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burnedwriter · 1 year

Text

"Moonlight shower"

Warnings:collegues to lovers,mention of argument,afab!reader but no specific pronounce,teasing,kissing,riding,eating out

A/n:18 and under do not interact,im not responsible for what people read

A/n:im finally back from writing hiatus,so expect many more things to come😏

‘‘Al haitham we keep getting the same informations!’‘you said tired of searching and reading books nonstop,only to come back full circle.

‘‘i think we should look at it again from a different approach,there has to be something we are missing’‘al haitham commanded,trying to find a rational solution to this problem as he always does,but this time there was no different approach,the reasearch failed and both of you wasted your time.

with a sign you closed the book that you were reading,getting up from your chair,you started marching away from the desk,capturing al haitham’s attention with your actions.

‘‘where are you going ?we still have have a lot of things to do’‘he said now midly frustrated,that you gave up.

‘‘i’m tired Al haitham,we have been in the desert for archons know how long and we still havent found anything new,im going home’‘anger started to take over your body with his response,you havent slept for day to the point were you started falling asleep on your desk and other random places.only to be found by al haitham and be brought back to safety.

The tension rise between the two of you,you have told him many times that this research was going nowhere,though he was rational,he was also hardheaded and didnt want to admit it and now that it was over,both of you had to go home.

‘‘you can go if you dont want to be here,just dont ask to be created if it turns out to be successfull’‘coming closer to you,as he towered over you with his arms crossed

Looking up at him,even angrier that before,the distance between the two of you was gone,your relationship has grown these couple of months you spend in the desert and it was then that al haitham realized that he could count on you to help him but now you were leaving him.

‘‘dont leave’‘ his voice changed,desperate unlike his usual confident tone,realizing his mistake as he saw you starting trotting away from your small camp,holding into your wrist tightly,your hand now was touching his chest.you must admit at this moment you werent collegues anymore and it showed,the fire in his eyes started to grow looking down at you.catching you off guard he leaned down, his lips connected with yours into a passionate kiss.biting your buttom lip asking you if he can enter your mouth.Wrapping your arms around his neck while his hands were wrapped around your waist making the kiss all too intimate.

Pulling away for air a trail of saliva connected your tongues,al haitham quickly laid you on one of the makeshift beds that you two made so you wouldnt lay on the sand that was stationed nearby,as he got down on your level,while taking off your undergarment,his face inches away from your cunt,feeling his breath teasing you a bit,feeling eager for what is yet to come.

‘‘i want to hear you say it’‘he commanded you seeing how desperate you were,trembling with the littles touch he gave you.

‘‘please....al haitham...’‘you said,whining for contact other than his breathing but too shy to say what you really wanted

‘‘please what?,i want to hear you say it before i continue sweetheart’‘

‘‘fine~i want you to eat me out....stop teasing me already!’‘you whimpered earning a breathy laugh from al haitham seeing you being a mess for him without even touching you.He really wandered did you dreamed of planning to do this,was that the reason why he caught you so many times staring at him as pretended to read your book.

Giving you a long lick from your entrance to your clit,upon seeing you squirm from his actions,al haitham wrapped his strong arms around your thights keeping them open so you dont squeez his head.he started drawing circles on your clit making you moan softly before starting to suck on it while looking up at you his eyes filled with lust just lke yours,he started going up and down your slit again coating his tongue with your juices,tasting you,your taste was intoxicating.Pushing his tongue enter you ,making you arch your back as you felt the hot muscle inside you,twisting and twirling making your back arch at the new feeling.Al haitham started going in and out of you slowly before gradualy picking up his speed,as he fucked you with his tongue.One of his hands snaked on your neglected clit and with his thumb started rubbing circles,making the pleasurable feeling more accelerating.

‘‘ngh~fuck,im so close’‘feeling the knot in your lower abdomen started to grow stronger,as you came closer to finishing

placing your hand through his hair,grabbing into it pushing him closer to your cunt as you came all over his tongue.

‘‘you taste so sweet,you know that’‘al haitham said,his voice low and raspy,wiping your juices off of his chin,he pulled you closer to him,connecting his lips with yours,making you taste yourself as he helped you get up from where you were laying,changing your positions.Now Al haitham layed naked on the rag as you were on top of him,even though you were on top,it was obvious who was in charge,he placed his hands on your hips holding them softly.

‘‘if you want to stop tap on my chest ok’‘he reassured you making sure you were ok before you continued

‘‘ok’‘you nodded in agreement.

‘’ah~fuck~’’placing your hands on his chest to balance yourself while you lowered yourself on his cock slowly,struggling to take up all his size as you felt your wall being parted unlike before.Coming down fully filling you up,the tip of his cock touching your cervix,made you jolt forward at the sensation,you waited for a bit to adjust to his size before you started to bounce up and down his cock at a lazy pace.

al haitham’s eyes locked with yours taking in your features as his gaze started to wander over your body,the night sky illuminating on your skin,he was mesmerized by this beautiful scene,he felt like you casted a spell on him since the two of you decided to work together on this research.he is grateful he didnt choose anyone else.

Getting impatient by your lazy pace,al haitham guided your pace into a brutal one as you bounced up and down his cock hitting your sweetspot over and over again.The sound of skin starting to eco combine with your moans filled the surrounding area.

‘‘moan all you want,i want to hear your voice we are alone in the desert afterall’‘he groaned,his breathing becoming heavier and more cut out as you bounced up and down his cock.his words pushing you closer to your orgasm.

‘‘im cumming~’‘you moan loudly throwing your head back,as your mind felt hazy from the pleasure,you could feel al haitham that he was close,his hard cock pulsing inside you and with one last bounce,both of you came undone,feeling you up with his cum before getting up slipping out of you.The both of you trying to catch your breaths,alhaitham pulled you off of him and held you close to him,lying your head on his mascular chest as you came down from your high,looking up at the night sky as deep slamber took over you,in eachothers arms

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin smut #genshin impact x you #al haitam x reader #alhaitham smut #alhaitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #genshin fanfic

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juyeoniemyhoney · 1 year

Text

edge of desire

Perhaps it is time to tell your best friend that you're in love with him. It might not go well, but there is an edge to desire, and you might just be standing right in front of it.

pairing: jeon wonwoo x reader

genre: ANGST, maybe fluff?, pining, silly little thing i wrote because music gets me in my feels

warnings: none

word count: 2239 words

honey's notes: I write too much Wonwoo fluff...... it's time for pain!!!!!!!!! also i havent written anything that i've liked this much in a while... finally feeling talented again hehe

“Who was your first love?”

You suck in a sharp breath through your teeth, not completely expecting Wonwoo to spring such a loaded question on you.

You contemplate for a while, really dig deep to answer his question as best as you can, but it all is for naught as you decide to lie instead.

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone before, Wonwoo,” you finally say after a long pause. With his head heavy against your lap, Wonwoo seems displeased with your answer. You quickly try to appease him with more explanation.

“I think I’ve liked many people before—,” you pause, gulp down the words that attempt to crawl its way out of your throat, light on its paws like a leopard ready to pounce. “—but to me, love is more of a choice than something that just happens, you know?”

Wonwoo remains silent, his lack of words so telling of his desire for you to continue speaking. A breeze sweeps past the two of you and you feel the metal park bench sear your skin as the setting sun beats against your back. The warm breeze tousles Wonwoo’s hair, wisps of black falling over his closed eyes and ghosting his long eyelashes. You almost burrow your fingers deep into the soft strands, the sight of it too enticing for you to resist but somehow, you manage to pull yourself from your daze and clench your fist around your shirt instead.

Perhaps if you weren’t lying to him you would feel more comfortable to run your fingers through his hair like you usually do.

“Okay," he says pointedly, though you know he doesn't mean to be sharp. "Then have you chosen to love anyone before?” Wonwoo corrects himself and presses as gently as he can. Suspicions rise within you as to why he is suddenly so curious about who you have loved before. You almost allow your poor heart to hope again, to believe that maybe this curiosity stems from love itself, a love that Wonwoo holds for you.

“You. I will always choose to love you,” is what you burn to say. The words scratch at your throat, nails digging into flesh and drawing blood in its attempt to escape from the tip of your tongue. Your lips, however, are relentless and stubborn.

