#due to my family situation

[almiacastle]

Trying to learn that it’s not my responsibility to create or maintain harmony in the lives of those I care about. They are allowed to have difficulties in their lives and struggles in their relationships with others and it’s not something that I need to ‘fix.’ I am not responsible for their happiness or peace. Their struggles do not make me a failure. All I can control is how I interact with them.

#edit: I have turned off notifications on this post. #words #02 #I was raised to be a mediator/caregiver/‘fixer’ from a young age #due to my family situation #so it’s difficult to unlearn something so deeply ingrained in me since childhood #those I love having difficulties is a normal thing and not my fault or responsibility. it does not make me a failure if they are struggling

[daily-trey]

#twisted wonderland #trey clover #twst #illustration #sketch #this may be my last post before the new year #I'll make a post for this later but #due to a lot of things (time and family situations and personal life) i wont be posting as much as i like #thank you for your support so far! i still love trey and still want to run this blog! so thank you for your patience

[sorrelpaws]

>be me >make a friend >hang out with him >he gets hurts due to hanging out with me >mfw my only friend might die because of me

#rick and morty #morty smith #brad #hii cosmic my friend cosmic who asked me to draw this smile #edit omg i had a whole bunch of shit i wanted to say about this actually #me and cosmic bradleyenthusiast were discussing how morty would react in a situation like this #because with his family its like kind of whatever? ish? everyone can stand their own ground and/or have been babyproofed to be invulnerable #vs brad who is mortys only authentic natural friend getting hurt(additionaly due to him) #like this is someone he cares about who cant be guaranteed safety #so hed probably get incredibly anxious and panicky #would try to fill the silence by talking a lot either to brad or himself just to keep his brain occupied and like Sane #i do think morty has a semi decent understanding of first aid but just getting so freaked out that he's shaking running around #IDK! much to think about

[cosmicterrorthe8th]

Carol Wilson I love you so much. Nobody gets you like I do.

I feel like the pressure of being the one with the job weighs on her because she wants to quit her job because it sucks to find another job but like she doesn't know how long will that gap.

(I think this is canon but I'm not sure)

This causes a lot of resentment I think also.

Also she's a blunt person which I get because ya and that sucks in an office culture from what I know.

I love her so much. I think she's one of the only characters in dndads to be an academic weapon during school and worked very hard on them.

Also I should watch primer at some point but I don't think I will.

Important thing: Darryl and Carol are besties and have a secret handshake.

#dndads #carol wilson #shes like if my mom was placed in a different situation #I can say so much on her #she's one of the reasons I lean towards the wilson family #the s1 spouses were something else really #dungeons and daddies #i think being a housewife was one of her greatest fears due to lack of control #uuuuuuughhhhh

[alien-ally]

i dont watch a lot of shows, but its been a while since i saw such an emotionally charged confrontation in a bl show. i believe great acting can elevate any confrontation scene (even if the conflict was contrived) but uh here, we knew this all along. we knew the pain was coming, i did, it was delicious, and braced for impact but i still am in shambles. wei lili packing random packets of food from the house for yuan, unable to focus on eating when yuan sits with that face, getting him to pass stuff just to talk to him. a resounding 'tell me, what's wrong?'. never have siblings been so real lol. also, i deeply appreciate the character of Sanpang, cause i think he's supposed to be the reflection of society, but in a far more gentler, loving way for he actually does care for both of them. lol he himself doesn't know 'what's wrong' exactly, just that something should be cause yk it's Wei Qian. also, he's far more nicer than in the novel i've heard. and not homophobic at the very least.

#unknown the series #chris chiu #kurt huang #i dont know how to write it cause its too big for me to articulate but family dynamics in this show is #so fricking well put together and evocative #i've seen roles like wei qian or specifically 'da ge' the 'big brother' in so many movies i've watched as a kid #in my own language ofcourse #trauma ridden families where due to one or the other reason responsibilities fall to the oldest sibling before they're even done growing up #who's usually not even that apart in age with the rest of the siblings #but suddenly they're not just a sibling but a mother and father too as situation demands #like lili says at some point (not yet aired) #we have an exact word for 'da ge' in my language too lol #that also literally translates to 'big brother' in english #so i find it really easy to relate to qian #in a way that makes me feel way too much stuff #thingamabob #aa mine

[brown-little-robin]

.

