#how the fuck am i supposed to tell people whats wrong with me.

[killthewhisperingart]

Meet Me After Class

Pairing: Gym Teacher!Dean Winchester x History Teacher!Reader

Word Count: 790

Summary: Of course he's decided to bother you while you're grading papers.

Warning(s): Smut. Smut. Sex.

A/N: One of my friends challenged me to do this, so I finished this in one night. :3

I am an 18+ Blog.

You groan softly as you shake your head, marking another answer wrong on a students paper. You didn't understand, you had pushed the test back by a week to better help your students prepare, yet they didn't utilize any of the extra time correctly. You know for a fact that this student probably didn't know what class this was.

You knew once you passed these exams back, and your students saw their grades, you'd be their worst enemy.

You rub your hand down your face, popping your wrists before stretching backwards. Your back pops in a few places before you melt, dropping your arms and preparing yourself to get back to grading. A glance to the clock on the wall tells you that you've been in your classroom for an hour and a half since the final bell rang.

A knock at your classroom door startles you, a stray mark now on the essay question in bright red ink. You scoff, capping the pen before pushing out your chair, walking towards the door, your lanyard jingling with every movement.

Dean smiles, holding a bag of takeout. You look at it, before slowly dragging your gaze to his face, your hand on the door still.

"What's this?" You ask, your brows furrowed.

"Food." He says simply, stepping into the classroom. He's no longer in his usual Gym attire, having changed into his usual jeans and T-shirt, though the whistle still lingers around his neck. You think he probably went home, got food, and came back to work. "You know Food, right? You eat it." He teases.

You can't hold back your groan, rolling your eyes before going to your desk. He pushes the door closed behind him as he enters the room, jiggling the handle to confirm it's locked. You crash into your chair, and it rolls backwards. You take your lanyard off, tossing it onto the desk as you pick your legs up to set your feet on your desk, careful to not step on the papers.

"Thought we weren't supposed to put our feet on the furniture?" He taps your foot as he sits on your desk.

"We're not supposed to put our asses on tables either, but I'm not getting onto you about it right now." You snap halfheartedly, hand out as he puts a burger wrapped in tin foil onto your palm. Still warm.

He wastes no time in devouring his own burger, grease running down his fingers, no regard for the sauce on the corner of his mouth. You scoff out a chuckle, opening your own meal.

You both eat in silence, well, at least you do. He can't seem to stop himself from making obscene noises for his burger.

"You're always working," He finally comments, tossing the wrapper in the trash, wiping his face.

"Well, I actually have to *work* at my job, so." You grin sarcastically, tossing your trash at his face. He takes it in stride, catching it and tossing it into the trash.

"I work!" He defends himself.

"No you don't!" You guffaw. "You get paid to make students stay in shape, but you don't do the same."

"I work out regularly!" He points out. "My stamina is amazing."

"As if."

-

The desk is hard against your chest, your hands gripping the sides hard. The wood furniture scrapes against the floor harshly with every rough thrust from behind you. His jeans rub the skin on the back of your thighs as he fucks into you.

"What was that?" He asks, a cocky grin on his face as he positions his head next to yours. "What'd you say about my stamina?"

"Shut up-" You choke out, whining as you scrape your nails against the wood.

"I can't hear you." He teases, biting your ear lobe, tugging roughly. You almost squeal, but you clamp a hand over your mouth, knowing you couldn't possibly be the only two people left in the school.

He's so damn talkative, never knowing how to shut the fuck up and just fuck you.

You push yourself up, turning your torso to grab the whistle around his neck. His eyes widen as you jerk it forward to connect your lips to his. He eagerly returns your kiss, kissing you just as sloppily as he eats his food.

His thrusts turn sloppy, his chest stuttering with every shaky breath. His saliva drools into your open mouth, and eagerly you swallow.

His grip tightens on your hips, body shuddering one last time with three final deep thrusts. He stays seated within you, collecting himself, the whistle jingling as you let go.

"Fuck-" You mutter, kissing him one last time. "Maybe your stamina is fine."

"Just fine?"

"We'll have to test this again."

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #x reader #x reader smut #reader insert smut #reader insert #gender neutral reader #supernatural x reader #spn x reader #teacher au #gym teacher dean winchester #dean winchester au #supernatural au #x reader au #smut

[dragongirlbunny]

biting killing maiming etc

#WHY CAN NEUROTYPICAL PEOPLE NOT JUST SAY WHAT THEY WANT #DO NOT TELL ME 'DO IT YOUR WAY' AND THEN TELL ME I DID IT WRONG AFTERWARDS #IF YOU WANT THINGS DONE A SPECIFIC WAY TELL ME THAT ***FIRST*** #STOP MEASURING ME AGAINST AN INVISIBLE STANDARD #AND ONLY TELLING ME THAT I DID THINGS WRONG BUT NOW HOW OR WHY #HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHAT YOU WANT IF YOU WONT. FUCKING. TELL. ME.

