#dont wanna make anyone anxious

[silenthillbunni]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it

#idk it's just all too much to deal w #i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish #i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months #like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk #i just dont know what to do or how to handle it #im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job #im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself #i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it #idk the list just goes on and on and on #nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help #i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all #im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc #i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable #i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city #anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :(( #it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more. #so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk

[hazbinhoe-tel]

Im terrified to touch this fandom with a ten foot pole- please like this post if you dont interact with any drama related things please :]

#hazbin hotel #no spoilers #I like the show a lot #but ive seen drama in the fandom and related to the creator ect ect #Im not going to argue with anybody #because I really just dont want to know about any of it #I just wanna be a casual fan #I am. so anxious about making people angry in this fandom. Or getting mad at anyone else. I just dont want to see any opinions #Am I making sense? I hope so

[gifti3]

Im cursing [REDACTED] right NOW

#god i better never have contact with this guy again or i might flip out on him #im about to ramble about my past “dating" adventures (we were casual but sheesh cant even be friends with this guy tbh) #im realizing months later how much this guy i used to talk to sucked #like DUDE be a better or stay single FOREVER (ΘдΘ) #and by that i mean learn how to better handle approaching others feelings! #god the way he would just shutdown others ppls feelings and it was just an endless loop of “that doesnt make sense” or “thats dumb” #sure emotions can be irrational but if someone is desperately TRYING to explain why they feel a way (even if theyre struggling to be clear) #maybe dont be so dismissive #like literally one time i was annoyed cause talking to him was grating on my nerves #and i was like ik it doesnt make sense so let me step away cause im annoyed #and hes like trying to logic me out of my annoyance??? #like worstie im literally walking away so i can cool off #leave it be! #god looking back on all this.... #i hope to god whoever hes talking to (if hes talking to anyone) isnt dealing with similar things #ppl can change so ill just hope for that #or maybe he'll meet his match #someone who reflects the same energy he has! #tho im not sure if hed like that haha #the guy seemed to have a lot of relationship problems in general (romantic and platonic) and i wanted to have the benefit of the doubt #but now im thinking maybe his personality was also just clashing with everyone elses #which isnt necessarily a bad thing on its own #gotta get context for everything u know #but in this case....naur #like im a pretty anxious person so how ppl i care about will react to what im doing or saying is constantly at the back of my mind! #so ppl who just come off as flippant about my fee fees annoy me fr #im like “ahh what if i upset so and so” constantly #trying to make sure not to make things harder for them #and they cant even spare me a single thought before doing something and dismiss me when i get upset #but also they wanna come to me when theyre feeling sad about something???

[dark-delirium]

Realizing I've lived in virtual solitude for 26 years of my life and like, damn. Who else would have survived that?

#i mean i KNOW its why i have serious fucking issues #but also #it makes me feel like some weird type of super hero #cuz seriously #i dunno anyone who actively spends as much time by themselves as i do #and by choice #because being around literally anybody else for longer than like 6 hours #makes me feel so anxious i wanna puke #like wtf would we do on the 7th or 8th or 9th hour? #what happens then #? #personal #me #tumblr post #and by virtual i mean as isolated as someone can be who isnt actively being held captive or something #and yet still needs to function daily #but like outside of work #i dont socialize #and i dont have a desire to? #i do things on my own #and i never invite anyone #woops #three cheers to having 0 family left alive

[the-kipsabian]

i have no idea how im gonna survive tomorrow

help

#i have the first irl thing in. what three weeks now? that requires me to see ppl #i havent been anywhere outside the store in weeks. i havent seen anyone face to face ive only done voice chat with friends #im emotionally exhausted over being a stupid tired upset anxious sad bitch and idk how im gonna have energy for tomorrow #but i dont wanna cancel. cause then i wont see these ppl for another two weeks since next weekend is mania weekend #im just tired and using my superpower of making myself sad all the time for evil rn #exhausted. in all ways possible mentally #if i can make it through tomorrow with ppl im sure im gonna have another breakdown by the time im home so.. yeah #im just so tired of living im not gonna lie. i have nothing to look forward to after next week and its so fucking tiring #whatever. im sorry i probably ruined your night too im going to bed good night #night is an absolute mess on main

[lewishamil10n]

considering making an f1 sideblog because i just. i've had a couple of experiences where people don't want to interact with me because of the sam/dean shipping and like. i get it, i do. it's exhausting because you can just blacklist the tag, but, well. i guess it's easier to just block. and i'm not blaming anyone for that, curate your own experience etc etc, and i've always been in favor of just blocking the content you don't want to see. it's just that it's kinda mentally exhausting for me and while i usually have a thick skin about this kinda stuff, i hate the idea of my mere presence making someone uncomfortable. also, all my spn mutuals have been SO sweet about the constant f1posting but i'm still constantly worried i'm being annoying, so maybe it's just better if i move everything to a sideblog? idk.

