#han: how many people you throw into carbonite
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Undergrads sentence starters part two
“Have you ever been to England?”
“Wanna meet for coffee? Coffee relaxes me.”
“Can you search the web, buddy? I’m trying to stage a revolution.”
“Don’t you wanna try to fight for what we have?”
“I’m staying with you this weekend.”
“So where’s the chicks and booze?”
“It’s Friday night and you’re not drinking?”
“Let the mayhem begin.”
“This is the best night I’ve had in a long time.”
“You got 25 bucks I can borrow?”
“Can I offer you some sex in exchange for… Sex?”
“Here’s one, genius: what’s it like to kiss a girl?”
“Way to go deep, Socrates.”
“You’re the wrongest man in Wrongtown.”
“Fuck class, we go to a state school.”
“Ghosts are scary, guy.”
“It’s go time, nerd boy.”
“That’s why I only conduct business online.”
“It’s great to actually do something to effect change instead of sitting around complaining.”
“We’re gonna do stuff I like, like being obnoxious and destroying stuff.”
“In some small way, I can’t help but think we were partially responsible for what happened here today.”
“Guy’s just a wad.”
“Thank God I’m wasted.”
“Air came out of you? What does that even mean?”
“That was one great freakin’ winter break.”
“I spent 30 days straight in my room.”
“While you get that goin’, I’m gonna go have sex.”
“Should I wear my tight t-shirt, or my tight tight t-shirt?”
“So, that’s why I think I’m gonna have to be drunk for a year straight.”
“You have a point, but you’re still a wet freakin’ blanket.”
“Your friend is really touchy.”
“I’ve touched so many lives. I’m like Roma Downey.”
“This website is not a good thing. People hate you. A lot of them.”
“Dude, I’m fixing my hair.”
“Hey, numbnuts, you drooled on me..”
“Do you know anybody that can tell me all the things that are wrong with me?”
“Let’s unveil that bad boy.”
“I’m a sarcastic cool girl who hangs around with dorks.”
“You don’t count, dork.”
“Fine, stay in your damn room!”
“We can knock back some brews together.”
“You wanna come to my room and play a game of ‘Catherine the Great and Flicka’?”
“It ain’t no fun ‘less my homies get some.”
“I’ve got a better idea: how ‘bout we throw that crap away, you show me your jubblies, and I’ll take pictures.”
“Take your top off.”
“Just wanted to know if you were rubbin’ your dick raw in there.”
“Should I break up with my girlfriend?”
“I haven’t gotten laid in hours, man! Hours!”
“I just did something really stupid because you weren’t there to stop me.”
“I don’t like seeing a character trait of mine so blatantly ripped off.”
“Everyone come back to my place for action figures and pie.”
“How will I finish my Han-Solo-frozen-in-carbonite diorama?”
“So, how far are you willing to go for a bigger tip?”
“I’m not paying for porn sites; there’s plenty of free porn on the web.”
“I thought you were out on a date.”
“Well, it’s not like you’re gonna get laid anyway.”
“Can I jerk off in your room?”
“Are you… Talking… Words?”
“I’m definitely not going for any kinky ménage à trois.”
“I don’t want you on your feet, lady; I want you on your back.”
“You been walking around blindfolded again?”
“Let’s talk to the ditzy redhead.”
“What the Hell’s everyone doing up so early?”
“In conclusion: eat me.”
“This fucking cough syrup isn’t strong enough for the fucking morning.”
“Time to take another birth control pill?”
“Can I fiddle around with your toys and comic books and crap?”
“You can totally win this thing, we can’t leave now.”
“Please report to lost and found for immediate sex.”
“I think I just accidentally deleted your hard drive.”
“I drink and I smash because I love.”
“It’s annoying when someone you care about always puts you second.”
“Just roll the damn dice.”
“I had sex with all the pretty girls on campus. And even some of the not-so-pretty ones.”
“Fuck this college shit. I’m gonna join the fuckin’ Peace Corps so I can smoke some of that tropical shit and fuck some third world chick’s ass all night long.”
“Well, that was a waste of an afternoon.”
“So all of these people are having sex right now?”
“I fuckin’ hate you.”
“Weren’t you the guy I dated for, like, two days?”
“I, uh… Spilled my beer there. Sorry.”
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𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐎 + 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀
( tw(s): ptsd , prostitution , abuse , torture . )
CORELLIA , CORONET CITY 13 - 10 BBY :
han solo had been dealt the shittiest sabacc hand from the universe at the young age of thirteen. at thirteen , he becomes an orphan and ends up turning tricks on the streets of corellia. until he becomes a pro at pickpocketing & the like , it earned him quite a bit of beatings from strangers . by sixteen he had done two stints in coronet city’s jail which came with its own sort of abuse & labor. this was when and how han was approached by the white worm gang and by eighteen he was a ranking officer. he, alongside, qi’ra ran the harder tricks, taught new recruits, and for the first time since his mother had died han felt like he belonged somewhere.
the less savory parts of this arrangement become more clear once you become of age and though at the age of sixteen han had already experienced punishments such as beatings & being denied dinner it wasn’t until he became a legal adult did han learn lady proxima had other ways of using her kids. han solo was no stranger to sex, corellia was a very open planet on the subject and han had first dabbled in the act at fifteen with a girl a couple years older than him but had little experience other than the few times the teens had been together. lady proxima saved special jobs for her employees that were ... easy on the eyes and before han knew it he was being called out in the middle of nights, disappearing behind closed doors for periods of time only to leave with his dignity smudged and a pocket full of credits.
shortly after, han escapes corellia and the gang in favor of joining the imperial navy which turns to the imperial army which again gathers its own section of abuse and labor including throwing han to an enslaved prisoner who turns out to be a wookiee by the name of chewbacca and who han eventually frees.
WORKING UNDER JABBA THE HUTT 9 - 1 BBY :
after han & new friend chewie get out of imperial grip and their plan to travel the galaxy alongside smuggler tobias beckett goes awry, han heads to tatooine per beckett’s advice in search of the cartel he had mentioned. there, in mos eisley, they find jabba the hutt and enter into a working relationship smuggling spice. here they spend the next nine years dodging blaster bolts & punches before in true han solo fashion, he fucks it up and decides he deserves a bigger cut which earns him a life on the run & a death sentence above his head.
BESPIN TORTURE & CARBON FREEZING :
contrary to his attitude, han ends up stay with the REBEL ALLIANCE , though he was leaving when echo base was compromised and hand ends up stranded in space with threepio, chewie, leia, and a broken hyperdrive. after landing in CLOUD CITY in hopes of having a safe place to repair the falcon with an old friend, han and leia soon learn they had been betrayed and turned over to the dark lord himself, DARTH VADER.
following this reveal, han was taken to a mining room and strapped to the SCAN GRID, a device used in mining that emits electrical charges in order to gather and analyze data of metals. vader added a new meaning by using said device to gather data on han solo in a rather unconventional way. this torture had no rhyme or reason and han was simply used at bait to lure LUKE SKYWALKER into vader’s trap.
after his mind numbing torture on the scan grid, han was informed he would be frozen in carbonite in order to test the equipments effects on living, breathing, humans. after being kept alive successfully and incased in a slab of carbonite this is where han solo lives for the next year stuck in a limbo an endless darkness where his awareness continued & dreams remained. ( he thought of leia and luke in this time, wondering if he’d ever see them again. ) true to their nature, the twins ( though they don’t know that yet ) free han from his carbon prison where he faces the effects of carbon poisoning and hibernation sickness which included blindness, chills, & exhaustion to name a few. it isn’t until later that han notices longer lasting effects that include a carbon poisoning on a deeper level which leads to many bacta treatments & med center meetings until eventually in 10 ABY han can truly say he was free of the carbonite and what it did to him.
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER ( PTSD ) :
PTSD : a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event and it often presents itself in sleep terrors / nightmares, insomnia, and uncontrollable thoughts of said traumatic event.
han was no stranger to restless sleep and if he had to pinpoint it his struggle with this disorder started long before meeting luke and leia during a period of time when he only had chewie to wake him from screaming episodes and though han slept easier and more often than leia did his dreams of his night on coronet city were replaced with sterile walls, mechanical breathing, & the steam of the carbon chamber.
han’s ptsd presented itself in mostly nightmares & insomnia. some nights he could never get to sleep at all and would spend it tinkering on the falcon until his body just couldn’t take it anymore and he passed out from exhaustion and others he would wake with a jerk, covered in sweat, and leia’s wide gaze above him. carbonite dreams came more often during the period of time he was in treatment for the lasting effects every treatment bringing on a mock experience of hibernation sickness once more and sending him down the rabbit hole of reliving that moment of his life.
his time in carbonite also triggered claustrophobia in the smuggler he no longer could stand in crowded spaces or small rooms for very long anymore before panic settled in his stomach and bubbled up into his throat.
TLDR; han solo went through shit and now he has to live with it.
#tldr; han solo went through It and now he has to live with it#abuse tw#prostitution tw#ptsd tw#torture tw#* .・ 𝐇𝐒 » ABOUT .#hc*
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once more, thank you so much for the love. if you’d like to leave me a tip you can do so here and as always, this is cross-posted.
be’jetii masterlist.
t h r e e.
It had been twenty-four hours. One full day since this storm took over, leaving you trapped in your house with the Mandalorian who wanted to throw your ass in carbonite still and his force-sensitive foundling. Leia and Han had tried to holo you but there was no way in hell you were picking up with this guy staying in your guest room. Once you got rid of him you’d go to them on Chandrilla and tell them it was the sandstorm. But until then you had to figure out a way to deal with your house having two extra people in it than you were used to.
You discovered the kid didn’t know how to control his powers, mostly. He was levitating things left and right, stressing the Mandalorian out. Eventually you got the Mandalorian to confess that he was trying to find his people, but had hit a dead end. He told you that he actually wasn’t looking for you, but that the kid had told him to come here. Thus he found the necklace, found you, and were in your current situation.
You were sitting cross legged on your couch, the Mandalorian taking residence up by the window, staring out it as if that would help the storm stop. The kid had waddled his way over to your feet and reached his arms up towards you, a sign of wanting to be picked up. At least, that’s what Ben would do when he wanted to be picked up. Babies are babies, right? All the general same actions, right? You leaned over and picked up the little thing, placing him next to you.
“Don’t touch him.” the Mandalorian said from the window. You glared at the back of his helmet - you swore he had eyes in the back of his head. You felt the baby crawl into your lap and smirked.
“Tell him to stop asking then.” you mumbled back to him. The baby smiled up at you from your lap, holding his hands out to you. The little thing had been obsessed with you since he saw you, much to the dismay of the Mandalorian. You held your palms out in front of him and he smiled bigger, putting his little hands into your palms.
You felt the force flowing through him. It was a lot of raw power, power that wasn’t in control yet. It was no wonder the kid was floating everything he touched. You could hardly believe the force flowing through this little tiny creature - and then he started to show you images through the force.
Flashes of things like being on the ship with the Mandalorian, how much the tin can cared for the little thing, how they’d play… it almost warmed your heart. He looked up to the Mandalorian like his father, it was obvious. Even when he would get annoyed at him for levitating things he was not supposed to.
You tried to imagine how he would be if he was in control of his powers. Right now he was a typical youngling, new to this and clueless as to what was going on and you could sense it from him. He didn’t know what he was doing and how to control it.