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[forgotten-daydreamer]

doctors and nurses should be forced to work in retail before being allowed anywhere near patients

#had to tell the stupid nurse “if i'm not familiar with any of this why am i expected to know everything about it? it's your job to explain” #“i- but-” no no shut up. i'm done with these things. honestly. shut up. #put them in their place. don't be scared to raise your voice when they act allmighty #“you're old enough to-” shut up. would you tell that to someone who's +30? #just because i'm young it doesn't mean you can talk to me like that. at all. stay in your fucking place. #i did every fucking thing by the book. shut the fuck up. it's not my fault if you guys don't fucking communicate #and you know. this happened to me when i got surgery. one doctor told me to take idk what before it. #then the aneathesiologist gave a second dose to me. and i was like “hm. i think i already took that one tho” #“oh really? you shouldn't have” #sir?? it's your colleague's fault. he prescribed it to me. said “take it before the surgery” and i did #how was i supposed to know that the two of you don't communicate?? #“what do you study?” “translation.” “ok then you know languages and this isn't your field of exp-” fucking exactly #so why the fuck are you coning at me?? i'm not saying anything #imagine pulling up to the hospital and a nurse decides to patronise you for being a patient?? uh?? #sir your people told me to do this and that. wtf. #coming* #“say something if you get lightheaded” i'd rather fucking die than rely on you. this is between me and god now. shut up. #* anaesthesiologist. i can spell. #“ok but if you got a weak immune system you should have-” sir. sir. i do what you people tell me to. i can't fucking do whatever i please. #you prescribe me the wrong stuff & then complain when you make a mistake as if it were my fault?? wow. #medical malpractice

[icannotgetoverbirds]

):

#just got kicked from a discord server #was posting funnies when someone said 'hey that's not funny that's uncomortable actually' #and i was like 'o shit u right sorry' #(i mean there was a little back and forth before that but it was like less than 5 messages between the two of us) #and deleted the original message #and then im like okay moving on i have more funnies #and start posting them #and then i go back to post more and the server is gone? #i just. )))): #what did i do wrong. was i supposed to like be more upset about it for longer before i went back to the funnies? #that just seems unproductive #but like. they could've at least told me that??? #or whatever it is that i did wrong? #how am i supposed to fix things and do better if nobody tells me how im fucking it up? #idk #ik im vagueposting and that seems immature but like. i dw call anybody out in case this is all a misunderstanding #and also i just. maybe one of y'all knows where i fucked up based on context #maybe one of the people in that server will see this and dm me like 'hey here's what went wrong' #idfk! i have no idea what to do here #im just floundering #waiting on the callout post that im hoping will never come

[tardis--dreams]

One thing you need to know about me is that I will never reblog anything that has the addition "this should be reblogged by everyone" or anything of the like.

#unless it's like #really funny and not a guilt trippy kind of bullshit #i can agree 130% with a post and then see that comment and I'm like #yeah no. go fuck yourself. #(this point has been made so many times but people don't get why it's annoying apparently. people don't dislike your stupid addition #because they secretly disagree with the post but because now it seems like some weird social obligation to rb is #rb this or you're a bad person is a clever marketing strategy but it's quite stupid because it weakens the original point #oh you're saying everyone should rb this? well now it looks like the ppl rbing actually just do it out of some feeling #of social obligation. not because they really want to but because they want to fulfill the arbitrary standards you just made up for being #a good person #and don't get me wrong most certainly are most people rb these posts still out of agreement with the original statement #but it's still annoying as fuck and also you'd think ppl would know by now that people don't generally like being told what to do #so my hypothesis is (and i won't do any research to prove or disprove it (i might be very wrong and most people don't mind obviously)) bjt #but my hypothesis is that people who originally agree with the post but have a strong desire of being free in their choices #won't actually end up rbing bc it's just not that free of a choice anymore bc you just had to make it 'obligatory' but we all know #nothing is obligatory on a stupid webbed site like this so they scroll past while people who maybe would have scrolled past now feel #like they might actually be a bad person if they don't do as it says but without actually caring about the content. which diminishes #the positivity the post originally was supposed to spread bc how do you tell ppl actually mean it now when they rb these things #anyway. am i ranting about something completely asinine phenomenon on tumblr.com? yes. #would it be better to not dedicate my time and energy into making a 'hate' post? absolutely. but that will never stop me from doing so #(also works for things like 'you guys HAVE to do xyz [for your (mental) health/etc]'. literally the best advice phrased like this #is counterproductive. post something that doesn't sound like you're judging everyone who does otherwise and maybe ppl will be more inclined #to believe whatever your point or statement is) #ok I'll stop #shut up amy

