#for all those keeping track at home

[agnesandhilda]

if I had a nickel for every time isagi was called "good boy" by one of his teammates I would have two nickels, which isn't much,

#bolo liveblogs #for those keeping track at home this brings the overall counter of “good boy”s in blue lock (that I've read. I believe there are more( #to three. two for isagi and then one for that guy on the u-20 team with all the dog symbolism #which I love for him honestly why should only the main characters get to have violently homoerotic interactions with their teammates

[scholarhect]

https://x.com/alex_abads/status/1771981713847026102?s=46&t=_O95qyWCF19YqZa3anslVw

i’ve watched this like 2 and a half times now, just in a row, because i couldn’t decide how i felt about it. at first i thought it was boring & had nothing going on, but it also… does have stuff going on? i finally figured it out, & i think the choreo style is very appropriate for ilia, and the music is appropriate with the choreo style, but it’s not what i would want to see out of a succession program… i think it’s an interpretation of the music, but not the interpretation i’d be drawn to. i think it feels empty to me, even though it’s not, because i’m not seeing what i want to see. all the straight arms & stuff, it’s a way you could interpret succession & its music, but not the way i would… i think i see the show a little differently from how he does, so this doesn’t feel like a succession program to me, but it is a succession program based on the way he sees the show. of course i’m not a choreographer or anything so i can’t tell you what i WOULD do but i just think i don’t vibe with it. however it IS a very good program. probably would’ve been super fun to have seen in person. shout out ilia

#post tag #meetboston.com ad… yes so true #reminds me. boston worlds is just a year away #next year i’m gonna be one of those people in the crowd. isn’t that crazy #(i always feel guilty about showing up to all these big events but not keeping track enough from home) #(but WHATEVER it’s not like i’m stealing seats from other people or anything. i LOVE going. i just… forget to keep up from home) #(i’ve got other stuff going on. i can’t spend a weekend watching this stuff unless i’m making a whole thing of it) #(i try to keep up vaguely. this is the first program i’ve seen from this weekend but i should try to catch up a bit more) #fs

[pepprs]

idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad) #like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

[orcelito]

Dropped my gorgeous girl (my bike) off at the shop to get her basket installed & fix the pedals. Apparently it just needs a part replacement, so I should have her back in a few days hopefully

Stopped by the shop I wanted to go to yesterday since it wasn't far out of my way & picked up a new deck of tarot cards. As much as I love my first deck, it's a very average starter deck, & I wanted smth more personalized. So now I have one. Gonna have to break out those puppies sometime soon

#speculation nation #i also got a box for it. bc i wanted one and it wasnt that expensive. #maybe if i keep it within easy reach i'll use them more than i have been my first deck lol #now im home. sitting. contemplating doing dishes. i really do need to. #and. of course. listening to trigun ost. rn it's playing 'july city' which is one of my favorite tracks in general #knives' piano. vash's theme. Worm Attack. the sand gang track. and july city. those are my favorite tracks from the ost #oh and Luida's decision. i love that one too. #i love a lot of them tbh. hard to choose. #i.. am so very tired. i got maybe 4 hours of sleep & it was completely my fault. #spent the day dancing and reading things not suited for work. and now i am home. and i just wanna sleep lol #in a Much better state of mind than i was last monday tho i will tell U that. jesus fuckin christ lmfao #just happy sleepy rn. much better than the vibrations under my skin urging me to do bad things #stress. all stress. supposedly. #i dont rly wanna do my dishes but i really really need to. ive been putting this off for weeks now. it's not getting any easier. #but... after i sit for a bit maybe...

[incorrectavengersquotes]

Peter 3 (to Peter 2 and Peter 1): I want to cry. All the time.

