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erikftglitter · 2 years
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Worth more than Julez [e.k] - 1
*ed, sēlf hārm, violence, vulgarity, & sēxual content.* *dom!erik, sub!oc*
*first chapter has slow build so that the rest of the series make sense*
____
Please don’t say 127.
Please don’t say 127.
Please don’t say 127.
In order to travel to Barcelona, models needed to be less than 127 pounds. The only exception to this rule were expecting models, men, or women taller than 5”11.
Julez had been so busy with covershoots that she forgot to weigh herself most of the week. 127 is a scare tactic. It’s used to intimidate young models so that they would stay in shape. In the agency’s history, they have never dropped a model due to weight, allegedly.
This wasn’t stated in a contract nor did the CEOs ever address the legend, but hearsay has kept this legend fueling for decades and Julez wasn’t going to be the one to be made an example.
Not when she gave up artificial sweeteners.
Now when she gave up high fructose corn syrup.
Not when she gave up takeout.
Not when she gave up gluten.
Saturated fat.
Carbohydrates.
Processed foods.
Not when she gave up everything to finally be represented by a major agency.
Beep…. beep.
Taking a deep breath, Julez closed her eyes before looking at her feet. The soft beeps indicated that it was time to step off of the scale. This number held all the power for her career for the next year. Barcelona fashion week was a rite of passage.
The models that made an impression in Barcelona were usually the ones that would enter their era of supermodel stardom by the following year. Julez wanted that.
She had already been in a couple music videos, commercials, store advertisements, but the runway is where she felt alive. That’s where she could walk away from Devin, stand up to Hades, and let go of every grain of stress that pulled her down.
That’s where she was free.
124.0 LBS
She hadn’t known that she was crying until she felt a cool breeze on her bare feet from the fresh flow of tears pooling into the corners of her eyes. She felt relief.
In actuality, it was silly. No one ever told her that she was required to be of a certain weight and her agent was the most painfully honest person that she’d ever met. It was silly to give into unnecessary pressure, but she couldn’t let it go. It was almost as if she found herself obsessed with trying not to get to the number. She had gone so far as to lie on her drivers license out of fear, it was outrageous.
She took a seat next to the scale to attempt to control the tears pooling in her eyes and took out her cellphone. When she opened instagram she was immediately greeted with those circular chartereuse colored icons. She could only think of one reason why so many of her mutuals posted today.
“Barcelona weight check! 🫠”
“I’m 6’2 but am somehow supposed to be 127??”
“Guess who isn’t gonna be in Spain 💀”
It all became too much. She closed the app and went to shower, she somehow felt guilty knowing that she would only have the spotlight because the other models were “overweight.”
Upon exiting the shower Julez dressed for her nighttime yoga and the sounds of the yoga instructor rang through the hollow apartment.
-
The next few days were very routine. Julez had posed for another department store advertisement, met with magazine editors, and stuck to her workout routine.
Julez always had a particular way of doing things, even as a child. Every once and a while she could hear grandmother say, “Lord, that one is going to be the one Lord. That one is going to be the one.” She used to ponder on what that meant for years but she hadn’t really gotten far.
She was private. It worked very well for her modeling image, it left the idea of mystery. That was something that her agent was grateful for.
“@JulezPHenderson is he talking about you??”
Julez fed her curiosity and opened the youtube link attached to the tweet.
“Hey guys, happy sunday. I’ll keep it short and hope you guys like the cover…”
Her ex boyfriend, Devin, is an aspiring musician and producer and had a nice following. Some of his following pointed out the coincidental times that he and Julez were spotted in the same locations, but it rarely got any press, thankfully.
She knew that she shouldn’t but she couldn’t help but read the ongoing comments on the livestream as she waited for the cover to start.
“I guess he did date Julez after all, he’s been mad inactive since she unfollowed him 🫢”
“Y’all see the cut on his hand??? I wonder if she went Tyra Banks crazy”
Julez was baffled. Their relationship was very lowkey from the start; two and a half years ago. She had been starting to take her modeling career seriously and he was working with growing artists. They never confirmed their relationship, which worked in Julez’ favored when they finally broke up.
However, here was Devin three months later covering Ice Box by Omarion to imply that Julez was indeed the problem. He even went far enough to title the livestream, “#TheSwitchUp”
Right before Barcelona.
Later that evening Julez found herself in the private gym of her luxury apartment running on the treadmill. She was running away from the calories, the comments, the pressure, and most of all Devin.
She was running away from the hairstylist that couldn’t work with natural hair. She was running from her uncles that called her too skinny. She was running from her aunts that told her to watch her food intake. She was running from from societal pressures. She was so distracted running from everything that overwhelmed her that she didn’t feel her foot twist and elevate from the machine. She didn’t know that she was on the ground until she felt the hard waxed floor on her back.
“Yo ma, you good?”
Julez heard the voice but she couldn’t see a face to match it. Everything was blurry and that’s when she realized that she forgot to eat for the third time this week. She barely had the energy to move.
She felt her shoulders being lifted from the ground, but she really couldn’t fight the temporary state of paralysis that her body was in.
Security didn’t hesitate to make their way over to Julez. They communicated over walkies to double check the cameras since she was found all alone, but didn’t find nothing unusual. She just tripped.
With much light being shined into her eyes, she was finally able to open her eyes. She was being surrounded by two security guards and a gentleman in gold rimmed frames.
“You took quite a fall Ms. Henderson. Would you like for us to help you upstairs?”
As the shorter security guard spoke, Julez was only fixated on the fine gentleman in the clear glasses. She thought back to the voice she had heard earlier, it had to belong to him. The fitted white t-shirt had her interested from the minute that she opened her eyes.
“I could help you if you want.”
