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itsonlydana · 2 years

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"sleeping in// getting thrown out of bed" ➷ BdoubleO100

➛ pairing: c!bdubs x gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

➛ idea: getting to enjoy a long, slow morning in bed with Bdubs is something very rare and you pressure every minute of it- until the two roommates inhabiting the monolith decide to end your cuddle session

➛ word count: 2,4k

➛ tags/warnings: none, pure fluff, + Etho & Ren

➛ an: after the new hermitcraft episode from bdubs I couldn't get this idea out of my head and I had to write it! I have no idea if I got his character correct since it's my first time writing him so I would love some feedback!

important links: rules + masterlist

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot and keep me writing <3

Mornings and getting up were a touchy subject in your relationship with Bdubs. Especially in the beginning, you could hardly spend a night together without starting the morning with moans and complaints about the early hours, because while you loved to stay between the sheets and start the day slowly at noon, your partner was quite different. Even before the sun stretched its warm rays through the windows of the monolith, Bdubs was up and out, preferring to stand in the still dew-covered grass as early as possible and continue his work on his latest project.

It was hard for the builder to get used to a new routine, he was used to being able to plan his own day and not having to follow someone else's schedule, but now not only was he sleeping in his bed, but he was sharing it with you. After you got together, you were hesitant to go along with your now partner's desire to move in with him, but you knew his sleeping habits - the whole server knew how serious Bdubs was about going to bed early and getting up even earlier. The first sleepover wasn't even planned as such, the strenuous work in the community and an adventure with Gem, Impulse and Perl in the depths of the earth had taken a lot out of you and your energy, it was far too hard to fight your worries about sleeping in a bed with Bdubs when it was oh so tempting to let him pull you up to his bedroom and fall onto the mattress. That night, snuggled together with Bdubs face pressed into the crook of your neck and his arms wrapped around you, had decided it for both of you and the very next morning you had moved in with your shulker boxes packed to the brims.

You had never looked back.

It was the chirping of birds right at the window what slowly pulled you out of your dreams, the cheerful especially loud singing. With a deep breath you filled lungs and nose with fresh morning air and as your nose was pressed against your partner's temple, also with the familiar smell of moss, birch trees and all that was Bdubs. The sheets rustled as you turned your body slightly to get closer to the warm body again, still deep in sleep.

Your bed wasn't exactly big, even if you might expect it to be from a man obsessed with sound sleep, like Bdubs. It barely fit in a window alcove on the top floor of the monolith, a small bed with a soft gray blanket that you pulled higher. Sleeping together as a couple in this bed was also only a good idea if you liked each other very much, because it didn't leave much room for double solitude.

Fortunately, you liked Bdubs very much, and he liked you too.

So it was no wonder that you slept in the same position every night, despite the temperature: You with the cool diorite wall in your back, Bdubs snuggled up against you face-first, his head nestled under your chin, one arm draped over you and the other flat against your chest, right over your heart. The blanket was usually so high that only his brown mop of hair peeked out, and you wondered every time how he got air under it.

His breath hit your neck hot, steady and completely relaxed, his lips slightly open and placed against your pulse. Short but noticeable stubble scratched your neck, and with each of his minimal movements, like the slipping of his hand from your shoulder blades lower down your back or his bent leg resting over yours, he sighed lightly in his sleep.

Waking up before Bdubs was almost as rare as days when you generally woke up in bed together. Lately they happened more often, because the long days of work when it came to building, as well as his always ready attitude for any task King Ren (or the roommate one floor above you) had for your partner usually exhausted Bdubs to the point where he hummed a "let's sleep in" in the evening before you scurried under the covers.

You turned your head on the pillow filled with feathers to the window, from whose board the bird, which had served as an alarm clock for you today, had disappeared. The sky was a bright blue, not a single cloud to be seen. Instead, a few shadows of Hermits were hissing around in the air, all already working, shopping, or planning nonsense-just as you knew your friends must be.

You were lucky you weren't awakened by the Warden's bellowing in Etho's house.... Bdub's cellar... a prank of Impulse that affected all the inhabitants of the monolith, none of whom had any idea how to get rid of the terrifying creature and the walls. You clearly preferred the birdsong to the sonic screech.