[yay-depression]

thinking unhappy thoughts at 1 am except these can’t even be categorized into the “no feelings past 4pm in winter are real” bc it wasn’t inherently a negative thought it was a positive thought which upon saying aloud sounded really fucking sad

#i was thinking about how nice it was to meet someone i met this past week #and how great it felt and how i felt like we clicked so instantly #and then i was like #‘huh wonder why most social interactions feel this good to me?’ #and then i realized the difference was that this person actively introduced themselves to me and started conversation #as opposed to just about 90% of the social interactions i partake in which involve me sitting alone and being ignored #until i stand up and try and butt into some of my friends conversations in some way #anyways just thinking about how very few people seem to want to interact with me #nothing like real world experiences feeding into the deep-seeded belief i have that i’m inherently unloveable #and also that i’m inherently annoying but everyone is just too nice to tell me #i am not joking when i say i genuinely have trauma from being a neurodivergent person in the midwest #going from a life of ‘if people don’t like me they will tell me’ to ‘everyone seems to not like me but won’t say anything’ #as a child was a traumatic experience and created intense feelings of inadequacy and trust issues #which i was already really vulnerable to bc i was emotionally abused as a kid #so combine having a dad who says everything you do is wrong no matter how hard you try #with friends who refuse to say what you’re doing wrong but will hold grudges against it and will be mad at you for it #but every time you ask them they say ‘no we’re not mad!’ #plus literally like a decade of me trying to make friends in this fucking hellhole of a town and getting basically nothing but laughed at #and you can see why having a good social interaction for once is actually really fucking upsetting #because HOLY SHIT is that what life is SUPPOSED TO BE?? #you’re telling me most interactions i have with people make me feel bad not bc i have social anxiety but because i’m giving it 110% #and i’m getting back maybe 10%??? #anyways it’s wishing i didn’t live in this shithole place with these shitty people hours #and wishing the world was fucking nicer to me when i was a kid bc it was so rough for 13 year old me for no goddamn reason #every day is another day of realizing i literally didn’t have a time in my life when things weren’t falling apart #until i was literally 17 #kristen

[phantommarigold]

me when I want to say something and type out a whole long thing and then decide actually I'm not good enough to talk about this or no they don't want to hear it and ah but what if I'm wrong of course I'm talking from a place of privilege and ignorance and my worldviews are too black and white and

#is thia what anxiety is i honestly dont know Lmao #but i have a crippling crippling fear of being wrong because my brain tells me that if im wrong everyone will abandon me because in this da #y and age you cant have bad takes!!! and i can't even rationalise with myself because i dont actually know if that's the case! #theres such a fucking priority on not being wrong about ANYTHING and its just overwhelming ynnow like i barely can barely survive school #how am i supposed to be never wrong!!! #and theres also such opposing ideas about some things like we say if it doesn't hurt other people its okay #but like extreme example so #tw self harm #we say self harm is bad? how so. if youre bruising yourself youre not harming anyone that isnt you #and that is not to say thay i promote harming yourself or anything its just that its very ostrichized and i dont. understand why #its hard to explain things like this i dont self harm dont know anyone who admits to it if they do but whats the logical explanation behind #self harming is bad besides saying because it's just bad #you dont bat an eye when someone picks at their lip untill it bleeds and isnt that a form of self harm? #i don't really know where i was going im just tired of how complicated everything is haha

[missiodine]

tfw you wanna try to play ttrpgs again, but ever since playing a few years ago during a certain two campaigns, you were bullied by people who you thought were your friends because you didn't know how to play and they made up reasons why they should dislike you irl. especially while you tried to be nice to them and give them space and tried to make steps towards interacting with them in rp too.

like no, it wasn't like "oh, it's just character interaction, these characters just don't like each other!" no it was "no joke, I absolutely hate your guts, Miss Iodine, fuck you and I'll be an arse to you in-game and irl. i will ignore everything you and your character say, i will attack your character because why not and say it's just what my character would do, and then start harassing my DMs"

love it when i tried for months to reach out for a proper sit down only to be given a sorry-not-sorry half-assed push the blame onto the victim apology

like yes this lives rent free in my head. you won, if that's what you wanted.

