#for a project I hate I'm sure spending lots of energy on this

[blades-bundle]

How they are in the mornings

ft: Kafka, Blade, March 7th, Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, Luocha, Seele, Bronya

Kafka

- You'd think she's a morning person, considering her job and how she has to be awake a lot. - No. She hates mornings. - She's a HUGE cuddle bug, though. - Kafka will be holding you tight and trying to drag out the morning as long as she can. - She'd much rather spend the mornings in bed with you than heading out on another adventure because of Elios Script. - She also has either herself, Blade, or Silver Wolf make you both coffee when she's finally done holding you hostage pffft. - "Mmh... Good morning, baby..." - Her voice is soft and sweet, but also partially gravelly.

Blade

- He's very cuddly. Like. Look at that man and tell me that despite his personality he isn't a cuddle bug. - He is touch starved asf. (Maybe I'm projecting, who knows?) - Blade is the typa guy to actually be really affectionate when tired, even if he isn't typically. - When he's tired, he isn't worrying about what he's supposed to say or do. - He just.. does. - "Quit squirming... it's too early for this... Let me hold you closer..." - He definitely has a very hot morning voice. - Yeah, he knows it too.

March 7th

- She is very 50/50. - Either she's up at the sunrise, waking you up to make you both hot cocoa and watch it. - Or she's dead asleep with you well past noon. - It really depends on how tiring the trailblaze mission was. - She's cuddly when she's falling asleep, but this girl moves a shit ton when she's actually asleep. - Like. A lot. - Expect to be kicked lmfao. - She'll apologise a lot afterwards tho aksjgfkjdsg - "I'm so sorry! Here, let's cuddle and watch a movie to make up for it, mk?"

Dan Heng

- He sleeps like a fucking rock. - On his back, arms either by his sides or across his chest. - Well, unless you're laying on his chest. - Then his arms are around your waist. - ..Or well, unless he's having a nightmare. - He doesn't get them very often, but they're always awful. - Memories of his past always coming back to haunt him. - It's a big relief for him to wake up with you right next to him, trying to help. - It almost completely calms him immediately. - "It's.. okay, dear. I feel much better now that you're here..."

Jing Yuan

- He is a human teddy bear, and no I do not take criticism. - He's so warm and big and just grgrgrgr - His arms are so inviting and he's so gentle with you. - Jing Yuan is the type to run his fingers through your hair to help you sleep while humming some random tune. - He wakes up early in the mornings but always waits til you're awake to move. - Then he makes you both coffee and breakfast. - God his morning voice is so gravelly and deep. - He doesn't even seem to notice the difference unless you point it out. - "Mmh.. My voice? Well I suppose it is slightly lower, haha.."

Luocha

- Smug bastard smh /affec - This fucker is the type to hold you super close on purpose. - He knows what you are. - Luocha makes the best tea in the mornings. - Gives you just the right amount of energy while both tasting good and helping you feel good. - His words, not mine. - He's quite gentle with you, however. - A hand running through your hair as he lays on his back, you spooning his side. - "Such a sweet thing.. Good morning, my dove..."

Seele

- She's a light sleeper, that's for sure. - A habit she's picked up from working with Wildfire. - That doesn't mean she doesn't know how to relax... - It just means she can't sleep well if you move in your sleep. - Not that she would say such to you, of course. - If she wakes up, she just watches you sleep before slipping off herself once more. - Seele finds it endearing, seeing you snuggle into a pillow and mumble under your breath. - She heard you say her name once in your sleep, and she wasn't able to look you in the eye for a bit. - She's just embarrassed pffft. - "Mmh.. Finally awake, sleepy head?"

Bronya

- Miss Ma'am. Why do you have a perfect sleep schedule? - She wakes up and goes to bed at the same time every single day. - She always either makes breakfast for you both or has one of the workers at her estate do so. - Bronya will wake you up gently to have breakfast together and dance to the record player in the living room. - I see her as a hopeless romantic almost. (Maybe I'm projecting idc.) - She's got a soft and light morning voice, but it's still somewhat stern. - Mom friend alert pffft. - "Good morning, dear. Time to get up.. I made breakfast."

#blade hsr x reader #kafka x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #hsr kafka x reader #hsr march 7th #hsr march 7th x reader #hsr dan heng x reader #hsr dan heng #hsr jing yuan #hsr jing yuan x reader #hsr luocha #hsr luocha x reader #hsr seele #hsr seele x reader #hsr bronya #hsr bronya x reader #bladie_posts

[czarnoxiestwo]

Let me display an array of negative emotions in public for a sec

I feel like I haven't been this low in ages. I'm seriously considering changing my career to something less interesting but maybe a little more stable. I almost wrote 'less fulfilling' instead of 'less interesting' here but the point is - it's more stressful than fulfilling at this point.

Impostor syndrome is a quiet constant for me but it seriously seems like I'm far behind other people I know who started tattooing around the same time as I did. It's like I'm walking in circles, not actually acquiring any new skills, at least not in a sensible timeframe. And being stressed about not being as competent as I should be while having to pretend like I am is not the best learning environment which completes this circle. I work with people who are both younger than me and technically more competent than me which is discouraging in the sad, tired and resigned kind of way. (I should point out that I did the right thing at the very beginning - but you can still go through apprenticeship that doesn't point you in the right direction or provide any actual practical advice, not to mention solid skills). What's more, I feel like it hurt my general artistic abilities, not giving me enough room (energy and mental capacity) to grow through experimentation, exercise that my 'waste' my time or creating more time-consuming projects. I taught myself how not to rely on inspiration (which is actually a very useful skill) but I usually use it to create things at the merely passable level that a perfectly average client finds acceptable and will graciously agree to use instead of some random picture stolen from Pinterest. I love doing art, I want to do art - I don't know if tattooing is the kind of art I should be doing or if the art should be my main source of income in general.

My client base (as little as it was) pretty much crumbled away with only some people coming back from time to time but even then I see they don't have much money to spend (nor I expect them to). I don't know if I'm too awkward around strangers (I'm can be pretty awkward) for clients to actually want to work with me on a purely vibe based level or people just aren't interested in what I have to offer art-wise. I'd say my skills have something to do with that but I know (of) tattooers with absolutely abysmal works still managing to be fully booked. Being a queer person in a not that big of a city also means I have to be selective about who I'm willing to work with because my safety may depend on it. I know the self-promotion is an important part of being any kind of professional artist in this capitalist hell but to be frank, I fucking suck at it. I loathe fake-fun fake-energetic artistic content. I hate content-content, to be honest. At the same time I don't hate social media as a concept, I'm more of a shitposter type of guy though and I don't know if I'm brave enough to let it spill into my public facing profiles - both because of my safety as mentioned above but also because it my scare potential clients even more. In consequence my financial stability kind of doesn't exist at this moment.

I'm burned out but I don't do enough to be burned out. I need a break but I cannot afford to have a break. This job takes its toll on a body too. I need a regular physiotherapy for my arm, and fuckes my eyes even more than they're fucked by themselves (a lot). Sometimes I wonder how for how long I'll be able to continue this career before my body says no.

I'm just constantly stressed and worried, and I'm not sure what to do.

#vent post #felt depressed may delete later

[8hsaturn]

Hi there, I hope you're having a beautiful day, and happy Spring Equinox if you celebrate!

Can you do a full chart reading for me? Or if you can't, unusual aspects etc. in my chart.

A little bit about me: I'm mainly interested in art, literature and music, as well as history and spirituality and the Occult. I hate anything to do with sciences. I'd say that I'm a very dreamy and Neptunian person with quite a bit of Mercury and Uranus energy, but I don't know.

Here's my chart:

Thank you ever so much in advance!! 💕💕

Natal chart reading + Indicators of artistry and creativity in a chart

8h Jupiter (chart ruler) square Neptune: you could have an easy time receiving money from other people, be it gifts and allowance and even inheritance, you could also have a strong intuition and ability to instinctively understand people’s psyches as well as the occult. Could have a desire to learn more about spirituality, the occult, psychology, and any taboo subjects, and your mission in life could be to teach people about these themes. Note that this gift comes “naturally” to you, so you could already understand more about these subjects than most people or take less time assimilating new information. You also daydream a lot and just have a very active imagination. Prone to getting premonitions or having intuitive dreams, could also easily understand subtext or the bigger meaning in media and arts, a good aspect for interpreting poetry and abstract art pieces. Be careful of being swindled or scammed especially when it comes to medical bills and medicine, also watch your spending, especially in matters related to your hobbies and leisure activities, escapism can be helpful but overindulgence can be dangerous. You could have a constant stream of thought and like to consume a lot of content related to dark topics and abstract concepts, so starting a podcast or a blog related to this can be very productive and fulfilling.

