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chxrryhansen · 26 days

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𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐍

Pairing; Dark!Rafe Cameron x Innocent!Reader

Warnings; CNC!!!! DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. smut, extremely dark themes, unprotected sex, public sex, choking, drugging? (rafe manipulates reader into snorting a line) degrading terms (slut, whore) loss of virginity, tiny bit of blood, breeding kink, size difference, daddy kink, dumbification, dacryphillia, no aftercare!! i think thats it? Minors please DNI!!!!!

Summary; Based on x.

authors note; i really thought about never finishing this because i just haven’t had the motivation or wanted to write in quite a while. but i’ve been neglecting you guys! so i tried my best to finish it, however i literally hate this fic so much so please don’t come at me bc i know its shit😛 its around like 1.3k words so… take it or leave it ig.

“Hey, so uh, you come here often?” The boy says, rubbing his nose with his right finger while motioning with his beer filled hand to the party further down the beach.

Your friend had dragged you to one of the weekend bonfires at the beach, kooks only of course. Which is exactly what you were, a sheltered, spoilt, kook. Right down to the core.

Your family had given you everything you ever wanted growing up, paying for homeschooling from the best private tutor on the island, buying you whatever the new pair of heels on the market was, but that never deterred your sweet heart.

You weren’t a prude and even though you were, you didn’t act spoilt, you appreciated everything your family did for you. You didn’t have many friends considering the private life you lived. Your best friend was your neighbour, both of you having grown up together, your father and hers both being in the same business really tied the strings in your friendship.

She was quite the opposite of you, partying every weekend, hanging out with boys and drinking to the point she was incapable of walking. Long story short, she had begged you to come, a promise of a sleepover and movie night afterwards.

Except that wasn’t the case. Within 15 minutes she had found a new man to latch onto, leaving you sitting by yourself on a wooden log infront of a small campfire someone must’ve ditched.

You looked up, a tall muscular boy with a backwards cap staring down at you, his pretty blues lighting up in the reflection of the fire. You didn’t answer him, being too caught up in the flare of his strong presence. His aura was engulfing, your body instantly being drawn to him.

You didn’t know it of course, but Rafe did.

One look at your pretty face and the sweet scent of your purity and he just knew he had to have it. A smirk appeared on the boys face as he took a seat on the log next to you, his eyes never leaving your own.

“Gonna’ answer me, sweetheart?”

“Uhm, n-no not really, it’s my first. My friends around here somewhere… not sure where she went.” You murmured.

Rafes smirk widened, how blessed he was to have stumbled upon a sweet, innocent, little bunny like you.

“S’okay. I can keep you company. Name’s Rafe.”

The boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a little white baggie filled with a powdery substance. Noticing your stare he asks “You want some?”

“What is that stuff?” you mumble, knitting your eyebrows together in confusion.

“This shits the good stuff, s’ like powdered sugar. Gets you feelin’ real good, one line of this and you’ll feel on top of the world, sweetheart.” he smirks moving closer to the point your knees touch, yet his eyes still don’t leave your own.

“C’mere, lay back a little.” and do you do.

Without question.

Which of course stirs Rafe’s dominant instinct, he just cant stop thinking about shoving you onto your knees and fucking your throat til you choke on his fat cock.

But he’ll save that for later.

Rafe proceeds to pour a little powder onto your chest, sitting perfectly above your perky tits. He then reaches into his pocket and picks out a bank card, then using it to create a smooth line on your chest.

He moves in. Snorting the line right off your tits. A tingly feeling appeared in between your thighs. The sensation of his hot breath on your chest making your own increase.

He leans back and looks towards the sky, his curtains framing his face as he does so, lifting a finger and closing a nostril he sniffs deeply, sighing in relief afterwards. “See, easy as that. Your turn, beautiful.”

“M’kay” you shrug.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Rafe shifts on the log, lying down on his back and spreading his lets wide. He repeats the process on his abs, pouring the coke, creating the line and then ushering you forwards.

“Remember. All you gotta’ do is cover one of your nostrils, and use the other to sniff it right up. You got that?”

“Mhm” You nod excitedly.

“Ah ah ah. Use your words.”

“Yes Rafe. I got it.” You whisper, your pretty doe eyes staring up at him.

“Good girl.” He groans as you begin to snort the coke from his abs. His cock is painfully hard which obviously you didn’t notice, his pre cum leaking from his swollen tip, desperate to have your soppy cunt wrapped around it.

Within 5 minutes the drugs had hit you.

Your head was spinning and your control of your own body wavy, your movements restricted.

“I-i feel kinda fuzzy. Don’t like it…think i’m gonna’ go home now.” Rafe debates begging you to stay, but a better plan crosses his mind.

An eery smirk appears across his handsome features. “How about i walk you, s’ not safe for a pretty girl like you to be out in the dark all by yourself.”

The second you’re out of sight from the beach a hand wraps around your mouth, Rafe’s body pressing your own against a tall tree, blocking any escape. Your eyes go wide in fear, tears beginning to well up as you attempt to scream.

Your tears should make him irritated, angry even. But it doesn’t. It only turns him on more. His dick growing harder by the second.

“Shut the fuck up or i-i swear to god i’ll slit your throat. Can’t believe you kept this innocent act up. I can practically smell how soaked you are you fuckin’ slut.”

Before you can even think of screaming you’re cut off by your own wail as Rafe’s cock disappears between your folds. He bottoms out in one harsh thrust, your legs become slack as he grips your hips, holding you upright on his length.

“So fuckin’ tight. Gonna’ fuck you so good you’ll forget your own god damn name.” He growls.

The sound of clapping skin begins to echo, the skin of your ass turning raw due to his brutal thrusts. The tears don’t stop, only beginning to mix with the drool and sweat leaking down your face. Your wails and whimpers turn to moans as your cunt soaks his length.

Rafe knew you were perfect, that’s why he picked you. But this just proved him right.

“Fuckkk. You like that? Who knew you’d be such a dirty whore f’ me.” He chuckles, throwing his head back in ecstasy, yet his thrusts don’t slow. His pace almost animalistic.

The sensation of your pussy clenching tells Rafe what he wanted to know.

Rafe lets out a loud groan. “Jesus. You’re gonna’ fuckin’ cum aren’t you? Getting off on your rapists cock. Ask me. Ask daddy if you can cum.”

His hand wraps around your throat, squeezing tightly as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“Please can i cum daddy? I need it s-so bad.” You whine, shifting your hips back and forth, fucking yourself on his shaft, your back still pinned against the tree.

“Cum. Cum for daddy. Holy shitttt, pussys grippin’ me like a fuckin’ vice.”

Your cream coats his cock as you scream, biting your lip harshly to try and muffle your pleasure.