#autumn says stuff #vent #im still so fuckin salty even though its been so long #i just don't understand how people can treat others so terribly and not even think twice about it #never a moment of ‟maybe I did wrong?‟ #nah. just tell Miss Iodine ‟You're a problem‟ #yes that exact statement was said to me #maybe ‟bully‟ is a cliche word but i dunno what else to call it #like mate i've been nearly stabbed before during what i can only assume was an attempted hate crime. technically i did get hurt ig because #grabbed the knife by the blade as it was being thrusted towards me. i still have the said knife btw. wanna get free knife? just grab it #from your attacker. and then they'll run off because they're a little shit. actually don't do that. don't recommend that. okay so the point #is that yk ive been hurt physically many times but goddamn this situation still hurts emotionally #it was funny when said someone in this group told me i was 'appropriating neurodivergent culture.' mate. mate. wot. im how? #take it from me. im not neurotypical lmao. i thought that was obvious but no. no idea where this even stemmed from tbh because it really #came out of nowhere. also being called a fascist for years by these people for liking worldbuilding and star trek was cool. didn't realize #that fuckin reading old soviet books and playing papers please and minecraft makes me a fascist somehow. but you learned it here. #im still so fucking pissed about that accusation. love that their additional reasoning that im somehow a fascist was that #‟you're getting mad and keep insisting you're not a fascist‟ is proof that you're a fascist. what else am i supposed to do? you haven't #even given an ounce of some so-called mountain of evidence. #its cool that no one cared about what these people did to me. better to retain a friendship with them and never bring up what they did. #better to just alienate miss iodine from the friend group. better to never bring it up. better to forget any of this happened. better to #forget that miss iodine exists. #sometimes i wish i could know what its like to not give a flying fuck about other people. I wonder what it's like to be such a shitty perso #fucking hell. #thought i found home when i first met that group. instead it just reminds me of the home i grew up in. #My biological family (save two cool cousins) is probably a collection of some of the worst people in existence.

[just-miru]

was bored so i scrolled down the blueycapsules william tag on twitter only to find out there was some kinda silly argument i think over William's design a few days ago with some people saying they hate it and stuff (these people seem to hate the whole comic, actually), comparing the blueycapsules design with rebornica's Vincent and stuff for some reason

and then some blueycapsules fans would come in saying that William's design isn't supposed to be attractive in the first place and i am like excuse me what-

#'you know you fucked up when your William design looks more goofy than Rebornica's Vincent' like- #idk maybe it's just me but that's exactly what makes blueycapsules' design for William stand out - his silliness and pathetic looks #most William designs i have seen are this lanky ass dude #a business man u wouldn't wanna mess with #'your daughter calls me daddy too' vibes and so on #and there's nothing wrong with that i guess but it just gets kinda boring ya know? #having this silly man that looks like the idea/concept of William Afton the beatles murdoc and Spamton all smashed together is refreshing #and i just think that's creative #also- i know i don't have the greatest taste when it comes to fictional men but holy fuck- #r u really telling me that his design is supposed to be ugly? how?? asdkdkabsbsjsm- #i just think it's funny #and since i am in the mood to rant about stuff apparently- #besides the typical 'i hate blueycapsules cause the characters' designs suck' people i keep on seeing #like fine go off i guess #there's also people saying that William is a poorly written villain?? like- #sorry he doesn't have a sob backstory to justify his evil bastard actions #but that doesn't mean he's poorly written #him being an asshole just because is the charm of his character actually #'he's just a phyco where's the flavour to it??' y'all just don't have taste #if you find a villain well written only if they have a sad story to back them up and stuff i don't know what to tell ya #having a good character go apeshit due to what has happened to them can be interesting #but just like above with William's design exemple #it can get quite boring if the same narrative is used over and over again #but i also get this idea that people only want sad backstories for villains so they can justify why they like them? cowards- #like your evil characters regardless of that shit #trauma/sad backstory or not what they did is still morally wrong #their backstory can be used as an explanation sure but it doesn't excuse their actions - they're still villains #so why take away the joy of enjoying and supporting a silly rotten man and his silly rotten actions just because he lacks a sad backstory? #asdkskak- i think i am done #thanks for coming to my Ted Talk

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[mrfoox]

I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow

Curse it all

#miranda talking shit #At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik #Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how #He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to #Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship #Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i #Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself #What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah #What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An #Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me #I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find #Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man #At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously #I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe #Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want #An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to #Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments #And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its #Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people #And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit #Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to #Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro #Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was #Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes

[hcmoeroticisms]

.

