#i am so sorry but now its out of my head

[maalidoesart]

idk thought of this last night in bed so here is a random af crossover

also boyfriend reactions:

(chuuya is probably standing on a box to match hua chengs height bs damn my guy is small)

#i am so sorry but now its out of my head #the crossover noone wanted but now its here #yes this came from me realizing both dazai and xie lian wear bandages #also this eould probably be a very awkward meeting #ngl i think hua cheng would laugh a bit at tiny angry chuuya #i hope ppl who are in both fandoms can appreciate this lmaooo #art #fanart #drawing #illustration #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanart #tgcf #tgcf fanart #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #dazai bungou stray dogs #chuuya bungou stray dogs #chuuya #dazai #dazai bsd #chuuya bsd #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu #skk #soukou #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian

[oatbugs]

i think if i painted my ex situationship i'd be cured it's the most shallow but intense connection i've had w anyone i think i am so obsessed w how she looks i want 2 photograph her/paint her forever rant in tags but ive talked abt it b4 so feel free to ignore

#god her personality is so . kind of repulsive its insane i think shes a good friend to her friends but #the way she just openly admitted to treating her exes like they r less than human w the most beautiful smile u have seen in ur life #shes acc tainted tottenham court for me bc i keep thinking of our second date where she wrapped her hands around me from behind waiting for #the train . also yh sorry we were one of those cringe ppl on the escalator sorry sorry never again sorry #shes shorter than me but on the escelators she was taller so she kissed the top of my head gently #w the most beautiful side profile on earth she said she didnt even lead me on. its fine it was never that serious #ill FUCKING KILL YOU #thinking abt when on a date she was like . yh my ex would look lovely pregnant 😊 like bitch. WHAT #also she has central heterochromia so like . super beautiful big green/brown eyes longest eyelashes ever + i dont want to lose you i think #im 80% sure we should just be friends ok my love #i took you to a party on a high-rise and you held my neck when u kissed me on a canary wharf rooftop and now you just told me you want to #fuck pregnant women and that you basically cheated on your ex who then cheated on you but its ok bc shes the love of ur life #???? #anyway #sorry i am acc basically almost entirely over her this was triggered by her texting me to meet up a few mins ago #after ghosting me for a while . anywya w/e time to hang out w friends and study

[goobiestar]

Hello everybody this is an emergency!!! Pls buy my commissions!!!!

Pls reblog if able to, im begging, this is the best I can do

So, as some of you know I am a 15 year old living in San Diego, California and prices here are impossible unless you are rich or have family to back you up. So, we don’t have that actually.

My mother quit her job awhile ago but recently got back into another job, she didn’t have a go-to job after quitting her other one which made us 6 weeks behind rent/payment, making us loose over 40k, I am not able to get a job yet so for now, i must do comms.

In just 6 days, we might loose cable, electricity, water, anything! If we dont do something, something has been eating our bank and we need over 4k and right now we have.. $1.36 in total in bank.

Hopefully, i might be able to get started on commissions, please if you’re able to, we might loose something in less than a week if we dont do anything, if you arent able to buy and rb—please just atleast try to reblog, i am panicking right now and I have no idea if this is an exaggeration or not, we NEED money!!

I am only using Venmo:

@Goobiestarstar

Please pm me here on tumblr or on discord (Goobiestar⛱#6188) if interested

(I am so sorry these prices are high, if able to i would really appreciate tipping)

#//important #PLEASE REBLOG!!! #KEEP IN MIND I AM VERY NEW TO COMMS.. SO PLEASE.. understand if i sound stressed or confused im not familiar with many things still #I WILL BE SLOW.. and i am really scared doing this because im goong head first to stay alive rn #will take paypal soon #but for now venmo #i dont think im gonna get any i think this is the end for now im sorry yall #i am just so tired and so scared its too hard to sleep #emergency commissions #art #PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY #i am done acting like everything is okay everything is NOT okay rn #i am actually so scared rn its not fun seeing people out on the streets every day and i dont want to be with them #my dad usually exaggerates so…

[carkali]

Something i'd like to point out

We can assume the final part of p2 of the canto was not only from heathcliff's perspective but dante's as well, considering we know they can look directly into their memories when resonating with them.

we did not get a new cg for carmen's appearance. This is something you could chalk up to time on the artist's part, and wanting to focus purely on "main" story cgs perhaps? But for this im gonna assume it was purposeful

For those who aren't aware or need a refresher, this CG is from ayin's perspective, from ayin's memory of laying with her in the grass in the past, in the first game

its personal, and there's only one body who could have this image in their mind.

when viewed this way, the lack of even a redraw feels more intentional 😀...?

