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Stella of Essex or The Vicar's Wife Betrayed Chapter 17: Blue Wildflowers (A Fix-It Fanfiction of The Essex Serpent)

Series Summary: The Essex Serpent is reimagined through the perspective of the saintly, sickly Vicar's Wife, Stella Ransome, giving her a new ending rather than her canon fate. A bildungsroman of Stella was raised to be a proper lady and married a handsome vicar Will Ransome. She did everything to be a perfect wife and to uphold his ministry. However, after receiving a fatal diagnosis, she learns her husband is having an affair. Her heartbreak, grief, and repressed anger are released. She finds hope, happiness, justice...and even revenge and new love.

Pairings: Stella Ransome x Male OC: Harry Cavaradossi, some Stella x Will Ransome but focusing on the angst of him cheating on her.

Prologue//One//Two//Three//Four//Five//Six//Seven//Eight//Nine//

Ten//Eleven//Twelve//Thirteen// Fourteen//Fifteen//Sixteen

Chapter Summary: The final chapter. Harry explains why he read the letters. Stella makes decisions regarding her past...and her future. There is a visitor by the name of Seaborne. A party brings back a memory absolved from past miseries into a happy present moment. And Stella, now content, finishes her tale.

Chapter Warnings: A super brief spicy scene towards the end, swearing, discussions of penises, bodily functions, marriage, death, children, and illness are discussed. Discussions of a Major Character Death (sorry not sorry Will Ransome girlies). Stella has PTSD, gets to actually mourn the affair, and becomes Eliza Hamilton for a minute. I get to shit talk both Will and Cora, so if you like the pairing of Will/Cora you have been warned. Religion is portrayed, esp towards the end. But LOTS of fluff and comfort in this chapter.

Chapter Word Count: 6K

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A/N: THANK YOU GUYS so much for following through with this series! It was very therapeutic to write. And thank you for following Stella on her journey! So now here is that eventual happy ending I promised! Enjoy! COMMENTS, KUDOS, ASKS, AND DMS ABOUT MY WORK ARE DEEPLY APPRECIATED!

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.”- Matthew 5: 3-5.

“Harry! What are you doing!” I cried, rushing forward.

He jumped up where he was but kept the papers in his hand. I curled my fists- every letter was sprawled across the desk! His pink lips began to mumble out an explanation as I saw the blood rush to his face.

“You’re home early…you wouldn’t be here for another hour and…”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you reading these!? I told you not to!” I cried again, gesturing to the papers.

He leaned forward, gaining resolve.

“Stella, I’m worried about you!” he replied.

I paused. He held onto the letters, keeping them to his chest. I noticed that the old journal I kept during my time in Aldwinter was also laid open on the desk as well. On the page were words I wrote upon hearing about the threat of the snake:

“He sent the serpent into Eden’s beflowered garden, and he sends it now and the penance must be paid…”

Oh, how little I knew then! If only I could have gone back in time and warned that lovestruck church girl of what would come from marrying that curate! Or that housewife so concerned about a snake devouring her children to make sure her vicar husband stayed away from widows!

“You’re worried about me?” I echoed to him.

“Since that night you saw me with a beard, I kept worrying about that look on your face, and I kept hearing you get out of bed to sob at night. I was concerned! I wanted to know more about what happened in Aldwinter and what happened between…between Will and…and…what was her name?”

He went through the papers to check again. Taking in a shaky breath, I walked towards his chair and clutched onto it to steady myself. I hadn’t said her name out loud in a long, long time.

“Cora…her name was Cora Seaborne…that was William’s lover,” I answered softly.

I found that though I spoke her name, I didn’t die on the spot and despite the unpleasant, anxious feelings inside me, I was still very safe. She was just a word spoken and dissolved into air.

Cora was a person, not a monster, I reminded myself. A person as I am a person. We both had blonde hair. We both were mothers. We lived in Aldwinter. We loved William. We both became widows. We both have hopes, dreams, fears, and dreads. We both committed cardinal sins.

Harry continued; his forehead knotted in anguish.

“I wanted to know what happened between Will and Cora to hurt you like this…So I’d know…I’d know…how best to comfort you. How to be the husband Will never was to you…”

I let out a sigh as I picked up one letter from them.

“I used to think and wonder at that time what sin we did to bring forth the Serpent in our town…now I wonder what on earth I did to have this happen to me…” I commented.

“You did nothing wrong, Stella. Cora and William did something wrong…the blame is entirely theirs, not you…” Harry assured.

I looked down at one page. It was a draft of a letter kept praising Cora about how she lit up Will’s soul and left him speechless and filled with longing.

“I’d try to convince myself not to be jealous of her, try to tell myself I wasn’t… All that changed when I saw them at the tree…I will always be second to Cora. Worse than her. Inferior. And that was why Will strayed….” I replied.

A bitter and petty phrase was on the tip of my tongue. The sound of her name- Cora- the first syllable rhymes with the word “whore.” But that was going too far, even for me (a murderess!). I forced my lips tightly shut until the temptation to connect her name to the word faded away.

Harry got up and offered me the chair, which I sat on. He went to the hall and asked the housekeeper to bring some tea and sweets, then returned. A tear dripped down my chin. Harry gave me his handkerchief.

“How many of their letters did you read?” I asked him.

“All, I think. And a little of the journal.”

“What do you think- not as my husband now, but as someone neutral to the case- what do you think? Of them?” I asked.

Harry looked down at one letter and then let out a scoff, looking back at me.

“Honestly, what n’er do wells!” he replied.

“What?!” I gasped.

He picked up two letters, gesticulating with them with both hands.

“Will and Cora- I haven’t read interactions between two people more self-obsessed and obnoxious!” he snarled.

“Really?” I asked softly.

“Yes, really! Must this woman- Cora- drag every person she met into the mess of her life!? She and Will did nothing! Nothing but ruin everyone else’s life!”

“Mine included…” I prodded.

“Yours worst of all!” Harry agreed.

He then picked up another letter.

“Here she is talking of all the research she did around the town- how would her little hobby help anyone? She could have found ways to trap or kill it. She could have tried to find ways one could protect oneself and educate the folk frightened for their lives. And the family of the girl who went missing-What of her parents? Or the other victim’s families- William could have made tithes to help them. He could have comforted and prayed with them. Will and Cora could have done anything productive but walk around outside, bantering about science and faith and swooning over each other!”

“She told me it was love when I asked her about it,” I informed him.

“If she did love him, she would let him be with his wife and let him go!” he ranted.

“And what do you think of her…is Cora better than me…I thought because she was always so much more…more spirited and… if I was only more like her, Will wouldn't have…never have… Is she truly better?” I asked gingerly.

Harry lowered the letters and folded his arms.

“Well, if you were in her place and a woman’s husband declared his love for you, a woman who had tuberculosis and was likely to die…if you knew without a doubt, he was married to this lady- would you say yes to him?” Harry asked.

“Of course not! Never!” I cried.

He shrugged upwards and his thin, pink lips curved to smile at me.

“Yes, there is a difference between you two! You are selfless, and she is selfish. That is what selfish people do. Hurt others without thinking of it. Therefore, you are better than her…do not compare yourself to this Cora Seaborne. my dear. You are my light and my warmth. What is a candle to a star, hm? Or a coral shell by the sea to the Milky way or the constellations?” he said.

He kissed the top of my head.

“When you met her, what else happened?” he asked.

“I threatened that I’d shoot her if I ever saw her again.”

He patted my shoulder in congratulations.

“Good! Remind me later and I’ll lend you one of my old soldier pistols. If you won’t hurt yourself, you have my blessing to fight back and avenge yourself.” He said sincerely.

I nodded my head.

He then leaned against the desk. He checked to make sure the housekeeper was not around and then leaned to me to speak quietly.

“It seems if there was an Essex Serpent, it was Will’s cock…”

“Harry!”

“It’s true! The only Serpent that one needed to fear was the one between his legs! That was the real god Will was a priest of- his own cock! And Cora was the priestess, and you were the lamb at the altar…” he elaborated.

He brought out an arm and slithered it through the air as a snake does in the grass.

“Can you imagine Will’s cock slithering around Essex like a snake? A giant cock hissing? SSSSSSSS!” he teased.

“I don’t know what would horrify me more- a giant snake or a giant penis slithering about!” I replied quietly.

I couldn’t resist a smile and put a hand over my mouth as I began to chuckle. Soon we both were crying and guffawing with aching bellies, howling with laughter at the obscene metaphor.

“But you are no sacrifice here…” Harry said, bending a knee to look me in the eye.

“Then what am I?” I asked.

He clutched both of my hands as he knelt.

“Goddess divine, of course,” he declared.

I put my hand on my chest in reaction and felt a blush creep up my cheeks. He kissed my hands tenderly.

“I wanted to understand all that happened. And now I do…can you forgive me, my love?” he asked.

“I forgive you, Harry…”

“I only hope I…I will be better, a better man and husband for you.”

Looking over at a corner, there was a table where there stood an empty wine bottle. He sighed.

“Who did you even marry? You deserve a knight in shining armor, Stella, not some drunken fool…” he sighed.

“You’re not that! Well, you still drink a bit much, but you are no fool. You are my knight in shining armor, Harry, my dear!”

With a surprise, he pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me.

“Then give your knight a kiss.”

We kissed once when the housekeeper walked in with tea and slices of cake. They were drunk and devoured, but the letters remained.

“What should we do with these?” Harry asked.

I got up from his lap. I began to gather the letters. One by one, and then into one neat pile. Anger began to burn again in my throat.

“We could give them to the children when they grow up. Let Will’s legacy be that how he humiliated their mother…” I spat, feeling my grip tighten.

“And carry the blame for their father’s actions? And sour any of the good memories and feelings they may feel for him- he was their first father, after all. And what if they discover the truth of how he died…then how sympathetic shall they think of you? Besides, Stella…I don’t think Will Ransome should be a part of our marriage. It’s a joining of two souls, not three.” Harry suggested.

I glanced down and released my breath.

“You’re right…I could…I could send the rest of them to the church back in Aldwinter…ruin his legacy after death!” I said bitterly.

“And have your whole family be blacklisted and frowned upon for one man’s sins? How will your children live when their father’s actions have condemned their whole future? And if they notice the similarities between your possession of those letters and the suicide scrap by Will’s corpse that time ago and connect the pieces…you would be practically tossing yourself into a jail cell, Stella.”

“Oh God, I’m a selfish, petty, person….” I lamented.

“You’re a human, Stella…” he reminded me.

We paused. He placed a hand on my shoulder. When we looked up, he gestured to the little lamp on the desk. On the inside was a lit candle.

“I think you know what to do,” Harry advised.

“I think it’s time…I kept these for when they would be useful. To have others believe me. To see those guilty punished. And then to free myself…” I mused.

Harry half smiled. He pointed to the second page of one letter where Will signed his full name.

“Ah- you were held prisoner by Mr. Ransome and in need of a ransom- and it seemed you ransomed yourself out of being a Ransome!” he teased.

“I’m not a Ransome in name or the word…I’m a Cavaradossi now…”

I let out a little chuckle at the string of puns. Then I filed them all into one pile. But Harry slipped his hand and took the first page.

“Let me have this one.”

“What do you need that for?” I asked.

“I need to wipe when I relieve my piss or shit!” he said.

I let out a laugh.

“I’m ready now…I’m ready to do this…” I said half to Harry and half to myself.