Maybe you could contact Leia and see if she could get a hold of Luke to help train him - but no. Luke was still a sting in your heart, someone you didn’t want to face. Plus, you had a feeling this bounty hunter wasn’t going to give up his kid. He was a softie for the little thing, you had discovered.
It occurred to you suddenly that the reason the baby seemed to be attached to you so much was that you think he could sense you and your connection to the force - even though you had cut yourself off from it for the most part. That one little sliver you held onto just incase was what the thing could sense. Maybe it was a good thing? You weren’t entirely sure anymore, but what you did know was that the Mandalorian’s gaze was burning through you right now as he watched you and the kid on the couch, in silence.
“You’re very special, little one.” you said to him, running your hand over one of his ears, earning a giggle. That made you melt into a little giddy puddle right then and there at the cuteness of it.
“What is ‘force-sensitive’?” the Mandalorian suddenly asked you. You arched a brow as you looked up to him, starting to sweat a bit. He was never gonna believe you, but you were stuck here with him so you might as well explain it.
“Force sensitive is when you are in tune to the Force, an energy that surrounds all living things. Some people are able to use it stronger than others, manipulate it.” you said to him. The kid cooed up at you as if he was listening, wanting more. “It’s a lot more complicated than just that, unfortunately.” you added.
“I got time.” He said, pulling a chair up across from you and sitting. He titled his helmet, urging you onward. You sighed as you gathered your story in your head, moving on.
“It’s been around since the beginning of time, the Force, the light side and the dark side. The people who are able to use on the light side it are called the Jedi. Long ago the Jedi were the keepers of the peace and everybody lived by a strict code. They tried to find ways to solve problems as peacefully as possible, but were also trained warriors. Their numbers ran in the thousands, long ago. If you were a Jedi back then you were proud to be one, and honored. It meant that you mastered the art of the Force and were able to use it to your advantage.” you started, taking a breather. The child was looking up at you with wide eyes, absolutely enthralled as if he understood every word you were saying perfectly - The Mandalorian said nothing. Sighing, you continued.
“Of course, with anything good most times comes out the bad. There were a group of Force users who weren’t on the side of the light but on the side of the dark were called the Sith. They’d mishandle their power, use it for bad. They’d find ways to cheat death, to come back that were unnatural. But eventually, the Sith went extinct because of the Jedi, or so everyone thought.” you took another break, trying to fight back emotions. You were now going into territory that involved your father, something that was still hard for you. You hadn’t told this story to anyone in a long time, not since you told it to Luke.
“During the age of the Republic and the Clone Wars, the Jedi started to get cocky. They were on top of the world, thinking they had everything under control. Unfortunately due to their egos, they allowed Darth Sidious to operate right under their noses in the most powerful position the Senate held, Chancellor. Palpatine executed everything so perfectly, as much as it pains me to say it. Every win that the Republic and the Jedi had was just a pawn in his game, a piece of the biggest puzzle of all; the rise of Darth Vader. Vader was a Jedi, drawn into hate out of fear. And in the end, he ended up winning. The Jedi were eradicated and killed off and he ruled the galaxy, for many years.” you explained to him. The child’s hands slapped your palms in an urge to go on, to continue the story. You didn’t know if you could, it was going to get personal. You didn’t do personal anymore.
“Seems like the Jedi aren’t as all-powerful as they thought.” The Mandalorian finally piped up after that. You gave a small laugh and an eye-roll. You did have to agree with him, it was the whole reason why you gave up your title of Jedi Knight and cut yourself off.
“Definitely not. However a few Jedi survived - two Jedi masters and a padawan who left the order before it got ugly. They fled and went into hiding after the rise of Vader, fearing that he’d come for them one day.” you added to him. He took a moment to think it seems, humming in response before he spoke up again.
“But isn’t there a new one out there somewhere? I heard rumors after the fall of the Empire.” Your heart skipped a beat and you couldn’t hide the shock on your face. It was too obvious - but you couldn’t let him know. You didn’t fully trust him yet. Nor did you want to dig into what really happened.
“Yeah - there is one. The son of Vader who rose up on the side of the light, he took on Palpatine himself and that’s what lead to the fall of the Empire. He trained with the two old masters before they passed. Now he’s somewhere in the galaxy, rumor has it he’s trying to start a school of his own, bring it all back.” you concluded. The Mandalorian observed you for a moment and if he thought you were lying or trying to avoid the truth, he didn’t say it.
“My mission has been to try to find someone who is the people for the kid. Either someone of his kind or someone like him. I’ve been searching for a year - nothing.” he said, standing up and walking over closer to you. “You just told me more information in ten minutes than I’ve found in a year. How do you know this?”
“My father - he was obsessed. Told me all the stories.” So it was a little white lie, but you weren’t going to tell him that your father was the Master to Darth Vader before he turned to the dark side. You weren’t going to tell him that your father also trained Luke Skywalker and you in the ways of the Force. You hoped you were convincing. “I think the idea of bringing the Jedi back is ridiculous though. But that’s just me.” you said to him.
“Why is that?” he asked with a helmet tilt.
“I mean, you’re a Mandalorian. Sure you’ve heard the stories about the Jedi being these horrible people to your people.” you said to him. He gave you a grunt in agreement.
“I was told they were warriors that did more harm than good.” He said to you. That was the understatement of the century, but he was right.
“Well, it wasn’t wrong.” You said back, agreeing with him. “Plus, I think some of the rules are ridiculous. Don’t interfere with wars, don’t help people that might be in need - it’s ridiculous. Plus, Jedi are forbidden from having personal attachments of any kind. You get taken from your family as an infant and groomed to be this peace keeper and you can’t even get married either.” you ranted, shrugging your shoulders. “I just don’t agree with it, personally. Darth Vader rose out of fear of losing someone close to him, and he couldn’t go to the Jedi for help.”
The kid had fallen asleep in your lap now, over the conversation that was happening between the two of you. His head rested soundly on your stomach as he had curled up in between your legs, out like a light. You wondered what the Mandalorian was going to do next - he seemed to believe most of what you had said, if not all of it. Was he going to ask you where to find Luke? That was something you didn’t want to do.
“Who is this person that’s making this school now? Where is he?” It’s like he could read your mind. You took a big breath in and sighed, averting your gaze away from the Mandalorian.
“He’s an old friend. We grew up together here but - things changed after he learned his powers. I don’t know where he is now. After the Rebellion won the war he sort of just became distant, or so I heard. He hasn’t been back here in years, I haven’t seen him in years.” you told him.
It was the truth. You didn’t know where he was and you hadn’t seen him in years. The last time you saw Luke was after the fall of the Empire - he came back to Tattooine to ‘rest’ after the war. He said he needed to find his purpose now, since Darth Vader had fallen and his training was complete. He lived with you during that time period, when you were still at least trying to practice Jedi beliefs.
But things had already changed - you knew that. You think Luke knew that too, which is why he left the way that he did. He could sense it - he knew what was going on and what you felt and were going to do. It was painful for you to look back on it - you couldn’t believe that he had changed the way he was. You hadn’t seen him since he left your house that day six years ago, nor did you want to any time soon.
You could tell the Mandalorian was a little frustrated by your answer - hoping that you would have more. You did - you could tell him to go to Chandrilla and talk to Leia and have her contact Luke. But you didn’t want to do that - you knew what Luke would do. Luke would take the kid away from him, and that wasn’t going to be what was best for either of them. The Mandalorian relied on the kid too much if he liked it or not and the kid wouldn’t understand.
“Thank you for the information.” he said, coming closer to you and lifting the kid out of your lap, leaving you in your living room alone and going into the bedroom.
You were left to your thoughts, flashbacks of your time as a practicing Jedi plaguing your mind for the rest of the night.
taglist: @waiting-for-motivation @domino-oh-damn @theocatkov @killtherandomness @mrsparknuts @wolf-lover74 @the-sparkism @jedi-dreaa
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for the fanfic title prompt (I'll give a few separated by numbers): 1. Under the Evening Sky; 2. Oh Dear; 3. In His Eyes; and finally, the obligatory song lyric title: We Will Call This Place Our Home
Took me a bit to come up with the right fic idea for all of these and it was really super fun, thanks so much!!!!! Here’s your fic summaries!!! (from this ask meme)
Under the Evening Sky
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Rated (very high) T, probs one of those 20k oneshots, starring Obi Wan and Anakin (and Ahsoka), Obikin endgame
Summary: When you throw a ball for high profile politicians in the middle of a war, multiple assassination threats are an inevitability. Any Jedi presence would be a great comfort, though they will not be exempt from the dress code.
Dressed to the nines, Obi Wan and Anakin have a job to do tonight. The stars are bright, the alcohol is flowing, several killers lurk, Obi Wan pretends he’s dancing with someone else, and Anakin wonders who in the hells was both blind and persuasive enough to convince Obi Wan he didn’t look good in red…
This would be a noir/James Bond-style get-together fic for Anakin and Obi Wan. It would be full of them and Ahsoka in fancy clothing and at a shmancy ball trying to hunt down a group of assassins. There’d be LOTS of appreciation for one another all dressed up (I’ve already imagined Anakin in dark blue and Obi Wan in red so y’all can too, some subtle eye makeup, etc. There would be a Thing where Anakin was so preoccupied doing Ahsoka’s makeup he forgot to do his hair so just pulled it back, and Obes will like, run his hands thru his hair and pull it back out and rearrange it like “nah ur perf as it is” and they’re both dying inside while it happens). There’d be dancing with other people, trying to drink away those pesky feelings for one’s partner, fighting in fancy clothing (and silly boys lusting over the other fighting in said tight clothing) (also Ahsoka absolutely has learned from Padmé how to pull off and then stab someone with a high heel), repression of feelings, and ultimately revelations of feelings, finally dancing with one another and heavy makeouts in the coat closet.
Oh Dear…
Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Rated T, average-size oneshot, starring Ahsoka with Anakin, Rex, Domino Squad, Obi Wan, and Padmé
Summary: When Ahsoka gets a citation on a recent mission report for “improper language”, she reflects back on where she might have picked up such a habit.
Or: Five Sources Who Taught Young Ahsoka Tano Exactly How Many Different Ways One Can Say “Fuck”
This would absolutely be a crackfic where I expand on my headcanon that since Ahsoka grew up in an army and alongside the likes of personalities such as Anakin “I was an impressionable nine year old on Fucking Tatooine” Skywalker and Obi Wan “If you swear in a different language it doesnt’ count” Kenobi, our girl probably has the worst potty mouth in the galaxy, and how that might get her into trouble or gain her respect depending on the situation.
In His Eyes
Star Wars Original, Rated T, average to long-ish?-size oneshot, starring Leia and Han (and Luke), Hanleia
Summary: Leia looks away from the bright glare of the sand, only to find Han’s hand suddenly patting along her face and nearly poking her in the eye.
“Sorry, Leia,” Han mutters. “I’m assuming that’s you and not Luke. Still can’t see too well.”
His hand starts to wander a bit lower, and for a moment Leia’s worried she’ll have to inflict pain, but as soon as Han’s fingers graze bare skin where he knows they shouldn’t, his hand whisks away while his eyes widen. “Shit, princess, you must be cold!” He instantly starts trying and failing to take off his own shirt.
“We’re in the desert,” Leia feels she has to point out, despite the fuzzy feeling suddenly warming in her heart.