#submission #ballroompink #the avengers #fleabag #peter parker #spiderman #no way home #for those keeping track at home all three are credited the same in that movie so apparently this is how we're doing this now! #we're doing our best folks

[pochapal]

i have Very Bad News about my “talk about umineko in a way that embodies both normalcy and brevity” plan

#umineko liveblog #not my fault this chapter gave me so much thematic meat to chew on!!! #gotta proofread this beast and then i'll bestow it upon you all later on today #for those keeping track at home i have written almost two whole dissertations' worth of analysis on umineko at this stage #when by the end of this i have hundreds of thousands of words and i compile it all into an umineko literary analysis thesis. what then

[sammygender]

i literally don’t understand what it’s like to be boring. like sorry i guess i’m just built different. imagine possessing the ability to say no. imagine not being incredibly, deeply, maladpatively impulsive. i always attract people who i love but are just like sorta loser adjacent as in they never are up to do Crazy Random Shit (and all of them CLAIM it’s because someone needs to be ‘responsible’ out of us but like i am an older brother and very intelligent i’m just impulsive while i’m smart💔) and always whine at ME for doing things that AREN’T EVEN THAT CRAZY! like sorryyy that my life is interesting and i can’t Not Do Things. sorry that i am not someone who worries in a way that stops him from doing anything. maybe i just befriend too many people with anxiety disorders but that’s not even it cause you can have an anxiety disorder and still Not Be Boring. like being boring is a state of mind. just stop it. sometimes it’s easier to say yes so like why are you even saying no

#‘i can’t be bothered’ BE BOTHERED. #and then when they act like IM somehow worse for it like no??? sorry that ur boring and wouldn’t do anything if it wasn’t for me?? #i’ll like do ONE tiny slightly unhinged thing like. idk! smoke a random cigarette from an ash tray #or like talk a lot about jumping over train tracks #or attempt to climb over a barbed wire fence into one of those electrical thingys because there’s a whole pretty grassy area #or like eat muffins off the ground cause i wanted to see what they were like #or miss my stop 3 times in a row and completely change the plan of where i was going to #and suddenly it’s all like. ohhhh you’re so irresponsible i need to keep an eye on you #like. girl. you realise i do this shit alone too and i am always completely fine #newsflash but i know how to use bus systems i know how to get home from places i wouldn’t actually kill myself on train tracks or barbed #wire and ingesting some weird toxin is not going to immediately kill me #i didn’t even ask u to do it with me i just saw a fun opportunity and toon it. DONT #be a spoilsport. don’t judge💔 #like u think this is me crazy? #ohhh u haven’t even seen me crazy. trust i can be a LOT more crazy #oliver talks #need more friends who match my energy fr

[quick-drawn-a]

yeah —      me too,,

#✯ — нorѕeѕ ιn тнe вacĸ × [ ooc ] #tbd #i was gonna work on those starters / asks #but i like to sit down and do them all at once #it just helps me keep track and stay focused #but i also just got home from working a 12 hour shift so i already know i Can't. #so i'm just gonna work on a few drafts and asks i've got saved #may or may not get anything done tonight #i was in an attic for 7 of those 12 hours and my eyeballs feel fuzzy

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

Sometimes you think to yourself “I wonder how much fanfic I read last year,” and then you black out for 48 hours and wake up having created multiple spreadsheets, three graphs, and an entire powerpoint presentation.

We’ve all been there, am I right?

#mine #fanfic #ao3 #archive of our own #idk who this is for #but in case anyone was curious... here ya go lmao #other thoughts for those of you keeping track at home: #I was super surprised at how short most of the witcher fic I read is #this was seriously so validating for me #cuz I was SUCH a big reader as a kid #and I majored in English Lit #so I want to be a ~reader~ #but in my mind I simply don't read all that much anymore #cuz it's really rare for me to pick up a book and read it these days #it feels like too much of a mental and emotional commitment to my brain #and so I read fanfic instead cuz that seems less intimidating #but since I tend to read shorter fics I convinced myself that I don't actually read that much #and here's the thing? I was WRONG lmao #this has really pushed me to try to read more books cuz I really do read more than I realized #like. I'm averaging 40.000 words per sitting. that's a whole ass novel #might as well just read an actual novel every once in a while. #to be clear this isn't to like disparage fanfic as like ~less than~ traditionally published books #just a reminder that reading is reading and if I can do it for fanfic I can probs do it for other things #if that makes sense #another thought: deeply ashamed of how much Harry Potter fic I read lol #my only excuse is that fanfic in no way shape or form benefits jk #I try to avoid interacting with anything the Terf In Chief has created/inspired/etc #but there's always going to be a little piece of me that was so deeply shaped by my childhood love of those books/that universe #and hp fic is very much a guilty comfort read for me #and I refuse to interact with any of the actual harry potter stuff that has come out in the last decade

[somelazyassartist]

.