#limbus company #dante #carmen #heathcliff #lobotomy corporation #canto vi #Yeah sorry #i think the intention the theory and the story is more nuanced than Oh so dante is just ayin #and i know this has a history of being a laughed at idea pretty rightfully so even #but im just trying to look with my eyes alone here and im noting this down as Something i saw #also id rather no comments on any perceived laziness by the artist because. well i am hoping you know about vellmoris situation #and how its probably not easy right now. Whole other post #canto vi spoilers #red string board #Ignore im just putting any uhh theory related posts or whatever in that tag for my own finding #I tried to keep this one really short since i just wanted to get it out there yeeep yep yep #More carmen stuff to come if i let it out of my head

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[sidneycarter]

love the idea that post The Situation thomas is just increasingly obtuse when it comes to jimmy's feelings.

so when one day mrs hughes mentions in passing at how much easier it is to handle james now he's settled down, thomas is incredibly confused. and a little bit heartbroken too of course.

it gets even stranger when on valentine's day alfred sulkily asks jimmy how many cards he's sent that year and jimmy merely shrugs and smirks. mrs patmore chastises them for gossiping and announces that surely, jimmy's only got one to be sending.

then one night, most of the staff are enjoying a rare night off in the pub. as usual, a host of pretty girls surround jimmy, and one particularly brave one asks jimmy if he's got any plans on one of his half days. jimmy throws her a cheeky wink and says "sorry, darling, but i'm spoken for."

thomas starts feeling really rather hurt. he's known all along that this would happen eventually - that jimmy would eventually move on and find a nice village lass, but it still stings to hear it. somehow, it hurts even more knowing that clearly jimmy has fallen for someone but he hasn't even told thomas.

thomas puts on a brave face and elbows daisy in the side. "d'ya hear that? jimmy's kept that quiet 'asn't he?"

daisy looks at him with a frown and cocks her head to the side. "well, not really--" but before she can say anything else she's swept up into the rowdy conversation of the table.

a few weeks later, thomas and jimmy are alone in the servants hall, with thomas reading the paper in his rocking chair and jimmy tapping out melodies on the piano. the tune he's playing is sweet and gentle, and thomas finds himself swaying his head along. as the song draws to a close, a gentle round of applause sounds from the doorway.

baxter stands smiling. "let me call you sweetheart is one of my favourites. it was beautiful, jimmy."

jimmy blushes prettily and stands, closing the piano lid. "thank you, mrs baxter. good night."

after he's gone from the room, baxter enters to fill herself a glass of water. she smiles fondly at thomas. "he's so smitten you know. head over heels." she rolls her eyes affectionately.

it takes months until thomas finally figures out the truth of what's going on. well, to say he figures it out is somewhat generous.

he's in the servants hall again, this time feeling a little despondent with a cup of tea. jimmy had gone to the pictures with alfred of all people, their friendship seemingly improved since jimmy's given up on chasing ivy's skirt. thomas is resolutely not waiting up to make sure jimmy gets home safe. anna is the only other person still up, and she sits opposite thomas stitching one of lady mary's hemlines in companionable silence.

thomas dwells on his own thoughts for a while, until anna rests her sewing on the table and fixes him with a worried look. "are you quite alright, mr barrow?"