Basically this is going off of that one comment someone on here made that Han, the man who loved and married her, was the one person who never got to see Leia in the slave bikini because he was still blinded by the carbonite freezing. This would be a fic from Leia’s perspective starting right after they escaped Jabba’s barge and are headed back to the Rebellion up and through the Battle of Endor. She’ll be pondering all the while her relationship with Han and how he sees her and how she feels about it and how she may want to start a life with him.
Highlights will include the summary scene where not only does Han drink his respect women juice and instantly try to be a gentleman and offer Leia his shirt the moment he notices she’s not as dressed, Luke at the same time notices, and while before he was just trying to respectfully not look, now realizes belatedly that “oh yeah she can have my shirt!” and Hidden Protective Brother Instinct kicks in so he ALSO tries to give Leia his shirt. Han objects because “hey this is MY chivalrous gesture back off” and this of course leads to the two of them ending up in their underwear and throwing their whole wardrobes at Leia like HERE TAKE IT while Leia laughs for the first time in what feels like ages. Lando has removed no clothing during this and is just focusing on driving like “uh I think they got you covered”
We Will Call This Place Our Home
Star Wars Rebels & Star Wars Original Trilogy, Rated T, multichapter snapshots, starring Hera, Zeb, Rex, Kallus, Leia, and Luke
Summary: Those who call themselves Spectres are constantly haunted by ghosts of the past, up to, including, and right on past one day that brings a Fulcrum agent dead, a planet destroyed, a fatherless son born, and now the Rebellion apparently has a Jedi again…
This would basically be an insight into the Rebels characters Kanan and Ezra left behind, and snapshots of their lives. Particularly, what they were doing around the time of Rogue One– I think Kallus knew Cassian, obvs. Also headcanon that pregnant Hera insisted in flying in the Battle of Scarif which promptly caused her to go into labor directly after, causing her to have Jacen either on Lothal like she had planned or in the Ghost on the way, which is why the Ghost isn’t near Yavin for that battle. Also would include a talk between Zeb and Leia about surviving your planet’s genocide, a talk between Leia, Luke, and Hera about knowing any other people who could help Luke, and one between Luke and Rex who was Not Ready For Any Of This.
#hope you liked!#once again dangit tho now I have IDEAS oh nooooo#but really thanks so so much for the prompt!!!!!!!!!!!!#ask#asks#bpdanakins#morai musings
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So, we’re watching Return of the Jedi
The alarm going off has nothing to do with the force field being down and everything to do with Darth Vader arriving. AWOOOGA AWOOOGA WEAR LOOSE COLLARED SHIRTS SO AS NOT TO GIVE HIM IDEAS.
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"I hope so, Commander, for your sake. Don't make me promote you to Admiral so I can kill you and promote someone else to Admiral in your place!"
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"Ne wanga wanga" tentatively translated as "We don't buy at the door."
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"Look, R2! It's Captain Solo! And he's no longer frozen in carbonite! Now he's stored in a massive Irn Bru bottle as a conversation piece!"
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Enter Princess Leia - Space BADASS. Seriously, I watched this when I was five or so and she made such an impact on me.
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Whatever language that is, it doesn't half make "yoto" work for it.
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It's Lando Calrissian! Cunningly disguised by covering his chin. Well DONE, Lando!
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Han Solo falls to the ground, blind and shivering. "I can't see."
"Shh. You’re over-reacting to the flu. Take some paracetamol and GET UP."
- - -
"Ho ho ho!"
"What's that?"
"Oh no! It's SANTA!"
- - -
Chewbacca: "Rarrr!"
Tentative translation: "It's only a COLD! Will you PLEASE stop going ON!"
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Luke's not doing anything to the Space D&D Orcs - they're just painfully shy and don't like being pointed at.
- - -
Luke's soft voiced instructions and Bib Fortuna repeating them is great.
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Why doesn't Huttese have words for "Old", "Mind" and "Trick"? I can buy not bothering to translate "Jedi" but otherwise it's just plain lazy.
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I always felt sorry, even as a kid, for the Rancor keeper. I mean, yes, he does enjoy watching the beasty eat people up, but he's SO SAD that his pet is dead! I hope he got a puppy or something to keep him company.
- - -
And where on earth are they going to find a shoe box big enough to bury him in the sad patch behind the shed?
- - -
What makes the Sarlak all-powerful? It's a toothy hole in the ground. It's not like he's going to come over there and get you if you don't stop talking shit.
- - -
Han Solo's dialogue from "I think my eyes are getting better" to "he'll get no such pleasure from us. Right?" is beautiful.
- - -
Bobba Fett - terrifying bounty hunter or space idiot? YOU DECIDE!
- - -
PRINCESS LEIA.
SPACE.
BADASS.
- - -
"Let's go. And don't forget the droids. And somebody lend Leia a t-shirt."
- - -
Yoda: "Twilight is upon me. Read them I have. Will to live lost. Mmmm."
- - -
Why does Luke have to confront Vader again in order to be a Jedi? It seems so arbitrary.
Luke: "Instead of confronting Vader, can't I do like three moderately difficult things instead? Drain the swamp. Give you a mani-pedi. I don't know, bake you a cake?"
- - -
Luke: "You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father was seduced by the dark side of the Force. Because he was a twat."
- - -
Luke: "Leia. Leia is my sister... but... we..."
[Luke vomits in swamp.]
- - -
Mon Mothma, in a haunted voice: "Many Bothans died to bring us this information.
"Maybe we shouldn't have written it on Bothan hide."
- - -
General Madine's fake beard is INCREDIBLE. Do you think he's on the run and thus in disguise? If so, I really hope Madine's not his real name, because if it is Mon Mothma just outed him to EVERYONE.
- - -
I love that Han and Chewie bicker like they're a couple on a road-trip and one of them wants to stop and ask for directions.
- - -
"We're all in camouflage, blending in superbly with the Forest Moon landscape. This is excellent! No one will spot us! Let's just remember to bring our pessimistic, anxiety-ridden, SHINY GOLDEN droid with us! That will help us blend in YET MORE BETTER STILL!"
- - -
Finally, a Stormtrooper that hit something!
Seriously - you're going at a MILLION MILES AN HOUR on the Forest Moon of Endor, which is stuffed with Giant Redwoods. WHY WOULD YOU LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER INSTEAD OF IN FRONT OF YOU? WHY? That guy is now the poster child for speeder bike safety.
- - -
"Take the squad ahead! You don't need leaders! We're not necessary! You do your thing and we'll go rescue Leia from the Space Bears."
- - -
"Freeze!"
[Leia removes poncho. It’s cold on that there moon.]
- - -
Space Bears, sir! THAAAAAAAZANDS OF THEM!
- - -
Why is Princess Leia not getting cooked? Because, as previously discussed, she is a Space. Badass.
- - -
Ewoks: "We think he's a god. Just a really rubbish one."
- - -
"Now, C-3PO, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"
- - -
By the look on Princess Leia's face, she's just remembered the few times she kissed Luke.
- - -
Emperor: "You want this, don't you?"
[Strokes lightsaber suggestively.]
Luke: [shudders]
- - -
Emperor: "You, like your father, are now MINE."
Me: "It's all going a bit Hugh le Despensers in here."
Him: [Knows better than to risk an impromptu history lesson by asking.]
- - -
Everything Admiral Ackbar says is golden. Everything.
- - -
Darth Vader: "It is too late for me, son. Several books I took out of the Naboo library are twenty years overdue and I can't afford to pay the fines. The Emperor is not generous with his pay scales."
- - -
Imperial Officer, thinking: “We’re winning! But ooh… hang on. Ooh, no. The rebels are scary and they have guns and… hold up! I’ve got Stormtroopers! STORMTROOPERS! ADVANCE! Get them surrounded. More surrounded… bit more… Point your guns at them! Oh my good gravy, yes! YES! They’ve surrendered! NOW’S MY CHANCE!
Imperial Officer, out loud: "You rebel scum!”
Imperial Officer, thinking: "I AM THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE! YESSSSSS!!!!!"
- - -
Lando: "Only the fighters are attacking. I wonder what those star destroyers are waiting for?"
[Cuts to star destroyer]
Officer: "I wonder what we're waiting for?"
- - -
Alternatively:
Lando: "Only the fighters are attacking. I wonder what those star destroyers are waiting for?"
Emperor: "You may fire once peak electricity time is OVER, and NOT before!"
- - -
[Speculatively]: "Do you think Stormtroopers are like tortoises? It's not that the Ewoks are so mighty that pushing people over kills them, it's just they can't get up again."
- - -
I don't know why Darth Vader doesn't go down the route that Palpatine did when converting him. It worked well enough to convince him to do any number of rotten things!
"Give in to the dark side, Luke! WE HAVE COOKIES and the Emperor lets you stay up ALL NIGHT if you want!"
- - -
The saddest part of this movie is when one ewok tries to wake the other ewok then realises the other ewok is dead.
- - -
The Emperor does brilliantly evil enunciation.
- - -
The Emperor: "Your feeble powers are no match for the static generated by my polyester robe!"
[shuffles feet on carpet; zarks Luke.]
- - -
The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 1: "It's okay, Darth Vader will protect the Emperor. Yup. There he goes. Oh. Oh, he's lost a hand! Oh, no! It's okay! The Skywalker chap's given up! Oooh! Tough break with the lightning! It's okay though, I reckon we can relax. Darth Vader's not going to grab the Emperor and throw him down that- oh. Oh buggery fuck."
The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 2: "Reckon it's time to join the Rebellion, Pete."
The guards the Emperor sent away when Luke arrives, peaking around the corner 1: "Yup."
- - -
Darth Vader: "Do you think killing the Emperor is enough to get those library fines taken off?"
- - -
When is an A-Wing not an A-Wing? When it's suddenly a flaming Ford pick-up truck slamming though the window!
- - -
...do you think Darth Vader has to take vitamin D supplements in order not to get rickets?
- - -
Luke's plan: "Look everyone! I saved him! He's back to the light side!"
Everyone else: "That's... Darth Vader."
Luke: "Yep! And he's a goody now! Isn't that BRILLIANT?"
Everyone else: "...um..."
Luke: "Let's have a PARTY! Then we can find something for him to do! Isn't this GREAT?"
Leia: <facepalm>
Darth Vader: "I'm good with children. I have experience. Any you want getting rid of?"
Luke: <beaming happily>
Everyone else: <stunned silence>
Darth Vader: "I'm good at making sure they don't get out of hand."
- - -
Luke: <sadly sets fire to Darth Vader.>
Han Solo, downwind: "Could anyone else really go some barbecue right now?"
- - -
Ewok playing music on stormtrooper helmets: "There is a more than zero percent chance that we cooked and ate the previous inhabitants of what is now my new xylophone."
- - -
Force Ghost Obi-Wan: "Wait a minute. How did he get to come back as a young, handsome version of himself? WHY DIDN'T I GET TO COME BACK AS EWAN MCGREGOR?!"
#Star Wars#Return of the Jedi#RotJ#Leia Organa#Princess Leia#Luke Skywalker#Darth Vader#Anakin Skywalker#Obi Wan Kenobi#Han Solo#Emperor Palpatine#hilarity
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Five things Han Solo believed in (and one that proved them all wrong)
A/N: I was going to post this one last Scoundress Saturday but it's a bit more Han-centric and I had the other fic ready anyway. It actually started as a response to a headcanon prompt about beliefs, and then it inspired me to write my take on the legendary “five (x) this character (x) and one that (x)” trope. Happy Hump Day!
