputting but its okay :]

LISTEN. maybe this is normal for everyone else but its a big deal for me oky. ITS HUGE ACTUALLY. like just to have a mindless video game buddy? someone i dont even like. I DONT EVEN KNOW THEIR PRONOUNS BRO thats how little i actually converse with them but. like its not serious its just a little treat for myself, a little thing i can have. shaking like a chihuahua right now. its embarrassing to be so excited about it but. i dont do this sort of thing ever really, maybe im getting better? even if im not, ill still enjoy it

#this is so long dont read ihis GUHH #im rambling they call me the rambler #also ranter i do be ranting a little but . im allowed ive dealt with enough!!!!!#i need to get it out or ill EPXLODSION #like im unpleasantly stimming right now its too much for me GET IT OUT #i need to watch tjoc or something i need to be scared out of my mind and laugh about it i need. i dont know what i need

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miamigrandprix · 3 months

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dts s4 e6-8

e6: -hearing claire talk abt williams after leaving, i hope she's happy seeing how they're doing now :) -straight up forgot latifi got any screentime aldfkjaskdfljaksld -if there is not a williams episode in the new season i will riot i NEED this kinda focus on my boys -SPEAKING OF logan cameo hi baby!!!!!!!! -all the talk abt strategic risks is making me wanna get back to my f1manager williams save. it rly IS like that -not george getting on the radio to say prioritize nicky cuz hes in front 😭😭😭 hes such a good boy LISTEN -its great just to see how much it meant to everyone working on that team. i'm so glad williams got a dedicated episode and istg if they dont get another one this year -i love george russell so so much btw. overwhelmed w my love for him :')

e7: -YUKI EPISODE -HI LIAM -i adore the liam/yuki dynamic so much btw it is so underrated n special obsessed w them -laurent rossi i hate u btw -the estie/nando pre divorce dynamic is so iconic u just know they were fucking raw -i /do/ not like the way the present estie as a rookie like hes in the same category as yuki. i think they couldve told their stories together without creating false parallels -i cannot WAIT to see this race its so fuckin bonkers -"yuki do you need support?????????" "no 🥰🥰🥰" -nando picking estie up and twirling them around i NEED to know what caused the divorce -i do fucking adore estie please free him from the alpine shitshow toto wolff pls help

e8: -valtteri v george is the vibes of the new mistress trying to replace the long term wife. if i had to describe it alkdfjasklfjadlkf -sorry this scene of him ordering coffee w/ carmen is just too funny to me "normal milk, any milk is fine" ok old man (like i'm not the same) -yall have to admit this was pretty cunty. bro was in a williams and still was like yeah let me make a move on current champions mercedes' car thats a good idea. would he rly be my special bby boy if he didnt go balls to the wall on occasion. love him -max and george are the SAME how doenst everyone see -anyway i hope george and valtteri are cool now. it is a pretty iconic tiff tbf -the whiplash between e6 and e8 george is STAGGERING -"at the end of the season, i want to look in the mirror and say i gave my everything" i love listening to valtteri talk he is so well spoken and such a lovely man. i've never seen anyone who hates him honestly -small brocedes moment and i'm foaming at the mouth. i'm gonna miss them so much 😭😭😭😭 -i will say the non-linearity does bother me more than it did the first watch, i think after you've seen a full f1 season front to back it shifts your perspective and makes the jumping around harder to settle with. it is wierd going back to silverstone 6 episodes later -i need to hear susie wolff's opinion on every f1 issue i'll listen to her blindly -BAN WET RACES IN SPA -that lando crash gives me goosebumps. i knew it was coming and still wasn't prepared

#dtsrewatch #she speaks

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mayymurderr · 5 months

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Why in rehab are they focused on intestines and triggers if this whole world is backed on aa and na just so fracalossi Schwartz and litchko Klinger can have the power to make anyone relapse at anytime Fairmount in Philly . You're using Muslims to do this shit to American citizens with telaviv and telemed because youre all so scared of the whole Danville river rat process. How many overdoses can you call different county coroner for only certain ones. And keep certain people out of certain counties their charges are originally in. So sacavahe and facers aa na brothel just like the Victorian house next to the k9 unit In Gordon just still worried about little girls or what ? Shamoking worried about people claiming they are in love with them to monitor girls and now I'm being directed by Alyssa's fanfic friends from shamokin and wherever else to do this and I hope you all were involved with this and abusing my kids over this schoppy shit or Delano shit or whatever rat hole people are left that dont like people from out of state. Apparently phills bitches in shamokin on your cheerleader teacher cop government conference in Philly are scared to get in trouble for manipulating jealousy some more for the knarr fight club while all of you are supposed to be protected by coal miners and fire works but all we see is abuse and false accusations by the guilty and their kids to keep themselves out of trouble. So no one's stopping anything because all of you have skipped fate and just fucked the fountain of youth program up for all the cardinal brennan kids by lying about the holy Spirit kids being raped and molested at Catholic school so you guys wouldn't get in trouble for getting a 4th grader pregnant now your all voting kids on kid s and just have mccandrew in 2015 threaten my kids lives and been following me around because youre all scared of what people told the doctors and if youre all trying to still erase more medical records and get in the government you all have been involved in some teen challange get discovered porn perlis farm ebarassment or deeath at bush parties arson with fires overdoses and you are all in everyones face saying you have to use and cant do amything but what you eant just like youve always done. Straight edge pagan and warlocks and whatever backs slip and slevas same dead leaves entertainment halestorm and breaking Benjamin icp psychopathic bullshit entertainment war because youre all still recruiting kids and not for the better tempting them to try to sort them. Look at all the cheerleaders around Candice that do the seduce daddy trick so I donr think ange rice is going to be able to take the blame unless you guys wanna black ball her or go after her with kheler more but either way we are doing and saying whatever we can for mentap claritt since like dave horsefield i was denied any psych help and I'm trying to figure out if it wad just for you guys to prove a point or you all have been the one doing this to kids this whole time since people had to trust any believe. Because I technically could have had a mini stroke hitting my head when I was pregnant that got me my aneurysm diagnosis . Talking about cleft palate and miscarriages in Philly walking through making movies in Kensington and still threatening people with fires to remind us you're all alive is crazy when there's been a copy cat from ranshaw somewhere for a long time if we put this shit down and you're all freaking out because you miss what Lordfear used to do for you and gather using twmpest and all the girls you guys have they said forced, cause thats why i had to.

