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mlmxreader · 2 months

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The Confession | Kili x gn!reader

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↳ ❝ Hi can I request "Be gentle with my heart, won't you?" with kili please? ❞

: ̗̀➛ You and Kili spend a restless night talking and confession.

: ̗̀➛ trauma

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You were restless, frankly. Unable to snuggle down beside Kili the way that you usually did and hardly able to get any rest at all; the others were all sleeping in different rooms throughout the expansive inn, and Thorin had told you that you were safe, or at least, he kept trying to reassure you of the fact - he knew the landlord, he knew that they were trustworthy and would not let any harm come to you or anyone else.

Yet you were still on edge, scowling and glaring at anything that made a noise. So tense and ready to jump into action that even the smallest and most insignificant of mice caught your attention and focus without ever meaning to do so.

Kili stirred, pulling his left leg up so that he could rest his forearm on his knee as he looked at you with both worry and suspicion. As his best friend, he had known you for so many years that he could almost read your mind with ease.

Not even a month after Smaug had driven his people from their home, yours had been attacked; the bandits from the east with roses on their armour and lions on their shields, bearing a white banner with a red cross, saw the opportunity and took it eagerly.

They drove their swords into soldiers and civilians without care, they did not even think twice. They stole the land and murdered communities. In one in particular, the bandits flooded everything; driving people from their homes and causing countless unnecessary death.

They saw the land as theirs, and held onto it with an iron fist after outlawing a language so ancient that even the elves could not speak it. Dragon's tongue. The bandits took everything. You were lucky enough that your family had always been an ally to the line of Durin, and Thorin had allowed you refuge with him.

Kili knew that such a thing had never left you, watching your homeland be ripped and torn for selfishness and greed, he knew that you would always miss the language, the culture, your home.

How could he ever expect you to relax and rest?

He sighed as he ran a hand through his tangled hair, knowing that he had to braid it again in the morning as the ties and binds were becoming rather loose. Putting his hand on your shoulder heavily as he licked his lips and swallowed thickly.

"Do you want to talk?"

You shook your head as you reluctantly spared him a look, guilt and worry in your eyes. "I'm fine."

"You don't look it... quite the opposite," he told you quietly, trying to keep his words hushed. "Do I have to remind you that I can read you like an open book?"

"Be quiet," you huffed, wiping your eyes and surprised to find them quite wet. "I dont want to talk about dead memories that have long been buried."

"You don't have to," Kili softly replied, "but I would like to know when you aren't well in yourself - I care about you far too much to let you keep things to yourself like that."

You began to bite at the inside of your bottom lip, pulling flesh away in little and thin almost see through strands that sat on the tip of your tongue. "I appreciate it, you know I do, but this is merely restlessness and nothing more, I promise."

"Well, considering we're both up, do you mind if I make a confession?" He asked, patient for your reply.

"Go for it," you shrugged, your voice almost a mere hum.

"In all our time we've known each other, I have become very fond," Kili started, "and I know you think I'm joking because of how you're looking at me, but it's true. I do mean it. You can laugh at me all you like, but I do mean it: I love you."

You thought about it for a moment. You could read Kili as if he was an open book left right on your lap and did not and could not doubt his honesty and sincerity; it was in his dark, almost ebony, eyes just as much as it was on the tip of his tongue and the slight smile on his lips.

But you did not know what to say, as although you did feel the same, you were unsure if you were good enough for him.

You knew that you were colder than most, and that you were always haunted by those days; watching the school where you used to study become submerged beneath the water as the men with roses on their armour laughed, their white banners with red crosses flapping in the wind.

The way they grabbed you and your fellow countrymen, forcing you all to your knees as they pressed swords to your throats; the hammering in your chest as you stared up at them with a scowl. Restlessness came to be an old friend after that day.

You didn't want to put Kili through all of that - through the waking nightmares and the constant harsh and quiet tension and restlessness. Your heart was pounding in your chest, fingers shaking as you shook your head, silently pleading with him.

"Kili, don't..."

"What?" He whispered, furrowing his brows.

"Don't trick yourself into believing that I'm capable of love," you whispered softly, swallowing thickly. "Or that I will do anything except hurt you... please, Kili, don't be a fool."

"I'm not," he responded by gently planting his hand behind you so that he could lean in slightly. "I'm really not. Please, be gentle with my heart, won't you? It's in your hands. I want you to have it."

"You won't stop?" You asked with a soft laugh, and when he shook his head, you nodded slowly, swallowing thickly. "If I give you mine in return, will you?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Promise me one thing," you said quietly. "No matter what, if I become too much, or you realise I'm not good enough - you will leave."

He hesitated.

