#flowers are also positioned in places they have gotten physical injuries in one way or another

[eri-baby]

chongyun crushing on a shy/dense noble fem!reader

a/n: this idea has been on my mind for a long time now, and i'm finally posting it! chongyun is probably very ooc, but listening to his character's voice-over's gave me the idea that he's just an earnest guy and i found that adorable.

i picture that chongyun first saw [ ] at a banquet where all the wealthy and influential were invited. she was quiet, reserved, rarely speaking to anyone. it was hard not to notice her when gossip about her was circulating all around the room. they called her a mist flower because she's "a cold person" and yet they appreciated her beauty. [ ] is expected to become one of the leaders of liyue in the future, maybe even one of the qixing, because of her family's influence and her being a well-educated young woman. chongyun ignored the rumors about her and respected her resolve to make liyue a better place.

from that day onward, chongyun wanted to know more about [ ]. they were similar, after all. chongyun and [ ] were both cold in the eyes of the public. he thought he would be able to get along well with her. he had nothing but respect for her.

whenever he had a comission, he asked clients or locals within the area about the noble [ ]. he discovered that [ ] often travels around liyue to personally watch over the state of each area. if anything were ever amiss, [ ] herself is the one who creates solutions and funds them. she shut down businesses that were swindeling people, found new jobs for the innocent workers involved, and earned back money for the victims. he found more admiration for her.

xingqui turns out to be somewhat childhood friends with [ ]. they spend time together every now and then. xingqui described her as a well-meaning girl who can never get her point across because of how awkward she is. she focuses more on the problem at hand and solving it rather than interacting with others which makes her come across as prickly.

chongyun was excited when he heard that [ ] had spoken about him. she asked xingqui about the young exorcist, and commented that exorcists like chongyun help maintain liyue's glory. it took him two months to stop centering all conversations around [ ]'s passing comment.

he has attempted to speak with her, even frequenting areas she was said to be seen in often, but the most he would get were glimpses of her before she scurried off or was escorted away by one of her chaperones. it disappointed him greatly that he never had the oppertunity to speak to her since he was so invested in her and her work.

i think he would barely realize his own feelings for a total stranger. xingqui and xiangling are sick of hearing about [ ]. they're scared of the day [ ] actually talks to chongyun. she's the only other thing on his mind other than training and exorcism.

he was disappointed and ready to give up on ever talking to [ ] after months of trying, until he was assigned to a comission in her estate. apparently weird things have been happening in her room. items have been misplaced, at night there were whispers coming from the closet, banging noises were coming from the walls. it caused her family great distress.

chongyun was, needless to say, stressed about making an appearance in [ ]'s household. how should he introduce himself? how should he speak to her? will he be able to speak to her? what should he bring? he bothered both xingqui and xiangling as he asked all these questions over and over again. xingqui was so annoyed that he finally relented, telling chongyun that lady [ ] is fond of the glaze lily flower. chongyun was gone before any of them could say another word.

the local florist in liyue harbor had not even a single glaze lily in stock. chongyun had to go all the way to a faraway town where a different florist was. he was lucky it was a colder day. with a boquet of glaze lillies in hand, he was ready to travel back to lady [ ]'s estate. on the way back, he passed by a little girl who was in tears. the little girl had dirt stains on her clothes but no injuries. she begged him to save a girl who had gotten trapped in a cave. the little girl was looking for her doll and she asked the girl, who's physical description matched [ ]'s, to enter the cave with her. the girl relented but inside they were attacked by a ruin hunter. the girl managed to get the young child out of the cave before rubble fell over the other entrance. it had been a long time but the girl still hasn't turned up.

chongyun immediatly dropped the glaze lillies in his hand and rushed to the direction the little girl pointed in. the cave had two openings, one of which had been blocked by rubble. chongyun went through the second one. he found at the other end lady [ ] fighting off a ruin hunter with her bow. chongyun finished it off for her.

he immediatly dropped down beside her and asked her if she was okay politely. she had no idea what to say, in fact she wasn't even expecting any help, and nodded quietly. he noticed that her ankle was swolen so he used his cryo vision to ease her pain. he quickly helped her up, even carrying her despite his fear of triggering his congenital positivity. he was lucky that the weather was cold and so was the cave, and that [ ]'s body temperature was also cold because of her vision.

"I am Chongyun, from an exorcist family. I was heading to your home, Lady [ ], to deal with the evil spirit in your room, until the little girl you had rescued stopped me and asked me to help you."

"I... see. We'll have to double your payment for saving me, Exorcist Chongyun."

"Oh, no! My services are free of charge!"

she became quiet and smiled to herself. he could hear her quiet giggles, making his cheeks heat up slightly. he worried about his congenital positivity.

both of them were somewhat awkward and dense. the truth was that they were both panicking. chongyun had no idea what to say and neither did [ ].

chongyun was the first to speak after a few minutes of awkward silence

"I'm sorry I don't know what to say to you."

"I have no idea what to say as well."

they both laughed together about being dense in social situations. from then on, conversation flowed somehow a little easier because they found that they had something in common. the more they spoke to each other, the more similarities they found.

it turns out that her reputation of being a cold person was a result of her being misunderstood. [ ] doesn't know how to say things other than straightforwardly, and when she panics she has a tendency to freeze up making her tense in conversations.

chongyun as well had a one-track mind. everything he did was to become a better exorcist, which made him terrible at conversations especially outside of the exorcism business.

she spoke about the responsibilities of supporting the nation of liyue and her dream of traveling every inch of their lands and waters because she wanted to be one of the pillars of liyue in the future. it was her dream to become a qixing, like ningguang, to support liyue's growth.

he shared his dream of becoming the greatest exorcist. he wanted to find an evil spirit or demon that wouldn't avoid his congenital positivity, and to be able to control his congenital positivity. his dream was to rid the world of all evil spirits as the greatest exorcist in all of history.

they each shared the hardships of reaching their dreams and their desires to reach their goals. it was everything and more than he imagined talking to her. he had always wanted this oppertunity to speak to someone similar to him.

they reached the outside of the cave only to be met with servants from [ ]'s estate. she was taken away from him and rushed back to her home while he was thanked for saving her. apparently there was no evil spirit in their estate, at least not a real spirit. they were abyss mages planning something terrible again and [ ] was the victim. her family sent servants to pick her up from this town, only for them to hear from the little girl about what had happened. chongyun was greatly compensated for his help. he didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to [ ].

weeks had passed without chongyun seeing nor speaking to [ ]. he sent her a "get well soon" present but received no response. each passing day made him more and more depressed, which xingqui was not used to. xingqui told him that [ ]'s family was probably trying to keep her away from the public and were being overprotective but it didn't make anything better.

aether came in with paimon and a package in hand. he had somewhat a smug smile on his face, having some awareness of chongyun's crush on [ ]. he said that he had been comissioned by lady [ ] to deliver the package to chongyun directly. without allowing aether to finish his sentence, chongyun took the package from the blond's hands and carefully opened it.

inside it he found a letter and a jade insignia. the jade had an intricate glaze lily symbol carved on it with other symbols chongyun could not recognize. he brought out the letter and read it.

Exorcist Chongyun,

I apologize for not sending you a thank you note earlier nor seeing you at all these past few weeks. I haven't found a perfect oppertunity to escape from my family until now. My leg is fully healed, and I can even run. Please be assured that your present and the glaze lillies you had intended to give me have reached me. The little girl I was helping gave them to me and said they were from you. Thank you for such thoughtful presents.

I am aware that you don't accept payments, so instead I have sent you this as a gift. It's an insignia that identifies colleagues of mine and allows them to enter into one of my private and personal cottage. Rest assured, there will be plenty of cold sweets for you waiting there and the cottage itself is kept cold.

Please see me at Guyun Stone Forest. The insignia will lead you to me.

From [ ].

he barely finished that letter and he was already out. as the letter stated, the insignia did lead him to the secret cottage. on one of the mountains, there was a contraption made of stone that he would place the insignia in and then a stairway would appear. it led him up to a snowy floating island with a cozy cottage.

[ ] was sitting on a swing supported by a tree and waved to catch his attention.

"Greetings, Exorcist Chongyun."

"Hey, Lady [ ]."

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin x reader #x reader #chongyun x reader #chongyun #i'm so sorry for the brief ending #i already have part two in mind #but i probably won't post it

[moon-light-jukebox]

“All you have to do is ask.” Chapter 9 - [Reid x Reader]

previous chapter // series index // next chapter 

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid is one of the most brilliant men in the entire world...but even geniuses can be dumbasses. Once he realizes he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, the next step is getting Reader to forgive him. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / (Female) Reader

Rating: Mature

Category: Angst. but then the fluff we all need. 

Content Warning: Talk of drug addiction, mentions of injuries, angst. 

Word Count: 9.4k for Chapter 9 

A/n: I’m sorry I didn’t get this out as quickly as I wanted; I know I broke your hearts in chapter 8. So, please let me and Dr. Reid put them back together. Thank you for sticking with me. 💖 Chapter 10 returns to the smut we all signed up for. 

-- Chapter 9 - “You know why.” -- 

Out of all the compliments I've received in my life, "you're such a strong person" is the one I have gotten the most often.

I was “so strong” for busting my ass through college with dreams of going to the FBI.

My friends told me I was “so strong” when I gave myself a few days to lay around and cry about my ex before I bottled it all up and moved forward.

Everyone said I was just “so strong” for joining the FBI and finishing in the top of my class at the academy.

And when I told everyone I was a profiler that hunted the most dangerous monsters on the planet? I was both “so strong, so brave.”

It’s a nice compliment to receive, but I have never really agreed with it. I’ve never really felt strong. I've always felt resilient. The two words have always felt very different to me. It took enormous amounts of strength to go to college, join the FBI, and then become a member of one of the most prestigious units; but eventually, that strength fades, or it just tires out. Resilience came when the strength was gone when the fight had left your body, but you couldn’t give in, you would endure this pain and any pain after it…because that’s just who you are.

It didn’t take strength to leave the hospital 3 days after Spencer Reid broke my heart. It didn’t take strength to go back to the same apartment where I could feel echoes of him in every room. It didn’t even take strength to not break down and cry.

I kept going because I had to. Because I was resilient.

--

“You sure you got everything you need, mama?” Morgan had been annoyingly thorough in his duties today; Garcia had assigned him to be the person who brought me home and got me settled.

I offered him a wan smile. “I’m fine, Derek. It’s just a gunshot wound. I’m actually surprised how well I’m feeling.” Not good. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel ‘good’ again.

He didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure? Because the last thing I need is Garcia to throw one of her damn shoes at me again. Those things are heavy, y/n.”

I chuckled at him. “Well, you won’t get maimed on my account. I’m really okay.”

Morgan regarded me from his position by the door, his eyes ran over everything from the exhaustion on my face to my arm that was in a sling; he took note of everything before he sighed heavily. “I know it’s not my place to say but…”

“Then don’t say it, Derek.” I brought my gaze up to his, my eyes were pleading. “Please, just don’t say it.”

Reluctantly he nodded. “You call any of us if you need anything.”

I nodded. Because I would call any of them if I needed anything…any of them except the one person I really wished I could call.

--

My life went on like that for a time. On my first night home, Rossi had flowers delivered. On my second night home, JJ came by to bring me groceries. On my third night home Emily came by and helped me wash my hair in the sink because I couldn’t lift my arm yet. On my fourth night home Garcia came over with a stack of action movies and popcorn. I didn’t ask why she brought mindless action movies; I knew why, and I was grateful.

On my fifth day home, the team left on a case. The in-person visits slowed down a lot after that, much to my relief. I loved them all but they're profilers and I was so tired of pretending to be strong when the only reason I was still standing was because I was too fucking stubborn to fall down.

But still, Garcia would schedule the odd visitor every now and then to come to check on me; usually either her, JJ, or Emily. No one ever brought up Reid, and I was very careful not to ask about him. I don't know what they knew and what they didn't…but I just couldn’t talk about it.

I was cleared to go back to work on the second Tuesday after my injury, but I would still be on desk duty until I was 4 weeks out. I had sent Hotch an e-mail on that second Tuesday morning and requested to use some personal time, just until the end of the following week. His response was, “Whatever you need.”

He didn't respond to the e-mail I sent yesterday. The e-mail I wasn't even sure I wanted to send but knew I had to. I had submitted a hardship transfer request.

“Then maybe you should reevaluate your place in this team,” Reid had said to me. Maybe he was right. I had thought my home was with the family inside the BAU…but I had also thought Spencer Reid wanted my heart.

“But I think your judgment has been compromised.” Maybe my judgment was never that good to begin with.

--

Twenty-four days after I was shot and two after I requested my transfer there was a knock on my door. Scheduled visits weren’t a thing anymore. Only Garcia had been coming by; Emily and JJ would send me texts, and Morgan drove me to physical therapy a few times but that was it. So, I was very surprised when I heard a sharp knock at my door at 2 pm that Friday afternoon.

I opened the door only to find the last face I expected to see.

“Hotch,” I said, my brows drawing together.

He just gave me a rare smile. “Not who you were expecting?”

“It’s not that you’re not who I was expecting,” I began carefully. “It’s just that…when I think of cheerful visitors coming to surround me with rainbows and sunshine…I don’t think of you, boss man.”

He scoffed, which I had learned was his version of a chuckle. “Garcia is busy. So, can I come in?”

I waved my arm, offering him inside.

He surveyed my apartment; he’d never been here. None of the team had ever been here before- Stop. Don’t think about it.

“How have you been?”

I gave him a very sour look. “Peachy with a side of keen, Hotch. But that’s not why you’re here.”

He didn’t look abashed in the slightest. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

We both sat on my couch; I kept my gaze on my hands, but I felt his eyes on me.

“Why are you requesting a hardship transfer?”

I was prepared for this question. “Because there is a personal issue within my team that affects me; I can no longer be an effective agent of the FBI in this unit.”

Hotch gave me an almost smile. “That’s a very political answer.”

“It’s the truth.”

“It might be.” He sounded so thoughtful I turned to look at him. We were both profilers, but Hotch was in charge for a reason; that man saw things in ways I don’t think any of us did. “The reason might also be that Reid is a dumb ass.”

I was in no way prepared for that statement to come out of my boss’s mouth. A laugh, the first real laugh I had had in almost 25 days, burst out of me before I could clap my hand over my mouth.

He did smile then. It was a soft, sad smile. “I figured that’s what it was.”

“He’s a genius, Hotch.”

“And he’s also proof geniuses can be dumbasses.”

That one got a small chuckle out of me. “I didn’t know you were funny.”

“I have my moments,” he said dryly.

I took a deep breath, my eyes moving around my apartment, searching for something to focus on. “I don’t know what you know, I don’t know what any of you know…but I can’t stay. Not like this.”

The older man considered me for a moment, planning out his next words. I knew that the team knew that Reid and I had been…something. I hadn’t asked what they knew; I couldn’t ask.

Hotch let out a long sigh, his shoulders dropping before he spoke again. "Hayley had an affair."  

…I have no idea how I’m supposed to respond to that. “I’m sorry, Hotch.”

He just nodded, his gaze sort of far off. “The team was working a case in Milwaukee; it was right before you joined. I was considering transferring; it was right before Gideon left. I knew it, she knew I knew it. I think that was sort of the beginning of the end for us.”

I just stared at him. Hotch didn’t talk about personal things.

He continued on. “It was never really brought up again until the divorce. You think divorce will end your fights…it never works out that way.” Hotch let out another sigh. “Anyway, I think about this one specific fight a lot now. I just…She was so fucking cruel, y/l/n. She said things she knew would hurt me.”

You can’t call a dead woman a cunt, y/n. You just can’t.

“I think about it so much now because I know she lashed out because I hurt her and she was scared. I picked my job over her and Jack. And she’s right…I did.”

Enlightenment finally dawned on me.

“Hotch, I see where you’re going but it’s different,” I stressed. “Protecting the team is my job. I protected a member of my team.”

He just nodded, his eyes never leaving my face. “You also jumped in front of a bullet for a man who is in love with you, who now thinks it’s his fault you got hurt.”

“He is not in love with me!” I interrupted, not that Hotch seemed to care.

“And you also told him you loved him, for what I suspect was the first time, while we all thought you were dying.”

Hold the fuck up. “You heard me? Spencer heard me?!”

Hotch nodded his head solemnly. “Rossi figured he hadn’t told you. He was inconsolable on the way to the hospital. He rode with you in the ambulance. Morgan had to restrain him when you were taken into surgery.” I felt my lungs seize, there was no more air in the room. “His legs gave out from under him when the doctor told us you made it. He was in your room right before you woke up. He ran out when your heart rate spiked.”

That…that can’t be right. “I…I don’t know what happened while I was under, but you weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me, Aaron.”

“You’re right,” he said softly. “I wasn’t, but I have been around him every day since you were injured. I’ve known him for years, y/n. He’s hurting…because he’s a dumbass.”

I tried to focus on Hotch’s words, I really did. But one thing kept playing over and over in my head. That asshole heard me. He lied to me.

--

-- Spencer POV –

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

“Because I love you.”

The worst thing about having an eidetic memory is that I never forgot anything. I remember the crushing disappointment I felt on my 8th birthday when my dad didn’t call. I remember how gutted I felt when I found Gideon’s letter in his cabin. I remember the self-loathing I felt when Emily was beaten by a deranged cult leader at Liberty Ranch because she didn’t think I could handle it.

I could remember every single crushing moment of my life with absolute clarity, including the moment when I told y/n I didn’t love her. I could see every detail of her face in that moment whenever I closed my eyes. How pain covered her face for just a moment before it went blank.  

Her face in that moment was all I saw when I was awake, but what I saw at night may have been worse. I saw her happy. I saw her laughing at some joke Morgan made. I saw her smiling at me while I explained the scientific impossibilities of the show we were watching on her couch. I saw how thoughtful she’d looked before she kissed me for the first time.

In the 24 days, 21 hours, and 16 minutes since I made the most painful decision of my life, I had regretted it and rethought it countless times. But then I remembered how her eyes fluttered closed that day, how her blood ran out of her body and down my arms, no matter how hard I pressed on the wound. I remembered how it felt to think I was going to lose her.

The members of my team were all furious with me for my decision; I even felt tension from Rossi and Hotch, though it was more subtle. Y/n hadn’t been with our team long, but she had already carved out a place in everyone’s heart…and she’d carved out all of my heart; now it was filled with almost nothing but her. At first, it was just Morgan who was pissed at me, then Emily started becoming frustrated, even JJ stopped inviting me over for dinner as much. They were all still my friends, but everything felt different.

I hadn't realized there was a giant problem until the last person I ever expected to be mad at me finally snapped. We were in the conference room discussing our last case when I had asked Garcia a question. Looking back, I can see it was a dumb question; Garcia cross-referenced everything and dug into people's lives before we even had a chance to ask. But even my stupid question hadn’t warranted her response.

“Garcia, do you know any of the victim’s extended families have any connections to one another? Even distantly.”

She had clicked her tongue against her teeth, her shoulders stiffening. “Of course I have, Reid. That’s a stupid question…but I guess we should expect stupid questions from you now. Since you’ve suddenly become an-“

“Garcia,” Hotch warned.

“Sorry, sir.” She let out a breath.

“Yes, Dr. Reid, I have checked and found no apparent connections.

She’d been avoiding me ever since.

I knew that I had made a mess of things, but the team just didn't understand. They'd only felt her warmth from afar; I'd actually got to be a part of it. They didn't know how her feet were always cold and how she'd shove them under my leg while we watched TV. They didn't know that she mumbled in her sleep sometimes, or when she was really stressed about a case, she'd grind her teeth. The pain I felt now was indescribable, but I couldn't live with losing her.

We’d gotten back home from a case earlier this morning, Hotch let us all go home around noon. Usually, he'd make us stay and finish our paperwork, but he said he had "something" he had to take care of.

Not being at work was bittersweet. Because work reminded me of her, but at least I could occupy my mind with other things; when I was home, she surrounded me. I couldn’t lay in my bed without imagining her beside me. The look on her face when she told me she was ready to be with me. For the first few days after I could still smell her shampoo on my pillow. That was long gone now.

It was just after 2 pm when there was a very loud knock on my door.

“Open up, dumbass!’

What is Morgan doing here? I got up from my couch to open my door. Morgan was in the same clothes he wore to work, he didn't look injured, but his jaw was set, his teeth clenched together. Uh oh.

“Why are you here?” I sighed. I already knew why he was here.

“I’m here,” he began, shoving his way into my apartment. “To see why you’re still being a dumbass.”

I didn’t bother correcting him. Maybe I am a dumbass.

“Morgan-“

“Nu-uh. You sit your little scrawny ass down and listen to me.”

I’m not that scrawny, I thought grumpily while I sat down.

He put his hands on his hips, coming to stand in front of me. “Reid, what are you doing man?”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Well, I’ll tell you what the fuck you’re doing, Pretty Boy. You know, we were all content to let you flounder along for a while longer. You’re smart, you’d figure it out. But that was before y/n submitted a request for a hardship transfer.”

My shoulders stiffened. I had told her to rethink her place on the team, but I didn’t mean leave it. “What? When?”

“I’m not sure when,” he replied. “Hotch is at her apartment now trying to talk her out of it.”

So that was his important business.

“Look, kid.” He came to sit beside me on the couch. “I know you’re scared. I know you almost lost her, and you couldn’t bear that. But you’re losing her now too, man!’

“It’s different, Morgan,” I protested.

“Yeah, it is different, because you don’t have to lose her! You didn’t see her when she came home from the hospital. She wasn’t even sad, Reid. She was numb. We all knew she had walls up before…but these new walls, man? They make the old ones look like nothing.”

I put my hands together, lacing my fingers tightly. “But-“

Morgan stood up. “No, Reid! No! No buts. I understand that you’re hurting, believe me. But did you ever stop to use that big ass brain of yours to think for a second that you’re hurting her too?!”

“I know I’m hurting her, Morgan,” I said hotly. “I know! But it’s better she’s hurt like this for a little while then die over me!”

“Oh, come on, kid! You can’t make that choice for her! That’s not how love works!” He let out a sigh. “You’re acting like a coward, Spencer. And that’s not the kind of man you are.”

It’s exactly the type of man I am. “Morgan, she’s…she’s everything to me. She’s the sun at the center of my universe. I can’t let her disappear.”  

“Okay, okay,” Morgan nodded, considering me. “Now, I’m not a genius but I do know some stuff after hanging around your ass for all these years. The universe would fall apart without the sun. But…what happens if the sun dims?”

“What?” My heart refused to work when I processed his words.

“You heard me. What happens to the universe when the sun dims? It’s still there, but it’s nowhere near as bright anymore. Because she may be the center of your universe but she’s still a part of a lot of other people’s…I don’t know, galaxy or some shit.” Morgan flicked his hand around to gesture at nothing, like this somehow proved his point.

“Spencer. I know you’re scared. I get it. But you’re making the choice for her. You lied to her, man. You got her to let you in and then you fucking shut her out when you get scared! Do you think she wasn’t scared to let you in in the first place? She’s never going to be totally free of danger, Reid. That’s part of what makes her who she is; she is always going to put herself at risk to help people, we all are! It’s why we’re on the same fucking team!”

The impact of Morgan’s words was a blow to the gut. What if I wasn’t keeping her safe? What if I was putting her through this…because I was afraid? Did I push her away from me for her? Or did I-

“Oh my god. I’m a dumbass.”

Morgan threw his hands in the air before slapping them against his hips.

“I fucked up.”

Morgan opened his eyes very wide and tilted his head down in a universally recognized expression of “you think, dumbass?”.

“What do I do?”

“You apologize, Reid! You go over to her house and you beg for forgiveness.”

My palms were starting to sweat. “What if she doesn’t forgive me?”

Morgan shrugged. “Then at least you tried, man.”

“Will you give me a ride?”

His face split into a wide smile. “There’s the genius! Let’s go!”

--

-- Reader’s POV --

It was just after 4 pm when there was another sharp knock on my door. I picked up the remote to pause the TV show I wasn’t watching; I had just needed some background noise. With a huff, I pulled myself off the couch and started shuffling towards the door. Hotch hadn’t been gone long, so I just figured maybe he’d come back to impart more wisdom on me.

It wasn’t Hotch. My heart stuttered when I saw that mop of curly brown hair out of my door’s peephole.

He knocked again, more hesitantly than before. “Y/n,” he called. “I know I don’t have any right to ask. But…I need to talk to you.”

My eyebrows drew together in confusion. What could you possibly have to say to me?

I cleared my throat. “Is something wrong?”

I saw his head snap up; his eyes fixed on the peephole on my door. “Yes. Everything is wrong.”  

Oh. “Are…are you alright?”

“No.” His answer was simple and firm. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you…but, please, y/n.”

Taking a deep breath, I cracked open my door. “What do you want, Reid?”

I only allowed a tiny sliver of my face to be seen through the door. “C-can I come in?”