I.
He's not jaded; he's just lived. Seen stuff, heard stuff. Had stuff happen to him. Been to many corners of the galaxy, from ritzy casinos to the lowest hole-in-the-walls. Everywhere, some people struggle and some people take advantage, some assholes live and some good folk die… or worse. When you've lived enough, you see there's no bigger plan. There's no god, no all-powerful force or mystical energy behind anything that happens. How could it? If such a thing existed, why would they let awful things happen? No, it's people who control their own destiny, and sometimes the destiny of others. One thing is for sure: nobody controls where Han Solo goes.
II.
The truth is, rich people can afford to be idealists. Okay so, the princess lost everything now, but she got her ideals when she still had a family, money, a roof over her head, four meals a day, people who loved her, protected her, respected her. Han gets it. It's even kind of their duty to fight for justice, freedom, and all that shit for everyone. That's just fine. But he, and people like him, they got to eat. He's not in this for the revolution. He's certainly not in this for the princess who, feisty as she might be, is also ungrateful and rude for someone whose ass he just saved. He did it for the money, which by the way is what he needs to save his own ass. And even if he didn't? He'd still look for number one.
III.
In matters of life and death, he prefers to be on the "life" side. That means he can't go risking his neck for people he doesn't even know, doesn't even care about. Is that so wrong? Ain't nobody looking after him—well, except for Chewie. Chewie now, Dewlanna then. Seems like only Wookiees ever cared about whether Han lived or died. His mother, too, but that was too long ago to count. Why does it make him a mercenary, to take care of himself? Somebody has to. People act like they're owed a rescue or something. And Han, fuck it, he always ends up giving in. Can't afford to throw away a potential reward, after all.
IV.
She likes him because he's a scoundrel, and she's probably spent most of her life being courted by well-mannered lords with too much perfume and too little passion. Oh, she soon proved him she isn't naive or inexperienced, but she's been busy and grieving for far too long. People respect her as a leader, but they're too careful around her sometimes. None of them offer her freedom. None of them challenge her. None of them shove their impropriety on her face. So she likes him because he's new and wild and freeing, and she doesn't need to tie her fate down to his. He's making sure of that. That is all. And that's fine.
V.
He has everything under control. He has to throw out Jabba's spice, but he'll make it up to the Hutt. He has to take the trip to Alderaan and, after he gets stuck inside an Imperial superweapon, help get everyone out safely, even though he doesn't really give a shit about those people, but he'll get away with his hard-earned money in the end. He has to come back to help the kid take out the Death Star, but after that, no more distractions. He has to stay for three and a half years with the rebels, because he just knows they won't make it without him, knows he can use the money, knows Luke and Leia are too reckless to stay out of trouble, his debt and Jabba's anger piling up on him, but still, everything under control. He has to go out for Luke, has to come back for Leia, nearly dies both times and more—but he doesn't, because he knows what he's doing. He has to fly through an asteroid field. Has to crawl to an old friend-slash-enemy for help. Has to fall in love with a princess even though he has nothing to offer her. Everything is under control until it isn't—but that's not his fault.
VI.
Someone who loves you, she says when she pulls him back from that thick, inescapable darkness and into her arms. As he trembles, retches and stumbles, as they take Leia away and lock him up and he finds out from Chewie that all their lives depend on the man who betrayed them and the friend who apparently calls himself a Jedi now, Han realizes he has nothing under control, and maybe some things have been his own fault. He doesn't like to know the odds, but he knows they're probably high against them.
Somehow, they escape unharmed, killing Jabba and all his goons, and that's when it dawns on Han that all these people risked their lives for him. Turns out there's more than just Chewie who care about him now. Love him, even. Luke and Leia, they'd risk their lives for just about anyone, he knows. They're not like him, they fight because it's the right thing to do, not because there's a credit chip at the end line or an underdog to save. Han used to do what he had to, or almost, to survive, but look where that got him.
Still, that's not why they came back for him: in the great balance of things, he's just one person. If it was just selflessness and justice, they would have stuck with the Alliance instead of putting their necks on the line for him. No, they came because they care. Leia came because she loves him.
Han grudgingly accepts there might be some truth to the Force. They wouldn't be alive otherwise. It's not a comfortable thought to find himself powerless to the whims of a bigger cosmic force—but maybe that's just not what it means. Or maybe he doesn't care anymore. It's not like he could stop it. And anyway, just because things worked out this time doesn't mean his luck won't run out one day, or that people all over the galaxy aren't being screwed over by these mighty powers that be. But there's gotta be something that led him here, to the arms of the woman he loves, to the carbonite, to Cloud City, to Hoth, to Yavin IV, to the Death Star, to Chalmun's Cantina. To these fools who care about him against all odds. Something like fate pushing him in the right direction. He's risked his life for them many times, too, but he always kept a foot out, just in case.
That ends now. He's not leaving again. And if he's staying, he might as well fight to make sure they—and everyone else—get a galaxy worth living in. It's time to be a bit of an idealist again.
#han solo#hanleia#han x leia#hslofanfiction#star wars fanfiction#2019#one-shot#rated T#death tw#suicide tw#only word mention but still tagging just in case!
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what a good meme! how about: farscape, star wars, the good place
Farscape:
it’s just...so GOOD?
There are so many women!
The writing is Shakespearean in that it’s about love and betrayal and the universe and the nature of humanity, but also has lots of innuendo and fart jokes
John Crichton is one of my all-time favorite characters, a man who gets thrown into a terrifying and unpredictable situation with no warning and does his best, even when he gets ripped apart and put back together in the most painful ways, a man who is not perfect but who is such a great Fuck You to toxic masculinity.
AERYN SUN IS EVERYTHING, a woman who was born and bred a soldier, who was discouraged from forming any kind of lasting bonds, who is cut off from everything she knows and has to painfully rebuild herself from the ground up, who finds a family and loves them so hard, who is literally resurrected by love. (Zhaan, GOD.)
YOU COULD BE MORE.
WE PROTECT EACH OTHER.
LOOK UPWARDS AND SHARE THE WONDERS I’VE SEEN. (I think it might be time for a Farscape rewatch, this is making me feel a lot of things.)
Star Wars
My love for Star Wars is all bound up in my childhood memories, since I almost cannot remember a world without it. I was five when I saw ESB in the theater, and I remember being so outraged that the movie ended with Han Solo still in carbonite---but WHY didn’t they get him OUT, mom!?---and learning what a cliffhanger was. I remember watching ANH multiple times the following summer when it aired on cable, and telling everyone who asked me if I liked Luke or Han better that I liked Luke better, because everyone else said ‘Han’ and I felt bad that no one picked Luke, who was so determined and brave and deserved to be someone’s favorite. I remember just accepting without question that Princess Leia was obviously the smartest and best, of course she was running the Rebellion.
Star Wars was a huge formative influence on me. It’s probably a big reason why I have such a strong preference for hopeful stories where the good guys refuse to give up and eventually defeat evil.
The Good Place
A smart and hilarious show that talks about philosophy on the regular, focusing on the characters and their relationships as they try to become better people? YES PLEASE. I also love how fast the story moves, that they cram so much story into each episode. (Oh, you thought it was gonna take an entire season for them to figure out they were in the Bad Place again? HAHA we’re gonna let them figure it out hundreds of times in the span of three episodes and then throw a completely different story at you.)
Thanks, Doc! :)
put something in my inbox (an activity, a fictional character, a food, a time of day, anything you can think of) and i’ll tell you something i love about it
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Ranking : Star Wars films
Ranking the Star Wars films with a fandom as dedicated and opinionated as that of Star Wars can be an exercise in futility, but it is a fun one regardless. Famously, George Lucas directed that stark sci-fi drama THX-1138, the nostalgia-fest that was American Graffiti, and then dove headlong into the Star Wars franchise, never to step out of that storytelling realm again. After tolling over this list for what feels like forever, and inviting debates from fellow film lovers, I think I can stand behind my opinions in the following list (which, in all honesty, will probably change as the years go by).
Films not included :
The Clone Wars (2008) / Star Wars : Revelations (2005) / Ewoks : The Battle for Endor (1985) / The Ewok Adventure (1984) / The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
I have not seen the animated films, and I personally feel that the Ewok films and the Holiday Special, while canon, do not provide anything necessary for the overarching narrative of the ‘main’ films.
10. The Phantom Menace (1999)
It pains me to have to call any Star Wars film the ‘worst’ film in the franchise, but there must always be someone that holds down the anchor position, and in this case, it’s The Phantom Menace. Certain aspects of this film are great, like the classic Pod Racing scene, and the casting of Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi, but ultimately, this film falls short on my list for introducing the concept of midichlorians and insinuating that Anakin Skywalker was an immaculate conception... an idea that (up to this point) has not been properly paid off, in my opinion. For the record, I have no issues with Jar Jar Binks, and am loving how people are attempting to peg him as a Sith Lord with ultimate powers... perhaps even a ‘reincarnated’ version of Darth Plagueis himself.
9. Rogue One : A Star Wars Story (2016)
This film holds an important place in the Star Wars canon for opening up the possibility to tell stories involving characters considered outside of the main narrative spectrum, and in that way, it expands an already deeply expansive world. Where Rogue One missteps, however, is in trying to expand what would normally equate to about two films-worth of lore into two acts. This rushed attempt to make you care deeply for what essentially boils down to a group of ‘cool’ characters really begins to become an afterthought once the film kicks into high gear in the third act, walking you right up to the front door of A New Hope. A good film, but in my opinion, a better idea than an execution, hence it’s low placement on my list.
8. Revenge of the Sith (2005)
I consistently find myself torn between Episode II and Episode III in terms of which film I like more. If I had my way, these films would be combined into a super-cut of sorts, taking the best aspects of both in hopes of muting out the forgettable. Revenge of the Sith finds itself placed lower than Attack of the Clones on my list, however, for slightly fumbling and mishandling the resolution of the original setup story. The seeds that Emporer Palpatine sowed in Anakin were a bit heavy-handed, especially the lore of Darth Plagueis, which is one of many ideas planted by the first three episodes that ultimately has no payoff. Combine this with Obi-Wan’s relatively easy dispatching of Anakin at the end, and all of the buildup towards Darth Vader, including the genius performance of Hayden Christensen of playing Anakin as an entitled and whiny adult that would grow up to be a feared power monger, and I found myself let down due to knowledge of the inevitable story resolution.
7. Attack of the Clones (2002)
This movie... man... so much that it throws at you. Hayden Christensen is a stroke of genius as Anakin Skywalker, as previously mentioned. Natalie Portman really got a chance to spread her wings in this film. Django Fett is awesome looking, but ridiculous as an homage to Boba’s ineptitude at times, and the story of his origin as the mold for all Storm Troopers echoes this. Ultimately, however, this film falls short by undercutting itself with a bit of slight silliness. General Grievous is an awesome concept on paper, but I find myself less and less impressed as the years go by. As excited as I was to see Yoda fight with a lightsaber, having it be digitally animated was slightly anti-climactic. The huge Jedi standoff was a nice touch, and the film is very entertaining, but overall, it falls short due to a slightly disjointed nature.
