#having a disability (multiple) fucking sucks!

[yourheartinyourmouth]

seriously can we talk about how fucked up it is that someone told my husband to divorce me just bc i am disabled and can’t power through incredible misery like NTs apparently can

#like…..i came home sobbing every single day #cried multiple times a day #was losing it #but sure divorce me for not being able to do that every single day #when someone is like ‘yeah being alive is the worst thing ever but you just have to suck it up’ #i’m just like….what are you FUCKING TALKING ABOUT #whatever that is whatever lets people just get up every day and do horrible stuff that makes them die inside #i don’t have that!!!!!!! #i didn’t get whatever that is #whatever lets people do that i do not have it #i don’t appear able to cultivate it either #i think its willpower and like HI I DONT HAVE THAT #MY BRAIN IS FUCKING DOPAMINE DEFICIENT #SORRY FOR BEING BORN FUCKING DISABLED I GUESS #jesus christ i hate NTs so fucking much #DNI neurotypicals #i will eat you get AWAY from me #the only person who has ever loved me doesn’t even want me #yeah that seems right #everybody hates ppl w adhd #just no way around it #that ep of monsterland abt the woman w bipolar #i felt that shit in my fucking soul #nobody wants me #i know. i know this. #personal #tw: depressive thoughts

[daffythefox]

AND I WANT TO KNOW MY FATE

IF I KEEP UP THIS WAY

AND IT'S HARD TO WANT TO STAY

AWAKE

#death cab for cutie #bixby canyon bridge #tw caps #caps tw #ugh #the song is just so poignant #i got back from vacation and I've gotta start packing to move into my new apartment saturday #god i just wanna talk to The Man I'm Mentally Ill About #I also on the car ride back home found out i have a grey hair?? #I'm 19 btw. #wtf?? how? #I have been feeling really productive lately #so there is that! #but I'm also anxious abt finding a solid reliable way to make an income as a disabled person #having a disability (multiple) fucking sucks! #weather update #me when i #me? putting edgy lyrics on my tumblr vent blog? no. never.

[computerpeople]

whats worse, the roleplay side of tumblr or kinblr

the rpc by far. at least kinblr was filled with other fat delusional autistics that were mean, like if someone was insulting me i at least knew they were doing it bc they were jealous of my kinlist or something. the rpc has to be one of the most racist, ableist groups on tumblr ive seen. heavy on the racism.

#to put it into context i was never told on kinblr that people were demonizing me because i was ugly #i was however told that people hated my oc and thought he was annoying and demonized him bc he was fat and 'not conventionally attractive' #multiple times. despite him being nicer then 40% of the characters in the rpc #i had people sending me constant stuff about how i was faking my disabilities for attention or money or sympathy. i was getting anon hate #constantly. someone tried to frame me for proshipping because they were upset my character hooked up with my friends characteer before #theirs did. and that followed me for months and months after despite the three of our characters being IN a polycule #the thing is i think people think iots free game to make potshots at your characters weird traits for fun but i was very open about most of #my characters being heavily based off myself. ie: fat. autistic. strange. goth. brain damage. schizophrenic. etc #which hurt when they'd go after those parts of the characters. #id have people target specific triggers of mine and try to trigger my paranoia etc etc #and ontop of all that. im white #i have friends who have gone through so much worse in the rpc because they aren't. the racism is so fucking bad #im rambling #kinblr sucked ass but in a very like #'the special ed kids are fighting' kind of way. like 90% of the bad shit in kinblr was like #i got 'called out' for fakjing being jewish with no proof in the slightest bc they were a double and wanted me off the platform LOL #txt

[sonicenvy]

gotta love that my immune system has thus far been awesome at keeping me from getting the virus™ but awful at keeping me from getting skin cancer. what gives body???? what gives???

i am (once again) cancer free as of this morning's fun (/s in case that wasn't abundantly clear) surgery, but still twice in six months??? there is obviously something fucked up about my skin. once again: hey body what the actual fuck??

