#i dont think they can be easily replaced. at least not rn

[divinemackerel]

you should watch the owl house

I appreciate what you’re trying to do man but I don’t need y’all advertising fandoms or shows to me. Replacing a homemade vase that broke with another new one, while nice, will not fix the fact your sentimental homemade vase which you can’t really just remake broke, or something.

Also I just don’t like the Owl House fandom and I personally don’t really get that invested in characters younger than me. Sorry.

#asks #anon #idk the dsmp had something really unique. something that was partially crafted by the fact it came out initially in quarantine #it and the fandom were really special to me #i dont think they can be easily replaced. at least not rn #and idk im still heartbroken over the ending. i dont need a new thing to fill that void. nothing could #oh and also i have already seen the show

[thekaijudude]

I recently read an old answer of yours on who would win in a fight between Showa Mechagodzilla and Galactron. So, here’s a version of that battle which I think would be more even:

A nerfed Galactron MK1 (no Teleportation capabilities) vs a modified Heisei Mechagodzilla possessing the mobility of Kiryu, the plasma punches and the full power Proton Scream of the Monsterverse Mechagodzilla (the Proton Scream replaces Heisei Mechagodzilla’s Mega Buster, btw) and a 200% power boost to the power of all of its attacks.

The Garuda can also be placed on the back, like with the normal Heisei Mechagodzilla, and would increase the percentage of the power boost from 200% to 300%. Also, when placed on the back of this version of Heisei Mechagodzilla, the Garuda would receive its own 200% power boost to its attacks.

Gosh this ask has been sitting in my inbox for the past few weeks sorry man. Am only getting to this now since I needed time to refresh my memory by researching all over again and my last finals paper had just ended like 2 days ago whoops

So I presume you're referring to this old post here:

And sheesh you've basically presented with me a near composite mechagodzilla here which definitely evens the playing field even more.

Firstly, a disclaimer, the fact that u included the Photon Screams and Plasma Punches essentially means that this composite mechagodzilla has the hollow earth-based energy, which grants further unknown stats boost ON TOP of your alr boosted stats

And although we never saw how Monsterverse MG fared against a full powered Godzilla and Kong. Considering that we saw how easily the Photon Scream overpowered Godzilla's atomic breath which tunneled into the hollow earth, I dont think its far fetched to say that they're comparable in potency

But the Galactron Spark far surpasses the Photon Scream in strength as for the aforementioned feat of Godzilla, he had to use it for a considerable amount of time before it reached the hollow earth.

While Galactron used his Galactron Spark for about a second which literally scorched square kilometers of land. While for Godzilla, we see that the surrounding land and skyscrapers beside him are still standing even after his atomic breath reached the Hollow Earth.

And the difference in beam potency here far surpasses a mere 200-300% difference and I don't even think being even further boosted by the Hollow-earth based energy would make up for the difference either. You'll probably need like at least 10-20x the multiplier potency by comparing the sheer amount of collateral damage of both beams

So while I don't really see much competition in terms of ranged attacks, I don't think Galactron's durability scales with his beam potency

While I don't think the Photon Scream nor the Maser Cannons could really do much damage to Galactron's armor (See previous ask on how durable he is), but with the added power boosts, they could very well obliterate Galactron

Which sorta makes sense since the MK1 are actually just scouting units and not really suited for combat as explained in Orb, so there's no wonder that they're such a glass cannon

And this is sort of the same situation in hand to hand combat. Without the power boosts, I don't think composite MG could do much either as iirc, the weakened Godzilla 2021 was knocked backed severely but he was really being lifted off the ground with the uppercut. So I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that Monsterver MG's Plasma Fists had a lower punching power than Monsterverse Godzilla's weight, which in 2021 was about 100 000t. Against a Galactron that was only stunted from multiple 150 000t blows from TB

But with 200% power boost base composite MG would essentially result in a repeat of the TB vs Galactron fight, which essentially means base composite MG takes this rather easily

So rn it seems that composite MG takes this rather easily

However, I don't think composite MG's durability has scaled up much from Heisei MG (note that all of the boosts u applied here are only towards "power")

So he essentially becomes just like Galactron, a glass cannon

And Galactron also has another devastating but unconventional range attack, that being his blade with a ridiculously short cast time

If Zero couldn't even see it coming from hundreds of meters away, neither would this composite MG

So Galactron has to quickly extend his blade to pierce through this composite MG, best is to first take away his ability to use Photon Scream as without the Garuda equipped yet, that's the most dangerous weapon this composite MG has in ranged

And the Blade most likely could pierce through the NT-1 alloy since while its main purpose was essentially to convert Godzilla's atomic breath to power its own Plasma Grenade, this niche purpose has made it more "vulnerable" to bulgeoning and piercing damage, as seen from GvMGII itself against Godzilla. And considering how ridiculous the knockback was against Zero, yeah its probably pierce through MG's armor.

And given more time on Galactron's side, he could scan MG for more specific weakpoints he could target MG to shutdown multiple areas at once since its still a mech at the end of the day

Same with firing his own Galactron Spark first

So long as Galactron avoid grappling with composite MG and take out its ability to use Photon Scream, he could technically cheese MG using this method

Tho now that I think about it, Galactron could also detach its Arm Cannon to engage the Garuda and probably still win since the former has far greater mobility than the Garuda (assuming Galactron can keep composite MG occupied)

But assuming that composite MG alr has the Garuda equipped, Galactron could still technically cheese using the same method, avoid melee and piercing through both composite MG and the Garuda

However, since this composite Super MG has more weapons, Galactron has a far smaller window to do this

But note, Galactron literally only stands a chance to win if he decides to attack first using his blade extension to get rid of at least one of MG's ranged capabilities, or just nuke with Galactron Spark since it'll definitely overpower whatever ranged attacks composite MG could throw at it

So it all comes down to the "who's the first to act" type of battle result

Thanks for the question!

#ultraman #godzilla #asks

[aquagustd]

man... lowkey saurrr hurt rn lmao... IM SEEING PARALLELS!!! jk hearing what tae said to oc while they were fckin in the room, the forehead bump between tae and oc in front of him ooo ur evil. im pretty sure all of those things they did first in the fast forward drabble 💔 i really didnt think jk would be an absolute asshole/villian in this especially since i loved their past dynamic relationship so much. is it really over? :(( maybe im just biased but im not on the jk hate train, even tho i wanna actually fight this mf. i just dont understand?? like how can u go from being so in love to truly hating each other? like wtf did oc do to deserve this harshness? jk moved on and replaced her for what? whats his damn excuse? he made promises only to leave and change his life leaving pregnant oc behind. and CONTINUED to be at a distance. what the fuck is up with that! ugh! dont u dare leave and then turn that shit onto her!!! im so heartbroken imma try to keep my feelings neutral but fuck jk and fuckkk sora too bruh. ewww. 🤮 and idc fuck yoongi!!! keeping secrets i hate it omg. oc way better than me. why does jk get to be the cool fun dad and yet not be there to raise baby junho? when did he lose his deep care for oc?? does he even have any respect towards the mother of his child? like that is really pissing me off especially when shes the victim here. so many unanswered questions. i want him to suffer in a "i fucked up my family" type of way because he did!!! this shit is really his fault and hes stupid. but im trying to imagine how he could even recover from this tbh. and im so sus about tae even tho he is a sweetheart :( i just cant give in that easily i got issues. im stressed and rambling at 2am UGH dont make me wait until mondayyy 😰 ps junho is actually vv cute and i really hope that they can at LEAST somewhat have cute family moments together if we still continuing down this path of crazy ass toxicity. im silently rooting for jk and oc for junho if u cant tell 😁❤️ i dont think im strong enough for this haaaaaa

you caught the parallel !! 🥺 but no one is on the path of toxicity 😩😩 we want happiness for oc & from the way things are looking, if she ends up with jk, things won’t be good. the missing piece is what happened at yoongi’s wedding when they finally saw each other after that gap 👀

and yeah !! yoongi needs to be straight with oc & tell her what’s going on. he can’t keep saying that he’s protecting her.

tysm for reading <33

#fic: hie #squishies #anti sora club

[qingxinpetals]

request content: “Ooh im glad i found another genshin writing blogs :D may i request headcanons for Childe with sleepy s/o? Like very easy to fall asleep (mprobably accidentally) heheh. Childe is late on a date? Off she goes to dream land. Oh and if you dont mind... Please keep me anonymous.. Thank you(s) xD”

haha I promised myself not to simp for this sketchy man but…. hes too attractive so I forgive him

Ofc no problem at all sorry it took me awhile because I was asleep (I have been awake for far too long) anyways…..headcanon :3

𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞 𝐗 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲! 𝐒/𝐎

When I mean you fall asleep alot, you actually fall asleep alot. You tend to find yourself subconsciously going into slumbers. You could literally almost sleep anywhere whether it be in the middle of having a meal, in the middle of a shower, while reading a book and even in the middle of completely commissions (except for those that require fighting or you will definitely die).

No one is sure whether this is a condition that makes you sleep more often, a weird habit of yours or just simply because you are lazy, not even you know the reason behind this; you just feel tired most of the time. Although there will be days where you would feel more energetic than usual, you will still end up finding yourself falling asleep in the oddest of places.

You are just a cute big ol’ sleepyhead

Although Childe is usually very outgoing and flirty, he is a gentleman and is extremely courteous when handling with your situation. Being with him in a relationship is probably one of the most comforting situations someone can ever be placed in since he is very tolerant and he handled your sleeping situation very well. Even so, you would try your absolute best to stay awake during your dates as you genuinely want to be with him and spend time with him (though you will still somehow fall asleep near the end of the dates).

Honestly it’s an advantage and disadvantage at the same time as sometimes he would be scared that when you accidentally fall asleep, you might just fall and injuried yourself (especially when you fall asleep standing up). Other times he just thinks you are cute.