6. Solo : A Star Wars Story (2018)
It was enivetable that Han Solo would get his own film series in light of the way that Rogue One changed the Star Wars game, and like all things with the sacred series, many were prepared to scream foul that anyone outside of Harrison Ford would dare call themselves worthy of the role. Alden Ehrenreich by no means redefined the role of Han Solo, but he did capture the essence of the character, which worked well for me. Where this film really works, however, is in making concrete what was once only legend. Seeing day one of Han and Chewie’s friendship was wonderful, seeing Han involved in a love story as a vulnerable participant was refreshing, and Donald Glover put on a scene stealing performance. Solo will hopefully be the standard bearer for what the Star Wars Story series of films can be, but it falls short of the top 5 simply because it is outside of the narrative spine.
5. The Force Awakens (2015)
The Force Awakens is a successful bridge of the trilogy trilogy in all the ways that Revenge of the Sith failed to be. Seeing the last vestiges of the Empire in the form of abandoned war vehicles on Jakuu, and having that planet be Rey’s current home, work well in regards to the overarching narrative. The introduction of The First Order is a wonderful element that I believe will pay off greatly in Episode 9, and Kylo Ren (due to the performance of Adam Driver) is already an iconic character. Even BB-8, an obvious attempt at nostalgia via leaning on the R2D2 fandom, was enjoyable. Many people found that this story and the story from A New Hope were a bit too similar, but in my opinion, there is enough unique to justify a story that echoes similar threats, as those in power tend to use the methods of those before them in real life (to varying results). Overall, the casting in this film is on the money, it looks like a million bucks, and it seems there’s been some much needed levity injected into the series in this particular trilogy of films.
4. Return of the Jedi (1980)
The first time that we get to see Luke Skywalker be a badass... Boba Fett and his memorable armor... Princess Leia and her iconic brass bikini... the Ewoks and the battle on Endor... Lando and his devious ways... Han Solo trapped in Carbonite, his screaming face frozen for what seems like it will be forever... there is so much iconic about this film that it is hard to list it all. Wonderful character designs are abound in this film, we get one of the most random selections of locations in any Star Wars film, and we get proper resolution to a host of storylines introduced in this particular story grouping. Outside of George Lucas’s alterations to the group of ‘Force ghosts’ at the end of the film, it’s hard to pick this one apart. For what once seemed like it would be the final film of the canon, it is truly a satisfying conclusion.
3. Star Wars : A New Hope (1970)
Although this is now officially film 4 of the series, this will always be the beginning in spirit. George Lucas changed the game with this film, introducing a DIY aesthetic and spirit, as well as a true love for storytelling unique to the storyteller and their influences, that literally became a mark in time for what was and what will be. It is harder to imagine a more iconic collection of characters being successfully introduced than those in A New Hope, and the echoes of influences centered both in history and older films are integrated so perfectly that many are easy to overlook. Though not my number 1 placement, it’s hard to imagine a more perfect film created out of the blue.
2. The Last Jedi (2017)
I cannot think of another film in the Star Wars series that people were more prepared to hate upon release than The Last Jedi. Be it expectations set personally, wishes of what The Force Awakens should have been, or pettiness such as Porgs being involved in the promotional material, it was hard to find people that were either open-minded or gung-ho positive about the film. I, too, had my own ideas of what would happen, and certain information I had going into the film (mainly the death of Carrie Fisher) caused me to have gut reactions as well (the infamous use of the Force during what should have been her death). What I quickly realized, however, is that the handful of gripes I had with the film were 100% based on what I wanted to see, and not on what was provided. There are some great elements introduced and used in this film... Luke reverting back to his whiny self... the connection between Kylo Ren and Rey... the slow, methodical chase that makes up the main narrative of the film... and, in what is probably my favorite moment in all of the Star Wars film, the amazing destruction of the Star Destroyer courtesy of a hyperspeed jump. People tried to make this film problematic, but when it’s all said and done, this film may go down as the best thing in the series, with the exception of...
1. The Empire Strikes Back (1983)
I wonder if it bothers George Lucas at all that the most revered film in his story canon was one that he did not direct (Irvin Kershner made the series wonderfully dark with this film). This one takes everything that was wonderful about A New Hope and swiftly takes it away from you like a schoolyard bully. The beauty of space and the warmth of Tatooine is replaced with the biting cold you can almost feel of Hoth. The introduction of Yoda brings the entire narrative to new heights. Removing Luke from the conflict raises the stakes for (and profile of) Han, Chewie and Leia immediately. Outside of even the ending is jarring, eschewing a nice and pleasant story wrap-up for the bleakest of cliffhanger endings there is. The Star Wars canon of films is good, but The Empire Strikes Back is truly great.
Curious about why I chose to put films where I did? Do you disagree, or have another opinion/point of view? Feel free to comment via this article or the Ask Me Anything section... these opinions are certainly not written in stone, and with so many films to consider, there may be aspects I’ve not considered or overlooked.
#ChiefDoomsday#DOOMonFILM#GeorgeLucas#IrvinKershner#JJAbrams#RianJohnson#StarWars#ThePhantomMenace#AttackOfTheClones#RevengeOfTheSith#ANewHope#TheEmpireStrikesBack#ReturnOfTheJedi#TheForceAwakens#TheLastJedi#RogueOne#Solo
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Author of the Month (2018)
tumblr || twitter || ffn || AO3
Ships/Fandoms:
SVU: Barba & Benson
Harry Potter: Draco & Hermione, Harry & Pansy
Favorite Completed Fic - A Barson Thanksgiving - Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Barba & Benson or 12 Days of Barson Christmas - Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Barba & Benson
Favorite W.I.P. - Spring Brings New Life - Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Barba & Benson
What inspired you to begin writing fanfiction? I’ve been writing fanfiction since I saw The Empire Strikes Back and Han Solo was frozen in carbonite and I was beside myself. So I wrote my own fix-it, even though I had no idea that’s what it was. I was 12. Then I didn’t write any more again until I was in high school and fell in love with “Remington Steele”, “Scarecrow & Mrs. King” and “Moonlighting”. I had pages of 3-ring binder paper filled with post-episode or scene extensions or fix-its. I even wrote an original “Remington Steele” fic on my IBM Selectric typewriter. I used this yellow-orange scrap paper that my mom brought home from her Army Reserve office.
When I went to college and those shows were cancelled, I got away from it. Probably because I got to write for a living as a reporter. Then, this past summer, I discovered the world of fan fiction online. I don’t even remember how I stumbled on AO3, but I fell in love when I discovered a world of people who were writing about all my favorite tv and movie characters! After I started reading, new plot bunnies of my own started hopping around in my head.
My first Barson fic was born after I saw a rerun of “Sanctuary” last summer and essentially wanted a fix-it after the last scene when Barba asks Olivia if she’s disenchanted with him and then Dodds comes in, ruining the moment. As you can see in a recent chapter of SBNL I’m not a big fan of Deputy Chief Dodds.
Do you use a story outline or just let the story go wherever it takes you? I may have an outline in my head, but I’ve never written one down. I tend to just let the story go where it takes me. I usually start out with an end game and I work to get there, or a prompt from something I read or saw and start from there. Lately, I’ve been writing future chapters as I’m inspired, even though I’ll later have to go back and link them into the plot.
What helps get you through writer's block? Reading or writing something different. I write for two different fandoms, so switching between them helps. I try and take my mind completely off of what has me stuck.
Do you use music or anything else to help motivate you while you are writing? Please elaborate if you do. I like to listen to music, but I don’t know if it motivates me. I usually don’t need any other motivation than the thoughts in my head.
Do you have any advice for aspiring fanfiction authors? Just write. Like that old Nike ad: Just do it. If you have an idea that you feel strongly about, chances are someone else does as well and will want to read it. But also, self edit. Proofread. Proofread again. Read it out loud to yourself. Picture the scene in your head to see if it makes sense. If you aren’t confident in your spelling, grammar, structure skills, ask someone to beta for you. Nothing turns me off faster as a reader than a wonderful plot that I can’t get past the first few paragraphs of because it has bad grammar or structure. I can overlook spelling errors and typos even. But not bad grammar and poor structure. And check your verb tenses! Pick one and stick with it. Don’t switch back and forth.
Does writing energize or exhaust you? I would say it energizes me while I’m doing it. But if it’s late at night when I’m done and put it away I’m exhausted.
If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be? Don’t throw any of it away! At some point I threw away all of my old, handwritten stuff from high school and now it makes me so sad! The only one I even can remember the littlest bit is the original “Remington Steele” one. I had just watched the Shogun miniseries on television so I sent them to Japan!
What was the hardest scene you've ever had to write? It was for a WIP in my other fandom and it was a love scene. I always have a hard time writing those to begin with, whether it’s rated PG or NC-17, but in this case, I didn’t want it to read like a how-to manual and needed to focus more on feelings and emotions than actual actions. It took me quite a while and several re-writes to get it the way I wanted it. But in the end it turned out perfectly.
Do reviews help or hinder your writing process? Reviews always help! I love to hear what people say about my chapters! So far I’ve only had positive feedback. I had one where the reader wasn’t particularly happy with a chapter and I felt SO guilty because I felt like I let her down that I actually contact her via IM and apologized. She told me that she still loved the story and in the end what mattered most was that it was my story and I had to write for myself. And I LOVE when I get a new reader who tells me they’re hooked!
Is there a quote that inspires you? If so, what is it? I don’t know if it inspires me, but it sums up my feelings about writing: “Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.” -- Isaac Asimov
What is your favorite fanfiction trope to write? Honestly, I’ve never written a trope. Not that I don’t enjoy reading them, but writing them has never appealed to me, although I have a bed sharing one started for Noah Benson and Jesse Rollins. It hasn’t gotten very far though.
Do you have any fanfiction recommendations? Please limit the recs to Barson fanfic only. I’ve read so so many wonderful ones, this is a VERY hard question to answer.
One of the very first ones I read was by @TribalVipe called “A Hand on Your Face in the Dark” and it kept me coming back for more by her. Another finished work by hers that I love is “Don’t Look Behind You” because it includes all three SVU couples I ship. She has a new WIP, “Paraíso Perdido“ that I’m eagerly waiting for an update.
Since the episode-that-shall-not-be-named, one of my favorite completed fix-its is “The Rediscovered Country” by @theoofoof.
I’ve not read anything by @adrianna-m-scovill that I wouldn’t recommend and I very much enjoy @khughes30’s Musical Notes one shots.
p.s. I think A Hand on Your Face in the Dark is actually written by rosehips. ~untapdtreasure
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Highlights from Darth Maul: Death Sentence (2012) (Dark Horse)
Darth Maul: Death Sentence is a comic that is set directly after the little known graphic novel The Sith Hunters, when Savage and Maul were working together to build the wealth that would help them recruit an army to do their bidding. In my opinion this is a strange and slightly out-of-character story for Maul and Savage especially, as it shows them being much more overtly malicious than ever before seen in The Clone Wars and other assorted media. At least the art is good, though.
The comic starts off with some amazing hand-porn as it shows Maul force choking and throwing a Faleen that is sent to try and negotiate for the brother’s surrender. Yum. Nice hands.
Maul and Savage are strangely enough hanging out in a cantina in the middle of nowhere, inconspicuously dressed in full length black cloaks. Totally not suspicious, guys. One “mistake” in these panels is the fact that Savage’s horns are shown to be very long yet don’t affect the shape of the hood pulled over his head. It’s as if neither of them have much horns at all.