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scarletspider-lily · 4 months

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this is going to be a pretty long rant.

so my family is church of Christ (so like, babtist lite). I am a closeted agnostic. unfortunately, it's getting pretty obvious because my younger sister got babtized a few years ago, and I still haven't. I basically told my mom that since covid I've been disassociating, and can't "feel god".

she has freaked out and is using every chance to push religion on me. it's getting rough. what makes it worse is that our church hasn't had a permanent preacher since April. there's also this guy named C. C's family is very entrenched in our church. C has been both song leader and college group leader (our church is very close with a local college) for several years. C's sons run AV and events. C's dad was a preacher, and is now an elder. now, C wants to be preacher.

my mom is starting to think C is subconciously hungry for power in the church and is considering moving to a different church. however, she hates all the other surrounding churches of Christ. so she told me that we'd visit around and find whatever church helped me "feel god" best.

now I could totally reinvent myself at a new church, get babtized just to please her, and all would be well. except she wants me to do Bible studies on her Bible app and do family devotionals and watch her terrible preachy Zionist leaning YouTube channels. I'm exhausted. no matter what I do she'll keep badgering me because she believes it's her duty to make sure I get to heaven. I can't even ignore her, recently we went on a road trip and she got started on the topic again, and because I refused to talk to her about it, she pulled the car over and wouldn't move again until I talked. she begged me, said that the silent treatment was worse than anything I could throw at her, but I know how terrible my life will be if she finds out the truth. on top of that, I'm gay and hiding the fact that I'm dating one of my best friends.

she's even trying to find a church for me in a different city for when I move away for college. at least I only have 8 more months in this house.

my 18th birthday is in a few days, but I know that me being an adult won't change things. she's the parent, so she has the power. she'll never be happy until I'm under her control.

I know you probably don't have any advice, I just had to say it somewhere. I'm so tired.

hey, sorry for seeing this so late. to be honest, i dont have advice but i hope your situation improves, i can relate to some of it, like the finding a church when you move for college thing. once again i'm sorry for the late reply but i hope you know that youre in my thoughts, and i sincerely wish everything goes well and yeah, being 18 but still under your parents is rough, but not uncommon. it is good you're moving out though, i hope you can somehow find a way to lie that you're attending church or something, or just attend a few services- either way i hope it will be better than you staying at home now!

#asks #exvangelical

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okthatsgreat · 11 months

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that reblog about asking random questions about fics..... hmmmm. ive been curious for a while now - what's your thought process behind opddmh? any particular theme you've had fun exploring, or a potential overarching idea? i love hearing people explain the intricacies of their writing processes

ohhhhh my god oh my god. you have unleashed something within me ohhhhh my god. something cringe is awakening something very cringe is happening to me right now

referring to this post, talking about this fic :]

(im gonna put all of this under read more for the people that dont want to read this LMAO)

OKAY. TIME TO GET SO STUPID. IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

at the core of this fic is trauma-- it's a story about emerging from indescribable pain and horror, only to walk into a world that treats you as a spectacle and your pain as entertainment. so much of opddmh's themes come from trauma, as every character's pov deals with it in distinct ways, none of which are particularly healthy LMAO. going into each characters pov, my thought process is always concerning how they would react to the situation in front of them, but always keeping that trauma over them as another deciding (often overpowering) factor. makoto at his core is still a caring man, but he has been so deprived by the company that has kept him there for so long that his natural response to unpleasant emotions or thoughts is to bury it in sake of putting on a show. mikan has always been very timid and regretful, but now many of her actions are sincerely doubted as being selfish or secretly evil, a temperament only aggravated by her status as blackened. akane's desire to "be strong" has only worsened to an extreme degree, as her first instinct is to drop anybody that could possibly remind her of weakness or the killing game.

these are killing game participants who are no longer the children they were when all of this started, people who did not sign up for this but have to keep going anyways-- and i LOVE exploring the implication of that postgame it is like a drug to me. theyve gone through unimaginable horror, most of them dont have families they can return to, and everybody in the world knows them as a beloved tv character. the only way for them to survive is to adapt, a strategy that not all of them have mastered. makoto, whose title as ultimate hope has been watered down sooooo so much, is the POSTER child (literally) for adapting, while characters like akane have still been significantly silenced by danganronpa but are unable to adapt entirely. it was important to me that i had povs which were different yet cohesive, and were able to convey the range of survival that these older participants have :] and this includes the secret fifth pov that hasnt been introduced yet >:)

these are no longer people in the public's eyes as much as they are entertainers (which by the way, i love writing this aspect of postgame dr lololol the PERFORMANCE of it all). my friend lily made such a good comment about it at one point and i dont remember her exact words but it was something along the lines of "the audience doesn't want the performer, they want the performance" which is soo true of this universe in particular. so when i write these different people i like to keep in mind the person they are and they person they present themselves as. so many of the older participants are so jaded its insane

but then theres v3!! there are NEW kids here. trauma is so important as a theme when it comes to how these characters interact with each other, and ESPECIALLY how the older characters are able to see themselves in the younger ones. a lot of the character dynamics were chosen deliberately so that the v3 kids mirror the older participants!!!!!!!!!!!!! v3 hasn't been desensitised just yet, they haven't lost touch with their anger and sadness and fear like a lot of the older participants have. i find it important while writing to remember how NEW these kids are, especially when it comes to writing people like miu, who isn't ready to give in to danganronpa conformity just yet and is trying her hardest to be better (or at the very least, not the same miu iruma, ultimate inventor that everybody watched on their television screens). and then of course you have characters like angie and rantaro, who are DEEEEEEEEP in denial and unable to properly move out of that first stage of grief just yet lmao. they are fortunate(????) enough that the journey they go through is a lot more private than some of the other characters can say theirs were. a lot of the time i write about the newer v3 participants i make an effort to refer to them as young or as children/teens because they Are. theyre so Young and it definitely effects how they handle themselves !!!