“Wouldn’t be surprised if the whole beach heard that from here you dumb slut.” He groans, lifting a hand to fist your hair, tugging harshly.

His thick cock continues to pummel your insides, your pussy throbbing as he fucks you through your high.

As Rafe looks down he notices a glint of red at the base of his shaft. The sight of your cream and blood alone brings him closer to the edge.

“Gonna’ cum in this pretty cunt, can’t wait to fill you up, baby. Daddy’s gonna’ cum.”

His release is met with a loud growl, his balls throbbing as his load fills you, thick ropes of his hot cum shoot into your pussy.

“That’s ittttt. fuck. Taking my cum like such a good girl.”

Rafe is slow to pull out, inching you off his cock as he pants trying to catch his breath. His hold however never leaves you, ensuring you don’t fall due to the brutal fucking you just received.

His attention is grabbed at the sound of your sobs, his thumb swiping over your cheek and collecting your tears. His pretty blues stare into your own, almost waiting for you to run.

But you don’t.

“Shh Shh Shh. No more tears. Daddy’s gonna’ take care of you from now on.”

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron smut #drew starkey #drew starkey smut #rafe obx #outer banks #rafe #rafe smut #dark rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #drew starkey x reader #rafe cameron prompt #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron imagine #drew starkey fic #outer banks smut #outer banks fic

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thefrontofmymind · 11 months

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Heyyyy, could you do a instagram blurb with matty healy and Ellie from Wolf Alice plssss? Love your work!! 💜

matty healy x musician!reader IG blurb

FC: Ellie Rowsell

a/n: sorry for getting to this so late!! i've had a busy couple months xx

yninstagram SUMMER SONICCC I LOVE YOUUUUUU

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ynfan1 mother looking so mother

ynfan2 the bEST festival i’ve ever been to!! xxx

ynfan3 Dirty Hit honestly has the best artists…

ynfan4 So excited to see you in october!!!

1975updates matty via yninstagram’s story!!

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1975fan1 its so nice that all the dh artists are buddies!!

1975fan2 MATTYYY RELEASE THE CURLSSS THEYRE SUFFOCATINGG

1975fan3 so fit

ynupdates old photo of YN with Matty Healy (and Alana Haim) from around 2016 i think??

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ynfan1 cute!!!

ynfan2 WHEN is the collab coming??? It would be FIRE

ynfan3 do i ship them?? Kind of

>ynfan4 me too bestie lowkey

yninstagram can someone walk my dog when i’m on tour? thanks xxx

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ynfan1 HOTTTT

ynfan2 step on me

ynfan3 WAIT WHO IS THAT???

>ynfan4 RIGHT??

yninstagram bye bye kitchen. i’ll miss u

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ynfan1 can’t wait to see you in Berlin!!

ynfan2 obsessed with this fit

trumanblack dw i’ll water the plants

>1975fan1 MATTY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

ynfan3 whats with the mirror in the kitchen

>yninstagram she’s a narcissist of a room, its for her health

yninstagram hello paris here we go

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ynfan1 so pretty!!

ynfan2 YN LIVING MY DREAM EATING CROISSANTS IN PARIS

ynfan3 when are lines starting for the paris show??

>ynfan4 the venue is letting us line up from 6am!!

yninstagram THANK YOU EUROPE! I cannot believe how amazing the past couple months have been for me, I could never dream of meeting so many of you wonderful people and playing my songs from the heart. I’m going to have a little rest but I promise something new is on the way, just be a little patient. Xx

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ynfan1 MISS YOUUU

ynfan2 so excited!! Get some rest!!

trumanblack fit.

>1975fan1 MATTY

yninstagram summer 22. love.

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ynfan1 LOOOVVVEEE

ynfan2 WHO is the guys voice in the second video??? Can’t tell

>ynfan3 it could literally be anyone, someone from her band or just a friend

charli_xcx looking gorg!!

>yninstagram thank you babyyyy

yninstagram happy halloween. if only i could find a romeo…

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ynfan1 I VOLUNTEER

ynfan2 how is someone so perfect???

trumanblack oh if only…

ynfan3 not me having the same costume this year…

yninstagram hotel rooms. the new EP out jan 13.

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ynfan1 NEW MUSIC YESSSS

ynfan2 already pre-saved!!!

charli_xcx you go babe!!

ynfan3 CANT WAIT THAT LONG

trumanblack it’ll be a killer.

>yninstagram ok mr producer if you say so

nme YN talks inspiration on new EP, tour life in a post-pandemic world and backstage rituals!

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ynfan1 hmmm i wonder who she was talking about with all the love songs on the ep??

>ynfan2 I KNOW!!! With all the talk of long distance,,,im intrigued

1975fan1 all the compliments of matty bc he worked on the album…lowkey ship it

yninstagram hotel rooms EP is out now. Thank you for all the love. Thank you Matty for helping make it happen. I couldn’t ask for a better collaborator. Xx

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1975fan1 RIP trumanblack you would have loved a shoutout

ynfan1 I CRIEDDDD IT WAS SO SWEET

ynfan2 PLEASE TELL ME THERES A NEW ALBUM SOON

>yninstagram ;)

1975fan2 oh yeah she’s totally dating matty

yninstagram what did the easter bunny say when he was hopping around? hoppy easter!

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ynfan1 happy easter yn!!

charli_xcx pretty pretty pretty baby!!

>yninstagram no you!

ynupdates “I wrote this EP on the road, about how much you’re…not being yourself, not living your real life…I miss my real life…I miss my boyfriend…” -YN tonight in Japan. She seemed really upset, I hope she’s okay.

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ynfan1 poor yn :((

ynfan2 I was there, everyone was just so quiet i felt so bad for her…

ynfan3 glad this is her last show for a while so she can have a break.

1975updates tonight YN was in the crowd at the band’s show. She was in front of the barricade for most of it and during Robbers Matty went down to her and kissed her. If I’m honest I’m just in shock.

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1975fan1 omgomgomgomg i love them together!!!

1975fan2 WHEN will it be MY TURN

ynfan1 oooh this must’ve been what she was so upset about

#matty healy x reader #matty healy imagine #matty healy blurb

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apopcornkernel · 2 months

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thank u sm @lisascumslut78 for the tag mwah kiss tayo

how many works do you have on ao3?

48 on apopcornkernel and 23 on poppyf1owers!! the numbers aren't the same as on my profile bc i have some anon works hehe. so that's 71 in total! woag

what's your total ao3 word count?

136,751 on apopcornkernel and 50,067 on poppyf1owers, making 186,818 in total!!! and i have around 70k lying scattered around in my wip drive so :>

what fandoms do you write for?

i started with miraculous ladybug, dipped my toe in asoiaf (specifically jaime/brienne), went into genshin & hsr, and rn all my current writing is going into dc!!