\\\\
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chaneajoyyy · 2 years
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BLACK PANTHER WRITERS WHO (AND THEIR PAGE) ARE STILL ACTIVE (PART 1)
@impremenior
@blackandfair
@youreallyshouldtalkmore
@blackgirloneshots
@blackmarvelfics
@blackmissfrizzle
@blackpantherimagines
@blackpantherimagine
@blackpantherismyish
@blackpanthersmut/imaginembaku
@blackrainboes (search erik killmonger x reader)
@blacksteel-art
@honeyandpeaches
@brownmuse
@brownsugarcocoabutterwildflowers
@dashhoney25
@muse-of-mbaku
@cocoflowerss
@cecereads209
@cgotwat ***
@cmonkillmonger
@issajuju-bug
@essaysbyciara
@ctrlsznwrites
@curls-and-crosses
@janelledarling
@daddy-killmonger
@dadinhas-heat
@daughterofyeezus
@dc418writes
@desiraypark
@destinio1
@devnicolee
@dramaqueeenamby
@dreamingoftchalla
@elixirtchalla
@dumbchickwrites
@dynastylnoire
@elixirmixer
@cancerianprincess
@erikismybitch
@eriksjournal
@erikftglitter
@erikkilldispussy
@lostgalaxies
@im5ftbutmythroat66
@shyblackgurl
@shay-iamiam
@forbeautyandlife
@uzumaki-rebellion
***IF I MISSED ANYONE PLEASE HIT MY LINE SO I CAN ADD YOU!!!***
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bucknassty · 2 years
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main; bucknassty
black panther blog; erikftglitter
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zxddy-panther · 5 years
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does anyone wanna tell me their wattpad if they decide to move their fics there? (if you have one
mine is @zxddy-panther
@sonofnjobu @sarahboseman @sisterwifeudaku @supersizemeplz @black-mcu-imagines @brianabreeze @blackgirloneshots @captiansaveasmut @elixirtchalla @erikismybitch @eriknutinthispoosy @erikslulbaby @erikftglitter @royallyprincesslilly @theunsweetenedtruth @muse-of-mbaku @marvelheaux @mbakusthrone @mbakusprincess (and anyone else who sees this)
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erikftglitter · 2 years
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Worth more than Julez [e.k] - 2
last part
Last night was a blur. It was quarter until eight and Julez had one last meeting to attend. Usually before their flights to different countries, models had to listen to the restrictions implemented in country to avoid any dilemmas.
Margie, Julez’ manager and agent, would be flying with her on Thursday. This was it. Julez was stepping into a new direction in her career and this was big. The Spanish theme of the year was bridal. She’d dreamt about this moment and it would finally be here in just four days.
Realization of her fall seemed to come back to Julez. She noticed the minor purple bruise on the back of her arm when she looked into the full body mirror. It wouldn’t interfere with the show and for that Julez was grateful. She couldn’t even remember why she was so worked up to begin with.
However, she did remember that fine gentleman that helped her. She remembered that fitted white shirt hugging his biceps and how his large hands felt on her waist when he helped her into the apartment. He helped her walk from the elevator to her bedroom and he didn’t linger. He didn’t expect a thank you. Matter of factly, as Julez thought about it, he didn’t even leave his name.
That made Julez frown.
She yearned for more. He looked like exactly what she needed. He was the direct opposite of Devin and that’s what she liked the most.
It wasn’t long before Julez found herself in a freshly ran bath. She needed to relax her body from any tension that tried to build up. But she couldn’t stop replaying that man’s voice in her head.
“You good ma?”
Julez bit her lip and lowered the tips of fingers to her brown heat. Initially she was just rubbing small circles to the thought, but images of the basketball shorts and fitted shirt he was wearing covered her mind. She was able to paint a picture of just how thick his dick probably would be.
Oou, she bet it was pretty too. She’d love to kiss the tip of a pretty dick. Her lips, although just not meant for giving fire head, was one her staples. Everyone loved Cara’s eyebrows, Julez’ lips were so finely lined on her face naturally, her biggest controversy was proving that they were natural.
She bet he’d love her lips too. Although she was submerged in the bathtub, Julez could still feel herself grow wetter. She moved those two fingers from her inner bikini line to the sides of her clit. Each finger sat on each side of her clit providing instant pressure. She started to softly rub the already inflamed bud and moaned out in pleasure. This was one of the luxuries of having an apartment on the highest floor. She bit her lip and used her free arm to harshly grab her left breast. She had the most sensitive nipples and began to flick them on her own.
She promised that she wasn’t easy, but if that man was to walk in this room right now, she would bend over without a word. He had something that Devin didn’t possess naturally, dominance. He had it radiating from him, that’s something that can’t be taught. Oou Julez just knew that he had women flocking to him.
So here she was; fucking her fingers to the thought of a stranger in gold-rimmed, clear glasses.
-
The meeting went by exhaustingly slow, Julez thought. The rules didn't seem very complicated in Barcelona, and models didn't have nearly as much free time as these presentation slides indicated. Models were to assume their positions at selected promo locations, attend the fashion show, and fly home. It didn't get simpler than that.
Her friend and fellow model, Natalie, would’ve been on her same flight but has conveniently gotten food poisoning. Jules wondered what Natalie's measurements came out to. What were the odds that a model that has been featured in several magazines and music videos isn't in the lineup for one of the biggest fashion shows?
As the meeting concluded, groups of individuals began to disperse. Julez usually didn't mind being alone, but as everyone began to talk to their designated friends, it would've been nice to have Natalie on her side. Times were definitely changing because in what world does a 5'10 blonde, green eyed, Irish model have a hard time getting booked? She was practically begged for by every swimsuit company.
Although the thoughts were completely valid, Julez had to push these aside to mentally prepare for this weekend. There was nothing that could possibly go wrong.
When she arrived at her apartment she instinctively looked towards the greeting desk, that is where she believed the mystery man was standing, from the greeting desk anyone can see straight into the walk-in gym inside the building. The glass stood so seamless, Julez has almost walked into it so anyone delivering food or checking into the desk can see straight into the gym.
She made a small nod towards the directions of security guards to quietly acknowledge their aid on the previous night, but kept going to the direction of the elevator. The highest floor on the building, modeling money definitely did eventually pay off. She couldn't believe her father told her that her looks wouldn't get her far in life, but she chose never to address those feelings. Half of the time he couldn't tell the difference between two and twelve because he would be so crossfaded from the abundance of various substances he'd grown love more than his own children.
His opinion simply didn't matter.
Only Mia’s did.
Only Mia’s did.
-
The flight was seamless. Julez had grown used to flying after booking many little gigs all across the nation. International flights did make her a little more anxious, but Margie was there the entire time. Even if they didn’t speak too much, the other girls from the agency flying with her did provide some sort of security; familiarity.
