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nadja-antipaxos · 1 year

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CAN’T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW - EIGHT - FINAL CHAPTER

Previously - Seven || Masterlist

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Swearing, depression, possible suicide attempt briefly referenced and talked about, talk of childbirth and children, vaginal fingering, PIV sex, kissing, mentions of child abuse, manslaughter, drug use, smoking

Note: Last chapter, everyone. Depending on how season 4 goes I might pick this baby back up. I don't know but as of now, the story is over. Thank you a million times a million to everyone who read this, left kudos, and comments. Please let me know how you enjoyed the final chapter. Covers episodes 3x07-3x09. Page Six graphic made by me with my template

Word Count: 6,364

Kendall looks over at Naomi’s sleeping body next to him. He’s nursing a hangover. He doesn’t really remember going out. Naomi found out his divorce was finalized and dragged him out with her friends. They change so often that he doesn’t know their names. He grabs his phone and sees multiple notifications with the same headline from Page Six.

NISHA ASURI-ROY IS A FREE AGENT! Newly divorced socialite hits NYC with famous friends and new boyfriend!

The photo under the headline is of Nisha looking gorgeous at an event with little cutouts of Velasco and Ryan Sutton, the tech dynamo, who is much more beautiful than he remembered. Once he signed, it didn’t take long for their divorce to be finalized. They must’ve taken her out. Velasco has his arm around her shoulder in one photo. In another, he’s next to her while Ryan Sutton and Nisha share a drink. She looks happy in the photos with them. He sighs and puts the phone back on the nightstand and drags the duvet over his head. Maybe he can spend most of the day in bed. His birthday party isn’t until tomorrow anyway.

The big night arrives with such fanfare it should be on MTV’s Sweet Sixteen if they still made them. The Notorious Ken Ready to Die Party. Ryan’s big hazel eyes look over at Nisha who just shakes her head. Ryan has on a navy suit with a floral blouse while Nisha wears a red and black sheer bustier with a black suit. Siblings Roy, Willa, and Tom are just leaving the lobby when they walk in. A pretty woman tells them to hand over coats and phones.

“I’m not giving you my phone,” Nisha tells her.

“Well, Kendall—”

“I’m the mother of his kids and since he’s busy doing whatever the fuck this is—one of us has to check on them.”

“Okay.” She looks surprised at her blunt honesty.

Nisha hands over a gift with rabbit wrapping paper.

“This is from them, Kendall’s children, so please put it somewhere safe.”

“We will.”

“Thank you.”

After the horrifying ordeal of traveling Caroline’s vaginal canal, Nisha greets Roman and Shiv. Kendall’s name is everywhere in varying levels of embarrassing extravagance.

“Ryan Sutton?” Roman traces a circle with his finger.

“Yep.” She slides a hand into her suit pocket opening the tailored jacket.

“Hmm.” He doesn’t say anything else.

“Nice to meet you. Shiv Roy.” Shiv and Ryan shake hands.

“You too.” Ryan nods.

“You look…amazing. Almost like you shed a bunch of Kendall-sized dead weight, the former Mrs. Roy.” Shiv laughs and gives her a hug.

“Basically.” Nisha shrugs when she pulls away. “We’re gonna keep touring this nightmare.”

“Enjoy. I’ll see you, yeah?”

“I”m sure.” Nisha smiles.

There’s a room that is just screens with fire on them, tons of pictures of Kendall everywhere (clearly some he recently posed for), a compliment tunnel, his childhood treehouse, and a weird exhibit with terrible trying too hard to be satirical futuristic headlines.

“Thank you so much for inviting me to this party because it’s the most mental thing I’ve ever been to. And really the perfect way to get to know your ex.”

“I really had no idea it would be so Kendall.” Nisha’s stunned at just how awful it all is.

“Aww, you didn’t get a fake magazine cover.” Ryan comes up behind her and slips her arms round Nisha’s middle.

“It’s better that way. Trust me.” Nisha laughs.

They keep walking through this asshole museum to the bar and Kendall waves at her. She nods. He moves through the crowd and smiles at her.

“You made it.” He goes for a hug and she awkwardly pats him on the back.

“Happy Birthday, Kendall.” Nisha pulls back. “This is Ryan Sutton. My plus one.”

