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juliettedunn · 10 months

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The Surprise Party (Part 5)

Part 1 can be found here

Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 can be found here

Part 4 can be found here

Gus talks with Willow, Emmeline, and Luz about some of his feelings while trapped in the human realm, even though he has to keep much of them a secret. Also he has selective mutism because I said so.

Note: Sorry this took so long! That was a ridiculously long wait, but no more. This is a chapter focused on Gus. After this chapter will be the final chapter, and I already have most of it written, so you can expect it quite shortly. Then this fic will finally be complete. Thank you to everyone who stuck with it through the incredibly sporadic schedule; I know this is one of my more popular fics and you all were quite invested. I hope the wait was worth it.

***

Traveling back to Camila’s with his friends, Gus started to feel the toll of the outing. Usually, he’d be ecstatic - he’d just gotten to explore an aspect of the human realm he’d only ever dreamed of or read about in books (though he was increasingly coming to realize these tales were largely inaccurate). He got a plushie, he had a great surprise planned for one of his closest friends, and he felt a renewed connection with Luz after the two had been distant.

He was happy, to an extent. That joy wasn’t dampened, exactly, so much as it was mixed with something he couldn’t identify. It was a common experience for him, of late. He had achieved his dream of traveling to the human realm, at the cost of so much. Knowing that his home very well may be destroyed, his dad captured or killed, it felt wrong to lose himself in the wonder of his special interest. Each day, as he marveled at the human realm’s miracles, he wondered if he should really be enjoying it so much. And, adding another layer - was it really something to be enjoyed?

Gus knew Luz saw herself as an outcast, but it hadn’t fully hit him until her explanation in the bathroom - Luz wasn’t quite the typical example of a human here. Vee was, ironically, wiser in the areas of the human realm, but she was still a demon, not a prime example of the human species.

Of course, not every human would be nice, just like not every witch would be nice. Gus had spent nearly his whole life learning about humans, and he knew they could be assholes. But just before he arrived in the human realm, he had experienced something which made him se see the entire species in a new light.

He felt his heart start to pound as those memories surfaced. People standing in lines with their heads bowed, hurled accusations of witchcraft and sorcery that weren’t even true. Their necks slipped between looped rope, their bodies jerked upward, twitching and choking until they grew still. The crowd looking on in awe, cheering, Belos, no, Philip, just a young teen, right beside them, while his older brother watched with discomfort, yet did nothing to stop it.

Caleb’s discovery of the demon realm, captivated by a red bird that belonged to a real witch. Gus saw it through the eyes of Philip, peering at the lovers with hatred and disgust. The gleam of the knife as it plunged into Caleb’s chest, Evelyn’s wailing as the father of her unborn child bled out in front of her. Philip standing in front of the crowds of people and preaching the very words the old human preacher said at the pulpit in his childhood, to a crowd of witches and demons.

Hissed out of town for his tales of "sin," until he learned better, adapted his language to make sense to the people of the Isles, until he attracted followers, until he ensnared their minds, corrupted and twisted and burned knowledge, until he rose to power and began to corrupt even the natural biology of witches through his sigils. All while never letting go of his twisted possessiveness towards his murdered brother, raising replacement after replacement, each one turning against him and being murdered in ever more cruel ways, after a life of pain.

Blood, burning, the cracking and screams of dying Palismen, the whimper of a tortured Grimwalker, knowledge disappearing, mysterious illness and heart attacks as witches succumbed to the strain placed on their arteries by the sigils.

Preaching of sin, and salvation, heaven, and hell, someone called God, someone called Satan. The version of religion Philip truly believed, not what he changed it into to appeal to the Isles. How could Gus begin to understand something like that? Well, now he had been forced to understand, forced to see it all, in the span of mere moments.

Gus gasped, and Willow took him by the arm. “Are you okay?”

Gus struggled to speak, but only managed a squeak, the words stuck in his brain, unable to leave his throat as the images continued to flash. Blood, witches gasping and twitching in the snow, someone crying for their Palisman, a young Grimwalker clawing for breath as he drowned.