#i'll probably delete this later idk #im just a bit tired right now #i mean... it's just a ship. not a very conventional one i get it but. i dont even post it that much #and if i do it's always tagged n it's literally SO easy to blacklist #and i'm really enjoying myself so much on f1blr but im constantly anxious that any spn post will be the last straw and then #everyone will be like ew she ships the brothers begone wincestie or sth similar #maybe this website has just made me jaded i don't know i just. i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and i am not blaming anyone #it's just that i wanna enjoy myself without having to worry about these things #but also every time i've tried to have a sideblog i ended up abandoning it and like #i don't want to do that again #anyway #naila.txt #tag rant #sorry for the word vomit im just. not sure what to do

[8bit-mau5]

i always want more ships. i always want RP and more ships. i havent been able to chat w/people regularly for the past 3 to 4 months because of my medical condition im still getting treated for (that may take at least another 2 months to fully recover from) 

TY to the ppl who are patient w/me and still reach out.. i promise im not intentionally ignoring anyone ; o ; <33 i still wanna talk to more ppl and have new friends and new rp partners to plot with auuugh

#8bit beeps #i dont wanna name names cos i dont wanna make anyone feel pressure or anxious

[error404vnotfound]

wikihow how to interact with other people online again I wanna make friends

#i wanna make friends #with my same interests #or close to them #i dont know anyone irl thats a fan of what im a fan of #shitpost #help #im also very socially anxious #so there's that #aroace #p&p #pride and prejudice #six of crows #seliria #the folk of the air #haikyuu #math #oc #ocs #oroginalcharacter #game of thrones #literally looking around my room to recall what my interests are #hamilton musical #interstellar #mostly i just spend time thinking about my ocs tho #writer #artist

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little #bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable #like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in #the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding #that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do #and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly #stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or #text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel #or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick #of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but #i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering #topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed #bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying. #and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers #has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far #but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like #pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done #so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out #and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow #unrelated

[silenthillbunni]

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️ #hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

[chisatowo]

Watching videos essays abt political stuff is fun except for the fact that it's abt real life and it's not fun

#rat rambles #^ just finished a video essay abt trans stuff and is having a Moment™ #Im ok just kinda emotional #and filled with rage abt everything ever but yknow when am I not #I rlyyy need to see if theres any lgbtq originisatons in my area #if theres one close enough maybe I could start vollenteering? idk #Im just anxious abt not being considered queer enough yknow the usual sorts dhndhdjhdjd #but honestly its more so abt my lesbianism since I have a very complicated relationship with ulit #like it makes me feel like if I bring up my acearo identity it makes my lesbianism less ~real~ somehow #like idk I wanna meet other queer ppl irl and I want more queer friends and I wanna be able to experiment with stuff #but idk why Im so scared abt the idea of having to explain myself #I know ppl probably wont care but ig Im just scared that if other queer ppl reject me then Ill have nowhere to go #or maybe itd go great and I could get a girlfriend like fuck man thats the problem xhdkgsksh #it could be the best thing thats ever happened to me but Im so anxious abt trying #Ive been so lonely and fuck man I dont trust myself to not let myself get trampled #sorry this got real personal real fast dhdkgdkdh again Im ok just emotional #now that I brought up the girlfriend thing tho I am going to be having gay thoughts while I shower so oops dhkdhkdh #idk Im still so unsure abt how I feel abt dating no romantic attraction asside like #again Ive never been able to experiment? and I also just dont know if theres anyone Id be willing to date in practice #like it might just be lonliness but it also could be me forming a stronger sense of self and better existing outside of relationships #and as such feeling more comfortable abt the idea of having more deep relationships with ppl even outside of dating and such #but again its all theoretical rn 😔 #anyways I need to shower bro its so late #rat vents