#robin processes emotions on main #would it be evil to stay home from family thanksgiving because I don't think I can do all my homework if I go. would it be selfish #it probably would be selfish #I'm just feeling overwhelmed tonight because I remembered All Of The Homework due on Tuesday next week and I was planning #to do most of that homework today but there's more than I thought and I also chose to do a thanksgiving dinner and online games #with the uncle who also stayed home from family thanksgiving this year. and it was fantastic and I wouldn't trade that for the world #but it was last minute and I'm SO OVERWHELMED NOW 😭 #and I just DROPPED THE PIZZA SAUCE from the pizza he bought me and it was just the last straw folks. now there's pizza sauce #on the floor and tears in my eyes and my throat hurts. and I'm aware this whole upset is selfish but STILL #still #wellllll anyway sorry #big sniff #I'm fine and everything will be fine this is just a lose/lose situation #also I'm not feeling well physically and driving four hours tomorrow for a stressful event sounds really sucky :( #four hours round trip for like six hours in person

[mortysmith]

rick becomes super into multiversal travel after prime introduces him to it, very hyperfocused on it and the opportunities it presents (like how the gotron episode establishes that rick can get carried away unless someone reels him in). diane might initially be supportive of this but as rick's appearances around the house become more shoddy, she gets fed up and they separate. after a much more complex deterioration of their relationship obviously rick considers this a win at the time, since he's now free to dick around and do whatever he wants, essentially adopts prime's life philosophy and hangs around him. him and prime would eventually have some sort of falling out, which leaves rick extremely bitter and annoyed. he ends up spending most of his life alone, still living by his pop nihilistic ideals because he thinks this is what he wants. eventually he'd still end up squatting in prime's dimension and realizes that he actually Prefers this family life. his infatuation with prime could develop into resentment when he realizes that he essentially robbed rick of a comfortable, idealistic life

#whatever. im crazy #and look im still incorporating parts of canon i like!!! #this is just. to me. would be a much more conclusive(?) approach to his character arc #hes given a choice between the entire universe and his family and he chooses the universe #and then hes given that choice again and he Chooses A Family this time #like idk. it would be so much more in line with whats been established of rick previously #like in the toxic ep where he considers morty an irrational attachment #idk maybe it would hit harder for a character who has constantly chosen loneliness? #for him to realize that hes attached but not being able to view it as anything other than a burden due to How He's Been Living #not to mention him being attached to prime in his younger years could help illustrate how he's always craved connection #does this make sense? whatever. im offering you a view into my sick and twisted mind palace #this is just my very self indulgent approach to an alternative rick backstory #not to mention c137 beth and diane could still exist as angst potential!!! what if rick went back to make amends! #or maybe even a solaricks situation where hes forced to confront the ugly past hes left behind right as he accepts a life with the smiths

[t4tnalu]

Every other conversation I have with my mother reminds me of why I'm still angry with her instead of just letting it go. Why did she say this!!!!

#like. what kind of a response is that when im telling u im rethinking my future due to fatigue #like. UGH #i think its partially that she is nervous abt her own post covid symptoms and wants to avoid the truth of the situation #but why do i think that deeply abt her when she doesnt so the same for me. as evidenced above. #i probably wont even tell her this made me mad bc i cant trust her to take that in stable way #GOD. ITS SO FRUSTRATING!!! #maybe we SHOULD have family therapy lmao. #💋

[gay-fae]

for all my fellow people out there who can’t celebrate pride publicly this year, I know it’s hard to watch the month pass you by and see everyone else out at parades and events. but one day we will get to celebrate openly too and that’s the beauty of pride month: it comes every year. not to mention, this isn’t the only time we can be proud. this isn’t your last chance <33

#my friends were posting about going to a big pride event and I was feeling shit about it #because if I were in a different situation I would be able to go #but I’m not able to due to family and social reasons #and I felt really left out and saddened because I’ve wanted to go for years but I can’t #but one day I will #and that’s something that keeps me hopeful #and ik there are tons of other people who feel the same #pride #pride month #fable’s stuff

[pepprs]

ok. giving myself 4 minutes to make this post and then i finish my homework. i just am so deeply miserable. i really think i made a mistake. i should not be in grad school. i only took a year between this and undergrad and i am still so burned out and mentally ill. im working full time. im only taking one class and this program is supposed to be so good and aligned with what i want and all of that. but i just cant stand having homework. i just cant stand it. i think i am not cut out for academia even though i work in academia. i think i will never get better as long as im still living at home but i have to get better before i can no longer be living at home but i cant get better until im not living at home and every day i still live at home saps away at my will to live quite literally. i should not have started doing grad school without regaining my will to live. without restoring my love for reading and writing that i used to have voraciously when i was younger and less deeply miserable. without recovering from the burnout. i think i made a mistake. i need a masters degree so bad so that i can be safe but i need to not have fucking homework when i already struggle to get through my days without school. i feel so stuck in my life and hopeless and helpless. i dont know what to do