Justing duck bro making up real heavy uh original hardcore uh synthesized not scene hipster uh mainstream fucking names for all the fake facebooks in Pottsville isn't going to help if they have been watching Schwartz unless it's all of you and pirates aa and na doing this stupid tell us how to live life shit and not worry about triggers . Pappy I want that master manipulator shit up for good. Crawford Bob. Please and thank you. Nothing was supposed to repeat to keep blaming and if we are that in everyone's face saying no for hollenbush so the dare program doesn't get blamed for my addiciiom over me cutting myself in mt Carmel in fourth grade by all of you standing around me bullying me in class I got put on psych meds for it. So now I'm being denied medical treatment and brii bailey is trying to find out why everyone's using or it's other strippers escorts and prostitutes that just stripper shamed me in Kensington and took advantage of someone on IOP for behavior and psych my whole life . All throughout Philly you guys did this shit to diver too around the time he went to California. When I was pregnant with my oldest he had put my name in a song and I really feel like they were all involved in this Phill Boyle's making me jealous qnd then working mw up so much i have a baby 3 weeks early qnd the same shut with mccabdrews and strohwcker qith me cutting myself. Because I was the reason nameless fear quit for being born while all the daughters they rejected at skate r way happened at votech to thw boys by rhe same teacher schwartz and strohwcker. So I literally need people to give me time and space to think this through cause the game you all lose ita a different time now . Time to think about what the fucks going on and I can't do this uh reality ghb uh make it seem like it was all a dream or my imagination shit while you're all just loving this . Makes us question how many people you've done this too and the reasoning behind it is ? So for everyone to feel like this right before they die like there is no way out or before they get the fuck it's and quit and relapse.

#pennsylvania #thecops prision gaurds #governmwnt #corruption #entertainmentbattles #somepeope are scared still because they wouldnt be spamming or scramblingwverything #still fuck the harleya and motorcyclesifthisiaqhat they all sport and the evidence eraser of child abuse why i was so upset for my shit to #get hacked in kensington in real time walking thanks Vince

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theoccultz · 1 year

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Hi i choose pile 3; even i have been wanting to communicatie but i kinda find it not possible so could you help me its okay if you dont want to

I honestly feel my main purpose is to help everyone and myself i wanted to read tarot for the longest tike but idk where to start i mean i do know abt the cards but uts just hard to begin so if you have any tips so i'd appreciate it a lot

Sorry for my English im still learning 🌛

Hmm correct me if i'm wrong but i'll try my best to list some things which has helped me do a reading for the collective as well individually from what i can understand you know how to read cards but you're having difficulties in chanelling .

I'll list it in points so you can understand better.

Be confident: its essential for a reader to be confident when they are reading you dont have to do it for clicks & the likes but do it from the intention of improvising and getting the right information ,msgs are not in your head its real so you have to be sure of it before delivering and that requires confidence

The information:as i mentioned when you're chanelling a msg through your visions or with the help of your cards you should be able to interpret the information whether its saying *a red car* or *anything else * you never know whats significant for the person .

Take feedback: look honest feedback is very helpful you will naturally get recognition when it will resonate so u dont need to try hard for it ,its okay if it doesn't resonate?! Dont make it a big deal ...dont be arrogant as the reader requires your trust

Mentioned above the reader needs your trust so be honest in your reads whatever you are getting just put it like that we do guidance reading so we need to be sure to let the person know what we got instead what they might wanna hear

This is important but underrated: "THERE'S A WAY TO DELIVER " i'll be very honest many reader speak up abt it but its never taken into consideration

you have no right to be rude to a person you have to have a way to put things in the right way you dont know what anyone is going through forget that you dont even have the authority to criticize anyone in the reading i know it could be frustrating to get the repetitive msgs but u can put it like this *you need to clear your energy and see things from a different perspective as to why you're feeling stuck but still getting mistreated * instead of *why you have to play the victim? Its been years u know you deserve to be treated like that !!now look - That person might be not right for them they might be stuck in an unhealthy dynamic in the name of twinflame or karmic you dont have to give them false hope thats not your purpose,they need your kindness and honesty not your ignorant comments .

I just gave an example just dont be rude you can say move on you can find someone better know your worth instead of being inconsiderate of their situation .

I hope it helps you !! Feel free to ask questions plus your English is fine (:

#ask #pick a card #reading notes #divination practices

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