"Mmm."

You felt Bdubs wake up, his previously loose arms and legs tensing as he stretched, muttering to himself, the tips of his toes peeking out from under the covers on the other side and wiggling around.

With a yawn still full of sleep and pure contentment, he lifted his head, eyes closed and lips pressed into a smile.

"Good morning, Boo." you softly spoke the first words of the day.

Bdubs yawned loudly again before reaching up to breathe a kiss on your cheek. "Mornin' sweetheart," he murmured in his morning voice that always made you feel warm all over. It was noticeably deeper and darker, and Bdubs knew exactly how much you loved it. For that very reason, he sat up a little so that his lips could brush over your ear. "You've been awake long?" he asked, as he spread light kisses on your forehead.

You responded with a nod, too absorbed in your partner's caresses to formulate words. Bdubs was not shy when it came to showing his love and affection, no matter when or where you were. There were kisses on the cheek at work, walks around the neighborhood hand in hand, and then there were the moments when he suddenly burst into loud love songs that would make opera singers fall over with envy. Your favorite moments were the private endearments, like slow mornings in bed, dancing in the kitchen, or when he watched you brew potions and wrapped his arms around you from behind. He thought of new ways to show you how much he loved you every day, and that's why you fell for him harder and harder.

"What are we going to do today anyway?", Bdubs asked, laying back down with you, this time putting his arm around you.

"Do you have something planned?", you snuggled into his side, resting your head against his chest.

"King Ren would like some advice on his quest for the reclamation of the diamonds, I suspect by late afternoon." Humming, Bdubs placed his lips on yours, "I'm free until then" he murmured, and sighing, you surrendered to the kiss.

Bdubs kissed you as he did everything: with full commitment.

He kissed you decisively and deeply, lips slightly parted, while his hands ran over your shoulders up to your chin and gently gripped your cheeks.

You parted after a while, lips puffy and twisted into satisfied smiles as you got comfortable again.

"I'm supposed to help Etho with the Warden problem later".

Bdub's eyes looked worried at your plans for the day. "Why do you have to help Etho with the Warden? He's got himself into this one! Can't he invent some redstone nonsense to make the thing disappear back into the depths? Do you have to risk your life on that?"

"Bdubs-"

"I'm going to have to have a word with Etho- a stern serious word, as the owner of this monolith, that this is not going to continue! If he wants a pet, let him get a cat, but a Warden? I should have had him sign a contract-"

"Bdubs!" Shouting a little louder, you interrupted Bdubs grumbling and rambling and shook your head in disbelief, "Etho didn't put the Warden in his walls for fun, that was Impulse. Besides, he already has an idea of how to get rid of the thing, I'm just an assist in luring it through the portal"

Surprisingly, Bdubs wasn't really convinced by your reassuring words, but he was also always worried about your well-being and apparently luring a Warden wasn't really what he wanted to hear.

He pursed his lips, deep in thought as to whether it was worth discussing it with you if you were going to end up doing whatever you felt like anyway. He didn't want to tell you not to, you were your own person after all.

All these thoughts and reflections played out on his face like a movie, the furrowed brows and fixed gaze were something you could read like a book by now. A simple book, a picture book, where you didn't even have to read much - Bdubs was easier to read than anyone you knew, although he always tried to seem mystical and unpredictable.

That's exactly why you knew how to get him off his sulk.

You pressed closer to him, leaning your head against his tanned, warm chest, and looked deep into his eyes. "I'll take care of myself, all right. I'm big and strong, remember?" you said.

He sighed, his chest rising and falling at the theatrical, long and audible exhale. "Do you promise?" he asked softly. There was seriousness in his gaze, deep concern because of the known information about the Warden's strength.

"I promise," you pronounced both words seriously, then grinned again, "But sweet that you want to have a serious word with Etho for me."

"Don't you believe me?", Bdubs pushed his shoulders back to appear broader "Am I not big and strong like you?"

