#guess I never truly looked

[priska-prisma]

How is it that I never noticed Zane chained up in the back????

#what the heck #this adds another layer… #guess I never truly looked #how dare me #it took me finding the dvd at a surplus store #and looking at it on the way back #the way he’s chained up too #jeeze #ns4 #tournament of elements #ninjago season 4 #ninjago tournament of elements #ninjago zane #zane julien #I can’t believe me #mad ramblings

[lunarin64art]

That feeling when he can't stand to see you that way, no matter what you do, no matter what you say😩😭💔

#scott pilgrims precious little life #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #spto #scott pilgrim #wallace wells #lisa miller #scollace #kim pine #natalie adams #envy adams #don't rlly know if I like how this turned out but oh well;;; #hope its obvious that this is based on the song “Scott Pilgrim” which the creation the comics were inspired from #the lyrics always make me think of Wallace and Lisa's feelings for Scott every time I hear it #ofc you could also relate it to Kim especially since the singers voice kind of reminds me of her #but overall the lyrics fit these two much better since Scott never truly “saw them that way” despite how long they've liked him #and they always seem happier to see him compared to Kim #Im surprised tho that I havent yet seen anyone draw these two together now that their dialogue parallels have been acknowledged more lately #also tho I wish more people pointed out that they both got cucked by red heads LOL #and Kim and Envy actually do look really similar when scott first meets them #makes me wonder if Scott subconsciously went for Envy since she reminded him of Kim (which would be fitting given that you could argue that #Envy dated Scott because he reminded her of Todd. Since he and Scott are confirmed to be meant to be seen as similar to one another #so much so that even their first and last names rhyme #last thing I'll add tho is that while Wallace and Lisa are very similar even personality wise #the one big difference is that despite that whole conclusion on vol4 of Scott not cheating on Ramona with Lisa because he loves her #the writers apparently think it would be “organically correct” for him to have an affair with wallace LMAO #but I guess we shouldn't be surprised since Wallace and Ramona are both in the front of the official valentines art which is clearly #a deptiction of Scotts wet dream or smth (oh and you could also argue that Wallace and Lisa parallel on that art since they're both #shirtless with white socks.. which could be a reference to how lisa wears skimpy clothes for Scott and Wallace often only wears boxers #to like sexually frustrate Scott for fun or smth

[magician-under-the-m00nlight]

aptx!kaito au in which Shinichi doesn't know aptx exists and feels insane that his leading theory is "a six year old is the mastermind behind Kaitou Kid"

#no I don't know how this would logically work I just thought it'd be funny #and yes this would fuck up countless meetings and character arcs but consider: the CHAOS #this au is a gift to me from me bc ch1120 is making me pop a vein and I needed a pick-me-up <3 #Shinichi humbling arc but it's because he keeps getting outsmarted by (what he thinks is) a literal 6 yo #(given that he never ran into the org and doesn't know shrinking is possible plus Kaito is much better at acting like a normal child) #and KID gets to bully Shinichi. as a treat #pls don't look at the drawing too closely ajdhhdhd tis just a dood in this cheap little notebook I got as a handout #somehow I find it easier to draw in places other than my sketchbook... less pressure to do it well and fill up all the blank space I guess #kuroba kaito #kaitou kid #kid the phantom thief #kudou shinichi #jimmy kudo #does anyone even call him that anymore it's so cursed. JIMMY #dcmk #detective conan #magic kaito #detco #idk what to call this au... #kinda want it to have something to do w the 'the truly impossible' sherlock quote hmmm #redefining the improbable AU #maybe? #shrunken!kaito #aptx!kaito

