#i can't tell whether this movie is good or not bc i've been hating this play and every adaptation of it since i was a kid

[not-close-to-straight]

HI omg i've been in the trenches of a fandom writing event (70k in one month is hell) and so i hadn't had the chance to catch up on BAB but i FINALLY got the chance last night AND HOLY SHIT

first of all FIRST OF ALL im gonna say this again: i love these two. these two in particular. your spideypool will always be my favorite no matter where you put them, but oh man these two.... there's so much that makes them my favorite but it's probably the viciousness of them, both in love and at others who've hurt them.

peter telling himself that the collar was a compromise, not obedience was such a good little piece of character development that made my heart ache just a little bit more for him.

i will always lose it over one of a pair losing their mind over others treating their partner like shit, even if it's unintentional. YES its not healthy and YES its still sexy as hell to watch wade break that dude's wrist bc he made a (correct) assumption about peter. he gives 0 fucks about staying hidden at this point bc his mate was just insulted. i just... it's so good.

and the wall scene??? where he just keeps saying "you're my mate" and all peter can say is "i understand" *melts into a puddle* they're so INTENSE and i love every second of it

OH OH AND THE FLASHBACK?? where they're all soft and gentle with each other becuase they're in LOVE and IDIOTS who refuse to admit to each ohter????? god damn golden.

and then wade LEAVING??? broke my heart (especially because i had to go back to work from my break and i was on a CLIFFHANGER!)

i know i've said this before but i will continue to tell you this because you do it SO DAMN WELL and i can only hope to emulate it: the way i can see the western movie montage of Wade zigzagging across the map, only music playing over the scene, as he slowly collects weapons and doesn't rest for nearly long enough. (oh and the little detail about the coin in the man's mouth for the undertaker?? i loved that so much!)

and i've left the best for last obviously: the way i can see the camera slowly pan up to see Pete staring down the barrel of the shotgun already half to feral in anger and heartbreak is one i will never forget. it's too good!! those bar patrons had no idea they were gonna get a show with their dinner that night lmao i love love fights like those where only one person is truly angry and the other makes it so so hard to keep it up when they're being so sweet...

and then 👀 wade picking pete's affection over getting himself off his *chefs kiss* the epitome of his character. i cannot WAIT to see what kind of hell they rain down on francis and the commander when they finally reach defiance. these two are VICIOUS and francis should be very very scared

okay, long ask OVER, i've loved these last few chapters, and i hate that i haven't had the time to leave you the proper showering of praise!! i hope you're doing well and having a great day!

Wow! Kudos on 70k in a month! That's great!

I totally agree with you-- the viciousness of Spideypool in love and in anger is what makes them great. The snap to violence from Wade, the answering violence from Peter, the way that even when they talk they aren't really saying what needs to be said, it really comes down to their ACTIONS-- the collar, the broken wrist, slamming Peter into a wall and Peter exposing his throat instead of getting defensive. Spideypool is all actions speak louder than words, and I love it.

THE REUNION SCENE. Goddamn I loved that shot of Wade finally giving himself a moment to really think about Peter and then that pan up to the shotgun barrel and Peter's furious eyes. I've had that line "you can kiss me, or you can come" planned out forever. My spideypool is always sort of intensely sexual, whether they fall into bed first and then it's feelings or if they just can't keep their hands off each other of (alot of the time) because of Wade's body image issues sex is a big deal for him and extremely emotional for Peter to want to touch him-- so Spideypool is always super intense when it comes to sex and Peter drawing that line between the act and the emotions is HUGE. Especially because he is a sex worker which means it's always been strictly physical between them and we've seen through flashbacks that they very rarely ever indulged in even a second of truth about their feelings.

So for this reunion when Peter basically tells Wade, you can have my body or my heart, and Wade chooses his HEART after all those years of turning away from Peter and denying their bond... UGH. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

And the way Peter sobs afterwards, how angry he is about Wade this one time actually following the rules and choosing to kiss him, choosing Peter's heart and feelings and their reconciliation instead of brushing it away for the often easier option of just ignoring what is happening between them... ITS BEAUTIFUL.