As soon as you snorted, Bdubs muttered a "That's it" and flipped you over so he could lean over you. His dark hair fell down like a curtain and laughing you ran your hands through the soft short strands. Bdub's hands wandered over your sides, tickling you here and there, dancing over your skin like the strings of a guitar, and like a musician he listened to your laughter as if it were his most beautiful composition.

The sun shone warmly through the window, falling on you and making Bdub's dark eyes shine. The sheets rustled under your squirming, attempts to escape his tickling, and your laughter echoed loud and free in the silence of the monolith, because the morning is yours and yours alone.

Until a deafening crash drowned it all out. The walls seemed to vibrate under the all-silencing sound and a flower pot fell from a windowsill somewhere and shattered into thousands of shards outside.

Immediately you and Bdubs had jumped up, he in front of you with his chest lowering and heaving heavily, you behind, your hands clasped with his.

"What was that?" you whispered, but Bdubs couldn't give you an answer.

It wasn't a second before footsteps were heard. Loud and rumbling, they came running up the stairs of the tower, until suddenly Etho was standing in your bedroom. His white hair was tied in a long braid and he looked from Bdubs to you and back to Bdubs.

"Oh man, put some clothes on!" he exclaimed, which jolted Bdubs out of his state of shock.

"That's outrageous!", Bdubs started to rant "You, YOU"- he took a few steps towards the intruder and pressed his index finger against the green vest he was wearing "You're just a roomie in my basement! You have no rights to my clothes, how and if I wear them, because only I have that"

Etho's gaze shifted to you, still behind Bdubs but noticeably more relaxed, and you shrugged.

"Can you tell me what that horrendous crash? I bet it was your fault, wasn't it you troublemaker?", Bdubs continued to grumble, and he could have talked for ages if you hadn't put your hands on his back and stepped up beside him.

"Let the man explain himself.", Etho was already smiling gratefully, then you became more serious again, "Because I'd also like to know what just swept one of my flowers off the board"

"Well, I guess the Warden has spent long enough behind the wall and I believe he wants to scout the area very soon. If you still want to help we should get going now" the usually calm man sputtered out and already at his statement you had reached for your armor that was lying on the floor and were about to slip into the breastplate when Bdub's arms wrapped around you.

"Please take care of yourself, okay?"

"Of course" Encouragingly you smiled at him and turned so he could tie the cords on the sides of the breastplate. Nimbly, his hands work the ties into a tight knot that secured the armor and kept it from slipping off.

As if the sudden chaos wasn't enough, a voice sounded from outside:

"Didn't we say we were cleaning up the server? What is this garbage of broken flowerpot? BDUBS? ARE YOU THERE?" you heard King Ren and now it was Bdubs who was hastily grabbing his things.

Hectically, he threw on the green moss sweater that had been hanging on the bedpost until now and snatched his Elytra from the small closet next to the stairs.

It was almost ironic how quickly your quiet two-on-two morning had turned. A moment you sometimes longed for for days, gone again within minutes and yet not forgotten.

In haste and practiced handles, you were ready for the adventures of the day, through which you would fight with the memories of gentle kisses and togetherness, to be together again as soon as possible.

Before saying goodbye, Bdubs, now fully dressed in shiny shoes, his familiar sweater and elytra, and a bag full of rockets, pulled you into a heartfelt final kiss. "See you tonight. I love you," he murmured, for as much as he showed his affection in public, those words, that promise, was just for you.

"I love you too," you whispered back and already you were following Etho down the stairs, two steps at a time and all you could hear was the hiss of the rockets.

You could hardly wait for the evening.

#hermitcraft fanfic #hermitcraft x reader #hermitcraft x you #hermitcraft fluff #bdoubleo100 x reader #bdubs x reader #c!bdubs x reader #c!bdubs x you #bdoubleo x reader #bdoubleo x you #bdoubleo100 fluff #bdoubleo fluff #bdubs fluff #bdubs fanfiction #hermitcraft writing #hermitcraft imagine

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wasyago · 2 months

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Can you draw that snail? You know the one who got out of Grian's power and started to eat Gem's lighthouse?

little guy <3

alternatively: big guy.