#purrs #i cant drop out or anything because. lol and this class isnt even that big of a deal like i TRULY am freaking out over nothing. but my life #situation is so bad rn bro like i cant get my parents to take me out to drive and i cant get myself to get my parents to take me out to #drive and every day i am guilt tripped berated etc etc and i feel like i am never ever ever going to be able to have my own life where i a #stable and safe and happy. it can happen for other people except for me and my siblings. i dont know. im not explaining anything well. #i just cant do this. i need to not have this one more thing on my plate but i have to because if i dont have a masters degree in my field i #am nothing even though everyone is telling me that isnt true and all of them are credible but im just so mentally ill i cant believe anyone #and icant accept any advice or hope or whatever good about me i just. am stuck. this is as good as it gets and its not even good. #delete later #that was 7 minutes not 4 and i didnt even write anything substantial. nutshell. i just have been so fucking depressed lately oh my goddddd #this is maybe too strong of a thing to say but like. i know it isnt technically neglect if i am an adult but... i think i may kind of be #neglected by my family in some ways a little bit and always have been but like. emotionally. like in the ways in which im never a priority #and the things i need are seen as burdens etc etc. and theres nothing anyone can do about it even myself because im an adult but like lol. #24 year old dependent moment <3 #well there is one thing i can do about it as an adult actually. its called move out. but that requires strength i will #never possess unfortunately due to the inherent flaws in my character and constitution so. guess this is it lawl 🥰 #side note (and i swear im done after this lol): i think i was doing a lot better mentally over the summer. funny how when the semester #starts i get depressed and the depression just gets worse and worse until the end of the semester 😻 funny how this is my seventh year like #this. willingly subjecting myself to this. that should be a clue no? but i love my job and if i could just have my job and be stable in it #would be happier but also im lying to mysaelf and i will always be unhappy but its because of my mental illness not my job being bad or #anything its like. i am just sick in the head with impostor syndrome and thats how i got myself into this whole mess. lol #well that and the not moving out thing which is partially my fault but also because i live in hell as described earlier! <3

[seeminglyseph]

Deeply considering projecting my computer to the TV to play BG3 on a bigger screen and also while lounging on couch.

Do desperately need to figure out how to connect Bluetooth headphones to TV as it will also save money on the weird TV headphones I was buying my mom that connected to the cable box but I think have been phased out and are now like very fucking expensive maybe just aren’t even compatible anymore. Like. I don’t think the last ones I bought could even connect. And shit got weird so suddenly and then I think I just forgot about them.

Either way I suck at hearing the TV so like. Headphones. But technically I can do PC gaming on the TV if I can get screen share working probably.

One day I should try and see about that. It would be cool.

I need to get past my issues with the basement, I have a really good space for gaming in the basement if I can get past my anxiety about being in the basement and it would lend me a lot of privacy. It used to be my favourite place where I was most comfortable.

There’s new furniture and stuff down there, and I had a really good TV last I checked, if it still works. With some proper cable management and maybe a new shelf I would probably be able to set up my systems well enough. I think maybe I can start working a little bit on moving past my feelings about downstairs with a different room downstairs. It would be the living room instead of the old bedroom. And I have a new couch finally so it would be different. I think I can run the air purifier and dust and stuff and maybe get a scent diffuser and I won’t trigger my allergies or PTSD. And maybe a lamp instead of the fluorescent lights won’t trigger a migraine. That just occurred to me as something I never thought of. The basement has fluorescent tube lightbulbs. Old ones. I have a migraine disorder. Old flickering fluorescent lights installed by amateurs absolutely could have contributed to part of my discomfort in the basement. That’s something that can maybe be fixed by renovating. I need to seek advice from someone who can identify lighting. Hell yeah. They might even be making a sound that makes me anxious and fixing that will help but that’s probably wishful thinking lmao.

I do just also want more lamps in general because mid level lighting for avoiding staying while addressing pain is something I really need to cope with right now…migraines are a bitch man.

#my life #my health is such a mess man #i don’t know what to do #I feel like I’m looking at everything and trying to keep on top of everything and I’m getting so overwhelmed #and maybe it should be normal but also I’ve had two of my closest cousins die recently in their 40s #and other friends and family and acquaintances die abruptly of illness etc #so I’m prone to jumping to just like… how many times I’ve heard ‘well X was getting sicker and sicker recently’ #but it could all be easily solved and I’m stressed and confused due to living situations

[existentialcrisis-24-7]

What I don’t get is why is Flora literally the only one with a sibling. Why?

