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whumpshaped · 7 months

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First of all, I am equal parts amazed and terrified of your severe brainrot rn. Surely you don't sleep at night, eat or drink, just rotate those two like döner kebab and write? I binge-read it all yesterday (some pieces I read twice or thrice 😌) and I am overjoyed that the chapters keep coming but please don't write yourself into exhaustion 🥺

Second of all, Shadows for the vampire bingo! I imagine Helle likes dining out from time to time... Finds some other poor soul and is disappointed when they aren't as entertaining as Beck; or maybe they take beck somewhere, some park full of shadows - as enrichment 😊

i mean ur not wrong.. i do nothin but write recently.. but dont worry i'll be forced not to write for a good while starting saturday bc im going home :/ but until then its kebab time. heres how helle went about feeding while beck was out w the flu <3 not their best night

masterlist bingo card

tw vampire whumper, mind control, noncon biting of a married couple i feel like thats a special offence, noncon drugging, past trauma, death mention

Helle left the apartment feeling sick to their stomach. It was a dumb thing to still be so hung up about, it was merely the worst and last few days of their mortal life that gave way to a century torment right afterwards. Nothing monumental.

"This is ridiculous," they muttered to themself, quickly pressing the button that opened the front door of the building. The fresh air against their skin was definitely a welcome sensation — it made them temporarily forget about how suffocating their coffin had been.

They immediately spotted a couple on the bench by the playground, being all cute with each other. They thought about ruining yet another date night, but... no, they needed to get away for a bit. Just for half an hour or so. Take a walk, maybe, be around some other people so they could forget about the sight of their human lying on the bed with his face flushed.

'It's just the flu,' he'd said. Right. Because influenza was absolutely incapable of killing anyone, right? Because they weren't supposed to be thinking about the stupid outbreak, because it was three hundred years ago, because medicine had advanced since then, because it was just one human– Fucking hell, they had been that one human before. And if Beck was dying, they wouldn't even have the guts to turn him. Not like this.

They stopped and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. It was fine. Everything was fine. Beck wasn't dying, they weren't dying anymore, and Lady Marie was dead. What they needed to do was find an unfortunate, stupid human, have dinner, and go back to check on their unfortunate, stupid human.

They stuck to the shadows around buildings, places that the streetlights didn't quite illuminate. They looked around the area for any fresh meat, eventually bumping into yet another couple. What was it with them? Well, whatever. They would do.

It took all of two seconds for the women to notice them once they amped up the charm a bit, and suddenly they were walking towards the danger zone, compelled to be around such an alluring stranger. Helle didn't wait for either of them to strike up a conversation.

"Stay right there for me," they said softly, enthralling one of the women while they grabbed her... girlfriend? Wife? They glanced down and caught a glimpse of the matching rings they were wearing. Yes, definitely her wife.

They grabbed the woman and bit down, steadying her with one hand and covering her mouth with the other. She tasted fine, they supposed, but everything felt like a downgrade after Beck. They used enough venom to keep her discomfort to a minimum, but hopefully not enough that she would come knocking on their door a couple days later for round two. It was hard to tell whether the charm was even broken, or she still thought she was getting randomly bitten by someone she'd met five seconds ago and didn't even get to greet.

They pulled away and lifted the enthrallment, just in time for the first woman to see her wife slump against them like a giggly little ragdoll. "You should probably bring her home," they suggested helpfully. "I am no doctor."

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight

#at my beck and call #whump #whump writing #helle #vampire whumper #mind control #noncon drugging #past trauma #death mention

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quodekash · 10 months

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okay, two things to say here

one: pran's loving stare <33

two: HOW THE HELL IS PAT'S LEG DOING THAT??? HIS FOOT IS POINTING INWARDS

THE ENTIRETY OF HIS LEFT LEG HAS TWISTED AND ROTATED COMPLETELY???

AM I JUST LOOKING AT IT WRONG OR IS PAT A CONTORTIONIST

its entirely possible he's just double jointed. i also have a lot of double joints

buT IM STILL CONFUSED BECAUSE LEGS DO NOT WORK LIKE THAT

WAIT I GOT IT

HIS TOES ARE TUCKED UNDER THE CALF OF HIS OTHER LEG

IM SUCH AN IDIOT

SORRY GUYS, FALSE ALARM

ah shoot i got distracted for an hour watching commentary youtubers

HE SAID THE THING

THE THING THAT THEY ALWAYS SAY

GNERJDKBSGF

IM CLAPPING MY HANDS LIKE A HAPPY TODDLER RN

BUT YOU ALSO SAID THAT

YOU ALSO CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM

TELL HIM THAT

OMG

DID TIAN FREAKING SPILL THE BEANS ON PAT??? THATS SO FUNNY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

his feet are normal again, dont worry guys

(guys being me. im pretty sure i was the only one freaking out about his foot but i just need a little bit of validation)

IM SOBBING

HE SAID IT

VOIEPSDHBGOVULJRBFGOBUVRPDOUFGVBNREDOUGJBVNEIRUJKDFBGNEVORIFDJLBGNBOIERUJKDFGOBIJKLERDFOIGJLBENRVOIDFJLGBVEOIRFDJLBNGBIOREJLVFDB

KISS YOUR FREAKING BOYFRIEND KISS YOUR FREAKING BOYFRIEND KISS YOUR FREAKING BOYFRIEND

H EL P

IM NOT OKAY

AAAAAAAAAAA

HHHHHHHHSBGHJSDBFX

I THINK IM DYING

THEY MEAN WAY TOO MUCH TO ME

JUST FREAKIN KILL ME ALREADY

HOW DOES ONE DEAL WITH THIS

HOW DO YOU FUNCTION WHEN PATPRAN ARE SO FREAKING PERFECT

bro just looked directly at the camera

THEYRE SUCH HUSBANDS

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

is it love.

okay never mind, it's not love lmao

hell yes

husbands

such husbandly husbands

ERODJFLBHGNKJRDF

THEYRE ALL DOING THE 'I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU' LINE AND ITS KILLING ME, I LOVE IT

ah frick

im just remembering that thing about how heart transplant patients only live up to like 10 years after getting a heart transplant.

and that statistic is for people who listen to their doctors and dont go to a mountain and dont do exercise they should not and dont eat food they should not etc etc, so tian's life expectancy is probably even less than that.