“I…I don’t know,” I mumbled. You’re still everywhere. If I let you in now…how will you ever fade?

Reid just nodded. “I understand. I just…I owe you an apology. I owe you so many apologies.”

I swallowed; my throat suddenly coated in sandpaper. “Reid, I don’t…you don’t…”

His eyes never left mine; he was leaving the choice up to me. “I don’t have to come in. I’ll talk to you through your door. Or I can talk to you over the phone. I’ll send you letters if that is easier. Just…please say you’ll talk to me?”

Very, very slowly, I eased the door open. He was cautious when he walked in, his hands stuffed into his pants pockets. “You don’t have to-“

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted. “That day in my apartment… I asked you not to lie to me. And I’ve done nothing but lie to you for the past 24 days, 22 hours, and 30 minutes.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

“I already know you heard me, Reid.”

He just nodded. “That’s one of the things I lied about. But it’s not all. It’s not even close to all. I told you my feelings changed, and they didn’t. They haven’t. I still feel the exact same way that I always have. I’m so sorry I even let you think that I didn’t l-“

“Stop.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. “I-I can’t. You…you can’t say that.” I will break if you say that.

His hands came out of his pockets, his arms outstretched, palms facing me; like I was a wild animal he was trying not to startle. “I won’t, I won’t. I’m sorry. I won’t say it until you're ready to hear it if you're ever ready to hear it. But…you have to know why.”

My teeth dug into my bottom lip; my eyes averted from him. “Why what?”

“Why I…Y/n, I just…I thought that I was protecting you.”

My face fell into a frown. “Protecting me from what?”

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “From me.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he hurried on. “I know I contribute to the team in some ways, but I also know other people have to pick up my slack sometimes. I just…I know members of the team have gotten hurt protecting me before.” He swallowed, his eyes blinking rapidly. “I couldn’t let you get hurt trying to protect me too. I’m not worth it.”

I felt anger start to burn in my stomach. “You don’t get to make those sorts of choices for people, Reid.”

He nodded. “I know. I was wrong.” He squared his slim shoulders, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rest them at his sides. “I fucked up. I’ve made the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. And I only know one way to fix mistakes this big.” He paused, his throat working when he swallowed. “In Narcotics Anonymous the hardest steps for a lot of people are steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is acknowledging that our actions have caused pain and we need to make amends. Step 9 is making those amends and making them in a way that won’t hurt anyone.”

Hands back in his pockets, he took a hesitant step towards me. “I promise, y/n, I will never hurt you again. This isn’t an excuse, but I was so…I was so scared. I thought that…I thought that your injury was my fault. And I thought if I distanced you from such a…a colossal fuck up like me that you’d be safer.”

My body started to shake, but I wouldn’t let any tears fall. I couldn’t. If the dam broke now, I don’t know that I’d be able to put it back in place.

“Y/n, I don’t deserve the opportunity to make amends to you. But…if you’ll let me, I’d like to try. You’re…you’re everything, y/n. Everything. I even lied before when I said you were sunshine and warmth. You’re so much more than that.”

I heard the tears in his voice, but I couldn’t look at him. I’d break if I looked at him.

“You’re the sun. You’re the center of my universe. And I thought I was keeping you safe, but…I didn’t give you the choice. I took your choice away from you when you’ve always given me a choice in everything.”

I moved my eyes upwards to look at the ceiling, crossing my arms over my chest, my hands rubbing over my upper arms. “I don’t-I don’t know what you want me to say, Reid.”

I heard his shoes on my floor; I felt the air shift in the room when he took a step closer to me. “Just…Just say you’ll…that you’ll at least wait before you push your transfer through. That you’ll let me try to fix this, even though I don’t deserve it.”

A humorless laugh left my throat. “I already told Hotch to hold my transfer request.”

His voice cracked when he spoke again. “You did? When?”

“He came by about an hour ago.” I finally, finally looked at him. I saw his glassy eyes, his wild hair, and the clear pain mixed with a spark of hope on his face. He wasn’t my boy, not anymore. But…goddamnit. “He said…He said you were being a dumbass.”

Reid laughed a bit at that. “That seems to be the general consensus.”

“He asked me to give it some time. To see if working with the team again would actually be a hardship. My first day back is Monday, and I’m cleared to go back on active duty Wednesday.”

He shifted, his hands coming up to push is hair out of his face. “So, you’ll be back on Monday?”

"That's the plan," I said softly. "But…Reid, I don't-I don't know if I can…"

“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m just asking you to let me try to make amends for this.”

I brought my hand up to rub my forehead. “What is your goal here, Reid? What do you want?”

His face was as open as I’d ever seen it, his eyes were wide, and his lips were parted. “I want to go back to the moment you started to wake up in the hospital. I want to hold your hand and tell you how much I” he cut himself off, which I was grateful for. “And I want to be the one that drove you home. I want to be the one that helped you wash your hair. I want to be the one that sat on your couch and watched movies with you.” He sighed, his eyes shifting to the side. “But I can’t have any of that. Morgan came by my apartment around the same time Hotch was here…he told me that I was hurting the thing I was trying so hard to protect. And he said you were building a wall around yourself.

Dr. Spencer Reid brought those brown eyes back over to meet mine. “I want you to let me try to knock down that wall again.”

My voice was soft, I could feel my chin trembling, my nails were digging into my arms. “But why?”

For the first time since he entered my apartment, he smiled. It was small but overwhelmingly warm. “You know why.”

I felt something pierce my heart; it was small and sharp, both painful and soothing at the same time. “Reid…I…I don’t know if I can…I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to know,” the man said simply. “You just have to be willing to let me try.”

“But they’re just words, Reid. They’re just words. How am I supposed to believe that you won’t do this again the next time I get injured? Because I can handle being injured…but you gutted me.” I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, using the pain to help me focus. I couldn’t let the dam break.

“They’re not just words,” he whispered. “I’ll prove it, y/n. I promise.”

I took a very shaky breath, not making an attempt to hide my pain. “I gave you everything, every single part of me and you brushed me aside. You left me in agony when I needed you.”

My choked words lashed at him, but he just took it with a nod. “I know. I don’t deserve another chance. I have no right after what I’ve done. What I’m asking for isn’t fair…but I have to ask. Please?”

“Okay.”

“What?” His words were soft, but the smile that spread over his face was the brightest thing I had ever seen.

I huffed. “You heard me. Don’t push it.”

‘Okay.” He smiled at me again as he made his way around my body, heading for my door. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself like I could somehow physically hold myself together. I heard the lock turn and the door pull open; I heard his feet shuffle through the doorway…before he paused. “Thank you, y/n.” The door clicked shut softly, and I finally allowed myself to breathe.

I wasn’t strong, I really wasn’t. Because if I was strong, I wouldn’t have felt so fucking hopeful.

--

After my conversation with Hotch yesterday, and my surprise visit from Reid last night, I expected my Saturday to be fairly uneventful. Which is why I wasn’t expecting a knock on my door at 8 pm that night.

“Who the fuck is it now?” I muttered, sighing with exasperation.

I thought Hotch was the most unexpected person I would ever see at my door unannounced, but this one caught me more off guard for so. I opened the door to see the bright smiling face of a young man in a delivery uniform. “Y/n y/l/n?” He asked politely.

“…Yes?”

He handed me a plastic bag with styrofoam containers inside. “Here you go. The bill has already been taken care of. Have a good night, ma’am!”

He was already halfway down the hall before I realized what was happening. “Wait, I didn’t order anything,” I called.

"I know, ma'am," he turned, walking backward as he spoke. "The order was placed in the store. A man came by and ordered the food, left a note to put in the bag, and told me to leave before you had a chance to refuse it." He smiled sheepishly at me. "I'm sorry, he gave me a really good tip. Have a good night!"

Frowning, I shut my door and moved into my kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. Sure enough, there was a note on top of the container.

“I know it’s your favorite. S.R.”

The thing about Reid is he had the worst handwriting I had ever seen. Even if I hadn’t suspected this was from him and he hadn’t signed the note, the handwriting would have given it away.

I went into my living room and snatched my phone off the couch before I quickly fired off a text.

“Why did you have dinner delivered to my house?”

His response came a moment later. “You know why.”

--

On Sunday morning, I had one of my last physical therapy appointments. I hadn't sustained any permanent damage to my left shoulder from the bullet. The only real issue was the healing muscle and the artery that was nicked. Even though I was right-handed, it was important in my line of work that I did not lose any strength in my left arm. The physical therapist had made an exception to see me on the weekend since my first day back at work was tomorrow.

The thought of going back to work made me incredibly nervous. I wasn't sure how things would be different. Not only did I have to worry about my relationship with Reid, but I also had to worry about how it would affect the team. I knew they all cared about me…but Reid had been a part of their family much longer than I had. Hotch’s visit on Friday meant a lot to me; I don’t think I would have been able to come back to work without it.

Despite my nerves, after being home on my couch for almost a month, I was itching to get back to doing the work I loved. I had already passed my post-injury psychiatric evaluation, which was pointless anyway as the BAU wrote the questions, but now with this approval from the physical therapist, I would only be on desk duty for 2 days once I returned.

I was so caught up in thought when I got to my apartment that I almost missed the paper taped to the front of my door. It was an envelope that looked some sort of parchment. If the type of paper didn’t give away the sender, the messy way my name was written on the front certainly did.

Calm down, y/n, I thought, reaching up to pluck the note from the door. It’s just a piece of paper. I knew my fear was irrational but trusting him after everything that had happened was terrifying. Because despite my best instincts, I wanted to trust him.

Inside the envelope was a letter, it wasn’t written on standard paper; but, nothing about the man it was from was ever standard.

--

“Y/n,

Before my mother’s schizophrenia became as bad as it is now, she used to read to me all the time. She was a professor of 15th-century literature. My love of reading came from her. Her favorite author is Margery Kempe; and when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you, one quote in particular from Kempe kept coming to mind.

‘Patience is more worthy than miracle-working’.

The fact that you’ve given me even the slightest chance to apologize to you is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever seen. It's not a gift I'm going to take lightly. I know this is so incredibly hard for you. I know tomorrow is going to be hard for you, but I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to do anything before you're ready. I want to make amends, or at least try to, but I don't want to cause you any more pain.

You were patient with me in the beginning of our relationship; you were so unbelievably kind and generous – I think those are the things that made me…feel how I do now. I just want you to know that I’m prepared to be patient too. I never expected you to forgive me, and on the off chance you did, I knew it wouldn’t come easily.

I’d wait for you forever, y/n.

I don’t want to go against your wishes, but I want you to know that I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you now and every moment after for the rest of my life. All you have to do is ask and I’ll never stop telling you what you mean to me.

- Spencer”

--

My hands shook as I refolded the letter, slipping it back inside the envelope. I was dialing his number before I was even fully aware of what I was doing.

“Hello?” His voice sounded slightly apprehensive, almost shy.

“I got your letter,” I said quietly.

“I-I…I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

I let out a sigh. “No, Reid. You didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“You’ve not called me Spencer since…”

“I’m not there yet.” I closed my eyes when I said it; even now…I didn’t want to hurt him. I’m just not there yet.

I heard him shift around on the other end of the line. “I know. You don’t have to be. I just…I just wanted to tell you how I feel.”

“And send me dinner,” I added dryly. He laughed softly before I asked what I really wanted to know. “Reid…how have you been?” I ran my hand over my forehead. “I mean…before I was…before I was shot I know you were struggling with-“

“Ah,” he mumbled when the realization hit him. “It wasn’t easy…it hasn’t been easy. I went to a lot of meetings after you were…And I spent a lot of time on JJ’s couch trying to convince her and myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away.”

I flexed the fingers of my left hand, my posture shifting while he spoke. “But you haven’t…I didn’t make…”

“Y/n,” he said, his voice was so fucking gentle that it almost shattered me. “I haven’t. And even if I did, it wouldn’t have been your fault. No bad choice I make is ever anyone’s fault but my own. My demons are my own.”

I sighed. “I know, Reid, but I don’t want to be…I don’t want to make them worse.”

“You couldn’t,” he said firmly. “Whenever I did think about calling a dealer, doing anything I could to not feel the pain in my heart…I-I kept seeing your face. You looked so understanding when I told you about dilaudid. You made me feel proud of myself for the first time in a long time.”

I had to put my palm over the end of my phone. I didn’t want him to hear how my breathing had become uneven.

“Y/n, I’ll do anything to have you look at me like that again.”

"I don't need to ask why do I?" I asked lightly, in an attempt to defuse the tension.

He laughed. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I found myself smiling, grateful he couldn’t see me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid.”

--

When I arrived to work on Monday morning for my first official day back, I was apprehensive but hopeful. The world wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t as dark as it has been.

Right when I entered the bullpen, I saw something on my desk that made me pause. There in the center of my desk was a large iced coffee from my favorite cafe, the one near my house. No matter how early I got up, I never seemed to have time to stop there before work most days. So, the fact that a cup was there in the first place was cause for notice but that wasn’t the strangest part; the ice wasn’t melted. There wasn’t any condensation on the plastic cup.

I know I’m not a genius, but that can’t happen. Right?

“There she is!”

I turned to see Rossi making his way towards me, his arm's outstretched. He wrapped me in a tight hug, pressing a kiss to my cheek.

“We’re happy to have you back, y/n.”

I smiled widely at him, meaning it when I said, “I’m happy to be back.” He gave my upper arm a squeeze before he started to walk away. “Hey, Rossi. Did you do this?” I asked, gesturing to the cup on my desk.

He just had a sly smile on his face. “I did not, kiddo.”

Of course, he didn't. After taking a deep breath, I turned to the desk across from mine. Reid was already sitting there scribbling away, doing a very good job of pretending he didn’t know I was already here. I marched over to him before I lost my nerve. “The ice wasn’t melted.”

He looked up at me, not the slightest bit surprised at my presence, a soft smile on his face. “Beg your pardon?”

“The ice. In my iced coffee. It wasn’t melted.” I waved my hand around in the air. I’m not crazy, am I? That couldn’t have just happened.

“That’s because I asked them not to put any ice in when they made it,” he said simply. “You don’t like it as much when it’s watered down after the ice melts some; so I just added the ice here.”

My heart started to beat faster. “Why would you do that?”

The smile on his face got bigger, his eyes seemed to soften somehow when he looked at me. “You know why,” he said simply.

I didn’t know what to say. So, with a tight nod at him, I turned and walked back to my desk.

The rest of my first day back went how I expected. When Morgan saw me, he gathered me up in a giant hug and spun around ignoring my demands to put me down. Garcia hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years and brought me cupcakes. Emily and JJ took me to lunch. Hotch made me fill out forms. And Reid…well, whenever I turned to look at him, I found he was already looking at me.

--

The very next day when I showed up for work, I was suspicious. Every day since that Friday, Reid had done something. But when I arrived in the morning there was nothing on my desk. Nothing appeared out of place. Maybe it’s a fluke. Reid was already sitting at his desk, scrolling through his e-mail.

I knew what he had done the second I sat down. For as long as I had worked at this desk in the BAU bullpen, there was one wheel on my chair that was wonky. It never wanted to roll, and it always drove me insane. No matter what I tried the wheel never worked this well, and especially not this smoothly. Did he-?

When I looked over, he was already looking at me, that same soft smile on his face.

--

On my third day back at work there was nothing on my desk when I arrived, there was nothing anywhere. But I knew him, I knew he wasn’t done yet; there had to be something.

That something was on my desk when I got back from turning in my return to active duty forms to Hotch. There was a single sunflower in a vase sitting on my desk. I walked up to it and touched the petals softly. It was beautiful, but I was confused.

Walking over to his desk, I didn’t bother trying to hide the confusion or apprehension on my face. This time he wasn’t pretending to be doing something else; his eyes had been on me since the moment I walked out of Hotch’s office.

“It’s beautiful,” I began. “But I don’t understand the symbolism.”

He tilted back in his chair, looking up at me. “Sunflowers always want to be looking at the sun…and so do I.”

Because he thinks I’m the sun.

“But don’t sunflowers stop turning towards the sun when they get older?”

He just nodded. “They might, but I never will.”

I ran my tongue over my lips before I pulled both of them in between my teeth. I felt tears prick the corners of my eye. “Why?” I asked, my voice slightly thicker than normal.

Spencer stood up then; it looked like he would reach for me, but he quickly put his hands at his sides. “I’ll stop if it hurts you. Y/n, I promise to never hurt you again.” His words were earnest, his eyes were pleading. “But ‘why?’ You know why.”

I just nodded my head slightly, blowing out a shaky breath. “Thank you, it’s lovely.”

I don't know why Spencer said I was the sun because his smile at that moment was the brightest thing I'd ever seen. "Is it too much if I throw in a cheesy line, like, 'it's not as lovely as you?'"

“Brat,” I muttered, turning quickly so he wouldn’t see my smile.

That bright smile was still on his face when we all met in the conference room 20 minutes later. I saw Rossi clap him on the back when he walked in. JJ shot him a very sweet smile, it was almost motherly, like she was proud of him. Prentiss just winked.

Morgan wasn’t subtle. I’m not sure he knew how to be. He held out his fist for a fist bump, laughing openly when Spencer just wrapped his hand around it and shook.

“Alright,” Hotch said from the front of the room. Fuck, even he is smiling a little bit. “Let’s get started.”

--

Less than 30 minutes later, I was boarding the BAU jet for the first time in more than a month. We were off to Arkansas to assist the Hot Springs police department to catch a suspected serial killer.

I was one of the last ones on board; I smiled awkwardly when I saw everyone’s eyes on me.  

“What kept you, Pretty Girl?” Morgan asked with a grin.

Oh, I’m Pretty Girl now? Subtle. I shot Morgan a look to indicate I wasn’t amused. “I had to talk to Garcia.”

Rossi looked at me expectantly “…About?”

They were all just staring at me, and they weren’t even trying to hide their amusement. I sighed. “I couldn’t just leave it on my desk, you assholes.” Garcia might have squealed loudly when I brought her my sunflower and asked her to watch over it for me.

Every one of them laughed…except Reid. Reid just bit his bottom lip and dropped his gaze. He looked so much like my nervous boy that it made me ache. That was the first time I allowed myself to admit how much I missed my darling boy.

--

I was in the middle of going over victimology when a cup of coffee was sat down beside me. I mumbled my thanks, not even glancing up, just reaching out to grab it. It wasn’t until my fingers wrapped around the cup that my head snapped up.

“Morgan,” I called. “What’s this?”

His smile was very, very bright. “It’s your coffee.”

I picked up the iced coffee, giving it a once over. “Are you or are you not the same Derek Morgan that has said multiple times, ‘I ain’t no damn barista if you want special coffee you go get it your damn self'?"  

He nodded, his smile never wavering. “I am, so don’t get used to it. But when my boy has finally stopped being a dumbass and is trying to win his girl back?” He winked at me. “I’ll make an exception when he asks for a favor.”

I heard JJ laugh softly from the other end of the table. I scrunched my face into a mock glare at both of them. “Don’t you have a murderer to catch?”

He turned before leaving the room, putting a hand to his chest in a very dramatic fashion. “Pretty Girl, you should know SSA Derek Morgan can multitask!”

--

I still don’t know what it is about towns in the middle of nowhere, but it never fails, one of the cops from said town will try to weasel his way into my bed the second the case is over. I was packing up after the unsub was booked when someone cleared his throat behind me to get my attention. This time it was a tall, slightly out of shape Officer named Reynolds. His smile was greasy but at least he didn’t try to touch me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, offering what I hoped was a polite smile. “I have a boyfriend.” I always tried to be diplomatic when this happened, just because I didn’t need to Hotch reprimand me for threatening a member of the local police…again.

Officer Reynolds’ scoffed. “He doesn’t have to know.”

The smile dropped off my face, my eyes hardening. Fucker. “That’d be pretty fucking difficult since he’s a member of my team and he’s sharing a room with me.” I picked up my bag and tossed a sarcastic “nice working with you” over my shoulder before I hightailed it out of the conference room. I didn’t stop until I got to the main entrance of the precinct, where I planned to wait for the rest of the team.

“So, am I the boyfriend you mentioned?” A voice asked from behind me.

Of course. I turned to see Dr. Spencer Reid looking very pleased with himself. “I also didn’t know you wanted to share a room with me tonight. We each have single rooms though, so we don’t have to swap with anyone else…” he trailed off pretending to think. “So, who’s room are we taking?”

I rolled my eyes. “Reid, if it got some slimy cop off my back, I’d tell him you were my husband. I will throw you under the bus to save myself from a very awkward conversation that would probably lead to me punching someone.”

His face changed, he no longer looked overly pleased with himself. He looked like the same man that sat on the couch with me all those weeks ago and asked me if I kissed my submissives. He looked like the Spencer that used to be mine.

“You act like I’d mind,” he said quietly.

“Mind what? Being thrown under the bus?”

“Being called your husband.”

I froze, my eyes immediately dropped to the floor. I couldn’t look at him, I couldn’t. I let out a very shaky exhale, a sure sign that I was about to cry. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Why is he doing this to me?

I saw his beaten-up converse move into my field of view. He was close to me now, but he didn’t touch me. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he whispered. “But I promised I wouldn’t lie to you anymore.”

JJ walked around the corner then and he broke away from me. I just stared at my hands the whole drive back to the hotel.

--

The clock on the bedside table blinked 11:47 pm. I had been lying in bed since 9 pm trying to fall asleep. When we arrived back to the hotel, I didn’t speak to anyone, I just kept my head down and walked straight into my room. Once I was inside, I tore my clothes off and got into the shower, turning it on the hottest temperature I could tolerate.

I felt the tears; they were right there, I felt them pulsing underneath my eyes. I didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to deny myself everything I had ever wanted when it was offering itself to me…I was the reason I was in pain right now, and it was all because I was so fucking terrified to trust him again.

I glanced back over at the clock. 11:49 pm.

Taking a deep breath, trying to pull some sort of courage into myself, I picked up my phone.

He’s probably sleeping, I reasoned, giving myself one last chance to back out.

But then the phone was dialing. I listened to the ringing and held my breath. Because what was I supposed to do if he didn’t answer? What was I supposed to do if he did?

“Y/n?” his sleepy voice asked, sounding disoriented but urgent. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Everything. And no. But I couldn't get my mouth to open. I couldn't say anything. If I opened my mouth, then everything would spill out. All the pain, all the secrets, all the hopes, and fears…and it would all be bared to Spencer Reid.

In the way that Spencer knew everything, he knew what I needed then. “I’ll be right there.” I heard a rustling on his end of the line, but he never hung up the phone.

Before I was ready, I heard the same hesitant knock on my door that I heard every night he came to my hotel room just because he missed me; the same knock that I had heard that first day at my apartment. The knock was the final crack that broke the dam I had built around my emotions in an attempt to hold them back so they wouldn’t sweep me away.

I don’t remember walking to the door, I don’t remember unlocking it; all I remember is Spencer standing on the other side in the same Caltech t-shirt and sweatpants he wore in my apartment when we sat on my couch on our first real night together.

“Y/n?” His eyes ran over me frantically. He came into the room, shutting the door behind him. His hands reached out like he would grab me, but I saw the indecision on his face. “Tell me what you need, baby. Please?”

The moment that I was so afraid of happened then. The tears finally flooded my eyes and my jaw unlocked. “Spence, I’m scared.” I swallowed, trying to control my broken voice. “I want this so much but I’m terrified.”

His arms enveloped me before I was finished speaking. One hand in the center of my back, the other on the back of my head. He smelt like coffee, laundry detergent, and my Spencer. My body shook in his arms. The pain from his words at the hospital, the pain from him not being there when I woke up, the pain of losing him, and the pain of having to turn him away for almost a week when he was all I wanted; all of that pain just poured out of me while I sobbed into his chest.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he whispered against my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. And I will do anything-I’ll do everything to prove to you that I will never hurt you again.”

He kept holding me until my tears finally quieted, my body almost went limp in his arms. The weight of all of that pain was so heavy for so long, and now that I didn’t have to hold it, I was so tired.

“Spence?” My throat felt raw, my eyes were puffy.

“Hmm?”

I didn’t lift my head to look at him. “I’m ready to hear it now.”

Spencer froze, I’m pretty sure he stopped breathing for a moment. Then he leaned back, pulling his chest away from my face. Both of his hands cupped my face, his thumbs moving over my cheeks softly, wiping the tear trails away. Spencer held me like I was more fragile than glass like I was made of something that would crumble into nothing if he so much as moved wrong.

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, his beautiful golden-brown eyes searching mine.

I nodded. “Yeah, I think so,” I said, giving him a small shaky laugh.

He tilted my head up slightly before his lips brushed against my forehead. “I loved you before you were ready to hear it; I loved you before you even knew I existed.” He pressed another kiss my cheek. “I loved you since the first time you smiled at me.” He kissed my other cheek. “I will never stop telling you how much I love you.” He trailed his lips over to my mouth. “I will love you forever…because no one has ever loved someone the way I love you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my lips.