#Bloom Musa and Stella make sense as only children due to the family situations #but I can’t understand why layla and Tecna don’t #idk maybe it’s my inner ‘person with siblings’ getting confused at only children #winx #winx club

[orangerosebush]

In my opinion, Artemis and Angeline have very similar experiences of paranoia as a symptom of

And thus every single family vacation will have a like, medieval war general moment where you can watch them animatedly debate the merits and/or weak points of whatever barricade they've constructed in front of the hotel room door

#I jest but I HC that Artemis' paranoia somewhat genetically comes from his mother's side whereas his issues with dissociation and #reality assessment is more genetically on his father's side of the family #The twins occupy this weird space in the family where they were born after a lot of things exacerbating mental illness in the family were #less present than when Artemis was young due to the Fowl empire #like my personal version of this is watching my aunts' kids grow up in a house where they were diagnosed with autism and adhd really really #young bc their mothers work in early ed. and are really knowledgeable about how to apply that in their home so that they have the support #they need #and let me tell you watching young autistic relatives exist and interact w kids their age who are so much better #about including 'different' peers socially then when I was a kid? that is so fucking surreal #I am very much an 'autistic Artemis truther' and I know Fox has some posts about Tim being autistic too during an era of the Fowls where it #wouldn't have even been 'masking' to borrow a contemporary term so much as just learning Not to Act Fucking Weird ever and performing this #whenever there is someone else present #but to return to the point of this post Artemis and Angeline will see a 5-star resort with insane security and go 'what I'm hearing is that #when the sun sets we will be in the Purge' #Artemis' form of paranoia is fascinating because he experiences it in the 'struggles trusting people and can spiral and believe people are #out to get him and harm him when that is not realistically assessing a situation' but also has horrible risk assessment which is so realist #realistic lmao

[grungepoetica]

ngl, i think i didn't expect living in my sister's basement to be so rough but... this is gonna be a long few months until i can find my own place.

#turns out my family's lives are in shambles due to serious fucked-up situations and a ton of drama. plus my sis invited my dad over for xmas #anyway i'm gonna go fix up my room now #grungepo rants #< not really a rant but. just in case #grungepo thoughts

[toytle]

debating between drawing superbat or clois for valentine’s day (would not generally be an either/or situation for me but it’s a specific prompt) and the deciding factor is literally that i am too scared to draw batman 🤕

#danbles #my ideal situation is starting off their relationship with establishing superbat #mostly as a casual thing with very real feelings #but was ultimately broken off due to relationship differences #they’re like exes that are best friends that still kiss sometimes #and then clark got with lois and started a family and clark’s like. oh THIS is what i want in a relationship #and batman’s got his own family so no hard feelings #and here’s where we get rly indulgent: #clark and lois decide to have an open marriage situation so clark and bruce will hook-up on occasion #but it’s like. hm. catching up i wanna say #meaningful fling maybe? #like reconnecting rather than rekindling anything #their friendship never faded away so there are still loving feelings in whatever ways that may be #just nothing they care to explore #they got a good thing going it’s nostalgic if anything #and if we rly wanna push it (which i do) then there would be a swinging situation crossing over between clois and batcat #don’t mind me ​my solution to everything is gay sex #dc #superbat #clois #i am so sorry if this is dumb idk anything abt this side of shipping at all 😭 #i’m just in a rly lovey dovey mood and dc is my first victim (it’s the february effect)

[gxlden-angels]

Someone tagged one of my posts as "bride socialization" and I probably thought about it, but having someone explicitly say it is another thing. I can make posts about the marital due and biological essentialism/determinism all I want, but those aren't terms the average person would know about.

"I was socialized to be someone's bride, not a person" is explicit, understandable, and straight to the point. It sums all of it up nicely

#My dad was actually really good at avoiding this stuff when he could #He was the oldest of 6 kids so he learned how to cook and clean while my grandparents worked #he married a doctor then a marine #so he still had the idea of being head of the household but more as a name than a real role #so I was raised by him to have my own income and security but I should still find a nice husband to take care of me #he didn't want me trapped in a financially abusive situation and I appreciate him for that #rest of our family sucked tho. got in trouble constantly for not conforming to gender roles #but now Im bigger stronger and smarter than most of them so they can't start shit #I'm now working on my uncle who's starting to get it but he won't let go of gender essentialism #ex christian #religious trauma #religious abuse #marital due tw #abuse tw in tags #abuse tw