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all this, and love too — spy x family — a whopping 4,379 kudos (??? still don't understand how)

lesterlicious — trials of apollo — 980 kudos (okay woag did not realize the numbers were that big now)

a fine bird nests wisely — hsr, jingfu — 384 kudos (one of my personal favorites dont read the others here just read my jingfu <3)

a chat in disneyland — miraculous ladybug — 337 kudos

Enough — miraculous ladybug — 327 kudos

do you respond to comments?

yes of course!! im just really bad at keeping up but i read and treasure each comment i promise 🥹

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have an unfinished jingfu fic (propaganda movement chinoy au) where there will be major character death! im really looking forward to finishing that one

as for published works, my friend sent me death threats when i posted redder than february flowers (hsr/jingfu), so I'll answer with that :3

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think it's gotta be all the stars crowd around the moon <3 just softness and love and warmth <3

do you get hate on fics?

i was about to say i thankfully dont but then i suddenly remembered that single comment i got on a fine bird nests wisely KNCNDVSHAHS let me just grab it for your viewing:

THIS WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE ON THAT AO3 I HAVE A FIC WHERE CHARACTER A TORTURES CHARACTER B AT THE BEHEST OF SOMEONE ELSE, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO MURDER INNOCENT SUBORDINATES AGAINST CHARACTER B'S WISHES TO ENSURE THERE ARE NO WITNESSES. AND ANON CHOSE TO COMMENT ON PURE BIRD FU XUAN SILLINESS 😭😭😭😭😭

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do! i have! there's one published (among our other torments not the least) which is wriolyney hate/desk sex, and there's an arlefuri one in my wips which will remain a secret until i finish writing it hehehe cant go spoiling the content yk

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i dont think i have :0 but i like to transfer concepts into another media, like for example yelone (yelan/pantalone) in a death in the nile plot, or crimson peak !!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope, or at least not to my knowledge LOL pls dont do it though

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! i once wrote just dialogue for a liubai fic in my terrible chinese, tho, and then i translated it into english and added description and everythig!! here it is with the translation

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! i dont think im cut out for it tho because im very bad at powering thru wips. i cant turn my writing on and off like a spigot :(

what's your all time favourite ship?

this is sososo hard and sososo evil but i guess jingfu </3 not thinking much about it rn tho bc im busy witj dc huhu

what's a WIP you want to finish but sometimes doubt you ever will?

JINGFU CHINOY PROPAGANDA MOVEMENT AU, dinahbabs fake dating, vichelena post-breakup situationship, hawk & dove aftermath of titans burning rage and legion of bloom in connection with the mordru arc, yelone crimson peak au, SO MANY . SO SO SO SO MANY

what are your writing strengths?

i genuinely don't know anymore bc my writing changes sm all the time. uhhh. i know how to perfectly format dialogue tags?

what are your writing weaknesses?

i hate starting things i hate too much description,, im also prone to really really long sentences, which i try to cut in half when editing, but sometimes im too tired to edit so...

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

girl im filipino wdyt HAHA

serious answer: absolutely. just make sure your target audience will be able to comprehend ur meaning. do this by either making a translation easily accessible without extra steps, or by making a translation obsolete by clarifying the meaning within the text!

or if you're writing, say, maria clara at ibarra fic, just write in taglish bc ur readers are almost all gonna be filipinos anyways LOL

first fandom you wrote for?

miraculous 😞😞😞 ladybug 😞😞😞😞😞 i wrote a chloe fic for an english assignment it was really bad but it was my first real story ever HAHA

favorite fic you've written?

VERY HARD especially since some of them aren't even published yet. but i will have to go with, again, redder than february flowers <3

tagging: @queer-cosette @theladyfae @hanaasbananas uhh anyone else who sees this and is a writer!!!! thank you for reading til the end LOL

#poppy speaks #tag game #poppy talks about writing instead of writing

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liquidstar · 6 months

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hi from one OC creator mutual to another i just wanna say i have been seeing all your OCs whenever you post them and your dedication to making full body refs of so many little guys just floors me. like i may not fully know whats going on there (though id like to) but your art and dedication to it is amazing. i just thought id say so bc ive thought so for a while i just dont know how to say shit like this without sounding weird LOL. anyway tldr you have such an incredible drive to create and its awsome and i love your OCs never stop posting okbye

HI OMG sorry im replying late i got kind of busy for a sec there, but i love this ask to much its so sweet <3 i promise you dont sound weird at all!!!

i really appreciate the encouragement too! making a lot of full body refs is taxing but its also like. a passion project kind of so i cant not! even though im really excited to almost be done w it (im working on commissions rn though so its on a bit of a pause for now!)

ive seen you talk about your ocs too!! i saw your tags on my post from a couple days ago and read through them :D you have a really cool concept and like, OCs meant for games are sooo interesting to me bc idrk much about #gaming so i have no idea how to create a story for one really! so it similarly floors me when people are able to do that. its like a different skillset for mentally planning the narrative i think, and on top of that is how the games themselves would work... it seems like a lot of thought and planning and its really awesome to me!

id also like to know more about your OCs too :) whenever you wanna talk about them my dms and askbox are open! discord too! i'm finn_again. i like hearing about OC stuff and obvs if you wanna know stuff too that also rocks bc i love sharing lol

but again tysm for the motivation! if i can help it i will never stop posting and keep drawing them :) i hope that once im done w the "drawing all the refs" project i can pop out some more misc stuff, like alt outfits or au concepts or even comics (funny or serious) and maybe that way people will also be more interested than just introduction/reference posts 😅

for both of us though, i hope we get to share our stories with the world for real. like you said in the tags of that other post, these things are like our babies. and i wanna see them grow up strong and have them leave the nest for others to enjoy hehe. seriously, good luck with everything bc im always cheering on other ppl who have passion projects like this, they mean everything in a way thats hard to describe! so! i believe in you and wish you the best!!!!