ITS OKAY, LET'S IGNORE SCIENCE, WE'RE IGNORING SCIENCE

HES A FICTIONAL CHARACTER, SCIENCE DOESNT HAVE TO APPLY

NOT TODAY, SATAN

i hate you so much for this jude

why would you send me that tiktok

everyone spam @judebilation with hate for emotionally destroying me and also probably you

(im just kidding i love them too much to be super mad about this, and also FICTION MEANS SCIENCE DOESNT APPLY, WE DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT SCIENCE, so to jude: i forgive youuuu)

HE'S READING ITTT

PLEASE THE MUSIC WAS SO DRAMATIC THERE

IM JUST TRYNA EAT MY CHEEZLES MAN BUT I NEARLY CHOKED ON THEM

ITS SO FREAKING FUNNY

HOLY HELL

i finally finished the episode! it only took me (checks watch) 16 and a half hours to do

and if you wanna be nitpicky, technically it took 37 days and 30 minutes to start, and then 16 and a half hours to finish after that

and i still have an entire episode to go, so let's get right to it (after i pee and make a hot chocolate, cos i need emotional support)

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randyzdz · 17 days

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my therapist asked me why i fall apart every summer. i didnt know how to tell her about you.

its been months since my last session. all i’ve done is rot. i forgot what to wear to something like this. i settle for something blue. making no effort to conceal the scars on my skin. only a subtle cry for help

i walk into the building, everything’s rearranged. disorienting me further. i sit in the wrong chair. i’ve forgotten how to do anything right. she asks me how i’ve been since our last session, if i accomplished what i’ve wanted to. i hold back tears but she doesn’t notice. desperate to confess my lost sense of self. that i’ve never hated myself more. but i remain silent

she can tell i’m uneasy now. she looks down at my legs and asks if i’m hurting myself. i tell her they are old. i cant stop myself from lying. i instantly regret not covering up. how could i be so stupid? my heart pounding, my words feel faint, barely audible even to myself. how do i admit that i’ve only gone backwards. that i failed to get better. that despite the help i receive, i cant fix how i am, that i might be doomed

i lay my hands to the side rotating them just enough so she can’t see the scars that weren’t there last session. i dont want her to know. i dont want anyone to know

it’s been 6 years now and i still haven’t learned how to do this without you

the mere thought of divulging your existence remains daunting. i’ve always clung to the hope that time would heal. but i doubt this ever will. i don’t know how ill ever stop letting myself down.

#original poem #poets on tumblr #poetry #grief

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chirasul · 4 months

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not to get too real on main but if we havent talked in years but used to interact a lot, then i still think fondly of you, and frequently. like there is a carousel of people from offline and online who are rotating through the front of my mind on a daily basis and i'm feeling all sorts of love and affection for them all the time. and if we had some sort of falling out or negative event that pushed us apart, i've thought long about my part in it and hopefully i've figured out what went wrong so i dont do that again but even if we never talk again i want you to know that i still think of you and i hope you're doing well even though our lives went in different directions. we knew each other and connected with each other for a time and that's enough for me. either way i am hoping you are eating good food and having fun times with people you trust and sleeping well through the night. i hope your life is getting a little better every day and month and year

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 2 months

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Someone liked my post about how Amren should have to drink fae blood and since ive been on a pretty big vampire kick since about october of last year Im just thinking about what if acotar was about vampires. first of all, i think sjm writing vampires would make me very angry, i hear that the way she writes fae makes fae-fans really angry and I can definitely see why even though i dont know THAT much about fae, I just dont have a whole lot of personal investment in the accuracy and interestingness of fae lore, but I am highly invested in vampire lore it would make me pretty mad but I think itd be more fun for me to complain about, so what Im saying is sjm should totally write a book series about vampires

But anyway, lets get back to my initial thought of 'What if ACOTAR but vampires'. honestly, theres not much to get back to because Im basically just rotating some vague aesthetic bullshit in around in my mind. Oh, also I just had a thought, what if Feyre had to experience episode one of the hit-netflix miniseries Dracula (2020). I think she'd kill that old man if im honest. OH wait no, speaking of dracula series

Okay so, imagine this: at some unspecified point in the future, Feyre gets sick and tired of Prythian and leaves, I was gonna say Rhysand died before that but i dont wanna imply that she only left because he died and also I remembered that stupid death bargain existed. So she leaves and she actually goes back to the mortal realm, but she goes to the continent instead of returning to her home village, she wants a completely fresh start and shes like, pretending to be a human too, shes hiding her ears and glamouring herself and whatnot. With her shes brought some faerie lights as well as all of the stuff she needs to make a whole lot more of them, because shes gonna sell faerie lights as this groundbreaking alternative to more traditional light sources. So she rolls up to the scene, this hot mysterious foreign entrepeneur, shes enlisted that mercenary from all the way in the beginning of ACOTAR to help her in her endevour, and shes got all these suits who have a vested interest in maintaining a monopoly on light sources so theyre doing everything they can to prevent her from getting faerie lights of the ground, but Feyre simply keeps evading them. At some point she aquires a boytoy with whom she does not have any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with its exclusively professional and for the sake of her faerie light business, Feyre ends up seducing her boytoys fiancee and just absolutely destroys her marriage. Thats when those light source suits come back in, they have still been trying to bring Feyre down while shes been busy seducing but now theyre back at the foreground, and they approach the boygoy being like "hey, we heard that mysterious weirdo stole ya girl. Well, shes in danger of stealing our profits as well so how about you sabotage her and destroy her business and life" maybe they would mention something about her being a dangerous fae as well but idk, theyre like capitalists so Im not expecting them to care that much about the danger. But whatever, boytoy says "sure I'll do that" and he goes over to this big warehouse/factory type building where they make/store all the faerie lights. Feyre is about to give this big show where she properly shows the public how the faerie lights work and how you can replace normal lamps with them, this has been planned for months now and theyre storing all these lights in one place. So boytoy goes to where they store all the lights and he fucks with them a little, and then Feyre goes up on like a stage in front of am audience holding a faerie light and shes giving this presentation on how they work and whatnot, but as she goes on she notices that theres something very wrong and she realizes that all the faerie lights are about to EXPLODE OH NO so she tells everyone to run away, get out of town as quickly as possible, but its too late; she just barely manages to save her girlfriend/boytoys fiancee but everyone else dies in this massive explosion that just completely destroy a good chunk of the town. And then Feyre and her new gf have sex in the rubble, i think? Idk, and then after that they decide to travel a bit and live a quiet life and maybe try the whole entrepeneur thing somewhere far away from the town that feyre just exploded

and thats my pitch for an acotar au based on the hit tv show Dracula (2012)

#just for the record this is NOT me endorsing that show its bad #miscellaneous acotar thoughts

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postofficeofficial · 1 year

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well jenkins won my poll from a while ago so i guess its my time to talk about jenkins. lemme kinda go back to the beginning about it.

So, Season 12 is when i started being a blaseball fan. I officially on the site roll up to the canada moist talkers on the election sunday that the big siesta starts so im out here like what the fuck is going on while my pal corvoda is a decent bit more interested than i am at that point but i digress.

I miss the coffee cup and related events and i finally start showing my face in the discord, i think i got started on jenkins because i had stumbled across some of the blaseball rp twitters and wanted to join in, so i picked a blaseball player who didn't have a twitter at the time which was jesús and jenkins and i picked jenkins.

there is a message specifically telling me that jenkins doesnt get much love compared to other players on the team and lemme tell you, i took that PERSONALLY.

the first couple things i learned about jenkins was assorted stuff from their wiki. Flaming eye, gamer, and from greer's wiki i think i learned that jenkins and greer were.... something. relationship something.

after a while, i took a crack at making a jenkins interp that combined two other interps i had seen, big lizardy jenkins and mostly humanoid jenkins and ended up with salamander jenkins, eventually switching over to leopard gecko jenkins.

the thing that both entertained me and made me sad is that nothing ever really happened to jenkins. this player who i loved so much didnt recieve a stat buff till late expansion, despite being active with the same stat total since s4 election. sure they got crows mod but rarely did they play in bird weather just cuz of how weather works.