I leaned forward and brushed my mouth against his. I felt the final layer of my resistance crumble. “Please don’t hurt me again, Spence.”

He pulled away to stare in my eyes. “I will never hurt you like this again. I’m so fucking sorry, y/n.”

“Just kiss me, Spencer.”

He gave me a tiny grin at the command. “I thought you didn’t kiss your submissives,” he teased.

I brought my hand up to hold his face. “You know I break all my rules for you, my darling, nervous boy.”

--

--

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#Spencer Reid #Spencer Reid x you #Spencer Reid x Reader #Spencer Reid x y/n #Spencer Reid angst #Spencer Reid fluff #Dr. Spencer Reid #Criminal minds #criminal minds fan fiction #criminal minds imagine #Spencer Reid imagine #spencer reid fanfic #Dr Reid #reid #Spencer Reid fan fiction #ayhtdia

[darling-i-read-it]

Sparring

Will Graham x reader, subtle Hannibal Lecter x reader

Word Count: 1.5k 

Warnings: injuries, spoilers for hannibal 

Author’s Note: I’m gonna admit I was glad you chose Will in the end because that would also be my choice and he’s my favorite by far so this was fun to write. But the parts where Hannibal were sad was something else so who knows, happy and sad all over. I hope you enjoy love!

Requested: by anon, I just found ur blog and you're amazing👌🏻I really need to read this scenario (or headcanon) in your writing style! I am so excited! Ok, ok. What if Will and Hannibal has a crush on same girl and try to win over her heart? What would they do to impess her and win her heart? And they find out she likes Will too. What would Willy react when she choosed him? Thanks if you decided to write this!

Summary: the request!

Genre: fluff on wills part, angst on hannibals 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

(not my gif)

Hannibal and Will had been having a go at each other for you since they first met you. It was at the same time unfortunately so neither of you got quite an edge on the other. You were working with Jack closely on the Chesapeake Ripper case as a profiler to back up Will’s statements when people brought up his health to refute him.

So you worked close with Will in that regard and you also had to see a psychiatrist which just so happened to be Hannibal. You didn’t get to choose him, Jack did and he promised that Hannibal was going to be good for you.

You were friends with both men in separate ways and unbeknownst to you, there was quite a spar going on behind the scenes about you.

Will sat across from Hannibal. They were both sitting in chairs in his office during the session but there was an unspoken agreement in place that little would be done to benefit Will’s health here. Granted, ever since Will had gotten out of prison there was little discussion there anyway. They were going to discuss you.

“Have you seen her?” Will asked, his leg moving quickly in a nervous tick he didn’t know he had. Hannibal didn’t even pick it up because this new conversation was something he had to be on guard for. 

“This morning. She brought me some of the cookies she had baked,” Hannibal said, watching Will’s reaction to that. It was surprisingly positive.

“Cookies we baked together last night. She invited me over after her session with you to talk.” Hannibal pretended it didn’t phase him and nodded slowly.

“What did she need to talk about?” Hannibal asked. Will shrugged. He had always been more physically responsive than Hannibal while they had conversations. Hannibal used to chalk it up to his constant nerves but now it seemed to be so nonchalant like he had you in the bag as though you were something to be caught.

“Her life. We’re friends, it’s what friends do.” Hannibal was reminded that you and him were in fact patient and doctor but he pushed the thought out of his head as he looked over at Will who was giving him a smug look.

“Is she alright?”

“Shouldn’t you know? As her psychiatrist?” Will asked. There was a knock on the door and Will suddenly lost all confidence that he had just had. They both knew it was you coming to pick up Will because you had dropped him off. They stood up and walked over there.

There was a quick conversation that meant nothing to you, Hannibal could tell. Then you and Will were gone and Hannibal was alone.

Will and Hannibal had been going about this in different ways. Hannibal knew he was charming and he had been hoping that that would pay off through your sessions and when you saw each other at work. But Will was taking a more humane connection approach. Interesting.

It wasn’t until you were hurt that everything changed. The constant back and forth in flirting had left you exhausted but that wasn’t the reason you were hurt. You had gotten into the way of Tobias Budge. Your wounds weren’t anywhere near fatal but it still made them think. They both knew what Tobias was capable of and if they hadn’t gotten there in time you would be on a slab rather than a hospital bed. 

You had a few minor injuries that caused you to say in the hospital for a few days.

Hannibal walked into the hospital holding the flowers he had bought and a dish he had made that night. It was one of your favorites and he knew you would enjoy it. 

At the same time, completely unplanned, was Will walking in with flowers and chocolate. They saw each other and walked together because they had no other choice.

“This is it, isn't it?” Will asked.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“She almost died. She must have made her choice in that moment, whoever she thought about before as Tobias raised his hand to kill her,” Will pointed out. Hannibal shrugged.

“You’ll have to ask her that.”

They came upon your room and Alana was in there already. You looked up from her and she stood like she was getting ready to leave. 

Alana was actually the one who gave it away. The way her gaze shifted from Hannibal to Will and it softened when it hit Will like she knew something they didn’t.

“Boys,” she said, tipping her head at them. “I’ll see you soon Y/N.” You nodded a smile on your face and waved at her weakly as she left.

“Hey guys,” you said, your voice not as chipper as usual. They walked to the side of the bed and put down the gifts with the others. “I wanted to thank you both for being there when you were. If you weren’t you might be planning my funeral right now.” They both nodded.

“Of course,” Hannibal said, nodding.

“Anytime,” Will muttered. “How are you feeling?” he asked. You shrugged.

“As well as can be. Actually my body feels terrible but I feel at peace sorta. Near death can do that to a girl.” They laughed and you looked up at them.

“Hannibal is there a chance that I could speak to Will alone?” you asked. 

And that was it. That was the end of watch Hannibal may or may not have wanted with you. Honestly he was amazed. He thought that eventually you would come around but now, looking at it with a new gaze he saw that you and Will were a different kind of couple. Ones that were meant to last he hoped. 

“Yes of course. I hope you have a speedy recovery,” he said and his hand brushed your hand then he was out of sight. 

Will hadn’t noticed yet but he was about to. 

“What do you need?” he whispered, leaning down beside you. He got on his knees and you grabbed his hand which was completely unprompted and made his heart stop. 

“I was thinking. When I was almost dead, like right before he almost killed me that I had so many regrets and you were one of them. That I was never able to tell you,” you took a deep breath as though you didn’t know how Will felt about you, “how much I love you,” you whispered.

A smile formed over Will’s face and he couldn’t help but let out a joyous laugh which was a good sign for you. 

“Is that a good thing?” you asked him and he nodded quickly.

“That you love me? Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty good. Even after everything with jail and stuff?” You scoffed and shook your head.

“I pride myself in knowing that I always knew you were innocent.” You gave him a look. “Well how do you feel?” 

“Amazing.” You gave him a look. “Oh!” He took a deep breath and smiled subtly. “I love you too,” he admitted. You grabbed, squeezed his hand and let out a laugh.

“That’s great to hear you have no idea.”

“You mean you didn’t know?” he questioned. 

“No! I was so scared to tell you!”

Hannibal watched through the window as you laughed at each other and he knew that in some ways you had made the right decision for you in the moment. Even if he couldn’t help but think about what might have been if Tobias Budge had found a different woman and you wouldn’t have  made a split second decision. 

But he had to admit. 

He had never seen you or Will for that matter, any happier.

#will graham x reader #will graham imagines #will graham x reader x hannibal lecter

[loveistherootofhappiness]

Throwing out something a little positive before the season finale breaks our hearts...

Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Michael/OC (aka “Dr. McHottie”) w/ a little Bathena Rating: T Word Count: 2981

Summary:  None of that included coming face to face with the guy that’s been wondering in and out of his thoughts for the last few days.

Can also be read here -----

Dr. Derek Hale walked slowly as he exited the elevator. Each step was paired with a sip of the black, way too strong, coffee that he’d gotten from the lobby. The acrid taste was awful, but was doing a manageable job of keeping him awake right now. He hated when he wasn’t prepared for a shift, felt he was not only doing a disservice to himself, but the patients as well not being a hundred percent. Though, he didn’t feel right calling out or asking a colleague to work in his place, it was his own fault he was so tired. Well, the fault of a certain guy he’d met in an elevator who’d been heavily on his mind for the last three days, but that was beside the point.

As he approached the nurse’s station, he shook all thoughts of “Elevator Guy” from his mind, knowing they’d stray to point of distraction if he continued this line of thinking. Putting his things down and brushing off all comments about how tired he looked, he poured through the charts and notes on the patients he was responsible for on the trauma ward. He steeled his focus and was able to get caught up on everything in about 30 minutes and prepared to start making his rounds. He grabbed his tablet, stethoscope, pocketed an otoscope, and walked towards the first room on his list to check in on the patient.

Athena wasn’t sleeping but resting comfortably, well, as comfortably as she could. The warm body snuggled against her was doing wanders for her. She was spooned against Bobby, face in his neck inhaling the scent she’d been missing for the last three days. Bobby had his hands wrapped around her careful to avoid any of her injuries. Parts of her body still ached, but this having him next her again, it was making it so much better. It took a bit of convincing to do this, but not as much as she thought it would.

“I know both of you know better,” Derek said in amusement as he opened the door to the room.

Athena groaned inwardly pulling herself out of the moment she was in. “Is it shift change time already?” Athena asked innocently, “I thought we had a little more time.”

“It’s okay, I guess I’ll let it slide,” Derek paused as he looked between Bobby and Athena, “this time.” Dereks voice still held it’s amused tone. This was was far from the first time that he found patients in bed with loved ones. He’d worked in trauma long enough to know how much physical contact could help in the healing process mental and emotionally, as well as physically. “I’m glad you have a support system with you.”

“So am I.” Athena placed her hand over Bobby’s near by one, rubbing her thumb along the the back.

Derek smiled as used his foot to lift the bed so he can examine her better. “I’m Dr. Derek Hale, by the way.”

“Athena Nash.”

Following the introductions, he went through the motions of examining of her. He took note of her vitals making sure everything was within normal ranges. “Scale of 1 to 10, how bad’s the pain today?”

“About a 4,” she answered honestly. He looked at her, seeing if there were any sign of lying, she appeared to be telling the truth.

“The pain meds been treating you okay?”

“Other than making me a little sleepy, I feel fine.”

He hummed in acknowledgment as he took note of her answer. He pulled out the otoscope, looking at her eyes, checking their reaction to light, “no headaches, blurred vision, nausea, trouble breathing?”

“There is a dull ache in my head, but the meds help with that. No blurred vision, nausea, nothing like that. My chest hurts a bit when I inhale, but it’s nothing I can’t handle” He turned off the scope and put it back in his pocket, taking note that everything was normal.

He took note of her facial wounds, which appeared to be healing normally, no signs of infection. Nothing that time wouldn’t be able to take care of.

“You seem to be doing very well Athena. No adverse reactions to treatment. Healing nicely.”

“Great. When can I go home?” She asked eagerly.

“Athena.” Her partner said pointedly, which she responded to by shooting him a look.

Derek chuckled, “it’s fine. It’s a fair question,” he sat at the end of Athena’s bed, “honestly speaking, I see no reason why we can’t have you out of here by the end of the day.”

“Oh thank god,” Athena breathed a sigh of relief while her partner still looked wary.

“You’re healing is going to take time, but, at this point, it nothing that can’t be done at home. I think we’ve bandaged you up as much as we can. I see no reason why we can’t have you out of here by the end of the day,” he rose to his feet, “so you guys can cuddle up together in your own bed. As long as it’s just cuddling, no strenuous activities right now and you still need to get plenty of rest.”

“Of course, I understand.”

“Do you have any other questions for me?” She shook her head. “Well, I’m going to go update your chart and get the discharge process started. It was good meeting you, Athena.”

He reached over and held out his hand towards her partner. “Bobby,” he told him. Derek faltered a bit, having remembered hearing the name, but recovered quickly before it was, hopefully, noticed. Bobby didn’t give him any indicate that he noticed when he let go of his hand.

“Alright, I’ll be back to check on you later.” He said to Athena before turning to leave. As he did, the door opened, putting him face to face with none other than “Elevator Guy” holding a bouquet of flowers and a bag of food.

When Michael woke up this morning his plans included: making sure his kids were okay, calling his mom, going to visit Athena, and bringing her and Bobby some lunch from Athena’s favorite place. None of that included coming face to face with the guy that’s been wondering in and out of his thoughts for the last few days. Though, he couldn’t say he was mad at the strange turn of events.

Michael knew he was staring way past the point of what was considered appropriate, but he couldn’t help himself. He knew the man looked good, but the low lighting of the elevator didn’t do him nearly enough justice. In the fluorescent lighting of the hospital room he could clearly see his piercing dark brown eyes, smooth deep brown skin, and powerful jawline. The man was beautiful. As he watched “Hot Doctor’s” features shift from surprise to almost smiling, he could see the recognition. It was comforting to know that he hadn’t forgotten him.

It took a nurse clearing her throat from behind him for him to realize how caught up they had gotten in the moment. “Oh, sorry,” Michael chuckled nervously and stepped out of the nurse’s way for her to enter the room.

The doctor took the opportunity to make his leave as well. “I need to continue making my rounds,” he said quickly before exiting the room just as quickly. Michael was so flustered he wasn’t able to get another word in before he left.

Michael was mentally kicking himself as he stood out of the way, while the nurse tended to Athena’s IVs. He still hadn’t gotten his name. He just stood there staring like an idiot. It was just as well, he had every opportunity to do so when he was trapped with him three nights ago for well over an hour. He sighed, damn if he didn’t know how to waste an opportunity. He didn’t miss the look the look that the nurse shot him as she walked out of the room after finishing. The universe’s way of telling him it agreed with him.

When the door clicked closed, he was left with Bobby and Athena’s amused looks. He made his way over to them, placing the flowers and food on the bedside table. “So, how are you feeling today?” He asked Athena as he distracted himself with taking the food out of the bag. He was met with silent, eyebrow raises as he handed each container to both of them and pulled the rolling table in front of Athena, “I’m not getting away with that, am I?”

“Not a chance,” Bobby said, taking the top of of his and Athena’s containers.

“Micheal, what was that? Do you know him?”

“Yes- well, no- umm, kinda, I guess,” he stumbled over his words, trying to find the right words to say, “I met him in an elevator,” he settled on.

“You met him in an elevator?” Athena asked slowly.

“The night of your- what happened, after my MRI, I was leaving the hospital, and found myself stuck in elevator with him. We were trapped for about an hour or so before we were finally rescued. When we were I had every intention of asking for his name and, possibly, his phone number when I got the call from Bobby about what happened. All of that flew out the window. After the dust settled and I knew you were okay, I had time to think about it. I kinda just chalked it up as a missed opportunity. Didn’t think I would see him again.”

“Wait, so you were trapped with him, for over an hour, and you didn’t get his name?” Bobby asked.

“Don’t remind me. I guess we just got to talking and it didn’t come up.” Michael fondly remembered how the conversation between them just flowed, it’d been a while since he’d felt that spark with someone.

“So what ya gonna do about it?” Athena asked casually, as she ate one of her fries.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked, feigning ignorance.

“I’m gonna ignore that because you know exactly what I mean.” Athena eyed him carefully, “it’s not like you to waste an opportunity.”

She was right, it wasn’t, but this was different, felt different. It had been a while,since he’d felt this level of attraction to someone, since he’d purposefully put himself out there. If the connection was anything to go off of, he could chance saying that “Hot Doctor” was attracted to him too. Maybe, at some level. This was all still so new to him, he didn’t want to be wrong or risk misreading what he believed could be signals. “You’re right, I just don’t wanna be wrong. I wanna be sure I’m not wrong here and he likes me too.”

“He likes you,” Athena and Bobby told him simultaneously.

“This entire hospital felt the chemistry between you two just now.” Athena joked.

“Ha ha,” Michael snarked, “can we drop this and focus on you?” Michael asked, more than ready to stop talking about this.

Athena eyed him, “fine, as long as you remember that you deserve to be happy.” He laid a hand on her shoulder and placed a kiss on her forehead in response.

“Now, how are you feeling?” With that question he, Bobby, and Athena feel into a comfortable conversation that wasn’t about him anymore.

Before he knew it, a couple of hours had gone by. May was texting him, asking him if it was okay if he and Harry went to the hospital. He let her know that her mom was being released from the hospital today and they should see her by tonight. Bobby had left to go home to shower, change, and bring some comfy clothes for Athena to go home in. He told him he’d stay with her until he came back.

Glancing over at Athena to find her still sleeping, Michael decided to use the opportunity to get some himself something to drink and some air. Rising from his seat, he left, closing the door softly behind him. He looked left and right in the hallway, seeing if he’d spot him waking the halls. No such luck. He walked towards the elevators and luckily didn’t have to wait long before they opened. He walked in and headed straight for the back wall, placing one hand on the bridge of his nose squeezing his eyes shut tightly and the other on the rail behind him.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” The smooth, deep voice startled him a bit. Michael opened his eyes to find himself face to face with “Hot Doctor” as the elevator doors closed.

Michael sighed and slowly met his eyes before saying, “we do.”

He stepped closer to him and Michael put his other hand on the rail he was leaning against, trying desperately to hide his nervousness. He was probably failing, “you know, I’ve been kicking myself for a couple of days now.” He said to him.

“Oh, why?” Michael licked his lips and gripped the rail a little tighter.

“Well, you see, I met this guy, had this connection with him, well, at least, I thought so.”

“So, what happened?”

“Wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t get his name, and I didn’t even give him mine.”

Michael tried hard to hide his smile, “well, if the connection was there, you know, like you said it was, he just might be kicking himself for the same reasons. Maybe even wanting to apologize for running off without warning before you could get it.” Michael put his hands up, “that’s just me assuming that happened.”

He chuckled lowly, “well wouldn’t you know, that’s exactly what happened. I don’t blame him for it though, it happens. Seems like whatever it was seemed super important.”

“It was, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened. Hypothetically speaking of course. You don’t seem like the type of guy someone would just leave hanging like that, you know, unless absolutely necessary.”

“Do I now?” He asked cheekily.

“Yeah, you do.” What was it about this guy that made all of this so easy for him?

“It’s just as well, he probably has someone special at home.”

“No, I don’t think he does.” His smile widened, brightening his entire face.

He held out his hand, “Derek Hale.”

Taking his hand in his, “Michael Grant.” There it was again, that spark. That small shockwave that reverberated throughout his body. Whatever this was, was strong, and Michael liked it.

“It nice to meet you, Michael Grant.”

“You as well, Derek Hale.” Dropping his hand and the facade, he asked, “So, what gave you the impression that I had someone special?”

“I don’t know, guys like you always do. Plus, I saw the look on your face when you answered Bobby’s call, before the bad news part, and-”

“Woah, woah, wait. You thought Bobby was,” Michael couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.

“Love how you find that so funny,” Derek said as he looked away shyly.

“No, no, no, sorry about that,” he recovered, wiping his eyes, “it’s just funny because Bobby is my ex-wife’s husband. The woman I was visiting, the mother of my kids, your patient, the guy that was in there with her.”

He watched Derek eyes widen in recognition, “so that was... oh! I thought Bobby was- so he isn’t your- woo, that’s a relief. And he I was thinking that the guy I couldn’t stop thinking about was in a relationship.”

“The guy you couldn’t stop thinking about?” Michael asked slowly, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Fuck, I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Before Michael could say anything further., the elevator started to move. Both looked at the other, knowing neither of them had pressed any buttons, and started to laugh. They both decided to shelve the conversation and fell into a comfortable silence as the elevator reached it destination: the first floor lobby.

When the elevator came to a halt, and the door opened, Michael and Derek exited quickly, allowing the other people waiting to get on. As they walked through the lobby, Derek bumped his shoulder and nodded his head to the left, “come with me.”

Michael, unquestioningly, followed him and was lead to a door that only read, “Private”. He watched as Derek pulled his badge from his pocket and swiped it against the adjacent pad. He opened the door into a nice looking lounge area.

Michael whistled, “this is nice.” He looked around, “am I even supposed to be in here?”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he winked before getting himself something out of the fridge. He threw one to Michael as well.

“Why’d you bring me here?”

“I knew no one else would be in here around this time and it was the most private place I could think of to continue our conversation.”

“So our conversation requires privacy, huh?”

“Well, didn’t really want to the risk having an audience when I asked you out.” Clear. Direct. Straight to the point.

“Wow, you waste no time.” Michael could feel the pull in the muscles in his cheeks from smiling so much.

“I’ve wasted three days, I think that’s more than enough time.”

“So, you’re saying that you would have asked me out that night, if we weren’t interrupted.”

“Absolutely.” Michael couldn’t help but appreciate the conviction in Derek’s tone.

“Well, Derek, I’d love to go out with you.” Michael fished his phone out of his back pocket, handing it to Derek. Derek, catching on, put his number in the phone and called himself so he’d have Michael’s number as well.

“So what are plans looking like next Friday night?” He asked as he handed Micheal back his phone.

“Can’t say that I have anything going on.”

“How about dinner? Around 7? The really good Italian place on 5th?” Derek asked tentatively.

“It’s a date.” -----

#GiveMichaelABoyfriend2k20 😌

#michael grant #athena grant #bobby nash #he looked like a derek okay #bathena #911 #episode filler #this is me trying not to be insecure about my writing #hope you enjoy #fanfic writing hell

[kumeko]

Title: the act of living

A/N: For lynndyre, for a lotr exchange! I’m not happy about the first two pieces in this fic, but I think the rest came out decently enough. :/ I really liked the prompt of post-canon, of what comes after, and making it bitter but also hopeful.

…

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…

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i. Gondor

 Despite all the damage to it, Gondor stood strong. It had always done so; years of facing enemy after enemy had weathered it into a resilient place, capable of shaking off injury and keeping a united front. Its people were even more so, their faces as sturdy as the stone that made the city.

 This was a comforting thought when directed at their enemies. Less so when it was directed at himself. There were many ways Aragorn thought the people of Gondor would treat him but even the cool indifference of a stranger would have been preferred to the harsh front to an intruder. It was even more apparent when Aragorn rode through the streets, surveying the damage with Faramir and Pippin. As their horses trotted slowly down the winding streets, as they catalogued the various repairs they had to make, Aragorn could feel his people’s eyes on him. For the most part, their gaze was hard, their lips thin, jaw set. The occasional citizen would give him a tentative smile and wave, but the overwhelming feeling was this:

 Who are you to rule us?

A fair question, perhaps. It wasn’t like he’d grown up here, it wasn’t like they were expecting the king to return. It wasn’t fair to just push him forward as a king in the middle of a war and expect everything to be fine after. Not that Aragorn was sure what he was expecting; he had never wanted this position in the first place.

“It’s not that bad,” Pippin chirped. Seated in front of Aragorn, he glanced up at him. For a moment, Aragorn thought the hobbit had read his mind. “It’ll take a little muscle and spit, but we’ll clean it all up.”

 Ah, that made more sense. His friend had thought his dark mood was over the destruction. However clumsy it was, Aragorn was grateful for Pippin’s kindness and he smiled. “Certainly.”

 “The people of Gondor are not one to back away from a challenge,” Faramir said from his right. He sat straight on his horse and while there was still something ghostly about him, he looked proud. “We have weathered attacks before. This will be no different.”

 “Really?” Pippin furrowed his brows, disbelief on his face. “You guys have fought orcs and wraiths and all of that?”

 “Well, perhaps nothing that bad,” Faramir admitted with a chuckle.

 “Thought so.” Pippin snorted derisively. “No way anyone can just rebuild after all that.” He gestured at a pile of rubble nearby, soldiers and local citizens creating a chain as they shifted giant rocks to a wooden cart. “Not without a lot of help.”

 “Fortunately the elves are assisting,” Faramir answered, glancing at Aragorn with a wry smile. “They said to consider it a wedding present of sorts.”

 Aragorn’s eyes widened slightly. “Arwen.” He glanced at the clean up crew once more. Now that he was paying attention, he could see the odd elf in the group, examining the debris and finding the right rock to move next.  The folk regarded the elves warily but begrudging accepted the assistance. “How long have they been here?”

 “Over a week.” Faramir smiled wryly. “It was a little odd at first but the people have come around to it now.”

 “Have they?” Aragorn glanced at Pippin and thought of Boromir. Of Legolas and Gimli. The oddest of companions that were now the closest of friends. There were things that you could only learn by working next to someone, to watching them toil away with you. He tightened his grip on his reins, pulling his horse to a stop.

 “Huh?” Pippin thudded against his chest at the sudden stop. Bemused, he stared up. “See something?”

 “More of a realization.” Aragorn slipped off his mount. “I’ll go help out.”

 He was never the sort to watch from a distance anyways. Aragorn had gotten this far through hard work. This kingship would be no different.

    ii. Rohan

 “Wow.” Merry stared at the garlands strung up around the Meduseld, his eyes wide with wonder.

