#hows the gender crisis coming (also me)

[hear-its-whiskering-there-again]

i loooove having a weird secret gender

#my brain is literally so different from how i present #masc and fem mean nothing to me anymore bc when i wear skirts i feel like the weird little guy #republicans talk about when they get confused about how the leftists are taking over their kids with hair dye and tall socks #and when i wear blazers and button downs i am like a slutty little #celebrity on the red carpet that gives kids gay awakenings and makes grandparents gossip #bc seriously the biggest revelation i had during my gender crisis moment was that dressing androgynous meant dressing like a man #my gender is like a labyrinth underneath willow trees during sunset that has a bunch of really cool shadows and i am jarreth the goblin king #ticking down the clock until people actually respect my pronouns #but then im also just some dude who has bad posture and really likes music with string instruments #side note my gender goal is actually just to sound like the singer of måneskin and destroy boys specifically in make room #but that is it #i travel the labyrinth while others are still discovering the entrance #so ummm yeah!!! #potential start of a poem or a short story for english but then again my teacher keeps talking about the rules of grammar when it comes to #they them #tee hee!!

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad??? #which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended??? #but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????'' #even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out) #but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender) #and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender) #was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing. #so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

[alloutshirt]

read 100 pages of an actual book in the last few hours which is about 100 more pages than i did in almost a year :)

#guess having to embarrassingly lay in the bathtub for 5 hours cause it’s the only place i can now be alone in #cause i no longer have a room and this house has become a sensory overload hell #and ofc that no one seems to try and understand and after all the progress ive made im getting told im the crazy one again #i seriously need to someone to help me know how the fuck you go abroad #cause let’s face it post concert depression is tough but it’s not the only reason my anxiety goes the fuck up when i come back from a trip #but then oof the guilt of leaving man #it already kills having to share time with each parent and leaving my siblings with That #i am also having a huge ass gender crisis hehe #you think they won’t look me in the eyes cause they saw my old ways coming back or #cause i mumbled im not a fucking girl when my sister said girl calm down 🙃🙃🙃🙃 #literally so sick of being so lost in life #i don’t know what i want i should find a new job but i can’t bear the idea nothing appeals to me i don’t want a fucking career #if you read this woosh 🪄 you forget it #x

[satellitesunset]

myle.txt

#Uh rant/introspection coming up #gotta love pre birthday existential crisis #my cousin just had a baby girl. and im like thinking abt kids #might be baby fever. might be the hormones. might be this series on tiktok where a dad talks abt like weeks in fatherhood #nut like for the first time im thinking abt like gender roles and parenthood in regards to myself yk? #like i want to be a dad and that's just a very uh realisation #like idk man the realisation that if #(and thats a big IF) #i do have kids #ill be just mum and thats like just hitting me yk #i know on a conscious level that its complicated and whatnot but like yk in general its a v peculiar feeling #im also thinking abt words a lot and i wrote a whole poem/piece about it thst i like and its been so long since i wrote least smth im happy #with #but i have s good feeling abt this one #anyways words words words huff #im also thinking abt growing up and how different everything esp myself is from last year #like last year feels like an eternity ago but also feeld too soon and its just weird #insert smth abt friends snd loss n memories m growing apart n adulting that i do not want to or knoe how to articulate #uh anyways yes if u read all this have a cookie #on a good thought! uh im making a playlist which always puts me in a better mood #tldr im like fine just thinking #uh what was the tag #myle mummers #there was another one but i cant for the life of me remember it 😭

[artekai]

AHHH THANK YOU FOR YOUR TAGS ABT THE DOODLE I MADE!!!! I use they or he interchangeably but u can do w/e u want lol.

OF COURSE, THANK YOU AGAIN, IT MADE ME SUPER HAPPY TO SEE!!!! :D You deserve the appreciation! ^^ You definitely opened my eyes to all the possibilities, hehe. I think he/they Beta is a very based take :D

#ask tag #forgetmenautical #i was feeling he/it but i was also getting HUGE he/they vibes so i'm glad i'm not the only one who sees the nonbinary transmasc swag hehe ^ #in any case #i think it would be v interesting to explore beta's gender journey bc i don't think they have really experienced the social aspect of gende #having been born in the odyssey and raised with very little social interaction #and growing up believing his life purpose was only to restore gaia #i think it would've been very easy for him to see himself as a tool and see no point in exploring his identity beyond being a lis clone #so even though he does know about gender he has never really had to think about his own #and it's only after the whole zenith drama is done and after beta starts adapting to life on earth that gender comes into the equation #and they become Keenly Aware of how people perceive them not just as aloy's sister but... as a sister in the first place #and i would love to see beta working through their trauma and STILL feeling a different kind of disconnect from aloy and lis #something that they can't put their finger on. #and them having to deal with the initial panic and the crisis as they're still comparing themselves to aloy and lis and the self doubt #and the eventual relief that comes with finding answers and finally feeling comfortable with his own identity. you know? #aloy calling beta sister for the first time is OUT aloy calling beta brother for the first time is IN. #oh man. someone should get in on this and write this fic. <- remembers i literally write fic #ANYWAYS sorry for writing a whole essay in the tags lol but you gave me the beta brainrot so :) #yeah. he's just sitting there. w the baggy clothes and the shrimp pose and trauma and their admiration for varl. ASKING to be projected on #beta my beloved :')

[lionblaze03-2]

sometimes I think about writing and singing music not because I’m an incredible singer but because no one has my fucking voice, especially in popular music, and its disheartening to be born a girl, told you’ll only get girl roles or try to voice match other girls, or ‘sing with the girls’ and then only be able to match male voices because you’re a fuckin tenor and not anything higher. I can’t think of any girl Broadway roles I can hit all the notes on. Most songs I love I have to pitch down for myself or use falsetto for singing along to. It bothers me a lot less now because I’m an adult who’s more secure in myself but as a teen in kids musical theatre it FUCKED with me, BAD style. And I know for a fact that even now when I hear people with a voice like mine singing I get excited and immediately invested in their work because they’re like ME, finally, for once. A brother in this world of being afab and having the voice of a recently pubescent boy forever. Maybe I should be that brother too.