When he finds you in your accidental naps, he softly gazes at your sleeping figure before removing his scarf to put over your your shoulders then wrapping his arms around you, cuddling up to you, warmly embracing you to protect you from the cold(as long as the location is rather discreet and you fell asleep sitting down or laying down).

If you were found to be dozing off in odd places (like in the middle of a meal in a restaurant, leaning against a pillar in the middle of nowhere or in crowded areas), carefully he put you onto his back and positions your arms to sturdily wrap around him so that you can comfortably sleep on him for the time being as he proceeds to find a more comfortable place for you to sleep in whether it be booking a hotel, going back to yours or his place, finding a bench or vice versa.

Often times when you wake up from your naps, you will find him peacefully sleeping next to you. You couldn’t really blame him as he watched over you from your sleep for such a long time. Since you do not wake to wake him up by moving too much, you would start admiring his features: his fluffy ginger hair, his delicate and long lashes and his gloved slender hands that rested on you.

How did you even manage find such a beautiful man like this? (Why is Childe not real T-T)

Occasionally when he wouldn’t fall asleep before you wake up, you would wake up to a pair of blue eyes softly watching over you. His fingers gently drawing circles on your back before his hands travels to your cheek, caressing it.

“How was the nap, my princess?”

“It was good.”

“Still sleepy?”

“A little bit.”

Chatters were filled throughout the tiny cafe located in the corner of Liyue Harbour. It was a pretty interesting cafe filled with antiques. You were sitting alone in the corner, isolating yourself from everyone else in the room. There wasn’t much going on— just the pretty ordinary stuffs. People chatting, baristas brewing coffee, the waiters and waitresses rapidly walking around here and there taking customers’ orders, serving dishes and cleaning the tables.

Nothing much is going on.

Except he is not here

which was pretty unusual for him to be this late knowing that you would fall asleep rather easily.

It’s been about 20 minutes after the designated time and you were not entirely sure what was going on however you were determined to stay awake until he had reached the rendezvous.

Forcefully chugging down the third shot of espresso, letting its bitterness linger in your mouth, you patiently waited for the young Fatui Harbinger member to arrive. You weren’t really worried about him being late as nothing pretty serious could happen to him as he is one of the strongest person you know and he could protect himself easily so you just assumed that he was just caught up with work.

You were more worried that you might ruin the date by falling asleep.

You both couldn’t really spend much time together to go on dates as he was pretty busy with work most of the time and he couldn’t ditch it either as the Fatui isn’t known for their nice ways. You were rather understanding about his situation so you would just wait until he was unoccupied enough to go on a date with you.

Since this was such a rare opportunity to go out with him, you couldn’t let it go to waste so you insisted on indulging huge amounts of caffeine, hoping that they might prevent you from dozing off.

As much as you wished it helped, it didn’t.

You waited longer.

Longer

and longer.

An overwhelming wave of tiredness washed over you and no matter how many more sips of espresso you took in, it wasn’t going away. Your colouful vision were soon replaced with darkness. Slowly and eventually, you drifted off to sleep.

The bell hanging on the front door chimed as a young man frantically enter the store as if he was worried that someone might get mad. Eyes scanning for a familiar figure, he found you in a corner of the cafe, quietly resting with your head on your arms cushioning your cheeks from the hard wooden surface.

A gentle smile crept on his face as he noticed the stack of coffee cups on the table, knowing that you had tried your best to stay awake.

Walking towards the sleeping figure, his hands ever so softly caressed your cheeks before carrying you on his back, making your hands sturdily wrapped around him before walking out of the cafe.

He found a small inn around the area and rented a room.

While carrying you, he made sure his movements were careful and quiet so that he does not wakes you up.

He placed your delicate sleeping figure on the bed and pull the blanket to cover you up. He then gets inside the blanket and proceeds cuddled up to you, arms protectively clinged around your body.

“Sweets dreams, princess.”

Childe gave you a peck on your forehead before heading off to sleep with you in his arms.

*laughs* I think I am more in love with him now and this is so fluffy I KENNOT _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

yes I managed to retrieve this back and I am honestly so freakin relieved rn (at least I posted something like I’ve promised T-T)

My first headcanon and sorry if it was overly detailed because ahem…. I like them detailed soo… yep.

Hope ya’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin childe #childe x reader #childe genshin impact #headcanon #request #fluff scenario #cries softly #s/o headcanons

[music-never-sleeps-inside]

Sometimes I wonder. Why at moments I feel the utmost joy. I feel fine. Full of energy. Then most of the time over and over again it hits me in the face just.....how much of a blind idiot I can be. So much of what I say and do feels like I just shove what i want or what i think into peoples faces........and i hate it.....i may not be doing it but so much of the time i feel like that's what i do. And all i do. And it makes me sick to my stomach. And even though i just want to dissapear I both am afraid of being alone and of hurting those that may care........so I just end up being stuck......floating in a darkness I dont understand 90% of the time....witch makes me lazy.....no energy.....unable to change myself easily.....so that if I cant be happy for myself......i can at least fake it and be happy for the one or ones I'm with.......friends...partners ....or whatever else......witch ends up doing more harm to them then good....because they end up getting annoyed...or exhausted because I cant do what they want or need........and I hate it.........I hate being me.....being alive.....because it just ends up making things worse.....its obvious I am not wanted to have kids....because not ounce, not twice....but 3 times I've lost that chance...........and it hurts......because its me......in the end.....that causes it somehow.......whenever theres been an accident or somehow I caused the possibility of it starting.....it slips from my grasp and that possible future they couldve had dissapears because they pass before they even get born because they have my blood in them....or at least that's what it feels like......among many other things...........idk what to do with myself......I cant see or think of the future and when I do......I end up forcing others to change there plans.......like my partner rn.........I'm jsut holding them back.......those that care for me as a friend.....I'm just holding back. .and i just end up worrying or hurting..........let alone half the time it's not even me making the choices and decisions.......I'm jsut sick....sick of it.....and I just wants to leave.....permanently but I cant. .....so I'm stuck....causing more suffering to everyone I know.........I'm just a parasite......a ghost that shouldve passed all those years ago...and all those attempts in the past.......they should've worked........cause then no one would have to deal with me.......and so I wouldbt have to be cheated on....replaced....forgotten....broken....yet still clinging to what I feel for those that did it to me.....and forgiving....forgiving and forgiving because even if they do it again.......and again.......I deserve it anyway.....for not being able to be enough......because I'm not....for anyone......or anyones.......... never have and never will be....friends...partner....or family...never will be and always have been a dissapointment and a waiste of time and space........

Not sharing this for attention......sharing it to get it off my mind for now. ......before I del it later..........so yeah......dont send me..a it's ok your enough orbwhatevr else may come to mind......because even if they may be true I dont beleive it.......not because those who say it arent beleiveabke but because I've heard it so many times but nothing changes.....I dont change.....nor do people. ...so its ok....I'll be fine I think....just.....venting...

#me #myself #personal #del later #tired

[trashbinbackyard]

any kind of relationship is applicable so... familial 1-10 for borys and lew, romantic 11-20 for serena n konow and platonic 21-31 (32 if ya like) zoe and reno if that's available yet

everything goes!

Brothers Sagar

1. What is their relationship to each other?

Bröthers, Lew is the elder and more chaotic and disappointment to the parents while Borys is the more respectable one

 2. How did they first encounter each other? What did they first think about each other? 

Lew when he was five and Borys was born, upon seeing his newborn brother, he just said, “ew”

3. What is their relationship like now?

Borys will forever be salty about Lew getting promoted to captain when he had worked much harder and generally be more reliable. But he’d also die for Lew if he had to. 

Lew likes to tease Borys and calls him a baby all the time. He’s not as miffed about Borys as he is about Lew and would not hesitate to die for him either.

 4. What will their relationship be like in the future?

Borys finally gets his rank of knight captain while lew is... promoted... to spy master. But they both agree this is more Lew’s alley anyway so Borys is not as salty as he used to be. Lew is also and uncle now so that’s neat. They keep close contact and are now little more close than they used to be (not that they weren’t close before, just more now)

 5. What traits does each person find endearing in the other?

Lew can respect Borys being dutiful and kind and smart, he feels like he fucked up his teen/early adult years so bad but at least their parents can be proud of one (1) son.

Borys find Lew’s antics increasingly amusing and he’s always fun to be around.How he’s always up for shenanigans and how fiercely protective he is

 6. Which traits does each person find annoying in the other?

While Lew’s shenanigans are amusing, most of the results are.. not. Lew is very short sighted and bit of a loose cannon when it comes to life choices. Also, not that great taste in partners

Lew would like Borys to lighten up a little, stop being so high and mighty goody-two-shoes, dont you just want to go apeshit

 7. How often do they see each other? How often do they talk to each other?

In Lew’s early 20′s they didnt see each other at all with Lew being in some gang. When Borys joined the military in his 20′s Lew finally showed up with one fith of his fingers missing and hanged around in Glasford. They later relocated to the eastern outpost where they shared their duties and got up to some sibling shenanigans. 

 8. Could they live together easily? Why/why not?

They pretty much lived in the same barracks all the way up to Lew’s career change when he returned to Glasford. It went pretty well, and all their fellow soldiers knew about the brothers, just keep their sleeping quarters separate bc Lew would keep Borys awake all night

 9. How much physical contact would these characters have with each other? 

Hugs, fist bumps, chest bumps, flying nut high fives, you know, bro stuff

10. What would they get for each other as birthday gifts?

Borys gives Lew two stick and says he found his fingers. Otherwise they just get each other some beer, no need to be fancy or creative

How to get disowned by your family 101

 11. What hobbies do they share, if any?

Both ride horses, Serena for fun and Konow more out of duty but, you know, when it’s two of them on an outing it’s no longer duty

 12. Do either of them have any hobbies or interests which annoy the other? 

All the high magic stuff goes over Konow’s head a little, but not to the point of annoying. 