Neptune conjunct Chiron in the 12th house: you could’ve had a lifelong struggle with mental illness, and coupled with the heavy piscesian energy, you’re someone who’s very empathetic with heightened sensitivity, and your ability to feel energy and absorb could lead you to need to recharge every so often. From the position of your Mars, you could’ve had to deal with a very tense environment growing up, where you had to be very attuned to your environment in order to survive. You could have a heavy mind and have a tendency to accidentally manifest your fears. Your mission in this life is to understand that you don’t have to always take what others project into you and internalize it, but give yourself the space and boundaries that allow you to cultivate your own identity. You have an instinctual ease with manifestation, so make sure to have a good self-concept no matter how deluded you might think it is because it could end up manifesting into your new reality.

3rd house Gemini Mars conjunct IC: this could indicate having had a hard time in your early school life, perhaps up to middle/high school, you could’ve been picked on/ignored because of your interests, your eccentric personality, or your unpredictable nature. People wanted to box you somewhere and couldn’t and that’s where a lot of animosity towards you came from. You constantly have a whirlwind of thoughts happening in your brain at the same time and might need to watch out for sudden bursts of anger because your words can be very impactful and could trigger wounds in people that they could not even be aware of. Your personal space is also something you’re very protective over, and one you want to reflect your personality and eccentricities. There could be a lot of blue and green aquatic influence, messy but still aesthetically pleasing, you might also think of sharing your home with your soulmate and both of your aesthetics merging together, with your Jupiter 8h in Libra there’s a strong pattern of merging your possessions when in a relationship. Also, a tendency to rant on social media?

Mars square Sun, Mercury, and Uranus: being spiritual and a healer is a very important part of who you are, along with just generally being someone who looks beyond the surface, and when you feel this identity is under attack you could react aggressively. The Mars square Uranus aspect makes you someone who wants to change the world around them, especially in matters of injustice

Sun, Uranus, and Mercury on the Ascendant: and all in Pisces. You could look younger than you really are and have very unique features (anything from wide set/hooded/heterochromia in eyes, wide or small forehead, asymmetry, yaeba teeth…) and could also “look” smart and eccentric, people assume you’re not very regular which might’ve been the cause for animosity when you were younger, but is now a source of secret admiration (12h aquarius venus). You might have a hard time expressing your thoughts when speaking or could have people misunderstand your words and therefore misinterpret your character, and this pushed you to find music and poetry a much better medium for self-expression as your feelings are often times too complex or even singular to express in a regular setting.

6h Saturn opposite 12h Venus: your health could’ve suffered a lot and this might’ve pushed you to pay more attention to things in your daily life that impact your health, be it your eating habits or working out, could also have teeth problems, chest pain, hair loss, or headaches. You might be a big escapist and struggle with caring for yourself in a concrete manner, you could also prioritize others over yourself and struggle with overexerting yourself, please make sure to listen to your needs and practice self-care. You could struggle with body dysmorphia and low self-esteem, words from your early childhood could’ve wounded the way you perceive yourself. A lot of things you heard were just projections, hence why you shouldn’t see those jabs as a fact but a reflection of who said them. Be careful of unbalanced, one-sided relationships where you give without receiving.

Lilith conjunct Descendant in Virgo: you could’ve been wounded by people before and that led you to harbor resentment. You could be a later bloomer on a physical level, and you could run the risk of being manipulated or betrayed by those closest to you which leads you to become more introverted and reserved. Be wary of people projecting their fantasies unto you and expecting you to fit unrealistic ideas, as well as attracting unfaithful or manipulative people. Your close friends and enemies could’ve been the people to criticize your smallest mistake and you could cope with this by dissociating or escapism.

Artistic/creative indicators:

Saturn in Leo in the 5th degree (detriment): you need to trust in your artistic ability enough to discipline yourself and structure your work. You are creative, your entire chart is screaming that healing yourself -and in consequence others- through your art is your purpose in life, so all you’re left to do is put a structure to your art. Define short-term and long-term milestones for yourself and be proud of your development even when you think it’s insignificant because consistency and perseverance in itself is a grand feat. once you lay the grounds for your art to flourish you will see how bright the future that awaits you is.

5th house moon in an Aquarius degree: your sensitivity and reserved nature shine with your art and self-expression, you care for humanity as a collective but also want those closest to you to be happy and loved. Your unique emotional nature is what makes your art stand out and resonate with the masses.

10th house Pluto: you’re here to break structures, to challenge the status quo, and you’re not looking to uphold a correct image just to fit in. People project into you a lot and that’s why their words shouldn’t affect you. Very fame-enhancing placement as you can be very influential and convincing to others. Use your influence wisely.

Pisces mercury in retrograde

Pisces/Gemini/Aquarius/Leo influence

extra note: your hate for science could be explained with Aquarius (science) being in your 12th house (fears)!

#astro notes #astro observations #astro placements #astrology notes #astrology readings #pisces mercury #merucry retrograde #10th house pluto #5th house moon #leo saturn #6th house saturn #pisces rising #pisces stellium #12th house venus #lilith descendant #7th house lilith #8th house jupiter #neptune conjunct chiron in the 12th house #jupiter square neptune #uranus sun mercury on asendant #mars conjunct IC #3rd house mars #gemini mars #saturn opposite venus #mars square sun #mars square mercury #mars square uranus #cancer moon #artistic placements #virgo lilith

[prick-love-for-arting]

hi I'm obsessed with your ngc hospital au, I need more hcs if you have any pls pls

one note on this, i haven't fully decided what everyone is, but I think i want the ngc to be like full staff, and if they're staff at the imaginary hospital the involved first years are residents at the moment. It gives the NGC more authority and more room for FY to mess up (Third gen Captains???? idk i'd prefer to include tsuki over yamaguchi at least as a doctor anyway, Yamaguchi would be office staff if anything). I will attempt to organize my thoughts on this.

Okay, New Gen Captains first

So, i want to switch Futakuchi and Shirabu's focus so that Futakuchi is the emergency doctor and Shirabu is in general surgery. It feels more Futakuchi's speed, he's not always in control but it takes it head on, where Shirabu is more of a controller he gets things where they need to be. Though I do still think Shirabu takes shifts in the ER relatively often.

It might be a little projecting but Shirabu has moments where he kind of zones out when lots of stuff is happening around him, like everyone else is moving in slow-mo, especially if he's overstimulated. He likes a quiet OR with the beeping of monitors to focus on.

Shirabu sees a lot of different things and maybe it's a research hospital, and because of that Konoha is always approaching him about drug trials and getting involved. He doesn't have to tell the pretty doctor that he just wants an excuse to talk to him.

I've mentioned it but i'm gonna reiterate and add, Yahaba has the steadiest hand in the office, his stitches are the cleanest and his hand writing is the neatest, the nurses appreciate it. But he also takes a little bit longer in surgery.

The doctor the nurses like the best though? Kanoka. No doubt. I think her and Aone would be good friends.

Sakusa cannot be interrupted when scrubbing in or else he starts over.

Sakusa has terrible bedside manner, he's so blunt about it, but he's very very good at his job. He knows the brain\nerves hardware not the software, emotions are Akaashi's job.

Sakusa and Akaashi actually get along really well, 2 weirdos. Though Sakusa will not go in Akaashi's apartment ever, it's a mess it's terrible.

Hoshiumi is the most chaotic doctor, he's a trauma surgeon so naturally he spends most of his time on call in the emergency room. But he's not great at sitting still so, he likes to just show up places. (others that like to just show up: Usuri)

Terushima is also chaotic, but not while at work. He gets so focused and is very efficient. He is however the one trying to wrangle the NGC for after work activities along with Yamamoto and Atsumu

Ennoshita and Yamamoto end up interacting a lot, because Yamamoto's patients often need some course of physical therapy.

First Years!

Tsukishima as a Resident along with Goshiki but he spends more time with Akaashi in the psych department, so he'd have the plot line of understanding and like working through his problems with trusting people through what he sees at work. Mentor figure akaashi??? accidental mentor?

Speaking of Goshiki, I think Shirabu cannot handle him alone he needs a buffer in almost every situation but Shirabu is always surprised/impressed with how he completely changes when in surgery, kid knows what he's doing he's just excitable and a little full of himself

Koganegawa is an emergency med resident, he's really good at working the odd hours and bouncing from case to case. He knows what he's doing but he can be a bit much for people

I want to include Kindaichi and Teshiro too, but I'm not sure where they'll fit in

ROOMMATES!!!!!! and general living situation HCs

Yahaba and Shirabu

they're odd roommates both bring a bit of rich kid energy but very differently like Shirabu has a really minimalist way about things, whereas Yahaba is a trinkets person he's photos up everywhere, he's got little collections, he's decorated they're living room, he has a cat that roams the apartment and acts like it hates Shirabu but sleeps in his laundry

Ennoshita and Daichi (who is a paramedic in this)

childhood friends to roommates, it makes their families happy to know they're together

Tsukki, Goshiki, and Koganegawa

that one is a mess for a while, but they coexist fine, Kogane works weird hours whereas the other two have more regular schedules. They all have time when they're the only one there (that's awake at least)

Futakuchi has a tiny 1 bed apartment because it's all he could afford in the city when he first got there and he never got around to finding a better place. He'll argue it's closer and he can walk to work, so it's better, but no one else agrees

Sakusa and Komori

The place is spotless, except for Komori's room (still clean but typical clutter, ya know). He keeps common spaces clean for Sakusa's sake though.