“I’ve never really thought about it, Wonwoo,” is the lame answer you decide on. Eyes dropping from the sky to his closed eyelids. In your fragmented mind, you imagine Wonwoo’s eyes, all the colours coming together slowly and easily as you paint them in your head, almost lifting your hands to follow the brush strokes against a canvas that you have perfected again and again when Wonwoo’s eyes plagued your mind in the middle of the night and all you could do was paint them over and over and over again.

“Think about it now,” Wonwoo supplies, opening his eyes to look straight into yours. He springs up from your lap, eager and curious in the way he always is around you and you swear, you almost let the words slip past the cage of your mouth.

The thing about Wonwoo and you is that if you were to ever tell him that you’ve been in love with him since forever, he wouldn’t take it well. The two of you have grown up together after all and the man has established what he likes in a partner over and over again (which, you regret to admit, is the complete opposite of you).

The other thing is that Wonwoo knows everyone who has come and gone from your life. He knows your every feeling, sometimes even before you know you’re feeling that way. So, lying really is out of the options. Not that you had options to begin with.

“Why don’t you tell me about your first love first, Wonwoo? Maybe then, I’ll be more encouraged.”

Wonwoo sends you a lame look, eyes narrowed in a faux glare for turning his question on him. You laugh and reach to ruffle his hair but catch yourself halfway and settle on patting his shoulder instead.

“Okay, fine.” He sits up and faces the lake before you, shoulder brushing up against yours as he leans back against the bench. If you tilt your head a little bit to the right, your head will be on his shoulder and you curse him for sitting so close to you when there is still so much space on the bench. You keep your eyes on the glittering lake and try to ignore the way his arm feels pressed up against your own.

“I know this is crazy to say but I think my first love was Jieun,” Wonwoo answers with a sheepish smile, eyes dropping from the lake to his twiddling fingers, then back up to look at you when you don’t say anything.

You meet his eyes and feel yourself break a little inside when the setting sun meets his irises and sets them ablaze, the usual dark brown lighting up to a mesmerising shade of amber that you memorise and pray you remember to paint later.

“Why do you say so, Woo?” you ask despite yourself. You cringe at your use of his nickname, something you had decided to haphazardly add in an attempt to seem unfazed by his confession. You wish it had been you. You always wish it was you.

“I don’t know,” he deflects. But he does know and it is so evident in the eager way he parts his lips to speak about her, in the way he readjusts himself in his seat, a habit of his you have ingrained in your brain along with everything else that has to do with him.

“I mean— she was my first girlfriend. So, I guess she was the first person I chose to love,” he continues. “I chose to put myself out there, despite the fact that I had, like a hundred percent chance of being rejected. But I think choosing to bare your soul to that person is the first step in loving, if that even makes sense.”

Wonwoo’s words silence you. You contemplate all of the times you had worked up the courage to tell him, only to chicken out and keep your feelings to yourself. You were always so afraid of losing him you guess you didn’t realise you were invalidating your love for him, and in turn, his love for you.

Because Wonwoo would understand, he of all people wouldn’t shut you out and shun you away just because he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. In fact, Wonwoo would feel bad for not feeling the same way as you. Because he’s Wonwoo, so fiercely kind and compassionate, so understanding and warm and loving, the one and only person who was able to shake up your rock-hard heart and melt it down into easy and pliable, the one person who was able to make you fall in love.

“Okay, now it’s your turn—“

“You,” you say without hesitation, fuelled by his words and your realisation. Wonwoo turns to you in confusion first before he finally gets it, mouth previously ajar to express his confusion zipping shut as soon as he realises.

You don’t look at him, eyes trained on the lake and the small ripples in water the fish make when their little fins break the surface tension. But you feel his eyes bore into you, gaze soft and already apologetic and you exhale harshly at the thought of Wonwoo feeling sorry for not realising how you’ve been feeling for the past six years.

“But I don’t think you’re my first love. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve loved anyone other than you, Wonwoo," you say, baring your heart and soul to the one man you have ever loved, to the one man you will continue to love forever.

"I don't even know when it started," you continue when Wonwoo remains unnervingly silent. "Maybe it was when we ran in the rain hand in hand when we were twelve. Or maybe, it was when you started dating Jieun and I cried for two weeks. All I know is, one way or another, I began choosing you over everything."

The words leave your lips like a bird that has been caged for aeons. And perhaps, it is a horrible thing; to be left empty and to never be filled again, the cage door broken by the tenacity of the bird, by its thirst for freedom and its razor sharp claws. But at the same time, isn't it such a good thing? To not have to clench your teeth so tightly anymore, to be able to walk around without the substantial weight of your feelings weighing you down like a thousand kilograms against your chest.

"And I know I'm totally not your type. Believe me, I'm well-versed in exactly what you look for in a partner. I've spent hours, years, forever, trying to be exactly what you want, trying to be someone I'm not. And I know you're going to reject me and our friendship isn't ever going to be the same ever again and it'll be so weird now. But I just—"

You catch yourself midsentence, not quite sure what to say as every single feeling you've ever felt bubbles up inside your stomach and fills your lung cavity, the feelings so suffocating, you almost think that if you dived into that lake you might be able to breathe better than you are breathing right now.

"Just?" Wonwoo prompts quietly, the first thing he's said since you started pouring your heart out to him. His voice is meek, almost afraid that anything he says will set you off, his eyes wide in observation, gaze guarded, expression like nothing you have seen on Wonwoo before.

"I just thought I owed you this much, that I'd explode if I didn't tell you," you finally manage to get out, though your voice gets caught in your throat in a way that has you running laps in your head, that has your palms sweating and your eyes watering.

You quickly blink away your tears and look up to anticipate Wonwoo's answer. You aren't surprised to find that he's already looking at you and for the first time in forever, you can't tell what Wonwoo is thinking or feeling.

Wonwoo doesn't really say anything, not verbally at least. But he continues to look at you, eyes studying you so intently you feel your neck warm and your cheeks burn. His silence unnerves you. Wonwoo has always been a man of few words so you have gotten used to his silences, but that was when you were well-versed in reading him, when you knew what every small quirk of his brow meant, what he was feeling with every lilt of the corner of his lips.

Perhaps that is why you are caught off guard when he finally speaks, jumping so far out of your skin it makes Wonwoo jump too.

"I love you, Y/N," is how Wonwoo begins his sentence. And you'd never thought you'd hear those two words in the same sentence come from his mouth; your name and love uttered so vulnerably your pulse stutters.

"But just," he pauses, the calm before the storm, the screaming in your head is so loud, it deafens. "not in that way, you know? I'm sorry."

Your heart breaks all over again at his apology. You stand up to leave, the hand that finds your wrist begs you to stay. You don't want him to see you like this. But you don't have anyone else to go to. The person you find the most comfort in is breaking your heart because you let him.

Wonwoo tugs on your arm and you comply silently, feeling a lump as big as your heart form in your throat. You force your tears down, force the tsunami of feelings down, down, down so deep inside you, you pray you forget about it and it disappears forever.

Wonwoo tugs your arm one more time, and you, so overwhelmed with your feelings as always, allow him to tuck your head under his chin, allow him to guide your arms around his waist, allow him to engulf you in his arms, allow him to comfort you just one more time before you lose the one relationship you cherished.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he whispers against the crown of your head, his own voice breaking. He doesn't want to hurt you. He wishes he could say yes, wishes he could overwhelm you with joy by just saying those three words and meaning it in exactly the way you want. Maybe he can. Wonwoo doesn't know. He just knows he never ever wants to be the cause of your tears again.

Wonwoo's endless apologies push you off the edge of desire and when he envelopes you in his arms, it feels like you are thrown into the ocean, your back breaking the surface tension of the water. A thousand things flood your mind, your insecurities like a tsunami against your chest, the thoughts so suffocating you almost think your lungs are filling with water. His warm skin meets your own like the rolling waves, his breath against your neck, a hot breeze. Like this, you finally know what it means to love the sea as a drowned person.