#I'm having another one of those 'i want to kill myself' nights #I'm a financial burden to everyone in my life #between all my medical issues plus needing a wheelchair plus probably needing my wisdom teeth taken out #all of which are incredibly expensive #it's not fair to anybody to have to try to deal with me like this #I'm not worth going into fucking debt over and I'm not getting any better either so what's the fucking point #if i was gone I'd stop being so fucking expensive to just keep alive #not to mention with my medical stuff i have to 'work from home' now which isn't exactly stable income #there's no guarantee how much money I'll make or how soon I'll make it which wouldn't be fair to any future roommates #i want to be able to put in as much as they would. i want to be able to pay my share of the rent and have extra to chip in with #and I'd never be fit to be a husband or father. as much as i wish i could be i just know i can't do it. #I'm in pain all the time and can't do a lot. I'm not very strong. my memory issues make it hard to keep track of anything #not to mention I've got some issues that y'know. could lead to a higher risk of maternal mortality #so even if i tried i might just fucking die anyways #I'm far too expensive to take care of. i could never make enough in 10 lifetimes to pay people back. i could never be a husband or father. #I'm so tired of being a burden to everyone i love #they deserved so much better and i want them to be happy and i just don't see how me continuing to be around does any good #they'd all be so much better off without me i can't do anything and i could never give back as much as i want to #i want to put in an equal amount of effort and money and care and love #and i know I'm not doing that and i hate it and I'm trying so hard to get to a place where i can but nothing's working #I'm so tired of being a burden. i just wish i wasn't so fucking hard to take care of. i wish i didn't need to be taken care of at all. #things really would be better if i were gone. i don't think anyone could convince me otherwise #I'd stop being in so much pain all the time and the people i love wouldn't have to put up with my dead weight (no pun intended) #everyone's lives would be so much easier if i wasn't in them #gods how fucking selfish is it of me that i haven't done it already? #i don't deserve anybody's kindness and my friends and family don't deserve to put up with my bullshit anymore #i just want them to be happy #vent #suicide tw #suicide trigger warning

[todayisafridaynight]

hah nice

#snap chats #this post is late the game's finished downloading #i can't play it Again rn i gotta finish a comm but It's Here On My Computer #why do i keep torturing myself by playing this game over and over i dont know #let me be one of those incredibly niche people who play the game no one ever touches t make up for the fact no one ever touches it #y3 i'll treat you right i'll take you home i'll give you a nice bath and a good dinner and we'll watch shitty hallmark movies together #oh yeah btw who mentioned ryukyu humming on my Y3 OST Is Kinda Mid post #you're so right that song DOES fuck significantly i'm so sorry #maybe i should have a proper sit down and listen to all the tracks in y3 and come to an objective conclusion.. #like it's not that the tracks in Y3 are bad it's just that none of them stick out to me as much #there's also the music that plays when you're storming the tamashiro family building tho that song's jivey #ok bye enough i have to go finish up my comm so i can be ill over this game again for a bit

[cosmogyros]

.

#thinking about friendship today and who i consider 'friends' #maybe i'm sometimes a bit too generous with the term #friend 1 (Squish E for those keeping track at home): #hadn't seen me in person in eight months before the company party last month #but there was some sort of bingo card piece of paper going around the party #with various characteristics listed on it and you had to put down the name of someone who had one of them #and he put me down for 'can sing really well' and i was half-drunk by then and said omggggg #and he loudly announced to everyone: cosmo is an amazing singer! have you heard her music?! #friend 2: i've known her on and off for years and she messaged me today saying #'did you end up fb-adding that guy james i introduced you to?' #'i think he maybe added the wrong cosmo - he seems to think you're a singer?' #and i responded 'uh yeah... music is like... my main thing in life? did you seriously not know that?' #and she went 'haha i thought he must have the wrong person! i can't imagine you as a musician! do you really sing?' #and i said 'i sing and play guitar and write all the songs myself yeah 😂' #and guess what... i never told either of these people about the music part of my life #i just have the link to my musician page displayed prominently at the top of my fb profile #so it's incredibly easy to find if you... y'know... have the slightest modicum of interest in me as a person #and are interested in learning more about me - interested enough to ask e.g. 'what is your greatest passion in life' #to which i will usually answer 'music / songwriting / singing' #so anyway. exhibit A vs exhibit B. aka maybe true friendship vs... not true friendship lol #in other news i love and appreciate Squish E #even if i never see him anymore :( #friendship #cosmo gyres #personal