13. Do any of their beliefs (religious, moral, or otherwise) differ? Do they conflict strongly?

Serena’s main god is Leeo, the god of wisdom and magic, for obvious reasons, but Konow leans more to Devia, but they’re n the same pantheon so it really doesn’t matter, Leeo is bit of a niche god anyway and in Thani the main gods are Devia and Frara

 14. Who is the better cook? Who is better at general household tasks?

Konow because he makes his own food more often than not, Serena, is a rich kid with servants in the manor, she’s not helpless but just not used to doing household stuff

 15. Which of them is more adventurous? Is the other adventurous enough to go along with them? 

Serena for sure, it was her idea to run away go study to Asaya. Know would’ve been fine with staying in Thani but Serena asked so nicely

16. Would they go on holiday together, and where would they go? 

Their entire two years in Asaya was one big holiday, they also ventured more south to Esweck

17. When one is feeling down, how does the other respond? 

Konow offers a listening ear and a holding hand. Serena if she notices Konow is feeling down she’ll make an excuse to leave the manor ground with him to be just to two of them or order everyone out of her room to have only Konow there so he can openly tell what’s going on

18. If one was in a difficult life situation, what would the other do for them?

Their entire dynamic is one difficult life situation. First they stayed hidden, Serena taking blame if they would be caught so nothing would happen to Konow, then they ran away, Konow keeping Serena safe in strange lands. They both look out for each other

 19. Has one ever had to stop the other from making a very foolish decision? And did the other listen to them?

It’s usually Serena who is about to do something that Konow has to stop. She listen to his reasons. But the most foolish of the decisions they made Together, at the same time, without consulting each other

 20. Has one ever strongly encouraged the other to make a big decision? Did they go through with it? 

Serena, convincing Konow to leave with her. He of course went through with it and it easily was the best decision in his life (the crashing of a wedding is only the second best bc boy howdy was he embarrassed)

Bounty dudes 

21. How would one feel about the other being in love (with them or with someone else)? 

They both would be rooting for the other, Reno seeing the kind of messy divorce of Zoe and Zoe comforting Reno when he widowed. They wish the best for the other, and think the other deserves all the happiness

22. Are there any other people who are a part of both their lives, e.g. friends or family members they share?

The entire bounty hunter office of citadel is their family at this point, Reno might be familiar with Zoe’s son and Zoe is rather close with Reno’s kids and grandkid too

 23. How does each person feel about the other person’s family members and close friends? Do they get along with them? 

Zoe gets along, she might a little intimidating at first but she gives no reason for any friends or family to be afraid of her. Zoe’s ex Knows of Reno and would greet him if they ever run into each other but they’re not close. Zoe’s son is little afraid of Reno (like he is of her mother too)

24. Do either of them get jealous over relationships the other one has with friends/family/romantic partners/other people?

Nah, they’re pretty chill, though Zoe is a little jealous how Reno is not divorced and she sometimes thinks why her marriage didn’t work (and then she goes to therapy)

 25. Is either person jealous of the other’s wealth or possessions? 

They earn the same so no need to be jealous of money

26. If the pair of them had to look after a young child or pet, what would happen?

Reno would be the more competent one and Zoe... she tries, oh my god does she try but she’s pretty stubborn and if something small goes wrong she’ll have a Moment

 27. How far would each go to protect the other?

They’ve both in the past jumped to danger to haul the other to safety, plenty of scars to prove those times. This day Zoe takes on all the complaints and responsibility from the police and the public so Reno can focus on their people and not worry about those things

 28. Is there anyone else that each person would protect over the other, if they had to make a choice?

Zoe would die for her son. Reno would do the same for his family too probably, both acknowledge the fact. (but i can’t think of a situation rn where they would have to make that choice)

 29. If one died, how would the other respond? What would happen to them afterwards?

Deep grief, they’ve been comrades since rookies, they’ve shared pretty much everything and no other friend would ever replace them

 30. How far would each person follow the other? Would they trust them enough to commit crime because the other asked them to?

If Zoe is in big fights with police Reno would back her up, if she’s upset with something the justice system i feel like he would trust her reasoning. Same with Zoe to Reno, if he goes against the grain she’d be 100% on board. But no crimes, they’re bounty hunter after all (unless the law is unjust then yea)

 31. If one wronged the other badly, would the other forgive them easily?

After long talks and time to cool down, explain why they did it and promise to consult them in the future

#yeah babey! #armed asshats #space shitstorm #fill in the gaps for reno i went pretty much on a hunch here lmao #zoe is not unstable mentally but she's just a big persona and some narrow views on strength #but its ok she goes to therapy to fix all that so she can have a better relationship with her son #we stan adults going to therapy #wolf goes too #and jesse probably too #you run into your superior at the therapist office wyd

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

#rambles #i dont even feel like explainig any of this stuff more if it was unclear #bc trying to re-tell what ppl from bureaucracies told me and each nd every thing explained is so complex

[cozymochi]

☕️ - any favorite Zim theories and/or drawing pet peeves :0

AWW MAN... AWW MAN...

I don’t think I’ve ever really spoken up about what IZ theories/headcanon stuff I’m into? Granted, for as much of a fixation as I have on the series as a whole rn, I don’t really actively interact with the fandom much lol. Then again, it’s not exactly the easiest thing to do either given how hard it is to share content on this site these days

AS FOR THEORIES I’ve generally liked it’s pretty much any scenario where people use biology abd the theory of evolution to determine how the Irken’s got to where they are currently. WITH HOW RANDOM and frankly all over the place in-universe narratives go, a lot of it’s world-building is surprisingly consistent. And it doesn’t bother to explain itself either, which in a weird way I think works in it’s favor? How the Irken’s function is just... THERE. And I like how people will use real life evolution theories to explain stuff like...

Why they are dependant on Paks and other machinery, why the Irkens do want to conquer shit so much, why smeets/children are brought up underground and why they’re born out of incubators. Random Stuff like that. Everything is strangely really consistent in a universe where characters can be killed off in one episode and come back to life in the next as if nothing happened. (Considering how absurd the series is, it can get away with that shit pretty easily. At least it doesn’t take itself seriously in that regard) BUT YEAH. I’m mostly into that stuff lol. I feel like it’s pretty hard to accomplish this weird mix of just enough info to be a solid enough species/society, but enough open-endedness that people can just go crazy on the headcanons in a weirdly organic way?? I dunno. I give a lot of kudos to how creative people can get with what’s established despite how nebulous any of it can be.

I’m glad it’s something I’ve seen a lot and I too think about it kfgdgdgf. The fact none of this actually matters is also a plus, just something fun to think about kfhdhdf.

DRAWING PET PEEVES THOUGH???

*stares at my inability to create more interesting composition*

Y’know, the usual 😂😂😂 but for real... hmm... i’ve never really liked the “realistic” look thing some artists do. Like, take something stylistic and cartoony and translate into this semi-realistic look? I commend folks ability to do that as it takes a lot of technical skill to accomplish but I usually shy away from that sort of thing. Idk if that’s a peeve so much as just a preference thing

actually i think depending on what the art is about my pet peeves may change. Like i suppose for example in IZ art i don’t really like Zim being anything BUT short and he better stay short jfhdgdg (although i understand enlongating since action can be hard to accomplish with tiny limbs- SO LONG AS THE SHORT VIBES ARE KEPT)

Or in something a bit more familar to most of my followers, for dragon ball a peeve I have is like... whenever folk get rid of the iconic anime hair on characters like Goku and replace it with something, i GUESS “realistic.” Mostly since i feel like that kinda negates what makes the character distinct.

ACTUALLY YKNOW WHAT, TL;DR, AN EASIER ANSWER TO THIS IS: an art pet peeve of mine is the removal of distinct characteristics. I just dont like thaaat. Removing stuff like that can really just, make something unrecognizable hdgdgdh but yknow that’s just my thing

THE END

#cozy ask #i dunno i just really like how the worldbuilding works here #a lot of thought was put into it despite what it is #as for the peeve it really is a personal thing #im not exempt from doing that at one point or another #assuming the mindset is similar: i just think it has to do with a few factors #either the thing is too hard to draw without modification #it’s a deliberate choice #or it’s something the artist has to distaste for #i know i have more art peeves but like. NOT OPENING THAT

[mirakcis]

Get to know me

Thanks for the tag @ketnep :)

tagging @magniloquent-raven @referencedyke @dramatizationandplottwists @ravens-nest and anyone else who feels like it :)

---

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? Burgundy

2. Name a food you never eat: Olives (I’m a bad greek)

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too Warm

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Eating Dinner

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? Reese Cups

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Several on band trips that I can’t remember but I’ve been to see the Celtics, Toronto Maple Leafs and Blue Jays, and I’ve been to Fenway Park

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? "yeah, ok” (parent nagging lol)

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Mint Chocolate Chip

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Coke

10. Do you like your wallet? sure, its not ideal but its the smallest one I could find

11. What is the last thing you ate? "taco” bowl - beef, rice, peppers, tomato

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Not last weekend but my PUP merchandise from their livestream show just arrived yesterday

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Honestly I’m not a sports person

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? just popcorn with a fuckload of butter on it, or white cheddar smartfood

15. Who is the last person you sent a text to? @tjhammond

16. Ever been camping? Yeah, we picked the worst wettest weekend for it and my family never wanted to go again

17. Do you take vitamins? no but I was on T for 4 years, i take daily antihistamines, nasal anti-allergy, and an inhaler, and sleep meds lmao

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? nah

19. Do you have a tan? no, its end of october and I barely got any sun this summer thanks to the ~PANDEMIIIIIC~

20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza? Pizza 100%. Chinese is good but I’ll just eat 10 chicken balls and hate myself after lol

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? not if i can help it

22. What color of socks do you usually wear? black. i have some fun ones but mostly black

23. Do you ever drive over speed limit? legally, no. But most people go AT LEAST 140 on most Toronto highways because they’re lunatics. Remember when it was crazy to go 120?