Anyway I'm super happy someone else is maybe invested in this as much as I am!

#haikyuu!! #next gen captains #shirabu kenjirou #yahaba shigeru #ennoshita chikara #yamamoto taketora #amanai kanoka #futakuchi kenji #aone takanobu #tsukishima kei #koganegawa kanji #goshiki tsutomu #sakusa kiyoomi #terushima yuuji #akaashi keiji #not art #hospital au #idk if i tagged all the characters BUT its fine #usuri michiru #hoshiumi kōrai

[sgcairo]

Ok so the Giovanni clone is becoming a bit of an OC so i am now going to dump a bunch of things i came up with about him:

-His nicknames are Jovan(the more slavic way of saying Giovanni) and G

-The only reason Dottore hasn't called pest control regarding his rats is becouse he somehow managed to train them so well that the rats sort of "work" as lab assistants. They help catch and hunt down actual pests like cockroaches, smaller mice, and other types of bugs.

-He made a cannibal rat once that helped eradicate bad rats on someones farm once

-He somehow managed to convince Dottore to give him a few thousand mora so he could get his rats an actual cage/enclousure. He got another clone to help him build it. It's suprisingly fancy, it's sort of like a wide cabinet made out of wood with the front being thin metal bars and a door. It has 3 stories and he used up almost all of his pocket change to buy the rats some toys.

-He is rather obsessed with animals.

-instead of calling others "dude" "bro" "legend" or any other title like that, he calls them animal names. Not to insult them, but becouse he belives that everyone dreserves to be compared to creatures that posses good qualities such as loyalty, courage, etc. or animals that share some qualities to the person he's talking about. He tends to refer to Pantalone as "Goldfish" due to his wealth or "Panther" due to his beautiful black hair. Dottore gets the title of "The Fox" due to his intelligence or "The lion" due to them being associated with leadership. If someone says something smart he just goes "Man you are such an owl! That is genius! ". He refers to his gossip circle as crows due to their nature to well, gossip.

-He would talk about animals to Anastasiy a lot. Like he'd go "Yooo 'stasiy, my lil bluebird how you doin" and then spend the next two hours telling him stories about animals

- He likes to chew on paper and wax

- it's kinda hard to hate him. He's generaly friendly and kinda loud but in a sweet way and tries to do good most of the time(or do atleast what he is told is good) . That's not saying he doesn't have his moments of brutality, he absolutely despises some of the clones and would go straight for the juggular if he had a chance to bite them, plus his cannibal rat side project that may or may not have been a bit immoral.

I love him. So much. He gives secretly feral energy, I'm pretty sure Irnes has had to stop him from ripping out someone's trachea at least once.

Don't let his rats get to the mystery substances in the lab though. Can't have mutant rats running around the lab, socks would go missing.

#il dottore #dottore #il dottore's clones #fatui harbingers #fatui headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact oc

[inkisadream]

My energy has been so incredibly improved lately and I'm not sure why, entirely, but I want to note it, mark it, because it's been ages since I've felt consistently this good and I want it to last.

Some things that have changed:

-I've been on sabbatical, which means I have complete control over my days. It's been a real adjustment getting back into that freedom and negotiating the complexities of it—linked to being at home a lot, for example, are memories of the early days of COVID and the uncertainty and loneliness. And, having the actual ability to go places and structure my work as I want to has been really, really nice, once I got my brain over its initial "PANIC!" hurdle. It's been good. Healing is good.

-I've been busy, which is how I thrive. I have a lot of projects going and a lot of balls in the air, but I feel equipped to tackle them. I'm remembering how to organize myself such that they all get done. And, in rediscovering how to do this, I'm returning to limits that feel familiar, rather than, again, a "PANIC!" state. Inklings of my writing speed are returning. I'm so excited.

-I've been working out consistently. I know this helps me—it always has—and also I am lazy and very good at talking myself out of it. But gosh it feels good. My body feels used and appreciated.

-I've stopped drinking coffee in the mornings. This is a surprising one. I started this practice because I wanted to get un-addicted from caffeine, and I like to work at coffee shops in the afternoons, so I figured cutting out coffee at home would be easier than upending my entire work rhythm. I was right, and I've noticed that I just feel better earlier in the day. It still takes me time to wake up to the world and get into a groove, but I'm much less lethargic about the whole thing. I'm not giving up coffee—I love coffee—but this has made such a huge difference.

-I'm cooking fresher. I'm spending more time in nature. I'm doing breathwork. I joined a coven. I'm letting myself be present.

-And embedded in all of this are small changes in how I talk to myself. "I hate doing this" becomes "no complaining; just do it." "ugh ugh ugh" becomes "here we go." Actually physically writing these things at the top of whatever I'm working on, well, works. It's minor but, like, calling in what you want to be does help bring it into being.

#ugh sap ugh #or: look at me go #personal

[nonclassyparty]

Same person who asked the long ass San question hahha

Thanks for the reply!! Makes sense in a way, I'm just trying to wrap my head around why San shows up again in front of her door now that things went wrong. He's basically treating Y/N like a trophy, to proudly show off, he's thinking she can't have sad feelings or problems because he's the only one who lives in absolute misery as he has no money, right? Okay, I can understand his thinking (won't discuss whether it's right or wrong, life's emotionally abusive). But then, a girl changes him for the better, a girl that understands his suffering, and he doesn't want to be a jackass so he distances himself from Y/N to not hurt her. He doesn't need his trophy anymore as he found something more valuable, but why is he coming back now? What is this man thinking by doing so? And with a smile above all? Like, you know homegirl has feelings for you and you took your distances for that exact reason, why are you back?

Also sad about Mingi, he could've handled it better. I understand his POV, but it was wrong to begin with, and it 'being too good to stop' is just sad. He had no business being this sweet to her then. Because I believe he's been genuine in his acts when he talked to her and when he got concerned about her meal being salad for the past 14 years, and whatnot, but it looks like he panicked? He's being dumb like you said, and I can understand as Y/N hasn't exactly been kind to his best friend, but he's been the worst best friend to Bo for the past few months. I think he's just projecting his guilt on Y/N, kinda damning her for actually being nice? Like he sooo wants to hate her for Boyoung's sake but he hates that he can't? And that gave that reaction?

(See how invested you get us hahaha)

Kisses!

—𝒽 ₓ

well i can't say why he shows up bc that would be a spoiler and mingi was sweet bc he's simply a sweet guy 😭 he was genuine and he enjoyed spending time with her all that stands but i like..put an emphasis on the fact that mingi is a chill guy who doesnt do drama when a couple of ppl asked about him and he told yn how college drained him - all that results in him not wanting to be stuck between two fires. he doesnt have the time or energy for that so he'd rather give up especially when he's not even sure how yn feels about him vs how she feels about san.

i think this story is digested a lot easier when you start reading it knowing that its not all black and white, not everyone is all good and all bad. they're just people...who are going to make mistakes....who are going to be sweet....who are going to fuck up and who are going to let their emotions get the best of them sometimes...it happens.

[transannabeth]

would you mind if i ask how you have the energy to do all you do? you stream games, do art, run and participate in zines, go to cons, podcast, and work irl??? (i think i may have missed a few there lol) where do you find the energy to learn all these things, and make time for for all these things? i can barely think at the end of the day, let alone learn new things lmao

i got this the other day while i was freaking out about deadlines which honestly makes it so funny. because one of those deadlines was a button that says 'no spoons' on it

so like a very important part of this answer is that i just started working full time, and before that, i was an online college student—even before the pandemic. i spent most of my college experience doing online schooling which genuinely left me a lot more time because i wasn't commuting or walking to class

my workload is shifting because i now work a 9-5(:30), but i have a hybrid job where i'm in-office one day a week. it's a long commute, but i only have to do it once

on top of THAT, i'm incredibly privileged to live at home with my parents, and they don't require me to pay bills or rent, so i can focus on student loans and personal bills / payments

those things have given me a LOT more free time than most people have. but you'll also notice that i post way less writing than i did in high school and my first year of college. that's because i don't have enough energy to keep that up

i procrastinate pretty hardcore, which all my friends will tell you, and i absolutely overwork and overload myself. i don't really "take breaks" from things, but when i do, i crash hard. (you'll sometimes see me talking about extreme fatigue and vertigo.. yeah....) i always need to be doing the most, which is how i ended up doing so many zines—if projects are at a slow point, i'll feel like i'm not doing enough and sign up for a ton of stuff to feel something and then have 8 deadlines at once and panic