#Using randomly gendered words because that���s me now but hey #Regardless of if you were born afab and are a girl 100% or if you were born afab and are someone else #It STILL sucks to always be grouped along with ‘girls’ just because of your voice and realize #You CANT hit that. You can’t hit the mark for ‘girl’. You’ll never achieve that without like. Hrt #Just say THE VOCAL CLASS. Like. Sopranos sing with this. Tenors with this. Bass with this. Etc #Then it doesn’t hurt! But nooo instead they’re looking or ‘sing with the other girls’ and you fucking can’t #And it gives you a crisis at age 14 #Anyway all I know is when other people who were assigned female at birth and aren’t on something they changes ones voice #and just happen to have born with the same deep ass voice as me. It makes me proud to hear them use it #Because not enough people do. It’s like we’re all collectively embarrassed or something #I see so many sad posts from teenagers posting their dream roles and the reason they won’t get it is ‘girl’ #and it’s like. I remember being that kid. Never able to get a female lead because of my voice. Never able to get a male lead because of gir #Even though my voice and appearance could easily swing male. Nope! You’re GIRL. So you’re doomed to background forever :) #I got 1 lead role and it was when I was at my most feminine and was also for a villain that was a fat hag #I LOOOOVED playing her im aunt sponge forever. BUT. Never getting one again after that… showed me. Something #More gender blind casting and more songs just written for tenors please #doing just ONE of those things would probably solve the issue #But both please because I’m greedy and I want what I couldn’t have for every kid today #(And also me in the future in adult community theatre. Haven’t had time/too intimidated so far but I WILL go back) #And before anyone questions the language on this post. I STRUGGLED with how to word it #TERFs begone. I love trans people. I am nonbinary and some form of intersex (pcos). #I just word it this way because of like. Where we all start #Whether we stay GIRL girls or realize we’re somewhere in between. It crushes us either way to have the ‘wrong’ voice to do anything #Because it did me at first. And I’m otherwise GLAD to be confusing #I’ve come to love my deep voice it baffles others and they never know what to call me it really helps the whole ‘what am I’ presentation #But. In terms of certain things. Like being in theatre in the deep south #It certainly does not help and can be disheartening #Especially back when I was younger and more self conscious #lion’s lair

[cyndaquillt]

Konkona Sen Sharma came out as enby us boddis are winning

#thoughts #they came out two years ago but i live under a rock #but yk how euphoric it feels to see someone from the same community as me come out??? #especially amidst my own ongoing gender crisis???? #i want to sob tears of joy #also need to catch up on like all their films lol

[nope-body]

.

#on the gender/sexuality(?) crisis that I have not brought up here #I want to be able to be butch. but my brain says no. someone else has to validate it and it can’t just be a you asking it has to happen #naturally which is frustrating because like. what am I supposed to do?? #but also butchness- queer masculinity- is so often tied to physical ability #which I do not have a ton of and am also sorta progressively losing? #which is it’s own scary thing. like last night my knee actually fully buckled under my weight when I tried to stand up #and that’s scary! that’s never happened to me before!! #but back to the whole gender crisis- I want to be butch. I want to be able to be butch #and my friend has been wonderful and sent me a ton of things from disabled butches on Twitter and also zines on butchness and shit #but everything that talks about disabled butches talks about how the larger lesbian/butch&femme/queer community doesn’t recognize that as #valid butchness for lack of better terms? like there’s just a ton of ableism and disabled butches face an uphill battle to just be #recognized as butch. especially when it comes to the roles that butches are assumed to take on #both in a relationship but also just within the queer community #like you’ve seen the ‘no cops at pride just butches’ posts and things of that nature that circulate #butches are supposed to be strong. they’re supposed to fill the role of protector. of supporter. of fixer. of giver of help. #above all butches are supposed to give of themselves unto others #as a disabled person I cannot do that. disabled butches cannot do that. #(and this is not me saying that this mindset is good or this is the way it should be- just the way it is in the larger community) #I have the know-how to fix things. I have the skill. but extremely often I do not have the ability #and not just that- I often don’t have the ability to do basic daily tasks either. I have to ask for help #and how am I supposed to think of myself as butch when I’m constantly told it’s the butches who you ask for help from? #there’s also the added complexity of I’m Jewish. my version of queer masculinity is not just a subversion of western masculinity #but also jewish masculinity- which is often very different from western masculinity and is why so many jewish men get called effeminate! #like I’m going to end up subverting/queering a mix of both. but that’s also not going to really be recognized as butchness because of the #incredibly prevalent antisemitism in queer spaces! or if it is recognized as a subversion of masculinity it’ll only be western. not both #and I understand that I define my identity. no one else gets to. but I’m already fighting to be able to define it #without throwing butchness into the mix. and I don’t know if I have the energy to constantly fight back against all of it #I should really just read stone butch blues. I keep meaning to. it’s written by a disabled jewish butch #but I’m so tired so often and it’s just. hard to have the energy #I want to be butch. I want to be recognized as butch. but will anyone see my cane and still think butch?

[yumeka-sxf]

Japanese Linguistic Observations in Spy x Family - part 3

Part 3 - Yor's keigo

I discussed in part 1 about the different levels of speech in Japanese, particularly how Twilight changes his speech depending on the persona he's donning. He uses keigo, the standard polite form of speech, when he's acting as Loid Forger, but uses casual speech as Twilight. Yor, however, uses keigo all the time, to a degree that some would feel is excessive, but also makes sense for her character.