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onlyjaeyun · 3 months

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hi my sweetest angel pen pal love!!💞 oh my gosh how i’ve missed chatting w/ you so much🥺💘this week has been pretty busy dealing w/ moving into my new appartement, and it’s been rough ngl😭 we were supposed to get our keys and do a full walk through on tuesday but apparently the place wasn’t ready like the AC/heater wasn’t set up and none of the warm water would be ready for at least another couple days😭 so that was already stressful bc i had brought almost all of my boxes thinking everything would be ready to move in only for me to have to haul everything back to where i was previously staying. i had so many breakdowns this week i stopped counting, but my friend was so sweet enough to let my cousin and i stay over at her place until sunday when we can finally start moving stuff in. i just want to be settled in already and for this stress to go away😞 but im just taking everything one day at a time bc i know everything will eventually work out <3

that was a lot, i apologize😭 but once i get fully settled in i’ll be back to annoying you with all my long ass daily asks i promise🫶🏻😋 but how are you baby?! you’ve completed all your exams and now have time to fully relax!!! pls take that well deserved break and get lots of rest my love, you deserve it so so much!!! i hope you have a lovely weekend angel!! pls accept all my kisses i love u lots💘💞💋💋

- 💌

my babyyyyyy!!!!!!🥺🥺🥺 guys look who's back!!!!!🩷🩷🩷🩷 firstly my angel pls don't EVER be sorry for living your life bc im always gonna be around waiting for your ask so pls dont pressure yourself, am always so happy and grateful you took the time to send me smth!🥺🩷

im so sorry the moving process has been so difficult yet hopefully you'll be in your new place asap!!!!!! im glad youve got such a great support system and i cant eait for you to ginally move in and relax a little, you deserve the rest after such stressful days!

thank you so much for your sweet words and always caring about me. i love and appreciate you so much and miss you, please tske care of yourself 🥺🥺🥺🩷💗🦋💕

#; mailbox 📬

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milf-harrington · 2 years

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just realized steddie being ghosts implies that other dead st characters are also ghosts (depending on what kinda ghost lore we're working on. are they required to have unfinished earthly business?) anyway steve and eddie beat billy's ass in the afterlife and more importantly steve gets to make sure nancy knows that barb doesn't blame her for how things went down bc I think nancy deserves that closure. also eddie and chrissy are besties maybe

RORI YOUR MIND!!!

i love the idea of steddie sticking around bc steve just cannot let go of his kids, cant just leave them and nancy and robin, because whos going to look after them when he's gone? and eddie, man, eddie was supposed to graduate, how can he just hop on over to the afterlife when even in his last moments he was thinking about finally getting to walk across that stage??

but i do also love the idea of other characters hanging around as ghosts - eddie dying and then waking up and he finds chrissy sitting on his front steps, a smile and a wave and a promise that she doesnt blame him. he haunts his guitar and the high school, feels the most solid sat atop his Dungeon Master throne, feels the most alive when the room is filled with players, when dustin is commanding the table just like eddie used to.

chrissy haunts the trailer park mostly, but sometimes you can smell her perfume in the girls locker room, or at first glance it might look like theres one too many girls on the cheer team.

steve dies and wakes up and the first thing he hears is eddies voice bitching about how he was meant to live a lot longer than that "what the fuck harrington" and for some reason he's drawn to his pool (not his actual house, he was already haunting it in life, he doesnt have to in death) and he finds a girl with her feet in the water and oh. it's barb.

steve haunts his kids, and robin buckley, and nancy wheeler. feels the most tangible when hes sitting on the counter of family video, watching robin lazily chew gum and mutter about customers and cute girls like she knows he's still there with her; feels the most at peace leaned against a suddenly-faulty game at the arcade, watching over the party as he's always done.

barb haunts steves pool, and nancy wheelers house, and the locker three quarters of the way down the front hall of hawkins high. every night the pool lights flicker on, with or without anyone there to flip a switch, and that single locker always takes a little extra effort to open because the hinges are always cold and brittle and stuck.

billy haunts the grounds where the old starcourt mall was, but some nights on empty roads a rough breeze will go past like the wind off a fast moving car and for that brief moment you can hear rock music and an engine purring before its just an empty road again.

steve and eddie absolutely beat billy's ass, theyre a mean team when they work together - especially bc i KNOW eddie fights dirty, he's scrappy, he probably bites or something.

and when steve can manage it, the first thing he tells nancy is that barb doesnt blame her, and nancy definitely cried but in the quiet way, where your emotions are too big to contain but youre not bawling.

#okay hi another fun fact about me is that i fucking love ghosts #i love ghost stories and ghost hunting shows and ghost imagery/aesthetics #i love thinking about the different ways you can mess around with ghosts in writing and this au is just *delighted noises*#thank you rori for sending this specific ask i had fun writing this answer ajdjskdk #asks #rori tag #steddie ghost au

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flockofdoves · 2 years

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omg.

ive had passing thoughts this summer about how so many people who live in this town work at my university like ‘haha what if i ever get one of my professors kids’ so most weeks i try to pay attention to last names and people approved to pick up kids on the attendance sheet on monday when we first get new kids for the week out of curiosity

but this monday i was extended day schedule (meaning i get in an hour later and am not there when kids are getting dropped off and then at the end of the day am just with kids staying for an extra hour and dont go to the drop off/pick up area) so i just casually figured out the few new kids names in the middle of being busy with activities without having the time to really look at the list

and the past couple days ive been having some unexplained anxiety about ‘oh god lol imagine if my professor whose class i have an incomplete in that i havent been as communicative as id like with the progress on my paper that im just gonna have to try to do in the two weeks after work ends but before school at this rate had his kids here. i know one of his kids is 7 so shed be in my group’

and i realize now thats maybe bc his daughter really does look so much like him

bc today i wasnt even supposed to be at the parent pick up place (they were doing it from the nearby auditorium instead bc kids were finishing a movie they starged bc they couldnt go outside bc of the weather) but one of the kids was getting antsy so wanted to sit out there anyway and i went with him

and then i see one of the new kids from this week going up to the door to her dad and realize its my professor! and then i awkwardly wave at him when he notices me and then hes like ‘oh! hi chiara!’

hes such a cool guy but i just cant act normally rn when im constantly anxious the past bunch of months about how i need to get around to emailing him again and promised id turn in my rough draft of my paper at the beginning of the summer lol

checked the attendance sheet afterwards and lmao yeah his daughter sure does have his last name

#cpost

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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Stas needs a lesson or two on being an influencer and obviously snc and Kat cant provide because they post everything and let everyone know when theyre not going to be home. But Stas, i get she’s excited that she was invited on this trip, i get shes trying to be an influencer and thinks the way to do it is by being vocal with followers. But these people are not her friends and shes been telling them where they will be. I’ve seen a handful of people claim they asked her and got a reply or she posted photos with visible info that they were then able to track. You’re not home you’re long ways away and no offense but many of these people are not out looking for her, they’ll take a photo if they meet her but shes not the focus.We all know who they favor and want and he has gotten actual stalkers & threats. You could say everyone is posting too but notice how they post their day pics at night and not being specific as to where they will be.