so much of this fic is about trauma but so much of it is finding strength in others as well, even if its moving slowly towards it lol. it's important to me that there is hope in the fic, that even though it feels like they are very isolated at the moment they arent entirely alone. things get worse before they get better but they do get better and i wanted there to be peace in the relationships they build with each other

also fun fact this story was originally a one shot where miu jumps into makotos car they chat and then he drops her back where she came from lol! would have really cut this story short!

n e ways thank you anonymous i love you <3 so so sorry for being so serious about my own fic ghfdjhgsdjhgkfdjhgdksghfskjghdj </3

#THANK YOUUUUUUU THANK YOU!!!!!#IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING!#i have got to calm down this is a danganronpa fic.#need to practice restraint #ask lee #opddmh #anonymous

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madame-fear · 6 months

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long rant about some feelings i had lately because i need to say it somewhere. i should post it on my sideblog but honestly i lack the will to sign out from this and log into the other account. Feel free to ignore.

Quite honestly seeing all the endearing messages you guys send me truly encourages me to keep me going, and in a way, it comforts me. But these days for some reason I’ve had some recurring grim feelings that burden me, and make me feel empty.

I have a loving family I adore, sweet mutuals and friends i also appreciate with all my life, and i’m studying a career i always wanted to study – but i feel disappointed with myself. I feel like I have no clue where to go in life, like I cant rrally achieve anything too important. I feel useless, and weak.

Everyone in my real life remarks how shy and quiet i often am, and my parents say that im a sensible soul but even if they say it in a good way i feel stupid and fragile. I feel like everyone can run past over me because they know im not capable of saying anything against it. I feel worthless, and like i constantly need to be guided to do even the slightest thing. I panic at the most minor of inconveniences because i have no idea how to react and i overly stress, and needless to say the tremors i have worsen and it just makes me feel like shit.

I never find the right time to say what i feel, nor the right situation. And even if i do and express myself in any dumb way i can find at that moment, i just get called an attention seeker and they blame me as a victim that always has everything served and is spoiled, and even if im grateful for all the things i have in my life, i just keep feeling like a heavy weight on the people surrounding me. I feel like nothing i ever do is right, i never know what to say, i feel stupid. Sincerely.

I dont care what anyone says about me, especially if its someone i dont know. But i know some friends and people in real life that made fun of me when talking about my interests, how fragile i seem at everything and reserved i am, i even heard some classmates snickering behind of me when i was explaining specifically what i studied and im tired of not having the will to stand up. I truly despise myself to the point i can barely find the right words, if there is any.

Everyday i feel like im dragging myself through life and i would muh rather keep sleeping and stay in my dreams than have to keep being understanding at stupid people, and the disrespect. Im always embarrassed of expressing how i feel but its even more heavy to carry all my self-worth issues without being able to freely talk about it. You guys have no idea how many fucking times i had the impulse of jumping in front of a car, throwing myself out of the balcony, hanging myself and end myself because i cant STAND not knowing how to guide my life, where to go, and feeling insecure and i dont say this to be dramatic. i cant do anything by myself.

If it werent because even if i sometimes fight with them i know i have a family that cares for me and sweet friends, i wouldnt be here in some time. I feel like an attention whore and a victim but i hate having to keep it all for myself and know no one will do anything, or think im satisfied with how i am. My parents tell me i should be proud of who i am and all the things i earned by myself, but truth is, i wish i werent so fucking useless. I can never remember anything properly, and im too anxious most of the time. I despise myself and i really hope this feeling washes away soon, because i cant tolerate not managing to do anything because i would much rather lay in bed and do nothing due to my own insecurities.

#feelings of worthlessness #tw implied suicide #self deprecation #feel free to ignore #personal rant #might delete later

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ruthlesslistener · 6 months

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Different anon here (putting that just in case so you dont get mad or whatever), you did hit first. Claiming others are "icky" or "dangerous" is a lot more serious than you think, especially with lots of followers like you. And if you wouldn't mind me saying this, but it doesn't look like a sincere apology to me when you add the last bit that says "Well. We hurt each other so there". Can't you apologise without making things about yourself? The reply isn't meant for me, but I kinda notice you have this tendency where you make things about yourself in the end in a lot of your old replies concerning this issue you made for yourself. Which I think also helped fuel the flames to the old problems you faced. Idk, maybe its cause I'm so sick of seeing popular fanfic writers/artist control fandoms whether unintentionally or not. They also apologise like you, making the other party look bad by making it all about themselves.

(First off if this comes off as angry I apologize, I'm not angry I'm tired and confused)

I mean. Yeah I did say that it was gross, but I'm pretty sure I've already said that the error that caused the problem was that I had a completely different perception of what I was talking about than what was actually being said (a genuine error on my part), and also that I didn't realize my words had the connotations that they did, which was another misstep that lead to hurt feelings. Both of those were genuine mistakes caused by me a.) Not knowing what the fuck I was talking about and b.) me forgetting the fact that people don't have the same ideas about fiction that I do. Not really sure what else to do other than repeat that it was a mistake over and over, since the only other option would be to delete what I said but that would be dishonest and wrong. I DID fuck up.