Every time I write Spideypool there's always a scene or moment or line that ends up staying with me for ages and this scene in this fic is it.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Ok so I've been stalking your blog for the past couple of hrs after seeing your TadaAi posts (I'm drowning in the period drama that is this ship) and I find you ship Tododeku and rinharu (god i can't stand bakudeku and makoharu) and seems like we share a lot of our views on fandom and ships probably because we're older (I'm 22). Followed and looking forward to your input in the future!

Also you might've given me the motivation to finish watching Free! XD

Hehe yay, please, we need more ppl in our “house of oldies”, make yourself at home lol. And we share a lot of ships?! Even better <3

I knooow, I can’t believe we’ve got a gay “master who fell in love with his servant” ship in the anime, just what I needed for my idiotic collection lmao

But also these two have too much going on between them, so much wasted potential in my opinion, it’d be so interesting to explore (but sadly no xD), they were still the only interesting thing for me lolz. I love complicated morons, who became the victims of a huge unrequited requited love misunderstanding, bc they’re insecure morons lmao and they just have 2 of my fav ships vibes, so it’s probably mostly this haha. 

Oh, I’m inputting *wink wink*, can’t wait to finish the vid, I’m having too much fun with it. I’ve just literally spent several minutes trying to get whether I’ve put Tadashi’s sexy mole in the right distance from his eye in the “him moaning on the table” manip lolz. What can I say... I picked the best hobby, with all the support I’m getting with my vids, I’m living a dream xD

You know, I think I’ve said it before, but when it comes to bakudeku, I at least understand what ppl hope to see there and why, but like.. it’s just not happenning. Also imagining Bakugou lovingly hugging Midoriya is just so OOC I start laughing all the time. And whatever ppl say, in any ship whether they’re enemies or rivals or anything, if you can’t imagine them being tender with each other, smth is not right in my opinion. Also once again, who needs idiotic bleating Midoriya, idk. I’m just tired of the endless “die, deku/out of my way” yelling, I like watching Bakugou going to parties and amusement parks and doing silly stuff, too. Like I’ve said before, pride won’t ever let him change the way he behaves with Midoriya, even when they’re doing “great”. If he was the one, it wouldn’t have mattered, no matter how tough you are, and it wouldn’t take that long. I also don’t think they’re that kind of relationship, like they move each other for sure, sometimes, yeah (not always in a good way tho), but be together in a relationships? Can’t imagine that. Like not all rivals have the rivals to lovers dynamic, no matter what ppl say. But I get the shipping, bc 1stly these two are playing too huge of a role in each other’s lives, 2ndly Midoriya is obsessed with him and Bakugou obsessed with him too (just in a bad way lmao) and 3rd ppl want that “enemies to lovers” dynamic, since many love it (me included, when it done right and progresses right), so they’re trying to write that “to lovers” bridge, that just doesn’t fit here in my opinion, simply bc Bakugou won’t be soft with Midoriya, like ever in a way, you’d want, and I don’t think it’s possible for them to go there.

Tododeku on the other hand, 1stly they also play too huge of a role in each other’s lives, 2ndly Midoriya is obsessed with him too and Todoroki is lovingly obsessed with him in return, 3rdly they are also rivals to lovers, and I have no problem imagining the second part, it won’t be OOC, 4thly Midoriya when he’s with Todoroki is my fav Midoriya, he’s happy, he is cocooned and he’s badass af (and like when he told Endeavor to fuck off or yelled at Todoroki “the fuck are u doing?” xD are still the best), 5thly Midoriya forgets about Bakugou, when he’s with Todoroki a lot and it’s just funny to me, 6thly they healed each other so nicely, I can’t not be into that, 7thly when they’re together I have like 0 worries, idk I’m like “he will catch him” anyways haha, Bakudeku just don’t give me this vibe. It’s like yeah, they won’t let each other die, but it’s always this chaos of “out of my way”, “I don’t want your help” and “let me punch you before I punch the villain” that I’m just “oh for god’s sake, pls bring in Kirishima and Todoroki so we could just go home, it could’ve been solved in 2 minutes” lmao. Etc, etc.