#hermitcraft #grian #geminitay #my art #sketch #drawing a snail with teeth wasn't on my bingo card for this year but here we are #ALSO god can you imagine a dungeon meshi au with grian as a dm and snail as his animal? all he wished for was a mending book.......#the brainrot is strong im being tormented by the demons ( my own ideas )#ALSO 2.0. does anyone remember that snail from adventure time? i mean. cmon. i mean..? hello?

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bemboob · 2 months

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facts (?) i have learnt about etho

- lives in the middle of nowhere in snow

- his gaming setup is incredibly cursed

- these revelations about his setup confirm that he does in fact have at least 2 arms. unsure about legs.

- his headphones are cursed in ways i don’t want to think about. but this is Proof he does in fact have a head

- a kid recognised him from his voice

- he hates onions

- used to help with his parent’s plant nursery business before it closed

- helped a girl out of her car after an accident

- has multiple generators

- doesn’t have a phone 😭😭

- probably chops wood and digs ditches?

- he still uses double tap to sprint

- a plastic bag once got stuck under his car and got burnt and stunk his car up for months

- he gets a nosebleed when he drinks carbonated drinks

- he had a cat named snuggles or snuckles who kiLLED A DUCK

- he likes baked potato but it’s actually baked in the MICROWAVE. for 3 hours?????

- a moose once broke his fence

- a moose once bit his sister (?)

- he went camping in the rocky mountains and messed up his ankles

- he likes peanut butter on bananas but he dropped it once but ate it anyway

- he made fireworks in his garage when he was younger and burnt a hole in a table

- he got stopped in an airport for having a BB gun i think it was

- his stopped uploading videos during the olympics. i don’t think this is a coincidence. i believe he is in the national hockey team. i have no proof.

- he is ripped with a 6 pack??

- he didn’t get vaccinated for a while when he was a kid?????

- he can make a popping noise by sticking his pinky finger in his ear

- always wears socks but hates sandals. not sure about the verdict on socks + sandals

- he can rotate his feet over 180 degrees. i think someone said it was 300 degrees but the thought of that makes me uncomfortable

- he likes the colour Green

#hermitcraft #ethoslab #etho #mcyt #mcytblr #trafficblr #hermitcraft etho #i think i made some of these up #etho is a figment of my imagination #these came to me in a dream

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riacte · 6 months

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No but seriously imagine it:

You’re watching Decked Out on Hermitcraft. Everyone is having a great time. The hermits seem a little excited. “We have a surprise for you guys,” Tango says. All of a sudden Jimmy comes out with a cowboy hat and he and Tango hug. Skizz, Joel, and Lizzie follow with enthusiastic applause. When “THE DUNGEON IS READY FOR ITS NEXT VICTIM” stops playing, the MCC Sands of Time soundtrack plays distantly and HBomb walks out. Lights flash everywhere, and you see the Empires / Life series / HBomb / hermits hanging out in the Decked Out lobby and comparing decks. Everyone in the crowd is going wild and crying. Then if things couldn’t get any better, Ren and Martyn walk into the lobby and kiss, holding the Dogwarts flag.

#treebark #trafficshipping #ria.txt #IM GOING CRAZY #hermitblr #hermitcraft #mcyt #no but seriously imagine it #decked out open day #decked out 2

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thedreadpoetroberts · 2 months

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Thinking about Grian switching between his "work" skin and "fishing" skin. Cause he has magnificent facial hair on his fishing skin and none on his work skin.

So either... Grian has fake facial hair he wears just for fishing, OR the much funnier option, he shaves for his job at the Permit Office, and then when he leaves, concentrates really hard and it grows back immediatly. He learned this skill from Mumbo.

#Grian #hermitcraft #I keep imagining grian digging out of the permit office #looking around to make sure he's alone #closing his eyes #concentrating really hard #channeling his inner mumbo #and POP theres his mustache and sideburns

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owllooker · 2 months

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More Gem doodles!

I couldn’t keep myself from trying to draw different emotions.

The snail bit is quickly becoming one of my favourite things!