#hating people that you still love is fucked up #like 'yes you make me cry. but i still want to make you laugh' #and isn't that the most hurtful feeling #i talk too much then i'm clingy. i talk too little then i'm not putting effort into it #the problem at the end of the day is just me #perhaps there are things not worth fighting for. perhaps i'm not #and what else am i supposed to feel like you know? like the rug was pulled from right under my feet #sorry means nothing if things don't change. and if people don't listen to you when you share what you feel then well #the words just become even more empty and worthless. #the fucking ache and longing of wishing to talk to people but knowing they don't want to talk to you #so you grow quiet and they do too. and the silence is fucking deafening because you know conversation won't happen #so things will crash and burn. you start wondering how much it all mattered in the end. what you did wrong #because it all comes back to it in the end; the problem is me. #and despite all the pain i'm really tired of crying for people who don't care. i tried all i could #but it is all one sided and it honestly feels like i'm burning and choking on glass. i just want this situation to be resolved #just want this suffering to end #anyway this is my last vent. i need to just learn how to deal with all of this #people are dick head sometimes and i'm tired of getting hurt #i could've done better perhaps. but i don't think it would've mattered #i need people to tell me if they want to stay in my life or leave. because i need people to put effort too but i just #i can't have them stay somewhere in the middle. so you know if anyone who has ever broken my heart see this #let me know if i should try or if i should shut the door #if people want to make things work i will put the effort but i need them to put effort too #if not than just let me know you are leaving instead of leaving me in this silence; feeling pathetic and stupid and like a last choice #between the lack of sleep the headache and the tears something clicked today #clicked into place i suppose. if people decide to ignore your sadness and leave you in silence during it? yeah #perhaps i never had a place in their lives in the first place. just there warming the space for better things #anyway spent the night writing messages i will never send. unless people want to read it. but yeah #to the people causing me suffering; just let me know what to do #this distance and silence is destroying me

[tinycoffeeroom]

café de paris | max verstappen

face claim: none ᡣ𐭩

request: here !

a/n: all french / dutch is google translated blame them if it's wrong! race order is completely random here !

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

📍café de paris, monaco

liked by bffstagram, friend1 and 294 others

y/nstagram me 🤝 café de paris

bffstagram bro those croissants look Fire ↳ y/nstagram my main source of sustenance in these hard monaco streets!

friend1 i have yet to see evidence of you shaking ass on a yacht miss y/n!! ↳ bffstagram so real... we're meant to be living vicariously through you!!! ↳ y/nstagram student finance doesn't stretch to yacht ass shaking, i can barely afford my daily caffeine fix 😭

friend2 oui oui hon baguette how is france? ↳ y/nstagram never let a monagesque hear you say that,,, bro i can't fight ↳ friend2 🫡 ... how is monaco?* ↳ y/nstagram 🫡 it's good!! def happy i chose here over france, even if my wallet doesn't agree 😭 ↳ friend2 we feeling fluent yet? ↳ y/nstagram oh god no, the other day this poor old lady tried explaining how to find the art museum to me and i just stared at her like 😶

friend3 spotted any f1 hotties yet? i hear they all camp out in monaco 👀 ↳ y/nstagram considering i have never watched a Single f1 race i couldn't tell you HAHAH i'm sure they're around here somewhere though ↳ friend3 dude i told you to brush up on f1 😭 how am i supposed to come visit you and have a meet cute with mr lando norris if you don't do your RESEARCH ↳ y/nstagram damn i see how it is,,, using me to get to your vroom vroom men,,,

3 weeks later

📍café de paris, monaco

👤 alexandrasaintmleux liked by bffstagram, alexandrasaintmleux and 270 others

y/nstagram finally found someone else to join my café de paris obsession 🥐

bffstagram next bff sweetie run while you can... ↳ y/nstagram stop scaring the pretty bitches off damn 😔 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux bffstagram she won't let me leave 😭 ↳ y/nstagram i deserve better friends ↳ bffstagram you couldn't live without us xx ♥️ y/nstagram

alexandrasaintmleux la prochaine fois, nous irons au casino ! (next time, we go to the casino!) ↳ y/nstagram finance étudiante a dit non (student finance said no) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux 😔 s'il tu plait... pour moi? 🥺 (please... for me?) ↳ y/nstagram pray for my wallet guys...

friend3 wdym you just casually befriended The Alexandra Saint Mleux??? ↳ y/nstagram i thought her skirt was pretty and had no idea she was like famous 😭 then we just kept running into each other !! ↳ friend3 i need to fly out to monaco damn you can't even see her in the pic but ik she looked So pretty... ↳ alexandrasaintmleux i like your friends y/n :p ↳ y/nstagram just wait til you see them drunk,,,

