#i dont actually know if this is a long post. but whatever

[blorbocedes]

let me take you guys on a journey. one that will help you understand how annoyingly obsessive and hung up my brain can get......

so here is where our wild goose chase starts. I was going through a 2012 f1 blog's nico tag. it's actually pretty rare for early 2010s blogs to have comprehensive tagging systems so whenever I find one I try to go thru it all. and I come across this v cute nico image (cropped for posterity. payoff will be worth it promise)

here we have a picture, from 2012, and in classic 2012 fashion there is meme text on it. OP of the original pic deactivated. so I want to find the version without the meme text. pretty easy, just reverse google search right?

WRONG!

google reverse search is functionally dead and defunct and absolutely dogshit.

ok back to square one. I'm trying to sus out from whatever information I have.

the other meme watermark of f1humour.tumblr.com? deactivated.

okay 37 notes. maybe I can do something with this.

tumblr kind of breaks (?) with very old posts. so even if someone tagged it, I can't see it. ok but 14 people liked it!

of the 14 accounts only 7 actually show, including mine. so what I do is I go through 6 of those blogs, and their public archives because those accounts are all inactive for several YEARS now. and I check their blogs for April 2012.

no luck.

back to the drawing board.

the meme has a MOTORSPORT.COM watermark.

here's all the information I have: this was posted on April 24th, 2012, which means that's my upper limit on the date this could be taken. Nico got in Mercedes in 2010. So from anywhere between 2010-2012 motorsport images couldve taken this pic.

so, because I was born with excessive intelligence, I think hmmm... let me search the archives of Motorsport Images dot com. surely that is where Motorsport dot com would keep their Images.

two years of a racing driver's pictures means thousands of pictures. okay. let's start from April 2012. unfortch for keen eyed listening, April 2012 was also the Chinese Grand Prix aka Nico's first f1 win.

why is that relevant? because it means every photographer and their MOTHER took a picture of nico for his first win. over 900+ images.

while I am exhibiting extremely unemployed levels of behavior here, I don't actually have the time and brain capacity to sift through 900 images.

I go back to the original tumblr post. this time I go to the empty reblogs. there's lots!

but because there's no tags it can't help me. still I go through every one of them because you can see the blog I found the pic from @the-fastest-waffle is listed in the other reblogs even though they clearly had tags!

and I find my silver lining. from @fuckyeahf1drivers's tags

just this simple. #bahrain #lol

if this picture is from bahrain 2012 it changes everything, as in it narrows my search a shit tonne.

375 images. This means 1-15 pages and I know the exact picture I'm looking for. I feel like I'm SO close. I can't give up now. gambler mentality 💎

so I guess what. I go through all 15 goddamn pages. and I DONT FIND IT!!!!!!!!! SCREEEEEECH

now I've lost hope. if it's not from bahrain 2012 then it can be from anywhere from 2010-2012 taken by motorsport.com which is just too big a search. there isn't anything I can narrow it down with. my search is futile.

but I have one tiny little thought bugging my mind. how come motorsport images don't have the motorsport.com watermark... so I consult a fellow archivist @vegasgrandprix on the matter.

WE AS A SOCIETY NEED TO ADDRESS WHY MOTORSPORT.COM AND MOTORSPORT IMAGES.COM HAVE THE SAME FONT

finally. finally

I go on motorsport.com

which is actually kind of not super user friendly interface finding their pics if you have excessive intelligence like I do. I go into this knowing if the bahrain 2012 long shot is actually NOT when that picture is from, I'm fucked.

I filter and say a prayer.

and lo and behold.

salvation.

one person's singular tag of 'bahrain 2012 lol' led me down this spiral, where if it wasn't for that bit of information this would be lost forever because finding the version of the pic without the meme text is otherwise near impossible. google reverse search is no help, and f1 drivers simply get photographed way too much. reblogs + tags with context literally are a holy grail. this is what I imagine archaeologists feel like. so if you ever want someone 12 years after you've posted something to go down finding out, tag your posts accordingly (assuming tumblr survives the next decade)

so why did I do it? why did I spend hours of my life on this? cause it's fun. it's like a mystery and it itches at my skin. many times I'm not successful which is why the times I am feels so rewarding because it feels almost like detective work, finding and refinding something, overturning evidence. and I have a brain that just functions Like This.

and now for the fruit of my labour, if you guys still want to see. the picture I spent hours to find the original version of. sitting proudly at the time of posting at 9 notes 😌😌 here's what goes behind actually finding and archiving 2010s retired f1 drivers online. click below!