I went into our room to our fireplace, carrying the letters. I got the matches on the mantle and struck one until a little flame emerged from it. I then put the match to one page of Will and Cora’s letters. I watched as it curled up black, their words and banter and love confessions and declarations bleeding into darkness. Before the flame would reach my fingers, I tossed it into the fireplace. One by one I burned each page and placed them into the fireplace.

Yes, I was dying. But William, you are dead. I thought. I still have life in me, fragile as it was. And now you have none, Will. None, none, nothing.

The flames kissed and danced over the pages. It digested their words so full of selfish lust and then made it a black crumple of dust at the bottom of the fire. Again, I saw the small blueness in the center of the flames.

I watched as I destroyed each last page. They burned and then dwindled to nothing but dust.

Now any trace of William Ransome, my Will, the true Essex Serpent, was gone. I walked with lightness and slept like a babe at night. And Harry kept his promise- I had a small but loaded pistol hidden in my purse. Ready to make good my promise to Cora if I were to ever see her again.

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬ Though I was glad to continue life as normal, the London smog did not agree with me. It made me cough furiously while walking outside for errands. The doctor’s words haunted me.

“Get some clean air.”

One evening, after the children were in their rooms for their post-dinner hobbies, Harry and I sat down by the fire for him to read and me to sew. The dog laid down on the floor to nap, though his dark brown fur almost made him blend into it. After ten minutes, I set aside the needle and thread and looked at him.

“Harold…can we please see a doctor? The fog is getting to me. I can hardly walk for coughing…” I explained.

He set down his book.

“Any blood?”

“Rarely.”

“Then…then who says we have to live in London?” he suggested.

“What…what about your bank? Or your parties!? Or your plays?!” I asked.

He shrugged them off.

“I can throw them here! I can always travel to London if there’s a show I want to see. And I’m head of the bank- I can move headquarters. We could find a place just outside of London…would you like that? The children will understand- your health improved because of the clean mountain air. They’ll much prefer you alive and well.”

“Then by all means…let us move…”

After some searching, we found a lovely place in Kersey, Suffolk. We packed and gathered our things and moved out. A local building chosen as headquarters for the Cavaradossi bank thought the branch in London remained open. It was a comfortable cottage for all of us. A tree grew outside and stretched its branches out like a greeting friend. And there was fresh air- beautiful, bright fresh air. I loved taking a deep breath once I stepped outside. The air was crisp with winter and a light dusting of snow.

On our first day in the new place, once the boxes were set down, our faithful spaniel wagged his tail as he wandered in and out to the backyard to run about- he was far more used to being a country dog. Harry wrapped his arm around me.

“So help me, you will get all the exercise and fresh air in the world, Stella. We will walk daily- you can have a garden in the springtime. We might even try hiking if the path isn’t too steep- all of us as a family! Oh! And the lakes! We must try rowing- you a little bit! You’ll feel like new as if you were never sick again!”

Though it hadn’t and would never leave my body, I could walk about more, even if I was slower or more fragile. I coughed blood even less. I had more appetite. Only on the rare occasions, I felt myself a little dizzy while walking or a brief pain in my chest, I would use a cane. But only rarely. And of course, that first spring, I planted seeds to become a garden.

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬ It was seven years after my diagnosis on a Sunday when we had a visitor. The housekeeper we had approached Harry and me as we sat on our chairs.

“Excuse me, there’s a Seaborne at the door!” She announced.

I froze where I sat. I reached for Harry’s hand who clutched mine in return. I felt the color drain from my face. I wondered how quickly I could get out the pistol from my purse.

“Is it a Mrs. Seaborne?” I asked.

“No! It’s a gentleman…a very young gentleman, a Mr. Seaborne.” She corrected.

Harry and I stared at each other dumbfounded.

“Let him in,” I said.

I stood up, clutching the shawl on my shoulders.

In walked that same pale face but matured. His body was still thin but far taller. I felt myself relax seeing him, saying that old cliché that has been used before and will be used again:

“My, how you’ve grown!”

Frankie, in a nice black suit and cravat, tipped off his hat.

“Mrs. Ransome, hello! I wrote to Martha and Fanny and heard you now lived here and you…you remarried, is that right?” he asked, though his eyes darted distractedly to look around the living room.

“Yes, Frankie, I am. I’m Stella Cavaradossi now. Here is my husband- Mr. Harold Cavaradossi.”

Harry walked forward and shook hands with the young man.

“Please stay- I think you’re in time for tea!” I suggested.

He sat down at the table in the kitchen with us. His eyes flitted about, but his voice was addressed to me as he poured milk into his tea.

“It’s odd not thinking of you as Mrs. Ransome…” he commented.

“It’s odd for me too…Frankie, what brings you here?” I asked.

“I just…I worried about you. For years. I…I thought…I even wondered if you were dead…” he confessed.

“Well, she is not. Clearly.” Harry cut in.

“I just was worried, I felt…I felt bad for you. I…I didn’t know how to feel about Mama and…I was angry at you for that letter, at first, but I’m not…not angry anymore. Mrs. Ran- Mrs.-Cava….Cava- ra….“

“You can call me Stella…” I advised.

“Are you happy, Stella?” Frankie asked me. His eyes, so much like hers, softened.

I smiled at the young man.

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you’re in good health- I felt so bad for you back then. All stuck in that bed, coughing that blood. How’d you get better?” he asked.

“I was sent to a Sanatorium. They didn’t cure me, but they helped me, Frankie. And you? How have you been?”

He paused hesitantly and I froze.

“I…I live in a flat now with roommates. I go to University now and…and…I’m not on speaking terms with mama as much anymore…only on occasion,” he sighed. He sipped his tea meditatively.

“But Stella…I cannot be mad at you at all now. I remember the old days when I was in Aldwinter. Of all those adults there, you didn’t fuss at me for something I couldn’t help…you made bread. You welcomed me to the town. You let me play with your children. You made me dinner and sweets- I can still taste those chocolate biscuits! I always remembered, Stella. I never forgot your kindness.”

I felt a few tears on verge of showing, but I blinked back.

Despite his small oddities, he was wonderful company. Harry enjoyed him even. Before Frankie departed, I got some scraps of paper and wrote down an address and then a recipe.

“Frankie…you may write and visit any time you like. Come visit when James - he’d be thrilled! He’s with his brother seeing Joanna at her college today, else they’d be here!”

I then showed him the recipe.

“This is how you make those chocolate biscuits if you’d like,” I explained.

He put it in his pocket.

“Of course! And thank you for the tea as well!” he wished with a smile.

As he put his hat on, tipped it, and left, I crossed my arms. I was tearing up, but I was also smiling watching him go to his taxi. I was glad I didn’t kill that boy out of my rage. My anger did not sniff out the life of an innocent, only the guilty. And here Frankie was, like a flower in full bloom. I went out to the garden and began to cry again. But they were tears of immense relief.

From then on, Frankie was like another son to me. He regularly wrote and even visited when he could. I like to think he saw me as a second mother. Though he was wise enough to never speak of his own to me.

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬ There was one party we were throwing two weeks later. Harry’s favorite wine was flowing, and the guests were all laughing and socializing among themselves, including some of my own family members and of course my children. We finished our dinner and two friends who played violin and piano were warming up for dances.

But as it began and guests paired up on the wider floor of our room, I felt dizzy and a slight pain in my chest. I coughed, noticing only a little blood on my handkerchief. I then dashed upstairs. I sat down on the chair. I didn’t feel completely weak, but I was taken aback my heart racing. There was the sound of footsteps and the bedroom door creaked open.

“Stella, are you alright?” Harold asked, poking his head through.

My blood froze when he stepped in, and I took in his tuxedo from the party. It continued downstairs. And beyond, there was music.

Oh, dear God, this again! I saw this scene before, and I didn’t like how things ended up. Here again was my husband in a tuxedo, me feeling bad, and a party with dancing going on. My eyes started up, dreading seeing William’s beard, dreading reliving that moment in Aldwinter…

But there was no beard on my husband’s cleanly shaven chin this time. This wasn’t the past anymore.

“I am…I just coughed a little blood and got scared, but I feel alright…” I explained.

I heard the music and some clapping and chatter going on. Even my children’s laughter.

“Do you feel well, Stella? I’ll call the party off early if you like…” he offered.

“No, don’t! it’s just…it’s just…and you with your suit I…I just…” I muttered.

I sighed deeply and wiped away the tears with my handkerchief. I saw Harry’s shoulders soften.

“Harry…I don’t know if I will get better or get worse but for tonight…tonight you won’t leave me, will you?” I asked.

He stepped forward and touched my shoulder softly.

“Oh, of course not, Stella…” he vowed.

“Hold me, Harry,” I requested.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Anything, anything, I would change this- the past would not repeat itself again. Not with me.

“Is the dancing starting?” I asked.

“Yes, it is! The first one is ending- the waltz is next…” he recalled.

“Harry…I haven’t danced in a long, long time. I’d like to try and dance again…could you dance with me?”

He led me to stand.

“You only need to ask.” He responded.

As we headed to the hall, he draped his arm around mine. Then I looked at him and stopped my feet, I leaned closer to talk to him while we were still alone.

“I don't speak much of Will anymore, I try not to…I don’t want to bring him into this marriage, but I will be honest. This scene… reminded me of a memory I had with him. Do you remember me telling you about when I told him to dance with Cora?”

“Oh god, I remember now. I almost forgot…so you think that will happen again?” He puzzled.

I nodded. Harry cupped my cheek, keeping his other hand on mine.

“Stella, for each hour of your tears, I’ll replace it with an hour of happiness. I’ll take each moment of anguish and create ways to make you laugh. For each minute you felt unloved by him, I will make you feel worshipped. And if anyone, even you, tells me to dance with some other lady, I’ll refuse and dance with you instead.…”

We pressed our foreheads together, feeling the warmth and smoothness. I felt my tears had dried and I was smiling.

“Let’s dance, Harry,” I said.

We went into the main room, all cleared out. John already had one young lady as a partner on the floor. Joanna stopped her chatter among her new circle of friends to watch and James was watching as he sat, a plate of chocolate cake on his lap. Their eyes were on me, seeing if I was well enough. If I would fall or faint in dancing. Harry placed a hand around my waist, and I took his free hand in mine, our fingers intertwining. I kept a hand on his warm back. The violin and piano duo began playing. The waltz began.

We waltzed at a steady pace. I stepped into that square formation. He met mine with equality. His feet never once grazed my toes. I was keeping up without feeling breathless, weak, and with no pain or urge to cough. There was only dizziness as the crowd turned into a blur around us. I felt the warmth of his hand and Harry smiled the kindest, gentlest, most loving smile I had seen on a man, on a husband, on a person. And I returned it. I focused on his eyes as the music swelled as if giving us wings so we could fly up to the heavens and the clouds and stars themselves. Time itself stopped and there was only us as we moved together. The only feeling surging in my chest was that of joy.

Then finally, the song ended, and we paused. We clapped our hands in thanks. I glanced to see my children all looking at me with cheerful relief. When I looked back at Harry, he smiled and kept an arm around my back.

“You’re a wonderful dancer Stella, we should do this hourly,” he praised with a wink.

“Let’s drink some lemonade and then have another dance then!” I responded.

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬

As I write this, I have been married to Harold Cavaradossi for about ten years. Eleven years after I heard I was dying.

Harry was, is, and will be faithful to me. I know this with confidence. If there was something that needed novelty or something he lacked, something that he felt was wrong with me, he would tell me directly, his heart and eyes never wandering from mine.