if i can be salty a little bit, i've always had a weird relationship with greer because of how much we focus on her. i know buff greer was funny and it definitely is super funny dont get me wrong but jenkins was a great pitcher until the stat creep hit. we still has to spend several elections on greer because she was a fan favourite. i feel in my heart that if it had been jenkins in that feedback there probably wouldnt have been as much of a push to get them back and idk that always scared me.

its not that jenkins was truly irredeemably bad at the time but compared to a player like greer? if we had to choose between greer or jenkins in something i know greer is winning and that does weird things to my brain sometimes idk i will digress again

jenkins being an active player vs kennedy trevino tyvi who are (were, in tyvi's case) fuckin dead is a wierd space to be in too. especially now that jenkins is on the tacos in new era i rotate between happiness that the tacos like them and deathly fear that theyre going to misconstrue something about them because jenkins is just so specifically Talkers-fied that you really had to be there for the jenkins conversations to understand jenkins' vibes. Its one of those things that like, jenkins was an s1 talker, they had all this time on the team so you just Got the vibes.

my sad thing about jenkins on the tacos? i feel like i cant talk about them anymore. my jenkins is talkers jenkins and i dont know the tacos and i am afraid. this is not my jenkins good anymore this is a whole other jenkins now and i think.... thats really the thing thats fucking me up about this new era. but at least jenkins is doing okay last i checked.

uhhhh lemme actually say some fun headcanons here... Jenkins has a math related degree in Orb Studies and can determine the exact salt content in food just by licking it. they eventually get a pet gecko named Adkins.

#jenkins good #blaseball #canada moist talkers #im not gonna tag the tacos specifically #being a talkers fan is hard sometimes #word of mouth is so fun until you have to explain it to those uninformed and then its TERRIFYING #for those who understand #i am a system and we have a jenkins fictive #our jenkins fictive cannot function regarding tacos jenkins and it really affects my interpretation of the character #theres nothing i can do to fix any jenkins involved feelings #jenkins is a large part of what kept me going on blaseball #jenkins and the talkers #the new era ruined both of those things for me i think #i didnt mean to make this sad honestly but #its hard to jenkinspost now

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tsotc · 1 year

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You mentioned recently that you’ve done a lot of healing in ffxiv - I wanna get more into tanking so I was wondering, what are some of the main things you see tanks doing wrong?

I'm only recently learning to tank at the behest of my boyfriend but I've healed for him for long enough to know what's good tanking and what's shit tanking. This is more advice than anything else i think

1 - if your healer looks and acts like a cat that's just been dunked in water and is quivering and throwing up everywhere, ask what pull sizes they want or adjust in a manner that gives them (and by proxy both you and the rest of the party) a better experience. examples of this being; they are in on level gear. they are in baby artifact gear. you have just died to a pull that you should have been able to survive.

additionally, if you die and the healer dies and everything has gone to shit please god wait for the healer to get back BEFORE pulling the next pack. THIS APPLIES TO WAR TOO BTW. I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE HEALERS NOW BUT SHAKE IT OFF AND BLOODWHETTING ARE NOT A GOOD SUBSTITUTE FOR A HEALER ALL OF THE TIME.

2- we recently ran into a tank in the 6.2 dungeon who Did Not Mitigate because "[the healer] was doing fine and i wanted to let them shine" NO!!! I Want To DPS I Will Kill You If You Make Me Hardcast Cure II. A healer should be damaging in addition to healing, if you don't do your mitigation rotations and let them do all the work you're only doing half a job and the damage you'll gain from slacking like this isn't worth the goodness that shall be drained from your soul.

3- in situations where you are co-tanking, wait to turn on your stank (tank stance) until the mt has built up enough aggro to avoid fighting for you with aggro (usually its like 30 seconds into the fight if memory serves) if you are fighting for aggro and switch halfway through the fight without it being a proper tank swap (forced by mechs) then it becomes a lot harder to effectively heal whilst maintaining dps output.

4- vuln stacks don't do as much harm to tanks as to the rest of the party but it's still Very Stressful when a tank has 6 of them for No Good Reason. ple ase

5- asked my tank bf (kissing him btw) for some advice and he was like. face enemies north for the most part (AWAY FROM THE PARTY) and move with intention (dont wiggle about too much) or else your meelees with positionals (ninja gets the third part of their meelee combo at level 34 ish which is a positional, its something that should be considered regardless of content that you're running)

6- this might be a crystal thing but in alliance raids B tends to mt feel free to ask in alliance chat if anyone else wants to mt though

7- IF YOU'RE NOT WEARING A FUNNY OR SLUTTY GLAM YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!! GET THAT PUSSY AND OR COCK OUT. PUT ON THE CHOCOBOBHEAD. people will be more willing to forgive your mistakes if you're just a little guy im deadly serious a funny tank that fucks up more will get more leeway than one who takes themselves too seriously

8- HAVE. A CHAT MACRO FOR YOUR INVULNS. I BEG OF YOU . I NEED TO KNOW WHEN YOU POP LIVING DEAD SO I CAN STOP HEALING YOU. I don't really need to know holmgang but i like knowing when people crank their hogs. I NEED TO KNOW WHEN YOU HALLOWED GROUND SO I CAN DPS. I WILL ALREADY KNOW WHEN YOU SBD BUT BY GOD PLEASE TELL ME WHEN IT ENDS. hallowed ground and holmgang are invulns that you can panic pop without your healer killing you for the most part.

9- there are required tank lbs but people in party tend to yell abt them. a12n, sosex and esn are the ones that come to mind and their timing is also Usually yelled at you by chat. dont be afraid to ask abt it. never be afraid to ask.

the main things i think though are like you set the pace of the dungeon. the bus waits for you because you are the bus. if a healer wants to pull bigger and you're not comfortable with it then don't! I am a healer who enjoys hard and fast pulls and loves danger and loves last minute heals, i would be a dick to impose that on everyone. the worst tanks are those who don't consider the rest of the party, as with every role in this game.

and as with everything else, i havw faith in you and fucking up is entirely normal and expected. you're gonna do great

#anon #ask #ffxiv #long post #this was peer reviewed by a war main who has every tank at 90 #all of my tanks are under 60 rn but by god i am trying

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chubby-aphrodite · 9 months

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I would love to hear about the list of fictional boyfriends bc you're so right about ghirahim

(This is in reference to my tags on this post, which read "#holds him by the neck #theres a reason you dont get to be on my list of fictional boyfriends #its because youre simply too much of a bitch to keep up with.")

THANK YOU.

So like. As you may know, I am aromantic and asexual, but I have a pronounced attraction to many fictional men! I've tried the whole dating thing once or twice, but it kind of makes my stomach flip in same kind of way that you might feel when you accidentally walk into the wrong classroom on the first day of class and you were already really really anxious so you just sit in the bathroom crying for like 20 minutes to try and hold yourself together. That kind of way.

But I like many fictional men in a way that might almost be described as romantic or sexual, but that's the catch with them: they're fictional. I can rotate them in my mind and then put them away because they're some guy someone made up. I also just have eyes that are not immune to aspects of visual design that are supposed to look Good™. I experience some level of aesthetic attraction, it's just that fictional characters can very easily be broken down into aesthetics. Real people kind of... can't.

So, without further ado... here we go.

Now, these aren't in any particular order, they're just in the order I added them. I actually keep a documented list.