Gus, his hands shaking, conjured an illusion to spell words for him. He dearly wished Emmeline were with him, so he wouldn’t have to do any work at all. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t have been allowed to sneak her into the mall, but he had wanted to give her a break; she had been sleeping in a pile with Clover and Ghost, all three cuddled around Luz’s egg, and he hadn’t had the heart to disturb her.

He managed to create an illusion to communicate the words “I need a break.”

“Okay,” said Willow, and she gently led him to a tree. Thankfully, he had started to panic when they were walking through the park, at a time when not many people were around, and he could sit at ease.

He leaned against the tree, struggling for breath and counting on his fingers the way Willow had taught him. Willow sat beside him, smiling reassuringly. They had been through this routine together so many times, he knew it would all be okay, even if there were more people around him than typical. He ran his fingers over his dinosaur stim toy, feeling the familiar bumps and notches, bending its joints while the calming rhythm of the numbers helped clear his mind.

One, two, three, four…four, three, two, one…

Imagery was still flashing through his brain, but slower now, and thank Titan none of it was manifesting as external illusion. The others didn’t need to see that; it would be a major violation of Hunter’s privacy. He felt bad enough for having this knowledge in the first place.

When he opened his eyes and saw only his friends, not visions of Belos, he slowly began to ease off the counting. Conjuring another illusion, he showed them returning to the house with a green check mark above the image, then the words “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Willow’s brow crinkled in surprise and concern, and he couldn’t blame her. Gus had always been very emotionally open; it was part of why he got hurt so easily, but he always knew it was safe to do so around her. After he was able to be verbal again, he always shared why he was hurting. And he wanted to do it now, so badly he did, but these weren’t just his own issues. These were Hunter’s too, and he had to keep them a secret.

“Okay,” said Willow, slowly. “If you need to stop again just tell us.”

Gus nodded, and Willow helped him to his feet. The group glanced among each other, and for a moment Gus panicked, thinking they were doing the old patronizing routine. Look at the dumb kid; he’s supposed to be a prodigy but he can’t even talk half the time. What a fraud. He really thinks he’s such a cool illusion master; how could we have believed him?

But he saw only concern - not patronizing, but genuine - and they included him among the glancing. These weren’t glances to exclude him, these were check-ins with the group, making sure everyone was ready to continue on.

Are you okay? Holding up? Are you overwhelmed? At risk of a meltdown? Need a break?

All things the friends knew they could trust each other to help them through.

They had different needs, different capabilities, and while sometimes it made for conflict, it often helped. When one was struggling, the others could assist them, get help, devise plans for their needs, balance their traits until together they created a powerful force of support.

They were an odd bunch, but never had Gus felt more surrounded by people who would listen and vouch for him when he was overwhelmed and scared, just as he’d do for them.

Though, Gus could feel the weight of secrets keeping the group down - Hunter, mainly, which tied into Gus’s own secret, the secret that he knew. As strong as each person in the group was, they were also so fragile, and seeing them now, Gus felt more fragile than ever before; he just wanted to cry and spill it all.

Instead, he let a few more tears fall, then got to his feet. He created an illusion depicting him going to the basement when they got back. There was no way he’d be able to help with the party under these conditions; he was only a push away from having a full shutdown.

Willow laid her hand on his shoulder. “Of course, it’s okay if you need a bit. Would you like me to come with you?”

Gus hesitated; he knew how excited Willow was to plan this party. As if sensing his feelings, in the way only Willow could know, she said, “I don’t mind taking a break for a bit anyway. Amity can organize everything.” She turned to Amity. “If you don’t mind?”

Amity blinked quickly, as though surprised, then smiled tentatively. “Yes, of course! I won’t let you down.”

“Thanks,” Willow grinned.