#bright side had my surgery today and knock on wood i am once again cancer free #cw: cancer #covid nonsense #personal bs #literally soooo unfair actually #let's all take this moment to have a global unity moment where we all give cancer the finger btw #i mean it is nice that ive never gotten the virus™ in all this time despite repeated exposure but still ... fucking cancer #@ god if you are real you're a bitch and i hate you #this year has literally sucked soooo hard #multiple people in my family have gotten cancer this year #and multiple people in my family died #and there is SO much dumbass family drama #why is this my year #blares I wanna get better by the bleachers at new years in hopes that it will influence 2023 to be less shitty than the last 2 years #hate that i am now almost 4 years post graduation and have nothing to show for it #all i got is being broke and disabled so that's cool

[stromblessed]

Mizu was wrong to let Akemi be taken because they both deserve better

First, a confession. When I saw this for the first time:

I was relieved. I knew that was what Mizu was going to say and I felt like it's what I would have said in that situation too.

When Akemi does this:

I cringed, because if we know anything about Mizu, it's that she (1) isn't quick to make friends (though to be fair, even though Akemi did try to kill Mizu, so did Taigen - multiple times! - and look how that turned out lol), and (2) doesn't take orders.

So when Akemi and Ringo and later Taigen get angry at Mizu, are they being unfair?

Sure, Mizu isn't obligated to treat Akemi - or Taigen or Ringo or anybody else - nicely, or to serve them, or to be honorable, or be a hero to them, or whatever. No human being is obligated to any other human being. We all have the choice to do whatever we want to anybody else. But the point of flawed characters in storytelling is the tension between those characters and their potential. Their growth into someone who can choose the higher, harder path, who chooses to be obligated to others, who chooses kindness and compassion.

Because Mizu's problem isn't revenge. Nobody is preaching at Mizu that revenge isn't the answer. Her circumstances do suck, her life has been incredibly unfair, she is marginalized, and as far as we and Mizu know for most of the season, she is a child born of violence and no one is saying that that violence doesn't deserve to be repaid in kind.

Mizu's problem is isolation. And the fact that she thinks she has no responsibility toward her fellow human beings, because her hatred of her own circumstances and her having no life outside of her quest devours everything else. This is a problem because it turns Mizu into the worst version of herself. A version that hurts the people who like Mizu, the people who care about her.

Practically, Mizu has just taken on an entire army almost by herself. She's hurt. She's exhausted. If she were to defend Akemi now, it'd be yet ANOTHER fight, this time against horsed and armored samurai.

But that's not the reason Mizu gives Ringo. Mizu's ability or willingness to fight isn't even on her mind. All she says is, "She's better off."

"She's better off" is Mizu deciding what's best for Akemi. Akemi's entire story is about her being a caged bird longing to fly free.

One after the other, every man and woman in Akemi's life makes her decisions for her. She has to grovel and smile prettily and lie through her teeth just for the chance to be heard. Mizu judges Akemi for being a rich princess who isn't being more grateful for what she has, all without understanding Akemi's situation, and without any curiosity for why Akemi feels the way she does. From Akemi's perspective, Mizu is just one more person (one more man!) in a long lineup who ignores Akemi's wishes and (casually!) makes a decision for her that impacts Akemi's life greatly.

In the end, even Seki concludes that Akemi should get to decide what's best for Akemi. What others think that Akemi SHOULD want does not matter compared to what Akemi wants for her own life. As Madame Kaji said - Madame Kaji, who despite calling out the weirdness of Akemi's situation as well as the childishness of her decision to run away - is the only person Akemi meets who doesn't try to make decisions for Akemi, but instead only challenges Akemi to work for and be worthy of what she wants - she needs to decide what she wants for her own fucking self, and then take it.

Mizu being born female does not make her automatically wiser for letting Akemi be taken, and it does not preclude her from having a hand in giving Akemi back to her jailers. A patriarchy that Mizu knows full well would stop Mizu from achieving her own goals if she didn't present as male.