👇👇👇

👆👆👆

#welcome to my dark twisted evil mind #if you read the whole thing... I hope u shared this journey with me. kiss! #the effort behind a stupid shitpost lol. this is what nobody sees

[dyke-pollinator]

This is a bit of a personal question so if you don’t want to answer I understand if you just delete this ask but

As a relatively younger trans woman, and especially new to actually exploring my sexuality…at what point do I feel like a lesbian? Like I always feel bad or weird for being attracted to lesbians. It always feels wrong or amoral or like I’m lying in some way idk

I apologize for taking a few days to answer this my dear anon. A combination of Pride and IRL stuff has left me exhausted and I wanted to make sure I really took the time to give you a good answer and my bad for the wall of text you're about to receive lol.

There's a lot I could say about this. For the sake of this post, I'm going to assume that by "younger" you mean both in your transition and your age. Transition is hard. Finding yourself is hard. To answer your question, it takes Time. And I mean this in two specific ways:

Transition is a slow process. As you continue your transition, (whatever that means to you, whether that be social, medical, both, or neither, or something else entirely) you'll find a lot of things just making more sense. The labels might slowly start to be more comfortable. Or maybe they wont, and you'll switch to new ones, but that deeper sense of understanding yourself doesn't really go away (trust me I've changed both my labels and pronouns multiple times now lol). Either way, despite anything else, over time you'll just start to feel more at home, both in your body, and how you present yourself to the world. Now this is both the scary part and the hard part: you have to take steps to find a community who accepts you as you are, and (ideally) with people like you. Yeah this requires you to put yourself out there in a way that will be uncomfortable at first. Yeah, sometimes its going to go poorly, and you'll be rejected, or shunned. And yes, it will take its toll on you mentally, emotionally and (sometimes) physically. Its worth it. Having those people in your life does more than you can know in learning how to love and accept yourself. Having people look you in the eye and tell you that they love you, they see you, you're valid in who you are, no matter what anyone else says, is just so crucial.

You just get older. I know for a lot of people that can be frightening (and like, yeah, sometimes), but I can tell you with full confidence, I LOVE being in my 30s. You couldn't pay me to go back to 20. Your teen years and 20s are fucking hard. You just get so much better at knowing which things to give a shit about in your life and you get the necessary resources to be able to not give a shit. Most days I feel like a lesbian (more of a Dyke but w/e), so I am one, no one can take that from me, and the people who dont like me using that label can fuck off. I wear more masc clothes and have more masc hobbies because I want to and that doesn't define my gender or sexuality. I like doing mutual aid projects, and working on honing my DIY skills. I love the people who are in my life and tell them unapologetically, and I appreciate every day I get to spend with them. As I get older, the more I feel like "me" and the more I learn that in reality, I do love that person. She's actually pretty great.

I hope you can trust me that it gets better. That, in spite of all the pain, all of the heartbreak, the loss and tribulations, its fucking worth it. I know I didn't think so for a long, long time. But my god I am so happy I made it here. You'll get to that point to.

#asks #Gonna tag the shit out of this even when I usually dont since id like folks to see it #trans #transfemme #lgbtq #queer #lesbian #transwomen #lgbtqia #transbian #trans woman #nonbinary

[crashed-keys]

okay so i have possible candidates for reigen arcanas just based off what im reading from the wiki (i'll put a read more so ppl dont have to actually look at this these are just thoughts):

moon: [...]the Moon Arcana is associated with creativity, inspiration, dreams, madness, illusions, fear, fantasy, the subconscious and trickery. In tarot readings, it can also represent being attuned subconsciously to the world around, gaining the ability to sense things without being told about them or without anyone else knowing (which means that some identify this Arcana with psychic energy). [...] Characters who are of the Moon Arcana are often similarly psychically-attuned, but a more common trend is their projection of their own fears and faults onto others (namely, the protagonist). They often tend to have trouble accepting themselves for who they are and, because of that fear, try to correspond to an ideal person. And like the Arcana, there is a hidden depth as to why they act in their behaviors.

yeah! i'd buy this one i think i like this interpretation for him a lot

devil: Human characters associated with the Devil Arcana are often "devilish" individuals; they can be greedy, proud, lustful, or otherwise of poor character. It is not uncommon for this type of character to have somewhat of an antisocial tendency, often not caring much for the needs or well-being of others. Although this is true, they are also characters that are committed to a cause, usually being their work, with motivations behind their cause that are usually benign, if not outright benevolent.