Ryan steps forward. In her heels, she’s taller than him. She smiles and keeps her hands in her suit pockets. Kendall is a little stunned at her natural confidence. She oozes self-assuredness. This is someone who knows exactly who they are.

“Happy Birthday, Kendall. It was a real treat walking through your mother’s vagina.” She speaks with a McCartney-esque accent. He wonders if Tom or Greg has met her. They would lose their shit over her…everything.

“Thanks. We wanted it to be funny.” He nods.

“It’s genuinely the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” Ryan laughs. “I’m gonna get a drink. You want something?”

“Vodka soda, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then get me one of those. Thanks.”

“No problem, babe.”

Kendall watches her walk away and turns back to Nisha.

“Boyfriend busy?”

“He’s not my boyfriend. You shouldn’t believe everything you read.”

Kendall vividly remembers him going down on her in what used to be their bedroom.

“Booty call on speed dial?”

“We’re friends who have sex. That’s it.”

“Got a new BFF I see.”

“She’s amazing.”

“So I hear. No new guy either?”

“New guy?”

“Sophie mentioned him. Rob? Russ? Something. He made pancakes that looked like a cat?”

Nisha shakes her head. That was Ryan. Of course, Kendall doesn’t actually pay attention to their children. “I don’t have a new guy.”

“So our daughter’s a liar?”

“I didn’t say that. Did you get the present? From the kids?”

“…No.”

“Medium-sized box. Rabbits on the paper. They’re green?”

“I’ll, um, I’ll ask. I’m sure they have it.”

“Okay…”

“Look, my dad offered to buy me out.”

“Oh.”

“Think I should take it?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. Don’t need to think about it?”

“Yes. Get out immediately. Maybe if you do, he won’t involve the kids in your shit anymore.”

‘What?”

“W-What? No. No. That’s not—I’ll do something. I’ll fix it.”

“He was spying on them at the park. Send some idiot to question Bianca.”

“Don’t bother. Already handled it. Just thought you should know.”

“Um, yeah, thanks.”

“Enjoy your birthday, Ken.”

Ryan hands her a drink and as they walk away she puts her hand right above Nisha’s ass.

“Do you think he’d be mad if I ate you out in his boyhood treehouse?” Ryan leans over.

“You’re so naughty.” Nisha giggles. He knows that sound all too well. They’re flirting.

Ryan is the new guy? Is that why they’re always together? The double makeup and skincare in the bathroom suddenly make more sense. But Nisha’s not—she’s never shown any interest—she didn’t even try in college. That—that can’t be. Ryan pulls her out onto the dance floor. It starts off fine until Ryan bends down and kisses her. His heart pounds in his chest as heat spreads down from the back of his neck. He feels lightheaded. Naomi repeats his name and he forces himself to look at her. He lets her take his hand and lead him away.

A few drinks later (maybe a little more), Ryan has Nisha pinned against the wall of a very fancy bathroom stall. Her hand is in her pants while her mouth devours hers. Nisha can’t believe she’s letting herself get fucked in a bathroom at a party like she’s 20 again. At her ex-husband’s birthday no less. But Ryan’s fingers are too long and too good for her to care. She bites her lip as her body shudders. Ryan gives her a sloppy kiss and withdraws her fingers. She grins before placing them in her mouth. They stagger out of the bathroom and mix back into the crowd.

After trying to keep his parasitic siblings from the treehouse, Kendall walks past Ryan and stops when he realizes. He doesn’t see Nisha around. It’s just her. She truly is one of the most naturally beautiful women he’s ever met, besides Nisha. Big eyes. Pouty lips. Gold hair. She’s incredibly fit too. He can see that from how the tailored suit hangs on her. He just can’t believe a woman he’s known almost half his life is suddenly playing for another team.

“So, is this the part where you tell me to stay away from your girlfriend?” He asks, unable to help himself. He wants to pick a fight with someone. It might as well be her.

“No.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m 26. I’m not 15. Besides, you’re doing a bang-up job on your own.”

“The fuck does that mean?” He glares at her but she doesn’t take the bait. She stays cool.

“Just chill out and enjoy your party.” Ryan shakes her head and walks away.