24. What terrifies you? Terrifies? Wasting my life away. Mildly scary - spiders.

25. Look to your left. What do you see? darkness out the window.

26. What chore do you hate the most? dusting

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Chris Hemsworth

28. What’s your favorite soda? Diet Coke

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Usually I would go in to force myself to take a break but with COVID I usually do drive thru or even like Uber/Skip/etc

30. What’s your favorite number? 56 is the family lucky/omen number so i’m obligated

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom, if my cat doesn’t count

32. Favorite meat? just a big fucking hunk of fatty rare beef. or sushi grade salmon

33. Last song you listened to? presently listening to a random spotify playlist so whats currently playing is High Enough by K. Flay

34. Last book you read? remember when it was fun to read books??? wild. I think it was I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett (thanks @magniloquent-raven - i STILL have to get the motivation to read The Shepherd’s Crown, which I borrowed from them EASILY over a year ago >.>)

35. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, because I’m unemployed and days dont matter

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? no

37. How do you like your coffee? I don’t drink coffee - i love the smell but hate the taste. Only way i really tolerate it right now is a Java chip frap from Starbucks

38. Favorite pair of shoes? my black vans that are falling apart and I need to replace >.>

39. Time you normally get up? 10ish now that i’m not working. 

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunset? Sunrise if I live in a place with a lot of light. Sun gets me motivated.

41. How many blankets do you have on your bed? one right now, but when it gets colder I usually have at least 2

42. Describe your kitchen plates: i live with my parents rn so theirs are like. white in the center with some weird geometric red green blue yellow on the rims. They also have fancy plates that are all white squares, and old dishes that are all over the place.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment: parents kitchen. cleaned as spotless as possible. they got it redone a few years ago now and it has some gorgeous dark grey stone countertops that I love.

44. Do you have favorite alcoholic drink? I’ve been sober since January with a brief episode in March, but when I used to drink I was a bit of a Beer person - preferred craft Pilsners and Lagers and the light stuff

45. Do you play cards? Dutch Blitz? Its a specific card game with its own decks that I love....or solitaire but only on my phone

46. What color is your car? dont have a car of my own but I drive my dads a lot and its blue

47. Can you change a tire? I really should know how to but hey...

48. Your favorite state or province? British Columbia. I was born there and we used to visit family there twice a year. Whenever I smell the air getting off the plane it just hits differently. I’ve decided I’m going to die there. No idea whats up between now and then tho.

49. Favorite job you’ve had? Hairstyling at the last salon i was at was pretty great but we’re not gonna talk about that rn.

#long post #personal #text post

[honeyboyfelix]

1 through 47 answer pls 😩🙏

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?~ im a ok with either 

2.When did your last hug take place?~ uh..............its been months

3.Are you a jealous person?~ hmmm it depends i get friend jealous :l but thats cause im used to being replaced 

4.Are you tired right now?~ always!

5.Do you chew on your straws?~ of course i do how do you not???

6.Have you ever been called a tease?~ asdfgh yeah

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?~ im sure i have at least once

8.Do you cry easily?~ i have been recently but i didnt before i got into kpop

9.What should you be doing right now?~  hhhh its exactly 9pm rn so playing dnd

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?~ hmmm no

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?~ 2/3 of my relationships have lasted more then 6 months so yes (the third lasted a week...we dont talk about that)

12.Are you mad at someone right now?~ uh no? i dont thinki am

13.Do you believe in love?~ yes

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?~ watching mbmbam compliation

15.Who was the last person you talked to?~ im talking to my dnd group rn~

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?~ yes

17.Will you get married?~ hmmm i dont know i dont think you need to be married to be in love (but those tax benefits tho 👀)

18.When was the last time you smiled?~ uh rn, but i smile all the time, i make it mandatory to try to smile everyday

19.Does anyone like you?~ god if i know

20.Do you secretly like someone?~ hmmmm rn? no i dont like to have crushes on people who i dont know if they like me so i just dont??????

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?~ uh goblinon

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?~ also goblinon~

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?~ whatever the fuck dm chris has planned for us today, he keeps mentionaing that shits going down soon and im scared

24.What ARE you looking forward to?~ christmas! the secret santa event! levanter!! so much to be excited

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?~ uh yeah im sure someone has (its hard to tell if people mean it but plenty have told me they love me)

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?~ uh turn and walk away? i dont like watching people kiss but i wouldnt care if my ex was kissing someone like???? not my problem

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?~ uh i hope i can but probably not

28.Are you a forgiving person?~ i try to be :]

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?~ uh...pass

30.Do you fall for people easily?~ yes

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?~ nah

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?~ coffee

33.Who was the last person you drove with?~ my mom

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?~...7am because im a menace to society

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?~ absolutely 

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?~ my cat

37.Can you live a day without TV?~ yep 

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?~ uh idk

39.Three names you go by..~ sam, sami, nani

40.Are you currently in a relationship?~ nope~

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?~ uh i cant think of any rn

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?~ uh no i think that people have soulmates but not just one

43.What’s your current problem?~ depression

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?~ uh no? maybe?

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?~ im alright with them! theyre a little complicated but if you love someone its worth it~

46.How many kids do you want to have?~ uh currently 0

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?~ yes 😫

i finished it ayyy thank you for asking anonnie i love youuuuu~ 

[thegeminisage]

alright im about to watch 5.03 of merlin for the 2nd time ever

because if i dont do it now i may NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE

but first i wanna get out of the way that i thought merlin convincing arthur to keep the ban on magic in 5.05 because he was trying to thwart ~*~destiny~*~ or whatever is the laziest writing ever, it’s unsatisfying for the audience, it renders the rest of the last season utterly pointless, it’s unfair to merlin and arthur, and the tonal shift of the show from farting trolls in season 2 to full greek tragedy in season 5 was completely unwarranted and i feel TRICKED as a human person because i expected the end to be bittersweet and make me sad, not table-flipping angry, and i do not at all have high hopes for the finale

but i can ignore something having a “bad last five minutes” i did it for life is strange and final fantasy 13-2 i will do it for merlin but honestly 

speaking on 5.03, after it was over the first time i was like “i can never write my fanfic now because nothing i ever do will be as good as that” but i’m really relieved in that way that that was apparently the last good episode of merlin because now i can continue my work in peace and maybe hopefully even actually finish it

okay commence the liveblog:

love that arthur and merlin are down to just jump off their horses whenever random women start screaming in the distance. season 5 could have been so good, they’re so much more grown up and in sync with one another, i absolutely LOVE their #vibe

it was interesting to me also that arthur DEMANDED a fair trial for this woman despite her being accused of sorcery. god, he was SO CLOSE?? that hatred of magic just can’t really take root in him especially with uther gone...arthur may be an asshole in the early seasons, and he may be quick to anger and quick to lash out in that anger, but it’s just not in him to be cruel, especially needlessly

EVEN THIS LADY IS LIKE “u showed kindness and compassion” arthur is a Good Boy deep down he is he IS he didn’t care a bit about that horn she gave him but still politely said it was beautiful

although lmao the way his face changed when she said it was magic...that’s the STUFF

lowkey losing it at athony head in the credits. i was looking to see if he’d be in the s5 ones since he’s dead and didn’t see him in 5.01 or 5.02 so when i DID see him in 5.03 i was like haha no way did they pay to put him in here i guess i just missed him the first couple of times BUT I WAS WRONG

like, in buffy, they spend an entire episode trying to decide whether or not to necromance their mom or whatever and she doesnt actually APPEAR IN THE EP they never SEE her i thought this would be an episode ABOUT uther i didn’t think uther would be IN it

love that from the get-go arthur’s face screams “i am thinking about making a terrible mistake” and merlin’s face is like “he is thinking about making a terrible mistake”

i’m quite proud of merlin in s5 actually. bad writing aside he uses multiple braincells many times per episode. it’s a vast improvement. same energy as clary from shadowhunters right down to getting shafted in his final season

ive said it before and ill say it again gwen looks SOOO GOOOOD as queen

if this is the anniversary of uther’s death then (if you go by 1 season = 1 year) arthur just turned 30...it’s been nine years and change since merlin met him, and by the end of season 5 it will have been an entire decade

in an otherwise increddibly heavy episode arthur panicking and throwing all the apples out of the bowl so he could cover the horn with it is absolutely priceless. season 5 if nothing else has really hammered home for me what a TERRIBLE liar arthur is - merlin got good at it fast out of necessity but arthur can’t hold a poker face to save his LIFE. “leave it.” “why??” “because i’m telling you to and i’m the king of camelot” buddy......

we were ROBBED. if there had ever been a day where arthur came to accept merlin’s magic but still had to help merlin hide it there could have been an entire episode of arthur nearly blowing merlin’s cover because he’s a nervous nelly and at the end he goes “i cant believe you have had to do this 24/7 for YEARS without a single friend to help you” and merlin goes “well now i have you” anyway.

i love also that repeatedly when arthur goes to do something scary by himself he also brings merlin. they LITERALLY are two halves of a whole

“you’re threatening me with a spoon??” i can’t tell you about the unfortunate fanfics i have seen involving The Spoon. i shall also not mention the ones involving The Glove. we will not speak of it

I CANNOT BELIEVE STONEHENGE IS IIN MERLIN. i got so agitated i did not pay one bit of attention to the conversation following its reveal and me and cathy and had to rewind so i could listen properly

my hate-on for stonehenge goes thusly: stonehenge apocalypse, starring misha collins, is @callowyn‘s favorite movie. i have seen it 45 times. i hate it nearly as much as she loves it. it’s an age-old battle

merlin is so intense when he looks for signs in arthur that he DOESN’T totally hate magic...arthur using magic to see his dad again is one of those signs. he’s willing to turn to it in desperation - maybe he’d be willing in less desperate times too