Keigo is the most basic form of polite speech in Japanese. It's the speech that's taught in pretty much every beginner Japanese learning course because it's the "safest" for most situations. Without getting too technical, it basically involves using the polite conjugations of verbs. All verbs in Japanese have a "polite" conjugation form that's used in keigo. For example, the verb "to go," 行く (iku), will change to 行きます (ikimasu): change the く(ku) to き (ki) and add -ます (-masu). -masu itself is then conjugated further to show past tense, negative tense, etc. Likewise, one would use です (desu) as the "to be" verb instead of its casual equivalent だ (da). For example, saying 車です (kuruma desu), which means "there is a car" instead of 車だ (kuruma da). It's even more casual to leave out the "to be" verb altogether.

Unlike Twilight, who changes his speech depending on who he's talking to or which facade he's using, Yor consistently uses keigo, whether she's talking to an adult like Loid, a child like Anya, and even an animal like Bond. She uses keigo with strangers as well, even those who are antagonistic to her, like the other assassins in the cruise arc.

Even at times when using polite speech isn't warranted, like in her own thoughts, she still uses keigo regardless.

In addition to using keigo with pretty much everyone, she also uses the polite -さん (-san) honorific with everyone's names as well. It's not unusual to do this with fellow adults like Loid, Camilla, and Franky, but when it comes to kids, especially when they're not your own kids, other honorifics are also an option. For example, adults can use the honorifics -ちゃん (-chan) for little girls and -くん (-kun) for little boys, both of which denote endearment to someone young/cute. Loid calls Damian "Damian-kun" and Fiona calls Anya "Anya-chan" for example. But Yor uses "-san" for Anya, Damian, Becky, and probably every other kid she hasn't met yet! She uses "-san" with animals as well, which isn't nearly as common. She's the only one who calls Bond "Bond-san" and she even called the cat Kopi from chapter 43, "Kopi-san."

She also uses "-san" for people whose names she doesn't know, and in some cases, probably shouldn't show respect to. She calls the terrorists from the doggy crisis arc "terrorist-san", bad guys that she takes out on her missions "warumono-san," Olka's group "mafia-san," and the other assassins from the cruise arc "koroshiya-san."

The only exception to Yor's excessive use of keigo is Yuri, which makes sense since it's standard practice to be more casual with a younger relative than an older relative or someone outside the family. He's the only person she refers to without "-san" (she just calls him "Yuri"). And while she does use the informal verb forms with him, she still uses "desu" and its conjugations. So overall, she's more casual with him, but not completely so.

When talking about herself, Yor uses the standard, gender-neutral, polite word for "I"/"me," 私 (watashi). However, when talking to others, she never uses any form of "you." Like I mentioned in part 1 about how there's different ways of saying "I" and "me" in Japanese depending on the speech level, the same is true for "you." But it's always more polite to say someone's name or title instead of "you," and Yor does that all the time. Just like in part 2 how I couldn't recall any instance where Anya says "I" or "me" since she always refers to herself in third person, I can't recall any time Yor called someone "you" instead of saying their name or title.

While Loid uses the casual "you" word お前 (omae) when talking to Anya, Bond, Franky, and anyone else he doesn't have to be polite with, he doesn't use any form of "you" for Yor. He speaks to her the same way she does to him – saying her name plus "-san" instead of using "you."

Unlike English, Japanese is a language where you don't have to say pronouns if it's understood by the context, which is why something like this is difficult to convey in a translation.

I think it's an interesting contrast that Twilight is constantly changing how he speaks depending on whether he's acting as Loid Forger, as a spy, whether he's conversing with a fellow spy like Fiona, a casual friend like Franky, someone he respects but can't be fully open with like Yor, and even how he talks to himself in his head…yet Yor is the total opposite. As I've discussed in this post, she's extremely consistent in her speech, never straying from being polite no matter who she's speaking to or whether she's in her Thorn Princess role or not, or even whether she's speaking to herself in her head or not. This just further proves that, while Yor has to keep her assassin job a secret, she doesn't have to create a fake persona for it. Unlike Twilight, who acts one way as a spy and another way as Loid Forger, and perhaps another as his "true" self, Yor doesn't feel the need to hide anything about herself other than her job as an assassin – Thorn Princess and Yor Forger are the same person who shows respect for others no matter what her relationship is with them.

Such excessive use of keigo is odd for a fluent speaker, but it's not unheard of. There are plenty of examples of characters from other anime/manga who use keigo all the time too. I think it gives us an interesting, subtle look into their character. In Yor's case, I think her constant use of keigo comes from a combination of her sweet personality that never wants to offend anyone, but also her poor self-esteem. After all, keigo and other polite forms of Japanese speech are meant to elevate the listener while humbling the speaker. Yor speaks politely to everyone because she simply wants to be kind to everyone and make them feel comfortable, even those she has to kill, but at the same time, she often feels inferior to others.

However, there are rare exceptions where Yor stops using keigo which are, appropriately, during very suspenseful, high-stakes moments where politeness would be the least of her worries. For example, during her fight with Barnaby when she realizes she's holding back, she starts using casual speech. But she goes back to keigo before too long.

But probably the most notable example of her completely dropping keigo is near the end of her big battle against the assassins on the cruise ship, where she finally comes to realize what she's fighting for. During her whole epiphany scene – starting from when she thinks of Yuri and herself as kids until she stands up and says she won't stop fighting – she switches completely to casual speech.