“Does it bug you?” Roman’s voice is in his ear.

“What?” Kendall snaps.

“That you were such a shitty husband you turned Nisha into a lesbian.” Roman shrugs.

“She’s not a lesbian.” Kendall sighs.

“Okay, not like The L Word lesbian but they’re definitely bumping tacos. Bet she’s a better fuck than you. Probably doesn’t cry after.” Roman giggles.

“Shut the fuck up, Rome.” Kendall storms off. He wants to find his present from the kids.

It feels like they’ve been there all night when Nisha agrees to leave. She hasn’t seen Kendall in a long time which is odd. He should be eating all this attention up. She looks in every room even the big one that has all the gifts. The boxes are destroyed and staff are scrambling to pick them up. Something is really wrong. She finds Ryan and explains.

“I’ll meet you back at my place. I-I wanna confirm he got that present from the kids or I’ll never hear the end of it.” She feels strange telling Ryan she’s worried about Kendall.

“Yeah, sure.” Ryan nods. “See you in a few.”

“Mhmm.”

They share a kiss before she leaves.

It takes some tracking down but Kendall did not receive the gift. It ended up in a completely different room, so Nisha decides to deliver it. She takes a cab to his apartment and the doorman lets her up. She knocks and Naomi answers.

“Hey.”

“Hi?”

Nisha puts the present in front of her.

“Oh, shit.” Naomi reaches for it but Nisha pulls it back.

“Can I see him?”

“It’s been a long night. I think—”

“Naysayers , who is it?” Kendall’s voice asks. Moments later, he’s at the door. “Nish.”

He practically pulls her inside to Naomi’s visible displeasure. She shows him the present and relief washes over his face. He looks awful. He hugs her so tight it knocks the breath out of her. What is going on? She knows this isn’t just drugs or booze. She’s alarmed now. Naomi just watches them.

“Hey, um, can we get a minute?” Nisha asks, pulling back from Kendall.

Naomi looks at Kendall but he nods before she can answer.

“Sure…” Naomi looks at him strangely before going out on the balcony.

Kendall leads Nisha into the kitchen and doesn’t let go of her.

“You wanna open it?” Nisha asks, gesturing to the present.

Kendall tears the paper and lifts the lid. It’s a large painting. An actual oil painting.

“Sophie’s been taking this art class and she’s really good. Iverson came up with the idea and did the background. She did everything else.”

Tears flood his vision as he takes in the painting of him and his children. They’re superheroes. He can’t hold it back and just sobs. Nisha rushes to him and sets the painting down on the counter. She wraps her arms around him and he cries into her shoulder. She doesn’t know what happened but it makes her heart ache. She rubs his back.

“Deep breaths, Ken. Deep breaths.” She whispers.

He sniffles and inhales sharply. He doesn’t want to let her go and she doesn’t move.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“I don’t know, Nish.”

“It will.” She squeezes his shoulder and steps back.

“I never thought my 40th would be like this, you know?”

“That’s cause I would’ve planned it. Like your 30th but better.”

“I woulda liked to have seen that.” Kendall chuckles dryly. A party when he actually had people that cared about him. Someone who loved him.

Nisha blinks back tears of her own. She thought the party was showy and embarrassing but now she gets it. He’s so alone. He’s never been more alone. No one at that party was there for him. To celebrate him. It was all a show. She wants to say something but she hears the sliding door close.

“Ken? Can I talk to you?” Naomi asks, not hiding the edge in her voice.

“Uh, yeah, sure. Just—um, can you wait here?” Kendall asks, lifting his eyebrows. She hasn’t seen that look in a long time. She just nods.

He goes out to the balcony and the door is barely closed before she hears shouting. She isn’t really listening and she can’t really make it out. All she hears is “Present from my fucking kids”. She admits she’s amused at how much of a threat she is. They’re not even married anymore and she really did want him to get the gift.

The door shuts again and Kendall walks over. Naomi is lingering by the door.

“I’ve gotta go.”

‘Yeah?”

“It is late,” Naomi adds.

“Lemme walk you out, okay?” Kendall puts his hand on her shoulder. Naomi sighs audibly.

Nisha just waves and lets Kendall guide her to the hall.