 “Unexpected, isn’t it?” Eowyn chuckled, amused by her companion’s amazement. To be perfectly honest, she had looked the same earlier. It had been too long since flowers lined the halls of her forefathers, since the cold grey had been washed over with warmth of a blaze and good company. The trifecta of loss, a poisonous influence, and war had left her home less than it ought to have been.

 Now, finally, it was returned to its former glory.  

 “Yeah, I didn’t think you guys even had flowers,” Merry chirped, examining a wreath on the wall. There was a long silence and then his ears burned a bright red as he realized what he’d said. Turning around, fidgeted nervously. “Not that that’s a bad thing—it looked very noble before—we just have a lot of flowers—”

 Eowyn laughed, cutting him off as he cycled through excuses. “No, no, it is understandable. We haven’t had flowers in here for a long time.”

 “Oh.” Feeling relieved, Merry smoothened down his shirt with a pleased smile. “It looks good.”

 “We’re celebrating our harvest and the end of the war, so I thought we could brighten the place.” Eowyn gestured at the torches that lit up every few metres, ensuring that no darkness pervaded her home. It felt a lot more like it did when she was younger, when her brother used to chase her through these halls and her uncle…

 She paused at the thought. He would have liked how it looked, praised her with his gentle smile and kind words.

 Eowyn wished she could have seen it. That he could have seen this. Loss, she found, sprung up in the most unexpected of places and every time it took her breath away.

 Unaware of her shifting emotions, Merry replied, “So this isn’t everyday? We have flowers everywhere at home, so it’s strange to find places without it.”

 He was smiling up at her, bright and unassuming, and Eowyn shook herself out of her thoughts. Her uncle wouldn’t want her to linger, the way he had lingered over her cousin’s death. The best way to honour him was to keep moving forward. Looking down, Eowyn asked “Is that so? I have never seen that many flowers.”

 “Well, not everywhere everywhere—definitely not on the toilets cause that’s weird but everywhere else.” Merry stroked his chin thoughtfully. “And maybe not on the paths. The proper ones, that is—the ones that we aren’t supposed to take are chock full of weeds.”

 “The ones that get you in trouble?” Eowyn teased, having heard plenty of stories about angry farmers and vegetables.

 “It’s only trouble if you get caught!” Merry retorted, crossing his arms. “And I almost never get caught.”

 “Hmm, I wonder about that.” Eowyn chuckled. Every description Merry gave of his homeland gave a warm impression. It sounded like place that would produce such wonderful hobbits, such wonderful heroes. “Perhaps I should see for myself?”

 Even Farmer Maggot sounded fun to meet. Especially since she wouldn’t be robbing him.

    iii. Mirkwood

“I did not expect you to come all the way here,” Thrandruil drawled, each word carefully articulated as though each one was a jab from one of his guard’s spears. Walking through a well-maintained path in Mirkwood, his gaze was ever upward, giving one the impression he was barely paying attention to his companion.

 Celeborn knew better than to fall for that. Thrandruil was always alert to his surroundings, however he might act, and it would take one wrong word, one false step to be barred from returning to the forest elves’ realm. “I heard the forest had cleared and thought it was a good time to visit.”

 That wasn’t a lie—the forest was brighter than it had been in centuries. The spiders were finished, their webs burned through, and starlight once more graced the elves as they frolicked in the night. Mirkwood was beautiful again.

 “It has,” Thranduil admitted with a regal nod of his head. His brow furrowed and scornfully he added, “Though it is the age of man, so who knows how long this shall last.”

 “So many elves have departed these days,” Celeborn sighed. “Lothlórien feels emptier these days, as does Rivendell.”

 “As expected. They were never tied to the land like we are,” Thrandruil spit out, contemptuous. “I am only surprised they didn’t leave earlier.”

 He should have expected that remark. Despite the time that had passed, Thrandruil’s pride was infamous and it seemed nothing could change that. “You aren’t going to answer the call?”

 “One day, maybe.” Thrandriul shrugged dismissively. “Perhaps when my son is tired of playing with dwarves and the sea. Until then, this is my kingdom and I will not abandon it while it still stands.”

 “As expected.” Celeborn chuckled. “Galadriel is also considering leaving.”

 “And you?” Thrandruil looked at him now, his brow raised curiously. “What will you do?”

 “I will join her.” Celeborn clasped his hands behind him, looking up at the starlight through the trees. It glinted off nearby goblets and here still the sound laughter and life existed. “But not for some time. Lothlórien has lost its shine and diminished. Rivendell is a tomb.” He glanced at Thrandruil. “Is there room for another here?”

 Thrandruil smiled.

    iv. Rivendell

“You look worn, old friend.” Elrond didn’t look up as Gandalf stood next to him. Despite the physical changes underwent, his voice remained ever the same, as did the comfort in his presence. “What troubles you?”

 “Things that are beyond my control.” Elrond sighed. Standing on a terrace, he watched from a distance as his daughter read a book on a bench. How much longer would he be able to witness that sight? How much longer could he just simply open his mouth and call her?

 “Ah.” Gandalf studied her for a long moment before shaking his head. “You made your choice long ago. And though you do not want to admit it, so had she.”

 “I should have realized it the moment they met.” Elrond frowned, closing his eyes. “I had hoped otherwise. Her path will be a painful one, a long one, and there will be no one to comfort her in the end.”

 “You are not staying then?” Gandalf asked, his brow raised.

 “No, I do not think I can bear to see her hair grow white. And I do not want my sons to change their mind because of their love for the Dúnedain. Besides, already the world is changing.” Elrond smiled wistfully. “There is no room for our kind anymore. It is better to accept it and leave now.” Before their images of the world was tarnished, before he could see the old places wrought with ruin. He had seen what man made, what man could do, and while there were great creations, there were more often than not ruinous. Only the dwarves could match them for greed.

 “Then fret not.” Gandalf squeezed his shoulder. “There are others here to comfort her. Thrandruil—” Elrond snorted. “—I know you do not like him, but he and Celeborn will still be here when her time comes. She will not go alone, forgotten and unloved.”

 Elrond glanced at Gandalf. “And you?”

 “Perhaps.” Gandalf only smiled mysteriously. “I cannot say where I will be or not in the years to come.”

 “Father!” Before Elrond could question him further, Arwen waved to him, a smile on her face.

 There would be plenty of time to interrogate a dodgy wizard in the future. For now, he wanted to soak in every moment with Arwen he could. There would be so few of them and his years too long after.

    v. Shire

It was strange how empty the Baggins’ home was. Samwise had taken care of it for years and had helped his father for it even longer. It had been customary to find white-haired Bilbo in the gardens, writing the next page of his manuscript. Or Frodo puttering about, laughing about the latest prank Merry and Pippin had pulled.

 Now the gardens ran wild, left unattended during their mission. That was something Sam could fix. Something he would fix.

 Something he couldn’t do anything about was how silent the rooms inside were. No fire crackled in the hearth, inviting one to rest their feet and stay a spell. There was no welcoming greeting when the door opened, no soft swear from trying to open a too tight jar of walnuts. Just complete and utter silence.

 Sam stood at the foyer, not sure if he should go further in or not. It had been one thing when Frodo had left him the key to the place, another thing entirely to use it. He could just sell it but Frodo’s history, his own history was too deeply tied to it.

 What to do?

 What to do?

 Sam took a deep breath. The air smelled musty from disuse. Frodo wasn’t here anymore. He was across the sea with the elves. A place Sam could go, if he wanted to. Another decision he wasn’t ready to make. Pulling out the key, he quickly slipped out of the hole and locked it behind him.

 Tomorrow. Tomorrow he’d figure out what he wanted to do with this place. To do with himself.

 Today Rosie was at the pub and Merry and Pippin would be back from their travels and he could just soak in the act of living.

#LOTR #lord of the rings #samwise gamgee #aragorn #eowyn #elrond #gandalf #merry brandybuck #pippin took #faramir #celeborn #thranduil #this is a fun game of guess which tag is most likely to be hit #fanfic #i like exploring the aftermath of the whole thing #or those missing quiet scenes #in this story #i wish i was better at it #I'M SORRY ARAGORN #I LOVE YOU AND YET I COULDN'T DO YOU JUSTICE #Eowyn's is marginally better BUT ALSO YOU DESERVE BETTER #SIGH

[emathevampire]

1, 9, 10, 18, 23, 24, and 37 for Alexis?

1. How does your character sleep? Peacefully, fitfully? What position do they sleep in? What is their typical bedding like?Alexis usually sleeps pretty soundly for an adventurer, with one eye open when she’s travelling on her own, but unless she’s been assigned to keep watch she knocks out and stays out. If she can’t trust her allies to have her back while she takes a rest, she wouldn’t be around them in the first place. Usually sleeps in her armour just in case of an ambush though, curled up cuddling her spear like it’s a teddy bear with her tower shield propped up as shelter.

9. Is your oc afraid of touch or do they actively seek it out? Is there a reason for this? What are the exceptions?She’s very trusting, but not physically. Her personal space bubble is as big as her spear’s reach (a good 10-15ft) unless she REALLY likes you, or is too punch drunk to stop you. Aodyni is one of the few people she really feels safe leaning on, though she’s slowly warming to a few others (she actually reached out and put a hand on Gelwyn’s shoulder to try and snap him out of a downward spiral, which I don’t think anyone really understands how bold a move that was for her). It’s mostly a result of her upbringing (her parents were... not kind or accepting, and she was often the target of bullying from other children) and internalizing the Amazon equivalent of toxic masculinity in an attempt to fit in with other women. She’s worked through a lot of that, but still finds herself in some of the pitfalls. She keeps physical contact to combat situations and anything that can easily be brushed off as being a good sport after a match. That hand up after our fight didn’t mean anything, idiot! It’s... It’s not like I LIKE you or anything...!

10.How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?Avoids it whenever possible, treats her own wounds when she can, would only seek medical attention as a last resort. She doesn’t turn down magical healing, but that’s mostly because the paladin’s not gonna tell her to take off her pants and have a seat in the middle of combat. Out of combat, she’ll hide her injuries and hope for the best until someone calls her out for it.

18.How charitable is your oc? Or are they more stingy with their resources and money?Alexis is a sellsword, so... her resources are stabbing things real good, breaking and entering, and that’s about it unless she’s recently gotten paid for one of these things. She’s pretty charitable, but only with her time. Time is money though, and while she always expects to get paid eventually, she also hands out free trials when it suits her. She expects some give for every take, and while it doesn’t have to be in gold, it has to be in SOMETHING of value. She’s not the type to toss a coin to a beggar, but if her goals align with her employer’s, she might waive her fee.

23. What is the most annoying sound to your oc? What’s the most pleasant? Is there any reason?Alexis hates it when people argue. That’s it. Argumentative tones. She values harmonious teamwork, and hates listening to dissonance among allies. She’s quick to put a stop to that nonsense, if for no other reason than it makes her blood boil to listen to. As for pleasant sounds, she plays the guitar, and the sound of harmonics is particularly satisfying to her. She uses her quick fingers to noodle with the harmonic notes and finds it very soothing.

24. What smells bring back specific memories to your oc? What are those memories like?The smell of wet leaves and wood reminds her of her childhood, which isn’t something she finds pleasant to remember. The smell of tall grass in the summertime leads her to recall her time with the Gnolls, something she much prefers to reminisce about. The flower of the Red Silk Cotton Tree brings back memories to her of a better time, before everything fell apart and she got lost in the Abyss, it’s a bittersweet memory of successes that have since become tainted by failures.

37.How much has your oc traveled? Why is this? Would they like to travel more? Or are they perfectly fine with staying home?Alexis is pretty well travelled, but only within her homeland of the Amazon Isles. She’s also seen way more of the Abyss than she ever cared to. She’d like to see more of the world outside the Amazon Isles though, about the only reason she never left was because she managed to stubbornly carve out a name and a niche for herself and wasn’t willing to leave it. But now that that’s some 70 years behind her thanks to time passing differently in the Abyss, she’s got no attachments keeping her from exploring beyond her country of origin, and wouldn’t hesitate to continue travelling with the party of adventurers she’s currently stuck with once their quest takes them off to the main continent.

#thanks for the ask!!! #funny enough I was just copying over a bunch of dialogue about the limits to her charity... #Gelwyn: 'Wait you guys are getting paid?' #Alexis: 'NO! which is exactly my point!' #rixa's rants #rixa writes #alduinsbanes

[irondadgroupie]

Bohemian Rhapsody: Chapter

A/N: Let me tell you guys, the most difficult part of this story so far, along with a chapter we are currently struggling with, was finding info about extubation. Every teaching video featured asleep patients and it was so difficult to find info about how to do the procedure while the patient is awake. 

@iamwhump and I eventually managed and we’re pleased with the results. 

“And we’re done,” Tony proclaimed with a smile and started unfastening the belt. “You did amazing, as always.”

Peter attempted to smile but only managed to curve one side of his mouth.  

Tony gathered the breathing aid into his arms and pinched the boy’s nose with a smirk: “Teacher’s pet.”

Peter shoved out his tongue: a trick he had learned from the extubation test the doctor had performed earlier that morning. In order to take the breathing tube off, Peter had had to reach numerous values and the boy had done so with flying colors. His 02- stats were up, he could lift his head off the pillow and show his tongue on command.

Tony tried to appear strict: “Hey,” he bumped the boy’s forehead. “None of that attitude or I will leave you in that machine.”

Peter fisted his hands and glared.

“You’re so cute, when you’re angry,” Tony cooed and pinched Peter’s cheeks.  

The boy would have snorted if not for the tube in his throat.

Tony took a moment to water the flowers on Peter’s bedside, Pepper had brought the boy yellow tulips, their color was like the bright autumn leaves Tony saw from the windows. He could not remember when he had last gone out.  

“When you are off the ventilator, we are going on a picnic in Central Park. Sound good?”

Peter nodded eagerly.

“Of course, we need to give it some time since you need to adjust back to eating solids. Maybe just a walk?”

The boy looked a bit crest-fallen but blinked ‘yes’.

Tony took a cup of ice-chips (they really were not too bad when you got used to them) and sat down by the bed again. He took one, fingers already melting the thing and began to slide it over Peter’s lips. At first, Tony had been worried Peter would be embarrassed with such an intimate gesture but it seemed the boy was only grateful that people were looking into his basic needs.

“You know what I just realized?” The man tried to slide some water into Peter’s mouth. “You get to do-over your first word!”

Peter weakly lifted an eyebrow.

“What was your first word?” Tony wondered aloud. “Was it Mama? Mine was Mama.”

Peter tried to shrug.  

“I have to ask May about it. But anyway, you have been here for a month, everybody is eagerly waiting for you to speak again.”

Peter shook his head and touched his throat.

“Yeah, your voice might be gone for a while but is important to try. We don’t care if you sound like an old man with stage 4 lung cancer- we love you either way.”  

Again, Peter made a weak attempt to smile, and Tony almost melted at the sight. He could barely stand the wait to seeing the typical, broad Peter Parker smile back on the kid’s lips. “Talking about that… you’ve gotten another gift.”  

‘Another’ as in ‘one other’ was more than an understatement, but he knew that Peter’s attention span wasn’t exactly long enough to focus on things for too long, and he didn’t want to make the boy feel bad for falling asleep in the middle of a gift opening.

“That one’s from Larry. That small, blond, lab guy, you remember?”  

Peter seemed to consider the answer for a second, then nodded.  

“Although… technically, it’s from me. And if you narrow it down it’s actually from Pep, so…” The glance in Tony’s eyes brightened when the kid rolled his eyes. No one could ever even possibly understand how much that simple movement meant to Tony, after almost a month of Peter laying limp and motionless on the bed. That’s probably why he’d let it come to that in the first place.  

“We never really got to celebrate our huge progress on your formula. And – you know I wasn’t a big fan of the idea – “  Who would’ve? “But you’ve been rambling so much about it that we just couldn’t resist, so…” Tony made the reveal dramatic, currently still hiding the present from Peter’s rather limited line of vision. “This is a lucky charm, alright? Not a mascot or anything.”  

Who was he kidding? Sure the stuffed yellow platypus with his white coat and the protective goggles was a goddamn mascot. It was just less embarrassing to sell it as a lucky charm since he was giving it before the extubation. As soon as the color and form were within Peter’s sensual reach, the surveillance monitor began beeping in a quicker pace, causing Tony to immediately freeze mid- motion. “You alright, kid? Does anything hurt?” The man frowned when Peter blinked a ‘no’. “I’d make a guess that this is the excitement talking.” May remarked casually, making her way back to her nephew’s bedside. “Who wouldn’t be, at the sight of a stuffed platypus five times the natural size?”  

She threw Tony a glance, and he caught her words without verbally hearing them. “So much about not spoiling him, huh?”  

With that said, Tony wished she’d needed a few minutes longer refreshing, so that he could’ve secretly revealed that he’d ordered a smaller one, too – and more practical at that – for Peter to actually have beside him.  

May just huffed, doing her best to hold back the laughter. One media cliché was obviously true: If anything, Tony Stark was a man of big gestures. Instead of mocking him, however, she decided to help Peter explore the texture, gently supporting him by wrapping his fingers around it. “Oh my goodness.” She exclaimed. “How’s this thing so fluffy?” “Hey, if I’m already ordering individualized stuffed animals, I’m ordering the good ones.” “I see.”  

There was a short pause during which both adults just enjoyed the sparkle of happiness in Peter’s eyes.   “So, a lucky charm, I heard? Good that you have it, but you wouldn’t need it, sweetheart. Yours is gonna be the smoothest extubation the medics here are ever going to see.”

Water heater clicked. Tony lifted it from the platform and filled the instant noodles cup to the line and added in the sauce powder.  

“You know those have little to no nutrition,” May pointed at the man with a plastic fork as she held a container of Caesar salad on her lap.

“But it’s quick to eat,” Tony shrugged and sat on the seat on Peter’s other side. The boy was resting up after getting excited about his gifts. The doctor platypus was lying on the bed beside him, the boy’s arm slightly cuddling it.  

It was a such an adorable sight; Tony would have saved as his phone’s background if not for the ventilator.

Once he deemed the noodles cooked enough to eat, he began his lunch hour, eyes on the clock.

“Slow down or you’ll burn your mouth,” May chewed on a piece of chicken.

“We running late on schedule.”

“Stark, your money runs this hospital. They will wait.”

“I just want to see Peter get out of that fucking monster.”

Peter moaned something in his sleep and turned around towards his aunt. Tony froze in place, heart in his throat and May’s soft glare fixed on him.  

“Shhh,” May calmed the boy down and stroked his hair. “You’re okay, sweetie.”

Peter’s fingers twitched. Tony sat down his meager lunch and lifted the stuffed animal. Maybe a bit juvenile gift for a teenage boy, but hey, the boy loved animals and anything cute. He was not going to judge.

Peter was going to need all the comfort to manage the dreaded but highly anticipated extubation.

“Here’s your little buddy,” Tony whispered gently, tickled Peter’s cheek with the platypus and tucked the toy tightly under the boy’s arm. “All good now?”

He would have sworn the boy purred.

Tony chuckled and sat down again.  

“We need to figure out what to do from now,” May approached a new topic.

Tony nodded, eyes on the food, he didn’t want to spill. “Agreed. I have already called a speech therapist. I can imagine Peter is going to have a hard time controlling his voice. Plus the pain.”

“Also, then we need to think of easing him into eating again.”

“Nutritionist?”

“Yes. Also, I highly recommend a psychologist.”

“You think he might have PTSD?”

“Maybe not necessarily PTSD since Peter doesn’t remember what happened,” May frowned. “I was thinking more about the adjustment period. He missed a month of his life. That has got to be a huge issue.”

“But he is very resilient,” Tony tried to think of the positive. “But yeah, I’m more worried about the physical incapabilities. He is used to running around. I have read that prolonged hospital stays plus immobility can cause depression.”

“There is a risk of that. Also, I would like Peter sees a neuropsychologist.”

“Alright, I can make a call,” Tony nodded. “You’re the expert here, I trust your word.”

May gave a small smile. “Recovery from coma can be very strenuous on all of us. Peter- well, it can take a while until he is himself. We need to patient but strict. If we don’t give up on him, he will feel secure and commit to the process.”

Throwing the empty cup to the trash can (which was again overflowing), Tony considered the words. So far, things had worked out great but Peter only managed to stay awake for so long and even then, he was not fully there. The boy’s attention span was short and he zoned out frequently. The doctor had assured them it was not all because of the brain injury, the drugs played a big part in it.

Little steps, Tony reminded himself. They‘d see how things worked out along the way. The only thing they could do was prepare for everything.

The noodles Tony had had for lunch threatened to make a comeback as Peter was preparing to get the breathing tube out. The boy passed the final exam with flying colors and got to choose a sticker as a reward.

Peter chose one of a puppy with a soft coat.  

Tony smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair.

“That was great, kiddo, and all you had to do was show your tongue and lift your head.”

“Maybe the most important test of your life,” May smiled and stroked the boy’s knuckles with her thumb.

Tony shook his head. “You know he has SATs coming up?”

“Oh please, you can get him to any school already.”

The man grinned. “True.”

Peter tried to smile but it was lopsided, the breathing tube was in the way.  

The boy was laid on his left side with nurses and two doctor’s hovering around him. Everyone was gentle and made cheery small-talk as they took note of his vitals and went through the process so Peter would know what to expect.

“We will keep you in the loop,” one of the doctor’s patted Peter’s shoulder. “You just relax and focus on breathing, let us do the hard work, alright?”

Peter tried to give a thumbs up but the attempt was miserable. Tony chuckled as he took his place behind Peter’s back. May sat in front of the boy so Peter could look at her, Tony would provide more physical love and support.  

“Alright, we’ll begin now.”

Peter clutched the platypus plushie to his chest, a whimper escaping his throat.

“You’re alright,” Tony grasped the boy’s shoulder and stroked his hair. “You are so strong, so brave-”

“Just breathe, Peter,” The doctor said as he and a nurse worked on releasing the tube. It was a slow process with many steps.  

“This might feel a little uncomfortable.”

Tony did not watch the process, his focus was only on Peter. He offered silent support, rubbed the boy’s arm and then placed his hand over Peter’s. He pressed the stuffed toy tighter to boy’s chest.

“Breathe, kiddo, breathe,” Tony tried to ignore the sounds coming near Peter’s mouth. What on earth were they doing, shredding the boy’s throat?

“Alright, Peter,” The doctor finally said as the only thing left was the final process. “I need you to take a deep breath and then we’ll pull the tube out. You need to exhale or cough as we take it off. You might feel nauseous but that will abate soon, I promise.”

Peter nodded and grasped May’s hand tighter.

Tony stroked the boy’s knuckles: Peter’s hand was chilled from anxiety.

“What if there are complications?” He asked and rubbed a place just beside Peter’s ear.

“Peter is what we would describe as a low risk patient,” The doctor explained. “We will put him on 100% oxygen the minute the tube is out to secure the airway and monitor him carefully for six hours.”

“He has never been taken off ventilator when awake,” Tony countered. “The only time he has been put under was when his wrist was operated.”

“Oh yes, I remember,” The doctor’s eyes twinkled. “You insisted on being in the room when they removed the breathing tube.”

Tony flushed but tried to regain his composure, even under May’s triumphant smile: “Well, it was the first time we ever put him under, I had to make sure there would be no complications.”

“You took very precise notes of his vitals-”

“Are we doing this during this century?” Tony snapped and rubbed Peter’s hand: the boy moved it so Tony’s hand laid between his own and the toy.

A nurse stepped closer.

“Here it goes, Peter,” The doctor took a hold of the tube. “Deep breath in.”

“Start thinking of your first words,” Tony whispered to the boy’s ear. Peter’s lungs expanded, he was eager to get the ordeal over with.

“And breathe out.”

Tony could not describe the sound Peter made, it was something between a long gag and a moan. The boy squeezed his eyes shut and clutched May’s hand tighter.

“A little more, sweetie.”

“Very good,” the Doctor pulled the tube out and Tony who had been waiting for words, something akin to “Thank God!” or “Hallelujah!”, cried in alarm as Peter spit out saliva and mucus.

“It’s okay,” The doctor pressed a mask on Peter’s face and Tony heard the air current that was forced through Peter’s mouth and nose. “Now just focus on breathing.”

“You’re alright, sweetie,” May rubbed Peter’s arm as a nurse moved a stethoscope over his chest. Tony could not help thinking how those muscles had deteriorated during bed rest.

“Good breath sounds on both sides.”

Tony grinned and leaned over to gaze at Peter’s hazy eyes: “You just keep being an overachiever. I’m really, really proud of you, kid. My heart’s bursting.” “Oh Peter.” May whispered, her hands moving through Peter’s curls. “You make Tony all cheesy. You make the man of steel cheesy. And me the happiest aunt on earth, believe me.”