As for the apology, I am sincere that I didn't mean to cause harm, but I am also sincere when I said that the response hit a specific trigger and hurt me as well- because it did. It did hit that specific trigger zone and I see no reason why I shouldn't be clear about it, especially since I wanted to make it apparent that I wasn't just shitting on people and dragging their name through the mud because I have some social status I wanted to flaunt or w/ever. I assumed it would make anon feel better while also asserting the fact that their behavior wasn't exactly okay either because I DID repeatedly say that I wanted the topic to be dropped and it didn't. Even the ground, try to lay down rules to prevent future conflicts, that sort of thing. It was a two-part statement- one, the apology and admittance that I was wrong, and two, the showing of vulnerability on my part to prove that I view myself as on equal standing as them and that I am also flawed and inherent to biases, while also pointing out how to not cause future conflict. I assumed that would be the most effective. I didn't even consider the fandom pov thing or power dynamics, bc this at its core was a misunderstanding between two people that had the misfortune of happening on a public platform.

I will agree that I do have an issue with talking about myself though, because to be frank, my own pov is kind of the only thing I know and so explaining my thought process as it goes is the familiar beaten path. When I say that I'm autistic and have been isolated my whole life apart from one friend (also isolated) and my immidiate family, that isn't a lie. I didn't start talking to more than the same 3 people for extended periods on a regular basis until I was 17. And those three people were my mom, my bff, and a close friend I picked up in high school when I was 15. And even then, those talking periods would be no longer than an hour at a time. This isn't a good thing by any means nor a method of excusing myself, just a means of explaining why I do it and that it's not because I think the world centers around me, just that I have to translate what I think to it for communication with other people to start making sense. Its def. something that I struggle with in even basic conversations, though I am working on that via interjecting various questions and comments about other people vs just proccing an infodump. It's most likely a low empathy issue that I still need to learn workarounds for, because I'm a very low-empathy autistic.

I CAN say that I grow more tempted to just delete and remake to start anew by the day, though, because the thought of being popular and having an influence/being on a pedestal puts me in a state dangerously close to a panic attack. The problem is that I cannot figure out a way to do that in a manner that would actually work, plus I cannot tolerate change.

But genuinely, the thought of power dynamics...it frightens me. My ideal would be a world where I can just push my thoughts and writing out and not be seen at all, except that I can't manage that because then I'd have nobody to discuss hyperfixations or special interests with. I don't WANT to have any sway over people. And its partially because of things like this- because I don't want to fuck up by tripping over an unseen landmine of a social error and then have my reaction be absorbed uncritically, or have that error be held under scrutiny. It makes me feel sick

#sorry this is probably just upsetting and frustrating to you. but i dont know how to pjrase it any other way #if i express my sorrow over the issue more clearly thats manipulative. and im not angry #nor do i think its just about me- i just dont know anything ELSE to say. i cant place myself in the other anons shoes #so this is all i have for sincerity #my apologies for that #anon #reply

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

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josei recs 🤲

off the top of my head!!! i read a fuck ton of webtoons / manhwas / manhua / manga etc. so this is by no means comprehensive

wokatoi: love is hard for the otaku - this is probably one of the most popular josei romances around for good reason. the four main leads and 2 main couples highlight the delicate intimacy of adult relationships and how hobbies don't have any real age limit. ive read this manga few times and watched the anime a few times. it's brilliant and cathartic but mostly light hearted

gokusen - this is not a romance centric josei - but follows around our main character, grandaughter of a yakuza family who decides to teach at a local highchool. kumiko is badass and hilarious. her family is so cute. this is an older manga so there's some pretty inappropriate content and the one romance has an age gap though it's only 4 years (it is a teacher n student tho). i think the story telling is so wonderful and it has stuck with me through the years - but read at your own risk.

our relationship is.. - i could talk about this manhwa all damn day. this is by FAR my favorite josei ever. it is absolutely brilliant. a ten out of ten. it's a story of two childhood friends who have spent their whole lives together, suddenly attending the same university after the male lead returns from two years in the military. the story tackles insecurity, miscommunications, and how you can know someone so well and still make mistakes in how you treat them. it is mind numbingly tender while also encapsulating some of the realest and rawest parts of a romance between life long friends. the cast is diverse and so so so human. and the main leads are likeable despite their many flaws. a must read.

the lady and her butler - being techincal this a manhwa / webtoon but given the contents i still think it fits. story about a working woman who accidentally picks up a scary looking dude and ends up living with him as a psuedo roomate while he gets back on his feet. started my love for househusbands, male lead is kind, tough, and considerate. the story really highlights human pride in a way i dont think other romances quite capture - both characters struggle inwardly with ego in ways that are relatable and uniqe to them. you can sympathize wih every person in this series in different way. this is my 2nd favorite romance manhwa of all time, no questions asked.

nana - this is another really iconic josei about two young women who happen to have the same name but very different personalities. this was published as shoujo but most people consider it a josei regardless. tales of love, relationships, friendship and the trials tribulations of chasing your adulthood desires all while facing those same responsibilities. nanas brilliance however is in how it displays sincere connection between people from all walks of life. not necessarily a romance but well.. you'll see if you read it.

kimma wa petto / you're my pet - as the title sounds, a young woman decides that she's fed up with mistreatment and picks a guy up off the street on a whim. to her surprise, they actually get along pretty well but their relationship is complicated. tales of ex boyfriend, insecurities, and other complex inner turmoils. can you tell i like a specific type of female lead yet? lol

red river - HUUUGE trigger warning for some of the sexual violence and violence in this story. this is one of the few isekai mangas i ever got into before i really got into isekai (a relatively new thing for me) about a girl who almost gets blood sacrificed then gets saved by a mega handsome prince. another older manga but genuinely hols up imo.

koudaike no hitobito - a lovely and light hearted story about a ditzy office worker and the handsome boss who she frequently day dreams about. who just so happens to invite her out to dinner despite her absent mindneness. not a particularly compelling series but super fun and enjoyable to read. mc is klutzy but genuine enough she's super endearing. love

if you want more lmk!!