“Get some rest, Ken.” She touches his cheek in spite of herself. He closes his eyes briefly and her heart hurts. “But…”

His eyes widen. He’s hanging on her every word.

“I wanna see you tomorrow. Lunch?” She wants to cry at how his face brightens.

“Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I’d like that.” He looks like he wants to smile but he doesn’t.

“Okay, I’ll text you.” She hugs him. “Happy Birthday, Ken.”

He lets out a shuddery breath. “Thanks, Nish. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nisha steps back and begins to walk off to the elevator but stops to look back at him. All the light is gone in his eyes and his shoulders are slumped. He’s collapsing into himself. She never wanted this.

At lunch, Kendall looks more awake but no less ashen. The circles under his eyes are even more prominent. He barely looks at the menu and just orders a random special. Nisha orders a salad but barely touches it. He leans forward.

“You still worried? About me?”

“Always.”

He squints, suspicious at her sudden affection. She offers up an open palm on the table which he takes.

“Kendall, you’re the father of my children.” She takes a deep breath. “We made those two remarkable kids. I can’t just stop caring about you. It’s not a fucking switch. As much as I want there to be, sometimes.”

Kendall tries to swallow down the lump in his throat but it stays. He blinks back the tears.

“I-I didn’t really have a dad and I don’t want that for Sophie and Iverson. I don’t.” Her voice cracks and her big brown eyes are glistening with tears. She never brings up her father.

“I don’t want that either.” Kendall squeezes her hand.

They just sit there for a moment trying not to cry. They haven’t talked like this in so long it’s hard to remember how. Neither of them is angry or trying to hurt each other. He’s not drunk on a new angle or scheme and she’s not bitter.

“You really think I should take the buyout?”

“Yes, Ken. Get away from him. He’s poison.”

He isn’t surprised when she agrees to let him drop her home. He has the feeling she doesn’t want to leave yet either. What does surprise him is how she holds him in the backseat. Such a familiar thing. She’s done this so many times. She lets go and turns to face him. She clutches his arms and he rests his forehead on hers. They’re breathing heavily.

“Nisha…” He’s breathing her air. She can feel it fan across her face.

“Kendall…” She’s trembling as his hand brushes the hair away from her cheek.

“I—”

“W-We can’t.”

His head dips to her shoulder and he noses the side of her neck. She sighs.

He’s so numb. He can’t feel it like he used to but it’s still there. Trying to break through. Like he’s almost human again. Her thumbs brush his upper arms soothing him. One hand breaks free to rub his back. He just wants her to hold him and never let go. The car comes to a stop and she pulls away.

“I can’t—I’m sorry, Ken. I gotta go.” She bolts out of the car before he can see the tears fall.

Kendall sighs, tipping forward until his face is on the seat.

He doesn’t see her again until she hands off the kids for his mother’s sudden wedding. She had a trip planned to Italy for the summer anyway. She even invited her mother and stepfather since they’ve never been to Italy and have been so supportive during all of this. Since Kendall wouldn’t pass a drug test, they agreed it was best that he have a day with them on his own before she flies in to stay nearby. He didn’t protest. It doesn’t seem to be his thing these days. Even Ryan made a comment about how she should be there for Sophie and Iverson. The kids give her hugs and pile into the SUV to go to the airport.

Kendall gets out of the car and greets her with a newly shaved head. He’s never had a buzzcut before. She doesn’t know what to say. She just points.

“New look.”

“Mmm.”

“Ryan, uh, joining you?”

“No. She’s busy. Naomi?”

“That’s over.”

“I, um, appreciate you not telling the press about me and Ryan. I know Logan would jump all over it.”

“It’s your business.”

“Thank you.”

Kendall simply nods. It’s like a strong gust of wind would blow him away.

“Ken?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you make it harder? The divorce? You could’ve. My lawyers even expected it.”

Kendall shrugs.

“I’ve kept you down long enough. Don’t you think?”

Nisha doesn’t hold back her gasp. She’s never heard him talk like this. It makes her uncomfortable and a little scared.

“See you in a few days.”

“Safe travels.”

Kendall nods and gets into the car. Nisha just watches them leave, stunned.