[strawglicks]

my mood every day

#i keep having so many ideas #so i jump from project to project #cant finish anything #even doodles #bc my arm is just not fast enough #to keep up with my brain #and it makes me very anxious bc #for one im not finishing anything lmao #but also I DONT WANT ANYONE TO BEAT ME TO MY IDEAS #IM SOOO ANXIOUS EVERY DAY THAT #ILL RUN INTO SOMETHING AND BE LIKE #SHIT THAT WAS MY IDEA!! NO!!! #i keep getting so eager about said ideas that #in the middle of drawing #i have to get up and walk for a second then sit back down #its very obnoxious #so i keep getting coffee instead #and drink it whenver i wanna move #this is. so annoying #tw vent #its lighthearted but STILL #sona #strawglicks art gallery

[tinyorangepotato]

fuck sleep

#tiny talking #like is there sowmthing thay actually helps. i havent tried melatonin but i smoke weed so #and most things like nyquill dont even make me drowsy #but like man i thought i got my sleep schedule normal #hut its 2 30 rn and i went to sleep like actually at around 11 i think #and was woken up for bo god dman reason almsot a half hour later and couldnt fall asleep because its hot so i get itchy everywhere #so i have a fan on my but then the hair on my moves so i get itchy and fuck man #im feeling sleepy now and im glad its monday because i dont work till 1 but any other day i wanna be up by 8 if possible #and i would really rather not only have maybe 5 hours of sleep #fucking it doesnt help im sleeping in my grandmas living room and same witb my younger brother ( we have far too many people living here #and the number has actually went down significantly) so when my cousin or his wife or kid comes down fron upstairs to use the bathroom #or someone turns on the fucking kitchen light at midnight whta the fuck #or my little brother comes upstairs to laydown but has chips hes snacking on #or anything reallt it prevent me either from going to sleep and sometines even from staying asleep after i fell asleep #and i have some sort of auditory thing where most sounds fucking slice through my mind. like the crinkle of a chip bag when theres not many #other sounds to cover it up and so it make me wide awake again every fucking time as i am feeling sleepy #or even my brother chuckling at his video. or fucking lofi. lofi fucking is the worst. it makes me anxious and most of them have like the #wrong combination of instruments. like how are you gonna have a soothing gutair and light drums and then boom. snare. like that shit ruins #it and made my brain nore active again like the fucking chip bag. and logi just makes me anxious in general listening to it idk why #there was no point to this but if anyone axtually reads this and has hacks ill take suggestions. #usually around like 2 or 3 am (maybe even 5 or6) then ill feel sleepy and be able to sleep without too too much hassle #but fuck man why cant you do thay at 10 or 11 or even 12. I FIXED MY SLEPE SCHUDEL #I STAYED UP ALL DYA AND NIGHT AND WENT TO SLEEP AT 9 #FUCKING STAY THAT WAY PLEASE. it worked for the first maybe 2 days where i would get tired around 10 and be able to fall asleep likeni was #when it was around 2 am. and then it gotnfucked the next day and i was unavle to sleep at 10 or 11 and was tired at 3 am #i dont knownif theres even a way to counteract this expecially since i dont even have an enclosed room to sleep in #so ita not like i can go lay down at 10 with all the lights off and they stay off and no one bothers me or makes any noise and i can just #drift away. (i do have to have a fan going if possible and if not then music but fan is best) #but yeah and just knowing other people are awake in the same room as me prevents me form sleeping too. man you could be so quiet i dont #even know youre there but if you are there and awake im gonna struggle sleeping worse than usual. i dont know why

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

[alois-vanity]

Love having thoughts <3

#make them stop lmfao #cant talk about it with anyone #i feel so bad #i feel awful #so anxious i lowkey wanna relapse but not rlly #i just dont know what to do

[kaserolly]

.

#i hate when i unintentionally hurt the people i love... i hate it when i make them scared or anxious because of me #i wish i could change... i wish i were someone else... i wish i were a better child and a better friend and overall a better person #but no matter how hard i try i always fail... i cause more harm than good #im sorry for failing everyone... im sorry for always being a disappointment #im sorry to my family that im not their perfect child anymore... for having to worry about me and my health #im sorry to my friends that ive been distant latelt.. and for being arguably rhe worst friend ever #and im sorry everyone for giving you all anxiety and for hurting you and for not living to anyone's expectations #im sorry everyone... im sorry i promise ill be better i dont wanna hurt you anymore im just #ill go now... im sorry