#return to sender #josei reccs #ari reccs #keep

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richardsletters · 1 year

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"Ricki,

Greetings. My best to your family. What are your kids names? How old are they? I always wanted a family of my own but never get the chance. Send pictures. Send ten or less per envelope. Whats your average day like? I read write listen to the radio. I have a single man cell. I dont talk to anyone here by choice. Have you done any traveling? How old are you? Im 51. Tell me your best memories. Mine are from christmas time growing up. Takes 3 weeks or so to recieve your letter. Enclosed is a pic of me. Tell me your likes - dislikes. What was secondary school like for you? What was your upbringing like? mine was ok...would play football with friends on the street. Which are your favourite Bands? I like all types of music. Ill write a longer letter next time. Sincerely

Richard"

"Drawing enclosed"

#richard ramirez #richard ramirez letters #the night stalker #kiss #familia

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davestriderascend · 5 months

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the homestuck reread pt. 1 (so far)

alright lets get into it. i just finished act 5, so this seems like as good of a place as any to recap. this is already getting really long, so this post will cover acts 1-4, and ill talk about act 5 in the next post

Act 1-3

acts 1 thru 3 are extremely short, and largely center john, his eventually named friends, and johns ascent into the medium. the story is propelled by reader commands, full of pop culture references, and largely about the fun video game mechanics and jokes hussies setting up with sburb. all art has been hussies so far, and the first three albums (vol 1, 2, and 3, each one corresponding with the obvious act) have consisted entirely of mostly short songs all written for and used in flash pages. there might be one or two original ones that im forgetting, but im pretty sure the albums were just collections of songs used in the comic at this time. during this time, hussie also had his first formspring going, and occasionally made updates on their blogspot blog. she ALSO created a blog for dave, which i did, unfortunately, read.

The Characters

like i said, 1-3 are mostly just about john. rose is introduced and named at the very end of act 1, while dave is introduced and named in act 2. john is the only character who enters the medium, while panels about rose and dave mostly focus on rose acting as johns server player while struggling to maintain her wifi connection through the storm and meteor shower, and dave trying to set up his server client connection to rose. jade is teased, but not introduced at this time. very few trolls make an appearance this early in, if... any? i dont remember.

john is a chipper, goofy kid who loves his family and his friends and has bad taste in media, and i love him every bit as much as i did the first time reading homestuck. as with all of the guardians in early homestuck, honestly, johns relationship with his dad is particularly compelling, watching him roll his eyes and go through the typical rebellious teenager antics, while also witnessing that they very obviously care about each other a lot! the way he cuts through dave and roses shit and teases them is a lot of fun, and hussie does a really great job of setting up early in that these kids have been really good friends for a long time.

rose is honestly my favorite this go around. shes snarky and her humor is biting and at times childish, and her dramatics, while often just silly theatrics, often hint at really compelling emotional turmoil and backstory. shes a complex character right out the gate, with tangled feelings about her mom, her interests, and her cat, who projects an image toward her friends in order to protect her feelings. still, its obvious that if rose is ever sincere about anything, its her unending love for her friends, and its this kind of juxtaposition between this edgy, sarcastic, and grimdark personality she puts off and these warmer, goofy moments that make her so much fucking fun.

dave has a lot less focus in early homestuck, and seems to largely serve as the voice of reason and guide to john. hes the savvy coolkid, who already has shit like sylladexes figured out, and is usually the one who points out obvious solutions to john and moves the plot forward. he is also. the voice through which hussie projects a lot of the worst moments of bigotry in hs, and there are a loooooot of slurs. so. thats there. my first readthrough, i imprinted on dave instantly like a baby bird and he quickly became my favorite, but this go around hes honestly been a lot less compelling for me.

the exiles are introduced in act 2, and mostly function as silly, simple comic relief, and some vague foreshadowing as to whats to come. theyre simple characters, but i fucking love them. so much.

The Plot

early hs is probably the most coherent, plotwise. hussie has a plan in place, and shes pretty sure she knows where shes going with it. despite the randomness of the reader commands, the next step is always obvious on the horizon- getting all the players in to play sburb. its really simple, and its kind of nice to just sit back and enjoy feeling like everythings going to be wrapped up nicely (even tho it wont be). i also just like, really enjoy a lot of the humor in early hs and the video game jokes and stuff, so it was a lot of fun to read! its very reminiscent of problem sleuth at this stage. i also really enjoy the exiles, and i think the early acts are where they really get most of their attention

The Albums

i think its cool that each album has a kids symbol in 1-4, and its cool to listen to the early music that really set the stage for a lot of later, huge songs. a lot of these songs are referenced and remixed like, constantly, and its really cool listening to a song and going hey! that sounds like its got some heir of grief in there! while ive listened to a lot of the hs soundtrack, i mostly listened to later albums, so i was surprised to learn just how early toby fox started working on hs. and how much. jesus