The kids check in with Nisha regularly while they’re with him. Sophie tells her that they’re allowed at many of the wedding events but he’s not. Nisha’s glad they’re not on FaceTime so she doesn’t see her roll her eyes. Caroline is such a cunt.

“Are you having fun at least?”

“Not really.”

“You guys okay?”

“Yeah. Just bored. Dad’s out in the pool.”

“We miss you.” Iverson’s voice adds.

“You’re gonna see me soon. Nani and Arun are coming too.”

“They are?”

“Yeah, they said they’d take you sightseeing.”

“Cool.”

“It’ll be okay, babies. Just tough it out a little longer, okay?”

“Okay.” Sophie sighs. “Love you.”

“Love you, Mom.” Iverson echoes.

“Love you both.”

What Nisha doesn’t know is that Kendall is drunk in the pool and nearly drowns. Comfrey, of all people, notices, and calls for help. Sophie takes Iverson by the hand and calls her mom immediately in another room. Nisha’s Italian is limited but she’s able to communicate to the doctors that she is his ex-wife. To her surprise, he still has her listed as his emergency contact, so she’s able to find out that he wasn’t unconscious long and it was a scare more than anything. The doctors are concerned about his blood alcohol level and she agrees. She remembers how sad he’s been and wonders if on some level it wasn’t deliberate. Comfrey awkwardly hangs around until Nisha dismisses her. The employee seems glad that someone else is handling it.

To her surprise, Logan offers to watch the kids or at the very least have the kids at his place. She doesn’t really have any options since her parents are flying in tomorrow, so she agrees. She waits in a chair for him to wake up while informing her family about what happened.

Sophie is glad to know he’s okay. Nisha says they will be staying at her place for the rest of the trip and Iverson lights up about that. She hates how clearly the children prefer her over Kendall. She knows he did this to himself but she wishes they didn’t want to see him in only small doses.

Kendall blinks taking in the unfamiliar room. It’s so bright. His eyes land on a familiar face next to his bed.

“Nish?”

“Hey.” She stands up. “You’re in the hospital. You fell off an inflatable?”

“Oh.” Kendall doesn’t really remember that.

“The PR lady noticed and called then Sophie called me.”

“Where are the kids?”

“Not here. But they’re okay.”

“Oh. Good.” He waits a moment. “Who has them if you’re here?”

Nisha takes a deep breath.

“Logan.”

Kendall sits up making one of the machines beep loudly.

“What the fuck? Why?”

It’s been hours and Nisha is exhausted. She just bursts into tears.

“I-I can’t do this all by myself, Ken.” She covers her face with her hands. “I don’t want them with him either but I had no other choice.”

Kendall sucks in a slow breath. He shouldn’t be yelling at her. She didn’t do this. Part of him wishes he hadn’t been saved. It would spare her so much pain. She wipes her eyes and looks at him. She’s clearly been sitting here a long time. Her eyes are tired and her clothes are crumpled.

“I’m still your emergency contact.”

“I know.”

“Really?”

“You’re the only one who gives a shit if something happens to me.”

She proved that with the shooter at ATN. He looks down at his hands. His throat is dry.

“Can I get some—”He points to the water jug. She jumps up and pours some handing him the cup. “Thanks.”

Nisha moves closer to him. He pats the edge of the bed so she sits down.

“Please don’t get mad.” She places her hand on his. “But I have to ask. They said you were really really drunk. Are you okay?”

Kendall doesn’t know what to tell her. That no matter how hard he tries he can never defeat his father. That he’s defective. That he’s a killer that should be rotting in the earth. That if she really knew she would take their kids and never speak to him again.

“No.”

“I’m sorry to say this but you need help, Ken. It’s not good for the kids and it’s not good for you. I don’t know what’s going on but I know this won’t help.” She braces herself for his anger.

Kendall looks at her soft big brown eyes. Why does she still care about him? He’s done everything to drive her away. She’s not even his wife anymore. She doesn’t need him. She’s never needed him. The tears burn in his eyes and slip down his face before he can stop them. She leans over and wraps an arm around him. He pulls her closer and sobs. She’s never been so scared for him.

Because there’s no proof it was an actual suicide attempt, Kendall is released and goes to grab Sophie and Iverson. Nisha talks with Shiv who wants to do an intervention. Nisha knows that isn’t a good idea. They’re the last people who should be leading it and she will have no part it in.