Kirin Jindosh (Dishonored 2)

He's snarky and intelligent at the same time. He's a mechanical genius who built his own Clockwork Mansion (which was beautifully executed by the game designers). He built autonomous killer robots with such an attention to aesthetic. He was kicked out of college for causing an accident that's implied to have cost him his left thumb and forefinger, which he proceeded to replace with a ceramic prosthetic that doubles as a smoke pipe. He's tall and lanky and has a rakish charm to him that I just can't resist, and yet I can also see myself punching him directly in the face.

I always go nonlethal in Dishonored games, but doing that to Jindosh in particular fucking broke me. He's an asset to the villain because of his intellect and engineering prowess, so in order to neutralize him without killing him... you essentially lobotomize him. With an electric chair. That he designed himself to use on one of your allies. With the pull of a lever, that's all gone. He wakes up knowing that he used to know things, used to be able to make intricate creations, and realizing that he can't anymore. He's not even mad. He's just... sitting there, confused, with a sedate sadness about him. It literally made me fucking sob for a good five to ten minutes.

I learned a while ago that they had considered including a route where, instead of only having the options to kill him or lobotomize him, you'd just... skedaddle with your captured ally and leave him alone. But, this was cut due to budget constraints. They would've had to record voicelines and make versions of cutscenes for if he was alive and fully himself, but they didn't have the budget for it. I understand... but I'm still mournful of that.

Greed (Fullmental Alchemist, Manga/Brotherhood)

He is a tall man with sharp teeth, a black sleeveless turtleneck, and a cropped vest with a fur lined collar. He's a very interesting character that explores what it means to be "greedy" because the way it manifests through him is that he has a lot of friends and he loves them very much and he is extremely pissed if anything happens to them. He can also transform to have sharper teeth and CLAWS.

I'm very mindful of the version of Greed I talk about, however, because at one point he dies and gets his essence shoved into someone else to create a new Greed. It's just that this "someone else" is a 15 year old and I am Not About That. Had I gotten into FMA while I was still in my middle teens, I may have had a crush on Greedling, but as it stands I'm 22. So! Only the man who has his friends smash his head open for fun to demonstrate his immortality for me, please.

Adam Frankenstein (Frankenstein)

Okay. I'm gonna be real with you on this one. I've never read Frankenstein before. I should at some point. He's tall and stapled together and is described as beautiful and is actually very intelligent (if vindictive and vengeful). But this is entirely based on the fact that I had an erotic dream about him once. I'm not gonna describe it here, but rest assured... I don't know what I'm telling you to rest assuredly about.

Professor Venomous (OK KO)

A man with a penchant for sadism and was made sexy on purpose. He's extremely divorced. He's happily married. He's petty. He's got an even eviler alter ego to go with the fact that he's already evil. He's a whole bastard and a half. He's purple. He's even bisexual. I love him.

Leon (Pokemon Sword and Shield)

He is KIND and he is A LITTLE DUMB AT TIMES and he IS WEARING A TIGHT SPORTS UNIFORM FOR MOST OF THE GAME. He has more depth than some people give him credit for, and has a fun dynamic with Raihan. There's a moment where when you beat him in a battle, his losing animation shows him covering his face with his hat and gritting his teeth and almost shaking, but then he takes his off and he puts on a nice face like "Yeah, that was an awesome battle!" He can't actually be angry when he wants to be angry because he's The Champion (and later the head of the Battle Tower) and everyone has his eyes on him. His hair also looks very pullable.

Saïx (Kingdom Hearts)

So this is kind of an OG fictional boyfriend for me. He was one of the first characters I ever sought out character/reader fics for. If you know me, you know I have a thing for both vampires and werewolves, and Saïx is sort of a diet werewolf. He has a moon motif and can turn more... wild and angry. I like a man who is measured in most of what he does and says, but when he loses it, he fucking LOSES IT. He's also (say it with me now) TALL!

The kicker here is that I've only played two KH games (re:coded and Dream Drop Distance). I was just so sucked in my the fandom as a tween that the men I was interested stayed with me even now.

Qrow Branwen (RWBY)

So, fun fact about this one: before I started watching RWBY, one of my friends pegged me as the sort of person who would be a Qrow Fucker right away. And they were right. He's a conflicted man whose source of pain is himself and how he thinks he makes life worse for everyone around him.

The Assigned Power that he has is literally bad luck. Bad things that happen around or to him that most would just ascribe to simple chance happen with increasing frequency around him. He's afraid he'll get the people he cares about hurt, so he pushes them away to avoid that. Bad things constantly happen to him, so he's driven to drink. He puts on a sarcastic and nonchalant facade about it, but he's just a lonely man whose self loathing is so far up his own ass that he almost actually got people killed because he drank himself into a stupor and couldn't help them.

Punchable, but also a sopping wet cat of a man. It also helps that he's mildly disheveled and a little flirty on purpose.

Guzma (Pokemon Sun and Moon)

YA BOY. Man just likes bugs and wants to give people a place to go. I enjoy imagining what he'd sound like because it's an accent I can actually do. A crusty weirdo with a soft and gooey interior. Very emotive and up front. I like a man with confidence.

Ganondorf (Zelda)

I'd just like to say I was a Ganonfucker before TotK. His original incarnation from Ocarina of Time is LITERALLY out there wearing a skin tight leather leotard, thigh high leather boots, and a tights. His subsequent incarnations also all have very compelling things going for them, too.

Winder Waker Ganondorf had a thought out, sympathetic motivation that became warped by his inescapable lust for power, dooming him. And he has his moms' names printed on his swords, which is adorable. Twilight Princess Ganondorf is genuinely terrifying, resisting his divinely powered execution squad and masterminding a takeover of the very realm meant to be his prison. He also has an excellent design. Shoutout to Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf for also having an excellent design. And finally, his Tears of the Kingdom incarnation combines an also-incredible-design with a very, VERY powerful presence.

I love his very harsh features and also I want to bury my face in his chest.

Sidon (Zelda)

What can I say about him that hasn't already been said? He's kind. He's handsome. He believes in you. He's enormous. He loves his sister. He loves his wife. He loves Link. He's even got sharp teeth.

Side tangent time because I love dumping this on people and if you've read this far you're in for the long haul already: sharks don't really have two dicks like we typically think of them. They have a pair of something called claspers, one of which is left out in the water and the other is inserted into the other shark. The left out one pumps in seawater while the other one expels water and sperm, fastened inside the other shark by the grace of the fact that it can unfurl like an umbrella. Sharks don't have dicks. They have jizz hoses attached to their crotches. I learned this (most of it anyway, the rest was filled in via Wikipedia) in the marine biology class I took in high school because I thought it would be fun and I didn't wanna take normal biology. Thank you for coming to my impromptu lecture on shark dicks.

Axel (Kingdom Hearts)

Axel has much the same story as Saïx with regards to his relation to me. I was into the Kingdom Hearts fandom as a tween and he just stuck with me. I enjoy the fact that he's cool and a bit sassy and I love his friendship with Roxas and Xion. It's nice.

Alucard (Castlevania)

Disclaimer: I've only played one Castlevania game (and it wasn't even a good one) and watched only a few episodes of the show. But by GOD this man is good for me. Tall angsty vampire with long pretty hair and a really cool outfit. Shoutout to Ayami Kojima's art.