The Formspring and Blogs

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. listen. dont read these. save yourself the agony. the blogspot is really more just the act 1 and immediate post problem sleuth era, so i got bored of it pretty quickly and gave up on reading it. it wasnt super relevant to my reread experience.

the formspring, the FIRST ONE, is much worse than the second one hussie made, and is just. full. of nonsense troll asks, stupid posts that dont mean anything, and hussie justifying artistic choices that dont need to be justified again and again to people who are just being mean for no reason. there are some really funny posts in there, and there are also some posts that provide cool background info that you wouldnt otherwise know, and there are a lot of inside jokes in hs that started on the formspring, so it can be cool to see those develop. however. there is also a lot of bigotry, a lot of hussie saying really stupid shit, and a lot of just inane questions that wasted so much of my time. it takes forever to read, and sometimes i regret it.

daves blog is. ugh. its like sbahj but he says the n word and i think thats all that really needs to be said about it. it was a really unpleasant read. on that note, i am not reading sbahj. i didnt read it the first time, im not going to read it now, and i do not care how much it references hs and vice versa. sbahj fucking sucks, and houses some of hussies worst bigotry moments, and i just. really do not want to get into that.

The Intermission

the (first) intermission is one of the shorter intermissions in homestuck and revolves entirely around the midnight crew and the felt. this is the one where the mc breaks into the felt mansion and starts breaking clocks, killing people, and fucking shit up. not much happens, other than introducing the felt and mc. during this time, the midnight crew: drawing dead is released as the first album w new songs not previously featured on panel.

The Characters

ive always been a huge fan of intermission characters. its a really goofy little sidestory in hs and feels very problem sleuth at times, but i love it a lot! still, there isnt a ton to say here, in part bc the intermission is so short, and in part bc its really about the midnight crew and not the felt. itchy, doze, trace, cans, die, stitch, fin, eggs, and clover are minor side characters who mostly just exist to die. also snowman is teased, briefly. i think clover and doze probably get the most detail work, and then. maybe trace and fin? tragic stuff.

The Album

i liked this one! its been a hot second since i listened now so youll have to forgive me if my review isnt super detailed, but it was fun to see how the artists worked together to kind of create a musical profile for the city and the crew! very experimental, very cool.

Act 4

jade is FINALLY introduced! this act focuses more on balancing all four kids, with rose entering the medium at the beginning, dave entering towards the end, and hussie finally catching us up on this last mystery friend of johns. the exiles (midnight crew included) get a lot of attention in this act, showing not only their actions in exile, but also who they were before exile, and the trolling really gets going in this act. this is also the act where john ectobiologies all over the place, and where derse and prospit start to become relevant. the trolls still havent been revealed fr, and jade still hasnt entered the medium! during this time, hussie was answering questions on the first formspring still, and vol 4 and vol 5 were released.

The Characters

this act focuses a lot on jade, especially early in. ive always had a hard time relating to jade as a character, and shes never really been one of my favorites, but shes absolutely instrumental to the plot of hs and this act really shows just how much shes contributed to setting up the game. shes also more often than not the vehicle for how we get to see the trolls in early hs, because for soem reason they seem to pester her more than anyone else??

in the medium, john gives us the best view of how sburb is supposed to be played. he goes on sidequests, talks to the salamanders, builds cool stuff, fights imps, and just sort of does what hes supposed to! similar to acts 1-3, act 4 is still setting up sburb.

i think the only trolls who really receive any kind of prominence this early in are tavros, karkat, kanaya, and terezi, but dont quote me on that.

other than john and jade tho, i think most of the stuff i have to say abt the characters in this act wld be better saved for talking abt in act 5 act 2

The Albums

im not going to talk abt vol 4 or the formspring here bc i think i already covered both in 1-3, but vol 5 was also released towards the end of act 4! vol 5 is some stuff in the comic, and a lot of stuff that isnt in the comic, and has a pretty cool album cover! this one has some songs that wind up being referenced in songs that are really well known or well loved (for example, sunslammer, which toby remixes for the undertale soundtrack (and i think also gets remixed into a song that gets remixed into moonsetter?), or crystalanthemums, which will eventually be referenced for crystalmethequins (one of my favorite hs songs)). it also has hardchorale, which was so fucking trippy to listent o that i actually posted the link to it in my liveblog. 10/10. hilarious. my favorite song on this album is planet healer, which is also one of my favorite hs songs!

thats acts 1-4 covered, so expect act 5...... soon.

EDIT: heres my recap of act 5 subacts 1 & 2

#hs reread #homestuck liveblog #thats the only tag im gonna stick on thisbc i dont care that much #recaps

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diodellet · 1 year

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An opportunity to learn more about Dio’s sexy writing and preferences?? Don’t mind if I do 0wo

☁💢😎🤝💞 🗨

sexy writing u say? U FLATTER ME LODS 🤧🤧

cw: mentions of food, slight (but not detailed) discussion of dubcon ahead, also this post got long so im putting it under a keep reading (edit: SIKE)

☁️favorite fluff trope

i can't write it but i do like it when people lay out detailed cooking in fanfic, like seeing my fave characters working together in a kitchen? MM im now hungry for food And for love! (And generally the food as metaphor for love trope has a special place in my heart.)