Someone found her and Kat in a bar in the city, someone went to every place they visited and asked business owners and employees for them, someone bought them food and walked around for hours trying to bring it to them, and another girl tried getting their cups from the bar as a souvenir or something. Its all on twitter. I do strongly think they had a talk with her because last few trips she posted a bunch but based on what im seeing she is still giving promises and hints or flat out telling them and being cutesy about it and that is not okay.

oof :(

yeah, stas needs to chill with sharing where she is with fans. i think she thinks that nothing bad is gonna happen, and i pray that nothing will, but like… you don't know these ppl. they could be insane and could try to hurt you if they do find out where you are. or worse, they find out, try to chill with you and you say no to them, and they go berserk on you bc you decline them when they're "your biggest fan".

i just hope she stops before it's too late.

and to all the fans that keep asking where they are…. seriously stop. even if stas would willingly tell you, that's fucking weird. stop trying to hunt them down, they're ppl for christ's sake.

#ask #personal #tc4

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marc-spectorr · 2 years

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Hi Callie! 🦜

Omgosh I’ve been meaning to type out a response while at work but it’s been really busy.

I watched Inside Llewyn Davis and I feel like the fandom pariah….I mean I didn’t NOT like it but I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. Honestly, Oscar really carried that film. I feel like everyone else was a little static. But Omgosh I think it hit a little too close to home for me?? Him just spending the whole movie trying so hard and people just being so freakin mean to him just reminded me of myself and the constant hope of “maybe it’ll be different this time” only to have my hope drop at the next scene was heavy for me. Maybe one day I’ll rewatch it again when I’m a little less sad and it’ll watch differently? Also watched it with my mom and it wasn’t her type of movie so maybe if I watched it by myself I would pick up on more? Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT I heard you watched the Force Awakens?? What did you think?? I’ve rewatched the scene where Finn and Poe escape in the tie fighter like SO MANY TIMES. I just love Poe so damn much 🥹💕

And yes definitely watch At Eternity’s gate. I have a feeling you’ll love it 🥰

And to the other anon who was talking about The Promise (I meant to look before I started typing…I think it was 🦋?? Sorry! 🤦🏻‍♀️) I didn’t realize how deep the history went….dude just finally finding a trailer of it on YouTube where the comments WERENT disabled?? Whoa…..I feel like watching it is sticking it to the people who even denied it happened and that’s more than enough reason for me.

Callie, how’s your week been?? I hope it treated you well! 💕 💐

Oh and I’m eastern standard time. I’ve been keeping up with your posts even though I haven’t been able to respond. Lol I do have a bit of insomnia so sometimes it doesn’t matter when I see your posts. It could be the afternoon, it could be 2 in the morning 😂

Random question, besides writing, what else do you like to do? Do you have any hobbies?

Cheers! -🦜Birdy 💖

heeeeey birdyyy 🦜💚 (also love the nickname btw haha i wanted to come up with a good one for you too like the others)

:o oOo thanks for sharing what you thought about it! honestly i know these movies are going to be a hit or miss. you’re bound to watch something that’s a big ehh while binging on your fave actor’s entire filmography LOL (the things we do for oscar). i’ll give each one a fair shot tho. but anyway back to llewyn,,, :((( people are mean to him?? gosh my heart can’t cope. who would ever want to be mean to someone with a sweet face like his 🥺 if you decide to rewatch it, let me know if your feelings are any different! i think i have this one scheduled for the week after hehe. it got pushed back since i binged on star wars this week.

speaking of star wars.,,, yEP I SAW THE FORCE AWAKENS. AND THE LAST JEDI AND RISE OF SKYWALKER. all i can think of right now is POE POE POE. especially his scenes in the last film??? i think ima need to watch it again tonight just bc 🥲 uGHH but i cant wait to write for him soon skksksk.

my week has been good! busy as always but what’s new lmaoao. ive been super tired too so that’s why ive been slacking on writing recently /: it’s not that i don’t want to write, i just don’t have the energy to do it which makes me madddd. and omggg!! fellow EST here too haha! so cool knowing we live in the same side of the world haha.

as for other hobbies, i love cooking!!! i also love playing video games, traveling and exploring new places. tbh i haven’t done much of those tho since i’m always at work but i’m hoping to find time soon 🥺 what about you birdy? what are your hobbies :))

thanks for stopping by sweetie. ttyl ilyyyy 💗

#asks #🦜 anon

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lqfiles · 3 days

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ahh im finally hereeee i was so busy taking Bella to her grooming appointment and going to the mall and i finally got to sit down to read the amazing update btw!!

but yooo how haechan calls y/n sweetheart when he’s annoyed even in the slightest… he wants her to so badddd like ugh the tension… you write them so good in need of more, literally dying from thirst as of right now

(also, haechan saying “this is why i don’t do gfs”… yeah… sure… whatever you say…. you just haven’t found the right one fr)

i have so much respect to people who talk in any other language, so i have so much respect to you for knowing how to speak dutch, it’s such a beautiful language

and dude the proofreading part for the 28k imagine… it took me a whileeee (and im re-reading it again and i found a few mistakes 😭) i was driving myself crazyyyy writing the 28k, like it took me two months or so 😭 and yes… being a wattpad writer was an experience (i was there for the one direction fanfic phase) (also reached 24k followers 😋)

will i let you tuck me into bed and kiss my forehead? okay 🤭 if you read me your stories in the mean time

but yeah, the lady scares me 😭 like im up for meeting new people. im friends with everyone in the neighborhood (EVEN HOMELESS PEOPLE BRO and my mom is friends with cops too 😭) but the lady scares meeee like i cant compliment her bc as soon as i make eye contact, she glares at me 😔

thanks again for the updates 😋 it’s always a nice day when you update frfr THE TALENT PLS THE TENSION YOU WRITE BY NOT OVERDOING IT? yeah you’re my favorite writer 🫶🏼

- 🫧

(my friends are hating on bella’s new haircut bc you can see her eyes and they say you can see her human eyes even more… like she’s my baby don’t insult her pls 😭😭) (it was weird to be away from Bella for 3 hours btw)

LAMPOOO YOUR FRIENDS MIGHT BE RIGHT i don’t think i’ve ever seen a cut on a dog that doesn’t look unsettling they always make them look odd 😭 i mean i bet she looks still cute but at the same time THAT COULD VE A SKINCRAWLER!

at first it was meant to be a little belittling but now he’s gotten used to the nickname like he’s more likely to call her sweetheart that y/n and just waaaitt till he slips up in front of his friends and they’re like “who the FUCKK is your sweetheart..” i will try to make more tension tho 😓 i remember i promised this anon waaaayyyy before i even wrote the first chapter that i’d make their progress and tension quicker and more.. i’ll do my best!