When they got back to the house, Amity took charge with ease: “We have to get this done within an hour. Hunter and Camila will be back soon, and all the decorations have to be ready so we can hide them. Vee, I want you to…”

But Gus didn’t have to worry about that; Willow was a steady presence leading him down into the quiet, familiar comfort of the basement, and the voices muffled and faded.

Emmeline squeaked at him from the couch, transmitting colorful imagery into his mind rather than words. It wasn’t that she couldn’t speak into his mind through words (all Palismen could do that for their witches), but she found it easier to do it through visuals. She had struggled to find a suitable witch for her needs, but for Gus, who struggled to even think coherently when he was anxious, it was a perfect match.

He scooped the chameleon up off the couch and held her in his hands, facing Willow. Sensing his state, Emmeline shifted red, to demonstrate he was unable to interact at the moment.

Gu appreciated Willow’s presence as he calmed himself down, and Emmeline transmitted calming visuals to him - gentle sounds, beautiful scenery, and unfiltered affection for her witch. He closed his eyes to make her transmissions easier, and for the next few minutes, that’s all he did, just sat with his Palismen while his best friend kneeled beside him.

Willow sat patiently until Emmeline became a less intense shed of red, signaling Gus was ready to hear Willow talk.

“Hey,” said Willow. “Did anything happen at the mall to trigger you?”

Emmeline shifted to dark gray, meaning “No,” according to the code Gus had set up with his friends.

“Okay. Just social anxiety?”

Both he and Emmeline knew that wasn’t the real truth, but Gus told her to say yes, and she shifted to light gray per his wishes.

Willow's ears drooped. “I think we all had a bit of a hard time at the mall. This is…a lot. The human realm isn’t what I expected.”

Gus nodded his head.

“But, I do like it. I think it’s amazing.”

Gus used an illusion to communicate his words. “Me too.” He really did. He loved the human realm. But…

“Do you ever get afraid, here?” he asked with illusions.

“Of course. I’m scared for my dads…” Willow looked like she was about to start sniffling, but she stilled her face against it. “We’re all scared.”

“But are you ever scared of the human realm?”

“You mean of being found out?”

Being found out. Willow didn’t know what that could truly mean here; how could she? She hadn’t seen the ropes around those people’s necks…

Not that humans did witch hunts anymore, but Luz, Camila, and Vee had briefed the group about a lot of things, things Gus had never dreamed could exist, and certainly not in such a mythical dreamland like the human realm. Things like homophobia, and racism, things that could mean…

Tears leaked from Gus’s eyes. He had always dreamed of becoming an ambassador to the human realm, but now he wasn’t sure if anything like that should be risked. How would humans react to learning about witches, to a land so free with concepts humans struggled with? Freer than here, even after Belos did all he could to tame it.

“Oh, Gus…we’re careful to hide our ears. They’re not going to find out.”

Gus nodded, but she couldn’t understand his fears. Not really.

“I think I’d like to be alone now.”

Willow looked surprised, and it was no wonder why. Gus always wanted someone beside him, especially in his crisis moments.

“Okay…but just send Emmeline to come get me if you need me, okay?”

Gus flashed a green check mark illusion, and she placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m here for you. Don’t worry about interrupting the party planning, I’m sure Amity’s got it all covered torturing everyone with some work system she made up.”

Gus chuckled with Willow, then leaned his head back against the wall as she went up the stairs. When she shut the door behind her, he held Emmeline to his chest.

“I’m so scared,” he whispered. “I should have known the human realm wasn’t so great. I thought it was some wonderful fantasy, and it is, but also it’s not, I was stupid, and I just… ugh.” Gus beat his forehead with his fist. “I’ve never been so scared, Emmeline. And I can’t even talk to anyone about it. I just want Hunter to know I know his secret, but I don’t know how to tell him, I can’t tell anyone else, I…” He hugged the chameleon to his chest. “My own special interest, and I’m scared of it.”

Emmeline nuzzled him and sent him visions of him and his friends, banded together, back to back in a fight, then carefully tending to each other’s wounds, hands on each other’s shoulders, snuggling in a nice, warm pile. The meaning was clear. Friends protect.