Instead, she takes the kids to a restaurant to try real pizza. Sophie doesn’t like it but Iverson does. They go back to her villa and swim in the pool. When she talks to Sophie about everything, she says she’s okay and can’t wait for her grandparents to come. She really didn’t see much. Nisha decides she’s telling the truth and lets them play. She goes back in the house and sees Kendall at the front door.

“Hi.” She ushers him inside.

‘Hi. This okay?” Kendall asks.

“Yeah. They’re swimming.” She nods to their general direction.

“Oh. Cool. Good. They’re okay?”

“They didn’t see anything.”

“Uh-huh. Did, uh, Shiv tell you about the intervention?”

“She mentioned it. C’mon, let’s sit.”

Kendall follows her to the kitchen and she gives him a glass of water before pouring one for herself. Her villa is nicer than his. It’s full of light and fresh flowers. He’s not surprised. Her very presence dazzles every room she’s in. She’s always known how to make things better.

“You didn’t wanna come?”

“No. Sounded…ill-advised.”

“That’s a word for it.” Kendall chuckles, dryly.

“Didn’t go well?”

“My siblings aren’t exactly Oprah.”

“Not exactly.”

Kendall looks her over. She has on a yellow sundress and no makeup but she looks gorgeous. She looks a lot more well-rested than yesterday.

“Remember when Sophie was born?” He asks softly.

“First time I pushed out a human, yep. I remember it.” She nods.

“I was so scared on the ride to the hospital. Remember? I was shaking. And you had to comfort me.” Kendall shakes his head.

“I remember. It was pretty distracting.” She almost laughs.

“Then it was over. Not even an hour and she was here.” He just stares at the island counter.

“She was ready.” Nisha tilts her head thoughtfully.

“But then with Iverson. You’d think I would’ve gotten used to it. But I was terrified and that time you couldn’t help me.” His brow furrows.

“I was a little busy with the 48 hours of labor.” Nisha sighs. It was night and day compared to Sophie. Even though she wasn’t even thirty, it was like nothing worked. She just waited and waited in pain. He didn’t want to come out.

“I remember talking to doctors about a C-section and they gave me the warnings and I thought what if I lose them both? And then Sophie ran over to me. She saw I was upset and she hugged my leg and said ‘Don’t be sad, Daddy. Mommy’s giving me a baby brother.’ I told her I was scared and she said ‘Mommy’s a tiger.’” Kendall blinks back the tears in his eyes.

“Yeah, she was really into the tiger story then,” Nisha remembers telling it three times in a row at bedtime.

“You tell it to them when they’re scared.” Kendall looks up at her and grabs her hand. His thumb runs along the back of it. “You’re an amazing mom, Nisha. I’ve never doubted that for a second. You’ve never failed them. I just I know I’ve always known—you’re all they need.”

His words send an icy chill down her spine but before she can ask, he gives her a brief hug and then tells her he’s gonna say hi to them. She watches him walk outside. Her phone lights up on the island. It’s Ramesh.

“Hey. Ready to see Mom?”

“Yeah. It should be fun.”

“So, what’s up?” He must have an agenda.

“Uh, Ken is here. He’s outside with the kids.” She braces herself.

“Great.”

“C’mon, it’s been a bit of a rough go.” She winces.

“Just don’t relapse.”

“He’s not heroin, Jesus.”

“He kinda is—to you.”

“Something is really going on, Ram. It’s bad.” She knows he hasn’t actually seen Kendall. Maybe then he’d know.

“It’s always bad. You need sole custody before it gets worse. He clearly doesn’t want to be a dad. So just let him fuck off. None of you need him. If he pulls the money, we have enough.” Here’s the agenda.

“Ram, that’s unfair. The kids need their dad.” She frowns. She couldn’t do that. Then he’d really end up dead.

“No, they don’t. Not this one. Besides, I love them like they’re my own and I don’t forget they exist.” He huffs.

“Okay, point made.” She sighs.

“I don’t mean to lecture you. It’s just this whole pool thing just shows me how much you don’t need him.”

“I see.”

“Nish, I just want the best for you and your kids. You got a good girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Right. I’m just saying you have options now. Take them.”