I LOOOOVE MULTILINGUALS there is something so beautiful about it and i actually had a phase where i tried to learn so many languages (i’ve tried learning korean which at least i can read hangul now, i learned chinese and can read some basic stuff, learned japanese for a bit but already forgot it, tried learning thai spanish arabic and french too but i’m too greedy i can’t learn all of that) unfortunately i have the worst attention span ever so i never am able to fully commit to learning languages 😓

24K FOLLOWERS YOURE LITERALLY A CELEB OMGGG i feel you on that tho sometimes i can’t be bothered to proofread before continuing to write so i just read the last few paragraphs i wrote and call it a day lmao. also i’ll totally read you my stories don’t worry 😉 THANK YOU FOR THAT THO i always appreciate when you reassure my on my writing ilysm you don’t get it <3

as for that woman… i’d just leave it, if she doesn’t seem friendly enough to approach you should try your luck, it’s just going to be a waste of your time 🥲 just wait till she seems slightly interested in talking and take the opportunity!

#asks.#from 🫧 anon #( pay the price )

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textsacc · 2 years

Text

mm 🥺 nvm bestie i cant sleeb i have a lot to say n think abt

like how when i put my head down on a pillow n close my eyes i can rly see mc and its bad idw to 🥺 n also now im feeling regret for playing mc im so upset bc i cant seem to feel good abt being able to play games

mmm n also i felt bad trying to sleeb bc i missed u n miss sleebbing w u but was playing mc and i prefer u to minecraft and its just !!!! bad that i had to focus on minecrafr

like i didnt even get to ask u abt ur day or anth i ddint get to tell u that u did a great job w the party i didnr get to ask how u celebrated. u know what i also realize while laying down. i didnt even get to ask u out this summer n im so frustrated bc sch is starting for u n idw interrupt your schedule but i wanna do stuff now that im finally not busy and its just!!! its just a whole mess!!! i dont like it,,, i just wanna spend time tgt n cuddle,,,

i was only reading some manga today, regular fantasy isekai, called reincarnation of a sword, but i hated how the story progressed so i just. got rly mad at the state of my life rn idk???? tired n upset abt it n also i miss u n like cant believe i want to prioritize u above all else no joke its kind of }:v mood??? idk

n also i wanted to ask for clash but like thats secondary

jn me in mc i was playing w kon n sab n we were killing the ender dragon n also raiding some cities aft that. which is rly high pressure bc theres a lot of enemies after me n its rly easy to die AND i was the only one raiding it bc kon n sab cldnt help as much so they took forever while trying to get to a place i alr cleared out. i was trynna go fast n get the impt stuff for them n get out bc we all hated the place. n they yelled at me for stealing the show n flexing ig

tmr ill b going to sabs house bc they wanna hang out b4 going to nex to eat dinner w yee. and that sounds rly nice but at the same time i feel rly burnt out for sm reason. yes its 4am ig thats probably why i feel awful but. idk i also want cuddles n kisses ig. i wan cute girl (you) n im sorry i didnt get to see u off to sleeb 🥺 i rly wanted to n i was trynna raid asap so i cld but ik ur good girl n sleeb early bc school n i respect that so its nbd but i also rly like u n i wanna tuck u into bed n its like so routine that i miss u dearly at night n also it feels wrong when i cant. like if every day was a chapter you wld b my ending paragraph and if u werent there it wld feel like the chapter ended with tension. idk does that make any sense

also i wanted to lyk that like. im still talking to katelyn right bc of the site n we're friends but like. bestie. i need u to know i forgot to spell her name when we were talking. the aftnoon like 3 to 4 days ago when u were like gonna go ask katelyn or smth. she was going to sleeb bc our aftnoon is usa sleeby time i think and she said goodnight to me with my name but i cldnt mirror it back. i dont know why i thought it was kaitlyn (league of legends???) but ik i dont rmb how to spell it and the fact that u did makes me rly upset platonically and impressed every other manner. because i fucking didnt. 😭 just ic u wanna know how much shes on my mind (shes not. i miss u a whole lot. i want to sleeb w u agn)

bestie i hope ur day at sch goes okay 🥺🥺 n ill sleeb early w u i promise im not even gonna touch mc past 11 any more idk why it makes me feel sick but ik it does n im just. i want to stop feeling awful n up at 3 to 6 am during the hols. i miss you a lot n if i cld i wld like to follow u everywhere n help u out 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls keep me close like ur pet or ur little meow meow,,,

ilysm cutie 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i wish i was cuddling u instead of blahaj atm even if he is comfy. i wan giv u so many kiss n brush ur hair n tell u ur cute n go head empty i always go head empty when ur arnd and i like that... ure an angel 🥺🥺🥺🙏❤️

thank u bestie gnight 🥺🥺🙏

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sweetie-sardonyx · 3 years

Note

THIS POOR BOY HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH BUT LIKE Ciel phantomhive with a fiancee who manipulates him in general and he knows but basically loves them too much to go against them.

HES BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH BUT NOT ENOUGH-

Anon…you’re my new favorite person ily so much ngl I had so much fun making this-

TW: THIS FIC CONTANES MANIPULATION AND UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IF THAT IS TRIGGERING PLEASE DO NOT READ

Fanfic type: Extreme angst

Word count: 548

Set in: Canon AU

Ciel is no fool, he has seen manipulation of all kinds he even participated in it himself a few times to get what he wants usually to coax business partners to agree to certain deals that may leave them in a bad place but him somewhere better he sees what you're doing the only thing is he just doesn't care, why would he care he loves you.

Ciel just loves you so much, he has no clue why but he just does no matter how many times he feels used and drained he'll always come back to your embrace, no matter how many nights end with him spending the night in his office to cry, he's intoxicated by you to the point he starts to suspect you to be a supernatural being but in reality, you're just too good at using sly words to make your way past his defenses.

He has no clue why but he has this need to be loved though he keeps it under wraps he still craves it deeply, that's probably why your existence intrigues him so much. All you have to do is make it seem like his fault and he immediately crumbles everything he's learned from past experiences, the cold dark exterior is broken and he is reduced to nothing but a pathetic lovesick puppy apologizing to you for his 'mistakes'.

In reality, these 'mistakes' are you finding the smallest things to pick on and make them seem like outlandish offenses, these consist of you not liking a certain china set he's bought to him not smiling at you enough but with the way you constantly treat him smiling has become hard but he is always wrong no matter what as for you, oh you're always right, why would you be wrong? You're his darling he trusts you with his life.

Now in this situation, I cant imagine Sebastion doing much to stop all of this after all it's the hatred and bitterness of Ciel's soul that makes it so special so you constantly putting him in situations where he feels so simultaneously loved and yet so drain there might be layers of resentment built up for you though they are buried quite deep. Of course, as expected the demon butler will pick up on your toxicity, and perhaps he might put in his two cents Sebastian won't do much he's a demon after all he could care less about the boys' mental state as long as you don't interfere with him his getting his soul by the end of the contract you'll be mostly unbothered.