devil is a very obvious choice for him, and i think this one does embody reigen especially leading up to the separation arc pretty decently? with his like. i am going to treat mob terribly actually and ive lost sight of what i actually wanted until he leaves and forces me to reflect on myself. like hes obviously not as awful as tanaka (who quite literally scammed a teenager out of 70k), or sayoko who keeps hitting on you for some fucking reason. but. yk

fortune: Human characters of the Fortune Arcana are usually individuals with prodigious abilities who have lost sight of who they truly wanted to be as a result of too much pressure from individuals close to them, and need to rediscover the reasons for their chosen work by reconciling their past and present.

i sorta mentioned this already in the last point but. yeah

magician: In tarot readings, the Magician Arcana is commonly associated with action, initiative, self-confidence, immaturity, manipulation, and power (more specifically, the power to harness one's talents).

im not exactly sure he has "strong vision and aspiration for the future and the plan they've envisioned", as the wiki states most magician arcanas are: he would have quit spirits and such entirely due to boredom had it not been for mob's appearance. he doesn't really canonically have any romantic interests (then again, i'm pretty sure yuka doesn't either, and i don't have to exactly follow newsona standards), but i do think the aspect of vast self-confidence stumbling in the face of losing your footing towards your goals fits. also he's mob's first friend so do with that what you will

#adri.txt #i dont actually know if this is a long post. but whatever #do i tag this? no im embarrassed

[pa-pa-plasma]

hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.

#Danny Phantom #i think this ties into my other post i made a long time ago about Danny siccing the GIW on Vlad #like we KNOW in CANON that if Danny was even a tiny bit more like Vlad he would literally become a supervillain #villain is such a stupid word i hate how it's spelled. why is it like that #anyways i need to like. rewatch DP cuz i remember shit & then i'm like #did that actually happen. because that sounds too insane #but like. he Did That. didnt he #i think that's what i love about this character. but a lot of people ignore it #Danny is like. gritting his teeth going ''do good do good'' it isnt effortless it isnt easy he doesnt even want to do it half the time #& sometimes yeah he WILL do crimes or get back at people who've been assholes to him or whatever #he WILL use his powers for bad sometimes #he'll be like ''dont do that it's bad'' but like. he WILL do it himself #the whole ''i'm a hero'' thing he's got going on is like. more of a. how do i put this #it's like when you're drawing or writing & saying ''it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to BE'' #like Danny isn't a hero sometimes. he's got morals & has a general understanding of good & bad #but also he's 14 & being attacked every day #i would start saying bad words & threatening people that annoy me too man #okay i glanced over the scene again for the first time in years & Danny was literally in the middle of outing Vlad to the whole town??? #hello?? are we really ignoring this????? #VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO #this show is so stupid i love it #love how Sam & Tucker immediately backed him up yeah fuck Vlad all my homies hate Vlad #okay you know what. maybe i will do a DP liveblog. i think it would be fun #on daddyplasmius. only posting this on pa-pa-plasma cuz it's kind of just a. weird rant post? kind of? idk

[mcybree]

In his head. I wanted a blorbo-themed phone wallpaper so I made one for myself ig

as my lockscreen (yay!!) + no houses version

#Debated posting this bc it’s very targeted towards what I specifically like #hence why gem is at such a forefront LMAO i like her a lot #I don’t know if i like it as an actual piece but. as my wallpaper i do fuck with it. so. whatever. Doesnt matter if its bad #brawings #Theres no Martyn because i dont think scott thinks about him hardly at all post limlife its a whole thing in my head idk #scott smajor #smajor1995 #Auggh this has been in my drafts for long enough im just gonna post it and look away from its general direction

[moeblob]

Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!

I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.

#fe three houses #ferdinand von aegir #discord emotes #i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but #i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share #since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself #the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but #some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts #so those im gonna skip on lol #whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em #i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones #if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use #i used concernednand (the upper one) so much #the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time #debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love #fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist #someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet #and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art #and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet #and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote #and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server #some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me #cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog #and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog #so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here #so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao #anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server #i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away

[ganondoodle]

the way i think about my stories can be so annoying bc there will be a point when i reach a certain story beat after which i dont know how to continue, and the way i do find are usually ... not good .. or i imagine it is not so i think man i cant do that thats so dumb and annoying i gotta think of something better, but then i cant come up with anything better bc once i got a solution to soemthign i cant think of anything smarter- and then i get bored of it as a whole bc man, this really was stupid from the start wasnt it