I have seen the nineteenth century become the twentieth. I have lived to see Forty and past it, I may turn fifty if this keeps up. I have seen all three of my children grow up and become adults themselves.

Joanna has gone to a woman’s college, relieved it didn’t just teach women domestic arts but academic ones. She moved to London and has embraced the idea of the New Woman- she even has a suit complete with pants she enjoys wearing when she bikes. She works as a nurse for her income. She regularly writes to parliament insisting on a woman’s right to divorce her husband and does so all while she puts curls in her hair.

John is set to inherit the seniority of the Cavaradossi bank from his stepfather. He always hides sausages and treats in his pockets to spoil any dog he comes across. After schooling, he works alongside his father fervently at the bank. He is courting a young lady he is deeply in love with and intent on proposing. We are confident she will accept. To think I may live to see him married and perhaps as a grandmother!

James has grown so handsome that I often see young ladies eyeing him and he enjoys a good dance or flirtation. He enjoys reading books on theology and philosophy and shall debate them among his peers for hours, sometimes even going to church to discuss with the rectors themselves about their sermons. Though he is yet undecided as to what vocation he shall use for his life’s work, Harry tells him not to fret and to choose off on passion. He still has a weakness for chocolate and cannot resist sneaking bites of it during his classes.

I will indulge you with a glimpse into my private life in the marriage bed. It made the moment even more perfect; I think.

This morning, my husband, Harry, pleasured me in our bed. I felt the rise and bliss of that release as I repeated his name like a prayer. I went to heaven in that bed and floated down from it. We caught our breath. He removed his hand from my skirt, wiped it on the mattress, and held me close, our noses touching.

“Happy Anniversary, Stella.” He wished.

“Happy Anniversary, Harry,” I repeated softly.

I kissed the tip of his nose, his face bright red and scrunched with smiling. I reached a hand to play with his curls.

“How’s the loveliest lady in England today, hm? Not sick of me yet?” he asked.

“After ten years not yet…” I answered.

I placed both of my hands on his warm, solid chest as he stretched out, arms folded under his head. I then rested my chin on him as I looked up at his handsome face.

“Tell me the story about your adventures at sea…” I requested.

“I’ve already told that one hundreds of times!” he laughed.

“I don’t care, I like to hear it…let me hear it all, Harry, I’ll listen...especially the part about seeing the dolphins!”

He smoothed my hair as he told me about his time at sea. We hardly notice the hour pass by except for the sun slowly rising. I rose halfway in surprise, my stomach rumbling.

“I am hungry though…could we eat outside?” I requested.

Harry agreed. We dressed quickly and simply. I made sure my cane was right outside the front door, should the occasional bout of dizziness happen. Or a vision. Some say tuberculosis brings visions in a later stage but so far, they have been few and far between. I still have life in me yet and I’m determined to enjoy it. No matter how much time I have left.

We gathered our food in a picnic basket, held a blanket, and walked outside. I have a whole garden filled with flowers with as many blue ones as I could find seeds for. There is an apple tree in our front yard. Harry draped the blanket right under the tree, yet close enough that one could smell the flowers of both the garden and the apple blossoms of the tree.

Once we finished the meal, he at once grabbed me around the waist and pulled me to lay down on the blanket with him. He drowned me in kisses, and I giggled as if I was just an adolescent. I even felt one of his hands reach up to touch my thigh beneath my skirt.

“Harold! We’re outside! Our neighbors could see us!” I teased.

I saw his face, and just over the green leaves shuffling with the wind blowing through them. The sun alighting his blonde curls like a halo.

“Let them! Let them all see how much I love you, Stella…”

He kissed me with tongue and passion, tasting our meal again. We saw birds fly into the branches. They were singing their own songs and had twigs in their beaks. Soon there would be nests and eggs and chicks- new life. According to Fanny’s letters, Vincent said that the name of “Aldwinter” translated from German to English as “Old Winter”. Not here in Kersey where it was warm and so full of the promise of spring and life.

When I turned, right near the tree trunk among the grass, I found a little blue wildflower. I picked it up and bedecked it into one of Harry’s curls. He took my hand to kiss each of my knuckles and we melted into each other’s arms again beneath the shade and sunlight.

I know my time will come. And very, very likely, the consumption shall have that inevitable victory. But after such betrayal, such heartbreak, such tears, and rage …I was so at peace and happy that if I died at that moment, I thought, I wouldn’t have complained. I would finally be able to say I was content with my life.

I hope you too, no matter what may happen to you, no matter what betrayals you face or heartbreaks are forced upon you, no matter what struggles or hardships you have, you have strength. If I could, so could you. I pray that when you encounter someone like my first husband, when you find your Serpent, you stand up to him and tell him no. That you find someone like Harry or Fanny, or Mrs. Lee or Martha or the other Aldwinter ladies - someone to listen, to help, to love you and for you to love them. Or even perhaps fight for you- should the time arise- if you cannot fight for yourself.

May you go outside and if it is dark, try to find stars shining above you. Think of my name. Think of me. So, you will remember me and see that light in all the darkness and burning strong in a ball of fire, triumphant.

If it is light outside, go out and try to find a blue wildflower. Blue itself is a rare color in nature, so look very carefully. And once you find one, may you see it and be filled with that heaven-like tranquility and grace. If you like, you can try to press it. Or pluck it. Or leave it as it is and admire it before you continue your way. In a way, it’s like a piece of me watching over you, my dear reader.

For even amidst the deepest misery, as I have experienced, there are those who love us and who have yet to love us. There is life continuing without giving up. After we mourn, there is the eventual promise that one day, we will find the joy of being alive again.

I thank you so much for reading my words and hearing my story, whoever you are. Reader, I do not know your faith, but I will finish this with a prayer for your blessing. After all, you should know by now I am a woman of the Church of England.

Reader, may you be blessed. May you have hope and strength as a star or a blue wildflower. Because you have listened to me, may you be as listened to and come through your own challenges, as I have. Lord graciously hear us.

Reader, if you are one of my fellow betrayed spouses or lovers, I ask for heaven to bless you immensely. I am with you, holding your hand as you mourn and weep and rage. You are absolved, for you are the true innocents suffering from the sins of another. Lord, graciously hear us.

Even if you are not, Reader, may you reading this always ask for justice and find it, as I did. May you ask for love and find it again, as I did. May you always possess courage, as I learned to. Lord graciously hear us.

Your friend, Stella Harris Ransome Cavaradossi, wishes you the best as we depart for now.

I commend you, I commend you, I commend you all to mercy and protection.

Amen.

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lovelylogans · 3 years

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I just wanted to say that the way you write parent/child relationships in the sideshire files is amazing. It’s not a dynamic that I see often but I really like it - I guess the friends-but-not-in-a-bad-way-with-your-parent? Idk, not really sure how to put it into words. But I really like that and I just wanted to say it. (Also, side note, I have never watched the show it’s based off of, but I am seriously considering it after reading sideshire files.)

oh, thank you very much!!! it is kind of based partially off gilmore girls and my own experiences (my oldest brother is eight years older than me, so by the time i hit age.... twelve? thirteen? my parents kinda looked at me and were like “eh she’s self-sufficient enough” and i got the Very Laid Back approach to parenting, which worked out well for me, i think) so it’s interesting to write, esp with the combo of patton being more “immature” at times and with logan being the very serious, buttoned-down one!

and just quick little preliminary warning for gilmore girls—at the core, i think it’s a good story to tell, and the actors are fantastic, and the characters are very intriguing, but also this was a show that was made in the early 2000s and so there are a lot of jokes in there that have Not aged well (even in the 2016 revival these jokes persist, which, :/) including jokes about mental illness, lgbt people, some racist stuff, and fatshaming. so, just, be aware walking into it, and if you do end up watching, let me know your opinions! i’m intrigued to see how you (or anyone who’s watched gilmore girls post reading my fic) react to the source material and the changes i made along the way.

#fic response #Anonymous #ask

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neuronary · 4 years

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tua rewatch episode 2

[breakfast scene. i don’t know why i thought it was dinner] i know that the whole No Talking At Dinner thing is supposed to be oppressive or whatever but honestly that's my dream. i'm ben here. just gimme a book and i'm good. i don’t want to talk to people. [five runs off] five said fuck the system. damn this soundtrack slaps.

[five yelling for ben and vanya] do we find out why five doesn't have a name?

[back in vanya’s apartment.] oh the twinkie joke i remember that. [”do you have anything stronger?”] VANYA DON'T GIVE CHILDREN ALCOHOL. again, very impressed with five's acting. he really sells the kid v. adult thing. esp. with the jumps in the breakfast scene v. in the present day. it visibly shows more effort and it’s a small detail but it’s effective. [vanya says time travel can fuck with your head] vanya stop gaslighting your little brother smh. but also kudos for healthy sleep schedules.

hazel and cha cha! i missed them. they're funny. commie icon hazel. join your union, boys. [”there should be a package for us”] who does the deliveries? i like to think the commission has an intern doing deliveries. [”it hurts my wrist”] commie 👏icon 👏hazel

PATCH. i love her. [i’m correct] agnes deserves better. five could you have the decency to stack your bodies at least. make clean up easier. smh men. [eudora tazes diego.] ANTI-DIEGO ICON EUDORA PATCH. [diego talking about gut feelings] i feel like diego should have had an inkling that it had to do with one of his siblings.

where did hazel get an ice cream

[allison and luther are in the same shot] ew ew ew ew ew ew ew e w . oh okay they're just talking. aw. this is cute sibling vibes. how old is claire, exactly? like five? nine? [dAd’S dEaTh wAS a cONsPiRaCY] luther take a goddamn break. just be normal for three fucking seconds. shoutout allison with the psychoanalysis. [luther sucks on a toddler’s compote patch] is that a fucking compote patch. [i’m like 90% sure it was. the men in this show don’t get rights]

[klaus wakes up from being high] i love ben sm. wait. is that the same book he was reading at breakfast? has he been reading the same book for seventeen years? adhd icon. [yesterday flashback] ugh the foreshadowing is So Obvious. but good soundtrack choice again. [back to the present] i would appreciate it if klaus would please put some clothes on. this is unnecessary.

pogo should get a sainthood for dealing with klaus.

[vanya wakes up] poor vanya. she probably straight up thinks he's thirteen and just ran off on his own.

five can you be less Like That for Ten Fucking Seconds. please. [again, i don’t remember what he did but i’m probably right] [oh wait yes i do it’s the meritech scene.]

[”as a very smart woman said”] beaman gets kudos for drinking his respecting women juice. also patch looks cute af. i literally love her so much. we stan boundaries and professionalism. [cOmE oUt On tHE StReETs wITh me EuDOrA] diego please can you be less of a dick for Five Fucking Seconds.

[”you just want to convince yourself that your childhood meant something”] STAN A PSYCHOANALYTICAL Q U E E N. fucking drag him detective patch.

why are literally all the women in this show so awesome and perfect? no my lesbianism does not make me biased shut up.

[Luther goes to Diego’s gym] oh great fight time again. or not. he's not there. [he starts snooping] Luther respect people's privacy challenge.

also how does he not just topple over all the time. his center of balance is so unstable. by rights he should've fallen down the stairs. he looks like reverse big chungus.

[vanya goes looking for five at the academy] again, i definitely think if vanya hadn't reacted so poorly so immediately the entire thing would have gone over very differently. i'm gna write this au. [”i’m sorry. i was dismissive.”] okay stan vanya for apologising and trying to mend things with five. also shoutout to vanya for going to therapy. what an icon.

five can you just trust your sister please? you will be fine you little shit.