The young boy might have a breaking point if you constantly pick at him thought maybe he'll reorganize the prison he made for himself in his mind but don't fret there is always time to draw him back in all you have to do is cry for him and apologize for what you've but subtly reminding him you wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for him constantly messing up.

You only do it because you love him so much you promise him that you never raise your voice or hand to him ever again you just love him so dearly and he'd be a liar if he said he didn't feel the same way.

Hi guys I hoped you liked that!! It took me a while to make mostly bc school is killing me and though I was a bit burnt out I pushed through it!! Love you all!

#the goddess is writing!^^#black butler #black butler headcanons #black butler x reader #ciel headcanons #ciel x reader #ciel phantomhive #ciel pantomhive x reader #black butler angst

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years

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okay I literally just made this acc bc there's no anon requests and I have an idea that I asked someone else but they turned it down and I'm lowkey embarrassed that they denied my request. I PINKY PROMISE ITS NOT BAD, HERE ME OUT

do you think you can write a lil bit about schlatt ending up having to "babysit" the reader (even though she's dead ass 18 lmaoo) because her parents are strict and don't trust her and they think Schlatt is a good influence because his parents are "🇺🇲🍟🐟🐷" but he's genuinely nice and respectful of other peoples views and opinions (unlike his other family). Basically Schlatt was like "aww hell yeah we're gonna play video games until 4am and watch action movies and be homies there's no parents stopping us" but the reader gets her period and she's just like laying around in misery and schlatt literally doesn't know what to do (bc yk periods are supposed to be a secret shhh) so he looks up what to do when girls get their period so while she's sleeping he just goes out and buys a bunch of stuff for her and its just fluffy (DONT FORGET PLATONIC) and the reader wakes up to all this stuff and its just 🥰 anyways she ends up falling asleep while watching Schlatt play COD.

(the reader is afab and uses she/her pronouns)

This is amazing. I have one other request but I am going to hop right on this one. Also sorry about the anon thing. I'm still newish to tumblr and I have no clue on how to turn it on. I've been trying to but i seriously cant find it. 😭

If this takes a bit I do apologize sincerely.

Pronouns:she/her

Warnings:periods cursing, strict parents.

Schaltt with an AFAB bff reader that he 'babysits'

Your parents. Thay dont know when to let you go.

Teaching you everything about females are supposed to be like this or that. Periods arent supposed to be talked about. They were the strict, bible Americans.

The best way to put it. Periods meant sin. And you were supposed to hide it. You were 18 in their eyes you're still a child. A child that worked 2 jobs just to hopefully live away from them.

But there was that rare day where you had it off from both jobs and could just relax.

That was until you heard there was someone coming to babysit you. You're a perfectly capable 18 year old. Not a toddler.

Yet your parents didn't trust you. You have a bed time of 10pm. And they got a baby sitter just for that.

He was there on time. And he looked you up and down in confusion. "This is who I'm babysitting right?" He looked the same age as you. "Alright. There will be no problem. They'll be in bed by 10pm. They'll have dinner at 6PM. And shower at 8pm." Your parents nodded in agreement and he watched them walk off. Shutting the door he looked at you. "Yeah. No. You are a grown woman and I'm not going to force you to do that. Also you're not paying me. You like call of duty? Action movies?" Perking up you nodded. "Yeah!"

He smirked. "Yeah. You up for a long night of movies and games?"

That day bloomed a friendship. The fourth time he came over you two were like best friends.

But the fifth time you seemed like you were dying. Laying around. Not wanting to play games. Not wanting to watch movies.

He was so concerned about you. Like deadass he thought you were dead his parents never saw the importantace of him learning what a period.

When you said the word period he was confused he searched it up and felt dread. You went through what every momth?! You can have so many symptoms yet nothing to help it?! What the fuck!

"Bro you want anything? Need anything?" You looked at him. He looked so concerned for you. "Heating pack. Dark chocolate. Please." He was quick to nod and start the heating pack.

Looking around the kitchen he couldnt find any dark chocolate and there was a store across the street. "You want strawberry ice cream and dark chocolate?"

The quite yeah was heard and he was off and back the heating pack fully heated and the ice cream that perfect texture. And a huge ass bar of dark chocolate. Along with a huge gallon of three flavored ice cream.

You know the neapolitan shit. You were so confused.

"Movie marathon or watching me play COD?" you thought for a sec. "COD." he nodded and sat next to you.

As you ate the sweet strawberry cream with frozen strawberries. Turns out he was preparing for when you finished you ice cream with the gallon.

When he saw you pint empty and you getting slightly sad he paused the game. In the middle of the campaign. And got you a huge ass bowl of the three ice creams.

You had never seemed so happy. Half way through the bowl you rested your head on his lap. You just wanted to sleep now and that's what you did.

You didnt know that schaltt left once more. Buying popcorn, your favorite candy, he felt embarrassed about this but he took a picture of the pads you use, like brand, size and everything. Got you quiet a few packs of them to be safe. Chips, chicken nuggets, even stuff to make your favorite meal by scratch. Stumbling into the stuffed animal aisle he scarned the shelves.

Finding a huge one with a zipper in it you had mentioned your parents have been trying to take your money and you could technically hide it in there.

Checking out the cashier gave him a weird look. But he didnt give two shits, he literally carried it back to your place. No car to help. He took that mile long walk with the bags and got back right before you woke up. Pads in the bathroom everything set up so it was easy access. And the stuffed snorlax was huge.

Like a fuckin bed huge.

He didnt wake you. Just started up his game again.

When you did wake up you were covered in a blanket, snacks set out in a nice array of candy to chips.

Four drinks. Two waters and one coke with the other being your favorite kind of soda.

Then the heavenly scent that came from the kitchen. And before you could even get up to see what it was schaltt came out two (bowls/plates) of your favourite food.

"You didnt have to do this." He shook his head. "I wanted to. You're in pain and all that shit. You need to relax, keep hydrated, stay warm. All of it. And I might as well take care of my best friend."

I have finished. I do apologize if this isnt fully what you wanted!! And the other person was quite mean. I dont reject unless I fully explain it and tell them gently.

But I hope this is good. I have been quite busy as of late due to it being the first and all.

But yeah. Nearly died today and all. Roller coasters, indeed fun, but sometimes unsafe.

It's all good though had lots of fun at a fair, keeping safe with covid and all, I even got a shiny rock I am very happy.

Anyways have a good day!!

#jschlatt x reader #mcyt fluff #schlatt x reader #mcyt schlatt #mcyt #mcyt headcanons #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt platonic #mcyt x y/n

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ncssian · 3 years

Text

A Favor: Part Twelve

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 🥴 that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!