It’s how they got here that interests me most, though. Except for in The Sith Hunters, we are hardly shown a normal day for Savage and Maul, we don’t get to see the moments they share when they’re alone or spending a quiet afternoon plotting their next move. We are only shown these action sequences, which I suppose is the best we’re going to get outside of fanfiction.
I’d like to point out that Maul is casually sitting in the back while Savage attacks the bounty hunters set after them.
A scene in the Jedi temple is then shown as a master and her padawan talk about Darth Maul. It makes one wonder exactly how many people knew of Maul and what was said about him in the temple. I can imagine Maul becoming a sort of fairytale that the older Jedi use to keep children in line, ya know, “You have to eat all your vegetables or Darth Maul will come get you. He eats naughty children.”
This comic overall has very amusing dialogue, like in this scene. The amount of times Maul’s disability is mentioned in a joke is quite disturbing however and it’s as if supposedly compassionate Jedi are suddenly forgetting it’s not okay to make fun of a debilitating injury.
I love the art that shows their faces in black shadow except for their eyes. Very cool effect.
And a panel of Maul taking advantage of his cybernetics. I would not want to get hit with that leg.
This is a strange panel because it suggests that Maul has trouble controlling Savage to the point that Maul must use his saber to keep his brother from killing an enemy that holds useful information. Savage has never been shown to be an uncontrollable dumb brute with his brother in the TV show, he was always immediately stopping or quieting himself even when Maul simply held up a hand. It’s these out-of-character moments that are a bit frustrating for me in this comic, and I hate the fact it’s reducing Savage’s character to a mindless, rage-filled goon.
Maul seems pretty sensitive about his experiences on Lotho Minor, understandably.
Grandfather is sick of your shit, child.
Here we have an important moment in Maul canon history, where Maul is shown for the first time to use force suggestion. He whispers to the soldier, who stumbles back to his squad in confusion and activates a grenade in his hand, destroying many other men. We have never seen Maul use such a power in any other media, which supports his characterization as a man who thinks over-use of force powers is cowardly and not befitting of a true warrior.
These next panels are incredible, in composition and dialogue. It shows us a rare bit of Maul instructing Savage, and captures a moment in time in which Maul still considered himself a Sith. It makes one wonder at what point exactly did Maul decide to reject the Sith title. When Savage died? When Talzin died? Sometime on Malachor?
A strange piece of dialogue where Maul and Savage refer to an alien as “it.”
I love this scene because it shows Maul, in an otherwise malicious characterization of him, being reasonable and open to negotiation.
Savage is angry on behalf of Maul, offended that the Jedi would make such a suggestion when Maul graciously allowed them to speak. Although the second panel confuses me, Savage tells them their words would have been better used to beg for their lives, as if it would have made a difference. Is he suggesting that Maul would have spared them if they had begged? I’m not sure what’s going on, honestly. I just know that Maul looks adorable as the Cheshire cat.
Savage is easily bested by this Jedi and knocked to the ground, making one wonder how such a disciplined warrior as Maul would have allowed his apprentice to be so clumsy. This is just adding more on to the “dumb brute” trope.
Savage has a barrel of carbonite thrown at him by another Jedi. Not recognizing what it is, he slashes at it, which throws gallons of the liquid at him and freezes him in place. I was always under the impression that carbonite freezing a living being required specific conditions and specialized machines to avoid damaging the person, as were showed when Han Solo was frozen. Anyways, Maul is obviously very distraught.
“You dare?” was in response to Savage being frozen. I love protective, angry Maul.
In this next scene, a child is shown to stab Maul through the prosthetics, allowing the other Jedi to get away unharmed. It’s hard to tell what’s underneath the cybernetics in that area, but I’m surprised the lightsaber didn’t go straight though some cybernetic organs or anything else important.
Why Maul doesn’t simply kill the child in this scene is beyond me. He could have slashed horizontally rather than vertically and taken off the child’s head. Obviously the writers needed that character for later scenes, but this seems like lazy writing to me.
After Maul sustains that injury, he flees from the battle and walks through an unforgiving desert. He eventually passes out and experiences this dream, which is a very good look into Maul’s subconscious- what he fears and what he hates. He seems to be very disturbed by who he became on Lotho Minor, and sees himself in his dream.
Maul has never been shown to be overtly self-hating, but is it possible that his giant ego could be covering up for him ultimately hating himself and who he’d become after Naboo? He is very obviously disgusted by his spider-form and loathes that part of himself.
He fears that the spider-him will never be truly gone, and Maul wishes he could kill that part of himself.
On top of being reminded of his injury on a daily basis by asshole Jedi, it bothers him enough to appear in his dreams, making him feels helpless, impotent, and lesser.
All of Maul’s dreams are about Kenobi, Lotho Minor, and the injury he sustained. These are the 3 things that constantly plague him. We are shown another similar dream sequence in The Sith Hunters which I will make a post about soon. Also, just look at that face. The artist did a fantastic job making Kenobi horrifying.
End of Part 1
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When George Lucas released Star Wars for the first time in 1977, he had no idea how much of a juggernaut the franchise would be in the years that have followed. It's become one of the biggest parts of pop culture over the last 40 years with 11 movies released so far. They've made audiences laugh, cheer and exclaim in equal measure.
RELATED: These Are The Only 10 Movies To Beat The Skywalker Saga At The Box Office
And there have also been moments that have forced fans to reach for the tissues. Starting with 1999's The Phantom Menace, every single movie in the franchise has made audiences shed quite a few tears.
11 The Phantom Menace: Anakin's Goodbye
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace introduced a young Anakin Skywalker, who is a slave owned by Watto on the planet of Tatooine. Jake Lloyd's character comes across as sweet and innocent, in stark contrast to the villainous Darth Vader he'd become many years down the line. So that makes his goodbye to his mother, Shmi, all the more tragic.
Anakin and Shmi part ways and fans know they're going down two very different paths, with one destined to become bad and the other helpless to stop it. A close second for Episode I was the death of Qui-Gon Jinn but, given he wasn't in the original trilogy, the writing was always on the wall.
10 Attack Of The Clones: Shmi Skywalker's Death
While on the subject of Shmi, it's time to talk about her sad passing in Attack of the Clones. That movie is fun, keeping the tone light and casual for the most part. But Shmi's death at the hands of the Tusken Raiders is poignant.
Anakin goes back to Tatooine to try and save her, having become aware of her struggles via his dreams. Yet while he manages to get to her, he's unable to stop the person he loves most from dying. The fact he comes so close makes things extra emotional and it's sad seeing Anakin lose control in the aftermath, slaughtering the Sand People for their heinous crime.
9 Revenge Of The Sith: "You Were My Brother Anakin"
The third act of Lucas' prequel trilogy was always going to see Anakin become Darth Vader. That is, after all, the point of all three films. And it's sad when the moment actually happens, with Hayden Christensen's character losing to Obi-Wan Kenobi after a fiery lightsaber duel on the planet of Mustafar.
RELATED: LEGO Skywalker Saga: All LEGO Star Wars Games So Far (Ranked By GameSpot Score)
Ewan McGregor's Kenobi is visibly distraught at seeing his old friend burn as the lava engulfs him, having chopped off both of his legs and a hand as well. The duo had been like brothers over the course of the saga so far but this incident really is the death of that friendship, with Anakin reaching the point of no return.
8 Solo: Qi'ra Snubs Han
Solo: A Star Wars Story didn't fare the best at the box office, with Disney's blockbuster struggling to recoup what it cost to make. While that's the case, however, it's still a welcome addition to the franchise. A young Han Solo is fun to see, while Emilia Clarke's character Qi'ra is an intriguing debutant.
And Qi'ra is responsible for Solo's saddest moment when she rejects Han, sending him on his way at the end of the movie. While he's free as a bird, she's still tied to the criminal syndicate Crimson Dawn. Their love may exist, but their lives have taken them down alternative roads and this is perfectly summed up in this scene.
7 Rogue One: Galen Erso's Death
Rogue One, simply put, is a bloodbath of a Star Wars movie. Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor both perish, despite being protagonists, while Chirrut Imwe, Baze Malbus, K2-SO, and Saw Gerrera all meet their ends as well. Even the villains aren't safe, with Orson Krennic a casualty when the Death Star pays a visit to Scarif.
RELATED: Star Wars: 10 Ways Palpatine's Story Could Have Played Out Differently
But, out of them all, Galen Erso's passing is arguably the saddest. Like Anakin with Shmi, Jyn spends many years apart from her father. And when she finally gets to him, she's too late, with Galen dying when a Rebel Alliance ambush comes calling. This ultimately spurs Jyn on, giving her the fire to light the spark to blow the whole thing up.
6 A New Hope: Obi-Wan Kenobi's Death
A New Hope was originally called just Star Wars, only getting a new name when Lucas opted to press ahead with the original trilogy. It was the first time fans got a glimpse of iconic characters such as Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo, and Darth Vader. And it also introduced the character of Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Alec Guinness gives an excellent performance as the wise Jedi Master, who acts as a mentor to Luke - particularly after the Empire callously murders his Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen. Therefore, when Darth Vader cuts him down, it's a really sad moment. Kenobi would later return but being a force ghost isn't the same as being physically there, meaning he can only do so much for Luke.
5 The Empire Strikes Back: Han Solo In Carbonite
The ending of The Empire Strikes Back sees many of the Rebels' major players in a state of chaos. Luke is left without a hand when Darth Vader slices it off, Lando Calrissian is forced out of Bespin by the Empire and Leia Organa is left crushed when Han Solo is whisked off to Jabba the Hutt by Boba Fett.
RELATED: Kenobi: 10 Characters Alive During The Time Period (& Could Appear)
Han and Leia have an emotional parting, with the latter finally telling the loveable rogue she loves him. Han merely says 'I know', in one of Star Wars' most famous quotes of all time. And it's heartbreaking seeing him taken away from Leia, though it does set up a rather exciting finale...
4 Return Of The Jedi: Darth Vader's Funeral
For Return of the Jedi, it was a choice between two scenes. The first is the death of Yoda, with the Jedi Master passing away on Dagobah due to old age. But the second is the funeral of Darth Vader. With John Williams' force theme playing in the background, and Luke looking dejected, it's certainly a moment that makes fans weep.
Especially given how, shortly before dying, Vader redeemed himself by throwing Emperor Palpatine down the chute of the second Death Star. Anakin's journey is completed at this moment, bringing things to a satisfying ending. That is until the sequel trilogy came along...
3 The Force Awakens: Han Solo's Death
Han Solo is one of the most beloved characters in the whole of Star Wars. So when it was announced Harrison Ford would be reprising his role for The Force Awakens, it got excitement tingling across the fandom.
But that excitement was to be short-lived, with Kylo Ren brutally murdering his father on Starkiller Base. Ford had hoped to be killed off during Return of the Jedi, but he didn't get his wish. When he did, it was to be at the expense of many the fans who had hoped to see the original trilogy character embark on yet more heroic adventures.
2 The Last Jedi: Luke Skywalker's Death
The Force Awakens decided to hold back the character of Lule Skywalker, instead saving him for the sequel: The Last Jedi. Fans had waited many years to see Mark Hamill's character back in action. And he didn't disappoint, with Luke central to all things that happen.
RELATED: Kenobi: 10 Unanswered Questions Fans Have
Yet his death was sad because it deprived the chance to see Luke have a prominent role in the third installment of the sequel trilogy. Having been held back for a year, people wanted more. It was also well handled, with Luke sacrificing himself to save the galaxy in a truly heroic act.