(this is all some stupid rambling and does NOT represent anythign that will happen in destiny, i swear the actual story with a proper end makes much more sense)

listen to me rambling but this morning i thought about the essentialyl non-canon good "ending" of destiny, a kind of self indulgent dumb lil alternative where everyone lives blah blah, but then of course it cant just end there, bc the end goal of the both of them is to find out the gods plan and secrets and also kill the gods, as you do, then i got a certain point that i found cool (which initially came from the whole thoguht of what if zelda game but you could play demise and it took place after the alternative ending in which the goal is to get rid of the gods) where the fight one of the gods but are kinda losing and as the god is trying to devour demise, as gods do, he abandons his body and his spirit/core, who cant exist without his body so hes still connected through the spirits tail , and climbs through the gods interdimensional weird 'mouth' while its trying to rip him apart to reach the core of the god in a last attempt to take them down with him, while hylia is fighting to keep the god from severing the thin connection he still has to his body but fails just as he reaches the core so the god is killed but his core is immediatelly starting to dissolve and hylia manages to grab his core and put it back into his body and flee from whatever is happeing to that dead god back into hyrule

he survives but is incredibly weak as his spirit has lost half of itself (blade spirits are also forged throguh sacrificing part of their spirit/core permantently but this is besides the point, none of this makes sense anyway), something he obviously hates but cant do anything about really, once a part of their core is gone its gone (not like lost energy but gone gone) but the core is also slowly dissolving further which is a death sentence with no way to act against- then theres a whole quest to .. well, stop that, while hes falling back into self hatred and fear bc hes now so weak that hylia can break his bones without any effort if she were to treat him in any way similar to before and to a deity that all their life was never so fragile, one whos most defining feature IS his power and strength to keep going no matter what, thats gotta be pretty existentially dreadful (and also its a set back to know that they cant just go fight the gods together like that, theres still two more and he cant fight like that)

then i wondered ok what if then, even if the time doesnt quite line up but at this point the entire prophecy cant be done anymore either so everythings out of order, the cloud barrier weakens and zelda is abducted (not by ghirahim) and link goes and tries to find her, but since everythigns not as it should have been he meets hylia and demise (disguised tho) and they immediately know who he is and then go along and try to help link find his friend (hylia does it bc she got the idea to make him find the triforce and wish demises spirit to be restored, since only a mortal can do that and links the most likely candidate to be able to go through the trials of it since he was supposed to already, even if the circumstances are different- demise goes along with it bc hes still trying to deal with essentially slowly dying and not knowing what to do with himself since hes afraid to get into fights or similar, much to his disdain, so hes acting like a companion of sorts, a mentor figure in a way, not knowing what hylias plan is)

i found the idea kinda interesting to have them be like a lil group that goes on links adventured with him, but with strangely intricate knowledge of how the dungeons work, link still doing the heavy lifting but them being there like parents cheering on their kid in a competetion, all the while putting the whole puzzle and dungeon aspect in a way different light bc half of them were never completed (they wanted to escape the prophecy after all) so they all work completely differently, some bosses being maybe some of the gods creatures instead (like the skysw guardians)- the mid journey point being that they find zelda, and who kidnapped her, it being one of the shiekah having most closely worked with hylia before the whole -break the prophecy- thing started (idk if it would be impa .. idea is neat) and is hellbent on making the gods plan work out like it was supposed to, kinda like the inverse of the games plot, so they got ahold of zelda as part of making her into the new hylia (despite hylia being .. right there, but they dont believe it is her truly since the true tm hylia would never betray the gods- ALSO a paralel to how the downfall of demises world worked bc his mortals turned on him after he started destroying their version of the triforce in the belief destroying it would be the only way to save mortals from going to war agaisnt each other for it over and over, mortals believing that their true deity was gone and replaced by a demon despite demise being ..right there)

after link wins the fight and frees zelda from them they in a kind of last effort to do anything against their group they stab demise, normally that wouldnt do shit against him but in his already fading away situation it basically puts him from very slowly dying to actually dying, as a reaction to it hylia kills the mortal (maybe impa idk), which is the first time she does anything like that to a mortal but i like the idea of her being actually super ruthless when it comes to things she cares about

now with a much more dire time limit hylia sends demise back to essentialyl go hide in her temple and try to not die and to trust her having a plan to make this all still work out- he does and once he is away she reveals pretyt much the entire story around why and what is happenign to link and zelda, hylia herself cant go above the clouds as the barrier is still partially up and she cant do anything to reach the triforce either - so she sends link and zelda to go do that, and it works out in the end bc even knowing the truth know, demise was with them on half of their journey so they know and care, he WILL be mad about them wasting their wish on him (even if he is still happy to be alive- i imagined scene where hes watching himself fall apart and die, alone in hylias temple, having to come to terms with the fact that after everything they had went through hed still die alone- it made me cry while thinking about it, yes, yes you are allowed to laugh)

i didnt get that much further but his spirit was essentially reset to when he was in his prime back in the day through the triforces power- something he both likes and despises, it being the gods power of all things that lets him live again, but also lol to use it agaisnt them by giving another chance to the gods greatest enemy- the next plan is of course to kill the next one of the gods but much better prepared, as they cant just go and do the same thign again (neither wants that), one idea was that hylia goes on a secret quest to try and bring back courage (the third deity that demise killed when his world was still thriving) but it involves diving back into the realm of the gods so she doesnt tell him at first, i do think theyd go together in the end, not to fight but to release courage; the whole thing is also an elaborate revenge plot of hylia, how dare the gods do that to him!!