"hm? oh, yes anna, i'm very well thank you." he takes a sip of his tea to hide his moue.

anna looks unconvinced. "thomas," she says seriously, "is it-- have you and jimmy had a falling out?"

that genuinely surprises thomas. for all his worry and sadness over jimmy's as yet unknown love interest, they'd never fallen out. "no, no, of course not. he's just busy, that's all, which is to be expected now he's, you know," thomas waves his cup vaguely in the air, "courting the mystery lady."

anna chokes on a laugh. "the mystery lady?"

"yes. he's-- he's courting someone, isn't he? everyone keeps saying that he's... or suggesting that he's taken with someone." Thomas adds somewhat bitterly, "seems quite serious if you ask me. not that he's told me anything about it of course."

anna stops giggling and looks at him oddly. "thomas you-- you can't mean--"

"-- do you know who she is, anna?" thomas interrupts a little desperately. he's becoming tired of it all and he just wants to know-- how bad it is, for how long he's going to have to tend to his broken heart.

"thomas. thomas, jimmy's sweetheart is-- well, it's you."

"me?" thomas has a brief, sickening memory of his feelings before, and how miss o'brien toyed with them so badly. but he knows in his gut, that anna would never, and could never do that. he knows she's being honest, as confusing and terrifying as the statement may be.

"yes." anna smiles. "he's like a little puppy when he's with you. surely you've noticed? he gazes at you with stars in his eyes. he wants to do everything you do, and it seems like every other conversation is all about what you've been telling him this week. he only ever plays love songs on the piano when you're in the room. he laughs at all your jokes and he's not even glanced in the direction of a girl since last year." anna shakes her head. "i thought you knew and were just letting him get used to it."

"no i didn't -- i didn't know, i thought," thomas can feel himself blushing, "i don't know what i thought."

anna stands with a stifled yawn. "you make each other very happy. if you really didn't know, i think you ought to talk to him. good night, mr barrow."

"good night anna. and thank you."

thomas is left in the still and quiet of the room, watching the steam spiral up from his cup. a private and hopeful smile spreads across his face. yes, he thinks, nodding his head, perhaps we should talk.

#thommy #thomas barrow #jimmy kent #downton abbey #sorry what even is this #this is completely unproofread written in one sitting in lapslock #my apologies #thank u to freya for listening to me rant about this concept before telling me to actually write it out #just them being cute #them being in love #im so obsessed with the idea of jimmy being obsessed #like totally head over heels smitten down BAD for thomas #and thomas being like :))) we are friends now and i am happy with this situation i will never ask for any more #obviously he's hiding his neverending jimmy feels #but he's just :))) that theyre in cahoots now #meanwhile jimmy is like #crumbling because he's so in love #and everyone else around them is like ummmmmm could u be more obvious #like we're not even shocked anymore #0 people are surprised #fic #im tagging this fic but idk why because it isnt really its wordvom

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

New day, new glasses pics

#😍😍😍🔥🔥🔥 #he continues to look ridiculously good with them #if this becomes a habit I AM HERE FOR IT #we need glasses pic every day #only because its good for his eyes if he actually wears his glasses of course #i wonder what changed that he now wears them so often and we get so many pictures? 👀 #and yes i know the logical answer is his eye sight being bad but since when we care about logic #my head canon is the new glasses are a gift from olena and thats why he now wears them and we see them so often #friends we are this 🤏 close to getting a glasses pic outside of the office #speech or event with glasses is coming i can feel it #he also continues to look like a hot professor #I AM SORRY OKAY I JUST SAID OUT LOUD WHAT WE ARE ALL THINKING #i did it for you now its out #he also looks so soft with them ❤️ #welp i get all kind of feelings over a leader of a country wearing glasses #thats something i would not have believed some years ago but here we are

[arsenicflame]

ran out of time to finish my full feelings write up before s2 but i wanted to put something out there before we start getting content so this might be a bit incomplete

ive been thinking about what i really want to see in s2, and in general im happy to trust the crew with whatever they do but there is one thing id like to see

id like to see izzy not forgive ed

ive already talked about how serious i find the act of severing his toe & surrounding details in general and i think, given we KNOW its going to get worse (at some point izzy loses his leg, so) i dont think the amputation can be brushed off as just a pinky.