There are many ways to interpret this, but I think it shows what an emotional revelation this was for her: she remembered that the suffering in the world is what caused her to want to protect Yuri from any kind of tragedy, and now the same can be said for Loid, Anya, and Bond. She remembered the words of acceptance she heard from Loid when they first met, words no one else had likely ever said to her before. She realized that she didn't care what happened to her as long as she could stop anything bad from happening to her loved ones – in that moment, no formalities were necessary with such intense self-reflection.

<- Return to Part 2

#sxf #spy x family #spy family #spyxfamily #loid forger #yor forger #anya forger #twiyor #sxf manga #sxf analysis #sxf manga spoilers #sxf meta

[petrichor-idyllic]

Heyyy do you do reacts? Like "How the TMR boys would react to you calling them pretty" . If so, thank youuu :)

Oooo I never even thought about doing this, but I can absolutely give it a go :))

YOU THINK I'M PRETTY?

MASTERLIST | MULTI-CHARACTER MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: See above. Gender neutral reader.

WARNINGS: None really, maybe some inappropriate language and flirty behaviour.

"You know, you're actually kinda pretty."

THOMAS

Would not know how to react.

Thomas absolutely would be completely dumbfounded.

He'd been attracted to you ever since he'd arrived in the Glade, so you complimenting him would leave him in a stunned state.

Probably would also be the first and only time he gets complimented because the Gladers just call each other ugly on a daily basis.

"Oh, uh- thanks- thank you."

You probably wouldn't think much of it and go about your day.

He would spend the next four years thinking about it.

"They think I'm pretty."

Definitely a much needed confidence boost since he (especially in the books) is having a permanent identity crisis.

He might not know who he is, but damn, at least he's pretty.

NEWT

Newt isn't a stranger to compliments. He's one of the oldest standing Gladers and people often comment on his work ethic and ability to think fast.

His appearance though?

That's new.

He'd probably freeze, laughing it off as you just kinda randomly say it whilst he's working with the Track-hoes.

"Heh, what?"

In all honesty, you'd have been watching him for a while, admiring his features and when you say it, it would have been a thought you didn't mean to say out loud more than anything.

That wouldn't stop him from thinking about it. It would get brushed over fairly quickly since Newt is a busy dude, but he would definitely ask Minho and his friends about it.

"What do you think it means?

"Uh, that they think you're pretty? Duh."

Like Thomas, he would probably lie awake thinking about it, or just throughout his day, a soft smile playing on his lips, and he would definitely get caught laughing.

"Dude, you're thinking about it again?"

"Shut up, slinthead!"

"Touched a nerve, pretty boy?"

MINHO

Minho knows he's pretty. Everyone knows he's pretty. Just look at the guy. Even Thomas thinks he's pretty (*cough* the three paragraphs dedicated to describing Minho's arms in the book *cough*).

He'd probably laugh.

Sure, it's common knowledge that he's a good looking guy, but for someone to say it to him?

That'd be entertaining.

He'd tease you about it, making you the one that becomes a blushing mess.

"Hey, so how pretty do you think I am, exactly?"

He would not let it go.

But he wouldn't brag to the other Gladers about it. He would keep the information to himself, mainly keeping up the light bullying in private and leaving other Gladers confused as to why you tended to leave his presence bright red.

Secretly, he'd be thrilled. Of course, just that you think he's attractive to begin with, but also because it clearly runs deeper at your constant embarrassment.

He probably also wouldn't know how else to flirt with you. But he's trying his best. Compliments don't come as easy to him as they do you, so this is how he expresses it.

Definitely an ego boost.

GALLY

He would be insulted.

Gally wouldn't take it as a compliment at first. He wants to be a tough guy and you calling him pretty feels like a insult to his masculinity.

Definitely not the intention.

You think he's soft? Pretty? How dare you. How could you?

It wouldn't be until he spoke to Frypan that he'd realise.

"They called me pretty. Pretty! Do I look like a shuckin' sissy?"

"Dude, I'm pretty sure it was a compliment- they think you're hot."

"Oh."

That's when he'd be flustered.

In private, of course, but flustered nonetheless.

He'd feel like such a dick for reacting how he did and without even processing it properly.

He'd end up apologising and you'd laugh about it.

"It's okay, I won't call you pretty again. Promise."

But now he knows you think he's attractive, he'd definitely be bummed that you said you wouldn't compliment him like that again.

"I mean- you can still... yanno- say that."

Turns out Gally actually kinda is a softie when he wants to be.

You find it cute.

FRYPAN

He would be ecstatic.

Oh my God, you think he's pretty? His life is complete. The world is good. Kill him now, this is the best day of his life.

He'd tell everyone who would listen.

"Yeah! They called me pretty! Suck it! I'm prettier than you slintheads!"

"Fry, I really don't care."

He'd constantly ask you to call him pretty again. Or even other compliments and you'd find it funny.

He'd be surprising hard to fluster, but very easy to please.

It wouldn't be uncommon to find him grinning from ear to ear after talking to you.

He would also have the courage to return the compliments, creating a friendship that's basically filled with constant praise.

He would worship the ground you walk on.

Thinks he's in love every time you make eye contact.

ALBY

"Yeah, okay."

Alby would not give a shit.

The man is stressed 24/7.

You can't really blame him. He's in charge of a bunch of teenage boys in a Maze full of monsters, and he has to make sure that everyone is comfortable and surviving.

He has too much on his plate to even realise what you'd be saying at first.

The brain lag is real, and it would be three days later when he'd understand what you said.

"Wait a shuckin' second..."

After that, he'd think about it a lot, internally kicking himself and regretting the choice.

You wouldn't be shocked. This is exactly the kind of response you'd expect from the Leader. But you almost said it because you knew what his response would be.

You wouldn't have to worry about Alby being weird or acting different or telling anyone.

Though, he would become a lot friendlier towards you, starting to develop a sweet spot for you.