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helluvabun · 24 days

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A thought on Zestial and Vox's colors

not proofread and probably full of flaws

364 words main menu

so theres 2 sinners in this stupid show that arent red/pink/orange

they both have red but theyre not... built into the scenery like everyone else is (and i hear you Carmilla also isnt red/pink/orange but shes an exorcist so shh) also that dinosuar Zeezi but I think hers is more pure aesthetic than anything (scene queen)

My thoughts on Vox's is that he wants to stand out like he is, in his own right, a trendsetter. Velvette is the trendsetter but she's more built to preform for the masses. Meaning she wears reds and pinks. Vox is meant to draw your eye. Look at me he screams with every movement; and what better way to silently do that then wear the contrasting color to literally everybody else.

^proof^

Zestial is more complicated. Yellow. complimentary but still different. Theres two trains of thought and I lean more towards the second but the first is still fun lol

First, Hazbin takes place in the pride ring, which is why everything is red. Helluva boss shows us the greed ring, which is green and yellow, and the gluttony ring, which is yellow and teal. So there's something there for a theory that perhaps he comes from a different ring, since we havent seen hell born from like all the rings I dont think? but we havent seen a hellborn that looks anything like him so unless its like a buhbuhbuh and he's like Satan (who we dont have a cannon design for yet) I don't think he's hellborn

The more likely theory I like, He died before Lucifer was sure on the plan for Hell. He might've fit the plan at the time before it became so red. And then it became red and he was still fine red and yellow goes well together but then it starts going the other way reds and magenta and pink. But what's the point in changing? He's been dead for so long after all, and being so recognizable causes people to get scared faster so win/win for him really. Why get with the times when time is always changing.

Anyway yeah. those were my thoughts :)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fandom #hazbin theory #hazbin vox #hazbin #hazbin hotel vox #vox hazbin #vox hazbin hotel #voxposting #zestial #zestial morde #zestial hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel zestial

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v-anrouge · 1 month

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Answer some or all, I want to know more about you 👀 that wasn’t the right emoji but oh well I’m using voice to text

Do you have freckles?

Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?

What was the last song you listened to?

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Do you prefer drawing or writing?

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?

What’s your favorite band/artist?

When is your birthday?

How tall are you?

What color are your eyes?

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

Fears?

What’s your favorite color?

What’s your favorite season?

Want any tattoos? What of?

Want any piercings? Where?

Who is the last person you texted?

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?

What/who do you miss?

How was your day today?

How much sleep did you get last night?

Do you believe in aliens?

When was the last time you cried? Why?

What’s your favorite decade?

What are some seemingly childish things you like?

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?

How are you, really?

Does it take you a long time to make decisions?

What are you looking forward to in the near future?

What are you looking forward to in the distant future?

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

What’s your favorite flower?

Do you currently have a squish?

Do you like your middle name?

Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Do you have any phobias?

Do you stay up late?

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?

What’s your favorite cartoon?

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

Do you have siblings? How many?

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?

Is there anyone you would die for?

What do you need when you’re sad?

Have you memorized your phone number?

Who’s someone you can trust with your life?

What does your last text say?

Wild Card. Any question, ask away.

1- actually yeah but theyre super super super light so u can barely see them

2- coffee, i hate tea. i drink it with milk and sugar

3- more KDA

4- side, shrimping

5- yes:3 rook vil and my childhood plush

6- drawing

7- one, and it has to be thin

8- DONT DO THID TO ME I CANT DECIDE

9- june 19

10- 5'3 💀

11- very dark brown

12- all my mooties

13- abandonment, forests, insects, worm like things, heaven, dogs

14- blue and purple

15- winter 100%

16- yes! maybe of a deer, not realistic tho

17- i want all my piercings back my mom made me take them off so now im only left w my bites and the cheek ones😔

18- my mother

19- my lesbian irl :3 like two years?

20- peace

21- okay-ish

22- like 4 or 5?

23- i don't care for them

24- like 1 hour ago, obey me 💀

25- i don't think there are decades to be celebrated humans are evil in all of them

26- cute things, children movies and cartoons, they make me happy

27- i haven't read in LONG because books in brazil are way more expensive than i can afford

28- okay i think

29- yes😭

30- getting a job that i actually like

31- moving with my irl

32- to my irl's house :3

33- locked shut

34- oleanders!

35- nope

36- HATE IT

37- CATSSS

38- insects, worm like things..i think that's it?

39- yeah💀

40- no, but also yes, i dislike beaches because in there's always those fucking sand dollars , i prefer it sunny because the water is cold

41- GUMBALL!!!

42- I CANT I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANYONE SAD FOR NOT BEING HERE

43- two older brothers

44- my irl

45- my irl...

46- distract myself and talk to people i like (usually my irl)

47- no i havent 😭

48- my irl <3

49- it's a fight between me and my mom id rather not, sorry

50- I have absolutely no idea what to ask tbh😭 uhmm i guess id like to ask why so many ppl like me

#✎ ⇣‧₊˚ 【asks #ৎ୭ ⇣‧₊˚ 【stinks #♡ᭂ ⇣‧₊˚ 【 caspian

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adanaac · 10 months

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Could I ask about your OC's? Specifically Ophicucus and Tsuru, I love how majestic Ophi is drawn and Tsuru fascinates me both with the concept and also how lovely you have illustrated him.

I hope you are well, and thank you again for helping me with my questions o7.

Sincerely HMAD.

oh good i get to talk about my son!!

my blorbo my beloved my babygirl he means everything to me

i made him in 2017 so hes sort of grown up with me (or i've grown up and realised things about him that i couldn't have when i was younger. i have so many complicated feelings abt this that i made a short comic about it last year)

to preface this im not a great writer dont expect good writing from me lol all i have is my personal experience and stealing tropes from stories i like

(got a lot to say so its all going under the cut. also a lot of death mention)

So. who is this dude

Tsuru (not his real name in-story, i havent come up with one im happy with), 18 years old, a ghost

he has a little sister, Ori, 15, who was meant to be my sona but then i just drew him more and like drawing him more anyway

first 2 drawings i ever did of him. he was based off natori natsume yuujinchou at this point, i dont remember why or if i even liked natori that much, but i remember distinctly hes based off him

u may have noticed he sort of looks older in my older art. this is because first of all art style drift lol but also as ive gotten older ive figured out that 18 isnt actually that old.

theres also a black haired version of him (two actually) its basically something like this ⬇️

important to know that everything about this dude is a convoluted metaphor

i lovingly summarize white tsuru as "people pleaser" and black tsuru as "nihilist prick" in my head and those are the things consistent throughout all the AU versions of him

(important differences only to me) alive tsuru doesnt act like black tsuru at all thats just his warped self perception (he also doesnt act exactly like white tsuru either)

also alive tsuru has black eyes and the shortest hair, black tsuru has blue eyes and slightly longer hair (also white tsuru is slightly taller than both of them)

if they all existed at the same time they would hate each other on sight but fortunately (unfortunately?) he is just 1 dude with issues

the general vibe is white tsuru is the "yippee floaty trickster" brand of ghost and black tsuru is the sort of ghost in horror media that stands just outside your field of view in the darkness dripping with blood

for the longest time only white haired tsuru was a "character", "black haired tsuru" existed just as his corpse at most, a footnote

but over the past 2 years ive figured that hes actually really fun to draw and play with, and in a different way than white tsuru

(wait fuck isnt this just abe trio. i do always almost accidentally draw tsuru when im trying to draw haruaki.... fuck.....)