1 The Rise Of Skywalker: Leia's Death
To complete the hat-trick, Leia's death is the most poignant moment in The Rise of Skywalker. For obvious reasons. Firstly, because it allowed people to grieve for Carrie Fisher - who sadly passed in December 2016.
And, secondly, because Leia - like Luke - sacrificed herself. She does this to bring Ben Solo back to the light side of the force and her son doesn't let her down, joining the fight against Palpatine to save the day and end the Sith Lord's rule once and for all.
NEXT: The 10 Best Double Acts In The Star Wars Saga, Ranked
Star Wars: The Saddest Scene From Every Movie | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/3fjbF9U
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that place where all those good old days were at
(If we're ever gonna get this crazy world of ours on track)
Summary: Han Solo. Luke Skywalker. Leia Organa. Time travelers. TLJ to ANH
Notes: obviously massively inspired by Of Queens, Knights, and Pawns by @chancecraz (and like massive rec if you haven’t read it) though, uh, not actually intended to be a copy thereof.
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Han dies falling, never hits the ground, which just proves the old adage wrong and sometimes it is the fall that kills you.
(It wasn’t really the fall. It was the lightsabre. It was the stabbing. It was the burning. It was the boy.
It was the boy.)
He dies falling and wakes softly, curled in his bunk in the Millennium Falcon.
There’s symbolism there, probably. Someone would say so. Not him. Not Leia either, too practical for nonsense, too prickly to ever speculate on other people’s emotions. Probably not Luke either, though the kid had picked up Jedi cryptic-ism before –
Han sighs and rolls over. The sheets are plain white, maybe a little musty and in need of a wash, and the tiny captain’s cabin is empty. After Lando, and his collection of colourful fabrics and capes draped across the room, and before the Rebellion and the way the space had filled up with junk, before Leia had moved in, before-
Well. Those weren’t the best years of his life, but maybe that’s how being dead works. Just because this was his home, doesn’t mean it was theirs. Maybe if he flies to Bespin, Lando’ll be there, bright and charming, a respectable business man to the last.
Chewie roars and thumps on the cabin door.
Han draws in a sharp breath, something painful sticking in his ribcage, behind his eyes. Chewie.
Somehow that was. Worse. One thing to die. One thing to leave it all behind – but. He’d thought. Chewie would make it out. The kids. Shit. Had they even managed to take out the Death Star planet?
Han staggers to his feet, trips on the bed sheets and practically falls into the door – which promptly slides open and drops him on the floor. Or would, if Chewie hadn’t grabbed the back of his shirt.
He roars shyriiwook that translates approximately as watch your feet, idiot with the inflections of both amusement and fondness.
“Laugh it up, fuzzball,” Han mutters but it’s half hearted. “What happened?”
The responding answer doesn’t make much sense. He’s not sure what he was expecting but-
“We what now Tatooine?”
Landed, Chewie repeats, faux patiently, giving him a gentle shake that near enough knocks his teeth loose. Have you been drinking? Disapproval. You’ll need your wits to deal with Jabba.
“Jabba?” What the hell does Han want to deal with him for? The only good that came out of being on Tatooine – the whole carbonite mess – was that the slimy hutt died.
He’s pretty angry we dumped that spice, Chewie reminds him.
Han squints, leans on the wall of the hallway and accidentally puts his hand on the exposed hot pipe that occasionally spits steam and needs fixing – he’s been meaning to cover it up but there’s so much on the Falcon that needs maintenance –
“Ouch!”
And, Han’s no expert or anything. But he’s pretty sure shit isn’t supposed to hurt when you’re already dead.
“Aww, kriffin hell.”
.
-
.
Han sits in the cantina and doesn’t actually drink because – because he’s still pretty kriffing shell shocked, mostly. And because it’s been a long time and he can’t remember, exactly, when the kid arrives and he doesn’t want to – can’t – miss him.
(If you could go back- no one ever asked him, would you still-
the answer was always yes)
Han Solo is not unknown in Mos Eisley but people are giving him a wide berth. In part because Jabba the Hutt is not happy with him and no one wants to be caught in the blast radius, in part because he’s very clearly on edge and no one wants to be the first one shot (yet), and in part because Han Solo; age 63 had been far far more dangerous than Han Solo; age 29, which makes him pretty much more dangerous than anyone else in this goddamn room.
It’s not that they can tell. Not everyone is a mind reader, Luke, but you don’t live long in Mos Eisley if you can’t tell who you shouldn’t fuck with.
So Han sits and doesn’t drink and doesn’t try to look for work but throws searching looks to every old man and young kid (not that there are many of those that wander in) because who the hell remembers what Kenobi looks like. The old man from Tatooine hadn’t seemed much like the Jedi Knight that they’d dug up holos of, years later.
“The bartender says you take passengers,” a soft spoken sandworn woman says, sitting down opposite him. There’s a tightness to her eyes – a kind of worried desperation – that isn’t unusual on Tatooine, in these kinds of bars, that he used to be able to ignore.
“Not currently,” Han says, rolling his drinking glass between his palms. “Ma’am,” he adds because he’s not an animal. Is there an old guy talking to Chewie? He can’t see from this angle.
“We’re looking to avoid imperial entanglements,” she says.
“You and everyone else, sister,” Han snorts. “I suggest you go faster, things are going to get pretty ‘entangled’ here soon.”
Her mouth tightens, white and bloodless, and oh, he’s sorely misjudged how desperate she is. “Look,” he says, “where are you headed? I know some of these guys, I’ll point out someone heading your way that you can mostly trust.”
“The Alderaan system,” she says, quietly.
Han pauses. Unease creeps up on him. “Unusual destination,” he prevaricates. What are the chances two people in this shithole want to go there? Did the droids – Did Luke –
But there’s a flash of blond at the door and, kriff that is Luke. He looks stupidly young, but…
Well. Maybe Han has been misremembering. ‘Young’ doesn’t have to mean ‘happy’ or ‘bright’ but the kid had used to be like that, hadn’t he? He’s overwritten the memories of Luke with the idea of him, and the smudging of the growth from farmhand to Jedi.
Han had been stupid and young back then, too.
But Luke makes a bee-line for their table. “Aunt Beru,” he says, softly. That kind of calm, placid attitude he’d picked up over the war, that had driven them all kriffing insane, before it had edged over into apathy and he’d disappeared for good.
Han had never seen him again, after he’d left. All that and-
Beru reaches out, catches the kids hand and squeezes. “Luke,” she says, relieved. “Did you sell the speeder?”
The kid nods. Slides in to sit next to her. “We need passage to Alderaan,” he says, a statement, like he knows Han, like he knows that this is how it’s going to go.
“Alderaan,” Han repeats. Wonders. Hopes he’s right, hopes he’s wrong. “Or Yavin?”
Luke freezes. “Han,” he says, like it slips out, against his will.
And Han –
Had he wanted to see the old Luke? Young Luke? The bright star of his memories, before life had worn him down and worn him dull?
(Had he wanted to save him? Spare him? To stop him ending up the man that left them all, just put down his lightsabre and walked away?
Too late. Doesn’t matter.)
“Well, then,” Han says, putting down his drink. “Alderaan. Get your stuff and let’s go.”
Beru – the kids aunt, shit – looks confused, but Han rises from the table. He doesn’t know what he wants to say to Luke but the faster they leave the better.
.
-
.
They scoot around the imperial blockade like they’ve done it a million times before – they have – and manage to scrape out five minutes without anyone looking at them oddly.
“Han,” Luke says, voice cracking just a fraction. He crashes into Han, a bone crushing hug like they’d all used to do, back in the day. “Boy am I glad to see you.”
The words are right. The tone of them is all wrong. Too sad, too flat. Too much.
Han swallows. “You too, kid,” he says. “Do you know-“ how, why, what happened
Luke shakes his head, briefly, dropping the hug too fast for how long it’s been, for everything that’s passed between them. “I thought it was because of how I… passed,” he says. “The Force… I was back in the desert. I thought it was just…” he shrugs. “And then I ran into Aunt Beru. It wasn’t until the stormtroopers came that I even…”
Han swallows again. Until the stormtroopers came. How close had it been? How close had they come to losing Luke, without ever knowing anything.
“What,” he says, struggling to inject levity in his voice. “You couldn’t just do that… ghost thing, like old Kenobi. Had to go full on… this?”
Not one of his best attempts.
Luke gives what might be a sad smile. “No,” he says. “That’s what I did.”
“Kriff, kid,” Han says, and runs a hand over his face. “Do you know if I- if the Starkiller- the kids. Rey and Finn-“
Does it matter? In the end? Now that they’re here? If there’s nothing they can do and it’s been and gone?
But it does. It did. It mattered then so it matters now.
“Rey,” Luke says. “She came to me. On the Falcon. No one said anything about the Starkiller so it must have been gone.”
So at least the girl. That’s… something. Something good. He hadn’t exactly known her but… he could have. Bright desert child that loved flying.
Han rubs a hand over his chest. He’s too young to have a dodgy ticker. That’s something, anyway. The lack of grey in his hair is nice, too. “Do you think Leia-“ he can’t ask.
Luke looks away. “She was still… when I…”
They’d all left her alone.
Kriff, Han wasn’t sure if he wanted to wish she was back or not. She was going to kill them, if she was.
He smiles, anyway, at the thought. “Well, if there’s anything you want to ask your dearly beloved mentor, now’s the time,” he says. “Before we get to Alderaan. Maybe you can pick up some real Jedi wisdom?”
He claps the kid sarcastically on the shoulder and escapes back to the cockpit.
.
-
.
The Death Star goes kind of like this.
The Falcon arrives at Alderaan – which is still a planet, nice – gets caught in the tractor beam and brought aboard.
They get into the smuggling hatches and hide.
They take out the stormtroopers that sweep the ship, start to peel the armour off them for the infiltration – ‘that droid better be prepared to stop the compactors,’ Han says dryly – because it’s still pretty much the best plan they have.
And then an imperial officer storms briskly up the ramp.
“Aren’t you a little short for an Imperial Officer?” Luke asks.
Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan sweeps her brimmed cap off, her hair hastily pinned up beneath it, and throws it at his face. “You nerfherder!” She cries, and throws herself after it, clinging to his arms. “Oh, I’ve got words for you!”
“Jeeze, princess,” Han says. “You couldn’t just wait for our dashing rescue? Had to do it all yourself?”
She throws herself at him too. It might be the best thing he’s felt since… oh last time she hugged him. “I escaped ages ago,” she hisses. “I’ve been running around the station trying not to get tortured ever since. Sorry for not letting you have your ‘moment’.”
Han winces. “Well, did you at least take out the tractor beam so we can leave?”
Leia scoffs and pulls a detonator out of her shirt pocket. “What do I look like, a bunch of idiots that blast their way into a detention block without an escape route?” she asks, irritably. “Get the ship started and we can leave.”
He does. They do. And when the bright white lights of hyperspace flickers around them, turns to celebrate their success.
“Where’s Luke?” he asks, dawning horror on his face.
Leia whirls around and stares at him, then over the ship as though that will make him turn up. “That idiot,” she says. “He didn’t. Oh, he didn’t.”
Han swallows. “He can get himself off the Death Star.” If he wants to, Han doesn’t add. “He’s got time. And, hell, without Luke, we might not have anyone that can make the shot.”