📍 jimmy'z, monaco

👤 alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and 2,962 others

y/nstagram started the night in a night club and ended on a yacht,,, just monaco things (apparently) 🛥️

friend3 y/n if you don't answer my texts RIGHT NOW !!!! ↳ y/nstagram 😉 any reason ml? ↳ friend3 i'm gonna swim to monaco and bite chunks out of your ankles what the FUCK ??? when were you gonna tell me you were just casually hanging with [REDACTED] ↳ landonorris i'm guessing i'm redacted? 😎 ↳ friend3 i need to go lie down ↳ y/nstagram landonorris dude 😭 ↳ landonorris was it something i said? 😉

alexandrasaintmleux meilleure amie 💗 (best friend) ↳ y/nstagram merci de m'avoir invitée ! je t'aime ! (thank you for inviting me! love you!)

maxverstappen1 was lovely meeting you last night schat x ↳ y/nstagram you too max! don't forget to send me those pics of the kids! x ↳ bffstagram kids? ↳ y/nstagram his cats! jimmy and sassy! 🐱❤️🐱 ↳ bffstagram your knack for finding cat people never fails to impress me ♥️ y/nstagram

danielricciardo dude my liver actually hurts... ↳ y/nstagram hey you're the one who suggested a drinking contest ↳ danielricciardo yeah because i normally WIN you freak ↳ y/nstagram i'm a broke uni student, my drink of choice is normally vodka so cheap it's legally paint stripper

georgerussell63 carmen's phone died but she said to remind you about brunch today ↳ y/nstagram on it!! alex is gonna come round and bring me 😊

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 2,938 others

y/nstagram met some VIC's (very important cats) today! 🐱 also f's in chat for my café de paris 😔

bffstagram f ↳ danielricciardo f ↳ georgerussell63 f ↳ landonorris f ↳ carmenmmundt f ↳ alexandrasaintmleux f ↳ maxverstappen1 f

friend3 babies!! the second pic oh i could cry ↳ y/nstagram she slept there for like 3 hours 😭 managed to actually sit through a whole gp though so a wins a win! ↳ friend3 y/n watching f1?? who is she?? ↳ y/nstagram their dad forced me 💔 ↳ maxverstappen1 um who cheered so loud when i won that she woke poor sassy up?? ↳ y/nstagram 🤐

charles_leclerc i didn't know café de paris do takeout? ↳ maxverstappen1 they do if you're me :) ↳ y/nstagram the only reason i'm considering keeping him around 😉 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux charles_leclerc and why have you never used your influence to get ME takeout café de paris "prince of monaco" ↳ charles_leclerc look what you've done... y/nstagram ♥️ y/nstagram

fan they're definitely max's cats but who is she? ↳ fan she knows alexandra so maybe they're in the same friendship group??

3 months later

liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 308 others

y/nstagram working hard or hardly working 🌸

alexandrasaintmleux quand avez-vous passé votre examen ? (when's your exam?) ↳ y/nstagram lundi prochain,,, mon ami du café me manque 😔 (next monday,,, missing my cafe friend) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux nous fêterons cela quand tu auras terminé 💗 (we'll celebrate when you're finished)

bffstagram the red bulls... i wait 3 years white man does it in one week ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ y/nstagram hey! made him wait at least 2 months :p

friend3 the f1 book.. one of us one of us!! ↳ y/nstagram apparently i can't keep saying "the one with the red cow on it" when talking about his car,,, ↳ maxverstappen1 its a bull... literally a red bull... ↳ y/nstagram blah blah blah it's red and goes moo ↳ maxverstappen1 everyday i wake up to such disrespect ↳ charles_leclerc i'm just glad someone's keeping your ego in check ♥️ y/nstagram

friend1 when are you coming back to england :( ↳ y/nstagram i'm hoping to come visit next month! ↳ maxverstappen1 about that...

📍 jeddah, saudi arabia

👤 redbullracing, mine liked by redbullracing, y/nstagram and 1,928,385 others

maxverstappen1 First P1 of the season at the first race! Always grateful to stand on that top podium, especially today 🙂

see 14,936 other comments

fan sorry WHO is that in the third pic????

fan bro soft launching on a race win post...

y/nstagram trots op jou ❤️ proud of you ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ fan 🤨

fan did you guys see the way his girl jumped the fence to get to him after he won? relationship goals fr

schecoperez another red bull 1-2! 💪 ↳ maxverstappen1 you gave me a run for my money at the end there old man! ↳ schecoperez less of the old thank you

redbullracing rue when was this ↳ fan admin finding out about max's relationship at the same time as us is so on brand ↳ redbullracing and here i thought we were besties 😔 ↳ maxverstappen1 😉

danielricciardo you look hot in the second photo and it's not just the heat 😍 ↳ fan maxiel lives on ❤️

fan he tagged her as mine BROOOOOO who's got this man so down bad??