If there was one thing that Julez yearned for, it was security. The ability to know that someone just has your back, that they won’t have you looking stupid. Oh well.
Julez smiled from ear to ear when she entered her hotel room. The view from the window was stunning and the faint smell of vanilla just made the experience just as beautiful.
There were fresh flowers laying on the nightstand with a handwritten card:
Felicidades preciosa, que tengas un espectáculo increíble y bienvenida a Barcelona.
Congratulations beautiful, have an amazing show & welcome to Barcelona.
After taking a quick picture with the card and flowers for her Instagram stories, Julez began to unpack her essentials. Toiletries, bonnet, charger, vitamins, and a couple other things could be seen on the nightstand next to Julez’ bed.
She’d have a little alone time before Margie would come in to prepare her for the big day. Tomorrow was press day then the big day would finally be here. Stripping down to her undergarments, Julez wondered if her body would do her justice.
Would her waist appear small enough? Would her face be chiseled enough? Would she be enough?
Pushing the thoughts aside, she’d go to look at the room service menu, as she hadn’t ate all day. Though the food native to the city sounded great, every model in the building knew better. She decided on a grilled cheese sandwich and fresh fruit.
Natalie crossed her mind again. She wondered if she was really sick or was she cut from the show. Would she be next to be cut? If Natalie was being pushed out by the agency then she felt like it would only be a matter of time before they re-examine her worth.
She knew that she shouldn’t dread on the unthinkable, but that was life.
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chaneajoyyy · 2 years
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BLACK WRITERS WHO (AND THEIR PAGE) ARE STILL ACTIVE (PART 8)
@impremenior
@erikismybitch
@eriksjournal
@erikftglitter
@erikkilldispussy
@lostgalaxies
@im5ftbutmythroat66
@shyblackgurl
@shay-iamiam
@forbeautyandlife
@jellybean531
@hadtocomeoffigsotheycantstalkme
@haechvn
@halcyonscry
@shaekingshitup
@hearteyes-for-killmonger
@heyauntieeee
@heykillmongerluhme
@hidden-treasures21
@hmsworths (search erik stevens x reader)
@majesticbrownjawn
@killmonger-dolan
@killmvnger
@killmongerkink
@killmongerdispussy
@n-jadaddy
@njadont
@njadaddy
@hoopshoney
@iamrheaspeaks
@icycheri (search: black panther imagine)
@puffmamaa
@samijah-21
@panthergoddessbast
@wakanda-inspired
@supersizemeplz
@sonofnjobu
@punjabaex
@iwannalearnhowtoship
@jewelofwakanda
@junesbride (search: erik killmnger x reader)
@celestianstars
@justauthoring
@killmongersbootycall
@killmongerskeeper
@leelahsrose
@killmongerthirst
@kissmyafropuff
@kumkaniudaku
@dacreskars
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erikftglitter · 5 years
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convinced.[e.k]
im back writing & I wanna try to do request
-
"Do you really use all this? Erik asks as he walks into your shared bathroom. He was trying to understand why you have so much makeup. He really thought that women only use "lip stuff", "eyebrow shit", "and that foundation stuff that makes your skin look smooth". You always laughed when he got your girly stuff confused.
"Yes, I use most of i- stop squeezing my beauty blinder!" You laughed out at him being disgusted with the left over foundation from the beauty blinder on his hands.
"That's fucking gross, let me wash my hands." He says frowning.
"No! Use the other bathroom, my eyeshadow palettes are in this sink." You say. You heard him groan before finally leaving you to finish your makeup.
-
"Hughhh, how long are you gonna be in there? Don't your legs hurt?" Erik whines as he walks back into the bathroom doorway twenty minutes later.
They've hurt worst, you thought. That caused you to laugh a little as you started baking your face.
"Erik, go find something to do." You say as he starts to walk further in the bathroom. He was standing behind you, hands holding your waist, as you applied your last coat of mascara. "You're distracting me!" You exclaim as he starts to lean harder against you.
"I'm bored! You don't even gotta go to that dumb shit. You don't even wanna go!" He says, whining again.
You're supposed to be at a local celebrity's makeup starter line premier that starts in an hour. Although you loved makeup, Erik was right, you didn't want to go. Bea, the local makeup artist, was indeed a mess and so were her products. But you felt entitled to go since she invited you.
"Erik, I have to go." You say as you attempt to move from his tight grasp on your hips. He groans before he looks at you through the mirror in which you two are standing in front of.
"Baby, you're aren't required to go anywhere you don't want to." He starts off. "That bitch got like four hundred people showing up, you can easily stay home." He says, shrugging.
"But what ab-" You start, not completely convinced, but he makes your words get caught in your throat when he begans to kiss on your kneck.
He cracks a half smile when he realizes that you had completely relaxed and let him go to work.
You let out a relatively high moan when you felt him bite down on the spot he had been working on from the beginning. You didn't even care that the mark would be there for awhile.
"And you better not cover that shit up either." He says, and you notice that his voice is no longer sweet and convincing. It was now rougher, and ready to destroy you.
He got you now and you're about to get your shit blown out.
-
part two? 🤔
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erikftglitter · 6 years
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Your Fear, My Distraction [e.k] 2
part one! thank you guys for supporting this 💘
my sad ass is sorry for the wait but im back.
-
Self love is hard. God, that shit was the hardest thing you ever tried to do. And you took calculus! It seems like there was always someone reminding you that you weren't light enough.
You aren't short enough.
You aren't small enough.
You aren't enough.
You grew to believe that you weren't enough until a couple of months ago. You weren't 'fixed'. You didn't wake up one morning and magically decide to love yourself. Depression takes a little more work than that, and thankfully you were willing to work slowly to leave your demons behind.
You and Erik had been vibing for the past two months, and that made the both of you receive stares. That girl wasn't lying when she said that Erik keeps to himself. The more y'all hung out, the more you understood why.
How could he be comfortable with loving anyone when everyone around him dies? That was his dilemma.
You and him both had problems that were caused during childhood, yet here y'all were making it this far.
Currently, you and Erik were lying on lawn chairs looking up at the beautiful sunset. It was silent but that was okay with you. You and Erik had just come back from a restaurant he took you to. Joseline was convinced you two were a couple and you didn't stop her because it was too much to explain. Labeling it would probably just make it awkward.
You two did flirt.