Dunban (Xenoblade Chronicles)

Dunban is an incredible man. He lost the use of his right arm entirely due to the god in the sword he was using at the time rejecting him, and yet he still used that sword successfully to defend his home from an onslaught of man-eating robots. A year on from that, he learns to wield a sword one handed in his non-dominant hand, and is just generally a badass.

Tales of his heroism spread far and wide, even to more isolationist corners of the world—enough so that when he visited those isolationist areas, he could leverage his reputation to make people of a much higher societal rank than him listen to him. Essentially, he's talking to the prince of a kingdom, and the prince tells him he can't do something because of X or Y esoteric law relating to the traditions of their people (even though he understands they're odd to outsiders). Dunban, in all his cleverness, essentially just goes "Let's do it anyway because it's the right thing to do, and if anyone gets in trouble we can just say we're weird outsiders who don't know your laws, yeah?" but with better wording and more emotion. At this point, the prince, who is of a long-lived race and is literally five times Dunban's age, essentially yes sir's him.

I also just love his voice. One of his voice lines for one of his abilities is just a really guttural, growly "Dance with me" and I love it.

Grimsley (Pokemon Black and White)

Depressed man in a suit with a vampire-ish appearance. Then has a later appearance where he looks aged by stress. That is all.

Volo (Pokemon Legends Arceus)

Oh fucking BOY I am not normal about this man. He is kind and passionate and has an insatiable hunger for knowledge, but the knowledge he's accumulated has made him seek out the power of a god. A power he can't have. In spite of the stupid Arceus-shaped hair, he manages to have such a gravitas in his final battle. The beady eyes. His casual half-smile turned sinister. The music that plays being a remix of the most feared trainer in Pokemon history, to whom he is implied to be directly related to. The fact that he fucking cheats and pulls out not only a seventh Pokemon, but the fact that that Pokemon pulls a "YOU FOOL, THAT WAS ONLY MY FIRST HEALTH BAR!" The way he goes through Laventon to avoid talking to you again in order to tell you that Giratina wants to help you. The ease with which you can give him spine crushing trauma through a combination of religion and retail. I've literally written a volo/reader fic and am working on another, longer one. I love him.

Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts)

On my journey out of tweenhood and into being a teenager, I became slowly more interested in villains as times went on. Vanitas was one of my first and most powerful instances of that. He's an evil doppelganger to one of the protagonists created out of the darkness in the heart of another. He's cool. He's angry. He's very enjoyable to me.

Consul N (Xenoblade Chronicles 3)

Oh boy, another one I'm incapable of being fucking normal about! I've posted about him at length in other posts, but the general gist of my obsession with this man is... his obsession. His devotion. He's so strongly attached to the one he loves that, after repeatedly having her ripped away from him, he chooses to perpetuate the miserable world that so violently tortured them both on the condition that he could be with her forever. He looses himself in his possessiveness, he wants to believe he's doing it all for her—but deep down, he knows he chose the coward's way out by abandoning his hopes and dreams and choosing to become the boot that keeps the world down rather than topple the system that won't let it rise.

And that's how the story of XC3 starts: his cast of hopes and dreams—and those of the woman he loves—coalesce into a new existence that hasn't suffered the many existences he had—that they both had. And that coalition of their hopes and dreams finally, finally manages to set the world right, after much fighting and suffering and introspection. At one point, he physically and emotionally tortures the embodiment of his hopes and dreams as if to prove to himself that what the way he's been doing things was the only way. But later, his hopes-and-dreams self literally tells him that he's a coward and that he's full of shit. I was so enraptured by this scene that I had to make art of it, of N leaning against the bars of a jail cell as he emotionally tortures his other self, and it became my profile pic.

Commander Isurd (Xenoblade Chronicles 3)

This man is so fucking stressed out that the quest you do to help him be more powerful is trying to find him a way to relax, and there's a scene where he strips and sits in a hot spring. He is a man whose heart is so full of grief that he won't let himself process. I've described his eyebags as harrowing before, because there's no other better word for them. Let him rest. I want to help him rest.

Sephiroth (Final Fantasy VII)

The disclaimer here is that I've never played a Final Fantasy game, let alone any incarnation of VII, I just find this man fascinating. He has three dads who are all pointing guns at each other and as well as two moms. He was injected with alien DNA in the womb, raised as an orphan, and groomed to be the perfect supersoldier. When he found this out as an adult, he went on a rampage and did a lot of terrible things including trying to explode the world. But before that, he was just kind of a guy put under both a spotlight and a microscope, and all that culminated in incredible violence. Also I like one winged angel.

Grusha (Pokemon Scarlet and Violet)

He's just very pretty and I like his attitude. I'm also intrigued by his implied angsty backstory.

Spyke (Splatoon)

I'm simply a sucker for vaguely mysterious tall men. I don't know why they gave him some kinda cockney accent in the American English localization only, but I'm frankly here for it.

Vash the Stampede (Trigun)

I've also been posting about this one at length. He's a very kind man to the point of accepting personal injury if it means he doesn't have to hurt someone, and it shows. He's goofy as hell. He menaces people into being nice to each other through the force of his (falsely) violent reputation alone. He loves his brother so much, he just wishes he would stop being an asshole. He believes in the human capacity for change. He represses his emotions and puts up a facade so that he doesn't hurt the people around him, even though he tries to push them away anyway. He's tall. He's got some cool alien/monster traits. He's also just cool as hell. He's a mama's boy. He's even into petplay. I love him!

Conclusion

I love all my hims.

#fae answers #cubone-i-guess #long post #fictional boyfriends #i love all my hims

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insecxreasalwqys · 2 years

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little rant on the crazy fanyus, as a fanyu.

You dont have to bring someone down to raise someone up. Im mainly talking about ilia here, but there are many, many skaters that some weird fanyus will bring down. If you dont know by now, Ilia malinin landed the 4a in practice. You’d think that people who love someone (yuzuru) thats so kind, so humble, and respectful to everyone, whether they beat him, whether they lost, whoever it is, would actually be happy for Ilia. But, no. Ive seen reposts of his 4a, and some people in the comments/replies decide to throw things at him. Like, “Its not perfect!” Or, “Under rotated!”. Keep in mind, some of these people dont know anything about figure skating. Some just like to throw terms around. Not all, but some. One comment even said, “Its just in practice. It means nothing.” And even though they were the only one who said this, im sure many people have said it on different videos of it. Werent the ones complaining that it was only in practice, the same ones obsessing over Yuzuru’s (not cleanly rotated) 4a in jnats practice (2021)? Saying things like, “G.O.A.T!”, or, “I knew he could do it!”. Im not trying to hate on Yuzuru, dont get me wrong, i think hes one of the best figure skaters out there, but, that doesnt change the fact that his 4a wasnt clean. What im trying to say here, is that fanyus are shooting down someone who landed it perfectly. They’re bringing down a kid. He’s 17, and their making him feel as if his 4a wasnt as good as it is. He said himself that reading what the crazy fanyus are saying about his 4a, makes him feel less excited that he actually landed the 4a perfectly. Fanyus like this, my friends, are the reason that many people in the figure skating community hate fanyus. Stop shooting down a kid, because you’re upset he did something amazing. Ilia is an amazing skater, and has a bright future ahead of him. What i find very funny is that some fanyus are even acting as if ilia landing it personally offended them. I will admit, I understand that they may be a little upset yuzuru wasnt the first to land it, and yes, perhaps i was a little sad when i saw that yuzuru wasnt the first, but, in the end, i was, and still am happy for ilia. So, instead of being a jerk, be happy for Ilia. Thats what Hanyu would want. Sorry if i made spelling/grammar errors, and good day.