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

[chonnysinferno]

funny malmal stuff

posting at 1 AM!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍 (im gonna get killed)

anyways end-world normapathy is. HMS coded btw

#THE CORE OF MY DESIGNJHHNNHNNNN YOUR EYES LOOK DOWN ON MINEEEEE IT NEVER TRULY ENDSSSSS AS METAL BREAKS AND BENDS AND BREAKS AND BENDS AND B #Sorry demons #😈😈😈😈😈 #yes that is teto on the bottom #the two drawints on the bottom right corner are mind as tamari and heart as mariyam so #uuuuhhh #yea have this idk #chonny jash #cccc #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cj mind #cj heart #woohoo!!! mind faceplates #i guess the wires are like puppet strings in a way #thumbs up emoji #- 🌗

[dayurno]

most touching bit that has been going on recently is people including kevjean when they say there are ship wars being fought on jean's holy name as if kevjean is ever even remotely comparable to jerejean (famous) and jeanee (canon)..... there are five kevjean fans and two are me. i dont think we can compete let alone compare but i love the enthusiasm

#LIKE I GET IT. BUT I WISH #my friends my acolytes my sisters and my cousins how i wish. how i wish! #its seriously touching its like having your bumfuck ass small town shout out @ the international news #but unless kevjean is secretly super famous in an underground aftg fight club then we are truly doomed #realistically what do we have. jean's suicide and the 2 in his jersey #thats all #these whores dont even talk. kevin hasnt answered jeans texts in a year #its moreover (moreau + over like joever) and we know its moreover. but i love getting included so thank you #even if kevin is indeed jeans bi awakening its literally crumbs girl its crumbs #i mean i guess you never forget your first love BUT STILL. you understand that its moreover #let renee and jeremy duke this one out kevin has done his time he was cute and pretty when it mattered and now he gets to gracefully exit #also to be honest lowkey kevin doesnt even want jean which hurts me personally but anything for my princess.... #im showing him picture after picture of jean holding puppies and helping old ladies cross the street and kevins asking me where andrew at #hes looking the other way hes checking his nails hes whistling #lalalalalaing even #txt #kevjean

[groan-taire]

Welcome to the Sidestepverse

Would you trust them?

#does it look like a dark sitcom title card? maybe #You'll never guess which one is the most dangerous #truly I doubt you'll guess #Robin just likes to pretend he's intimidating #Jonah Brown #Robin Belmont #Olivia Beck #Charlotte Bui #Damian Becerra #Lucas Basri #sidestep #fhr #fallen hero #my art #fhr sidestep

[lanaluthorlang]

smallville clark frustrates me to no end, but he also has the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen so that makes everything alright in the end

#smallville #clark Kent #like I can look at his character and the way he treats other ppl and acts out when things don’t go his way and think #ah yes this is just him growing and maturing into superman #but also I’m not sure if the writers are purposely writing him like That yknow? #bc eventually the show just stops challenging him #like the only character that really challenges his worldview is Oliver but the writers LIKE Ollie so he’s allowed to be nuanced #unlike some other characters… #then there’s Tess but she’s never truly evil and Clark’s goodness gets to rub off on her and she’s welcomed onto the team #and I guess that’s showing that Clark has learned from his mistakes with Lex #it works on paper but it’s still kind of messy bc clark HAS to be the beacon of morality on this show

[voltas-do-mar]

ooc, what's up yall, volta update :3

#volta do mar #radio station: static inbetween #my painting style will never compare to the game's style but i try hkjg i like this side profile better than the front facing one #theres the radio in her chest btw!! when you see [The radio crackles quietly] or something thats where it's coming from :> #the music tape is still their head (the magnetic tape strip looks like a music score he's singing) it will always face the viewer like that #wings because i can't help adding wings to characters. in my mind it's angelic choir/guardian angel saving you from harm/icarus imagery #icarus's ghosts rescuing those who fall prey to the sky and sea... the halo isn't conventional but i wanted to mimic the one kim has :0! #the jacket and gloves definitely aren't conventional because skills dont wear clothes <3 but i like aerostatic pilot jacket;;; #volta is an interisolary guide and deserves to wear the outfit!! #technically volta is a red/physique skill which is something i overlooked in the first pass? but they are... so orange to me... #so orange-red compromise? i guess im not truly satisfied with it but i think its okay :') #it used to be more vivid but i desaturated it somewhat because it looked too bright on my phone? idk bro colors weird? #skillsposting