(in that regard, i'm very lucky to have worked with many understanding teams that give me generous extensions)

and yet i STILL spend a lot of time lying around doing nothing, and struggling to get things done. i put off a lot of more important things sometimes (self-care, sleep, cleaning) to mostly do nothing

how do i get things done? deadlines stare me in the face and i panic

i am trying to get better about this, but the fact is i deal with a weird combination of needing so many things to be happening or i get even more depressed, but also relatively common fatigue that makes it a struggle to do anything so

i wish i had a better answer for you, but it's genuinely a struggle day to day to get things done and i've had to sacrifice other things i want to be doing so i can follow through on my other responsibilities (you'll notice i haven't talked a ton about original writing lately......)

most of my motivation is anxiety induced, even though these are things i really enjoy doing. the podcast and streaming are generally really nice because i am forced to slow down for a bit and get to hang out with friends. but you'll notice they're delayed in uploads and vods because i hate doing that part

this answer makes no sense because i don't know how i do it and i do not think i'm doing it well. but you're not alone in being unable to think, that's for sure

#not pjo #answered #anonymous #thanks from the argo! #writing this gave me anxiety SLJKLJFLKSJFLKDF i need to take anxiety meds now #thats mostly a joke im holding onto them bc im almost out

[funkymbtifiction]

Welcome back! I guess time really flies faster for extroverts like us lol.

Well, we get bored faster, that's for sure. ;)

Anyways, I wonder, what is your stance (as 6w7) toward learning and failures in general? For 3w2 like me, it's totally fine to make mistake but I have to improve at a really fast pace every time. I rarely stop to sort out how I feel about the mistake and I just drive toward fixing it. But at the same time I'm very sensitive to criticism and failures, because it reflects poorly on my competency and a blow to my face. Which is why it could be nerve wracking to get plunged into new things, I could muck it up. It took a lot of willpower to force myself to do it and not think about how clumsy I'll look.

My head-energy 6 perspective is that learning is a process and takes time, that nobody is going to get it right offhand, and that failure is a way to learn how to do a better job next time and/or become more aware of your limitations. My 7 wing, however, thinks learning out to be easy and fun and wants to re-frame failure into a positive of some kind (a lesson learned, a door closed so another one can open, etc). TBH, I don't spend any time thinking about how I feel about the mistake (which most of the time is anger at being wrong or getting it wrong or shame for having embarrassed myself with misinformation, etc), I just work hard to make sure I won't make it again and/or to to fix it. I hate being 'exposed' or making a mistake in public especially.

Criticism for me is somewhat expected; I've had to work through a natural 6 tendency to expect the worst from people (that they won't like it or me, that they will only see what's wrong with it, or focus only on the mistake and miss the forest for the trees, which is just me 6ishly projecting my own insecurities onto other people; I've made great strides in moving past this in the last year or so, which has made my life a hell of a lot easier). If I receive criticism, I step back and evaluate it to decide if it's constructive; if so, I implement it, and if it's not or just a matter of opinion, I decide from there whether I care or not and agree with it or not. It's hard for me to ignore criticism, however, since I'm an attachment type who internalizes everything. I'm also protective of looking competent, because I work so hard to be truly good at the few hobbies / undertakings I take on.

My 8w7 boss and 8w9 aunt say something like 'don't care about how others see you. Only focus on yourself and be better each time. It's your journey and no one else's.' This is very interesting because I always attach to other people, like this guy did great. I have to be better next time. But 8s in my life just don't care about any of that. Which sounds refreshing lol.

Gosh yes, it would be amazing to be a rejection type... what has helped me in the past (which might not help you, as a core image type, lol) is to remind myself -- nobody cares what you do, so you might as well do what pleases you. They aren't thinking about you all the time and waiting with baited breath for you to show up in their life and dazzle them. They are thinking about themselves. So you don't have to show up for them, show up for yourself instead. Do it for you.

And ... is it normal to feel cringe toward people of your own type?

Yes. I experience this more with fellow 6s (especially online, watching them spiral, project, be fearful and negative, accuse others, and ping off them without finding a sense of their internal strength) than with other ENFPs, mostly because I know very few other ENFPs. But ENFPs being naive or unrealistic does make me flinch a little. And in a true Fi way, everything is always about me, so I assume their behavior is going to affect how people view ME. (EG, "This obvious ENFP who never edits anything has put out a terrible book, which means people who read it and think it's subpar might not buy indie authors anymore and that will affect me, since they won't give me a chance!" Wow boy, egocentric much? Welcome to Fi.)

Regar

My friend is ESTP 3w2 sp/so (essentially identical except sensor-intuitive divide). I feel cringe at some of what he did. [...] He is a great guy - smart, caring, fun and nice. But I can't help getting pissed by all those 3-ness and ETP-ness. Maybe it's because we share type? Since I know all his tactics and it's becoming like a mirror for myself?

Yep. Psychologists always say, you hate most in other people what you secretly hate in yourself... Being the same type, you know what he's up to, so he can't fool you, which fills you with disgust, because it's holding up a mirror to your previous behaviors.

#question #mbti #enneagram

[grasslandgirl]

im not even looking at the questions so heres a surprise mix for you: 11, 18, 32, 39, 1, and 4 have fun bestie

i love u i love u i love u

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

truly wholeheartedly wish i had the energy and the motivation to rework my av tatbilb au. [you gonna break my heart, sammy?] i loved the concept and spent six months hammering away at it and by the end i was just tired of it and wanted it to be done, and i feel like the ending is rushed and hollow because of it. it was the longest thing i'd ever written or posted at the time- over three years ago, now- and while im really proud of the fact that i planned it out and wrote it and actually finished it, i do think i could and can do it better. spend more time fleshing it out, make it feel less like a trite reworking of the original, dont rush the get together at the end, etc.

idk if i ever will. but maybe some day

4. Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

:)) well. it depends on how you define oc's, but they're pretty close.

and yes ive written SO many stories for them, there's so much lore and extended universes and multiverses.... god. insane. shout out to dnau's. if you know you know etc

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

oooh uh. hm. idk if it's a trope, necessarily, but like supernatural creature/ mermaid au's aren't really my jam- especially when those aren't themes or elements in the canon material, it just always feels so jarring and its hard for me to acclimate to enough to suspend my disbelief

a more traditional trope, i HATE the shotgun proposal trope at the end of a story/movie, especially when they havent been together longer than a year- they should NOT be getting married it will NOT stop their problems

uh also in fic im wary of kid fics, if only bc most people who write kid fics do NOT know how to write children and will write the most intelligent eloquent four year old in the world like. dude. talk to children before you make them central in ur fic. sorry.

18. First, second, or third person?

third, primarily. but given the right circumstances and personal heaspace ive been known to dabble in first and second.

32. Do you have a word/expression that you always use in your writing?

i'm always a sucker for the classic italicized Oh. moment, personally [insert essay about breath in the narrative and how impactful giving your characters AND your readers moments to breathe within the story can be]

but i also really enjoy a- to quote casey, who reads and edits a vast majority of my writing bc she's wonderful- "one sentence paragraph" i think it can be a really fun and a really impactful kind of narrative punch moment and can spice up the rhythm of your writing

as for like specific expressions that i use or over use, im sure i have them i just can't think of any off the top of my head- i write how i talk a lot, so i know a lot of my sav-isms and style of speech leaks into my writing but idk if im self aware enough to notice the explicit patterns yet (if you have noticed patterns/repeated phrases, please let me know!! id love to hear them svkjnsfk)

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

this is an impossible question skjfvnskfjvns ive written SO many au's for so many CRAZY concepts that like. the scale of which is the wildest is purely subjective, and im not the one to ask bc i wrote all of them skfjvnskfjv

ive also got a TON of unused crazy au ideas in my docs/ idea lists that i haven't used or written yet so like.... comparatively the ones i HAVE published are pretty tame skjvnksfj

all that said. my eldonado fic Happiest is insane just bc of the sheer self indulgence of it, i wrote them doing a play i did in highschool, and i gave sam the role that i played. can you say #projection ?

ty ty ty ty jamie- for someone who picked a bunch of random numbers you really happened to pick a bunch of questions that are really relevant to us skjvnskfjvnsf

send me writers asks from this list!!

#asks #mwah mwah mwah mwah jimbles i love u thank u this was very fun

[everythingthemoontouches]

💙Hi there! , First of all i want to tell you that i love your blog! And i love how your posts are so accurate!💙 If its okay with you could you please do me a favor by describing how others see me,my appearance or more specifically the vibe I radiate to others! It would mean alot to me if you you do that💙I'm a cancer sun,leo rising,Lilith sextile asc, Pluto trine asc, Uranus opposition asc, Moon opposition asc, mars sextile venus, mars opposition neptune, asteroid lilith conjunct mc and jupiter in the 1st house!💙

Hola!