Also, forgot to mention now that im looking back at this post, i also noticed how fanyus like to mention how in 2012 jnats, yuzuru got booed, and was holding back tears, visibly shaking. Which, is true. So, yuzuru was like 18 there? Some fanyus say how they were making a kid feel bad about himself, and then some decide to make ilia, also a kid, feel bad about himself? The math isnt mathing.

#ilia malinin #4a #quadruple axel #yuzuru hanyu #fanyus

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ispyspookymansion · 2 years

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Lawrence for the character ask...

DR AUTISM!!!!

OKAY LET ME CLARIFY MY HALF MARKS FIRST. not everyone is wrong about them i have many lawrence understander mutuals <3 but often people are so so wrong about him. the only one who Always understands him like i do is purple and on THAT note sorry for saying lawrence is a horrible person am i still hot. i like making him worse in my mind i think he Becomes a horrible person but i dont think the lawrence in saw 2004 is HORRIBLE. he is so sucks though!! and works better as part of a dynamic is because i think he’s a character who is best analyzed by the way he acts/the fronts he puts up around other specific characters but only sometimes i also can rotate him in my mind on my own.

wow this is getting so long what else do i have to say uhhhh wasted potential and more screentime obviously in 7 like its not a twist hes alive and being creepy from the first scene hes in of course hes working with jigsaw show us more gay divorcee villain lawrence…….i am crazy about him. gay people talking about lawrence gordon dot png

send me a character and i’ll fill out the bingo board + give some thoughts on them!

#I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS ON HIM.#thank u for asking mwahhhhh #asks #ask memes #thefoundationsofdecaymp3 #kora.txt

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cryptidofthekeys · 2 years

Text

Chase rates/ranks: Mark Ego Edition

Alrighty its time for me to literally list egos from number one rank to the very last BUT also, im rating them in a weird sorta way too just,, alright here we fuckin GOOOOO- its the iplier egos, not doing the septic egos ...not yet- i might make another list remember this is just,, my list/rating and its literally only for fun, i rotate fictional men in my mind constantly, so consistency? HAH! Anyways... I’ll start off with the number system (also going to include wkm characters, like William BEFORE he became Wilford or Damien before like ya know)

Also y o u! @vileandvenom

You wanted to be tagged so there ya go also under a keep reading bc this shit’s LONG also im not including Stan bc let me tell you RIGHT off the bat, uh Stan has his own list, its the dad list, hes NUMBER one on that list, that’s all I’ll say.

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1: now I know y’all might be thinking oh he likes Bim VERY much so its obviously him! ...uhh your not... NOT wrong on that one ...but, no my number one pick is Markus/Murdock I fucking LOVE him to b i t s like he is my new number one favorite hands down (i decided last minute to rate them ALONG with the rankings so yeah)

But Markus Murdock mans!!! murder mans!! I fucking love him, im on my knees with a wedding ring right the fuck now, now just... w a i t hang on, h-hear me out, please, no- dont judge me- HES,, HES UM, I KNOW HES A MURDERER BUT... HES CUTE, HES SCRUNGLY! he scratches the horror angst itch in my brain, so uh 10/10 obviously

2: Bim Trimmer, okay look, he HAS to be number two bc I literally called him my fictional husband for fucks sake- listen, I love Bim VERY much, i still do, im also giving him a wedding ring, hes probably not accepting it bc its not fancy or expensive enough for him BUT I am still offering- like s i r, please, ONE chance, ONE SINGULAR chance- I will HAPPILY compete on the gameshow, if i just so happen to get turned into a fuckin burger or whatever it was- i mean, worth it- ...So another 10/10 (there can be MULTIPLE 10/10s shhh) ...also unironically i associate him to the sound of ‘Cannibal by Kesha’ ...but to be different, also? ...Eat You - Caravan of Thieves

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3: Yancy... FUCKIN JAILBIRD MUSICAL MAN!!! HELLO HI SIR, YOUR COOL, YOU GIVE ME GENDER, AND ALSO THO??? I FUCKING TALK LIKE HIM ON RANDOM OCCASIONS, sometimes its conscious sometimes its just an unconscious choice, almost like I get possessed by the man himself, im constantly quoting ‘get da fuck outta here’ from the bloopers but sometimes i’ll say ‘dey’ or ‘youse’ or something along those lines, just y’all have n o idea how much I love this guy, he’s so funky, big strong tough mans ...10/10 also associate Yancy with a lotta musicals in general but also i get gangster vibes from him so songs like that, nothing in particular

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4: CAPTAIN MAGNUM, DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING Y’ALL??? HES A FUCKING P I R A T E!!!! HES. A. P I R A T E. THATS ALL HE NEEDS TO BE- listen, i LOVE pirates immensely so, pirates are so fucking cool and just ag hjbfhjdksljgdfs- Magnum seems like such a sweet lad, i’d hold his big hand even though it’d probs engulf and crush mine OR he’d wind up lifting me up by the arm bc he’s REALLY tall hr g h... t-tall men... <3 another 10/10 also associate him with so many sea shanties but mm for a song? ...This Ship’s Going Down by Voltaire

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5: Eric Derekson!! Listen,, i love this anxious man, we can be anxiety buddies just probably apart because ya know making eye contact is one thing but also legit talking is another, so sometimes we’ll simply glance at each other before looking away and getting more stressed and worried by the second, we also struggle with confidence issues on the occasion so yeah! I love him very much, probs has sweaty hands so im not sure i wanna hold em but he’s very polite and nice looking and would treat me right so wholeheartedly, not to say certain others wouldn’t, he’d just be... like,, listen hes just h i m- 10/10 (also hate that I’ve seen some babying shit of him at one point, it was n O T fun :/) dont have a song association with him but i get vibes of him like, listening to some form of chill lofi type music for some reason

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6: Wilford Warfstache!! cotton candy man!! bubblegum bitch!!! my beloved hi hello!!!! I love him very much, mark literally saying ‘hes the one you want!’ or something along those lines j u s t, he is completely right and this is very true bc even tho hes number 6 on this list, I love this funky dude with all my heart, this weird eldritch fucker who can pop wormholes with knives and not even r e a l i z e hes the one who did it, what a fucked up man ...also sad backstory, go d d a m n- ...10/10 ...listen I promise, I genuinely promise this list will NOT ALL be 10/10s

but Warfstache despite his murdering ways, i do genuinely love the funky lad, he gives me gender in a v e r y strange way, i’d love to try on some of his clothes- like the suspenders is s u c h a look also he looks like he’d give AMAZING hugs and I KNOW he would, i associate him heavily with ‘hug me! bring it in!’ jfgkddfjs

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7: Darkiplier! I love hims!!! I know he’s a manipulator but u g h whatever,, i dont care- like jokes on y’all, at this point in my life y’all REALLY think I could tell if he was EVER manipulating me? N a h- I could never tell the difference between the shit he says! He’s a fucked up dude who probably shouldn’t REALLY exist bc he’s like an amalgamation of two people or whatever but he does, he’s gender bc of that- i get gender envy from him bc of that fact apparently but either way, his ringing does hurt my ears though, i h a t e high pitched noises so i could never be around him for too long of a time also can’t stare at him too much or else my eyes get fucky, so bc of those two im going to say 8/10, i’d like to hold his hand too but i know he probs wouldn’t let me, he doesnt give me very affectionate vibes, i associate him with Michael Bublé singing Sway very heavily.