what i want to see is their relationship worsen and worsen and get to a breaking point and just. when everything starts to goes back to how it was before, ed tries to treat izzy like he used to (not during the kraken era, but before that, before the revenge, back when they knew each other, when they were friends) and izzy doesn't take it. he flinches, or walks away, or does anything to brush ed off. ed hasn't apologised yet, of course, its izzy, its his izzy, they understand each other! or he thought they did but now hes realising that mayyyyybe he should give him a proper apology.

so he does. and:

"i dont forgive you"

and if course. ed doesn't know what to do with this izzy always forgives him, has since they were kids! why not now?

from izzys perspective, he simply cant take it any more. he will take the consequences of his actions, but he cant lie anymore and pretend he wasn't destroyed by what ed did. and maybe hes learning its not just ed and izzy against the world anymore. there are people who will stand beside him- they might not always like him, he might spit and hiss at calling them his friends, but he knows, deep down, he is not alone anymore. and that its time to take a stand. to put himself first for once.

he cant forgive him, not for this

its at this point ed realises that he might have fucked up. really fucked up. its not that he doesn't care about how the crew feels, hadnt already realised what he had done but. again, its izzy. there was a time he thought there was nothing he could do that izzy wouldn't forgive.

the way i see it this is the point that ed starts to properly rebuild. oh he thought he was doing it before but it was more masks and layers, but now he has to truly confront his actions and the consequences they have on his relationships and that maybe. he is like his dad. but at the same time, he has the space to learn that even if he is, thats not all he can be. he can be better, choose to do better, and it's hard and doesn't always work but he has to try, has to keep trying because if he fails? he has no one to fall back on any more

so izzy doesn't forgive ed.

and ed learns to forgive himself, in time. and maybe he will apologise again, and izzy still doesn't forgive him. and maybe ed learns to be ok with that. and maybe in the wreckage of decades of blackbeard and first mate hands, they can build something new. it won't be the same, and maybe there will always be a distance between them, but in time, with work, they can be friends again.

#id started on this thread before the e1 clip but that really solidified how i was feeling #caveat that there is obviously forgiveness both ways im not ignoring that im just speaking specifically about izzy to ed here #got fed up of trying to make this a proper post (see top note) so this is kinda just. run on. train of thought #get it out my head before it eats me #originally this was gonna be heavier on WHY i wanna see it but its a bit more narrative now idk #i don't control my brain #if this is a hot mess i am sorry i Did Not reread it once #and my handle on words is spotty at best on a good day #nyxtalks #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #vaguely #izzy hands #israel hands #blackhands #edizzy #i need the izzy hands intervention squad to show him he has people who will back him on this 100% #hes not alone anymore hes safe and he doesn't need to take it #idk i just think. the loss of izzy would be the final straw for ed (izzy stays. thats the one truth. izzy stays) and it would destroy him #but maybe in a way he needs to be destroyed #idk what weve seen so far is very hot and cold and up and down and A Mess and jst. idk im pushing him over the edge #they consume me i want to lock them in a small room together i want to get them both 500m restraining orders #i did not include the 'Izzy leaves the boat' tangent on this but the door is open. to me. (sam. sam is there. To Me.)

[opikiquu]

im going to be so annoying all week

#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH #★ arin rambles #BRO BRO PLEASLE #PELASE #my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will #get #actually no just Unfollow entirely #ITS THE ADHD #PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW. #I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH #I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE #HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER #aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy #actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life #i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now #‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him #im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak #Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool #Hes so pretty im so happy #I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP #I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE. #i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling . #like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor #its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am #DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM #i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma #this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony #i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier. #HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL. #oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.