Would ya look at that, I can actually write for characters other than Minho? Who woulda guessed? In all seriousness, this was really fun and I enjoy writing headcanons as much as I like writing stories. I really enjoy these typa requests, tysm for sending it in.

Hope you all enjoy :))

#🌿 petri writes tmr #🌿 petri writes #🍃 petri tmr #newt the maze runner #minho the maze runner #the maze runner #minho tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr thomas #tmr imagines #tmr minho #tmr x reader #thomas the maze runner #gally imagine #gally tmr

[stoat-party]

Fallout 4: Where is the Lone Wanderer?*

*a vague conspiracy theory which doesn’t actually answer the question at hand. We all have our own ideas of how the lore should go, and I’m sure yours is very canon-compliant and valid, but this is mine and I have support for it. Looooongpost.

First off: What do we know about the canon Wanderer?

We know they activated Project Purity (or had a companion do it) without the FEV and were inducted into the Brotherhood. We know they’ve met with MacCready (you can’t finish the game if you don’t), and he has dialogue indicating they had further contact. They also took the Brotherhood’s side at Adams Air Force Base.

We don’t know what happened with The Replicated Man, but since the canon Wanderer appears to have good karma, and info from 4 implies Zimmer’s disappearance was more recent than ten years ago, it seems likely they took the boring ending, which secures their membership in the Railroad.

Why aren’t they in Fallout 4?

The Doylist answer is that they’re highly customizable, and so they have no canon appearance, personality, gender, etc. But in-universe? Something happened.

“Accepting outsiders like yourself has proven disastrous in the past.” - Kells

“I've seen other soldiers come and go. Some were brave, some were honest... hell, some were even downright heroic.” - Danse

“Every doctor I've talked to was worthless. [] I don't need them... I need someone like you.” - MacCready

When Duncan first got sick, “someone like you” would have meant the Wanderer. This suggests (to me) that they’re not in the Capital Wasteland anymore. But they’re certainly not in the Commonwealth either.

The weird thing is that the Lone Wanderer is all over this game - they’re the namesake for a male hairstyle, a perk, a DCR song, a motorcycle brand… and the codename of Deacon’s mission to save the Railroad from certain destruction by recruiting the Sole Survivor.

Someday We’ll Find It, the Deacon Connection

Oh yeah, I’m going here. Desdemona’s terminal entries confirm it was always Deacon’s plan to get you onboard and use you to destroy the Institute. There are Railroad lookout posts near 111/Sanctuary and Red Rocket, and of course he followed you in Goodneighbor, Diamond City, and Bunker Hill (at least). His court jester vibe hides it a bit, but he’s manipulating you more than he’s manipulating Desdemona in the intro scene. And do you notice he rarely gives you a firm verbal disapproval unless you’re hurting the Railroad?

What could have caused Deacon’s interest in you, unless he’s made the connection between you and the Lone Wanderer? He’ll vouch for you if you haven’t accomplished anything yet, or even if you’re a Brotherhood member. A Pip-Boyed stranger emerges from a vault in the middle of a crisis, gaining friends, skills, items, and special abilities at a suspicious rate? Probably with the same gender and playstyle as the previous one? Heck, when he first heard the rumors, he probably thought you WERE the Lone Wanderer.

There are other indications the Railroad has been in contact with them — Desdemona mentions the Capital Wasteland as their primary destination for synths, and Deacon references Harkness’s recall code. If you refuse to pick a codename, Desdemona even assigns you “Wanderer.”

So what happened, then?

I think the answer lies with the Brotherhood, specifically in Deacon’s hatred of them. Sure, ideology is enough to hate them for, but Deacon sure seems suspiciously happy if you nuke their base of operations. (Some of) his comments on that:

“The Brotherhood... well, I met them on an op in Capital Wasteland a few years back. But now with Elder Maxson... Let's just say, not a fan.”

“That bastard Maxson really screwed them up. The Brotherhood used to be the good guys. Well, goodish.”

[Who’s Elder Maxson?] “He’s a piece of work, is what he is.”

And on his time in the Capital:

“Did I ever tell you about the time I was in Capital Wasteland? Now there's a tale.”

“Capital Wasteland. Exports: purified water, some decent tech, oh, and an insane suicidal cult that worships radiation. Thanks, guys.”

“I miss Capital Wasteland. You can actually drink the water there.”

And a few lines I’ve decided (with no evidence) directly refer to LW:

“Last partner I had wound up going... well, a little insane. I think it was all my show tune medleys.”

[After Maxson orders you to hunt Danse down] “See? This is what the Brotherhood's really about.”

And my favorite: “I’ve been looking forward to kicking the Brotherhood’s teeth in. I owe them.” This line comes before Glory is killed, so he’s not referring to that. The Brotherhood only recently arrived in force in the Commonwealth. He’s talking about something that happened in the Capital Wasteland.

So Here’s What Might Have Happened:

In early 2286, Deacon moves to the Capitol Wasteland for awhile, probably to get a face change and lay low for a bit. He contacts the Lone Wanderer, who has barely heard from the Railroad in nine years. They begin to work together.

(In context, this journal entry looks like he’s somehow gathering intel to predict when Vault 111 will open, but I can’t think of a way for him to get that information or know why it’s important, so I’m not going to believe it just yet.)

The Wanderer is still a knight, maybe a paladin. Maxson has been elder for 2-3 years and is monitoring the Institute. Meanwhile, the Lone Wanderer and Deacon are setting up infrastructure to receive escaped synths.

And then the Brotherhood finds out about one of the safehouses. With their limited understanding, they believe that the Institute is holed up there and attack. The Wanderer intentionally throws the mission — maybe disobeys orders, maybe downs a vertibird or collapses a subway tunnel, or maybe even attacks their brothers to protect the synths.