Tododeku just have too many winning points over bakudeku for me, same with kiribaku over bakudeku, even tho I 100% get bakudeku as a ship ofc. Also idk whether things would be different if Todoroki wouldn’t exist in the equation, but the moment I saw that s2 scene where Bakugou started yelling and Todoroki just ignored him and was like “was Midoriya always this good?”, there was no going back to me XD. Like they both obviously see that Midoriya is wonderful, but only one reacted to that in a way that I wanted. And I’m a sucker for the ships who don’t give a fuck and like “yeah, I find him amazing and everyone should know that”. Todoroki is also one of those guys, who if you give them the much needed love, they’ll return it tenfold with a forever devotion. And all of my fav ships are like that: Yullen, Rinharu, Mikayuu, Wangxian, Akakuro, etc. They’re like “well, I ain’t an idiot to let someone this precious go”, you know lol

On the other hand, when it comes to Kirishima, Bakugou can do all kind of ridiculous thing I wouldn’t imagine he would do to keep him or make him happy, you know. Kirishima is also the only one, who can put his arm around Bakugou without it being cut off, so I don’t make the rules here lol.

So it’s not like I can’t stand bakudeku, more of like can’t imagine this work, to me it’s easier to imagine todobaku in a relationships, but not bakudeku lolz.

But when it comes to makoharu, I just have a huge problem with it and I will never get it. Bc they don’t bring anything good in each other like AT ALL, I don’t even understand what kind of relationships this is from their shipper point of view; they give each other nothing, and one of them is totally in love with someone else and wants a future with him. And that someone also head over heals with him and also wants a future with him. And I hate how 99,9 % of mh fans don’t give a fuck about Haru or Rin whatsoever and just ignore their character’s everything. Bc Makoto. I’m also like if you love him so much, the fuck would you want him to be with Haru anyways, dude doesn’t reciprocate, like at all. I’m at confusion, like name good points of this ship and what good can they do for each other characteristically. There is none, it’s like a damn swamp. Like usually I can give my notp some points, but this is like... they’re both no good for each other... like... why would anyone even want this idk. Don’t tell me “for the childhood friends” one-sided dynamic, like why won’t you also ship Shion with Safu then, like even he seemed more invested in that, than Haru in makoharu lol.

Even if you think of them from the point of view of “the two who are always walking together” ships, that are everywhere nowdays (even tho since Haru moved to Tokyo, he was always with Asahi instead), but even if... those kind of ships are usually at least make each happy and are enough for each other. Haru on the other hand, when he doesn’t have Rin, he is walking with Makoto like a ghost, not even caring if he’s talking next to him AND he’s getting ennoyed by him. Like explain, how someone’s shipping them romantically. It’s been showed like 20 times, that with Rin, but without Makoto, he can be perfectly happy, without Rin tho, he never is.

Also someone explain, what exactly is the point of splitting up two characters, who are happy together, make each other the best versions of themselves and want to be together whole-heartedly? Like I know many start shipping smth, bc the relationships are better in the other pairing, for example, but this is like... definitely not the case here. Like what exactly is missing in rinharu, that makoharu has? Lack of progression and mutual inspiration?