Mizu is still understandable here. She just had to kill Kinuyo, a disabled girl sold by her father into prostitution, a girl in a situation so far beyond Akemi's worst imaginings that I can practically feel Mizu's world being rocked just by comparing them in her mind the way she most likely is. That still doesn't make it right for Mizu to let Akemi be carried off to be sold into marriage by her father against her wishes. Those "good options" Mizu thinks Akemi has don't exist, no more than they ever existed for Mizu. Akemi and Mizu both have to get creative, make the best of their circumstances, take dangerous risks, and break rules in order to have any control over their own lives.

Even on my first watch, when at first I thought that Mizu had made the right decision and that Akemi was being unreasonable, Akemi screaming Mizu's name while being dragged, LITERALLY DRAGGED, back to her father was haunting as hell.

Mizu had the power to help Akemi, and simply chose not to.

Mizu lets Akemi be taken, Akemi who has just begun to trust Mizu. Mizu calls Ringo weak and quickly - seemingly easily - turns her back on him. Mizu values her quest over Taigen's life, after Taigen has endured days of torture to protect her, and she not only risks his life in the process, but doesn't tell him that Akemi is engaged to someone else, or that she came looking for Taigen, or that she is in danger.

Mizu's sword breaks because it is too brittle. Too pure. Too singleminded. Mizu only melts down the meteorite metal when she mixes the metal with objects from parts of her life that have nothing to do with her quest. Objects from the people she cares about, and who care about her.

All I'm saying is - Mizu doesn't have to be a hero. But she is the better version of herself when she reaches out to help and connect with others. When she's just a decent, kinder human being. And I think that's what this story is telling us that we should want for Mizu.

#blue eye samurai #mizu #akemi #bes #I have so many more thoughts about Mizus tangential relationship to honor and heroism but that is for another post #also reviewing these scenes made me realize that when Mizu calls Ringo weak she LOOKS POINTEDLY AT HIS (LACK OF) HANDS #she legit calls him weak for his disability after EVERYTHING THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH #like Ringo was def disappointed that his master chose not to behave like the (nonexistent) samurai ideal #but what made him ANGRY was the weakness comment and I did not clock that before #also to be explored more in another post #a third thing to explore in another post is how both mizu and taigen have wronged akemi on the basis of Edo period society being A Society #though Mizu starts to correct her own mistake by going back for Akemi - its Taigen whos on thin ice lolol

[gaylenin]

Biden’s entire reelection campaign hinges on the idea that sure, he’s enabling genocide and actively helped to murder 10,000 Palestinians in 3 weeks, combat student organizing for Palestine, poverty is accelerating, you’re not getting healthcare, the housing crisis is out of control and COVID is disabling people, he’s building the wall, allowing states to reinstate discrimination based on gender, race and sexual orientation and negotiating behind closed doors, blank check weapons deals to multiple countries engaged in genocide and ethnic cleansing, Roe vs Wade was overturned… but if you withhold your vote bad things will start happening.

i think whats so insidious is that beyond voting doing nothing, what message does it screen to biden and the democratic party by just voting for him blindly no matter what he does is that it's just okay for him to keep getting worse. what incentive does he have to do anything else when absolute suckers will scream at minorities online for expressing the slightest dislike for biden?

i really hate the self-righteousness of it all to act like quiet fascism is anything revolutionary and worth fighting for, and putting the onus on minorities to just suck it up and vote for someone stripping their rights away instead of the actual politicians who are funding a fucking genocide. all to fight against a nebulous image that trump would be doing so much worse rn. but all it really shows is that all liberals care about is the optics of a nice president rather than substantial change

#sorry took a few days to answer this #ask #anonymous

[frankiensteinsmonster]

The most liberating thing for me as a 'newly' (no idea when it began. Dissociation is a Bitch and a half.) physically disabled person who's already been dealing with multiple mental health disorders is just.

Blatant acceptance of having a chronic condition. I do what I can to lessen my symptoms, but I don't do every little thing that's suggested to me. Mostly because I've done it all before. I've spent so long fighting with my mental health, never accommodating myself, never taking a day off, masking and hiding my symptoms as best as I could, no one ever went easy on me and I didn't know how to stop it.

But now I couldn't hide it if I wanted to, and wouldn't even if I had the chance. I'm disabled. Full stop and that's just the way it is right now and it may stay that way forever. But with the way things have been, if I kept treating myself as something less than my top priority, frankly, I wouldn't be able to go on.