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 194 others

🔒 y/nstagram account locked DOWN but it's so worth it for you ❤️

maxverstappen i'm sorry liefje i should have thought about this before inviting you... ↳ y/nstagram i don't regret going maxie,,, and i certainly don't regret hugging you after the race,, i knew what i was getting into, it's just a lot ❤️ ↳ maxverstappen1 ik ben gek op jou ❤️ (i'm crazy about you) ↳ y/nstagram mijn charmante prins ❤️ (my prince charming)

alexandrasaintmleux you do what's best for you ma cocotte 💗 honestly going private at the start of mine and charles' relationship was one of the best things for us ↳ y/nstagram the woe of being a wag 😔

daniel.jpg dude can you accept my follow request ↳ maxverstappen1 you followed her from your jpg acc but not your main? ↳ daniel.jpg never said i was smart ↳ charles_leclerc ^ ↳ georgerussell63 ^ ↳ landonorris ^ ↳ alexandrasaintmleux ^ ↳ carmenmmundt ^ ↳ maxverstappen1 ^ ↳ y/nstagram ^ ↳ oscarpiastri ^ ↳ daniel.jpg oscarpiastri HOW DID YOU GET HERE?? you haven't even MET y/n yet ↳ y/nstagram that's my son watch your tone. ↳ daniel.jpg i am very sorry miss y/n l/n PLEASE let me in ↳ y/nstagram oscarpiastri shall i? ↳ oscarpiastri lemme think on it ↳ daniel.jpg i hate it here

📍 suzuka, japan

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, y/nstagram and 1,394,582 others

redbullracing a quick look into max's garage! already over halfway through the season and your current world champion is on track for his 4th year running 💪

see 59,203 other comments

maxverstappen1 you know how we do 👊

fan i see a y/n at the back!! ↳ fan who is y/n? ↳ fan his gf! she was first spotted in jeddah and she's been to quite a few of his races this year! ↳ fan do you have her ig? ↳ fan y/nstagram but it's private!

fan 4 time world champ incoming! ♥️ redbullracing

user lewis is gonna reclaim his title! ↳ fan ok gramps lets get you back to the home

fan best team in the world

user oh the gold digger is back ↳ redbullracing blocked, deleted and reported ↳ fan red bull stand on business ↳ redbullracing no one messes with OUR redbull girl! 👊

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 274 others

🔒 y/nstagram did you know red bull gives you wings? 👼

maxverstappen1 must have taken you forever to think of that caption ↳ y/nstagram what can i say you're dating a comedic genius

friend1 damn ma lend me one of those jackets xx ↳ y/nstagram omg pls take one he won't stop giving them to me,,, ↳ friend1 i'll take the white cap too if you're offering 👀 ↳ y/nstagram 🫡

bffstagram the third pic... y/n STAND UP ↳ y/nstagram he has the prettiest eyes 😍 my man my man my maaaaan ↳ bffstagram we've lost her boys...

alexandrasaintmleux i see the ferrari jacket 👀 ↳ y/nstagram max nearly threw me out of the room fr ↳ maxverstappen1 you deserved it ↳ maxverstappen1 also i'm burning it when you're not looking ↳ y/nstagram charlie gave it to me :((((( ↳ charles_leclerc yeah max you wouldn't burn sweet charlie's jacket would you? ↳ maxverstappen1 i'd burn you IN the jacket if you don't stop ↳ charles_leclerc 🫦 damn i love when you talk dirty to me ↳ y/nstagram ,,, alexandrasaintmleux should we leave them to it? ↳ alexandrasaintmleux after what you showed me on tumblr... yeah maybe we should

daniel.jpg loving the drip ↳ maxverstappen1 has she still not accepted your main follow request? ↳ daniel.jpg no... i know it's oscars fault somehow ↳ oscarpiastri why am i catching strays? ↳ y/nstagram i watched baku 2018 ,, you're lucky i don't block your jpg account ↳ daniel.jpg THAT WAS SO LONG AGO LET ME INNNNNNN

📍 zandvoort, the netherlands

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by y/nstagram, maxverstappen1 and 1,998,928 others

redbullracing and maxverstappen1 getting P1 and being crowned a 4 time world champion at the final race of the season AND your home race? max verstappen we tip our hats to you 💙

see 98,284 comments

fan him lifting the trophy and mouthing "this is for you" to y/n i am so lonely oh my god

y/nstagram mijn kampioen ❤️ (my champion) ♥️ redbullracing, maxverstappen1

fan max verstappen world domination!! lets go champ!!!

fan y'know maybe the dutch national anthem isn't too bad...