“my father was taken from me before his time” i mean...he was practically in a coma. so like. he wasn’t

love that when arthur mentions merlins dad ONCE he immediately looks like he’s about to cry. mood. i also want to cry every time i think about merlins dad

up until the moment i laid eyes on uther i was SURE they werent actually gonna do it. i came into this thinking it was a FLASHBACK EP

for the record (and believe me i NEVER thought i’d say this) even though i waited and waited for his demise and cheered when he was gona for good...i really missed uther in season 4. at least with uther you know what you’re getting. agravaine (his replacement as “evil guy who keeps us from being able to solve our problems too easily”) was a slimy cowardly CREEP. and in season 5 i WISH things were as simple as “work around uther’s pigheaded unreasonableness”

for a hot second i really thought uther and arthur would have a nice conversation where they reconciled or said something heartwarming. i was worried about an uther redemption arc - this guy is responsible for the genocide of magic users, he doesn’t deserve redemption - but this show said NOT TODAY and they said it QUICK

WE

ARE

SO

BLESSED

i have A LOT of issues with season 5 but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS WAS DADDY ISSUES 2.0 BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD

repressed trauma returns: harder better faster stronger!! that’s the STUFF

was i not just speaking the other day on my fanfic ask meme about how i love emotionally intense stuff? this is IT babey

uther’s such a bad father! he’s with his only child again for the last time in ever and all he does is tear him a new one! this is why arthur’s such a fucked-up human being (morgana too) 

i’m THRILLED we got to revisit this. his eyes get bigger and bigger and he starts fucking stammering and by the time uther’s done calling him weak and a failure he looks ready to CRY. i was HOLLERING. i still couldnt believe uther was even HERE and not only is he HERE he’s a WRECKING BALL

“this CAN’T be the last time i’ll ever see you” oh buddy you’re gonna wish it was

and he looks back, as he leaves. of COURSE he does. just like lot’s wife. so it goes.

you know how at the end of every supernatural episode sam and dean debrief and talk about their feelings in the car? for merlin and arthur it’s almost always done around a campfire at night - sometimes in arthur’s chambers or other places, but usually out here in the wilderness where it’s just the two of them. i’m...really going to miss it, when it’s gone.

“my father doesn’t approve of the way i’ve chosen to rule his kingdom” “you mean YOUR kingdom”

you know i don’t think i really got...like, fundamentally, on a deep level...that merlin fucking HATES uther

i’ve seen him save uther’s miserable life so many fucking times that i thought for merlin it was kind of the way it was with gwen - he feels nothing for him, but he looks after him for arthur’s sake (or as i came to understand later because he’s professor x about the whole thing)

but the way his expression got SO UGLY when arthur revealed that uther just shit-talked him the entire time...holy fuck

between that & some other stuff that happens later it really paints a clearer picture of like...uther’s dead so merlin doesn't have to hold back anymore and he FUCKING HATES HIM?? like obviously he SHOULD bu i just never SAW it before this. merlin LOATHES him. it’s INCREDIBLE to witness when he bore it so silently for so long. maybe even merlin didn’t realize just how much he hated him until now

and not to get too real here but if youve ever been friends with someone who had an abusive/toxic parent or was in an abusive/toxic relationship and you watch them feeling like shit after and they start making excuses for that asshole like “oh yeah he’s right about x” and you just want to find this horrible person and THROTTLE THEM that emotion is like ALL OVER merlin’s face rn. i didn’t actually seriously "”ship”” merlin and arthur until late season 4/early season 5 (i didnt like dislike it i just wasnt actively bothered by a lack of it) and what changed was this vibe. merlin wants to kill uther all over again just because he made arthur feel this way. he’s so fuckijng PROTECTIVE

and he still almost manages to drag a smile out of him via roasting, god bless these 2

ok so i didnt believe this show would actually DO THAT re: putting uther himself in this ep but i was doubly shocked by the fact that he HITCHED A RIDE AND GOT OUT

me shrieking during this entire poltergeist sequence: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IT’S REALLY HIM?? HOLY FUCK HE IS LITERALLY HAUNTING ARTHUR I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE DOING THIS I CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE GIVING US THIS etc etc etc

actually most of that was probably muffled nonsense because i was yelling with both hands over my mouth

percival’s the realest motherfucker on this whole show. dude survives a murder attempt in which he got an AXE lobbed at him by the fucking GHOST of a power-mad genocidal king and he’s like: yeah idk i guess it fell

there was thunder in the bg for this WHOLE ep and i’m Big into it

absolutely CACKLING at the bit where merlin has to ask arthur if he looked back at uther’s spirit. it’s one of those nice big heavy questions - so heavy, in fact, that arthur can’t answer, can’t even LOOK at merlin, either because he’s ashamed or because he’s bugging out or both. you thought this shit was over? it’s never over! daddy issues are a lifelong ride, pal! arthur’s just get to haunt him literally this time. god it’s so fucking good

can i just say? merlin reads that damning silence reeeal well. and it’s a big, heavy thing to know about arthur - but then again he knows all the big heavy things about arthur

the score for this episode is really good too...very suspenseful and good, adds a lot to the atmosphere, keeps it from getting too slow

there’s a hint of merlin’s absolute HATRED of uther in this conversation again - the way his face tightens when he says “uther would do anything to protect his legacy and that makes him dangerous, who knows what he’s capable of now”

and arthur dismisses him because he can’t hear this but merlin almost refuses to leave - and when he DOES leave, he doesn’t take his eyes off arthur for one fucking second. he stares him down all the way out of the room. i don’t think it’s because he’s angry with arthur, per se - he’s angry with uther, and he knows uther in a way arthur never can or will, as someone ruthless who will kill without warning or remorse. he’s afraid of uther and he’s trying to get arthur to be afraid of uther too before it’s too late and LSDKFJGHSLDFJH

if you’re thinking “thats a lot to interpret from one look” yes it is but i’m right. IT’S A BIG, HEAVY LOOK. NICE AND LOADED. love unpacking all of that

i cant believe this dude tried to KILL GWEN like he really is coming after everything that makes arthur happy. im so glad it was merlin that saved her. i really do think merlin is her best friend

multiple times in this serious arthur fidgets when he’s nervous or thinking, usually with his hands near his mouth. i am endeared to him. my poor boy

“i always knew my father could be cruel but why would he do this to gwen when he knows i love her” BECAUSE HE’S CRUEL

merlin knows. merlin knows his cruelty much better than arthur. boy does he know. i’m dying. it’s fine

love that at this part of the ep we slide seamlessly into the “merlin and arthur are both scared shitless” section which was truly one of my favorite things about the s4 opener. they’re both so fucking jumpy and giving each other shit about being frightened and continuing to be frightened anyway. the DELICIOUS IRONY of arthur finally being scared of uther in the way merlin has been scared of uther for Y E A R S oh my god it’s so GOOD

do also love the entire silent conversation they have when deciding what to do about the door. this is what i mean by their upgraded vibe.l in the early seasons merlin wouldn’t have understood and his lack of understanding would have been played for laughs. now they’re totally in sync

here’s the thing, gaius could have made this magic “able to see uther’s ghost” potion for just arthur and he didn’t. he made it for both of them. everything arthur does merlin does. they’re partners in all things. they’re COMPANIONS. and this is why i finally now Ship It. tragic.

you know this is a kind of weird comparison but late seasons arthur reminds me JUST a bit of gwaine. he complains so much less that he sort of has that same “roll with whatever” vibe to him. pretend to faint so you can steal some guy’s dagger? why not. take this foul potion that may kill us? sure, let’s do it. come what may he’s not really fussed. much more unflappable

until he starts getting spooked again LMFAO 

we do love a good pair of spooked dumbasses. this is charming and entertaining.

leon HAD to know they were lying about poetry. he probably thought they were having.......a tryst,

love also that even in this very dire moment merlin does NOT miss the chance to have some fun at arthur’s expense. that’s true friendship

i got jumpscared three separate times during this ep and one of them was when uther was glaring down merlin and arthur in the hallway after leon left

arthur didn’t jump but he did go hunting after him and to his credit he does not look scared. he looks like a man who is trying to deal with his business and get his shit together

merlin made that FACE again when arthur expressed sadness at hunting his own father because all he ever wanted to DO was make him proud

honestly it’s like since he can’t shit-talk uther he just sings arthur’s praises instead like this here is a guy who is just barely holding his tongue about how fuckin pissed he is. i cant believe it

splitting up was the WORST idea. have they not seen scooby doo??

love that when merlin gets cornered by uther’s ghost and gets scared he yells for arthur and when arthur gets scared because his torch blows out he yells for merlin. you fools, why did you SPLIT UP

uther locks arthur in the room with him, which is already some top tier content, but doubly good? it’s the same room in which arthur nearly ran him through in 2.08. don’t think i didn’t notice. i did notice. i was shrieking into my hands.

seriously this is a pretty calm liveblog but the first time i watched this ep my face was like this the whole time: O O

just kept going “HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD” over and over. it was greeat

“arthur your fatal flaw is that you put too much trust in other people” do you think arthur, who now has a complex about people betraying him, ever forgot that for one second in his entire life afterward? me neither

speaking of 2.08 arthur dropped some FACTS “your hatred comes from fear” i'm sure they didn’t do it on purpose but #throwbacks

i’m fully experiencing human emotion. “i’m not you, i can’t rule like you did” he’s trying SO HARD to fight his way out of that bullshit

also lmao arthur like “then you’ll have to kill me” and uther like “yeah okay” arthur didn’t KNOW how this man was this could have been SUCH a good awakening

AND NOW IT’S TIME

FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EPISODE

when i say merlin hates uther. WHEN I SAY MERLIN H A T E S UTHER

HIS LINE HERE. ok. “get away from him, uther. you’ve caused enough harm” he’s furious! he’s GROWLING! 