I let myself lay down, I learned that my gritty attitude isn't always a good thing and wearing myself to the bone just to keep up and perform ability isn't just a couple days in bed anymore.

I've started demanding respect. Enforcing my boundaries. Complaining loudly and snapping at people who touch my aid if I feel they deserve it. I started taking up space. I stopped moving for people on the sidewalk because the world doesn't "belong to everyone but me" (something I've felt for a long time). As a disabled person, I need to make sure I know that I matter-- for my sake and for the sake of other cripples.

I'm less friendly. It's on purpose. I give less grace. I'm bitter and I cut my eyes and I suck my teeth at the ignorant people who annoy me and get in my way. I'm no fun by choice and I like it that way. I refuse to be a novelty, I refuse to beg god to make me better, I refuse to hurt myself for the sake of others, I refuse take shit from doctors that won't listen and I like myself more because of it.

I don't need to make a point of making myself appear to be stronger or more resilient than I am, because I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm learning to Truly ask for help when I need it, and to accept help when it's offered. Riding this wave of shit hasn't been a breeze by any means, but making it my own and writing my name on it has made it a hell of a lot easier.

Td;lr? If you're disabled, try being a little bit of a bitch. It's fun and good for your mental health <3 (read post for context)

(I say this as someone who's been taught that assertiveness and prioritizing oneself is a Bad Thing, we're not actually "bitches" for wanting basic respect or for caring about ourselves!! And if we are, so the fuck what?)

#cripple punk #cpunk #mobility aid user #chronic pain #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #mobility aid #cane user #cripple pride #cripple posting #disability pride #disability justice

[stxramr]

I love Scaramouche

(NSFW BELOW THE CUT)

I love Scaramouche its genuinely so fucking insane.When I first saw that man I wanted him to break my legs and ruin me raw.I wanted him to degrade me and make me cry,laugh at my tears as soon as he noticed only to go harder and faster.

His attitude made him even better tbh.His high ego and pride,bro I wouldn't hesitate to get on my knees to suck him off if I ever saw him.

Like idfk if it's made out of wood or something ILL MAKE IT WORK.I will literally force it in me and he'll have me shaking and crying for hours I swear.

He could make me disabled for weeks then not give a fuck about me and I'd still be thankful.

He could use me as his personal cum dump and hide me in his basement I would not mind it one bit.As long as I am stuffed full and ALL my holes are oozing with his sticky white residue I am game.

Ngl I'd get myself all dolled up for him when he's away so when he's back he could release all his pent up anger and fuck me for how long he wants to,we could go on for all of eternity if he wanted.

He's so fucking hot tbh.He's fine in all his forms I dont even wanna get into detail about that.

I also want to smash him when he's wanderer.Especially before he got his past memories back like bro was so fucking cute I bet he whimpered and begged.

Also his ult??like step on me pls.He could edge me for hours just by stepping on me.It would be weird but I'd still be begging for him.

He looks like the kind of guy who'd be mean and bossy with a female significant other but would be all hooked and submissive if his significant other was a male.

He looked rideable and peggable at the same time its so fucking insane.Like if it were railing a woman he's be groaning and grunting,but if he was the one getting railed he'd be crying and whimpering.

I wouldn't mind if he made me his personal sex slave.Like a little dog he'd drag around to show off and then fuck senseless once he gets home.

Like pls,he could fill me with any type of liquid from him.Whether it be cum,piss,blood,whatever as long as he's in me I could not possibly care.

He could fill me with his cum if he even has that,he could impregnate me everyday and night.

And if he doesn't want kids of him own I'd get abortions any time possible and I might as well find a way to make myself infertile so he could fuck me without a care for any consequences what so ever.

Also the idea of him always being so neglectful and always ignoring his significant other when he's busy with his duties??hello??

I would ride his foot until he's pity me enough to actually give me sexual attention.And if I have to cream on his foot for him to finally put the papers down then SO I WILL.