Gus smiled weakly. “Yeah…we do. We protect each other.” Even though they were all drifting around right now, lost in their own issues, so many fake smiles and hidden secrets, he knew they’d go through anything for each other. This was what was keeping him going, knowing they were there for each other. Something even another realm couldn’t take.

He only wished he could be completely honest with them, and them with him, find a way to cut through all these secrets and hidden struggles. They weren’t meant to break alone, chipped away slowly and trying to desperately conceal the cracks. It was supposed to be visible, scars shown and tended by everyone else, so they could all share in the weight, lend each other missing pieces as needed, help glue it all in place. How was he supposed to help make it like that?

Emmeline sent an image of Luz, and Gus paused, thoughtful. “Yeah, Luz knows.”

He was nervous about talking to her, since she was so fragile lately, but after their conversation in the bathroom, she would probably appreciate a support swap.

He climbed the stairs, and when the group saw him, it was Willow who first reached out. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“I’d like to talk to Luz,” he said, and Luz jumped, fumbling a handful of abomination balloons.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” said Gus. “If it’s alright.”

“Oh!” Luz smiled awkwardly. “Sure thing!” She dropped the balloons and walked with him down to the basement, shifting awkwardly on her feet. “Sorry you got overwhelmed. I know the mall was a lot. And if I trauma-dumped and -“

This was not what he needed. “Luz, not right now. Please."

“Right,” Luz winced, pushing at her hair as if to push her own anxiety back. Gus appreciated it; he knew how hard it was for her, when she was barely functioning herself half the time. Maybe Luz wasn't the best choice for comfort - what he really needed was his dad. Someone to just spill everything to, who could give him true, wise advice and take care of things for him. But Luz was the only one Gus could think of who might have some kind of similar experience or knowledge to him, besides Hunter, and he wasn't ready to drop that reveal to him yet.

“So…" she said, sitting next to him. "What's going on?”

“Do you feel safe in the human realm?”

Luz blinked. “I…well, it’s a lot safer than the demon realm. I can’t randomly get eaten by a monster.”

“Yeah, but…”

Luz shifted awkwardly. “I don’t know. I don’t feel at home, that’s for sure.”

“How do you deal with it? With so many people who want to hurt you?”

“What? Do you think someone wants to hurt you?”

“No, but I know that - ” He had to phrase this carefully. “I know a lot of the history of your world. Real history, not what I thought it was. Even just this town, it was a town of witch-hunters, and I guess I didn’t realize how hostile the human realm might be to us.”

Luz stopped her nervous fidgeting and an uncharacteristic bitterness graced her features. “Yeah, humans have a way of hurting everything we touch.”

Gus pulled out his stim toy to bend and play with as they talked. It was easier to look at the colorful beads than into Luz’s eyes. “Humans have always been my special interest. You know that. And when I thought about coming to the human realm, it was always supposed to be this fun adventure, where I’d be an ambassador and show people magic, and they could teach me about all their weird tech. And I do love learning about all the cool stuff here. I mean, you can make your own plushies here! But also, if I told them about magic, if they saw my ears, I don’t think it would be good.”

“Yeah, I…I wouldn’t do that.”

“When you tried to correct me about human realm stuff, I didn’t listen. I was just so taken in by the wonder, I wasn’t prepared for this.”

“I experienced something similar, when I came to the Isles. I thought it was going to be a more PG-fantasy world. And then about ten different people tried to eat me on my second day there.” Luz chuckled nervously.

“Yeah,” Gus laughed. “Knowing you in the first few weeks, I’m surprised you lasted so long. I kind of expected you to be reported dead any day that first month.”

“Hey!”

They laughed together, until Gus turned solemn again. “I know both worlds have their issues. I didn’t expect the human realm to be perfect. I just didn’t know it would be so structured around hating someone like me.”