“No,” Leia says, white faced. “I rigged the reactors to overload. And once one goes, they’ll cascade. The first time they try to fire it… it’s going to explode.”
.
-
.
“So,” Darth Vader says, voice artificially flat, breathing artificially steady. “You are Kenobi’s new apprentice.” He approaches – stalks – toward Luke.
“No,” Luke says, unruffled. He holds Anakin Skywalker’s lightsabre out in front of him – not ready to use, but flat, like a gift. “This belonged to my father.”
Vader … stops.
“My name is Luke Skywalker.”
The corridor echoes with silence.
I’m older than you, Luke thinks, suddenly, absurdly. Older than you ever lived to be.
He can’t remember, now, how it had felt to be young and sharp and confident. What feeling it had been that had let him step onto that second Death Star, so sure that it would be worth it. He can remember the moment of throwing his lightsabre aside, but not the determination behind it.
These days, Luke is mostly tired and empty.
When he’d been young he’d wanted a father. Loved his father, the idea of a father, enough to do that. To surrender physically but never surrender self. Had been centered. Settled.
When had he lost that?
(easy question. In the fires of a temple and the betrayal of a boy he loved just as much.)
“My son,” Vader says. “How?”
In the Force Vader is a galaxy. The stars and all the spaces between them, swirling madly, around and around. There has never been, will never be anyone like him.
Luke closes his eyes. How? Was there an answer to that? “I grew up on Tatooine. Obi-Wan Kenobi gave me this… yesterday.”
“I will kill him,” Vader rasps. “For taking you away from me.”
Luke can feel the storm of anger in the Force. Lets it batter past him like a sandstorm on the Lars homestead – empty and burnt, all occupants dead, a sandstorm could do no more damage because there was nothing to damage.
And beneath that anger there is –
A small spark of hope chasing aside an endless well of despair. Like a fire, it starts to catch and burn.
“Oh,” Luke says, numbly, hand dropping and sabre clattering to the floor. “Oh.” Even the echo of hope is so strong.
“My son,” Vader repeats. “You are … so strong. Together we could depose the emperor. We could rule the galaxy as father and son.”
Luke blinks at him, tired. “Sounds exhausting,” he says. Remembers the Rebellion slowly, slowly turning into the New Republic, the squabbling and arguments and stress. More Leia’s than his, but plenty of both. Fighting a war had nothing on trying to figure out what came after.
And look how long it had all lasted.
“I think I’d rather… not,” he says. “We could go. Leave. Live somewhere quiet and out of the way.”
Had he thought coming here, recreating this would help? Had he thought his father could reach him, could cross that expanse, the way he had reached his father? That there was some connection between them, that would save him, save them both?
“Please, father.”
#star wars#fic#luke skywalker#leia organa#han solo#time travel#luke has changed so much since anh#'i refuse to be involved#then die'#what would he even do back in time#he wouldn't go dark#not like that#not with fire and destruction#just ... quietly gone#and the trio is so broken#i'm sorry#tlj isn't canon anyway
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Star Wars:Episode VII
We now know who will write and who will helm the first of the stand alone Star Wars movies. And thanks to CNet we have a release date. The movie is scheduled for release on December 16th 2016, making the May release dates a thing of the past. The film will be directed by British born Garreth Edwards. Mr. Edwards’ first movie Monsters was one of my favourite films the year it was released and he went on to direct this year’s Godzilla showing just how capable a director he really is. /Film ran a piece about the announcement and quoted Mr. Edwards as having said the following:
"Ever since I saw Star Wars I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life – join the Rebel Alliance! I could not be more excited & honoured to go on this mission with Lucasfilm,"
As for the writer on the as yet untitled movie; we get Gary Whittas. Mr. Whittas was responsible for The Book Of Eli, which was another enjoyable and very original movie. One has to wonder about what tone the producers are aiming for for the first standalone Star Wars movie. When you compare the DNA of Monsters and The Book Of Eli there are some interesting parallels.
So what will the first non saga film in the history of Star Wars focus on? There has been a lot of chatter on the interwebs about more prequels. Yep, prequels. It doesn’t matter how you cut it, a Boba Fett or a Han Solo movie would be a prequel. In fact, mining anything from the canon would constitute a prequel, but to we really want to see early years stories of characters like Yoda? I’d have to come out and say no thank you! Remembering that the above announcements are the only official word on the projects so far, let’s take a look at the rumoured release schedule:
Firstly here is the predicted line up:
2014: Rebels
2015: Episode VII
2016: Boba Fett
2017: Episode VIII
2018: Solo
2019: Episode IX
2020: Red Five
From the top then: Rebels airs on TV later this year. There has been talk that there will be some familiar faces in the cast. Obi Wan Kenobi been all but confirmed, Lando Calrissian is being strongly rumoured. And why not? Vader, the Emperor even teenagers Luke and Leia are available to draw on in this time period and I’m sure after a couple of seasons the creators will start looking in those directions.
Then we have Episode VII
As yet untitled but currently shooting with an exciting cast, I think we all have quite positive feelings about this movie. J.J. seems to fully respect the franchise and understand what made the original films great so we can relax a little bit there. We’ve had a couple of video messages from the director including this one which featured an interesting practical effect.
Here we reach our first bump in the road
The next prediction is for the movie Mr. Edwards is due to helm. This movie, according to rumour, will be about Boba Fett! I really hate this idea. Here’s why: we have gone back and studied a mysterious character from the original trilogy before. That character was Anakin Skywalker. Now, I was perfectly fine with Darth Vader having been Anakin. I was happy with the nods toward his past with Obi Wan, his appearance beneath the mask in Jedi and his old man force ghost in the trilogy’s closing moments, then we get the prequels. Now I don’t bash on the prequels like many people, I enjoy much of what’s there, but I’m certain I didn’t need so much Anakin back story. The attempts to make Anakin and by extension Vader more sympathetic harmed the character if Vader. In fact I wonder just how much power that character would have for an audience familiar with the new running order. The “I am your father” moment is lost forever right? So do we really want to be looking into these character’s pasts again? Perhaps in some cases, and we will get to that in a moment, but certainly not in others. Boba Fett was arguably one of the coolest things about the original films, helped largely by the fact that he was a mystery. He came out of nowhere, had two or three lines, did his evil deeds and disappeared. He was incredibly popular as a result and I think its fair to say throwing the character under the spotlight in Attack Of The Clones was a mistake. Knowing where he came from undermined his character. Making his ‘father’ the clone template and placing them both in the Battle of Geonosis made the universe of Star Wars seem smaller. Why does everybody have to cross paths with everybody else? Chewy in Revenge Of The Sith, and The Clone a Wars TV series for that matter, did the same thing. It shrinks the world, why wouldn’t their big screen entrance into this world have been the first involvement with it? Leave their origins alone.
Let’s skip ahead to 2018’s offering. It’s rumoured to be a Han Solo movie. What could that possibly be I wonder! The character is reportedly taking centre stage in a Episode VII, so it won’t be a sequel, we’re getting that already! It won’t be set between episodes either and I’m pretty sure it won’t be an art house piece focusing on his time in carbonite as told through his nightmarish fever dreams! No this would be another bloody prequel! Another origin story for a character I’m happy to have met the moment he slid behind that table in A New Hope! I don’t want to see him as a kid! Even Uncle George dodged that bullet in Revenge Of The Sith when he abandoned a story that had a young Han Solo on the Wookiee home world. Leave him as a figure of mystery. We know enough, he was a smuggler, he was a gambler, he won the Falcon and cheated Jabba. And he shot first! Why do we need more that that? He served his purpose in the trilogy he was in, he served the story, he was never the focus, Luke was. We don’t need a Han Solo movie.
This brings us to another problem. Casting. Who would play the characters? Boba Fett could be anyone really that doesn’t matter. Prequel actor Daniel Logan lacks the chops so we might want to pass him over, but you can stick anyone else under that helmet and let them have a go at it (Karl Urban please), but Han is different. You only have a limited time frame to play with. Han was about 35 in Star Wars so you need to go younger than that. Too young and you make the Anakin mistake from Episode I and it becomes something other than a Han movie. Han will have to be in his late 20s early 30s and perhaps be played by an unknown with a passing resemblance to Harrison Ford. Good luck with that! Or, Zack Effron has been long rumoured as a potential Star Wars actor, is that what you want? No, leave the Solo character alone, we don’t need more detail on his origin thanks.
But there is one character that we could see work. The time frame is clear, at least until the Rebels TV show time frame, about 4 years prior to a Episode IV A New Hope. We’d be picking up after the prequels, before the original 1977 film, and you could cast the same actor. Step forward Obi Wan!
An Obi Wan movie could be perfect! He spent years in the wastes of a Tatooine as far as we know! Nothing else is eluded too in the original films. Maybe he had off world adventures? Maybe he worked with Clone Wars characters like Ahsoka Tano in those years. We’d get to see those characters in live action. Perhaps he has to fight off those hunting down the Jedi. Maybe it’d be a small self contained western style story set in a dusty little alien town. Perhaps Obi Wan and a female character, potentially Ahsoka, would find themselves on the road, against great odds travelling to safety in a wild and desolate landscape filled with deadly creatures and dangerous marauders. Perhaps Obi Wan would be tasked by someone to return something precious to him, maybe a Jedi Holocron, that he will need to protect! If any of those elements seem familiar to you it suggests that you may have seen Garreth Edwards’ Monsters and the Gary Whittas penned The Book Of Eli.
This has to have crossed the collective minds of producers! Ewan McGregor has indicated that he’d like to return, and I’d love to see him in the role again. Tell a simple, stand alone story, and get it right, and you’ll be able to do another one in a few years! There are stories that exist to be draw on too. Like the novel Star Wars Kenobi and the graphic novel that sees the return of Darth Maul. Now I know that’s been covered in the, now canon, Clone Wars, but it’s an example of the freedom the Obi Wan character gives creators. He is an established character with a solid back story, we know what happens to him so he’ll need others to interact with so the story has something at stake. We also don’t know the fate of Ahsoka Tano. When last we saw her she left the Jedi. What’s her fate, do you think the creators will leave her out of the expanded stories?
Finally, 2020 will supposedly bring us Red Five. Red Five was Luke’s call sign in A New Hope, but by Empire he was Red Leader and never returned to Rogue Squadron, so what’s the plan here? Recast Luke? Tell Rogue Squadron stories set between A New Hope and Empire? No thanks to the recasting I can live without that! An animated film perhaps? Maybe an animated TV show like Rebels? I could deal with that. They’d have a short window within which to work, even if there was two years between episodes IV and V that’d only give you two seasons of TV wouldn’t it? I guess each season could focus on a six month period and then you’d get four or five seasons so that could work. So if there is any truth to the Red Five rumour I’m betting on an animated Luke focused TV show that takes over from Rebels.
So what about the future of big screen Star Wars? Another trilogy? There could be an argument to be made here. Disney have a huge cash cow with this franchise, one they paid top dollar for, you don’t expect them to call it a day at Episode IX do you? There could be Obi Wan sequels that see Ewan McGregor reprise the role well into his later years, as he catches up to Alec Guinness’ age. How about original characters? The new cast could spin off into stand alone movies? Prequels! We could have Darth Plagueis or Darth Sidious origins, maybe we see young Darth Maul. I’m not saying I’d like to see those, but they’re options.
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