Im gonna add more to this because this man is fucking everything.His personality,his attitude,Istfg he could break my legs and pound me for DAYS and I would complain

Also the hat stays ON during sex so while he's thrusting the only sound you could comprehend is the jingle sound of the thingies of his hat

Okay but like semi public sex with scara in a fatui tent while all the other agents are sleeping and he just muffles your moaning with a rag like yes pls

He could slap me multiple times,beat me up,make me pass out just to fuck me and I would let him.He could leave me all bruised and bloody filled with cum somewhere in teyvat and I'd still be thankful.

Ok but a threesome with childe and scara??like childe bending me over behind me while scara is muffling my cries and moans??

Imagine all the jealous cicin mages and female fatui agents because scara's scent is so strong and the marks on your neck are so visible no amount of concealer could hide them.

Scara could step on me,abuse me,degrade me,hurt me all he wants as long as I get fucked in the end its okay

When I finally got him on his first rerun I was so happy.Like as soon as he came on screen I did too tbh

HE'S SO PRETTY IT HURTS TO LOOK AT HIM I LITERALLY SPENT DAYS ON GENSHIN STARING AT HIS DESIGN AND LISTENING TO HIS VOICE LINES

Wanderer would probably do it in the forest if his significant other got too needy

#yandere scaramouche #scaramouche #genshin impact #keithoughts #smut #scaramouche smut #genshin imagines #genshin smut #wanderer #wanderer smut

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for bad-mouthing my boyfriend’s toxic family?

(🐈‍⬛ For me to recognize my post later)

I (20f) have a boyfriend (21m) who is physically disabled and still currently living at home with his parents for a while as he tries to scrape his savings together to move in with me. This wouldn’t be an issue, if his parents weren’t immensely transphobic (he’s trans) and outright abusive towards him. Despite having an official doctor’s diagnosis for ALL of his issues, both mental and physical, they just?? Like to pretend that he’s completely able-bodied, and that he’s making up his issues “for attention” (<- something that they’ve actually said to him)

My bf isn’t ready to leave the house just yet because he doesn’t want to feel like a burden and wants to be able to support himself without my help, despite my constant offering and support, but this ofc just means that he’s STAYING in that house, and it’s clear that it effects him really negatively. He’s improved a lot since I’ve met him in high school, but him being in that house is just. Awful for his health, his self esteem, literally everything. I guess I understand his reasonings for not leaving (he’s on his parents’ health insurance, his dad’s a vet so he gets a ton of money off his college bill, he’s got a little sister at home that he doesn’t want to leave alone, etc etc), but at the same time, I fucking HATE his parents, more than I’ve ever hated anyone in my life. He’s such an amazing guy, but I’ve seen him reduced to panic attacks just on their words alone, and it’s awful and I hate them.

I’m also very vocal with this hate. I tell him all the time. Whenever he vents to me, or mentions something awful that his parents have/had done in passing, or tries to excuse their behavior, I will tell him point-blank that I hate his parents and that he needs to leave. He gets incredibly upset whenever I say stuff like that, however, and has asked me multiple times to quit it, but it’s just so hard to see him loving them so fiercely when they literally only give him the bare minimum in return.

The reason for this post at all is because I started going off on a tangent about two days ago when he managed to escape (he has to ask for permission every time he wants to go out) to my place to destress and have a small date night, and I specifically asked him how his parents had been treating him recently because he’d been pretty quiet about it. He got really quiet and eventually told me that they keep adding really weird stuff to do for his household responsibilities (ex: dusting the UNDERSIDE of tables??) and that they’re now threatening to take away the things he loves (his phone, his books, his DOOR) if he doesn’t keep up with the new workload, which is especially hard because, again, he’s DISABLED. Well this pissed me off, because they’ve done shit like that in the past and it never ends well for him, and I started talking about how much his parents suck and how I wish he would just leave, and he got really quiet and just said “I think I’m just gonna leave now” and just. Left

In the aftermath, I feel awful about it. We’ve texted a few times since then, and he says that he’s okay and that it was fine, and how he just needs to get over it, but it’s very clear that he’s still upset by it and just trying not to make it a big issue. I know that he hates it when I badmouth his parents, but I genuinely do not know any other way to get it into his head that he needs to leave as soon as possible, if only to save his own health. I love him so so much, we’ve been together since high school, we would die for each other, and we’ve been through so much that not very many couples have had to go through, especially not at our age. I sincerely just want the best for him, and this feels like I could open the topic again and try to make him SEE, but I’m just worried that I might have upset him this time in a way that he might not be able to get over.