[deeisace]

Oh lovely, nightmares

#not big horrible nightmares this time #just uhhh a pop quiz at work at the same time as a rush. and then got home from work to find someone trashed my flat stole my keys #and left. ladders??? in the way everywhere??? #but like the important thing in the dream (cs im weird and paranoid) was that #i had no way of locking my door #anyway it was a dream. my door is still locked keys still hung on the door handle so they crash on the floor if someone tries to get in #it's all fine #anyway nightmares mean either im very dehydrated (true) or im due on (also true) #i have now downed a pint of water dw #tmi in a big way but like #i don't understand it #im usually reasonably regular like i don't keep track of stuff cs im fucking useless but the most I've been in years is like a week late #like round about ish #big ish #but ive never missed a month to my knowledge #except when I was taking those pills and then i was all over the fuckin shop and hated it and stopped and went back to normal after #except in march i had a fucking horror show of a time; and in april I was 2 weeks late #and now it's may and im either 1 or 3 weeks late depending on which prev you measure from #im getting pre symptoms tho (nightmares and bellyache-yness) so hope ill eort myself out soon #cs if this carries on like. i have to be ill. cs there's zero absolute zero chance im pregnant it's not possible #so it has to be im ill. and that means doctors. so im terrified. #that may not be helping the nightmares tbh #but the nightmares are a good sign they mean i might be fine just very irregular #isk ill talk to my mum when her uni exams are finished #everyone send her good vibes between 9.30am and 12.30pm today! #for her scary (pharmacology?? idk vet stuff) exam

[polarfarina]

I am really sore from work I wish riding five hours in the car didn't require having your feet on the ground

#ghostly posts #walked 10.6k steps which is by no means even close to my record or anything #but I got NO BREAKS ..... I ate my lunch in the car home after my shift. like #augh on my feet all the time hurts :/ #got called in early at 6:30 ran around getting ready and packing for later so that by 8:30 I was ready for work #got to work and then just. I got one 10 minute pee break I guess. but that's all! run chicken. #8 piece dark was on sale HALF OFF so that's all ANYBODY ordered #and we'd take four customers to run out of fried chicken. make some more. make some more. we need baked chicken. and whole chickens. #more fried. wash ten more bowls please. we don't have any clean tongs #our fryers are busy with chicken so we're also out of potatoes and corn dogs and burritos. make more of those. keep track #oh we have three salads that aren't labeled today ! cool and the managers left without saying anything about that cool #now I just look like an idiot cause nobody told me we were putting out A SIXTH POTATO SALAD today. #and don't get me started on pre sliced meats and cheeses. man #anyway after work ate my lunch and dropped by home to change and get shopping list #shopped groceries and then came back and my roommates tire was flat #so I had to unload and greet our guests and then immediately drive my roommate to the tire store #and we picked up the fixed tire she needed #then I was like 'I really wanna help you put this tire on but I need to shower so bad' #and then I showered and my roommates parents visited while I did that #and then dinner was ready and I ate food but I portioned too much :/ and also I realized I wasn't even done packing! oh no! I leave in ten #minutes for the mountain! shit! #I got packed I had help and everyone was so niceys to me #but my back hurts and I am already soooo ready to be lying down!

[ketchuppee]

During the 2008 recession, my aunt lost her job. Her, her partner, and my three cousins moved across the country to stay with us while they got back on their feet. My house turned from a family of four to a family of nine overnight, complete with three dogs and five cats between us.

It took a few years for them to get a place of their own, but after a few rentals and apartments, they now own a split level ranch in a town nearby. I’ve lost track of how many coworkers and friends have stayed with them when they were in a tight spot. A mother and son getting out of an abusive relationship, a divorcee trying to stay local for his kids while they work out a custody agreement, you name it. My aunt and uncle knew first hand what that kindness meant, and always find space for someone who needed it, the way my parents had for them.