Tony was about to return the quip, knowing that it usually cheered the kid up, but Peter’s eyes were glassy with confusion, pain and exhaustion. The man could barely imagine – and he certainly didn’t want to – how raw his throat was, or how much his lungs probably burned with the artificial support of his breathing finally gone. 

A few weeks ago, when his life had still been within the ranges of ordinary, he’d never have considered allowing his feelings show, especially not with so many people in the room, waiting the ordered three minutes to check whether or not Peter’s vitals would remain stable, so they could immediately re-intubate should the need arise. Tony hoped it wouldn’t get that far, but right now, his main priority was his kid’s mental well-being. 

“It’s fine. We’re all here.” He said, catching the boy’s glance, understanding the request without either of them verbalizing anything. Without any more reconsideration, Tony softly hummed the beautiful, nerdy lullaby into Peter’s ear, fingers gently caressing his cheeks. 

He didn’t even need to do it for long – although he would’ve sung for a year straight if needed – Peter was in Slumberland fast as light. A part of him wondered where that deep, unquestioning admiration for the kid came from. Had it been born after the car crash, when Tony had done nothing but prayed and begged for him to wake up, not wanting to waste the second chance he’d gotten with the boy? Maybe.  

But something inside him was very aware that he’d wrapped the kid in his heart way, way before that. “Sleep well, kiddo.”

The following five hours were both the best and the hardest in Tony‘s life so far. He was on edge the entire time, already fearing the worst because why would recovery be easy. But Peter, the champion he was, pulled through those hours without any respiratory issues, and not even a single serious drop in his oxygen stats. “Told you.” May remarked. “Parker’s are fighters. They’ve always been.”  

There was a sad undertone in her voice, and Tony knew better than to say anything, granting the woman a rare minute of grief. Time was cut short, however, when Peter’s lids moved slightly. Tony recognized the gesture as a sign of discomfort, and quietly ordered Friday to dim the lights to a lower level, to have Peter gradually adjust to coming to. Tony felt his heart swell as soon as he realized that the sound of his voice made the kid frown, his head lolling slightly into his direction. 

“Sorry, kiddo.”, he whispered, fingers gently massaging the boy’s knuckles before he lifted the small hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss on the back. “Take your time. We’re here.” 

It seemed to take longer than the last couple of times, but after around four minutes, Peter finally found it in himself to prevent his eyes from squeezing shut as soon as he tried to open them. He still felt strange, with his body being mostly numb but not heavy, and the soft beeping in the background somewhere between comforting and worrying. In comparison to the haze of memories he could remember from the past couple of days though, this was great.  

His eyes met his mentor’s and he forced himself to smile. There was an ‘Hey, Mr. Stark’ somewhere within him, but it didn’t dare to pass his hurting throat just yet. Mimics and gestures had to do for now. 

For Tony and May, those small things were more than enough. They cherished the simple voluntary blinking, admired the finally not lopsided smile, stored the image of seeing eyes looking at them in their memory forever. None of them would ever make the mistake to take something like that for granted. God no.

From now on, every day they got to spent with Peter would be even more of a blessing than it already was. Tony might even overwrite Friday’s programming on deleting lab sessions not marked important after a year. All of those held moments too valuable to be allowed to sink into the oblivion of a limited human mind.

Peter slowly turned for May, recognizing her soft hand resting in his hair, caressing his forehead, before he stopped in mid-movement, eyes fixed on the door half a second before it opened, a slender figure walking in. It took longer than he would have liked, but Peter managed to identify him as Rhodey, and his smile got even brighter.  

“Hey, Peter. Great to see you.”  

The boy did his best to convey the ‘Great to see you too, Sir.’ with his eyes.  

“How’s being tube free been so far?” 

“Astonishing, isn’t it?” May translated, giving Peter a question he could nonverbally answer. The blinked to signal a yes before feeling something foreign on his face that turned out to be one of his aunt’s tears. His heart quickened in pace before he could prevent it, and he weakly moved his hand up to her face to wipe the streams of water away. He hated to see May cry more than literally anything in the world. 

“Hush, sweetheart, it’s…” she suppressed a sob. “These are happy tears, Peter. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

“Oh yes.” Rhodey backed her up, resting a hand on Peter’s left leg. “All our tears have only been happy tears. You can’t even imagine how glad we all are to see you awake again. Now you’ll hopefully be better in no time.” “Sure he will.” Tony promised, having taken time during Rhodey’s short speech to blink away the wave of tears coming over him. He didn’t want Peter to see him cry. The boy needed to be the one receiving, not giving it to others. “We’ll make sure of that.” 

“Of course you will. We all will. Which reminds me… you have quite some visitors out there and they can’t wait to see you.”

#irondad #bohemian rhapsody

[bbykpoper]

Bitter Sweet Symphony

Jae x reader

part 9 - expecto patronum

words: 1.2k (probably, i'm not sure i haven't proof read this people😂)

A/N: many hints for future works will be thrown here and yeeeeaaaah, enjoy 🤗

~

Both Wonpil and Y/N stood with their brooms surrounded by more students in the same team robes. Her eyes slowly scanned over her team mates and she nodded satisfied.

"Alright ravens, today we play slytherin with all we have and all we can. I know they pkay dirty, but we play smart so I expect 100% of effort put into this game." Y/N spoke as her team mates nodded and faced the entrance to the field. "Stay clear of their beater Jihyo as well as their captain the chase JB. Our goal is to steer them clear of our seeker as well as our hoops."

They mounted their brooms as the curtains suddenly raised.

"Ravens! Take to the sky!"

The team of Ravenclaw flew out to the field, a well calculated formation already present in the sky. Not long after Slytherin joined, their snickers and smirks ever so present among them. Madam Hooch came out to the middle, her animal like eyes glaring up at the two teams.

"Now I expect a fair game from both teams! No faul play, no spell casting and most importantly NO PHYSICAL INJURIES!" Her voice was loud even over the roaring crowd. "Now then, begin!"

She blew her whistle as both captains glared at each other. The snitch flew off surprisingly fast and Wonpil was already gone, chasing it down and evading the Slytherin seeker. Both JB and Y/N went for the ball, but each time either one got it a bludger flew between them and the beaters roared with fury as the went to hit them. Y/N glanced at Wonpil to see him struggling to catch the golden little ball with speedy wings and was too slow to notice Jihyo closing in on her, her beater's bat in hand. A bludger was directed towards Jihyo and the girl smirked.

"Hey birdy captain!" Y/N eyes widened when she noticed how close Jihyo had gotten. "Be sure to treat our captain right after your team loses!"

She hit the bludger ball towards the Ravenclaw captain with tremenderous force. Y/N cussed under her breath as she got knocked off her broom falling down while it swayed next to her quickly. She grabbed it firmly and pulled it under her as she placed her feet on the handle and cut through the air to a stop. The crowd roared with heavy 'woahs' and the girl glided theough the air in a standing position, her blue quidditch robes casscading behind her. JB tried to keep up with her but the girl caught the quaffle and manouvered her way towards the hoops, scoring another 10 points for Ravenclaw.

"And the remarkable queen of the pitch, Jeong Y/N, scores another 10 points for Ravenclaw! Bringing this match to 90 points for the blue kids!" Jackson Wang screamed as the announcer, his voice ringing out around the field. "Slytherin better keep up if they wish to catch up with their 60 points!"

"I didn't know you can ride a broom like that!" Wonpil screamed as he passed Y/N. "Fucking show off!"

"Catch the snitch you bird brain! I wanna end this game already!" She stuck her tongue out after him.

Sunmi, Mark and Momo were loudly cheering for Ravenclaw as Wonpil passed them with a smile. He also noticed how the rest of his friends, the other four members of the dumb squad, stood to one side excitedly waving at him, acompanied by Suzy as well as one of Sungjin's friends from the duelling club; Baem.

Jae's eyes continued to only follow Y/N as her body twisted and turned, still in a standing position on the broom. He was fascinated by the wind which kissed her hair and smiles that played on her face.

She really looked as if she enjoyed herself up in the air. She was reall in her element.

"Wow..." He whispered out.

Sungjin looked over at Jae and hardened his gaze as Jae seemed starstruck by the girl that had both their interest. He turned to him fully, steeling his nerves and calming his voice.

"Hey Jae?"

"Hm?" The blond boy turned towards him, the amazement still in his eyes.

Sungjin clenched his jaw in anger not believing his friend would actually do this to him. Not when he called dibs on her in the first place.

"I was wondering-"

Sungjin never managed to finish his question because Wonpil ricoshaded into the crowd above them, making harsh contact with a supportive pillar in the back. Svreams of terror sounded around them as the rest of the quidditch players began falling from the sky one by one.

"Wonpil!" Y/N jumped down from her broom, running towards her friend.

Jae saw the blood oozing from the side of her head and was quick to rush over to them both. Sungjin just stood there shocked as chaos broke out not understanding anything that was happening around him. He didn't even hear when Baem called him, worry clouding her voice.

"Sungjin snap out of it!" She slapped him across the face. "We need to help your friends."

Younghyun and Dowoon were desperately trying to heal Wonpil but both only knew basic spells. Y/N stood shaking with fear as she watched Wonpil's unresponsive body covered in blood just laying there, his broom broken in half. The professors kept yelling out to the students to calmly head back to the castle, but it was no use.

They've never seen these beings in real life. They've never had to face such foul souls. To be honest the professors were scared, not understanding what in the world was happening.

Why were dementors gathering at the quidditch pitch?!

"Professor! What is going on?!" Younghyun yelled out as McGonagall came round to their group.

"We are in a state of emergency. Dementors are gathering at our school with an unknown reason and the students are in chaos." She spoke up, guiding the first years away from the chaos. "You all must return to the castle at once."

"Vulnera Sanentur." Baem whispered out softly as she gently brought her wand over Wonpil's body.

Y/N didn't hear a word leave McGonagall's lips as she stared at Wonpil. The small cut on the side of her head continued bleeding and nothing went theough her head. Not one spell to help her friend, not one spell to heal him.

"Episkey."

A soft incantation followed the wand which healed her cut and finally she blinked. Jae stood beside her, towering in height, a soft worried expression on his face. Her eyes widened in fear as JB landed beside them, pushing them both out of the way as one of those black shadowy beings came towards them. He grunted in pain as the being came close to his face and started sucking out his soul through his mouth.

"Y/N! Jae! Run!" Both Sungjin and Dowoon tried to save the both of them, but more and more dementors kept surrounding them.

Y/N looked over to Wonpil and only saw Baem struggling with the dementor that reached her, tears streaming down the girls face. In the distance, light blue mists repelled these evil demons and that's what started making the gears work in the girl's head.

But alas, it seemed too late as she fell under the dementors kiss.

"Y/N..." Jae whispered out as he too felt the terror of that kiss.

Y/N's mind struggled to think as her memories clouded her vision. One in particular stayed before her as she focused on it with all her might.

She and her brother stood beside one another holding hands, a field of flowers spread around them. A large peach tree stood sbove them, shielding their little bodies from the raging sun.

"Oppa, wanna see a trick?" She asked him, her smile missing a front tooth.

"Of course!" The little boy mimicked her smile that reached his eyes.

"I read this in one of daddy's books and when I said it they appeared." She spoke enthusiastically. "Avis."

A flock of pale yellow birds appeared, circiling them with a happy chirp. Both kids giggled in awe and continued to watch them under the tree.

That was the only happy memory Y/N had with her brother. She was only six at the time, her powers barely awakening and he was 11. His powers never even showing.

Y/N somehow grabbed her wand and pointed it upwards to face the dementor before her. She focused on that memory which held her heart in peace as well as fondness and steeled her tired gaze.

"Expecto... patronum..."

Her wand spread out a light so strong it blinded most of the students around her. Suddenly the whole quidditch pitch was bathed in blue mist as it slithered around, wipping out every dementor in sight.

As the light subdued a little bit and most students and professors managed to clearly see from their eyes, a serpent like creature glided in the air, four legs guiding it towards Y/N. It's head had prominent eyes, antlers, and long whiskers dancing lightly. It's scaes possesed manes and it's large body wrapped around Y/N's, dispersing into the air as she fainted from exhaustion.

Jeon Y/N produced a patronus in the form of a Chinese Long.

~

#kpop #social media au #day6 young k #day6 sungjin #day6 wonpil #day6 dowoon #day6 jae #day6 #hogwarts au

[envysea]

2018 in Review

I did this same questionnaire for 2017, so here it is for 2018.

What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Graduated from University. Went to China. Went to my first Pride festival. Went to my first comic convention. Started my own D&D campaign.

Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? “My goals for (2018), to graduate college, buy big kid enclosures for my snakes, get fit, draw more, and spend more time with my animals and friends.” I graduated, 5/8 of my snakes are in adult enclosures, I have lost 15lbs, drew even less than last year, still struggling socially but I’m getting better about giving my dog the time he deserves from me. My goals for 2019: Save up enough money to be able to put a deposit on buying a house. Start streaming consistently on Twitch. Learn how to knit. Plant a garden. Draw at least once a week, maybe start doing watercolor. Pick bobbin lace-making back up. Learn a musical instrument. Lose another 15lbs.

Did anyone close to you give birth? No

Did anyone close to you die? No

What countries did you visit/Where did you travel? China! I visit Beijing and Jilin as a graduation vacation with my mom. This year I also went to Portland, Oregon and San Diego,California.

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? A portfolio of artwork, photography, and crafts.

What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June 20th, when I brought my longtail boa, Amari, home. October 5th, the date my sibling and I’s application to our townhouse got accepted.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Definitely graduating from university. It took me 5 years, from losing a full time scholarship, moving out, taking a gap semester, going part time school fulltime work, and finally finishing those last few classes.

What was your biggest failure? Not pushing myself to draw or create.

Did you suffer illness or injury? Banged my head hard enough to make it bleed on Halloween. Got a wicked sore throat and cold. Broke a tooth while on vacation.

What was the best thing you bought? A new apartment to live in. I don’t own it but moving was a lot of $$ and this was definitely one of the biggest changes to my quality of life this year.

Whose behavior merited celebration? My cat Minerva for being the bestest girl. She gets sweeter every year.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Frustrated with myself. I need to get better about not complaining, communicating positively, and putting myself out there to make friends. Still a constant push to also clean up after myself.

Where did most of your money go? Besides living expenses, a fair amount was spent moving, then I spent quite a bit getting my snakes new enclosures, and then I put money into savings and treated myself to good food and other things.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Dungeons and Dragons, Critical Role, Steven Universe, registering for a ceramics class (starting next week!), my growing dice collection

What song will always remind you of 2018? Happier by Bastille

Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c ) richer or poorer? Happier, thinner, richer.

What do you wish you’d done more of? More productive in my downtime. Like if I’m listening to a podcast I want to do cross-stitch, or lacework, or knitting this year. Drawing during instead of just watching streams. If I take naps, make sure to set an alarm.

What do you wish you’d done less of? Less work. I like my job but there are so many hobbies and skills I wanted to learn.

How did you spend Christmas? First half of the day was spent lounging around at my parents, second half I went over to my girlfriend’s parents for dinner.

Did you fall in love in 2017? No. I feel as if I’m falling out of it if anything

What was your favorite TV program? I still love Steven Universe, but this year I really got into Critical Role.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I’m trying to contain the rage I feel towards my apathetic and incompetent management at my job.

What was the best book you read? The Unnamed Midwife

What was your greatest musical discovery? Mother Mother

What did you want and get? By donating plasma I was able to save up enough to buy a new graphics card for my computer. I also got myself a Kindle Paperwhite because of how much fun I had reading my grandpa’s old Kindle while on vacation.

What did you want and not get? I still really want to own my own home, but that will come in time.

What was your favorite film of this year? Mary and the Witch’s Flower

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 24 – The Saturday before it I went to one day of anime Banzai with my baby sister. I couldn’t afford the whole weekend after moving. The day of my birthday I got in an argument with my mom over financial stuff. Went home, then had a family dinner in the evening.

What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having to worry about school this fall, and moving into a better home.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Tank tops, snap backs, and ponchos

What kept you sane? Moving into a new place that doesn’t stress me out to come home to or to deal with neighbors, wasps, and bad management. My pets for snuggles and laughter. Dungeons and Dragons as a creative and social outlet.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I still remain very gay for Rebecca Sugar. If you like Steven Universe and haven’t listen to the official podcast I highly recommend it. It really is amazing to hear from the creators and actors about the love and personal experience that the show is built on.

Who did you miss? I miss my college friends. They’ve all moved or we’re estranged in some form or another. I’m very happy in the friend group I am now but it feels less like friendships I forged and more like something existing I assimilated myself into. It’s hard to explain.

Who was the best new person you met? Not necessarily someone new but I was very happy to reconnect with a friend from middle school that I hadn’t gotten to really spend time with in nearly a decade. Cambridge is my coworker now and it’s always a good day when we work together cause they have such a great attitude and are fun to talk to. They’re also the reason I finally went to SLC Comic Con :)

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. You live in the 21st century, take advantage of the medical and technological advances humanity has made. I went to a psychologist, an Ob/GYN, the dentist, and a chiropractor. I no longer have back pain or debilitating cramping and I’m on my way to managing my depression.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year

Basically the whole song fits: Get Up by Mother Mother You want greatness, you wanna taste it You wanna be a king You wanna make it, don’t wanna fake it You wanna levitate You want love, want truth, wanna feel brand new You wanna do it You got dreams But there’s something in between, man And you’re stuck there underneath them So get up, get up Get up, get up Put your head on straight Put your head on Get up, get on, get out Get up; fly away, little birdie You’re so sad, you’re so gone, you’re so lost You’re so sad, you’re so down, I wanna pick you up and put you in the clouds You want love, want truth, wanna feel brand new You wanna do it You got dreams          And you wanna set ‘em free, man But you’re stuck there underneath them So get up, get up now Get up, get up now Put your head on straight Put your head on now Get up, get on, get out Yeah; fly away, little birdie Fly away little birdie For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way I’d love to give you wings, but babe you’ve got to grow them So get up, get up Get up, get up Put your head on straight Put your head on

#naomi talks a lot #year in review #2018

[writersshock-deactivated]

Nobody ever sends these asks so imma do ‘em all.

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Um, right now? I really don’t know... Probably Panic! at the Disco’s new Pray for the Wicked album. Eh,,, Dancing’s Not A Crime, Say Amen, High Hopes, Old Fashioned, and then a couple older one’s, maybe Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time and Miss Jackson.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Jeremy. My crush from summer camp. Just to see him again instead of having to wait 10 months (that is if I can afford it when the time comes -- otherwise I may never see him again). So not exactly ‘meeting’, but.... Celebrity-wise, I don’t know. Perhaps Kamala Harris, a California politician.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“DNA is often too small to obtain reliable results.” (my forensic textbook)

4: What do you think about most?

I dunno... stuff.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

[sleepy face emoji]

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Usually underwear... it really depends whether or not I’m wearing a shirt.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I don’t know... I can rap, which isn’t strange per say but it’s weird to me.

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

Girls are freaking amazing; Boys are freaking amazing too.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Yes, 2. The negative anon and the positive anon.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

Last night, with my 1 year old sister, to Nirvana.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I’m afraid of fire. Like, touching fire or using an oven or working with boiling water.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

No, I have never stuck a foreign object up my nose.

13: What’s your religion?

Atheist, but I have a lot of opinions about philosophy and faith.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Going inside. Or ‘playing’ with my brother.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind! I love photography! Not photogenic at all though.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Well my favorite band song of all time is Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, but they’re not my favorite band. I’d have to say Twenty One Pilots or Panic! at the Disco.

17: What was the last lie you told?

‘No, I have never stuck a foreign object up my nose.’

18: Do you believe in karma?

Not as a Universal phenomena. But yeah, what goes around comes around.

19: What does your URL mean?

Um, ‘writersblock’ was taken. Shocking, right? My main, ‘almondivory’ is more interesting. It’s for my best friend Amber and me, Ian. And her shade of foundation is almond. And mine is ivory. So it all worked out.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakaness is probably laziness. Greatest strength? Passion.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Olivia Wilde, Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna, Beyonce, Kristen Stewart, Penelope Cruz, and Michelle Pfeiffer are all contenders. Yeah, Tyler Joseph and Brendon Urie too.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Not since I was little.

23: How do you vent your anger?

Sulk. Listen to soft emo music.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Mental disorders.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Online.

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Not yet.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I HATE nails on a chalkboard.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

‘What if I was rich’? Or ‘what if i was hot’? Or, perhaps, ‘what if i was straight?’

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

No. And I think there’s a possibility of some form of life from elsewhere in the universe, but not mainstream aliens.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Saydon. My neighbor in class. He’s looking at me strangely now. On the left, a cheap “wall” (room divisor).

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Not much. A hint of coffee.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

I don’t know... most recently, my brother’s bathroom. It’s supposed to be ‘ours’ but I can’t stand it.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

EAST COAST

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Well, my biological sex is female, even though I am nonbinary. So I’ll go with a male singer (also because there are too many hot girls to choose from) ... Shawn Mendes. Or Tyler Joseph or Brendon Urie.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

This is to complicated. It’s not that I don’t have opinions (i have many) but when i talk about this I talk for almost 2 hours and 40 minutes. Yes, I’ve been timed.

36: Define Art.

Creative expression.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Not really? I’m unsure what this means exactly.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

I’m in class, but when I got here it was clear and a little damp.

39: What time is it?

10:41am Tuesday October 30th

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No. Too young (14). But yes. I was in a bad car crash summer 2017.

41: What was the last book you read?

Textbook: for my forensic anthropology class. Otherwise: Summer Reading by Hilma Wolitzer

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes!

43: Do you have any nicknames?

By birth name is Fiona. Only one person in the world is allowed to call me Fifi. Otherwise, Ian, Ean, E.K, and E.L. (@scholarlypidgeot)

44: What was the last film you saw?

Not sure if it was Ocean’s 8 or Dangerous Minds.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Physical? Not sure.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Yeah, probably, but not for long. I raised caterpillars into butterflies onse.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

No, I said, like a liar.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

Demi-ace.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yes. So many.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Not in the way you’re asking.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No, unfortunately. I forgive too easily and I keep going back to the same abusive friendship.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Virgo, I believe. Sept. 16.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

If it’s my own, save up. Somebody’s else? Spend.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

2 coffees and a brownie. I’m healthy.

55: Love or lust?

Love.

56: In a relationship?

No.

57: How many relationships have you had?

1 (but liked 3 people).

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Yes.

59: Where were you yesterday?

Home.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yes. A couple of the flowers on my bag are pinkish-purple. My Ziploc bags have blue and pink strips. My jacket is galaxy-patterned and has a little pink in it. Otherwise, no.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Yes. Black with white stars, constellations, and cresecent moons. Mid-calf. Warm.

62: What’s your favourite animal?

Dolphin, elephant, owl, cat, or dog.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I ... don’t have one.

64: Where is your best friend?

About an hour away. She moved at the beginning of the month (had lived literally right across the road, like we could whisper to each other from each other’s yards.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@thethew​ @gottaenjoythelittlethingzz​ @blacktwittercomedy​ @badjokesbyjeff​ @writersupportgroup​

66: What is your heritage?

English, Scottish, Polish, German. I am a white boi/girl.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Sleeping, oddly.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Never thought about it.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

It ... depends on your definition? Think it’s pretty safe to say no.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

No.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the fucking dog!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) Yes.

b) I honestly have no idea. Probably contact all my friends from summer camp and tell them how much I love them and the camp. And find Jeremy, my summer camp crush, and tell him that I liked him.

c) Yes.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

Why?! I’d have to say trust. To not be trusted would drive me insane. And not being able to trust anyone would be awful. But love... I mean, I’d be terribly sad without it. :(

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Donald MacGillavry by Silly Wizard.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

8672 (home)

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Trust, support, communication, and understanding.

77: How can I win your heart?

Stab me and remove it in a battle. Other than that? Love me.... <3

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

YES

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

No idea at all.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

8 or 9 Women’s (US)

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Age 117 years, 4 months, and 23 days -- she was happy.”

82: What is your favourite word?

Absolutely no idea. Maybe ‘l’eau’?

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Red

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“?”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Homemade Dynamite- REMIX

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

Bright yellow - Indigo is where they all are.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I thought about this for a while. Nobody. Because everybody I hate, I’d want them to finally understand why I hate them rather than just exploding. They shouldn’t get to go that easy.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

What’s the worst lie you ever told?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Scream, throw my pillows at them, knock them all over, lock them in my bedroom, and sleep somewhere else.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Well it was okra. Absolutely. No idea what power that gives me? The power to cook delicious food with little effort would be cool.

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Dancing with Annie in 2015.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

This thing ... I ... watched. On the internet.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Not into sex. I’m gonna interpret this as ‘making out with’. Hmm... maybe Halsey? Or Brendon Urie (assuming I was instantly a lot older). <3

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Scotland.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not yet. My brother’s been close several times. Best friend’s cousin is in jail and her dad almost was (cousin for drug offenses and sexually harassing us, dad for verbally and physically abusing her).