So yes, if you’re into rinharu, totally finish Free! They’re like doing sooo incredible and holy shit they’re inspiring, I mean, look, they’re now the tokyo olympics ambassadors, like how many of yall gay ships reached that? you can’t miss out on them, and also they’re so hilariously romantic, they literally made a wish to swim with each other since they were 13 and did everything to get each other there, I’m.. you’re lying, if you didn’t cry watching them as chibies making wishes on a star and watching them now. One of the most wonderful development in my opinion. Like who would’ve thought back in s1, that we’ll get Haru yelling on top of Rin about how he made him want a future with him, def not me lmao and now all the olympics boyfriends fanfiction are true, I mean, idk what to say anymore. I miss them so much, I can’t wait for the movie :D

#answered #maxeve #anime

[theplanetprince]

Fanfiction Review

I can already tell this is gonna be super confusing bc I've been writing fic since I was 12 but have since gone through so many identity changes. But let's play anyway!

Thanks for the tag @redead-red

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

My current library is 8. I don't actually write fanfic too often unless a specific idea intrigues me-- or something in the fanon just doesn't line up with me. I do have at least 4ish more stories planned and maybe a revised version of an ancient story from when I was young. 2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

166,451! Pretty neato!

3. How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Uh, in no specific order,

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (lost to purging)

Doctor Who (you ain't gonna find these)

Sonic

NiGHTs into Dreams

Dead by Daylight (<3)

Danny Phantom (my beloathed) Supernatural (my other beloathed)

and uhhhh, I think a bunch of various other video games I can't remember. For the sake of brevity I'm gonna put the rest under the cut.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is actually pretty funny bc I have so few fics released. I only get emails for certain ones all the time, so I wrote this part out by guessing, but I ended up not needing to change it. (also, don't read most of these; they're old and bad)

1. Schrodinger's Adolescent, 337 Kudos (Danny Phantom)

2. Teen Years and How to Survive Them, 97 Kudos (Secret Trio)

3. Two Fake Feds Come up the Laneway the other dayyyyyy, 56 Kudos (Letterkenny/Supernatural)

4. Brother's Keeper, 40 Kudos (Halloween, DBD)

5. Beginner's Guide to Destroying the Moon, 37 Kudos (Sonic)

5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for?

I'll be real here, I still enjoy most of the work I did for both Beach House Bummer, and Beginner's Guide to Destroying the Moon. I just wish I got more love for the latter bc I might be inspired to finish it lmao.

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really try to! I love the long rambly comments I get on Schrodinger's because I can feel those people are giving me the same passion I put into my work-- Though most of the time I get the generic "post more" or "update plz" which I dunno I'm grateful for the interaction. Still, I don't really want to repeat like "I'm trying my best, dude." about 12 times a day.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I'll be real I only have two completed fics rn-- but I can tell you I had this one fic that I wrote when I was fourteen where the ninja turtles had to burn down a lab full of half-born mutant embryos, and like I remember writing that and then going to middle school the next day like "They don't know I'm a literary genius."

8. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Probably the Letterkenny/Supernatural crossover-- I feel very strongly about SPN and how people take it way too seriously, so when I found out it was filmed in Canada. It used famous Canadian actors from the show Letterkenny, it felt way too good to pass up. I do hope to write in that space again when I'm feeling less depresso-espresso.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah. It's probably a big reason why you'll never see the tmnt fics for a while. I also used to write a lot of OC stories, and this was back in 2014 so like those were def hit the hardest. I'm glad to say it's like... subsided for the most part. I don't get hate as much as I just get really confusing and creepy comments, which don't hurt my rejection-sensitive-ass as much.

10. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hahahaha, no.

I am kind of bad at writing it, and I don't really like writing it. Which yeah that makes sense. My friends sometimes when they find out I write fanfic as a joke they'll send me some of the worst examples smut they can find and to test my talent I'll try to rewrite it to make it some kind of titillating-- but alas it just isn't my forte. The cons of being an asexual I guess.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Uh, yes and no? I think I had one of my older fics stolen, retranslated, and then retranslated again to English? That was so long ago tho.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd love to give it a shot sometime.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly, it's sonadow. I know it's cringe but I'm free, dammit. Outside of that I guess my favorite dynamic is jock/nerd, which you've probably gleaned from my resume here fhsdkjf.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I've been working on Teen Years and How to Survive them since I was 16, I only started making headway on it when I was 19-- so I feel like that speaks for itself hskjhg.