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8: Googleplier (including all of them in one) but! I love Googs! All of them- I mean they all are pretty mean, pretty rude- BUT I fucking love robot characters so they gets a pass ...plus legit i love mean rude dudes so eh- I would want to hold their hands but they would definitely not allow it, not affectionate in the slightest- It would be interesting bc like I do have a few questions I’d love to ask them, I mean their a sentient robotic being, they’ve got a PLETHRA of knowledge and im just a curious dude about a lot of shit, despite them being mean and pretty fucked up, I’d still treat them nicely, i’d be kind and sweet to em all ...i was about to say i’d make food for them but uh im not sure,, they can eat really... so oops... but I’d still be nice to em regardless- sooo... I have to say another 8/10. I have no songs I associate either of them with ....BUT for fun uh the Underground song from the movie Robots.

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9: The Host!!! I love this funky ass narrator dude, like he does give off some scary ass vibes, like there’s no telling what he’s capable of but also,, I love his aesthetics s o damn much, his coat is cool, i’d wear it honestly- in all honesty I’d sit down and listen to The Host like ALL the time, he could talk about so much random shit that I don’t even comprehend but I’d sit there listening intently, he might give off scary vibes or something unnerving but also in a weird sorta way, he also gives off, comforting vibes? Like, he seems like he’d be MUCH quieter than the other egos ...well MOST of them anyways- and it’d be nice to chill with him, read some books together, I’d love to hear Host’s recs for any horror books in all honesty, his lil weird narration powers are unique and such a cool concept to me! Idk how affectionate Host would be, probs not super good at it but i dont care really, i just wanna hear his stories man- 9/10 ...wish there was more of him- ...honestly i dont have songs i associate him with BUT just those asmr-esque videos of like, pens scribbling down, flipping through books, just... LIBRARY sounds in general i get those vibes from him.

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10: THE JIMS!!! Jim, Jim, their cousin Jim, mama Jim, papa Jim, brother Jim, Jimantha, just the ENTIRE Jim family tree, i fucking love The Jims, the reporters have big scrunkle energy, would probs get on my nerves s o fast but all in all it could be fun hanging around them, their funky, weird, stupid- like INCREDIBLY stupid but that’s part of their charm, The Jims are the funniest characters and concepts to me and im tired of pretending their not gkfjlddjfks just...

...

Jim.

all in all a real whopping Jim outta Jim y’all ngl ...I’ve got one song that I know probs doesn’t make sense BUT I fucking love associating them with the Pink Panther them, it fits with their hijinks.

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11: Yandereiplier ....now just, wait a minute y’all wait a minute wait a minute- just, hear me out... now I KNOW she’s a yandere... I KNOW their supposed to be bad, evil, whatever- ....but he... he’s so fucking lovely nfjkdlsjdfsa I love Yandereiplier immensely... NOT because of my bias toward yanderes, NOT Bc i love the concept of yanderes (i should clarify, none of that shit irl, bc thats,, weird and fucked up ...BUT in fiction o o g h!!! THE ANGST, THE HORROR, I E A T THAT UP) theres literally nothing to their character (i usually use he/she/they pronouns for em btw, thats uh my headcanon i guess) BUT the potential is there, I just like her a lot ...Also he’s got a fucking s w o r d so that’s awesome but their mostly a 6/10, i dont think bout them a LOT in all honesty, they’d be EXTREMELY affectionate and super clingy to an extreme point, also no song association bc listen, I could make a FUCKING PLAYLIST for this character in like 5 mins with the songs I have, there’s too many to choose from.

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12: Dr. Iplier ....in ISWM i dont care if y’all say ‘oh thats not him its just somethin Mark did for the bit’ no, thats him- that is ABSOLUTELY him, you cannot look me in my goddamn eyes and convince me that’s NOT Dr. Iplier- that’s totally him, all in all made me want to slam the door shut on him ...maybe- ...or maybe he didnt- guess we’ll never know hahahaha ...but anyways, I like Dr. Iplier, not super crazy bout him, just another doctor but one to add to the kinda good list i guess? ...But also I swear to god say ‘im sorry you’re dying’ one more time and Im going to SHOW you whose gonna be dying in the next 5 minutes, overall not super crazy bout him, probs a solid 5/10, I’ll give him the middle ground at the very least- for funsies i’ll associate him with that one song that goes ‘doctor doctor give me the news’

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13: Actor Mark ...I can say i absolutely loathe and hate him and believe me, I do, I absolutely despise this man ....but also ... . . . <3 his fucking character i swear to god, there’s just something about him that genuinely gets me every single time, I fucking despise this man but I also kinda love him im not going to lie, hes my blorbo most detested, its like a weird sorta love/hate relationship going on here- do i want to hold his hand? Yes but do i also want to punch him right in his stupid face? ...Also yes- like I can say I hate the man as much as I want to and it be true ...but also, ya know, just o o g h- ....7/10 that’s all I’ll say, Idk what song I associate with Actor, there’s probs a few im not thinking of right now but eh.

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14: Illinois ...0/10, next ego

. . .

I’m joking- gkfjdlfdkjs I love Illinois BUT not as much as the fandom, like hes alright, that ego (no pun intended) on him is REALLY big, like god- he just,, he really can just ooze confidence out huh? Like bitch, stop hogging it, give ME some of that confidence- VERY egotistical, thinks hes hot shit, he is hot- I MEAN UM... AHEM- I do love adventures but im not sure i could stand being around him for long periods of time, another hate/love relationship BUT its less hatred and I mean a LOT less hatred than Actor Mark ...even despite uh Actor being above Illinois here ...tbh I stopped paying attention the number past like,, 9 or ten gfjkdjdfsl I got lazy RRRREAL fast, but overall I’d give him an 8/10, definitely one step up from Actor for sure- dont have a song for him so eh

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15: William J Barnum aka The Colonel, I did say I was going to include the wkm before things got fucky and since I’ve stopped truly paying attention to the numbers well here we are, I uh- I do love The Colonel in some ways, idk he gives me weird vibes- not as funky or fun as Wilford but on the bright side before shit got real fucked up he was admittedly pretty normal, not confusing at all in the slightest and I do LOVE to see him, ya know, NOT broken and traumatized... Idk, im like- i love The Colonel like I said but im also feeling kinda neutral, i dont think about him a lot in all honesty, I think bout Wilford WAY more than when he was William, Imma have to go with 5/10 on this one, I associate him with that fuckin jumanji music essentially

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16: Damien!!! Another of my beloved despite being number 16! oh my god despite being a mayor of sorts I’d- honestly I’d trust him with all my heart- I love Damien very much so, hes a big source of comfort even if Dark is lower on the numbers than he is, again i stopped caring like a big ago gfldkfjgds i said i was gonna number these n shit properly but my hands are gonna be tired after this but ANYWAYS- Damien is such a lovable dude, like genuinely i just wish to hold his hands- I know he’d let me, definitely- I’d feel comfortable and safe around Damien he just gives off soft, loving, and caring vibes to me, like heck even if hes doing boring paperwork shit or talking bout like, idk whatever mayors do I wouldn’t mind hanging around or listening to it, will my brain process any of it? ...No, absolutely not <3 but I just like his voice, his voice is very soothing to me

gonna have to give him a 10/10 all the way through just bc hes definitely a good source of comfort even if I think bout other characters a lot more often technically speaking. Uhh I don’t think I have a song to associate him with really? Not one I can think of at the moment anyways but uh yeah.