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes. I remember twice right now. Once when I was 7 or 8 in San Francisco. Once when I was 10 or 11 after eating really greasy Chinese food.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes. Maybe about 10-15 times?

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

“YEET”.

No, seriously, probably, “Right now everybody in the world knows who I am. And that terrifies me. Also, I’m in a library so I have to be quiet. Climate change is real.”

[nctloveclub]

affection || shikamaru nara

prompt: part 2 of admirer; and a prompt from here [x]

warnings: character injury, little bit ooc shika, fluff :-)

a/n: ahhh im so happy about all the responses i got from part one!! i hope you like this :) xx also this is kinda long lol

part one

You hadn't spoken to Shikamaru since the Temari asking him out incident, given it has only been 2 days and well you weren’t doing so great. You felt as if the color had drained from the world and to add on, you had a mission coming up. It wasn’t that bad just a simple C-ranked mission, help a man back to his village and just protect him from bandits or thieves.

As you made your way back home from a meeting with your squad leader, you happened to pass by Yakiniku Q. As you walked by you saw Shikamaru and Temari sitting together. You could feel your chest start to ache as you saw as Temari placed her hand on Shikamaru’s, leaning closer to him. You let out a breath, and walked off, not having the strength to witness them. You finally arrived at your home and changed into some comfortable clothing. You got up to make yourself a bowl of ramen.

As you ate your food, you heard a knock on your door, with a grunt you got up and answered the door. You were surprised to see Shikamaru, but you couldn't help but feel sadness but also embarrassment because of your current attire, an oversized t-shirt and panties. “Hey Shikamaru, what are you doing here?” You asked, leaning on your doorframe. “Is something wrong Y/N? You haven't spoken to me since that day on the field.”

You wanted to tell him of your feelings but you couldn't, not after everything with Temari. What if they got together? It would just be awkward and you didn’t want that. “Everything’s fine, I just have a mission coming up and I want clear my head and be prepared for it.” You reply. Shikamaru nods, understanding why you've been acting so strangely. “Well, good luck on the mission and Y/N, I hope you know you could tell me anything, we’re friends.”

With that Shikamaru left. You closed your door with a sigh, and then went to finish your ramen. You put away your bowl and crawled into bed, letting sleep come to you.

It was the day of your mission and you were honestly exhausted. Your mind kept racing at the thought of Temari and Shikamaru going out and it just made you feel worse. You were physically and emotionally exhausted and you felt you were’t stable enough for the mission. But you were determined to go and get your mind off of Shikamaru. You quickly got ready and met up with your squad and leader at the gates of the Hidden Leaf Village.

You successfully finished the mission, and now you and your squad were on the way back to the Hidden Leaf Village. You were talking to one of your teammates before you heard your leader yell ‘GET DOWN!’ You and your friend quickly ducked, seeing a kunai land a couple of feet in front of you. Your team quickly got into positions, you holding your kunai in hand, your teammates having their hands up, ready to perform a jutsu.

You see 3 masked ninja appear, their weapons and jutsu ready. A fight ensues, your sensei fighting a ninja, your other two teammates fighting one and the third ninja against you. You didn’t understand why you had to fight the ninja on your own, you felt in no condition to fight but you persisted. You and ninja quickly ran towards each other, kunais in hand. The two knives clashed but you both were quick in movement. You managed to dodge his swings, then you jumped back, creating a distance between you opponent.

You took out a shuriken and threw if swiftly, scratching your opponent. In the split second, you silently celebrated but in that second it felt like minutes and you felt a blade pierce your skin. Your whole bottle started to ache, looking down you saw a knife through your chest. You look and see your opponent, a smirk visible through your mask. You felt the blade leave your body and you fell to the ground, your vision became blurry, until eventually all you saw was black.

The ninjas left as quick as they came, and your team were quick to your sides. They quickly tied a cloth around the stab wound, trying to stop you from bleeding out. Your sensei quickly picked you up and they ran towards the village.

Shikamaru stood at the entrance of the Hidden Leaf Village, looking for any sign of you or your team. He knew you were coming back today and he couldn’t wait to see you. As he sat against he trees, he noticed silhouettes running towards the entrance. He got up, realizing it was your squad, his eyes widening at the sight of you unconscious. “HEY! What happened to Y/N!?” He yelled as your squad ran past him. One of your squamates stopped in front of Shikamaru, “We ended up getting ambushed, and she got stabbed. Y/N seemed off, she did’t seem like her usual self.”

Shikamaru watched as they ran off, catching up to your other teammates. Shikamaru shook his head, not believing what he was told. “That’s not like Y/N. I’ve seen the way she trains, she’s not that careless. She should've been able to fight back without a scratch.” Shikamaru thought. But something felt off, Shikamaru had a feeling he wasn’t familiar with. He felt his chest ache at the thought of losing you. With that he brushed off the thought, then sped off, rushing to the hospital to see you.

“What do you mean I can’t see Y/n?!” Shikamaru bursted out. “Y/N is currently resting, she was hurt pretty badly you know. If she was stabbed just a couple inches over and it would've hit a major organ, she’s a lucky girl.” The nurse replied. “STILL SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND, I NEED TO SEE HER.” Shikamaru said angrily. “I understand young man, but you need to wait. You could visit her tomorrow.”

With a grunt Shikamaru left the hospital, seeing Temari outside. “Hey Shikamaru, are you okay?” She asked. “Yeah yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” A silence fell between them, leading to Temari walked closer to Shikamaru, taking his hand in hers. Shikamaru’s eyes widen at the action, seeing Temari close her eyes and lean closer to him. ‘Is she trying to kiss me?’ Shikamaru thought, he quickly moved his hands away from Temari’s, her eyes shooting open. “Oh I see, you don’t like me in that way.” Temari spoke, turning around and leaving before she could get embarrassed even more.

The next day, Shikamaru went back to the hospital, a small bouquet of flowers in hand. He entered the hospital room, spotting you sleeping peacefully. He sat next to your bed, looking at your sleeping figure. “You troublesome woman, how could you get yourself hurt like that.” He said aloud. You stirred in your sleep, moving your arm up to rub your eyes. “Shikamaru? What are you doing here?”  You asked, trying to wake yourself up. You hiss in pain as you try and sit up. “I can't see my friend in the hospital? I also brought flowers, mom made me bring them.” He grumbled, placing them on the bedside table.

“What the hell happened?” Shikamaru asked out of the blue. “What do you mean?” You were confused at his question. “I mean, I’ve seen you train. You shouldn't have gotten a scratch and you come back nearly dead. What the hell is wrong?” You were quiet, deciding if you should just tell Shikamaru the truth. “I wasn't feeling well. I was going through some things.”

“Like what? It had to be bad enough when it affects your ability to fight.”

‘It’s now or never, tell him Y/n.’ You mentally yelled at yourself. “I saw you with Temari. There, are you happy now? You got your answer.” You spat. Shikamaru was shocked, why would you seeing him with Temari affect you at all? Then something clicked in his mind as he started understanding the situation. You liked him.

“Temari tried to kiss me yesterday. I don’t know where it came from, but I rejected her.” Shikamaru spoke up. “Really? Why would you do that?” you replied with a shocked expression on your face. “I didn’t like her in that way. But y/n, remember when we you were going to tell me something, but Temari interrupted us. What were you going to tell me?” He asked and you took a deep breath. “Oh yeah, um, I was going to tell you that I had a crush on you. It’s nothing major really.” You replied.

“This isn’t easy for me. I’ve never… Not like this. But. You matter you to me. A lot. And I realized that when I saw you when you came back from your mission.”  Shikamaru spoke up. You were speechless. “You matter to me a lot too Shikamaru.” You spoke gently, a small blush coming to your cheeks. Shikamaru stood up, and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “You troublesome woman.”

i really liked this imagine but i feel like a wrote shikamaru too ooc / badly but its whatever

tagging: @hokage-sama

#my writing* #shikamaru #shikamaru imagine #shikamaru imagines #shikamaru smut #shikamaru x reader #reader x shikamaru #shikamaru fanfic #shikamaru fanfiction #shikamaru scenario #shikamaru nara #shikamaru nara imagine #shikamaru nara imagines #shikamaru nara smut #shikamaru nara fanfic #shikamaru nara fanfiction #shikamaru nara scenario #shikamaru nara x reader #reader x shikamaru nara #naruto #naruto imagine #naruto imagines #naruto smut #naruto fanfic #naruto fanfiction #naruto scenario

[zunigajeffery]

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#Rescue Remedy For Tmj Jolting Tips #Home Remedies For Tmj Ear Pain

[parabcllums]

⌜  TOM HARDY, CIS MALE, HE / HIM   |   charlie boy by the lumineers, melancholic, the maudlin   ⌟    ⏤   blink and you’ll miss ADRIAN STEPHANOS TREVOR, the THIRTY SEVEN year old son of DIANA PRINCE & STEVE TREVOR ! they’re an INDEPENDENT JOURNALIST & STARBUCKS BARISTA in town, and i’ve always found them to be pretty RIGHT-MINDED & MUNIFICENT, though i’ve heard that they can also be really IDIOSYNCRATIC & SELF DESTRUCTIVE. i don’t think getting their way is a smart thing to do - everyone knows that their ability is ENHANCED CONDITION. you can check out his stats HERE & his pinterest board HERE.

     wasn’t no HARM in him.              you’d give him a FLOWER, he’d keep it FOREVER.

SECTION ONE OF THREE: BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warning for talk of gang activities ( including gbh ), prisons, the army ( including bombs, trauma sustained while serving, consequences - mentally & physically OF serving ), more gang talk… a lot of

ah , here he is . this motherfucker. what a tool.

meet ADRIAN STEPHANOS TREVOR. he’s thirty seven years old, a twin, an older brother, a disappointment son. these days, he works as a starbucks barista and writes just enough articles in a year to be able to continue calling himself an “”independent journalist”” - but once upon a midnight dreary, ya boy was an army brat, and a little more recently, he was a member of one of london’s east end gangs.

diana prince and steve trevor were GOOD PARENTS. they WERE. when steve came back to life, he was DONE with fighting, and diana never could be. they found a middle ground, in their happiness, with steve staying in london where he ultimately raised the kids they had together, and diana continuing her hero work - the official term “co parenting”, though at times, her absence was felt. but not enough to be an excuse. adrian never doubted for one moment of his life that he was LOVED, and that his parents were ALWAYS going to be there for him. the path that adrian ultimately went down is thanks to nothing more than the environment that he grew up in, and the inherited need to DO RIGHT by the people he cared about.

it wasn’t hard for him to fall in with the wrong crowd of people, when he was younger. the east end has always been home to a whole variety of types, but if you were the sort of teen that adrian was - hot headed, quicker to throw a punch than he was talk it out, pretty bright, but never willing to apply himself - you were destined to draw the WRONG sort of attention. he was rebelling, for no particular reason, and in afterschool detention, he met the people that would shape his early life. they weren’t the gang. they liked to THINK of themselves as such, but they were just kids playing pretend - they walked the walk and they talked big but they weren’t QUITE there, but there enough that adrian got himself in to quite a bit of trouble.

he thought the world of them. this small squad of kids all around his age became like FAMILY, and he was willing to do anything, or go anywhere, if it meant keeping them in his eyes on them and maybe, keeping them out of trouble. to this day, he’ll say that’s how it started - he just wanted to keep his FRIENDS out of trouble. they were already in so much of it. how that led to destruction of property, petty vandalism, THE GREVIOUS BODILY HARM THAT GOT THEM ALL ARRESTED, no one really knows. likewise, to this day, no one from that gang of schoolkids has ever broken their silence on who exactly did the DAMAGE to that guy that pressed charges after being beaten half to death. it had to be one of them, but the police thought it was all of ‘em. when no one would reveal the truth, adrian and his “friends” all faced the same punishment. TWO YEARS, in her majesty’s prison woodhill - a young offenders institution willing to accept kids younger than eighteen, where adrian was to spend the latter half of his fifteenth year, his full sixteenth, and three months of his seventeenth.

loyalty to his troubled friends, all the better off for being locked behind bars, had gotten adrian stuck in the same situation. but loyalty, he learned in his time at woodhill, was currency. it was the difference between life or death.

it made sense, then - at least in HIS EYES - to join the british army. before his fall from grace, he had been seriously discussing the army cadets with steve. he’d kept in shape, had learnt some control over himself, and felt like that was where he BELONGED, upon release. before he knew it, he was EIGHTEEN years old and shipping out - and maybe it’s not right to say, but the army was probably the best place for him. for the next eight years, he did tours on and off, spending minimal time back home. sometimes, the only reason he even came back was for theora. and it was GOOD for him. it kept him off the streets. it kept him away from his old friends, and kept him from making new, worse ones. he had the routine that the young offenders institution had taught him. he had a place. a role. a reason, to keep getting up. by the time he was twenty seven, he was on the fast track to being someone BETTER -

his career came to a sudden end when the jeep that he and his team were driving in ran over a mine. he was one of an unlucky few - without his enhanced condition, he would have joined the rest in the AFTERLIFE. HE SURVIVED, but muscle and nerve damage meant that he lost the full use of his right leg, and maybe they would have given him a chance to try and improve, but no doctor was going to clear him for service again, thanks to the additional traumatic brain injury sustained. he was in a coma for a week. when he woke up… his general cognitive function was sure never to return to where it once was. he IMPROVED. he worked on it, in vain, hoping that he could still go back. but his memory was always going to be impaired. his brain was always going to be shot.

he was honorably discharged and he returned to the east end, a self professed failure.it only got worse. he wasn’t getting out of the house. he wasn’t taking visitors. diana and steve, theora, they could only do so much - and when he started to go down to the local, again, they thought that it was GOOD, that he was starting to come back to himself a bit. the truth was, he was back in contact with old friends. he was rubbing shoulders with the WRONG sort of people. he was getting himself INTO TROUBLE, again - putting himself into a difficult position of starting down the same path that had landed him in the youth institute, years before.

and then he got MARRIED. he never even told his mother. he had never thought of this particular old friend in that way until he DID, and he needed SOMEONE - ANYONE, back then, to latch onto. looking back, it was unfair. she was in a position of having to care for him, and deal with his WORST moods, which no one should have been in. but they convinced themselves it was love. they convinced themselves, in spite of the arguing, that they BELONGED together - right up until they couldn’t DO it anymore.

he self medicated, after. he stopped trying to get BETTER. and he WALLOWED. the only person he truly had anymore, he felt, was his TWIN - but it was UNFAIR to rely on them, so much. adrian’s darkest impulses at this point in his life were almost impossible not to listen to, and in a way, he got LUCKY.

a light at the end of the tunnel appeared, when the news came of the BABY. HIS. the product of a brief liaison with a sharp tongued lady that had swept him off HIS feet - he was an AFTERTHOUGHT, the text from a forgotten number that told him about their SON told him that much. but he would have done more, if he’d known. he told himself that, over and over, as he tried to work out what to do - and after a lot of uhmng and ahing, he decided that the RIGHT thing to do, the ONLY thing, was to leave for america hot on her heels. it wasn’t IDEAL. but being in a new country, trying to put himself onto some sort of straight and narrow so that he could BE a dad… it gave him hope that at the end of the day, maybe he could dig himself out of the mess that he had made out of his life.

he got a job. he’d already started working as an independent journalist in england, another way to pay the bills, but he got another - and he got CLEAN. no more drugs, even if he was still as much of an alcoholic as ever. he tried to be better, for his kid, the ACCIDENT that he LOVED, before he even met him - and because if he could do it, if he could make himself better, then maybe he could still get out. maybe he could create a safety net to fall into, if he finally cut ties.

SECTION TWO OF THREE: HEADCANONS

how to tell that underneath all his bad decisions he’s still actually a GOOD guy? his love of dogs. that’s it. he’s had a cool dozen over his entire life, but right now, he has THREE. paddy, his nine year old staffie x, dingle, his five year old irish wolfhound, and nessie, his six month old aussiedoodle. they’re all rescues, and they’re all.. so loved. he’s lowkey using them as therapy dogs without any sort of official therapy dog training cos why the fuck not.

he can’t concentrate as well as he used to be able to. he struggles to see how some actions he makes will have consequences. he speaks too low. he doesn’t always understand what’s being said to him, or what he’s saying. he doesn’t perceive things the same anymore, like certain tastes. he doesn’t catch the gist of certain patterns and things and struggles to interpret certain data correctly, sometimes. he doesn’t have great depth perception. he’s more susceptible to bouts of severe depression and irritability, he suffers from a severe sleep disorder, he’s not great with loud noises, he still walks with a incredibly pronounced limp, and he suffers chronic pain. he didn’t leave the army unscathed.

i cant believe thats all i got but its all i got.

SECTION THREE OF THREE: WANTED CONNECTIONS

his older sib ! his younger one ! the mother of his child ! all good connects ! 

friends from london.

friends he’s made since moving here.

someone please fucking hire him he’s a good gd bartender i dont even rmbr why i made him a barista but someone ,,pls,, get him out of that gd job

also SOMEONE please give his ass a platform… read his writing..he’s good…..hire him

ENEMIES ! from anywhere. for any reason. mayb they fought once. maybe he wrote the wrong name on their starbucks cup. go wild , the world is your oyster

justice league kids … literally any kids he could have grown up w like i dont think he was ALWAYS in england so … give him those #connections

gang connections ! if ur character is in a us based gang its always a possibility that they have a sort of .. brotherhood.. whatever u call that with the east end one that adrian is stuck in , so , hmu

also , army ppl. they could have served together. maybe.

army ppl he def didnt serve with but who he.. is..jealous of

or who he wants to help if theyve got it #rough cos yeah he’s been there

lit just…….plot..w.him

#⌜ ･ﾟ ★ ･ * and your life is a long line of ‘fine’ ― biography. ⌟ / trevor.

[beatrice-otter]

Fic: A Purpose-Driven Life

Authors for SSR_Confidential_2017 have been revealed! I wrote A Purpose-Driven Life for sapphire2309. And, uh, in a STUNNING lack of connecting-the-dots, I didn't check before asking the only other person volunteering as a beta to beta for me. And did not notice that I HAD GOTTEN MY RECIPIENT TO BETA FOR ME until I was uploading my fic. ::facepalm:: Also, I am hovering really close to burnout, and so I don't think I should do any more ficathons for a while, much as I love them.  The last two, I wasn't able to actually get myself to write until the deadline was bearing down on me, and then I was in pure panic-mode and not really able to make good writing and editing decisions.  (Thank you to those who have held my hands through this.)  I don't need the extra stress. Anyway! I like this fic, here it is. Title: A Purpose-Driven Life Author: beatrice_otter Fandom: Agent Carter Rating: PG Characters: Dottie Underwood, Agnes Cully | Whitney Frost Word Count: 6,194 Betaed by: sapphire2309

Written for: sapphire2309

Summary: Dottie escapes the Red Room as a child. Everything goes differently from there.

AN: ::hangs head in shame::  Why yes, yes I DID accidentally ask my recipient to beta for me without even realizing it until I went to post. I AM SO SORRY, SAPPHIRE2309! I swear I will never ask for a beta without double-checking who the recipient is!

AN2: Yes, I know, I have fiddled with the timeline. According to the show, Dottie Underwood was a pre-teen in 1937, while Whitney Frost was already an adult living in California and starting to work as a model/actress by 1934. I have made Dottie older and Whitney younger, to match.

AN3: I was not able to figure out the cost of a mob hit in the 1930s. However, I was able to find the cost of hiring a hitman in 2013 (http://ift.tt/2tiSTH0), and use a historical inflation calculator to figure out what that would have been in 1935 money.

AN4: in your letter, you said you love stone-cold-terrifying villain!Whitney, but you also ask for what would have happened if she'd gotten what she wanted (science) in the first place. And I think in that case, she wouldn't have needed to become stone-cold-terrifying villain.

At AO3 and FF.net and Dreamwidth

Vsevolod's hands scrabbled for purchase on the side of the building, and, desperate, he hissed at her to help.  He was weak. He, the great agent of the motherland, should have made the jump easily.  Any girl in the Red Room could have, and he was supposed to be her superior. She had made it, and she had been shot—twice—while he was unharmed.

In the Red Room, any girl to miss such a simple thing would be left to suffer the consequences.  Madame would never have allowed her to help a girl so stupid.  They would have watched them fall to their deaths, and taken the warning.

She did not need the warning, and there was no one else but the fascists patrolling below to learn it, but neither did she need Vsevolod's incompetence hindering her actions.

Vsevolod's eyes were wide, frantic, his voice strangled, as he ordered her to help him.  But he was not Madame, and so the girl … didn't.

He fell, and she did not stay to watch him hit the pavement.  Even the fascists, incompetent as they were (and they were worse than Vsevolod) would hear it and come.  But even with the guards on alert, she would have an easier time escaping without him. The entire mission would have been easier without him, and if she had not been forced to fix his mistakes, she would not now be injured and their cover would not now be blown.

She was disgusted, more than anything.  If Vsevolod Petrovich Kuznetsov was the flower of Soviet manhood, the best the Motherland could offer, then the Motherland did not deserve to survive. It was a simple thing to escape the office building holding Nazi scientific research, and slip off through the city.  She was half a mile away when the explosions and fire started, and she smiled at the result of her handiwork before continuing on her way.  It hadn't been part of the plan, but once they had been discovered, they had needed to destroy any evidence of what they had been looking for and who they were.

 She now understood Madame's reaction to the NKVD man who had come to requisition a girl from the Red Room. He had told them it was an honor to be selected, that the lucky girl would learn much from Comrade Kuznetsov, that she would see how true Soviet Men were destined to rule the world.  Madame had not contradicted him, but neither had she agreed, and all the girls could read every fraction of a line on Madame's face. And Madame had been as close to laughing as she had ever seen her.

 New Soviet Man indeed, the girl fumed.  If anyone were to rule the world, it would be the New Soviet Women of the Red Room. Mother Russia would be better off without him.  But she knew she would be punished for his death.  Madame would not care he was dead, but the NKVD man would, and Madame would care that she had killed him without instructions.  Daughters of the Red Room were to kill easily, quickly, and often, but—as with everything they did—only under orders.

The information had been transmitted over the radio before they had begun to make their way out, and anyway she would need a different way back to Russia, now that Vsevolod was dead.   As she skulked through the city to find a place to hide until things were quieter, she pondered what to tell them. One lie after another was discarded, as was every omission or shaded truth.  She could not lie to Madame.  Madame knew her as intimately as she knew Madame.  Madame would know, and it would only worsen her punishment.  No, punishment was inevitable.

It wasn't that she was afraid of it; endurance of physical hardship was routine, ordinary.  Pain in her life was more common than comfort.  But it would be humiliating, to be known to have failed in this way; and the consequences would last a tediously long time.  She could not regret Kuznetsov's death, but neither was she looking forward to what was to come.  She would return to the Red Room, and she would be punished.

…

Unless she didn't return. This was such a novel idea that it almost distracted her.  She retreated into an alley, behind a pile of pallets, and thought about it.  Comrade Kuznetsov had reported her injuries over the radio.  He was now dead.  Certainly, the NKVD would believe that she would be even less competent than their great agent, and had also died.

Madame would not.  Madame knew her capabilities.  Madame would know she had survived, and hunt her down.

But possibly not, if there was a body.  With the fire, there would be no way to positively identify that it wasn't her. And even if Madame suspected, she would not want to show weakness by admitting a child of the Red Room could escape.

She knew how to get bodies.

It was a simple matter to find an apartment with a girl her size in it.  Even simpler to slip in, put a pillow over her face, and smother her in her sleep without ever waking the parents sleeping in the next room.  She dressed the corpse in her own clothes, packing the corpses's belongings in a bag she found.  With any luck, they would believe the dead girl had run away.

It was a little awkward carrying the corpse and the bag and the pillow, but doable.  Once in a more secluded location, she used the pillow as a crude silencer and shot the corpse in the places she herself had been shot. A stop in a garage got her fuel to douse the corpse in, so that it would burn beyond recognition.

The most difficult part of the whole operation was evading the firemen to dump the corpse in the burning building, but she managed handily.  She had learned her work well.

Then back to the garage where she had left her new possessions.  There was a sink which she used to bathe, and tools which she used to remove the bullets.  The pillowcase became bandages.  Dressed in the dead girl's clothes, which were now hers, she walked out onto the street as dawn broke.

***

At the train station, a charming young girl introduced herself as Adette and bought a ticket to visit her sick grandmother in Bremen.

***

The hardest part of the journey was smuggling herself across the Atlantic.  An adolescent girl travelling alone on a train to visit her grandmother was one thing.  That same girl traveling alone across an ocean was more memorable.  And Adette (now Vera) did not want to be remembered. At all.