“you are just a serving boy” “i am much more than that” listen. human words cannot express the emotion that ran through me. when they said “we’re gonna bring back anthony head as uther” i doubted. when they said “he’s gonna be the bad guy and reopen all of arthur’s old wounds” i doubted. when they said “he’s still here LITERALLY haunting arthur who now has to HUNT HIM” I DOUBTED. i didn’t believe they’d do any of it until it was happening on my screen. but ONE LOOK at merlins face made a MOTHERFUCKING BELIEVER out of me. i knew exactly what he was about to do. pretty sure i gasped “NO” in astonishment

AND HE DID THAT

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

NOT ONLY. DID I SHRIEK ALOUD. FULL SCREAM. WHEN IT HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME. BUT JUST NOW. WHEN I WATCHED HIM DO IT AGAIN. MORE SCREAMING.

how LONG do you think merlin had ACHED to do that

to show himself to uther for what he was, what he REALLY WAS, someone to be reckoned with instead of someone to be overlookedd, without fear of consequences

i can’t even like

like just imagine the triple rush of 1. satisfaction 2. rage 3. lingering habitual terror

i think at this moment merlin was closer to and more like morgana than he had ever been and maybe ever will be again. because the two of them have so much in common but one thing i didn’t really clock until now is how much they both hate uther

it’s so good. uther is SHOCKED and DISMAYED and this is like merlin’s old fear come back from death too (getting found out by uther) while at the same time being a dream come true (getting to tell uther what he really thinks, who he really is - “i was BORN with it!”) he’s so ANGRY! he is LIVID!)

he’s also really SATISFIED like “even while you were king there was magic at the heart of camelot” GOD how long has he been WAITING for this and not even realized it

and like then uther starts spewing his hateful bullshit and stalking forward with the intent to kill and my guy merlin who should be terrified STANDS HIS MOTHERFUCKING GROUND and says right over him “you’re wrong, you’re wrong” for thirty beautiful seconds merlin really got to be free. i know i will keep comparing things to 2.08 until i die but it’s just like when arthur was almost ready to kill uther in cold blood because for one perfect, brilliant moment he really and truly saw clearly the world as it was. i really love these moments...the strength of their respective convictions is so gratifying

merlin yeeting uther through a door is also gratifying although i have no idea what he hoped to accomplish by following without waking arthur first

i. LOVE. that the camera lingered a little on the spears or whatever after merlin walked by them. nice little foreshadowing moment

THOSE SPEARS GOT AWFULLY CLOSE BUT IM PRETTY SURE UTHER MISSED ON PURPOSE BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TAKE HIS TIME. HIS MISTAKE

okay merlin spent the better part of a lifetime dreading uther’s death sentence and here’s uther stalking down a hallway sword pointed at his chest and certain death is IMMINENT and what does merlin’s face look like?

arthur comes in with the rescue and INSTANTLY his expression changes to?

IT’S BETTER IN MOTION BUT HE LOOKS READY TO CRY

my immediate thought: oh jesus what if uther outs him

i knew he wouldnt bc of spoilers but i would bet a benjamin that that was merlin’s first thought too

tbh. i wish he had.

i kind of wonder if merlin doesn’t wish the same thing. like yes being outed like that is terribly violating and he’s terrified of telling arthur obviously or he would have already but at the same time there would be so much relief once it was finally out. no more secret-keeping. no more burden

i mean, if you go back and watch it, dude’s straight up shaking. he’s trembling all over. he’s losing it. that last teary glance they exchanged.......

uther was two SYLLABLES away from blowing the whole thing

and in a better happier canon where arthur knows and was waiting for merlin to tell him this is like double angst because uther wouldve ben blowing something for them both

i like arthurs followup of realizing that he’ll never be able to please uther (step 1 of breaking away from the cycle of abuse) but for the LIFE OF ME

i will NEVER be able to understand why they segued into this GLOVE THING

i’m not talking about the glove thing

i will say however that by the end of this episode i was so hysterical i had to get up and get water and pace around my kitchen for ten minutes fanning my own face

and that’s it. that’s the second-best episode of merlin and the last good episode there ever was

#personal #merlin blogging #it took me three and a half hours to rewatch this episode because i kept pausing to scream #MERLIN DESERVES TO BE OUT TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME it's not FAIR #that episode deserved to be 20 minutes longer it ended too soon #in a happier world arthur found out about the magic and immediately took merlin's side and defended him against the genocidal maniac but app #apparently this show is a greek tragedy now

[skizmin]

minghao!soulmate au

prompt: if someone touches you, your soulmate feels warm where you’ve been touched and can sense how you feel about the contact (uncomfortable, calm etc;)

genre: fluff soooo much fluff, soulmates!au, very very brief and vague ment of sexual harassment its tiny pls dont be put off, college!au

a/n: hey minghao, i miss you, please rest lots and become healthy for seventeens next comeback!!

okay so

throughout your younger years youve never really paid much attention to your soulmate, ofc your parents told you when you were about four that the weird warm things you were feeling was your “one true love that you’ll meet later” and whatnot

i mean of course youd chuckle sometimes when your cheeks got all warm and an annoyed feeling fleetingly passed through you knowing your soulmate must be being coddled by one of his aunts or smth 

but other than that

you just went on with your life

it wasnt until you were sixteen did you start paying more attention to it

sometimes youd get a bit worried when youd feel a warm spot on your arm and a surge of slight anger in your heart but it was always quickly replaced by happiness

you knew it was his friends hitting him by then so you just chilled tf

even when you felt your ass became VERY warm, you felt the same anger/happiness flow through your body so you just shook the fact that your soulmates ass just got BEAt off and continued what you were doing. 

youll have junhui to thank for that later

so by the time you were going into university you had become very aware of the fact that your soulmate was barely ever getting hugs anymore

and you just :^((( poor bby

and an idea popped into your head like !!!

my soulmate feels warm when i get hugged akdfksjla

instantly you were like IM GONNA HUG EVERYONE!!!!! EVEN IF ITS AWKWARD

so like, first day on campus housing grounds you found your dorm house and with that your RA housemate

she was cool and you where like hhhhhhh

i barely know you but

i have this duty of care for my soulmate so im just gonna

and you hugged her rly big and you felt uncomfortable at first but also so proud of yourself like wow

get you a girl like me ;^))

anyway your housemate is like “oooooookay, this is your room here and its just us and three others who’re already here”

youre awkwardly like cool okay see u later

amd ur blushing rly hard but hey at least you did it

anyway fast forward a couple weeks and youre like hugging all your new friends everytime you see them and theyre like wow shes clingy but they still luv you

and youre!!

so!!

comfortable!!

abt doing it now like “hey hugs????? hugs are my shit.” ya feel?

cut over to minghao whos going to the same university as you with junhui

they both moved from china and minghao misses his fam so much :^(((

particuarly his mums hugs which he got all the time and sometimes he thought it was annoying but now hes like hhhh

MUM BRING ME BACK

minghaos mum was also rly open about haos soulmate and loved hearing about her

like one day hao came home (age 18???) fuming bc he felt his chest get warm in class and then his butt and a really strong feeling of fear and uncomfort and disgust filled him and he immediately knew what happened but he didnt feel anything else after that and he was so glad but still and his mum was like hao that happens to girls :^((( im sorry your soulmate must feel awful rn 

and hao felt sick in his stomach and he was like “im gonna kill anyone that does that to my soulmate again mum !!!!!!!!

and his mum was so proud

anyway hes almost fluent in korean by now and luckily junhui is good at making friends and found some that speak madarin and korean too so!!

their new friend jackson and some others are constantly with hao and hui being like “no that means square, this is how you say suspense” n shit

and hao learnt rly easily!! so did hui!! anyway

lately hao has been feeling his soulmate hug a lot of people lately and hed be rly happy except hes sorta 

“is my soulmate dating someone rn?? :^((” 

and hed remind himself you can date whoever you want before you meet him 

but hed still be all emo bc he wants love too and he misses his family and hes in a foreign country and hes failing one of his subjects bc how is he supposed to know all the non latin korean terms for all the flowers and plants they get pop quizzes on

and he just wants to hurry up and meet you bc hes all 

“everythings gonna be fine when i meet my soulmate!!!!!! theyre gonna make everything perfect for me!!!!!”

like, hao sweetie

calm down

but he’d be so determined like legit whenever junhui was with him and they were around people he’d be like JUNHUI TOUCH MY ARM

and he’d look around frantically for someone being like “tf my arm is warm gosh dang wonder what my soulmates up to lol” but he’d be a bit disappointed every time.

anyway tho so jackson invites him and junhui to his friend jaes party after teaching them all the korean slang shit

legit hes like

“guys. i think youre ready for your first party”

junhui nearly cries

little does he know youre??? invited to the same one by your housemate jimin (jyp gang here we go)

anyway you go to the party and are determined like legit hugging everyone you meet and jimins next to you like

im rly sorry about her dont ask

and minghaos in the kitchen like!!!! wth my soulmate keeps hugging people junhui smh smh 

he’s slightly buzzed and hella jealous

anyway he goes to the loungeroom for a sec to find his friend sicheng who just messaged that he was here 

and wow best luck ever you walk up to junhui and jae and meet them both!! youre all 

JAEE THANKS FOR HAVING THIS PARTY IM Y/N and you give him the biggest hug and then you turn to junhui whos all

hi im junhui

and smiling awkwardly and youre like

NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!

and give him an even bigger hug than you gave jae and jae and jimin are watching you like wtf and junhuis like awkwardly patting your back and IN COMES MINGHAO WHOS GETTING SICHENG A DRINK

hes like jeSuS chRiSt how many time does she have to hug her s/o in the span of an hour!!!!!!!!

and he feels random extra warmth spurt on his back and hes like what sort bf/gf pats their s/os back lmao and then he seens you hugging junhui and he like

pauses for a second 

then hes like haha gtta be a coincidence that i can see a georgeous random stranger hugging my best friend in the same way i can feel my soulmate hugging someone rn

amd junui sees hao and a wave of relief passes over him and he grabs your shoulders and pushes you away like

MINGHAO HEY!!

and you turn around as junhuis like “this is y/n, friend of a friend of jacksons ad jaes”

and minghaos like HOLY SHIT I FELT THAT MY SHOULDERS JUST GREW WARM

and then you meet eyes with the most goRGEOUS boy youve ever seen like HOW can someone look like that

and as soon as you meet eyes your body just gets soWARM and your heart like

fuckin swells and shit

and youre like ohmygodohmygod whats happening

and hes looking at you with the widest eyes ever and everyones like “wow they must find each other pretty hot theyre just staring at each other”

and suddenly minghao grabs sichengs hand and just places it on his chest and sichengs like wtf no homo

and you feel warmth on your chest and a surge of shock, excitement and hopefulness rush through your blood but the first thing you say is

WTF YOU PERV as youre grabbing your chest and junhui finally catches on and walks up and pokes you in the stomach and you yelp and minghao just touches the warm spot on his stomach and smiles SO wide

he legit runs up to you like OHMYGOD YOURE MY SOULMATE TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IVE DREAMT OF MEETING YOU MY WHOLE LIFE 

and he goes to hug you but stops himself

by now everyones gone to give you some privacy 

and youre like wot!!!!! hug me!!!!!!

but he just says “dont you have a partner?? im not doing anything with you until you and them break up” he ain no homewrecker sweeties no cheating in this household

and youre just like

????????? what ?????????