anyway thats most of what i got from that thinking session but its so frustrating bc none of this is even in the actual comic (since it ends in a way that leads into canon skysw, this is some brain fart nooo i want blorbo to live and succeed!!) and its also convoluted and kinda dumb, the idea to inverse the games plot in a way (instead of it being ghirahim trying to bring demise back its someones plan to make the gods prophecy happen no matter what) is neat but i cant have demise almost dying be the thing THREE TIMES, it kinda undercuts his character and is way too much centered around him, all three times also more or less involving it needing help from others to get him back, when his whole thing should be being unkillable bc he jsut keeps refusing to die, also hylia is, as of now in this spaghetti derailment of random thoughts, way too much of a side character, which i dont like, and it all would make people not like demise when im trying to do the exact opposite of that in the main actual comic

i know being super self indulgent and jsut doing what you want is good for the most part but theres a point where it becomes stale cringy fantasies about my blorbo tm and i wanna write at least decent stories- in the end none of this matters anyway as the actual REAL story of destiny is already pretty long and i got no plan to write that alternative 'good ending' anyway and i mostly just thought about it bc "i dont want blorbo to die :(" and "wouldnt it be fun if the entire plot of the game would get messed up and now demise link hylia and zelda etc can all just drink tea together and make plans to get rid of the gods that wanted them all to suffer needlessly"

i probably shouldnt post this as it was really only a vent to get out dumb thoughts from my brain before they poison me into losing interest of the biggest comic project i have worked on so far but i am unable to keep these things to myself so

if you read all of this, im sorry (´。＿。｀)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #dare i tag it as that #long post #dont read unless you want to cringe #and yes i know even bad art and stories have value #and i know im not as bad as i always think #but this really is the kind of stuff that makes me embarrassed to even be able to think #its all shortened and badly written #but some scenes i got so clearly in my head its like a movie #and those scenes make my brain go wooooooooooooooooo even if they make no sense and i cant fit them together properly #uh oh self doubt #sorry im neither a professional artist nor writer #im autistic with a blorbo and one skill that i only have bc i didnt know what to do with my brains rapid train of thoughts other than draw #big time for “oh no i made people think i am better than i actually am- i am a liar and a cheater oh god” kind of thoughts #the want to just do whatever you want VS wanting to make soemthing of value VS not wanting to embarrass yourself

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

obviously i think its good to grow out of mocking people relentlessly especially to their face but honestly i think people should also grow a bigger backbone with regards to like. someone saying their interest is lame or sucks. like a lot of people have turned the idea of 'oh we need to kill the idea of cringe culture and public shaming for harmless fun' to 'i have to take every post against my interests personally and people should never complain about anything so that they dont hurt my feelings'

#that post going around thats like. ohhhh youre bullying people by saying peoples music tastes are like tumblr transmasc music or whatever #is like. i dont think its that deep. i think its better in the long run to realise that no matter what you do some people will find you #deeply 'cringe' and being ok with it and focusing on your own circle of likeminded people instead #like i dont know. ive had a special interest in prog rock for the past 4 years at this point and theres plenty of jokes to go around with #that. some people will think im cool about it others will think im the lamest fucking guy. oh well #a more apt comparison even actually. ive liked jack staubers music for years and years and idgaf about people who think of him as a #'white transmasc tumblr user music artist' like. its music i just listen to it. if someone makes that judgement its on them #.mid #and like i get the point of the post and i agree you shouldnt like. respond to people talking about their interests that way but if youre #just complaining in a vacuum like who cares

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

#zymart #zymtalk #rant in the tags -> #okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st #the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL #i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board #bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route #and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week #then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway' #and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened' #'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly #in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized #after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??' #but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure. #horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly #SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible. #im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it #oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]: #that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi #i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie #[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim] #but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long. #but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now #idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim #but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it #anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty. #side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying ���� #you are not safe

[kidfur]