And, well-

Either they were killed, or they escaped court martial and execution by a hair’s breadth and fled the Capital, leaving Deacon to believe Maxson had them killed.

There you have it. That’s why they aren’t in Brotherhood dialogue or records. Their accomplishments couldn’t be recognized because they’re a traitor. And that’s why it’s personal for Deacon.

#i love my crackpot theory #i’ve connected the dots. i’ve connected them. #the full story in my mind gets even stupider and i’ll probably never write it #fallout #fallout 4 #fallout 3 #deacon fo4 #fo4 deacon #fo4 #fo3 #the lone wanderer #fallout deacon #deacon fallout #fallout 4 deacon #deacon fallout 4 #the sole survivor #lone wanderer #sole survivor #arthur maxson #elder maxson #paladin danse #danse #maccready #rj maccready #robert joseph maccready #glory fallout 4 #glory fallout #desdemona fallout #desdemona fallout 4 #is that enough tags

[lostryu]

i need gay rights because literally not a single self-proclaimed cis/het 'ally' understands the alienating experience that comes with being the only gay person in the workplace.

i am a gnc butch lesbian. i use he/him pronouns. when i came out to my manager regarding my pronouns (i had been an open lesbian since the moment of my hire), she told me that she supported me, but she could not enforce or ask our clients to use the correct pronouns for me. she told me it was something i would have to learn to deal with. she never uses the correct pronouns for me unless a person from a different department (who also happens to be LGBT+) is present. she is our HR in addition to manager.

none of my coworkers in my department ever remember to use my pronouns. if i remind them, they go over the top with the "im sorry's" and the "im still learning" and "you know i try my hardest's!" and "i swear im not homophobic!", it has been over 6 months since i came out. if i say nothing, they continue to use she/her (unless that other lgbt+ person from the other department is present, then they miraculously get it right).

sometimes they call me 'girl'. they always flounder and correct to "man-boy-uh youknowwhatimeanright". they laugh it off. they never bother to ask what terms i am comfortable with, or if i even cared in the first place. they don't care about my gender, they never bother to ask. somehow the subject gets changed every time i try to tell them, or set a boundary.

once in a while in a slow shift, the conversation will hop to our dating lives. somehow, it always jumps to how men suck and how dating a woman must be so much easier. they wish they could be gay and not straight. every time, they'll stare at me expectantly, like i am an animal at the zoo. no matter what i say, positive or negative, i must be lying. i cannot be that happy in my relationship, or if i have any issues, they must be minor. if i say 'why don't you try dating a girl then' to their remarks, they'll laugh, say something like "there is no way i possibly could" with that special tone of disguised disgust.

i am a prop, at work. they tell me about how much they love their kids. how they could bring anyone home and they wouldn't care. "they could be black, brown, or purple," they'll say "it could be a woman or a man! I support gay rights!" Then they will talk about how hungry they are, and how they will be going to Chick Fil a for the 4th time this week. 'as a treat'. it is thursday. they talk about going to Hobby Lobby again for christmas decorations, or another sale. sometimes i think i can taste blood.

its june. they talk about the pride parade and how excited they are to see the queens and their 'funny costumes'. they talk about how fun it is to go and watch, how they like the free things the corporations hand out. they don't want to bring their younger kids though. they're not old enough. they do not know that the first pride was a riot. they do not know what happened during the AIDS crisis, how many died. they don't really care when i try to tell them, they'd rather focus on the fun parts of the parade. the spectacle.

i wear a pronoun pin, to make it easier. still somehow no one can get my pronouns right. a client notices it. commends me for "being brave" and "coming out." she never uses my correct pronouns. i stopped wearing the pin after the 11th person asked me if my name on my name tag was my real one, and after the 45th person went out of their way to use incorrect pronouns every sentence. my manager, the HR, did not care.

i need gay rights, but somehow everything got resolved when they allowed us to marry in 2015. to our allies, the work is done. somehow i am left more alone than when we started.

#lost.txt #lesbian loneliness #like idk how to describe it but it sure is loneliness and alienation #somewhat of a vent post #like yes we have made it so far #but our 'allies' have grown very complacent #in their own support and ideology #reminder that being gay is still considered spectacle

[haymarketvtubestuff]

I wasn't thinking I'd need to blaze this, Tumblr, but I need your help with gathering resources for questions to be answered during a family crisis.

Recently, I publicly came out as transgender and my sisters are having a rough time trying to process it. For context, the three of us (all in our 30s) were raised Catholic and I started coming to terms with my being transgender in 2007, only wholly accepting the label in 2019. I had been in the closet wrt family with the sole exception of my father. I wasn't sure why, but I was most comfortable telling him that I was struggling with my gender identity.

I found out why in 2021 when I realized he was ordering and wearing clothing and accessories from the women's section and had pierced ears and regularly got French manicures.

My own coming out may have unintentionally helped kick start a crisis for my sisters, and my brother-in-law informed me that my sisters suspect that our dad is also transgender.

My brother-in-law has already voiced support as well as an apology in advance if he gets my pronouns wrong (I already assured him that I'd rather be patient than mean). He also communicated with me that I had the support of my father and my sisters, but that they weren't sure how to process all of this on an emotional level.

This is where y'all come in.

I'm looking for books and articles and podcasts that would best help cisgender adult allies understand the struggles of being transgender, ways that cis folks can help, and especially how to come to terms with having a transgender family member.

I appreciate any help I can get and I cede the floor to my fellow chaos gremlins that haunt this site.