(ive had tsuru for long enough that i just keep tacking details from my fav characters onto him.....)

halls smp

so ive been on this minecraft roleplay server called halls smp with other artists for the past 2 years, theres a new season of it every few months with a different theme each time to keep things fresh and ive just been making AU versions of tsuru for it so ive had a lot of opportunity to think about him

season 1 - halloween - jiangshi tsuru

this one is almost entirely unchanged from his base characterization because i didnt want to rp too much and also didnt know there would be future seasons at this point (also basically after the first day i gave up on being called "tsuru" bc its too hard to pronounce and everyone called me canada anyway)

same basic story, guy dies and theres now a white haired version of him (actually this is the same for all the AUs). in fact im pretty sure the black haired version of this one is exactly base alivetsuru. basically what ive been interested in exploring is different kinds of death, the events leading up to it, and what kind of person he becomes afterwards (but also in equal amounts im interested in making fun designs and playing minecraft and fucking around)

(this feels like the start of the beginners guide...)

i associate him with doves and at the time, tarot card 18: the moon, but in retrospect i now think he's card 0: the fool.

season 2 - winter - ishmael

guy who died at sea and eaten by a interdimensional whale and got isekaied. loosely conceptually based off moby dick, although i havent actually read it LOL but i did spend a week reading up on drowning and hypothermia

strangely, his death didnt create a white haired version of him, perhaps because he didnt have anything in life to give up his identity and replace it with. (and also remember the hair color doesnt actually mean dead/alive)

im only calling him ishmael now in retrospect, at the time he was just tsuru/canada

while designing him i had the biggest crisis bc i didnt want him to look to much like this old old oc i had (pic 1) but then i sucked it up and went with it anyway

i never got around to drawing it but his fingers are black from frostbite thats why he wears gloves all the time.

hes one of my favorite iterations of tsuru he looks so mad or upset all the time it makes me want to tease him, and also i think the grey skin and eyebags are very cute

i associate him with whales and tarot card 18: the moon

season 3 - golden grove - fox tsuru

honestly i think this is my favorite design of him i kinda popped off. i think im just a lot more comfortable working with warm colors. and also i associate white tsuru with foxes anyway (black tsuru is totally a catboy btw) (why is he not associated with cranes if his name is tsuru you ask?? bc cranes are hard to draw next question. he did start out based off cranes tbf, thats where the white hair and the tallness comes from)

dead fox possessing his dead human friend's body (although thats only the most literal interpretation of events; in all these iterations there's only ever been 1 person) the white tsurus are mostly interested in "moving on", whatever that means to each of them

btw my banner on this blog is him

hes sort of a set with s2 tsuru to me, mostly bc theyre the ideals that "white tsuru" and "black tsuru" hold taken to the extremes, and also theyre on opposite ends of the "hates people hates talking" and "loves to talk and mess with people" scale

anyway. hes tarot card 10: wheel of fortune to me

season 4 - wild west - mirage

the desert dragon, mirage. this is the season i started giving them actual names that arent "tsuru" and putting actual thought into the story lol previously it was just vibes-based character design. i have a short thing written about him thats meant to be the script for a comic, but i never got around to drawing it.

a sandworm-esque dragon that got tired of being a dragon and took up a passing witch's offer to give him a human form. this is all a metaphor i think. he has longer hair bc i wanted to spice things up a little

(also i consider this a form of death bc he left behind a giant sandworm/dragon skeleton somewhere in the desert)

the mirage-dragon thing comes from the shen 蜃 (which is used in the chinese word for mirage, 海市蜃楼 haishi shenlou, literally translating to "ocean city and shen's castle"). it's a clam-like dragon that produces foam that creates mirages over the ocean.

if u read "even if you slit my mouth", this is what the "shinkiro" or "shin" in recent chapters is. (i had one of those "smug because i already know all about the mythological creature a story is referencing" moments, which i also had with the four gods in yohaji bc i used to translate a game that mentioned them too)

isnt it romantic in a way? that the two places mirages are most known for happening are the ocean and the desert.

i dont have too much art of him because around this time i was uhhh (checks calendar) got back into yohaji and got consumed by it for a couple months lol (can u even blame me. it was july to september that was when like chapter 91 came out lol)

an earlier version of his design that i didnt end up using but i still really like this art

hes tarot card 9: the hermit to me

season 5 - fairytales/medieval - ophiuchus

NO FUCKING WAY YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS for this one i actually ironed out what kind of people the black haired and white haired versions of him are. and also specifically this one isnt black tsuru but alive tsuru

i have a short poem thing about him, to summarize its like so many other fairytales about grateful animals granting their saviors something, but it doesnt end well for anyone

hes based off ophiuchus and asclepius of course, but also a lot of other snake stories in general, like the lindwurm and baishezhuan

to reiterate, for none of these stories do i consider there to ever actually have been 2 separate people, its always just 1 fucked up guy

i also sort of consider him to be a set with mirage, for both being serpents, and also for being "black tsuru whose personality is like white tsuru" and "white tsuru whose personality is like black tsuru", thereby codifying for myself that to him, someone who's stuck in his own head a lot, what matters most to him is his ideals, what all his actions are in pursuit of

he's tarot card 12: the hanged man to me

bonus: dnd character - alba

i also have a version of him i play for dnd, named alba to match with my party who all have color themed names. a halfling ranger who's very small and very loud. except he has amnesia and cant remember anything from before he was 12 (hes around 18 now according to him), including that he's actually a changeling who just transformed into a halfling to seem older than he is to work at a bar and nearly died in a bar fight.

(if you spend as much time fretting over semantics as me, you may note that changelings are medium sized and cannot transform into halflings which are small sized, for which my explanation is that he's been in halfling form since he was a kid, and after the amnesia he thought he actually was a halfling. this is also why his hair is white btw bc changelings have white hair. pre-amnesia in his "actual" halfling transformation he had black hair. i care too much about semantics but hey isnt dnd the semantics game anyway?)

anyway congrats alba for being the only version of tsuru that hasn't outright "died"!! if only because dnd has actual rules and i can't pull my usual death-ghost nonsense as easily!!!

hes very ship of theseus to me, all versions of him are. what makes up a person? what defines them? is it their face, their appearance, their name? their personality, their memories, their ideals? if you slowly replace each of those, one at a time, with a copy thats very similar to the original, at what point are you a different person?

as thanks for reading all of this i'll reveal what some of the metaphors are, the core of who tsuru, as a character, is to me. maybe this is fairly obvious, but all the death and personality weirdness stuff is a convoluted metaphor for depression and autism, as well as the experience of reading the things you've written years ago, seeing old photos and others talking about who you were years ago and finding that person wholly unfamiliar, that you understand the thought process of that person no more than you would a stranger's, as a result of having taken apart your identity and replaced it piece by piece with things from people you like more than yourself.

im always scared of scrutinizing tsuru too hard because he's just a weird reflection of myself, and i think i'll only be able to write a version of him thats more of a "whole person" once i figure that out for myself. the only way you see your own reflection is through a mirror after all, a flattened 2D surface.

haha this got kinda weird and depressing and personal at the end (mostly bc ive been writing this in the middle of the night, its now 4am)

after seeing my soul laid bare like this, if theres one takeaway, i think its pretty obvious why i'm so enamored by the parts of yohaji that i talk about often (huh wasnt this a post about my oc why did it become about yohaji)

oh yeah i just realised u probably also wanted to hear more about my yohaji version of tsuru specifically. honestly theres not really more to it i just like drawing him in situations. like of course the same themes apply but i just like drawing this dude thats 90% the reason hes my sona. like heres a pokemon au of him i drew recently bc i wanted to draw them as kids and also as pokemon gijinkas

anyway thats all. not really bc i could go on and on about him but this is way too long and also way too personal at this point. i think about him a disproportionate amount, i only have 2 other ocs i remotely care about and the extent of my thoughts for those guys is "i think hes fun 👍"

this has probably also been like, the 3rd most comprehensive description of tsuru that ive made, 1st being the thoughts in my head and 2nd being the past 5 years worth of DMs with my friend who i talk about tsuru with

(why was this sort of structured like the beginners guide. if youve seen the beginners guide tell me if im right or delusional. if u havent, go watch a playthrough of it, have an existential crisis, and then afterwards tell me)

#canada art #canada ocs #this hit the 30 image per post limit lmaoo

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zzoguri · 5 months

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1, 3, 12 and 24 for the ask game!! :p

hi bar ily ❤️‍🩹🥳

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

man… i will always always love of linked arms and bruised hearts :’)) i know that the writing style may be just average but i have such a personal connection to that story. maybe its because i definitely self projected but i will always love friendships!!! i feel that its become such an important and recurring theme in my fics, if i’ll be honest <3

another favorite of mine is familiarity (it’s all sticky) <3 definitely an idea ive had for a long time and i had lovely @wuahae betaread it :’)) its very personal to me… idk i like to think of it as a fic that commemorates not only how much i do l*ve that loser but also how much i love cat <3

idk if this is cheating but of guitar strings and peeled tangerines earns its spot too!! the outline i made since the second half of the year and ive really been hyped and happy writing it <3 i feel like its a reflection of the nooks and crannys of moni imo </3 so its crazy that it’ll be even more personal than of linked arms and bruised hearts