[”i’m moist.”] okay klaus can have some rights. [”what? this is my nicest outfit.”] oh that was just like. entirely irish ok. [klaus starts on the cover story] five has no time for theater kids and honestly? vibes. [they banter] okay i get why the whole fandom goes nuts over klaus and five bonding. they have a good dynamic.

[t u n a s a n d w i c h] hazel's literally just hungry. he's valid.

cha cha deserves a promotion. [i don’t remember what she was saying but i’m still right]

[”are you thinking what i’m thinking?” “italian for dinner?”] hazel is the only man in this show that gets rights.

e l a b o r a t e.

[allison’s phone call scene] god allison deserves so much fucking better. i want her to see her daughter so badly. [her lil speech about how much she loves claire] god i am Up In My Feels. this scene is heartbreaking in the subtle, soft way that i Live For. icon. [”you don’t get to blame your problems on anyone but yourself”] allison is the ceo of holding herself accountable. everyone else take notes.

[meritech pt. 2] oh good fun. klaus i feel like you should have more hang ups about punching a child in the face that hard. is he high? i feel like he's high. five looks so smug that little shit. god i would just kill him on the spot if i met him i don't have the patience.

[”you’re useless. you’re all useless.”] five you literally picked the Most Useless of your siblings. talk to allison she has her shit together.

i could watch vanya play violin for hours tbh. [leonard arrives] ew gross. let her keep playing. god but vanya is a lesbian because leonard looks like Every Single Comp Het Crush Ever.

[diego gets back to his boiler room] if diego's gonna wear a literal bondage harness everywhere he might as well take advantage of the extra space for knives. [he nearly stabs luther] oh okay Now it's fight time.

[he eats a literal raw egg just straight into his mouth] did. is that where. he just literally cra- eugh. i gagged. i literally gagged. that's disgusting. what the fuck.

[luther leaves] oh i missed that whole conversation seeing as i was too busy being Disgusted at diego. No men get rights anymore. [it would have been better if he’d eaten the shell too.]

[leonard goes off about his dad] leonard came up with a really good and compelling cover story actually. we're not gonna stan because he has The Worst Vibes. but anyway.

[i hAvE a CaRPeNtRy sHOp] that's moving Way Too Fucking Fast, vanya. that's too fast.

[allison smoking in the windowsill] dhsjns putting out the cigarette.

[”this is always where you came when you were upset”] pogo's trying to parent? i mean, sure. [”actually, miss vanya called to make sure you were alright”] also vanya and allison deserve to be besties and good sisters. [”how did you manage in this big house alone for all those years?”] wow good point actually pogo must have been incredibly lonely. poor guy.

[surveillance tapes] that's creepy as hell. but like to each their own. [”vanya. why did we always leave her out of everything.”] Let 👏 Them 👏 Be 👏 Friends.

kudos to the writing here because they actually do a good job at showing where the off-screen development is coming from. [i’d like to take this back the scene did not go where i thought it would]

[allison watches the Obviously Planted Tape] i cannot emphasise how little of a shit i give about the hargreeves' murder mystery.

five's getting his waifu. i remember watching this first time round and literally just being like

five x delores is healthier than allison x luther btw.

s o u n d t r a c k c h o i c e s

the freezeframes are...... a choice. [this wasn’t even meant as negative i just don’t know how i feel about them]

cha cha always having a plan. we stan a show where literally every woman is badass? [the wrist brace] hazel rights. did. did five just kill cha cha. [fails to jump] why can't five teleport? did i miss something??

okay but the way he cradles the mannequin? like that's love bitch. lowkey.

Patch is now Carrying This Show [i don’t know what this scene was i think i just saw her on screen and my lesbian brain took over]

[allison tells luther about the tape] allison and luther b like we Are the mystery incorporated.

[”there’s nothing you can do. there’s nothing anyone can do.”] five gave up... very easily. i mean i'm all for retiring to the countryside with your wife and just making good with the time you've got but. this seems a little dramatic.

[soundtrack] oh shit paloma faith. i've met her.

[five finds the bodies] o h s h i t i forgot about this. gdi. oh god poor baby. baby no.

#q #tua #tua rewatch #the umbrella academy

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imbeccablee · 4 years

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1, 14, 22 for the Fandom ask:D

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in

My first fandom experience was with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2012! I can't remember if I had written stuff for other shows before this, but I remember this was the show that I made friends with over. It was over on Wattpad, and after I made one of those self-insert truth or dare fics (which become the most popular one when it was airing- and yes I'm still proud of my thirteen year old self) I got close with some of the people reading it. So much so that one of them, when they were making their own self-insert ship fics, they asked if I wanted to be apart of it, to which I respond UH YES???? And there was another girl who I role-playing some more self insert tmnt stuff through our private messages for like, four years give or take lmao. Man that was a good time. I wonder how they're doin.

14. Go on, what are your brotps?

GOD WHERE TO EVEN START??

So obviously we've got the Dekusquad and all variations there of. The OG one with just Deku, Uraraka, and Iida. Then the upgraded one with Todoroki, and then the expanded one with Tsuyu and Aoyama and Tokoyami. Then of course I love all individual friendships with Izuku and the members of the squad, as well as Eri and Kouta. Just Izuku having friends is what I love!!! Its what he deserves!!!!!

do you consider parental relationships brotps??? uh just in case, izuku and all might of course!!! as well as izuku and aizawa, cuz he deserves all the dads in the world. and him and his mom!!!! just two midoriyas against the world. he loves his mom so much and SO DO I!!!!! she loves him so much and SO DO I!!!!!!!

Then the bakusquad!!! Esp kirishima and bakugou. I know they don't interact much in Canon, but the fandom characterizations of bakugou, kirishima, Kaminari, mina, and sero are GOLD. bakugou's just SURROUNDED by idiots and he loves ALL OF THEM. then with bakugou again, I love the possibilities of his relationship with aizawa! aizawa is such a good dad smh.

also kirishima and mina!!! they're so cute!!! horn buddies!!! not-quite childhood friends!!! I'm dead.

then there's aizawa, present mic, and midnight!!! they went to school together!!! they've been friends for years!!! its so good.

and this is just for my hero academia!!! don't even get me started on others!!!!

all this to say that, as much as I love romantic shipping, these platonic relationships FUCK ME UP!!!! THEYRE ALL SUCH GOOD FRIENDS!!!! IT KILLS ME!!! FUCK!!!!!

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Hm. Now this one's a toughy. Because regret is, like, such a harsh word.

Like, yeah I cringe when reading some of my old writing, who doesn't? But regret? Wishing I hadn't written it in the first place? I don't think so. Like, there were some aspects I'm remembering from some really old fics that were insensitive and not handled correctly, because again, I was like 12 when I wrote them and didn't know any better, but I can't say I truly regret writing them. All my previous writings over the last decade (god its been so long....) have helped shape me into the writer I am today and yeah they may be bad, but at the time they made me and others happy. I LOVED my fics at the time and I was so god damn proud of what I wrote. How could I regret any of that?

thanks rex!!

ask me fanfiction questions here!

#bnha

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janiedean · 4 years

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reading habits meme

tagged by @villainsmatter ty!!!

1. Do you have a certain place at home for reading?

I vote bed or sofa but I can read wherever really

2. Do you use bookmarks? If so, what kind?

depends, I mean I have some nice ones or I’ll use cinema tickets or receipts if I don’t have anything better at hand but I also can not use them esp if it’s not a very long book

3. Can you stop reading or do you have to make it to the end of the chapter?

I can if it’s the end of a paragraph

4. Do you eat or drink while reading?

can do both if I want but depends if I want to

5. Music or tv while reading?

I’ll listen to music definitely (whichever doesn’t matter), tv is a no but I usually don’t read while the tv is on background anywhere

6. One book at a time or multiple?

in theory one at a time, in practice I’ve read more than one at the same time more than once and it usually means it takes me longer to finish both but that’s another problem entirely

7. Reading at home or while out?

both is good

8. Reading out loud or silently?

silently

9. Do you read ahead or skip pages?

I happen to skip ahead to check povs to see if someone’s coming back or not if I’m not sure whether they just died or not but I usually don’t do that because dnw spoilers and dnc to know the ending in advance

10. Breaking the spine?

I try not to but if it’s a paperback that I reread more than once it usually cracks and I can’t do anything about it rip (I mean you haven’t seen my cheap dark tower/asoiaf editions X°D)

11. Do you write in your books?

if I’m studying obviously, with fiction books...... honestly not really but I did definitely take notes on the aforementioned asoiaf/dark tower cheap editions (and in that case it was like... notes or underlining quotes I needed) and on my lotr copy BUT in my defense I was like thirteen and I just wanted to draw hearts whenever faramir was mentioned X°D that said I usually don’t because I don’t wanna ruin them, I only write in them if I have other copies to spare and if they’re cheap X°D

hmm tagging @randomingoftherandomness @bidonica @ghostlovesc0re @lordhellebore @thevagabondthoughts @moviestorian if they want to!

#about me #meme #books #lmao god my lotr copy is truly embarrassing

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fangirlinglikeabus · 4 years

Text

i read some non vna dw books a while ago but because i am a Clown i’ve only just finished typing up notes on them...i think my next dw book i’ll make notes as i go rather than just marking the pages and Hoping I Remember. anyway! here’s my thoughts on thirteen doctors 13 stories. i have more opinions on some than others.

A BIG HAND FOR THE DOCTOR

"...Susan, who was possibly the only person in the universe who could make the Doctor smile at the mere thought of her."

awwwwww

didn't really like this one that much - i wasn't too impressed with eoin colfer's characterisation of the first doctor (esp since pre-ian and barbara i don’t think he’d willingly attempt to stop some villains until susan was in danger)

THE NAMELESS CITY

Polly...once described him as looking like an unmade bed.

lmao

...he didn't know exactly what he was, though when he was growing up, he had heard tales of the legendary fairy creatures of the Unseelie Court who haunted Scotland's deepest valleys. He suspected the Doctor might be one of the dark Sith.

HEAVILY vibe with this concept the world is saved by bagpipes.......peak dw THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

"You know what I love about London?" he said, turning to her briefly. She sighed. "I'm sure I can't guess." "It's the only city in the universe where you can drive around in a car that's seventy years old and get away with it." "Who says you're getting away with it?" Jo muttered.

nkdfsjksn

"Fire away!"

"Oh, Doctor, please. Not after that business at the museum."

no doctor is immune to the temptation of a good pun. no matter how inappropriate. actually i really like how jo and three are written in this generally. there's so many good scenes. also, when the doctor asks her why she doesn't know anything about the vikings: "Doctor, we did the Romans. Every year." rip jo

From a distance the Doctor watched as a group of about twenty men loaded the TARDIS on to the back of a large low wagon pulled by four sturdy oxen.

jo: the doctor told me about the perception filter on the tardis so it'll be fine! they won't even spot it. literally the next scene, immediately:

She longed to stand and give this old goat a piece of her mind, but she knew she'd most likely fall over if she tried, which wasn't the effect she was after.

aw jo :(

"Do you know they wash once a week?" "Could have fooled me," muttered Jo.

*desperately resists the urge to write down every jo line in this story*

"I have the ship. And I have the spear. What need have I of you any more?"

the master is betrayed. to the surprise of no-one but himself.