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17: Bing and Mini Bing, again their robots, I love robots, but uh I’d get s o fucking fed up with them s o goddamn fast imma be honest, like they ARE lovable but my g o d, i just do not think i could hang around them for long periods of time, probs WAY more affectionate than the Googles BUT, idk- i dont feel a strong connection toward the Bings in all honesty ...it might be because uh I have a bad association with the ACTUAL Bing fgjkdljgfds it took over my o l d computer somehow (it was v i r u s related shit i should clarify) but still gfkdlgjdfsl either way, i’d hang out with them for about 10 minutes, tops and that’s it so overall a 4/10, not the ABSOLUTE worst but not the best either.

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18: Harold B Darrensworth, not a lot to say bout this one in all honesty, he almost never crosses my mind ...so meh not a big fan, probs a 3/10 ...definitely better than CERTAIN other egos im going to be getting into in a few minutes, I could absolutely tolerate the Bings more than him though ...it could also be my hatred for authorities being the reason i dont,, like him very much

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19: The Author which im p sure,, didnt he get like,, turned into The Host? I can’t remember my Author lore but either way, I do like him, he was cool either way, i dont think bout The Author TOO much but he’s got an interesting concept, an interesting character, I feel like Actor and him would get along swimmingly, their both nasty bitches who love suffering in stories ...but hey, so am I, all three of us could shake hands on loving to torment characters in our stories, but mm im feelin 5/10, i do like him a good bit but i dont,, think bout him too often- hes alright tho, dont have a song association with him in particular.

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20: Randal Voorhees which im sure has no relation to Jason Voorhees... ...Like Dr. Iplier, i dont care if like one of y’all is like ‘Chase, again, this was just a bit character’ ITS FUCKING RANDAL GODDAMN VOORHEES JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR WAS DR. IPLIER- MY MIND WILL NOT BE CHANGED, IT’LL NEVER BE CHANGED END OF STORY ...but anyways uh yeah, hes okay i guess- i fucking hate the ‘come’ sign like the doctor i was so ready to slam the door in their faces, like that ‘come’ sign is going to haunt me for the rest of my life along with the pizza box (im not rating all those fuckers, just, all those excluding Randal and uh Dr. Iplier are at LEAST 1/10s) but Randal? ...meh 5/10, just pls man get rid of the come sign- for the love of god get rid of the come sign

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21: Silver Shepherd ...1/10, i literally do NOT care about this dude at all, like ok hes a basic bland hero, meh- i mean i suppose to each their own but i n e v e r think bout this dude BUT I will give him a 1/10 bc at the very least hes better than certain others, no song associations for him nor Randal really- only thing i can hear for Randal which i forgot to mention is like fuckin L O U D ASS CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS

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22: Santiplier! jhfkdlfgjd god this is such an old bastard, im surprised i even REMEMBERED him, i love him but i would not hesitate to smack that bitch immediately tho, i feel not much love for him but i’d hang out with him just hear him bitch bout shit, like we’d be gossiping bitches but it’d be h a t e gossiping, just things n people we fucking h a t e, ...in a weird sorta way we might get along- ...3/10 i never think bout him but hes WAY better than Silver or the fuckin P*rniplier egos or whatever the fandom’s calling them

23: King of The Squirrels! ...I really hate the mess, just, eugh- that peanut butter literally makes me gag whenever i see it on his face, he just,, i think hes alright, he seems very polite, just a stupid ass motherfucker (affectionate) i just could n o t be around him and look at that for one but two, if that mess got on me i’d be freaking out- i know you can wash it off but ya know its,, just,, gross ...but still a 3/10

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24: Engineer Mark just for funsies, uh straight up 8/10 ...im sorry for mistaking you for Actor and tormenting and making your life a living hell but also you uh, shouldn’t have done shit with that warp core either, but im very sorry for mistaking you for that cunt, my bad <3 i dont think bout Engineer Mark much but hes nice, and cool- no song association i can think of

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25: Old Man Mark .... I fucking love him, hes like,, hes just,, hes grandpa- like Stan is my dad- Old Man Mark is my fictional grandpa dude,, i love him very much but in a strictly platonic way, bc thats,, thats my fuckin grandpa dude- even if he did try to stab me but hey,, i was kinda being a bastard so ya know but 10/10, love ya gramps HJVFGKDLJGFDKS- i dont have a song association at all in all honesty

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26: Noir Mark/Detective Mark... unsure if he has a canonical name yet or if we’re just sticking to Noir Mark BUT ... *sweeps nonexistent hair behind ear* ...hello, hiii sirrr... ar...are you... p-perhaps, um... maybe looking... f-for a uhhh new, maybe a new partner? ...I want to be his partner, granted I know my number one fave is uh making this questionable but SHHH!! dont tell him... Just, uh I see him and for everyone who loves this fucker? ...I get it, I totally get it <3 ...he be s o fine ...also his aesthetic is genuinely so appealing I LOVE the noir type shit, the detective aesthetic, its just so good- 10/10 for sure- also definitely anything jazz i associate with him, the s o f t kinda jazz, also i’d love to just be in his office and listen to that jazz while he files paperwork or whatever, like i dont care what hes doing i wanna listen to some t u n e s, i’d feel comfortable and safe around him, I mean he IS a detective after all

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27: Ed Edgar and Derek Derekson- im grouping them in bc im tired but I HATE THESE FUCKERS S O MUCH,, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY THROW DOWN WITH THEM AND I WOULD W I N, I WOULD BEAT THESE TWO WITH A FUCKIN RUSTY ASS SPOON, listen one thing y’all need to know about me is I fucking LOATHE and DESPISE these two in particular, there is no ‘love/hate’ relationship here it is LITERALLY just fucking h a t r e d, just- I hope they choke on a motherfucking cheese stick, those nasty greasy bitches, they look like they drink white gatorade and smell like NICKELS! 0/10 period. Silver, Santa, even the fuckin PRON EGOS- ARE BETTER THAN THESE TWO- i harbor an unbridled rage toward them, ya wanna know what song association these two fuckers get?

NOTHING, not even a SONG- they get NOTHING from me, they lose! Theystolefizzyliftingdrinks! but they just LOSE! They get NOTHING- not even a good day sirs, no b a d day in fact- so yeah my hatred is unbridled toward them lmao

anyways uh that’s literally all- now i probs did forget like maybe one or two fuckers outta the bunch BUT,, oh well, if y’all really want, just send an ask, tell me if i forgotten somebody and i’ll rank em for ya

#Chase rates/ranks: Mark Ego Edition #markiplier egos #pls dont take this seriously at all- legit im just having fun #not tagging all the egos oh dear god no #if anyone for some ungodly reason wants me to do this but with the septic egos ...i'll do it but w h y #lmao this right here is definitely bad enough

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