👤 maxverstappen1 liked by bffstagram, maxverstappen1 and 290,948 others

y/nstagram i moved to monaco for a degree in french and fell for a dutchman,,,

max, it has been a privilege to know you, to share your happiness and to love and be loved by you. watching you do what you do best fills me with so much joy and i can't wait to see you dominate the track for many more years. here's to you. ik hou van je, mijn kampioen ❤️ (i love you, my champion)

(also hi fans of max, i am very scared about being perceived by so many of you, please be nice ❤️)

maxverstappen1 mijn hart en ziel, ik weet niet hoe ik het in het Engels moet uitdrukken maar bedankt dat je in mijn leven bent gekomen, je maakt alles een beetje mooier. ik hou van je ❤️ (my heart and soul, i don't know how to express it in english but thank you for coming into my life, you make everything a little brighter. i love you) ↳ y/nstagram maxie 🥹 can't wait to celebrate you tonight ❤️

fan hi y/n!!! glad you felt comfortable enough to come off private! we're a nice bunch i promise! (at least most of us are) ♥️ y/nstagram ↳ fan also if anyone is mean to you i will do something that puts me on the national news 🫶

fan we've only seen glimpses of her on tv, max you bagged a baddie DAMN ♥️ maxverstappen1

fan mama y papa ↳ landonorris real ↳ oscarpiastri real

danielricciardo I'M IN !!! ↳ danielricciardo WAIT YOU WENT OFF PRIV??? y/n thats so mean wtf :(

alexandrasaintmleux mon couple préféré 💗 (my favourite couple) ↳ y/nstagram c'est grâce à toi alex, je t'aime 💕 (it's all thanks to you alex, love you)

👤 y/nstagram liked by y/nstagram, landonorris and 1,386,297 others

maxverstappen1 an appreciation post for mijn liefje. being able to put up with me dragging her halfway across the world nearly every month so i can drive fast cars whilst studying for her degree. graduated top of her class (with an elective in dutch 😉). here's to you and to us. (oh and happy 11 months, i may love you a little bit) ❤️

see 10,827 other comments

y/nstagram my boy ❤️ could't have done it without your support ↳ maxverstappen1 i know, i am an Amazing boyfriend 😉 ♥️ y/nstagram

landonorris congrats y/n! knew there had to be a big brain in that ol' noggin of yours ↳ y/nstagram thanks lan! maybe i can actually teach you some french now 🤓

fan taking a long walk off a very short bridge

redbullracing congratulations to the brains of the couple! hoped you liked the gifts 💙 ↳ y/nstagram a dutch for dummies book, you think you're so funny don't you 😐

fan the flowers 😭😭😭

fan doesn't post about his championship but posts about his girl... need me a man like that

#max verstappen smau #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #max verstappen x you

[fizzysound]

:/

#my older sibling literally just admitted that the reason she shouts and yells at people over nothing is a way to let out mild annoyance and #that she apparently thinks it's perfectly fine and okay to do that because she 'needs' to #but no. she definitely doesn't need therapy about it 🙄 #also practically admitted to intentionally making other ppl feel bad like no shit I already knew this #but she really doesn't see why it's wrong - she just straight up admitted it #apparently I'm just supposed to let her get away with it?? I'm a terrible person for sticking up for my younger sibling or so she says #like do you really think I'm going to take you seriously when you're telling me I'm a cruel and terrible person for not letting you shout #I am going to get inbetween her and whoever it is she's taking it out on every time and she hates it #she literally said that she can't wait till I go back to work so she can shout in peace #shout in peace doesn't even make sense #:/ #this is why I won't ever be able to move out till after she does - and she doesn't seem like she's going to fucking do that #I want out of her life so bad - at the very least I was going to wait till my youngest sibling went to college #but there's a chance that they might be going to the local one and staying at home and idk what I'm supposed to do #I'll never have a proper healthy life till I'm not living in the same house as her - there's so many things I notice about myself that #aren't healthy but I can't stop doing because I'm still not out of the situation that caused me to start doing them #but I can't in good conscience leave my younger siblings with her without me there to mitigate(?) I guess #It doesn't matter how sincere my suggestion of therapy might be she'll never take me serious #and others are going to keep suffering because of it