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#exfundie
joyfulapostate · 11 days
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For we so loved the world we started living in it!
I'd been told that God so loved the world that he sent his son to be sacrificed for it, for us. But in that love was an inescapable judgment. It was love with an asterisk. In order to accept God's love I had to accept that I was fallen and worthless and that the world was empty.
Letting go of that kind of love was a prerequisite for me understanding and embracing real love. I learned that love didn't have to come with an apocalyptic asterisk. Love didn't demand that I empty myself or comply with ancient rules. In fact, it was much the opposite. Real love supported me and encouraged me to be the best version of myself, not an empty vessel.
I didn't have to earn someone's love by completely obliterating myself and letting them remake me in their image. When I say it like that, it doesn't sound like love at all. It sounds like control.
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powerlineprincess · 11 months
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"I tried to be good, am I no good?" Church & Jesus Tracts 2023. 35mm. K.E.A LuxHill♡
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nakedpastor · 6 months
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The kind of love I was taught about in the church was conditional. You only got the best if you were the best. You had to give 100% of your heart and hold nothing back. When I thought I had, I was told it wasn't good enough... that I was either sinful anyway or that I was intentionally hiding something or I was unaware of some deep secret sin that I was harbouring in my deceitfully wicked heart. No candy for me! Do you know what I'm talking about?see less
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sigynsilica · 9 months
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The part of my brain that nEEDS to know exactly what I'm supposed to be doing at all times and have clear expectations or I will be too paralyzed by anxiety to do anything:
The part of my brain that nEEDS to never ever be told what to do or have any sort of demand put upon me or I will lose all motivation to do it:
FIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHT
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I feel like atheists who get mad at evangelical children- rather than the adults who taught them to be evangelicals (no child ever came out of the womb a white evangelical dueche bag lol)- are really not much better than the evangelicals when it comes down to it. Neither of them are concerned for the child’s wellbeing, neither of them asked the child why they think what they think or who how that belief makes them feel, neither of them is doing any work to undo the harm being taught you owe an unpayable debt to a dead man does to a child- neither of them care.
Like, yeah it sucks that a six year old told you about Jesus. It sucks the most for that six year old who doesn’t have many friends, feels incredibly guilty all the time, and isn’t even ten yet and already wants to die. But, you- 36 year old adult, you’re the real victim here because it was kinda annoying and/or mildly inconvenient.
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lefthandofglory · 2 years
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There is no pain quite like knowing the people that raised you and held you while you cried will choose an inherently harmful institution over your safety.
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hymnsinthebathtub · 1 year
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Mormon God: You know, I want my people to feel like real assholes all the time. That way they'll need something to soothe the pain and keep coming back to the church. Anytime they don't feel like an asshole, I want them to think that's the devil telling them they're making excuses for bad behavior.
Apostate: I'm sorry you feel that way. What did I do wrong this time?
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macaroni-rigatoni · 10 months
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How could Larry not figure out that he didn’t have hair for his hairbrush? like bestie, how do you know the polish word for lip but you can’t figure out that you need hair to use a hairbrush?
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joyfulapostate · 3 months
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Unlearning Christian love was difficult. I had a heavy duty, every-Sunday-enforced version of love that required total selflessness in serving my god.
Letting go of that felt incredibly selfish, but it allowed me to grow into the kind of person who can share real, mutual love with someone. Love is so much greater than total, unthinking sacrifice. Building loving relationships (both platonic and romantic) requires emotional maturity, negotiation skills, and a realistic view of our wants and needs. Being mindful in my relationships helped make moments of selflessness sweeter because they weren't the default.
In some ways, it seemed easier to follow the blueprint of Christian love. It only requires total sacrifice, after all. I recognize now that actually maintaining relationships with real people is harder because we have to consider both sides instead of focusing on the one-sided nature of a relationship with the Christian god.
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powerlineprincess · 10 months
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Y'all this free will shit is kinda scary sometimes
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nakedpastor · 4 months
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People quote scripture at me all the time.
Some assume I've never heard it before.
And if I have, then I've forgotten or failed to understand it.
Or I'm rejecting it and need to be corrected with it.
A lot of people use the bible against me like my dad used his belt against me when I was a kid.
It simply does not get the results they hope it should.
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myriad--starlings · 11 months
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SO WHO'S WATCHING SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE
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escaping-amish · 5 months
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It’s been an emotional week.
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satansluckycigarette · 4 months
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DL Moody was a piece of shit
Source: “Chapter 1: Christian Work” Guaranteed Pure by Timothy Gloege
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lefthandofglory · 2 years
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Growing up in a cult is like drowning in warm water.
You’re comfortable but you still know something is wrong. You can still feel yourself dying with each breath.
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