Thank you that's really kind of you 💛💕

You know that quote that says Cinderella never asked for a prince. All she wanted was a night out and a dress. You kind of exude a similar vibe but with respect to leadership positions. 'I never asked to be Queen/King, but the people have spoken' kind of an energy. You would be equally happy to be by yourself, learning about the subconscious mind, higher realms and other esoteric science.

For more on Jupiter in LEO I'd recommend watching Astrofinesse.

For jupiter in the first there's KRS.

🌻As a Leo rising you come across as someone outgoing, with a playful energy but you're also somehow someone people would expect to see in a position of authority. You're drawn to people who stimulate you intellectually and love to exchange ideas.

😬If you have an Aquarius saturn you could be having some challenges in your relationships since December 2020 as saturn transits your 7th house. I'd suggest practicing discernment in this area as well as signing contracts with people until it passes( early 2023) ..

😇12th house sun could take on other people's energy. I feel like you need some time away, by yourself, preferably at the beach / pool/ shower to declutter, clear your head and replenish your sense of Self. You could be highly intuitive. If this resonates, I'd urge you to look up empath drain and how to protect yourself from energy vampires.

Ruler of the ascendant in the 12th :

spirituality could be a huge part of your life. For some people this could show a father (figure) who was convicted or worked in a prison / asylum. They could also have a really remote job. Since the sun is also your own personal identity, you could profit off these themes. Working in a mental health facility, overseas, in esoteric crafts.

🌛With your moon in the 7th house, you probably attract a lot of older women, (queen of swords) nurturing energies . Your mom could have a major influence on any business partnerships that you enter.

In relationships you could have a here today gone tomorrow kind of a presence. This is because as the moon waxes and wanes so does your attraction / attachment to specific people?

♒Aquarius moon : it could be really hard for you to express your feelings. So Instead of asking for a hug there could be a tendency to say something like ' ew imagine asking for one?' you leave a place better than you found it. If you watch hindi movies, 3 Idiots could be a movie you really resonate with. ( I pretty much spent the day looking up the lead actor, who has major aquarius placements and his films have always been disruptive with a really nice social message that left people talking for years after they were released. I tell you this because he shares 2 of your big 3 - aquarius and cancer.)

Going off on this tangent you could be a well respected teacher / writer / entertainer. Jupiter in LEO could help with this.

I do feel like you need a certain amount of inventiveness in your relationships. The people you're with are people who introduce you to new hobbies / ideas / technologies. You need to feel like you guys learn something new or create something that matters together. This is enhanced by uranus in the 7th house. You could come across really cold because you always give people the naked honest truth when asked. You do this from a place of love. I'm reminded of the Queen of Swords card in the rider Waite tarot. Not everyone has the maturity to take it. Or maybe they've just had a bad day. It is what it is. Perhaps try to not be so incisive if this is something you struggle with.

In the same vein, if I asked you to write down how you were feeling how long would it take for you to identify the right emotion. How honest are you with yourself?

Moon and Uranus being in the same house could show that stagnation could really hurt your mental health / happiness / satisfaction levels.

With a saturn ruled moon I feel like I need to remind you to not be so hard on yourself. Like. The world won't crumble to dust if you allow yourself to take care of you once in a while.there's only so much you can do.

All those coffee mugs will catch up. There's no such thing as extra hours in the day. A lack of sleep manifests as early signs of aging. No hate for the elderly but arthritis is not a fun ailment to have. Do you wanna be 60 with 80 year old nervous system problems? I rest my case.

Uranus and moon aspect your ascendant so you could have a slightly plump look?

Jupiter in the first house people usually have prominent thighs. I had a friend with this placement and when we were growing up she used to complain of chafed thighs a lot?

Mars sextile venus you could be your own type? The way you act and the way you want your future partners to express love could be quite similar which is good for healthy relationships.

There could be a tendency to spend impulsively.

With Mars sextiling venus you could be someone who earns more the more active their lifestyle is? Like, you may need to be an agile learner to keep money flowing in .

Jupiter in LEO in a woman's chart usually shows they'd have a financially well off spouse so money may not be a huge concern. He could be a sailor or earn via exports/ navy. It's hard to say without knowing where your Saturn is.

The image you project to the world could be a lot more outgoing than how you actually feel. You're more private than people think.

With a fire rising, water sun and air moon you could either be a really balanced person or just have a number of clashing ideas on who to be, what to do and achieve.

Descendant : The people that hate on you could attack your need to stand out /try to dim your time in the spotlight. Think aquarius themes of standing out to improve community clashing with Leo's need to stand out solely because it helps their ego. Like your confidence could trigger the part if them that felt judged negatively for expressing their individuality.

Do you feel like you thrive in chaos? I'm guessing you're atleast in your late 20s if not older, so you might have gotten better at dealing with people acting unexpectedly. Your mom could have been unpredictable. Really intelligent, but forgets to eat ..

🥤🦀As a cancer sun, you could be the friend your friends come to for advice. There could be a tendency to be a little too selfless. I think your aqua moon really serves as a shield to those who try to take advantage of your caring nature. Have you considered a career in psychic medium ship? Or any spiritual art/ past life regression / you get the drift..

Is there a family craft or hobby that you could monetize? Jupiter in LEO could signify ancestral gains.

Lilith and Pluto aspects to ascendant can make you come across really sexy / a bit unapproachable because people feel like you have some kind of power that places you above them?

Due to this, people with Pluto / Lilith aspects can feel some kind of hurt around people clearing up the path around them if that makes sense.

Jupiter opposite moon : there could be a clash between you want to do VS what you feel you should be doing.

Jupiter in the first house : you could have been born rich? Or people just perceive you that way. They also see you as someone wordly wise and lucky in general. You could know a lot about a wide variety of things. Specially on topics related to appearance, personal development, image consciousness etc. Since the ruler of the first is in the 12th I feel like some of your wisdom comes from a divine source. Like you're tapping into some kind of a collective reservoir of knowledge. In starseed terminology we would refer to this as downloads.

Jupiter rules the 8th house and 5th house.

So love, romance, games, early education may have been a bit of a breeze for you.

Jupiter is usually a bit of a celibate spiritual person. So, while it may make you really wise with respect to things like the occult / tarot / other 8th house themes, I'm not sure how it would impact your sex life with a spouse. Sex could be either a deeply spiritual experience for you or take on more neptunian traits. Addiction / alcoholism / drug use the works. Jupiter expands the themes of the house it rules so a word of caution there.

Travelling could bring you luck. Or even love.

Did I hear Mars opposite Neptune?

This could be a literal battlefield. You could feel like you need to work for love.if Neptune is unconditional love and Mars is your drive, then you could literally match to get to taht elusive unconditional sense of belonging /love / acceptance. But what are you marching towards really? A mirage? With this aspect I'd really be on the guard against addiction of any kind. Neptune is enticing, alluring, mocking Mars for its need to conquer. It could lend a really nice swagger to your walk. A runway model could benefit from thus placement. At uts best this aspect imbues you with creativity, inspiration, otherworldly imagination and the energy required to turn your abstract ideas of art into something tangible.

Here's a source for more on this placement. Sometimes I find that the comments really help me make sense of my own placements

Toodles

Before I sign off, I just have to say this :please try to restrict asks to 2-3 placements. You can send in multiple asks if you'd like, but answering them all in one ask can get a bit cluttered and I'd hate to miss out on something 😊

Hope this helped 💕as always, I'd really appreciate your feedback on this take on how these placements affect you.

#Cancer sun #12th house sun #3 idiots #Aquarius moon #Air moon #Astro asks #Jahnspeaks #Astrology #Moon in 7th house #Uranus 7th house #Jupiter in first house #Jupiter in leo #Queen of swords #Aquarius tarot #Leo rising #Mars sextile venus #Future spouse #Mars opposite Neptune #Mars #Neptune #Illusions #Creativity in astrology #Entertainment astrology #Practical astrology

[strangertheory]

I'm in a weird spot these days mentally.

I'm super happy at my new job. I do my little tasks and do them well, and when things go wrong there's a good system for addressing things and I feel supported and valued.

But I still... am realizing how really bad certain aspects of my mindset are about a lot, and my self esteem and confidence in my independent choices and self-advocacy still have some very specific issues.