Luz closed her eyes, leaning against the wall like Gus. “Yeah…I know.” The two sat in silence for a while, until Luz spoke again. “I’m surprised you wanted to talk to me. I know I haven’t been the most present of the group.”

“I thought you’d be the best one to understand the experience of having kind of naïve expectations about something and then getting crushed with brutal reality.”

“Titan Gus. That’s a way to put it. But, yeah. I guess we both get a little carried away with fantasy. It’s easy to do, when the real world is so…”

“So…”

“Yeah.”

“The human realm was like this escapist thing, something I could delve into and study and it made me happy, even when people at Hexside just mocked me. But now it’s the human realm causing me issues and as much as I do love it, I just want to get back home. I want to see Hexside and I want to see my dad.”

“We’re going to find your dad. I know it. You’re not trapped here forever.”

Gus wiped the developing snot from his nose. “I know.”

“Can I put my hand on your shoulder?”

The smile she gave him was so dimmed from the giant, beaming smiles she used to give, but the tender kindness in it had never been dulled. “I wish it wasn’t this way. Your special interest should be something safe. I know how lost it feels when you realize everything you’ve been believing in isn’t really as you thought. It’s like you just lose your whole sense of purpose. Like, you don’t even know what to do with yourself anymore.” She dug her nails into her jacket and for a moment Gus worried she might actually be hurting herself. But then she released her arm and looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “You’re a good friend, Gus. I’m sorry your dream didn’t turn out how you thought. I’m sorry you’re trapped here. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Luz breezed past his statement. “Anyway. Even when I feel lost, I usually end up finding something special, even if I thought it was all a waste. Sometimes I’d be so set on something, I’d think it was all over and pointless if it didn’t happen, but then I’d find something totally unexpected that was even better. You just…you never know. You never know what things can turn out to be good after all, or at least not totally bad, or maybe it is bad but you’ll find something else. And, I just want you to know even if the human realm can be awful, your friends are going to protect you. You’re not alone. That’s how I survived the Boiling Isles, and it’s how you can survive here. Even though it’s a bit different since no one wants to eat you. Unless we have a cannibal cult in the woods that I didn’t know about.”

“What? Cannibals are real?” Despite his anxiety, Gus couldn’t help the excitement; finally something he read about could be true.

“Uh, yeah, they do exist, just not in Gravesfield. Well, I guess you never know, it’s not really something that’s advertised. But it’s really rare.”

Cannibals had been one of the things Gus had been skeptical of. He had loved the concept, but doubted they really existed, and now Luz was telling him it was one of the few things his human books got right? “Oh wow!”

“I didn’t know you’d be so interested.”

“Are you kidding me? Humans eating other humans? Twisted cravings hiding beneath the surface of even the most benign smile? Is that person who just smiled at you on the street thinking about how you’d taste? Designing a recipe at this very moment? Of course that would interest me! Did any cannibals say what humans taste like? I wonder if they taste different from witches.”

Gus was so grateful to feel his interest reignited, the fascination and wonder lighting up in his brain, easing him out of his despair into comfort once more.

“Okayyyy my dude, I’ll try to help you research cannibals later. But, uh, see? The human realm isn’t all bad.”

“No, it’s not. So much of it is amazing.” And it was. Sometimes the human realm was even better than he hoped. It was such a confusing mix.

“Yeah! There’s so many good people here, so many amazing things to see and do. And, yeah, maybe you’re better off asking Vee about those, but even I can appreciate a lot of it, and even if there’s a lot of bad, there’s good too. Sometimes it’s just among the people you love but, hey. We have loved ones right here.”

“Thanks, Luz.”

“You deserve to enjoy the human realm. No, not even that, the human realm should be honored that someone as cool as Gus Porter came to visit. It should be ashamed it didn’t live up to your standards. Uh, mainly because of how many people it hurt, but also because it disappointed you, the coolest and best person to ever enter it.” She grinned. “So I think it better have a lot of cool stuff to show you to help make up for that. It better be on its knees begging to be worthy of your attention.”