Still debating if i should make my blog chrono adult to follow.. i dont rember if any of my mutuals are chrono minors but considering itd be more for a comfort thing rather than a content rule thing (mostly? but i mean i still reblog mildly suggestive stuff sometimes regardless) so i could just say current mutuals are ok

#wishy speaks #idk tho itd just be a hassle to go thru my following list and begone all the minors #conflicted #i mean i guess i dont HAVE to go and softblock them myself i can just Say the rule #and if they dont follow it then thats not like. my problem #for the most part i dont check the blogs of new followers #itd be specifically minors dont follow instead of dni #because idc if i reblog an art post or random text post or whatever from a minor thats not a huge deal 2 me #btw for those who dont know. chrono minor means like Actual minor #rather than being like me where im 12 forever no matter what but the body has been around long enough to be considered an adult

[c0l0re]

Every time I see a post about Jonmartin being toxic I get just a little bit closer to commiting arson

#colore speaks #not main tagging this because i genuinely do not want this to become A Thing but god #im not going to get into all of it here because i have already spent a frankly embarrassing amount of time discussing this with friends #i have gone point by point. season by season. i have looked at this from so many fucking angles man #istg i will write an actual analysis post on these two eventually #is their relationship perfect? fuck no it is absolutely not #is it toxic? also no #like. their relationship is flawed and theyve both got a lot of issues but that does not equal toxicity #also id like to remind people: we dont see what happens off tape. we only see what the Web deemed as important or necessary #in other words: we only see them when they are suffering and tensions are running higher than normal #we dont see their lunches together in season two. we dont see their time at the safehouse. we dont see them when they arent suffering #this is one of those things about tma that i am so passionate about and am so certain on #i have spent way too long analyzing these fuckers both seperately as characters and also together as a couple #they have issues. im not denying that whatsoever #but to say that theyre toxic or that their relationship could never work or whatever else is just not true and i will die on that hill #nuance people. please. this is not a black and white thing #(not getting into this either but: this is also coming from someone whos been in toxic and abusive relationships) #(i know what that shit looks like and this is not it)

[elhokar-kholin]

most of the people in this fandom on this platform know jack shit about mormonism and will only bring it up when they want to make a potshot about sanderson's beliefs in what are usually wildly inaccurate ways. like come on if we're gonna point out the mormon influences in his work why don't we point out the allusion to anything not written in metal not being able to be trusted to the golden plates, or the similarities of kabsal to a mormon missionary, or the parallels between the belief that those in the celestial kingdom will ascend to godhood and get their own planets to run and the shards, or the exmormon influences of jasnah? but no its that mormons think gay people go to hell and sanderson is a mormon so he must believe that. fam they don't even believe in regular hell. go google search outer darkness. existing being gay is not a sin anymore in the church, even though gay sex is sin still on the level of masturbation. but does anyone care to look at the full picture of it? there is so much to be said and so many stories to tell and so many queer people who have suffered under the mormon church and how high the suicide rates are and the homophobic attitudes and polices that affect the day to day lives of those still in and those who leave the church. no one assuming they know what mormons believe so they can make a post on tumblr dot com for clout actually cares about those people though, do they? it's posturing, putting someone down to make themselves look better in comparison. thats not love. thats not helping.

did you guys know that the mormon church recently used BYU to launder hundreds of millions of dollars from canada to the U.S. ? So you guys know about the massive boy scouts of america abuse lawsuits going on right now? Do you know the name of Sam Young? do you know what the CES letter is and its impact? do you know the list of things that can get you excommunicated from the church, of which a sex change surgery and murder and talking trash about the church on the internet are side by side? do you know of the temple oaths of silence, that you might slit your own throat and disembowel yourself before speaking of the things said in the temple? do you know of the horrors of all but compulsory missionary service?

do you know about the cult tactics the church uses to keep its members from leaving? did you know the church is centered around making the member feel never good enough, never as perfect as they need to be? do you know about the honor codes at BYU and that you can get removed from the school or fired from your job for leaving or speaking against the church?

like, does literally anyone talking about mormonism here care about any of that?

and if we're going to hyperanalyze sanderson's beliefs, which i really think is someones personal business unless they specifically state otherwise, especially if saying the wrong thing (particularly as a public figure) can come with severe consequences, from my own opinion and perspective as an ex-mormon, i really dont think he holds hate in his heart for the marginalized groups he is attempting to portray. i think he genuinely cares about doing a good job and having diversity in his books and doesnt think its against god to do so. obviously the environment of his upbringing prevents him from having as honed of an instinct when it comes to diversity as some of us might prefer, but let's not pretend that it's malice or disgust driving unpreferable decisions when thats not what we have evidence of. a nevermo reader might not pick up on it, but sanderson constantly writes themes and narratives contrary to the teachings of the church (looking at you cytonic). he is not bound to the beliefs of the church, as such is the case with many members especially nowadays with all the cultural shifts happening.