For example: I've got a hang-up right now and am terrified and anxious over billing my freelance clients for my work anymore. I used to hate it before I found my full-time job, but now I completely avoid it because it's no longer critical to me trying to pay my bills and I'm too anxious to stop working with them. I need to do it, I need to cancel the projects I no longer want to do - but I feel an irrational level of responsibility towards these clients and feel very guilty over the idea of telling them I no longer can work with them. So I simply haven't done that yet. Asking for money and having to put a dollar value on my labor stresses me out. Right now I only want to choose what I work on, I want to do projects for specific people and do it for free, and then get rid of all the stuff I don't want to do anymore. But I haven't taken the time to address any of this yet. It's so hard for me. And I'm stressed and scared. But I should try to do it. I just haven't yet. And I do worry this is an underlying self-worth and self-preservation issue, or something, that I'll need to deal with in order to handle other things in my life that it's surely impacting too. So. Well, the first step is awareness right? Maybe I'll draft an email to everyone this weekend and ask a friend to look it over. I just can't shake the guilt of just ditching clients that I've worked with for years. I know my time is my own, and I need to stand up for what I need, but mentally it's so hard for me to accept. Ugh. Yes, intellectually I understand. In practice I'm frozen and having breakdowns over it.

I also am realizing that I'm struggling to write anything creative or reflective or theoretical here or elsewhere because of fear of conflict. I don't have the energy for even the risk or idea of conflict, and I used to enjoy debate and intellectual discourse at college and with friends who I know... but online discourse is a completely different ball game. And I'm saying this as someone who has had very little issues in that, but the few that have come up just made me feel awful for even trying to put my ideas out there online and the stress and fear of even the tiniest bit of criticism or worse, baseless slander like what I've seen others fighting, is enough for me to simply not want to spend time in fandom spaces right now. But to be clear: this is my problem. I'm not saying this to say "ugh fan spaces are the worst" I'm saying this to acknowledge my own struggle to manage my feelings and anxieties in those spaces. I have a clear mental hurdle that I need to figure out how to work through. I don't feel comfortable expressing myself lately and worry over every single interaction I have with people who aren't close friends or trusted people in my life. So the internet is Scary to me these days. Moreso than I've ever felt before. And that feeling kind of sucks. But it's a feeling. It's there. And maybe I don't have to like social media. Maybe my mutuals and my immediate close friend circles are all I need.

These are all things that I hope therapy can maybe help with. I hope to look into therapy once my new health insurance is all set up, and maybe there will be some sort of coverage in that (or not, but at least now I have more income to put towards it out of pocket) but...

I'm sorry to share all this here. I don't want anyone to worry about me. These are very much me-issues, do not point fingers at anyone or ask "who hurt me" or anything - this is just life. Stuff to mentally learn to deal with. I'm just in an odd spot because on the one hand I'm really happy, on the other I'm aware of many issues I want to address for my well-being. And hey that awareness is good. I'm grateful for it.

And I think I wanted to share this here simply to say hey, this is where I'm at right now and maybe others can relate too.

But the good stuff is: I love my new job. I truly enjoy it. I love my coworkers. And I have wonderful friends and good people in my life. And I appreciate all of you here who have been kind to me and enjoy sharing ideas with me. And this is not a post intended as any sort of goodbye - I'm still here, and yes I'll write and share more theories soon. Probably. But there's no timeline on it. This post is simply me rambling and sharing about some personal challenges I'm dealing with right now.

I hope you're all doing well. 💛 Today I'm just feeling hit by a lot of intense anxiety and crying a lot, but they're not sad tears they're anxious tears. I'm okay but also having a tough day. Thanks for listening

#personal #do not reblog #long post #yes I say the word hey a lot #that's actually a personal quirk in how I speak out loud fun fact

[incorrect-lalins-curse]

Ok this has probably been thought of before but: the gang plays among us. Bonus points if there is irony (vis a vis cody being imposter Felix dying first (I'm sorry), etc.).

NO WAIT I ACTUALLY LOVE THIS OK

David

-hates being the impostor because he's not very good at lying on the spot

-"guys i got stuck in the vent how do i get out :("

-whenever his fellow impostor is about to get caught, he always does his best to defend them, often accidentally outing himself in the process. he refuses to throw his fellow impostor under the bus for any reason.

-he never sabotages unless he's a ghost. he forgets the button is there

-he's a really good crewmate though. he always stays focused on his tasks, and is great at sniffing out who the impostor is.

-most of the time his accusations will be based on purely gut instinct with little to no solid evidence, but he ends up being right 75% of the time so everyone else just goes with it

-it's for this reason that he usually dies first, especially when felix is the impostor, so that the crewmates will lose their best detective. that, and he makes himself a really easy target by never getting suspicious when people follow him.

-he always continues to do his tasks when he's a ghost.

-always apologizes to the people he kills as the impostor in the lobby once the game ends

-go-to skin is yellow with the astronaut helmet, he also has the alien pet

Felix

-LOVES being the impostor, but is not especially good at it because of his temper. he just enjoys messing with his friends.

-always goes for david or eric first

-not afraid to throw his fellow impostor under the bus to save his own hide

-surprisingly good at lying and gaslighting anyone who sees him being sus

-his favorite impostor teammate is noemi, because they both have the same desire to cause endless problems for their friends.

-will often follow people around or act suspicious even when he's a crewmate just to spread chaos

-people usually suspect him of being impostor first, and he gets wrongfully voted out a lot

-when this happens he refuses to finish his tasks

-'felix is sus' 'no YOU'RE sus fuck off'

-will often refuse to vote until the last second just to force everyone to wait the whole time

-constantly screams at people in the lobby

-if felix and eric are impostors together, felix will call a meeting and out both of them because he hates teaming up with eric and knows there's no way they'll win.

-go-to skin is black with the knife hat. if he joins a game of strangers and someone else has claimed the black and purple skins, he'll leave and find another game. he refuses to play as any other color.

Tobi

-surprisingly good as the impostor. he exudes trustworthy energy and is generally calm and reasonable during discussions, so he tends to always be one of the last suspects.

-people tend to follow him since he seems to know what he's doing, and that's how he gets them

-but once he wins as impostor? he taunts people in the lobby to hell and back. lightheartedly, of course, he just loves to bask in his victory.

-he's usually the host because he's the only one who understands all the settings and who can actually be trusted to not fuck with the character speed. he likes to randomly add a ton of tasks sometimes though, just to be difficult.

-he'll always do his best to defend his fellow impostor, but once they're proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt he'll vote them off.

-the only real giveaway for him being the impostor is if david isn't one of the first to die.

-after he finishes all of his tasks, he'll usually end up following david around.

-does his best to contribute to discussions, but he always seems to be on the exact opposite side of the ship from where all the action is, so he doesn't usually have much to add.

-tends to prioritize finishing tasks over sniffing out impostors, so if he sees someone kill in front of him he'll always finish whatever task he's on before reporting. this is problematic if someone else walks in and sees him.

-he usually ends up just trying to mediate and keep the discussion focused. he's the voice of reason.

-"Guys, stop randomly accusing people. Did anyone actually see anything suspicious?"

-if him and cody are impostors together, it's pretty much a guaranteed win for them. they're the ultimate impostor duo.

-go-to skin is dark green with wolf ears. he also has the blue dog pet.

Cody

-the first time he was impostor, he cried.

-*calls a meeting* "I'm the impostor and I don't want to be"

-it took him forever to get used to the game. when he first started out he'd get stuck on corners and get lost constantly, and it typically led to him being a very easy target for the impostors/being labelled as sus by the crewmates due to his aimless wandering

-but as time went on and he got used to the game, he slowly developed a strategy and became the best impostor out of all of them

-as an impostor, he is DIABOLICAL. i'm talking faking medbay scans, sabotaging left and right, organizing double kills, the whole nine yards. no sleazy impostor play is too low for him. it's horrifying.

-his only weakness as an impostor is that he always feels really bad when he kills someone who has a pet

-he also has somewhat spotty wifi connection in his apartment, so sometimes his game will freeze at the worst possible times, like when he's standing over a body

-he almost never talks during discussions, unless he was the one who found the body. he just follows everyone else's lead. this is another reason why no one ever suspects him, they just straight up forget he's there.

-as a crewmate, he does his best to keep to himself. if he enters a room to do a task and someone else is in there, he'll leave and come back later. it's thanks to this that he's usually among the last to die.

-he's the kind of player to call meetings just to see how many people are dead/yell at people to stop following him

-he is horrible at the emptying garbage task on the airship specifically. it infuriates him. yes i'm projecting

-always goes to watch the security feed once he finishes his tasks

-when he's a ghost, he tends to ignore his unfinished tasks in favor of following the person who killed him around to see what they do.

-his favorite impostor teammate is tobi. he works well with felix too, as well as eric. but that's only because eric is such a loud and obnoxious impostor that he's inadvertently the perfect distraction while cody does all the real work.

-his go-to skin is cyan with the devil horns, and he has the hamster ball pet. he named it hamtaro. he loves it.

Eric

-was allowed to host a game exactly once because he cranked the player speed up to max and everyone hated it

-a very trigger-happy impostor. he'll usually kill someone the second his cooldown runs out, which often results in him getting caught in the act.

-does a stack kill every chance he gets

-throws baseless accusations every which way, regardless of whether he's the impostor or not

-sometimes he'll jokingly out himself as an impostor even when he's not just to confuse people, but it usually ends in him actually getting voted out

-overall, an agent of chaos. it's hard for me to write hcs for him because the way he plays the game varies entirely on how chaotic he's feeling at any given moment.