[derpinette]

i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of

#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration #just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming #the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness #eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing #what a damn chore #so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked #i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED. #i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please... #i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace #but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know #anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes #so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really #trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway... #the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever #JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess #light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings #also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL #so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me #but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace #sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general #oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body #& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks #like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman #& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC

[michaeljoncarter]

i am so morbidly fascinated by bendis's decision to destroy kandor in the run up to the introduction of his bootleg new krypton... and then confirm that it & all the kandorian kryptonians stayed dead right before new krypton actually showed up... and THEN make sure every "new kryptonian" we saw in the future had the symbol of the exact same house

he really just went out of his way to make it as difficult as possible to explain kryptonian repopulation without mind-boggling amounts of incest. for absolutely no reason

#the kandor shit was nothing but shock value like it was so pointless #and it was being resurrected in another book AS he was trying to confirm it dead forever in losh lol???? #my best guess is that it was done to prop up jon's ass even more & make him the father of new krypton or something like that?? #but then it's just....... never addressed like. hello. what is happening. and WHY #i would say mb they just straight up don't know any other kryptonian house symbols but 'lor-zod' is there & has the house of zod emblem so #i have no idea. truly #every time i torture myself by looking back at bendisboot i just end up even more confused

[not-a-space-alien]

I feel like I'm a slow and steady sort of friend and people just kind of get bored of me right as we get to the part of the relationship where I'm most comfortable. This happens to me over and over again. Am I doing something wrong or do I just need to learn how to let people go when they don't seem interested in being in my life anymore?

#despite being built for long term relationships I've sort of just accepted that any partner is gonna get bored of me after 2 years #which sucks because i feel like that's the length of time i need to trust someone to truly let my freak flag fly. i will get less boring. #literally was starting asking for kinkier sex at the 2 year mark when my gf broke up because. i wasn't exciting anymore i guess #which is why next time I look for a partner i think I'm just gonna go to a kink club. we will never get there otherwise.

[hella1975]

yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less

#like it's a BIT annoying bc this is just not the kind of place that should be hiring teenage first-time workers #but the catering industry is doing BAD atm and my manager got told off by head office for spending too much on wages #so he's hiring a load of young people bc guess what! young people have lower minimum wages! some of them are literally on fiver an hour #i genuinely think when i turn 21 my hours are gonna PLUMMET but that's a future me problem #but yeah it means there's like. ten of us that have been working there consistently for months to years at a time #and the rest of the staff are just completely new. like everyone i was working with yesterday were college kids #that had been there a handful of weeks. and im someone who still regularly needs to ask management questions #bc for starters that never goes away like truly u do just need help but also bc I NEVER GOT OFFICIALLY TRAINED #EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED ON THE JOB. DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS #so i have these teenagers looking up at me like 'how do i do x thing' and im like idk either babe. let's quit together #hella slaves to capitalism

[signofthestriking]

I have this odd childhood memory of asking my mom if it was possible to get addicted to cough drops and she kinda explained the differences between a substance dependency and a psychological addiction, and she had no idea I was asking because of an edgy and highly explicit red medic fanfic i had stumbled upon

#the childhood experience of growing up without any adult *actually* monitoring one's online behavior is truly an interesting one #for further context i did not know what tf2 was at the time #i was going through a phase #so i just assumed it was referring to a creepypasta i'd never heard of before #and i had just learned what lemons were and was morbidly curious so guess what i looked up #its still up too as far as i know #not really my cup of tea tbh #like not cause the smut was bad theres just one hangup i personally cant let slide anymore #y/n would have gotten some kind of disease that's all im gonna say on that #shitpost #tw nsft #tw smut #smut fanfiction #smutfic #tf2 #tf2 medic #tf2 fans im sorry #smut fic #tf2 smut #tw addiction