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

OH I DEFINITELY HAVE SO MUCH FAVORITE ONES 😭😭 and alot of them will be from of linked arms and bruised hearts im afraid… i have a bad habit of rereading my works to see what i can improve on or what couldve been changed but also its a way to reflect on my growth as a writer

first, we have the scenes where reader and jichang come back to cheongju for the holidays :’) i think its just sooo domestic imo and it really does have u reflect on what reader and jichang have <3 i personally love the scene where reader finds out jichang has been keeping clippings of their articles <3 it does smth to my lil heart <3

another one is of course the train ride back home… idk to me its just a very sentimental scene about the idea of home and how they find it in each other :’))) particularly these passages always do smth to me

another scene in particularly loved writing is the scene between kevin and reader where they talked about reader’s life… they were discussing editorship and possible topics for the opinion piece and i just thought that the whole reflection of it was beautiful :’)

now for of guitar strings and peeled tangerines… ugh so much to say… first off i loved writing the scene where reader comes back to town… its the whole progression of them getting off the station, meeting juhak again, arriving at their father’s restaurant, u know the vibes :’)) in between every passage, u really see how much grief and resentment they hold towards this town.

The waves are strong enough to tip your balance. You do everything to stand on your own feet. The image of Jacob you drew on the sand has been washed off—it’s your fault for drawing it too close to the shore.

i know u particularly love this line and i think i do too now :’) smth i didnt know i would enjoy </3

another one i loved writing is the flashback… the first time we see how much peeled tangerines mean between the two… just so much astonishment joy and love <3

12. favorite character to write about this year

rah i think my favorite charas to write abt were definitely the friendgroup in of linked arms and bruised hearts! i also really loved writing moonbae and reader :’))) to me, they just have so much love for each other!!! it was just so nice to see them grow in my eyes as well

if were talking abt members tho, i did love writing about eric :’))) i know i couldnt give justice to the plot with my whack writing style but it was a treat to write abt that lil guy!

24. favorite fic you read this year

SO MUCH!!! WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!!!

we have ofcourse gravity by @wuahae … still a banger i love her forever!

we also have the whole liu series by @sungbeam but special shoutout to off the record which brought me back to deobism and party people for being my comfort fic!! i also love beam’s night terrors… UGHHHHHEHEJS I HAVENT READ A FIC THt hits all the SPOTS I NEEDED DURING MY FINALS SEASON. genuinely saved me

i also LOVE plot twist by @sohnric :’))) IDKKKK I TOLD IT ALL IN MY REVIEW BUT WHEN I TELL U I FELT LIKE I WAS SPIRALING BACK INTO WHAT IT FIRST FELT LIKE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH KIM SUNWOO… IT WAS SRS TO ME!!

sorry for such a lengthy post <3 just so happy to have spent even just the second half of 2023 here on deobiblr

#all my loves #bar 📟

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kriimhild · 2 years

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Im asking as anonymous because im have social angsiety and this is the only way i feel i can remotly do it i have debated around a month of how to just go about talking about this and today i tryed to join the security breach show server on discord and imiditly left cause of how scared i got i havent posted my own stuff on my blog bevause im scared and just wanted to know....how the heck do you do it how the heck do you have the courage to do what you do? Heck im trying to write i fan fiction only to scrap it like once every two days....

It's something that artists have to learn (if they want to). In order for people to remember you, they have to know you. And the easiest way to do that is to publish. I see a lot of people afraid to publish, and mostly because they're afraid of disappointment. The negative feedback they might get. All I can always say is think about what could happen. I've never written next to my drawings that I am in a developing phase, because I'll always be in a developing phase. Even now. But if you feel safer that way, Feel free to make a fine print stating that you are a beginner. But never write something like "I know I'm suck. Don't look at it, I'm so terrible." If someone still says it sucks, give a big, thicc shit. As long as they can articulate what they don't like about our art, we should be happy with that, because it smells like a constructive criticism, which is very important in development. And if all you get is "lol you suck, your art's suck!" kind of message, then…well…what do you do with that? Delete the hell out of it and ignore. Someone's not paying attention to what their kid's doing again. At the first hand, you work for your own entertainment. There'll be people who love you and protect from any bully. You know, one of the hardest things about being an artist is learning to hold up your middle finger when you need to. I'll tell you smth. My partner's one of the most serious critics I know. He looked at my recent animation and said it had little to do with the lyrics. Ngl, I felt like shit. It wasn't the art the main problem, but the fact that I can't English properly and I'm listening to the rhythm, because I'm an instrumental person. For almost two weeks I've been trying to figure out how the two are related. If it doesn't work out, I'll just do it the way I originally planned. The audience will decide if they like it. If not, I'll think about my next clips. Do whatever you want, it's your imagination, your hand, your pen.

(I found this on Twitter, and I love it) We try to keep the server safe and clean, and the whole staff puts a lot of work into making sure that everyone's comfortable and has a good time in the community. It's not easy, because every day more people join and it's harder and harder to keep an eye on everything. Nevertheless, we're trying. If someone behaves rudely, we'll look at them with an angry-mom looking. I think the server is a safe place for a young, fresh newcomer to get to know people. We can't look after artists one by one, but we try to give out support and advice as much as we can. I don't know how much this message has helped, but I hope that I've encouraged you to share whatever you have with the world.

#Kriim advices #askbox

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katastronoot · 1 year

Text

15 Questions for 15

Tagged by @friend-of-giants

Tagging @evilwriter37 @the-sunlit-earth @alma-amentet @coyote-ralyn

1. are you named after anyone?

not that I know of :)

2. when was the last time you cried?

lol yesterday when I watched Coco

3. do you have kids?

yes i have two crotch goblins

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not really

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

lol the only one I enjoy is bowling but i havent been in so long

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

the way they talk / present themselves

7. eye color?

Brown

8. scary movies or happy endings?

happy endings all the way man

9. any special talents?

managing to keep my sanity xD

10. where were you born?

a hospital lol

11. what are your hobbies?

reading, gaming, and drawing takes up all of my free time these days.

12. do you have any pets?

yes i have two cats Opal my siamese and Albus my gray beanbag

13. how tall are you?

5′1 :)

14. fave subject in school?

art and history

15. dream job?

hmmmm idk maybe part of a film documentary crew, be able to travel the world taking pictures and recordings

#personal #ask game

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metukika · 1 year

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ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

#this post is an investment #kazuichi souda #character analysis #also this is not proofread so expect a bunch of typos haha

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pensiveabstraction · 10 months

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15 questions 15 mutuals

ty @dont-leafmealone and @elfinfair for the tags

were you named after anyone? for my deadname one of my middle names was the same middle name as my mum, my new first name and first middle name are indirectly and directly taken from the names of characters i like

when was the last time you cried? i think it was, i finally watched into the spiderverse for the first time like two months ago seeing all the hype abt the sequel, and when the big sad emotional climax moment happened, the one during the big fight, i was crying, not silent leaking eyes maybe sniffling a bit, like full on open mouthed sobbing. shit just hit me rly hard, that movie's so good

do you have kids? nah

do you use sarcasm a lot? i think so yeah. unfortunately i am also extremely monotone so i frequently have to be like 'no i was kidding' bc out lout my normal voice and sarcasm voice must sound a lot closer together than in my head

what's the first thing you notice about people? idk i guess i notice if their clothes style and whether face looks like someone i know/know of

what's your eye color? greenish-grey last time i checked

scary movies or happy endings? both. depends what mood im in tbh. if im watching a movie i dont usually have a huuuge preference of genre, i tend to prefer stories w somewhat developed characters who have arcs so u'd think that'd make me averse to scary films where the characters r sometimes neglected/used as a blank slate to experience The Horror through the eyes of but i ALSO rly like well built up tension and just,,, interesting creepy vibes. i usually try to stay open minded w watchin stuff. however there are times when i feel down and just wanna watch some dudes fuck around and have everything come up alright in the end

any special talents? hmm. man idk. im pretty good at making minecraft skins does that count lol.