-on rare occassions when he decides to actually try and not just mess around, he's a scarily good impostor. he can be a master of manipulation when he wants to be, and he has a lot more tricks up his sleeve than he usually lets on.

-often gets voted out or killed early on just for being annoying

-likes to run laps around the lobby

-tries to actually make friends with the people he meets in online games and plugs his youtube channel every chance he gets

-sometimes streams among us on his yt when he plays with the rest of the gang

-go-to skin is blue with the brain slug hat, because 'it kinda looks like a frog'

María

-she really doesn't like being the impostor. it stresses her out a lot and makes her feel kind of guilty.

-also she's just. not very good at it. she accidentally presses the vent/kill buttons a lot when she's meaning to press something else.

-she talks a LOT as a crewmate, but hardly talks at all as an impostor. it's a major giveaway.

-she texts really fast and turned off autocorrect on her phone, so when she sees someone kill, reports the body, and tries to say who did it, it takes her a couple tries to actually send a coherent message, and a lot of the time the impostor accuses her before she can accuse them.

'ITBWHAHDBFDHFY'

'IT WHAS HFIDY'

'CDOY'

'FFS'

'C O D Y'

-she gets lost a lot. despite how much she plays, she can never seem to remember where everything is.

-she's always one of the first to vote. much like david, she likes to throw out baseless accusations, but the only difference is that hers are usually wrong

-the CEO of 'if ____ isn't impostor, vote me next'

-likes to track down one person who she's relatively sure is innocent, and stick to their side like glue

-she also does this when she's an impostor. she picks one crewmate to spare and stick with so they'll think she's innocent and defend her during meetings.

-go-to skin is orange, and she tends to alternate between the angel halo hat, the pumpkin hat, and the flowerpot hat.

Noemí

-tends to take the game VEEERY seriously, and will sometimes give her friends (particularly cody) the silent treatment at school if they 'betray' her in-game

-constantly bugs cody in class to teach her his strategies. he just laughs at her.

-she tries really hard to be sneaky as an impostor and be as manipulative as felix and cody can be, but she tends to raise her voice when she lies and it's a dead giveaway.

-she sabotages as much as she possibly can, and overall spends more time just creating chaos than she does actually killing.

-she's not very good at defending herself, whether she's innocent or not. her defense usually boils down to "so-and-so's sus for saying i'm sus"

-"i was doing tasks!" "okay, what tasks?" "uh-"

-much like tobi and cody, she and felix are a terrifying impostor duo, but their approach is more 'mass murder' than 'manipulation and complex strategy'

-she doesn't like being crewmate, she thinks it's boring and she tends to ignore the tasks she doesn't want to do since, in her mind, there's no way they'll be able to win that way anyway.

-so she usually just wanders around and hangs out in security or admin to sus out the impostor.

-go-to skin is purple with the bat wings hat

Lucía

-hardly ever plays, and when she does she's not very good purely due to inexperience

-everyone tends to go easy on her because of this and she hates it

-really good at pointing out holes in people's alibis

-also surprisingly good at deflecting suspicion away from her

-has the potential to be a fantastic impostor, on par with cody and tobi, but doesn't have the controls down yet

-the type of crewmate to call a meeting just to say she's done with her tasks

-always finishes her tasks when she's a ghost. always.

-go-to skin is white with the pompadour hat because she thinks it's funny

Selena

-doesn't take the game seriously AT ALL

-just fucks around. all the time. never does tasks or kills anyone as the impostor, just walks around the ship following ppl around and doing fuck all

-"selena, what are you doing?" "im having a dance battle with eric in medbay, leave me alone"

-she does still contribute to discussions though. she bases her accusations on super petty things like 'eric is dark blue and i don't like that color' or 'david voted for me last round' but the funny thing is that she's usually right.

-much like eric, gets voted off early on just for being annoying. the two of them just hang out in the ghost chat and laugh at everyone screaming at each other during discussions.

-go-to skin is pink, and she switches between the witch hat and the flower headband

#admin jae #this took me forever to type #sorry that lucia and selena's are so short #we don't know much about them yet #and also i just got bored #lalin's curse #line webtoon #incorrect quotes #cody lozano blasco #david garcia martinez #felix lopez dorado #eric bermudez parejo #tobias ruiz castro #maria navarro becerra #noemi roldan segura #lucia castilla perales #selena aguilar calvet

[jq37]

Maybe I'm also being animal racist, but a current guess I have for oMaM is that the rabbit Sly saw at the docks was actually the newspaper photographer who seems to be spending a lot of energy documenting Sly's movements at this party, and the bad lighting/state of intoxicated introspection led Syl to make a wrong assumption. (Also did you ever watch Hoodwinked? Spoilers: the reporter bunny did it)

lol hey guys. So I've been fairly MIA the past couple of weeks due to my job trying to actively murder me but I wanted to pop in for a hot second to talk about where we are theory-wise at this point in the season.

First of all, to address the actual ask, I feel like Brennan must have known Longfoot would be suspicious due to ~animal racism~ and put him in as a red herring and now we have even more info to back that up.

I suspect that what's going on with the stuff in the manor is a version of the Pepper's ghost illusion which involves mirrors to do ghostly projections and look pretty darn good for an effect that was invented hundreds of years ago. If you've ever ridden Haunted Mansion at Disney, that's the effect they use to do the waltzing ghosts (fun fact, because the effect mirrors the objects it's used on and the Imagineers forgot to take that into account, all of the female ghosts are leading in the dance!) But that's just fluff, let's talk plot.

So last week's ep threw a LOT of suspicion on Sly with him literally being painted at the villain and Grant doing absolutely nothing to defend himself. And, I'll admit, it would be pretty delicious to not only have Sly foreshadow it earlier with his coy, "Why yes, it also could have been me," and also that Grant himself would have [REDACTED] Rekha a SECOND TIME (watch the Murder Mystery ep of Game Changers if you don't know what I mean--it's my fave ep). But I talked it over with my watch buddy @camwritery and I don't think Sly is actually a baddie. I think this is a double double cross (Lol a cross from Mr. Cross). Here's my thought process.

(1) Yes there's that stack of letters Daisy found in Sly's hand but those easily could have been forged. I'd like Buck to take a look at those since he has that rogue handwriting checking ability.

(2) Squire Badger specially said something was coming to F Sly up and Sly could tell he wasn't the mastermind. Fletcher would make the most sense as to who the mastermind actually is. Like, it wouldn't be so much a twist to the audience but it would be a big ass twist to the CHARACTERS who thought he was fully dead (for the most part) and I feel like that matters more than "subverting expectations" or whatever. It's possible we find out it's actually another party guest I guess (or more likely, that some number of them are involved as accomplices) but Brennan said last week we've met all the characters and it's too late to introduce a new person at this point. And Fletcher is such a through line in Sly and Daisy's stories, it would be weird to not go for the payoff.

(3) So Fletcher is alive. We know this. What would a dead but not dead criminal mastermind want? To ruin his arch nemesis, obv. So, how do you do that? Maybe you fake the death of some mouse to create an unsolvable murder to drive him crazy? And then maybe you work with the person who the fake murder pissed off (because of Sly's inability to "solve" it) to ruin Sly because that guy hates Sly now? And maybe you involve some element of faking deaths in your plan because a faked death is what was central to the original plot that made Sly's reputation and ruined your family? That's so convoluted but this is a guy who handcuffed himself to his enemy and jumped off a waterfall. He's clearly a drama queen and he has nothing but time.

(4) I think Sly has figured this out to some degree and he's decided that letting himself get captured is the best option for him at the moment. Like, he didn't protest at all. Which, yes, checks out to his laidback, posh casual persona but I think he knows that if anything happens to anyone while he's locked up then it casts suspicion on someone besides him or it means the "murders" have to stop because no one will kill anyone while he's not active as a possible suspect due to literally not being able to murder anyone. Speaking of--

(5) Yeah, I don't believe these are murders. All those dead bodies from the list? Badgers, corvids, horned animals. That's the badger fam and their spouses. And the one guy we "knew" was dead also doesn't seem to be dead (which Brennan seeded from the start with Conor's widow hearing his voice which seems possible if she lives so close and he was alive this whole time). I guess framing Sly for a full family murder or something was the plan? But that doesn't quite check out because presumably they'd un-die at some point and I feel like they wouldn't want to live under assumed identities in animal Bavaria or something. I know news doesn't travel fast w/o the internet but they're prominent people. News would spread I assume. Maybe the death faking was to make Sly believe he was crazy? Or to believe in ghosts? Messing with a genius's mind is I'm sure one of the worst things you can do. There's also Buck's Frankenstein theory which is a little out there but they were trying crazy stuff with electricity and dead bodies back in the day. Kind of a wild pull but cam sent me this about a Dr. Squires from the same-ish time period shocking someone back to life. It would be wild and now we have some alt explanations for the electricity but gotta explore all options. And this would Constance to call her dad a madman, lol.