“youre always hugging your partner!! its hard not t notice, youre so proud after too :^(((”

and you start laughing

hes just pouting at you like whattttttttttttt

you say in between laughs

im hugging people for you!!! you havent been getting hugs lately, and i like it when you get hugs i love the feeling so i thought id hug a bunch of people so you could feel warm anf fuzzy inside!!!

he looks at you like,,,,,, oh,,,,,,

and then he swoops you into the biggest bear hug ever and you feel warm and fuzzy except its not the same. it feels so

so real??????

you almost start crying and then he pulls away looking teary eyed too

“y/n was it??? im minghao. and im looking forward to hugging you and being with you for the rest of my life.”

youve never smiled wider as you jumped into him and gave him your first kiss while thinking of how great your future was gonna be.

fin.

hope yall liked that shit!!!!!!

#minghao #xu minghao #the8 #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen aus #minghao scenarios #minghao imagines #the8 scenarios #the8 imagines #minghao fluff #minghao soulmate au #the8 fluff #the8 soulmate au #seventeen fluff #mingyu fluff #bts fluff #astro fluff #exo fluff #got7 fluff #jackson fluff #jimin fluff #jackson scenario #monsta x fluff #masterlist

[the-mulligan-wizard]

🌻! >:3

Flower = whatever i want to say!!Now that the year is over the first thing that comes to mind is to share some things I’m enjoying rn :3 So this post is now be giving out the “Holy Shit” awards for the coolest things I’ve experiencedGAMES: Blood (1997) is one of the best fucking games I’ve ever played and I am physically unable to not talk about it at least once a day (crimson definitely knows this lol). I’ve always said that Ultimate DooM and Duke Nukem 3d: Atomic Edition on the two pivotal best FPS games ever made and are the golden standard of FPS design. Blood joins their ranks by being absolutely timeless and with such tightly crafted mechanics that it will never get old. Also, Blood is super fuckin difficult. On normal difficulty it’s as hard as very hard on shadow warrior classic. But the mechanics are so tight that almost every death will still be the player’s fault. It’s a game where the only thing between the player and being an ultimate bringer of death is how much the player is willing to master the game. I’‘m gonna shut up about it before I keep going for another 20 minutes about it lol.As for games that actually came out this year, Celeste and DUSK are both amazing. SHOWS:Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure (parts 1-3) easily without any hesitation get’s the “Holy Shit” award. Even the worst episodes are fuckin awesome and the characters are great around the board. The creativity from episode to episode is unmatched by even my personal favorite shows. I always jokingly say that there are only 7 good shows, which I could list if anyone wants the list. JJBA joins the ranking and makes it now 8 good shows. AND CRIMSON TELLS ME PART 4 GETS BETTER? bs theres no way. A brutal amount of memorable characters that are often limited in appearances but can have whole shows dedicated to them. This is another case where I have to cut myself off now or else I won’t be able to stop myself. TL;DR I spent 4 hours hunting down my PS4 and ~60$ bucks on replacement parts because the JJBA game is on sale. As for shows that actually came out this year? You can’t catch me complimenting any new shit I watched that actually came out this year. The animation world was painfully weak IMO this year but next year is looking a lot better. MOVIES: I didnt watch many movies this year but The Breadwinner wins my “Holy Shit” award easily. This is easily in my top 10 favorite movies. Completely blew me away by how dedicated everyone working on the movie seemed to be when it came to making a perfect movie. Beautiful and powerful all around the board, I’m going to cut myself off now so you can go watching it right now. I’m not spoilin anything. As for movies that actually came out this year, there was a lot of “oooh look at this i’m a movie about a single nerdy idea look at how experimental I am” kind of movies that I don’t give a shit about. Avengers: Infinity War is the best movie this year that comes to mind. I fuckin hate superhero movies but Infinity War actually surprised me by being somewhat original and unique which some actually impressive visuals. If you hate dumbass superhero movies, give this one a chance. BOOKS:I dont read many books but I read a bit this year. I don’t think it was the best book I read this year but Anya’s Ghost really stuck with me. It’s a short read, it’s an easy read, but it’s really interesting and a lot deeper than I initially thought it was. Feed, Speak, and Long Way Down were also pretty good reads. Uhhhhhhhhh I think I remember reading a book that came out this year but I dont remember what it was which probably means it wasnt that good.

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode #4: “I am definitely sobbing 24/7” -Gavin

-okay so dan left eight to one a real... how you say... zzz. and then birch activates the earthquake and gives us... the best swap... ever...? i say us i mean ME so anyway the swap gives me... my alliance members of vi/collin/ruthie which YES. we already are half the tribe eat it UP. then i have cindi who im close to, who im also in a second game with rn. which BAM, and also... og tribe majority mmmmm delicious. THEN from the other tribe i get. BODHI who im also close to outside of this, and am also in another game with rn (where im about to vote to keep him in so woo we love  building trust...?). then i have rachael who is a sweetheart and TIMMY. ONE OF MY OLDEST ORG FRIENDS HELLOOO. this swap is kind of... too... good? all the people i'd wanna vote out are on the other tribe so the MO rn is to just sweep challenges ideally? thats the agenda. because rn the ones i want gone are birch/keegan/zachary/gavin... all of whom are on the other tribe. so we better get to winning even tho it might be bad for austin/jay if we do (but maybe timmy would go first idek)

-okay so... we just won jeopardy? that challenge truly had me weighing up and considering literally fighting a child because that zach is half child prodigy, half robot he was literally bodying the challenges... BUT THEN WE WON ASFJDKSAL. we literally just went for broke on the final jeopardy and it came THROUGH. im so so happy because i want all of my swap tribe at merge, they are all people i want to stick around so even one tribal would be a disaster. i think timmy might unfortunately be screwed just because jay/austin are really connected. also the annie tribe is probably gonna lose... another og tribe member. but HONESTLY what can you do. this is good for my longterm survival anyway hopefully they turn inwards and get rid of one of OG Jack even though its probably unlikely KJFLSAD.

-well, to start out, i am sorry this is later than anticipated. however, what matters is that i am doing it now... right? ANYWAYS... onto the confessional. i think the main thing i want to talk about this round, is the brilliant move i orchestrated during that challenge that gave us the win... and the fact that i got NO CREDIT FOR IT. OKAY Y'ALL... I SEE YOU. but anyways, i think it is clear that i am basically a mastermind. however, what really matters is that we won... so GO TEAM (me)! following the challenge this round i was added into an alliance chat planned by keegan and zach with rachael and myself. so, when jess wasn't included, i obviously had to go talk to her and subtly expose that alliance... and funnily enough, keegan added jess to alliance with birch! FUNNY. so, we basically figured out that keegan is trying to play everyone and anyone he can--which will definitely be useful information going forward. overall this round, i think i really strengthened some key bonds with birch and rachael specifically. i was on call with rachael for 5 hours straight and talked about personal things with birch for about an hour. so, i honestly feel pretty good going forward. and on the bright-side, if things start to look like they're going south, i always have that idol in my back pocket. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl.

-well, to no ones surprise... we swapped. AND I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY RACHAEL. i’m not crying... (jk, i am definitely sobbing 24/7). but on the bright side, i at least have jess with me. unfortunately due to zachs poor math skills, we lost the challenge that should have been an easy win for us given our lead going into the final jeopardy... but gavin is not bitter. so, unfortunately, we have to go to tribal with a brand new tribe. on the bright side, it seems to be looking in OG jack’s favor numbers wise, so i don’t particularly feel like i am in danger. however, you never know what could happen at tribal council. so, if worse comes to worse, i will have my idol ready to play—but i am hoping it doesn’t come to that. it appears as though austin or jay will be leaving—which is perfectly fine with me (even if i want keegan to go sooner rather than later, it’s best not to make any unnecessary waves right now. so i will continue to let him become a bigger target and try to take charge and snake as he does... and we will go from there.

https://youtu.be/R3zDNJfI3Pc

https://youtu.be/4QKj_KZhhCE

-I....am upset. You put me on a tribe with little cutie Gavin and then RIPPED HIM AWAY. I am beyond upset. I am outraged. SWAP US BACK COWARDS. Can't wait for the next earthquake to hit so we can be reunited. I miss him so much. He still sends me tiktoks though so thats cute. we are watching Hamilton together on Friday and I am so excited.

-It’s 1:02PM and I still miss Gavin.