Sorry for this getting so long, I just feel very strongly about it and I want to know if I’m the AH here and should lay off, or keep trying to make him see that he just needs to get out as soon as possible. So tumblr, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[bunnakit]

last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

#bunn meta #last twilight #last twilight the series #mhokday #morkday #userjamiec

[t4tozier]

what a lovely day to post about disabled richie tozier (cw: description of tics and stims!)

after the fall out of the deadlights, he severely fucks up his knees and ankles

the adrenaline keeps him going until they get out of neibolt at which point he just collapses

he leaves the hospital with knee braces and crutches and it’s a little scary at first

he’s never had any issues with walking other than then general getting-old charlie horses when he stretches the wrong way, so suddenly needing multiple aids is jarring

but eddie’s in a wheelchair now because of his spinal cord injury, so at least they can commiserate

after a few months, richie’s able to walk slowly just using the braces, but every step hurts

the under-arm crutches also sucked, though, so he finds himself using forearm crutches for anything more than walking around the house

and sometimes even then

he’s not off balance, he can stand on his own, but sometimes he wishes he had the chair because standing for too long in one place hurts, too

he’s mostly neutral about his aids but he does love helping eddie decorate his wheelchair bc he knows it’s been a huge adjustment

he slapped an old tour sticker on the back at one point and even though eddie pretends to hate it they both know it’s one of his favorites

richie’s known he’s autistic for a long time

he has some other tic disorder but he’s never looked too much into it or been diagnosed because it hasn’t been severe enough for doctors to care or recognize it as more than his normal stimming

and he doesn’t particularly care either—it’s just another part of him and getting an official diagnosis won’t actually do anything for him

he used to rock back and forth on his toes and bounce his leg a lot but that got a lot more painful after derry 2.0 so he’s had to adapt

he finds himself shaking his hands a lot more, and he still rocks when he’s sitting down

he chews on straws so much that eddie finally gets him one of those silicone ones and richie’s elated

he bites through it in a week

his tics mainly come out more when he’s stressed or intoxicated; they tend to lean more physical when stressed and verbal when he’s drunk or high and he doesn’t know why

his head/neck jerks so hard he strains muscles and he’s hit his chest with enough force to bruise before but he doesn’t try to avoid them because he knows it’ll only make it worse

when he’s drunk he does a lot of humming and whistling—he can perfectly mimic the tweet whistle/ringtone

he actually doesn’t have coprolalia, although he will absolutely blame his lack of filter on his tics if needed

the man did not know what ableism was until derry but now he calls the losers out all the time as a joke

he had a meltdown when mike called him

he spends so much of his time masking around other people that it was hard for him to drop it and he has meltdowns more frequently than he really should as a result

he’s finally started to relax around the losers like he used to, but some days he puts the wrong clothes on and he made the last of the cinnamon raisin toast last night when he got the munchies and there are too many dishes in the sink and when he tries to wash them the water gets inside of the gloves and everything’s just itch itch wet wrong bad and eddie finds him curled in a ball on the floor of the kitchen

when this happens, eddie makes sure richie has his phone so he can text if he wants and he gets the cinnamon raisin bread delivered and has richie change into comfier clothes when he’s ready to move and then they go watch a movie with richie’s head in eddie’s lap and everything is always loud loud loud in richie’s head but for a few minutes, at least, it’s quiet

#who said all of that… #anyway #if anyone uses braces or crutches and there’s anything wrong about what i said lmk #most of this is based on my own experience of disability but i do not use those aids! #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #bc i couldn’t talk about post derry and not include eddie w a spinal cord injury #autistic richie tozier #disabled eddie kaspbrak #disabled richie tozier

[fuck-customers]