“Okay. I hear you.”

“Thanks. I don’t—I love you, Nish.”

“I know. I love you too. I’ll have Mom call you when she’s here.”

Nisha knows her brother just wants to protect her but cutting Kendall off isn’t the answer. If he goes to rehab, maybe then he can turn it around. He’s done it before. She wants to give him another chance with his children. They’re over. She knows that. But he can still try for them. She’s not going to kick him while he’s down. She refuses.

Kendall takes the kids to the wedding but Sophie calls her during the reception. She can’t find him or Shiv or Roman. Nisha gets her driver and picks them up.

On the ride back to her villa, she calls Kendall. He answers and he sounds…excited. He says something is happening and he’s sorry about the kids but it’s serious shit. He promises he’ll tell her everything when it’s done but to trust him. They’re gonna overthrow Logan. Of course, those four words make absolutely no sense but they’re all she has to go on.

Her parents have a nice late dinner with her. She’s always liked her stepdad. He really takes care of her mom. She deserves that, especially after everything. Kendall calls a few hours later and sounds…numb. He asks her to come to his villa. Her mom is understanding and watches the children, so she can go.

Nisha picks at her nails the whole ride over. Kendall is smoking outside when she arrives, so she walks up to him. She waves and he nods.

“Hey, so what’s—”

“Not here.” He stubs out his cigarette.

She feels like a live wire. All exposed and full of electricity. She doesn’t know what’s going on. She just follows him inside to the bedroom he’s been sleeping in where he shuts the door. It feels ominous. He sits with her on the chaise lounge.

Then he tells her. He tells her everything. About GoJo. The attempted coup. How Caroline betrayed them for an apartment for her new husband. Nisha doesn’t know how that’s legal. They’re adults now. The holding company would have paperwork with their adult signatures and neither parent could touch that. But Kendall doesn’t need her lawyering right now.

“Logan really fucked you.” She’s stunned. “All of you.”

“You…you knew and I never listened.” Kendall sighs, skimming his hand over his shaved head. “Should’ve fucked him with the takeover three years ago.”

Nisha doesn’t know how to respond. She shifts in her seat. He’s ready to tell her. He told his siblings. Even if it changes how she sees him, he should tell her. He knows the world isn’t going to end. Or at least he hopes it doesn’t. He doesn’t want to look at her though. He looks at his hands instead. They’re shaking.

“Shiv’s wedding. I wanted to get high and Stewy wouldn’t give me any. I hitched a ride with a waiter who said he knew someone. I was driving and you know I don’t drive especially not manual. And I was drunk and high. Something happened. An animal or something. He grabbed the wheel and we…” Kendall takes a deep breath. “…went into the water. I got out. It sank and I couldn’t get him. I tried. I lost my keycard. My dad’s people found it. He said he’d take care of it if I left the buyout.” He psychs himself up and looks at her. She just looks shocked. She can’t believe it.

“I hate myself for it. Every day. And I understand if you hate me too. I don’t deserve you or our kids. It—I can’t escape it. No matter what I do. It’s why I ruin everything. I’m…rotten. I couldn’t even do a takeover when I had Shiv and Rome.”

Nisha inhales sharply as she takes in her ex-husband. That’s why he pushed her away. The answer she’s wanted for so long. Selling the apartment. The women. The drugs. The distance. Why he destroyed their marriage.

“Nisha?” His voice cracks. “Do—what do you think?”

Logan carried it over his head. Used it. Tried to get him to take the fall for Waystar. Thinking he was broken enough to give in. Nisha runs her finger over her lower lip in thought. She could’ve handled this for him. In a way that didn’t exploit him. That got him help. She should’ve known it all went back to Logan. She can’t even cry. She’s too angry.

“You know how I never talk about my father?”

Kendall just nods. She wrings her hands together. No one knows this. Not anyone who wasn’t there.