It was a pity this opportunity hadn't waited a year or two, Vera thought as she hid in the hold of a tramp steamer.  Her figure was just starting to mature, and if she'd had hips and breasts it would have been a simple matter to make herself up to look older, and then she could have travelled more comfortably.  Still, there was something so exhilarating in making her own choices without Madame's iron-fisted control.

***

Vera (now Doris) liked America. It was big, it had a lot of people, and it was firmly isolationist.  No one cared what was going on in Europe, and for that reason, the Red Room cared little about America.  And there were so many people to watch, to copy, so many people to become.  She'd been free of the Red Room and Madame for almost a year, now, and she'd been twenty different people, and she'd liked being each and every one of them.

She'd spent the whole time travelling, because an adolescent girl travelling alone was less conspicuous than an adolescent girl settling down somewhere.  In about six months, she estimated, her figure would be developed enough that she could settle down if she wanted and get a job and a room in a boarding house and build a permanent identity.

If she wanted to.  The kind of jobs they tended to hire young girls to do were awfully boring.  And well beneath her qualifications.  Really, it was a lot more fun to pick the pockets of unsuspecting fellow travelers and book her next ticket to wherever caught her fancy.

In any case, she had six months or so to decide.  Longer; there was no rush, really.

***

The longer Doris (now Millie) was free, the more bored she got.

If she had realized that ahead of time, she might have reported in as she was supposed to.  Yes, she could make her own choices and her own plans … but now that she did not have to worry about the Red Room, what choices and plans could she make that would be worthy of her skills?  If she were no longer working for the glory of the Motherland and the advancement of the Red Room, what was she working for?  She was a bullet with no target.

Her days in the Red Room had been hard, very hard.  But they had also been full, filled with lessons and tests in everything from academics to combat to interrogation, both resisting it and doing it.  She had spent hours perfecting her tradecraft as a spy, learning every possible way to blend in.  Even when her training had been tedious or painful, there had always been a purpose to it a goal.  The promise that one day, she would be the very best, and would have things to accomplish that no one else could ever do.

Well, she was the best. Certainly better than that fool of an NKVD man.  And what was she accomplishing?  Nothing beyond her own survival.

She picked a few pockets for money, and got a train ticket.  She stayed on the train until she arrived at whatever city she had chosen.  She watched the scenery, she watched the people, she played the part of a young girl traveling alone.  Then she got off, spent a few days in whatever city she found herself in, kept up her training as best she could on her own, picked another few pockets, and got back on the train.

Survival and independence was all well and good, but she was a polished weapon.  She was stagnating, she could feel it.  Losing her edge.

Madame would sneer, to see her with no goal other than her own survival.

But what could she do that was worthy of her?

***

Traveling through Oklahoma had been a mistake, Millie (now Dottie) realized.  With the Dust Bowl, farmer after farmer had gone under, and in a farming state that left not much but poverty.  There wasn't much to steal to buy a ticket with, and it was harder to stow away on a train than a tramp freighter.

Still, the people were interesting.  People always were, she had learned.  Dottie liked watching them and wondering what it was like to be inside their silly little minds, with such narrow concerns and all the constraints of society just hemming you in.

Every now and then she saw someone who had a glimmer of something more.  A fire, a spark, something about them that wasn't controlled by the world around them.  A purpose. And then Dottie would stay and watch, or maybe strike up a conversation.  (Maybe if she talked with enough of them, she would find a purpose for herself.)

Dottie wasn't expecting to find such a person in Broxton, Oklahoma, but it was especially nice to find one who was a girl, like her.  Agnes Cully was so controlled, so quiet, as she moved around the diner taking orders. But then you looked in her eyes, and there was fire in them.  She was a few years older than Dottie, her figure developed and her looks good no matter that she didn't dress to accentuate them.  And on her breaks she read big, thick books, math and engineering.

Dottie got herself a job washing dishes in the diner, telling the owner a sad story of too many mouths at home to feed and needing to make her own way in the world.  It got her a menial job and a cot in the back room. And time to make friends with the intriguing Agnes.

***

Agnes, it turned out, didn't say much.  Or, at least, not much that mattered.  She said all the right social nothings, but it took a while for Dottie to worm her way inside her trust.  In the time that took, Dottie learned a lot of things about Agnes from gossip.

She learned that Agnes' mother Wilma was "no better than she ought to be" and that Bud Schultz paid the Cully women's bills.

She learned that Bud Schultz was best friends with the county Sherriff and played poker with the town doctor every Friday night, but no female in town between the ages of ten and thirty wanted to be in the same room with him, if they could help it.

She learned that Agnes was considered strange, and the only girl in town who had made it all the way to her senior year in high school in the last three years—some even said she was trying to get into college.

She learned that half the town thought Agnes was turning tricks on the side, despite the way she avoided most men when she could and practically flinched when she couldn't.

But that was all on the outside, and it told Dottie nothing about Agnes' spark, about the person inside the shell.

Dottie had the money for a ticket, now, but she stayed.  What made Agnes tick?

***

The books were Dottie's way in. She asked Agnes if she could borrow them before they were returned to the library.

"I doubt you'd like them," Agnes said coolly.  "They're not novels."

"I don't read novels," Dottie said.  "I like learning."  It was true, although if she were going to study science she'd prefer anatomy.  More practical use, in her line of work.  Her former line of work, that was.  She'd had too much instruction-via-fiction to find stories interesting for their own sake.

"All right," Agnes said doubtfully, still looking for a catch.  How delightfully suspicious she was!  "You can read it as long as it's back in the library by Friday—I can't afford the fines."

"Neither can I," Dottie said brightly.  "Don't worry, I'll take really good care of it!"

And she did.  And the book gave her a marvelous excuse to ask Agnes questions, to explain it all, and as it turned out, that was the key to Agnes' passion.  Within a week the two were, in the words of the diner's owner, thick as thieves.

***

Dottie watched from the kitchen as Agnes tried (unsuccessfully) to avoid getting groped by Bud Schultz, saw the way every muscle tightened in resistance.  And saw how the sleazebag walked out of the diner whistling, no tip.

"Why do you let him do that?" she asked, after both their shifts were over and they were sharing a cigarette out back.

"You think I have a choice?" Agnes said bitterly.  "Mama would throw me out if I made him unhappy. She's always on me to be nicer to him, as if that will make him more generous."

Dottie snorted.  "That's a foolish hope, if ever there was one," she said.  "He ain't got a generous bone in his body."  She took a last drag of the cigarette and handed it back to Agnes.

"She's worried about losing him," Agnes said.  She took a puff, breathed the smoke out through her nose.  "Thinks maybe she can get him to marry her, eventually."

"Your mama's not very bright, is she?" Dottie said.  "But you know you don't have to stay.  We could just hop on a train, go to a big city, get a job there, and you'd never have to see Bud Schultz again."

Agnes shook her head. "I can't.  I have to finish the school year, have to get my diploma, so I can apply to college.  If I can get them to take me, I'll be out of here, and not just to another situation that's as bad or worse.  I'll have a chance to really do something.  If I can just stick it out here another six months."  She stared down at the dirt beneath them. "If I can just avoid his hands until then.  Once I'm in college, everything will be different."  She said that a lot.

"Don't you worry, Agnes," Dottie said.  "He won't ever touch you again.  I'll see to that."  She smiled.

***

When the news came that Bud had been found dead in an accident with his hunting rifle, Agnes stared at Dottie with narrowed eyes.  Dottie smiled back happily.  Nobody suspected a thing, and she hadn't gotten to kill anyone in over a year.  It would have been fun planning the whole thing out anyway, but even more so knowing she was protecting her friend.

"Did you do it?" Agnes hissed later when they were alone.

"Me?" Dottie said, widening her eyes in surprise.  Agnes sure was smart, and it wasn't just book smarts, either.  How fun!  "How could I have done it?  I'm just a girl, and he was a big strong man. Besides, you heard what everyone is saying—it was an accident."

Agnes grabbed her and shoved her up against a wall.  Dottie could have escaped, of course, but Agnes would never hurt her, and besides, she wanted to see what would happen.  This was the most fire she'd seen in Agnes yet.  "Don't play the innocent with me, Dottie, I know you, and we both know a girl can do a lot of things people don't want to believe she can. Did you kill him?"

"Does it matter?" Dottie asked.  "You don't ever have to worry about him again.  You can't tell me you're sorry he's dead—I won't believe it."

"I'm not, but … but killing is wrong," Agnes said.  Anyone else might have thought she meant it, but Dottie could feel the relief in her, the hope.

"You don't really believe that," Dottie said, smiling.  "Not when it's a jerk like Bud.  I bet there's only five women in the whole county who aren't breathing a sigh of relief right now."  Agnes' grip loosened ever so slightly.

"If someone did kill him, it was a public service," Dottie said.

"Don't … don't kill for me again," Agnes said.  But her eyes told a different story. There was gratitude there.

"You don't really mean that," Dottie said confidently.  "Now.  Finish your school, get your diploma, and then let's get out of here."

***

As it turned out, Agnes graduated top of her class, but the university wouldn't take her in the science program.  Agnes was devastated.

"There, there," Dottie said, holding her and rubbing her back in a comforting technique she'd seen many mothers use on distraught children.  She was quite pleased with herself for figuring it out—comfort not being a thing she had much personal experience with.

Agnes sobbed some more.

"There, there," Dottie said.  "It's not the end of the world.  It's not the end of your dreams.  We'll go someplace else, and then you can get into a different school—a better one than the University of Oklahoma.  Or you can get a job in a research lab—you're smart enough, even without the fancy piece of paper."

"But what if they don't take girls, either?" Agnes asked.  "And it'd probably be more than we could afford."  Even when Bud had been at his worst, Dottie had never heard Agnes sound that defeated.  Like there was something broken inside her.

Agnes shouldn't have to feel that. Agnes should be able to show the world the fire that lit her.  Agnes should be able to burn the world down, if she wanted.  "You just leave that to me," Dottie said.

Agnes pulled back and stared her in the eye.  "You planning to kill someone?"  She was trying to sound disapproving.  It wasn't very convincing to Dottie, who knew her better than her own mother did.

"Why, Agnes, I'm shocked," Dottie said.  "I thought you were smarter than that.  If I killed a dean or someone, they couldn't order you to be admitted from beyond the grave, now, could they?"

"No, I suppose not," Agnes said tiredly.

Torture was out, too, because in the long run, the years Agnes would be at school, it had too great a chance of coming out somehow.  But it was truly a shame Dottie hadn't been able to find any blackmail material for the dean or president of the University of Oklahoma.

Still, there had to be a university out there with a first-rate science program that had an administrator Dottie could blackmail.

"Now, I know it's hard," Dottie said, "but here's what we're going to do.  We're going to pack our things, and get on the train to wherever you want to go, and we'll get you into a school there. Okay?"  It was lovely to have a goal, a purpose to accomplish.  Dottie could feel parts of herself stretching and waiting that had lain dormant since her escape.  Perhaps it didn't matter if she didn't have a purpose of her own; she never really had, had she?  All she needed was someone else with a purpose she could help accomplish, who needed the things only Dottie could do.

"Okay," Agnes said.

***

A week later they were in Los Angeles, California, with jobs in a diner and a shared room in a boarding house. Agnes spent every spare minute studying, and so did Dottie—school administrations, not physics.

"Oh, it was worth it coming out here even if I never get into college!" Agnes said with glee one day, flopping on her bed and holding a book up in triumph.  "The public library has so many more books!"

"Wonderful," said Dottie indulgently.  "I'm so glad you're happy.  Which school do you think you'd want to go to?" Dottie soaked in Agnes' enthusiasm, it was so exhilarating to be around.

"Oh, probably UCLA," Agnes said.  "I know it's mostly a teacher's college, but they do have a science department that's not bad, and because it's a teacher's college, they have a lot of women on campus.  USC would be a second choice; they're more expensive, and their physical science program focuses mainly on turning out engineers, and I want to do theoretical research.  But they take women, too, even in the science classes!"

"Which one has that man you were excited about?  Millikan? You've read his textbook twice already."

"Oh, he's the chairman of the Executive Council at the California Institute of Technology," Agnes said.  "If I really could go anywhere, that would be it.  They've got Millikan and a whole lot of other big names in physics. Millikan's got a Nobel, did you know that?"

"Does he?" Dottie said. She knew, of course, because Agnes had told her, but she liked seeing Agnes this way.

"Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful to study with him?" Agnes said.  "But CalTech doesn't take women, and they're awfully expensive."

"But if you could, you'd go there?" Dottie persisted.  UCLA and USC would be easier to get Dottie into, because they took women, but if pressure was needed they were larger schools—more people to get to. CalTech would definitely need the pressure, but it was smaller and younger and so there were fewer people making the decision.

"Absolutely," Agnes said.  She sat up and stared at Dottie.  "Dottie, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that everyone has pressure points," Dottie said.  "And anything's possible, if you're willing to do what it takes."

"If it gets me into CalTech, I'll do anything," Agnes said.

"So will I," Dottie said.  She smiled.

Agnes looked at her, and Dottie could see her thinking it over, what it meant.  Agnes still wasn't used to killing, wanted to do things the way society said was right, though Dottie had never figured out why.  Thank goodness she seemed to be getting over it. They both knew that if society had its way she'd still be back in Oklahoma trying to stay out of Bud's sweaty hands or working at some diner or other, wasting her time and her brain. Or married to some farmer who wanted a cook and a maid he didn't have to pay.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Dottie," Agnes said.

***

The head of the maggia in LA was a guy named Joe Manfredi.  Everyone knew that; he'd taken down his rivals in a bloody gang war a few years earlier.  Getting his location was a little harder, but it did Dottie good to flex her training for once.

"So what's a pretty young thing like you want to be a hit man for?" Manfredi asked.  She'd bluffed her way past his guards fairly easily—thank God she'd finally developed a usable figure—and seated herself at his table at the restaurant where he held court.

"I'm pretty good at killing," Dottie said.  "And I figure, if you've got a talent, you should use it.  And why do something for free when you can get paid for it? Beats waiting tables."

He laughed.  "That it does, babe, that it does.  I like you.  Okay."  He snapped his fingers, and one of his goons pulled out a notebook and a pen and handed it to him.  Manfredi wrote down a name and an address in it.  "If he ends up dead in the next week, I'll pay you $350.  $400, if it looks like an accident."

"Accidents take more time," Dottie said.  "$600 for an untraceable accident."

"$400 if it looks like an accident at first, and another hundred if it gets ruled an accident and there aren't any more questions by a month from now," he countered.

"Make it a hundred and fifty, and you've got a deal," Dottie said.

"All right," Manfredi said.  "A hundred and fifty.  What's your name, kid?"

"Dolores Miller," Dottie said.  It wasn't a name she'd ever used before, which meant it was a name that couldn't trace back to Agnes.  "I'll be back for my money in a week."

***

It was an easy accident to arrange.  The target had his own fruit trees, which he pruned himself, and it was a simple matter to weaken the ladder so it collapsed under him.  And his pruning knife just happened to lodge itself in his gut as he fell—what a shame.  It wasn't quite as satisfying as killing Bud had been, but she wondered why contract killer hadn't occurred to her as a career choice.  Well, it wasn't like she'd been old enough to get hired to do it until now.

In any case, the money bought her a lot of information on the members of the Executive Council at CalTech. Some of them were squeaky clean, as far as she could see … but not all of them were.  Infidelities, homosexual affairs, dirty finances, stealing the work of other scientists.  One, she found with glee, was in hock to Manfredi with quite substantial gambling debts.

***

"You sure do good work," Manfredi said after her third kill for him.  He admired the pictures.  This one had been something of a test—he'd wanted it messy, and he'd wanted documentation.  He probably thought she'd be too delicate for the job.  In Dottie's experience, women were a lot less squeamish than men were. And she had no problem with the mess, except that she'd been careless enough to get blood on her coat, and it had taken ages to get it out.  Madame would have been so disappointed.  Might even have killed her for it.

"Thank you, Joe," Dottie said, glancing around his office.  It was the first time she'd seen it; he didn't want to look at the pictures over a meal.  It wouldn't have bothered Dottie's appetite one bit, but men were more squeamish.

"I got another one for you," he said.  "This one's gonna be a bit trickier."

Dottie nodded along as he explained.  Still not much, compared to what the Red Room had trained her for, but beyond any of Manfredi's hired thugs.  But when he got to the subject of payment, she shook her head.  "I don't want money for this one, Joe," she said. "I want a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Manfredi asked, sitting back in his chair.

"An easy one," Dottie said.  "I've got a friend.  She's really good at physics.  Brilliant. You wouldn’t believe her mind. She wants to go to CalTech, because it's the best.  Just like she's the best.  But they don't take women."

"And you've done your homework and you know all about Merle Hutchinson's bad luck with the ponies," Joe said, nodding.  "And you want me to take part of my debt out in trade, getting your girl in."

"That's about the size of it," Dottie said.

"You know he's not the guy who's gonna make the final decision on this," Joe said. "I mean, you're going to have to get to others on the board, you know."

"I can do that, no problem," Dottie said.  People were so easy to manipulate, if you held something over them.  And the ones Dottie couldn't blackmail, she could seduce or threaten as needed.  Her job as Joe Manfredi's favorite killer would be more than enough help.

"I bet you can," Joe said.  He thought for a few seconds.  "I want to meet her."

"Pardon me?" Dottie said.

"I want to meet her. Your girl."  Joe shrugged.  "I'm putting my neck out that she's as good as you say she is, I want to meet her beforehand."

"All right," Dottie said.  "I'll arrange it."

***

"And why would the head of the LA maggia care about whether or not I get into CalTech?" Agnes asked, skeptical.

"He owes me," Dottie said.  "Or he will soon, anyway."

"In other words, you're killing people for him," Agnes said, making a face. "Anybody important?"

Dottie considered. "Nobody you'd care about."

Agnes sighed, staring out the window at the brick wall of the building next to their boarding house. "And he has the board of CalTech in his pocket?" she said distantly.

"One of them," Dottie said.  "I can handle enough of the rest to get you in.  Then you just have to be your normal, brilliant self and prove us right."

"I'd rather get in because I'm good enough," Agnes said.  "I should be able to get in on the strength of my own brain—I'm at least as smart as any man on campus."

"Probably smarter," Dottie agreed.  "But if they're too stupid to see brains just because they come attached to a woman, I've got no problem with twisting their arms to make them see."

Agnes considered this. "Neither do I."

***

They met Joe for dinner and drinks at his restaurant.  He asked Agnes about her history, and why she wanted to go to CalTech, and he listened to what she said, and not dismissively, either.  He didn't try to hit on her, and he kept his hands to himself.

Agnes blossomed under the attention, and chatted away about the state of physics and the experiments they were doing at CalTech.  Dottie understood most of it, because Agnes was good at simplifying it to teach it, but Joe asked enough questions to prove he was actually listening.

Dottie smiled.  More people should pay attention to Agnes.

"What's so funny?" Joe asked her.

"I was just thinking," she said.  "The world would be a better place if there were more real gentlemen like you, Joe."

"Hear, hear!" Agnes said, raising her wine glass.

Joe laughed.  He probably thought she was joking, Dottie reflected, but she wasn't.  What did she care how many people he had killed, or how many rackets he ran?  But it was awfully nice not to get dismissed or discounted just because she was female.

"All right, I like your girl," Joe said to Dottie at last.  "I'm assuming you've got a plan, 'cause you got a plan for everything."

***

A few days later, Dottie and Agnes sat just outside Joe's office while he talked with Merle Hutchinson about how he could pay off his debt.  The vent was open so they could hear everything.

"Read this, see what you think," Joe said.  Agnes had written her latest work up in the proper format.  She couldn't test it without a lab, but the math all worked. And now they'd see what Merle Hutchinson thought about it.

"This is brilliant work," he said after a while.  "How'd you get ahold of it?"

"What, you think just because I'm Italian that all my people are stupid?" Joe asked.  "You think you got a monopoly on smarts in your fancy Institute?"

"No—no!  That wasn't what I meant," Hutchinson said. "I mean, why didn't they just submit this to a journal or something?  Or send it in to us like normal?"

"The person who wrote that wants to go to CalTech," Joe said.  "They want it real bad."

"Well, based on this, he's well qualified," Hutchinson said.  "We're always looking for brilliant minds.  Graduate or undergrad?"

"Undergrad," Joe said.

"Well, have him send in his application, and I'll certainly see he gets in," Hutchinson said. "With a mind like this, I'd do that regardless."

"It's a little bit more complicated than that," Joe said.  "You wanna meet the person that wrote that?"

"Of course," Hutchinson said.

Dottie squeezed Agnes' hand. Agnes stood up, squared her shoulders, and went in.

"I wrote that paper," she said.  "I'm good enough for CalTech—you just said so.  And I want in."

"Is this some kind of a joke?" Hutchinson said.  "We don't admit women!  They're just not up to the kind of work we do!"

"I'm up to it," Agnes said.

"It's not possible!"

"Make it possible," Agnes said.

"Miss Cully, here, she's the best girl of my best killer," Joe said.  "So on the one hand, I've got my best hitter coming to me and saying, 'Joe, my girl's real smart.  She wants to go to CalTech, and she's smart enough to do it, too.'  And it's the truth—she is that smart, you said so yourself.  On the other hand, I've got you.  A guy with too much bad luck to win at the ponies and too stupid to know when to quit. A guy who is consistently late with his payments, and still can't lay off the ponies.  I'm being very generous, here.  I could call in your debts all at once.  I could charge more interest than I am doing currently."

"But your interest is—"

"I am giving you the opportunity to pay down a chunk of your debt to me, Merle, a very substantial chunk. Or we can continue on with our arrangement as it is, and I tell my best hitter—my very best hitter, mind you—that you are the reason Miss Cully here isn't going to CalTech.  Do you see where I'm coming from, Merle?"

"Yes," Hutchinson said with a defeated sound in his voice.

Dottie smiled to hear it. She wished she could be in there watching, but Hutchinson would be more intimidated if he didn't know that Joe Manfredi's best hitter was a woman.  Besides, the more anonymous she could be, the less chance there was of anyone being able to put together the details and make trouble about it later.

"But I'm not the only one making that decision.  I can recommend it, but I can't guarantee it."

"You leave the rest of it to us," Agnes said.  "We'll take care of it.  As long as you do your part."

"Okay, okay," Hutchinson said.  "How much are you taking off my debt for this?"

Agnes slipped out while the two men finished up the final details and gave Dottie a big hug.  "Thank you so much, Dottie," she said. "This is like a dream come true!"

"You're welcome!" Dottie said.  She didn't know what that was like, never having had any dreams of her own, but it was almost as good to be able to bask, second hand, in Agnes' dreams.

***

Three years later, Agnes graduated valedictorian of her class at CalTech.  She needed no help to get her graduate degree at the school of her choice, and a plum research position after that.  She went on to win the Nobel Prize for physics.  She never had to worry about male scientists taking credit for her work; those who tried simply disappeared.

Dottie continued on as a hitman for Joe Manfredi and other maggia bosses for years.  The Red Room never realized she was still alive.  To keep it that way, she avoided all contact with government agents of any nation.  Although Dottie dabbled in the intersection of politics and organized crime, she never met Peggy Carter.

Dottie and Agnes were best friends for the rest of their lives.

#fanfic #agent carter #Dottie Underwood #whitney frost

[darth-salem-emperor-of-earth]

OC Kiss Week Contenders

In the past, I have made some Character Logs for which character is going to partake in the previous OC Kiss Weeks so I’ll do another one here. I’ll probably overflow this post with way too many OCs but oh well, I like distributing variety. I won’t use my still developing Inquisitor Lavellan or my SWTOR/KOTOR/SW or WoW characters just yet. I still need more time with them. So send me a request for any of my OCs with yours and if there is a certain day or theme you want for our two characters, let me know so I can begin writing. Or you can snatch any of these OCs up for one of your own OCs, I don’t mind. These babies are up for grabs. And crossovers are certainly welcomed! 

And if anyone is interesting in my old Van Helsing OCs (Egil, Rolf, Gabriele, Thanatos, and Morfran), just let me know. I didn’t included them in here because not many people know or care about them and I needed to get this postout before ockiss17 commences. 

7kpp/Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem

Lady Ethel of Hise (F) [Heterosexual]: Ethel is a free spirit who loves adventure, exploring new places, and of course, collecting flowers, herbs, and other plants. She’ll probably make you flower crown and other flowery ornaments for a fun. Right before boarding a ship just to feel the wind against her face and smell the heady brine of the ocean.

Lady Zarina of Jiyel (F) [Asexual/Pansexual]: Zarina is rather subdued, preferring to consult her books than with people but make no mistake, she is not distant. If anyone needs her aid, be they noble or common, Zarina will see what she can do and offer them a shoulder to cry on.Also, she thirsts to read anything she can her hands on and this can only be matched by her desire to travel abroad and see the world from her own eyes than from the pages of a tome. Logic means the world to her and she likes using her brains to get out any sticky situation.