That same aunt and uncle visited me in [redacted] city last year. They are prolific drinkers, so we spent most of the day bar hopping. As we wandered the city, any time we passed a homeless person, my uncle would pull out a fresh cigarette and ask them if they had a light. Regardless of if they had a lighter on hand or not, he offered them a few bucks in exchange, which he explained to me after was because he felt it would be easier for them to accept in exchange for a service, no matter how small.

I work for a company that produces a lot of fabric waste. Every few weeks, I bring two big black trash bags full of discarded material over to a woman who works down the hall. She distributes them to local churches, quilting clubs, and teachers who can use them for crafts. She’s currently in the process of working with our building to set up a recycling program for the smaller pieces of fabric that are harder to find use for.

One of my best friends gives monthly donations to four or five local organizations. She’s fortunate enough to have a tech job that gives her a good salary, and she knows that a recurring donation is more valuable to a non-profit because they can rely on that money month after month, and can plan ways to stretch that dollar for maximum impact. One of those organizations is a native plant trust, and once she’s out of her apartment complex and in a home with a yard, she has plans to convert it into a haven of local flora.

My partner works for a company that is working to help regulate crypto and hold the current bad actors in the space accountable for their actions. We unfortunately live in a time where technology develops far too fast for bureaucracy to keep up with, but just because people use a technology for ill gain doesn’t mean the technology itself is bad. The blockchain is something that she finds fascinating and powerful, and she is using her degree and her expertise to turn it into a tool for good.

I knew someone who always had a bag of treats in their purse, on the odd chance they came across a stray cat or dog, they had something to offer them.

I follow artists who post about every local election they know of, because they know their platform gives them more reach than the average person, and that they can leverage that platform to encourage people to vote in elections that get less attention, but in many ways have more impact on the direction our country is going to go.

All of this to say, there’s more than one way to do good in the world. Social media leads us to believe that the loudest, the most vocal, the most prolific poster is the most virtuous, but they are only a piece of the puzzle. (And if virtue for virtues sake is your end goal, you’ve already lost, but that’s a different post). Community is built of people leveraging their privileges to help those without them. We need people doing all of those things and more, because no individual can or should do all of it. You would be stretched too thin, your efforts valiant, but less effective in your ambition.

None of this is to encourage inaction. Identify your unique strengths, skills, and privileges, and put them to use. Determine what causes are important to you, and commit to doing what you can to help them. Collective action is how change is made, but don’t forget that we need diversity in actions taken.

#long post #some thoughts I’ve been having

[orcboxer]

Sure there's zombies killing and eating people on the street but those people are not dying from the virus they're dying from comorbidities. For instance, that guy we saw getting eaten on the way into work today clearly died from blood loss, not infection, plus he already had a heart condition. People with preexisting conditions are just going to have to take care of themselves. Say it with me, "They're all already dead to me." See, that feels a lot better now doesn't it?

Good because you still have to go to work. No we're not paying you extra. Yes we're doubling grocery prices. No you don't qualify for disability. Or healthcare. Or a home.

Look, if you get bitten, you can stay home for one day, I guess 😒, but then you need to come in early. We're really short staffed at the moment, despite our company's profits being higher than ever. In fact we may be laying some of you off next month. You don't mind working off the clock right?

Also you look silly with that protective gear. We're gonna harass you for it, not like institutionally but just socially. Who cares if a zombie attacks you? Who cares if we invite them into the building? You don't need to defend yourself, you're just overreacting. If you get bitten just tell everyone the festering bite mark is from a different animal, that's what we all do.

And hey, don't worry so much. It's endemic, which means we don't have to keep track of how many people are dying from it anymore. Just look at those numbers! It's only killed 2,000 people in America this week! That's basically nobody! We're back to normal!

If everything starts tasting like rotting meat for the rest of your life, it's probably something else. If you experience brain fog or you forget things constantly or you're tired all the time after even minor physical activity, it's just because you're lazy. Yes every other virus you ever get will also be increasingly worse but that's just a coincidence. Those viruses just happen to be exponentially worse now.

Plus, those few weeks during the lockdown were terrible for my mental health. I just can't keep living like that, so we have to go back to normal life, which now involves people biting each other and twitching uncontrollably and rotting visibly.

You can't expect the world to wait for you. "Already dead to me," remember?

#bummer post #covid