where were you born? england and i shall say no more

what are your hobbies? writing, reading fics (do not look how many bookmarks i have on ao3 why would you need to), drawing's fun. used to watch twitch a bunch but the main streamer id watch aint comin back so w for my sleep schedule ig

have any pets? yes a dog he is an old man he looks sort of like a skeletal dark souls creature (not through maltreatment he eats like a king his breed r just skinny asses lol)

what sports do you play/have you played? netball, softball, cricket, bit of tag rugby, loads of rounders, street hockey was my fav out fo em i was pretty ok at defending (all of these r from when i was still in p.e. classes in high school idk if that counts but its what i got)

how tall are you? last i checked 165cm (like 5,5 in the other measures i think)

favorite subject in school? hmm. probably either art or english. though i only rly got an appreciation for english when i did this additional gifted kid project thingy and rather than just literally tell us an interpretation of a text to memorise for an exam the teachers gave us a bunch of analytical lenses to choose from to analyse a text and i was like "yo wait interpreting meanings from the text is kinda fun when you havent got bitches in your ear telling you 'ok so this is exactly what the author meant and you just need to memorise that and write it in the test'"

dream job? i honestly have no idea. i wouldve said author once but i enjoy doing it for fun, i dont think id be able to make smth publishable and if i somehow did i feel like itd ruin it. if i had some kind of like repetetive but simple task and i just had to do it over and over, maybe listen to music or a podcast or smth in one ear i feel like so long as i earnt a decent amount id be cool with it. i am a simple little guy my dreams amount to 'eh id like to do some cool stuff :]'

i dont think i have 15 mutuals so ill just tag a bunch @jctko @thinkingjasico @captainchibi @zodismegalame @aroacekitty @glummar @ablueeyedarcher @erisenyo

#tag game

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bugflies00 · 1 year

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5. Anything you haven’t drawn yet but want to?

6. Which artists inspire you right now?

7. Favourite works of all time excluding your own?

8. What do you like most about your own work?

19. Favourite character(s) to draw?

20. What works have you drawn fanart of?

5. every day im plagued with visions i never fulfill so im just gonna unload a bunch of them onto you : finishing that clingyduo animatic, finishing the sokeefe art, maybe?? drawing roman sanders again after so long just to see??, a like proper Big dsmp tribute piece but i dont really know what, figuring out my ctechno design & drawing more c!emeraldduo and cbedrockbros, FINALLY drawing ctntduo, and a bunch of other things

ALSO specifically ANIMATIC ideas here is a list of ones that have plagued my mind for some as long as two years : burning pile (mother mother) with c!crimeboys i have had this particular one on the brain since literally early 2021 i have every frame planned out in my mind but i just cannot seem to do it, jack's lament (the nightmare before christmas) with c!wilbur THIS ONE is pretty specific but Oh it could be so cool, rasputin with c!wilbur just to have some fun, they're only human (death note the musical but specifically this version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrZolM3uCds) with c!emerald duo, money money money (ABBA) with c!beeduo this one would be very silly just antics and ctubbo being a gold digger LMAO, hang on little tomato (pink martini) with c!crimeboys OH THIS ONE LET ME TELL YOU THIS ONE HAUNTS ME IT'S SO SWEET BUT ALSO SO SAD, and finally history has its eyes on you (hamilton) with pogtopia c!crimeboys obviously because i have the illness and i never left 2020 <3

6. this is mostly mcytblr artists and some of them havent even posted since like 2021 but to name a few @/pigsteprap @/copepods @/miniaturekeytar @/wolfythewitch @/birdiebrunch @/corph1a @/somedeimi and @/winter-mornings all have really really cool art you should check out ^__^

7. my brain is fried currently so normally i would make you a list but i can only think of like. monet's nymphéas which is basic yeah but i really really like 'em. also vermeer's milkmaid . also a lot of romantic art cause its my favourite :] but im just too tired to think of examples

and also a lot of the art of the people i just listed

8. oh this is hard i dont really. mhmmm. i guess i like? my colouring? idk man

19. ill let you take a wild guess on that one

20. oh god. well obviously dsmp. otherwise sanders sides, kotlc, warrior cats, harry potter (sorryyy haven't for years though), and probably others here and there but those were the main ones

anyway keep the artist asks coming guys i really like them cause they require like proper thinking more than the other silly asks (which are also cool !! dont get me wrong)

#THIS GOT LONG IM SORRY its been sitting for over a week #alex.rambles.txt #alex.asks.txt #if you ask me to talk about my animatic ideas i will just never shut up #mcyt

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3rdrainbow · 1 year

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hehe my spouse tagged me in dis

1. Are you named after anyone?

not actively 🤔

2. When was the last time you cried?

this past weekend when i was spending time w my spouse and i jus got all soft emotional sdkjlfdsjlfk

3. Do you have kids?

technically one i suppose 😭

4. Do you use sarcasm?

i try to be honest and true but the sarcasm is still natural in my bones

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

i dont rly kno, def their appearance but i guess it depends on what of theirs really sticks out to me, aside from appearances, definitely a person's voice and how they talk

6. What's your eye color?

dark brown

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

this question is a bit weird bc like you can have a happy ending in a scary movie, or a not scary movie with a bad ending you know?

in a general sense, i guess i prefer happy endings, mostly because i get stressed out easily and id like for the people who went thru stuff to chill after its all done

but i also enjoy some scary movies, most i find really hard to watch because of jumpscares or the gore might be a bit much for me, but im def a fan of jordan peeles works

8. Any special talents?

i dont really kno dksjfklasdlkj bc like in my mind i dont understand what i do that others cant do that would then thus make my talent special

9. Where were you born?

in da philippines

10. What are your hobbies?

legitimately? jus sitting and listening to music while conjuring images in my mind jklsdfjlksdf but i do draw a lot, i used to write more often, and i used to do a lot more photography

11. Do you have any pets?

yeth! i have two dogs :3

12. What sports do you/have you played?

i hate sports kjsldfjksldf i am not a team player nor am i one to enjoy doing athletics, and also i dont have a competitive nature

13. How tall are you?

5'1? maybe 5'2? i havent checked my height in a very long time but i havent grown so

14. Favorite subject in school?

science! but very very specifically biology, i was always very good at it and it just came to me more naturally than other subjects

i also really liked ceramics bc of the really fun hands on work and the fulfillment from each piece, but not the other art classes i took

15. Dream job?

working in a library or a bookstore! truly the simplicity of it all and being able to organize books and being surrounded by them, ive had this dream ever since i was a TA in my middle school library, so chill and not very likely to be overstimulated, the best

um, tagging some of my mewchuals 🥺🥺 if yall wanna do it @irradiatedclown, @tetrissyndromes, @bikerboyfriend, @butchlinkle, @jellyfishgay, @jkgaycf, and anyone else who wants to

#the sound of thunder #mark of the tempest

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charmspoint · 1 year

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For the ask game: 🛒 ❌ 🤗

Hiiii thank you!

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

My favorite things ever forever: Grief, identity struggle, dehumanization, unconventional relationships. I really love two fucked up people finding some solace in each other, the idea of another person being a home. Recently I've been writing about angels a lot, it's very you know nature vs nurture, purpose we are created for vs life we might choose to lead, love shit like that I LOVE ALL UGLY AND COMPLICATED THAT MAKES A HUMAN BEING.

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

Uhhhh the only things in my mind atm are like heavy triggering stuff i usually wouldn't touch n stuff like...coffee shop aus hjgbhjvhj just cuz i find them boring.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Oh boy with this brain here?

Be kind to yourself 100% most important rule. Fanfiction lately has been a tough business, it seems like feedback is falling off more and more and many writers i talked to end up feeling isolated from the fandom, starting to feel like a machine that spews out content instead of an artist. It can be very tempting to lose yourself in it, to chase the next big fic, to constantly try and outdo yourself and get bigger numbers and more eyes on your work.

But please remember you are a human being.

Sometimes you won't be at your best, sometimes the words just wont come, sometimes you may write a masterpiece and no one will notice. You are an artist, you are a creator, you cannot chain yourself with duty to the fandom. I see young writers say 'I havent posted in x long' i feel the same pressure myself. Please take this as permission to rest, to not post for weeks or months or years, to take time to not write at all, to take time for that one personal project nobody will ever read, to just go and breathe and be a human being and not a machine.