***

December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time.

She’s in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. “What are you in here for?”

The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nesta’s curiosity piques like she’s just found a shiny new toy.

It probably isn’t right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, “This isn’t prison, you know.” Her voice is deep, almost sultry— completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. “I didn’t commit a crime to have to be here.”

Is she insulted by Nesta’s question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, “Sorry, never mind.”

She starts to turn away when the girl says, “We’re trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldn’t swallow my nerves.”

Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isn’t stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. “I’ve been coming here for weeks now and I’ve barely discussed shit. That’s mostly on me, but you know…” She actually doesn’t know where she’s going with her train of thought. “It sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,” she states finally. “I don’t think I’ll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.”

The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesn’t know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.

The door to Lana’s office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. “Ready, Nesta?”

Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today won’t be as easy as her past sessions.

She’s about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. “I’m Gwyn.”

Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: “Good to know.”

***

Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like she’s inspecting stones.

She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomas’s name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nesta’s stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus.

“How have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?”

Nesta shrugged. “I’m getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usual—”

“I mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Affect me how?”

“Have you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?”

“Not everything in life is about bearing children, you know.”

“We’re humans. It’s definitely something to consider.”

“Not for me. I’ve never wanted kids.” A mistruth at best. “I don’t care what endo does or doesn’t do to me on those grounds.”

In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.

Lana only said, “You’ll never know how much you care or don’t care until you talk out your feelings.”

“Then I guess we’ll never know.”

Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. That’s not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past.

Her sisters, and her ex, and even her father—

I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today.

Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesn’t mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot.

Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didn’t go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.

Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.

“How are you?” is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what she’s ever done in her life to call for such… attention to her well-being.

“I’m good,” she answers honestly. “My head’s a little loud right now, but I don’t mind it.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I’d rather hear you talk.” She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. “What’s up?”

“Ah...” Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.”

Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. “It’s December fifth,” she says.

“Yeah?”

“You just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Well, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with school…” He pauses. “I was waiting to do it with you.”

When she doesn’t reply, Cassian adds, “I don’t even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. It’s fine if you don’t want to—”

“I’ll be over right now,” Nesta blurts.

Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nesta’s own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. “What’s got you so worked up?” she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.

“The way you ran over here as soon as I asked.” He looks her up and down, still amused. “You didn’t even bother to change, did you?”

It’s true: she’s in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers.

“Get that smirk off your face.” Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. “If this is a competition about who’s got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.”

“Fair enough,” he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because it’s partly true, isn’t it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him.

She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. It’s been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now it’s sitting out again.

“Have you been working on the puzzle without me?” She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feel— hurt.

“Never,” Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. “I just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.”

She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,” she scoffs lightly.

“Oh, I remember,” he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. “I think it’s safe to say those evenings were the worst fights we’ll ever have together.”

Nesta leans back against Cassian’s chest and hums. “It made us a stronger couple, don’t you think?” She turns her head up and back to meet Cassian’s eyes, finding that he’s already looking down at her.

Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. “You’re here for a job, remember?” He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. “You do tinsel, I’ll do lights.”

Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesn’t mind laying there while Cassian continues working; it’s her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.

“You know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.”

Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriend’s ass instead. “All this decorating,” she starts. “Is it just for you?”

Cassian turns to her, surprised. “Well…”

She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. “Are we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?” She hasn’t bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesn’t care much what Cassian’s plans are either way.

“I was hoping for both?” He sounds hesitant. “Christmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.”

Nesta purses her lips. She doesn’t actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but… what’s the harm?

“Is that a yes?” Cassian asks at her unreadable face.

“Yes,” she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassian’s face. “Really?” he says.

“But there has to be rules.” Nesta sits up fully now. “No one can know we’re together, no matter how much you trust or love them.”

“We already agreed to that, baby.”

Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he shows— even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. “It’ll be different when we’re together in the same room as everyone else,” she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesn’t think he’s ever had to hide it before.

“You’ll also be different,” she adds. “It’s a huge change of pace.”

Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. “What do you mean, I’ll be different?” He sits across from her, before the blazing fire.

“You know how you get around your friends.” Nesta shrugs without a thought. “Like your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now I— okay, I still feel the same way.” She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.

By the look on Cassian’s face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed.

Coldness curdles in the pit of Nesta’s stomach, the realization that she’s said something wrong. She can’t fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.

“Is that what you think of me?” Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow.

“Um… What would you rather I think of you?”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, Nesta?”

Nesta’s back stiffens, refusing to cower. “I only described what I’ve observed in the past.”

“And what you observed was a desperate puppy?” His voice is cold in a way she’s never heard before.

Okay, she’s starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, “Tell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.” It’s a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But she’s not trying to turn this into a fight.

Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.

“Tell me,” Nesta repeats.

His hands curl into fists on the rug. “I think I’m empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if I’m likable?” Unlike you are the unsaid words.

Nesta inspects the space between them like it’s a chessboard. “And what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?” she says quietly.

“Nothing.”

Nesta disagrees, if only because she’s been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. “I think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put others’ needs before your own.”

She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.

“And I guess it’s natural that you’d see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,” he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.

One for one. Fair enough. “We’re both right then,” Nesta says. “You work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I can’t bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?”

Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes she’s completely serious. “What? No, Nes—” He shakes his head. “Okay, so maybe you’re right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but… If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.”

Now Nesta’s the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. “Relax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that we’re together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.” Yes, agreeing to go to Feyre’s Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassian— that’s a long way away. She can’t envision it, doesn’t even know if she wants it.

Cassian must understand some of what she’s thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work.

She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, “You’re wrong about one thing.”

She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesn’t take his eyes off his work as he says, “You do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.”

***

Nesta catches Emerie’s eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth she’s sitting in.

“Look what I found,” Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. “A third girl for girl’s night!”

“I was kidnapped,” Gwyn speaks up. “Jumped on the way to my car.” She’s out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.

“She came here consensually,” Nesta retorts. “Emerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.”

Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.

Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. “You invited her here? All by yourself?” she asks.

Nesta nods firmly.

Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nesta’s hand. “I’m so proud of you!” If Emerie were anyone else, she’d be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.

Nesta waves off her friend’s praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.

Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. “I mean, it’s not that impressive,” she says. “She came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.”

“‘A bit too strong’ is all you’re gonna get with Nesta,” Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. “She’s all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesn’t give them her nothing.”

Nesta doesn’t know if that’s a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.

“So, Gwyn, what do you do?” Emerie leans forward. “All our friends are law students and it’s starting to get boring.”

Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she can’t be doing that bad in life, if she’s managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.

***

a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time

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#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #ncssianwrites #a favor #nessian fic

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