#geminitay fanart #hermitcraft season 10 #hermitcraft fanart #my art #mcyt fanart #digital art #artists on tumblr #hermittblr #character design #snail #if Gem gets a snail they will destroy the server #imagine a snail in Doc’s redstone

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bucket-of-amethyst · 3 months

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Impulse finds out what good pussy sounds like stimboard ✨ 🧀 🐟 💕

#sorry #imagine if real impol sees this #im so sorry #but its so funny #hermitcraft #impulsesv #gif #gif warning #hermitcraft 10

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shepscapades · 1 month

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Finally: The Official DBHC Etho Reference Sheet!

I had to clarify that the “current” look is for Season 9, because I’m not sure how or if he’ll change for s10 yet! The “current” version is essentially his updated “default” look! Thought I might mention also that “Back Around” on the loose timeline lineup at the bottom is a reference to a song on his playlist in which he takes some time away from everyone after re-deviating to re-remember and find himself <3

Side note: Etho wears his mask under his chin mostly just around bdubs, but he starts wearing it down more often around doc, tango, or others who are used to seeing the damage. More than anything else, he’s sure to keep it for protection purposes when he’s outside working, exploring, or anything else that isn’t just hanging and chatting with friends :]

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rayhantochtli · 2 months

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Etho designs based on different series

#hermitcraft #ethoslab #life series #???#my art #i couldnt find a way to add a mail system reference so imagine the custom bundle is there #the first one is a revamp/revisit of one of my first designs for him

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ignotusius · 2 months

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‘normal’

‘weird’

#hermitcraft #this one is a bit abstract #use ur imagination to decipher them #cause it’s hard to draw what they physically does with their fingers or just their keybinds:p

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tigone · 5 months

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this is my character thesis for them btw

#imagine if gay people were real…#grian #goodtimeswithscar #hermitcraft #3rd life #third life #scarian #desert duo #trafficshipping #yeah i’m tagging that don’t judge me #gtws

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itsonlydana · 2 years

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"finding a friend in your enemy" ➷ BdoubleO100

➛ pairing: c!bdubs x gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

➛ idea: when Pearl asks you to cat-sit her cat Nugget, Bdubs is convinced he would never like any cat and especially not one that shows no interest in him whatsoever. It's fascinating how fast the tables turn.

➛ word count: 1,1k

➛ tags/warnings: none, pure fluff, mention of small injuries

➛ an: while writing this I rewatched Bdubs Among Us stream from tonight and I had to write this short story after he and Pearl chatted about her cat. I know Bdubs is not on my official list on who I write for yet, but if you have any ideas, send them in :D

➛ requests: open!

important links: rules + masterlist

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot and keep me writing <3

"I think she hates me"

"What?" Astonished, you looked over the top of your notebook, glancing from the long list of materials for your mega base to Bdubs, who almost disappeared into the tall grass in his moss sweater.

"She hates me and probably every person on this server," your boyfriend repeated, resting his head in the crook of his arm so you couldn't see anything of him except for a tuft of brown hair. He'd been lying there in the meadow in front of your starter home for hours, as still as you'd never have thought him to be, hidden under his soft sweater that was far too warm for a warm summer day.

"Well, she seems to like me," you clarified, and turned back to your list. You had already started to elaborate the plans for your big project a week ago and after you decided to settle down near the shopping district by the sea you could finally go into more details - or rather you could try to, because Bdub's deprecating click of his tongue made you lower the notebook in your hands again.

"You don't really think someone so sweet hates humanity, do you?"

"She's the devil himself! Look at her with her red sparkling eyes and razor sharp claws! Just now she was sharpening them and I swear she was staring at me the whole time!"

"Bdubs, it's a cat!" you interrupted his agitated babbling and stood up from your double chest serving as a seat, aware that you couldn't continue working until the "cat" problem was solved. And if, in exchange, you would put your project on hold for another night, only to finally be able to work in peace afterwards, so be it.

With a sigh, you trudged across the meadow to the shady oak tree, against whose trunk you leaned again, directly under the "B+y/n" cut into the bark, which had been created as soon as you had put down your first chest of the now out-of-control chest monster.