15. What are your writing strengths?

It's been told to me that I'm very funny and I write convincing dialog that captures a character's voice. Which is extremely flattering despite the fact that I feel like I'm tricking you all.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably scenery and landscape, if I'm honest. I also accidentally keep creating scenes just for the dialog instead of action or environment.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think as long as I can guess what they're saying from context clues, and the writer is courteous enough to include body language and the like, then it's mostly harmless. I love including a bunch of references in fic whether it's cultural, historical, or just like a quote from a movie or something so I have a bunch of tabs open regardless it wouldn't be too inconvenient for me to fire up google translate or something.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably Schrodinger's Adolescent, it really opened up a lot of doors for me in the DP fandom and I got to meet a lot of cool people because of it. It really cheered me up from a dark place. And despite me writing it initially out of anger and spite its grown into this soft thing that really means a lot to me.

20. What fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, I can't pick. I'm both embarrassed by them all and yet glad they bring people some form of comfort.

Uhhhh who to tag-- I don't really know

@ten0rreaper is the only one I can think of-- whoever else I guess can have at it. I'm not very good at these things lmao.

#tag game #txt

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.

#match up monday #mha match up #bnha match up #bnha reader insert #mha reader insert #sero hanta x reader #sero x reader

[0606-hyuck]

nct dream as your best friends

hellabts? i don’t know her lol. in this house we support nct.

this is probably one of my most favourite things i've ever posted tbh, this was so fun to make and i could have made them way longer but i suppose there may be a 2.0 version in the future. i tried to make it a best friends version but honestly it could also be “nct dream as your boyfriend” lol anyway enjoy!

ps i also tried to make it as gender neutral as possible so please tell me if i've accidentally used a female pronoun :)

masterlist: here!

MARK

you probably wouldn't hang out often bc you’re both busy 

but you’re still super close friends

he would message you every five minutes to tell you what he was currently doing

you're his #1 hype man/woman and this would definitely make him blush

he 100% had a very obvious crush on you and no one would be surprised if he still does

gets super shy when the members ask about you

he just thinks you're so great 

whenever someone asks him what he likes about you he just goes speechless because there's so many things he could list

lowkey writes you letters about how much he appreciates you but never gives them to you because he thinks you'll find them weird or silly

when you were first introduced to haechan you thought he'd hate you lol 

but he respects that you've been there for mark when he couldn't be and he knows that mark would be devistated if his two best friends didn't get along

lowkey like to gang up with haechan to tease mark

so he knows he’s in trouble if you’re hanging out with haechan

“nooo haechan is corrupting you! he’s turning you into the devil!1!1″

always sharing food with you, will go out of his way to buy you snacks and act like it wasn't a big deal even if he had to go far to get you said snacks

likes sharing his headphones/music with you because you're always enthusiastic to hear what new tunes he's listening to lately

also shares his class notes with you even if he doesn't understand the content

he will literally write notes in his best pen and make them look pretty because he knows that you'll ask to see his notes lol

RENJUN

always teases you about not having a boyfriend/girlfriend even though he’s single himself like boi what

"look, that person looks nice, why don't you go say hi? or, even better, i can be your wingman and introduce you to them!"

bad idea, don't let renjun be your wingman. not only does he embarrass you (maybe accidentally or intentionally, at this point you can't even tell), but the person will probably be more interested in getting his number than yours (but it's okay, the single life is treating you well)

but if you were to get a significant other he would be like "lol nope this isn't happening i cannot deal with this!"