The Doctor held her by the shoulders. "My dear girl," he said. "That is very noble of you. You were right. Your aspirations /are/ the very noblest. But you're wrong about something. Nothing is more important than you."

me, sobbing:

ROOTS OF EVIL

realised as i was reading this that i don't own any books featuring leela.....a crime

"Surprise!" the Doctor said. "You know you were complaining that you missed trees?"

this is actually the cutest thing no-one look at me

She could never understand why the Doctor was so careless of danger. It was a good thing he had her to look after him, she thought, as he opened the TARDIS door and they stepped out together into dim, green light and the earthy, warm-compost smell inside the great tree.

phillip reeve gets the four+leela dynamic. like. he Gets it.

"It will not hurt you," she promised. "It is called a 'scarf'. It is like a cloak, only pointless."

ousdofnsoksfd

"Did it look a bit like a gravel pit? You'd be amazed how many alien worlds look just like gravel pits..."

what is doctor who. without quarry jokes.

"I mean, he's wearing a bow tie!" the Doctor explained patiently. "Ridiculous objects! I wouldn't be seen dead in a bow tie!"

1) says the guy who wears an obnoxiously long scarf everywhere 2) honey, you've got a big storm coming

TIP OF THE TONGUE

there's a scene in this where nyssa and the doctor chill at a diner and they drink chocolate milkshakes together. this is all i care about.

Good Lord, was that celery he was wearing on his lapel?

Yeah We Know

"Are you British?" Nettie said, as if this was the most surprising part of the whole thing.

i mean, fair

He paused. "I don't suppose either of you would be interested in travelling?"

the fifth doctor: hey one of my friends died recently and i abandoned the other one but i really miss having a large crew so i was wondering if you two literal children would like to risk your life travelling with me :)

SOMETHING BORROWED

you'd think given this one is from peri's pov she'd be slightly more central to the plot. ah well.

"That's two storeys up!" I exclaimed. "And I'm in heels." "Well then, you should have worn more sensible shoes, shouldn't you?"

maybe she lives in hope that she won't have to do any running/scale buildings every time she steps out of the tardis. i get that.

"Well, you are the expert when it comes to gaudy," I said, giving a meaningful look to his red-and-yellow plaid coat and green tie.

every six story is legally obligated to drag his coat

The Doctor shook the man's hand vigorously. "Yes, yes. A little different round the edges since our last meeting on Kiri 4, but all the charm and intellect are still here."

i love this bastard.......

"Love? That contrived, chemically driven state of idiocy?"

mood

A clatter of metal was the sole warning I had before a hole in the ceiling suddenly opened, and the Doctor came tumbling down to the floor, landing in an ungraceful heap of rainbow plaid. Nonetheless, he rose to his feet with all the dignity of an Olympic gymnast who'd just landed a perfect somersault.

not to sound like a broken record but i would Die for this idiot

withholding myself from using more quotes to illustrate my unbridled love for the sixth doctor whom..........

"You might regret not helping me with this one day," she [the Rani] called over to us. "Your next regeneration may be sooner than you think."

Huh. I Wonder What That's Referring To

RIPPLE EFFECT

From the look on his face, Ace reckoned that a visit to the Time Lords was something similar to her having to visit the dentist back on Earth.

i mean to be fair.....the time lords are a whole lot worse although in this case the doctor's reasons for not wanting to visit are: (i) they're 'old, boring and judgemental' (ii) they have stupid clothes and a stupid non-intervention policy (iii) they treat him 'like a naughty schoolboy' (can't have that in front of your companion!)

i apparently didn't have many comments to make on this one. um...it was good. i liked the idea of an alternate universe with nice daleks. MOVING ON

SPORE

"They're all dead....everyone's dead, flesh turned to liquid. It moves...There are things! Moving things! They're alive..." Major Platt looked up at the Doctor. "The caller became incoherent after that and disconnected shortly after." The Doctor drummed his fingers thoughtfully against the top of the aluminium folding-table between them. "Hmm...That really doesn't sound very good."

YEAH YA THINK?

"I was at the opera," the Doctor explained, "when my phone went off."

this is his excuse for That outfit. really just copying everything from grace here huh

THE BEAST OF BABYLON

She also didn't yet know that he wasn't a man at all.

yeah cos he's non-binary duh

"So now we're landing on Earth," he shouted, "two thousand years before the birth of Christ..." "Who?" "He was a bit like Sherlock Holmes. Knew the answers to everything. Very good at solving mysteries. Some humans use him to measure time."

obsessed with the implications of this dialogue...

THE MYSTERY OF THE HAUNTED COTTAGE

absolutely love the concept of this one...a world created from martha's memories of reading a famous five expy as a child

"What?" Martha said defensively, keeping her voice down. "That's how he was described in the books. Don't blame me. This was 1951. Everything back then was blinkered, sexist, and ever-so-slightly racist. It was a backward time." "Ah, yes," said the Doctor, "because 2007 has none of those things."

vibe with this convo

"Am I lonely?" Martha asked. "You're a particle of dust," the Doctor said. "Of course you're not lonely." "I sound lonely." "Well you're not; you're having a great time."

this conversation where the doctor tells martha to imagine herself as a particle of dust has exactly the same kind of energy as discussions you have at 3am at a sleepover

NOTHING O'CLOCK

Amy looked irritated. She wasn't irritated, but she liked to give him the impression she was, just to show him who was boss.

yeah...

ok the villains in this one are actually really fucked up like. it's been a While since i read it now because i procrastinated on making these notes but they were Good creepy. thank you mr gaiman.

LIGHTS OUT

now THIS is one where the pov heavily contributes to the story...

He turns to look at me with piercing, hollow-set grey eyes, then furrows his impressive silvery brows. "I'm buying a coffee," he says. "For a girl."

so THAT'S why twelve took so long to find coffee for clara......he wasn't buying it on earth. good vibes

TIME LAPSE

i absolutely LOVE the concept for this one, which is that the year 2004 completely disappears from records

A typed envelope reading The Doctor, The TARDIS, Ex-Gallifrey followed by a long string of numbers, letters, and things that probably were letters but looked like they came from about eight different languages.

obsessed with the fact that (i) you can apparently send letters to the tardis, like it has an actual address (mel throwing a message in a bottle into space doesn't seem so unreasonable now huh...) (ii) part of this address is 'ex-gallifrey'

this dude gets rejected. and is so badly embarrassed that he erases 2004 from existence. i promise i'm not making this up.

#laura reads dw books #long post #oof i promise the other one i've got notes for isn't this long.....i just had a lot of Thoughts #aside from eoin colfer's i actually really enjoyed all the stories! would highly recommend this collection

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cosmicmoved · 5 years

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IT’S TIME FOR MIN’S OFFICIAL INTRO... a mintro, if you will. KIM MINWOO, KNOWN AS MIN; 24 YEAR OLD POPSTAR, MEMBER OF POP DUO SO:DA. this is a muse i made back in march for a closed rpg that didn’t open so i wanted to give him a second chance! (:< i’ll write a proper bio for him soon, one that makes him sound like less of a moron, but this is just a basic rundown of his basic situation & some extra facts about him! sorry if this sucks, i can’t introduce a new muse without getting nervous for the life of me asdfghgfdfg anyway !! this gets pretty lengthy, even though it’s all just bullet points, so i threw it under a cut to save the dash. please click the read more to learn about min! if you have any trouble reading the theme, please refer to the mobile version of this post!

FIRST!! I want to be clear that Min is not a K-Pop idol, he’s a popstar. Technically, he started off in the K-Pop industry, is still ‘owned’ by a Korean company and was trained under that system but to describe him that way is no longer accurate. (i’m also very aware there’s already a k-pop idol called min but as he’s fictional, a man and, again, not a k-pop idol, it doesn’t really matter that much but m!ss a deserved better anyway)

BASICS

min is tomo’s best friend. tomo, having a lifetime of awful hollywood experience on min, was one of the first friends he made after moving to LA and they were both around the same age. they’re a chaotic combo and i love them... (i know the fc choice seems a bit too easy but i actually made both of these characters totally separately & making tomo made me want to give min another shot so i decided to lump them together)

full name is kim minwoo (김민우 / 金玟雨 / kim min-u) but he goes by MIN, both as a stage name and a nickname. call him either min or minwoo, he doesn’t really care either way. (he’s fed up with people pronouncing the W...it’s silent...)

birthday: 12th June 1995. he’s 24 years old.

nobody can tell whether or not he’s a jerk because he’s essentially a nice person. is it false bravado or does he just lack tact? is he just a part-time bastard? like.....he’s not mean, he’s a good person, he cares about other people!! ...but he’s also kind of a brat & he’s VERY stroppy. he gets upset if stuff doesn’t work out the way he wants it to.

he’s a member of the pop duo, SO:DA; an okay singer, more of a rapper, but a solid dancer. also very much known for his look, something about which he’s more bitter than he lets on. (he pretends to eat it up but he actually finds it pretty frustrating, a direct contrast to tomo who loves being the designated Pretty Boy so long as it’s not in clean, shiny way; if ur gonna call min pretty a bunch of times, compliment him somewhere else too at least once if u don’t want to end up on his list of enemies)

SO:DA debuted in south korea back in 2014 but the company made the decision to move it abroad a year later in an attempt to globalise their output. it’s hard to consider them as a k-pop group as they’ve been based in LA for 4 years now and they release music entirely in english. (pls don’t mention super m to me, i made this character in MARCH asdfghgfdfh)

the group’s name was originally short for SOL & DAL, taken from the french word for sun (soleil) and the korean word for moon, but they dropped it after the move abroad. min was the member who represented the moon while his partner in the group was the sun. they’ve sort of kept the concept in terms of visuals and all the rest but they mostly don’t speak about it.

min actually grew up in the UK. born in seoul, moved to a london when he was four and then moved back to seoul when he was thirteen and then to LA when he was eighteen.

EXTRA TRIVIA

min’s not as into partying as tomo so like...he’ll go along with it and go to clubs with tomo but usually doesn’t drink as much & often ends up in charge of dealing with the aftermath of tomo being an idiot. min doesn’t really mind bc he’s used to people trying to chase after him & being treated like an irresponsible child so he likes being the responsible one for once. (actually, he’s just a much tamer character than tomo in general. i think the same heavier topics will come up by virtue of him being a big part of tomo’s plotline but, in isolation, min’s less intense. min doesn’t take any drugs, for one thing; it’s part lack of interest, part he’d never get away with it like tomo does)

min isn’t allowed to do wild shit in public or else his management will come down on him like a tonne of bricks but he likes the idea of the Bad Boy image so he kinda...mooches off of tomo for the street cred. like they’re genuinely best friends and he’s not using tomo or anything shitty like that but i can’t say that min doesn’t enjoy being seen as trouble by proxy.

got banned from club penguin when he was ten for saying fuck. (more than once bc saying it once only gets you banned for 24hrs.) it was his first experience with resenting authority for enforcing their rules on him 😔

he likes to keep this sort of...mysterious, tortured image but his upbringing was actually fairly ordinary. he gets on with his family and loves them a lot. nobody’s dead, there’s no awkward relationships.

he has two siamese cats, both aged about 3 years. they have their own instagram account that’s about 40% run by min and 60% run by his manager when they have nothing better to do (usually after min has spammed them with pictures he’s taken). in conclusion, they are baby.

this has actually resulted in them having to separate their channels of contact by purpose; one messaging service will be used for important stuff, one will be used for casual stuff, one will be used exclusively for social media (cat pics & selfies), so on and so forth.

his management won’t let him get tattoos and he’s mad about it. like to the point that he’s been known to wear fake tattoos occasionally. do NOT clown him for it. he won’t take it.