Stretching out your legs, you leaned against the trunk and looked down at Bdubs and his fluffy opponent.

Pearl's cat, Nugget, lay curled up in itself with her head, chin turned upwards in the grass, sleeping perfectly peacefully, completely unaware of Bdub's stare. Now that you were facing him you could see his face again, his skepticism of the fur baby more than evident in his curled lips. The hood pulled over his head cast a shadow over him, and laughing, you stretched to pull it off of him.

"Stop looking so grim, you super villain," you grinned after you ran a hand through his brown short strands and he blew them out of his eyes.

"I'm not the bad guy here," he grumbled, his whole attitude towards the cat telling a whole different story. Ever since Pearl had asked you to watch her cat Nugget for a few days, she had a long trip planned to gather materials and didn't want her running around her base alone, Bdubs had been out to plant nasty thoughts and worries in your head. What if you couldn't handle cats? Did you know what Nugget ate and needed for grooming? What if Nugget didn't want a babysitter at all and just wanted to chill for a week?

The latter had got you thinking about whether it might not have been Bdubs who didn't want to be a babysitter.

For you, the issue of Bdub's apparent dislike of cats had been resolved when Pearl had dropped Nugget off the day before yesterday in a box and with a shulker box full of food, snacks, and grooming products, and the cat had responded to Bdub's attempt to pet her-he'd been clumsier than he used to be at Redstone-and he'd gotten a small scratch on the spot.

You thought that if they didn't like each other, they should get along in peace and just ignore each other, but you didn't count on the sudden jealousy that arose in Bdubs every time the cat tried to get close to you, thus scaring him away.

Of course, he claimed that Bdubs, the king of the moon, didn't need to be jealous of a creature like a cat, a kitten at that, because he was so much better, and yet he was staring at Nuggets as if he wanted to send her to the moon in a rocket.

Just as you took your hand out of Bdub's hair and were about to lean back again, Nugget stirred. First she stretched her small slender hind paws back, rolled away and presented the underside of her belly to you, meowing.

"Oh look who's awake" Slowly, so she could see your hand coming you began to pet through the warm fur, massaging it lightly "Did you fall asleep after your dinner? That was quite a feast wasn't it? You're just like Boo," you whispered loud enough for Bdubs, who was watching the interaction skeptically and with his eyebrows drawn together, to hear "He likes to sleep in the sun after a good meal, too"

"Hey!" he exclaimed, startling Nugget, as she immediately stopped purring and hissed in his direction. Immediately Bdubs hissed back, seeming less threatening and more childlike.

You looked at him admonishingly, the subject of volume around the kitten had come up more and more in the last two days and while you didn't mind your boyfriend's full voice, cats heard everything a little louder after all. At his low grumble, Nugget calmed down too, her little body rolling relaxedly in your direction until her head bumped against your knee and she tossed up a throaty meow at you, a complaint as to why you had stopped petting her.

As any sane person would do, you continued the petting and were immediately rewarded with the deep purr that made every bit of stress fall away from you. It was truly magical how good a purring cat was for your mental health.

"Boo?"

"Yes angel face?"

You looked up with a smile from a perfectly content Nugget to a grumpy looking Bdubs. He really needed to work on his jealousy. "Don't you want to try Nugget again? She's all fluffy."

At your question, Bdubs laughed out loud until he realized you were serious. "No, never! Never ever in my life will I pet that devil and give myself to her, become one of her servants, serving her food and being bossed around! Can't you see the rage in her eyes? The hatred for the human- ahh" Without much hesitation you had taken his hand and were slowly running it over Nugget's belly with yours. She flinched briefly at the strange touch, but when she realized she was being petted again, she blinked once at Bdubs and leaned toward his hand.

It was a fascinating moment when Bdubs, completely in stupor, let you guide him and when he found his own rhythm and after a while his feet began to kick in the air, you knew you were one step closer to having a cat of your own.

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theminecraftbee · 2 months

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“Mumbo, I think Grian and Gem are possessed!”