so when someone who knows nothing about mormonism takes a narrative decision they find unfavorable and claims its a result of the mormon influences, really consider if its because its actually related to mormon attitudes or if its because mormonism is a convenient scapegoat of which people dont seem to care to know the real truth and problems behind. like, asking the question "how might sandersons religious views and upbringing impact the way he wrote the narrative here?" is such a good and interesting question, but you can only get real meaning from it if you actually know a thing or 2 about mormonism to begin with. hey, watch some john dehlin, i met the guy once, he's great, and the mormon stories podcast is always interesting and informative. or like browse the exmormon subreddit. idk. i feel like actually learning about these things and doing what you can to support victims in this hell church does so much more good than complaining on a website that an author didnt write the story how you wanted and blaming it on his faith in a way that's not even accurate or adding anything to the conversation

#i know there are also many mormon/exmo fans but most dont wind up on tumblr though ive seen some #and i will say though i feel for those people who experience oppression from the church eho chose to stay anyway #i will also say that you are never going to fix it from the inside and youre only adding to the problem #all for context i was mormon from birth up until i was 12 when i found out i was gay and subsequently left #i was lucky in that some of my family left around the same time so i had support #listen there are bigger things at work here than author didnt make a decision i liked and i feel like thats more important? #whatever. this was more of a rant than anything #my posts #long post #ok actually i thought about it and i want the main tags to see this #cosmere #stormlight archive #brandon sanderson

[sea-jello]

errm uhh augh how have you guys been long time no see. annotated young morro design be upon ye

without the bg cause you can see the sequins better with the bg but you can also see the words better without the bg

#after prophecy to leaving he would either obsess over being clean even in the middle of training #cause it’s ‘unfitting for the green ninja to look anything other than perfect’ or whatever #and being dirty shows he wasn’t good enough cause someone got a hit on him or something #or he would just either forget or not care about basic needs like showering and sleeping cause he’s too obsessed with the prophecy #cant really decide #after leaving/ghost morro will be out. maybe soon #morro tag is DEAD by the way is anyone still here #i’m one to talk i havent posted anything either #it’s cause i’m back in my 2020 purpled bedwars era #he was my fav long before las nevadas 🤞🤞 #and las nevadas purpled is INTERESTING genuinely #i was never one for lore streams but now that i learned how to have patience and how to kill cringe i’ve been watching his #i dont actually really know what the deal is with las nevadas i’m just watching purpleds bits #i’m halfway through but i know what happened but also don’t tell me anything #if anyone here even knows what i’m talking about #i can’t really call myself a dsmp kid cause i started watching before all the stuff started i think even before wilbur joined #and didn’t really watch the lmanberg streams just sorta generally knew what was happening #then completely dropped watching it when they started politics #i watched the content creators INDIVIDUALLY but not the dsmp lore itself #there’s too much it’s too much of a hassle #if anyone calls me cringe you literally cannot talk this is a season 5 lego ninjago character #and also it was covid it’s like a rite of passage to be into mcyt during covid #i know there’s a pipeline from mcyt to kids shows. i know there’s one out there #there’s definitely one from mcyt to musicals what with hamilton and all #ninjago #lego ninjago #morro ninjago #ninjago morro #morro wu #jellos scribbles

[punkshitposts]

something I think is actually hilarious is that if you go left enough you start having more stances in common with (individual) conservatives, and if you go right enough you start agreeing with (individual) leftists. like i have a pretty close friend who's self described as "just far enough right that I hate politicians" , whom I hard disagree with his overarching political stances. but the finer details of it... yeah we agree with each other. gun control/gun rights opinions taxation opinions pro-small government opinions slight separatist opinions anti two party opinions anti-corporation opinion ect ect ect.

we stand on opposite sides of a standard political compass but I genuinely think if I were to count stats, I'd agree with as many of his stances as I would a liberals/democrats stances. my hs gov teacher described the difference in right vs left to us as "everyone's goal here is the betterment of mankind, they just think the best ways to do it are different" and that's literally the best way, to me, to describe what the difference in right vs left is regarding anarchism specifically. we got ESSENTIALLY the same opinion but the ways we think are the best ways to go about enacting said opinion are what makes us different. and something abt that is really painfully funny to me. envisioning a world where an-something is the major world thing, not capitalism.... and there's STILL right vs left... but The Anarchist Versions. christ.