actually, min’s management is just very controlling and overbearing & he’s totally overworked but hahaha we’re just going to ignore that bc arguing with the people in charge means risking your dream career in music & potentially losing it all, esp bc you skipped out on uni and fucked up a lot of high school just to pursue this job hahaha let’s just internalise that shit and get on with it

owns the cherry coke aesthetic. actually thinks classic coke is better. shhh, don’t tell. his favourite sweet is basset’s cherry drops though hehehe (not that he gets to eat them very often, given i can’t imagine they’re easy to find outside of the uk)

actually drinks too much coca cola. that probably explains the stroppiness, as well as his awful sleeping patterns.

pepsi can get fucked

min claims to be a vegetarian.

min is not a vegetarian.

the backstory there is pretty simple; min’s fussy. he has particular tastes. most kinds of meat, esp red meat, do not fall into his OK Zone. instead of having to suffer through important, fancy meeting dinners with posh steaks and not being allowed to use his fussiness as an excuse, he started claiming he was a vegetarian. people seemed to be more accepting of that. the only trouble is that he’s now widely known as a vegetarian when he doesn’t actually give a shit. the only people who know he’s bullshitting are his friends. he just wants a mcdonald’s double cheeseburger.

min lives on a diet of utter shit. he’s contractually obliged to eat healthily when preparing for promotions so he doesn’t just fuckin collapse on stage from malnutrition. pls eat a vegetable.

o yea he’s petty as fuck. wrong him like...once...and it’s fuck u city.

also he currently has silver hair. he’s icy...u see that he’s icy......i know the graphic is pink hair but i made it as a sidebar for smth like a year ago and i wanted to reuse it (:<

ALSO !! uhhhhhh, if anybody’s interested in rping the other half of SO:DA.........pls let me know asdfgfdf i’d literally LOVE for someone to take that role hehehe! p much everything is up to you besides a few requirements; he has to be close enough in age to min, probs not too different in build (duos always kind of have?? a sorta physical symmetry??) and he's a vocalist. the personality is totally your call but there has to be that sunny image. fc and everything else is your choice too but i’d have to be chill w/it & agree that it works asdfghdd!!

#« 𝐍𝐎 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐄 𝐍𝐎 𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈'𝐌 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 (ᴍɪɴᴡᴏᴏ) » / 「 headcanon. 」#i wrote 90% of this in march btw...i think the only new additions are the bits that include tomo #and the vegetarian bit is newer ASDFGHGF #i'm just gonna post this while the dash is quiet so i don't keep panicking abt it #but i'll probs rb it later when more ppl are online & i've had time to just accept that it's on my blog & it's too late ASDFGHJHGF #I OVERTHINK EVERYTHING AND FOR WHY #anyway UHHH THIS IS DUMB AND A MESS BUT!!!#im repeating myself but min was an oc i made in like march & got attached to without writing him #and then i thought he'd be a good fit in tomo's plotline so i decided to revive him and then i was like ' OOOO: what if they were BESTIES'#bc i love writing best friends and those kinds of plotlines...my shit #anyw this is more FUN FACTS than actual storyline but i'll write h #*that up another time #(also if u can't tell from parts of this & then also just tomo's plotline in general....#i'm trying to avoid just the glitzy glam version of writing abt famous characters asdfgfd #i don't feel like that's a very honest portrayal and also it's just not that interesting to me???#i wanna go for the.....CONTRAST !! like yeeeeee ur rich n famous but also Shit SUCKS)

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fmdholiday-blog · 6 years

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hey kids! it’s me, trice, bringing in holiday han. as u might have read from the description on my blog, holiday’s not only an ex-member of bee, but also an ex-bitch who’s honestly doing the most and just trying her damn hardest every single day. catch me on discord @ trice#1884 or like this post for me to slide into your ims c: without further ado, here’s a little read-more about her!

condensed bio

born han ji-ae on december 25, 1993. her dad owns a massive five-star hotel chain across jeju, her mom is........ not very fond of him

was never close with her parents, honestly kinda?? disliked them?? they sorta let her do whatever she wanted since they had the money to blow, but didn’t really want her to be around them at all

her mother arranged a marriage for her with the son of a man that holiday’s mom was in love with, always made holi Salty to the Max

holi was a god awful child.......... she would always hit and smack nannies and most of them had to quit bc of the toll she took on them, until holi’s parents hired this woman named boyeon who was old, cranky, really was not afraid of holiday

earned holi’s respect that way

anyway so eventually holi starts growing up and the attention that she gets from boyeon and all the girls who were friends with her only for the money,,, ,, , their attention becomes not enough

and then one day when she’s thirteen a girl group comes to her hotel and everyone’s suddenly ignoring her and fawning over that gg and holi’s not even jealous, she decides she wants that same kind of attention. so she goes and auditions for bc and makes it in

(honestly to this point her debut is the only thing she’s ever worked for so nowadays if you try to tell her otherwise she’ll hate you forever)

anyway so she begins training, at the same time she meets the man she’s supposed to marry and falls head over heels for him

but turns out, he’s fallen in love with some ~commoner~ and holi is absolutely D E V A S T A T E D when she finds out at sixteen

she nearly gave up a debut with bee but she found out just in time

she lets him go, tho, and it’s p much the only unselfish thing she does till then

so anyway holi goes on ahead and debuts with bee as holiday han, heiress extraordinaire; she’s funny and confident and outgoing and loves to laugh and loves her group members, right??!!!!

wrong!!!! holiday’s only nice to her group members, or really anyone when it’s on-camera. she’s a total bitch and an attention hog and was honestly a playground bully during her time at bc ;;; even jaekyung hated her

anyway,, ,, when she’s 18, boyeon dies, and boyeon’s last words were literally that she hated holiday

lemme take this moment to remind u that boyeon is the only person holiday cared about

that reeeeeeeaaaaaalllyyyyyy fucks her up and she goes ahead and leaves bee to do some soul-searching

she goes to an oceanside home in busan and picks up a whole bunch of hobbies but most importantly, she realizes just how fckn terrible she was to everybody around her and she’s super super ashamed

all she really wants now is to sing, and so she tries to quietly sign on w dimensions and does a solo career and she’s trying her very best to be as Not Herself as possible

she tries not to let the lack of solo fame bother her; old holiday would have thrown a massive fit, but this holiday’s trying to become a better person

so yes that’s abt it!! i’m trying out a new intro style so u can keep reading for fun facts abt holiday or come hmu to plot TT

fun facts! :D

holiday’s like....... highkey a sweetheart nowadays

very softspoken n gentle, very analytical n observant to the world around her bc she’s trying to make a good mark on the world instead of a bad one

even tho she debuted in 2010 with bee and is t e c h n i c a l l y a senior, she’ll still act like a hoobae w/dimensions artists bc she really wants to pretend she never debuted with bee

her biggest fear is herself; she really wants to be loved but she wants it to be for the good reasons and she’s long since realized being a bitch isn’t the way to do it

she’s so scared that she’ll revert to the person she was once and hurt the ppl around her, so she kinda has a tendency to keep to herself

netizens have probably noticed her at awards shows w other dimensions artists where she’s just standing in the back, just taking in the atmosphere

she absolutely loves to garden. her house is like a greenhouse honestly,, she learned to garden when she was living in isolation in busan and loves it

also learned to run an online gardening business where she’ll ship u succulents and plants so that’s fun!! she’s a businesswoman as well since she realized how badly she wants to earn things instead of just having them given to her c:

is also wrapping up online school with double majors in history and botany and a minor in business

a v good cook. her food is so good your mouth will water and u might actually burst into tears eating her food; she had nothing else to do all day during her self-imposed social quarantine so she spent her time perfecting recipes (also she grows her own vegetables so i mean her food is #fresh)

loves the ocean!! esp. the sunrise over the ocean. her dad bought her a private beach right after she left bee and she realized how much she loved the ocean. the sunrise over the ocean has a soft spot in her heart bc that was the first thing she woke up early for that was solely for pleasure (i should write a long headcanon abt this fsjklfjd)

loves cats. wants to adopt a cat, is currently doing her research about properly caring for them and different breeds and such

when it comes to bc artists, holiday is like ;;; really sorry. if you trained or debuted anytime from 2007-2012, you probably knew her and she’s really repentant of her behavior and likely hasn’t kept in contact with a single bc artist bc she’s too ashamed to show her face, feels like she has to repent to make up for all the pain she caused everyone during her time at bc. she’s honestly seriously humbled herself now and while she’s proud of the progress she’s been making, she tries her best to hide her eyes and face whenever she sees a bc artist. as a result ppl at bc probably think she’s still a bitch, and honestly she believes she deserves it

i love holiday han i treasure her pls come plot

#♡ ┊ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 & (𝘭)𝘰𝘯(𝘦)𝘭𝘺 ┊ 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧 #♡ ┊ 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 ┊ 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 #♡ ┊ 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 ┊ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨

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captainkirkk · 6 years

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ok so. so so so. this will be a long message, because frick on a stick there is so much i want to tell you and thank you for. so brace yoself: i read history has its eyes on you only yesterday, but i've been desparately rereading it ever since, almost non-stop, because holy macaroni if this fic ain't one of the most perfect stories these tired eyes have ever seen. i love SO MANY THINGS i'm not sure where to even start, gosh. okay. okay. let's start at the beginning. (1/?)

WEEPS. You sent me A DOZEN messages, bless you? And thank you!!!

This ask and my response got long, so I’m putting it under the cut. There’s a bunch of headcanons about the ‘see it all in bloom’ universe in here, so if you’re interested, keep reading.

your headcanons regarding class 3-a’s rise to fame/the july attacks/deku’s leap in the limelight as future number one, i adore it all. it makes sense, it’s exciting even if we don’t get to see it on the page word-for-word/in real time, and it’s inspiring too! but most of all, it fits them all so well – they deserve to be written as great heroes and i’m beyond happy you gave that to them in your story – to ALL of them, including shinsou. cookies for you. (2/?)

secondly, the rankings you picked for them – deku as no.1 of course, and katsuki ACTUALLY BEING CONTENT WITH SECOND PLACE, EFF YEAH! and shouto at no.4, holding neither all might’s nor his father’s former ranks, i appreciate the heck out of this. just… all the kids becoming awesome heroes and having wonderful, fulfilling careers just like they’ve always wanted, i’m here for this and i’m here to STAY. (3/?)

thirdly, katsuki’s character. i will be the first person in this fandom to admit my intense dislike of him, but you’ve written him in exactly the way i’ve always wanted him to turn out – significantly less jaded, noticeably more humble (and sane…), actively working to correct the mistakes of his past by becoming an advocate for quirkless kids and participating in anti-bullying campaigns (as an ex bully-victim, reading this made me want to kiss you) with deku, that felt sweet on the soul (4/?)

and also being married to kirishima, of course. DUH. speaking of which, the ships! THE SHIPS! ALL. MY. FAVOURITE. SHIPS. they were all there, they all got attention, and i love you all the more for it. tododeku especially. i just love how tenderly yet comfortably they were written. in my mind, they’ve always felt like the couple that will get the happily-ever-after kind of romance, like two souls mated in a fairy tale come to life. and they, above all others, deserve that everlasting joy (5/?)

and the parts with toshinoti, how he’s dealing with his new(-ish?) lifestyle and the world is spinning on without him, but also taking care of him, because he’s more than earned it – how all his former friends and students have become family to him and are so eager to remain an active part of his life, how he helps bakugou with teaching (for dummies ;P) and is so painfully proud of deku, it was all so deeply touching and heartwarming, i loved every single one of his scenes to bits! (6/?)