#transgender #trans #allyship #pride #trans pride

[pocketsizedquasar]

thoughts about jon, gender, n hair

aka i've literally wanted to write a fic centered around this concept for like over two years but. well. anyway. i still might write the fic at some point but lord knows when that'll happen so in the meantime here are my jon jarchivist headcanons centered around hair and gender, ft. my personal flavor of jon: persian, w/ a white grandmother, n amab nonbinary transneutral/transfemme

⁃ jon's hair was always kept short as a kid. short hair was for boys, his grandmother had said, and besides, she didn't have the desire nor energy to learn how to care for his thick persian curls; the shorter they were, the less tangled and unruly, the better.

⁃ jon explored some more fem/gnc presentation in college, some of which included growing out his hair. he attributed it back then more to just the fact that he was exploring his queerness (in a bi and ace sense) in general & that he spent a lot of time around georgie (also transfemme), and didn't really think about the actual gender accompanying it -- he wasn't actively thinking much about his own gender. questioning and coming to terms with his sexuality was already a lot.

⁃ but he liked the way his hair looked and felt long. he liked the quiet rebellion of it. he liked the way georgie ran her fingers through it. he liked how many different ways it could be worn long -- in ponytails and buns and braids and just loose down his back. he doesn't remember much of his mom, but he's seen in pictures her long, dark, curly hair, just like his now, and he likes the reminder.

⁃ he keeps it long after college, though upon getting hired as a researcher at the magnus institute, he has a bit of a crisis over whether or not to cut it, re: standards of white cishetero "professionalism" and decorum and masculinity, all of which he's doing his best to perform. maybe even early on in his research days he cuts it a bit and decides it makes him feel so bad (for some inexplicable reason) that he decides to just leave it long, though tidy and brushed and straightened and pulled high up into a tight bun so it looks neat and out of the way and functionally short anyway.

⁃ similar thing happens when he gets promoted to archivist. i personally like him deciding not to cut it here because i like him being allowed to keep one (1) thing, though i def understand other hc's where he does cut it short for S1 / being the archivist. he's still very much keeping it pulled up in a tight bun and out of the way, and removes anything else remotely feminine about his appearance -- earrings, more fem clothing, nailpolish, etc.

⁃ i read mossy's @coulson-is-an-avenger "shopping for gender in a british wal-mart" fic like 2.5 years ago and i still love it so much and it's still canon to me basically re: he tries a skirt Once to work at the sort of peak sweet point where he's settled in enough to feel comfortable trying to wear a skirt but not yet paranoid enough about Prentiss. sasha talks w him about gender and femininity and stuff, though he's not quite ready to confront it yet.

⁃ then prentiss/season 2 hits and he regresses again hard into self-defense mode; the performative masculinity goes Harder. his hair is still long but it's messy; thick curls and flyaway strands frizzing about his sleep deprived and paranoid face.

⁃ by the time s3 rolls around, everything else in his life has gone to shit, so mostly he's just like "fuck it" re: his presentation in general, including his gender presentation. there's also a sense of just.. "this it the one thing in my life I have control over," so he sort of starts just wearing whatever. even if he's not really acknowledging the actual gender feelings to himself. but his hair and his clothes are One thing he can control about himself, one thing the watcher can't really take away from him. so with s3-s4 it's like. yeah he feels like he's becoming less and less human and yeah he's being kidnapped once a month and yeah the world is going to end but at least he can wear a goddamn skirt.

⁃ i do think there's also an element of it too where, there's obvious anxiety and concern about him being a visibly brown and trans/gnc person in fucking London of all places, but as time goes on i do think there's a bit of like. even if i face violence for this what does it matter. i hardly leave the archives anyways, and even then, would that really be anything? in the face of everything else that's happened?

⁃ in the safehouse jon and martin (who to me is a trans man btw) talk about gender a bunch and Jon realizes they want to try using both he and they pronouns and maybe jon decides they want to do some more feminine things, want to try wearing skirts and maybe painting their nails again and martin braids flowers into their hair and things are good

⁃ and then season 5 and the apocalypse hits.

⁃ for the first little while in the safehouse jon's hair is still long. but before they leave, he cuts it, for several reasons -- first like, if keeping it long and presenting femininely was partially about control for Jon, this is them letting Go of that, of what he perceives to have just been an Illusion control. yeah it might make them a bit dysphoric but so what, my body was never mine tobegin with.

⁃ and i think he's also doing it as a mental preparation for leaving the cabin, after jon and martin have had the initial talk about eventually leaving. long hair is a liability; hair can get pulled on and tugged on when being kidnapped and grabbed at; hair can be drenched in shampoo and twisted by plastic hands; hair can be tangled and snag on the walls of a coffin; it can be full of dirt days and days later; hair is a hassle and a hazard and an illusion of control and above all it was a comfort to jon and this is no longer a world where you can trust comfort, martin.

⁃ martin walks in on jon in the bathroom staring at themself in the mirror with a pair of scissors. they ask martin to cut it for them. (martin gets a haircut too, in a show at solidarity and some levity. also undercut martin rights)

⁃ anyway, Somewhere Else Jon wears flowy dresses and grows his hair long and leaves lipstick stains on martin's face when they kiss and hikes his skirts up above his knees when they work in the garden and their hair is long and dark and thick and curly and he likes it; likes the way it looks and feels, the way martin runs his fingers through it, the way it reminds him of his mother and the way it makes him smile at the person they see standing in the mirror.

⁃ and it's good. it's really good.

#tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #jonathan sims #jonmartin #martin blackwood #georgie barker #magnuspod #magpod #tma headcanons #lgbtq #queer #trans #nonbinary #quasartalks #quasarwrites #literally literally have discord messages from two years ago of me yelling abt this and making a fic abt it #(from which i typed up a lot of this post) #and yet here we are #two years later #ficless #so have this instead. i care them

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

so i (14 F? currently going through an unrelated gender crisis) have been regularly horseback riding since i was 9 and have a regular instructor i really like we'll call R (30s or 40s, F). Today, however, R was out sick and so i was with the barn owner, who we'll call L (60s, F).

i was originally really excited about this, as L is a very good rider. however, i quickly realized that she almost exclusively taught beginner riders under the age of 8. as previously stated, i have been riding for 5 years and would consider myself a pretty good rider.