[cacturne]

“Carmine is not the worst” and “kieran is not the worst” are statements that can and should co-exist

#Its always either “carmine did nothing wrong kieran is a stupid unhinged brat!” Or “kieran did nothing wrong carmine is literally abusive!!” #No. Theyre not. Neither of them are. Theyre just nd/mentally ill and cope with it badly #Its really not that hard come on #Also as an older sister with a younger brother a lot of the mean dialogue is pretty typical #Obviously that doesnt negate the fact that for kieran it hit him in his issues but he never spoke up about it and kept it to himself #And carmine is pretty dense and a bit in her own head so it makes sense that she wouldnt notice without being directly told #And with her specifically its made clear in dialogue throughout that she does care about her brother #She thinks about how in her mind things might affect him and chooses what she thinks is the option that wont hurt him. Though obviously #shes not the best judge there. But thats understandable she isnt very good at reading people #And kieran just doesnt know how to cope with his problems. When stuff gets too much he bursts and lashes out. A normal thing for a teenager #Obviously this now frightens carmine and she starts backing down distancing herself and generally just closes up around him #Because while she is abrasive she doesnt really *realize* she is. And its easy to see kierans abrasiveness as something inherently hostile #(Because even if he doesnt really mean it it still is aggressive) #Hey wait a second why am i infodumping about kieran and carmine pokemon in my tags #This is like the worst way to do it. Sorry cutting it short ty for reading if you did #ghosts howling

[quietwingsinthesky]

you ever just think about. “You are diseased, albeit a disease of our own making. No more.” you ever just. oh, they made him and they discarded him. it’s never going to be quiet again for him, and that’s just collateral. they let the sound rot through his whole life, his whole timeline. because that’s the kind of easy sacrifice you can make when you want to save yourself above everything else, one that doesn’t ask anything of you. you dig open a child’s mind and you bury your survival inside him and when he follows the noise back home, when he does exactly what you groomed him for, you call him ruined for it. that’s. you ever just think about that.

#it’s genuinely such a horrifying sixkening thing that they unveil. what was done to the master. #and it’s like. it’s so important that he is awful. he really is. but he still does not deserve to have had this done to him. #the drums are a tragedy that cannot. would not. be a punishment earned no matter how terrible he is. #they’re such a violation of his mind. isolating and constant and violent. and it drives me insane that this is just. in the show. okay cool #ill never be normal again. #they literally pulled his head open. during a ceremony that we. as far as i know. have to assume is not exactly voluntary. and is at the #best of times. already traumatic and horrifying. but they went into that moment and they put the drums in his head and they made him into #something repulsive to them. because they did that to him! in this thing alone the master had no agency and no way out and this thing that #was done *to* him is what makes him. to them. a broken thing now past its usefulness now that he’s done what they wanted him to. #sorry im rotating him in my head again and again. this is the thing that makes him ‘diseased’. it’s that they chose to do this to him. there #is nothing he could do to not be this. he was a child and there was nothing he could do to stop it from happening. he’s an adult and he’s #doing the impossible exactly like they shaped him to do and he can’t stop this from having happened to him. so he might as well follow the #drums. and then. and then rassilon calls him diseased. and im going to. lose it. #there was nothing he could have done………….. #everywhere else he has choices to make and he can burn the world and keep it as a toy and he can fuck with the doctor and he can do. #anything. anything he wants. but he can’t. there’s nothing he can do to make it stop. there’s nothing he can do to make it so this never #happened to him. and i am spinning in circles here do u see why he makes me insane. #and the doctor doesn’t even really fucking believe him that the drums are real until the master makes him listen……. oh im going to be ill. #doctor who #simm!master #the master

[todayisafridaynight]

any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH. #id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion. #yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ... #a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened' #im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways.... #sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

[front-facing-pokemon]

#manectric #i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk #but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric #el woowoo‚ if you will #a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day #so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday #hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years #looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow #which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations #for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA #plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory #overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me #so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little #worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY #this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains #that's about it #any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar #places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it #also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking #about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours

[widevibratobitch]

so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

#they're killing me here #i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS #THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you. #i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring. #i hate it here #i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms. #also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine. #just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either. #its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get #it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned. #but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way. #and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not #but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out #WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps #are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle. #i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye #grrrrrrrr im so angry #i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring #please understand my vision im begging you