(6) Grant/Sly has a lot more info than us with all those maddening redacted texts so it's very likely he has some long game happening we know nothing about. I wondered if he might have known about Fletcher for a while--when Daisy revealed he was alive he was surprised but I don't remember if he was surprised that he was alive or if it was ambiguous and it might just be that he didn't tell her. I assumed he didn't know at all (because I feel like that's what Brennan narrated in episode 1) but I need to go back and check.

(7) At the end of the day, D20 is a show that rewards love and friendship over betrayal and the like. This very much could be the first season with a real betrayal but I'm kinda skeptical. Sly could just be a big faker but he seems genuine to me. Also, what would his motive even be here? This doesn't seem like his style and I don't know why he'd do this.

(8) Lars failed their check on purpose and Ian saw full puppydog earnestness. Sly if you've been a bad guy this whole time and Lars didn't know, bitch I'll kill you

(9) Not really on topic but I want to note, Daisy's find of that second trick portrait makes me thing my theory was correct and there's a third somewhere. I wonder where.

(10) Even less on topic but the "Show Her Your Butt 2: Electric Boogaloo" sequence last week made me spit soda everywhere and I think that should be acknowledged.

#mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #asks #madamxpresident

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

#kaguya sama: love is war #analysis #long post #reactions

[cryptid-in-the-crypt]

"QUICK" DUMB RANT

I don't remember hating many books when I was younger, unless they were text books. In fact, I remember reading and liking a lot of books while in school.

Marvel's Sandman, Skeleton Creek, the original Frankenstein, the Amulet series, In Real Life.

But, there was this one book I've hated so much, it led me to the path of writing as a form a escapism. And it was...

THIS MOTHER [******!!!] RIGHT HERE! THIS! RIGHT HERE! IS THE MOST BORING, CREATIVE BRAIN BREAKING, ENERGY DRAINING, FREEDOM SNATCHING BOOK THAT'S EVER BEEN FORCED UPON MY EYES AGAINST. MY. WILL!!!! [NO JOKE!!] When I tell you I absolutely HATE, HATE, HATE this book with a BURNING PASSION, [I MEAN IT!]

I have made the TERRIBLE MISTAKE of telling my father I had a book report project for....middle school? Freshmen year of high school? Cannot recall. But I told him I needed to read a book I LIKED and do a report on it for school and basically tell people how much I would recommend it for them to read. And when I told my father about this whole shtick, he COMPLETLY IGNORED the BOOK I LIKED part. At the time, I was... not doing well in school and kept getting distracted with drawing. I later at the age of 20 found out it was cause of my ADHD.

SO! I think to discipline me, he sat me on a couch with this book and wouldn't let me leave until I got an hour of a chapter in. This went on until it was finished obviously.

SO, basically the premise of the story is NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU CAN'T CHANGE SOCIETY AND WHO YOU ARE!!! and as a trans person i now realize why this ticked me of so much :| ...In the story the seagull goes and I think flies away from his flock because he doesn't want to spend his whole life just catching and eating fish. So, he went on a trip to see the world and experience freedom for the first time. [[Jealous]] You know, live his own life. And for the most part, I was on his side. I'm not gonna bother explaining anymore cause it's so long and boring it makes the long walk in Fellowship Of The Ring [EXCITING] And through out the whole story, everyone's telling me him he can't change who and what he was meant to be and that he'll never do anything else but catch fish, eat fish'n'chips and cry.

But, what really broke me is that, after the whole trip of coming of age and all the memories and experiences he made along the way HE STILL GOES BACK TO HIS TRASH SOCIETY AND FLOCK! And you know what he does next? CATCH FISH, EAT FISH'N'CHIPS AND CRY! And I'm like WHAT ABOUT THE WIND IN YOUR FACE? WHAT ABOUT THE NEW CHANCE AT A NEW LIFE? WHAT ABOUT THE TASTE OF FREEDOM?! WERE YOU NOT HAPPY?! DID YOU NOT LIKE LIVING ON YOUR OWN? DIDN'T YOU LIKE BEING ABLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEW FRIENDS?

DON'T YOU MISS THEM?! DIDN'T YOU WANNA PROVE THEM WRONG?! WHAT?! WHY IN THE ROCKY MT HIGH WOULD YOU GO BACK TO THE PEOPLE WHO HELD YOU BACK AND CONTROLLED YOU?!1 wHY THE [****] WOULD YOU WANNA GO BACK AT MEET UP WITH THE PEOPLE SEAGULLS WHO MOCKED YOU FOR WANTING SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING DIFFRENT?! ISN'T FREEDOM WHAT YOU WANTED? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU GO BACK?! I mean, if it were me, I would stay GONE and AWAY from them. I would LEAVE ALL OF THEM, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE OF THEM IN THE DUST!

THIS WAS IT. THIS WAS THE BRAKING POINT THAT LED ME TO THE PATH OF REBELION! Of course, I lied and said I liked it cause, DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HE WOULD DO OR SAY IF I SAID I DIDN'T?

....I had to go to school after I was finished to do the report on it the next day. My father had prepared note cards to read out loud for the presentation. It wasn't even my words. It wasn't even my own words. It was my father's. It pained me to even read it. And I'm preeetty sure everyone could see it on my face. I read the cards word for word in the most deadpan voice with the most deadpan face that I've ever done. And I was the one of the best known people to have the most energetic personality with major theatre vibes. Everyone knew deadpan wasn't me. But, at least I got a good grade on it? AH, WHAT THE HELL? I HATED THIS BOOK SO MUCH, EVEN THE GRADE WAS BITTERSWEET LIKE DARK SUGAR FREE CHOCOLATE! And even that would be better than that.

Let me take a breath.

You wanna know another book I was secretly reading at the time that I wanted to do a report on?

This gem of a master piece to me. It just spoke to me on a whole nother level. Actually, now I remember. It was high school was this book was only there. The main character goes to a school where she hasn't got many friends and her family isn't any better. And she uses the internet as a form as escapism. Like me! :] And since this book takes place in the 2010s, her mother doesn't like her being on her computer that much cause she thinks that the only people are creeps, pedos and Pervez.

But you know what she does? GOES ON THE INTERNET ANYWAY LIKE A GOOD REBELIOUS TEEN! And she finds this game where she's able to go on adventures and makes new friends! This game changed her life so much, she slowly becomes more and more confidant in herself and is able to make friends in real life. She dyed her hair against her mother's wishes in secret. She makes a friend her age who lives on the other side of the world and find out his living and work situation is bad. So bad, the work wouldn't let him sleep and the game was the only escape for him. And towards the end of the story, you know what she did?

SHE ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING TO CHANGE THAT AND HELP HIM OUT OF HIS OWN SPECIAL LITTLE HELL! But, oh no! Her mother finds out and takes her computer away or tries to! But you know what she does about it? STANDS UP TO HER MOTHER AND CALLS HER OUT ON HER BS! And you know who ends up being in the wrong about this whole thing? NOT THE GIRL! THE MOTHER! LIKE, DUDE, I COULD NEVER! THIS WHAT I'M TALK'N ABOUT! THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! THIS IS WHY I LIKE THIS BOOK SO MUCH!!! THIS WAS AND STILL IS THE BOOK I WOULD'VE 10,000 RECOMENDED TO THOSE PEOPLE IN MY CLASS AND OUT OF. LIKE, OH MY STARS, IT HAS ALL THE MESSEGES ANY PERSON OF MY GENERATION THEY COULD WANT AND NEED. [GEN Z]

DON'T LET YOURSELF BE CONTROLLED BY OTHERS WHO THINK ARE ABOVE YOU! YOU CAN, AND I REPEAT, YOU CAN CHANGE WHO YOU ARE AND YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD IF YOU BELEIVE YOU CAN AND IF YOU BELEIVE YOU HAVE A VOICE! YOU CAN BE FREE. YOU CAN HAVE FREEDOM!!!! ALL IT TAKES IS A LITTLE PACIENTS AND PRESISTANCE. AND IF YOU HAVE ALL THAT, YOU CAN MAKE IT AND BECOME THE PERSON YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE! DON'T LET OTHER DRAG YOU DOWN!!! AND YOU CAN AND WILL LAUGH IN THE FACES OF THOSE WHO MOCKED YOU WHEN YOU'VE MADE IT BIG WHILE THEY'RE STILL WORKING AT BURGER KING FOR $8 - $16 PER HOUR! YOU'RE NOT A PAWN IN SOMEONE'S GAME! BE REBELOUS! QUESTION. EVERYTHING!

#[****] Johnathon Livingston seagull! #Don't listen to him #help me it's like 2:38 am