L proceeded to get my name wrong (i have a fairly common white name starting with s, which she was confusing for fucking Sarah, despite the names looking and sounding nothing alike), though in fairness i was too scared to correct her. she completely undermined my experience and knowledge of the subject, and there were a good twenty minutes when i thought we were just gonna be doing 20 meter trot circles the whole time. thank god for the last half of the lesson L would occasionally let me canter a few circles. even the small form reminders that are to be expected were annoying. where R and other previous instructors had said them almost as background noise, L said it like it was a revelation i'd never heard of before.

do you know the shit socrates said about like giving a student the knowledge to reach the conclusion rather than just the conclusion? what he overlooked is that you can absolutely overuse it. it's hard to explain through the medium of an aita post how frustrating it feels to have someone look at you and see you how they did 5 years ago, look at you and not see the sweat and tears and hours of perfecting your form. and i know that my emotional regulation isn't very well developed, and i know i'm 14 and my hormones are out of wack and i know she doesn't mean anything by it and i know it's not her fault but it's just so fucking aggravating.

almost the entire lesson i was very curt and rude with L, despite the fact that im usually a very cheerful person. she definitely noticed, but didn't bring it up. i tend to freeze up at confrontation, so im not sure what i would've done if she did. i was also much harsher than i needed to be on my horse, which isn't fair because she didn't do anything wrong. i kicked her harder than necessary, jerked her reins, leaned to the inside, and was all around not a very good rider. when my mom picked me up (i am, again, 14 and do not have a driver's license) i slammed to door to the car. when i started crying and she asked me what was wrong, i told her multiple times to "shut the fuck up" and "every word that comes put of your mouth makes me want to punch you in the face", which i now feel awful about. i kept bursting into the tears in the shower so it took me an hour and a half to wash myself, putting our water bill through the roof.

tldr: an instructor treated me as though i was a child, i overreacted and was very rude to everyone around me, i feel utterly horrible about it now. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[lydscare]

ponyboy curtis dating/relationship headcanons

warnings/notes: ponyboy is a softie; no warnings 🙌 (pony is a little insecure, though)

a/n: yooo 😃, it’s been a hot minute; sorry school drama is being a b*tch right now and has been exhausting me from writing 😭 [why do guys gotta be so immature!?] anyways, “the outsiders” hyperfixation kicked in and made me write this, enjoy!!

reader is gender-neutral / my masterlist 

he’s a sweetie :))

he likes to calls you sunshine or hun

he LOVES taking you to watch sunsets. (he was probably watching one with you when he realized that he was in love with you–)

discussions with him can be so funny when taken out of context. they can go from goofy not too serious questions to an entire exsistensial crisis about the universe

“do crabs think we walk sideways?”

“...pony–”

he is the first to say “i love you”

being close to him allows you to get to know his witty (and kinda smartass) side. 

he also loves being able to make you laugh with any of his sarcastic remarks

“if mr. ray gives us another homework assignment i’m to go to dally for some help.”

*yn laughing*

*ponyboy trying to hide the proudest smile on his face :))*

pony loves, loves the sound of your laugh too

it’s just comforting to him :’)

i also think that after ponyboy comes out of his shell more that he’d 100% be the type to gossip (and never get caught) mainly stuff that he heard from two-bit, dally and johnny tho/tbh

y’all can communicate with no words, (it’s honestly sometimes pretty creepy); y’know through you eyes and facial  expressions and whatnot

he learns to read you really well. your body language and everything, so he’ll know that if you’re uncomfortable and he’ll try to get you out of whatever situation as soon as possible

he gets jealous a bit (he’s a little more insecure though) but he tends to wallow quietly in loathing, giving them the stink eye and what not

you go to his track meetings, just sitting on a bench nearby. he’s so happy that you’re there and supporting him :’)

if you cheer him on loudly tho, he will sink into the floor. out of embarrassment or just being overwhelmed by your love and support, who knows? 

if you guys are walking to his house later at night (or anytime, really) and a soc car drives up next to you guys, he’ll block you from their view so you hopefully won’t get catcalled. (in general he walks on the side of the street near the curb) 

if the group of socs does catcall you from their car or make you uncomfy he’ll tell them to shove off (protective boy fr fr)

also likes to kiss you all over your face

forehead kisses <3

passing notes in class

i don’t know why but i kinda feel like he’s insecure about his smile, so please reassure him that you love him whole :’)

he’s a great listener

ends up stealing a lot of you pencils because he’s always losing them 😭

sketches u <3

random deep talks at 3 in the morning 

recommending books and movies to each other

while he reads a book you recommend to him he writes little annotations of what he thought of the book (you do this for him also) 

has defiantely drawen both of your initials in a heart 

draws on your hands, lets you draw on his

he feels happy seeing you walk around with his little drawings on your hand 🥹

people honestly think that you guys are just really close friends; which is a  fair assumption, there isn’t too much pda with him/you probably don’t do anything too sterotypically couplely in public

he’s 14 (anyone who’s 17+ and reading this, 😐 wtf–) and you’re proably the first relationship he’s ever been in, so he kinda is trying to see how it goes + is always a bit afraid he might be overstepping (at least early on in the relationship)

pt.2 here cuz apparently i went over the word limit :'))

#lydscare; #the outsiders #the outsiders imagine #the outsiders x reader #ponyboy curtis #ponyboy x reader #ponyboy curtis x reader #ponyboy michael curtis x reader #ponyboy imagine #ponyboy curtis imagine