Hello everyone. I’d like to give y’all a quick recap of my time in retail this holiday season:

-two guests tried to fight one of our online order guys, and from what I heard they absolutely provoked him and started the beef by stealing things from the order he was picking for

-had two female guests try to fight ME because I had the audacity to ask them why they were opening boxes of makeup, and management pretty much did nothing about it bc they continued shopping and got to checkout like nothing happened. Then had a leader, who knows nothing about my dept, try to come over and say it was my fault for not saying the exact right thing to her

-had a leader complain to upper management that I “don’t follow direction” bc she tried to come over to my dept, completely change the way we do shit by having me and my coworker switch areas (despite me telling her that our fucking SCHEDULE literally confirms that she is wrong, which she even later admitted herself???)

-had a lady throw boxes of makeup sponges at me

-had to tell multiple groups of very obviously rich and entitled teens/kids that is in fact extremely shitty to get the electric scooters meant for disabled guests and instead use them to race, play bumper cars, or stack three people in the basket on the front of it

Also. A VERY SPECIAL FUCK YOU to some specific customers. An hour after I got screamed at and threatened by the two customers I mentioned above, I guy walking through my area then drops an entire like 24 pack of topo Chico onto the floor and there’s fuckifn glass and water everywhere. Since I had just been screamed at and my leaders did nothing to have my back, I was little bit in a bad mood by the time the broken glass happened. Fucking sue me right?? Wel two guests who SAW ME cleaning up the glass (didn’t even fucking interact with me, I remember) and I guess thought that I didn’t look happy enough while I was doing that and decided to fucking FILE A COMPLAINT ABOUT IT.

Literally what fhe FUCK is wrong with you that you see a worker clearly having a very hard day, in the middle of holiday season, and you then think to yourself, “you know what? That worker needs to be smiling while being plowed in the ass by capitalism. And the fact that they’re not deriving physical, spiritual and sexual pleasure from their shitty retail job offends me so much I think I’ll have to complain about them and make it even worse.”

I even remember who might’ve complained too. Bc the guy that dropped the damn bottles in the first place didn’t even stick around to see it resolved (naturally) and so I didn’t even interact with any customers while cleaning it. HOWEVER, there was a couple standing nearby that when it happened, they immediately ran to his side like “oh man that’s so terrible you must be having a bad day? Are you alright? Do you need help?” So I guess fuck the person who actually has to clean this all up, no instead we should fawn over the jackass who broke all this glass and couldn’t even pretend he cared about it. Because that makes perfect fucking sense. Also love the casual implication that retail workers must be smiling deliriously all the fucking time and that I am not allowed to show any emotions besides that bc I am subhuman and not deserving of any grace or empathy. So dear customers who complained… I’m literally BEGGING the universe to fuck you over and YOU personally because if you truly had nothing better to do than scrutinize the facial expressions of a retail worker you never even interacted with, you are truly a waste of oxygen and are detrimental to society. I hope your nastiness comes back to bite you in the ass. I hope someone kicks YOU while you’re down and I hope it fucking sucks, you worthless piece of shit.

Posted by admin Rodney.

[mdhwrites]

TOH: The Problem With Waffles

So someone who has lost someone close to them takes palistrom wood and starts carving. They make them in the image of that which they have lost, imparting upon them a desire for them to be what they once were. Alongside this, their new form allows them to also act as their will made manifest upon the world as both lackey, partner, family and pet. Their life is only meaningful until thrown away, abandoned or ended by that which made them.

Am I talking about Hunter being made by Belos or Hunter making Waffles?

Waffles and Hunter actually have a lot in common, such as how as an orphan Philip likely saw his brother as the man who gave him a chance at life after his parents died, just like Flapjack explicitly did for Hunter when Hunter was going to die. A core element of the problem though is actually with how lame the Grimmwalkers are and the lack of magical materials in the Isles. Rather than a complex set of reagents for witch's brew, we get maybe a handful of items and the big two are Titan's Blood... And Palistrom.