he wouldn't be able to stand you paying more attention to someone else than him

he'd try to be cool about it, he'd convince himself that it's fine, but the members would constantly ask him why he's so cranky lol

he'd try to convince himself that he doesn't need to see you 24/7 anyway, but the next minute he would be triple texting you asking whether you wanted to hang out

he’d be really jealous but if the person made you happy he would be okay with it. we love a supportive friend

same thing if you were to have an argument, he'd be salty for like an hour tops but then he'd get bored and text you as if nothing happened

likes to send you really unflattering selfies

he'd teach you chinese if you asked him, but he wouldn't teach basic phrases 

he would teach you swear words and insults and words you'd never use like "socialism" or "beekeeper" 

“renjun i’m never going to need to say this though”

“but what if a beekeeper tries to get you into socialism? at least you’ll know how to say 去你妈的. bet you didn’t think of that one”

JENO

basically a married couple tbh

you both share common interests and you could spend hours talking to him about them

people think you're weird because of the amount of time you and jeno talk about cats/similar interests but it's okay because you both enjoy it

barely have any arguments but if there is it's likely about what movie you guys are going to watch or how he shouldn't pat his cats so much because of his allergies

always thinking of you

"jaemin, what do you think of this coat? i think i'll get this for y/n's birthday, is it their colour?"

"we can't buy that if we're watching movies with y/n, y/n doesn't like that flavour, pick something else"

will cook for you not even if you're sad or sick, just if he's bored and you have some ingredients

you'd try to help him but in the end you'd just watch him while he listened to you rant about a lady that pushed in front of you at the supermarket 

likes to sing to you/play instruments for you. it’s real cute

halloween costumes! you guys make your outfits every year and always do couple/matching outfits

your favourite outfit was when you went as harry potter and hermione but you made jeno go as hermione

real cheesy jokes/puns? like his members groan out loud whenever he tells a joke but you always find them really funny because they're so bad

his members actually leave the room if you and jeno get into a pun war, it's just that bad

HAECHAN

super loud duo

people think you hate each other bc you're constantly arguing

and tbh you thought he was really annoying when you first met him, don’t tell him that though lol

low blow insults that make the members think you or haechan will get offended but you both just laugh 

"damn that was a good one"

talks shit in a joking way but if anyone else was to do the same he would be the first person to defend you

"um excuse me, who do you think you are lmao i'm the only person allowed to be mean to y/n"

buys you birthday gifts ironically eg something you hate but will have a backup present to give you that you'll actually like

"haechan, this is a minions key chain. you know i hate minions with a burning passion"

"sike i actually got you that thing you'd been wanting for ages, no need to thank me i already know i'm great"

you get told that you and haechan are too mean to each other, but you know it's all in good fun

full on photoshoots

like he will invite you to hang out just so you can take real aesthetic photos of him and vice versa

he’s a real fan of the golden hour selfies 

your favourite moments are the early hours in the morning when haechan sometimes calls and is really honest about his feelings

"i know i don't say it enough but i really appreciate you, i'd be such a miserable old grump without you"

"if you tell anyone i just said that i will have to kill you" 

JAEMIN

people probably think you're dating

actually scratch that, everyone thinks you’re dating

even the dreamies have to remind themselves that you’re just friends with jaemin

insists on taking selfies together whenever you go ANYWHERE

his instagram is just filled with pictures of you and him captioned “GO BEST FRIEND THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND”

your parents love him because he's such a charmer, you have to remind them that he's just your friend not your boyfriend

jaemin doesn't mind though, he likes how flustered you get when people insinuate you're dating

you guys have a pact that if you aren't married by the time you're thirty then you'll just get married to each other

you know this kid is 100% going to flirt with you

but he ONLY uses really bad pick up lines

"are you a banana? because i find you appealing"

"damn it not this again"

"if you were a triangle-"

"jaemin no"

"you'd be acute one"

"that was your worst one yet"

whenever he travels he makes sure to buy you really tacky but cute soft toys

"jaemin i appreciate this, i really do, but i physically can't fit another soft toy in my room"

a really good listener?