the writing was wonderful forma purely technical point as well: there were some typos but nothing serious, and it all flowed quickly yet smoothly – you stylde felt simple and dynamic, but also somehow profound, perhaps precisely because of its simplicity. i still can’t put my finger on it. i just know i loved it. your ocs were a great addition too! their personalities felt distinct and they left good impressions without overstaying their welcome in a class 3-a-centred story, top job! (7/?)

the whole domestic feel of the fic was wonderful as well! it felt like a true slice-of-life piece, even though the lives in question are filled with action and danger. you captured the nature of the balance between working your (adventurous and stardom-speckled) dream job and living your private life/spending quality off-time with friends very accurately. the final excerpt (the description of the photo) left a sweetly nostalgic sense buzzing in my chest. just… thank you for this story. (8/?)

and now that i’m done singing your praises, time for the payback! i adore this verse, and therefore i naturally have questions. first and most importantly, the tododeku relationship development. could you tell me when and how they got together in this verse, how that whole tidbit with suing endeavour went, and when and how exactly they got engaged? i assume it’s in the 5 months leading up to the reunion, but details please? future wedding details too? give me ALL THE DETAILS. (9/?)

then, ranking details! we know deku’s no.1, bakugou’s no.2, and shouto’s no.4, but the fic mentions the class currently has 6 members in the top 10. who are the rest, and who’s the number 3 hero? please tell me it’s momo. PLEASE. also, have their ranks changed since the time they graduated, or have they remained the same for the last 7 years (i.e. deku’s always been no.1 ever since he entered the ranklist, shouto’s always been no.4, etc.)? and what’s shinsou’s rank? (10/?)

what about teaching details? where’s nedzu if aizawa’s principle? is shinsou a part-time teacher or a guest lecturer? does bakugou now do teaching full time, or does he only do homeroom for one class and keeps hero-ing in the meantime? will he even remain in the ranklist if he stops fighting villains? will he even care? and on a less-related note, are bakushima the only married couple? and when did they get married? was deku best man? my shameless curiosity demands to know everything (11/?)

finally, in case i haven’t tormented you enough, i wanted to ask, how do you envision our heroes’ futures? we know they’re only 25 in the story, and tododeku are about to soon get married. and bakushima are married already, bakugou’s switching careers, yada yada. but if you had to plot a course for the rest of class 3-a’s lives, what would it look like? all might mentioned grandchildren, but would tododeku want that? and where even was/is kouda in this entire fic? xDDD thank you!!! (12/12)

Again: thanks for the comments! I’m so glad you enjoyed this.

The next ‘in bloom’ instalment will focus on Bakugou becoming involved in anti-bullying campaigns. I’m with you, Bakugou makes me very uncomfortable in canon, but occasionally we get these glimpses of character development (esp in the manga), and I just needed to bring that out and expand on it.

And there will always be typos in my work, unfortunately. I don’t have a beta, and I’m a dumb-ass who always misses my errors. I do my best, but I am only human.

I won’t give you all the details (partly because I don’t have this universe entirely mapped out yet), but you can have some answers:

TodoDeku have a long engagement. They were engaged before we see them in ‘history…’ actually. They’re in no rush, and are very busy with their work lives, and are enjoying the blissfully engaged lifestyle. They’ve been engaged for about a year, and they have some vague plans, but nothing concrete. At the moment, they’re debating the merits of getting married somewhere private in the city vs. getting married on Toshinori’s estate. I’m not sure which one will win out.

Their rankings have changed A LOT! When he officially entered the rankings when he was 19, Deku only ended up no. 20, because it had been over a year since the July Attacks, and he hasn’t actually done much since then, being busy with exams/graduating/entering a hero agency. A lot of people were upset by this, but it didn’t bother Deku. He was ecstatic to scrap into the Top 20 as it was.

Sorry, no. 3 belongs to Inasa (from the manga). The top 10 has changed a lot, too. There’s actually seven 1a heroes in the top 10 - Uravity was No. 11 but got a jump in popularity recently. In order: Deku, Detonation, Gale (Inasa), Polarise, unnamed number 5, Creati, Red Riot, Ingenium, an unnamed number 9, and Uravity.

Shinsou is rankless. He’s an underground hero, and I headcanon that those types of heroes are not typically assigned ranks.

Shinsou has his own role at UA. He does a bunch of stuff: watches the entrance exams, works with some of the Gen. Ed kids, oversees possible transfers between courses, and does guest lectures. Aizawa gives him a lot of independent power.

Bakugou co-teaches Class 1-B. He occasionally guest lecturers other classes (like how Thirteen worked one-off with 1-A during the USJ attack). He has enough time to do hero work too, but he has a less intense work-load now that he’s also teaching.

Kirishima and Bakugou are the only married couple at the moment. They got married when they were 23, before TodoDeku had gotten engaged. They were the first couple to start dating in high school, too. They just … clicked, and never looked back.

Do you mean Kouda or Kouta? Kouda is probably off running a rescue animal shelter while doing minor hero work, too. Kouta is doing amateur film work and arguing with classmates when they don’t believe that he knows pro heroes irl.

I almost wrote Jirou and Momo announcing their engagement at the reunion, but at that point, I had been writing the fic for months, and I needed to upload it before I combusted. So. Yeah. They get engaged around the end of the fic.

I haven’t thought too hard about kids but … I can’t get the image of Kiri/Baku adopting an orphaned girl when they’re in their 30s, and Bakugou ringing up Midoriya to ask him to be the godfather, and Midoriya CRYING FOR HOURS. HOURS. He catches the train over at like 11pm, still in his pjs, still crying, and all over twitter there’s pics of Deku crying into a phone, sparking all kinds of terrible rumours, until he uploads a photo of him cradling his goddaughter in his arms a few hours later.

I also have more headcanons in my history verse tag, if you’re curious. Thanks again!

#history verse #ask #curiousbluepencil

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kivaember · 6 years

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Sorry guys, I fell asleep! I’ll reply in a big oner:

@questir replied to your post: hewwo i would like to volunteer as tribute---

!!!! Thank you!! I’d be happy to rp with you ;w; which platform would you prefer? Discord or tumblr or...? Also, this reminds me, my discord is kivaember#3411 in case people are wanting to add me for rp/fic/ffxiv/gaming reasons! I’ll warn you off that I do work most days of the week on twelve/thirteen hour shifts, so if I have long moments of silence, it’s probably because I’m at work ;w; (or asleep lol)

@dellebecque reblogged your post:There’s a pretty huge community for RP in XIV.. and quite a lot of them use discord!

Yeah, I’ve seen quite a few rpers on tumblr in the ffxiv scene, which has been nice to see! I didn’t know there was a big rp culture on discord though :o Thank you for the reblog!

@geckcellent replied to your post: can't edit and i entirely forgot in my 1st reply but discord rp is less funky than i'd thought tbh! though it's still massively unsettling that replies and stuff happen in real time and you like. know if people are watching you type it's so weird (1/2) (2/2) the Good Ol Days of forum rp like proboards and forumotion n shit also had a pretty good system going! they're free and easy.,.. more or less.., to maintain esp. as a private group venue

I’m kinda used to that since in the very old days (like, well over ten years ago old oooof i’ve been at this fandom stuff for a WHILE) I used to rp on Skype and AIM. I actually quite liked it, because the conversations were saved, and it was very easy to edit your posts and you could write as much as you want in that unlimited text box. Forums though, hmmm, are those still around? I thought they started to die out nowadays when people moved to places like dreamwidth and tumblr?

@latenightsenpai replied to your post: 👀👀

👀👀

#kiva talks #getting excited thinking of rp again #it's really been so friggin long!

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savrenim · 6 years

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holy fuck in the last two spelljammer sessions I have been hit with three to five different fucking emotional sucker punches like honestly the last four sessions have just been

[I guess vaguely don’t read if you’re in this campaign because Marian Doesn’t Share Her Feelings Esp Not With You, wouldn’t you vastly prefer to just see me staring at the screen grumpily constantly and Being A Jerk, also wouldn’t you vastly prefer to Earn My Trust in character and have deep meaningful catharsis instead of combing through my vaguely private diary online to catch me venting, also also also I’m pretty sure none of you follow this blog but juuuust in case. don’t.]

let’s start a few weeks ago. the rest of the crew saw bits and pieces of Marian acting incredibly brutal and cutthroat without the context that was honestly fairly redeeming in my defense and sure she was a bit mean to Djin after he rejoined the crew at first but she went from being Captain Mom to “holy shit we don’t trust you and don’t feel safe around you” to the point in which two members of the crew, Djin and Lief, decided to steal this incredibly powerful Divination artifact from her where she’d been safekeeping it out of fear that it would summon the Unraveller, lo and behold it summoned the Unraveller the moment that the two of them used it and everyone barely survived, Marian was willing to go “oh thank gods you guys were here” because she just woke up to the Unraveller in her room and didn’t know it was stolen in the first place and the rest of the crew was also there and helping her instead of her having to face it basically alone again and she trusted them even if they didn’t trust her, hell, she didn’t even figure out that none of them trusted her anymore, before Djin went “it was the kid’s idea to steal the Eye not mine” and suddenly it was a shouting match of “I have been risking my life every fucking day to keep you all alive--” and people storming out of the room and Marian being out of healing spells saying a super nasty line of “guess you’re wearing your lesson” to Lief even though she’s a fucking medic, she could have helped bandage people and clean wounds and put ointment on stuff so it would be easier to heal tomorrow with magic but she was mad and she didn’t think of it and she did the single thing that she never thought she would stoop to doing, she denied medical treatment to someone because she was pissed off at them

and then the next morning Djin was flat-out packing his and Lief’s bags because oops, he and Lief had found Marian’s assassin’s kit when they’d been searching her room for the Eye. which was clean and well-labeled and well stocked and not used recently, but very clearly well-used.