It was often when you two would share highly intense gazes at each other. You basically lived at his home and y'all ate together almost every night, but were y'all dating? No, of course not. Erik was just being nice because you don't get out much.
"What are you thinking about?" Erik asks, startling you a little.
You shake your head, "Nothing much." He rolled his eyes at your blandness.
He noticed that you seemed to zone out a lot, and usually when you came back from your trance you would say something interesting. Today though, you didn't wanna say anything. You didn't trust yourself to continue conversing with him and not admitting your feelings.
"You and I both know that's not true y/n," He says, his eyes wandered off of you and ended back up to look at the burst of colors in the sky. "just tell a nigga what's on your mind. You wanna roll up first?" He asks, jokingly, of course.
"It's not anything important Er- achoo!" Well, that happened. You were actually just recovering from a cold that you caught last week in Vancouver. Your school paid for your expenses as you learned more about your major in Canada.
"C'mon, let's get inside." Erik says, standing up and reaching out one of his hands to you. He was a touchy guy and you didn't mind. You liked the little gestures.
"No, Erik I'm fine. Let's stay out." You say pouting a little. You wanted to watch the complete sunset.
"That's not gonna work sweetheart." He replies, grabbing your hand in the process. He wasn't trying to hear your shit today.
"It worked last time." You mumble to yourself.
"Huh? What was that?" Erik asks turning around dramatically after closing his patio door.
You then threw a random piece of balled up paper at him, causing him to come in your direction smugly. You could just kiss that damn smugness away.
After backing you up into a wall he grabbed you by your waist, pulling you closer to him. Now this is probably why everyone thinks y'all dating. His hands were always somewhere on you.
"For one, don't start something you can't handle babydoll," Erik says, referring back to the paper ball you threw at him. "And two, you don't need to be outdoors when you're barely any better." You knew he was right, he'll brag about it later. Especially since you didn't respond.
"Mhm, that's what I thought." He chuckled cockily. You rolled your eyes and leaned in closer to his presence. You wished you could stop doing this; seeking his comfort. But it was hard when he always held out his hands for you.
"Did you ever take that cold medicine?" Erik asks, you felt the vibrations of his voice from your place on his chest. Part of you never wanted to leave him.
Shit, you were in deep.
"No." You mumbled. You hated the taste of cold medicines. They designed that stuff to be disgusting. You could feel Erik pull away from you. Part of you wanted to whine but you knew better. His hands lingered on your waist for a few moments before pulling from you completely and grabbing your hand.
"Where are you dragging me?" You asked. But your question was answered once you realized he was taking you in his bathroom that was in his room. He lifted you up to the sink and then started to check the medicine cabinet. Once he located the cough syrup you gagged in disgust.
"Ba- Erik, I'm not drinking that." You protested. You even tried to hop off the sink to escape drinking that disgrace of a medicine but he was already in between your legs stopping you. He flashed you an arrogant smile before speaking.
"C'mon babygirl, just drink it for me." He says, biting his bottom lip a little when he was finished. He knows damn well that you can't deny him anything with a tone like that. You rolled your round eyes before taking the small cup of cough syrup he poured. You started to drink it slowly, wanting nothing more than to just spit it out, but swallowed it all.
Erik chuckled at the glare you was giving him. "Well, now you ain't gone be avoiding me for a week talm 'bout you "contagious"." He says, helping you off the sink.
"It was a cold! I was contagious." You reply, attempting to explain yourself. He grabbed your waist again once you were stable on the ground. You looked up at him and it seemed like every memory y'all created started to flash through your mind. Every since you beat him at uno the relationship between you two took off. Like today, he was always looking out for you. Even if it was a small gesture, like making you take your medicine.
You didn't try to stop your movements when your body began to push your head forward. Once he recognized your actions, he met you half way. He bent his head down and in an instant your lips were on his.
His hold on your waist drifted down to grab your ass, causing you to slightly moan into his mouth. He deepened the kiss by closing the space between both of y'all bodies.
"Fuck, babygirl do you want this?" He groans out, hands still massaging your ass. You weren't able to form words yet so you just nodded your head. "Nah princess. I need to hear that shit verbally." He growls out, making you bit your lip. He couldn't assume what you felt for him, he needed to make sure that you were registering what you were saying to him.
"Yes." You utter out.
"Yes what?" He pushes, he used that tone that made you wanna submit instantly. He had to know that he was doing this to you. No nigga in his best life could get you like Erik got you.
"Yes I-I want this. I want you." You stutter out. It was hard to speak with his gaze on you so harshly. He smiled softly before speaking.
"I want this too baby. Now lead the way.."
//
Realization of last night didn't kick in until now. You were really being spooned by Erik. Who knew that the little transfer student from Oakland would have you head over heels?
Memories of last night started to feel your head making you bite your lips. You don't even wanna leave his apartment now because you dont wanna face his neighbors. You know you had to be loud because he liked you loud. He got turned on by hearing how he affected you.
"You always thinking." Erik states in that morning voice when he finally wakes up. His grip got tighter on you but you weren't complaning.
"I'm thinking about food." You say jokingly (but some seriousness was laced in that cause girl you just got pipe all night. you need to eat hun) and your eyes widen. Your voice was barely audible. Erik couldn't help but look smug.
"Damn, baby I didn't catch that." He says making you cover your face in embarrassment.
"Nah, uncover your face and come kiss me." He says, his tone wasn't threatening but you knew he wasn't asking for a kiss. He wanted a kiss, so what did you do? You uncovered your face and rolled over to give him a kiss.
"I don't think I'll get used to that." He admitted once you pulled away. You smiled at that which made him curse. "Fuck, I'm sprung."