[mallowstep]

i hope you’re doing okay. 💙 it’s ok if you don’t answer this, i just wanted you to know folks are still thinking about you and wanting good things for you.

thank you babe (and thank you to everyone else who sent a message to this effect; i will answer them when i can)

i'm doing pretty well right now. i've been very busy at work, working on a top secret classified project (god only knows when you'll get more details than what i've already shared ;3), and also just. recovering from depression. there is so much of my life that even months out from the worst of it, i'm still trying to pull the pieces back together.

i have been writing a little. it's been difficult, mostly because of numerous incidents regarding writing and mental health (if you've been here for a while, you probably know about them; if you're new, the tldr is "mallowstep went off the wall for a bit and he's fine but it left him feeling bad"), and now i face down the summer which is...rough, mentally.

i don't know what normal looks like for me right now. i want to write but i don't know how it will fit into my life. i'm still making space for myself, in all the chaos and reconstruction. i know writing will be a part of normal for me. i just don't know where it fits yet.

it's been a while since i've felt like myself. the hollow feeling is abating. i am finding words to describe emotion again, that are more than just there or missing. i have been thinking about the stories i have yet to work on. what i want to tell next.

it has been an incredible two years for me. when i started this blog, i had just been broken up with by my boyfriend of three years, only a month or so after my childhood cat and dog had died one day apart. i was coping with so much impossible grief: i wrote the second chapter of i'll come back to you someday soon myself after my grandmother died, and i did not write anything after that for quite a while.

my wrists are healing. they hurt a little today and i'm not sure why, but they are healing.

i'll be going back to university as a natural resources major. i want a job that lets me protect and cultivate the forests i find so much comfort in. the complex webs of their ecosystems bring me so much delight. did you know trees talk to their daughters? did you know they care for their children? protect them?

it has been an incredible two years. i met my now-partner, learned how to actually trust people, and failed out of a year of college due to collapsing mental health. i went through approximately one million assessments to get a diagnosis and understand what was happening to me. i had a doctor tell me i was being undermedicated to an astounding degree. i had to let go of my beloved plants because i couldn't keep myself alive, much less then. i found a job i love so much i am eager to go to work every morning.

i honestly don't think i would've recognized who i am now, back when i started out here. i have become someone who trusts. who has connections with people. who does not fear so much. (i have also become someone who cries as i drive home from work sometimes. i have also become someone who needs to sit on the floor and count all the pieces of art i can see. we move in spirals, not straight lines.)

all of this is to say, i have been quiet on here for quite a while because i have been recovering from two years (a lifetime) of some truly exhausting events, as well as letting myself find things i enjoy. when i got out of high school, i loved what i was doing academically. i had very little passion. it had been bled out of me.

i am incredibly grateful to each and every one of you. your support, even in my period of dormancy, has meant so much. my relationship with writing sometimes feels like i am fighting my double, trying to balance both my need to use writing to understand myself, and my tendencies to ruin myself in the process.

i still don't have any promises to make, because i really don't know what's next for me. but i am still here, and you all still mean something to me.

with all my love, mallow

#ask #mine #anon #update #sorry this got like #so rambly #it's just really been an incredible two years #so much has changed #who i was when i started this blog feels like a stranger #it hasn't been an easy journey #and i have been trying to recover #to heal #to find new things i never thought to try for #it has taken so much up out of me #that being said #(if i were the promising type) #i would look for the next chapter of ashes ;3 #before anything else #but that's just a guess #who knows where i'll truly go

[raeofgayshine]

I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.

For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.

#ravenpuff rambles #I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times #several of whom are still in my life now #but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place #I don’t know how to explain it #I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit #and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me #maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind #never had someone quite get that before #and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart #admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming #and so maybe that helps #but it’s like #Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘ #‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’ #It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word #anyways #I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me #and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream #no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay #its nothing and everything like I always thought of #and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness #yes I wish I could see them in person #but I can be okay with everything I do get