++im not the best at visualizing so i also appreciate it when the author takes care to show the steps in preparation and to describe the food through smell or what ingredients it uses. the extra details are very very appreciated, sincerely a girlie whos mind eye doesn't work

++people should use the 'food as metaphor for love' to unapologetically project their culture's food! i think it's really neat and cool!

💢favorite dark trope

usghl darkfic... my forbidden lover.... seeing my bebelabs without the rose-tinted glasses of luving you....

i can't just pick one! favoritism is bad!! (*sideeyes the many flavors of dubcon* *sideeyes zombie/post-apocalypse au*) it's all good and painful for my heart delicious to read!

(my reasons for liking dubcon are simple: i just like it when the pleasure's mixed with something else /shrug/ ++ saying things is hard)

If I dig deep into my memories, there are these 2 post-apocalypse AU fanfics (both are above 100k words and i followed one of them while it was still being written. /that/ was an ordeal i would be willing to go through again if i wasn't being hounded by irl deadlines🥴🥴). i just think that fluff and domesticity hit harder when the characters constantly have to overcome the trials of surviving in a hostile environment. whether they create a found family or eventually die out never finding sanctuary, i think the long agonizing journey they took is still worth it.

😎favorite character trope

haha what are you talking about👀👀 i-i dont have a favorite character type wh-who told you that--

ALEXA PLAY BAD BOY BY RED VELVET AND THEN AFTER THAT PLAY RBB CAN YOU GUESS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER? IS MY TYPE OBVIOUS NOW? NO? I STILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN? RAAAGGHHH *nasagasaan*

in all my open-mindedness, i cannot seem to pin down my favorite characters to a single trope. Because there are too many that i like. BUT the standouts seem to include:

Emotionally-constipated/repressed but In Need Of A Friend

Extremely angsty backstory that led to them developing a tough unshakable facade

GNC appearance (either or both masc and fem?? OR NEITHER, LIKE JUST ANDROGYNOUS?? I LOVE💕💕)

tl;dr: GAP MOE IS A MUST!!!

i need the duality, for science

🤝favorite platonic trope

you will see a trend of indecision and choice paralysis

Hmm, as of late I think I've been reading stuff with a lot of insomnia tropes. so stuff like wandering around at 2am, sitting on the rooftop, stargazing or waiting for sunrise, having pointless meandering rambly conversations (bonus points if they get existential or philosophical), midnight cooking!!!

It's just nice to read about characters baring their souls under the moonlight, without any hesitations. (and how dare i bring romance to a question about platonic love but) to me, a conversation held in the hours between 11 pm to 6 am can sometimes be more profound than slowly building up to a first kiss.

💞favorite romantic trope

ok never mind i lied the indecision was a lie

GIMME ALL THE PHYSICAL TOUCHIES!!

please and thank you 😇🙏

excessive handholding? complete trust in each other to the point of closing their (perceived social) distances? unprompted hugging?? UNPROMPTED TACKLE HUGGING?? C-COUPLED WITH SPINNING AROUND WHILE LAUGHING AND ENDING WITH THE CHARACS PRESSING THEIR FOREHEADS TOGETHER??

(cue me in the corner shaking biting my fist while on the verge of tears)

i like reading about characters being so utterly smitten with each other they're basically glued to the hip. its so gooey and cheesy and sweet and it makes my heart //yearn// it's kinda funny since the lockdown fucked with my sense of personal space, but i can't stop myself from writing a copious amount of physical touch in my fics.

🗨what's a favorite trope you'd like to write [character] in?

(let's go with jamil bcs he's been starring in All my maladaptive daydreams recently)

i wanna write.... band au for jamil but before i can do that i. need to research on bass players. like bass guitar players. listen to me, LISTEN— (imagine im shaking u by the shouldsrs) BECAUSE IT SUITS HIM. SYMBOLICALLY OR CHARACTERILLY OR SUMN

(the bassline of a song is borderline invisible, but when it's gone it just makes the entire thing fall flat. Kinda like how jamil just holds a lotta things together but STILL keeps a low profile. Also bass solos are literal bops, usually they get Shit parts along with drummers bcs a lot of pop music is generic formulaic earworm-derogatory LSS TRASH but Also Also bassists are sexy—*nasagasaan nanaman*)

send me an emoji: writing wishes asks

#dellet-asks #SHEEESH U GOT ME CHATTING >///<#jessamine-rose #edit: on second thought i was jus paranoid fromda puyat

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toftie · 1 year

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u know i really dont want to be an observer to thw world anymore, i dont want to hold back and let my walls up all the time, i just want to be normal now, thats all i want, i want to be a part of the world and love my family and friends properly and talk to strangers kindly and not have to worry so much or overthink or avoid everyone anymore, i think i do actuallt want to live and take care of myself but how much of that is sincerity and not resignation? does the guilt ever go away? like the big looming feeling of carrying the weight of being the worst person alive, does that go away or does it just sleep? i cant stop this feeling of like really feeling like i'm not meant to be a person at all but i supposed it doesnt even matter because i still am one at the end of the day and everyday for the rest of my life, i just have to keep learning how to be a person, a better person, even if im one thousand, one million, one billion steps behind everybody else and i can repress it and do my best to not think about it or think positivelt about it all i want but its still so hard, it just keeps feeling like im going against my nature which is so dangerous i know and yet thats the only way i can explain it, it doesnt reallt seem like i can see any other way and i know i have to keep going because theres nowhere else for me to go anyway, ill just keep going somehow though even if i have to be alone for the rest of my life,i want to keep going