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[gilligans-islands]

i think its interesting that throughout all of ep 6 we can see stede and ed like sharing a connection but they are taking it slow. they are just having small moments together where they are together and enjoying each others company.

then of course Ned Low shows up and ruins everything by capturing and torturing the crew and he says many things to rile up both stede and ed who still havent like fully reformed their relationship and trust for eachother and it probably alights all their insecurities about their relationship plus they had to watch each other get tortured and almost die and after he chooses to kill ned stede is obviously shaken up both from killing a man and all of the shit he just went through and hes vulnerable and scared and lightly traumatized probably and ed goes to check on him and stede is just is a horrible headspace and he falls back on his old ways and acts on a whim by grabbing ed and pushing him up against the wall

and ed didnt have any better of a night than stede did, getting tortured and watching your lover get tortured fucking sucks and hes just as in a horrible headspace as stede and so he also acts on a whim and lets stede escalate and they kiss and then they have sex

and everything seems great between them the next morning but suddenly ed is throwing away his leathers—okay pretty sudden but maybe he was already planning to—and then ed is sharing how stede was kinda the one who saved his life when he almost died—okay kinda intense conversation over breakfast but maybe he was already planning on telling him and decided it was a good opportunity—and then later stede shares how he wrote ed letters expressing his love and threw them into the sea—and okay maybe they just felt like really sharing this morning—and then later at jackies ed is telling jackie about how it might not be a phase that he just wants to be a regular guy—and wow okay thats cool maybe hes just been thinking about it for a while—and then stede lights a man on fire who wants to kill him—and woah stede um kinda harsh you didnt even hear the man out—and then stede and ed meet up and stede got his ear pierced—thats cool unplanned but cool—and then ed tells stede that he took a job as a fisherman and is leaving—

and then suddenly you realize theyve fallen back into their old patterns of acting on whims again

suddenly they aren't taking things slow, suddenly they are sharing intimate things with each other with 0 apprehension

they are right back where they were in season 1 right down to ed wanting to get away from pirating like his life depends on it and stede wanting nothing more but to be a pirate and live out his fantasy

and this time they fight and ed outright says that things are going too fast and part of it is that he just wants to leave and he is scared but he feels like this because yeah

they are taking it too fast

they suddenly—on a whim—decided to deepen their relationship way faster than they should have entirely on accident just by—on a whim—deciding to have sex when they were both in a vulnerable state and needed comfort

i really dont think it was an accident that episode 4 decided to spell out for us that Ed and Stede are whim prone people. it wasnt just an explanation for why last season ended the way it did with them splitting up. it was an omen for what was eventually going to happen with them in these episodes. the inevitability that they were eventually going to succumb to their true natures if not given the proper space and time to work out the shit between them, if insecurities and expectations got piled onto them again.

#kinda rambled but ive just been thinking about this since i watched 6&7 #like i cant but be seeing the parallels in what was going on with them in ep 7 to what was going on with them in ep 9 #like i havent seen it really talked about yet that ed was in his leathers all throughout ep 6 without seemingly any issue #and then suddenly in episode 7 hes wanting to get rid of them and be back in regular guy clothes and distancing himself from being a pirate #just like in episode 9 where as soon as ed could he was getting rid of any trace of being blackbeard and then making plans to run away #and stede in episode 7 is living out his fantasy of being a famous pirate and getting all the attention hes always wanted #and it kinda parallels how in episode 9 stedes main goal after getting to sent to the pirate rehabilitation camp is to escape #he wants to immediately go back to being a pirate and live out his fantasy #and its not exactly the same but its the episodes mirror each other enough that the parallel is kind of obvious i think #and i think the fight in episode 7 is exactly like the conversation they have on the beach in episode 9 but this time they actually do figh #they miscommunicate again in the exact same way as before but this time ed wants to run away on his own and leave stede behind #because now stede is embodying the pirating life and ed is trying so desperately to run away again #and all stede is hearing is that ed doesnt want him #whoops thats like another whole paragraph in the tags #sorry i am like ill over them #just rotating these guys in my head #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #edward teach #blackbeard #stede bonnet #ofmd season 2 #ramblings #long post