-It’s 5:14 pm and I still miss Gavin. Hope he doesn’t go home, but I won immunity ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I forced a swap. yay! I also exiled myself, mainly to keep myself safe cause fuck getting voted out, Am I right? So I don't really have anything to report on. uhhhh, yeah. Go everyone!! 

-When your tribe mates don't listen to your wager advice and you lose the challenge :))))))))))))))))))))))))

-So a swap happened so that's fun.... I can't even lie I  have swap PTSD from my last Survivor. I was swapped into the minority, rocked myself out with an idol for a souvenir. THAT BEING SAID... This swap worked out for me! I think? At least for now? If I didn't have Gavin with me I'd be extremely worried but because I do believe he has an "in" with the bro's Keegan/Zach aka: a duo... I'll at least know if they are up to some shady shit. I also got Chips! SO PARTY. I'm really thankful we got a swap because I don't know if I would have survived a couple of votes on my previous tribe. I wasn't necessarily "in" with people. So a swap was welcomed but I was also scared shitless. This swap has really opened the door for me/Zach? I don't trust him the slightest BUT at least we have some sort of dialogue right now compared to the crickets we were exchanging on OG JACK. This swap also broke up the "alliance" of Zach, Rachael, Keegan...and Gavin. So now they'll need to find a replacement Rachael and I know I'm not as pretty as Rachael but maybe I'll fill the female quota in that alliance? Chips has opened up a LOT to me so far. We've exchanged idol searches but he feels on the bottom of that "alliance" and I don't blame him. I just don't know where we go from here after this vote. He flips? to Jay? Maybe a Jay/Chips/Keegan/Zach majority? He wants me to flip to a Chips/Jay/Timmy/Majority? I have no idea. We also get Birch next round! I do enjoy Birch so much but that's a number for Keegan and that makes me un-easy. Keegan is easily my biggest threat so far. Next round could potentially be a 6.vs. 2 majority and it can't be THAT simple. I'm going to focus on winning... I guess? I'm really enjoying Timmy so far even though he's given me a few red flags or I'm being lied to hardcore. Austin told me he had a vote reveal however, why would Timmy tell someone who he has said "treated him badly" about a power? So either Timmy is playing me or Austin is playing me. Either way they both can go?! Timmy gives me such weird vibes. I want to trust him but I also think he's going to be a super cut-throat player down the line and that SCARES ME.

Ok.....with the swap that happened and us losing immunity I really feel my game is over. Which really sucks bc i wanna work with ppl like keegan jess jay chips and zach but I dont feel most of those ppl wanna work with me.  I'm not gonna give up tho . I'm gonna try talking and making deals and doing what I can to save myself.  It's not over til tribal and I have plenty of time. Pleaseeeee atomic gods let me make it through this one vote 

Me never remember what my last confessional was about? The title of my autobiography. So, we swapped which is super unfortunate but the tribe I got swapped into has a majority OG Jack members. JESS, ZACH, GAVIN, CHIPS and myself against JAY, TIMMY Z and AUSTIN. And then we lose the challenge because math is apparently impossible? Like ZACH either threw the challenge on purpose or he’s just the worst person at math. Either way, we’re going to tribal tonight. The current plan is to stay tribe strong and vote out an OG Annie which is fine by me. JAY is saying he wants to work with me because we’re both previous winners which is a good point. But I’ve got some solid alliances already and I don’t want to mess those up this early into the game. As far as I can tell right now, the plan is to split votes between JAY and AUSTIN with AUSTIN being the primary target since he’s pretty bad at challenges and isn’t likely to work with us down the line. TIMMY apparently spilled the beans about a six person alliance that didn’t include himself or CINDI, so we’re trying to keep him safe and pull him in as a number for the future. Who knows what will happen though. There’s idols to worry about which is why we’re trying to split the vote. 

This tribe swap makes me so happy because I vibe with these people so much better and it gives me a new chance in this game to fix my activity level. On top of that, we are safe!!! Another round of not having to go to tribal is a good round for me. Who knows why the Annie tribe only wagered $3,000 because that made absolutely no sense but I’m not complaining. Overall, A+ round!

So this round, i find myself swapped into a tribe of people that are so much better then my old tribe. I was on the outs of that 6 person alliance and I am sure I would have been the next to go for sure. I get a really good vibe off of zach and jess, plus gavin and keegan are cool too. Not to sure about Chips but I have to put my trust in these people for the mean time. As for the challenge, we lost and i knew I was going to vote with the old Jack tribe. We plan on splitting the votes 3 vs 3 with austin and jay voting whoever. Of course in true them style, the moment they found out it was them, they threw me under the bus immediately. Hopefully everything goes as planned tonight and Austin goes home, if not it is going to be me. I have had good convos with people tho and hope that can get me through this tribe.

Well this swap completely sucks. In the complete minority, someone sold out the alliance to Timmy so I doubt he trusts me anymore. I just tried to be honest with him so he'd see me in a better light and I hope it worked. Beyond that, we lost the challenge and I think my head is on the chopping block. Earlier today Chips came and told me that he's pretty sure the votes are coming down on me and they're gonna tell me Austin to fake me out. And you know, that's probably true because Zach, Keegan, and Gavin have all told me it's Austin. What troubles me is that Chips doesn't seem to have a plan otherwise even though it seems like he wants to do something else. So once Zach told me it's Austin, I had more of a chat with him. He really seems to not want me to go anywhere, which is hard not to believe. Either he's telling me the truth or he's a fantastic liar. Same with Keegan, even though I think it's in both of our best interests to work together going forward. At this point it's clear that it's gonna split between Austin and myself so i worry if I don't vote Austin then I'm just automatically out. Shits really hard in the game right now and all I want is to survive another day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25eKaudnTmA&feature=youtu.be

https://imgur.com/31jZcmF

I am finally not at the bottom. My original tribe has minority and I have prior existing relationships with 2/3 of the og Jack tribe. Plus I have bodhi, whom I absolutely love, on my tribe. I am happy. 

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Click HERE to watch the Round 4 Cast Assessment!

[youngtragedynutcase-blog]

??

So many things on my mind.... Idk anymore...

Does he love me? Am i just there as a companion? Or am i just someone easily replaceable? Just what am i to him?

Shit happens and he doesnt give a fk if i walk away. Hes like "bij u wanna walk away, sure, lemme open the door for u" and no he din say that but it's how he had been towards me for the past few months. Things been slowly changing and soon BOOM we might not be in contact anymore, hell, hes moved on with someone new. I dont want that shit to happen. He successfully made me THINK that i AM the one for him. Full of myself huh.

Idk if it's true or not but i feel like im ALWAYS his back up plan. Like if he had to choose between his fam or me, itll be his fam. Or if its between his friends and me, itll be hid friends. Well shit, who he gonna marry then?? I know we r not linked by blood in any way but if he can voice out AND type out that HE WANNA WIFE ME UP, then shouldnt he actually show it? Cause it honestly feels like im there to keep him from being lonely. I just wanna feel special yknow. I mean who doesnt.

Im actually really fking honoured and happy that im the FIRST gf to have followed him back to his hometown, where his was born. And to MAYBE be the first gf he rode the bike with(idk about this but yeah). I could even be the first gf to have dinner with his aunties from thailand. It makes me feel like hes alr planning a future with me and we're in the process of getting to know each other even MORE.

But these days, we've been arguing a lot way more than we have. In fact, everyday. And he seems so tired of me and my shit and this rs that he secretly has given up. It's just what i feel. I mean he was right about me being fair and not telling my friends fam about us so this is thr only platform i have to vent it all out cause if i were to do it to him rn, we'll definitely argue and im trying alllll ways to avoid that.

I've been so upset. We fought real bad last night because he said he would tell me if he wants to sleep and that he said he was gonna shower, he'll brb. But guess what? Fellow din show up till an hour later. Suspicious much? Obviously with this insecure mind i got, i would think like oh he prolly went to wank off with another hoe and then had his fun and came back saying he dozed off. I just feel like what i thought happened, is actually true and even if it is, i just hope it made him happy at least. Even tho deep down it may hurt me or its alr hurting me but i try to push that thought away and trust his words.

So today, after he finished work, he asked if he could see me and obviously i needed some comfort so i said yes. But then, he was gonna help me collect my laptop from his friend before meeting me and i know that their meetup place would be on the other side of where i am and its gonna take long for him to come over and its alr late so i told him to head home first and he can pass the laptop to me another day EVEN THO I REALLY NEEDED HIM TO COME COMFORT ME BCUZ IVE BEEN FEELING SO FKING SHITTY AND I STILL AM BUT DUDE PREFERS TO HANG WITH HIS FRIENDS EVEN AFTER I SAID MULTIPLE TIMES THAT I NEEDED HIM. HE DIN MIND NOT COMING OVER. THR LAPTOP CAN FKING WAIT BCUZ I JUST REALLY NEEDED FKING COMFORT. I NEED HIM. He just doesnt understand that. And prolly doesn't even care.

I AM grateful tho that he went all the way to collect the laptop for me although i said no need. I appreciate that so much but rn its not the laptop that i need. Its him.

Yeah im fking stupid. People r probably mad at me and my decisions but i ASSUME i know what's best for me??? Bcuz no one knows the full story of our rs except for both of us. They only harp on the bad side of me or him. But wtv, cause IF we were to get married, these people wont be the ones making our baby, paying our rents bills and shit. Its us, him and me. And i hope he knows that.

I dont expect him to LITERALLY treat me like a queen but at least see me as the queen of his eyes.(i honestly dk if that makes sense but ya) i really just wanna be the ONLY person in his eyes. The min i need him, which is alw, he will drop and stop wtv just to come be with me. Its fking sweet. And HE IS THE KING IN MY EYES.

Yeah, this may sound so dramatic but cmon, thats love. We cant be enemies all the time arguing and shit. What kind of a rs is that right? Im so fking down and i just need someone to comfort me. I dont even know where he is.

(07/09/17 2332)

[wxkryarb-blog]

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