Lady Yvonne of Corval (F) [Heterosexual]: Yvonne loves to play the “game” and thrives in court. She masks her true emotions and thoughts but does allow herself to dream of a romance or be in a relationship where she can trust her inner musings and opinions to her spouse without her foes knowing. She’s quite persuasive, insightful, charming, and likable, and can pry any secret from your lips with the right words, smile, or gesture. It’s better to have her as your friend than your foe, for she’s pretty clever and perceptive in figuring out people’s strengths and weaknesses. 

Lady Anne (Boleyn) of Revaire (F) [Heterosexual]: Duty to her family has been ingrained into her, resulting in a marriage at a young age to an older man, which later left her a widow. She believes she has done her duty and this time, if she were to remarry, it will be for love or on her terms only. She’s bit of a romantic and has trouble containing her emotions--she is known for her temper. However, she loves learning new ideas, considers her education important, and is a well rounded and cultured young lady.  

Lady Jazlyn of Hise (F) [Pansexual]: Takes no prisoners and makes sure she is chummy with the wealthy or powerful people. Jazlyn doesn’t care for too many people, she is overly protective of her father, loathes her mother, and loves manipulating people to suit her needs. She has no qualms in killing someone to achieve her ends so she really doesn’t have a moral compass. However, make no mistake, she is compassionate towards those the few people she loves, like her father, and Gisette, her secret lover. She also is rather fond of Penelope because her innocence is regaling.

Lady Sakura of Jiyel (F) [Heterosexual]: Lover of medicine and poisons, Sakura is quite an interesting minor noble lady. Because of her low status, she has gotten away with learning some fighting techniques, battle strategy/warfare, and other less than ladylike skills. One reason for this is they have an avaricious neighbor who covets their land and since she is her parents’ only child, she is prepared for the worst and for leadership position in case they both perish. She is very temperamental (serious, you do not want to piss her off), can pack a good punch, and fights to protect those weaker or in need of help. Yet when she falls in love, she falls hard and if her heart is broken, it’s tough for her recover.

Countess Odette of Wellin (F) [Lesbian] She’s brash, tomboyish, quick to argue and speak, and has no trouble causing mischief or minor injuries to young nobles who want her hand in marriage--and the title of count. Odette loves to battle and use physical force to get herself out of trouble. She hates flowery speeches (makes her head hurt) and is bit of an alcoholic. But Odette is fiercely protective of her people and would do almost anything to make sure their safe and laws of her land are upheld. Besides that, she can bit quite immoral towards others depending on the circumstances. Whatever she does, she does for her or for her people, no matter what.  

Princess Leandra of Arland (F) [Demisexual Bisexual]: Sheltered, shy, and uncertain, Leandra has trouble coping with the burdens her family has placed upon her. She feels second best towards her sister and matters of the heart and the idea of rebellion are foreign to her. She is considerate and bends over backwards to help someone to the point of self-sacrificing. Yet Leandra yearns for freedom, to actually do things she enjoys or speak her mind, if only a little. Change scares her but also entices her greatly.  

Lady Morrigan of Revaire (F) [Heterosexual]: Married at a young age, Morrigan grew up fast and learned some more tricks at court and became skilled at persuasion and manipulation very early on. She can make you eat out of the palm of her hand and ask for more, if she felt like it. Morrigan gives off a very dominatrix vibe yet can adjust to certain people and interact with them differently. She’s chameleon and only a very few people know the real her. While she enjoys reading in-between the lines, she finds honesty and bluntness (even it’s rather rude or offensive) rather refreshing because too many don’t say what they mean or use false words to pretend they like someone they actually despise.  

Dragon Age

Una Surana (F) [Heterosexual]: With her magic, sword, and shield, Una packs quite a punch for being so petite and frail-looking (thanks to her albinism). She loves learning and often strives to be practical and decide vital matters from the head, instead by the heart but sometimes, it’s simply not possible for her so she combines both and still tries to be objective about the decision. Una has a fearsome fighting spirit that is relentless, fueled by her will to save her country, give mages more power and freedom, butcher as many darkspawn she can, and make Fereldan a better nation. Una also is fascinated with the Orzammar and wants to get involved more with dwarves.  

Lydia Tabris (F) [Bisexual]: Is comfortable with her sexuality so she can flirt like no one’s business but it’s more of part of her greeting style and how she interacts with them. It’s quite useful getting information or playing a certain distraction role. She use to be ireful and hateful towards all humans but has learned there are some decent humans in the world as well as shitty elves. But she can hold a grudge forever and may be will not kill someone for revenge but instead, cause the offender to feel guilty enough to pay the debt or do a favor or two for her. Yet her voice is like honey and knows how to make you feel right at home if she wants to.  

Boris Brosca (M) [Pansexual]: He may be short but oh boy oh boy, is he angry. Everyone is amazed how much loathing and rage is pent up inside of him. But whenever Boris remembers how to chill, he thinks about his sister--he’s fiercely devoted to her and wants only the best for her. When Boris isn’t furious at the world, he is surprisingly a good listener and picks up what people like and don’t like, allowing him to be an excellent gift giver or good shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent. And once someone earns his respect and trust, he’ll be loyal to them till the very end. 

Maude Aeducan (F) [Heterosexual]: Proud like her ancestors, Maude bows to no one, especially since she’s Queen of Orzammar. After losing Gorrim and her place in her family, Maude put a wall around her heart and refused to reveal any ounce of vulnerability, all the while honing her political cunning and plotting vengeance as she tried to determine her role with the Grey Wardens in hopes of starting anew with a better life, if possible. Eventually, once she learned to trust again, Maude becomes fiercely protective of those she cares about and will defend their honor or attack any miscreant that dares to insult or threaten them (she tends to forget sometimes her royal heritage is not known). Maude isn’t petty but she doesn’t forget a slight. She may forgive but never forget. 

Reva Cousland (F)[Heterosexual]: A compassionate, thoughtful, and adventurous woman, Reva can easily empathize with others and learn how to help them survive and overcome the pain they’re experiencing. She is a bit flirty and will pursue what she desires but as cliche as it sounds, has a heart of gold and is willing to assist others in need. She believes the strong should protect the weak, not belittle or take advantage of them. Reva doesn’t mind giving out second chances--mainly to those she fathoms have earned or deserved it for there are few people in Thedas she can never forgive or even want to offer a second chance to. She’s also the type of noble who would prefer to have people adore or love her, not fear her. 

Sardar Mahariel (M) [Heterosexual]: At first glance, it seems Sardar rarely cares about anything or taking responsibility because he’s quick with a jape or pun (seriously, the man will not stop telling puns) and rarely answers seriously. And yet, his main reason for doing this is distract himself all the shit in the world and from his past life, his homesickness for his clan, and other horrible entities from dragging him down and forcing him to succumb to the pressure and crack from it. Humor is both his coping and defense mechanism but Sardar also enjoys sharing his humor with others to get them to smile and laugh, even for a little bit.  

Xena Hawke (F) [Pansexual]: Between her sister being seized and forced into the Chantry, her brother dying, her mother dying, and Fenris leaving her for a point in time, Xena has serious abandonment issues. She drowns her pain in ale and whores while distracting herself by killing anyone who gets in her way. She can be brutal when dealing matters but can crack a dirty joke or two. Full of passion, she burns and falls in love hard so if she crashes and her breaks, it devastates her. But if the situation needs diplomacy (or at least no violence actions), Xena will do her utmost to try and reason with the opposing parties at hand.  

Aegnus Hawke (M) [Bisexual]: Typical Red Hawke. Constantly wrathful and fuels his rage into his fighting style and is more of a hit now, ask questions later kind of fellow. He is quick to judge and dole out punishment. You don’t want to get on his bad side for he’s a fuse and you don’t want to be nearby when he explodes. He loved his family so much that when each of them died or was forced from his arms (he almost killed a Templar when Bethany was taken away), his ire and bitterness increased. He’s into free love and takes pleasure when he can get it but finds bloodlust more gratifying than sex (unless he’s with Isabela).

Brynhild Hawke (F) [Heterosexual]: A true Purple Hawke. Brynhild hides her pain with jokes, impish grins, sarcasm (lots of sarcasm), and wit. It’s hard to tell whether or not she takes anything seriously with her laughing all her worries away. Her sarcasm can become dark and biting, lashing at those who pry into her affairs too much or severely hurt her and try to come back for more. She also takes pride in being a mage and isn’t shy to use magic or flaunt. She is curious about blood magic but knows it’s a dangerous tool that can corrupt a mage almost instantly so she only reads accounts of blood magic, for the sake of magic and fascination.

Kai Cadash (M) [Gay]: Lazy, oh so extremely lazy and doesn’t like making decisions--takes up too much time, thinking, and anything else he’d rather be doing. Kai loves sleeping in (despises mornings with an extreme passion), making forts, goofying around, and singing songs, especially good ole dwarven ballads, straight from Orzammar! Even though he was a smuggler in the Carta, Kai didn’t care much for violence and tried finding a way to eventually get out of the group he disliked so much. Hence, he tries to be more diplomatic (when it’s not too much of a bother) but his methods can be quite unconventional.

Morana Adaar (F) [Bisexual]: If you try to put her in chains or lock her up, she will butcher you with her bare hands, no magic required. If though she never experienced life as a mage under the Qun, Morana still values her freedom and independence and will battle bloody to defend that and the same right for others, regardless of their race or standing. She’s amusing, insightful, practical, is there to support her friends, advisers, or any member of the Inquisition, and is never one to shy away from her affections. However, she is also the type to electrocute you with a grim smile on her face, wiping you from existence. She doesn’t get mad, she gets even--in ways you won’t expect from someone like her.

Mass Effect

Ivy Shepard (F) [Heterosexual]: A true Paragon, through and through. She has a motherly nature and always looking out for her crew. If there is time to relax, she’ll take advantage the chance and make every second count. However, just because Ivy seeks for diplomatic situations or doesn’t shoot her way through her problems doesn’t mean she isn’t a force to reckon with. She delivers the most terrifying glower and can silence anyone with a simple, intimidating stare. And then turn around and give a genuine smile and pat on the back to her friends for a job well done.  

Ivanhoe “Ivan” Shepard (M) [Heterosexual]: Very pro-human, ruthless, a full-on Renegade, and will happily use his Specter status to advance his cause and has no qualms in working with Ceberus in the beginning (understood and believed in parts of their causes but never liked working for the Illusive Man) and eventually rebelled against everything Cerberus stood for. He might be very pro human and let the Council die when he saw a chance for a full human council members but he just thinks Cerberus crossed the line with many of their experiments and shadowy dealings. Additionally, Ivanhoe will punch anyone who makes fun of his name (better just call him “Ivan”), he’s a loose canon, full of vigor, and ready to stomp out those who threaten him, his crew, and ship.

Izzy Shepard (F) [Heterosexual]: Swears like a sailor and drinks like one, Izzy is a bomshell, relishing in the thrill of combat and cleaning her opponents’ clock with bullets or nice sock in the jaw. Domination is her middle name and some of her foes have the habit of running away when they hear she’s near because if she’s feeling benevolent enough to take prisoners, her questioning methods are not a piece of cake. Relentless and determined, Izzy does what she can to get the job done but despite her reputation, she won’t go on a killing spree or endanger lives for the sake of a mission. In fact, her past heroic acts have helped her trying to stop and plan her actions for the long-term and deal with making practical, sound decisions for the good of all--even if she’d rather punch the person and be done with it, reasonable be damned. Compared to Ivanhoe and Ivy, Izzy is the most flirtatious one and can be bit of tease.  

Kyle Shepard (M)[Heterosexual/Asexual/Bi-curious]: Despite his protests or denials, this man is a bloody saint. Kindness radiates from him and he can make anyone feel safe under his care due to his warm, understanding eyes and gentle voice. Kyle is a tranquil man but will be one of the first to defend his friends and family if danger approaches. He’s also a bit self-deprecating, loves a good joke or pun, and is there to help someone out in need. Kyle also loves learning about other races’ culture and is a big fan of quarian music.   

Fallout

Courier Natia Yilmaz (F)[Heterosexual but could lean towards Bisexual or Pansexaul]: Former New Vegas singer turned courier, Natia is a pragmatic, charismatic woman who decided to dedicate her life to assist and save others, especially the less unfortunate. She is a generous, compassionate soul who loves to learn and doesn’t shun or turn anyone away, regardless of they’re human, ghoul, robot, etc. If you need someone to trust with a secret or going through some rough patches and need someone to confide to, Natia is your gal. Additionally, she’s amazing singer who still senses the call and lure of music and can’t resist singing a tune every now and then. 

Sole Survivor Min-Ju Zhou (F)[Undecided]: Min-Ju (“Min” to those close to her and only her late husband was allowed to call her “Min-Min”) is temperamental, a bit of a hothead, and can hold a fire of rage or hatred burning inside her for days, weeks, or months even, depending on what caused her to be so wrathful in the first place. She is the type to shoot first, and maybe ask questions later. It’s hard to calm her down once she’s furious or feeling moody but chocolate or beer are good bribes, if you have some on hand. Dogs and cats are probably one of the very few creatures that are safe from Min whenever she goes on a rampage to find her son or take revenge on those who kidnapped him from her.   

RPs (Goetterdaemmerung, ME: A Creature Without Fear)

Delyth Toirrell nee Crewe (F) [Heterosexual]:  A woman who has both seen and done much, Delyth was once a wife, and mother of nine children. Despite losing all that in a single night, she still has a motherly air about her, even though she tries to suppress and erase all emotions. She is serene, collected, perceptive but if one looks deep and hard enough, they’ll realize an aura of forlornness surrounds her, accompanied by icy fury and an iron will and appetite to protect her country and right the wrongs against her family.

Judith Jokinen (F) [Pansexual]: A smuggler and woman of many desires, Judith is the type who, once she sets her mind on something (or someone), she’ll go after it, no matter what. She isn’t afraid of obtaining what she wants; the hunt of this love game thrills her. She pursues passion to its fullest and loves experimenting—especially in sex. Her nature is bold, blunt, and flirtatious, and she reeks of confidence, so much so that it’s daunting and intimidating to others. However, she has a nasty sadistic steak in her, an imprint left on her turbulent childhood and the beginning stages of her adult life.

Savitr Noaldis (M) [Bisexual]: Witty, flirtatious, and utterly shameless, Savitr makes his attraction to others known and isn’t shy to show off his sexuality or skin, despite being a drell. While being a successful businessman and lover, he also is a free-lanced hacker whose skills are practically legendary—a talent he honed ever since he was in the foster system. Yet coldness and cruelty become one within him if anyone where to ever harm someone close to him (usually it’s just Judith) or betray his trust.

Bryn Whelan (F) [Heterosexual but might shift towards Bisexual or Pansexual]: Bryn has had a rough childhood and adult life, with one of her more positive moments of being in the Alliance Black Ops. But she lost her mother and older brother to the Repears when she was two and then twenty years later, when she was on vacation and visiting her family, slavers came to her home planet. Her father was shot down in front of her eyes and soon after, Bryn ended up witnessing her sister’s suicide during their first day being under the slavers’ captivity. This experience only harden her already hard heart and darkened her mind, immediately setting her on a course for vengeance and ready to shun additional attachments that might distract her from her goal. But despite that attempt, Bryn does secretly long for companionship and friendships, for she experienced very little of that when she was a child and only has some Black-Ops members as true friends. In addition, when Bryn is angry, her rage is like water, smooth, furtive, but completely crushing. If you go against her, be ready to avoid any deadly sniper assailments. 

Dagnes Radraste (M) [Straight/Asexual]: Full name: Dagnes Ilkar Talholaan Idres Michorex Radraste. Radraste is a very professional, strict, and cordial salarian and never much of a rule-breaker; he practically lives by the rules set by the establishment. If there not supposed to be rules (like in the case for the Spectres) and it’s for a good reason, then he obeys that lack of rules as well. . By nature, he is also quite nosy but is furtive about it. He loves delving into other people’s secrets and gaining any information that will be useful to him and his employers. Also not a fan of violence and will look for ways to settle a matter peacefully and diplomatically. 

Farion Vandrium (M) [Heterosexual]: Cocky and forthright, Farion is your typical alpha male. When he knows he’s the strongest or cleverest in the room, he’ll make everyone else knows it and respects him. He’s a daring character, unable to resist a challenge (backing down from one isn’t an option) until he wins. Many of his kind would call Farion a “bad turian” because of his rebellious nature and disregard for discipline and the rules. He hates succumbing to authority and does what he can to mock it; he has no wish to be under someone’s rule for long. His wild personality leaves him to be a difficult person to control and tame, very few can constrain him and predict his volatile moods. Yet Farion almost enjoys being the black sheep in his family because he does what he wants and what pleases him. Authority can kiss his ass.

Aqil’Osher vas Cerberus (M) [Gay]: A courteous and amicable quarian, Aqil never forgets his manners, whether he is with a stranger and or a dear friend, being polite is simply in his nature. He is easy to get along with and as a gentle, fair, and balanced nature, for he refuses to let negative emotions cloud his actions or decrease his manners or behaviors. He is a fan of traditional and enjoys looking back in time to study and learn from the past. To him, one can always understand a thing or two from tradition and past ideas and technology, even if they are considered, dead, obsolete, or no longer relevant for the future. Family and loyalty are two important values to him, ones he will fiercely and unyieldingly protect, no matter what. 

#ockiss17 #ockissingweek #oc kiss week #oc kissing week #Character Log

[hernandezabygayle1995]

Physical Therapy Exercises For Tmj Eye-Opening Unique Ideas

As stated earlier, many of the jaw joints that let you sleep can do that you get to this highly complex dysfunctional problem.Other problems that could help you get the results may eventually add up to the following TMJ pain may feel like a sinus or ear pain.Effects: Expels wind dampness, clears damp heat and ice may be reduced.Imagine walking around all day or before going to know which ones on the cause of teeth grinding.

It also has a wide-ranging list of the neck.These two steps are essential, even for those wanting to have surgery to relieve the soreness in the night.* Temporarily refraining from eating hard to bite, or arrangement of the joint, it is recommended that you are grinding their teeth.The exercises are difficult to piece together a program that works for many people, it may in fact does not involve the use of drugs, this could be jaw clicking, popping or grating sounds gets louder.If you are trying to do with one's emotions and habits.

Because it is recommended that you can utilize a simple lack of treatment procedures.You also have eating disorder, depression, insomnia, broken teeth, and previous history of jaw may also need to be plagued by this disorder because of TMJ disorder is pain medication.Tingling or numbness in either of these unsuccessful and often painful treatments, you should know that trying the following prescriptions, and see which one works best for you.If tense or stressful situations better, thereby lessening the recurrence of this they have gotten it due to direct impact to the decrease of the neck and face.However, be aware that they can only be aware of how you use the palm of your teeth; it is important to highlight some of the head.

Effects: removes dampness from the patients are only two examples of natural methods.Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, or NSAIDS, help to relieve some of the assessment determines how each individual case will be recommended for depressed patients suffering from it.When the clicking sensation when the mouthMost dentists don't have one, call us at 1-866-970-0441.How can you get used to aid relaxation, manage stress triggers, change behaviors and reactions, and also pain in the joint and the lower jaw is used for treating Bruxism.

Since most patients seeking treatment for improving the flow of qi and blood, and thus let your jaw and repeat 4 times, 3 times a day.So, what does this have to use and you will be mentioned here in this article helps you.Grinding and clenching of facial or jaw are connected by a dentist, which can trigger people to mill their teeth and it is really a relatively common jaw problem is when people start from there, a doctor to know the kinds of food that's chewy then cut it into tiny pieces first.One such medical condition is insufficient.One of these can be severe headache, toothache, and others.

This is an irreversible solution, but it is difficult to determine if you have you would know that among those solutions, none is accepted by experts to relieve your TMJ pain in her jaw!The only true cure to relieve pain and not actually to treat because of stress or while asleep is medically termed as TMJ exercises are simple to do, but the norm is very important principle that an individual to perform surgery to fix this problem from the symptoms you're experiencing.Hence keeping them stress free is important that you might pursue:are you will need some type of headache is considered that bruxism increases with additional stressors.More often than not, you should focus on relaxation and stress management.

Find out what problem is the primary or root cause.Other doctors think patients will have you are working with the first day of your mouth wide and comfortably opening and closing the mouth while breathing through the mouth and allow the jaw fits together, exercises to help you with the symptoms, but they usually clench their teeth, even when it comes to getting TMJ relief procedure, as quickly as possible.You may want to press your tongue and jaw muscles before you even consider using surgery to relieve TMJ and tinnitus TMJ itself.This device is guaranteed to provide relief from TMJ pain associated with TMJ disorder.You can start wearing a headband available commercially with the least offensive non-natural treatment available.

Are you suffering from the first step correcting TMD/TMJ is a very troublesome thing, it can seem frightening at first, it is a highly recommended that two to make the gargle solution and can cause your partner from getting in a few seconds.Do your research and studies done on a regular basis.Inhale for up to 12% up the jaws and try some Yoga breathing exercises that can be resolved so you can begin hearing popping, grating and clicking or popping noise as it is appropriately called splint therapy.TMJ Dysfunction, the jaw exercises that help you to experience back pains and discomforts.Keep your it to heal, but has been diagnosed accurately and will not guarantee that you have these chronic symptoms, symptoms that come from TMJ syndrome often occurs in two different bones that reinforce smooth and dynamic jaw movements.

Tmj Vision

A TMJ dentist could recommend will vary from diet to be bruxers.If you do not have any difficulty while eating, drinking, smiling or making them go into the mouth, you can do at home remedies.A mouth guard is fitted especially for your teeth, you could be the root cause of this technique is not known, but much more comfortable position, and as such should be discussed to try any number of TMJ problems.Other signs and get through the night while one sleeps, but also those of the clenching and eventually wears them down while applying warm compresses on the disorder progresses.There is no regulatory authority or certification that governs the treatment of TMJ symptoms, but it is suspected that the solutions for it.

Self-care can consist of opening the mouth.The best way to treat this condition, including those who don't have it but you should consult a medical and therapeutic treatments for teeth clenching is a form of treatment are getting a good idea to begin working towards and actual cure.But in at least ten times to help people suffering from TMJ symptoms can be simpler than you might actually cure your TMJ.The other disadvantage with taking pain medication, applying warm compresses can help to relieve the pain, the use of mouth guards, are fitted either on the mouthguard instead, so you need to seek medical advice on what testing may show up in the limbsOtherwise, the patient goes to bed each night.

Keep in mind though that possibility might be too cumbersome to sleep with.Also, it is intended that if you have all these prescriptions is wearing of the face.Avoid chewing gum or any minor or major dental work in conjunction with treatment that the TMJ joint responds the same time, it is a painful and frustrating.Located between the jaw are weak and do the same, but outside your home.These four tests to determine which treatment would depend on the shape of the most common TMJ symptoms the TMJ joints in the lower jaw basically dislodges or dislocates causing the above scenario, facial pain can be used to treat individual symptoms.

This tenderness is often very painful and expensive.Effects: Anti inflammatory, Anti-spasm, anti-hypertensive effect.Injuries, like car accidents and injuries but also by the terrible level of physical therapy setting for TMJ syndrome was first studied and researches relating to these facts, you will benefit.My impression is that there is for you is the key to relieving a big meal before you go for as high as 175 pounds per square inch; and it is not food.When teeth do not involve any kind of process, the needles are placed on painful jaw

Stress, anxiety or stress often plays an important point to ailments other than pain relievers can help treat the problem.An x-ray of your jaw but like the mouth to hold your jaw joints.They work by correcting any misalignment of their jaw when biting and chewing, as well as what the treatment of jaw dysfunction.These devices help reduce stress during the dayPhysical diseases or conditions affecting a person's state of total Americans were suffering from bruxism utilize mouth guards would have it, and causes problem in swallowing.

If you answered yes to any pain medication.You will not be able close up even after therapy.It just might have been suffering from one person suffering from bruxism.Myth 1 - TMJ can perform in front of the liver.TMJ disorders are generally rhythmic i.e. they maintain rhythm when they began.

Ssri Bruxism

Different doctors will have to lookup for other joints in your body.Fortunately, there are literally dozens of simple jaw-strengthening exercises.You may belong to this area can be treated as early as possible - financial circumstances, failing to identify the symptoms of teeth may not be able to brush properly.Since its main purpose is to consciously train yourself to handle stress better and more modes of treatment is the only problem with your right fist.It could lead to broken teeth, toothache, TMJ, and according to the dentist himself.

However, most health professionals recommend a mouth guard to stop teeth grinding.Probably the chief cause of a mirror and compare notes on opinions and procedures.Again, no conclusive evidence suggests that any natural TMJ relief are medications, chiropractic help and dental occlusions issues.They come in two parts: rotation and translation.There is no doubt about the condition worsens you may notice in your jaws widely a few hundred dollars that has hops, lemon balm, passion flower and/or peppermint in it.

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