Scar bursts through the door of the iron farm is building rather suddenly. This is indeed rather impressive, on account of the iron farm not having a door. Mumbo wonders if Scar put on there for dramatic effect, or if bursting into a space while shouting manifests door-like qualities, or maybe if he forgot he’d placed an entirely unnecessary door down. It’s almost as unnecessary as the iron farm, given Grian still hasn’t forgiven him for the whole ‘trying to see how far he can make Grian go to trade permits’ thing, and—

“Mumbo, you aren’t paying attention! I think Grian and Gem are possessed!” Scar says, distressed.

“What? Er, I mean, yes, we’d all rather noticed, hadn’t we?” Mumbo says. “Really don’t know why you’re panicking about it. Bit old, that news is.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me!” Scar says, making a dramatic hand motion. “It’s terrible! My builds, Mumbo! My beautiful train! I live right next to both of them! Oh, oh, my beautiful train!”

Mumbo squints. “Well that’s a bit rude. Grian was possessed last season and you were perfectly fine putting your base next to him then.”

“It was different, Mumbo! Oh, sure, he had a rock that ate bases, but not with him! And it only barely moved without asking. And the Rift, well, that didn’t move! That didn’t eat parts of my build! Mumbo, do you know how long it takes to make a train design real enough that builder’s magic will actually take to it these days? Standards are so high!”

“Ah. Is the ocean eating bases now? Because if so I admit that’s a little concerning.” Mumbo says, mentally trying to decide how to heist the prismarine permit into Grian’s inventory so he doesn’t have to deal with a self-destroying guardian farm. That would just be silly. He can destroy and rebuild a slime farm every other day, sure, but a guardian farm? Where would he keep the sponges!

Scar has conspicuously stopped talking, Mumbo realizes.

“Um,” Mumbo says.

“I said, why would the ocean eat bases?” Scar helpfully repeats.

“Well, you just said the thing possessing Grian and Gem might eat your train,” Mumbo says.

“What? Why would I be talking about the ocean? Mumbo, you said this was old news!” Scar says.

“That’s because it is! Gem was talking about getting the ocean to possess her even before we got here! It was her whole plan, some kind of spooky boat thing! I was really quite surprised you’d missed it!” Mumbo says.

“Why would I be talking about that? Psssh. That’s old news,” Scar says.

“That’s what I said!” Mumbo says.

“Anyway, I don’t know why you’re bringing our fishy overlords into this. I was talking about the snails.”

Mumbo’s thoughts crash to a blessedly silent halt.

“The what?”

“The snails that are eating everything. I think they’re possessing Grian and Gem.”

“There are snails that are eating everything?”

“Yes! That’s why I’m panicking!”

“Well great, now I’m panicking too! Why didn’t you just say so?”

“I did!”

Mumbo looks back at his iron farm. “Scar, what if they eat this before I realize how pointless it all was? Snails are small! I wouldn’t even notice until the zombie turned into a little pile of smoldering flesh! Why are Grian and Gem possessed by snails, they were supposed to be possessed by the ocean!”

“I don’t know,” Scar says. “Mumbo. Mumbo you have to help.”

“How! I’m not qualified for this!” Mumbo says. “People always assume, oh you’ve known Grian forever, surely you’re qualified, but I’m not! I have a weak will, Scar, he doesn’t even have to bother possessing me before I go along with his schemes! And Gem is possessed too? Count me right out.”

Scar frowns. “Oh. I didn’t think you’d stop Grian. I wanted your help getting our own snails to be possessed by.”

“Why?”

Scar thinks for a moment. Scar shrugs.

“Yeah, you know what, fine,” Mumbo says. “Makes more sense than this iron farm. Um, I guess we build a snail shrine now? I have to say, very strange that this whole cult thing keeps happening to me.”

The two of them put their heads together and start planning. If they’re all going to be overtaken by snails, Mumbo figures, best to get a head start. Maybe then he’ll even get an excuse to start the unnecessary gold farm in the process.

#hermitcraft #a bee fic #mumbo jumbo #goodtimeswithscar #SO HEAR ME OUT: what if the ocean is a red herring #haha. red herring.#anyway this was ALSO an excuse to write the dumbest scar and mumbo dialogue imaginable #hermitfic

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