Because of this, it's kind of easy to look at Grimmwalkers as advanced Palismen. Hell, it's actually weird that Hunter CAN'T use magic. Palismen have innate magic just by being made by Palistrom wood. Luz proves that they can do magic on their own since she uses Owlbert to activate glyphs from far away, something she cannot do herself. It's implied as part of why witches are commonly stronger with their staffs than without (not that that ever comes into play at any time). Meanwhile, Hunter has multiple magical components, at least one of which is INCREDIBLY powerful and far rarer than Palistrom wood which would make one assume they're stronger because one of the only ingredients we know of for Grimmwalkers is a Galdorstone. So... Why can't he cast magic? Because he doesn't have a bile sac? Does that mean every Palisman actually gets split in half during carving so you can carve out its tiny organs before sealing it back together without any sign of this crack? Because I REALLY doubt it.

Add to that the fact that Palismen are regularly abandoned by their witches for SOME FUCKING REASON (I think the Bat Queen in S1 should have claimed that witches "...No longer are able to care for them" to imply they died because otherwise, what the fuck?) and most seem perfectly without a Palisman and they don't seem all that different from how Belos treats Hunter. Narratively and functionally the two are just treated the same. One simply takes on a more human form since Palismen are PLENTY sentient and able to talk with others.

It makes how Hunter's arc ends, as a clone of Caleb by how many people read it, including myself, suck even harder. He's not just taking cues from the man he was made to look like after all. By chasing a lost loved one like this instead of letting go and looking to the future, he also copies Belos.

And that is the exact opposite of ANYTHING his arc should imply.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#hunter toh #palisman #Grimmwalker #the owl house criticism #toh critical

[thebibliosphere]

My inbox is full of unsolicited medical advice ranging from well-meaning but unhelpful for my other conditions, possibly helpful if I can get a doctor to listen and stop being afraid of my MCAS, to outright “have you tried Tylenol/Yoga.”

And to those last people:

I’ve had migraines for over 20. Yes I’ve tried yoga. I used to be qualified to fucking teach yoga.

So suck on the ableist idea that somehow I’m not doing the right things to mediate my debilitating pain.

I’m not complaining for fun because I enjoy it and have tried nothing. I’m complaining because I’m at the end of a very long tether, and my doctors don’t know how to help me because I have so many other major conflicting health issues that put my life at risk.

Yoga helped you? Good! I’m so glad endorphins from exercise and keeping your back and neck muscles in good shape helped you! In an ideal world, it’d benefit everyone.

Meanwhile, I and my multiple fused spinal fractures, connective tissue disorder, and several neurological disorders are going to be over here, waiting for medical science to get to a point where they can upload my consciousness into a machine. At this point, I’d even accept Windows Vista. It might actually be more stable.

I understand you think you are being kind, but please stop and consider that people with chronic, lifelong conditions have at least tried the basics. And especially assume that the person who has “chronic illness and disability advocate” in their bio has at least tried tylenol.

Please, you’re not being kind. You’re just being patronizing.

#chronic health tag #personal #‘have you tried yoga?’ #😬😬

[renthony]

It still really stings that multiple people decided to cut me out over the past three years because they were angry at me for saying that going out unmasked to bars is selfish and reckless behavior.

Here we are going into the end of 2022, health officials are saying we're on the brink of another horrible spike, and I'm sitting with the reality that my so-called "friends" were that willing to let people die just to get some beers. They decided to cut off contact and drop me, because they were so angry that I DARED tell them I thought they were being irresponsible in a way that could directly impact my family's safety.

I don't care what our jackass of a president says, this pandemic isn't over, and I'm tired of having to suck it up and just accept that people don't care anymore.

I need people to GIVE A SHIT, or at least go back to pretending. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the insane one, the unreasonable one, the one who needs to just "get over it" and "stop being afraid."

Why is it MY fault that I'm experiencing perfectly justified anger at being left to rot by a society that doesn't care?

I miss my friends and it's getting harder and harder and harder every day to remember that I even HAVE friends. When do I get to see people again? When do I get to go back to normal?

Probably fucking never, because the entire world has decided that disabled people are an acceptable sacrifice. And I'm not being fucking unreasonable for being livid with that shit-ass status quo.

#original post