sorry for the book i wrote in the tags. ignore typos I am NOT retyping any of that to fix them xoxo

#this is a controversial post to post here ik. however i think can we all agree that echo chambers and bubbles aren't... good. #and i think something that gets forgotten a lot by leftists is that there ARE anarchists on the right #yes we are EXTREMELY different but its important to like. remember that should The revolution come in our lifetimes their still gonna exist #and political disagreement on an individual scale CAN and SHOULD be civil so long as neither party is coming from a bigoted stance. #as in.. no i dont agree with a good chuck of what his stances but by disagree i just think hes wrong abt economics bros not like. a bigot. #in this same vain i also think (myself included) people shouldn't conflate conservativism with racists and homophobes. t #theres proud gay conservatives and conservatives who are poc... erasing those people means we cannot know of how the other side works. #i genuinely believe that if i were to go read every political theory book on right leaning politics id fine something uniquely republican #/right/whatever that i would agree with and then adapt into my own politics. im sure at least one of the unique-to-the-right stances has #actually standing and isn't a load of shit (again probably something economic rather than social). #and thats not a bad thing and if you think it is a actually don't know how to explain it to you! we MUST critically but civilly interact #with political opinions mirroring our own to 1 understand other people 2 fully understand and develope our own stances and why we have em #i genuinely find political conversations with that friend extremely enlightening even if we both walk away still set in unchanged opinions. #because it means i understand WHY others drift to those options but more importantly why /i/ drifted to my own

[joelletwo]

"i know i have to face him sooner or later" takasugi to gintoki is THE falsest he would not fucking say that on the planet tho. its takasugi if u dont understand that takasugi has to intentionally build up his hunger for fighting gintoki again which he couldve done at any point by doing so much evil shit that gintoki (also building up his hunger for fighting takasugi which he couldve done at literally any point in his coup d'etat career) (doesn't give a shit abt politics) (isnt doing this to protect anything) has to come hunt him down personally (takasugi hunts him down) in the stupidest most destructive (edo) (themselves) (each other) foreplay in the universe (utsuro and umibozu didnt do foreplay)

#sopping wet gintoki posting #as many times as they cross paths and very on purpose DO NOT engage each other. well if gintama wasnt 4 billion hours long id #do a takagin reread matonato reread style about what makes rakuyo different #(as good a place as any to say the thought bouncing around my head for days and days) u know like the. throughline posting of. #takasugi so unprepared to see gintokis blood HE drew in the festival he lets himself get punched out of the episode. #takasugi so unprepared for katsura to draw HIS blood he just lays bonelessly on the floor for a whole scene despite being uninjured #takasugi so [vocab] that mutually beating the shit out of gintoki sends him straight into a month long coma for as far as i know!!! #no actual reason!!! from which he awakens freshly laundered and deep conditioned for the first time in a decade #WHICH THROUGHLINES TO -> takasugi so [sweetly fucked] on that boat (hes always on that fucking boat) that hes drawn well rested #for the first time literally ever in canon kjsdfg well whatever send post #this is a post just for that one reader (me i dont have eyes i havae a headache)

[n7punk]

update on my inbox: there was one anon on the page and that was it (you'll see below), but there was a "next" arrow, so i hit that and it took me to THIS page with a back arrow, but when i hit the back arrow the button disappeared and this is just what it looks like now. if i hit the envelope button to open my messages "fresh," it continues to show me this page (notice the 11 next to "unhinged era," indicating i have 11 messages waiting in my inbox)

if i open a totally new tab and try to open my inbox i get this again:

but at this point we know that next button is a lie and there's ten ghost messages.

anyway i dont do fighting or PvP games in general and usually only hear about them when 1) Blizzard has a human rights atrocity or 2) LoL gets another banger added to its soundtrack, so no i don't know anything about them XD seriously League has no right getting so many amazing songs. I'm not just saying that because they have multiple PVRIS tracks (it doesn't hurt, though)

#the way my inbox works now is just fascinating to me i wonder how long it's been like this #im guessing a couple months? it would make sense if whatever change they made so that anons had to be logged in also did other stuff #btw does ANYONE else think they have this problem (especially anyone old school) because it's baffling to me #WAIT I LOST THE ''i wrote the next chapter'' ''i wrote you out of my will'' MESSAGE NOOOO #ask #anon #since im answering that one in this post XD #HEY WAIT UPDATE ON THE INBOX THING #i can still view those messages on mobile #i just cant interact with them #which is actually the issue i reached out to tumblr support for years ago that they couldn't fix #no wait UPDATE UPDATE #only four of the ghost messages are displayed on mobile #i dont know where the other 6 are or what they are