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okay this wasn't what I had at first but guess what loser had to rewrite this shit twice?? mE 😒 I'm so upset because I think the original was much better and I'm so frustrated that I didn't check for typos. sorry. I wanna add one more part? should I? let me know cause I'll throw some other shit in there too 😏
love y'all & this crazy ass fandom 💞
@sugarhoneybee928 @panthergoddessbast @nostalgic-uncertainty @coldcrevices @horanfrappe @stvvdy @destinio1
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chaneajoyyy · 4 years
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BP WRITERS
@k-thompson11
- @killmongerdreams
- @killmoncoochie
- @killmongersgurl
- @killmonger-dolan
- @killmongerdispussy
- @killmongersbootycall
- @njadaakas
- @njadont
- @killmongurl
- @njadaddy
- @kumkaniudaku
- @thiccdaddy-mbaku
- @princesskillmonger
- @princessstevens
- @another-imaginesblog
- @princessceettaa
- @blackgirlimaginesmarvel
- @elaindeereads
- @hearteyes-for-killmonger
- @tastingmellow
- @writerbee-ffs
- @loveeeeandaffection
- @ghostfacekill-monger
- @blackgirloneshots
- @black-mcu-imagines
- @blackpantherimagines
- @blackandfair
- @tiava143
- @maleficentcheekbones / @theficplug
- @eyestheyseeyou
- @aloevverified
- @eyeknowmywrites
- @mermaidchansons
- @iwannalearnhowtoship
- @cocoaflowerrs
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- @vikkidc
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- @justanotherloveaffair
- @sarahboseman
- @yoursoulstea / @shewritestheblues
- @shewrites02
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- @katasstrophey
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- @queenyudaku
- @bribrisback
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*** PLEASE HIT MY LINE CAUSE I FEEL LIKE I MISSING PEOPLE** I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE LEFT AND MANY OF THEM ARE ON WATTPAD AND AO3. ENJOY!!!
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erikftglitter · 6 years
Text
Your Fear, My Distraction [e.k]
I was having a bad day yesterday so I wrote some sad stuff.
-
"Maybe I'm just too emotional." You say staring at your reflection in your bathroom mirror. You were currently in your friend's house alone and that meant you had time to think. Time to make a decision. Maybe it's time for you to see your maker? Shit, he was obviously calling you. You lost your grip on the sink and hurried to grip it again. Your arms were weak again, you were tortuing yourself. People seemed to hurt you mentally so you fought yourself physically. No one cares, so why bother stop?
Your older thoughts seemed to make their way into your head and you bit your lip to stop the tears. You looked down at your legs, they weren't as small as your friends' legs. You softly pulled down your jogging pants and looked at your waist. Your waist displayed small dark scars that were there when your depression was much worst. Your waist seemed like a place that you only seen anyway. You figured that the little fat on your belly was too much for you to wear a crop top so you only wore shirts that weren't fitted but not too big to be obvious. You even bought a size bigger in your jeans so you wouldn't have a break down in public. You couldn't stomach the sight of your fat legs in skin tight jeans anymore. Luckily, loose ripped jeans seemed to be in style around you.
Although your depression never left, it became better. You were able to deal with many situations without completely stressing about it or crying. You hated crying. You hated how your vision got blurry to the point where you could only see colors. You hated how much it drained you. You got headaches from it and often passed out wherever you were. Now, the demons you thought you buried came back and even stronger. You wanted to hurt yourself permantely and that scared you. But then again, who cares? If everyone screamed that you were a fuck up then maybe they were right. Maybe they would be better off without you.
Every since your grandfather died your family had been throwing insults at you back to back.
"If you were so close to him, why couldn't you stop him?"
That stung your heart. You couldn't even lie about it. Your grandfather seemed to be the only one who truly understood you and someone you could lean on when you were having a bad day. Of course, to protect him, you never mentioned your depression. You never told him about the scars and now you regret it. If you opened up 100% about your struggles then maybe your grandfather could've seen that you two were similar, maybe he wouldn't have taken his own life.
You bite your lip now, not daring to look at your reflection. You scrambled through the medicine cabnet in the bathroom and found a razor. It looked like an old razor used to shape eyebrows, but it would do. You took the razor and slowly dug it in your skin deeply. You hissed in pain and let the razor drop. You glanced down and noticied your fingers were covered in the famaliar substance of blood. You weren't worried until you heard the front door open from downstairs.
"Shit." You hurried to turn the sink on and wash the blood from your hands but it didn't stop the blood from the new cut from gushing out any better. You searched the bathroom as quitely as you can until you found some band-aids. You wiped the cut with cold tissue, it caused you to hiss out in pain but you continued to open up a few band-aids and put them on quickly. You slipped your jogging pants back on and gathered up all the evidence.
"Y/N! I"m back!" You heard your friend yell from the bottom of the stairs. You slipped the razor and band-aid garbage in your pocket before replying. "Alright! Here I come!" You ignored the burning sensation in both your mouth and waist. You flushed the bloody tissue down the toilet and looked at your face. You quickly fluffed out your twist out and fanned your face.
"Hey hun, are you alright?" Joseline asks once you're downstairs. She was sitting on a stool in her kitchen and she offered for you to do the same. She knew you were back in town for your grandfather's funeral and she immediately offered for you to stay with her for the week instead of your family. She knew how toxic they could be and she knew that was the last thing you needed. "Yeah, I just woke up," You say, lying was pretty easy for you. You were used to it. "I think I need to get back to school." You finally say. Your grandfather's funereal was two days ago and your were here for a total of four days so far.
"Y/N, your university is giving you fourteen days and you're only gonna use four?" Joseline asks, disblief in her tone, she couldn't believe you. Even if Joseline didn't know everything about you, she knew about how much you isolated yourself. "Don't worry, I won't be going straight back to school. I'll take another day or two but I need to get back in the feel of it. With all these emotions I'm more prone to drop out and I know my grandfather wouldn't want me to do that." You say honestly.
"Well, when is your flight hun?" She asks, sadness was present in her tone. Joseline didn't see you that often and going away to college wasn't the main part of that. It was also the isolation you surround yourself in; you both knew that. Joseline stayed closer to home; forty minutes away, because of the co-parenting system she had with her ex-boyfriend. You couldn't get mad at her if you wanted to. Yeah, she was twenty with a two year old, but she was also out here making her coins, getting her education, and taking care of her child at once. She was the definition of badass.
"Tomorrow." You whispered. She nodded and when she walked away, you knew to follow her. "I know you hate gifts but I know you will love this." She says before giving you a small box. You looked at her, she was cheesing away. You opened the box and gasped at how beautiful the braclet was inside. "I remember you telling me your grandfather was African and how he always told you about how beautiful it truly was there. You told me how you two would always go to the zoo together and he would tell you about the animals that were native there. I seen the elephant and I had to just go crazy for you. Take care of yourself boo. Please." She says wrapping you into one big hug. This world didn't deserve Joseline, no one did. She was too pure to be true.