Set small and achievable goals.

If you feel blocked feed your brain, read or draw or walk or do anything else but write.

No 1 thing should always be your own joy, remember that, I love you, you are great.

ask game

#ask game #anon #my brain mght be fried but i am full of love

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hand-stuck-in-shredder · 8 days

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the angst is KILLING ME up in here HELP ugh

warning this be long

lavender, man... i havent thought about Dhuurg in a while (i named my durge and didnt.. anticipate him growing on me. u dont just namechange a child at 25 thats not how that works) cause. Durgetash. but, man. i suddenly cant move onto what im actively working on/am supposed to be finishing because this shit keeps worming its way into my brain. lavender isnt even supposed to be his "canon" but i jsut think itworks so Well for him. he has puppy eyes and i need him to struggle and be anguished

i dont think id end up writing about how he Actually ends up but.. he tries to start up a new cult, become a proper god, you know. Average Tuesday shit. lots less angst of how to learn to live with yourself after getting fragmented (spoiler alert: u cant) and missing something without knowing What youre missing n Why. the body/being remembers the mind forget et cetera.. i dont think lavender would be particularly durgetash centric, i think itd be more of a solo-piece with it being more in the background, but.. still, itd be a motivator enough for him to lose his shit when doordash dies. like what do you MEAN someone so important to me vanished just like that and i couldnt do a damn thing about it?!? even if withers (note: havent finished a durge run yet and havent been 100% spoiled. let me cook) made sure u no longer got dat Bhaal in u, for dhuurg i think it kinda just went dormant until well. that. he had a fine and dandy week of being himself until oops! tragedy! ur living with a demon again yay except this time its just murderous for the sake of habit/grieving and less because of Bhaal. youre literally just like that. you are actually an evil person. good luck coping because unless u get off the bathsalts ur not gonna be able to have an iota of a sense of "self" because surprise, u and your pal are now more integrated than before and there is no seperation anymore, your tadpole is also gone and things are So much worse because of Everything. the lavender doesnt just supress the urges it supresses U now. sedation? somewhat. you live in a beautiful field of lavender out of fear for yourself and what you are. you are softlocked, is this not for the best? there are no horizons left for you, the sun has set and the stars mock you with their long-gone light.

on the lowkey.. it occurred to me that this might be slightly reminiscent of mental illness that's somewhat stigmatized and im ngl while i dont think this concept is the same as that/taking inspiration from something that really real people suffer from, i am being cautious to kinda avoid those themes and trying to be aware of what exactly im goin for. this is more a, two snapshots of two technically seperate people fight for ownership of the body that may or may not be really theirs, with different motives, its.. idk but dhuurg cannot catch a break.

i needa learn how to draw so i can draw dhuurg being cunty and sucking gort within a negative inch of his life. he deserves something good after this ok

#maybe one day ill write about what his actual “canon” would include re: including pre-absolute shenanigans/where he'd actually end up #post canon. vengeance paladin arc anyone? but for now.. this is your fate #lavender #my son dhuurg #this is just me rambling #im actively tormented by this fic concept. call that method writing

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miktoast · 2 months

Text

Requiem Bit?

alrighty, so if you havent read my pinned post, you dont really need to. This is a bit titled "His Interlude" which basically just explains some lore. but first, I guess I should give you a synopsis of the first chapter just so you can understand a little bit of whats going on in the interlude.

Harry walks into the Forbidden Forest to meet Voldemort and sacrifice herself in an effort to destroy the horcrux that inhabits her. The Deathly Hallows are very reactive to her, and portray a level of sentience. She speaks with her parents and gains some measure of closure and her acceptance of her fate becomes more solidified. She meets Voldemort with peace in her heart, the Deathly Hallows refusing to leave her and her parents promising that they would be there, too. The Avada Kedavra to her heart feels like coming home.

She opens her eyes after what feels like a refreshing sleep, only to find herself standing on a bridge over a stream. She turns her head to find a man with liquid gold for eyes, hair darker than pitch. Harry can’t place his age, but he seems to be around her own age. She feels calm, and content, and relishes in his presence even as confusion scrambles her thoughts. He explains that she isn’t dead, that she isn’t the Master of Death, even, but Death itself, and that he is Life and that they were two halves of a coin. She had become so heartbroken about Voldemort’s use of so many horcruxes that he felt the only solution was to cast her down without any memories so that hopefully she’d be able to harden her heart in the future, except he hadn’t known about the war or prophecy.

He tells her that her “job” is performed mostly passively due to an entity that Harry will come to name Wisp, so that if she wished, she could move on and ascend, or go back and continue her mortal life. When she hesitates, he provides another option, “I could send you back to a time most opportune?” And when she continues to hesitate, he adds, “And I can give you those most loyal?” He loves her as a part of himself, and he knows how much her human life mattered to her, but also how much this new duty would cause her conflict because which duty was more important? She eventually accepts after spending a while worrying about dragging people back with her unwillingly, until the man tells her that those most loyal would probably try to physically fight her if she went back alone. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, she is standing in the door of a train compartment, several inches shorter, with a new trunk almost as tall as her, lacking any of the wear and tear of the last several years, and an equally as new golden bird cage. She is eleven years old again.

His Interlude

(2691 words)

One day, after a very long time, the Universe became lonely. She had spent her life making millions upon billions of beautiful things, filling her space with planets and stars, but there was no one there to admire them. She was getting old, and she wanted desperately for something to love what she had made. With this thought in mind, she allowed herself to sleep, drawing away from every other thing in her existence so that she may gather energy to make something extraordinary.

As she slept, she dreamed of what would one day call itself a man and make others in his image. With a breath, she gathered up stardust, and with an exhale came her first child. Then, she continued to dream.

The man found himself lying in a patch of vibrant grass, surrounded by dozens and dozens of wildflowers in every colour, and he thought to himself, “This is beautiful. This is something worth loving.” And so he spent ages wandering this planet which he would name “Earth,” learning of his mother through the things she had created, and he loved her.

But she continued to sleep, and like his mother before him, he grew lonely and old. So he began filling the world with his own creations. The first thing he created was the dragons, crafting them after his own nature, gifting them wings so that they may join him in surveying his mother’s world, and fire breath so that they may police it. Next he created snakes, who would work directly below the dragons and speak the same noble tongue. They crawled upon the ground with fangs to snap at the heels of those doing wrong. Next he filled the world with all other animals. The final thing he created were men, which were to rule over all other creatures.

For a time after their creation, he continued to walk among his mother’s world, interacting with all that she had created and all that he had added as well, but still he felt alone. The world around him was stagnant, with all of the creatures he made never ageing or changing. All of the things he made treated him as a god, bowing to him as he walked past, never speaking without being spoken to, never stepping out of line, and they were all content with this.

‘Why,’ he thought to himself, ‘I have dragons to warm me, snakes to adorn me, and men for me to talk to. Why do I still feel alone?’

He pulled away from his mother’s world, hiding in the space between the sky and the stars so that he may think. For a very long time, he hid, thinking only of himself, his mother, and his loneliness, and the world beneath him continued unchanging. Until, finally, he realised, he had made multiple of each of his creations so that they may have something to sympathise with, because his mother had filled the world with hundreds of the same plants and he thought that was the standard. But he was the only “him,” even if he had fashioned men and dragons after himself.

With this thought in mind, he fled from his hiding place to call out to his mother, but she remained asleep. He pleaded to her still form, asking for another of his kind, and listened for any response. All he heard was her slow breathing as the universe expanded and contracted, and the thud of her heart. And then, images of someone began appearing in his head as his mother began to dream. Whatever they were, they looked remarkably similar to him, with a torso, two legs, two arms, ten fingers and toes. They had dark hair, darker than ebony, darker than his mother’s void, the same darkness as his own hair, and the same sort of power for creation that exuded from their body in tendrils of gold.

They were beautiful, and he wanted them desperately, but he could tell that if he had her, his mother would perhaps never wake again.

In a fit of heartbreak, still tuning in to the visions of black and gold, he fashioned what he named women in their image, crafting one perfect counterpart for each man he made, and commanded that each man and woman shall become perfect partners and serve each other for the rest of their days. Then, he did the same for each dragon, and each snake, and each other creature he had made.