like you can talk to him about anything and you know he won’t judge you

he just listens to what you’re saying, nodding often, and then when you’re done he will offer really good advice

ugh i think we all just need a jaemin in our lives tbh

CHENLE

the loudest!!!

the members try to separate you guys when playing games but it doesn't work because chenle will just yell at you from across the room

literally thinks you're an angel and is so thankful for you

you make him so much happier

like sometimes he catches himself and he’s like “ew when did I become such a softie for y/n, gross”

major uwu for you, constantly teasing you because he thinks your reactions are so cute

constantly talking about you because it makes him happy

"omg this reminds me of that time that y/n and i went to the arcade and were kicked out because we were way too loud"

“okay it was actually just me but like y/n didn’t try to stop me or anything, they’re just as guilty as i am”

individually you are the most cowardly people ever like this kid will just stand and scream his head off if he sees a spider

but when you're together you somehow gain heaps of confidence to do the thing™️

like you'd tease him for being too scared to ride a rollercoaster and oh would you look at that suddenly he wants to ride the rollercoaster to prove you wrong

and then you'd join him to prove that you're also no wimp

and you'd both be scared shitless the whole time 

but when you get off h'd be like "that wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be” 

“you were screaming like a baby though, lele"

"no u"

likes to teach you chinese and really likes that you're interested in his language and culture

you thought he'd tease you about your pronunciation but he's actually so supportive because he knows how hard it is to learn a language

brings snacks to your study session as a reward but ends up getting distracted and eating them himself

JISUNG

comes to you for your opinion first

"should i post this selfie to instagram? the others said i look a bit funny"

"um are they blind? you look great jisung!!"

"i was going to post this dance routine to instagram but i messed up a step, i just want to show my best to nctzen"

"are you kidding??? i'd like to report a missing wig. ugh michael jackson could never"

he hates having his photo taken but the minute you ask him for a selfie he’s already getting into a pose lol

this kid will literally do anything for you

you're sick but he had plans? sorry looks like he's cancelling his movie date with chenle

your significant other just broke up with you? um jisung is an idol but who says he actually needs to do live stages hah

you're moving cities/countries? lol jisung packed his suitcase weeks ago

real talk though jisung hates to see you upset or sick but he's also real awkward and doesn't really know how to make you better

so he just comes over and you watch stupid youtube videos together

most times he'll force you to take random quizzes like "we will tell you which cartoon character you actually are based on the cereal you put in a kiddie pool"

he will then spend the next twenty minutes ranting to you about how your result was pink panther only because you chose the strawberry flavoured cereal

and you'd be adamant that pink panther actually reflects who you are on the inside, and that buzzfeed quizzes wouldn't lie to you

"omg jisung i AM pink panther you just don't understand, why can't you accept me for who i truly am" 

in the end you wouldn't know what you and jisung were even talking about anymore but hey at least you don't feel as upset/sick as you did before 

you also say a lot of stupid stuff (whether that's on purpose or not is entirely up to you lol) and jisung always pretends to be embarrassed by you 

he will literally let out the biggest sigh ever and pinch the bridge of his nose, as if being around you is the most stressful, testing thing ever 

but he's only kidding because he's well aware that if you weren't his friend he would definitely be a hermit in the mountains or something lol

© 0606-hyuck 2021. All Rights Reserved.

#hellabts #nct #nct dream #nct mark #mark lee #nct renjun #renjun #huang renjun #nct jeno #jeno #lee jeno #nct haechan #haechan #donghyuck #lee donghyuck #nct jaemin #jaemin #na jaemin #nct chenle #chenle #zhong chenle #nct jisung #jisung #park jisung #mark nct #mark nct dream #renjun nct #renjun nct dream #jeno nct #jeno nct dream

[lesbian-ed]

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice. 

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help. 

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point? 

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him. 

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling. 

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami. 

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you. 

Mod M :D 

#anonymous #answered asks #advice #lesbophobia #positivity #lesbian positivity #mod m #original #mod m gets personal lmao #compulsory heterosexuality