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olivieblake · 2 years

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hellllllllo olivie, congratulations on like all the good things that have been happening that i haven't congratulated you on yet!!! i have an emotional issue :(

so i broke up with my boyfriend last thursday because he is unfortunately a grade A dick, and I'm not entirely sure if I'm supposed to feel more or less upset than I do? Bc I'm quite alright most of the time, and sometimes I catch myself missing him, but then I'll see him talking to people on a shared groupchat we're both in and just get taken out by feeling somehow both ignored and replaced? Both of which are huge triggers for me for a lot of reasons, but also are the reasons I broke up with him in the first place - he ignored me for two weeks and obstructed every attempt I made to speak to him, and then whenever I did see him he made really cruel comments about my mental health issues and struggles with emotional honesty (and also paid faaaaaaaaar too much attention to another person). At first it really upset me, but then after a few days I got used to it and I was able to deal with it better, but talking to my friends made me realise I realllllllly shouldn't have to 'get used' to being neglected and mistreated by someone who claims that I'm the love of his life. (Spoiler alert: I'm clearly not lol)

After a few days of putting up with his behaviour and giving him the benefit of the doubt bc he's going through some stuff with his father rn, I did break up with him, which I think I'm dealing pretty well with so far.

The relief of not having to deal with feeling like an afterthought to him is definitely getting me through a lot of it, but I still care about him and it annoys me that I still dont know what I did to make him turn against me so suddenly. Up until two weeks ago, he was almost a perfect gentleman, apart from what I've come to realise was him pushing me to be emotionally honest in ways I'm really not comfortable with.

The whole point of this rambling is basically that I don't know if he's ever going to apologise for mistreating me, or whether he even realises that's what he did, but I still feel really hurt and upset and I want him to feel the same way. I don't hate him or want him to suffer, but I want him to feel my absence if that makes sense.

At the end of the day I am willing to forgive him if he apologises, but I could only ever be friends with him after this. I sincerely hope he has a good life, but it won't be with me.

asdfghjkl reading back i have realised that I do not in fact have A Point to this ask, and yet here i am. alas, the woes of emotional entanglements lmao

i think what I really want to know is do you have any advice for either a) speedrunning the five stages of grief so im fine quicker or b) how to get to a point where i'm not deeply triggered by seeing him talk to other people

in his (limited) defence, i don't think even he knows why we broke up (his mother has mentioned that she thinks he's equally confused), but as he's not attempting to reach out and explain himself as of yet, im not going to put up with him and I stand by my decision

anywayyyyyyy

men am i right 🙄

well wishes to you and your family <33

lol 🙄 lovely to see you as always, with or with out your entanglements. answered in this video!

#olivie blake is not writing #big sistering #let's talk about love baby

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134340am · 2 years

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Bokuto-san has been on my mind lately and i saw yoyr response on who you'll have a crush on hq realistically. And honestly same on Bokuto-san; i dont have a doubt that he has amassed a big fanclub (all genders and sexualities included) because who doesnt like bokuto-san?! Big, buff, kind, wise (in a very unusual but definitely most helpful way). Just the way he views the world makes me smile.

I would definitely be crushing on him from afar. And just imagine, cleaning the gym after the sports festival event and Bokuto finds you there alone and suddenky he is picking up chairs with you, grabbing the spare broom to sweep, and helping you throw the trash. And he is making small talk and you could actually tell he is intrigued about your responses (he loves learning new things).

Ughhh, he's that guy that i have a crush on but probs sees me as a friend. Y'know the ones whom you fall for because of their sincerity and kindness. But like doesn't really return ur feelings but its still okay because liking them is so worth it?? Like its just so pure.

Agggghhh. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

anon!!! i am so so sorry for getting to this ask super late : ( but yes, WISE!!! bokuto's so wise—he's defo the person to offer a really fresh perspective that makes you wonder why you haven't thought of it earlier, lol. like, maybe you're deciding between a strawberry roll or a chocolate roll for a tea time snack and you're in a massive dilemma, and when you complain to bokkun he's like 🤷‍♀️ why not get both!!! you can eat half of each and then save the other two halves for tomorrow, it'll still be as yummy!!! and ding ding ding a lightbulb goes off in your head

if he talked to me i would actually shrivel up and Die because i am very very shy BUT i just know i'd be super comfortable around him because he's so friendly and sweet!!! like him taking hinata under his wing... ; ; wahhhh he'd be such a great conversationalist too, and he'd never make you carry any heavy things

i totally get you! like, he's so charismatic and kind that people are just inevitably attracted to him, y'know? and we're all thinking the same thing, that whoever he chooses at the end of the day is probably the luckiest person on the planet T^T but we'd still be happy for them because it's bokuto sobs

thank you so much for sharing your thoughts because now i'll just be thinking of sweet upperclassman bokuto carrying your bag for you as he walks you home after school and idk the two of you stopping by a little family restaurant for ice cream on the way ＞︿＜

#THE BOKKUN BRAINROT IS BACK #everyone say thank u anon for their big brane #ask yuna #anon

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