You put the braclet and was about to acknowledge all the animals on it before you were being dragged upstairs. "Thank you so much Joseline. I- this means the most to me and I know my grandfather is somewhere up there satisfied that I'm proudly supporting him. I- just thank you so much." You say once you two get upstairs. "Don't mention it, now hurry and pack so you don't miss your flight tomorrow rushing!" She says smiling. You were thankful because the atmosphere changed so much compared to how it was thirty minutes earlier. You had been so wrapped up in talking to Joseline that the burning sensation on the side of your waist didn't bother you.
//
You caught your flight on time. It was only about five hours so it didn't take long for you to be off the plane and tired. Sleeping on planes was always a struggle for you. You could go to sleep for thirty minutes but then stay up for another two hours, crazy. So here you are standing in front of the airport waiting on your stupid uber. Well, the uber wasn't stupid. Being tired and hungry, and jugling the moodswings you have with your grandfather's death was pretty stupid. Well, to you. Anyone else would call that a normal feeling to have.
Driver arriving in two minutes!
"The hell?" You say in confusion. Your uber didn't display you alone and you groaned in realization. You accidently clicked carpool instead of doing the normal drive. You looked around to see if anyone else was waiting for a car but you were at an airport, there are about ten million people here to get picked up!
Once the green chevy rolls up you walk foward with your suitcase and duffle bag. You noticied a taller boy walk foward too. He looked at you with the same confusion you gave him.
"Aye, this say this my uber." He says pointing to his phone. "You picked carpool, sir." The uber says to the boy and then takes your luggage from you and put them into his trunk. "Uber does that?" He asks looking just as confused. "Apparently." You reply and hop in the back of the car. He looks at you but replicate your actions. "All good?" Dan, the driver, asks before he pulls off. "Perfect." You mumble sarcastically causing the taller fellow to laugh. "Yeah, we good." He says.
Five minutes in the drive you can feel the guy staring at you. It made you uncomfortable and you were ready to snap. You weren't a pretty sight, at least you thought so, to look at - at the moment. You had on another pair of jogging pants, an oversized sweater, and you you pulled your twist out into a top knot bun. (aka the hardest thing to do with hair ever) "You good?" You finally asks when the staring became to much. "I know you from somewhere." He finally blurts out. You scrunch out your eyebrows. "Unless you went to school in the Bronx I doubt it." You reply. "That's it!" He exclaims taking you in suprise. "I got sent down there for a school year because I was too much at home." He chuckles. "Good times, I met a lot of you Bronx girls." He says, again laughing at his own statement. But now it was clicking in.
His name was Erin, you thought. He was a troublesome teenager in your sophomore class. He got all the pretty girls and most people just hung around him because he was from California. It seems like people are obsessed with places they aren't from. You run into numerous people back home who dreamed of being in New York since they were kids. And you weren't obsessed with Cali but it sure as hell kept you from your parents. It was too wild for them. That made you laugh at times, they act like you weren't raised in the Bronx during the 90s. Ain't nowhere perfect.
"Yeah, I remember you now. Erin right? Didn't you wanna go away to the army or something?" You asks honestly. He and some other guys in your class got escorted by some cops one day and thankfully it wasn't to be murdered. It was to take them to some army type shit you guess.
"Erik, sweetheart." He says chucking lightly. "And you can say that. I did a lot of stuff overseas." He says looking at you closely. The car was silent, aside from the distant pop song the uber driver played so he wouldn't be directly in the conversation. You followed his eyes carefully and noticied the small red spot that was present on the side of jogging pants.
"Shit." You says quitely. "I think I may have cut myself shaving." You say quickly. As embarassed as you felt, your face showed nothing to give away that you are in pain. "Damn, you trying to go see your man or something?" He teased. "I don't have one." You say shrugging and finally looking down at your new bracelet. Now you could truly acknowledge it's beauty. You were so caught up in thought that you didn't hear when Erik replied with, "I don't see why."
He noticed and glanced at Dan. He was sending him a smirk. Yes, he was being teased by an uber driver.
You noticied the beautiful colors of the african flag on every other part of it and the gems held carved animals. There was a elephant, giraffle, and finally a beautiful black leopard. You smiled at it very brightly, that was enough for Erik to ask if he could see it. You were shocked at first but you held out your hand and he grabbed your waist lightly to see the braclet. You could see the concenstraction on his face.
"This is similar to vibranium." He states looking at the gems. "Is that an African thing? If so, it may be. It was a gift to me in honor of my grandfather." You say, suddenly even more interested in the bracelet. "You could say that." He replies. "Your grandfather passed? My condolences." He says and you nod. "Thank you, he was a great man." You say smiling a bit. He nods. "My pops from Africa too. He told me it was a beautiful place." He says. He doesn't know why he openly shared that but it seemed right in the moment. The ride was gonna be full of traffic so conversation would be nice and Dan is focused on whatever Ariana Grande song seems to blasting on the radio.
"Yeah, I wanna go one day. It may seem a little crazy but I wanna see a leopard." You say giggling. He shook his head, you were cute. Little did he know how sad you could be. "That's a panther on your bracelet though. A black panther in fact." He says pointing to it. You shot it another look and nodded. "You're right. I completely overlooked that."
//
"You wanna go out somewhere?" Erik asks once he realizes that your location is close now. You two been in the car for over an hour and talked about random things. You wouldn't have expected this years ago in high school, but he was different now. He got taller, grew out his hair, invested in a mighty attractive grill, and had this thing about him you couldn't quite spot.
"Uh, where are we gonna put our things?" You asks, you weren't really expecting to be asked out tonight. Even if it was just friendly. "Uh, my apartment?" He replies mimicking your voice. You laugh a little but nod. There was no use in crying another night alone when some vodka can numb the pain away for a night.
When the uber finally arrived at Erik's location you two got out after thanking the man. He sent smiles at you two and drove away blasting some song about a dangerous woman after you two grabbed your luggage.
You looked at the area around his apartment, it was nice as fuck. He grabbed your duffle bag while you grabbed your suitcase. As you walked into the main entrance you heard him curse, "Shit, I gotta dig for my keys." He says and began going through his bag. While he was occupied you noticed a chick starting at you. Although you now lived in California you weren't used to starring. Do Californian people just stare? Damn.