Gus laughed. “Well, if cannibals are real it’s definitely still worthy.” He pulled her into a hug, squeezing her tight just like she, him, and Willow used to do so often before. “You’re a really good friend too, Luz. It’s nice to laugh with you again. We should do it more often.”

Luz’s voice wavered as she hugged him back. “I think so too.”

Gus pulled away from the hug, and his eyes fell on the cardboard box he had carried into the basement with him. “Oh! Speaking of good things about the human realm, I forgot to show this to Emmeline!”

He tore open the box and grabbed the plushie from inside, placing it on the couch in front of the chameleon.

Emmeline squeaked and crawled toward it, eyes swiveling in different directions and watching it with suspicion.

“It’s you!” said Gus.

Emmeline looked at him skeptically. It does not look like me!

“Yeah it does.”

Emmeline ignored him in favor of continuing to eye her plushie counterpart with suspicion. She stuck out her tongue, licking the fabric, and leaped back. Not Palisman texture.

Luz watched them with an eager, genuine smile. “What does it feel like, having her talk in your head?”

“Nice! It’s nice to be able to have a conversation only me and her can hear. She always knows what I need and how to talk with me. Your Palisman will too.”

Luz’s eyes brightened, and she looked more hopeful than he’d seen her in a long time. “I can’t wait.”

Gus grinned back, then turned to Emmeline. “Hey, I’m going to go upstairs to help decorate. Be good with your twin sister, okay?” Gus gave both the plushie and the real animal a pat. Emmeline stared in bafflement. This is not a Palisman. How can it be a twin sister?

Gus left her to her confusion, taking Luz’s hand but then pausing at the steps. “Wanna race upstairs the fun way?”

Luz knew exactly what he meant; the group had tried to host multiple races like this until Camila forbade it due to the noise. She sent him a devious smirk. “You’re on!”

The two got into position side-by-side, palms on the same step and feet on the basement floor, ready to push off.

“Three…two…one…go!”

They took off, running up the stairs on all fours and laughing as they bumped into each other. At the very end Luz leaped for the door knob at the same time he did and they crashed into the upstairs room, sprawled on the floor.

Amity, who had been directly in their path, yelped, dropping an armful of decorations and springing backward. “Guys! What are you doing?”

Luz and Gus only laughed harder at the sight, and Amity’s ears went from a flat, annoyed line to lifting with hope at the sight of Luz’s joy.

“Come on, I’ll help you clean up,” Luz giggled, and she shot Gus one last happy expression. For a moment it was back to how it was, two silly friends having fun, and Luz was able to break through whatever cloud hung over her to help him. A brief breakthrough he was going to cling to for further hope.

Gus got to his feet, looking around as his friends worked at their tasks. Once the decorations were complete, all that was left was to hide them in Camila’s room and wait to unleash them on the big day.

Despite everything, they seemed to have a solid party planned. More important than that, there was so much passion and love put into it, and Gus couldn’t be happier to be part of a group like this. A group that loved and protected so much, whether it was through physical combat or doing silly racing games on the stairs.

Never would he have imagined he would be stuck terrified in the realm of his special interest, lost from his family and home. But he also never would have imagined he would be surrounded by so many loving friends, people who would do anything for him, big or small. He only wished they didn't have to do it themselves. More than anything in the world, he wanted a hug from his dad, and to spill it all to him, everything he was feeling inside. How could they fix this alone?

Well, he couldn't pick a better group to try. He smiled at all their happy, busy determination. He was confident one day he would be able to tell Hunter what he knew, and Hunter would be able to tell the others. They’d figure it out together, even if they stumbled with it. He flexed the dinosaur stim toy for comfort, then went to ask Amity how he could help.

Part 1 can be found here

Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 can be found here

Part 4 can be found here

#the owl house #toh #gus porter #emmeline bailey marcostimo #luz noceda #willow park #the owl house fanfiction #toh fanfic

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