“He beat us. Ram and I used to try to shield my mother but he’d toss us like rag dolls. The police didn’t do anything. Brown immigrant family. They didn’t care. My mom came home late from her night classes. He accused her of cheating. She ran up the stairs. He went after her and I grabbed his leg. I was six or seven. He kicked me and kicked me and kicked me. Ramesh came running just screaming. He shoved my dad and he hit every stair on the way down. When he landed, he wasn’t moving. He must’ve broken his neck. Ramesh said he slipped. The evidence said that he fell. Once they saw my ribs, they figured he lost his footing trying to kick me and went back. What was one dead immigrant? Nothing.” She doesn’t wipe away her tears. She just lets them fall.

Kendall doesn’t know what to say. It explains why her family is so close. Why Ramesh is so protective. He places his hand on hers.

“You were kids. He was trying to help you. You didn’t mean to. You were just trying to survive.”

“I know you. You didn’t mean for that waiter to die.” She squeezes his shoulder with her other hand. “Sometimes fucked up shit happens. Doesn’t mean you deserve to die too.”

Kendall breaks down, falling forward into her chest. Nisha puts her arms around him, wrapping him up. He cries so hard he can’t breathe.

“Breathe, Kendall. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. With me. Like me.” She inhales and exhales slowly. She feels his chest expand as he tries to imitate her. They stay like that for a long time. He has bouts of tears and she calms him back down. Neither wanting to let go. He finally pulls back and she nudges him down until his head is in her lap. Her nails move through his closely cropped hair and he closes his eyes. Her touch has always felt comforting. He’s missed it.

“It’s never been this short.” She comments.

“Had my own Mandan ceremony.”

“Mundun.”

“What?”

“Mundun.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

Her fingers run down the nape of his neck to his shoulder and back up. It makes him sigh.

“You’ve shed your past life.”

“We both have.” He opens his eyes and looks up at her.

She laughs, shaking her head. A real laugh.

“What?” He wants to smile at the sound.

“We’re finally talking and we’re divorced.”

“Maybe cause we don’t have anything to lose.”

“Maybe…”

He’s silent again while she runs her hand down his back. It’s been such an emotional day. So awful. But this feels so nice.

“If it’s really over…with my dad…then I wanna get clean.”

“Okay.”

“Going into it clear-headed.” He pauses and looks up at her. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” She raises her eyebrows and stills her hand.

“You loved me with no bullshit. You were loyal. And I took advantage of that. Of you.”

She chews her lower lip and nods. Her throat feels thick with emotion.

“But you’re the only person…” Kendall sits up and she watches him. He takes her hand and holds it to his chest. “I’ve ever really loved.”

Nisha leans forward and rests her head against his. Kendall sucks in a shaky breath at her proximity. It doesn’t feel like it did in the car last week. He doesn’t feel numb anymore. He can see in full, vivid technicolor for the first time in three years. All because of her. She lets go of his hand breathing heavily. His thumb brushes the apple of her cheek. He’s being so present and so sweet. He feels like Kendall for the first time in a long time. Her Kendall.

Their lips ghost over one another’s. It’s barely a kiss. So much trepidation and uncertainty. They’ve both been through so much either from each other’s hands or others. Kendall waits. He doesn’t know what she wants and he can’t push it. So he waits. Nisha surges forward and takes his face in her hands kissing him full on the mouth. Their hands intertwine when she deepens the kiss and he doesn’t let go.

Their eyes stay locked as they rock back and forth in his bed. Slow. Deliberate. Intimate. He’s breathing with her and their foreheads touch. Sweat glistens across their bodies in sheets. She gasps feeling the way his body naturally rubs her bundle of nerves over and over with each motion. She whines and he nods—he can feel it too. He clutches her back. They’re so close and he wants more. He wants every part of her. And she gives it to him. They shudder together finally reaching a shared peak but even when it’s over, they don’t separate. Kendall falls asleep first curled up against her chest. They fall asleep holding hands.

The sun is barely up when Nisha wakes up. Their hands broke apart but he’s still reaching towards her. She got sucked in. Ramesh was right. He’s her weakness. He’s always been. She kisses the back of Kendall’s hand. She still loves him. She wonders if she ever really stopped deep down. He bared his soul to her and she to him. But this…what did this mean? Logan’s destroying Waystar and Kendall desperately needs rehab. Did she make a mistake? She sighs and shuts her eyes. What is she going to do?

#succession #kendall roy #kendall roy x oc #kendall roy x ofc #oc: nisha asuri roy #happier now #fan fic

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