You turned to see some mailboxes inside the entrance by you. I guess that gave the chick an excuse to walk towards you. She got her key to check her mail then looked at you briefly. "So you Erik's girl huh?" She asked looking at you fully now. "Why?" You feel yourself push out before thinking about it. "Don't worry, I tried that a long time ago. He clearly wasn't interested." She says laughing a bit. "I'm just surprised, that's all. Stevens usually keeps to himself." She says and walks away with mail in her hands.
"Ite, I found them." Erik says from behind you. You nod and began following him again. He led you to the elevator, "Push ten." He says and you nod. You noticed that ten was the highest floor. The elevator was silent before he spoke, "I can take you by your apartment before we went out if you wanted to go do some girly shit or whatever." You wanted to laugh at that. Even his most casual conversation came out so Erik-like.
"Yeah, that'll be cool." You say softly. The elevator dinged now and you two were now on the highest floor. When you walked into his apartment you were in awe. Everything about it screamed artistic. He had paintings of some of his favorite musicians on the wall, little plants by the window (they were almost dead but you still admired them), the apartment was just the opposite of what you thought it would be. But then again, you don't know what you thought it was would be. After all, he isn't that same Erik.
"You can make yourself comfortable, I'm gonna go shower real quick then I can take you to your apartment. I figured that's better than you having to be stuck in an uber for another thirty minutes or so." He says shrugging. You nod. That shirt he had on was a bit distracting now that he's unzipped his jacket. "I got goldfish crackers. You look like you eat those." He says chuckling at bit. You did in fact eat goldfish crackers. It wasn't an age on food. Who said you had to be four to eat crackers that resembled goldfish? No one.
You're cute, literally.
Once you heard the shower start you made your way to in his kitchen to grab some water, and the goldfish crackers. You were too busy sitting on his couch and playing some game on your phone to care about the surroundings around you. You were playing uno with some of your school friends on your phone. "Damn, how do you have like eleven cards?" You jumped suddenly at the voice. When you finally got yourself together Erik was looking amused. "It's not my fault, they made me draw four, twice!" You say laughing a bit. "Well I need to teach you how to play that shit right one day." He replied and you nod. You didn't notice how the stylish glasses he was wearing actually may be prescription glasses.
"We should get to your apartment now." He says and you nod. "I-nevermind." You quickly say. You knew you left makeup and clothes in your living room because you were indecisive on what to pack. He closes his apartment door once you exit before him with your bags. He'll grab them from you when he's finished locking the door.
The elevator ride was smooth. Whatever plane feelings he had wore right off. He was somehow excited to just be with you, in an elevator.
girl he just wanna hit
But that girl did say he stayed to himself. He did just find out about your grandfather's death and just reconnected with you since high school. Even if he thought you were too smart for him, you were also fine.
Your beautiful brown complexion that was a few shades darker than his own. He could kiss on that skin for days. Your rounded brown eyes that displayed that dark brown shade that he couldn't quite read yet, and don't get him started on them lips. He went to school with girls that paid thousands of dollars to attempt to get lips like you have, they all failed though. You can't pay for something so flawlessly natural. The fullness of them and the definition you had on your cupid's bow had him wanting to kiss you since you two were sixteen. But then again, he wanted to kiss a lot of girls at sixteen. He was a growing boy in his defense, and he was far from home which meant he'll come home and brag to his boys about kissing some "fine ass new york girls". A lot has changed since then. When he grew up and heard about how well of a gentlemen his father was, he promised the one thing he would do was treat women right, for the most part. He had a few one night stands every now and then but that's how he got his sexual frustration out when he would come home from overseas.
But just by talking to you for that hour in the car made him feel some type away and he wanted to explore those feelings.
"That's me." Erik says pointing to his car. You were shook. Yes shook. How much did he get paid to have a this sexy ass yellow lamborghini? He was living like a rapper and that made you a little unsure. How didn't he have girls all over him?
He put your bags up for you and you got in the car. He waited until you were buckled up to drive off.
"Put your address in here cause I can bet I'll make the wrong turn and make this longer then what it has to be." He says and hands you the phone. Of course he didn't have a case on it.
You were typing the beginning of your address when a snapchat notification interrupted. It was from team snap and that caused you to snort. "Damn, we didn't even go on a proper date yet and you on my snapchat?" He laughed. He knew that wasn't the case cause you aren't that type of girl but he liked teasing you. You laughed too, "Not at all, your notifications keep blocking me from typing." You reply. You type in your address but not before taking a picture with the hearts filter on snapchat and saving it to his memories.
//
Once you and Erik entered your apartment he wasn't shocked. He kinda predicted what it look like and he wasn't totally incorrect. He knew it'll have a bunch of books, some of your favorite albums, and because you were a girl he assumed makeup. Don't kill him because he wasn't wrong. He noticed the small folded set of clothes on your couch and a bunch of lipsticks.
When you followed his eyes you laughed little bit, "I'm an indecisive traveler." You tell him. "How many shades of lipsticks are there?" He says looking at the many black mac tubes on the coffee table. "That's only a few I have. I was looking for a specific burgundy but I can't find it." You say walking towards them. You grab a few of them to place back in your makeup cup.
"Well I'm gonna make a phone call, take your time." He says before walking away a little bit. Once your couch was clear and your luggage was unpacked you got in the shower.
The cut burned when you took the band aids off and you could see the white meat. The blood from earlier was dried, but you wondered how did it start bleeding again anyway. Maybe you hit your hip against something while getting off the airplane.
You cleaned the cut when you were done showering and re-bandaged it. It felt much better so you dressed with ease. Allowing yourself to put on an oversized new york knicks sweatshirt and some leggings. You did your bun again but looser. You were looking cute being all comfy casual.
You didn't really feel like putting on makeup nor were you in the mood to feel extra dolled up. You were comfortable and away from your family. You didn't even say bye to them. Oops.
If you had been paying attention you would have seen how Erik bit his lip when he seen you. Everything about you right now made him wanna just gently grab you and treasure you cause fuck, you were fine as hell.