Finally, he looked at the dragons after his nature, and immersed himself into visions of them, of “Her” he decided, so that he may capture her essence into a creature that would forever reside by Her side. It is in this way that he made what he would call the phoenix, with beautiful plumage of fire and gold, and the ability to return from any injury or slight with no signs to show for it other than a strength that would continue to grow with each burn, and pearlescent tears that could heal all ailments.

Once more, he fled to the space between the stars and the sky in an effort to hide from his hurt, but the introduction of women ensured that things would not remain unchanged. Populations began to grow and advance, and the world became crowded. Plants began to grow sparse as creatures ate them or treaded on them, space for living decreased as more and more children were born and settlements had to expand, fighting became a plague as resources became few, and the creatures of Earth began to cry out in anger and despair for the god that had left them.

It was this that finally woke the Mother, and her heart ached at what had become of her world. She listened to the prayers of her son’s creations, and to the thoughts that her son tried to reconcile, the want for another of his kind versus the love of his mother, and she decided to fix every issue at once.

She gathered her energy, cradling it to her heart, imbuing it with her love, and time seemed to freeze as every other being listened to the slowing thud, thud, thud.

He, who had continued to agonise in his hiding place, immediately understood and left to seek his mother at once. He got there just in time to hear the final thud of her heart, and from that beat came Her, cradled close to their mother’s bosom even as she dissolved into stardust. And he knew Her purpose. She was to gather up the stardust of those who had lived their time and return it to him so that it could be used to create other things, and their energy, which She would later name souls, would settle in Her embrace and be joined into Her so that they may be connected to all other things in the way that their mother used to be until they were ready to be reborn.

But She was young, their mother did not have enough energy to create Her fully matured the way she had done for him with all of the children being born, so he took Her into his arms and carried Her down to Earth, and he told the creatures that this was his counterpart in the way that women were counterparts to men, and he named her Death and he named himself Life. Then, he commanded that all creatures would have a lifespan and would age, and that at the end of their lifespan they would die.

The creatures of Earth were ecstatic that their god now had his own perfect half, but they didn’t understand.

“What does it mean to die?” They asked, and he told them, “To die means to go home. All of you are made of the stardust of the universe, with the energy of the universe. My mother, the Universe, has been split into two, Life and Death. When you die, your stardust returns to me so that I could make something new, like children, and your energy, the culmination of your being, will be cared for by Death until you are ready to live again.”

And the people were awed. “Our goddess will care for us!?” they cried out with joy. And suddenly, dying became the highest honour.

“The Mother Universe is gone, and Death and I are to take her place,” said Life. “Death is to be the greatest gift our Mother Universe will ever give us, and She is to be known as Mother Death and I am to be known as Father Life. In the end, you are all of our children, and we will both care for you.”

And so Life began separating creatures based on their eldest individual, the first of each kind which he had instructed to guide those that came after. He asked each leader how long they wanted their lifespans to be, but they were conflicted.

“I want to return to Mother Death,” said the dragon, “but I do not want to forsake my Father Life’s gift.”

“You don’t need to worry about keeping Death waiting,” said Life, “She will not be well for some time yet, and she will need to gather plenty of energy before she could care for you to the best of her abilities.”

The dragon hummed in consideration, his whole great body rumbling with it, “I would not want to burden her. Would six-hundred summers be too early? Should I ask for more?”

Life considered this. “Six-hundred is very few,” he replied agreeably, slightly shocked and more than a little pleased that the creature had spoken out of turn, and asked something of him, no less! It seemed that the arrival of his counterpart and subsequent declaration of their roles and titles had opened up his creations to a level of familiarity that they had dared not touch before. He felt his affection for Death rise in turn.

The dragon nodded his great head, “Better double it, then? Twelve-hundred summers seems respectable?”

“Indeed,” said Life. “Then I command it that the noble race of dragons shall live no longer than twelve-hundred summers from this point forth.”

And then he moved on to the snake, who had overheard the dragon. “I think I would like to live for one-thousand summers.”

“Only one-thousand?” asked Life. “The dragons will live for twelve-hundred, you know.”

“Aye,” said the snake, “but we are not so noble, and we crave the comfort of our Lady Mother. We spend our life crawling upon our bellies and the other creatures have called us pathetic and vermin during the dark times. We do not wish to burden the Mother, but we are eager to meet her.”

“I apologise,” said Life with sombre eyes, “But you are not pathetic or vermin, and you crawl upon your bellies so that you may ambush your prey and scold those that do wrong. There is nothing wrong with the way that I have made you, and I bid them to remember your duties.” He patted the head of the leader of the snakes and named him Basilisk. “I command it that the noble race of snakes shall live no longer than one-thousand summers, and that the sight of them may forever instil fear into the hearts of those right to fear them.”

And then he moved onto men and women. “We would like to live for two-hundred summers,” they said together, and the snakes and dragons were aghast.

“Only two-hundred?” Life said, similarly confused.

“We cannot bear to be apart from our Mother for so long, and I imagine that she would be happy to see her children often. You said she needs energy, yes? Then let us be her energy.”

Life felt his heart soften for the children that look so much like himself and Her, and so he allowed it. “Alright. Then I command that men and women shall live no longer than two-hundred summers.”

And then Life continued with all other creatures, their lifespans decreasing more and more as he went along, until he came to the phoenixes.

“I wish to never leave our Lady Mother,” he said. “I wish to die every sun cycle.”

And all other creatures burst into an uproar. “That’s not fair!” they cried out. “What about our Father Life!?” and “We want to never leave our Mother Death!” and “What about the burden you’ll put on Her!?” But Life hushed them.

“I understand your longing,” he said to the phoenix, “After all, you were made to be by her side. But I cannot allow you to die every sun cycle.” The phoenix drooped and began crying in despair. “However,” said Life, causing the phoenix to perk up, “I can make you immortal so that you can burn whenever you wish to see her without causing her any strain. Everytime you burn, your energy will travel to visit her until your stardust regathers itself and you emerge from the ashes. In this way, you may see her every sun cycle, or not for a thousand years.”

The phoenix began to sing with joy, his lovely trills and coos filling the space around them and calming all those it reached, and Life could not stop the affection from blooming. “You are the essence of my Death, and you will be her sworn companion,” he proclaimed, and then he christened the leader of the phoenixes Fawkes. “I command that Phoenixes shall have no natural lifespan, and that they may burn and be reborn at their own leisure.”

With that, all creatures had been given their lifespans, and the world returned to balance. For many years, dying was as honourable as living, but as humans advanced and ruled the world, and the original creatures passed on, they began to forget the care of their Lady Mother, who found Herself maturing to prayers of fear and hatred.

She began to grow depressed, so Life created a new race of humans which he named Wix, a race which was supposed to spread the knowledge of Life and Death’s kindness and care for all that they had made together. One family in particular became Her line of prophets, the Perevells, after She had grown fond of three brothers. They had spent their lives playing games with Her, toeing the line between Herself and Her counterpart, even creating a branch of “magic” after the concept of phoenixes which they called necromancy.

As time went on, however, even Wix began to forget Her true nature, and so She began to get worse. Creatures of Earth began ageing quicker with Life’s anger, and Death’s depression meant that She delayed in reaping souls, so they spent longer in their unfit bodies than should be right, which secretly delighted Life as he had grown wrathful in his children’s rejection of their Mother.

There came a point in time that some Wix became so afraid of dying that they utilised every tool in their arsenal to create something truly vile, something they named “horcruxes.” It wasn’t until a Wix was born by the name of Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr. that Death truly broke, however, a boy who hated and feared Her so greatly that he would split his soul, seven times.

Life couldn’t stand to see Her so torn asunder, and so he devised a plan. He would cast her down to Earth to be reborn as a Wix, and hopefully her time as a human would overwrite any memories that she had had as a goddess when she ascended. Additionally, he hoped that, maybe, if she experienced the cruelty of their children herself, she would not be so quick to care for them the next time they begin to hurt her.

But he was not aware that the Wix were in war, as he had stopped caring for their children when they stopped caring for their Mother (and subsequently stopped watching over them), and he was not aware that a prophecy had been made about the very child he would cast Her down as. By the time he had learned, it was already too late.

#requiem #mod harry potter #fem harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter

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