Marian finds Djin carrying his and Lief’s stuff off the ship because they are just going to flat-out leave because Djin is scared of her, everyone is scared of her, and Marian goes “what are you doing?” and Djin goes “I dunno, do you have anything to say for yourself” and Marian goes “could you tell the kid I’m sorry, could you tell her I didn’t mean it, do you-- can I come heal you or would you prefer me not to, ask the kid if she wants healing” and he goes “I’d rather not you come near me” and she goes “you know the ointments to make sure it doesn’t scar, right?” and he goes “yeah, I know,” and Marian tries again the “are you leaving?” and Djin goes “I dunno, Marian, we found some fucked up shit in your room, why do you have an assassin’s kit” and she goes “please don’t ask me that,” and Djin goes “then I just can’t trust you.” Djin and Lief start getting ready to go, Kimi finds them, first hears the “wait what the fuck, Marian has an assassin’s kit?” then hears the “wait what the fuck, it was YOUR guys’ fault that the Unraveller was summoned after all the hard work Marian was putting in keeping us safe? literally we knew that thing summoned demons why were we even holding on to it in the first place???? also, I don’t want to leave this ship, if Marian doesn’t have answers she should leave not us, also I made pancakes”

so everyone comes to confront me, woot woot answers

and Marian is left with the option of telling them all or getting kicked off the ship

so she turns to Djin and goes “do you remember Amai”

Amai was a person that we’d saved from radiation space 13 years ago, back when Djin and I were still friends who worked together, co-captains (well, Djin had kind of been pushed into the role of Captain by me, but I had his back, was pretty much the first mate instead of just being the scav medic I always wanted to be, and was there to support all the important decisions and keep him on track and we were a good team. a damn good team.) she was dying, of cancer, really late-stage, tumors everywhere, she had no friends or family to go to and no one to turn to for help and Marian had been there, by her bedside every day because no one else cared but Marian was a healer and goddamnit it was her job to care about people not dying, people who looked at her and had no one else and nothing to give who said I don’t want to die, she was there channeling every bit of healing magic she had but she couldn’t fix it, she couldn’t make it better, and she tried everything. started researching. there were fringe theories about chemical treatments that could maybe push back the tide and it was dangerous but Amai Marana did not want to die

and it didn’t work, it was too late, Amai was too weak, chemo wasn’t going to help, even with magic, even with Marian doing everything she could do

Amai died in Marian’s arms and there was nothing Marian could do to stop it

(at this point Djin goes “um, shit, I think I might be on the wrong side of this argument,” because yeah, he did remember Marian doing this for the first few months they were running the Freedom’s Wings together, and he did remember how hard of a blow it was when it didn’t work)

Kimi goes “but if this was thirteen years ago, why did you keep the assassin’s kit”

and what can Marian say but,

because there was one more person

one more patient, over the years, someone else who needed it, who knew the risks but also knew that they were dying and they didn’t want to die, Marian knew the risks of treating this person and she didn’t say no, even though it pretty much got her kicked out of the clinic that she worked at for a year after the Freedom’s Wings broke up, even though keeping this kit around was going to plague her for the ten years between then and when the Asteranthos formed, when it came down to it there was nothing else Marian could do because I don’t want to die.

they were still alive, Marian didn’t kill them

although Marian had no idea how long that was going to last

“did it help?” Lief asked

“I don’t know,” was all Marian could say, because she didn’t, because in her nightmares she’d sat by their bedside and held them in her arms and they’d stared up at her and said I don’t want to die and there was nothing she could do, in her nightmares she’d stared up at unknown figures in their place on their deathbed and had whispered anything, anything, I don’t want to die but she lived in a world where gods didn’t answer, not even in dreams, or maybe they did, maybe they already had, maybe Marian’s whole fucking life was cursed. Marian says none of this. the kids look distraught. they insist that the assassin’s kit gets hidden somewhere that they can keep checking up on it, to make sure that Marian doesn’t start using it again without their knowledge.

and so the crew sort of kind of made up, or at least decided not to break up entirely then and there. we also decided that Kimi was now holding onto the Eye until we could pass it off to a Star Dryad because Kimi, much to Kimi’s dismay, was the only person that everyone on the crew agreed Definitely Did Not Have Ulterior Motives and that Lief was okay leaving it with, and Star Dryads were the most powerful and good creatures that we know of because we’re clearly tiny and squishy and only got it because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time and we’re too small to have the fate of the universe in our hands, let’s give it to something that can

the rest of the session is fun and dramatic as a plasma storm hits TickTock station and we have to go around fixing things so that we don’t all blow up, I managed to pull something I have been waiting to pull for months, ever since I read the Warding Bond spell description, which was I gave Djin a ring, told him it would help protect and give him resistance to the fire we were trying to put out and other stuff in general for an hour (”um, what are we talking about?” Worsey asked sort of skeptically, “+1AC, +1 to all saves, and half damage from any type of damage you might take period end, for an hour”, I told her, “oh sweet I take the ring” she said) except. you know. Warding Bond isn’t free damage reduction, it’s transfer the other half of the damage to the caster. which I told no one, in or out of character, because I knew what it did, and Jeremy knew I was enjoying this quite well enough to never forget to write down Worsey’s damage as my damage. which absolutely no one noticed was happening to me all session until finally we got to a hallway covered in grease and needed to sprint down it and the party was almost out and there was a spark falling in slow motion that only I spotted and I jumped to catch it giving everyone else time to escape before everything went up in flames, Lief came back to drag me out of it but I was solidly unconscious and barely not dead and then boom everyone noticed the wounds on me in the same place as they had been on Djin

but TickTock ended up being okay, the crew ended up being okay, and a few days later we’re setting out on a scav mission again, this time just me, Djin, and Kimi, and we run across a large old Extinct station and we’re scavving it and we find a medical bay and we find this device. four vials with some sort of different potions in them, you clamp it onto someone’s upper arm and they all auto-inject at the same time, and I wasn’t sure what it did other than this was the most powerful healing potion I had ever come across. and Jeremy is sitting there describing this to me and everyone across the Skype call because I’d rolled a 17+6 on my medicine check to identify that this isn’t just run-of-the-mill, this is, like. seriously powerful chops. (potentially Revivify levels of powerful, I dunno, that was the vague impression that I got from the description of Just How Solid This Mysterious Healing Potion Was.)

and I turn to everyone else and go “I have absolutely no idea what it does, I’ll have to take a closer look, do some experiments on it.”

(”roll deception, uh, everyone else roll insight”)

because goddamnit after the Freedom’s Wings broke up I spent a decade, I spent a decade scouring the universe looking for things like this, looking for something that might be able to help cure the things that I couldn’t cure because I never wanted to be that helpless again, because I knew people who needed it and they were dying and I’d given up, they’d given up, but what if this was it, what if this was the cure, no one else needed to know

(Djin was the only one who rolled a high enough insight check to know IC that I wasn’t telling the complete truth about knowing what this thing could do)

we get our haul, we head out again to see if we can find a second thing to scav before we go back to TickTock, and we see a solar flare. which is both a good omen, and something we can track down to try to find a Dryad Star. and after a little bit of difficulty with a black halo (and uuurgh the necrotic energy knocks Marian unconscious for a little while), and Kimi goes up to it to ask it to take the Eye from us, and Marian wakes up to see a fully formed and beautiful Star Dryad there and conversing with Kimi and she had looked for them before, she had tracked down these stars and gone up to them and begged and despite the fact that her magic, divine magic, literally came from the collective of Star Dryads the way that arcane magic was just a part of physics, despite the fact that they were literally her god, that she was literally one of the last, maybe the last, cleric of Helothes left--they had never answered her, and here one was, the first one we’d stumbled across, answering Kimi

Kimi, who is standing there trying to explain how this thing had dropped into our laps and we weren’t strong enough to protect this, please, could you take it, the fate of the universe shouldn’t rest with us, it was an accident that it had for so long

and the thought thrums through all of our heads: not by chance

and more thoughts follow: that we are....entangled in threads out fate, threads that creatures of our sort aren’t usually entangled in, that giving away the Eye isn’t going to untangle us. but that if it will make us feel better, it can protect the Eye for us. Kimi says yes, that it would make us feel so much better, we shouldn’t be a part of this.

the Star Dryad took it and in a brilliant flash of light disappeared back into its star, but not before we all heard a cold voice in the back of our minds, another prophecy: his second plan is to destroy all sight

(the first plan of the Blind King being to destroy the Eye, and it would have three parts, one to try to take it outright, which Ron had asked us if he could buy it from us, one to steal it, in which Ron had ended up not being Ron but the Unraveller and came under the cover of darkness and nearly killed me and Kimi and we’d barely managed to chase him away, and one by turning someone we loved against us. which ended up being internal, not external. it ended up being me. and all of my careful attempts to stop it, to try to keep all of us safe, had just turned them against me faster.)

so Marian is just sitting there because the Star Dryad answered Kimi and not by chance and small things like us were bound by the laws of physics, unlike big things like Star Dryads that are bound by the laws of Fate, we had free will but we’re small, so small, why is the fate of the universe in our hands, not by chance

(Marian tells Djin when they get back that the potion she found was probably a really powerful healing potion, where she was putting it in the med bay, and use it on one of the kids if they needed it, because not by chance, because the closest thing she had to a god wanted her to help save the universe and goddamnit right now she had one fucking job and she was going to do it, she was going to keep these kids alive.)

and then. I don’t even know how to go into the last session. everyone was on the ship this time. an old friend from Djin and my past, Astyr Salinas, decided that The Old Arrangement Still Held and came tagged along on our ship and damn I loved the concept of Ms Salinas in our backstory, a woman of unknown age or race or alignment and probably a witch??? who had a deal with the old captain that she would come on scav missions, do her own thing separately from the crew, and always be back by the time the ship was leaving, don’t bother her and she won’t bother you, she’s probably some kind of terrifying witch or something you just literally haven’t met anyone as intimidating as Ms Salinas ever type deal, hell, we don’t even know if she’s a woman, she just doesn’t mind Ms, and Djin and I, being the Incredibly Smart And Astute People We Were, let her walk right onto our ship and aaaah the kids wouldn’t stop bugging her and asking her questions that was fun. we scavved a bit. and then the crew met a hag, which is the elvin equivalent-opposite of Star Dryads. and it made a trade with us because aaaaah you don’t fight hags and you don’t piss them off, they are also basically demigods, and Lief politely explained that we were on its asteroid star thing because as scav elves we were looking for stuff no one else wanted or was using to scavenge, it raised out an arm, a bunch of ingots of precious metals fell to our feet, and it asked for magic from me, and the chance to examine Lief.

(Lief is weird. she does wild magic. what’s up with that. everyone wants to examine her.)

I asked what it wanted me to do, it said it was blind and asked me to fix it, and yes, Jeremy, the single thing you can always count on me to have prepared besides my domain spells and Cure Wounds is Lesser Restoration. every time. no matter what. good call there. and the rest of the party is looking at each other a bit nervous because aren’t hags evil and do we really want to un-blind an evil thing but also no one says outright no and what else are we going to do, so I step up and I say “right now we’re solidly pro-sight” and drop Lesser Restoration on the hag

and she raises her hand and I hear her voice in my head and she tells me something that I kind of already knew but it’s a lot different when you know because an omniscience demigod just told you but let’s not get into that, we have a world to save

Lief is apparently Weird which we already knew

we are called the Tangled Ones, which we also already knew

and we’re shooed off the asteroid which is now apparent to be a crystalized star, and set out back home, we are Done for the day

(this is not all the shit that happened to us, like, we received a weird coded message that only Djin and Maxie the merchant knew the code and neither had written to “One” from “Two” saying not to say anything out loud because ~they~ could always hear us, enter a password for more, and, like, we’d had a cool moment where Algol swindled a weird space-spidery thing that had a troll thug to back it up by trading his soulbound sword then summoning it back to himself once we were out of range, but, like. that is the shit that happened on the plotlines I’ve been ranting about, except for)

when we get back Maxie has more data about Ron, and the route that he took before he became awol and apparently became the Unraveller, and we recognize in some of the data that his ship went near one of the holes in the fabric of reality that we’ve been running across and even successfully helped sew one up, in the great adventure of I Fought The Cloud Cryptid And All I Got Was This Dumb T-Shirt, which I actually made into a t-shirt.

but anyways, Ron’s ship also went into this zone in which the cameras and sensors all went haywire, which matches up with there being a patch of space that the Eye couldn’t see when Lief used it and saw and knew everything, a patch of the universe that was blocked off

and when she triangulated the coordinates with the time of when Ron’s ship’s sensors had taken the readings versus what she saw versus we had just seen a hag that had been blinded that was moving on a star in a different direction that things usually floated in Plasma Space almost as if it was running away from something

there’s not much we can tell from just two datapoints, but it was enough to know this, at least

the blind spot? it’s growing.

#I just needed to vent I can't keep all of this inside of me #even though I can't say everything until at least this arc of the campaign is done #but it's killing me #marian daywrym #gods I care about her so much #cancer tw #spelljammer #starblaster!#my life #dungeons and dragons

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