"Now how are you gonna be in Cali representing those lame ass new york niggas?" He says looking at you up and down. That made you bite your lip. "Maybe I like those new york niggas better." You say teasingly. Somehow just knowing each other for hours right now seemed like days. You two just somehow connected. "I highly doubt that babygirl, you're here for a reason." You felt that and you don't know how. Even know he was just referencing you living in Cali when you're from New York, it just seemed like he was getting somewhere else with that. You needed that.
"Erik," you say softly. "do you think we could maybe just hang out here?" You asks shyly. You've never asked a guy to hang out at your apartment. As a matter of fact, the only guys that were ever here was your neighbor that one day he got locked out his apartment and needed to use your phone, and a classmate who returned your biology book back.
Erik gave you his famous little grin, "If you got some uno cards, then yeah." He says still grinning, showing off the little gold fangs on his bottom row of teeth. You rolled your eyes but he knew you were still amused by the little smile on your face. "I'm sorry, were you expecting 'why yes y/n I'd love to stay here with you?' Cause that honestly hurt me to say. But c'mon we wasting time, I could be beating you at uno right now." He says walking towards you. "Okay, okay I'll go find them." You say turning around. You could feel his eyes watching you so maybe you swayed your hips a little more than usual. And maybe he bit his lip a little.
When you finally found the uno cards you were confused as to why the hell they were on your top shelf. You can't even reach the top shelf of your closest. You must have put them up there when you were standing on chair when you cleaned your closet.
"I can't reach them." You say to Erik when you entered your living room again. He chuckled a bit at how small your voice sounded but followed you nevertheless. "I'll get them for you babygirl." If that was some other guy you would calmly say you weren't their babygirl, but with Erik you didn't seem to mind. He noticed and was a little satisfied. He wouldn't be fully satisfied until you just his babygirl. But there's a time for everything. This is probably a time for just being friends.
And that's what you two wore. Somehow Erik Stevens was able to help you forget about all your problems with just being goofy. You laughed a lot.
Once he grabbed the cards for you, you beat him on the first try and he demanded a rematch. You two played with some many jokes and harmless threats. Of course he shamelessly flirted with you every now and then. But who could blame him?
Now here you guys are eating pepperoni pizza while some movie played. You ate in a comforting silence. How did you guys manage to get so close in a matter of hours? A guess would be that you two both were emotionally damaged and was in a need to fill that void. And it seems like Erik's biggest fear of falling for someone became your highly contagious distraction.
//
I'm done. Thanks for reading if you got this far & I can't believe I wrote all that. It may have some errors because I didn't check the last few paragraphs because I wanted you guys to see it. And yes, my writing is steadily growing so I'm getting better. All love 💞🍫 and also:
Dan is literally me 🌝 🌝
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erikftglitter · 6 years
Text
no worries [e.k]
this may or may not be foreshadowing another post👀
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If things could last forever, you'd want this moment to last. You knew it was a little selfish to ask for but you couldn't help it. Being in love was like taking a dose of the strongest drug ever. And you were deeply in love.
You often thought about your high school associates and how their life turned out. Would you be living to their expectations? Probably not. Since your parents wanted more out of you they put you in a private school. You were exposed to subjects that could advance your chances of getting a scholarship, but you were also exposed to the dark hatred of judgement.
You got bullied for being one of the only brown girls at the school and being accepted was out of the question. You cared at first until you realized that most of those assholes had cocaine stashes and daddy issues. Tragic. So you ignored them and graduated valedictorian on they assess. Take that Karen.
Although you still go to school (college classes) and live a remotely normal life; you didn't see yourself in this position, not that you were complaining though. It just doesn't make sense to the outside world. Why the fuck were you dating a felon? Well, in your defense, he wasn't always a felon. Wrong place, wrong time, drugs, cops, then black people go to jail. The same whack ass system has your boyfriend in thought as you held him.
He was gone for one year. Three hundred and sixty five days. It could've been longer if it wasn't for his rich ass cousin. His name was T'challa and he was a well respected man. Once he heard of the unfortunate situation involving his cousin he decided to put an end to their beef once and for all. He met you by accident at the county that held Erik, from that moment he knew you were the one. You somehow managed to have this glowy persona even in the unfortunate circumstances that were relevant.
He immediately, with Erik's permission, looked after you. And you counted every single painful day. You knew Erik did some dumb shit but he always played his cards right. Someone else was the blame for this and you and him knew it.
So now, a year later, you lie on the bare chest of your boyfriend. The room was quite but you two heard the sound of love in the air. Erik knew you were always gonna be on his side and that helped him remain calm in that cell. You were at court days, there doing visiting hours, and you never missed a call. You weren't hopeless without him, he just made life less harder for you. Happiness was always there inside you when he was there. You were content with everything he did. Even the simple things he said.
"I love you ma"
"Nah dude, it's me and shorty's movie night. I'm out."
"You keep doing that and you won't be laughing anymore. Imma make sure of that."
"You funny when you try to act all nonchalant when we both know damn well that I'm the only person that is capable of making your legs shake like this. Keep playin' if you want to."
Yeah, that was a rough night for you.. Had to make up a lie to tell Erik's family about the way you walked. How embarrassing.
"You know, I think I know how this shit happened," Erik says breaking the silence. "Niggas took advantage of my only weakness."
"And that would be?" You ask lifting your head off his scarred chest.
"You."
That hit you like a ton of bricks. Was this your fault? You knew he wouldn't be implying that it was but in this moment you were a little irrational.
"Thought I was protecting you but it's clear I can't do that right either." He says sighing and laid his head back flat back on the pillow. His hand was still rested on your lower back so you did your best to get into a comfortable position before you spoke.
"Erik, fuck them. Fuck all of them. You didn't fail at protecting me because I learned how to keep myself safe through you! I'm still here! Aren't I?"
"But I was gone and-"
"And I'm still here." You say cutting him off. "Yeah someone framed you and god knows you'll find whoever did it. But all I'm saying is this isn't your fault. Yeah I could be with any dude right now but I'm with you. I'm only yours Erik."
"Who's girl are you?"
"Killmonger's." You say without hesitation. He licks his lips slowly then connect them with yours. Time flew by as you two caught up on missed kisses. You two were safe in New York right now by the many spies of Erik's cousins but you knew those niggas in Oakland better be ready cause Killmonger was back.
//
it's two am but I needed to write this before I forgot it. thank you guys so much for reading! be safe loves 🍫
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